You're Not Too Late: Childhood Damage I Fixed in My 20s

👩‍⚕️To check out Divorce or Doctor Foster that I recommend in the video, you can try out Nord VPN for a month with my link here: nordvpn.com/elizabethfilips
Here's a video I've been scared of making for a while. One of the things I'm most passionate about is how we treat children, and how our childhoods shape the people we become. I feel a lot of the issues I've faced in my life are rooted in events and patterns of behaviour I was shown or made to do as a child, and so I've summarised a few of the main things I've changed my mind on as an adult, in the hope that it might help anyone similar to me too. Sending you love 🖤
To make your life easier:
0:00 Intro
3:46 Boundaries
9:45 Attachement Styles
14:57 Self-Worth
21:46 Unconditional Love
26:35 Self-Talk
WHO AM I: I'm Elizabeth, a medical student, painter, KZbinr and Podcaster in London. I love to think and talk about life, art, medicine, books and meaning. And also how to find the time to do those things. If you'd like to watch me paint and talk about life, I do that on my podcast ( / @feelosophywithelizabe... ) and if you'd like to read my thoughts and book notes, I have a newsletter you can join (newsletter.elizabethfilips.com/).
👽 My Book on Organised Chaos: How to Succeed Without Habits or Consistency: lizziefilips.gumroad.com/l/krcnc
🧠 My Notion Templates to Work Better With Yourself: lizziefilips.gumroad.com
If you want to stay in touch:
🖤 Patreon Team, we work together on Discord to get things done - / elizabethfilips
💌 My Newsletter - go.elizabethfilips.com/newsle...
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📸 My Instagram - / elizabeth.filips
💻 My Website - www.elizabethfilips.com/
🐥 My Twitter - / lizziefilips
Or leave a comment, I (try to) answer 100% of comments :)

[@yohaizilber]

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”- C. S. Lewis

[@lonefaolan6042]

❤❤❤

[@lunaraynwolf7036]

Love this quote ❣️

[@elizabethfilips]

ah LOVE this, and so relevant, thank you!

[@deutschmitpurple2918]

What a beautiful message! I really love C. S. Lewis ❤️❤️❤️(Narnia)

[@ThinkGenius]

❤️

[@reinelouis5043]

Somewhere I caught up in the idea of attaching my self worth to the results I was getting , for the last few years I completely avoided all vacations ,parites,shopping etc thinking that I don't deserve. And now that I am fired from my job I can't even eat proper meal without thinking I don't deserve this. It was so liberating to understand that I am worthy regardless of the results. Thank you so much Elizabeth Filips for the video.

[@hermelasolomon9985]

Aww, I'm sorry you felt this way. I resonate with this and I hope you give yourself the unconditional love you deserve. You are worthy of love and respect.

[@Valeria-sx7uv]

You are worthy regardless of results! Please, take care of yourself! Eat proper food, reach for help, ask your friends if you need to.

[@youlovealex]

If you are able to, see a therapist. There may even be free resources around you. I've felt the same exact way and it's really bad to punish yourself and have your self worth hinging on external circumstances

[@deannatroy8113]

Eating, resting, going on vacations helps us think better and get better results. If results were lacking, most likely you were not giving yourself enough of these energy shots.

[@unapologeticella4540]

currently Going through this plus i'm in a toxic relationship and temporarily disabled i just stay Home all day to avoid fights with my live in bf it's hell i feel like giving up everyday i feel dead inside the only thing helping me is having goals i just have to push my self more towards them like learning how to drive and becoming independent again.

[@UnJadedJade]

the way I clicked on this SO FAST…!! I can’t get over how wonderfully you articulate your reflections on life. so much to learn from you

[@zainabjamshaid2101]

Same Love her insights!! Her content is literally a breath of fresh air!! ✨

[@minervamcgonagall8250]

indeed. we all stan liz

[@studianon8580]

OMG HI JADEE

[@nevaehjol9319]

Omg JADEEEE

[@elizabethfilips]

EEK THANK YOU JADE!!!!

[@johnbilliard3555]

Nothing scarier than see your issues explained by someone in their twenties. I have been working on theses issue's and i am going on sixty-one. It just seemed normal. Until more information gas come out with easier access. Now I see many of my issues that I wish I had found in my twenties. Thank you for your presentation. It has helped.

[@risika]

Historically I have a habit of going too hard, not being able to sustain the Herculean effort, giving up and hating myself. So now I’m trying to give a small, consistent mediocre effort everyday. It sounds stupidly simple but its crazy how it adds up. Mediocre consistency is the mindset that’s changed my life, that’s gave me a goal even though I was so depressed and I wish I’d known about as a kid. I had to overhaul how I approached taking care of my brain (exercise, journaling, studying etc) by practising mediocre consistency. Now I try to put in consistent 40-60% effort into my journaling habit, workouts and how I study - to make sure I do it I began recording and posting it on my yt channel. After a really bad depression phase these small consistent efforts, is how i got out of it.

[@varisahaydarpashic]

Are you me? Because this is as if I wrote it myself. I am also trying to give small, consistent mediocre effort, but the expectations are still so high. I have noticed though that I feel better about myself even with the mediocre effort than when I'm paralyzed because I cannot even begin the Herculean one. It's a long learning curve and the most frustrating part is that previously, these Herculean efforts have brought me great success in all areas of life, but for the mediocre ones, I need to have patience. Anyway, working on it one day at a time I guess.

[@avawill_survive6203]

I think we all easily became very fragile talking about childhood. So we don't talk about it. But that's why we need to talk about it more!! Thank you liz. This film gave me a lot of reflections. And thank you for your openness. ❤️❤️❤️

[@rubescentpeach762]

This is such an amazing video and helped me in so many ways. My boyfriend of 7 years and I very rarely argue and when we fight, we just talk it out and we are good most of the time. I’ve struggled throughout our relationship because of the “love is hard” sentiment and it makes me worry that we aren’t truly in love because we never argue. But I’ve come to learn the opposite is true, especially seeing the peaceful way his parents show love to each other, even after 30+ years. Learning through observing the dynamics of other people in your life is so valuable and I’m grateful to have amazing role models!

[@NYKIRA]

I think the perspective you shared in Self Worth is so powerful. We're so easily programmed and its imperative that we reprogram our minds to remember that we are absolutely worthy, precious and important without needing influence from others 💚

[@deutschmitpurple2918]

True. We must trust and believe our inner power 🥰🥰🥰

[@Lolzadoodle8484]

I'm one of those formerly gifted children in the early 20s flop era 😅 post graduation has been a giant mountain I don't want to climb because I have already "failed" at being what my family wanted me to be, but I have no idea who I want to be because I spent my whole life doing the bare minimum to not get a bad response from my parents. I struggled a lot in my teens, but my parents just wanted me to be an "easy" kid to parent, which arguably I was since I never got in trouble, but they took that to mean they had no emotional responsibility for me. It's been an uphill battle to give myself the emotional support I needed and never got as a child, and to this day do not receive from my parents unless I do something that makes them proud (which rn... Is nothing). I am in therapy and highly recommend it if it's accessible to you. It's slowly helping me chip away at ever expecting my family's love, and relying on my own love and the support of others who do love me and weren't ever responsible for me like my parents were.

[@phi180]

"formerly gifted child in their early 20s flop era" you absolutely didn't have to call me out like that lmao

[@Lolzadoodle8484]

@@phi180 too much pressure makes a cake flop! :) We've still got all the right ingredients. Don't rush yourself and do your best to surround yourself with people who build you up for WHO you are, not just WHAT you are. Sending ❤️

[@phi180]

@@Lolzadoodle8484 thank you bestie, sending love back

[@tlamelangmasemola]

I have literally never related more to a comment

[@jaye3]

@@tlamelangmasemola same here and I never even got around to consider the idea that there could be other people like this (mainly because I was preoccupied with blaming myself for not being able to live up to everyone's expectations)

[@davidsirmons]

Rarely have I heard anyone as articulate about such profound facets of their mind, life, and being. Your willingness to candidly speak of those corners of your past and your soul is to me a beautiful trait.

[@boomandbellepunzalan8972]

❤ 100% agreeee!

[@user-we9gt3tt4v]

hey! i’m eighteen and you inspire me so much. you’re talking about the things that i know so well, but which my surroundings always failed to understand. you give me hope that i’ll make it as a responsible and self-sufficient adult, thank you so much

[@deutschmitpurple2918]

I believe in you, my friend. You can do everything what you want. Good luck in your life

[@chocolate0728]

Hi.. I actually cried at the end of the video. I felt so much for you. I grew up with a Mum who’s unstable mentally and emotionally. All the things you cited resonated with me. I think the way I coped was that I surrounded myself with the people who cares for me. I am at peace now knowing that I know my own self-worth. I wish I can give you a hug. You are such an amazing human being. Keep thriving and creating beautiful videos. ❤️

[@michelleleon]

Love this! Boundaries are so important, when you don't have them you make others happy at the expense of yourself and therefore letting yourself down..

[@deutschmitpurple2918]

Unfortunately, True.

[@Martina_E]

Yup

[@ZoeysMusings]

The different pics of you in your thumbnail are adorable 🥰This is such an important topic and I'm glad you overcame your fear of sharing it with the world because it's soooo relatable. The level of self-awareness and reflection on your part is impressive. A lol of issues we face later on in life are because of our childhood. It's like we lived the same childhood 😩 "Self-worth is what it is. It doesn't fluctuate." Can the church say "Amen?!" 🙌🏽That part on unconditional love and Self-worth 👏🏽 This was insightful. I love this type of sit-down video, especially for the seriousness of the topic at hand. Thanks for this, Liz!

[@tom-0ton408]

The way you talk about yourself really resonates with me, and it feels so different to how I see alot of other advice of this type because it focuses on this internalisation that I've been doing my whole life that it doesn't seem like other people did to the same constant degree. You just seem to express exactly how I have thought or currently do feel that I've never seen another do before. I've always seen a part of myself that is somewhat neurally divergent, and I wonder if thats the same with you.

[@hibasilisk8723]

You've done a wonderful job at eloquently expressing your personal perspective in a variety of relatable ways. I deeply encourage you to put videos like this out more, everyone interested will have something to notice or learn out of talks such as this one regardless of where or how far their introspective development has wandered. I was able to paint your stories out in colours and forms that were specific to me but most of all, this video has given me great examples of how to verbalise concepts from my own perspectives and how to refer to myself as opposed to observing and elaborating for someone else which personally comes more clearly to me when given foreign and unbiased contexts to build on. I've noticed that many of us can help others but fall short when even beginning to apply the same "advice" or observations towards ourselves. As simple as it may come, the weight of being able to finally apply your good intentions towards yourself is as heavy as breaking a habit and you've reminded me that it can be casual and gentle. Please make more! These videos truly feel like sitting by someone and having the conversations that many of us have with ourselves, the difference is that watching or listening to someone completely different solidifies validity of sorts, it expands on development through new contexts and, quite frankly, with a new face. Thank you!

[@elizabethfilips]

thank you so much for this comment!

[@messicomps344]

This video really resonated with me. Hope that we will both find long term internal peace

[@BennettYancey]

This was one of your best videos. So many of us can relate to all you talked about. I’ve learned to be honest with my emotions about how I feel about my childhood while also remembering that my parents had their own childhood experiences. As I get older, I’m starting to see some patterns in me and can trace some of it to childhood. Childhood is soooo imperative towards who we become as adults. Thanks again for this video!

[@Wesley-ix4qr]

This video articulated a lot of the things I’ve learned over the past year and it is so validating to hear someone else express them. I had to jump into the comments from watching on Nebula to express my appreciation. One thing that I’ve learned in therapy is that my parents have had a harmful presence in my life in ways that I hadn’t really understood before and having to conflict the past side of my parents ad the side the brought a lot of positives into my life is really difficult. But I really like the quote you mentioned about “making the subconscious conscious or it will control you” (not the exact quote but close enough) because that little voice in the back of my head has been ruling over my life with so much fear and I am finally learning to break free of it. Anyway, thanks for the video. I wish I could sit and talk about this with you for hours but there’s only so much time in the world.

[@JasonJia11]

I resonate so hard with this video. I've been a pushover all my life and don't really stand up for what I want or what I think. I feel guilty when I tell others "no". As for self-worth, my god, you have no idea how perfectly you described my childhood experience. My sense of self-worth was and still *is* tied to how I perform in school. I was punished, scolded, and lectured for hours about how smart I am, but I just needed to make more effort. And the part about love... My parents always told me they loved me, *but* I needed to perform like this, or act like that. Based on watching a couple of your other videos, I get the feeling that you have ADHD, which I also have. It's quite the tough experience. I appreciate your thoughts given in this video. I think it will help me lead some positive changes in my life!

[@dua99919]

This was extremely beautiful and insightful. The idea of bringing that there are normal couples who don't fight and parents who don't demean. I feel this was something that had need to be said. This was really really helpful, understanding the idea of de-tangling self-worth from performance is something that I've been struggling with. Thank you for giving it a voice. Would love to see more videos as such. This gave my feelings and needs validation. Sending Love and Hugs ❤

[@jureumko]

The part about unconditional love... Just a few months ago, I've realized that I was trying to make my parents love me for my whole life. Maybe, they did love me, but they never showed it OR they didn't show it in the way I could recognise and feel it. I was always an anxious, unsatisfied little girl. I was always pretending that I didn't care about sharing my thoughts and dreams with my parents or asking them for advices, but deep inside my heart, I was subconsciously doing EVERYTHING I COULD to please them and earn their love... It then lead me to trying and becoming "an adult" at the age of 14 just to be on the same level as my parents and, hopefully, making myself big enough for them to notice me. And eventually, we've changed roles, and I became a parent for them. I've worked hella hard to gain the love and didn't receive ANYTHING in return. And up till this days, I hear my father happily talking about how he was taking care of a baby me, and how later I WILL take care of him in the same way (the audacity, seriously) I was lucky enough to stumble upon kpop in 2018, and I can't even explain how much love I received from those artists who didn't even know about my existence. Those parasocial (I hope I'm spelling it right) relationships kept me from going completely insane (and su*c*dal) and supported me through the last 4 years. I don't know how it really feels like when a real person loves you unconditionally just for your mere existence, but thanks to kpop, I have hopes now. And, hopefully, one day I'll experience it myself🙌

[@Vampress09]

Your story is my story exactly, except instead of kpop it's anime. Through loving those characters I learned to feel love and that slowy is healing me.

[@alexxpanda6412]

I feel you about the kpop/anime thing I have it to keep me sane

[@alekamoon]

Oh my god that's so true about kpop. It's just something you can dive in and see how love, support friendships can be formed within members relationships.

[@KatarzynaSzaniawska-tj3cm]

I mean... What the hell is in kpop that makes western culture's people heal/survive? I wonder. Same here..

[@jureumko]

@@KatarzynaSzaniawska-tj3cm i think, it's the way they make idols communicate with their fans. I consume content about my idols on a daily basis. And it's not just fanmade edits on tiktok or fanfiction. The idols are active every day. They post photos, post vlogs and shows on their yt channels. They send messages to their fans via special apps, and it all makes them closer to their fans. I really think of my idols as my friends who'll always support and love and accept me no matter what even though we don't know each other personally. And it makes me feel less lonely and lost in this huge world. I don't have friends in real life, and I talk only to my 2 sisters. But now I have a group of boys I stan + their fans with whom I can talk about kpop and such. And it creates this little comfortable world for me, and makes it easier to live my everyday life. Because I know there's a place I belong to even though it's virtual.

[@ally1195]

I can't believe how similar our experiences and realizations are! thank you so much for this

[@paridhinarayan]

I go back to my childhood and how my parents were around me to get answers to my current problems too. And although the process in itself gives so much awareness, sometimes i feel bad about low-key blaming my parents or having this underlying feeling that so much of "me" has come from "them".

[@uvideo100]

I believe we should not think about this as blaming our parents, because a child when born does not come with a user manual. Most parents believe that they are doing the best for their child. Think about this exercise as analyzing our behaviour, trying to understand why we do what we do. Now, it is our turn to love our parents unconditionally.

[@paridhinarayan]

Yes you’re right. And so I try to remind myself “to err is human” and try to place my complete trust that maybe whatever they did was to their highest awareness. But this always makes me think how family plays such a big role in our lives and it takes so much efforts to unlearn the undesirable parts sometimes !!

[@vaibhavi.singh.]

This video couldn't have come out at a better time. I'm struggling to think clearly about anything and all of my life choices, decisions and opinions seem invalid. It was blissful to have some of my sanity back after watching this, thank you Elizabeth. And since I watch every last second of your videos, I really hope that we get the strength to get through this and be better. Your videos are incredibly helpful and I hope you do more of these topics. Thank you for being you!

[@vaibhavi.singh.]

Bookmark for future reference - Dr Foster, Divorce

[@fromaudreykao]

this was such a wonderful video elizabeth! your courage to dive so deeply into self-exploration and then SHARE IT ON THE INTERNET (🤯) is truly inspiring. you are making such a positive impact in people's lives and you deserve the whole world 💖

[@morgentau16]

It's crazy how much I identify with the same struggles you mentioned in this video, and how hearing them explained so rationally and clearly helps. Thank you for this

[@amethystap5053]

This is me in a nutshell. I've been trying to learn more about myself, my needs and dislikes, learning to set boundaries and parent myself in a loving way. Such a great topic. so much of our internal value system or philosophy stems from things we internalised as a child. As an adult, we have so much to unpack, esp if we want to break the cycle and set a more loving and supportive example for future generations.

[@jureumko]

The part about self-worth hits so close to home I'm almost crying

[@harshitgarg4109]

I m at 26 age . I was so depressed during preparation for competition exam ( by this exam you can get government job in india. After this exam cleared you can enjoy powerful life ,secure and reputation in society) besides breakup , no family support ,no focus on exam . I m lonely and very depressed Then I started self book . Learn more ...since I started book reading it is help me get out from depression and also focus on exam. Now I feel confident and more strong determination clearing for exam I think book is the best friends of human ..its develop your thinking about the worst situation of life..always give support. ..no other human can not do it as same ways Books save my life .,

[@thanhn2001]

So unconditional love does exist. And what I've learned from this video is that I have the power to give it. While i have given my kids a lot of love, i realize now that there are times when I can tell that they feel less loved when upset. After today I will make sure they understand that my frustration doesn't take away my love for them

[@nobuhlemasombuka3167]

This and your latest video “How to Live:…” are my Christmas/New Years gift to myself. I’ve been actively working on myself and these videos have given me tools to figure things out. Thank you Elizabeth 🙏🏾

[@khuziplays5651]

Brilliant video ! I have always said that childhood is one subject we all ought to study and analyze ! Most of our habits and feelings stem from that

[@K-ch4n]

It took me about 5 years of work to evolve my inner voice away from it being the worst version of my mother to a neutral voice that's more "me" than others, and then another 5 to get that inner voice to become a kind version of myself, to myself. It may take time, but it's absolutely worth it - and there always will be slip ups, but the key is to recognise when it happens and take a step back, relax and adjust, that's all part of being human.

[@Sathone]

I definitely struggle with boundaries and determinating self worth with performance. This was very helpful, thank you!

[@AlexandraElenaMarcu]

this is helpful for me. I struggle with a lot of these and I find it hard to express it in words and analyse it. Thank you for being vulnerable in expressing these struggles!

[@TheCreatorsAttorney]

Elizabeth! I love your videos! They add so much value to my life and those of others. Thanks so much for sharing and being vulnerable-those childhood video clips are so tender. And again, thanks for inspiring me to start my KZbin channel. Ali and you have changed so many lives, and we are forever changed.

[@elizabethfilips]

Thank you!!!

[@paulstejskal]

Thank you so much for this video. It really hit for me because of how much these issues are a struggle. The openness and candidness really add to your content. Thank you for being willing to discuss this and share what you’ve learned so far.

[@avalyea4979]

I was drawn to this video as soon as i saw the title. everything you talked about hit really hard. i was raised in a house that didn't teach and/or value boundaries at all. it's something i struggle with like just "basic" things like you were saying. so many things you said resonated with me. i have words now that explain the concept of lack of punishment. thank you so much for this video and sharing your experience

[@hajimen7559]

I've been listening to this and kind of writing the important points for myself and sort of journaling my thoughts, I kept getting childhood flashbacks, I think I found another place of myself which needs healing and love. Thanks a lot! I'm truly grateful.

[@creativelym8284]

You had me at the opening frame’s color palette. Thank you for another inspiring video Elizabeth!!

[@caitlinquinn79]

I appreciate the way you light your videos and have a consistent warm tone in your setup. That slightly yellow/red hue is across everything and it's noticed, but you also haven't made the greens look wrong.

[@aurelie-ho]

Love your reflections Elizabeth, and how still video is more chill and less edited💛

[@rajendraverma5773]

Elizabeth this video is pure gold. I cannot fathom and express how I am feeling while listening to you. I hope you know the light you are sharing with us is so appreciated. Thank you so much for this. I wish you experience the world to your trust potential

[@nickgoode8741]

This video is as valuable as a therapy session! The concept that self-worth shouldn't fluctuate is hugely useful. I had never heard this, even at 42!! Keep up the great work!

[@SigridKroon]

Honestly, with my life on the turning cusp from bare survival to starting to really aim somewhere, this video (at only 13mins through so far) is like a floodlight of truth that I resonate with. Many of these same things I have been talking about lately and changing myself and the evidence is clear to how it’s helping. I even have an actual goal plan of where I want to head

[@avislyons3539]

I love your “lessons” AND I love THIS speed at which you speak. Some of the others make me anxious while I want to hear the subject matter.

[@KathrynHenny]

Finding words and definitions of things in an emotional state have really helped me. It's given me the backbone to address these sinking and insidious feelings. Thank you for your words and descriptions.

[@MaryamH-qz1ve]

There's so much worth,love and understanding in your videos they are so helpful💜 it helps me to feel like i'm not alone

[@antoinesimeon728]

Hi Elizebeth, Just thought to say I was one of those who made it through to the end..and very easily at that. Thank you for the video. Very reminiscent of the issues i find myself contending with - on a very regular basis too. Attachment issues, childhood issues, self-worth conditional vs unconditional love issues, inner self voice dialogue awareness etc. Thank you so much for putting together such a video for us to reflect and find relief/validation from for a simple and clear perspective, to identify/make sense of the stressors/internal tensions/old traumas, and to healing, recovering and growing..

[@hayama6139]

Does anyone else feel like Elizabeth knows your problem and she just explain your subconscious problems and help you connecting with it and fixing it!! Idk if I should feel scared or blessed!! 😂❤️

[@rahaagalin6826]

I love you Elizabeth, everytime you share about the things that go around in your mind, I feel so much peace from being understood

[@kadu51044]

I appreciate your strength in making this video. The first sentence in your description is literally why I am so scared in making my channel in general. I freeze thinking about it because of many of the things that are similar to what you say. Everything that you are talking about in this video I have either experienced or am struggling with to this day. It's caused me to develop some mental disorders. I can definitely say that a lot of what you are saying is my daily fight. Perfectionism, GAD, and the like have been my life. I will definitely say if you resonate with any of this, find a counselor, get someone who can professionally assist you work through this. It helps. Again, thanks.

[@elizabethfilips]

Thanks Kadu, I absolutely agree that it can make work harder when you have frameworks in mind that make life more challenging. If it helps at all, I see things in less of a liner way now: not "I'll feel better/fix myself, then do things" but rather that I'll do things as I'm exploring and trying to make myself feel better. Therapy and professional help being a main way I support the journey :)

[@zalapori92]

This was a beautiful video. It feels like listening to a friend as it makes me reflect on my childhood at the same time as being intrigued by your story. It feels genuine, honest, and relaxing at the same time. Your content resonates with me and expands my mind. Thank you, Elizabeth, I am so grateful for you and your content

[@MrGrokNRoll]

I've never thought before about the tonality and style of my inner voice. Thinking about it, it is very often justifying or rehearsing upcoming conversations. And it rarely goes into emotions. So, it reflects my fear of being judged or rejected and my deeply ingrained habit of pushing emotions and needs to the side. Recently, I've been developing new habits around emotions and needs - and it seems my inner voice patterns are changing as a result as well: a bit less rehearsing, a bit less worrying. Thank you for making me think about this. And congratulations on your courage to talk about these topics.

[@geraldine-211]

I think you're doing such a great job with core mental models of the ideals we all strive for. I hope you give yourself enough credit and celebration for your philosophical work. I've learned so much from you, and also remembered things I've forgotten, and it helps me remember and continue to simplify, classify, and element-alize truth, values, beliefs, actions, emotions, etc. ... Hope you have a great day and thanks for your vulnerability!

[@sabihasayeed1670]

Thank you so much for this video! I really love and appreciate how you talk about difficult things that people generally do not want to address even within themselves, but which are important to acknowledge and sift through to more deeply understand ourselves and work to become a better version of ourselves.

[@swetlanamoon1355]

so many things you say resonate with me on a very deep level. It really hurts to hear all the things you say, because I know how it feels like and I don't want anybody to feel that way.

[@coopertennent3535]

Hi. I did stay to the end. Thank you so much. Ever since finding your videos, my world-view and my life have been improving so much. I can't find the words to properly express how grateful I am to you for doing these videos. I've done therapy for years, and I've never been able see my experience clearly until finding your videos. And now my therapist watches too lol Thank You, Elizabeth. You have had a real impact on my life and I'm sure many others. Thank you so, so much.

[@kateribarry]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and discoveries. It's so therapeutic in a way to hear others share their stories and connect and be encouraged by the honesty and the example of self-reflection. I used to get discouraged when year after year I would find myself trying to climb out of a slump, but it seems the repeated effort, the passage of time, perhaps a maturing brain, make each successive climb a little easier to navigate. Good luck and don't give up to anyone who has tried and succeeded and has found themselves falling again.

[@ryantay8518]

thank u so much for explaining human psychology in an understandable, eloquent way, yet not being afraid to share your personal experiences and being vulnerable! its been extremely valuable!

[@darlakim5120]

I only recently discovered your channel and have been enjoying your content, and especially around how you study, learn, organize, etc. As an older adult and parent, I find much of what you covered in this particular video resonates with me. And while I can’t change my past, I sincerely hope that as my children (same as your generation) watch your videos, perhaps it may change their futures. Thanks again for sharing this!

[@insanitynears]

This video hit home in so many ways, from the part of feeling devastated when I'm underachieving , to my very difficult childhood (in my eyes) with emotional needs that were never met. Then my paralyzing fear of punishment and abandonment that got me to forgo my needs for others, and meeting all the possible worst characters that may prey them in my romantic life. I hope you are right about couples that realistically always communicate in a healthy way and see each other as valuable human beings (which is unconditional love in my eyes). I lost hope in people, and every time I regain it someone proves me I was right all along. Life can be a struggle sometimes.

[@user-ec4xq8ds4d]

Every video i click from your channel makes me so vulnerable. As my standards of normal were those things, specially my self worth fluctuating. Now im in college which I haven’t accomplished anything great and down the path of failing grades…. It’s so difficult as i am already labeled by my relatives (toxic family center trait) that I have changed for the worst, since all my life subconsciously was fulfilling what is just for them. I’m just engulf in my fears… that people most of them, can’t understand. So i felt obligated to make it look like nonexistent

[@KenHiroshi627]

There is so much to unpack in your short video! First lemme say that the way you talk is soo endearing. I love your jerky yet energetic style. I think I talk like that too, heheh. Ive never thought about locking my self-worth at "max" level. I know for a fact that my self worth fluctuates like the tide, on my own perceptions of "how I'm doing" at work or socially. I tend to fall in major ruts when I have a series of "perceived failures". It takes so much more to pull myself out when I do.

[@realitymentalhealthrmh]

Watched to the end! I think your explanations are clear and well thought out. Thanks for sharing. Keep doing what you’re doing 😊

[@yasminmarques8193]

Your videos have been helping me a lot. I realized I had very poor boundaries skills in my late twenties, to establish them and to accept other peoples boundaries too and as you said it all stems out from childhood patterns. Is something I am working on, is an ongoing process to recognize problematic behaviors and beliefs and work on replace them.

[@adrian5834]

I am absolutely impressed by your courage and nerve to speak out loud these things. Thank you, Elizabeth.

[@ajakubo11]

Thanks for this video. Throughout last year I realized that I've been struggling my whole life with cptsd and emotional neglect. I feel like we have similar symptoms based on your explanations... Sending love. Thanks for being here.

[@angelesfigueredo5740]

I truly admire your worldview and content. Please continue being so amazing! Each videos of yours adds value to this world

[@607Michelle]

Such a well articulated presentation of some very difficult concepts - thank you! The discussion on self worth was so on point and helpful- I think these are all things people struggle with - especially those considered “high-achievers” thank you again!!!

[@raissafigueiroa3276]

You described so much of my childhood in this video, also so much of how I behave nowadays. It hurts but it’s good to know I am not alone.

[@matildesilva6415]

In the beginning, when you were talking about your parents and how they laid your foundation consciensly and some things subconsciously it really reminded me of the theory in the book "The 5 emotional wounds" by Lise Bourbeau. It is an amazing book if you want to discover yourself and know why you do the things that you do (subconsciously) and how your parents affect you more than you know. This book changed my life. I don't know if your opinion was based on that but anyways thank you for another amazing video! :)

[@elizabethfilips]

Thanks so much for the recommendation Matilde!

[@polanito7467]

I really loved this video. I have always thought a lot about my childhood and how it has impacted the way I interact with others and how I treat myself. Definitely interested in exploring this route.

[@tasniacho26]

This wasn't an easy listen but stuff like this is content that I think we need more of. I do agree with the self-parent thing but I think we sometimes underestimate how much what we consume influences us too and in a way, serves as a parental figure in its own right. With that being said, challenging content like this gets you to question and focus for the betterment of yourself and certainly feels like content that's in the cosumers' best interest.

[@ryancarlisle7909]

I'm so glad I found your channel. I've been watching your videos for a week straight and it's everything I've needed to hear.

[@andresalejandro9991]

Thank you very much for sharing this insightful and well-thought out video. I found it helpful, reassuring, and brilliant. Thank you for being vulnerable in such a public way for the benefit of those viewing this content. “Don’t believe everything you think” is a life changer in itself!

[@SoniaBonia33]

This is so fantastic Elizabeth! It resonated so much with the internal work I’ve been doing myself especially around…well…all of it actually. Thank you so much for sharing!

[@viribjoyner5559]

I really admire you. The way you tell this rough things is amazing. I cried at least 3 times, can't imagine to be able to communicate so beautifully ❤

[@Bloodidi_9]

Hi Elisabeth! Just wanted to thank you for your videos. I have been struggling a lot with my mental health this year. And your videos have been really comforting and useful. You are so genuine in the way your express yourself and what you vibrate. One of my biggest challenges is convincing myself that I am not strange and/or messed up, for the way things have been affecting me or the way I behave. And just listening to you makes me feel warmer and a little more hopeful. So THANK YOU. Truly. Love from Switzerland, Diana

[@sepidehkamali1178]

I love the end of your videos! It gets more one-on-one conversations! Please keep doing what you do, and thank you for your excellent and honest content.

[@GijsWitkamp]

You probably already dug into this, but what helped quite well for me was reading up on Non-violent communication! Really helped me on the journey of setting boundaries, detaching yourself from the opinions of others, or at least what you think that other people think (I mean, you simply can't) It's just really helpful for people with bad experiences regarding "guardians" I think. It has a lot of parallels with soms of the stuff you mentioned here, so I hope it helps! Thank you so much either way for the amazing insights and the vulnerability you're sharing here, takes guts!

[@sayme5536]

I could say that in my childhood what I experienced was not the exact opposite of this, but it was at the other end of the spectrum. I was given so much freedom that I found myself unable to tell if myself as a person even existed. Whether I even had an identity. I had so much fluidity in my thoughts, what I did and my reactions to things. I had control over them so much that I didn't know who I was. I adapted too easily, I had no sense of my own person, I would just do whatever those around me, the people I met required or expected. Nothing was forced, there were no boundaries but on the other hand I've never really experienced being a child for long. I was praised for my individuality, my responsibility whenever I was self reliant to the point where I made myself become that, reach that. I wasn't asked to accomplish something, so I made goals, standards for myself and reached them. And yet the praise I hoped for was short lived. After I tried doing the opposite and yet no punishment came. It was still Laissez-faire. It really left a huge impact on my entire life. I agree, your parents are your foundation. Thank you for sharing this, I found your channel recently and well you're one of those people I can understand very well. ❤

[@kimcarlsenGD]

Being unable to articulate what I want is something I struggle with every day. Thanks for sharing your experience.

[@victoriageorgopoulou4292]

Use of self, self-reflective abitlity, use of psychological theory in everyday life are getting soooo good....great video, thank you Elizabeth..

[@amaris1832]

I feel like crying while watching this. Soooo emotional but so much to learn. I related to so many things, and this was exactly what i needed at this time.

[@valq10]

Your videos always come like magic just when I'm needing them. Thank you from an appreciative nonfairy godchild.

[@martinsplichal1581]

Thank you for another brave and entertaining presentation. Your willingness to share your own journey in this and other videos has been very useful to me for reflecting on my own decision making process and approach to life. The question of why we think certain ways and what our default positions are is very important. I also love the animated, ordered and joyful form in which you present your thoughts. Your videos always cheer me up tremendously. Thanks again.

[@monicameena]

Thank you for making this video. A big tight hug for you from my side. I'd love to see your process behind planning-processing-creating-releasing this type of video.🤗

[@loveoflife3081]

I know this is a fairly older video but I just found it. I’ve been crying for days now and this video was so comforting for me and gave me some tools to use in my own life thank you so much!

[@natawak9870]

I love what you do, but particularly this topic, for me, it's the most useful, and it's so nice to follow you through your reflexions and to think about what you say. I hope you'll continue !

[@thegreenlab-coat]

Thank you so much for this self-reflection video, if only more people had the courage to revisit these painful places so we/they can all heal ❤❤❤

[@sukh331]

Yesterday I was self sabotaging for all the things I couldn't achieve and that I'm living a consolation prized life but not as a winner. Tonight I found this. Everything fits so aptly in my life. Thank you so much for sharing this and saving me from destroying yet another year of my life wasting and beating myself up by extra burdening myself or constantly ridiculing myself every time I felt a little less worthy. I would definitely work on the pointers mentioned here. Lots of love!!

[@TylinaVespart]

Wonderful video. I recognise many of these trains of thought in my own life, and certainly my parents were “difficult” so the conditional love thing is huge. I have a son of my own and I’ve made very sure he knows he’s loved no matter what, which was difficult at first because I didn’t have that. His emotional landscape is so different to mine and that’s amazing to see

[@pleopod]

Thank you. Listened to the end. It’s inspiring that you are considering these issues at such a young age.

[@StanescuGabi]

It would be amazing if all the professors and teachers would be as eloquent as you are!!! You are such an inspiration, showing how important self education is!!!

[@prodbyamy]

We should never regret anything in life. We should use it as a learning experience! Thank you for the great video ❤

[@shannilovely]

Oh wow, this video makes me want to journal because you touch on so many points that I struggle with too. I also can’t just signal to someone that a situation makes me uncomfortable and I want to leave. Quite the opposite, I’m willing to be absolutely uncomfortable to make others feel good. In doing that, I have very few friendships that take my needs into consideration, so I have lots of friends but no real friendships. Also, the topic of unconditional love: I only discovered this a couple of years ago. A friend of mine has a family that is still together, and she grew up in a town where everyone has known her growing up, so everyone likes her and protects her, and I just realised how optimistically she sees the world, in comparison to how I see the world. My viewpoint is always that people don't like me or that people are judging me, or that I have to adapt to everyone else and completely deny myself in order to be accepted. It just blew my mind that she didn't ever have those feelings. Anyway.. cool video, very insightful, subscribed 💛

[@zchangam]

You are spot on, Elizabeth! On all counts. I share your passion for this constellation of concerns and definitely look forward to any further ideas you wish to share in this vein. Be well🙂❤️

[@dangvy7022]

Thank you for making this channel. Yours is the only productivity/life advice channel that I subscribe to, because your advide comes from a genuine, honest and relatable place. Please keep doing what you're doing. You're helping a lot of people tremendously. I have a request: could you do a productivity video specifically for the *night owls*? I am a night owl, maybe a non-24hr person. For some reason I'm more productive in the evening and late at night, but that's also when people tell me I should go to sleep. Then I sleep early and the next morning the momentum's gone, the motivation slumps, the concentration is hard, and yet this is when people expect me to do the most demanding work. Literally everywhere people recommend a rigid schedule of early sleep early rise. But for the life of me I cannot go to bed early for 3 days straight. When I have to handle a hard task, I have to do it at night, but then I wake up late at noon the next morning, and I start to doubt myself, my way of working, am I wasting precious time? and I get frustrated, and try to conform to the popular schedule of early sleep again, and feel miserable again. The worst of it is if anybody's aware of my sleeping schedule, they automatically assume I'm lazy. I'm wondering if I'm the only one in this world like this. Or do you have a solution? If you have a chaotic schedule and be okay with that and can work in harmony with everyone around you, how did you do that? What have you come to terms with about yourself? P.S: I just found the video you already did on the topic of not waking up early! Wonderful! I still want more content like that though. How do you organize your life around a night owl schedule, how do you explain to other people around you? etc. Sorry for going off-topic here.