The 7 Classifications of Urinalysis Observers aka Meat Gazzers

[@kafilkafish2152]

Military physical gave me more ptsd than my deployment.

[@Dwight511]

physical training stress disorder?

[@kriskringus2191]

Daniel Pogosyan post traumatic stress disorder

[@Dwight511]

I was joking

[@ratway2263]

I don't know how many times they had to touch my balls... 😓 I understand your pain.

[@azariagutierrez519]

Same, the lady at meps that drew my blood came straight out of training and literally punctured my arm 20 times before she realized that she tied the tourniquet in the wrong place

[@ManiaMac1613]

Want to know the worst thing you can hear during urinalysis? "Nice watch"

[@gomezkun]

ManiaMac1613 Especially if you don't wear a watch :O

[@jaeyass]

so you're married, huh?

[@kriskringus2191]

why?

[@raziel249]

Oliver O'Keafe your watch is on your wrist, and their admiring your "watch"... Follow?

[@manictiger]

Worst thing to hear: Oh, you've got a white spot on your balls. Yeah, that's cancer. They're gonna have to chop that off.

[@GonanTheBarbarian]

I remember one urinalysis when a newly promoted E-5 was on dick watch. He told me to do my thing because he "wasn't no meat gazer". I lost it.

[@Darkempress45]

Lmao “dick watch” 😭😭😭

[@chrizzlenipsjomomma2568]

Lmfao yeah battle that's some funny shit

[@RangerUp-pi1cu]

I just stare at the observer and not brake eye contact.... Make him feel uncomfortable

[@Kwauzy]

Marcell 97 whats wrong with you

[@RangerUp-pi1cu]

Alot

[@jameswells554]

Gay chicken!

[@RalphTho]

RangerUp09 97 😂

[@timothyoneal8493]

I asked them if they could rub my back and breath heavily on my neck, all fun and games till they call your bluff

[@isaacreaper6446]

I think I'd rather piss myself and drain my shorts into a cup than have a Drill Instructor yell at me while I try and piss..

[@LordColPhobos]

Isaac Reaper I hated that shit. "You got 100 seconds to piss. 100! 99, 98, 87, 86, 55,54, 53, 30, 29, 28, 27, 6, 5, 4, 3,2,1 you're done

[@GeorgePrince]

Surprised the drill SGT one didn't start cadence..."hard work work, hard work work"

[@sunshinegorilla8426]

@@GeorgePrince 🤣🤣

[@nickmartinez2270]

Try marine bootcamp that's literally what they do

[@nikkidawson3853]

@@GeorgePrince lmao

[@SlicerFragZ]

I was hoping the drill sergeant would yell,"HALF-RIGHT HUUUUGH" while he was pissing

[@MS-fh4sz]

LMAO

[@therogueadmiral]

While standing to the right of the private... I can see that ending well... XD

[@mikevigliotti3798]

@@therogueadmiral 😂😂😂😂

[@Blazekid1906]

_"and and and and and and and and and and and and"_

[@pubz9456]

DemoLegends LMFAO

[@unoriginal4586]

Had me dead 💀💀

[@clarencesmith467]

It's a black thing 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[@financialconspirator3080]

Hurry up hurry up hurry up

[@Momonga32]

Fable Of Demo - sup yusuke

[@FirstnameLastnamee]

0:44 petty officer dingleberry’s cousin, staff sergeant fruitcake

[@josephbernard7665]

I remember my first urinalysis at boot lol RDC was being a hardass pinched my right trapezius to get my attention I spun around pissed right on his leg on accident. Guy went hulk on me got real mad luckily a chief was there in the head saw everything that happened 😂. The chief was like "Jenkins you should know better fresh recruits are always sleep deprived and hungover when they get here. That shit is on you."

[@insanetrickster]

Oh that kills me!

[@jacobbravo9187]

This is the most underrated comment here !

[@17aharris]

the drill sergeant one is golden

[@G.H.O.S.T.F.R.E.A.K]

Andrew Harris you don’t want to get the drill sergeant to come in there telling you to hurry the fuck up cause that shit is real they will do that lol

[@CommonCentrist82]

I never got called to be a pecker checker. My friend did once he kneeled down and made people as uncomfortable as possible. He even commented on junk size and shape. I personally found that the best way to mess with a pecker checker was to pull your pants and briefs down to your ankles like a kindergartener and sing nursery rhymes while pissing. This act would even make the don't all don't tells uncomfortable.

[@jamesharding3459]

At MEPS I just made eye contact and grinned creepily. Worth the smoking I got at the hands of a slightly psychotic sergeant later, 100%.

[@sr7312]

No, the best way to mess with the observer is to finish giving the sample, turn around and sit down to take a dump. "Sorry man, I've got the urge."

[@bobbywalker4178]

S R I had to sit in with a guy while he did that. I learned more about him then my wife that day.

[@Darkempress45]

@@sr7312 fucking sick! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@haleywood3045]

I had the no patience guy, after 5 seconds he said "all right this ain't happening let's go, we'll try again in 10 minutes"

[@Kryoza]

haley wood same lol

[@almighty_salt9648]

Me too, took me 3 hours to pee

[@daddymcsnacks_561]

@@almighty_salt9648 damn, that's rough

[@toxicrayz]

Y'all forgot the one that just stands there with his hands crossed and says absolutely nothing while staring 😂

[@SouthernsharkinUSA]

That what mine did

[@Spikeleenephew]

Lmfao one of my NCO’s

[@gd-lockc7618]

That's gay asl

[@BadCodPlaya]

I had the misfortune of being a urinalysis guy and I liked to make jokes and shit, told me CO he had good flow and I'm proud to be under his command hahahahaha

[@DeathTheKidKH]

BadCodPlaya 👀

[@MrODST57]

Suspect as fuck man

[@sunshinegorilla8426]

@@MrODST57 ain lying wtf🤔🤣

[@sunshinegorilla8426]

Ok so I just recently went through Meps so I can relate now..the guy I had was cracking jokes and overly happy in the situation 😂 I had to fucking piss so bad outside the bathroom but when I got inside beside that fat ass bald jokster who's also looking at my penis, the shit didn't wanna come out so I had to recycle with another group and the second time around I got an older guy who wanted no parts of the situation 😂 and was like "all I wanna hear is the sound of piss going in the cup" and took steps back to the wall..man I lucked up with that guy

[@jamesmclaughlinprimitivele4587]

CO or any other officer is not gonna be taking a piss test.

[@samuelg88036]

I remember my physical. I dont wanna go through that again. Lol. I had walked into the room where the doctor was going to personally check us. As soon as I walked in, the man pulled his blue glove to his forearm and let go creating a clapping sound as he was looking right at me.

[@milesbowen5282]

Wouldn't be surprised if the creepy guy was in the Navy.

[@Samperor]

mostly army guys are creeper.

[@michaelkeha]

Miles Bowen navy is no paitence all day dude nobody got time for you to waste it.

[@alexdekarske7415]

You son of a bitch

[@theshamshield3721]

Petty officer dingleberry no doubt

[@ClaxStayVibing]

michaelkeha facts, let 5 seconds slip by and you aint pissing they sending your ass to drink water and walk in a circle 😂🤣

[@bepisthebenis5111]

Guess who pissed right before they told us we had our drug test at BCT? This guy. The DS part was pretty much exactly what I got as I chugged water relentlessly for 30 minutes

[@jakematney8569]

When I was in Pre-Rasp we took a Urinalysis and the guy observing me piss put his head on my shoulder and sung Teenage Dream by Katy Peery. It was a rather interesting experience.

[@jonnijames]

AHahahahaha omfg that is messed up :)

[@Jacob-nj5hg]

Lmfaooooooo

[@TexasViking_INFP-t_5w4]

I lost it at the damn trash can xD jeeeesus man classic lol

[@pubz9456]

Samuel Pearson LMFAO

[@MarioTheLiopleurodon]

At MEPS we had to piss facing the line of dudes who already did their business while this old dude watched. Damn I was uncomfortable

[@benjaminwashington2555]

LMAO? TF!

[@Jacob-nj5hg]

AlTiUCOFe was it cold?

[@clarencesmith467]

All about dehumanization

[@-BRICKZ]

LMFAOOOOOOOO the drill sergeant one LMFAOOOOOOOO "HURRY UPPPPPP" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@clarencesmith467]

🤣😂🤣😂🤣 he is literally top 10 funny KZbinr of all time

[@kilroyfrills3084]

My guy was chill, he didn't even look in my direction the whole time

[@tjbalistic]

I lost it when he was cutting the banana with scissors.

[@t.j.aarons889]

*Cutting a banana while waiting for you to pea* ...Oh I'm sorry did I break your concentration?

[@FransceneJK98]

I’ll be sure to do that next time in front of someone who tries to holla at me

[@richard_n]

This is one of your best ones. I was in charge of our command's urinalysis program for over a year. Our command was about 400 people, so I saw all these types of observers.

[@svensweden]

OMG! He KNOWS the real reg on it! While stationed in England, my wife at the time had a drug & alcohol problem (don't get married quick kids) & the powers that be figured 'guilt by association' & I got 'randomly' picked almost daily. It happened so often I got bored & read the actual reg & it states "the amount of urine will be at least 30ml". Dude in this vid must have actually done his homework here. I'm blown away Sarge...

[@rowan12111]

During a basewide drug test for students at Keesler AFB in 2011 I was awkwardly trying to produce some golden flow for a MSgt Meatgazer. I jokingly asked him if he thought he could be making better use of his time, he replied: There is nothing I won't do for the United States Air Force. I don't get it

[@Astrialx]

I was at Keesler around 2011-2012!!

[@1stNumberOne]

This is hilarious

[@YeagerBomb-ww3bn]

LOL on the creep! So true. I'm guilty of being the "No Patience guy" and "Guy who talks too much."

[@batcittyatcitty536]

When I was in Germany in early 00s,we always knew when we got a whizz quiz.we get alerted at 3 in the morn,and we knew there was no war.anyhow,I always had a can of beets in the cupboard and jar of asparagus in the fridge that I'd wolf down real quick.when I pee,itd stink up the whole room and dye my pee dark red.

[@victorcordon4817]

God that's terrible... Terribly amazing 🤣

[@nickasf]

IM HOLLERING RN😂😂 Im doing that at my next urinalysis

[@LadyAnuB]

"Don't worry if it hits me in the face, I'm used to it." - So we know what Creep Guy does during his time off.

[@Multipass0702]

The people that disliked this video must have failed their urinalysis. 😂😂😂😂😂

[@USMCArchAngel03]

I did this for 6 months. Creepy is always sort of the natural evolution. You gotta get revenge somehow.

[@arthellstrobles1241]

R.I.P to the people who got their speakers turned up at 2:50🤣

[@ianthresher9308]

When I went to MEPS, the guy was a combo of the Drill Sergeant and the Impatient Guy. Spot on

[@where.is.jimmie]

I was that "impatient guy." Hurry tf up. Lol.

[@rebelwilly2319]

I had to take a piss test after block leave while in basic. My drill sergeabt was right over my shoulder talking shit to me the whole time. He made it so uncomfortable and i was pushing so hard to try and get it out. Finally he said "im not hearing any pissing trainee" and i pushed so hard i farted and he freaked the fuck out. It was so damn hilarious that i was abke to fill the whole cup up as soon as he started freaking.

[@GliZGoblin]

Bruh I remember doing my urinalysis I walked in the room and there was a kid in the corner trying to piss and he was there until meps closed. I got my blood test, underwear olympics and I came back to piss again and he was still there in the damn corner smh. They ended up kicking him out

[@obamasdad9986]

I almost drowned from forcing myself to drink so much water. Plus every time I pushed I would almost shit myself

[@zerokilo5811]

The Pain! I had the impatient one. After drinking water for 30 minutes I finally got enough in the cup. Funny thing is an hour later I went for real.

[@johnnyblaze8970]

I’m gonna be so fucked 😂 I just don’t fucking get it I can’t piss with someone around me man fuckkkkkkkk

[@Tanner-bg2qn]

Vic Viquor I feel your pain unfortunately

[@Opsgermanysoldier]

@Big Smoke just get drunk than its easy XD

[@MAVJ]

A guy got DQ'd at my meps cause he couldnt pee after 5 tries!

[@militaristicsoldier856]

Mans worst fears besides pissing hot

[@almighty_salt9648]

Took me 3 hours to pee

[@Geferulf_TAS]

I was first in last out of MEPs on my day and nearly got DQd because of a nervous bladder. I cant tell you the fountain of piss I had when I finally went. 30ml? Try 3000ml

[@lukasg4807]

Probably was trying to lose water weight beforehand

[@rcslyman8929]

Worked mids for 5 years, and I'd always get the call at 0845 for a two-hour report time after I'd already gotten home, done my business and crawled in the sack (mind you, this was Northern Virginia and until 1000, it was about an hour sitting in traffic to get to work). I'd come in with a gallon jug of water in hand, half full, chug the rest as I signed in. No fire at the line. Walk back to the desk after 15 or so minutes, set the empty cup on the desk. They bitched at me one time and I said right back, "I'm in bed at 8. Call me up before then, and maybe I'll be able to squeeze some out for you." That made it all the way back to the Shirt. Next month, I got called at the office right before shift change. Never had another mids call-up afterward.

[@thealliedpowers]

I don't know how people do this. I can hardly pee when there are people around but right by me pressuring me or telling me to hurry... Ugh. I'd slow me down more.

[@applejellypucci]

The Allied Powers when they are threatening you, there's plenty of motivation to pee lol

[@TylerB-my1kr]

I piss off my porch every morning no one cares about your pecker dude

[@tomboy1875]

Aw350m3 H3R0 it’s not that dickhead some people just can’t go with others around I’m one of those dudes. Back when I was drinking I didn’t give a damn but sober me has stage fright. Can’t explain it always been like that since a kid.

[@brandonriggs1788]

Just wait until they start threatening to, or actually Cath you like some guys in my unit got a few times.

[@kyreegilmer]

the creepy guy got me in tears

[@kyreegilmer]

Shit still funny till this day his face killing me 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@rohanofelvenpower5566]

don't worry if the tears fall on him, he's used to it

[@MrMoral_]

@@rohanofelvenpower5566 thats that r Kelly bs

[@Double21Stuffed]

I'd always tell our command staff that i'd rub their shoulders if it'd make it easier. I guess I'm the creepy one.

[@user-be6rk1zd4j]

I couldn't make the military since I had high blood pressure in the end of it all..but I still went through the process. I absolutely could not bring myself to go and so I became the last guy they were waiting for, the dude watching actually told me to just go "use the stall and be quick before someone sees me." Also found out during the eye tests that I was color blind and can't see the numbers and stuff they show you in the little circles. But I was able to see the pure spectrum of light when they showed me the colored lights. So yea, if nothing else I found out that interesting information and how long and uncomfortable MEPS is, "hurry up and wait" is no lie.

[@dishdogz8997]

Bro exact pee scenario happened to me at meps. Took me 5 times and I was the last

[@Tmandd]

In our unit, our "operation golden flow" watcher is a mix between uncomfortable and no patience.

[@slovak4life1991]

It’s amazing how someone can make so much noise with a simple metal trash container and a stick.

[@Timasion]

I hated be NCOIC of Pee cups. I just went through PTSD thinking about that shit.

[@andrewreichel7122]

Gotta be the funniest military videos on KZbin, you really remind me of my Drill Sergeant Stallworth in Basic. You guys could be twins

[@jordanaston7031]

My DS got so pissed when I literally just couldn't piss into that cup lmao took me forever, shit was wild

[@ghostbear200123]

Pecker checkers. Creepy guy must be from Russia.

[@ussocom3644]

@Eyre Borne "Russian" isn't a race numbnuts.

[@romahoffman8178]

Screw u man, I’m Russian. (Siberian actually) wtf.

[@cmathews5909]

@The Action packed snack bleach Slavic is race? Cultures are races now?

[@Elmasdrakosinfenixov]

A russian would collect your tears

[@jacobbravo9187]

Or from the navy

[@342bullseye]

The no patience guy was the guy at MEPS. When i was going I was with a Muslim during Ramadan so he wouldnt drink any water. He screamed at him WHY CANT YOU PEE. It was something to behold.

[@aescorpus]

💀💀💀💀💀💀

[@archentity]

''if it hits me in the face, don't worry, im used to it'' LMAO!!

[@ajaykaranveer2069]

I had in between the patient guy to uncomfortable guy I am lucky 😂for not having creepy or drill sergeant

[@geometricdashingjorge1945]

2:48 Heeerrrryyy uhpp!!!!

[@amvdoc]

That trash can Hurry up/wake up method gave me ptsd 😂

[@284Winchester]

OMG I’m howling laughing @ the creepy guy that camera angle 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@MrJoeParsons]

The creepy guy was hilarious, loved the background music

[@lonewolfsim6837]

01:14 petty officer dingleberry why do you keep stealing the army uniform.

[@ericgadberry4436]

When the Stickler busted out the red solo cup after dipsticking the jar with his pinky... 😭😂

[@mrpotatohead1227]

Can you guys imagine having Yeshua as your DS in basic training? I don't know what I'd do..

[@JihadBunnydick]

That be scary

[@yepitsme7237]

The drill sergeant is always the best

[@LordAngryGopnik]

This is legit the only thing I fear at MEPS. I'm going to apply to JAG after law school and I'm terrified of pissing with someone watching

[@bkboy8259]

How'd it go?

[@HadesOmega]

Haha should do one from the other perspective. I've seen dudes just drop they underwear to the floor, ones that couldn't fill the bottle, ones that need to do number 1 and 2, poor aim, bottle all wet O_o'

[@sorajones3055]

I was standing at the urinal and he turns on the water and said let it flow LET IT FLOW

[@jonathankammerer4187]

I love how there's a thousand likes and almost no dislikes

[@rosesera2202]

Because this is quality.

[@284Winchester]

I swear this one is the best of the best When I need a laugh I watch this. His reaction to The creepy guy 😂😂😂😂 But goooot damn 😂😂

[@Spartan_767]

Brought my sample to the counter and I guess flipping the bottles was part of it before giving my forms back. Ofc she precedes to spill it all over because she didn't cap it right. Me and the sergeant just shared a glance as it was happening and then watched as she made a huge mess. Had to give the doctor at the end of the physical a form with urine stains on it. Because they're so kind and accepting at MEPs when anything happens.

[@Ravens_Nest10]

My guy wasn’t even paying attention lol, he was just chatting with the nurse girl in the window lol

[@marshallbyrne9426]

The Drill Sergeant one is accurate as hell for the Recruits at Parris Island

[@LordColPhobos]

Marshall Byrne Can say the same about a certain Kilo Company D.I. at San Diego

[@marshallbyrne9426]

Your Mate yeah hell I cant forget about my San Diego brothers they just as crazy and yall have them hills

[@demetriceburrell1927]

WTH......Man u are wild keep them coming bruh!!!!!!

[@crystalowens9742]

I am dead. Tears streaming down my face 🤣🤣🤣

[@thortheimpaler7962]

I failed the piss test at MEPS because I did some things with my girlfriend the night before. Nobody told me that would affect anything smh had to wait another day just to do that one thing

[@skivvywaver]

It'll cause a false albumin positive. I know because mine wasn't false. They told me not to get laid or whack my pud and come back next week. Didn't get laid, didn't whack my pud and still kicked protein out in my piss. I was failed and sent home. I was 17. A year and a half later I tried it all again and I passed. I still don't know why I was kicking albumin out in my piss. Maybe a growing thing because I definitely wasn't done growing? I've never had a problem with my kidneys other than that one whizz quiz at 17. That was in 1976 and still no kidney problems. I was thrown from a horse about 2 weeks earlier and was banged up. I landed flat on my back so it could have been caused by injury I guess. It is a mystery.

[@brianthomason5022]

I'm thinking of joining the reserves but these videos and another group of videos are really making me question whether I want to or not

[@JerkVegas86]

Don't be a Bitch!! Join!!

[@cameronmartin7013]

Aye that DS shit is real

[@jeramyrich1433]

I'm teaching a security class and my students are testing starting watching this and the Drill Sergeant brought back a couple of memories so immediately I busted out laughing and they all gave me a confused look lmao.

[@guitarhero2211]

I was always the "No Patience" guy. I ain't got time for that bullshit.

[@cam_fras4605]

Salt McSalt judging by your channel I feel like you are lying

[@nigcrusher3322]

Salt McSalt im the creepy guy 😉

[@marlinclemonsii9872]

bruh, you are the best please keep posting videos!!!! do a video of how Airborne hates LEGS and how Air Assault and Airborne hate each other LOL!

[@jasperprier8769]

That condom part had me rolling! BIG LOL! Keeping going Sarge!

[@kevinthepaladin235]

I cant piss if someone stands there and expects it

[@kingwolfie5968]

Lmao I've been watching a lot of your videos and man it gets me through the day ! Thanks sarge

[@DextahPC]

We had to do UA during Basic and the Drill Sergeants were having a competition of how many privates they could make stage fright 😂

[@stevenjames5874]

Worst part of my experience lol. Just graduated USMC boot and being piss shy doesn't make things any easier. Funny enough, my biggest fear for the school house is that damn urinalysis lol.

[@CainLupus]

The "Piss on You" outro was a nice touch

[@yesiamyes1007]

The Impatient Guy, Brooooooo lol

[@mbchannel1037]

The Creepy guy is hilarious 😂😂😂

[@Nightcanter]

Bruh the DS skit had me deceased 😭💀

[@sterlingmarting20]

@1:40 when your a e-5 and say fuck it I’ll take the smile session from the 6😂😂😂💀

[@Leashadd]

You think it's rough watching a dude? Damn women can't EVER piss quick! I HATED being the senior female NCO at piss test time!

[@Boricuana13]

LOL!!!! that was mee..."turn on the water sgt!!!" :-p

[@jadenjoj5450]

Did my physical today and I fuckin almost pissed myself all my buddies thought they were gonna piss themselves too lol

[@garcand]

*inspects the warm sample eye level to see if the minimum line is met* "Ok now you can wash your hands with soap CSM! "

[@sgtslippyfist6345]

Mepps in Portland Oregon there is a dude with long grey hair that was so close I know he got spatter

[@siegfriedpintar]

Hahaha, that was the guy that did my vision and hearing tests. I had a short old guy with a bit of a beer belly do mine and he was looking away while cracking jokes. Definitely made it easier.

[@sgtslippyfist6345]

@@siegfriedpintar yep. Plus he's also an asshole

[@AwkwardEduardo]

Fuck that’s where I’m going lmao

[@terrywestin8443]

The ones who want to make small talk are the WORST!!!!

[@sistahsoldier8521]

Peace You know you cray cray for this one right?♥♥♥♥♥Awesome video bruh! Please keep em coming! Stay safe and be blessed! Peace

[@Onii_Chan184]

the Drill Sergeant be like : Y'all going to be PISSING on COMMAND!

[@bryantlawsify]

dude I lost it when it came to the driving scene my recruiter was driving me from Antioch California to San Jose California we hit a barber's chair on the way to meps bumpin music on the highway so when we came into town we stopped at a stop light my recruiter was trying to impress some females at the light but he got in his feelings because they were laughing at us and we couldn't figure out why so when we arrived at MEPS we got out of the car and we found that piece of the barber's chair was stuck in the grill of the government vehicle I could not stop laughing for the life of me when we found out. my recruiter was Asian to top it off I love the guy dearly good man all together but that's my favorite memory. thanks for the laughs

[@AWDfreak]

Was he an OCS rank at the time?

[@mouthwash8182]

3:01 This certainly didn't age well...RIP

[@Rougeliger]

The RDCs at navy in-processing was a mix of the drill instructor and the guy who talks too much haha. He would be talking about football one second then screaming about pissing in the cup the next. It would have been hilarious if I hadn't been awake for nearly 50 hours straight lol.

[@sgtrock5243]

I love this youtube chanel

[@rickyray2794]

The drill sgt. one cracked me up hard

[@vladdymajor8211]

The no patience guy is always mad at me

[@goofyduder2604]

WOW what a throwback that Relo remix from kayne i havent heard that since like 2012 respect

[@SuperCommando48]

HURRY UP _EARRAPE_ HURRY UP 2:48

[@jeremyguerrero9932]

Had to comment so you could appreciate this again