ZOELLA'S NEW BOOK | HONEST, BRUTAL REVIEW

[@jaack]

Cheers for all the support, I am just taking the piss as per usual. 15k Thumbs up and ill post the next video!

[@kadymaude7097]

JaackMaate geeza

[@th1rt3]

NO ONE LIKE

[@callumpark8033]

Third

[@daisyk4106]

I love these videos x

[@nicoleredfern4719]

Is her target market old men and under 13s 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@hwangnoeul]

How to learn a new language: 1. Decide which language to start learning 2. Begin to study it

[@kimberleysmith818]

황노을 I could release A book based on this. How to learn a new sport: find new sport and study it.

[@alexgafney6525]

you have to think about learning the language first

[@margot4821]

More like 1. Think about language to learn 2. Speak it

[@fyrgebrc4666]

As a polyglot, I can confirm this is top quality advice

[@vincent_9061]

황노을 you forgot step. 3. Speak it

[@Danziii]

"signed by the author" shame that you didn't get zoe's signature then

[@CorpseBridalParty]

Ok that was fucking brilliant.

[@Alex-jn1zt]

hahahahhahahaha

[@SpookySid666]

Best reply 😂😂

[@zoe2969]

Top comment

[@elenajovancic6208]

Shiiiitt 😂😂 you're brilliant

[@Nicsterino]

Zoellas fans: How do we do what you do Zoella?! Zoella: Step 1. Think of the thing. Step 2. Do the thing. Zoellas fans: *Mindblown*

[@djtolls7610]

Lmao😂😂

[@hopelessmind21]

Humans can be so stupid... Its scary.

[@kaimiakid4496]

So if I think of jack then I can DO him??

[@itsanotheralex3880]

is this what happens when she doesn’t use a ghost writer?

[@nefertarycallaghan8810]

itsanotheralex what’s a ghost writer

[@rain1641]

A puppies life N.C the one who writes the book

[@belli9281]

@@nefertarycallaghan8810 author that writes the book but whos name wont appear on the book

[@nefertarycallaghan8810]

belu irina oh ok ty

[@belli9281]

@@nefertarycallaghan8810 np!

[@TheLocksher]

Zoella fan's to do list: 1. Breathe oxygen 2. Walk 3. Look at things 4. Give money to Zoella Zoella's to do list: 1. Earn money

[@kimberleysmith818]

OnlyLonelyHunter don’t forget the kindling in case the lord of the manor bans firewood for the winter

[@mnight9098]

You forgot *think about stuff*

[@saragxyz4862]

Even then her fans do more than her

[@femalegacha.alpha.eloise_9296]

👎🏻

[@emmalouisex7356]

Not to mention ‘dress yourself’ and ‘liquid goes in flasks’

[@tryingtoomuch]

Oh no! I have a pantry! I must remember to fill it during the spring! Only the spring though, I'll have to starve for the other 3 seasons.

[@Stargirl-xm1uj]

Don't wash your bedding till autumn either... Just let it get nice and fucking mouldy in there

[@KristinaSandnes]

Jamie☃️🎅🏻 Ok this really got me 😂😂😂

[@stephsvids9812]

🤣

[@kayholley]

@@Stargirl-xm1uj bahah

[@benlawson3193]

you what love

[@DearAliya]

The fact that she has the nerve to sell this door-stopper for £20 (ye that was the original price) makes me feel genuinely sick for all the talented novelists and illustrators who have to sell their books for £7-£10.

[@eleishathomas6411]

Aliya Huet 🙌🏽🙌🏽literally you could buy 3 amazing and inspiring books by uncredited novelists for the price of that shit.

[@DearAliya]

​@@eleishathomas6411 Exactly! I'm currently working for an author on her childrens book and it's taken a couple years of hard work to get it done (lots of drawings) and we can only try sell it for around £7-£8. Zoe probs took a month working on this shit.

[@certi_chappy630]

Considering I bought a special edition Harry Potter book for half the price says so much😂

[@eleishathomas6411]

Aliya Huet I hope her book does well and is very successful, she deserves it🙌🏽

[@americanooooo1579]

In Australia it’s $40....

[@saraalawadhi288]

How to sleep: 1- lay down 2-close your eyes

[@LucyGooseGuy]

Sara Wild 3. Sleep

[@mnight9098]

Well, I've been having a bit of trouble you see. It's 3 AM at the moment.

[@misstakenbelief]

I can't seem to get this one right. I need 2 pages on it, at least.

[@soupii]

Lily Andrews HEY GUYS ITS JAYSTATION WELCOME TO THE 3AM CHALLENGE WHERE WE TRY AND SLEEP *WARNING* (GONE SEXUAL)

[@mnight9098]

@@soupii Those are the types of videos I would only consider watching at 3AM...

[@angelicagayle7414]

Her book is me trying to fill the word count on my essay Edit: YO you guys don’t understand how validated I feel right now 🤣

[@piperswaine6430]

A mood

[@DizneyLyrix]

Honestly the best possible description for it.

[@DeadbySunrise24]

Me and my Master‘s thesis basically

[@bella_r3216]

Same 😂

[@sarahpriestley-smith4760]

Angelica Gayle preach

[@lollypopsical135]

You missed out the best part! She gives us examples of what fruits to use as toppings and continues to list every single fruit you could think of 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@lollypopsical135]

Space Giraffes the sarcasm was lost on you... I have never held a copy, have simply seen other people’s reviews

[@emmalouisex7356]

Space Giraffes what nutjob would own one (apart from jack)

[@lizzypelosof9689]

I can't believe that she actually thought this book is useful. Anyone who has been alive for more than 5 minutes on this earth knows all of this.

[@Bridiebxx]

😂😂😂😂😂😂 100%

[@rosieglows]

@its.me she's speaking figuratively not literally. I guess basic English is lost on you too 🤷‍♀️

[@bethlouise3571]

Go on pinterest and get all this for free lol

[@missylewis7210]

It was just a money grab, as always. Someone else will have ghost written that crap, regardless of her footage pretending to write it while not showing the screen. Anyone who watched Zoe's video's know she is the worst hostess! She buys all the food ready made and just warms them in the oven. For her staff's christmas party, she just invited them around, forced them to wear onesies and ordered dominoes pizza to the door. For christmas, he bought everything pre-made, then got Alfie's mother to come and warm it all up!! She's gets the boys to do any bbq's. she's literally shit. She has the best equipment and could create masterpieces, she doesn't do shit. She's isolated herself from her friends as she one by one turned against them. Now she's limited to alfie and his family and mark the creeper super fan. it's hilarious she'd be linked to a book like this!

[@Home-u6g]

@@rosieglows snob

[@94beans]

*puts frozen grapes down & starts reevaluating life*

[@beeinnit913]

soy you better now fucking do surgery on it

[@rawr7179]

Hahaha! I love it! *all of what Zoella has taught me is a lie*

[@Ashley_Mo]

Wholesome

[@pandora9202000]

Same

[@LaggardlySort]

THEY DID SURGERY ON A GRAPE

[@StyledbyEva]

I need to buy How To Walk by Zoella bc I can't function without her telling me how

[@davidmackayy]

Hahahahaha

[@KGProductions_]

Hope she makes a sequel that teaches people how to breathe. I’ve still not mastered that life hack 🤔

[@RJ-mn7rn]

Left Right Left Right

[@Emma-wm9jg]

@@RJ-mn7rn I've been doing it wrong

[@StyledbyEva]

@@KGProductions_ same tbf I need her help

[@AAA-bw5kc]

She's probably found 80% of her book's content in those "Instagram self-care tips"

[@missylewis7210]

Whoa! You're giving her way too much credit there! That's actual work. Her minions would be instructed to do so, she has Elf the movie to watch and pizza to order, thankyouverymuch!!

[@gelatinpowder1137]

A AA or worse, Buzzfeed life hacks.

[@hellurgoodbur238]

Zoella’s Maths Exam To Do List: 1) Write the question out 2) Work our the question 3) pick up your pen 4) Write the answer down Tip: USE DIFFERENT COLOURRSSSSSSS

[@laragrove75]

You forgot 5) put the pen down

[@shannon_wyn1829]

And don't forget to put extra unnecessary words for those marks 😂

[@mrgreatbritain]

Hellur Goodbur wow! I‘ll definitely pass my maths exam no... oh wait I’m 18

[@Katzenmutter]

put a heart over every -i

[@hellurgoodbur238]

See you guys get it you’re all gonna get an A* keep it up!!

[@ellenw7904]

"getting the most out of your walk" hits different now

[@tgwtg9428]

lmfaoooooo

[@maryamk918]

😭

[@rosieposie0426]

Oh

[@nikhiltrehan3795]

She knew from the start 😂

[@keithleisure8696]

Nikhil Trehan I don’t get it

[@CraigT08]

Please sign it and send it back to Zoella 😂😂

[@3lli0]

Craig Thurston OMG yessss

[@NikCS444]

Yeeeees!!!... please do!!!

[@PluviophileTraveller]

oh my god do this please.

[@katw9743]

@@frankythomas5881 with a note saying " ive read some of ur shit now im sending you some of mine" 😅 😅😅😅😅

[@frankythomas5881]

Kat whittle lol lee evens :D x

[@nattybrown]

“Hitlers half way through mass genocide and Zoella rocks up with a party popper and a tray of vol-au-vents!” I cant breathe!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

[@caskettsolo7925]

Natalie Brown It’s the mere mental picture! It’s 1 am and I’m dying 🤣

[@ju1ian80]

when is that

[@scarlett-tv2re]

Julian Roberts 1:55

[@ireneangelucci8984]

I died too 😂😂😂😂😂

[@bigmanollie637]

oh no you must of forgot to read the book properly if you cant breathe!

[@bambisco7056]

Zoella's sandwich eating to do List: 1) Have the Sandwich in front of you 2) Be hungry 3) Prepare to eat the sandwich 4) Pick up the sandwich 5) Place sandwich in mouth and chew 6) Swallow Tip: You can save some for later if you are full!

[@SleeplessStudyClub]

lmao

[@shannonryan32]

This comment 😂

[@Elfbirdycarlisle]

Omg thanks for saying swallow! Was about to inhale it then 😂

[@bambisco7056]

@@Elfbirdycarlisle what would we do without the book!

[@Elfbirdycarlisle]

@@bambisco7056 I'm surprised she didn't write about how to buy food lol 😂 Or even how to get to the shop in the first place!

[@nai9233]

so it's basically WikiHow as a book

[@arenyt4496]

nai SO ACCURATE IM DYING😂😭

[@sarahg1483]

At least wikihow was something people wanted

[@whatabouthedroidattackonth3633]

@@sarahg1483 I *wheezed*

[@lydiab3039]

Honestly wikihow is more accurate and helpful.

[@amelie_m_1476]

So ture wikihow as a book 😂

[@XxEvilTiggerxX]

So confused by the target demographic... the instructions are for children but children aren't exactly going to be hosting garden parties are they. And I'm pretty sure anyone who is of an age to actually host a damn party knows how to make sandwiches and paper chains so I'm not sure who she was aiming this at. Maybe she is so out of touch with reality at this point that she genuinely thinks people need a list of all the possible milks you can put on cereal.

[@emmaryalls6000]

Absolutely

[@megan8968]

She’s targeting people who are not pathetic and childish, I recommended you don’t buy this book then

[@rorolilred]

I know - surely the people that need instructions on how to make cornflake cakes aren't the same people who are going to be playing never have I ever?!

[@XxEvilTiggerxX]

@@megan8968 Oooh so only grown ups don't know how to make pancakes and chocolate nests. Noted. Maybe it's something you forget after year 4 and need reminding in your later years by Zoella.

[@megan8968]

Aly Class no it’s just that every hater here has nothing good enough in their lives so they TRY to bring other people down to their level

[@simonrobson6434]

I honestly feel Zoella belongs as a Housewife in the 1950's and Alfie is what you get when you send a hippy to boarding school

[@chaneldoeseverything]

Why is this SO accurate hahahahahahah

[@robillustrates6949]

They are those people who pretend to be wholesome and nice, but it's just a marketable image. Fake!

[@TaxingIsThieving]

She really doesn't.

[@emahalikova8666]

I feel like trees should not be cut down for this kind of books. In fact, it is absolutely savage....

[@danielmcdermott138]

It's a wonder people can even cut down trees without 2 step guidance from Zoella.

[@rina-xs7sz]

@@danielmcdermott138bye AHAHH

[@PinkiWonderland]

Her tips seem oddly specific like, ' make sure you have wipes at the Halloween party because people touch there faces and have stuff on your hands and then they touch your walls!' Lol. I mean, why not just say wipes in case of face paint mess'. I felt like she was triggering to a flashback with that tip. xD

[@TheMakendi]

Right, sounds very accurate 🤣🤣

[@mnight9098]

haha Zoella's murmuring under her breath *i had to get those walls repainted, the black smudges stayed forever*

[@soupii]

Lily Andrews the filthy little peasants still haunt me to this day

[@mnight9098]

@@soupii HOW DAAARRE THEY STICK THEIR GRUBBY FINGERS ON MYYY WALLS

[@soupii]

Lily Andrews THE DISGUSTING GRIMY CREATURES GOT THEIR DISEASE RIDDEN HANDS ON MY PRISTINE WHITE WALLS

[@Catsandcamera]

How did you not mention the cereal party?!?! Literally a page with lists of different cereal, different types of milk, different toppings...crazy!

[@ReecePlaysDrums_]

Christ on a bike are you serious? WHO IS THIS BOOK FOR?!?

[@sodaking6858]

@@ReecePlaysDrums_ no fucking idea that's part of what makes this fun to roast

[@Catsandcamera]

Yep, I saw it on another roast review, it's actually mad!

[@MoejiiOsmanTV]

Her fans are brain dead and she's makin as much money as she can from them until they grow out of her videos

[@sunflowertaeyong9261]

Wow Zoe, Jack spent £50 on your calendar n now he can’t afford lighting

[@le8ducaireauteurs6]

B _ WAIT WAIT WAIT is that a wallpaper of V???!! SORRY IM JUST OBSESSED WITH BTS IF IT ISNT V IM SO SORRY CARRY ON😂😂😂😂

[@sunflowertaeyong9261]

Nour Amir Yh it’s tae 😂 ARRRMMMYYYY

[@singularitae963]

OMG ARMYYYY. Where did you get your profile pic from?😂😂💜💜

[@sunflowertaeyong9261]

BTSArmy uhhh idk I just found it on Pinterest 😂 sorryyy💜

[@nicoleq9247]

LMAOOOO

[@ElinCessilia]

Suddenly I learned to walk. I’ve been rolling around like a ball for 21 years, how silly of me.

[@_Christelle]

you think thats mad?! i just learnt how to breathe thanks to her book

[@megocon6454]

AhahAh

[@1saramak]

@cm. CG it's Swedish, nothing wrong with that name..

[@AymanTravelTransport]

@@1saramak Swedish? I thought it was Welsh! Either way, it's a nice name!

[@1saramak]

@@AymanTravelTransport Swedish and Welsh as far as I know. The name has a different meaning in both countries. I'm guessing the commenter is Swedish based on her last name.

[@rafadydkiemmacha7543]

Imagine being a tree and dying for THIS ☹️

[@Vanessa-bb2qo]

Haha true 😂

[@hds8822]

This book has the same energy as twitter self care threads

[@lilygraves5718]

Tip #1. Stop being depressed Tip #2. Have a bubble bath 💁‍♀️💋💫🌹💅🛀

[@elenap7435]

Tip #3 Drink water! 🤠

[@lilygraves5718]

@@elenap7435 oof just reading that has cleared my skin

[@kei__8963]

The only difference is that you have to pay for this 😂😂😂

[@TaxingIsThieving]

Remember you are loved and mutilated trans people are stunning and brave 🏵️

[@kayv.d.4656]

She really shouldn’t have written this one herself! 🙈

[@zoiejanes3513]

Kay V. D. Now we know why she had to get a ghost writer for the others

[@bee-bg1wt]

the shade omf

[@alicialines9785]

I always felt guilty for actually enjoying the books like they weren't great, but they were a nice read. But the guilt lessened when I found out she hadn't read it.

[@shannon_wyn1829]

@@zoiejanes3513 true and the girl online series were good so she needs to keep with the ghost writers cause this new book is reason why she can't write for her self 😂

[@shannon_wyn1829]

@@SR-ql9he I enjoyed it tbh

[@lucypreece7581]

You need to talk about Eltoria. Like shee made a calendar worse than Zoella. Like yeah hers was over priced amd the stuff wasnt great but at least it was all.brand new products. She naver gave swatched used products and then lied about it. She made nearly 10,000 from selling those calendars. People have found evidence that she is lying and breaking UK trading standards laws. And to top it all off Eltoria has a law degree. She will have studied trading laws in her degree yet has still willfully broken them. Its mad.

[@sodaking6858]

Well as he mentioned at the start of the video if we keep mentioning this to him on social media eventually we will break him and he will do it that's terrible thing to say but still

[@evahuynen6636]

YES YES YES HE NEEDS TO TALK ABOUT ELTORIA

[@MegaMarie]

She is just a wanabe of Zoella, wanting to copy Zoella every shape and form down to her scandals Sad pathetic person who is meant to be grown. To be honest even though not a fan of Zoella, I feel Zoella needs to watch her back in case she becomes real obsessed

[@DeadbySunrise24]

Oh yes he needs to talk about her. How she silences criticism

[@brightstars1697]

Fara Marie Justine like how Ariana Grande told Gabi to “be herself”

[@Milliefxirs]

I went in WHSmith and the book was on sale for £3 And it was still overpriced lol 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@auburnefletcher930]

Millie.fxirs thank u next, zoella xoxo

[@onyaax3]

"its a good idea to set an end time to your party" ... "I wish I figured that out before I threw my garden party back in 2015, cause i've actually still got 3 mates out there on the lawn, with a cold hotdog" hahahahahahah

[@aliciax1129]

Onya Newsome 😂😂

[@izzyyoung6407]

AHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAH

[@lauraanton5955]

This was the best part for me 😄😄

[@jaeeponde3508]

IKR I DIED

[@GwasBro]

Blimey Onya you look quite hot mate

[@parksunghye8574]

I knew I was walking wrong all this time!

[@parksunghye8574]

Space Giraffes I know right!

[@parksunghye8574]

Kathi yeah we’ve been foolish!

[@AlishiasLife]

crap ... why did we not see the right way all along 🤦‍♂️

[@ronjas]

She only changes her bedding once a year then? 😐

[@thatchoirgirl94]

Eeeww That was a good one 😂

[@tansytickel3702]

Ahaha

[@Luna-Lizzy]

I was thinking the same thing 😁

[@nano15j]

Well, she hasn't opened the windows since spring so.....

[@lissioida]

She’s got a maid to do it the rest of the year, duuhhh

[@HelenLvzJack]

“Tory x” NAILED IT hahahahaha

[@venus1362]

Catfish Billy go outside.

[@2Fat2Wizard]

@Catfish Billy not being tory doesn't make you labour

[@eiraevie6742]

Tories hate muslims and disabled people. At least labours policies aren't actually antisemetic. The tories are actually killing and hurting people with their racist, classist, ableist policies.

[@cait812]

@@2Fat2Wizard I mean you say that but people are dying because of the NHS cuts.

[@cait812]

@@2Fat2Wizard Never said that but policies and funding is stretching some areas so thin that it isn't necessarily negligence from the staff but the NHS as a whole as they simply don't have what they need to help everyone. Also for the record I'm not a fan of Labour either. Think we would have been quite fucked either way just in different areas.

[@iamtired712]

If I had £1 for every time Jack says the word brutal, I could buy many Zoella Advent Calendars

[@elliemccarroll6544]

Possibly 2?

[@AndersonHuynh]

these comments LMFAOOOO

[@LumbardiYT]

Nope, you still wouldn't be able to afford one

[@ok-dr8hk]

no but you could make a zoella advent calendar for a pound though

[@Im_Fi]

Don’t say that too loud, Alfie might need that!

[@itsameeey]

But who is the book even targeted at because little kids won’t be throwing house parties but adults who are likely to, won’t be reading this book because it’s all common sense

[@amorembalming]

Actually a really good point.

[@JennyH-yr1hj]

That’s something Zoe wasn’t smart enough to think of

[@roxy20231000]

To be honnest, when I was 7 I loved reading those lifestyle magazines imagining all the parties I would thow when I'm older. 25 years later I have yet to organise a single party, cause I hate them... But I think this book is for little childreen imagining what adult life is like.

[@TaxingIsThieving]

Little kids just dreaming about the parties they will throw by following all of the steps

[@oona60]

how to sleep: 1. decide what time you want to sleep 2. get ready 3. go to bed 4. close your eyes

[@rachel7196]

Wow I would pay £20 to know that info

[@oona60]

@@rachel7196 😂

[@mandymachine262]

Too many steps for me to comprehend, could you please cut it down to 3 so I can understand

[@JR-xy6br]

Thank you I didn’t know how to go to sleep

[@tiermax1629]

I’ll keep it in mind, thanks!

[@MineMadness]

Do you think the real author signed it or just zoella?.

[@tom4626]

Had to read that twice .... lol..... 🤣😂

[@hannahmorrow4214]

In her videos, she shows her signing the books

[@rebecca0liverx]

LMAO

[@cole6791]

ahahaha

[@hannahmorrow4214]

@@cole6791 why is everyone laughing at my comment

[@imogen497]

I had a Hello Kitty party planner book that was more helpful

[@ilovefreddie9574]

Omg me too!! I loved that book!! Are you on about the book called "life, friendship and everything"??

[@ilovefreddie9574]

@@Jess-gl5ys the same one as me?? 😜

[@imogen497]

Just a random person yeah 😂

[@ilovefreddie9574]

@@imogen497 omg that book is so much better than zoella's 😂😂

[@aishawood7947]

Aah I had that and it was so better than zoella's ngl

[@callumrowley4616]

2 dislikes, Alfie and Zoe had an alarm set.

[@bi_cycle]

I like to think that they have a Google alert for it

[@sophieheritage478]

“Just in case you happened to skip cooking class in year 4” 😂😂

[@alfredfreedomjones5105]

Y’all didn’t want her to use a ghostwriter. Now she wrote it herself. You asked for this mate.

[@phyllis1744]

She said that she had help writing it.

[@ayarriba9093]

Phyllis Turner she had help writing THAT? Fuck ME.

[@hatiahbegum5659]

And it’s still shit, she has no skill other than YouTubing and even that went downhill Cos she doesn’t know how to switch up her content. Same old shitty channel, the world had moved on from zoella. She needs to realise she’s irrelevant, she only has her fan base now & she’s still eating off them. Sad.

[@mrgreatbritain]

Alfred Freedom Jones she had to pay a ghost writer. No ghost writer = more money! Yay!

[@d1efrst]

She had help writing how to walk. wtf?

[@alexandra.gracee]

you know it's nearly christmas when jaackmaate brings out a brutal zoella review

[@franinconverse]

Who is this book for? Her fanbase are too young to live in their own house and anyone older than 15 knows all this stuff already.

[@slystitched507]

Im pretty sure u dont need to be older than 15 to write on a blackboard

[@klaudiamihalj]

anyone older than 2 knows all this stuff already

[@honeyy_amyy]

Any one older than 10 know this 😂

[@KattReen]

Basic pinterest bitches

[@ellie9730]

As a 15 year old, I'm personally offended

[@goingunder2548]

It's British tradition to come back and rewatch this video and the calendar one every ~6 to 8 months

[@OmgPandamonium]

I want a zoella book signed by Jaackmaate 😂

[@laurenpower7044]

OmgPanda now that I would buy!

[@marieroseeee]

“I’ll sign it and send it to ya..she’ll hate that”😂😂😂😩

[@alicephilippa8447]

Marie !!

[@hollygould376]

You watch Jack too?!! Anyway, I love your videos, they mean a lot to me!

[@harrietchesters4176]

There's nothing I love more than jaack maate roasting people

[@xtragurl6369]

Zoella: How to eat ice cream: 1) think about the type of brand 2) choose a flavour 3) find a spoon 4) think about how much you want to eat 5) use the spoon to pick up the ice cream (don’t forget to have the lid off 😉) 6) place in mouth and swallow 7) put lid back on Ice cream- Yh I’m not continuing this

[@frosty_teacup]

Yo not cool, you gotta tell me how to digest it or I'll get constipated mate

[@lakshmir7616]

Than How am I supposed to finish

[@panmac8540]

Instructions unclear. I picked up a spoon but can you please tell me wich end to use.

[@margoxathegamer9371]

Does that mean, that you just stole it from somewhere?!

[@franziska9260]

Instructions unclear I have swallowed my spoon and cannot get it out

[@lauren8015]

wish that zoella would release more products a year just so that we could have more of these 😂😂

[@mmmmmmolly]

volume 2, including helpful tips like: -restock the fridge -take a shower -take off last year's paper garland -make new paper garland (*now includes template) (*if you get the limited edition book) -don't forget to shit (constipation is bad for you and you won't be able to properly entertain your gests if you're constantly constipated) - and many more

[@oscarhansley]

I know this is meant to be a pisstake but its actually pretty accurate...

[@mrgreatbritain]

Oscar Hodges as all the Zoella themed videos are!

[@LouisFielding]

This is the kind of content jack is destined to make.

[@shaunandthebugs]

Jack was born to roast Zoella lmao

[@wxlfie9414]

Can you imagine setting an end time for a party?... *Right its quarter to, everyone pack your shit up you've got 15 minutes left*

[@lusciouslaura6244]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Brownielottie]

Why’s it so dark. Fell like I’m in a literal shed.

[@darthvader9710]

Lottie B he cant pay for lights

[@masonrogerss]

the ad revenue isn't good enough to cover his electric bill hahah

[@frosty_teacup]

Nah he spent all his coin buying Zoella's calendar last year innit

[@EvelynIrwin]

The low lighting is a perfect reflection of Zoellas impact in the Universe

[@olia837]

“once you’re done looking at things think about stuff” there are ACTUAL TEARS IN MY EYES IM GONNA PISS MYSELF

[@joeywildman1100]

I'm curious what's her target audience? Cause I doubt her younger fans own a house with a pantry and garden

[@RewonGaming]

Ghosts

[@victoriahowe5609]

spoiled 10-12 year olds who get mummy and daddy to pay for everything

[@tom4626]

LoL.... yep younger fans who aspire (day dream /pretend) to own a house with a pantry and garden....

[@JustAnotherLondoner]

Probably rich kids. I think she's always been wealthy so has always has things like pantries, and isnt really aware of what is and isn't a rich person thing.

[@Tozzywozzy01]

They probably do. Remember those hard plastic yellow walled, red roofed wendy houses with the stable door made by Little Tikes?

[@shahadjz2]

She never cooks. And Alfie doesn't either. How does she publish pinterest recipes in a book she claims as her own?

[@emjohn4935]

she does bake

[@kayholley]

@@emjohn4935 baking and cooking are different things

[@emjohn4935]

@@kayholley lmao i know i just think any baker can become a cook.

[@kayholley]

@@emjohn4935 not really. i can bake but i can't cook.

[@ThatStupidCircle89]

A youtuber girl obsessed with quinoa and pumpkin spice...refreshing

[@kayv.d.4656]

AVOCADOOO

[@t.tthegreat6319]

Qwhite right

[@HannahCVideos]

I was gonna ask for the book but then I realised Bonfire Night has already been and gone for the year

[@esmejay2913]

@Hamster HealthcareYou got there first :)

[@gibuttersnaps2538]

can’t believe you’re really takin the piss outta this book... she provides such helpful tips and directions! for example, i didn’t know you had to think what you wanted to write before you actually wrote it - ive been going about it all wrong for 20 years and i would’ve kept going for the next 20 if she didn’t specify!

[@elscourou6654]

my 11 year brother had no idea that kids are supposed to cater parties, so that one really helped him out since this book is aimed at a younger audience

[@jeremysmith54565]

Yeah only there's alcoholic drinks in there too lol

[@georgiananeculau1545]

No... you would have only been going wrong until she came out with volume II of this trash 😆

[@julialaun9934]

That’s probably the first text you’ve ever wrote that makes sense! Thanks zoella!

[@mariemgabriel1727]

This is a joke right?

[@Liam-qn2kn]

She forgot to include how to be breathe. 1) decide if you want to breathe through your nose or your mouth. 2) start breathing.

[@frosty_teacup]

3) if you find yourself breathing through your mouth, return to step one and pursue an alternative option to the one you originally chose.

[@tascha11]

DO THE ELTORIA ADVENT CALENDAR

[@user-ot5ds8ek7v]

tascha11 YES YES YES

[@princessladytanya]

Scamtorias "unwanted PR and unboxings calendar " good idea. I can't stand that women and her behaviour.

[@sodaking6858]

@@princessladytanya I mean Jack absolutely cut Zoella 2017 calendar to shreds so he would make a great guy to review this

[@evahuynen6636]

YES YES YES YES YEEEES

[@DeadbySunrise24]

Definetely needs to be done. We have to spam him with that 😂

[@Fram383]

So, the book is essentially a compiled collection of shit from Pinterest.

[@marsonsaturn]

Atleast I can find something that's actually good on Pinterest

[@redmoon9650]

And why would I pay for that shit with my hard-earned cash when I can just get shit off Pinterest for FREE?!

[@hopewanes1683]

even wikihow is more useful

[@taz0067]

yes sis, we're getting scammed...y'all should check out Anegelika Oles' video

[@redmoon9650]

Taz 00 I saw that video too. I haven’t been following up on Zoella in the past one or two years but after watching that and several other videos about her scams, I hit the unsubscribe button on that bitch

[@ellamoorin]

So she thinks that someone who owns a pantry, will need a double page spread explaining how to make paper chains and write on a chalkboard...

[@jazlou]

Ella Rose who needs a double page spread on that anyway?

[@Mariquillalapantorrilluda]

That’s because she does. Lolz

[@qkiwi802]

"its strawberry blonde house to you" 🤣🤣

[@metakarp_]

Jokes aside, frozen grapes are actually pretty good. It's like tiny ice lollies. My mum recommended me to do it when I had 2 packs of grapes in the fridge before going away for a week. You can use them as ice cubes in drinks as well!

[@katw9743]

I think everyone on here should contribute a tip or idea and we could write a book and sell it for £20 & throw a garden party with the contents of the pantry we don't have & use the frozen grapes ( actually a good idea) & we could Decorate the garden with paper chains we'll struggle to make 😅😅😅😅😅 my life's complete 😄😄😄😄😄

[@katw9743]

@cm. CG definitely x

[@tiannam3124]

My twin sister & older sister both like frozen grapes that have been rolled in granulated sugar or cool - aid powder.

[@toriawebber2743]

@@katw9743 love this idea

[@staceymills4981]

The comments in this video id rather pay to read than to read zoellas book lmao

[@davidmackayy]

My review: It's shite. Don't buy it. Spend the money on something else. Anything else. You're welcome.

[@sodaking6858]

As bad as it is one thing you have to commend her for is learning her lesson from the Advent calendar and not charging a ripoff see 10£ is something kids can get for Christmas

[@wonderlust1308]

You could spend that tenner on a nice subway meal

[@morganx5570]

You can see how much of a snob she is from this book that And how simple minded she is if she spends her time making paperchains

[@KelleeNotKelly]

Am I the only one who thinks “boom boom balloon” sounds like a euphemism for a condom?

[@Totalchaos0228]

Nope!!😂😂🤣🤣

[@AmberMudde]

Kellee LOL

[@jessodepresso]

lmao ive been waiting for another zoella one tbf

[@grainneee]

hi what's your insta

[@jessodepresso]

@@grainneee @jessffoster

[@jivemagic101]

Omfg the Tory signature 😂

[@jessicasiswick1910]

Tedbames who's tory

[@maireadmaguire4589]

jess emily it’s a political party

[@eeveefanclio3688]

@@jessicasiswick1910 oh dear lord

[@mrgreatbritain]

Tedbames that’s offensive to us Conservative supporters. We don’t want to be associated with that rich snob

[@purity6664]

Jake Low all conservatives are posh twats mate

[@lauren-xo6ds]

The editing just gets better every video lmao

[@lauren-xo6ds]

Sjsjsk why have I got so many likes

[@musaasad7514]

So is her book designed for Tories who have a egg spoon for every day of the week in colour-coordinated order

[@nathanielsteward2221]

Catfish Billy you mean other Tories who commit tax fraud?

[@justaopinionok8675]

@Catfish Billy shut the fuck up Tory!! Don't bring back the social classes shit again... just shows Tories can't wipe their Arse and you can't too..

[@closeencounter-cultureclos4200]

@@justaopinionok8675 Posh people are all lefties anyway. Some kinda rich guilt or something. Never met a lefty who wasn't a posh twat.

[@marigoldbells9581]

@@closeencounter-cultureclos4200 pretty sure jaackmaate is a lefty and he's definitely not a posh twat

[@SRLovesPandas1]

what’s a Tori? they sound annoying

[@shawn.spencer]

What does she mean by "setting an end time to your party"? Like what if when that time comes everyone is still having a good time? Do you throw everyone out or do you turn the music off start cleaning up the place and then go to sleep while everyone is still inside?

[@itsmeaubrey]

Lina fuck this im laughing so hard

[@TheMarkedGirl717]

We all know Zoella would do that lol

[@redmoon9650]

Yeah that shit got me confused lol

[@jessmyzelf5912]

Huge alarm going of untill everyone leaves

[@sphmthr]

It's basically the Sims

[@ayellowpapercrown6750]

The book is not that bad I would have loved that shit when I was 8 but reading it as an adult must feel like you’re on some type of shit

[@TheToyBoy1978]

A yellow paper crown Doesn't Sound like much of the content is aimed at children though!

[@slystitched507]

Idk about u but i couldnt read when i was 8 matter of fact i can barley read and im 18

[@ayellowpapercrown6750]

Children love feeling like big kids. Her audience is mainly children, this book is aimed at children. Even if you think the content is too mature for children, it is completely targeted at children. And honestly, I would have loved that shit as a kid.

[@Unknown-sw9pu]

a yellow paper crown I agree with you, her fanbase is pretty young as well. She did wrong by putting the alcohol part, it’s just confusing this way

[@Amy-eq4et]

A book to 8 year olds about hosting?

[@manpreetkundi]

“I mean that’s a bit niche” 🦔 I snorted

[@katieblacktip]

I was just about to comment that 😂😂😂😂

[@ollyg1938]

That sign should read “Welcome to the Conservative Party”

[@jxb7309]

💀

[@zara5236]

Thank you for wasting a tenner so we don't have to

[@august8807]

Who is even interested enough in zoella to anymore?

[@zara5236]

@@august8807 I never watch her, it was good at the start i guess but now its anything for the money, quite sad really

[@imaansaeed58]

Acc he wasted 20 quid

[@zara5236]

@@imaansaeed58 At 0:50 he said that the book was £10

[@zara5236]

​@Jones Madison lucky him haha and it was signed

[@missylewis7210]

Can you do a video on the Eltoria advent calendar scam? There’s a few videos on it that go in full detail of the accusations made against her, essentially she’s been accused of reselling opened/used products from subscription boxes/PR boxes. She claims she hasn’t but there’s quite a bit of evidence stacked against her and she’s deleted all the videos from her account where shes opening something that was later sent to a customer in the advent calendar she made. She’s copyrighted strike someone who made a video pointing all this out, and deactivated all comments on her videos. She claims that she got permission from the brands to sell these products, but some people have emailed these subscriptions boxes company’s and they said they have no collaboration with her. The reason I want someone else to make a video on it is because I’m hoping it will gain more attention. She’s refusing refunds and claims she isn’t going to address the issue any further.

[@whatspoppin5358]

Missy Lewis HELL YES!!

[@IjeomaThePlantMama]

Petty Paige made a video on it

[@falloncarrington4702]

Yes!

[@TheLitSpirit]

love some tea about money hungry KZbinrs :)

[@mrgreatbritain]

Missy Lewis Eltoria is basically a wannabe Zoella. If I’m right she did an exaggerated positive review on the infamous Zoella advent calendar. She’s on the right road to becoming a rich snob who loves to take money off people! Always good to see on KZbin isn’t it...

[@Longshanks1690]

"(Give Alfie a quid) and he he acts like he just shot a baby in the face with a rifle." - JaackMaate, 2018. Moreover, at least the Callendar had shit to have. Tacky, pointless shit - sure - but things! This seems to be me paying ten quid to buy facts I am already aware of. Does this woman even think about what she puts out there with her name on it anymore?

[@nazrussell6495]

😂 love the reviews. Nothing will top the zoella calander review. I still watch it when I need a laugh.

[@kimberleysmith818]

Naz Russell Same, it’s pure genius!

[@asdfzxcvasdfzxcv8152]

Yo jack who tf puts soil in a vase???

[@sodaking6858]

Yes I was confused at that myself just put water flowers and a little sugar yes sugar apparently its good for the flowers idfk if that's true just do a little bit if your Doing it

[@sodaking6858]

@Ronnie ty and the best part is I didn't charge you a Tenner to learn that

[@soda_fairy]

Um soil in a vase when there's still roots on the plant 😕

[@Dikdik11]

@@soda_fairy Well, then you put the plant in a pot, not into a vase ...

[@missylewis7210]

ikr he is thinking of ripping plants out of the garden or from pot plants or smth LOL I was like wtf O.o He also missed some really good points, the paper chain picture for example is a big pic with better things in it and that crappy paper thing is a tiny thing in the corner, it's hilarious! Someone posted loads of ss on a forum called tattle life, and there are some great scathing comments on there! I think he rushed this video tbh, it wasn't up to his usual standards.

[@lillyr9625]

I'm so grateful for Zoella. I knew I was walking wrong😵

[@Sofia-ih3zu]

Wait we're supposed to walk, damn I crawled

[@grlfront]

Sofie gosh darn it me too (also ||-//)

[@herdingborahae]

So is it left then right, or right then left? Cause I'm never too sure...

[@victoriayoung4451]

Emily H no no it's right right left right ... fml

[@herdingborahae]

@@victoriayoung4451 if only I had her book. Then I would have known.

[@Corrina744]

Ivory statue of Nala🤣 I cant breathe 😩😂🤣

[@tazny3229]

Zoella: "You know, I believe I could make anything and flocks of mindless fans would buy it no matter what" Friend: "Hmm ok, I challenge you to make the most useless, pointless, waste of space junk you can imagine and sell it at outrageous prices, I bet no one's stupid enough to seriously buy it" Zoella: "Challenge accepted"

[@ColinUTD]

It's all bollocks but frozen grapes are actually decent, try em next summer 👌

[@nikeeweston]

MclarenCT but she stole it from Jamie Oliver....SHES A WITCH DAMN HER TO HELL

[@thatsmyopinion8607]

nikeeweston makes sense her fellow Tory probably gave her the idea whilst discussing how to get the smell of poor out of the wall paper.

[@Warde04]

nikeeweston Him And Alfie are friends so they probably got the idea from there

[@NicosW0rld]

MclarenCT I like cold green grapes from the fridge, they’re crunchy but I never knew frozen grapes existed. They look good but I can’t eat them because I know it’ll hurt my very sensitive teeth since they’re cold! Enjoy them though :)

[@sophieturner2949]

PLEASE cover the Eltoria advent calendar scandal! Its even worse than Zoes!!!!!

[@lewis72]

Isn't Eltoria just a Zoella wannabe ? They're both so fucking twee it's painful.

[@missylewis7210]

Yes yes yes! He needs to see the video about it by ex eltoria fan "Soon-To-Be Wilson"!! That's the name of her youtube channel and she did a cracking video backed up with all the damning evidence! Of course eltoria has since deleted her own videos that showed the evidence, but Wilson has it allll there still =) Also a video by Petty Paige, sum it up well.

[@davidmackayy]

I need a "How to walk" book from her because she's walking all the way to the bank, making tons of money from this absolute shite

[@hotinmybags]

Maybe a sequel on how to walk AND chew gum

[@davidmackayy]

@@hotinmybags Fucking hell this is too advanced sorry

[@missylewis7210]

It's what she's done her whole yt career. she should do a book on how to swindle the young, without feeling guilty! Heck, I sold a rare item on ebay recently for 5 pounds more than it's original price and i felt bad. how she does it with countless thousands, idk.

[@beccamartin58]

Ivory statue of nala😂😂😂😂😂

[@davidwhitfield7864]

"It even says 'low effort'. That's very meta."

[@nyilasbella]

I could listen to you read this whole book out loud. No comments, nothing witty to say, just reading it in a very judgemental tone.

[@shannond1580]

How to do basic human functions by Zoella

[@MyKoreanHusband]

I've watched too many reviews of this book... for some reason... but yours was the funniest!

[@Strawbelliefields]

Zoella teaching a whole generation of young girls to be good housewives 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@gmc5618]

Setting feminism back 50 years. All for freedom of choice, if you want to be a housewife good for it but it's ridiculous that she's telling her fans the only things that matter are pretty things and parties.

[@---nz8kq]

Eléonore Blanc oh shit ur right 🙀

[@deansmith3407]

Good on her

[@gmc5618]

@@deansmith3407 are you a misogynist or sommet?

[@deansmith3407]

@@gmc5618 no I'm just a man with a passion ... you may ask what that passion is and I will tell you... for all women to be in the kitchen , signing of ya boy , Dr441

[@user-un9kt9lr4n]

You forgot the steps on how to throw a CEREAL party

[@missylewis7210]

Cereal killer

[@ellax325]

She also let's you know how to take a walk. A damn walk.

[@00HeyItsKathryn]

I fully LOST IT with the tory signature 😂😂😂😂

[@missylewis7210]

Alfie making a video saying I am not a Tory, without a hint of jest or irony, is my favourite youtube noob moment of 2018 so far!! Who does that haha!

[@Takiki]

The irony of this guy is so hilarious and refreshing. I don't give any shit about this famous girl, but I hope she keeps up the "work" so that I can enjoy some quality irony like this

[@chloex2714]

What’s ironic about it

[@JennyH-yr1hj]

chloe hart he’s just learnt the word irony & wants to make a smart comment

[@Takiki]

@@JennyH-yr1hj yea exactly

[@TaxingIsThieving]

Stick to watching cartoons, kid.