What are compulsions?

[@mikey.3226]

So upset I missed this, but over the moon greatful that I'm able to watch it. That story gave me chills, about waiting to go through the door. It's so true. Waiting till you look back and think wow look at all the time I stood there afraid to live. Mark I know it's a cliche, but you are saving me. I'm 29, I'm a fun out going guy, always put others before me, but I struggle severely with compulsive behavior/ severe anxiety. Patterns, compulsions, all to try and have control of things that aren't even real. When I watch your videos, especially "you are not your thoughts'' , I literally have no desire to do my compulsions, it's amazing, and I know you here it all the time, but for what it's worth, thank you man. Thank you so so much. For making me feel normal. I'm forever greatful.

[@DianeR96]

Mark, thank you. I remember standing in the mirror as a child and looking at myself and waiting to see if I’d “forget” who I was. I struggle with DPDR now. Thank you so much for talking about this!!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It's great you can remember those early compulsions!

[@michaelrm83]

Your book and videos have really helped me. There were many moments of clarity while waching this. Thank you so much for your work and how vulnerable you are with your story. Cheers! 🙏🏻

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Thanks, Michael! I'm glad you've found them useful :)

[@MisterDozer]

Thank you so much for posting. I haven't been able to join live streams for a while so it's nice to hear from you. 👍

[@everybodyhasabrain]

😁🙌

[@adamhorn9211]

Hi Mark. I really enjoy your videos. I’m learning a lot about myself. I had a traumatic thought hit me in December which produced extreme anxiety. I became hyper-focused on my body itching. It scared the shit out of me. Since then I’ve let my fears get the best of me. I started to fear and obsess about bugs or bacteria being on everything even on my body. This intrusive thought is sticking with me and producing anxiety and terror in my everyday life. It’s exhausting. I’m not really scared of these things I’m just scared of the thoughts. It’s like my brain is constantly testing me with them. I’m trying to accept the thoughts but it’s extremely difficult. I immediately get a fear response as soon as the idea pops into my head. I’d love to get your advice on how best to overcome this. 44 year old man/business owner in high stress environment. Thank you.

[@adamhorn9211]

I have a fear of losing control, going crazy and ending up institutionalized

[@blktegs]

How are you doing any advice?

[@stephaniemoura9325]

Thank you for this live Mark 🙏 I joined the last live stream but couldn't join this one. But I'm watching now. It's becoming almost impossible to live my life because of OCD, people say they have themes, I struggle with lots of "themes" at the same time. What you're saying makes total sense. Every of the bad "clinical" started with a fear of "what if I'm being a bad person and manipulative to my boyfriend, just like me ex was to me" that one thought went away but many others and even worse came back, I'm going to see a doctor next week and I really hope I'll be able to live my life and do what I care about and not be struggling with this irracional fears

[@everybodyhasabrain]

😁🙇‍♂️ I hope the doctor visit turns up some useful tools!

[@stephaniemoura9325]

@@everybodyhasabrain Thank you, I also really hope!

[@The.Gemini.Sisters]

@@stephaniemoura9325 Hey Stephanie, How did the doctor visit go? I am anxious/worried to start therapy.

[@mattr2961]

Wow, thank you man

[@everybodyhasabrain]

You're welcome!

[@luisjimenez-gg7ch]

Hey Mark, I am just so grateful to you because your videos have helped me in many ways in the process of understanding my brain, please keep doing the awesome work that you do, you literally save lifes. I also want to ask if you know a good technique or book that i can use to increase self-esteem and gain confidence? This is being a big barrier to me as i'm beginning with recovery.

[@janethutcheson6926]

Buy the book. Read the book. Work the book. It will help.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Thanks for the awesome review, Janet!

[@loonies7522]

Digging myself out of a deep hole because I did everything I could possibly do to cope and check.

[@olivep7920]

Mark, thank you for posting this video on youtube. It was a very helpful topic, as were the questions and answers.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Thank you!

[@realrozer5785]

Why is internet so demotivation ? Like when I search something about OCD , the first thing that pop are 1) OCD Can never be cured 2) You can only do it with professional help 3) You need medications Like I have organized a date and from that date I started breaking all the habits i had for years and broke all the rules , My brain now literally only has two thoughts left which are able to threaten me but I am not giving in , And i do have some hope that I can take control of my brain...But the only thing demotivating is the internet , it's scaring me ! ( Hope you will reply to this )

[@everybodyhasabrain]

But why are you searching about OCD? If you want to be good at swimming, do you do online searches about drowning? Of course if you search about drowning and only talk to people who struggle with drowning, you'll only hear about struggling with drowning, managing drowning, avoiding the water, fears about different types of water you can drown in, etc. If the goal is to have great mental health/great swimming skills instead of OCD/drowning, then it helps to instead shift the focus to building the skills you want to build. Of course swimming seems impossible to somebody that's drowning. And they will not be a useful source of information on what's possible with swimming.

[@realrozer5785]

@@everybodyhasabrain Thank you for replying... Because when i was following all those rituals , i was not even allowed to search what i was doing...like it was after the break-free date i started searching at first i thought it was delusion disorder and then i thought it was schizophrenia and finally like 2 days ago most of my characterstics are matching with ocd , So in wanting to learn more i was searching and reading all the experiences... ( Still i cant understand if its completely ocd because i remeber creating these thoughts for a purpose and i have no need to follow these after the purpose , but what i did is breakfree before fulfilling the purpose because it went so extreme it triggered freedom ) Thats a beautiful answer by you , I actually saw someone on reddit saying they recovered ocd with the contribution of you and i immediately saw your video ' So you think you can't recover from mental illness...' I havent seen your other videos yet but i am letting you know , you are sure making a change in peoples lives , i can see that in their answers :) Now coming to me i kind of have hope i , no i mean i kind of beleive i can completely destroy it , i can feel that inside me , but with some few phrases i saw like ' OCD CAN NEVER BE CURED COMPLETELY ' and stuff like this , my mind is worrying thats it .

[@qhhh4189]

Same here

[@Deathhead68]

Hey Mark, love these videos. I had a couple of questions about some of the exercises in your book that are slightly too long for the brain tech support sessions. Would I be ok to email you? I understand that you may be very busy.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Sure! You can email or post about it in the Discord server: discord.gg/82weTW9fqV there are many people there doing the exercises as well and people often share about the exercises and tips on them

[@Deathhead68]

@@everybodyhasabrain ahh I will try using the discord server in future, thanks mark

[@Deathhead68]

@@everybodyhasabrain I tried to go on but the link had expired and I can't find it anywhere else, could you point me to it again please

[@everybodyhasabrain]

​@@Deathhead68 This link expires within a day. Here's another: discord.gg/8auu4Azc If you don't catch this one, send me a private message by email on my site www.markfreeman.ca or on Instagram and I can send you a unexpiring link.

[@earthaborntobestar3246]

Hi mark! Recently I've been having intrusive thoughts about developing another type of OCD,(symmetry, etc). And It's causing me to constantly check if i'm comfortable with certain things that are not placed symmetrical. Whenever i forget about this intrusive thought I don't even notice any object or the way its placed, but when I do have this intrusive thought occur i constantly check if im comfortable with how certain objects are placed, and then I overthink and OVERTHINK even more. Is this normal?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It can really help to see that this check for reassurance if something is "normal" is the same compulsion that fuels these anxieties. Something that helped me a lot was understanding there aren't "themes" or types of OCD. Checking for certainty, whether it's online if something is normal, or checking how we're feeling about symmetry... they're the exact same compulsion. Just checking. Getting over OCD involves cutting out the compulsions. Tackling them at that pattern level, instead of judging them as different, can be a big support.

[@earthaborntobestar3246]

@@everybodyhasabrain Thank you so much for this! The intrusive thought went away, and now I realize how ridiculous it was.

[@masa28112]

Hey Mark, I commented earlier about the gym pedal thing in my head, I know that you responded but couldn't grasp what you said before deleting my comment out of embarrassment and panic because I thought I was being judged or bothering you as my scenario was very specific, like I said I voluntarily think of a gym cycle pedal and it moving round and round in my imagination and try to stop it, but can't it just keeps going round and round, before I eventually can slow it down and stop it, the thing is everytime it does a round when I try to stop it, it annoys me, and makes my brain hurt, I don't know if this is related to my OCD (I have POCD but have recovered pretty well, been doing ERP since 3 weeks on my own) you said on working on compulsions in a broader sense, like not checking your phone and not checking other things in general, like if I locked my drawer etc., and I am doing that because I wanna work in being better and free of OCD in every way, I wanna know if this random thing which I playfully voluntarily think about and me being annoyed when I can't stop the gym pedal going round at first in my imagination, is related to OCD in anyway? like I said in my comment yesterday, this is very specific, sounds very stupid, but yesterday night when I wrote that commeng I felt like I had gone insane because of that situation, yesterday I playfully did that gym pedal thing and realised that it may not be normal after watching your videos, and that's when I thought I was mentally insane or something and wrote that comment, so how do I approach this and is this OCD related?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Believing something is specific, judging it as bad/strange, and checking if it's normal IS the compulsion. By doing these compulsions to try to figure out if it's "normal" we just teach the brain to throw up more strange stuff so we do more of the compulsions. It really helped me to recognize the brain just cares about the compulsions. The topic and the details are totally irrelevant. All the brain wants is for you to go checking about this and spend time on this. So it's very useful to cut out these compulsions.

[@masa28112]

@@everybodyhasabrain Understood, I will not go after finding if it is normal or not, thank you so much 🙏🏼

[@linus430]

When is checking unhealthy or healthy though? Like today I spilled my drink that got onto my laptop and I had to check if I completely dried it which made my ocd kick in but I can't risk the computer. Is it just about practicing not overchecking and doing your best to keep checking at a minimum? Like you clarifying that you did not wish those children any harm, is that a compulsion? :)

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Fears are doing compulsions and doing recovery "wrong" are easy to get wrapped up in. Chasing those certainties is only going to keep creating more uncertainties! So it can really help to shift the focus to what we want to build and grow. Something else I found helpful was recognizing that there's just me. In your message there, you mentioned that checking your computer "made my ocd kick in". What if OCD isn't a thing that can "kick in", but is a bunch of old habits you defaulted to, and you recognize you'd like to learn some different ways of doing things? If you want to learn different ways of doing things, that's something you can do.

[@mrmonk7197]

Mark, that must have been humbling to talk about your past. Thank God recovery is an option.

[@mathewtsillis2271]

Mark I suffer from the pure O type where I have mental urges or compulsions!! They scare me the most bc at times I feel like I am going to react to these urges!! Like I am going to go mad or at the crossroads of madness!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Very common!!!

[@mathewtsillis2271]

I know been dealing with it for many years. I am 44 yrs old never had bad anxiety until I suffered a very bad life threatening infection 10 yrs ago. A year after the incident I started getting very anxious and intrusive thoughts. I thought my mind was going. People like you are God sent bc you shine a light on this problem and yes it can be overcome. So thank you!!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@mathewtsillis2271 😁🙌

[@89injan]

Hi Mark. Greetings from Latvia. Thank you for your videos. Those are very interesting and helps a lot. 1. I know that I need not to react to thoughts, but sometimes we have those reminding thoughts e.g. to not to forget to call someone etc., so you engage with those thoughts then. Is that ok? Because I got confused a bit. And my brain then asks - why you react to that thought and not to react to another and I feel anxiety then, because I can't find an answer. 2. And a question about values. I know what values I have but I have noticed that very often when I have the OCD thoughts I start to think over - should I react or not/is it related to my values or not and then I start to doubt about my values... 3. Is that common that you know what you need to do about your mental health but there is such feeling that you don't believe in that or a mentor (I think that it is already a thought) and then you become worried again and start to ruminate about that proving that you believe in that, search for some evidence. I will be so thankful for your response. Thank you for mentoring us.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@89injan Greetings to Latvia! I can't answer all of these questions all together in one message. Can you just ask one short question at a time in separate comments? Then I can respond to each very easily.

[@89injan]

@@everybodyhasabrain I know that I need not to react to thoughts, but sometimes we have those reminding thoughts e.g. to not to forget to call someone etc., so you engage with those thoughts then. Is that ok? Because I got confused a bit. And my brain then asks - why you react to that thought and not to react to another and I feel anxiety then, because I can't find an answer.

[@89injan]

@@everybodyhasabrain I know what values I have but I have noticed that very often when I have thoughts popping in my head (different thoughts) I start to think over - should I react or not/is it related to my values or not and then I start to doubt about my values. Is that common? Have you struggled with that when you started your compulsions free way.

[@89injan]

@@everybodyhasabrain You can have some intrusive thoughts (what if) and you notice them, you don't feel anxiety but you understand that you need to react to those and think of them because they are rational and very possible e.g. some finance related questions. What are your thoughts on that? Or we just need to pass all the intrusive thoughts we have? Then what about risks we raise in that or another project e.g. Those are also some kind of intrusive thoughts. )) Got a bit confused of that.

[@89injan]

@@everybodyhasabrain the last one question. I so appreciate your help. :) So the question - There are many thoughts coming into your mind. Do you say that we need to not react to all of those by fear or not to think on them at all? Because e.g. I got a thought that I need to buy a present for my father and yes, I really need to buy a present to my father as it is his fest. So now I am a bit confused about you saying not to react to thoughts and just leave them without any thinking. Or it is a question about choice you make when the thoughts are coming into your mind - I mean to think or not to think over, but then your brain will think over the things you don't need to think about... again a bit confused ))

[@mayurgupta1649]

I have uncomfortable urge to swallowing, and however i am not doing then i am feel very discomfort and its going on loop again and again,also same as for peeing and drinking water, my focus is always in my body parts where feel sensation and i am clinching my teeth and my legs are tight, everything i am doing in two three times then its been a compulsipn for me and also some thing i didn't understand because pure o is very complex so please guide me to overcome these types of ocds. I am confused and easily trust on other person opinions and the talks are continuosly playing in my mind .

[@wutru20]

Hey mark, is the book buyable in the Netherlands? And quick question, if you dont want to answer it because it is seeking for certainty, please Don't answer. I sometimes wear clothes purely because i have the feeling in these clothes i dont care what people think. I dont really like these clothes. I also have clothes i really like, but if i wear them i am obsessing about if girls like me. I want to wear nice trendy clothes but something is holding me back, like i cant achieve the same feeling as in old clothes. Please help me if you can. Thanks Thanks!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Yes, you can buy it in the Netherlands. For the question about clothes, it can help to see those are compulsions. It's useful to cut out compulsions and where clothes you want to wear, not to control feelings or control minds

[@wutru20]

@@everybodyhasabrain i have experience in cutting out mental ones, but is this the same? Just accept the uncertainty what girls think of you, if the feeling is right, etc etc, and walk away from these thoughts? Or do you have an extra tip?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@wutru20 This is the same. There are mental compulsions you're doing here as well. All of that thinking about what others are thinking and judging the different clothes, etc. Those are all compulsions, too. Judging the anxiety, ruminating about the clothes after you put them on... there will be lots! So you can help yourself with this by cutting out the mental compulsions.

[@wutru20]

@@everybodyhasabrain thank you. Indeed asking these questions is looking for certainty so i am stopping with this.

[@wutru20]

@@everybodyhasabrain mark, i think i didnt stop the ruminating and now i had a thought like, i can imagine someone walking behind me, or imagine stuff, this scares me. What to do, are these compulsions too?

[@kevinjgwilson]

Do the themes of intrusive thoughts have any significance? It's my understanding that intrusive thoughts are like cars. Cars come in all sorts of sizes, shapes, colors but are all forms of transportation. Likewise intrusive thoughts can be of fear, harm, contamination but are just forms of OCD.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Yeah, cars are cars. What matters is how we interact with them.

[@bellelee5268]

Hey Mark! I’m suffering from OCD, and i’m practicing on the ERP self help book now. And i’ve staretrd planned ERP 3 days ago. But i have a question here! Since i’ve learned about OCD, and ERP, i understand that i need to face my fear and uncertainty, and don’t do the rituals. But in the self help book, they say “it’s good to expose yourself to the anxitey provoking situations that exiests in your daily life,after you’ve practiced enough of planned ERP (after about 3weeks of practice). So after you’ve practiced enough of planned ERP, if your OCD says in your daily life that it’s dangerous to touch the trash can, do the opposite of what it says.” Does that mean that i need to avoid every feard situation that exsit in my daily life, other than the planned ERP practice until i’ve practiced enough of planned ERP? i’m confused if i can apply the ERP rule (face my fear and don’t do the ritual) in my daily life now or i can only practice ERP rule when i’m practing planned ERP. Thank you so much for your help always!!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Sorry, I don't understand what the book is suggesting. But this sounds like you're trying to bring compulsions into recovery and get it "right". You can try things and see what works well. Be curious!

[@bellelee5268]

@@everybodyhasabrain Thanks! And i have one more question! What should i do when the thought pops up as a choice? For example, i have a thought like “if u touch a pencil, u’ve insulted god. And if u touch the desk your dog will die.” And i can’t simply incapable of choosing any of it! Cause both are so terrible! But i need to choose one option anyway. So i choose one thing, and it’s not that anxious when i choose the options other than insulting god. But if i choose the option that associates with insulting god, then i become so anxious and worried because i think i value other things than god. That kinds of option comes up every second of my day. And i don’t know what i can do here.:( And i don’t really care if i touch pencil or desk. There’s no preference. i could choose anything if that kind of choice did’t pops up. So it’s impossible to do the thing that i really wanna do here, because there’s nothing that i really wanna do about touching pencil or desk :( What can i do?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

A though is a thought. It's all brain stuff. It doesn't change because there are two uncertainties. That's just uncertainty. What I would look at here is why you're engaging with it at all. The brain shouting random stuff is no different than somebody shouting stuff at you on the street. It helped me to see that putting that random stuff in charge of my life and believing it was important was the real problem.

[@jai598]

Hi mark. Last year I was diagnosed with OCD. For some reason I can't find a good night sleep, it is like I haven't slept properly this whole year. Then I improved a little bit and starting to getting like enough sleep. Recently I tried mindfulness, so i tried cutting down things that hinder my mindfulness one of them was smartphone I realised I use too much smartphone. So I cut my usage of smartphone to like 90℅ and only use it whenever required. It helped, now I can easily stay in the present moment, and focus only what I am doing, the thoughts started coming a lot less, it was like cutting down a compulsion. But recently I am again getting not enough sleep. Cutting down smartphone has caused sleep deprivation, Idk maybe I was addicted to it. I have noticed that if I like don't get outside much or have less social interaction I don't have very good sleep at night. I just wanna ask was it because I was addicted to smartphone so I have to slowly adapt my body without it and it would all right or is it I am depressed or something else.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It could help to see that there are more compulsions than this, including mental compulsions, like judging this stuff and chasing certainty about it, along with other physical compulsions, like posting the same question on multiple videos. Worrying about and trying to control sleep is very common. I find it helpful to look at what I'm teaching my brain during the day. If I'm doing lots of checking and controlling throughout the day, then it's only natural my brain wants to keep doing that at night.

[@jai598]

@@everybodyhasabrain I like wanna to stay mindful and I had some compulsions like an urge to check my phone etc. But I had a habit of day dreaming as a child now I wanna cut it out because it was messing with my sleep, and I think daydreaming a lot of time and not staying in present caused me ocd. But I am not able to cut it out, I have cut down most of my compulsions and in the process of cutting more down, but this one it is the most tough to take down, I don't know what is causing it. Although I am able to make some improvements like I cut down all of my sources daydreaming and rumination(tv, movies etc.) But then again like when I am driving and somebody passes me close I still get into ruminating for ex. I would say: What an idiot, he doesn't know how to drive etc. And I am totally not in the present moment then I notice what I am doing and bring my mind back to driving, it happens again and again. I want to cut it down but to cut it down obviously I can't quit driving. Like when I am not doing anything or just exercising I again had a thought and I will idk start ruminating about it then again I notice and stop and again it will happen. These kind of things happen when I am doing a task that does not require much attention or I am not doing. Any tips mate?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@jai598 This approach your describing isn't something I would do. Things outside of us can't be "sources of rumination". I don't understand what the purpose would be of cutting out TV and movies or even considering cutting out driving. Ruminating is an action that we do. It doesn't come from outside objects. You described that as an improvement. That's like saying somebody who avoids water has improved their swimming. I wouldn't see that as an improvement at all. I'd see that as the opposite of improvement. It could really help to work with a professional on this stuff or grab a good workbook to follow.

[@jai598]

@@everybodyhasabrain what I meant was suppressed my urge to like check on my smartphone, check on different videos, like that. But the point is when I am doing something I don't have to pay too much attention to, I lost my presence of mind. Like driving is such an example, solving maths problems is the opposite of it,. I mean how to stay present like when you are doing something that does not require much attention. (If I want to elaborate I would say like I was addicted to tv and smartphone, for ex. I can't stay idle without watching a video, or I had an urge to watch a movie or a video while eating, or an urge to check messages and notifications like every 15 mins, a urge to check how much I am gonna score in the school exam. I saw them as a compulsion that's why I cut them out. And it helped bringing down my rumination level I noticed that now I can somewhat let an intrusive thought pass and not stop thinking about it hours. Driving is a different case it does not cause rumination but I easily lost my presence of mind and loosing presence of mind is one of my significant problem. I tried many different things like deep breathing, calmly doing things etc. They help but not much if any significant help I got was through meditation. Yeah so what are techniques u use to stay mindful while doing something.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@jai598 Getting started on a meditation practice can be a useful way to learn mindfulness skills. Meditation is the practice and mindfulness is the sport. So if we don't practice, then of course we struggle during the game.

[@keeponsmiling6455]

Hey! So I have some exams at college coming up, and I'm really not interested in some of those subjects at all. But, just like everyone else, I know that I have to study to pass. Not a lot but still quite a bit because these exams are tough. So my brain is telling me that I have to do something I really don't want to do. And I'm forcing myself to do something I don't want to do (I'd rather spend my time doing something I enjoy) because I don't have a choice if I want that degree - just like my peers. But studying for an exam is neither a clinical compulsion nor quirky, right? It's necessary, something I just can't get around because I really want to graduate. It seems like a lot of times in life we have to do things that we don't like if we want to get somewhere - because life just isn't a bowl of cherries.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Sorry, I don't understand. To me, I'd see studying as the thing to value doing here and the compulsions are getting caught up in the judgments and avoidance and spending time and energy writing about this.

[@keeponsmiling6455]

@@everybodyhasabrain Studying is in line with my values because in the long term it will get me to where I want to go. But I'd much rather do things I enjoy like going out, so it feels like a compulsion, since I'm forcing myself to do something I don't want to do right now. It's hard to distinguish between things that are necessary like studying for boring classes and compulsions. Maybe add a fourth category to the left of "normal" called "necessary"?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@keeponsmiling6455 I don't understand how you're defining compulsions. In my experience of struggling with mental illness, I always wanted to do the compulsions. I thought they were necessary and very rational and "normal".

[@keeponsmiling6455]

@@everybodyhasabrain I agree with the definition you gave in the video, but I would add that they're not necessarily things you want to do. When you have the urge to engage in compulsive behaviors like excessive research online, you don't necessarily want to do that because it can cause distress, but you force yourself to do it anyway because of the urge, right? And then you want to stop with the excessive research, but you can't stop immediately because the compulsive behavior is hard-wired in your brain.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@keeponsmiling6455 Yes, I'm not saying compulsions are about either liking them or not. I'm emphasizing that it's irrelevant. Feelings are not useful ways to determine what a compulsion is, same with values. Values are like directions. If you go into the forest and just randomly follow feelings, good or bad, it's an easy way to get lost.

[@qhhh4189]

I fear that I will pass my ocd to my child

[@everybodyhasabrain]

That's a common fear, bit it's totally possible to get over OCD and learn great mental health skills you can share with your whole family. So I'd shift the focus to learning healthy skills

[@qhhh4189]

@@everybodyhasabrain I m not married yet though.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@qhhh4189So? My suggestion was to learn healthy skills to stop practicing mental illness. There's no barrier to you learning healthy skills now. All of this time spent doing compulsions could go towards building healthy skills and doing things you care about.

[@qhhh4189]

@@everybodyhasabrain if I recover from it then there will be no passing

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@qhhh4189 That's up to what skills you teach your children. But that's a choice you get to make, just like you get to choose many things you teach them