1 Surefire Way to Ruin A Child's BJJ Experience

[@clinicalneuroscience]

Great points! My son and I started training at the same time... 2 years ago. I did it in large part because a purple belt friend of mine told me: "Don't be one of those Dads who does not train but makes his son train." So we enrolled together and it has been a beautiful experience! We see each other's progress, we have a common language that we learn together, we get to roll and practice techniques at home. Watching him in class, there have been times when I will yell out instructions (e.g., "take his back!", "watch the sweep!")... but I am trying to curb this more and more and be more mindful of his emotions and also the fact that he is experiencing his childhood and I shouldn't interfere too much. During his last class, I didn't say a word. I made it a point to just watch and smile. Yes, he goofed around at times and acted silly... but he was enjoying it. And I want him to enjoy BJJ for the rest of his life. When he finished class, instead of giving him a bunch of tips or observations, I said one thing with a smile: "I'm glad you had fun today." Without any prompting from me, my son said, "Dad, can we start drilling techniques more at home?" I can't tell you how much that warmed my heart.

[@michaelhenderson7119]

You're a good dad, props to you

[@michaelstout7955]

That's got to be a hell of a bonding experience. You and your son taking on a sport that the two of you had no previous experience in and learning it together is an experience I wish I could have had growing up.

[@keonihillier981]

Awesome. My sons mom passed away in a car accident recently and I decided to enroll us both in BJJ hoping it’s something him and I can bond together more. It’s been three weeks since we started but it’s been a very uplifting experience for both of us

[@gumfun2]

imma do ths when i have a son

[@costazurra]

Excellent topic I agree with you 100% parents need to be told to shut up and stay away from training ...

[@davidabraham7866]

Wow, I'm an ass. I'll try my best too just watch. Thanks Chewy

[@eddietasker9110]

You're not an ass, you just didn't know. What would make you an ass, if now you've found out you keep doing it. Which I don't think you do, you seem like a good dude and open. We need more bjj parents like you.

[@somasbodeljas1424]

I respect you.

[@adrianaperezz3351]

Oof

[@MexicanMartialArts]

Wow. Great observation. I've noticed the same thing about parents who hang back often having the more talented kids. I think the kids with the crazy parents are too exasperated.

[@rulanit]

Voto Studios the other side of the coin is that maybe that kid is learning and paying attention so the parent doesn't have to say anything.

[@adamzoubi96]

Aren't you the one who makes bullshit videos ?? No disrespect I just didn't know you had real experience in martial arts

[@PunchlineEverytime]

Hard to grow by making mistakes and learning from them when your parents are berating you for making small, perfectly human mistakes.

[@KingSquirtle999]

Wonderful insight grandmaster

[@wondixx]

@@adamzoubi96 I thank jessee is a black Belt in judo and purple in bjk

[@bochafish]

"His mind is on the car ride home." Man that is right on. I was decent at baseball, all star, homerun contests, blah blah. Got asked to try out for varsity my freshman year of high school and told the coach no. No way I was going to have my dad screaming at me in front of everyone. It wasn't fun anymore.

[@johnmag202]

Wasted potential to avoid temporary humiliation

[@DonceBeats]

@@johnmag202 you don't know that

[@ashtar3876]

@@johnmag202 guess how that temporary humiliation could have been avoided

[@KwongEdits204]

@@johnmag202 your probably his dad

[@mattc236]

@@johnmag202 If its fun, the potential isn't there

[@katyaroman1604]

My parents don't even support me on doing bjj, good thing I'm an adult though and I can do whatever I want I can't imagine what these kids must be going through

[@adamzoubi96]

Just choke them out !! JK 😂 keep training, good luck 👍

[@rstscott]

When my kids participated in their first tournament I was blown away by how crazy the parents were. It was actually disappointing. The atmosphere was almost toxic. Kids crying left and right. Crazy moms screeching and howling. What an exhausting experience.

[@namechange399]

rstscott I’m from uk and train Bjj....but you should see kids soccer or football over here, I’m 14 and the parents regularly threaten the kids on the opposing team. I have been threatened by a fckin referee before. That is toxic

[@JodyH66]

The tournaments I've attended in my area are the exact opposite. The competitors, parents, coaches, spectators, everyone was almost universally respectful and positive. It was actually a refreshing change from the youth soccer we'd previously been involved in.

[@thedude2122]

was this america?

[@michaelspoto8720]

i hate how my parents always come to watch me train every class. they're always yelling at me to do better and scream at me on the ride home if i get tapped out. Im 32. i don't need this kind of abuse.

[@FutureJacket]

Lol what!?

[@souljamarx]

😂😂

[@GCata-ys3hw]

Italians 😂

[@kirktsosie204]

😂

[@laloc2141]

Wth 32? I’m 31 I’m extremely close to my parents the last time I was chewed out was during college I was maybe 21-22. I know you love them and all but you gotta stand up in a way. This comment was a year ago hopefully by now you shouldn’t have to be worried

[@mxnieves]

Thank you for this video. I am a jujitsu dad and I’ve done a lot of the coaching that you tell parents not to do, definitely going to change my way and let the coach do the coaching and me just becoming the cheerleader my children need. I appreciate you.

[@Popcornmonger]

On my son’s first or second day of JJ, I was spoken to sternly by the Professor for coaching from the sideline. By setting boundaries early, this isn’t a problem in our club very often.

[@kuan7039]

Good on you for having the self-awareness to heed it. Double props for having the humility to not react negatively.

[@berserkr81]

You're an awesome teacher, & human being man.

[@GCata-ys3hw]

I learned from my father what not to do. Not to crap on my dad but he is old school. Growing up any activity was “stupid “, or “garbage” and that I wouldn’t be good at it so why waste the money to enroll. I’m telling you it royally screws with your mind to constantly hear that growing up. I now have 2 boys and both are enrolled in jiu jitsu. My older boy is now training to do competitions and my wife and I preach to him to listen and learn as much as he can and he will improve. Wins and losses are unimportant at this stage. You sir are right. Parents should sit back, listen and watch their kids train under experienced teachers.

[@benh580]

I think there's enough ambulance footage to put a compilation video.

[@bushido8800]

Make one pls! lol

[@NathanLauridsen]

I low key want to see it too

[@wintersmill4853]

Have a 1 stripe white belt 7 year old. I am reeeeeeally glad that I watched this video. It’s important for us parents to know what’s expected too. Thanks! 🙏

[@JoseACostan]

By looking at your face expressions, microexpressions, and tone of voice, i can tell that you legitimately take this seriously and actually care for others. Big up to you man.

[@danielweber4090]

Jose Costan how about the fact that he flat out said it was serious😂😂

[@swankmaster2178]

You summed it up PERFECTLY - "their mind is on the car ride home" - this is exactly what happened with soccer. I was playing up a year in select(the academy) kids 2 and three years older. So when I went up a year I went from the best to decent.

[@PadresRcool]

I'm a parent and a practitioner. Great advice. You're a solid coach doing the right thing for the right reasons.

[@johnhagebeuk8]

My eight year old son Jayson just started BJJ together with me and his training starts at 6 pm and my training at 7 pm. I would never interfear or whatever iam no coach iam his biggest fan and when we are at home he can try his learned chokes and take downs on me so he has extra time to train. But at home iam also his break and calm to rest because he also is a real talent at soccer so he needs those rest moments. And when he has a match with soccer i made a deal with my son that he can only hear me when his team scores a goal. And i find it also irritating when parents scream at the sideline. I always think , dont they see the their kids are ashamed of them. I dont like that so my son always thanks me for being his best friend and that iam not a idiot parent. Great video Chewy 👍🏻👊🏻

[@KarlPHorse]

"If you don't do well in Jiu Jitsu you can't play Xbox." That seriously got my blood boiling and says a lot about the grandpa. Definitely some ignorance, insecurity, and trying to live vicariously through the kid. Not only are you ruining it for the kid, but you are also teaching them to be a mat bully by getting them to be overly aggressive on the mat.

[@kielhawkins9529]

For me girls “do well” means paying attention to the coach , being polite and kind and trying you best. Winning during rolls doesn’t have a ton of value.

[@thechaddad1609]

I can understand if the kid was not paying attention in class, but winning a roll????

[@carlosr.9469]

Awesome Chewy!! Great analysis. I like to kick back and watch my son train, I dont pressure him not to tap or to submit his fellow peers. BJJ is a lifelong journey and I want him to train for as long as he can. Great video!!

[@Chewjitsu]

Carlos Rojas that's perfect. Let him be in his own world, make his own mistakes and stand on his own two feet. Best way to empower someone.

[@Sunshine-.-.]

Bjj is all about learning and having fun

[@WiqedWhiteGorilla]

And WAR!!

[@valizeth4073]

Without fun, you won't become good.

[@vvloxsy3494]

And to Become a Powerhouse

[@james.randorff]

Thanks for this video, Chewy! I have been guilty of this and am working to be more self-aware and restrained. I sometimes joke that “Jiu Jitsu Dads” are the counterpart of “Soccer Moms”. My five-year-old daughter’s BJJ coach is outstanding, both in his interaction with the kids and in the level of knowledge he communicates. My job as a parent is to sit back and let him do his job, and let my daughter thrive because of his coaching.

[@laswa1926]

I just want to say this guy is one of the smartest and grown up guys i know. Everyone could learn something from his attitude.

[@JodyH66]

AWESOME video! I taught our kids BJJ class for 6 months or so while the head coach was out with an injury. The kids are awesome. The parents can be a real pain in the ass.

[@chrishamilton5959]

Thanks dude, I love my dad and lad time in our gym. We get a Slurpee after most classes. Priceless memories and I don't want them to end. I appreciate your time and advice.

[@helkeel]

I come back and watch this video about once every three months so for a reminder to be mindful of what's happening during practices. Since this video came out I also started training myself to help my autistic daughter as she learns and to create memories as a family which I wouldn't change for the world. Thanks chewie for all the advice you've provided over the years.

[@JoshCather]

We had produced a handout that we gave to all the parents that said no coaching during class. It was getting out of hand there for a while. We've had some parents start BJJ after their kids had been taking classes. They'd quickly get the realization that it's harder than they thought.

[@treroney4720]

True story I wish I was joking. We had a mom keep yelling at her daughter to do better in Bjj. Her daughter is talented and mentally strong so she doesn’t let her untrained mom’s words influence her good time. So I (Bjj purple belt, mma fighter, judo brown belt) Tell the mom how physically demanding this sport is and if she wants to see how difficult this is she could roll with us or have me give her a lesson free of charge. This witch cursed me out and accused me of sexual harassment and left out gym a 1 star review and accusing me of being a creep! Thankfully my coach realized she was a wack job and banned her from the gym

[@MarksTournaments]

@@treroney4720 wtf

[@doritofish]

You saved a lot of kids with this, you're a hero dude

[@uipize]

I hate parents like this. We don't have the problem in our gym, but i see this happen in competition so often, where little kids cry because they lost a match and untrained parents start yelling .. even if i don't know the gym or the kids they came from i step in .. so sad to see kids loosing the fun .

[@timiseri]

Excellent video!!!! So many people forget or never learn that it doesn't take much to break a child's spirit. Their spirits are so fragile and many times, the damage doesn't become evident until a long time later.

[@williamfreeborn1829]

My daughter and I both started jiu-Jitsu about a month ago now. I have to say, it is very difficult sitting there watching her struggle with a move that I know. It is very difficult for me to not coach her. The way I have started dealing with it is to simply not watch her. I pull out my phone and respond to some texts, look up stuff or play a game of some sort. Most of the other parents in my school do the same thing. Another lady whose daughter joined the week after me actually told me that's what out instructor told her to do after she attempted coaching her daughter. It seems to work well in my studio. Also want to say, only watched a few of your videos so far, but want to give a huge thanks. You answered some questions I had but I am not thinking about them when in class and have a chance to ask my instructor. Keep up the great work!

[@bowhunter2923]

I know this video was posted a while ago but I'll add a comment regardless. The message in this video screams the truth. I was the parent that coached my kid from the sideline and had similar observations. Thankfully I caught myself and changed very quickly. I saw how my son got more and more discouraged as he no doubt took each comment as a criticism equating it to failure. Then I literally saw how the enthusiasm started to leave his eyes. I stopped what I was doing and strived to make it a very positive experience by letting go and filling him with praise. The enthusiasm returned very quickly and he loves going to class. Does he still make mistakes...absolutley, I couldn't care less since he has learned quite a bit since then. We now have a ritual on the drive home where we each offer a compliment sandwich (compliment-criticism-compliment) always making him start first. The compliment can be anything even something as detailed as "I really liked how you focused on your grip during that drill, your opponent couldn't break it why is that?" or I'll tell him I liked his aggressiveness at a comp class. Criticisms are held to 1 thing so choose your battles. I spent weeks with the "you need to work on giving up your back...what do you think you can do to make it harder for them to get it?". On real good days we will add a "desert" as a positive honourable mention. My job is to bring him to class and offer TRUE support, the coach's job is to teach and the students job is to leave 100% on the mat. The results are this: he trains 5 times a week and has medalled in his first 2 major tournaments where he used to get smashed at local in houses. So ya, even when he struggles in class and looks over to see my reaction he always sees me nodding and smiling. You will be amazed how having those short positive conversations in the car ride home helps them self analyze. As for my wife and I, all we ask of him is to give his best effort and we are never disappointed.

[@-SSMD-]

Appreciate the solid advice! I hadn’t thought of it from my daughters perspective so I WILL change my approach and have more positive car rides home! Thanks Chewy!!!

[@jesusavila1273]

Thank you for the advice!

[@James_k59psn]

Damn. This video made me realize why as an adult I don’t want my family involved in my martial arts at all. Never really could figure it out. But for some reason this video bought it all together for me. It was just because of how they were when I was younger in martial arts. My mind wasn’t there as a result. But this happens with everything I have done in life.

[@cpmedilo]

Excellent vid Chewy! My 2 girls started training in 2010 and they still train til now at least 3x a week to complement their judo. Just make sure you choose the right training environment so you can leave the teaching and coaching to the Professors. This video should be shown to parents/guardians on the very fist day when they enroll their kids to BJJ or any other organized sports.

[@Shoalin23]

As a parent I completely agree. You should show, thereby teaching, your child to respect the coach. Which means let the coach coach. If they start looking back at you you should tell them pay attention to the coach. Its rude and disrespectful to the coach who is teaching them and you teach that rudeness and disrespect to your child.

[@imknobody]

Damn sir almost brought tears to my eyes hearing your story. Thank you for sharing sir! Helping all of us on and off the mat, is one the greatest gifts you’ve given us. Thank you

[@helkeel]

One thing I've done since my daughter has started doing judo and wrestling is simply ask her if she's having fun and how much she wants helps from me. She also has Asperger's so some times it's a matter finding a different way to explain things to her in her own unique way. I'm also fortunate that she has an amazing Sensei who is blunt with all parents and will shoo me away when needed as I can be a bit over protective. As longs as she's having fun and learning then I feel we're all doing our part.

[@badbishop1049]

I agree for the most part but I do think it matters how much skill and advice the parent has to offer outside of class or practice if they should coach or not. Also how much a kid wants it.My father played Div.1 college football for a top ten team in the late 60's and 70's and when I was playing ball my freshman year I made the cuts and earned a place as the 3rd string middle linebacker. I wasnt satisfied with being 3rd. string but had never played linebacker before. That's the position my father played and he knew more than my linebacker coach could ever dream about. I asked him to make me better and he did. Many days after practice we would watch the film he recorded of me and the offense that was being run and he showed me where my technique was lacking and showed me how to "read" plays by watching for shifts or tells in the line or in the back field prior to the snap or as the snap went off. If you analysed correctly you tell before or as the ball was snapped if it was going to be a draw, sweep, bootleg, QB sneak, pass play, etc. As I learned that he helped me refine my technique and corrected my foot work and timing and I hit the weights, cardio and speed training harder. My 10th grade year I took the starting middle linebacker position away from a senior who was the 2nd string linebacker his sophomore and junior year. Never would have happened if my dad had not intervened and coached me behind the scenes the way he did. He never said anything to me at practice though. He knew that was inexcusable. He waited till we got all the way home. I still remember coming home after practice, watching film then putting my pads back on and going with my dad out to the back, which was lit up with flood lights and being knocked on my ass over and over again by a 6 foot 270lb. 42 year old man wearing no pads or a helmet,lol! (Bare in mind that at 14 I was 5'10" and 220lbs.not to much smaller than him and he rag dolled my ass) Good times :) I miss ya dad.

[@blaneries8925]

Love the content as always my man

[@dwaynereviews2216]

Hey man, thanks for posting this. My daughter is 6 and I have been way too critical of her performance. I thought I was doing the right thing by pushing her to "be the best she can be" but I see now that it's not a positive way to motivate her. I don't yell out instructions while she's training or punish her for bad performances...but I am overly critical and I know that it's harmed her enjoyment of the sport. I will behave differently going forward. Again, thanks.

[@unionpride525]

OMG the parents! I coached youth soccer in Hawaii for seven years and finally lost all love for it because of the parents. I have had to cut kids from the team because of the parents.

[@danielcho3270]

Good stuff, I'm a parent, thanks for the insight coach.

[@shanenewell8503]

great video, my son started training and hes 5. hes loves it, i Ben training various martial arts my whole life started at 5 and i have Ben training Bjj for off and on now 6 years. what i try to encourage him is to keep going to class, and be respectful to his class mates and to at least try to do the drills the instructors are showing. its more of a behavioral thing with me, be respectful and nice to the teachers and other students and have fun. with it as long as hes doing that im happy.keep it playfull that my thing , i even do that in my adult class. Also i seen what helps is my head instructor sits in the stands with the parents and answers questions about the techniques, and why they do what they do. he has a very low tolerance for parents shooting on the mats, and it has a very productive ahtomsasphare for the kids on the mats. he makes sure to spend time with every parent to discuss stuff. so its a fun thing to whatch, because my head instructor is a killer( on the bjjmats) , and to he see him be so soft and kind with the kids is awesome..

[@toddedington9684]

Great take on this subject. I for one am trying not to be my sons coach during class. I am learning to keep my mouth shut during class. What i do do, is try to be observant about what it is that he is doing well and where he needs work. When helping him practice his techniques outside of the dojo, I keep those mental notes and try to guide his practice and make him see where he can improve. Keeping it positive. I could teach him, but choose to have someone else do it as I don't want to blur the line between Sensei and Dad.

[@forestntt72]

Love to see your passion for BJJ and for the development of kids. Nice one mate.

[@mamiparkpiao2116]

Oh man it was so cool to watch it .my son started also Jiu-Jitsu and I was totally scared from some parents. They just don’t behave themselves,they were jelling to the coach and want control all the situation there ,it was a disaster,the kids will loose fun with those messy.i suggest that to forbid the parents stay during training expect some special situations ,i hope they will take it and I am sure it will be benefits all parties involved

[@ptmarkoviitanen]

Don't make BJJ work and Xbox reward. Do it the other way around.... you have to break high score in Xbox to have access to mats, lol

[@bryceolsen3527]

You might actually be on to something lmao that's actually really good advice!

[@toughfff712]

Thank you for this video. My 8 year-old has been training for 6 weeks now, and i needed to hear this. I am personally competitive and train in BJJ, and i want to make sure i don't place my goals on my son.

[@Daluris]

You are an amazing and inspirational man Chewy and I applaud your efforts and all you bring to the sport! Keep up the fantastic work!

[@blitzthekraken9832]

I always tell my kids that their object is to make their partner better, just as the better kids are there to make them better. But I tend to think if kids struggle because they just don't know, I tell my kids to help them out. I've been caught once or twice yelling at my kid's opponents in scramble drills on how to escape my boy's submission, or try break guard, or sweep him. Honestly, I like to see good sweeps and escapes better than submissions. I got to rethink that behavior. I just want the team to get better. Though I've had parents actually thank me, and they tell me that their kids like to roll with my kids because they help them. Protect your partner, tap if you need to, and just have fun. Good retrospective video, and lots to think about. My kids always come out of Jiu-Jitsu smiling. I wouldn't want to mess with that. :0)

[@dvd08270]

I started BJJ about 18 months ago together with my then 7 year old son. I'm still a white belt but the little on is soon be yellow. I always encourage him to go out and have fun on the mats. He started competing 6 months ago and already has three medals. He actually motivates me now to the point that I'm doing my first comp this fall. Hopefully he wont yell at me from the sidelines 😅 Love your content Chewy, keep it up. Maybe it's time for another video on the same topic?

[@hughgrection7246]

I'm a parent who trains at the same gym as my daughter. I honestly try my hardest to stay un-involved with her at the gym. I drop her off, then go home and I I'm fairly certain she appreciates it. Ps. She's 10 and catching me in triangles and armbars so ... yeah.

[@TrezlySnipes]

I’ve tried to give my kid some advice while highlighting what she does well and areas where she could improve. I only yell at her when I catch her talking to her buddies when the instructor is addressing the class which is disrespectful. I think the best way to go about it is to just have a conversation with your child and encourage them to keep learning and trying new techniques. Her coach is my coach and I try to have a dialogue with him as well in order to find out how to help her work on stuff at home. Always be positive and be realistic with your expectations otherwise you will risk your kid losing passion whatever sport they are involved in.

[@uipize]

why should they train at home ? are they prof. fighters ? just let them have fun, dont fill there life with bjj. let them talk, if the coach dont want it.. he will say something. youre not the coach, so dont act like you are. you can talk to your kids after class.

[@Chewjitsu]

TrezlySnipes it's ok for her to talk to her buddies. It can be disrespectful. But at the same time they're kids. They're going to talk too much, be silly when they shouldn't be, etc etc. And that's ok. We shouldn't judge them by the same yardstick as an adult. Think about when we were kids. Think of all the dumb stuff we did!

[@bretlynn]

think of all the dumb stuff I can teach my kids to avoid. Just because I did dumb stuff as a child doesn't mean my job as a parent is to idly sit by and neglect the discipline of my children. You don't teach children how to become respectful adults by measuring them by the same yardstick as their peers, you teach them by measuring them against a yardstick of respectful behavior. Disciplining my child's behavior is MY job. teaching jiu-jitsu is YOUR job. Respecting teacher and parent is THEIR job.

[@beboppalooka9897]

Earl Grey Hot I think you guys are missing the point. If the children see the Jiu Jitsu as just another chore and a means of keeping their parents happy they will be more likely to experience burnout and not do well in Jiu Jitsu as a result of the parents’ interference.

[@bretlynn]

that's nice but that wasn't the point that was expressed

[@Southernguitar74]

Man you are spot on with this advice. My 8 y/o son just started BJJ and I must approach his training like you suggested here. Thank you very much for sharing with me exactly what I needed to hear.

[@JASNSOUNDS]

As a jujitsu parent I must interject but not in disagreement. My daughter and I both started about two months ago. I attend her classes and I am always paying attention to her, while other parents are on their phones. I am very aware that I don’t want to be the one to Sauro her experience by setting any kind of expectation. But when she’s on the mats and instructors are busy, she will look to me when she is unsure of what to do next. In those moments I try to point at the instructor as a way to tell her to ask. And other times I will make small gestures showing her what to do next. If the move is successful she’ll look right back at me and I may give her a thumbs up or something. But I never make it a celebration. After training I always tell her good work, and I’ll mention a move I saw her do well. That’s the extent of my coaching. I am very aware of being intrusive both in the class and in her attitude towards Jiu Jitsu. I definitely expect as she becomes more experienced she will look to me less, and either figure it out or wait for the instructor. If in the future she competes I do not care if she wins or loses. To me it’s about the journey, the acquisition of knowledge, and a good relationship with my daughter.

[@danielskrivan6921]

I think it depends on the parents and on the kid. (TKD guy here). We have one kid, that was really unmotivated as a colored belt. He was overweight and lazy, his movements were slow, he was soft. This kid's Grandpa (who had lots of martial arts experience 50 years ago when everyone was crazy and trained their fists by punching trees), would always kibitz during class. Close to black belt, this kid really started to improve. He was faster, more fluid, and just generally seemed to be trying harder. One day in class, my Master and I both noticed him do something much better than he'd done before. My Master congratulated him on his improvement. I congratulated him on his improvement. He smiled. Then his Grandpa pointed out something else wrong with his technique. His smile instantly went away. Lately, the Grandpa hasn't been staying for class, and I've seen so much growth in this kid since then. However, we have other kids, where the parents will sit there and be quiet during drills and forms and such. But during sparring, those parents are loud. And most of those parents, what do they do? They cheer for the OTHER kid. Like if their kid Aiden is sparring against someone named Daniel, they'll be cheering Daniel on. Some of that good-natured teasing. These kids thrive on it and take it as a challenge. One of my favorites was during a belt test, my Mom was sparring my Dad. (My Master calls this "couples counseling"). My Mom scored a point, and my nephew yelled "GO GRANDMA!" At that point, it was pretty much done. My parents couldn't fight. My Master couldn't ref. Everyone was too busy laughing. My Dad was like "what about Grandpa?" but nobody else heard him they were all laughing too hard.

[@TheJmiller1993]

From teaching soccer its the kids who's parents get involved, like you said, who end up not enjoying the sport and ultimately quitting. Fostering a love and enjoyment for the sport is 10x more important in the early years than techniques etc.

[@flavoredchin]

I think one of the most influential parts of me getting obsessed with BJJ is the fact that my parents don't get involved at all

[@braddonovan1786]

I've got 4 kids in BJJ, and I also train. It makes for highly technical family wrestling in the living room... During my kids class, I just sit there. Their coaches are great. I really appreciate how they treat my kiddoes. If it's a competition, I cheer pretty loudly. The thing is to be a positive cheer-dad. And to encourage fun. No matter the result, all my kids get high-fives and hugs. And I also make a point of showing sportsmanship, so they can see me doing that.

[@iconoclastmusic368]

One of your best videos. Makes me think of how to better help my child, although I do help as an assistant instructor. Thanks Chewy!

[@smerdoninbrawley]

I own and run a karate dojo and have a six degree blackbelt, I also have two grown sons with blackbelts. My sensei was my sons' sensei. We trained together for years, and I am convinced that there are two reasons that my sons stuck with karate and earned their blackbelts. First, I set the example and showed up for every class, lined up and tried my best to learn what my sensei was trying to teach me. Second, I let my sensei do his job when it came to my sons without sticking my two cents in. My boys would have quit after two weeks if tried to be their teacher.

[@TourniquetAndDeliverance]

I absolutely witness this in baseball Little League. I played years of baseball, but I refuse to coach my children during practices or games. Instead, I'll make a mental note of where they struggle and work on those separate from the practices and games.

[@jxmhxbxhxb]

I am commenting because today was my son and daughter's first day of jujitsu training. I noticed that their coach was really worked up and was very strict. He shouted at the kids and he got angry when kids who were under 10 years old would make mistakes or would not be able to capitalize on their opponents mistakes. I later found out that he was preparing for a tournament and I think his focus was on making sure that the kids will win. Later on when it was time for them to grapple, my son had to face an opponent who was obviously more skilled than him. Though it did not bother me a bit, because I really wanted my son to try his best even with zero skills, I noticed that the other boy's parent, who was also into jujitsu went from the adult side of the gym to the kids' side just to cheer and coach his son. He was basically trying to coach his son to try and do a rear naked choke on my 6 year old boy. At the back of my mind, I was like WTF, are parents supposed to be this competitive when it comes to kids' training? I mean, I brought my kids here so they could learn and have fun and it seems like the parents and the coaches here are hell bent on making their kids win. They kept saying good job each time the boy got my son's back, but I'm not sure it truly was a good job because again, my son had zero experience. After the session, I saw the boy who won against my son crying because he thought his father was not happy about what he did or because the little boy made some mistakes and my son was able to pin him down. Meanwhile, my son was just smiling from start to finish and I don't think he knows he lost at all. So Chewy, sorry for this long comment. Do you think I should let my kids continue training in this gym or should I look for another one? Thanks..

[@scmttoe]

Appreciate your insight chewy! Watching this, I feel like I have gone through all those experience with u. Such a treat!

[@XpertProperty]

I was a parent like that. I never shouted nor coached but always had slightly higher expectations. Then I tried a bjj class and realized that bjj is super hard. I gained a lot of respect for the art and understanding for my son.

[@HandsomeNature]

Great message, I would love to see a specific video "Show this to your BJJ students parents when signing up". Clubs require new students (parents) watch a quick educational video on how to behave at the club before signing up. Most parents mean well and just dont know any better. Thank you for your videos keep it up

[@AliFayeFaye]

pressure = stress! We dont compete at our dojo so we dont have a lot of helicopter parents, but we do practice in competitive drills and we strive to teach the kids honor/sportsmanship with every student.

[@johnhagebeuk8]

My son also asked me he dad when do i get the yellow belt i told him thats not important my friend just have fun with your buddys and learn listen and grow if you fit a yellow belt then thats the moment you are ready for yellow and only your coach knows that. ❤️

[@adamzoubi96]

Great video buddy !! I really like your mentality in the coaching game! Cheers

[@samthiel4315]

I hate that this happens in every youth sport. I grew up playing football and I’ve seen parents ruin there kid’s experience so many times because their ego got involved. I hate seeing it and I hope videos like this help quash this.

[@stuart4860]

to many parents are out of control, just tell your kids they are doing well and you're proud of them...

[@vwgolf1991]

Even as a bb who has consistently encouraged my 8 year old son to focus on process and not results, it's difficult for my son to contextualize not "winning" in sparring or competition. No matter how much I encourage him to look at progress and improvement as a better representation of success than whatever happens in roll, at his age and level of development, he just can't. He cries after losing dodgeball, he cries after losing a hop on one foot race, he feels anxious and scared going to class bcs he doesn't want to train with kids above his level. Some kids are ready for competitive activities, but many kids just aren't there yet. I don't want him to lose out on the many benefits of BJJ - self defense, confidence, a greater social circle and community, but I've had to minimize his training to 1 day a week, only on days the easier or more beginner kid's show up, even though he can hang with the more advanced and competitive kids. Keeping kids going is more important than having them improve. Tough to accept but with less emotionally mature kids, that's sometimes the best you can do.

[@AFrolicsomeMind]

My husband got to me before this video did. I started doing bjj a few months after my 10 yo daughter started. During her rolls, I felt like I had a tiny bit of knowledge to just help her out if she seemed stuck and uncertain of what to do. So I would say, "Don't give her/him your back," "Good job," and "Nice." I wasn't screaming but I wasn't whispering. My daughter, my husband, and I were talking about class one day and my sideline coaching came up. My husband warned against it and basically advised to let the coaches do their jobs. My husband on the sidelines is exactly the cool guy you imitated who just sits and observes and I get this and I respect it. I immediately became regretful of my sideline behavior because, to my surprise, my daughter said she didn't like it. Whoa, parental learning moment. I don't do it anymore of course but I have always and still do record her rolls. You mentioned this as being part of your viewer's complaint but you didn't touch on your thoughts on that. I record her rolls because my husband enjoys seeing them if he can't get to class, my daughter likes to see them, and the three of us think there's value in watching her rolls and looking for things that she could have done. What are your thoughts on this aspect? Thanks for this video. I'm a very humble person and far from boastful so I never thought anything of my behavior. Glad someone got to me before I made an ass of myself even further.

[@CosMo1979]

The story with Granddad is actually really saddening. I've never shouted anything towards my daughter while training, because the other kids in the gym have the same right to have a good time as my daughter has. Except when i have the feeling she doesn't listen to her trainer i seek eye contact. On our way home in the car my first question always is:" did you have a good time and fun? what have you learned? are you looking forward to your next class?" It is their free time and they should be free to enjoy it! She loves it so much, she almost asks me on a daily basis if we can drill or roll together at home, since i started because of her as well. I love that and i wouldn't dare to destroy it with toxic behaviour.

[@reyscottm9]

Guilty. I need to apologize to my son, and shut my stupid face. Thanks, Chewy.

[@austinhollingsworth5103]

I feel like a quarter of your videos I have watched there's some ambulance going by 😂 gotta train BJJ for that rough neighborhood

[@dannybalcazar9813]

My son has only just started Jiujitsu and it’s only because he made a deal with me that if I got him something he wanted he would go to class and only for that reason and on that day did I tell him he had to go and keep his word, before that day and after that day I’ve never made him go to class he goes when he wants and lately he’s been wanting to more and more, the only bad thing is that we don’t have the time to go to kids class so he trains with us on the flip side he was there when I guy promoted to blue belt and he was sooo happy for me and I felt so proud lol.

[@Signingman]

Hey chewy, I know that you may not see this but I wanted to tell you something. I've been watching your videos for quite a while and I (along with thousands of others) do dearly enjoy them. they've helped me immensely throughout my Jiu Jitsu journey. However, while I do not coach or have a blue belt or higher, I have a right to disagree with your proposition that parents should not coach PERIOD. I agree that immaturely shouting and punishing is wrong, but in my academy (which is incredibly small) the parents are VERY close to the students while they train. I see fathers remind their children simple concepts like "don't give him your back," "let's pay attention," or "nice job." I feel like having them sit in utter silence without any interaction during training is somewhat domineering. if the kids and parents are having fun with jovial advice, what could be wrong with that? thx for the awesome videos, and sorry the comment was so damn long

[@DocLeon77]

Ben Churchill, I think the time to coach your child is off the mat, at home. They should watch and take what they would like to tell their child away from others. I have 4 kids (19,17,12, & 10) who practice. I myself started last year with them and am blessed that my professor allows me to help coach ON the mat during class. But days I am not on the mat it would be a distraction for me to talk to my kids while theyre training. I pay for my child to learn from a professional, why sabotage them?! I've had parents get into competitions with each other when their children end up rolling against one another. Those kids dont have any fun when that pressure is on them. Encourage during water breaks and at home, not when you have a professional who is teaching them. Also, kids need to be able to go through adversity on their own (in a controlled environment). Have a good one!

[@uipize]

so youre a white belt and think you know more/better about training and coaching ? hahahahaha let the coaches coach!

[@alpine7891]

Ben Churchill - I completely agree with you.. it's helped my son endlessly by me giving him tips and I see him use them in the next class whereas if I hadn't have then he'd probably still be struggling in certain positions for the next few years until he's taught. It's a good communication we have with each other, I never get pushy but if I see something simple for example if he's stuck in side control and he can push off his opponents elbow and scoot out.. he now does this all the time. It's not a bad thing at all giving them tips like that. I honestly think my lads come on a lot by doing that. If for one minute I thought I was putting pressure on him then I'd stop. But yeah I can see there is a massive difference between Dads like us and then the real pushy Dads that just want their kids to win for their own ego.

[@krseaster]

Ben Churchill, also, it's disrespectfull to talk to your kid while they are in class, the coach is on the mat and in charge. If your kid was in school playing sports, you would not be allowed to talk to them during practice and most schools don't allow you to even come to a practice.

[@MsSomeonenew]

You are just setting them up for a horrible time. The moment they need to work on appeasing the parents instead of training is the moment it falls apart for them. This would be the same as parents standing in during school and telling you what to actually do... you just do not pull that shit.

[@gumfun2]

direct approval to being a healthy human being

[@bonjuhermie]

Brilliant. Thank you for your thoughts. Spot on

[@charlotteice5704]

I feel very sorry for those kids. Propably those kids' parents are helicopter parents. I could go on about how bad helicopter parenting is for children, but there are websites better at explaining that than me. I think that telling them not to tap is also bad for their bodies. If you fully max out joint locks for decades, you're gonna develop arthritis or something like that! When I started doing German jiu-jitsu, I learnt that tapping is signaling that a technique works or that it is very painful for you right now. I never associated it with being a submission. My advice for joint locks in training is to lock it out using your muscles just before you reach the limit.

[@Jason22Douce]

parents can give you the passion and the love for sports, but they also can rip it away. Always gotta respect that fine line

[@FSMWorshiper]

Right on - still relevant. Well put sir.

[@lapurdy71]

Any advice for a really non-aggressive child? She often lets kids pass her guard with little resistance or take her down without defending. I don't mind her losing, but I fear that getting beat every time will CONDITION her to lose. I thought to give it more time, but she's been doing it 4 years now - she's 8. I've talked to the instructor about it once, but I haven't seen an improvement. Any advice for me as a parent (and a brown belt in BJJ)? Maybe take her out until older, some drills to improve aggression, or ?

[@Shinbusan]

in my Polish gym none of parents scream. Probably different culture. Sometimes if my girl and her friend have technical problems and both instuctors are busy with other pairs I tell them next move. But as soon as some instructor come I back off. We also have parent kid trainings once per two months. Great fun for kids and us parents. My dream is to get my 8 year old girl training in adulthood with me. The problem is she sometimes says she train for me, not for herself. I would like to change it, but do not know how. Few first training she had great great fun with a lot of laughing. Currently she is not smiling so much, aspecially when she have to compete with boys, what she hates.

[@CamachoBJJ]

We need a Abalance t shirt. Lol. But yes. This is great Advice. I won't let the parents coach from the sidelines. Told them, the only way they can coach is if they start training.

[@dangerpaws7694]

that story is heartbreaking

[@thechaddad1609]

Dammit, I'm THAT dad...thank you for making this video. I don't want to ruin this amazing art for my son.

[@huymynguyen67]

I have two boys who just started BJJ. They are 7 and 8. While I am not a type of dad who yell at my kids when they get submit or get on the mats to coach them. However, when I see them making mistakes with a certain technique I would take a mental note and then when I go home, I would go over those techniques with them. I would watch KZbin video clips of the technique and then help them understand what they might do wrong. Is that ok? Or should I just stop doing that completely and let them be? I do want them to enjoy BJJ but at the same time I also want them to take it seriously because to me it is very important. It is a survival skill. Out of all the extra curricular activities that they are doing right now (swimming, guitar, rock climbing) BJJ to me is the most important and the one thing that I don’t want them to quit. Please advise...thank you

[@heavybones]

Good video. Basically a checklist of everything that I have been doing...

[@weaponxonswole4067]

Absolutely solid insight on this subject. I’m a novice at jiu jitsu with a little bit of wrestling background. Absolutely love bjj! I have twins that will be turning 4 in October ( 1 boy and 1 girl), both of them love rough housing with me. My son is very flexible and has good instincts when it comes to grappling so I’m doing what I can to nurture that at home when we play and keep it fun for him and my daughter both! Appreciate the insight! I feel like I’m leading them in the right direction, so I guess we’ll see what happens if and when they decide if they want to train! Ps: any advice on this would be appreciated too as far as working with the kids at home a little for the time being!!!!

[@jeffreydamonte67]

Great advice for parents and kids in any sport.

[@dennisnguyen5653]

Chewy's right lol. I'm taking an AP Psychology class right now and I've learned that there are two types of motivation: intrinsic motivation and extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is a desire to perform an action (in this case, BJJ) because you enjoy the activity itself or you enjoy the way it makes you feel. However extrinsic motivation is a desire to perform an action for the sake of an external reward (in this case it would be praise from the children's parents or even Joseph being able to play the Xbox). The thing is, when you mix the two types together, you create the overjustification effect. The overjustification effect states that when you mix the two types of motivations together you will actually see a huge decrease in the frequency or performance of that behavior. (Ex: A kid who first enjoyed BJJ who now has to perform well in order to play the Xbox)

[@Chewjitsu]

Dennis Nguyen for sure! The intrinsic is what we all need to find. Some reason inside of us that makes us want to push ourselves forward. If you have that deep burning desire inside of you. You won't be derailed or stopped because of a setback.

[@WoodApe100]

While I understand the points made about parents not coaching..the parents are vital to supporting the kids and they are all different. While some parents may do some damage and have no idea how to coach - some clubs are also not ideal and offer little in the way of support for the students. Some are just happy to take the money and then go through the motions of running large classes with only one instructor that doesn't even give the kids a basic introduction to the sport. I have seen kids rolling on the very first class and they haven't even had rules explained to them..or that they can tap! So before we judge all parent/coaching as negative...let's look at some of the potential positives of parents being involved in coaching their children. The parents will be around the child for the rest of their youth and know if a child is struggling. Whereas the instructor. only sees the student at class. A loving parent that wants to be involved also observed and can help protect or advise the child on how to deal with certain aspects that come up in jiu jitsu training. Sometimes the best advice is to "talk to sensei or ask sensei" but sometimes the parent may be best to intercede and talk to sensei depending on what it is. I do believe that if the instructor is running good class and lots of coaching and supervision...that it is best if parents can be respectful and let the class be uninterrupted (certainly!). But teaching good trai ning habits and helping your child practice skills that will "fill in the blanks" or compliment what you go to class for is not necessarily bad or negative. Certainly remembering that jiu jitsu is difficult and being patient and also celebrating progress and achievement is very important. Some parents might be very comfortable just dropping their kids off and letting sensei do it all and that isn't bad..depending on the sensei. Others might just like to observe and participate in supporting the student too. Nothing wrong with either. Parents coaching from the sidelines is not ideal but sometimes it may be necessary and not always bad.

[@berningsandwiches2662]

The only thing I ask my son when he's done with his jiu-jitsu class is "did you have fun?" My main objective is to make sure he's enjoying what he's doing.

[@PatrickAyotte]

I train with my ten year old grandson. He is doing well IMO and I try to build him up after our sessions are over. I remind him that we will both tap hundreds of times and to work hard. I feel like I need to move to Kentucky to join this gym. I believe I would love it there

[@King_Of_Games]

I never noticed that til now. Some white belts that I remember years back joined at the same time. One a natural athlete the other very average body type. The athlete’s mom was always there pushing him. And yet it was the average guy that went leaps and bounds past him

[@scottauger10]

i didn't get pushed to do things as a kid so for 27 years i was a bum. bad posture, week and unconfident. I finally made a change at 27 to star playing hockey and at 29 start bjj... 4 years later and im way better as a person now ... I push my kids to try everything so they don't end up wasting half their life like I did

[@ArmorPiercingTyrant]

I have a one year old child and I look forward to the day they start their martial arts training. I really appreciate this video. Thank you.

[@Chewjitsu]

You're welcome brother!

[@FolkMagician352]

I love how much you care about the growth of people in juijitzu it’s great to watch keep at it