Hoarding Disorder

[@DarrenFMagee]

Transcript available on Patreon www.patreon.com/posts/hoarding-113588307 or Substack darrenfmagee.substack.com/p/hoarding

[@liamsibleyyt]

i had a severe hoarding problem and i found it useful to tackle the problem in small portions. i started with getting rid of 'rubbish' first, then i tackled the smallest room in my home so progress was evident, this helped build momentum. then i did things like getting rid of multiples of anything i owned. it may sound silly, but putting things away can help. i'd agree that this is a process that should be done by the hoarder themselves if and when they're ready. a good question to ask yourself might be "does this item bring me joy or anxiety?" also, i'd reconsider keeping anything that i hadn't touched in years.

[@Mkr7942]

I have found from experience that hoarders can have a very deep emotions associated with the stuff and may resist any outside attempt, however well intentioned, to help them declutter. Only the hoarder can declutter their stuff, and no one else can help them, until they are ready. Which might be never.

[@patriciafry8634]

Yes, in my experience also.

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

@@patriciafry8634same . It usually even becomes worse as they get older

[@djhrecordhound4391]

I want and need the help of organizing, cleaning, researching, grading, and pricing records. Certainly was NOT needing a person to go arbitrarily throwing out half my belongings, as some tried. Only one couple would help me, and sometimes it was just to check in while I milled about, or encourage me to keep going. There was physical help too, but I needed those types of 'help' just as much. A lot was junked/donated/sold, and I'm far from finished.

[@Mkr7942]

@@djhrecordhound4391 Good on you for getting started. It's not easy.

[@rhondamock7628]

My mother’s cousin, aged 80, hired me to “bring order to her life.” It took almost two months to make the paths to each room wider. She resists throwing away or donating unused or broken items. They are “precious” or “I love them” and I have to listen to a memory of a broken plastic souvenir mug, etc…. 9 rooms in the house, only 4 are livable. (Two rooms were almost immediately trashed, because I didn’t keep her Christmas clothes together. ) She also has a garage and storage shed that are terribly dangerous. She has been depressed for 43 years, since her son was killed. She refuses to bathe, wear her hearing aids or teeth, change clothes, eat anything but junk. She is always late for appointments or doesn’t go at all, in spite of the fact that I’ve told her repeatedly how it affects the other people involved. Her children and grandchildren do not come around and it hurts her. I would love to quit because I’m exhausted, but I know what will happen if I do. When I try to talk to her about things, I get treated with contempt and sarcasm. I’ve talked to her children and have gotten nowhere. All they’re involved with is making her money work for “her”, aka lining their pockets with her death. Hell on earth. I also have my overt (or malignant) narcissistic/ bipolar mother. I don’t need an official diagnosis anymore. Did I say hell on earth?

[@SierraNovemberKilo]

Stop 'trying' to help. Instead a different approach might have some positive effect. Next time you visit, take a notebook & pen and sit down with her. Pick up an item she's prevented you from throwing away. Hand it to her. Ask her to explain to you its significance. Write down her response. Thus: ....(colour) plastic spoon : blah blah blah blah Do this until, over many visits you've filled the notebook. You've got yourself a tool to help her deal with the stuff. Use it wisely.

[@MrGrace123]

It seems you are being very considerate and kind in this situation in trying to help her. It will feel like a losing battle, perhaps it is. Do your best, it's very difficult to help someone who doesn't want to change and when her next of kin have bad intent too ( inheritance) 😢😮

[@artimidz3451]

At least you're getting paid for it. Just look at it as any other job: do the best you can do & don't feel bad about not doing better. I'm assuming you don't have a full time job. Wouldn't it be awesome if they all knew you had a full time job or career? They wouldn't think of asking you to help if you did. Folks really respect the time & effort of full time employed people; not so much that of the unemployed. In the USA this is a fact.

[@rhondamock7628]

@@artimidz3451. This IS my career and I have other clients, none of whom has family around. She’s my problematic one. I will not work for a relative again. Too hard to separate.

[@rhondamock7628]

@@MrGrace123. I’ve had to face the fact that her sense of order is much different than mine. Today, she allowed me to burn piles of old newspapers and magazines. I’ve been trying for over a year, so I consider it an extremely successful day. Thank you for your kind words.

[@tanyabillinghurst9144]

My 87 yr old father is a compulsive buyer and hoarder. He buys multiples of the same item, which in part, is due to dementia (now) as he forgets that he’s already got 2, 3 or 4 of whatever it is he’s buying. The other problem that has shown itself over the last 7/8 yrs is that he never uses what he has bought. He justifies his purchases as something that will help make his life easier ie, handheld vaccum cleaners or gardening tools. He hasn’t gardened or done much housework for a number of years. I creep in when he’s napping and vacuum and dust so his house doesn’t ever get that messy and he is oblivious to me being there as he’s hard of hearing but refuses to acknowledge his need for hearing aids. Probably just as well as he’d buy 3 or 4 lots 🤣🥴

[@speciallion1135]

I have been trying to help a friend, who has been afflicted with hoarding. Your video, is spot in, to what I have witnessed & experienced with my friend. He now lives 200 miles away, as he was thrown out of his house share, for hoarding. The house, was owned by the his employer, the hospital, yes, I know. You would think the Employer would try & help, but no, they threw him out. He has now quit his position & moved into an uninhabitable house, belonging to his late parents. No one would help him move, so I hired a van to take his possessions to this inhabitable house, with leaking roof, falling down ceilings, mould all over the walls - & I mean mould, with mushrooms/fungus growing. Outdated 1930’s electrics, which don’t work upstairs. No heating & no water. Narrow passageways between piles of old newspapers & basically piles of total, useless crap. I could t see anywhere to lie down properly & the bath was just full of stuff, no that it mattered, as there wasn’t any water. He is the eldest, of 4 siblings I think there is a psychological burden to that also. He has had a lot going on, thrown out of his house, quit his job of 17 years, the loss of his mother, (who didn’t live at the derelict house) etc etc. All I have been able to do, is reflect back, as to what he has been through & let him know, that he has been heard. I have tried to encourage him, by taking small steps, by doing some tasks, for one hour each day. Also, registering with a Dr, who he may be able to seek CBT through. It was interesting that you mentioned about hereditary, I think this has a massive baring on my friend, culturally, as well, the family is from India, his father was an eminent medical consultant, also narcissistic traits. My friend’s sister, is also a clinical psychologist, you would think that she would be recognising the signs, but I concluded, as above, that she too, is probably a hoarder & sees nothing wrong. It’s totally overwhelming, for my friend & it’s such a shame to witness, as a comfortable environment, he would thrive.

[@patriciafry8634]

Very difficult to help them change, in my experience.

[@liamsibleyyt]

i think genetic neurodivergent traits such as autism, ADHD, and OCD play a part in these kinds of things, and run in families. i have all these three, and my hoarding was extreme. i'm sure your help is much appreciated by your friend. x

[@Lucy-iw1xf]

@@liamsibleyyt my heart goes out to you! I hope you've found ways to manage it. Same as my brother asd, ADHD and OCD. He says CBT therapy helped but he said he really had to dig deep to unlock patterns he was trapped in , like a puzzle in his mind. Hope you're doing much better now x

[@liamsibleyyt]

@@Lucy-iw1xf thank you for your kind words. i found that a stay in hospital helped break the pattern, and give me a place to go back to at night after a day of clearing at home. this was one of the most helpful things for me i think. i'm doing much better, thank you for asking. i still have more stuff than normal, but at least i can move around indoors now. :)

[@BobTheSchipperke]

I keep having the thought that people struggling with hoarding might be helped by a texting buddy. What I mean is a network of organized people helping those who are struggling. A safe place to share before & after photos to energize in the hard process. I would do it. 💛 I have helped many people organize, including hoarders.

[@Upemm]

My Mom grew up during WWII so everything was rationed until 1952/3. As a result she never threw anything away “ Just in case you will probably need it one day”. She passed away 2 years ago, I,m still going through boxes 😂.

[@paulxavier431]

I seem to be perpetually de-hoarding my parent's house. The irrationality of it all drives me up the wall. On the other hand, Darren's simple yet elegant and clean exhibition of objects behind him of which he obviously holds dear gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling of shared community. Either that or we're two guys of a certain age who want to be shown "something that will make you feel young as when the world was new".

[@DarrenFMagee]

Good quote 👍

[@Lucy-iw1xf]

The people i know who suffer with a hoarding disorder had grown up in poverty , childhood trauma and experienced a bereavement and the loss seem to trigger it

[@liamsibleyyt]

agreed.

[@SteeleMagnolia]

Agree. My ex, since '91, became a hoarder after our divorce. He was raised as an only child, and was coddled all of his life, super entitled personality. He has absolutely no qualities that will attract a mate, being severely obese, and antisocial. I put up with a lot of garbage from him, during our 8 year marriage, dealing with his laziness, overeating, and overspending. His misery is his alone, and well deserved.

[@AnnGreen-o9e]

The husband grew up in a wealthy family. So I am not sure why he became a hoarder. Just know after his death I was left dealing with it. There was about 100 cubic metres of rubbish just in the house we lived in. I didn't see it but the son and his wife spent a week taking loads of rubbish to the tip from a rental property. The daughter also cleaned up a property. That still needs cleaning out. So the hoarding spilled over into other properties. 😮 So if he hadn't died how bad could it have been? Every property ending up unrentable, due to hoarding?

[@SteeleMagnolia]

@political_discourse_news6373 Considering he almost drove me to the point of suicide, more than once, that's a bold and sick observation you've made. YOU are definitely the narcissist.

[@Antonypradeepcan]

I do cherish my journaling notes and books very much! Maybe few personal items. Lot of good and strong memories with them. Other than that I guess I have to discard lot of my stuff and I think I can live without any regrets.

[@privateprivate8366]

I am probably a Level 1 hoarder and my mother may have been a 4 to 5. Speaking for myself and my experiences, my hoarding came from shopping, often with my mother. I’d assume that many people, who even shop at the MarMaxx stores, here in the states alone, might be hoarders of some type. Probably isn’t a McMansion big enough to hold it all. But, I have lots of clothes and dish sets. All of this was in hopes I’d have friends, dinner parties and the like. None of which materialized as I have no friends and life has mostly dried up into just going to work and going home. I’m also not one to believe that, if I buy a can of paint or bottle of glue, that I should dispose of it, if I don’t exhaust it, for a singular project. I’m also a bit of a prepper. I was almost evicted 2 years ago and, although I’m put much of those items into storage and management said it was fine, in the most recent visit, the project manager said I still have too much, even though I’ve only added 2 cat trees and nothing else, since 2 years ago. In addition, I’ve always been a creative. I work professionally as one, for a global corporation, but the more interesting, creative stuff is for my personal time. This requires typical equipment. But, I do know how non-creatives look at it. It’s just stuff. Unnecessary stuff. Why can’t you be normal, go to work, give your landlord your check, then go to sleep? My mother had similar ideas, but bigger. By the time she passed, it was 2 hoarded homes and 2 storage units. Hoarded with lots of beautiful items. But, she died, likely, as a depressed, collapsed covert narcissist. It’s like she became a vacuum of all that she wanted out of life, but would never have, after some failures and setbacks came her way. I do believe that hoarding is according to current style, however. If your living space is designed like the 1980s, you’re likely to be considered a gluttonous hoarder today and, if people from Victorian times were here, they’d considering minimalist living to be spartan, considering the amount of work hours many of us put in and for a country of apparent abundance. But now, if you have more than a chair and snack table and there’s no echo, you’ve got serious problems. Of course, if you have an equal amount, to the guy next door, but you’re house is a mansion, you’re not a hoarder. I do wonder, if you’re considered to be a hoarder, if you do not “re-hoard” or are you a hoarder, if you have items in storage? I’ve been on both sides, holding onto what I have and working to declutter my mother’s home. Let’s me know how easy it is for someone to tell you to let stuff go, when it’s not theirs. I think hoarding is probably a bit of Sunk Costs Fallacy. We may have a tough time, coming to terms with the fact that our dreams and plans were never meant to be and that we were apparently going to spend our time working, sleeping, eating or watching TV. There’s also Diogenes Syndrome, where the elderly hoard. But, I think there are a lot of comorbidities. Hoarding has been associated with narcissism and I do believe my mother tried to control and destroy with her hoard. Spending every dime she had, to not only leave nothing behind, but to make clearing her destruction a probable deadly task. So, while it just may “appear” to be person who thought they deserved more than others in life or even what they worked for, which yeah, can be a problem for some, there’s a range of why people hoard and probably what’s considered hoarding.

[@liamsibleyyt]

hoarding is both gathering and saving. i've stopped gathering, but i still save the remnants of my 'hoard', therefore i'm still a hoarder.

[@privateprivate8366]

@@liamsibleyyt Then, perhaps in some form or by some definitions, all are hoarders, to varying degrees. I mean, most define hoarding as living in an overcrowded space, which is often unsanitary, things are unreachable, non-functioning, unrepairable, unsafe, useless by the mere number of things. But, if hoarding is gathering and saving, then yes, people with refrigerators, cabinets and pantries, with stored food and supplies or even creative studios or garages, with tools that are not being used, would likely qualify as hoarders also. Preppers don’t care what it’s called, as long as we have preps for survival. Preppers have often long been called hoarders. But would rather not be caught with our shorts down, like most, if/when SHTF. We’re also called hoarders, because we won’t share preps, which would cancel out the purpose of prepping for ourselves. But most of us know someone who feels, “I don’t understand all this prepping. But, I’m coming to your house with a fork, if SHTF, so be prepared for that. I’m too busy living my life and being intentional about not thinking about it. It’ll be your problem, when I show up.” Actually, it won’t. Perhaps, hoarding is defined, in some respects as what I’ll call Get To It Someday syndrome. Only you never get to it, because you’re doing everything else, that doesn’t much interest you, in order to survive. Still, I know people who live the “You don’t need this and you don’t need that” life. Not a picture on the wall, sleeping on a floor mattress, whole life in a nap sack. I guess it’s different for everyone. Depends upon upbringing, life goals, what happens to us in life, and how we see the world. While I’ve not re-hoarded my living space, I do have a storage unit and, although I do know these things are things, if I had to live a life, where I was told, “Hey, you don’t need those pictures on the walls or those nice lamps. You just need to go to work,” life would be very uninteresting to me and I would not be happy, working a soulless full time job, just to come home to walls, although I know that’s where a lot of us are headed, as per the not so long term economy. But, I’m aware there are many, who subscribe to, “What are you doing with that! You’re just supposed to be working t and paying bills!” For me and maybe some others, since Darren mostly covers narcissism, becoming a prepper came at a time, when I was still letting go of my narcissistic family, coming to the understanding that no one on Planet Earth cared about me at all. That, in losing my family of origin, I had to become more responsible for only myself, than I’d ever been. For me, between my 2 cats (that many would say are unnecessary), some of the beautiful things I have, and my creativity, what I have is a nice balance for me. Everyone is different.

[@liamsibleyyt]

​@@privateprivate8366 i empathise with you entirely, and fully agree. i was also brought up by a narcissistic family that ditched me when i tried to set a boundary. and i guess hoarding is like anything else, on a spectrum. i'm sure it's only a problem when it interferes with someone's life. nothing wrong with being a prepper or having big collections in my book. :) i'm hyper-aware of the narcissism in my family, and i'm trying my hardest not to turn out that way too. and hey, even strangers like me care about people in need, like you, so don't be so hard on yourself. x

[@privateprivate8366]

@@liamsibleyyt thank you. I feel much the same as you. Even before my mother recognized boundaries, she seemed to become jealous. Not because I’m all that. But, simply because she knew she was getting older, even when it wasn’t apparent and she was still quite a stunning woman. But, I enjoy my things. It’s funny as, when I look at movies, there are actually set designers hired to fill the place up. Like the main female character in Deja Vu. Like the kitchen, in It’s Complicated, that has every tool (like mine). And, it’s doubtful, at least when those movies hit the theatres, that the word clutter, let alone hoard, hit most people’s minds. But, I do know things have changed. Many are in an absolute race to pair down, probably to ensure they have nothing anyone can take from them. I do see the reasons for these phases and understand people’s reactions to them. I’m just not there.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

I dont quite have hoarding disorder but omg my house can get messy. Then one day i spring into action and clean up like im being ordered to sell the house!! Then it drifts back to mess. Rinse and repeat.

[@melaniedeare5427]

This is what is known as entropy. Every system must have an infusion of energy to maintain order. Entropy happens. If you walked away from an immaculate home and left it untouched for 200 years, guess what? Entropy. It wouldn't stay ordered without energy. So, don't beat yourself up. Entropy happens to the best of us! 🤣

[@justChrisjones]

My DIL narc. Is a coupon clipper and feels the need to buy anything that has a coupon or is on drastic sale. Im not sure how the house looks now but she bought candy and junk foods that stuffed the cupboards full. All cabnets stuffed full of nic nacs . The basement was full of prebought gifts for anybody. She had a closet stuffed with clothes. It was the size of a bedroom. My granddaughters had overwhelming tooth decay and the bill was so high she yelled at the dentist. She dressed them is sexual suggestive clothes. I just needed to vent. Thank you.😢 On her behalf she was a 2lb.premie born on Valentines day. Her mom isnt brilliant and i think she wanted a baby on that day.❤😢

[@kriskairn3715]

My mother chucked out everything. Everything was "junk" ,even books !

[@johardy-bishop9105]

My mum did just the same. My brother, now 74, often reminds us all that she threw out his teddy without consulting him.

[@dianeyoung8068]

Maybe she was trying to make things easier for herself. It is harder to clean as we age. Also, as we age we often need to move to a smaller place and decluttering can make a move later much easier. She may be thinking of you and making it easier for you when she passes.

[@dianeyoung8068]

@@johardy-bishop9105 Not a good idea to declutter other people's things, unless you have been storing stuff for them and told them to pick it up or it would be decluttered.

[@kriskairn3715]

When I was a small child . nothing to do with making things easier for me. She was obsessed with housework.​

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

Hoarding disorders are closely related to OCD and many other anxiety disorders, depending on the degree and the individuals specific circumstances; there’s often comorbidity with high traits in narcissism. 😉😌

[@cindyharris4944]

Narcistic Hoarding imo is a way of controlling areas in the house. Dumping lots of stuff around makes rooms unusable and uglifies living conditions for other people. Every nook and cranny is stuffed with useless junk. Very strangely this person who I live with does not care about the state of the house but washes and thoroughly dries rubbish before putting anything in the dustbin outside. Not saying there are 'nt different motivations for Hoarding = not everyone is a Narcisist.

[@SteeleMagnolia]

You brought up an interesting point, about hoarders, where they use it as a control tactic against others in the household. It makes sense. If they can't control those outside their home, because of their own NPD, then they would most definitely be able to do so behind closed doors, where the other family members are afraid to speak up, out of fear of the wrath.

[@cindyharris4944]

@@SteeleMagnolia Exactly! if you bring up the deteriorating state of the house in conversation, expect rage or denial. NPD hoarders don''t care about others who will have to face the clean up eventually.

[@thebeboshow4421]

If a hoarders is also a narcissist is it even worth trying to stop the hoarding behavior? In my family our mother’s hoarding is considered just a joke and she is very crafty about it but the day will come when it will have to be dealt with and I don’t find that funny at all

[@howard1beale]

Look at narcissism is... what it really is. Hoarding is narcissistic per se becayse thr narcissist does not care about anyone else's space. This works both literally and spiritually

[@mountainkimmie]

You are right it will have to be dealt with and it isn't at all funny. You have my utmost empathy, as I have also been dealing with the results of a house trashed by a hoarder parent. My advice, informed by my own painful experience, is that you must practice diligent self care. Be gentle and patient with yourself, acknowledge that there is most likely tremendous baggage you carry from growing up with a hoarder as well as other mental health issues, and that this is a very difficult thing to have to deal with. It's unfair it falls on you, enraging and depressing. Get a support system in place for yourself, and if people you count on for support let you down, don't let that stop you from continuing to seek and find sources of support. Joining a children of hoarders group would be a good start, getting your own therapist, and reading the stories of others dealing with this are all good strategies. I found a lot of help in 12-step groups. And if detaching completely is an option, you might consider that. Of course that may not be possible if there are financial reasons you have to stay involved to manage the situation. I wish you all the best and hope that you will put yourself first here and do whatever you have to do to practice good self care and survive this. Remember that you are not alone and many of us understand!

[@patriciafry8634]

My experience with an extreme family hoarder: total resistance until she had to sell her place and move to an elevator building. We promised to “keep” all her possessions in storage-which we did, minus 60 huge bags of garbage being taken out of her apartment by professionals. Expensive. We had her in her new apartment, so she wouldn’t participate in the clean-up, with relatives to help her move in the furniture she had chosen to keep. 4 years later the new place was covered with paper, etc etc and small bags of new stuff…In addition to the desire to hold on to many many items, useful or not, stress, etc., there also seems to me to be present a real problem of organization-there is no concept of items having a “ home”, a place to be returned to, instead of being put in a bag or on the floor, and no use of wastebaskets.

[@Greenbambu78]

LOL...my mom is a mild hoarder compared to before. She has a corner to keep all of her disorganized papers/documents of 10yrs or older. That way i don't have to go through the pain trying to change her.

[@averyintelligence]

Hoarders in the modern era are funny cos we all know they could digitalise these letters and store them online but they chose physical letters. The hoarder I know always picks up magazines from the grocery story and I ask them “why don’t you just look on ALDIs website to see what they have in store”. They never have a rational answer, it’s usually “I just want too”.

[@dirigopost9286]

Thank you for this. Is hoarding common among covert narcissist or is it a random co-occurrence?

[@caroleminke6116]

Hoarding is another c form of stuffed emotions & narcissism is often at the root of this disorder

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

Definitely 💯

[@liamsibleyyt]

some of us are just trying to fill a void left over from something traumatic that had no closure. things like the loss of a loved one or a bad breakup can trigger it.

[@artimidz3451]

About co dependent, narcissistic parents: Do you think they are "hoarding" their kids?? Please make a video about narcissistic co dependent parents, as i have such a parent who is also anxious, heavy hoarder. Thank you

[@SteeleMagnolia]

My adult daughter, along with her 12 y/o daughter, live with my ex, her father. He's an absolute miserable human, with obvious anxiety issues, narcissistic to the core, and hasn't maintained a serious relationship since our divorce in '91. He started hoarding after our divorce, and the visits to see my granddaughter, since she and her mother moved in a few years ago, had me in shock, with the extreme degree of hoarding. It bothers me that my daughter chooses to live this way, but I believe that it may be because she feels sorry for her father. Either way, it's a very unhealthy environment to raise her daughter. I also feel that she's very aware that her father isn't a pleasant man to be around, along with being extremely overweight, and antisocial. I avoid him at all cost, during my rare visits now, as he's one of the most hateful individuals I've ever known.

[@victormclaine721]

Thank you.

[@fe3187]

I am trying hard to fight these tendancies right now. I've been told by professionals I am highly anxious/depressive. I've also recently discovered there is a mean streak of ocd in my family. I thought I didn't have it because I'm the messy/cluttered one and ocd makes you neat and organized right? Just am learning that's just a stereotype and ocd may be exactly what's making my clean up untenable. I pick up objects and am hit with small but intense memories of happier times. And for some reason all memory is sacred to me so losing the item means losing the memory and I don't want to let go of the memories of happiness. A lot of my stuff is medical/bathroom things. I think this is a mixture of me being the one everyone in my family goes to for remedies for every ailment. Also I am suffering from my own ailments as i am fighting really severe autoimmune disease. This disease also destroys my energy levels so even when I want to address the mess, I am so painfully exhausted it hurts to move and think. And I feel like I always have to be prepared and have the supplies needed to keep myself together even if it's just by a thread. Also extreme dread of veing in the pain, and not having the supplies needed to escape it. I hate the pain so much. I also have a lot of clothes. I am having trouble parting with them because my weight keeps fluctuating wildly. I am currently struggling because all my safe clothes are not fitting me. So I buy more, but then my weight fluctuates or this severe and agonizing swelling kicks in and clothes I just got don',t fit suddenly. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't need a lot of clothes but I need safe clothes. Outfits I can put on and be ok in even on bad days. The doctors did a lot of bloodwork showing I'm having some kind of severe adrenal problem. They think I have cushings and are treating me for it, but it's been a lot. I am also having trouble letting go of my childhood clothes because they were objectively made better than even expensive clothes made today but the size and style I won't be wearing again. I'm also scared of being wasteful. The mess is so toxic and puts me in constant shame and stress. It's a vicous cycle and I want to fix it. But my body and my brain are really working against me.

[@Mkr7942]

@@fe3187 Wow. Thanks for being so brave and sharing that. I have a hoarding family member so this helped me see things from the opposite perspective. OCDs can be any type and in any direction. I think I have one where I can't be late, like ever, for anything.

[@liamsibleyyt]

a good question to ask yourself might be "does this item bring me joy or anxiety?", i hope this helps, i'm in the same boat.

[@fe3187]

​​@@liamsibleyyt That is helpful, thank you. Am just starting to be able to separate my thoughts from the ocd/anxiety. Just barely. One thing I was able to briefly snap out of it and get rid of was my ever growing stash of silica packets. I stopped throwing them out based on 1, two minute prepper video i saw years ago. The video was just explaining they can be useful when there's no power grid for dry food preservation. I was told the ocd makes you create rules. And I think I made a rule that I will be guilty/responsible if I ignore any piece of knowledge I get. So by now knowing of this use for silica packets, I had to save each one and was not allowed to waste them. I started keeping them in case of literal civilization ending disaster because otherwise if i don't and the worst happens: Everyone will be sick/in danger and mad and disappointed that i knew silica packets could be helpful and I wasted them and now they are unobtainable. I can't let everyone down. I finally realized this rule is bad and I just came up with a life or death situation over silica packets. I am not yet well enough to completely break through all the bad intrusive thoughts and rules, especially with the even more emotionally laden items. Those I still can't tell unreasonable ocd rule from my actual wants and needs. But I felt like I woke up for a moment. Because those are really bad thoughts... They aren't rational. Throwing away silica should not equal letting everyone I know and love down. That's disproportionate. Not accurate. No one is mad at me. They won't be mad at me. It's safe to get rid of them. Throwing away the packets also means I won't keep seeing them and thinking of potential disasters to prep for so absolutely they definitely cause more anxiety and distress than thet are worth. It also might not be the healthiest but I picture myself drowning in my head sometimes. Some items will help me float, some will make me sink so I need to get rid of them so I don't sink. I know that 's still me catastrophizing but the mess is in many ways drowning me. Maybe if I see it that way I can save myself from more hoarding? I know it's one small thing to get rid of out of many and am going on and on about it. But I just feel excited I did it.

[@fe3187]

​​@@Mkr7942 Glad it helps. And as far as ocd goes i know the feeling. If it also helps your relative. A doctor is having me read a book called the Body Keeps the Score. They also explained that they think my body is making my head sick, not vice versa. Ie I yes have strong ocd tendancies but what's putting them into overdrive is all the literal coritsol and adrenaline that keeps spiking in my body from my autoimmune issues. As far as my body knows, it's life or death based on what the blood work is showing. And that's affecting my brain chemistry. Apparently you really can't think critically if you are having an adrenaline spike because adrenaline is for getting away or fighting or freezing. Not handling complex emotions and thinking things through. It even affects your ability to read. Hopefully the treatments will help enough to where it won't be disaster ocd on steriods anymore. It might be a good read to help that person too.

[@liamsibleyyt]

@@fe3187 i'm glad i could help in a small way. it sounds like you're getting there though, my thoughts are with you. please reach out if you need any support. something else i found helpful was staying somewhere else while doing my cleanup, then i could just stop, leave everything how it is, and get out of the overwhelming situation over night.

[@TheListOf]

My NPD aunt is also a hoarder...

[@GrandmaforGrownups]

Catch it early if you can. It can be controlled.

[@averyintelligence]

What about hoarders who are also filthy and unhygienic? Not all are, but many lack hygiene too. Some hoarders seem to still be concerned with hygiene. Like if there’s cat poop on the floor they would clean it. Whereas some seem to find comfort by having a lack of hygiene. They never pick the cat poop up, they never fix the flea infestation on their cat, they don’t clean the toilet, they leave food to get mouldy on plates, they don’t clean their fridge. These people have issues with hygiene not just hoarding but there’s no diagnosis for them, as far as I’m aware? What’s wrong with these people These are the types of people who will feed their kids mouldy bread or out of date milk. Hygiene does not seem to bother them. So what do we call hoarders who also lack hygiene or which disorder has a symptom which is about being filthy?

[@liamsibleyyt]

some people, unfortunately, lose the will or ability to look after themselves especially if their house is jam-packed. i used to be a clean-freak, then i hoarded to the point of not being able to move or clean up, then i lost all hope.

[@ruthbanon6049]

This video mostly describes the hoarding phenomena and attributes it to depression, trauma or mimicry of family behavior. The speaker goes on to state that it is not pleasant for all involved. And that treatment is a good idea. WHat about saying something that isnt glaringly obvious? Something we didnt already know for instance?

[@daemonspring]

What is obvious to you is not obvious to all. There is value in a video that simply describes what a thing is in a clear way. If the video were about something more than describing hoarding disorder, it would probably be titled differently, much like all the videos Darren does on Narcissism which talk about specific aspects. Perhaps in the future there will be a video on other aspects of hoarding disorder. Perhaps if you have a specific question and share it, it might form the basis of one of these videos as happens with the rest of Darren's content.

[@ruthbanon6049]

@@daemonspring That is a fair comment. Indeed the title does not promise some stunning revelations.

[@kriskairn3715]

I moved from a large house to a tiny misery unit and theres not enough space.

[@Enjoyinformation-hi9uo]

Good Evening Darren, could do please do a video about cptsd and strees from post prison if possible. Thank you

[@candaceheidenrich6278]

What about hoarding of animals like cats? This can lead to animal abuse in the name of “caring….” Pets can carry viruses and it becomes a health hazard as well. There are people with dozens of animals who are not really help to take care of them. Very sad and quite complex.

[@kriskairn3715]

Some people hoard children ( dropping sprogs for the " company" )