#1 Love Expert: Why Relationships DON’T LAST & How To Build LASTING LOVE | Matthew Hussey

[@LisaBilyeu]

What do you think is the secret for long lasting love?

[@ameliaetienne8521]

Form a friendship first.

[@joannahulitt3161]

When two people are committed to living one another regardless of money or circumstance regardless of if you like them today. Two people that are emotionally mature and looking out for their person’s best interest at heart! Honesty and communication

[@christian4641]

I think the secret to long lasting love is quality time, perhaps.

[@alisonhall4403]

For me, honesty, respect and , honor, are some of the most important things for me.

[@christian4641]

@@joannahulitt3161 period.

[@tonky_tonks]

" You have to be able to separate how you feel about someone from how someone makes you feel" ~ What a great words. Roger that.

[@paulaa.6833]

The best quote I got from this channel was: do yourself a favor and if it's a maybe, then take it as a no. If you have doubt, it's a no. And this applies to jobs and promotions, relationships, everything! It's life changing!

[@TheBeautifulShutin]

But also it’s a natural stage of relationships to go through a questioning period, where we feel some uncertainty. Dating anxiety is real, the feelings of uncertainty can arise, as we feel out how we and the other person feel… for me a little doubt on either side, can be quite healthy and a sign that we’re awake and not caught up in infatuation.

[@jessycharline1526]

@@TheBeautifulShutin exactly

[@alisonhall4403]

I think you are correct but missed the point that was trying to be made. He saying that, is a way to protect your feelings and to slow down and don’t get your hopes up to high. Stay in reality and be honest with yourself. Stop pouring everything into people and situation, that have to much power over you emotionally, to early.

[@MiZShortiiE]

This reminds me of what a friend told me years ago. If it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no.

[@MarionFiedlerMusic]

If it's a maybe, then take it as a no. If you have a doubt, it's a no. - thanks!

[@evelina787]

If someone is mistreating you and tells you they haven’t done anything “wrong”, listen to them. They are telling you they are going to continue😔✨☘️🙏

[@smitha1867]

Also, that they’re doing the wrong things. Get away and care about self. 🙏🏼

[@evelina787]

@@smitha1867 yes concur completely God bless you ✨☘️🙏

[@susantalebzadeh9741]

Amen!

[@evelina787]

@@susantalebzadeh9741 God bless you Susan Wishing all the very best for you ✨☘️🙏

[@dancelifeforsure]

So true. Especially with no apologies or explanations. They're too big for their britches. You Never divorce the same person you marry- like that!

[@Ellanl12]

I love her way of doing interviews, only interrupts at the perfect times and knows how to listen, love it!

[@aruvielevenstar3944]

Totally agree

[@estherweekes7571]

Yes, she is wonderful.

[@Ingrafre]

Yes, Lisa is soo lovely. And Matt is at his best in this one.

[@keishawilliams6460]

I can listen to him for hours. He's so practical and his examples are spot on

[@Jcperformancehorsenforge]

He is like a big brother and giving you the needed pep talk." You can do this!!"

[@cindysayavong8513]

He is very intelligent and knowledgeable! I love this. I wonder if he has a book ? I would love to buy one.

[@lovetfleure]

Thank you ❤

[@ShopgirlNY182]

“Attention is not intention.” So true!

[@Mr.Sheep.The_Wise]

To be lasting, a relationship needs much more than love. It needs dialogue, daily nourishment of emotional connections, quality time, respect, mercy to forgive and humility to admit when you make mistakes...

[@annalisamiller6653]

I love when he says "attention is not intention"! Great message there. And how being generous and giving describes real love from a person.

[@valeries1251]

Been married for 15 years and all of this is so true👍🏼💖 the secret to a long lasting relationship is the ability to value/fight for each other through all the challenges and changes of life.

[@alamadakaratihy9312]

“You have to separate your perception of someone from how they make you feel”… I rewound and listened to that again. Absolute. Truth. 🙏🙌✨ (and would have been nice to know before I spent a year around someone who made me feel like a neurotic piece of garbage just because I thought they were cool. News flash: they weren’t.)

[@afierylight]

My parents had 1 date and got married. They were married 56 years until my dad died. I am the result of love at first sight. It exists. I'm proof of it.

[@judyheaton3065]

Your parents were so lucky and blessed just WOW

[@deesticco1719]

See how cool is that!? 😎 So were my parents ! 🙏🏼

[@philipcallado5693]

But you’re missing the point. You can say your parents’ relationship was love at first sight because it worked out. But how many other situations that people thought was “love at first sight” didn’t work out in comparison? Your parents’ situation may be more the exception than the rule.

[@Freeasabirdnow]

I love it 💓

[@npkrn6764]

@@philipcallado5693 Absolutely 💯

[@crayonofdarkness215]

The complexity he describes of the toxic intermittent reward type of relationship (the hot/cold dynamic, where it’s mostly cold and lonely but occasionally is great) DOES make it very confusing and difficult to extricate oneself from such relationships, but it is so important to trust your own feelings enough to not stay in such dysfunctional and confusing relationships. I owe my life and my current good health to staying away from such dysfunctional relationships, and continue to stay vigilant against any such relationships. I have so much compassion and love and yet I have to prioritize my own health and sanity to have a life at all.

[@claire-ui6pu]

I’m saving this comment it’s where I’m at too ❤️ putting myself first. My health and sanity. There is no confusion if it’s right.

[@lisaariottiart]

Ditto🙌🏻

[@marvimalik304]

Thank you for saying this 🙏🏼

[@a.d.b535]

Amen!!

[@rhondaburgin9608]

I love the intention vs attention. So true. Consistency is telling. The most powerful thing I ever heard is "when people tell you who they are" (by actions) believe them.

[@Lotusawj]

Thats from Maya Angelou, she has fantastic lines 😊

[@ChristianaSenibo]

It's so tempting to settle for someone who sweeps you off your feet in the first date. But do they have what it takes to create a healthy relationship? The willingness to be vulnerable and open in your communications about how you feel, what you need and what you don't like will and to be a support system for the other person will create a great foundation for a lasting relationship.

[@devanggraini111]

What an amazing perspective ❤

[@sandrazawada5316]

I have seen this in my roommate's relationship. If he gets upset she talks about it. Whatever he does that upsets her she will have a conversation about it. She is honest yet kind. She tells him what She will not tolerate. They have come a very long way in just a short time. I'm learning a lot.

[@mariar3136]

Consistency, someone that makes u feel safe....that's true.

[@joydarling9187]

“That person cannot be relied upon to serve my peace…” So true. Yet I worked so hard to serve his peace. I know in my heart that now I’m DONE.

[@jayc326]

I love hearing his relationship advice. It's wise and practical.

[@theblessedblackwoman]

I cried watching this video. For a good reason. We have been practicing most of this in my current relationship. We both cant believe we almost called it quits like 25 times in the first 3 months. Until we both admitted we really want to try to be together. Since we made this admission to each other, things have been so much easier. We are still working through our differences but we have a commitment to each other that we are both going....nowhere...so we have given each other no other choice than to try harder. Its a beautiful and enriching process.

[@foreignlovedreams]

You have to work on a relationship for it to be balanced, healthy, and strong. There is no secret. Happy couples have certain habits. From my experience, our habits are the following: 1. Express Gratitude and Appreciation 2. Be Kind, Randomly 3. Have Fun, and Celebrate 4. Invite Connection 5. Have Deep Conversations 6. Ask When You Need Something 7. Have and Enforce Healthy Boundaries 8. Love Unconditionally Remember to love ALL of your partner (strengths and shortcomings), connect every day, have fun, and fight fairly.

[@cherisity]

I’ve try done 90% of the this list. My bf feels I’m too desperate in the relationship. He’s not used to. He doesn’t like it when I do 4,5,6,7

[@cherisity]

He hates connect everyday. He likes me time once a while. The connecting , daily bathing in love isn’t what men look for

[@catboxcleaner3532]

Matthew is delightful; Lisa offers an open platform to allow guests to fully articulate. As an aside, Lisa’s arms are well-toned. Thank you for this discussion platform.

[@taniamiller4572]

Wow, you raised so many issues I'd never thought about. The person you divorce is not the person you married. How totally true.

[@Julybaby12619]

Lisa your channel, the guests you choose, and the way you interview them is amazing! Its is now a "Go To" Favorite.

[@taniamiller4572]

100% you have to trust in yourself!!! If you trust yourself, you will always land on your feet and manage to survive!!!!!

[@christinacatalano]

I love the energy behind this comment. ❤

[@xiameevang9131]

That is how I feel. He made me feel lonely and not at peace, that is why I turn him down first. Thank You for this. I finally define how I feel with my relationship.

[@CatherineSantos-lv8ec]

I did that yesterday. At last I finally ended our relationship with emotionally unavailable man

[@SM999]

These are all very relevant points. But I was dating someone consistently and I mean consistency every way. Calls m, texts, time spent with each other, dates, and they dropped me like a hot potato in the most selfish way possible after two months. It was one of the worst betrayals someone put me through. Selfish is an understatement. Consistency doesn’t aways mean something is going to go as we plan

[@christinarichie6171]

Cruel and unusual punishment is what I call it. You need to see the tiny signs they are always there. Listen to yout intuition. He could only muster up 2months of work. Then he gave up..

[@magical571]

that happened to me with someone diagnosed with high functioning autism; in his case, he said maintaining a relationship (for him, in general) was too much work, and he had forgotten how much work it was since he had been single for a while.

[@MartinaJohnsonReviews]

"Sometimes the things that end it (the relationship) are the things you ignored early on:" Whew, that hit me!!! Its so true! In the beginning those things existed, you just weren't paying attention.

[@kstepk5003]

Matthew is so insightful. Anyone can learn valuable lessons from him about relationships and yourself.

[@helloshyann]

I absolute love what Matthew is saying about curiosity to dismantle internal beliefs. It makes me think of the feedback loop process that’s described in the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. You get curious and try to do something else besides fight or flight in a relationship… and because your curiosity leads you to do something different, you get a different response, and it signals a new cue of a potential feedback loop. So you’re more likely to repeat that behavior again if you’re “rewarded” (get a positive response). Therefore, you begin the process of building vulnerability into a habit to become a better partner.

[@notimetodienttd1115]

Woww...Such powerful insight 👏

[@susantalebzadeh9741]

Well said 😊

[@aaroncecil5381]

i have always watched your videos for help, i have been in a very rocky marriage and all i tried to make sure the marriage worked, never worked tried everything but to no avail, we got seperated last year,sadly i still love her and i dont know what to do.

[@anthonyszymon3032]

same here, i have been in such a situation and i love my wife and unfortunately we divorced about two years ago but i couldnt just let anything make us get seperated so i had to do all i could to get her back, now we have been back together for over a year now,and i must say i am enjoying every moment of it, i couldnt let the love of my life go.

[@aaroncecil5381]

@@anthonyszymon3032 Wow, i would love to get my ex back, please can you tell me how yours worked out?

[@anthonyszymon3032]

@@aaroncecil5381 well i couldnt let her go and a friend of mine introduced me to a spiritual adviser who helped me out by bringing her back, she is a caster and i can say she is very good at what she does,i am a living testimony.

[@aaroncecil5381]

@@anthonyszymon3032 oh well i havent really given that a try, how would i go about it?

[@anthonyszymon3032]

@@aaroncecil5381 she is really good at what she do, her name is miriam chamani dietrich, you can look her up online,and you will get all you need.

[@milenadanyo3637]

Matthew you gave such an intellectual conversation on relationships. You covered so many aspects and perspective. Thank you!

[@dancelifeforsure]

I think we put up with the bad bc the dating pool is so small. We don't want to seem too picky or expect perfection bc their's no such thing. Another reason is the chemistry which is not talked about enough. Woman put up with A LOT when the chemistry is super good!

[@magical571]

This! one of my worst relationships ever was with someone who had great "chemistry" with me, but both of my longer and healthier relationships were with men who truly never satisfied me but i felt emotionally close and secure with. it really seems like you can't have both at once 🤣

[@dancelifeforsure]

@@magical571 I know right

[@UtahGal]

Wow, this is the most powerful interview I've ever watched. So many take aways for me. Thank you for this. I've taken myself out of the dating game for 20 years. You both just handed me a paradigm shift.

[@AkumuFiona]

I agree! Off I go to change all I have been doing and become more curious about doing things differently

[@estherweekes7571]

Pearls and pearls of wisdom from Matthew. He really is fantastic. Thank you to both of you.

[@DrPatrickKingsep]

Hi Patrick from Mind Life Flow channel here and Im a Clinical Psychologist in Australia - such great advise on this video for so many people!

[@susanblake9946]

I really like what Matthew has to say--especially about owning your own mistakes without losing self-confidence.

[@mariatravieso5226]

I really appreciate your content and admire Matthew for his great insight and contribution to navigating the difficult issues that arise in the path towards healthy relationships.

[@fatimadulaney4912]

One of your best guest!! He’s so real and informative

[@LouisaWatt]

Matthew Hussey could easily segue into business culture consulting because the universal nature of relationships holds true regardless of the context.

[@michelesmith4067]

That's what I have been looking for, someone who would embrace my vulnerability and make me feel safe. I offer that and it has yet to be reciprocated. I refuse to believe that "all men are bad". It's never been a gender issue either anyway, anyone you have a close relationship with can hurt you. The best friend(s), yes both, that slept with your husband. Real honest, raw people with empathy and emotion, where are you? I refuse to armor my heart, I am the eternal optimist and I know you're out there...somewhere ♥

[@magical571]

you are not alone

[@shwetanavani480]

Your goals and values need to match. Else you'll just be fighting a lot so love is about having a similar mindset and making a decision together to share and enrich each other's lives.

[@jennifersola5771]

Counseling is very helpful to learn skills bring things up that can help but both have to agree and love each other to work on the relationship. Good luck to all

[@Rebelwellnesslmt]

My God, I went 7 years with out dating after my divorce. It is so hard getting back into it. Esp when you meet someone exactally the way he describes the one who doesn't make the time fir you

[@20-NYC]

Great to hear your inviting him back, can you discuss How to cope with low self esteem that came from a partner that intentionally withheld needs you communicated to them you wanted but made excuses and n no effort to meet those needs (such as attention & quality time) Why do people do this, when in the beginning they made you feel like the center of their universe.

[@CassieWiegand-ub2cz]

Wow! I started listening to you for the last 3 months . You are such an intelligent and intuitive man. ❤

[@missjenny1840]

Thanks for the words of wisdom! It helps me reflect on my own speech and actions and gives a sound judgment toward people in general and toward opposite sex specifically. May God bless you, both!

[@christian4641]

I dig this convo a lot. Thank you so much for posting. Terrific insights/views/comments/perception.

[@christinaoneill1711]

I think knowing the difference between love and lust is important.

[@POLOLIT-]

Having a divorce 2.5 years ago and it was a 24-year marriage I didn't realize that people do change and that is the hard part in having the key for a happy marriage to stay in sync we grew apart and I ignored the signs in our first year and I shouldn't have because it came back to the top! But now I chose to have a peaceful divorce and wish eachother happiness. Because we have 2 kids and we will have to co parent the rest of our days

[@magical571]

24 years? then aren't your kids already adults?

[@ligiasommers]

Amazing episode to save and watch again and again 🙏🏻❤️‍🩹✨

[@dubstepfrenzy]

The curiosity bit… genius! That’s gotta be one of the best pieces of practical advice on healing I’ve ever heard. Life changing stuff, extremely interesting interview! Thank you!

[@lkasjddasjlk4350]

Sidenote: LOVE YOUR SHOES LISA. FIRE!

[@kahyeanwong9639]

the thing is at the we had all the necessary conversation about the goal of the relationship to have family yes me too. We had 3 years long distance relationship in between we had a lot of conversation about checking our feeling and next steps. He always was the positive one and told me we could overcome all the challenges. When we met again after 5 months he decided to break up no room for discussion. He said he made up his mind last 2 weeks, he already disconnected. Not sure how he did it just shut down like a computer and unplug. =(

[@christinarichie6171]

Called compartmentalisation. Men have it in spades. Women do not and that's why we suffer the worst in relation to relationships..

[@tess7798]

I was so impressed when Matthew told his personal story about how he reacted in arguments. GREAT interview!

[@annabanzon313]

Attention vs. Intention yup preach!

[@alfreire72]

Sending messages everyday it doesn't mean connection at all. I have a life and i hope the other person have a life too :). I love this video! So wise Matthew! Thank you!

[@christinarichie6171]

That's you.... congratulations you don't need a lot of communication.

[@magical571]

nah, that's a bunch of barriers honestly. if you are distant and introverted sure, do as you will, but it's not because they have a life or not (communicating daily specially in the first months of a relationship is pretty easy and just comes around naturally if you like each other...)

[@smilingblissgoddess]

Such an incredibly powerful conversation on such an important set of issues in relationships that I am certain many can relate to if not all, so much to learn hear Lisa And Matthew so many truths and golden nuggets of wisdom and insight to bring awareness insight and transformation to in our relationships thank you this was a brilliant and important topic and interview keep up the great work!🙂💗

[@margaritajohns7907]

I totally agree with the fact that people change over time and circumstances change perhaps they are chasing cures for their trauma, and have the need to heal by looking for perhaps different people, or one person that could maybe similar to their hurts so they can identify with and go deeper in their needs or perhaps they are trying to scape the person that already knows them and want to Procrastinate their cure by hiding away, running away with somebody else this is based from my personal experiences with people in my life and myself personally.

[@joannehightower4242]

God Bless You! Victimization is of a low vibration; there are only lessons to be learned for your souls growth (higher consciousness). Trust the process.🌹Relationships are beautiful mirrored reflections of ourselves.❤ Peace and Love, Hanifah Hightower, Detroit

[@Passion84GodAlways]

I appreciate how Matthew Hussey always leaves me with a few gems 💎 everytime I watch anything he's in! ✍🏾📝

[@melissacomparin73]

Humility is not easy to admit or accept, but I believe that when it ‘clicks’ humility can be an important key!

[@dianehenke2539]

"The culture of that coffee shop" 👏👏👏 Matthew nailed that situation. That's news I can use. ❤

[@ronaldom5429]

Matthew is so clear ! great man !

[@amyhinds6607]

Some really great advice. I'm afraid I've given up after all these years and feel content in that. I felt like I did a lot of these things, and they didn't respect it, so I moved on.

[@paulinakoosowska358]

When he mentioned "curiosity " 🤯👌

[@lesliezucker3862]

Know your attachment style. So you can run from incompatibles

[@larkeldarian]

We don't want to take responsibility for our thoughts and actions, we need to accept the allowance of power we give away. Love Rosie.

[@lauraweaver4336]

It sucks tho… because if you both are in the high on a date and the next day he tells you he is interested and then he disappears. How are we going to finally trust someone if this happens all the time. I don’t think is fair and very immature.

[@solarphoenixfire]

✨24:27 through 31:08. Especially 25:33 through 26:26. ✨

[@hispanicservices9225]

Wow this is so eye opening… you both are amazing 🤩 👌👌💙💞

[@SharonCastro1424]

This was an amazing interview, thank you both so much very very helpful and very appreciative!!!

[@danielleemch8991]

I'm just really curious I have recently noticed something why is the beginning of all relationships so amazing why can't that be sustained through the whole relationship especially because you fall more in love with each other as you get to know one another 🥰💖

[@charlottebruce979]

Because life is messy and sad and complicated, romance and lust is great but real love is taking all the good and all the bad and sticking together through life's storms, that's the real deep and satisfying love.

[@magical571]

@@charlottebruce979 see, you have to be careful about "sticking through the bad", since for a lot of women that means staying with an abuser/toxic relationship just because of "loyalty"

[@giadacaroli4302]

Thank you so much for this topic..amazingly articulated !

[@deesticco1719]

Yes consistency ! Mathew hit on the nail!

[@elisa_06]

Really powerful and helpful as always 🙏🏼❤️ Thank you

[@iloveyellow7214]

I just finished a jay shetty and adam grant video and then for some reason this video was recommended to me. I do not know if its the algrorithm or chance? Im just am thankful 😘 thank you Ms. Bilyeu I didnt know i needed this

[@maristella287]

Robbed peace is a huge red flag. How that person makes us feel is extremely important to face. I have a man asking me out right now who has disappeared each time we get a little closer. I need to tell him this- finally and see what he says about it. I need to ask pertinent, practical questions on this upcoming date, even. At the end. I have to do it. I need to say" Are you committed to remaining single?" I need to know what is the basis on which he is seeing me and seeking me out? I need to approach his emotional Approach avoidance attachment style which has hurt me over and over and if it happens again,nit will be the fourth time. I cannot go through this again. I MUST ask him where he is at.

[@Dr.Wolfstar]

I love this guy. Thank you!

[@tejusane1]

Amazing insights. Eye opener

[@Julybaby12619]

Matthew Hussey.... another Brilliant interview. Thank you!

[@pranjal7621]

The no. Of ads in this episode was surprising. 😬

[@herastudio543]

O.M.G 🤯 so much value in these messages! I have a lot of work to do 😅

[@SummerLuvinAlai]

Loving Matthew Hussey as a guest on your show❤

[@amyburke2989]

Dang this is the most powerful video I’ve watched. Thank you!

[@Tspoonoffun]

I loveeee these collaborations! Love you too beautiful humans!

[@jonathanvermillion7263]

Abuse and attachment styles , took me a long time to start being able to see the concepts here

[@janinesmith178]

Love this energy. Honest and clear and on the mark.

[@ars_paulina]

For me, yes, it was love at first sight, both sides... At the end, it was so powerful and intense, that he went back to his county. It has been several years, and yes, romantically, it was love at first sight, it doesn't matter if it didn't worked!

[@akhilat]

I love what he said about love at first sight

[@mariammahmoud5834]

Thank you so much can’t get enough from your amazing advice

[@alyssaarana373]

Thank you for this advice!

[@OllieSmiless]

I love Matthew and all of his tips. However, I disagree with his "playful" approach if a guy does not text for 5 days after the first date. I'd write this guy off if it took him 5 days to text.

[@snoozyq9576]

Sometimes writing things off too quickly can lead to missing out on something great. People aren't black and white and can redeem themselves later

[@Kamnattha]

35:23 overcoming heartbreak

[@kentondragon9263]

39:08 52:30 I couldn't put my thoughts down but Matthew nailed.

[@selfcare409]

Matthew got wings of those white furry cushions 🤩🥳

[@triciaglorianabaye]

There should be more Mathews to go around for this generation.

[@chikamsoodume3601]

You are pinning after a ghost !! That part took me out !

[@Titaxo]

Literally just be friends first...

[@maristella287]

Curiosity is very powerful. Very powerful.

[@AkumuFiona]

This was absolutely insightful. Thank you as always

[@doingitdivine3831]

Thank you, so valuable. I appreciate this information 💓