You Don’t Need Couples Therapy, We Already Know Who Is to Blame

[@irinapazukhina7611]

Okay so i have one with a twist. My then boyfriend of 2 yrs and I had passed the honeymoon phase and were fighting a lot. It got so bad that he admitted he didn't want to come home anymore cause he knew I'd be there to chew him out about random stuff. We went to therapy and I wasn't prepared for the therapist to call me out as the soul aggressor of all our issues. I was shocked but after 6 months of therapy both couples and individual, we not only identified that my issues came from my very abusive childhood but we were able to work through them together. That therapist helped me so much and I have a better life than I ever thought I could. I married my boyfriend and we've been together for 11 years now and have two sons together who are the light of our lives. Therapy can literally change the course of your life and future if you are willing to admit to some of your faults and work on improving them

[@2Ten1Ryu]

That is a great story. I hope more people see it.

[@honkhonk3192]

I'm so happy for you, genuinely. It's always heartwearming to see people turn things around and break the cycle. Glad you're doing well.

[@Strawberriezrule13]

Can't imagine how hard it was to unlearn the trauma of your past - takes a lot of growth, maturity, healing, and introspection on your part. Glad you and your partner can move forward with a healthier dynamic now

[@BlueDart1971]

My ex did the same thing and I hated coming home or I hated when she got home. The difference between you and my ex is that you were willing to learn. My ex would have quit going and called the therapist an idiot. Hence my ex. I have been married to an amazing woman for just over 20 years now with three great kids.

[@burritobear4954]

My parents apparently took my brother and I to a child psychologist, we fought horribly and daily. The child psychologist told my parents to move my brother and I into the same room with bunk beds. My parents left that session, looked at each other, and immediately agreed “no, we’d be cleaning blood off the walls within a day.” In hindsight both my mom and brother have apologized to me now that we’re all adults; acknowledging my brother antagonized me and started the fights 98% of the time. I can confidently say looking back in hindsight, there would’ve been blood on the walls within hours of the bunk beds being implemented. We grew closer and calmer with space.

[@rednetherbrick3178]

Plot twist: the psychologist hates you and your brother for no reason and wants the both of you to kill each other

[@plebthepebble3877]

@@rednetherbrick3178 plot twist: the psychologist wasthe real mother/father and wanted to get revenge

[@crinkly.love-stick]

@@plebthepebble3877 plot twist: the psychologist had a serious gambling problem, and had a $500 bet on the older brother to win

[@plebthepebble3877]

@@crinkly.love-stick plot twist: its both

[@plebthepebble3877]

@@crinkly.love-stick also if it actually is true they also need therapy-

[@PetalBugABoop]

Just that first story with the teenage therapist brings back a lot of previous stories where kids were forced into therapy so they would accept their step family. If they talked about their real feelings they might get punished or it was deemed as not working. In reality the parents just wanted to play happy family and couldn't accept that their kid needed to work through these things, and it was okay to have those feelings.

[@AmyHoldaway27]

This definitely happened to me. After all that, we’re now much happier even though from appearances ppl have a lot to judge. (I’m in the transaction from teen to adult and I’m having a baby to non-religious man, even thought my family grew up religious and on the poorer side, in a country or area where appearances mattered a lot). It’s all good now, but it took years of therapy. On the last counsellor, he straight up told me in a one on one session that my problems seemed to be figured out, but my family felt like they needed a session because they needed that safe space to talk and complain about how “bad” I was. He said that we really didn’t need counselling but we could keep going since the insurance was covering it and it wouldn’t hurt anyone, but to know that even though I was the reason we were going to counselling, I really didn’t need it all that much at that point anymore. I didn’t really like that counsellor (for other reasons) but that was like the best thing he ever said to me lol. Then when I had my last big rebellion my parents just kind of gave up and stopped the therapy altogether by themselves lol.

[@romantic_hippie]

I was forced to go to therapy at 16 because my step mom convinced my dad I was batshit crazy. I ended up liking therapy a lot because someone would actually listen to me and work with me on my problems. When I started explaining how bad home was, she wanted to do family sessions. When she told my dad, he immediately withdrew me and I never go to get help again. He said he didn't want me to go back because she was a quack. I figured it was because he didn't want someone pointing out how everyone in the house treating me was wrong.

[@bananapee86]

You’re about to get rocked

[@bombdotcom2168]

My mom used to insist on sitting through all of my therapy sessions so I wouldn't tell my therapist she was abusive or using drugs. A lot of parents do this in order to further their own lifestyles or make their lives easier without thinking about how the child might feel about it. It's really selfish and messed up.

[@bananapee86]

@@romantic_hippie you’re about to get rocked

[@uncleslumbago7594]

My grandma was literally my parents therapist whenever they were having issues. She was pretty good at it too

[@TheStuckNorris]

Thats how problems were solved before it became a lucrative profession. Every village/tribe had an elder or group of elders who people would seek wisdom and advice. Shamans wisemen Medicine man etc

[@uncleslumbago7594]

@@TheStuckNorris she wasn’t no shaman lol. Jus a Hungarian woman with good people skills

[@Jack-mk1jj]

szia! hogy vagy?

[@alexisnicolson6092]

Sounds like she must have been super patient and a good listener. Be careful referring to family or supportive friends as “therapists” though, it is much more complicated than just listening that’s why it takes years of training

[@uncleslumbago7594]

@@Jack-mk1jj remekül, és te hogy vagy?

[@spiderdude2099]

The number one killer of any relationship: Not communicating. Seriously, if something is bothering you in your relationship, speak up and have those uncomfortable conversations THE MINUTE YOU FEEL THAT WAY. Otherwise, it’s gonna fester and eventually come out in a bad way. Also, don’t give problems the benefit of time. Don’t let them sit unaddressed, as many times that gives the idea that they are not pressing problems. Your silence peaks volumes in any relationship. And finally, if you can’t reconcile when you reach those uncomfortable moments, don’t be afraid to instantly end things. 3 weeks together? 2 months? 1 year? Doesn’t matter. If you encounter major deal breaking roadblocks in your relationship, just jump ship immediately. You should also, never be in a position when first dating someone where you cannot afford to go back to being single and independent. Don’t tie things up in another persons life to the point that leaving becomes difficult logistically. That’s how people “stay together out of convenience”. Don’t let that happen.

[@terryburnett751]

It's like people forget that

[@deeprollingriver5820]

No honey. It’s always money.

[@spiderdude2099]

@@deeprollingriver5820 You won’t know you have money problems without communicating. And communicating can also identify where you should both cut spending and stuff. Money is important but tbh, some people can be in a relationship realize they can’t stay together cuz of money, split up and work on their own careers and finances and then get back together when things improve. It’s unlikely but it can happen. You’re definitely right too tho, money is important too, but you need surprisingly little to live off of if you’re good with budgeting

[@ckee8437]

Umm, I'm going to disagree and say the #1 killer of relationships is unresolved past trauma. Often, that trauma prevents effective communication so nothing else can get resolved. I know it's anecdotal but I have yet to meet anyone whose marriage ended over anything that wasn't related to the fact that they had some prior issues they hoped would be magically solved by marriage. Abandonment issues, a ring will fix it... fear of rejection, just get that magic marriage license so they can never leave. Parents loved your sibling better, just find your 'other half'. Two broken people can't create a stable home. Gotta work that $hit out

[@vladimirstolov9324]

communication is way over rated....i've seen men do this nonsense.....behave like a male........that is what she wants, not some chatty kathy

[@felicitybywater8012]

"Be careful who you marry". Best. Advice. Ever. Not that I'm married. I've just seen a lot of dreadful relationships from the outside.

[@DirtyPrancing]

That advice does nothing but imply that people who are abused or in unhappy relationships just weren't careful enough. Sometimes you were good together and now aren't, abusers hide their true colors, etc. It's not necessarily your fault if a relationship breaks down and certainly not because you 'chose wrong.'

[@jinanshmehta3518]

Me too. Like my parents, for example.

[@onespiceybbw]

Even better advice: Don't GET married. I'd loved to have had a happy marriage with a good man but I married my "father". I can forgive how he treated me because I chose the relationship initially but I will never forgive the way he mentally abused our daughters. I think that's the source of the bible saying about punishing the children for the fathers’ sin to the third and fourth generations. Abuse carries on. And on. And on.

[@andonova6541]

When my mom meet my first bf who i really liked, she told me " you are gonna live with him not me." And I was dumbfounded like hek why this bothered me so strong. Why I started to see some things that before I never saw. We broke up soon. And It was horrible experience with stalking. Few years later she met my now husband and told me the same. Nothing more. She didn't like him but for me he is the best men I ever met. 7 years later we are still together. This time her words didn't make my head go crazy. So this is deep insecurity alert words.

[@funtimeslondon]

Very true! I phrase it as 'you need to start with good raw material.' You can work on things in the relationship, but if the underlying material is bad, it's almost impossible. I remember seeing a woman who'd just come back from a weekend with her husband of six years (not a client, actually our course leader) saying 'I just have to divorce him. I can't keep doing it.' When the raw material just isn't there, it's basically impossible to make something that sticks.

[@alexandriahunt6058]

This reminds me of a random girl I gave advice to in college. She was having some trouble with her boyfriend and I basically told her she should address these concerns with him. She found me a few days later walking to class and thanked me 😏 Turns out they just needed a heart-to-heart chat. Twist; I've never been in a romantic relationship, so I was genuinely surprised that my advice did any good 😹

[@pollolor15]

Some people say that people who are not in relationships give the best advices because they see things in a more objective way.

[@alexandriahunt6058]

@@pollolor15 Basically what my dad told me 😹 He said it's like one person is on fire and the other person isn't 🔥 The person on fire is freaking out, while the person who isn't on fire is yelling: "STOP, DROP AND ROLL!"

[@kendallthompson2027]

That makes sense. I have never been in a relationship either and find myself giving pretty good advice. I truly don't understand how it is such a mind-blowing thing for people to just address the problem. Just talk with each other. It is literally SO obvious for most problems to just talk it out. Why do people think they don't have to talk out problems? Do they think it will just go away on its own? It is an elephant in the room. Just talk. They teach you that in elementary school. It's why I hate rom-coms because nobody talks about their issues and it spirals out of control into a whole movie plot. *cough Sex and the City cough*

[@red0421]

Omg I was my friend groups therapist, they usually went to me despite me being the only person having never been in a relationship lol XD. But apparently I gave the best advice. Still not sure _how_ the one person who had never been on a single date, or ever been in a relationship was the best person to go to for advice, but I've learned that life is funny like that sometimes.

[@alexandriahunt6058]

@@red0421 My dad says it's like one person is on fire 🔥 and the other person isn't. The one who's not on fire can think clearly and tell the other one to stop-drop-and-roll.

[@wildthornrose]

My husband has a lot more issues than I, including a mistrust of women, stemming from having a domineering mother who cheated on his dad several times when he was growing up, then left when he was a teen. Whereas my parents had a stable and happy marriage, so I don't have any trust/abandonment issues. I always remind myself, if I'm running late, or going out with friends, to call or text my husband and reassure him I'm not up to shenanigans behind his back. He doesn't ask me to do this, but if I don't I can always tell that he is anxious and suspicious. I used to feel offended by his lack of faith in me, but I've come to realise that he can't help it, and checking in with him isn't a big price for me to pay for giving him peace of mind. I love my husband and would never cheat on him, he is a good, kind, funny and caring person. We have been married for 13 years and still going strong.

[@amaristhecrow7084]

Ugh. I feel for him. I have the same story but reversed. My dad was the cheater and left when we were 12, and it put us into the poverty bracket. My mom had to work two full time jobs to get us out so I lost both my parents, really. We were always alone. But before he left, and he used to take my more independent twin sister with him “to go shopping” and left my sister in the stores (age 8-12) while he met with his girlfriend. My sister would come home and cry to me and we would try to figure out what to do. We decided to just keep it a secret because when my parents fought my dad got extremely violent. I have been working on my trust, but it’s so difficult. Once my daughter said she met my husband’s nice female coworker at the store with him and it was HARD not to be weird about it. I wish I could be normal. I feel like my trust was smashed before I could even learn to build it.

[@wildthornrose]

@@amaristhecrow7084 That is really rough, I'm sorry you went through that. I hope you can learn to trust again for your own peace, but I understand it would be incredibly hard to open yourself to that kind of vulnerability. Just keep working at it, it will take time for sure, but you'll get there. Living in fear of betrayal isn't the way to enjoy a full and happy life, and it can often lead to your loved ones feeling alienated and withdrawing emotionally (I know I felt that way at times). I hope you have a good support network and open communication with your husband, or a counsellor or good friend to talk to. Those were really traumatic things you had to deal with and nobody would have emerged from that without scars. I really wish you well. Best of luck!

[@Lily_of_the_Forest]

That is very kind of you. Thank you for having empathy.

[@daughterofsekhmet81]

It's been my experience that couples therapists victim-blame a lot and really don't understand that a lot of the time, one person IS the cause of all the problems. It's incredibly unethical to tell the other person that they played a role in their partner's conscious choices to cheat or be abusive. Communication does fuck-all when your partner doesn't actually care about your feelings to begin with, and most toxic relationships consist of one narcissist and one confused person tearing their hair out reading self-help books and making therapy appointments. Too much emphasis is put on saving bad relationships, a lot of the time "just break up" is the only good advice.

[@bboops23]

This. The one therapist was like, it's always both people's fault. No. Not it isn't. Being abusive or cheating is rarely the fault of the victim. Are there cases where the affair was caused by a spouse randomly deciding to stop having sex? Yes. But those aren't the norm. Are there cases where abuse is caused by both parties having some underlying cause, I mean maybe, but I'd typically be inclined to say abusers are fully a fault because that's never okay. It is pretty shitty of a therapist to blame an affair on the overworked victim and considering that men cheat more often, it's likely rooted in misogyny that the wide isn't putting out enough despite having no time because they are busy raising kids or cleaning the house.

[@daughterofsekhmet81]

@@bboops23 Spot on about the misogyny. I've noticed that whenever something bad happens to a woman, most of the time society's reaction is to speculate on what she might have done to deserve it. I went to couples therapy with my ex after I caught him cheating and it took maybe two sessions for the focus to shift from getting to the root of why he did it and how can we get past it, to picking apart what I did to drive him to it and what I can do better to keep him from doing it again. First he minimized his 6 month emotional affair complete with heavy gaslighting down to "she got upset cause I talked to someone else" which the therapist totally latched on to. She kept pushing the love languages crap, asking how I treated him regarding his 'platonic friendships', how was our sex life, and harping on my communication skills. Yeah... I had spent the whole 3 year relationship treating him like a king, putting out whenever he wanted it, and communicating till I was blue in the face only to be ignored. She also told me I HAD to trust him unless I had proof of more cheating, AKA a thinly veiled "he said he was sorry, get over it already" The whole thing just made my head spin, like how does a so-called professional get it THAT wrong? I am not perfect but that is one relationship where I can honestly say I did everything right and still got accused of being the problem. I'm nowhere near the only woman who's had that experience either.

[@cottoncandisandi6109]

@ KL , Your first mistake was going to couples therapy . After you " caught him cheating " . Also there's no such thing as " an emotional affair " . Once intimate conversations are being shared : someone is cheating . Anyone who is in a LTR should only being talking about deeply emotional , issues with their partner , close same sex friends or a family member . Sticking a P in a ( strange ) V is just a benefit of " cheating " . Every action that leads to the sex is " cheating " . In fact , the brain chemistry of someone just talking to a side piece . Is the same during the down low , chit chat as it is when they are being physical . Plus , half of the therapist believe that an " affair " is a symptom of other problems . Glad you're free from the BS . Cheaters gonna cheat and liars are gonna lie . There's no fixing these people . 😘

[@maxs-lz4pn]

I was kinda dumbfounded to see how many therapists thought it was always both people's fault. They deal with people for a living, they should know by now that nothing is 100% nothing is absolute especially when it comes to people. What I got from it is that a lot of couples therapists need to be aware of their biases and work on not letting them affect their cases

[@kimmywimmy7305]

We were told to communicate. Well, when one person is terrified of communicating since communication in the past had horrible outcomes, then lack of communication isn’t the problem. Our therapist heard none of the abuse as I never felt safe enough to talk about it, either on solo appointments or with my husband. I kept wanting to protect him. I didn’t want him to get in trouble (which sounds so odd). We did divorce over 6 years ago.

[@JaylaBee]

"Don't take advice from someone who has nothing to lose from giving it." Awesome little wisdom nugget there

[@See-if_I_care]

Telling your friend to leave their cheating husband...nothing wrong wrong with that. And I am not losing anything from it

[@josepherhardt164]

Eh, I think you could argue the opposite. Someone who has something to lose from giving advice is unlikely to give honest advice.

[@mjohnsimon1337]

My gf and I went to couple's therapy and within the first 5 minutes the therapist was already calling her actions extreme and that my compromises were completely reasonable. She had a major "My way or the Highway / Don't tell me what to do!" attitude that really started to strangle the relationship. Turns out she had a lot of unworked issues. Now, 2 months later, things are way better now but holy shit was it rewarding to hear that I wasn't the crazy one.

[@only1one1me]

“Usually it’s not just one person. If one person has significant issues, the other usually isn’t coping effectively.” Excuse me, /what/?

[@daokoxd1145]

The one who commented that must be an abuser who justifies his/her abusive ways

[@thewierdoneout]

If I squint my eyes and tilt my head sideways, I kinda see what his logic is. But to me the better coping mechanism is to leave the person who is hurting you.

[@esppupsnkits4560]

Sounds like a simple way of saying “either both of you get yourselves together or split, no in between”

[@rednetherbrick3178]

@@daokoxd1145 true true true

[@Broadpaw_Fox]

What I take that to mean is more like " you obviously recognize that there's a problem, but the other person doesn't care and won't change - so by staying and trying to change them (against their will, no less) you're not coping with the situation effectively." Basically, if you're in an abusive relationship, you need to acknowledge when the other person doesn't care (read by actions, not words) and decide for yourself when you've had enough and move on. I know that it's not as easy as that makes it sound, but the hard lessons in life teach that you cannot 'help' someone who doesn't want help. And if an abuser won't admit that their behavior is abusive, or plays down the severity when it's called out by the abused, then they obviously don't want help changing that behavior. So it comes down to the abused person to say enough is enough- and while it can be hard, sometimes it's the only way. It's not the fault of the abused, but it's their choice when to leave the situation that isn't going to change otherwise. Also, people need to support those around them who are found to be in these abused positions. Dealing with abuse is extremely difficult, and support is what helps some people help themselves. :)

[@fernandaescobar3721]

Min 17:30 "ppl don't know about the great moments and what made you fall in love" just don't... That is often used as shield to not leave a bad relationship. The person you fell in love with 10/20 yrs ago might no longer exist and by clinging to a memory you are killing your own spirit. Don't stay because of a memory, leave because the person your SO has become is no longer the one you fell for and the changes were bad instead of good.

[@coffeegiraffes5539]

That part pissed me off bc it was the advice given to me that had me thinking it was okay to stay in a shitty and emotionally abusive relationship for 5 years because I loved him. I had several people outside of the relationship recognize how he was and tell me, but I didn’t listen because oh “they don’t know the good times and how much we love each other”. Sometimes you DO need outside advice to see what you are blind to. That part of the video is very harmful.

[@fernandaescobar3721]

@@coffeegiraffes5539 yes it was. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and I'm glad you are out now, I wish you have a long and happy life :)

[@firerosenight6937]

First story Oh? Childhood trauma can cause bad/negative behavior? WHO KNEW?!?!

[@kid7856]

Yeah, it seems we have a long, long, long way to go on that one.

[@Zaddy-Lu]

My ex and I went to a relationship therapist that told me to "just ignore" when my ex would hit me or tell me to go kill myself etc. I called her out, she apologized, but did it again, telling me to ignore abuse, and telling the ex that their problems were due to their childhood trauma, so them abusing me wasn't their fault.

[@davidl570]

I hope that therapist lost her license.

[@Zaddy-Lu]

@@davidl570 as far as I know, she didn't, but I did report it. So, hopefully she did/does lose her license. Thank you for your empathy. 💜

[@lynneconklin917]

The problem with couples therapy, or any kind of marriage counseling is that if it’s long term issues especially dealing with substance abuse or mental health issues of one person, the other person changes in response to dealing with those issues for so long. After, say 10 years, of begging, pleading for partner to get help/rehabilitation or covering up their issues for work, children, family, or trying to avoid legal trouble when that person says partner B acts paranoid, suspicious and is always watching everything they do, they’re probably right. Then partner B says I wouldn’t be like that and all anxious if I didn’t have to deal with all your problems. Even if partner A gets sober, takes psych meds, gets it together for now, partner B is still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Oh boy, talk about a trigger issue.

[@SailorYuki]

I'm in couples therapy with husband right now. Last session our therapist told him that he needs to seek professional help and deal with the issues he has. She basically confirmed what I've been saying all along but no one would listen.

[@davidl570]

Did he agree to do that?

[@Faxanadu]

My trashy ex-sil started dating this woman who brought drugs and all her druggy friends into the house, verbally abused my 10yo nephew, tried to give 14yo niece drugs/alcohol etc etc. When my brother brought up the many reasons he had a problem with this woman being around his kids, the therapist wanted to focus on my brother's "homophobia"

[@justinchristoph3725]

I've heard that a LOT of therapists have a great deal of their own personal psychological problems. So they keep taking university courses to try to figure themselves out. Then they acquire enough credits to get a degree in psychology and think "It takes one to know one" and become counselors. But they end up projecting their own issues on to others. So it doesn't surprise me that the therapist who wanted to focus on the "homophobia" and not what the ex-SIL was doing to her child.

[@justinchristoph3725]

I've talked to a guy whose wife was a therapist for a while. She had a masters degree in psychology and did marriage and family counseling. Her plan was to eventually get her Psy.D and make that her profession, but soured on the whole thing because instead of working with two people who wanted to fix their problems, it seemed more often than not, it was one person who was dragging their spouse or child in and what they wanted was for her to tell them that they were right and the other party was wrong so they could start doing things their way. If they got called up on it or shown that it was them that was the problem, they usually ended therapy with them and tried with someone else. For them, therapy was a power game and not something that they wanted to fix if they were the ones that needed to change.

[@KorilD]

So many of these stories from the therapists should have "this does not include abusive relationships" appended to their posts.

[@benm5913]

My wife experienced this with her mother. Her mom is a narcissist. So much so that after years of emotional abuse she made the whole family go to therapy. The narcissistic mother lasted exactly one session after the therapist didn't immediately say all her kids and her husband were constantly mean to her. What a giant c**t.

[@bridgitroeth2061]

Ha ha ha! My mom did the exact same thing when I was a kid. As soon as the therapist suggested some of the issues may be partly her fault, we quit going!

[@beagleissleeping5359]

My sister was going to therapy because of an emotionally and physically abusive husband. At one point her therapist suggested they come in together. The husband's response was, "I'm not having some b$%&h tell me what to do." They got divorced 24 years ago.

[@meganfaith4052]

17:20 is a very important to hear. I do agree that “Leave,” does ignore a lot of complex feelings and history. Though I think most people are well meaning when they say “Leave them.” Sometimes leaving is the best thing, sometimes it’s not that simple and really can be worked out.

[@NiennaFan1]

It's not that abuse victims are at fault for staying in the relationship, it's that they deserve better and I hope they all get the support they need to make decisions to protect themselves! And it's not that they're at fault for the abuser's behavior, it's that for the relationship to be saved, the abuser needs to commit to getting therapy or trying new patterns of behavior or whatever, and their partner needs to be on the same page - for example, a therapist could say "person A when you feel yourself getting angry you can take a walk, and person B when your partner tells you they're going to take a walk you can understand that they aren't trying to avoid the conversation".

[@spiderdude2099]

Lol, I can’t imagine how many “caught in 4K” moments have been documented when people do couples therapy through zoom or something and think the call has ended when it hasn’t XD

[@10thletter40]

Not a therapist so take this with a grain of salt, but I find it interesting that these therapists go, "well one technically caused the problem by 'small mistake X' therefore the other person becoming hateful was just a result of that and that both are the problem." The person reacting to said problem should _bring it up_ to their partner if it bothers them, if they choose not to fix it, then THAT is the problem. I.e. if a partner doesnt do the dirty for 10 years, how do you freaking last that long and keep quiet. Maybe the horny derp should say something to the nonhorny derp

[@leahwilton785]

Right? The cheating one really upset me. No one, not even your spouse of 10 years owes you sex. It is okay for someone to decided they no longer want sex to be a part of their relationship, just like it is okay for someone to decide that they do not want to be in a relationship that sex is not a part of. It is Not okay to cheat on your partner because they don't want to have sex with you.

[@honeybee1492]

@@leahwilton785 i agree! And often the reason people stop having sex with their spouse is because their spouse isn't meeting their emotional needs, so they are no longer sexually attracted to that person

[@maliksmith9003]

@@leahwilton785 most people don't have the luxury of paying someone who up and decides not to take care of their physical needs anymore half of their shit so they can exit a contract. It's even more complicated when kids are involved. I don't endorse cheating, but people shouldn't get upset that someone met the need that they personally instilled in their partner.

[@10thletter40]

@@maliksmith9003 But bring up those concerns to the other partner, dont partially excuse the cheater for their terrible misconduct.

[@maliksmith9003]

@@10thletter40 do tell, what conversation do you have with a spouce who says they're not interested in nor obligated to meet your needs?

[@HH-ru4bj]

Most cases of problem children I've seen growing up were because the parents were just terrible ppl, or the result of abuse and neglect themselves and didn't know how to foster a good relationship with their kids.

[@bombdotcom2168]

I had to do family therapy for a bit (Required by dcfs for some reason) and the therapist was focused on building my relationship with my dad for some odd reason. Apparently our first case worker had painted me as a reckless teenager with daddy issues, and because my dad wasn't my biological dad that there was some kind of issue between us. We're actually best friends. We almost never get into arguments, and even if we do we usually just binge watch anime or play videogames right afterward and chat about how ridiculous the fight was. We've really never needed to get therapy together. We've always gotten along just fine. For some reason nobody wanted me to do family therapy with my mom. My mom is the person I've got an issue with, (domestic violence, abuse, neglect, drug addictions, etc. Just name it she probably freaking had it) and for some reason the case worker we had at the time and the office we were getting therapy through insisted that I don't need any therapy with her, and that I should focus on my apparently strained situation with my dad. During our sessions we just talked about life and the latest episode of a show we both like since we weren't allowed to have in person visits at that time. I know it isn't entirely relevant but I just think it's a funny story.

[@rattatat349]

that last one kinda got me,, you can be depressed or anxious or feel worthless at times but with a little empathy, communication, and a comfortable level of vulnerability with boundaries can get you extremely far in a relationship,, all it takes is effort and understanding yourself enough, everyone deserves love

[@Jose04537]

I always ask a second or third opinion, because some "professionals" are very biased (religiously or ideologically), have issues on their own, or are pretty damn incompetent. I discard those who are obviously very pretentious (know it all, that don't actually listen to you & just jump to conclusions), or adhere to one religion or ideology (usually pretty judgemental or give cookie cutter advice).

[@aksprkl6594]

@@renmcmanus This.

[@Jose04537]

@@renmcmanus Well, for example, looking for a Doctor who fitted my "bias", in other words, that actually took me seriously and didn't dismiss my worries, saved my life. I recommend only listening if the second or third one says the same thing.

[@Jose04537]

@@renmcmanus "Your original post drips venom" No offense, but that's just you proyecting. Try to no look at everything in the worst possible light.

[@Jose04537]

@@renmcmanus I wonder the same.

[@Jose04537]

@@renmcmanus If you don't have nothing nice to say in other's people comments don't say anything at all.

[@jfan4reva]

Went to company sponsored couples therapist. Wife talked about how she was justified in doing everything she was doing (and not doing), and how the trouble was that everyone should be doing what she wants. Couples therapist said,,,nothing. Literally no words came out of her mouth for 3+ sessions. Just watched as we argued. Maybe this is a strategy? Sometimes it's also the therapist. Ones like this will never go on reddit and post though, so you won't hear what went on with them.

[@jonahhex18]

Letting people get their grievances out while you try to build up an understanding of the people and their relationship can be a good strategy, but for 3 sessions? No, there has to be some sort of actual therapy happening as well. The therapist was failing you

[@coconutcore]

17:20 This, though their point is valid, is a toxic argument. You having had a beautiful, happy day in the park once where you fell in love does not make a bad relationship worth it because you’re “in love” or they’re “the love of your life”. This is a mindset that people have because love is indeed a beautiful thing that CAN make you happy. However, love is not a foundation for a good relationship, it’s AN important thing, not THE important thing. Seeing a happy memory or two or butterflies in your stomach as an excuse to stay in a bad relationship is what keeps codependent people in abusive relationships and is not a good argument. If you can’t handle a person at their worst…fuck them, assholes are assholes however good their best is every once in a while. I get what they’re saying. Everyone encounters serious issues in their relationship and talking it out to get to the cause should be the go-to reaction, but they’re implying something else that’s wrong in the process. If they’d said “The people that give you advice don’t know anything about how the relationship is in the long run or the underlying issues that could be worked out”, I wouldn’t be babbling here. However, they’re phrasing it in exactly the wrong way. Love is nice, but love is not enough and happy memories don’t make up for abuse or even just toxicity. It’s how the relationship truly affects your emotions in the long run that matters, not how addictive those butterflies are when they’re there.

[@spiderdude2099]

As horrible as it may feel in the moment, when first beginning to date, be selfish. By this I mean, do some self reflection and identify what your “deal breakers” are. Identify what things, if not changed or corrected by your partner, would be unbearable to continue to endure. For example, if you want kids more than anything in the world, and your partner is PERFECT in every way EXCEPT, very apathetic towards having children, or even blatantly negative or dodges the issue, that needs to be something you bring up, and if things can’t be resolved or compromised on, you completely leave them that instant. It’s going to feel horrible, it’s gonna seem like you’re unreasonable, but vetting out people who are 80-99% of a perfect fit for you IS WORTHWHILE. Strive for that person who checks the boxes of the issues that REALLY matter to you. Everything besides those things CAN be worked through. But identify what stuff you WILL NOT tolerate if it continues to be a sticking point. And this goes for both sides of the relationship. If you identify your “deal breakers” match them up with your partner and see if both your crucial issues match and can be reconciled. If not, it’s like forcing two ALMOST perfectly sized puzzle pieces together. Even if it you can force it to work, you can always see that it’s problematic and wrong.

[@jerrykinnin7941]

My first wife said we need marriage counseling. I agreed. We went to one. He agreed with me. We went to a different one the female counselor agreed with me. My ex finally stopped asking me to go to counseling. Cause her words. They all agree with you. My ex loved to write checks with no money in the bank. Max out credit card after credit card. Didn't want to pay bills first. I worked 70+ hrs a week driving semi's. Presently I got remarried Got full custody of our daughter. Who when she turned 18 said all she wanted was to never deal or talk to her mom again. My daughter is doing great. Graduated high school top 20 in the class sophomore in college. GOD'S Good..

[@iatecinderella]

19:05 I'm glad someone said that as I was starting to think maybe I was to blame for an abusive relationship that I left. I kept thinking "well if all these professionals are saying so.." :')

[@maxs-lz4pn]

I'm sorry but why the hell do so many people who claim to be professionals think cheating is caused by the person who is getting cheated on? People who think that way are concerning and chances are, liable to cheat on their own partners

[@stoopidtoaster6075]

It depends on the type of cheating imo... Sometimes it might be a way to try to escape from a toxic and abusive relationship. Most times.... No. The cheater is just a jerk.

[@torrellallen3165]

@@stoopidtoaster6075 cheating isn’t justified in any way shape or form. If you’re in a toxic or abusive relationship, cheating is only to make it worse, like WAAAAYYYYYYY worse

[@oz_jones]

Dehumanizing people, way to go

[@Navywalrus09]

It's been my experience that a lot of therapists need extensive therapy themselves and may not be in the right headspace to help anyone else.

[@DamiesEvilTwin]

17:30 makes my eyes roll so hard All that "but the nuaaance" shit is the same shit my mother says, and my brother and I have been begging for her to divorce my monster father since we were teenagers. Like, that was a whole garbage pile of abuse apologism right there. Sorry ScorpioLaw doesn't know what red flags are or maybe even seems to think things that are 100% abuse are just "couples spats uwu" or normal relationship stuff

[@RinLockhart]

18:29 "Well, my ex tried to kill me and and each of our children--" UHHHHH...

[@JohnSmith-zw8vp]

Mr Miyagi: No such thing as bad child, only bad parent! Parent say, child do. Parent do, child ESPECIALLY do.

[@wyatt1377]

Just leave em. The people trying to "save" a relationship while you're being beat to a bloody pulp just because you "love them" is disgusting

[@CelestialSkyys]

When my parents were on the brink of divorce my mom was looking for a therapist that would break the rules and exclusively side with her. She almost got a friend to do just that. None of them would take her because their jobs and licenses mattered more than her petty and illegal actions.

[@childofivy]

My parents go to couple therapy, mainly because my mom is mentally ill and my dad has to take care of her. Needless to say, that relationship is skewed and they need to learn how to work together with it.

[@alichamay7012]

I disagree that posting on Reddit =/= Leave is not good advice Guess what? If you are posting on Reddit, instead of working it out through a therapist, with a support system, and/or with court help, there is a reason you are on a free forum site. And equally valid advice is to break up. It's like things on Craigslist: There is a reason it's posted on Craigslist.

[@laurenj432]

Zero surprise there with that first one

[@Lily_of_the_Forest]

Hearing this makes grateful to be single. Relationships are only headache or heartache. Best wishes for couples out there. You are brave!

[@ckee8437]

It's important to understand why you chose to start or stay in a relationship with someone who...xyz behavior. It doesn't mean you are responsible for their behavior but if you don't understand what drew you into the relationship you are doomed to repeat your poor partner choices. I married someone who clearly didn't love me because I fundamental believed I was not worthy of being loved. The healthier I became the worse the situation got because I finally believed I deserved to be treated like a human being not a maid/paycheck.

[@Kevin7557]

Gotta love the therapists who blamed the working husband for his wife's infidelity.

[@maxs-lz4pn]

Actually, they blamed the tired wife for the working husband's infidelity

[@Kevin7557]

@@maxs-lz4pn Some did and they were epic. The others take the neutral approach or blame him for not meeting her needs.

[@Lily_of_the_Forest]

There is never an excuse to cheat. EVER!

[@michamocha]

Yeah, I feel like alot of people are too focused on trying to diagnose someone and make things more complex when it's so simple: some people are just aholes and like being selfish because it benefits them. Some people just like to take and take the goods of others but flake out when they have to also give the same amount they take.

[@davet5033]

“Sometimes you have to give up on people. Not because you don’t care but because they don’t.”

[@astewart4045]

My ex-husband and I went to marriage counselling exactly once. He admitted he just blamed me for crap to keep me off center and didnt believe a thing he had accused me of. Counsellor asked him how long he had hated women, he said, I don't know. Counsellor suggest he think about it and consider where his hatred of women had started for next session. He decided he would rather not return. He has since unsurprisingly divorced the other woman as well.

[@jros4057]

New boss at work. His second day I was giving him a ride home. Joking around and trying to set up a decent boss subordinate dynamic (hint hint, this goes a long way to success at work). Suddenly his fiancee calls. Dude puts her on speaker. She immediately starts ripping him a new one for taking too long to get home. 5 min of him saying "I'm sorry" all dejected. Doesn't once tell her she's on speaker. Doesn't even take her off speaker. So uncomfortable. When it was over I remember thinking "THANK GOD IM SINGLE". I had no idea what to say because I wanted to tell him not to marry that woman. So I suggested couples counseling before getting married. His answer was "na the professions are run by the patriarchy and will only side with me. My response was "Uhh no actually....actually I'm sure she's just having a bad day. You're gonna be married dude!" and smiled at him. This seemed to cheer the moron up. Yeah I didn't want to get into the argument that it's more likely they'd side with her if sided at all so I just figured this was a lesson he needed to learn on his own.

[@davet5033]

“Sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go.”

[@funtimeslondon]

ALSO (see below) as a therapist who works with relationships I'm always surprised when I read that other therapists tell clients that they should break up, etc. I prefer to support both sides, and allow the process of the work to make whatever happens clear. I wouldn't want to take responsibility for telling people to break up because as one of the commentators says, I don't know every moment of the relationship. But something I learned about in training which helps" 'What was the fit?' Why did you get together in the first place?' That can either be the start of them getting it back, or a useful way of seeing how far it's gone off course.

[@Nivola1953]

I almost finished to watch this video, almost. 2 things I learned 1) Reddit contributors , don’t use spell checker or don’t re-read their messages for mistakes of the auto fill , maybe they can’t even recognise that , with hilarious results 2) this piece was totally useless, lots of different opinions, experiences , indignations nothing to take away. It takes 2 to tango, but sometimes one in not dancing or is trying to trip the other into a fall. TL:DR People are different, each marriage is different, no rule can apply. Therapist are people too, each one is different and can have his/hers problems too

[@jupiterdancingbear9605]

The first one hit hard :(

[@honkhonk3192]

17:00 honestly, this has bugged me for quite a while as well. It's like that IKEA "buy RIGHT now, throw away fast" kind of short attention-spanned mindset has trickled over into relationships to the point that you can't fix anything anymore. Yeah, get out when it's abusive, mentally or physically endangering, get out when trust is forever destroyed, but there's so many stories of people breaking up over virtually nothing, too, and it gets so much encouragement from sites like Reddit... I don't get it.

[@DirtyPrancing]

16:52, the break up advice makes me sad because you cant get real advice without people implying you're an idiot for even being with the person

[@monus782]

1:29 in other posts I’ve seen some say that you can’t expect people to change, that may be true in many cases but it all depends on if they want to change, so glad this worked out 14:49 I fear a bit with how those kids will turn out, hopefully they leave him ASAP 21:45 I wouldn’t be surprised if their church is Catholic

[@koopaking6148]

The one thing that I remember about therapy/ therapist is that you don't go to them for a certain set outcome you go to them to help deal with a problem that you or a group of people have and to help deal with that problem even if that means getting to a solution that neither person in the group really wanted...

[@jessicabohl933]

ah more reasons not to trust therapists let me give a run down so according to the majority of shrinks its both peoples fault ah yes when my mom got pregnant with me and my dad stated that if i were a girl i should just die (well i am lol) and my mom should get an abortion then the abuse started then i was born and he would neglect me while my mom was work (aka no feedings/changes) so my ma got out of the military (they were both in) to take care of me then my father refused to financially care for either of us and proceeded to cheat on my mother for the next 4 years untill she finally divorced him but yes shame on my mother for getting pregnant not to mention the next 14 years of hell my father put us through after the divorce and the therapists he sent me to who he paid to warp my words for the courts totally a 2 person problem

[@popstarprincess123]

So 20:34 you’re saying an abuser can be a victim but it doesn’t matter Or are you saying that only pre approved versions of abuse means that the other person no matter their decision making has no value May i introduce you to the johny depp case If the genders were reversed or not caught on camera audio witnesses straight up admitting and all the other forms of evidence The world would just believe her I consider starting fights abuse but s lot of people don’t

[@transsnack]

I think it was more a rant about how people use the argument of "both sides are to blame" to shield actual abusers. Yes, a person who abuses a partner was usually abused themselves, but that isn't an excuse. Also, what happened to Johnny Depp was a freaking travesty, and Amber Herd should have faced actual consequences for her actions. Abuse is abuse, no matter the gender of the perpetrators.

[@popstarprincess123]

@@transsnack I agree with you in fact I hope you’re right There’s one scenario possibility that people forget They can abuse each other

[@deeprollingriver5820]

It took 2 failed marriages to realized I just plain hated being married. No problem with the men, but I made their lives miserable because I hated being married and having someone in my space. Both men remain good friends of mine because we were both good people….it was just that married thing.

[@coffeegiraffes5539]

17:30 is very shitty advice. Speaking from experience, if several people outside of your relationship are concerned enough about what you’re saying to tell you to leave your partner, maybe listen and at least evaluate things. A lot of times others can see what you are blind to because you are so in love. Having good times does not somehow cover up abusive and/or shitty behavior.

[@nonamesorry7135]

Man, there's a reason my longest ever relationship only lasted 4 months I ain't letting these people closer than they need to get to teach me the lesson and be done with it 😬 I'm already with the best person I know that will always fulfill my needs and that person is me

[@singingacapellasongsmusicc3205]

My current boyfriend can not decide if he is mine or my twin sister's, or step sisters. Need to make a choice, Sweet D. ? Right here.

[@gokuxsephiroth4505]

"If one person has significant issues, the other usually isn't coping effectively" Yeah, so if your SO has significant issues, COPE?!

[@SarahElisabethJoyal]

Wives shouldn't have to "ask for help" with household work. Men should just be doing it, because it's their house too.

[@odysseus2656]

Men should not have to "ask for help" to fix the car, Women drive them too. With this complaint my first comment is: "The standards for cleanliness between men and women is usually quite different." Men are usually happy with the state of disarray while women are not.

[@ninjaassassin27]

Some people commit more to one than the other. I clean the bathroom because we've agreed that it's my job. However, she does all of the cooking and most of the cleaning. I work two jobs and barely have the energy to do those.

[@cassiussky1945]

@@odysseus2656 Their comment isn’t about the standard of cleaning it’s about how cleaning in general should be split. Also, there’s a big difference between not caring if things aren’t perfect and doing chores half-assed.

[@aikaameya3930]

@@odysseus2656 fixing a car is much more complicated than doing the dishes or laundry. It doesn't matter what either person prefers as far as cleanliness, both should contribute without having to be asked like they're some sort of child

[@kossettereaditte7552]

Depends on the type of marriage if one person is Stay at home then that typically is just their job.

[@kendoruslink7017]

Relationships are overrated any way

[@WiseWordsbyWiki]

1:58 pretty sure she was trying to hook up with op

[@WASDLeftClick]

Imagine being in a relationship and married lmao cringe God I’m lonely

[@riseoftheflutes1739]

Yoo sammme. Let's goooo.

[@cherylbo888]

Even in abuse cases the person being abused is having a problem. That doesn't mean to blame. But if your self esteem or boundaries aren't stable, you need to also do work on yourself. Because you will definitely be in similar situations in the future. Be it another romantic relationship or other types of relationships. There will always be people that might take advantage of you. But if you do the work on yourself you will be able to see it earlier on an at least keep your boundaries and not let yourself being taken advantage of. Otherwise you'll be the victim always. Predators will not try too hard with people who are safe and secure in their self. So you do the work for you and yourself. No blame, just responsibility for yourself and your peace and sanity. It's a control thing. That only sounds offensive to someone who hasn't healed yet. And is still looking for external validation. Keep working on it. You are worth it!❤

[@maoama]

Odd guess but my mom has stolen $120 000 + from my father over 3 different times in 18 ish years. She 100% believes my dad is a p.o.s but refuses couples therapy. Married for 39 years.

[@davidl570]

Did you tell your dad about your suspicions?

[@Zaddy-Lu]

"You can't form a relationship with 2 broken people" well perma-broken me is fucked.

[@funtimeslondon]

I've known a couple of men who were with women 'Because I like women to be a challenge.' IT LEADS TO A TERRIBLE RELATIONSHIP. Definitely support the woman to get help for her historical problems. But don't marry them and have them tear you away from friends and family because they can't deal with people. Find someone stable who wants to be in a marriage and be happy. No, they're not 'boring' and 'safe': they're ordinary and normal. Speaking from bitter observation.

[@popstarprincess123]

21:11 what does that mean?

[@wolfgender420]

right? what the hell…

[@singulipugnarecumbitus1252]

Aspergers is a form of autism. Things like that happen really often, because it’s hard to understand someone that has autism, and it’s hard for someone with autism to understand you. I would know. I have autism.

[@wolfgender420]

@@singulipugnarecumbitus1252 i know, i am also autistic. the comment in the video just made autism/aspergers seem like the only problem in the relationship and honestly just came off very mean-spirited. i mean come on, “he’s an aspergers” ??? imagine if that person had said “he’s a gay” or “he’s a transgender” or “he’s a [insert race]”. it sounds dehumanizing. that was what i had a problem with

[@jplayzow]

Communication IS they key because if you communicate your feelings and they ignore you it communicates to leave their ass

[@karenmcnaren1038]

Not a therapist. But I can guarantee you that my husband and I have made many mistakes or bad calls raising our kids and our kids are going to have issues because of it. We are strict-ish. They have to maintain good grades to keep phones, and excellent grades to keep social media. They are all dual sport athletes and we push them hard there too. There have been times we have said mean things in anger, over-reacted, under-reacted, missed signs, misread signs, gave too much freedom, hovered over them when we should have let them learn, made them finish something they really should have quit. Made them quit something they should have finished. Over analyzed outbursts, drew wrong conclusions etc. We had different upbringings as far as freedom and responsibilities and we are constantly trying to improve. We are close to our kids. We laugh and talk a lot. We lecture a lot. They talk to us about their problems and we have gotten better at listening and not micromanaging, not perfect, we are not their friends. What I’m trying to say is most parents have good intentions. It’s a constant battle between how we were raised and how we want our kids to be raised. My parents were great but I have issues with some of the choices they made. They have issues with some of the choices my husband and I make now.

[@sorcererofsalt5786]

Dunno if your a real person or a dedicated troll with an account name like Karen mcnaren but having a 'were your parents not your friends' is the worst. I was a kid who was raised with huge freedom, left to my own devices almost all of my childhood with occasional guidance and turned up a fucking marvelous dude.

[@karenmcnaren1038]

@@sorcererofsalt5786 I’m a real person. My username is the result of my kids calling me “Karen” whenever I tell them not to do something. Anyways, I keep the friend/parent line intact. “Not your friend” does not mean I’m the fun police or that my kids don’t talk to me about personal issues. It means I am their parent. We don’t drink together, we don’t gossip about boys or girls together, we don’t buy or smoke weed together, they don’t curse when they talk to us etc. I am the parent. I have a great relationship with my own parents. But they are also not my friends.

[@KorilD]

You kinda sound like a good person who's a bad parent. No social media unless the grades are "excellent"? How are your kids supposed to socialize? Social media is how kids keep in contact with their friends nowadays, that's just how the world *is* now, but they *have* to have good grades to do that? They'll end up ostracized in the society we live in, and won't have the skills needed to be *safe* online once they're adults. And if you're forcing them into both sports *and* excelling academically, when the hell are they supposed to relax?

[@karenmcnaren1038]

@@KorilD fair concerns. Some things get tweeked as we go. The problem with social media, especially for athletes or anyone looking for scholarships is one wrong tweet or post can screw you for life. I don’t think most teenagers appreciate that and they certainly don’t always think things through. Example, my son had pics posted of him and his friends at a party flipping off the camera. They were 16 at the time. When he was getting his nomination for the merchant marines our congressman asked him to remove all of those and any other provocative or questionable content from his accounts. So we are careful. Our daughters can take bathing suit pics at the beach or pool but not in the bedroom bathroom mirror. Stupid right? But there IS a difference. Drink at a party? I’d rather you didn’t, but if you do Drink from a cup not the bottle or a shot glass. They are not forced into their sports but they are extremely athletic and excel in both. If I’m gonna support something, travel ball, camps, out of state tournaments, equipment etc, we expect them to give 100%. Maybe that sounds excessive but if your kid tells you they want to fly to Argentina for a tournament and they’re sitting on their ass all day what are you gonna say? Grades are all pretty good. Maybe a C here and there if they bomb a test but they are above 3.0. I guess it all depends on what your kids are trying to do and what you all need to do to make it happen. Like I said we have to rewrite the rules sometimes. What works for one kid might not work for the others. I will definitely take your thoughts into consideration. May I ask if you have kids of your own? If so how old are they and how are they doing? What would you do different? What about your own upbringing? What would you change about how your parents raised you? I’m always interested in how other people made it.

[@KorilD]

@@karenmcnaren1038 No kids for me - health issues I don't want to pass on. But I was involved with the upbringing of my niece, several step-siblings, a room mate's kid for a few years, and my younger brother. One of the things you said is actually part of the problem - a person in power had access to your child's primary socials. Did you not teach them about making one public account with your real name (something for work/academics/etc that only gets generic updates/pics), and one private account for friends/family with a pseudonym for the real stuff? Because that's one of the only ways to stay safe online without losing your mind (or privacy). That's what I grew up learning the hard way - lie to strangers on the internet, or they'll use it against you. That goes doubly so for cute kids, who *will* get creeps messaging them, but that the internet is too accessible now to safely learn firsthand. They need boundaries, but they need to be taught how to stay within those boundaries safely. But that's neither here nor there. Do your kids *actually* want to go further in sports, or is it just an idle "that'd be nice" thought they had when they were younger? How much do you actually communicate with them? Do they know it's okay to quit? That it's alright to not make a hobby into a job? That you'll love them even when (not if, WHEN) they fail? Can they open up to you while having their own boundaries respected? My niece sometimes lied about wanting to do things because she thought *I'd* be upset if we didn't do those specific things together. Because her mom (ex sister-in-law) would be a passive-aggressive bitch any time she showed reluctance at doing something her mom enjoyed, from wearing red to horse riding. You shouldn't be their friend, but you can't be an unquestionable authority figure, either. Because kids who grow up like that become adults who are compulsive liars that resent you. Also, if you're one of those parents who takes the doors off your kid's rooms as a punishment, or who demands the doors always stay open, stop. Kids need to have a safe space where they can be away from even you.

[@a_lost_staysider]

so many of those comments made me so uncomfortable wth

[@Menstral]

Interaction effect sounds like bull. 80% of the time one person is lame.

[@garfeld625]

I hear a lot of good points but disagree with any of the stories that say "wife stopped having sex so partner cheated". That's an excuse. Can it happen, yes. Is that typically the cause no. Whether it's an underlying sexual addiction or a lack of listening by the husband, a lot of times the wife isn't shutting down sex for no reason

[@earthboundnephilim2440]

That last comment in the video feels so pessimistic.

[@Radescha]

It really amuses me when westerners, with divorce rates over 50% give any advice regarding relationships or marriage... wanna have a long lasting marriage, ask someone that hss, not people ib whichs culture a marriage is the equivalent of a coin flip.

[@barrybicepsakafreddyflapja1399]

Ahhhh yes, nice compilation of problematic people posing as couples therapists so that they can live out their fantasy of someone else being the issue

[@bananapee86]

RRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE you

[@bananapee86]

RRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[@pleasedontdestroythiseither]

17 22

[@eugenechen3711]

WA

[@nefertiti1052]

Why do all these therapists don't believe in asexuality / think sex is mandatory in marriages? lmao. get lost

[@sillianjloth254]

Asexual here. And it's not easy being in a relationship with someone who isn't. My mom thinks im like this cuz of something that happened with a guy. I don't understand and find it kinda funny that people who are not asexual just CANNOT grasp that idea. It's a struggle and annoying

[@themothman3726]

Most of the time it is both parties mutually feeling crappy. What nobody seems to acknowledge is that men and women are fundamentally different. For men sex is a love language, it is hardwired into them, it validates them. Sex incentives men to try. Women tend to prioritize intimacy first and sex second. It should be a give and take cycle but sometimes that balance gets out of whack and both parties need to suck it up and just meet half way. Nobody owes you sex and nobody has to do the dishes and hug you, but you're both gonna have to put out to make it work. Do you want a relationship or not.

[@johnmininger7472]

Sounds like a group of people badly in need of therapy. At 54 and having the benefit of time and experience, I've really met very few people who were so physically unattractive or who couldn't change one or two things about their appearance that they might find it very difficult to find a partner. It really is about what is under the hood; put your energy and focus into improving that and circumstances change dramatically in all aspects of your life.

[@bananapee86]

Banana Pee

[@davidl570]

BEST. COMMENT. EVER!

[@bananapee86]

@@davidl570 RRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[@bananapee86]

@@davidl570 you’re about to get rocked

[@vladimirstolov9324]

95% of therapists will blame the male.....because male needs for sex, etc are thought of as wrong, while female needs are always painted as noble

[@justine8387]

Women don't need sex? Interesting?

[@michaelmurowenislick6991]

Study: 1 = women prolbem. 2 = male prolbem 0 = stale mate. N/a = some1 who isnt really couples therpist. 1 1 0 0 0 n/a 1 0 2 0 0 1 n/a 1 1 2 0 0 n/a n/a 1 0 0 0 2 1 0 so. 8 for women and 3 for men. MEN WIN!!!!!! HAHAHahahaha

[@freecat1278]

If the therapist is a 3rd/4th wave feminist, it's always the man's fault.

[@eelwithheels]

I see we've had very different experiences

[@debymello4756]

r/onejoke

[@TheJevardo]

Or maybe they’re just more likely to hold men accountable.

[@freecat1278]

@@TheJevardo I rest my case.

[@TheJevardo]

Can’t exactly rest something you never had in the first place my dude.

[@allengoodwin7043]

Lol, 'the abuser is always to blame' ...ah the naivete of the blindly idealistic.

[@deszalt4492]

Lol, yeah. One of the comments in there sure sounded like a bunch of excuses to me.

[@shaleamontanez4591]

I mean if ur abusing ur wife and kids...ur to blame. No one deserves actual physical, Emotional, Finacial etc abuse.

[@allengoodwin7043]

@@shaleamontanez4591 kids weren't even mentioned. Talk to any cop who's been around the block. There are circumstances where the victim definitely shares the blame, or is directly to blame. In particular, when you have someone deliberately provoking the other, and then using the abuse as power/leverage/control/excuse/whatever. It happens far more than anyone is willing to acknowledge. Its one of those things that lots of people know but nobody's willing to say because they are afraid of being seen as blaming the victim, victim shaming, bias, whatever.

[@transsnack]

Some people are douche bags, but that didn't mean that abuse should be the response. Abuse should NEVER be justified.

[@b.f.2461]

@@transsnack Its a sick way of relating - “I have to hit that person, they provoke me.” “Well, if they drive you to violence, you should probably break up.” “Nooooooo! Don’t wanna!”

[@adrianmalinowski1073]

Therapy is bs, because majority of times it's just women echochamber. Very little percantage actually tries to really help.

[@j.h.miretskay3430]

In heterosexual relationships, the female *always* is at fault. Heterosexual relationships require feminine docility and complete submission of the woman to the will of the man. A man who swiftly resorts to violence when displeased is simply a man with firm boundaries!

[@transsnack]

Are.... are you ok? Do you need help?

[@ninjaassassin27]

Please cancel your internet subscription and never post anything where it risks being seen by human eyes again.

[@j.h.miretskay3430]

@@ninjaassassin27 - Silence! Whenever you want to say something, you should refrain from speaking. Your words are neither interesting nor worth reading. ;)

[@cassiussky1945]

Troll

[@МилицаД-з8ю]

First: Job requires hierarchy, a relationship is not a job - relationship is about equality. Therefore, if a man thinks he should be dominant, that simply means that he is egoistic little boy who can not stand not having someone to bring down in order to feel higher. Second: woman - female *human*, man - male *human*. See? They are both humans, therefore they are already equal. Your genitalia does not make you more of a human being, therefore stop thinking everybody should treat you like more than one Third: if you're using violence because someone is not submitting to you, that proves that you think that they should be made for your pleasure. And if someone has to be abused in order for the couple to stay together, then it's not a relationship - it's a trap