Your Tik Toks are So Stupid

[@Littleghostman4]

I love satire asmr, I listen to it to sleep, especially "Femboy falls down stairs"

[@wheeler_dealer]

"beating you with a brick asmr"

[@Kieran_pepper]

you should listen to "Boyfriend taked you out to eat but his opps slide on him" part 1 and 2 omg i almost had a seizure taht shit was so funny trust

[@iamveryconfusedd]

"Yandere bashes you brains out with a frying pan ASMR"

[@noblesseraeva6644]

“Your girlfriend is someone’s opp” is one of my personal favorites

[@6packgaming43]

YASSSS✨✨💅🏻👁️👄👁️

[@Aynslee-v6e]

My cat went missing for 2 weeks and then my aunt saw a person on Facebook post a picture of her and say “pregnant cat has been wondering around for 2 weeks. Anyone missing a Cat?” And my aunt had to literally say on comments “that’s my sisters cat and no she’s not pregnant, she’s just fat.” 😭

[@Gooberz0]

BAHAHAHAQAHAQAQAQA

[@liz97]

hahahaha so funny

[@BurntCookiesYT]

if your pet is overweight you're abusing them, tell your aunts sister to feed her less please

[@v1ultrakill_X3]

3:36 WHO THE HELL SAID "Kwite finger me"

[@quintencornelissen2274]

Im pretty sure it was valer0_

[@sleepyspacefrog]

valer0 was unhinged 💀

[@CaramelOnFire]

valer0_ what are you plotting?

[@thatryebread]

Well considering the previous video-

[@THEnumber1riddlerkinnie]

Valer0_ was so real

[@danielrivas6243]

did you know that when you are decapitated, you can still be conscious for another 10 seconds before dying of blood loss and a lack of circulating oxygenated blood (brain ischemia)?

[@Orb1235]

No way really? I knew part of that

[@datcap6289]

i half-did

[@danielrivas6243]

@@Orb1235 yeah, i searched it up, it says "Decapitation is quickly fatal to humans and most animals. Unconsciousness occurs within 10 seconds without circulating oxygenated blood (brain ischemia)." so you can still be conscious after another ten seconds after decapitation.

[@Iwannaeatlasagna]

WHO TOOK THE 69TH LIKE AWAY FROM US

[@Midnightaperson]

Yeah some one did a test a long time ago (i cant remember details) and before some one was decapitated on a guillotine the guy asked if he would blink after his head was cut off. So when they cut his head off a minut later he blinked for 10 seconds after

[@ClownHoundII]

I love the fact Kwite calls a fictional crashing more violent than actual crashes recreated in a game.

[@Stilwuf]

"ah a bisexual person. God I hate seeing one of us" - Kwite, 2024

[@desertplanet3253]

0:19 imo trans flag has the best color combo out of all of them

[@The_lamb_sauce]

Fr kinda looks like cotton candy

[@VikBoi1]

What about Asexual?

[@RealestPerson.]

Tasty

[@ihavenoideawhattomakethis]

@@VikBoi1nah aroace looks cooler than that one imo

[@fataldestinykai]

breaking bad pride flag lmao

[@kytyanimation]

4:14 every british kid gets collective ptsd from being forced to sing this

[@amargwari2431]

Do cauliflower rice and potato taste so good to you?

[@TheLethargicWeirdo985]

It’s another Harvest Festival When we bring our fruit and vegetables, Cause we want to share the best of all Good things that we’ve been given. It’s another opportunity to be grateful for the food we eat With a Samba celebration To say thank you to God the Father

[@TheLethargicWeirdo985]

Yes I am traumatised by it still along with that' give it a 1, give it a 2, give it a 1,2,3' song

[@okuoku09]

The flashbacks I got from Just hearing “cabbages and greens”

[@jada9284]

The school rules song was the most traumatic song because the teachers would stare into our souls while making us sing it 😔

[@callsignphantom117]

Love it when Kwite posts just in time for me to clock into work and spend the first 45 minutes in the bathroom

[@p-__]

My farts are better than Kwite's farts.

[@BigB_thebee]

How does it feel going from being called a Dream copycat to being genuinely enjoyable and lovable?

[@p-__]

My farts are better than Kwite's farts.

[@zolline]

​@@p-__ prove it 🥵🥵

[@lwaysDrawing]

​@@p-__ we need proof

[@cherenkov_blue]

Yo that's a sick pfp

[@BigB_thebee]

@@cherenkov_blue thank

[@maiyusakiryu7498]

3:42 I heard a similar joke to this once * Batman returns to the batcave * "*Sigh* Alfred, it's been a long night, start up the bathtub" Alfred replies: "pardon me Master Bruce, but what is a 'htub' " Absolutely killed me

[@Foodez3]

"what are these british gangster's listening to" 💀💀💀

[@DEATHWEB_XD]

When I read this that part turned on😭💀

[@Foodez3]

LOL@@DEATHWEB_XD

[@erwinkrauss7577]

5:00 Best part of the video, ngl

[@Jay_A_Comenter]

1:42 this ASMR is so calming 😊😊😊😊😊 20/10 definitely recommend

[@kingboo_2237]

8:36 don't Worry.. be Happy

[@dr.ham101]

Or if you're more of a cave dweller the song by the name of "Oreo"

[@ThatEnbyAkutagawaKinnie]

The way the bf asmr made me laugh so hard that my family got concerned

[@M4lfucnt10ned]

3:16 most normal kwite quote she is the most pg vtuber out there fr

[@waffie6785]

I have an overwhelming urge to lift kwite up knowing he's slightly shorter then me

[@magsc0z]

wait what’s his height

[@Superkort]

I'm 1 month late but 5'5 or smth​@@magsc0z

[@The_Rat_Qu3n3]

6:18 this cat has been my mood since the beginning of school

[@darryllmaybe3881]

8:31 It's the melody of "Don't worry be happy" by Bobby McFerrin.

[@Coquain]

The best part of the mitski cat video is part two when the cat gets sad when the song changes

[@strxwbxrry_420]

0:51 As someone with adhd the term “ADHDer” triggers me. Its such a vile way to describe someone with the disorder, just call me the r-slur bro

[@cherryperson6783]

As someone with adhd, it doesn't bother me in the slightest 🤷

[@Edensqueergarden]

duality of man

[@LemonShark000]

Kwite, I've been feeling on the edge of healthy and sick. Some days I feel as damn healthy as a horse, but then I feel like I'm fucking dying. Sometimes, I'm in-between. Today's an in-between day. Under the blanket, I feel like I'm being cooked alive. Kick the covers off, and I feel like someone stuck me in the deep-freeze. I have this headache that doesn't hurt, it's just THERE. And im not sure whether or not I'm going to puke. Your videos made me feel a whole lot better. Thank you.

[@fizzipawp_z]

Boyfriend Crashes Car And F$@#ing DIES ASMR is my favorite video

[@captainfantastic6840]

Not only is it speed on landings with aircraft carriers, they also punch it with the throttle to accelerate to maintain lift if they have to go around.

[@SulphurMind]

11:23 The models are also by Vibapop, a really cool artist that makes stylized 3d models. In fact they are the ones who made the FNF 3d models!

[@Clownish.mp4]

2:22 only kwite can say something like this and it being glossed over, only kwite

[@skillerthebean2000]

7:20 legit so painful to get spiked in the face but lmfao

[@crystelthewolf]

8:37 i love the random shadow the hedgehog infiltrating the fnaf parade

[@Jimyrt.]

4:04 Keith has instigated a gang war between the Birmingham shankers and the Manchester srubbletops by playing this

[@Jimyrt.]

Kwite***

[@nahidkamal3218]

1:51 IS THAT RICKLE?!?!

[@tieflingcorpse9817]

11:54 you expect us to do WHAT a little stronger?!

[@rosedevq]

2:30 STOPPP

[@majou...]

4:08 this song is stuvk in my head regularly and its such a banger from my childhood i swear. I be hearing harvest samba and i go crazy.

[@Star_tears]

Ikr me and my friends collectively walk around and sing this as loud as possible

[@yaboiEchogaming]

1:17 I looked off my screen for a second, heard the song, and instantly got flashbanged with memories of the twilight x Mordicai.

[@ZuliusKaltaris]

2:00 there are also gems out there such as "Dinner with your royal boyfriend but his opps slide" "clumsy girlfriend drops 15 metal pipes" and "girlfriend helps you get to sleep by beating you with a pan"

[@charlesmurphy5644]

1:08 It’s called a tail hook and when it misses all four arrester wires it’s called a bolter.

[@DEATHWEB_XD]

4:53 same, I hate seeing one of us as well

[@Slimey_alien89]

1:17 how much you want to bet those two are siblings

[@slightlymorepotatoes6551]

5:57 Oh my god. That’s the song i always listened to with my dog. I had to put him down last week. 😢

[@Yosleco]

2:00 was so relaxing😊😊😊😊😊

[@chloioutley]

3:31 alright, I enjoyed that laugh

[@OnceTranquilFieldstheIteratorO]

5:43 …Words cannot describe how sad and adorable I think this is.

[@someguywithawooperpfp3163]

1:49 LETS GOOO, free Kwite whimper audios in this economy 😌

[@NotaMidDennysWaitress]

NO PLEASE THE BF ASMR SATIRE IS SO FUNNY I JUST WATCHED THE “boyfriend takes you out for dinner but the opps slide in on him”

[@__m1xa.___]

2:42 really man??? right in front of my salad???

[@NoriTheSeawed]

The boyfriend dying asmr is like a whole genre of video and it’s everywhere and I hate it it’s all over my fyp I’ve seen boyfriend gets hit by a tsunami asmr and boyfriend gets attacked by 5 feral cats asmr I’ve lost faith in humanity

[@Greg_the_loser]

1:30 bros built like berdly

[@zeedle3337]

Deltarune reference!?!?!

[@Alsotg]

Looking like mordecai

[@hukihuki4135]

3:10 OK so this is very anecdotal but as a bi woman I'm happy Kwite shares this element of culture with us ✨

[@rottingrhory]

4:19 we are all taught that song to develop into gangster ages early. It is an education requirement. (clarification)

[@MR.ABYSS1669]

2:41 the exact moment my smile and laughter left my body from the last tiktok.

[@Angel_68I]

Bruh I was taken a shit at 10:52 I don’t NEEDA shit my pants anymore 😭

[@YetiBaby]

If you need money, I would pay 3 figures to get the Kwite plushie.

[@EagleTarget-gt4fm]

"If there was just one more car I would have died" * tires screeching*"OH SHI-"

[@RayserSilver199X]

9:52 I nearly shat my pants- I KNOW THIS MAN I GO TO COLLEGE WITH HIM SINCE WHEN DID HE HAVE A TIKTOK?!?!?💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

[@Black_Rose-Rei]

My friend and I listened to the Boyfriend gets into a Car Crash and Fucking Dies at lunch and everyone at our table just looked at us as we laughed our asses off

[@Mr.DCLXVI666]

As someone who literally just got hit by a dump truck on the way to my girlfriends house this morning; that boyfriend car crash ASMR really be hitting close to home lmao

[@laurenlovesspace]

ARE YOU OKAY?

[@SevIbuyamaru]

3:35 saw a guy do that goofy ball loosener walk & I was mocking him singing Elvis Presley "Blue suede shoes", boi was I cracking up. He then played along afterwards, we made it so worth it. People pulled out camcorders & filmed it even!! >x3c (yes it happened that far back in time. I was 7, that was almost 30 years of time. I still fondly remember that).

[@AtomicDingoXR]

8:40 not a commercial song, that's an instrumental flute version of don't worry be happy

[@meganbruce75]

10:44 Never again will I watch kwite while having a snack I amost spewed chocolate milk all over my cat and bed 😂

[@Karma_Void]

These TikTok’s aren’t as vile as mine.

[@Mrfedy_faber87]

4:10 in primary school, we had to sing this at most assemblies. im not kidding

[@addinoir]

kwite discovered boyfriend asmr?! everyone hide or else we’re cooked!!!

[@K.Dre_is_Undead]

Brother called bob Marley a insurance comercial

[@seablueheart-gamingandart2400]

Proud to have Kwite suffer with the Twilight x mordecai Airplanes cosplay video 💪 /hj

[@Ifyoulovemekeepittoyourself]

nooo dude that asmr crash is paul walkers death dog like why is it so brutal 😭😭

[@tangohotel2599]

So for landing on carriers planes have a tail hook that can latch on to 1 of 4 arresting wires (atleast with US carriers). Even if the hook catches the wire, the pilot is instructed to set the plane to full afterburner in case it misses, so that no matter what the plane has the speed to get back up

[@JoeTheOriginalOne]

8:45 That’s Bobby McFerrin, you silly sweatshirt. Seriously, though, Bobby McFerrin was my childhood. My Big Mouth Billy Bass sang the song, which is “Don’t Worry (Be Happy)”; hell, even Robin Williams and Mr Noodle were in the music video.

[@AUDACITY245]

Got my brother hooked on satire asmrs. This video peaked my interest just looking at the title to see how quite reacts to it lmao.

[@BrilliantRipeMike]

1:54 i got a notif at the time he finished sayin "youre the only one for me" and yes it its a huh sound

[@ilivory974]

Literally pissed myself reading that thumbnail

[@babadilly]

6:07 did they say their gonna start balding if u play a sad song?

[@Cinnaschticks]

Malding

[@babadilly]

​@Cinnaschticks im not sure what that is, but i feel like it makes more sense than balding. Thank you

[@Alza.art4518]

9:44 man does anyone know the og video for this? I’m looking everywhere for it and I can’t find it

[@Spudtasticwastaken]

look up "walten files hell nah meme"

[@Ктоя-ь1м]

His chin gives me anxiety 7:55

[@Pink_Tsun]

ok so i feel like he always says "and you can always unsubscribe, if you decide you hate me." but he doesnt anymore and i cant find a video where he has help

[@atsushisbf_e]

BABE WAKE UP KWITE POSTED 😍😍😍

[@Spudtasticwastaken]

7:55 the cards didn't work guys

[@4tr0citie5rblx4]

I LOVE ASMR, especially "Ghost falls down the stairs ASMR"

[@faradaycycles9668]

4:05 HELP I USED TO SING THIS SONG AT MY PRIMARY SCHOOL, THIS JUST GAVE MY WAR FLASHBACKS KWITE PLEASE DONT DO THIS TO ME 😭😭😭💀

[@Mediocrecoder2]

Kwite never fails to ruin my day

[@God_of_cheese699]

The PRIDE your asking to get cancelled

[@KingFroy]

The boyfriend crashing car shit had me dead😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@vanadium723]

The satire ASMR is so hilarious but also rip to the people who got woken up by the auto play to this

[@misledsine8242]

I’ve had 2 of those “boyfriend dies in card crash asmr ” videos show up on my recommended

[@angelicart.6]

4:15 damn boy dem bars hittin different

[@DOOMSLAYER_1993]

bro pixelated kwite is nice idek why i prefer it

[@TRIANGLE_CUT1E]

8:21 BONNIE WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!? “ 9:48 h-hell naw”

[@tamimogaji4501]

The thing is we actually listen to this song in British schools-

[@gbilIz]

That first one could be more true. I got £30 STRAIGH AFTER a 70cm tall beer holder. I DONT EVEN DRINK BEER

[@Septemberist7]

1:49 DID YOU JUST MOAN?? KWOTE???😭😭😭

[@Ms.unknownisnot_here]

Isn’t this the dude that like doxed jshlatt 11:07

[@Spudtasticwastaken]

aiden

[@kindasketchy5489]

yeah

[@rEd_PuNk]

Imagine if Kwite was a circus

[@Thecheeseman42069]

He is

[@CoolJeremy351]

Then im inside a circus

[@Craftomon360]

I always love how Kwite uses the best Mario Wii songs as background music 🎶

[@faielyne]

Genuinely hot so unreasonably happy when I saw one of my pride flags (omnisexual, 2nd spot in A tier) at 0:18 because it's so often forgotten

[@Drag0nmaster]

1:18 I have already lost my will to live

[@DemonicCheezit]

Seeing Andrew in the thumbnail of a Kwite video was not on my bucket list

[@khzknyn]

I saw the thumbnail and i know exactly which asmr that is and from who HAHAHA, i love satire asmrs u get to laugh and listen to a calming voice at the same time :3

[@fuiruy]

Actually, the jet goes full throttle when landing so like you said, if it misses the hook it can fly away and attempt to re-land

[@ilovedoomedyaoi]

this is so stupid why is everything so funny after the clock hits 3 AM

[@tecchous_atrocious_food_combos]

4:56 ouch that was a call-out