you are not the main character.

[@leenanorms]

👋 Ay up! Thanks for watching. If you enjoyed this video, I've got some more that might ruffle your truffle here: ○ School lies to unlearn in your twenties: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qXWnhphtqNCbY6c ○ Stop saying this in your twenties (and what to say instead): kzbin.info/www/bejne/lajbl2Wpebd2p9E ○ Are you a different person after you make a mistake? kzbin.info/www/bejne/jZC2Y5-EndaBgZY

[@_grayvity]

I went to a Catholic high School and we had a spiritual retreat and there were five leaders who "shared their stories." Everybody's was dramatic in some way except for one person, who said, "no family is 'normal,' but I'm very fortunate to have a stable home life. Nothing traumatic has happened to me. I don't feel like my "pivotal" moment has happened and maybe it won't and that's okay. And That may be the same for some of you. And you have to be okay with that. You're not living a movie, you're just living." And I felt like that was very enlightened for a 17-year-old to say to people just one or two years younger than him. Either way it made an impact enough for me to remember it and It's been over 4 years since that trip

[@simmerdown281]

I remember being 14 and being absolutely obsessed with the idea of my life being this big whole dramatic thing. I didn't have the best family life or life in general, but it sure as hell wasn't close to half as bad as I made it out to be in my head. I think this whole idea of being the mc for me, came from all the books I was reading at that age always having this seemingly normal girl who just had calamity upon calamity upon their head but everything was fine in the end because they fall in love or some such rot. Usually these problems and experiences the main girls in those books face, were kind of romanticised? Making it seem like all these bad experiences inevitably lead up to something amazing. So I guess that was why I kind of wished upon myself these bad things so I could be "saved" in the end and get a happy ever after. It's bs at it's finest.

[@bajabl]

@@simmerdown281 I completely agree with this, but also as someone who has gone through sooo much in my adulthood, I do kinda use the mc idea as a coping mechanism lol like this is just character growth. But I am very grateful for having a normal childhood! Can't complain about that!

[@mooominpapa]

As someone who had a chaotic home life if I heard that I would've been annoyed 💀 I think most people are grateful for having functional families and recognize what a blessing that is when you see stories of child abuse in the news

[@Charles-pf7zy]

@@simmerdown281 many people without trauma are wiser contrary to popular opinion because they think more level headed. A traumatic life doesn’t necessarily make you more interesting or smarter

[@thatonenerd1825]

i think the ‘main character mentality’ should be left as an acknowledgement that you are in control of your life and can do what you want. nothing more

[@AliciaB.]

totally

[@btsgot720]

most logical statement ive ever heard

[@shellyg824]

@Elle Fakename same, I was very confused

[@alaynalx1272]

this is what i always believed

[@mrybird4044]

You dropped this 📠

[@gnubaum9768]

i think i completely misunderstood that whole main character thing. i thought it just meant giving yourself permission and making an effort to celebrate your day to day sometimes boring life. and i really like that

[@PostcardsAndBooks]

...same? I didn't watch many videos on the topic but yes, it was more about enjoying the small things, lots of references to Studio Ghibli movies. I honestly enjoy those videos

[@valerieel2131]

I actually love that.

[@wearepublic]

Every single one of the videos I watched had exactly that aim, like going on an adventure instead of just going online all day ahha

[@CM-pf1xc]

I think this is the healthy view of MC! Leena is just pointing out the unhealthy appkications

[@gnubaum9768]

@@CM-pf1xc yeah makes sense, so many trends on the internet start with a wholesome idea that gets somehow lost

[@jack_edwards]

i'm so distressed by the way that woman in the car makes sudden eye contact with the camera at 3:19 and completely breaks the fourth wall

[@jack_edwards]

p.s. loved the video as always :)

[@mollygabrielle4171]

omg hey jack

[@woolfmcwolf]

@@mollygabrielle4171 haha I had the same reaction in my head. Omg hi Jack

[@gem3630]

Love that you watch Leena too Jack! ♥️

[@leenanorms]

If I want to freak myself out I no longer turn to horror films, I just open my stock footage site. (yey glad you liked it) x

[@Zowie7272]

to me, the main character energy is more about being present and engaging with your own life, and realizing that you have some agency over your own “plot line” (even if it’s something minor like waking up to watch the sunrise because it’s pretty). that’s what I take from it anyway

[@Anna-pd6dc]

Agreed

[@KnilchTV]

Yes I think so, too. It's like trying to "live" life instead of just existing. Trying to make small moments more memorable.

[@AliciaB.]

that's literally what it means imo. I suppose the phrase has been extrapolated out of its definition by social media trends, as it tends to happen.

[@butasimpleidiotwizard]

That's the healthy way it should be interpreted and I feel like the way it was intended, but I do see a lot of teenagers feeling insecure because they aren't living up to "being the main character" because they aren't doing anything special or important or maybe they can't do those things, they just aren't able to realise that they can tell their own story and that their story doesn't have to be interesting from a narrative standpoint if they themselves enjoy living it. They still view stories from the perspective of an audience, not the writer

[@AliciaB.]

@@butasimpleidiotwizard well said

[@ninabellmuse]

Most of the “main character energy” I’ve seen recently has come from pretty young people too. And that to me is just… how you feel as a teenager? That your emotions are unique, your thoughts are revolutionary. It’s truly hard to understand that everyone feels the same way (about being unique) because your brain is literally still developing that ability. “Main character energy” is funny to me now, but only because it reminds me of being 16 and believing that everything I had done was one of a kind lol. This isn’t a “generation A is dumb because generation B is better”, I think it’s a natural part of going through adolescence.

[@rileylovebucket6080]

This. Makes me think of the movie The Graduate.

[@achilleus9918]

the funny thing is, i think most of us as teenagers *did* understand that our thoughts weren't revolutionary or unique, at least I was certainly aware of that. but because they were so new and felt so big *to us* that simply knowing and understanding didn't really change how they felt. i don't think teenagers genuinely believe the world revolves around them, it's just that all of that emotion has to go somewhere. that is, i knew my thoughts weren't new to anyone else, but they were new to me, and i expressed them the only way i knew how. (i say this not to detract from your point but rather to add to it)

[@AcornSandCheese]

Agreed, ego centrism at its peak!

[@taradreams3]

So true. There's a reason so much popular young adult fiction is about characters realizing they are special, or "chosen," and suddenly it seems that everything depends on them. It's nothing to fault them for, it's just super difficult developmentally at that age to see outside of your own experience. Unfortunately some people never really grow out of that...

[@Jubetube82]

Very well stated!

[@travellingfemme]

I was really confused by this since it’s not how I understand main character energy. MCE is about enhancing the mundane. Appreciating your life: your coffee, hanging out with friends, etc. beautifying your space in any way that is possible for you or seeing the beauty that is already there, like a flower outside.

[@jjohnson2389]

People like to make rebuttals on an exaggerated form of topics they don't quite understand in order to appeal to others that have had the same gut reaction as them. The "there's something I don't like about this" feeling. And instead of just going, eh, that doesn't appeal to me and moving on they instead go eh, that doesn't appeal to me because I know something these other people don't and there's something wrong with it. Because if there was nothing wrong with it I would've never taken issue with it. Anyone on KZbin is feeding into MCE. They literally have "channels" they faithfully remind you to subscribe to. So I'd take their critiques with the highest grade of salt.

[@COLORMIND.mp4]

also agree with this definition of MCE. its a coping mechanism to help intentionally build joy into your life instead assuming life is supposed to supply it for you.

[@COLORMIND.mp4]

@@jjohnson2389 this is same thing that is happening with the “The Problem with Dark Academia” trend happening on YT too. Basically just attacking the lowest hanging fruit and acting as if that is the entire extent of the discussion. its frustrating to me because it stops a lot of new people from being able to see the full picture and decide whats good and whats bad about it in their own words

[@kivzzzz]

This is exactly how I understand it as well.

[@butasimpleidiotwizard]

@@COLORMIND.mp4 you're putting a lot of faith in the self awareness of teenagers and their ability to understand coping skills and how they work

[@barelyliteratebooks3899]

I just realised that I'm guilty of assuming that every good moment in my life is going to have a corresponding low point 🤯

[@mariannek6735]

Very much relate to this

[@shytendeakatamanoir9740]

I tried to counteract this by mainly focusing on the fact that every low point will be followed by a high point. Probably still wrong, but more optimistic

[@lexadecimal3089]

@@shytendeakatamanoir9740 yes! this is what i tell myself to get thru the day. :')

[@xSilverxshadowx]

THANK YOU. My first class in college - MY VERY FIRST CLASS - we had a writing exercise that was essentially "in one sentence or less sum up the BIG MOMENT from your life" and I had nothing. I panicked for a solid ten minutes because I didn't have a "big moment" in my life. The teacher gave an example of like a football player who broke his spine in a game. Big, dramatic, main character stuff. And I was just a boring kid with a boring life up until that point. And the teacher got angry with me because he thought I just wasn't doing the assignment! I told him I just didn't have anything like that and it made me feel terrible! Like "wow everyone else's lives are so much more interesting". YOUR LIFE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE LIKE A MOVIE TO HAVE VALUE.

[@guruomuraisu6048]

What a horrible teacher

[@Hillary429]

The “main character” and “I don’t dream of labor videos” feel very linked in my mind as well. Ive seen a couple other comments mention this too and would love to hear Leena’s view on this as she has make the transition from standard work to freelance. Seems to me both are a totally valid responses to the stresses of losing control during the pandemic and having a chance to think about what we want our lives to look like moving forward.

[@gurgleblurgle7345]

"Main character exceptionalism" is why I love Ghibli movies like My Neighbor Totoro and Spirited Away, and Ponyo. You get to see them being normal people doing normal things and then thrown into exceptional circumstances and simply rising to the challenge.

[@Katherout]

this video was BRILLIANT and incredibly well framed wow wow wow

[@leenanorms]

aw thank you!

[@bookbrooke8]

I feel like main character energy is related to the weird individualistic “personal brand” nature of social media. Social media wants you to feel like you’re the main character when you post pictures of yourself or say what you’re doing, and while I don’t think the constant performance that social media creates is healthy, I think it’s understandable that we’d want to present that energy if it feels like our life is on display and we have to be cool and interesting and worth posting about.

[@The-bi5ry]

This is such a wonderful analysis.

[@cecilie...]

Although I accept I'm not the main character, I'd love to have a nemesis. But like a fun one - a Perry the Platypus to my Heinz Doofenshmirtz

[@fish-fingers_and_custard7685]

Love this!

[@emmelienbreeman7924]

You should try having kids

[@cecilie...]

@@emmelienbreeman7924 Haha, not yet thanks, my pupils will have to suffice for now (they feel more like minions than anything else though)

[@maggie7908]

One of the 8 million reasons I adore Leena is that she talks about things that 1) no one else is talking about and 2) I’ve been subconsciously thinking about but didn’t realize until Leena released a killer video about it. God bless

[@tegan6554]

So true

[@brighteyesmakeup7785]

This is so true yes!

[@Franclinx3]

While I love your "more polished" video essays you've been doing more often, I also love these more "casual" chatty videos - so thank you for not just sticking to one format, it's greatly appreciated! :)

[@eawilker]

Maybe I’m overthinking this but I feel like the resurgence of the “main character” phenomenon has to do with the pandemic. Literally no one was able to be the “main character” of lockdown. Instead of going out and finding the cure or shooting zombies or whatever happens in plague movies we all just had to stay at home or go to work wearing two masks and push through a bunch of days that felt exactly the same. None of us had much control or agency, so as soon as lockdown lifted even a little bit, people felt like they had to grab it back with both hands and impose their will on the world. It’s understandable really, but like you said, it’s a place to pass through, not a place to stay.

[@ThePunkyDuck]

so true!

[@NicoleMae]

completely agree!

[@taradreams3]

that's really insightful

[@MicahRion]

THIS

[@mariannek6735]

Nice reflection!

[@rubinschwarz]

Who wants to be the main character anyways. All the shit you have to go through, the heartbreak and drama? No, thank you, i want to be the cheery side character hyping people up an doing my own thing.

[@micahsnow346]

My goal is just to become one of those hilarious gossipy old ladies in every K-drama. They always look like they’re having the most fun

[@francescafrancesca3554]

I relate.

[@meghane3477]

I always tell people I’m the quiet NPC that has nothing for you. When you talk to me, i just repeat “yup” or “that’s crazy”😂

[@coffintears5821]

I'm the token goth character in every highschool drama that nobody really acknowledges but is just there.

[@alicia-nk3qw]

My high school had an event called “challenge day” that everyone did when they were sophomores. The point of it was to share each others stories and empathize with your peers. I’m sure helped but it turned into people feeling like they had to have trauma to “fit in” and the amount you cried during the day was almost competitive. Not to mention it forced people to share things that they may not have wanted to. But i remember my friend telling me that she felt really bad after because she thought what she was going through wasn’t traumatic enough. At 15 I didn’t realize how problematic this day was because it was treated like a ride of passage but now...

[@gracefulpearl]

A helpful thing I read recently is that your life is not a movie, it is a book of poetry. Has taken a lot of the pressure off of having a "journey", of "plot", of things that build on each other, and instead I can just create some nice moments and enjoy them for what they are.

[@lucilasandoval3084]

“Recovering from a very storyline saturated couple of years” had me screaming, I feel so seen. I think this also has to do with the kind of stories we tell and we think are worth telling. My country is the opposite a very large ammount of it would be considered working class, yet the main stories are definitely middle class and up, definitely about some sort of atmosphere of prestige that most people can’t even grasp in their daily lives.

[@yellowzora]

I always took the idea of main character energy to mean that I should take charge of my life, think about what decisions I want to make and how to accomplish that and most of all, not blame other people when something in my life went wrong but taking agency and being responsible. If you take the approach literally then obviously it's not a good idea that will help you much, but I found that the way I understood it helps me a great deal :)

[@josefineee8794]

My main problem with this concept is the idea of exceptionalism. It ignores the human and non-human context we live in. Each of us lives in multiple networks, that bind humans, animals and ecological processes, outside of our control, together. All of our experiences and decisions are rooted in this context and cannot be understood separately. So with turning the focus on the individual, we have trouble to imagine communities and our relations to eachother. It hinders a shared action towards a goal, that could improve the situation for everyone. So each of us is simultaneously exceptional and just a small part of something bigger. Especially in the face of climate change we need to learn how to understand ourselves as part of those bigger structures, rather than a independent individual.

[@sunongral5605]

This type of thinking assumes that an individual cannot, after time and effort spent focusing on oneself, one day be even better prepared to take on the challenges that come with living in a society. Unless extreme measures are taken, a person cannot escape societal pressure. Which is why it is of the utmost importance for each individual to be prepared and have a sense of self outside of the collective influence. An individual is most powerful in group, but it comes at a cost on their mental and physical well-being if they are not able to hold the balance between self and other. This is why we get so much literature on individuality, it is actually important to maintain it simultaneously with being part of a community. To be clear, the collective shouldn't dominate the individual, just as much as an individual shouldn't dominate the collective. We should strive to be in this middle ground and nowhere else.

[@malikjas]

To me personally ‘Sonder’ was the most amazing epiphany. It’s the complete antithesis of this ‘main character’ way of life. It’s such a relief to just be and not think any particular way about yourself. I don’t worry too much about how I present myself anymore.

[@AliciaB.]

sonder LITERALLY means realizing that everyone has a complex story of their own, ie of which they are the main character, and in which you might just be an extra, even though these stories are somehow all interconnected. www.dictionaryofobscuresorrows.com/post/23536922667/sonder

[@malikjas]

@@AliciaB. conversely you are also just a background or a bit player in other people’s life. That’s the part of sonder that interests me. It was liberating for me because it eased the pressure to conform.

[@AliciaB.]

@@malikjas ok fair enough

[@spiriterised2886]

I see you and I absolutely hear your points. But please, do make a 'I treat myself like the main character for a day' vlog. :D

[@Molldance]

Straight away saving this to the ‘when things are feeling like they’re going tits up’ playlist. Honestly, leena never fails to astound me with what she can cram, whilst never glossing over, in 15 minutes!

[@MadailinBurnhope]

the notion that we were abused because "we weren't the main character" makes our abuse "our fault" if we were passive and just trying to survive you're absolutely right, thank you

[@booboobunny5655]

There are many abused main characters too, for example Cinderella and Rapunzel.

[@LizaDoMuch]

“Just because good things are happening to you doesn’t mean something bad is going to happen to you” hahahahahahahahahahahaha please stop my anxiety just got personally attacked

[@melodiesandmemories7739]

I've been thinking about this a lot too because I recently read Jenny Odell's book How to Do Nothing, and it really shifted my perspective; it argues for the need to decenter ourselves. She argues for the need to learn about the historical context of where we live as well as the local ecology of our bioregion, both of which recognize our role as a small part in a vast web. That's what I think is missing from the main character discourse--history and ecology and the implication that we are all a small part, and that that can feel just as good as being the center of attention. Though, I'm never opposed to a good playlist of "if my life were a movie, these songs would be on the soundtrack" songs.

[@Hillary429]

Wow the two subjects looking back that I wished I could study more in school.. History and Ecology

[@a.laddinsane]

random side note but i really appreciate the fact that you made spoof thumbnails and didn’t screenshot real thumbnails from other youtubers ! that’s just… thoughtful of you to avoid calling out any specific person :)

[@delaneys-books1290]

"IT'S AN AIRPORT TO MOVE THROUGH NOT A PLACE TO PITCH A TENT" that's such a good line, and applicable to so many things

[@aliceb7364]

Can we take a moment to appreciate the headband ! Also, I love the idea that some mind sets are 'airports', they are useful for a time but you shouldn't stay there, there's an aeroplane to catch.

[@irene8987]

Louder for the people in the back! Totally agree, I also feel like most things in our society, we are conditioned and even worse encouraged to behave like this only to fulfil our role as consumers (treat yourself, you deserve this, you’re the MC). In effect, this does not only exacerbate consumerism but also gives people ammunition to be complete dicks to who surrounds them because “they are going through something” without realising everyone else is too and we can’t forsake empathy towards others in the name of self care. I think this has gotten even worse with the pandemic. Love the video x

[@bendingbananas6540]

i like how the location of each segments consistantly changes

[@ameenahhhh]

I will admit, I've never really looked into this 'main character' phenomenon before. I had vaguely heard of it in passing and-likely due to being a severely anxious person-just assumed it meant getting out of your comfort zone to try new things (applying for a dream job, meeting new people, learning a new skill and not being hard on yourself as a beginner, etc.) Not only was this video very informative, but it has given me so much food for thought even beyond this specific topic. I'm definitely going to watch a few more times and just ruminate for a while. Loved this analysis, Leena.

[@booksinbed]

This was so thought-provoking, one gem after another! I have anxiety and appreciate that I’m not the only one trained into the doomjoy narrative. I also need a lot of assistance in my life, and I think I’m a bit fixated on being the face of empathy, which makes it hard express when I disagree with others and really be myself, even though my situation is very secure. You’re the gem, really!

[@wrayoflighttube]

Very well said. I grew up in a very judgmental family. As I became older I began looking into what it means to be humble. At first it felt strange but becoming more humble I began to learn about vulnerability and kindness. BTW I love Brene Brown.

[@MsMvsc]

I'm glad you mentioned the "everyone is beautiful" thing. Its such a flawed attempt at comforting someone as it still is saying that beauty is what gives value to a person.

[@thatrandomguy6753]

Also it is interesting that you touched on the idea of good things happening because you caused them. That's a sort of product of people wanting to have control over their lives, but I think more specifically wanting to believe we live in a meritocracy, subconsciously hoping that our good fortune came about only because of our hard work and not because of privilege and luck.

[@CriticalHealingMoment]

I am so glad I came across this video!!! Main character syndrome is soo individualistic and self-serving. Yes - if you've gone through trauma and are a people pleaser or can't stand up for yourself, please do the work to build up those skills. I'd rather treat everyone I meet as a main character who has an interesting story and lesson they can impart on me.

[@katem9718]

This video gave me so much to think about, and I can't formulate those thoughts yet, but I just wanted to say thank you for verbalising this so concisely and empathetically. You bring so much insight and kindness to so many things, and I wanted to let you know that it has had an impact. Definitely bringing this to my therapy session this week!

[@ellahopkinson]

I appreciate you saying that just because you did certain things that's why something good or bad happened. I find especially with middle class or just people who are fortunate often don't accept the role of luck, fate or privilege in their success and assume if others acted how they did, they would achieve the same ie. Rich people saying poor people just need to 'work harder'

[@aishwaryaiyer1319]

i was struggling so so so hard because i reached a really good place in my life, but for some reason i couldn’t enjoy it and i felt like something really bad is going to happen, which you explained so beautifully with the foreboding joy explanation 🥰

[@ennemuk]

Huh I thought I was being hella morbid thinking "oh car crash", turns out I'm just basic. Love it.

[@Hillary429]

Brené Brown’s Netflix special is great, you should totally check it out

[@jujukawa8049]

I thought I was normal by thinking "oh yeah, they arrive wherever they're going" turns out I am weird and clueless.

[@vanessaprincesssa]

This is the best video that exists on the internet currently and THE ENTIRE YA BOOK GENRE needs to come and take notes!

[@lemonlemonster]

Love this! Kind of related, I’ve been seeing another trend pop up lately, the “I don’t dream of labor” videos. I’d love to hear your thoughts on those as well, as I have very mixed feelings!

[@Dunka1337]

I agree, would also be interested in hearing leenas perspective! Have myself been reflecting a lot lately on what a job or career means within the structure of the current society (capitalism) vs what ideas I have about what a career should be and what I want a career to be for myself. Things like where are we "supposed" to find purpose (and the role of class in this) vs where do I want to build purpose in my life (career vs hobby etc.). As well as the distinction and overlap of career and hobby and work and free time (e.g. hustle culture).

[@nezbut7]

would love this as well!

[@Hillary429]

Yes the “main character” and “I don’t dream of labor videos” feel very linked in my mind as well. Would love to hear Leena’s view on this as she has make the transition from standard work to freelance

[@franziskadodl6601]

YESSS! I would love to hear someone else's perspective on this because all it makes me think is "who does?"... who are these people comparing themselves to? The sad, personality-less slave to the system who just loves sitting in a cubical all day typing up spreadsheets?

[@queerlibtardhippie9357]

@@franziskadodl6601 You know... some people actually... do. lmfao. There are literally "I dream of labor" videos on youtube.

[@1book1review]

"A story worth telling and a story worth living are different things" That is something we all need to remind ourselves of more. Yes. Great video.

[@saoirse_flies]

"Sometimes people just drive down a road... And then they park their car." Yep.

[@gabirao9357]

So pleased to have come across all of these, I’m going to do no work today and just watch as many I can 👌🏼

[@Miss_Lexisaurus]

I gotta ask based on this, have you see Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, the TV show? Because that show actually deals with this idea overtly and I fudging love it for a bajillion reasons! Also it's a musical TV show if that helps sell it to you, and it's very feminist and it's about mental illness.

[@ludovicatirone4304]

I swear as I was watching this video I started singing in my head "The end of the movie" song from that show! Its an absolute banger and I think it would work with leena's taste!

[@Miss_Lexisaurus]

@@ludovicatirone4304 I'm literally listening to the soundtrack today 🤣

[@TheJuliana0901]

i have "Eleven O'Clock" repeating on my head 24/7 these days. such an amazing show & i hadn't thought of it in this context before

[@poetpri]

This sounds super interesting! Where did you watch it?

[@porgiepuddinandpie]

@@poetpri i think its all on netflix, hulu, cw if you pay for it!

[@HollyJaneYT]

Did someone leave a window open because THAT WAS A BREATH OF FRESH AIR. I just found your channel, brb I am just about to pop off and binge all your videos.

[@claraboe2755]

I like the thought of everyone being the main character of their own story and keeping in mind what kind of side character you want to be in other stories and what other people are going through at the moment as well as taking care of yourself and your own story

[@okaykatieokay]

this was so good! i’d love a similar video on being the ‘manic pixie dream girl’ because that is certainly something i suffer from lol

[@iv0447]

This talk of yours, among many, has helped me realise something important that I want to remember. To hear/see other people in order to understand them and what they want, rather than (subconsciously) making every interaction about me, what's in it for me (often times I want/need nothing). But I miss acknowledging the other person, I miss the opportunity to give something...even if that thing is my attention. So thank you for that unintentional realisation, I hope it sticks.

[@amethystimagination3332]

The snarky thing I could say was “This is the real world, there are no main characters.” But I think there’s times where it can be helpful to remind yourself that you have control over your own destiny. Just remember that you have worth even if you’re not the most exceptional person out there.

[@joyous2theworld]

I am so happy you addressed this issue. It resonates with me because I have seen that at times I needed to behave as the main character in certain moments and I also see how I am just a person living life happily maybe a little mundane but that’s wonderful.

[@FANTHEORYTV]

I have to tell you (and I couldn't be more serious about this)... This video truly just helped me emotionally and psychologically in ways you cannot even imagine. I needed someone to put the world's view into context for me. I genuinely was tight inside and now I feel motivated --but not in hopes of seeking out "success", but because it doesn't matter so I might as well do my work. It's difficult to explain, but I subscribed to you just now BECAUSE you made this video. It's genuinely profound and more people need to hear this. Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU. Seriously, thank you.

[@leenanorms]

Xxxxx

[@cmg25]

This is so succinct and so important to understanding how the cyclic nature of art imitating life imitating art impacts the ego over time.

[@amivivi6420]

im so glad someone finally said this. everytime when someone says: everyone is beautiful, i think about what you said and i never heard it from anyone else yet

[@stuffz4040]

“A story worth telling and a story worth living are two very different things,” that’s very powerful

[@meeshmallowz]

ehhhh as someone who suffers with mental illness (and as I expect, so do many people who love the 'main character' mindset), i think this might be coming off wrong. for me, viewing myself as a "main character" helps me focus on taking care of myself, both physically and mentally, bc as my own main character i'm important and worth of that care. i also think the main character mindset brings importance to the mundane and "boring" aspects of life. showering, eating actual meals, cooking are all things i struggle with doing with my mental illness, but bc i'm the "main character", it helps me do these things which then helps my overall health.

[@meeshmallowz]

sorry idk if that made a lot of sense lol. what i mean is that if i think of myself as a main character than i can be more worthy of love, forgiveness, and good things when my mental illness tells me i don't deserve those things

[@kaitlyngooding1744]

What a fabulous video! I also really love the idea of a part of life being an airport you pass through. It's a really great way to frame things.

[@aisling8308]

Yes I absolutely love that to describe something that is part of your journey, something that gets you where you need to be.

[@kristinaisakovic1026]

I love that you talked about this! I feel like this idea of being a main character comes from younger people thinking that their lives will be and should be amazing and exciting all the time. I have struggled with these expectations since I started living on my own and I was often critical of myself because I didn't feel like I was doing enough. But to be honest- how many days out of the year are truly memorable? And even, if we do something new and fun every day, those days when we slow down, cook for ourselves, get 8 hours of sleep are far more important in the grand scheme of life. Maybe they are not exciting or fun but they get us to those fun days. Doing the 'boring stuff' gives us the energy and the tools to have the memorable times.

[@lauren-gx1lg]

this is an excellent point, and I agree a lot with what you're saying! I think there's certainly a balance that we should strive for based on whatever works best for us (which you basically said already!). as someone that disassociates a lot, I found that romanticizing mundane aspects of my life helps me feel more grounded and makes gratitude come easier. like, for example, marveling at how beautiful the sky is or taking a bit of extra time to plate my food and make it look fancy. but different things work for different people, and hearing your point of view about a topic that isn't really discussed is as enlightening as it always is :))

[@Sophia-cd2ci]

These thoughts remind me of the Isabel Dalhousie series. A beautiful collection of books in which the main character lives a comfortable life with a healthy enough balance of self-care and service to others and nothing except life happens.

[@mollym8402]

This is PHENOMENAL thank you for taking a minute to remind people (my self especially I needed this) that you’re valuable even when you’re just being and especially when you’re just being. You don’t have to be perfect or good or beautiful or whatever the new basis of worth is in social media and advertising to deserve existence and rights

[@SecretAgentPlatypus-f2z]

just want to say your videos are always so thought-provoking. i hope more people find your channel because i'm very glad i did. thank you for making these videos. love, victoria

[@thatrandomguy6753]

I like the way you compared it to the beautiful people get treated well and everyone is beautiful idea. It definitely translates well to the body positivity movement, you're so right

[@oliviajeanette1065]

I didnt even know how badly i needed to see this video♡ thanks!

[@legacyjoyofficial]

100%. This also traps people into thinking if their life isn't incredible every moment that they are doing something wrong. And also most people lose the ability to persist after "the thing" happens and they push through and everything feels normal again. It feels tragic and hard to cope with when everything online is yelling that you should be having more main character stuff happen.

[@mariannek6735]

This line stood out the most to me: "Your enemies are probably intangible and structural, and a tiny speck of them is probably in everyone you know.". This is something I need to reflect on.

[@hellow0rld798]

I’ve heard “you’re not the main character, you’re the whole production - wardrobe, writer, character, producer, stunt double”. I liked that - I think the main character thing leaves so much foundation not tended to, and it’s important to acknowledge you’re in the drivers seat of many (not all) choices in your life, you also have to get all the background work done, and you get to enjoy your life!

[@JuliaK-ve2rw]

You are just so, so refreshing!

[@lekiscool]

To add onto this, there is not one romantic partner you are destined to meet either. I feel like this is a very main character trope.

[@mandarinz69]

Yes! I absolutely adore my husband, but I also recognise that I've met other men over the course of my life who I also could have created a really nice life with too.

[@christinavanbeek]

Lol I'm living for Leena's thumbnail facial expressions

[@juliaostlund9360]

The separation between story and life is so important!!! From the perspective of an actor/ theater student, it took forever for me to learn acting as a character is a completely heightened version of a person, a mode of action and increased engagement with your surroundings, almost like a work out for your _entire_ body. Versus, in real life nobody is that animated and people can spot an emotional 'performer' a mile a way. And simultaneously if you're an actor and you're performing in your daily personal life, you will be far too exhausted come time that Acting class final, auditions, rehearsals, performances... Though hopefully you've learned to delegate that by performance time.

[@ebonyrose5430]

I like the point you made about how in those films or shows it shows how the person is in the midst of figuring out how to better meet their needs in a situation. I was actually talking about this yesterday with a friend, I said how I realized how not just in movies but in real life we all have our coming of age moments just at different given times. We all grow and develop at our own pace but as human beings we carry the same level of consciousness. I appreciate that you went through this topic even more in depth too! Thanks for making this :)

[@KathBorup]

Love your videos you are so insightful! I also think there are huge benefits to removing the spotlight of ourselves sometimes. By being less focused on ourselves we can really observe our surroundings, life and learn things more easily. For me this has happened naturally as I have gotten older. It's just nice to genuinely engage in the world without worrying about how confident we feel or appear (so much).

[@chillinatmyhouse]

God I'm so happy you made this video. People self proclaiming themselves as The Main Character then acting extremely obnoxious and arrogant towards others isnt healthy

[@sunny-rs3mr]

i needed to hear this lmao. in the beginning i used the whole main character trend as a means to get myself out of my slump of existential dread as i did little with my life but i realized that i'm doing a bit too much of "waiting to get out of the backstory phase and into the main plot line of my life" when i'm a human being, not a character, and that isn't how life works. also, slightly off topic, but your personality is lovely and you're absolutely hilarious! this is my first video of yours, will definitely be checking out other ones now

[@bethmw28]

I very much enjoyed that this conversation was a seamless continuation of thoughts with constantly changing backgrounds... where's she going to turn up next? Who knows!

[@Hillary429]

You should check out her old videos, this is classic Leena and I love it

[@bethmw28]

@@Hillary429 thanks! I definitely intend to 👍😁

[@brigsssss]

i think the other problem with this mentality when taken too far, is that in a story, all the side characters are there to serve the story of the main character... they only exist because the main character needs some kind of foil. but in real life, no one is there to be a foil to your main character, they're also just people living their lives. i think that could lead to a really transactional approach to relationships, like, 'how is this person serving my story?', which is obviously a bad way to approach relationships.

[@LowestofheDead]

You can be an ensemble cast with your friends and family. E.g. in the series FRIENDS, all six of the friends are main characters - no one's above or below the others.

[@mirandalloyd3671]

to me, main character energy doesn’t have anything to do with film or book tropes and is more about appreciating the beauty of everyday mundane practices. it’s not about being exceptional or above anyone. i think it’s an important movement because a lot of us forget that we have things to live for, a life outside work and things to look forward to that don’t have to be big important events. being excited about the little things, allowing spontaneity and treating yourself.

[@alexisthetube]

I did need to hear that, thank you. I love your content, it helps me stay grounded in these systems that tell me so many things

[@The_Open_Book]

I think a LOT of people need to hear this. You take a very positive position and mediate the topic, which is lovely. I would have been much harsher about it, because honestly I've felt recently that people are taking this mentality too far and like I'm constantly confronted with inconsiderate people because they don't see everyone else as relevant to their plotline/goals. Maybe the pandemic just highlighted those behaviors.. it's still very tiring though, trying to compensate for other humans while taking minimal care of yourself.

[@catchhen]

"there's nowhere to sit in this god forsaken country" 🤣😆

[@mouseluva]

I frequently try to sit in public and am told to move along by security people if it's not a designated bench or chair instead of the floor. Apparently it's a fire hazard??? P sure that I'm not gonna spontaneously combust and I always sit out of the way of doors and people walking, and also I would also be legging it if there was a fire so not sure how that works. British bureaucracy be wild. Our country is so wet!!! I don't wanna stand for two hours waiting for something and I don't wanna sit in the rain!

[@maleahlock]

This is . . . exactly what I haven't been able to put into words. Thank you Leena!

[@charlotteb.9855]

Yep, I have the same qualms with the whole manifestation thing - because it kind of perpetuates the idea that we live in some kind of meritocracy, and that capitalist notion that you get out what you put in. True to some degree, but it ignores the HUGE role of luck and our economic systems. And is dangerous when it puts the blame of poverty on the individual characters of people rather than the systems that put them there. The whole main character thing also has the potential to be ableist (as well as many other -ists) - some people will never be able to be the 'main character' in a world that doesn't accommodate for them, nor should they have to live in a way that inspires other people by overcoming some great adversity, just in order to be a valued member of society. I do like the way that this mindset encourages finding beauty or appreciation in the more mundane aspects of life, I think people feeling as though they can validate themselves rather than seek it externally is a great thing. The issue is when this becomes performative - and I think inherently the idea of being a 'main character' in your own life is extremely performative, because it is all about how you are perceived by your 'audience'.

[@farrahaliceblack7453]

Ugh once again you've put exactly what I've been thinking into more eloquent words I ever could, as in more thought out ways than just shouting at people "you're friends and family aren't your side characters" which is what I've been doing so far

[@rrileu9148]

I'm realizing I have a different definition of main character energy than what everyone else seems to be using. LOL Instead of "i'm the center of everything and i'm amazing!!!!" I see the mindset to be more of living with agency, having my own opinions and not allowing myself to just agree with the crowd because it's easier, dressing more interestingly instead of letting myself fade into the background; things like that. I find it incredibly useful for me, as I tend to be a very passive person and live as if I was waiting for a main character to show up in my own story. Reminding myself that I'm my own main characters gives me control over my own life.

[@emma-pd8ce]

god thank you for making this video!! the main character memes and articles have been rubbing me the wrong way for a while, and you did such a good job of explaining why. “your loved ones aren’t side characters” is so important, and I think that’s ultimately my main issue with the way main character syndrome is talked about. it’s fine to be the main character of your own life as long as you believe everyone else is the main character of theirs too! there’s a weird kind of self-centeredness that crosses the line from “my life is important and i should live it as such” and “i am the star of the show” that kind of obscures the actually really beautiful and comforting reality that we are all just one very small part of billions of overlapping stories happening everywhere all the time. also what you said about foreboding joy was so helpful. i’m finally at a largely very happy point in my life and i keep having the feeling that i shouldn’t get too comfortable because that almost makes it more likely that it will all disappear, but that’s really not true. i think that - at least in my case - the over-emphasis on fitting your life into a plot structure sometimes comes from having lived through a lot of condensed traumatic or scarring experiences and expecting that to translate to a lifetime of “main-character” dramatic events. knowing that so much of a good life happens outside of what would be considered a good fit for the confines of a book is actually really comforting when you let it sink in. thank you for making this!! i love when you make this type of video essay ❤️

[@traingirl.meghan]

I freaking love these chats! We didn't even cover how instagram and youtube make us feel about living the 'main character life' thing! I think the 'main character mentality' could easily contribute to problems in relationships, unlike what's told in movies which suggests they only get the love and respect they deserve when they embrace their main character-ness. I could easily see how that leads to never thinking your partner is good enough or giving enough, forgetting they have their own world, mental health and needs, or thinking that your relationship isn't extraordinary and therefore not worth maintaining. You can't have a life consisting of only movie-level you-centered moments, and wouldn't that get exhausting!

[@booksandbroadway]

Me: *goes to therapy and discusses how narrativising my life is a coping mechanism* Leena: *posts this video*

[@luabeth7520]

SAME

[@arthurriam2958]

To me it was actually the contrary. In determined time in early quarantine narrativising my life made me have my first and only panic attack, as if I couldn't control what I'd do next, since I was doing what the "writers" wanted me to do. It was such a bad trip. I've been better since, and stress and isolation really helped this scenario. Such a bad trip, regardless.

[@justsobritish]

I feel called out but also relieved. Thank you *praise hands*

[@ifonlyicould]

I've realised I have to be very careful with 'romanticising my life' and telling myself 'main character/MPDG' stories. When I start thinking like that it's often a reflection of bad mental health and ultimately it exacerbates my bad mental health because I lose touch with reality. Life doesn't fit in a narrative structure and people don't fit in a neat character box.

[@shutupcharli483]

this is a super super interesting topic! I really benefitted from the 'main character' mindset just in that it got me to start saying yes more. Me and my friend also came up with the saying "do it for the plot/narrative" (we're English students lol). I think coming out of the pandemic has made us want to *live* a lot more and this main character mindset has helped with that as I am naturally very anxious and introverted. My issue with it is that I think it does make people very self-involved/self-centred and can make them disregard others' feelings for the sake of their own 'plot line'. Amazing video though and lots to think about!!

[@Charlie-uh3nd]

Very good points! Thankfully someone is talking about this

[@AcornSandCheese]

Perfect timing, as always! Just went on an hour long rant about this with a friend last week. Was wondering about the internalization of art, where film and story telling seem to have shifted from art imitating life, to life imitating art. As if there is a perpetuated discomfort /boredom with the beauty of life for what it is, a “need” to make life itself “bigger and better”… this along side the commoditization of daily existence (i.e. sponsored vlogs). At first I found it all very frustrating, but now I find it fascinating… where does it go from here??

[@missdifferentxxx]

As someone with BPD who swings between having severely low self esteem to a highly inflated ego and “main character energy”, this video feels like an attack lmao 😂 I do wonder where the conversation of mental illness comes into this, how much a part it plays in this trend and whether deciding to “live like the main character” is healthy or unhealthy for general self esteem/sense of self, like perhaps it exacerbates certain MH issues ? Idk

[@ifonlyicould]

Yes! For me, it's a warning sign that my mental health is getting worse and then thinking like that in itself makes my mental health worse (losing touch with reality like that means that it's pretty messy when I crash back to earth). I think it encourages me to live in my head too much and tell myself stories that ultimately hurt me.

[@lonemonkey12]

this is an interesting point! i think it depends on the mental illness - for my agoraphobia, channeling ~main character energy~ (to a degree) has been helpful bc what main character would never leave their house? it helps me to seize agency over my life. but as you said, for many mental illnesses it could exacerbate symptoms - i think it probably all depends on what you’re romanticizing and aggrandizing!

[@MicahRion]

+

[@Miss_Lexisaurus]

I have BPD too! Hi! I definitely think the main character advice can worsen some MH issues but I think that's true of literally all advice, like I find meditation actually makes my meltdowns worse and last longer. A lot of recovery for me has been learning what actually helps me with different symptoms and allowing/trusting myself to ignore advice that I know isn't good for me. It's so hard though.

[@lydia6147]

@@Miss_Lexisaurus so true! It's so important to find what works for you. Different tools are valuable to some, and totally ineffective to others