Self-Improvement Is Secretly Ruining Your Life

Are you stuck in a cycle of constant self-improvement and endless self-help reading but not seeing the results you want? In this video, I dive into the dark side of how self-improvement is ruining your life and why too much focus on learning can lead to analysis paralysis, procrastination, and a lack of real action. Plus, I'll share actionable tips to help you break free from this cycle and start making real progress.
0:00 Intro
0:14 The Dark Side of Self-Development
1:36 What it Takes to Change
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Disclaimer: The information contained on this channel, including suggestions, ideas, techniques, and other materials, is provided only as general information, educational in nature, and is not intended as a substitute for a consultation, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. We encourage you to consult the appropriate healthcare professional before relying on any such information.
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Content is produced by Oliver Halls (Instagram: @oliver.halls) and Jeremiah Fernandes (Instagram: @jeremiah.fernandes).

[@maciejsiedziako680]

This hits spot on. Especially when I was recovering from CFS, it was letting go of comfort of having a diagnosis that needed to happen. It's tough. Really tough.

[@EconMBAStudent]

Alex, this really resonates with me, I feel you really have a finger on the pulse of recovery. Totally get the analysis paralysis and the unwitting re-triggering, feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. I remember years ago a friend took a book away from me because she felt instead of it being self-help, it was actually making me feel worse, and that was the truth. Thanks for reminding me to stop the data gathering in my headspace, instead working on letting go and being with the feelings and building self awareness, trust and compassion.

[@cheriives6643]

In my opinion, your information, and the information from other sources, provides insight that I may have not come up with on my own and I find it very helpful. But it's not a substitute for the work itself that effectuates real change. So I think we need both. As you've said, "If you can see it, you don't have to be it." 😊

[@marioromano7563]

There's a very fine line, and it's hard to know just where that line starts and stops.

[@PrincessKatelyn1]

Watched a ton of Ur videos and found this one really touched a nerve with me. Been labelled by doctors with Anxiety (rightly so too) for 20 yrs and most recently with that and depression. Found my latest way of getting thru is to help others when I know I should be doing daily PMR, bit o yoga, mediation. Drinking every night again (managed 6 months sober last yr) and I can feel this self destruct ahhh I need to break free feeling perched on my shoulder. I'm an artist when I need and try to let go (songwriting and randomly I paint circles!) and I have great friends I can release too and visa versa. But yeah...I still feel stuck somehow. A bit like I'm surrendering to the reality of others around me (mum, dad and the dog) and imagining that we should all just have a good last innings and float away together in like 10 yrs. We all share similar pain over family loss and we all have battled with our mental health and addictions... I'm goin round in circles here now I think!! I would love love love to be considered for therapy with you Alex. I live in North Wales and happy to drive anytime anywhere for it. Thankyou for all you have shared on KZbin so far. You quite literally save lives and improve lives and I'll be following you for as long as I'm alive and your sharing. [e-mail]... If U are doing anymore of the face to face recorded sessions . Pls reach out to me and consider me

[@Donna-im1rl]

Analysis Paralysis So True Yes The Cage is unlocked but I’m still sitting here Just need to take that Leap of Faith ❤ Thank You for Sharing This needed to hear it 🙏

[@marioromano7563]

Analysis Paralysis. I can absolutely relate to that.. 💯

[@brendanthebdog]

This idea has dawned on me ever since I found Neville Goddards' work. There's something to be said about the classic self-help books like "The Magic of Believing," and "Psycho-Cybernetics." Just start with the belief that you're completely healed and you are. I don't hate my past, I'm just not obligated to remember it, and thus live it in the present.

[@sylvie060]

💯 Indeed. I've hit the point where I've gathered what I needed to know and learn. Now time to let go.

[@milaantonic-cirovic3398]

It is true. But it is very difficult to let go. The old trauma becomes part of the present context, and the choices already made. Very difficult to reinvent oneself....

[@sezso]

Thank you and your Aunty so much for posting this discussion. I've only recently (this year) looked into ADHD as I just always felt i didn't fit in anywhere. By chance Chloe Hayden's Different Not Less was free on Audible and connected to so many things she said. I spoke to my Doctor who sent me a survey which I scored highly for ADHD so since March I've been researching and learning from so many people with ADHD. I feel so much better about SO much and its thanks to the honesty and braveness of ladies like yourselves in sharing your stories. Thanks so much.

[@E-magineMySurprise]

Taking the cognitive and making it behavioral is so hard for me!

[@godzillamanstreb524]

It’s a lifelong process for me

[@jurgamont5763]

Thanks for talking about this! The same happens with feelings, more we understand about them, more we start to control.

[@wendydefreitaslaquis5117]

this is absolutely true, there are many resources speaking the same truth, identifying issues and behaviors . how do you know if you've made any progress? you can identify but have you been able to overcome?

[@robynparkinson9347]

Yes... But hell no. Yes, all the self help info in the world won't create change if I have complex trauma. But no, just being told to 'let go' is stuffed. Complex trauma is a relational wound that heals in relationships. That's why self help alone is unlikely to work Telling a survivor is all about just letting go is like telling a Titanic passenger to let go of their need to find a life raft. Survivors need support. Not heaped on shame from not being able to just 'let it go'.

[@Grace-dr8lv]

Thanks for articulating this so well! 😊👏🏽

[@catherinegraham29]

You cut through the "static" all the way to the essence of healing. Thanks for your clarity and persistence in sharing your insights. My stuckness is like an energetic rock in my heart. I release tiny bits of it each day meditating, but my patience is running out. Any suggestions? (The trapped energy is trauma.. mostly terror, rage and grief). Thanks

[@nickymatthews6953]

Thanks, Alex for saying important things that others won’t.

[@Starfish3942]

Very true Alex. Paralysis by analysis. There’s just way too much to work on (overwhelm). Also it can feel really demoralising and frustrating if you work hard on yourself and others still find fault with you even though you’re trying hard.

[@Starfish3942]

There’s definitely a point at which you need to stop reading and start doing. I think part of the reason for reading is to keep going until you find something that works for you. Never giving up. Once you stop reading, I think the difficulty is knowing where to go next and what to work on next. I personally have started expanding my physical boundaries. But I have trouble just deciding on what to work on next. Do I climb more stairs, or walk a few more steps, or start training myself to hang out the washing? Or do yoga? All of these things help me and propel my recovery forward, but I can’t choose. People say to me, just pick one, any one!!! But I get stuck, can’t choose and end up not working on anything! Indecision paralysis!!!!! Maybe you could do a separate video on this 😂

[@Grace-dr8lv]

Please can you do a follow up to this video Alex as it's raised an important issue around communication. I don't think you are saying that people should simply "let go" of their trauma, but not get wed to all the self-help info out there nor let mental health labels dictate who we are. Certainly, I am stuck down the rabbit hole of knowledge seeking and yet valuing that knowledge can be empowering. I have a CFS but there's no cure, no matter how much I research it! What exactly is "doing the work" and being driven to action in the trauma context? You can have CPTSD and be a highly functioning individual or actually inadvertent being a workaholic avoiding the last, so how do you know when someone is healed?! Perhaps overthinking is the creating 'stuckness' and people shaming or the isolation that can bring? This would be great for you to explore further. Also I'm stuck on certainty in healing vs acceptance, isn't that accepting defeat by whatever hardship is the issue? I'm stuck between understanding whether a tough love approach to yank people out of so-called victimhood reverie helps? This is a narrative I'm seeing a lot in self-help that seems unwittingly reinforce the genuine pain and suffering, many are seeking to escape. Think Robyn raised an important perspective that highlights the big stumbling block between some psychology perspectives and human empathy.

[@zioah4560]

Those super conferences where a heap of people present live over days. Crazy information overload and legit are a hellish thought these days. We are in an age of information warfare. More crucial than ever to be very discerning with what content and how much. Even themtube is too much for me now.

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

I'm curious, what are some of the places you feel trapped? Let me know in the comments 👇