how to stop being so hard on yourself 💗

How to stop being hard on yourself, stop putting pressure on yourself and heal your inner critic, self worth, confidence and more. Let's be gentler with ourselves. Thanks BetterHelp for sponsoring this video. Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/aileen
// more videos on self love
→ building confidence | bit.ly/2u8QFuL
→ how to heal your inner child, emotional traumas | bit.ly/2tUWnV4
→ how to love yourself: self love tips | bit.ly/2RdCXBc
// timestamps
0:00 intro
1:18 exercise - ask why
2:03 the underlying beliefs that cause this
3:34 my personal story
6:22 my negative self talk
7:05 where it came from
9:07 self worth mis-rooted
10:15 healing the inner critic
10:43 exercise - negative self talk
11:33 exercise - work w your child self
12:48 healing high expectations
13:13 detaching productivity from self worth
14:34 exercise - make time to relax
15:22 healing low confidence
16:00 exercise - start celebrating yourself
17:13 exercise - shine as your true self
19:02 love yourself unconditionally
📸 Instagram | / lavendaire
___________________________
💝 The Lavendaire Shop | shop.lavendaire.com
🌻 Website | lavendaire.com
💛 Podcast: The Lavendaire Lifestyle | lavendaire.com/llpodcast
❀ instagram | / lavendaire
❀ tiktok | / lavendaire
❀ facebook | / lavendaire
❀ twitter | / lavendaire
❀ pinterest | / lavendaire
___________________________
// RESOURCES
💌 Join our email list for weekly inspiration | lavendaire.com/mail
🌼 Join our Community on Discord | lavendaire.com/discord
⭐️ Exclusive SMS deals to the shop | shop.lavendaire.com/pages/sms or text JOIN to 855-933-3163
💫 Free resources on Lavendaire | www.lavendaire.com/resources
___________________________
Music by Epidemic Sound - bit.ly/2IBCok1 (30 day free trial)
Business inquiries | [e-mail]
___________________________
// ABOUT
I’m Aileen, a lifestyle creator sharing knowledge and inspiration on creating your dream life.
Lavendaire is a resource for personal growth & lifestyle design. Follow along and learn how you can create a beautiful and meaningful life.
Subscribe to Lavendaire to get inspired by new videos weekly! bit.ly/sublavendaire
___________________________
Disclaimer: This video is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[@lavendaire]

✨ Plan your most intentional & successful year with the 2024 Artist of Life Workbook, a powerful guided journal for achieving your dream life → lavendaire.com/workbook

[@DemetriPanici]

While the world of self-improvement has helped me in a lot of ways... sometimes that constant urge to improve is stressful

[@nilimachetia314]

But it is for our own good if we self improve so we can get rid of negative feelings more easily but self improve also means not being hard on ourselves. Take it easy

[@00Mercredi00]

That's true. Sometimes there's a fine line between "I need to do better" and "because I'm not good enough". I had to stop constantly improving to accept myself more. 😉

[@laurelyspice]

That is soo true. Sometimes its counterproductive☺

[@imeaiwteh7540]

@@nilimachetia314 literally what are you trying to imply because you did nothing but contradict yourself in one sentence. Obsession with improvement and productivity will drive you to self destruction and insanity. It’s not healthy. You’ll improve only when you fail and fail to improve, and acknowledge that you’re stalling and not progressing, or else you’d just be deluded and you’ll keep destroying your own progress by forcing yourself to improve non stop. There are limits to everything. Balance is key.

[@ipekkutlu78]

Right on! We are so much in our heads that we need to measure even our healing. Can't we just relax? I love watching my cats live their lives by and just wonder why didn't humans create a more loving and easier place to live? Human experience with added human fabricated stressors is getting out of control. We need to realize of what actually being human is?

[@anavichauhan7523]

She is our older sis that every person needs 😭❤️

[@namegoesfirstthenlastname1785]

Yessss

[@wrenweasley]

Absolutely!

[@jamesnoonan9302]

She's young

[@katherineandreaburgosjuare2533]

she is!!!

[@moonchild-ne4zm]

@@jamesnoonan9302 so? age has nothing to do with wisdom

[@babettedejong2975]

A quick tip for some people: your inner critic doesn't have to be a voice, it can also be a feeling. I never think "I need to do more", it's a feeling I get and unnoticed I'll act on that feeling.

[@namegoesfirstthenlastname1785]

A time ago I was seeing my old photos and cried so bad, I've damaged myself in many different ways, seeing that cute, happy girl broke my heart. I started trying to treat myself as I would treat my younger self. Since then, I've been slowly getting better, eating better and I'm actually improving in being less mean to myself. Life feels lighter.

[@lavendaire]

❤️❤️❤️

[@ud7089]

I can say First 13 years of my life I had many problems n issues N stuff that cud cause anxiety or depression But I was happy mostly From age 18-24 I was so traumatised Depressed anxious As a woman I lost my best years to depression trauma Overthinking Lost But it's ok From last year I've been learning to do things slowly I won't b healed until 50 it seems I am 25 and a half now

[@curlsarestudying5137]

I feel like that right now… now it’s getting hard to let go of guilt.

[@marielees]

I feel like i'm always pushing myself too hard and then beating myself over not achieving what i planned to achieve, or for feeling tired or overwhelmed with everything. This video couldn't have come at a better time.

[@lmo459]

I feel exactly the same!! ❤

[@ra1ng1rl]

I was literally crying ab how I was being soo critical and being hard on myself and the second I opened up this app your video was the first thing I saw 😩😩 god is good ❤️ thank you

[@anjalipal1845]

Man....oh my godd..I was also crying after journaling and noticing how harsh I was..... 🥺🌸🌸

[@sammyrei295]

I was having the same problem today I can’t believe how good the timing was on this I needed it and sounds like others did too

[@sanskrutibarot9796]

I have the same problem ❤️. Read Bhagvad Gita As It Is by Srila Prabhupada if you can.

[@NickesChau]

Same as you, I was struggling and keep telling myself “love myself” and “you are good enough” , and then I opened the app to see this video! Thanks God

[@mason4903]

no thats the government helping you out

[@wayoftherose]

Our parents really put unnecessarily high expectations on us as children. This is why I'm almost glad my father passed so I can have that representation of high expectations from him die off with him. I'm comfortable with having a simple and easy lifestyle. I don't need to force myself to achieve goals based off of fear and acceptance. It's foolish and a tradition that I'm glad it's being broken among younger generations of people.

[@himh01]

I also feel I'll be better off once my dad passes.

[@SamElle]

honestly I wish I showed myself more care and empathy as I show my friends. I feel like Im definitely more critical of myself while im empathetic towards friends

[@italico2792]

I'm so hard on myself because I feel I lived in a shell during all my adolescence. I didn't experience enough and stayed too safe. Since I turned 20 I started to get out of my comfort zone and live my true self

[@pinesandocean]

honestly, the part where you talk about your own struggles is so meaningful. I can't possibly tell you how much I appreciate that you made yourself so vulnerable. it was deeply touching and created some kind of connection, I guess. I just want you to know that it's 100% worth it.

[@lavendaire]

thank you 💓

[@DrRebeccaHeiss]

Our brains are wired for automatic negative thoughts - but that doesn't mean we are stuck with them! The story we tell our brains is SO important, because our brains believe them, and our lives are built outwards from that. Thank you for sharing your story and your insights! :-)

[@chickenlittle4014]

I love the words you choose, you are nice and constructing your sentences

[@love_anneliese]

I listen this on my way to work and I almost cry 🥺 I know I was being hard on myself but I just don’t want to admit it. I think I need to sit down with my journal and watch this again.

[@carolinakoi3356]

I have this feeling too 🥺

[@lavendaire]

Sending you love 💓 it’s okay to be patient with yourself

[@jasmine3403]

U said "It's not your fault." N I ended up in tears 😢

[@MeMyselfAfrobeats]

I can definitely relate, coming from a Nigerian household, where there is so much pressure on your acing your studies. This puts so much fear and pressure on your neck that you don’t want to take an L. When really you learn so much from taking an L. We are all not perfect sometimes you gotta take Ls to get the Ws

[@calistaj2284]

I think the reason I was being so hard on myself was because I wanted to achieve a certain goal in a certain amount of time but that's not helping because that's what creates the tension and if you don't achieve it that causes self hatred.

[@F0reverblessed]

Constantly being hard on yourself gets exhausting. You’ll eventually hit a wall because you’ll start to feel that nothing you do is enough. Choose to relieve yourself from the pressure. From a self love content creator to another; great video Aileen! ❤️

[@F0reverblessed]

@@fullsunoo I can comment at the beginning, middle or end of a video. I don’t have to wait until the video is over Conan.

[@littleaes]

I am basically a walking insecurity, and I've learned that I am horrible at celebrating my wins. My therapist told me to write a few wins each day, but each day I end up unable to think of any- and my dad's had to help me a fair number of times. Thank you for reminding me to work on that :)

[@studywithmedstudent4459]

My therapist told me the same thing! And she said keep it in front of you and remind yourself how great you are!good luck

[@pinkseraphim]

I was being very hard on myself last night and cried about how I also wasn’t good enough. Work evals are rough this time of the year and negative thoughts tend to snowball for me. I saw your video this morning and it helped me so much to center myself again. I don’t know if you will read this comment, but thank you for creating content like these to become our true genuine self. 💖 I hope you have a wonderful day Aileen! ☺️

[@lavendaire]

Sending you love 💓💓

[@wrenweasley]

This is everything I needed today. Lots of tears, lots of reflection, and lots of healing on the way. Thank you for this Aileen.

[@lavendaire]

❤️

[@LoBrookeMusic]

same... with tears comes healing right :)

[@AhmetKaan]

*To all the dreamers out there, don't ever let the world's negativity disenchant you or your spirit. If you surround yourself with love and right people, ANYTHING is possible...*

[@ourhaven]

You are a blessing from The greatest God to us! Every comment of yours is so beautiful and motivating 💕

[@parkmiu8381]

Never related more to the title, I'm always hard on myself, you're a life saver Aileen! Thank you so much!

[@panchasx313]

You're so right about really getting a time to relax. I took me a while to understand that, this is NOT your typical Relax, watch netflix, play videogames, go to the movies, have beer with friends, etc. Like you said, and I don't find it cliche, not a single bit. To relax on a deeper level, and the only way to that you have to move your body in order to connect with it, either walking or doing Yoga, that's the way to really go blank and have real peace of mind. Thank you Aileen.

[@Coglitics]

I kick the soccer ball around and am whole again.

[@giselamartinez231]

For me, I punish myself and it’s irrational, it takes me a moment for release that painful thoughts, I feel that I have to archive all in the moment. But I’m tired of my thoughts and all the things I "have" to do and finally I don’t do nothing, I’m always tired. And like you, for recibe attention from my parents since a kid, I needed to archive things, like good grades, and now I feel obligated to continue studying, although I love learning and I’m studying something I like. It’s so confuse and I feel I wanna go away of all.

[@sarahermansson8117]

I did the exercise and felt emotional after doing it ❤️

[@elsemieke7798]

The timing of this is crazy. I just had a very emotinal talk with my bf about this an hour ago.. Thank you for this upload!

[@DemetriPanici]

I suffer from toxic productivity and really felt this video. Thanks for the awesome message!

[@yume2026]

I’m in a really high expectation family as well (Japanese tho), and my parents always tell me that I should do better/they expected better. I’m part of a GATs (gifted and talented) class, so my life is really competitive, and everyone’s really smart and sporty and sometimes I feel like I’m never enough. At this point, my teacher is a jerk, and when I delivered this speech, I got full marks BUT he chose someone who got lower marks then me only because he basically hates me… that made me fell really sad for like days, and now I find myself either ridiculously rude and sarcastic to him, or meek and quiet… looking at photos I took a few years ago (I was around 5), it brought tears to my eyes, the little girl there was so carefree, unlike my weighed down self now.

[@busrasuheyla]

Your personal situation is similar to mine. Having a narsisstic father and a very unhealthy family dynamic made me mentally sick. I too am in therapy and its been 6 months and it takes so much time and healing. Its in so many layers as you said. The thoughts of i am not good enough, i am not doing enough, i am worthless bcs noone is there for me. They dont Love me, i am not worthy of love, i have to work hard to be loveable..these are mine 🙈 i had a trauma attack yesterday after meeting a friend and holding back, not being completely myself. I did breakdown in tears after i came home and started to reflect but truely i was just so hard on myself and all the things i shouldnt do, i did and i slipped into all the bad selftalk and destructive behaviour. Once again i understood that all of this is rooted deeper than i thought and this video is everything i actually learned and did in therapy but it was a refresher and helped me so much right now. Thank you so much Eileen. 💖

[@nataliesoutlet]

Needed this 💜🌈

[@diazjd1591]

Let's get connected Natalies

[@mason4903]

What's the rainbow 4??/

[@feral_kit]

"likely your current self is a muted version of yourself" omg that hits hard.

[@curlsarestudying5137]

I've always been hard on myself. One of the goals I had since I was a child was to be a self-confident and very productive person by the age of 18... now that I am 18 I feel like a failure and too old to start again because I have not achieved that goal and I have not been so productive lately and I feel sooo guilty.. Guilt and overthinking is holding me back and I am trying to forget my age and try to get back on track!

[@IsaacJoshi]

Having expectations on yourself is good only as long as it is motivating you rather than stressing you out

[@laurenosborne4738]

Love this!!!

[@DaphneGsell]

Fear was instilled within me as a child too. It made me become a perfectionist to the point where if I make a mistake, especially in work, I have a panic attack.

[@lavendaire]

Wow, sending you love & healing ❤️✨

[@DaphneGsell]

@@lavendaire thank you so much 💕

[@mariespring5758]

I just tried the exercise with imagining yourself as a child. Just wanted to say that it helped me quite a lot realising how negative and unfair the thoughts were that I had in my head during the past weeks. To me this was better than just imagining someone else because it is more connected to your personal experience and the imagery of a child touched me. Thank you for your video, your content and the way you convey it. It is really helpful!🤍

[@lavendaire]

Happy it helped ❤️❤️

[@khikuyui]

Thanks for the tips💫💖 ily

[@yuliapark7218]

The younger me loved when she made others smile. And loved to be loved. I am still the same, although in trying my best to support others or make them happy, I started to be too harsh on myself. And developed an anxiety disorder. I am slowly working on it now. I also met a wonderful person who helped me start being kinder to myself, but who also had to see and handle all my insecurities and fears that were the result of me being hard on myself, and bursted out since I felt safe and opened up around the person. I'm honestly very scared to lose them because of that, but thankful that they were the one helping me notice it all and start working on it.

[@emjongill]

Powerful stuff!

[@titangina503]

I miss your vlogssss! 💜

[@chayok_art]

Thank you! 💖

[@amyling1828]

Thank you 💗✨

[@josedosanjos2200]

Thanks for your message !

[@quinnl1n]

thank you so much

[@haileyj.5461]

Thank you so much for this! 💖

[@otp6645]

thank you so much

[@aidanamer555]

Thank you for this🙏🏻

[@nenoace99]

THANK YOU ❣

[@jasmin2475]

needed this today

[@annamanansala2773]

Thanks love 💞

[@mikurealjapanese]

I love your videos and your vibe so much!!! I loved the idea of writing people you admire and what they embody:) Your energy is like a very soft blanket ❤️ You are a blessing for us!!! Thank you for sharing 💕🌸

[@JustSophonie]

Needed this! Thanks for sharing these tips 💜💜💜

[@joycatayoc7182]

I really need this ❤

[@alfusca9824]

Loved this video. Thanks Eileen x

[@mindybelt5453]

Thank you for this video!

[@nurilawafa4512]

Thank u Aileen. Very inspiring

[@jaybube478]

Thank you Aileen ❤️

[@BertitoCreativeWorld]

Thanks for the video really helpful!

[@CupofTJ]

Love this thank you

[@norah1091]

Thanks Aileen, I really needed this.

[@heidishannon8182]

Brilliant video. thank you x

[@neslihandemircan2944]

I just loved this channel 🥰🥰

[@tobemee4108]

sendin you lots of love

[@patriciekostakova2777]

thank you soo much, you helped me a lot💗

[@nstrn.abdollahi9661]

Girl you are so amazing

[@LynN-yj6pw]

I really needed to hear this today, thank you 💕

[@dianadiaz962]

I loove your channel i´m addict to it, tnks for this videos 💜

[@ron3406]

Thank u so much aileen , your content always come to me at the right time 💛

[@muskanagrawal888]

Thank you sooo much lots of loveee ❤❤❤❤

[@xixeoxeno]

I needed this today. Thank you.

[@wenslyoscario9503]

Great content✨

[@aarohi5420]

I exactly needed this thankyou so much

[@naseemashfaq7574]

Love your video. Very helpful tips.

[@lexlynenerez6958]

I love you so much, thank you! 😭🧡

[@lesliealejandraaaa]

I really needed these reminders ! Thank you Aileen💘

[@drsurbhibhanot7397]

I totally relate. Thanks for motivation.

[@navgatha3337]

SUCH A GOOD VIDEO. THANKYOU

[@mayrisblack7622]

Love Your Channel 😊

[@tasszas.973]

Oh thank you so much

[@jamesnoonan9302]

This is a great exercise. I like how it builds your sense of self by realizing where certain messages come from, but also thinking about what you do like about yourself, and gets you focused on who you want to be. It doesn't destroy the individual within, like so many other influences.

[@L5biszz]

You and your content are a real treat.

[@Jamie5633]

You ate amazing thank u 🙂 Helpful 🙏💕

[@laxmikaurz6728]

Thank you 💓 Sending you love 💕

[@beya8220]

I really really needed this and this is very timely 😭❤️

[@ihannisharma532]

I just luv u aileen❤️

[@user-vh1zv1qz6i]

Thank youuu

[@canpy143]

My friend gave me this advice recently when i was being harsh on myself "Do all the things you wish your bf/gf will do for you. Cuddle yourself, make your favourite beverage, write a poem, draw a sketch, go on walk and what not. Treat yourself!"

[@DaLexaShow]

really needed this ❤️ i love you videos thank you so much

[@maritonibeltran8677]

Thankyou so much Lavendaire!💗

[@VanguardOfLight]

Lovely, nice work.

[@jimmulawin6124]

Love that color grading and also the message, keep thrivin'!

[@pemadechen9901]

Thank you 😘

[@diamondd83]

Right on time 🥺 I’m hard on myself and I don’t need to be. I’m succeeding everyday. Thank you Queen 👸🏽🙏🏾❤️

[@lavendaire]

you’re doing great ✨✨

[@kailadavis7665]

I so appreciate this video. Thank you!

[@asmaaettaoudi]

Thanks ❤️

[@brandonmorris6070]

Hearing you talk about self worth being misplaced really captured something I’ve been working on. Great video! 💖

[@zahrakazemzadeh6103]

I really needed this video thanks a million

[@jvb8788]

Just what I needed. My brother recently told me "don't be too hard on yourself" and made me think about it for a while.

[@MarielaMerino]

Another great video 💛 they are like therapy for me 😌

[@nusagrace]

Perfect time as always💕