YOU SAY - 'I'M FINE' - BUT ARE YOU REALLY?

I share a poem by Becky Hemsley entitled 'I'm Fine' and then give personal experiences of the phrase having been used.
www.beckyhemsl...
Whoops - having given an alternative to my client's 'f' word in case the algorithm objects - I then include it. Freudian slip as 'flipping' didn't hit the mark!?
#imfine #poetry #couselling

[@lsalinas2573]

Even from afar YOU have made a difference in our lives. Thank you for being you.⚘️

[@Cheshirelass]

Thank you - it is so kind of you to say that. D

[@julespritchard]

Ditto, not from afar!! xx

[@Cheshirelass]

@@julespritchard Thank you so much. Your comment means so much to me. D

[@lifeslessons9889]

Yes - the casual “ how are you “ can be hurtful when I side you’re screeching HELP !! I’ve been blessed with a one or two REAL genuine “ how are you’s” - you know the ones that REALLY REALLY support xx.

[@Cheshirelass]

Those genuine moments mean so very much don't they? Take care. D

[@dianecroft3425]

Most people dont care or want to know your not fine. THANKS for making a differrnce in lives

[@Cheshirelass]

Take care Diane. D

[@ferrisulf]

As someone who has been suicidal, thank you so much for listening when someone said they needed to see someone right then. Thank you for sitting with him over 3 hrs. Just thank you.

[@Cheshirelass]

It never entered my head to do anything other than be there. Have done similar on out local TV Christmas and New Year care line. Two four hour sessions - the only problem was I needed to spend a penny but no way was I going to break off. I was offered a bucket - but there wasn't one!! Take care. D

[@serracetin5679]

this person touches somewhere so special in my heart.

[@Cheshirelass]

Take care. D

[@libelulavesela4501]

You are a very, very special person! Thank you for the words of encouragement and kindness! ❤

[@Cheshirelass]

Thank you so much! D

[@Jody-vu4go]

Please pray for me. Going thru health & mental health struggles w/out a safe & supportive village around me. Going thru this by myself. So hard.

[@RimaB-x3n]

❤

[@carolcasey5441]

🙏💙🏠🤟❤️😘

[@clemjohnstone5053]

Ask angels for help, honestly it works.❤

[@im4rtxll]

I hope you'll find peace soon. 🤍

[@marie-rosemezanga3169]

Sending love and strength.

[@Joyy_333]

I watched your "Let Them" video and I loved it so much, so I looked in hopes to find a video on depression or something similar and here it is. When you talked about the young man and said "how are you really" I couldn't help but burst into tears. I've been suicidal for quite some time now. I'm so tired. No one has ever known. Right now it's getting worse and I'm trying to throw hints because it's not easy to talk about it, I'm not good at communicating things like that. I don't want to go suddenly, I want them to know how I feel so it hopefully hurts less when it happens. But no one ever asks "how are you really". I've cried so many times saying desperately "please ask me, please" but it never happens. I love that you made this video. It's not easy to speak up. Check up on your loved ones people

[@Cheshirelass]

It isn't, but people aren't very good at reading the signs as so many are so engrossed in their own lives.If they ask how you are - deep breath and tell them the truth. Have you sought professional advice - for a referral to a therapist with whom you can speak openly. Do take great care of yourself - do join us on our video walks out in nature if you aren't able to do this at home. They are calming, and often include a bit of mindfulness and a focus on breathing. Thank you for taking this big step and saying how you feel. D

[@Joyy_333]

@@Cheshirelass It is precisely due to the fact that they have their own things going on that I don't tell them. I don't want to give them one more reason to worry. I'm usually the one my friends come to for advice when they're down and many of them tell me they look up to me when they struggle because I'm always "kind and positive". I'm unable to tell them "hey, I really want to die". It would be like "if even she feels that way, is there any hope?". That is not the person they know, or at least their idea of me. At least I see it that way. I have not sought professional advice, being honest I don't want to. This is the first time I actually talk about this. I will try to join the video walks. You're the sweetest, thank you so much.

[@yohandra26]

@@Joyy_333​​⁠​⁠​⁠ I would love to be friends. I hope you are doing well.

[@salmah6275]

I hope u're doing good now

[@corinneingersoll5702]

I am so grateful that I discovered your channel. Your soul and physicality are soothing to me. I will return.

[@Cheshirelass]

Welcome! D

[@sylviaperkins3051]

You are a special person. Thanks for sharing .

[@lindajeancountrymusic]

The whole time i was worried about your arm holding that glass up....and also noticing how beautiful the garden shone through the water. This is my second video watch in one day of being your new subscriber.....and this is wonderful as well. Self care and speaking ones truth is the hardest thing to do because we are conditioned to think of others first and we neglect our needs and self care all the time. You are truly just what i needed today....and every day for a long while. Thank you. You are a special soul.

[@Cheshirelass]

Thank you so much - please do join us on some of our walks out in lovely places - I chat, but don't carry a glass around. D

[@revaholic]

The analogy with the glass of water is so powerful. It stuck with me and has made me implement some small changes in my life.

[@Cheshirelass]

Good for you - often those small tweaks make a big difference. D

[@blahblah8191]

i’m not okay, i haven’t been okay for a while. i tell everyone i’m fine because i don’t want to feel like a burden, even though i know they’d never make me feel like that. today someone did something really mean to me, so im struggling a bit more than usual.. it’s just feels so much easier to just hold everything in than be honest

[@Cheshirelass]

It's a sign of strength to be able to ask for help rather than fob them off. It may feel easier, but it isn't the better option. D

[@Alanadesigns]

I’m so glad I found you randomly on KZbin…. Listening to you is therapeutic.

[@Cheshirelass]

Thank you. D

[@dchnwo9024]

Thank you mama

[@anniedavis4569]

So chuffed you made a difference in that young man’s life. Thank you

[@LouGreen-vd4ov]

Hello!!! Just found your channel today and I love your content! Thank you for sharing the poem LET THEM!!! I love that!!!

[@Cheshirelass]

Thank you so much! D

[@georginastone5375]

Wow….i got goosebumps at the end of video…..when that young man wrote to you…. Thank you xxx

[@janel697]

Dee, I want to thank you for saving that young man's precious life! What a Blessing to hear back from him! ❤

[@Cheshirelass]

It meant so very muchto hear that he was well. D

[@urfavoritenat]

Stumbled across your channel when i was struggling tonight. Thank you.

[@Cheshirelass]

Take care. D

[@selen6215]

Every night I fall asleep to watching one of your videos and they bring me peace. Today I needed a video like this more than ever, I’m 24 and I feel so lost and no matter who I try to talk to about it it doesn’t help but your videos do help me sleep better, thank you

[@Cheshirelass]

Take care. D

[@cynthiacassel]

3 hours of time invested for a lifetime! And wasn’t it worth it? Wonderful testimony. I tend to neglect getting my physicals and overwork still. And I miss my boys. Still I wake up determined to hold on to the vision God has of me.

[@psychinsec111]

I appreciate your presence on KZbin. You come across as authentic, wise, and at peace with yourself. The way you share your thoughts and engage with impactful content sets you apart from others on social media. ❤

[@Cheshirelass]

Thank you. I am just me - I love sharing and hopefully helping others. I have always felt this way, and I am so grateful that I am not talking just to myself! D

[@junebroussard6275]

Oh! No ma'am...you are certainly not just talking to yourself. We are totally enthralled .

[@Cheshirelass]

@@junebroussard6275 thank you so much. D

[@crescentmoon374]

what a blessing you were to that young man ~

[@amanitamuscaria7500]

all you have to do, is be there. It's so simple, yet so profound. thank you Dee. xxx

[@Cheshirelass]

Thank you. D

[@piu6771]

Listening to you is bliss... So calm and peaceful like my Grandmother ❤ sending love🌿❤️

[@Dilbub]

Thank you so much Dee for your videos, your wisdom, your love, and your presence ❤

[@Cheshirelass]

You are so welcome D

[@spiritscorner]

That's such a touching story. Thank you.

[@Cheshirelass]

Thank you - it is one that means so much to me. Take care. D

[@minnie-1111my]

I am really glad to have found your channel and till this day I stay highly grateful of your enlighting words !

[@Cheshirelass]

Wow, thank you! D

[@suewright3345]

Thats a lovely story, Dee, bless you x

[@ВиталийСлонов-ч4ъ]

Thank you for making these videos. Much appreciated.

[@demelza32]

Holding the lovely, beautiful life giving water. It was resonating with what you were saying and taking it all in, purifying itself of all the added toxins that have been added by mindless humans. After your chat, the water is now truly "fine" to drink :)

[@Cheshirelass]

The water of life - but not just for we humans though mny only focus on this. Thanks for commenting. Take care. D

[@amaamivlogs]

Im crying now😭🥺💗 ty for having such a beautiful and caring soul

[@jacqui9176]

Thank you Dee, the next time I see someone struggling I won't try to advice I'm just going to be there for them and let them talk. I hope you're alright, sending you a big hug from Perth Australia. xx

[@Cheshirelass]

Hi Jacqui - you will know if you move past the 'being there' time - they could well ask for support or advice. Knowing you are not alone is so important - that someone who is not judging you is readily giving you their time. Maybe offer a cuppa after a while, or a glass of water - not alcohol. Take care - and a big hug is coming to you from Cheshire. D

[@lm9753]

I thought she needed a hug, too. Greetings over there in Australia!

[@ferrisulf]

After having been touched by so many people as I go through very trying years with severe health issues, I have been trying more and more to be that person in return who just sits with them.

[@Cheshirelass]

Good for you. D

[@carolcasey5441]

❤

[@lm9753]

That gave me chills! Dee, what a powerful experience for you both. Wow. You are so full of surprises. The F-bomb was priceless. Bye for now....better to let the tears fall.

[@Cheshirelass]

An F for Freudian slip! Agree about the tears. D

[@lulumoon6942]

So delighted to have found you this Sunday afternoon. Best to you from afar, and your friends here. 🙏🕊️

[@bloodmoonxx3174]

you remember me of a past friend of mine. your videos are so comforting thank you so much.

[@Cheshirelass]

My pleasure. D

[@hannahmaria7596]

you made a difference in my life. your voice is so calming and your words are so poetic and smart. i love your channel so much. 🤍🤍

[@Cheshirelass]

Wow, thank you! D

[@RobynMarieGonzalez]

What a great analogy…very helpful to me. Yes, you are so right-Depression is real! I have battled with anxiety and depression my whole life.

[@Cheshirelass]

Take care. D

[@wendi4418]

I love Beckey Hemsley's work,You read it so beautifully.I also have her work on my facebook page,What a wonderful story

[@Cheshirelass]

I admire people who are able to reach us with their words. D

[@janeireland2344]

Fine stands for feeling insecure and nervous ….thanks. For your motivational talk..xx

[@mysticmeadow9116]

You forgot the E for Emotional ;)

[@adamh986]

I've been looking for a channel/ person that discusses/ chats about these topics and tonight I was suggested your way Dee. From nearby myself which is exciting to hear people from close by sharing such amazing messages delivered in such a fantastic tone. What a beautiful character. I left the air force myself in recent years so hearing your husband was also in, further enhanced my interest. Ive never been a 'crier' and have always felt watching others close by being able to cry, that it seems a real nice release. Sharing your story on the young man having never been asked how he really is got me... I cried. Thank you, youre providing a space for like minded but very different people. And that is special.

[@Cheshirelass]

Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me. You will probably recognise some of the places I visit and chat as I wander around! D

[@ayshaamjad289]

I appreciate your content dear , thank you for taking out the time and energy to record it and put it out there ❤

[@majatornell2933]

Thank you!🌹

[@marymitchell50]

Thank you, Dee! I felt much comfort in listening to your thoughts, it surely is a difficult world we are in.. but with others, all things become possible again. God Bless you in all you do! 🕊️💗

[@iuliaherdelau4793]

You are such a wonderful soul and it's so pleasant to listen to you every time. You do really make a difference. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us. Bless you !

[@Cheshirelass]

Wow, thank you D

[@19snoopy64]

You are absolutely right about being careful who you confide in. Sometimes a problem shared can easily become a problem doubled. I'm lucky to still have my mum who is a very good listener. P.S It's interesting listening to your musings.

[@Cheshirelass]

Thank you D

[@jennywren8937]

Your very best friend❤

[@humorbased99]

Yes, yes, yes. How precious those are you will just BE with us.

[@Cheshirelass]

Good to relaax and be with ourselves - do check outthe guided relaxation posted yesterday D kzbin.info/www/bejne/lZ-YZox4m9eCh68

[@shirleymcmurtrie7853]

Oh my goodness, what a blessing you are.

[@Cheshirelass]

You are so kind D

[@laurahowe5214]

Thank you Dee. What a lovely poem and story. And look at your subs 👀 700 🎉🎉🎉

[@Cheshirelass]

Thanks Laura. Thanks for letting me know about the 700 too - was 699 this am. Just checked and still 699. So near yet so far... D

[@laurahowe5214]

@@Cheshirelassokay I rounded up 😉. But it’s there now

[@Cheshirelass]

@@laurahowe5214 It is! You got me all excited and I couldn't wait to see it! Like a child at Christmas. D

[@rachealolabode3943]

Not going to lie, I am so glad I found your KZbin channel

[@Cheshirelass]

thank you D

[@SpiritualSymbols]

This is beautiful ❤

[@cpalmer1451]

You are a beautiful human being ang blessing from God😊

[@julespritchard]

Thank you, you’re amazing! xx

[@Cheshirelass]

Just little old me trying to do the best that I can in this old world of ours. D

[@julespritchard]

@@Cheshirelass You 100% do that, Dee xx

[@Cheshirelass]

@@julespritchard Thank you so much. D

[@sharonedwards1610]

Thanks Dee for your lovely words as usual ❤

[@Cheshirelass]

My pleasure. D

[@alpacalover1236]

thank you so much Dee. I’ve been struggling a lot lately and I’ve had some thoughts and done some things I’m not particularly proud of haha. One of your videos was in my youtube suggestions and I decided to check out your channel and found this video. I also struggle a lot with opening up despite having an amazing support system (my friends and family) and I always feel bad about telling them how I feel. It always feels like I’m putting an extra burden, another weight on their shoulders. I know this is from the point of a person with friends/family dealing with depression but I viewed your advice as me supporting myself through hard times. It was really nice to listen to you talk about this issue and I was crying by the end when you told us to take care of ourselves, but don’t worry I think they were good tears. Also, it was just really nice to hear some gentle comforting words when I needed and wanted to. It will definitely be a long and hard journey, both fighting on and speaking up about my feelings, but I think I’ll be alright. Thank you so much again Dee, you’re doing amazing work and I really appreciate you! Even though I’m just a stranger through a screen halfway across the world from you haha. I wish you all the best, take care 💞 And to those also struggling, everything does seem so grim now and in the near future, but idk I think we’ll pull through. Like Dee said at the end of this video, “please take the very best care of yourself as you can!”. Hugs from an also suffering soul 🫂 I hope we’ll make it through these dark times!!!

[@Cheshirelass]

Thank you so much for commenting. Depression is such a ***** and one that is often hard to understand for the person affected with its ups and downs. So also hard for those around. Make sure that you have things around you to please you - maybe crafting, drawing, colouring books. Don't beat yourself up if you stop after a few mins - pat yourself on the back for achieving the doing. Do get out in nature if you can - and I would love you to join us on our video walks out in nature, with me nattering. It would be great to have you around. Do take care. D

[@YanaWanderlust.]

Thank you a lot for telling us about your first client ❤ I am also a counsellor in Russia, so this video is really helpful and insightful for me.

[@Cheshirelass]

I will never forget this. D

[@smirby100]

I just love your channel!

[@marluvs1909]

Thank you 😌💖😌

[@Юлия-у5з2ж]

Thank you so much.

[@rememberabc]

Beautiful.

[@Cheshirelass]

Thank you! D

[@angelahernandez2830]

Thank you Dee blessingd

[@julie5668]

I have always hated that expression - I'm Fine! - when in all likelihood you don't feel anywhere near fine. The problem is that no one wants to hear anything other than - I'm fine! - and you know this, so you don't want to burden people who might be dealing with their own stuff. I would say though, that a counsellor friend of mine made it abundantly clear she didn't like talking about health, so I refrained from burdening her. But... and this is the thing that hurts the most, she spent 30 minutes talking to me about her daughter's failed marriage! That, apparently, was worth discussing.

[@Cheshirelass]

We counsellors are an interesting breed! Take care. D

[@oldcrone]

I also have serious health problems. My spine is deteriorating and activities are more difficult. My neighbors avoid me. They don't want anything to do with me. I am too old and lame. People in my apartment building are not nice.

[@Cheshirelass]

That all sounds so sad - inlcuding your @oldcrone. Focus on the positives - they will be there and begin to encourge them. How do you know the reason you gave for your neighbours not wanting to know you. There is a possibility that it could be that negativity rather than your physical problems. Sorry if you feel that I have over-stepped the mark, but that is what leapt out at me from your comments. Do check out a piece of mine - kzbin.info/www/bejne/o3zWl3eqepljps0 Take care. D

[@jennywren8937]

This is often the way, but they are absorbed by themselves and we can leave them to it. My husband is struggling with spinal problems and other health problems but he just ignores those nasty people. Perhaps an interest like painting could help, you need not be good at it. Best wishes to you today.❤

[@angelglowstudios1454]

Loved this 🖤

[@Cheshirelass]

Thank you. Take care. D

[@dhanashritarale8580]

My adult self want to be like you thank you for sharing the advice 🙏😊

[@simonlong2602]

Thank you Dee

[@arleneramnarine]

Thank you im learning

[@Cheshirelass]

Good for you. D

[@greensage395]

When I walk into the Cancer Treatment Center, prepared to endure the next round of Chemo, I find "How are you" to be a bit heavy, as I hate to lie to be nice...but I do! I am Fine! LOL

[@Cheshirelass]

Many of us use it as a shield - a defence mechanism. Could this be why you do this to avoid the truth and explanations. Hoping that your chemo is working well for you and that your 'I'm fine' becomes your reality. D

[@greensage395]

@@Cheshirelass Today I learned my nurses name...I should be coming around again! Thank you! ...I think it is because I have no guile. I was able to tell Nurse Ruth that I feel terrible today! She was so understanding and was a great ear seeing she has more experience than most doctors out there! :)

[@curleenr4317]

Thank you 🩵🙏🏾

[@juuzanchettin8411]

I can’t, you are such a lovely person, kisses from Brazil ✨❤️

[@lucindawilson5510]

well said thanks again Dee

[@kathleengrew350]

Hi Dee! Just found your channel randomly! At 58, I have finally just realized my worth, working and not working. I let passive aggressive comments go and really try to just be authentic. I told my daughter who’s 25 that if I had my life experience and my 25 year old body and energy I’d be unstoppable. After listening to you a few times, I’m still unstoppable and mostly truly fine and very, very grateful ❤ thank you for a wonderful, calming channel. Ps the person you talk about at the end for me is my mom. She is just always there no judgement no prying… she just comforted and that’s enough. 💙

[@Cheshirelass]

You and me both ref the 25 year old body. After a full day of gardening - feel my years, though was still unstoppable - until I stopped!! D

[@machiavelliandichotomy]

This was really wonderful!

[@sonyaenix2336]

You are so wonderful. I'm so happy i found you ❤

[@Cheshirelass]

You are too kind. D

[@LorraineYork]

I am going to remember to say this in future…thank you…

[@evocationart8370]

Hello Dee I’m a new subscriber. I resonate so much with all you are saying. 😊❤

[@Cheshirelass]

Welcome!! and thank you. D

[@JoseSalazar-or1oo]

Oh I am fine!

[@samoatodd8730]

❤

[@gigi123817]

You made a difference today :)

[@Cheshirelass]

Take care. D

[@S_MKC]

Your channel may have saved my life and sanity

[@Cheshirelass]

Take care. D

[@Karina-xu4ps]

Dee, I am so happy that I have found your video after seeing ‘Let them.’ ❤️This story and message has really struck a chord within me. I believe I am a good listener already but I do not ask ‘how are you really?’ enough. May I ask what are some other gentle ways to check in with friends, family and strangers that seem to be upset? I often see strangers on the train who look very sad and I only wish I can make them smile and forget about their worries for a moment.

[@Cheshirelass]

I go round smiling and saying 'hello' to everyone I pass. If appropriate I pass a little comment - the other day saw a lady (happened to be in a wheelchair) and she had on an amazing sweater. I told her how lovely it was and how much it suited her. I remember from MANY years ago being told as I passed by someone on the Tube in London how lovely I looked. The person remained seated and didn't make alarm bells in my head ring. Both were genuinely felt comments. Sometimes allowing an 'amiable' silence with known people - or asking if they would like to go for a stroll, show you the garden, make a cuppa. If appropriate - a gentle hand hold or arm round the shoulders - it really is down to not assuming that a silence is there to be filled by you. Unless it feels uncomfortable then just few words - about whatever seems appropriate. D

[@Karina-xu4ps]

@@Cheshirelass thank you so much Dee for your kind advice 🌷

[@deelynn8611]

Nice poem. Sometimes you can't tell the truth. No one would believe it.

[@Cheshirelass]

or choose not to believe as easier for them. D

[@vannesagannon4555]

❤❤❤

[@tomservo75]

Saying "I'm fine" is just the expected return to the question. Depends who asked you the question.

[@Cheshirelass]

It really does. D

[@Freespiritmay]

❤️

[@pamelahall9459]

That was wonderful to hear and I thank you… but how are you really?

[@Cheshirelass]

Dare I say I'm fine!!!! Actually life is busy and good at present. D

[@JJNow-gg9so]

Was not fine when I was asked by two people. When I responded honestly I lost both of those people. When was somebody I've known since I was a child and the other was somebody I considered to be my best friend.😢 I don't respond to that question anymore. I just don't care anymore. 🥀

[@carolcasey5441]

🌹

[@janel697]

Using CC helps me

[@SuperDeb129]

I hate that statement I'm fine it was what I always said because when I did say what was wrong things would never change so I gave up. I felt like a broken record and at that point I was just done

[@Cheshirelass]

Take care D

[@cmarie7289]

Dee what would be your advice for helping a family member struggling addiction? Who will only open up when under the influence. How do you set boundaries but also be there for them?

[@Cheshirelass]

I would find out about local support groups and maybe offer to go with them the first time - or at least go to the door with them. Boundary settings need to be reminded about, but focus on 1 or 2 important ones and stick to them - especially safety, children. D

[@cbrashsorensen]

This is a very "female" trait--pretending that all is "fine" in your world--when it is not. We are busy rescuing and pleasing everyone else - family and friends - while we suffer silently. WAY past time to say "no" and mean it. You are not a bad person because you are taking care of yourself. Your tummy hurts...call off that dinner engagement and don't feel guilty because you disrupted someone else's plans. If they REALLY care about you they will understand. If they don't...best to know.

[@Cheshirelass]

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts - I really appreciate it. D

[@RobynMarieGonzalez]

What a great analogy…very helpful to me. Yes, you are so right-Depression is real! I have battled with anxiety and depression my whole life. For your followers who have not seeked out help, try searching Claire Weekes on KZbin. She is a Doctor who has long since passed away; however, her work lives on through her book and KZbin. She especially focuses on anxiety. Her work has been helpful to me.

[@AletaWalker-ke7ub]

🌬️💌

[@dontplayhoooo]

How do you offer a listening ear , can’t that person ruin your day from their negativity and problems ? Sometimes I’m having a good day then ppl over share and now I’m sad . please answer I want to be empathetic.

[@Imsickoftrynapickauser]

I'm sorry that I'm not responding to your question but something similar happens to me I get so irritated when I hear people speaking up about how they feel I've been doing some digging and I think my problem comes from my inability to express my own feelings and I also have a fear that everytime something is adressed there will be confrontation that follows so i avoid speaking up completly somewhere in my childhood I associated being vocal with violence and that is one of my main problems

[@fairlyenjoyable]

I tried so hard to be this for my partner. Still, he wouldn't open up, no matter how hard I tried to prove my reliability. He feels he must fight everything on his own..

[@Cheshirelass]

Unfortunately, some people are like that. But it seemingly is their way of handling things. D

[@fairlyenjoyable]

@@Cheshirelass Yes, you are so right. It's unfortunate and disheartening.

[@tarawhite4419]

I'm fine I have a theme of pine

[@DS40764]

I really love what you have to say; however, I wish your volume was louder because I can't hear a lot of it. Maybe a better speaker is needed?

[@janel697]

Try using CC, it helps me

[@Cheshirelass]

Apologies - I only have my phone as my camera/mic. I wish I had super dooper equipment but sadly not. D

[@skeetsteinbriener]

The answer is no.

[@Cheshirelass]

Take care. D