XFM The Ricky Gervais Show Series 2 Episode 32 - Laaard

The Ricky Gervais Show Broadcast 29th March 2003.
Thanks for all your support, it's a privilege to be able to document these shows for other like-minded people to enjoy.
MECHant: www.man-moth.com/
(Incase you're in the market for some Rock Buster prizes. Full disclaimer, I quite enjoy making things so I'll be adding to them over time and I also get 3-4 English pounds when someone actually buys one. Hope you don't mind and as always, I'm massively grateful).
Series 1 is here... • All Of Series 1 The Ri...
Series 2 is here... • All Of Series 2 The Ri...
Series 3 is here... • All Of Series 3 The Ri...
Series 4 is here... • All Of Series 4 The Ri...
Rarities, Specials & Compilations are here... • Rarities, Specials & C...

[@ManMoth]

Hey guys, sorry for pinning this comment on all videos but I want to give you an update on the channel. I've been slowly adding a show archive to the videos including a full transcript added as sub titles and a full track listing (with links to KZbin videos for each track). Pilkipedia archive link has been added as well and I've been having fun illustrating some of KP's best bits, I'm adding these to a shop incase anyone is interested: www.man-moth.com/ It's taking me a while to update the archives, especially as I don't work Mondays so please bear with me as I chip away at it. Lots of love, Man Moth.

[@I05-e4s]

I've noticed the subtitles, and I appreciate them! Nice one, Man Moth! How you manage it while eating a whole jacket over a month is beyond me!

[@jesschappellable]

Thank you so much for all your hard work! Everyone needs to hear this show. It's bloody brilliant.

[@frogzilla82]

doing god's work Man Moth, keep chimping away!

[@krisadams4561]

THANK YOU!

[@hanstragarsky1340]

Make a “your doing me fookin head in mug”

[@MisterM2402]

R: "Sorry to Jewish people, sorry to Chinese people, sorry to Welsh people..." S: "...ugly fat women..." R: "Well, don't put the Welsh in twice."

[@kieranflaherty3316]

😂 😂 😂

[@jackoates6418]

So naughty lmao

[@MrOasis316]

That was brilliant lol

[@alandodd3184]

I would have loved to listen to these live on a Saturday. the excitement of waiting for them to come on.

[@DDoig1]

Only to find out it was another 'Best of'.

[@DavidMcmenemy]

Same here, mate. I think I was about 11 when these first started airing. Had no idea about them back then.

[@kraken589]

David Mcmenemy I was about 10 or 11 too. And I’m American so I wouldn’t have known about them here.

[@YourOwnDa]

of a saturday

[@Crunch_Buttsteak]

@@kraken589 I'm from California, I discovered these guys in '09 or 2010 I believe & been listening ever since.

[@MrNottyNotty]

I'm Welsh and I haven't moved on from these broadcasts over 10 years ago. Karl has a point

[@ThePaynes2022]

DId you ever randomly lose your shopping? ;)

[@MrNottyNotty]

Fortunately I'm from Cardiff which is alright

[@schpleeb]

your feelings towards Anne Robinson?...

[@dugwillis84]

Stephen Quinn Canadian here. I've got every radio broadcast and podcast memorized haha. I'll never get bored of these guys.

[@HulaZombiex]

Haha same! Side note; love your Red Dwarf picture 😂

[@jcrawley1]

"I don't know what we're doing now with our lives Steve" I love Ricky's moments of self awareness when he realises how mad the show is

[@briarrose3687]

ShaunRL whoosh 💨

[@Melbourne_Approach]

It's in those moments I remember that this was actually broadcast live on commercial radio lol

[@Me-zo8yc]

@@Melbourne_Approach We will never see the likes again.

[@decmadine]

This should be prescribed as an antidepressant

[@northernpunx1978]

Self prescribe, medicate and share the wealth lol. I can’t believe how often I’ve listened to these.

[@GordonGregson]

With several side effects

[@travisgoettl1]

Unless you're a hairy Chinese kid

[@borismuller86]

*except for: Chinese, Jewish, amputees, Christians, or the Welsh…

[@truely12]

They've definitely helped me thru some tough times tbh lol

[@senorblanco4993]

We went from Karl being worried about being on the poster to having multiple series on Sky where he travelled the world. What a career trajectory.

[@Christoff070]

He needed his boiler fixed

[@re20bt]

@@Christoff070 Suzanne wanted a new kitchen

[@pgsmith22]

He learnt, you gotta have yer critics.

[@barryoffeastenders]

@@Christoff070 Ricky saw an opportunity

[@bentnob]

He went from being a stressed out baby with a frown, to a household name.

[@theblue6951]

Those little chuckles you do out loud when your drifting off is a great feeling.

[@darrendin2050]

Absolutely! The number of times my wife tells me off is too great to count!

[@leedsgh]

16.46 when Steve says "well he said it on Songs of Praise"... had me in stitches and cannot believe Ricky didn't react more! Sharp as a knife!

[@HaydnG266]

Yeah another one of his brilliant quips

[@lechill6920]

Series 2 is the heart and soul of XFM shows

[@Scallion_D]

😍

[@AA-hg5fk]

Agree, definitely my favourite series.

[@KubbsWickedSoul]

6:00 Ricky's "Maaaaaaaaars" callback to the previous Songs of Phrase made me laugh out loud right when I was falling asleep

[@asdfghjkl52472]

Bar Bar Bar

[@alandodd3184]

one of Steve's best episodes.

[@sneezydeezymcdeluxe7015]

Bartitsvah

[@julianchamberlain5399]

Love the episode where Steve is grieved about his taxi fair to the airport.. but looking forward to hearing this one to better it.

[@jennathalia29]

who’d have thought the signed kevin spacey dvd could be worth even less than it was then but here we are

[@72barcode]

"If i was listening to me on the radio, i wouldn't know what i looked like" classic Karl

[@KirkWilson86]

"Buy it, sell it, the game's getting hard! Cuz someone's dealing you a losing card!" Hahaha love it when Ricky sings the theme song to Bread.

[@Kmd-qp4kw]

Kirk Wilson Gotta find it get us a share gotta make bread out of nothin' but air

[@tetsuoshima7385]

AboutFalling It’s great eh! Pure Ray Stokes style.🤣

[@deltaframes-os4km]

@@tetsuoshima7385 are you 'avin a laff?

[@joshold5840]

I love the moment Karl's talking about giving away tights and cigars at his disco, and Ricky realising nothing's changed "we play records and we give away crap that we found, it 'asn't changed has it?!"

[@vividdylan400]

Yeah, brilliant. And weirdly sweet

[@ValkyrieDaisy95]

It's actually frightening when Ricky shouts manically at Karl, and cackles like a madman halfway through. XD

[@HoweyDamus]

love these

[@WollongongWacko]

hahaha

[@jcrawley1]

"And you saw like the little stable door closing?"

[@WollongongWacko]

always laugh hard at that part, tough when I'm almost asleep.

[@GelatinousCube-jw8vg]

This may be my favourite episode of the show. Gold from start to finish.

[@conorkennedy3304]

"Close the stable door" is the funniest thing in broadcast history.

[@T48S]

You can't give away THAT mouse-mat, it's a piece of foam!

[@samuelcooper3714]

Arthur Ma

[@youweechube]

I always love when Karl has a go at Steve about his appearance ! :)

[@kevinflemming1982]

"I'm not havin' a go, right Steve, but..."

[@zakbrookin7422]

Ricky’s heavy breathing. Gotta love it

[@Christophee1987]

I love that in Karl's mind, Jesus lived in a stable for his whole life on Earth.

[@lilme7052]

with a donkey

[@joefaulkner22]

smerch was Class in this Ep

[@adamsubtract81]

Said no-one ever.

[@kylesmith6874]

Joe Faulkner rare but he's on form here

[@BoutYoungAnnaLee]

Bender

[@HaydnG266]

@@kylesmith6874 rare? Merchant is the genius of these 3. Always on the ball with witticism.

[@pradaSoH]

Mr Blue Sky Thank Christ someone said it lol. One half of the great mind behind The Office amongst many other award winning shows and movies. Not to mention his solo stuff is impressive too.

[@ManForToday]

'From 1983...' '...Illegal Briefs' 'hahaHAHAHA!' Gets me every time.

[@djb_15]

The finest intro of ANY show ever! "that's on its way to the hospice".... And to my knowledge, we never got the amusing link about the fly 😂😂😂

[@jenanahulu]

I love when Ricky remembers they are on air so he'll say "all right then, be careful" because they always go in the wrong direction.

[@HopeVJustice]

Whilst consistantly probing others! ;D R : *"Tell me what he called her Karl, I'm getting angry man!!!! Tell me what he called her!!!!"* K : "No we'll leave tha'..." R : *"TELL ME WOT 'E CALLED 'ER!!!!!!!!"* S : "What did your father call the elephant head woman?" R : *"TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!"* ..... K : "....Spod'ead....." :o

[@Stevinho1234]

The Chinatown chat gets me every damn time

[@Me-zo8yc]

24:27 this bit does me every time "I'm fairly confident" 😂😂😂😂

[@Stevinho1234]

I'll never get bored of the Chinatown chat

[@leeroyjenkins5754]

"That's on its way to the hospice"

[@CORNISHDUDE]

20:00 Ricks welsh accent kills me here every single time (err 284th I think....)

[@CORNISHDUDE]

still does :P

[@CORNISHDUDE]

#andstill

[@shannonhughes8430]

This is great 😂 catch you next year ❤️

[@HaydnG266]

@@CORNISHDUDE and now?

[@LFPGaming]

"postage and packaging"... omg, I cried! Imagine packaging a bengal tiger?!

[@graysonridge4080]

“And we get sued by the estate of Charles M Schultz...” 😂😂

[@JohnnyTightIips]

Signed by Kevin Spacey? That wouldn't go down so well now, lol.

[@Pheeze]

Put that on ebay for four pounds fifty

[@catatonicable]

And they went on about Savile on one show.!!!

[@catatonicable]

@Alberto Sex scandal.?

[@flare2831]

@Alberto 🤦‍♀️🥴😵🤯

[@notmyname9261]

I mean, you could probably still sell that. There's always a buyer. Might even make more money for it since the scandal!

[@ChipWhitingtonIII]

Seriously, Ricky's constant mouth breathing into the mic does my head in here.

[@johgus96jg]

I'm amazed by how Karl never remembers how old he was during his childhood stories. It's always something like: I must have been about 7, 8, 9 or 10 or something. That's a 4 years span XD

[@Sheriff_GrimLaw]

"HOW OLD WERE YA!?!" x

[@whatbagh]

+BigJamook how many candles you burnin

[@HeatyFrog]

"About thirteen. No, about ten probably. Six."

[@rooty]

Why don't you have direct access to YOUR memories?

[@kraken589]

In one of the podcasts he says he doesn’t remember anything before he was 6 but lots of times before or after he talks about stuff from when he was younger.

[@kaiplotnikoff9169]

38:16 "he speaks... highly educated... photographer"

[@andrewb2931]

29:20 "Are you enjoying this, Pilkingtons??'

[@alexsmith6514]

Had me in stiches

[@AA-hg5fk]

I'm Welsh and I grew up in Wales, I agree with Karl that Wales can be a bit dull, grey and depressing, especially out west where it's very rural. In some ways it is a bit like going back to 'the good old days ' and I think this is partly why so many older people from England come to retire in Wales (along with cheaper housing). However, that said, I'd much rather live in Wales than London.

[@paulkerrigan9857]

Yeah it’s a beautiful country. I spent a lot of childhood holidays there with coal fires and cold, empty beaches. It was lovely. I hope it never loses that, ‘cause anywhere can be a loud, modern hell hole.

[@Aalborg42]

Are you enjoying this Pilkingtons??

[@justinkline8437]

"I don't know what I look like, and I quite like that. Do you know what I mean? It's just- believe me on this. I'm right. It's best if you leave it."

[@jenanahulu]

ricky breathing

[@jscene17]

He's SO FUCKING LOUD on the mic all the time! Hahah

[@thepontiacbandit7874]

Jennifer Nahulu Karl swallowing. 🤢Have a god damn glass of water, man!

[@jaserogers997]

I've been listening for ten years and this is the first time I've noticed it!

[@skar8173]

He sounded pumped up on the cusp of bursting into laughter

[@pendulum1997]

"postage & packagism" 44:55 hahahaha

[@kewlcumberproduction]

possibly the best xfm episode of all time

[@ls1883]

Rad Larry not even in the top 5! Next one's got to be up there as the best

[@Scallion_D]

Nah. There are loads better than this.

[@MelancholicEcho]

"Course, there was no television."

[@VickyVicky-di2kl]

Cracks me up every time 😂

[@sologals361]

Could you imagine the Dilkingtons on Family fortunes.

[@Sheriff_GrimLaw]

"We asked 100 members of the public to name the most famous freaks..." x

[@CMDParodies]

BigJamook Hahaha you finished off with an x, ffs you're an idiot

[@liamdienemann8937]

you need to chill! xXx

[@feelthejoy]

I would love to see what they all look like.

[@ticklish1991]

don't you mean XFMily Fortunes?

[@vxmarcusxv]

Does anyone else think that songs of phrase is actually genius ? The title as well as the quiz, it's easily the type of thing you'd hear on a decent radio show !

[@michael2908]

Execution was often poor, but the idea is the easily the most professional feature they ever had on the show.

[@Scallion_D]

Got a bit irritating after a while. It was no Rockbusters!

[@Seth_M-T]

Lest we forget that the quiz was originally called 'Crosswords', but Phil emailed in to suggest the name 'Songs of Phrase'. One of the most clever ideas of the show wasn't even done by them!

[@Vingul]

Nothing is funnier than the maaaaaaaars bar bar bar thing to me. Grug humour but brilliant.

[@capnhawkins]

Pilky's Makin Music is one of my favourite things from Karl's early years. I wish there was video of the two of them doing their rag-tag DJ set with Colin Makin flicking the lights on and off with the music and Karl doing the music at the desk, it must've looked adorable.

[@Jex2112]

Cheap as Chimps must be the shortest lived segment in radio history. It only lasted 2 episodes xD

[@tomtooth7614]

The rice is right only lasted 1 😂

[@Jex2112]

@@tomtooth7614 Yeah your right, and Big Mother didn't even have 1 game. 🤣

[@tomtooth7614]

@@Jex2112 haha yes! and of course don't forget 15 Taiwan

[@alexcarter4688]

Wonder what the winner has done with that Kevin Spacey signature now

[@GalacticAstroparticles]

1:00:20 : R:"No,no,no, KARL! Tell me what he said!" K:"No" R:"You've already stitched him up, he's thieving things from little Welsh fellas!" K:"I don't care..." R:"Right, what did he call her?" K:"I-I-I- Steve back me up on this..." R:"NOOO!" S:"Our opinion of him is already pretty low..." R:"Look! Tell me what he said!" K:"No, it's not I'm scared of what me dad gets, it's the person who's got..." R:"SHE'S NOT LISTENING IS SHE?" K:"Well, her 'eadphones wouldn't fit on 'er 'ead!" R:"HAHAHAHAHA! Tell me what he called her!" K:"I don't wan' to!" R:"Tell me what he called her Karl, I'm getting angry man, Tell me what he called her!" K:"No we'll leave that..." R:"TELL ME WHAT HE CALLED HER!" K:"It doesn't matter!" R:"TELL ME WHAT HE CULLED ER! KARL, JUST F-, I'm gonna go mental" S:"Seriously I want to know what he called her!" R:"Right you are not gonna stop this show, we are not doing the next show until you tell me what he called her!" S:"What did your father call the elephant head woman?" R:"Tell me!" ..... K:"....Spood'ead..."

[@Sheriff_GrimLaw]

Spud'ead...x

[@WollongongWacko]

I love the effort mate, reading bits like that is awesome, cheers.

[@andrewb2931]

+orestisDisturbed Bravo for the wonderful transcript! Haha, it's not even that funny of a name, but the build up to it is just perfect

[@Milan_Smidt]

+orestisDisturbed I can just read this and I hear everything in my head XD I think the XFM shows in book form would be fantastic.

[@HopeVJustice]

Spod'ead :p

[@nobel11]

I wonder if Bob Dylan is aware that his song Blowin' in the Wind has been used in reference to a fart?

[@cockoffgewgle4993]

If you see a sailor..

[@nobel11]

Cockoff Gewgle I heard that's Stephen Mitchell's favourite Dylan song.

[@WollongongWacko]

Bob drillby, aye where's me sailor gone?

[@Sheriff_GrimLaw]

+WollongongWacko Bob Drillboids and Blood On The Trabs and where's the sailor gunt? x

[@gtpliquid1290]

@@cockoffgewgle4993 Ooh, hello!

[@AI-tc8fv]

12:41 *"..course the was no television"* 🤣💀😭 Usually set to some flute/shanty song

[@singIeservingfriend]

" 'er 'ed phones wouldn't fit on 'er 'ed " Karl is so quick!

[@HoweyDamus]

hungover/still drunk gervais.

[@benrobinson9473]

I love how Karl is worried about the posters and how he might look and we get this image to represent the three of them

[@lottery131985]

The stable door closing

[@danfred7127]

That song "Street Life" from Roxy Music is actually really good. It sounds like a legitimate 1970's rocker. Thanks for that Ricky. Now the "Bread" theme song, on the other hand....

[@kitpalmer1583]

blimey that DVD signed by Kevin Spacey would be worth a lot to true crime fans now

[@McKayonaise]

33:00 - I can't be the only one who gets sick of hearing that awful Turin Brakes whine?

[@capnhawkins]

I'd love to have an XFM mouse mat. Then I would have the same thing that they had their mouses on in the studio. Even if the mouse mats were cheap crap, due to it being a tin pot radio station.

[@NatS3703]

I love how karl has to scold the audience so theyll email in songs of phrase answers haha

[@thedarksiderebel]

you know... i've never worked out if this picture is a full photoshop job or if they actually did post like that with Karl. If it's real, im impressed by how straight Karl managed to keep his body.

[@columbiasound8869]

He speaks.. highly educated…… photographer. Tickles me everytime

[@maxpoweruk2008]

You notice that Ricky starts saying "ere 'Yarr" like Karl naturally does. hehe :)

[@hankochai]

Imagine listening to these live and not yet knowing what Karl looked like.

[@hassanane]

This really should be titled Bar-Titz-va

[@karenclarke6751]

Brilliant

[@shaunj66]

I animated the elephant man section of this episode!

[@Super_tramp142]

"Who is he? Is he American?" Killed me.

[@tmmy1106]

songs of phrase killed me😅😅

[@darylchristie3809]

This is the best season by far

[@lukemufc7]

One of the best episodes imo

[@HaydnG266]

"he said it during Songs Of Praise". 🤣🤣

[@99griff99]

Having a bath in Daz to kill two birds with one stone is the most Karl thing Ricky`s ever done!

[@AA-hg5fk]

More like Steve, trying to save a few quid!

[@mrvincentgroves]

"... photographer" LOL

[@feelthejoy]

Sadly in many states in the US you can buy tigers for only a couple thousand dollars. It's disgusting. Lots of rappers and boxers think it's cool to do and the tigers end up confined and neglected.

[@sjn6704]

That's mostly untrue

[@feelthejoy]

+Samuel Newton it's definitely true, do you need me to google it for you?

[@Sheriff_GrimLaw]

Aren't most rappers and boxers black? x

[@ashleyburns6752]

I think it's a masculine ownership thing

[@willsuttie3683]

+BigJamook What does that have to do with it?

[@pepijnverdonck6540]

quite glad i dont have to sit through all the songs thanks man moth aka dickie anderson

[@alandodd7195]

If I was listening to me on the radio.... Play a record.

[@daniele551]

He's always having another bad face day.

[@Milan_Smidt]

S: ''Nobody got all seven. Allthough in your little answer list there, you only listed six cause you got..your numbers went out of sync in your own brain. Well done. Once again, smooth. I tell you what, Karl. Why don't you next week, at least write down the answers for yourself.'' K: ''Don't need to.'' S: Well, you clearly do. R: WHAHAHAHA, DON'T NEED TO!!!

[@HopeVJustice]

Class! ;D

[@loopular1]

24:26 A perfect example of Karls natural comedy timing and wit right there!

[@bobbyaxelrod5959]

My favorite part of Karl thinking baby Jesus had sex is that over a month prior this episode; he said he skipped reading the Bible in his hotel room, because there’s nothing in there he doesn’t know.

[@fraserbond6989]

this show was broadcasted 2 days after I was born!

[@arturobandini4078]

God, I was 22 when this was broadcast!

[@AtnaRecords1]

8:54 “It’s a piece of foOoAam” timestamp

[@babyshambler]

17:13 LOL at Ricky's attempt at normal human speech.

[@Sheriff_GrimLaw]

"That's on its way to the hospice!" Is Ricky doing another Savile impression?! x

[@sirlloyd6386]

I think it's a reference to Jim Bowen and bullseye! They used to get a pro darts player on to try to win cash for some cause or other in the 80's

[@Sheriff_GrimLaw]

+SiR Lloyd I think you're right there. Haha. Jim Bowen! I remember the 'prizes' on that show; a radio alarm clock with angle-poise lamp, a pen and pencil set and today's star prize; a colour TV with Fasttext!!! Haha. x

[@sirlloyd6386]

The golden age of game shows.. Bully's special prize was either a caravan or a Talbot Sunbeam (sunburst red) with the hazard warning lights flashing :)

[@jacquihacqui6656]

You're the man

[@Sabian-]

I love how you can hear Ricky proper mouth-breathing like a neanderthal as hes enthralled by Karls DJ'ing story at 51:18 hahaha

[@MrSilkable]

Man alive

[@eddygatlin]

44:52 HAd me ROLLING!!!!!! out of context it is even funny

[@mAcroFaze]

"Interesting, thanks for that. Is there a buffet being served?"

[@NatS3703]

OOOOooooOOO- you can't give away that mousemat- it's a piece of foam.

[@majestictwelve6758]

These almost make life worth living.

[@Melbourne_Approach]

Truly, kept me going a few times i reckon. Wish I could tell them

[@PinheadLarryVEVO]

Wouldn’t have believed the $1800 tiger until I saw the tiger king...

[@studkickass513]

COVID-19 re-listen!

[@brianhurley2194]

I feel the same about the Chinatown of Washington, D.C. lol. It's just literally a couple of streets! I doubt any Chinese people even live there anymore! Haha!

[@UltraGinormous]

Is this the beginning of Steve and his love affair with the word 'arbitrary'?

[@BoutYoungAnnaLee]

Steves amazing!

[@VickyVicky-di2kl]

50:10 Karl says his DJ act was called Pilky’s Makin music coz his mate was called ‘summat Makin’. I feel sorry for Colin lol but good job Ricky remembered his first name😂