#1 Love Expert: Why Relationships DON’T LAST & How To Build LASTING LOVE | Matthew Hussey

[@LisaBilyeu]

What do you think is the secret for long lasting love?

[@ameliaetienne8521]

Form a friendship first.

[@joannahulitt3161]

When two people are committed to living one another regardless of money or circumstance regardless of if you like them today. Two people that are emotionally mature and looking out for their person’s best interest at heart! Honesty and communication

[@christian4641]

I think the secret to long lasting love is quality time, perhaps.

[@alisonhall4403]

For me, honesty, respect and , honor, are some of the most important things for me.

[@christian4641]

@@joannahulitt3161 period.

[@paulaa.6833]

The best quote I got from this channel was: do yourself a favor and if it's a maybe, then take it as a no. If you have doubt, it's a no. And this applies to jobs and promotions, relationships, everything! It's life changing!

[@TheBeautifulShutin]

But also it’s a natural stage of relationships to go through a questioning period, where we feel some uncertainty. Dating anxiety is real, the feelings of uncertainty can arise, as we feel out how we and the other person feel… for me a little doubt on either side, can be quite healthy and a sign that we’re awake and not caught up in infatuation.

[@jessycharline1526]

@@TheBeautifulShutin exactly

[@alisonhall4403]

I think you are correct but missed the point that was trying to be made. He saying that, is a way to protect your feelings and to slow down and don’t get your hopes up to high. Stay in reality and be honest with yourself. Stop pouring everything into people and situation, that have to much power over you emotionally, to early.

[@MiZShortiiE]

This reminds me of what a friend told me years ago. If it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no.

[@MarionFiedlerMusic]

If it's a maybe, then take it as a no. If you have a doubt, it's a no. - thanks!

[@tonky_tonks]

" You have to be able to separate how you feel about someone from how someone makes you feel" ~ What a great words. Roger that.

[@evelina787]

If someone is mistreating you and tells you they haven’t done anything “wrong”, listen to them. They are telling you they are going to continue😔✨☘️🙏

[@smitha1867]

Also, that they’re doing the wrong things. Get away and care about self. 🙏🏼

[@evelina787]

@@smitha1867 yes concur completely God bless you ✨☘️🙏

[@susantalebzadeh9741]

Amen!

[@evelina787]

@@susantalebzadeh9741 God bless you Susan Wishing all the very best for you ✨☘️🙏

[@dancelifeforsure]

So true. Especially with no apologies or explanations. They're too big for their britches. You Never divorce the same person you marry- like that!

[@Ellanl12]

I love her way of doing interviews, only interrupts at the perfect times and knows how to listen, love it!

[@aruvielevenstar3944]

Totally agree

[@estherweekes7571]

Yes, she is wonderful.

[@Ingrafre]

Yes, Lisa is soo lovely. And Matt is at his best in this one.

[@keishawilliams6460]

I can listen to him for hours. He's so practical and his examples are spot on

[@Jcperformancehorsenforge]

He is like a big brother and giving you the needed pep talk." You can do this!!"

[@cindysayavong8513]

He is very intelligent and knowledgeable! I love this. I wonder if he has a book ? I would love to buy one.

[@lovetfleure]

Thank you ❤

[@EnhancingtheBrain]

To be lasting, a relationship needs much more than love. It needs dialogue, daily nourishment of emotional connections, quality time, respect, mercy to forgive and humility to admit when you make mistakes...

[@valeries1251]

Been married for 15 years and all of this is so true👍🏼💖 the secret to a long lasting relationship is the ability to value/fight for each other through all the challenges and changes of life.

[@crayonofdarkness215]

The complexity he describes of the toxic intermittent reward type of relationship (the hot/cold dynamic, where it’s mostly cold and lonely but occasionally is great) DOES make it very confusing and difficult to extricate oneself from such relationships, but it is so important to trust your own feelings enough to not stay in such dysfunctional and confusing relationships. I owe my life and my current good health to staying away from such dysfunctional relationships, and continue to stay vigilant against any such relationships. I have so much compassion and love and yet I have to prioritize my own health and sanity to have a life at all.

[@claire-ui6pu]

I’m saving this comment it’s where I’m at too ❤️ putting myself first. My health and sanity. There is no confusion if it’s right.

[@lisaariottiart]

Ditto🙌🏻

[@marvimalik304]

Thank you for saying this 🙏🏼

[@a.d.b535]

Amen!!

[@annalisamiller6653]

I love when he says "attention is not intention"! Great message there. And how being generous and giving describes real love from a person.

[@rhondaburgin9608]

I love the intention vs attention. So true. Consistency is telling. The most powerful thing I ever heard is "when people tell you who they are" (by actions) believe them.

[@Lotusawj]

Thats from Maya Angelou, she has fantastic lines 😊

[@foreignlovedreams]

You have to work on a relationship for it to be balanced, healthy, and strong. There is no secret. Happy couples have certain habits. From my experience, our habits are the following: 1. Express Gratitude and Appreciation 2. Be Kind, Randomly 3. Have Fun, and Celebrate 4. Invite Connection 5. Have Deep Conversations 6. Ask When You Need Something 7. Have and Enforce Healthy Boundaries 8. Love Unconditionally Remember to love ALL of your partner (strengths and shortcomings), connect every day, have fun, and fight fairly.

[@cherisity]

I’ve try done 90% of the this list. My bf feels I’m too desperate in the relationship. He’s not used to. He doesn’t like it when I do 4,5,6,7

[@cherisity]

He hates connect everyday. He likes me time once a while. The connecting , daily bathing in love isn’t what men look for

[@mariar3136]

Consistency, someone that makes u feel safe....that's true.

[@theblessedblackwoman]

I cried watching this video. For a good reason. We have been practicing most of this in my current relationship. We both cant believe we almost called it quits like 25 times in the first 3 months. Until we both admitted we really want to try to be together. Since we made this admission to each other, things have been so much easier. We are still working through our differences but we have a commitment to each other that we are both going....nowhere...so we have given each other no other choice than to try harder. Its a beautiful and enriching process.

[@helloshyann]

I absolute love what Matthew is saying about curiosity to dismantle internal beliefs. It makes me think of the feedback loop process that’s described in the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. You get curious and try to do something else besides fight or flight in a relationship… and because your curiosity leads you to do something different, you get a different response, and it signals a new cue of a potential feedback loop. So you’re more likely to repeat that behavior again if you’re “rewarded” (get a positive response). Therefore, you begin the process of building vulnerability into a habit to become a better partner.

[@notimetodienttd1115]

Woww...Such powerful insight 👏

[@susantalebzadeh9741]

Well said 😊

[@SM999]

These are all very relevant points. But I was dating someone consistently and I mean consistency every way. Calls m, texts, time spent with each other, dates, and they dropped me like a hot potato in the most selfish way possible after two months. It was one of the worst betrayals someone put me through. Selfish is an understatement. Consistency doesn’t aways mean something is going to go as we plan

[@christinarichie6171]

Cruel and unusual punishment is what I call it. You need to see the tiny signs they are always there. Listen to yout intuition. He could only muster up 2months of work. Then he gave up..

[@magical571]

that happened to me with someone diagnosed with high functioning autism; in his case, he said maintaining a relationship (for him, in general) was too much work, and he had forgotten how much work it was since he had been single for a while.

[@catboxcleaner3532]

Matthew is delightful; Lisa offers an open platform to allow guests to fully articulate. As an aside, Lisa’s arms are well-toned. Thank you for this discussion platform.

[@Julybaby12619]

Lisa your channel, the guests you choose, and the way you interview them is amazing! Its is now a "Go To" Favorite.

[@aaroncecil5381]

i have always watched your videos for help, i have been in a very rocky marriage and all i tried to make sure the marriage worked, never worked tried everything but to no avail, we got seperated last year,sadly i still love her and i dont know what to do.

[@anthonyszymon3032]

same here, i have been in such a situation and i love my wife and unfortunately we divorced about two years ago but i couldnt just let anything make us get seperated so i had to do all i could to get her back, now we have been back together for over a year now,and i must say i am enjoying every moment of it, i couldnt let the love of my life go.

[@aaroncecil5381]

@@anthonyszymon3032 Wow, i would love to get my ex back, please can you tell me how yours worked out?

[@anthonyszymon3032]

@@aaroncecil5381 well i couldnt let her go and a friend of mine introduced me to a spiritual adviser who helped me out by bringing her back, she is a caster and i can say she is very good at what she does,i am a living testimony.

[@aaroncecil5381]

@@anthonyszymon3032 oh well i havent really given that a try, how would i go about it?

[@anthonyszymon3032]

@@aaroncecil5381 she is really good at what she do, her name is miriam chamani dietrich, you can look her up online,and you will get all you need.

[@kstepk5003]

Matthew is so insightful. Anyone can learn valuable lessons from him about relationships and yourself.

[@UtahGal]

Wow, this is the most powerful interview I've ever watched. So many take aways for me. Thank you for this. I've taken myself out of the dating game for 20 years. You both just handed me a paradigm shift.

[@AkumuFiona]

I agree! Off I go to change all I have been doing and become more curious about doing things differently

[@alamadakaratihy9312]

“You have to separate your perception of someone from how they make you feel”… I rewound and listened to that again. Absolute. Truth. 🙏🙌✨ (and would have been nice to know before I spent a year around someone who made me feel like a neurotic piece of garbage just because I thought they were cool. News flash: they weren’t.)

[@Rebelwellnesslmt]

My God, I went 7 years with out dating after my divorce. It is so hard getting back into it. Esp when you meet someone exactally the way he describes the one who doesn't make the time fir you

[@LouisaWatt]

Matthew Hussey could easily segue into business culture consulting because the universal nature of relationships holds true regardless of the context.

[@mariatravieso5226]

I really appreciate your content and admire Matthew for his great insight and contribution to navigating the difficult issues that arise in the path towards healthy relationships.

[@susanblake9946]

I really like what Matthew has to say--especially about owning your own mistakes without losing self-confidence.

[@christinaoneill1711]

I think knowing the difference between love and lust is important.

[@estherweekes7571]

Pearls and pearls of wisdom from Matthew. He really is fantastic. Thank you to both of you.

[@lesliezucker3862]

Know your attachment style. So you can run from incompatibles

[@fatimadulaney4912]

One of your best guest!! He’s so real and informative

[@lauraweaver4336]

It sucks tho… because if you both are in the high on a date and the next day he tells you he is interested and then he disappears. How are we going to finally trust someone if this happens all the time. I don’t think is fair and very immature.

[@DrPatrickKingsep]

Hi Patrick from Mind Life Flow channel here and Im a Clinical Psychologist in Australia - such great advise on this video for so many people!

[@christian4641]

I dig this convo a lot. Thank you so much for posting. Terrific insights/views/comments/perception.

[@kahyeanwong9639]

the thing is at the we had all the necessary conversation about the goal of the relationship to have family yes me too. We had 3 years long distance relationship in between we had a lot of conversation about checking our feeling and next steps. He always was the positive one and told me we could overcome all the challenges. When we met again after 5 months he decided to break up no room for discussion. He said he made up his mind last 2 weeks, he already disconnected. Not sure how he did it just shut down like a computer and unplug. =(

[@christinarichie6171]

Called compartmentalisation. Men have it in spades. Women do not and that's why we suffer the worst in relation to relationships..

[@ronaldom5429]

Matthew is so clear ! great man !

[@alfreire72]

Sending messages everyday it doesn't mean connection at all. I have a life and i hope the other person have a life too :). I love this video! So wise Matthew! Thank you!

[@christinarichie6171]

That's you.... congratulations you don't need a lot of communication.

[@magical571]

nah, that's a bunch of barriers honestly. if you are distant and introverted sure, do as you will, but it's not because they have a life or not (communicating daily specially in the first months of a relationship is pretty easy and just comes around naturally if you like each other...)

[@smilingblissgoddess]

Such an incredibly powerful conversation on such an important set of issues in relationships that I am certain many can relate to if not all, so much to learn hear Lisa And Matthew so many truths and golden nuggets of wisdom and insight to bring awareness insight and transformation to in our relationships thank you this was a brilliant and important topic and interview keep up the great work!🙂💗

[@20-NYC]

Great to hear your inviting him back, can you discuss How to cope with low self esteem that came from a partner that intentionally withheld needs you communicated to them you wanted but made excuses and n no effort to meet those needs (such as attention & quality time) Why do people do this, when in the beginning they made you feel like the center of their universe.

[@pranjal7621]

The no. Of ads in this episode was surprising. 😬

[@CassieWiegand-ub2cz]

Wow! I started listening to you for the last 3 months . You are such an intelligent and intuitive man. ❤

[@annabanzon313]

Attention vs. Intention yup preach!

[@dubstepfrenzy]

The curiosity bit… genius! That’s gotta be one of the best pieces of practical advice on healing I’ve ever heard. Life changing stuff, extremely interesting interview! Thank you!

[@margaritajohns7907]

I totally agree with the fact that people change over time and circumstances change perhaps they are chasing cures for their trauma, and have the need to heal by looking for perhaps different people, or one person that could maybe similar to their hurts so they can identify with and go deeper in their needs or perhaps they are trying to scape the person that already knows them and want to Procrastinate their cure by hiding away, running away with somebody else this is based from my personal experiences with people in my life and myself personally.

[@OllieSmiless]

I love Matthew and all of his tips. However, I disagree with his "playful" approach if a guy does not text for 5 days after the first date. I'd write this guy off if it took him 5 days to text.

[@snoozyq9576]

Sometimes writing things off too quickly can lead to missing out on something great. People aren't black and white and can redeem themselves later

[@tess7798]

I was so impressed when Matthew told his personal story about how he reacted in arguments. GREAT interview!

[@deesticco1719]

Yes consistency ! Mathew hit on the nail!

[@hispanicservices9225]

Wow this is so eye opening… you both are amazing 🤩 👌👌💙💞

[@paulinakoosowska358]

When he mentioned "curiosity " 🤯👌

[@dancelifeforsure]

I heard people don't change over time, they change you.

[@Passion84GodAlways]

I appreciate how Matthew Hussey always leaves me with a few gems 💎 everytime I watch anything he's in! ✍🏾📝

[@sharoncastro402]

This was an amazing interview, thank you both so much very very helpful and very appreciative!!!

[@solarphoenixfire]

✨24:27 through 31:08. Especially 25:33 through 26:26. ✨

[@danielleemch8991]

I'm just really curious I have recently noticed something why is the beginning of all relationships so amazing why can't that be sustained through the whole relationship especially because you fall more in love with each other as you get to know one another 🥰💖

[@charlottebruce979]

Because life is messy and sad and complicated, romance and lust is great but real love is taking all the good and all the bad and sticking together through life's storms, that's the real deep and satisfying love.

[@magical571]

@@charlottebruce979 see, you have to be careful about "sticking through the bad", since for a lot of women that means staying with an abuser/toxic relationship just because of "loyalty"

[@elisa_06]

Really powerful and helpful as always 🙏🏼❤️ Thank you

[@SummerLuvinAlai]

Loving Matthew Hussey as a guest on your show❤

[@tejusane1]

Amazing insights. Eye opener

[@zinedinezidane4771]

I think one of the keys to a good relationship is are you both open to change. Is the person you with rigid or able to change and open to feedback and able to act on it? I think if they aren't or you aren't it will be an uphill struggle.

[@triciaglorianabaye]

There should be more Mathews to go around for this generation.

[@larkeldarian]

We don't want to take responsibility for our thoughts and actions, we need to accept the allowance of power we give away. Love Rosie.

[@akhilat]

I love what he said about love at first sight

[@joannehightower4242]

God Bless You! Victimization is of a low vibration; there are only lessons to be learned for your souls growth (higher consciousness). Trust the process.🌹Relationships are beautiful mirrored reflections of ourselves.❤ Peace and Love, Hanifah Hightower, Detroit

[@amyburke2989]

Dang this is the most powerful video I’ve watched. Thank you!

[@alyssaarana373]

Thank you for this advice!

[@veronicasmi]

We lose our curiosity when we lose our confidence. How can one be curious when he or she is afraid because has no confidence in themselves?

[@Julybaby12619]

Matthew Hussey.... another Brilliant interview. Thank you!

[@kentondragon9263]

39:08 52:30 I couldn't put my thoughts down but Matthew nailed.

[@chilloften]

So good, so, so, good.

[@dianehenke2539]

"The culture of that coffee shop" 👏👏👏 Matthew nailed that situation. That's news I can use. ❤

[@herastudio543]

O.M.G 🤯 so much value in these messages! I have a lot of work to do 😅

[@maristella287]

Curiosity is very powerful. Very powerful.

[@lovereikiASMR222]

Loved it! Thank you 🙌🏼

[@sandrazawada5316]

I was in a relationship (marriage) for 21 years. During that time my husband wanted me to build while he played. I accepted that role for 21 years then literally had to leave or die from my body shutting down. During our marriage he turned our children against me. To this day me and my children do not have a relationship. The reason is that I do not allow them to disrespect me any longer. Am I wrong. My children are 40+ years old. Is it selfish of me to not be in their lives? I was the one who allowed the relationship and I was the one who had to leave. How do I reconcile not being in their lives?

[@judyheaton3065]

If you're children don't see how much you did for them then that's their loss, hold on to your beliefs and values and don't give up yourself for the sake of reassurance from them.

[@sandrazawada5316]

@@judyheaton3065 Thank you so much! 🌹

[@magical571]

Don't force it. Even your kids can be assholes to you, not just your partner (sadly). Maybe one day you'll reconect, but let them come to you. meanwhile, reflect on what you did wrong, but don't get caught up in guilt, and don't force a bond with your sons

[@ars_paulina]

For me, yes, it was love at first sight, both sides... At the end, it was so powerful and intense, that he went back to his county. It has been several years, and yes, romantically, it was love at first sight, it doesn't matter if it didn't worked!

[@jonathanvermillion7263]

Abuse and attachment styles , took me a long time to start being able to see the concepts here

[@iloveyellow7214]

I just finished a jay shetty and adam grant video and then for some reason this video was recommended to me. I do not know if its the algrorithm or chance? Im just am thankful 😘 thank you Ms. Bilyeu I didnt know i needed this

[@sanikakakirde]

Matthew & Lisa 💖

[@deborahberryman3263]

This is an amazing. presentation with so much truth. ❤

[@doingitdivine3831]

Thank you, so valuable. I appreciate this information 💓

[@lolxd9396]

I guess to zero out expectations from the other person kind out reduces the negative impact of betrayal.

[@annabanzon313]

Thank you for the word impressive because some men really think they are hot shit. Pardon my french!

[@AkumuFiona]

This was absolutely insightful. Thank you as always

[@charlottebruce979]

It wasn't love at first sight for my parents. they've been married over 50 years. It was love at first sight for my ex. It lasted 8.

[@tinker2217]

27:43 this guy is so good. This is so accurate.

[@evacaneda2421]

Matthew you dont need to be afraid. just trust me. And i trust you..beleive me. i have already choosen you. No anyone else. just beleive me.... whatts App already done.So dont worry....

[@joanmu1053]

The 2 o f you are soo strong I learn every day

[@jemmapellicot-wangson9879]

Being in love needs 2 things : Being loving…. loving being …

[@laishahamdi26]

Exactly has Matt explains in this video! So accurate ❤

[@Celestia1111ove]

There were so many great points given here in this video. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@nadinelindsay3012]

Love his content...such a fan.

[@meme-qo6jz]

wow.. you are brilliant.. this is really spot on. I had a divorce about 10 years ago and it took me the years after to realize everything that you said in this video.. amazing.. does Matthew have a degree in psychology?

[@yvonnem.2038]

I was dating someone for a month thing were amazing. Once things got physical he said he’ll gladly delete all his dating apps. I ask to see his phone and started deleting them to call his bluff. But he sat there gazing at me happy as if there wasn’t a problem. After that i asked for a us to be exclusive/title he again said he saw problem in that. As time progress he wasn’t as attentive but still consistent. Me being so spoiled and instead of going with the flow i went and dig. I saw out if he was still on one of the app and come to find it he was. I confronted him he lied and said it wasn’t active when it was. But he was mad at me for looking he said he gave me no reason to question him so why did i do it. So now he’s not speaking to me. I send him messages saying sorry and i get ignored. Will he come back and if not is there anything i can do to change this FYI he also asked me do i think we’re moving to fast. I said i was just going with the what i feel when we are around each other. I asked the same in return he said no. (When i asked about the title)

[@debbietampasheher3682]

He's gaslighting you when he blames you for looking for his still active dating profiles. And he now has *you*apologizing to him when he's the one that lied. You did nothing wrong... There was no foundation of trust that you betrayed. He's the one who betrayed your trust and*he* got caught. Idk if he will or even should come back. But if he does you can see how he reacts to a kind but honest conversation about his betrayal. And you don't need to apologize. If he's a keeper he will apologize to you and fight for you to get you back.

[@a.d.b535]

If he asks you if you two are going too fast, he's secretly hinting that's what HE'S thinking (projection)

[@snoozyq9576]

I don't think we should ever be sorry for exposing someone's lies. If they have a problem with you knowing the truth, that's pretty malicious

[@ninajohnson8389]

You sound controlling and a but nuts

[@azingyaraw10687]

Thank you both He is good in advice I learned a lot from listening to his advice.

[@shannonolofson169]

No words...

[@freefalldragonball]

Dear Lisa, I love you so much and you are my role model, please remove this narcissist from the show, you would know by now he is not worth...

[@virginiastrother4098]

But love takes time to build when you’re older and have been scarred and have lives that are busy. It’s not realistic to expect someone to just smother you suddenly. Some times it’s okay to take it very slow, and not always communicate if you’re both very busy. It’s okay to slowly do things to make sure it’s what you think it is. There’s great communication and respect of what each other addresses. But if he needs a day or two to himself I completely understand. He’s got a busy life, a busy, children, I have work, my children, and it’s not practical to expect him to be messaging all day

[@marymccormack2317]

I love you vulnerable and give u a vertual hug. I get it. ☀️👍

[@esmatsalahel-din8524]

How we I feel to my lady , it’s also what is the feeling I am getting back’ so important in relationships that has value , I believe Trust, love, kindness in replying with genuine respect to the you are going to grow together. I need help because I’m the type the will jump and dive , honestly naked, transparent- the same must I expect from her, my lady. It’s a simple equation Efforts =Rewards

[@taniellpeterson3803]

This was so real!

[@TiffanyHancock-hf5ho]

Blessing!

[@Dazzlin826]

How early on can you tell somebody that you are solid that when they come pouring to you can accept?