Your feelings are NOT valid!

Рет қаралды 773

Күн бұрын

A little about my earliest memories of 2 events that have changed me going forwards and how as a result I don't feel that my feelings are validated, 1 of these I don't like to talk about
#adam #lifeat30 #lifeat35 #therapy #personalgrowth

Пікірлер: 17

@simplelifeinjapan5353 3 ай бұрын

Man I can’t imagine how much emotion mind damage those events can cause. You are doing incredibly well Adam and glad to see you back. I’ve not had serious events in my past like that, but through meditation I’ve discovered myself what previous bad events in my life have made me react in a certain way to things that are similar to those events. It’s about truly realising when you have those feelings tones and no allowing them to automatically define who you are I that moment. Thoughts and Feelings don’t have to dictate who we are

@senoritaaurora5123 3 ай бұрын

You are safe with you Adam. You deserve a content life.

@QuietlySoulful359 3 ай бұрын

To validate ones traumas is really difficult. A big part of it being so challenging was, for me, my parents did not wish to as a child and as an adult, acknowledge and validate what happened to me. I liken it to reading the words of a story with fluidity but not having any understanding of what the story is about. I found that to fully grasp what happened to me was so enormous and so many, it was better to not think about it at all,which of course manifested itself in toxic relationships and so on. I can not say that I am there yet fully validating my traumas but I am better than how I was through therapy. Be kind and patient to yourself.👍

@heza911 3 ай бұрын

1. You were a child, no child is supposed to take care of their parents, it's always the other way around. 2. The great thing about internet is this, just as it feels great for you to let it all out, we clicked and stayed because something also resonated with us. At least I feel this way. This way you find someone who understands you even if it's not face-to-face. Thanks for sharing, it's really brave and you're doing great, you're moving in the right direction and I hope you keep getting better.

@John26767 3 ай бұрын

Hi Adam, what an awesome video and thank you for sharing. ❤ If I can have a little of your time I would like to share my thoughts. 🙂 So firstly I would like to say one person's truth might be different to another's (what each individual deems as important to them). The objective when working through trauma (which is a cocktail of unprocessed emotions) is to work through all elements of what was experienced and understanding each emotion experienced and the "contexts" behind them. From doing so we build a "full" understanding of what happened and we can clearly pin point each emotion experienced and the whys. From putting the "whole picture" into context we are able to put those experiences behind us, but not only that we gain emotional intelligence to the point we understand the complexity of cocktails of emotions and how they can quickly overwhelm us to a point where it is too much to handle and process in the minute/second. Processed trauma to the point we are no longer affected by it means we are much stronger and able to deal with such experiences should we encounter something similar again. The other point to add here is the earlier in life we experience trauma the more profound and consequential that trauma is to us. To add Adam I understand the complexities of what you experienced, but I think an objective of "self-importance" in terms of emotions experienced is very naive and as you have probably seen for yourself counter productive. Adam, I believe you felt a sense of duty to step up to help a fellow human being, a very fine thing to do, and you do it because unlike some you see the value and importance in doing so. There are many in this World who step up and put others first even though it puts them in a spot light they would rather not be in, this in itself is traumatic, but here's the thing there are many more others that wouldn't make that effort as you observed yourself, which again drives home how vulnerable we could be if we were ever in such needs ourselves (again another traumatic experience) as we start to see the complexities of what you went through and experienced in those moments all the while focussed with urgency of the task in hand (the saving of drowning) and this is just one of your experiences. ❤ If I can have a little more of your time I would like to share two of my own personal experiences, which I feel you might be able to relate to. 🙂So when I was around 9 my older brother was given a significant amount of money on his birthday to spend on clothing. I think it was justified at the time as his clothes would be handed down as he grew out of them (perhaps you can relate), although this never materialised if I remember correctly as he was very possessive of his possessions... I wasn't resentful of him receiving this money, but it does raise expectations of what one perceives they might receive on their birthday a few months later. So expectation sitting in my sub-conscious I set my heart on receiving a musical instrument on my birthday, this musical instrument was much less expensive than the money my older brother received on his birthday. From my perspective I didn't want much and this musical instrument was the only gift I wanted and my Mother (God bless her Soul) was quite a heavy smoker and would buy cigarettes daily. Anyway birthday arrived, no musical instrument, and I can't even remember what gift I received (I assumed I did receive at least one gift, but I honestly can't remember). Now at this point it wasn't even so much the not receiving of the musical instrument, but more the fact that my older brother received x amount of money far greater than the cost of this instrument. The way I felt on my birthday (the one day we focus on that puts all the other bad experiences in that year behind us if it's made special for us) is that I was deemed insignificant to my older brother to the point I broke my heart crying. It was through this crying that the effort was made and I did receive the instrument later that day on my birthday, but by that time the damage had already been done. Being the person I am I put it behind me, but of course those feelings still sit and resonate in my sub-conscious... Onto experience two. When I was around 12 I was away at a Navy barracks with the Sea Cadets. During the course of this week I was amongst a group of others (but tagging somewhat behind) as they decided to cross to a clearing. Now to get to this clearing meant navigating across rocks and directly next to those rocks was the sea (and I can't swim) and perhaps you can see where this is heading. Anyway not wanting to part from the group and be left on my own, I set out across these rocks (I thought how hard could it be). A short distance across these rocks I slipped/lost my footing and fell into the water. My perception of this water is it's the sea and as such it's going to be deep. I panicked, flapping my arms around and one second going under the water and the next second somehow managing to get my head above water, shouting help when I could. Now as I was doing this unknown to me at the time the group set about one individual in that group tasking him to save me (he may have been the only one attired to do so-I speculate). For whatever reason he couldn't and somebody else saved me instead. Unknown to me this water wasn't that deep and had I had the presence of mind I could have just stood in it. Obviously I am grateful to that individual (he saved my life and I was in a state of panick). If I remember correctly I did gift him a day or two later for doing so, but what this group did to the individual who for whatever reason couldn't or wouldn't save me defies belief, they stripped him of his clothes and it wouldn't be the only thing they did across him that week either of that nature... I hope some of this has been of some help to you Adam, please feel free to chat and pick my brains. I have been through trauma myself and I have also been of significant help to others supporting them through their trauma too. We are all here to help one another and a great way to do so is pooling and sharing information. Much love and respect to you. Peace Brother. ❤❤

@thomaseadbhardmcqueen7511 3 ай бұрын

When I read the title, I was worried this video was gonna be some "nuanced" nonsense, but this was actually pretty well-articulated and logical, as ironic as it may sound. The 10th birthday story really sticks with me, due to an experience I had on a previous birthday. Some people put others' feelings first, not just out of obligation/desire to accommodate to them, but because we're so often conditioned to think that our enjoyment is selfish. Edit- I said that your feelings were ironically logical because you said you didn't feel that they were valid. Just wanted to clarify so my comment didn't come across as rude or anything like that

@Add- 3 ай бұрын

I appreciate the edit, you didn't need to put it though, your good 👍, and thankyou

@cheeseburgermoneyhoney6137 3 ай бұрын

there you go- valuable life lesson, it’s not about you!!!!

@mase123456 3 ай бұрын

Keep your head up high Adam. You are a good lad Bless up bro

@Add- 3 ай бұрын

thankyou

@SpotlessLeopard 3 ай бұрын

You owe nobody anything. Get that through your head. The moment that you realise you can't rely on anybody is one that every child has, and it's both revelatory and freeing. It's the beginning of self reliance. Defy the traumatic thoughts that are only the shadows of learned reactions anyway. Defiance is a habit, so for one day, counter every negative thought with a positive one. The habit will stick, but you have to WANT it to.

@grandiosa86 3 ай бұрын

I am not gonna come up with answers how you can move on from your past trauma, because I have no clue and I have not lived in your shoes. But I am willing to listen and try to understand.

@MatWith0neT 3 ай бұрын

Adam, there is no such thing as an objective trauma scale. Every experience is subjective to the individual, some peoples trauma is literally another persons pleasure. You need to stop comparing your experiences and how they made you feel to other peoples experiences. Someone has it worse, someone has it better, who cares, all that matters is what does it mean for you? You've spent your life telling yourself your feelings don't matter and where has that got you? Sometimes you need to admit the way you've been working just doesn't fucking work. It's hard, because then you have to face the possibility you've put yourself through a lot of extra struggle and pain when you didn't need to, but it's better than letting it carry on for the rest of your life. How do you expect your life and mentality to improve if you don't even value your own feelings? Additionally, the fact that you, as an adult, still genuienly think that "no one cared" about this boy drowning as opposed to simply not knowing it was happening is ridiculous. You think people were sat sipping their cocktails while they watch a young boy die? What happened was that luckily, while other people were distracted with whatever else was going through their minds at the time, you DID see what was happening and you took action to save a life. That day should stick out as a positive in your mind that when someone is drowning, even a 10 year old kid can come to the rescue. You say no one cares like you're not a person yourself. You cared, so that means people care, they just don't all care the same amount at the same time. Building on this, you say about how someone was close to death and it ruined your 10th birthday, when you've just said people don't care about saving others? Which one is it? People don't care that a kid is drowning, or people do care about a woman close to death and ignore your birthday? You are complaining about the same scenario from both sides of the fence.