10 Myths About Married Sex: BUSTED

[@salemthorup9536]

People who think married sex is boring just have no idea what a really good, healthy marriage is like or can be like. But sex doesn't have to be exciting or new to be good. Sometimes it can be the same kind of thing for months or years and still be very satisfying. The security and deep emotional connection that comes with commitment is way hotter than something or someone new.

[@cassielawyer87]

I jumped down here to say something along these lines. So what if married sex is boring, it is what it is. If your goal is a long term monogamous relationship, accept that. Enjoy the sex even if you’ve had the same sex thousands of times. Relax into a sex routine that feels like home. The exciting sex and the honeymoon phase is what got you there, be thankful for that. Remember those beginning days, they don’t last forever and they’re so so so exciting. And then it changes into something more familiar and something comfy and that’s wonderful.

[@ElimEx1]

Does your husband know you say things like that online and does he agree? I'm not talking about does he say he agrees with you not to be in trouble but does he actually think so? Yeah, didn't think so...

[@judyperri9496]

Married sex was horrible

[@benscott6826]

For you maybe, and yet what about your husband? Is he fulfilled?

[@judyperri9496]

@@benscott6826 Lol my ex is dead Men are always fulfilled Thats the part that escapes you If both parties don’t enjoy it , it doesn’t really matter if he’s “ fulfilled “

[@kw3113]

When scheduled sex doesn’t happen… feeling of rejection is strong.

[@solstice1681]

I hear you, I tried that approach and when you get your lingerie on and perfume yourself and you go to your husband and he says "what about the movie?" Yikes 😬

[@samia6888]

@@solstice1681 I’m sorry you had to go through that, I really hope it gets better for you.

[@hdw237]

​@@solstice1681mine once td me the sexiest thing a woman could wear is a teddy lingerie. So when I was trying to spice things up I got one and tried it out. He looked at me and said I'd rather you wear a t-shirt gown. Now he can't understand why I refuse to wear lingerie or play sex games. It's like No thank you! Just do your thing and I'll take care of myself alone in shower later.😅

[@PinkRose0910]

@@hdw237Then tell him it hurt your feelings. It sounds like you are holding onto resentment and are only having sex out of obligation. He made you feel unattractive. You should wear something that makes you feel attractive. It sounds like you need an apology from your husband to help things heal. Tell him what turns you on or if there’s something you want him to wear.

[@MattTerrell-gc9vw]

Yeah scheduled sex is definitely double edged. The anticipa...tion can make it great, but if one isn't into it, the person who is feels rejected or the person who isn't into it might feel obligated

[@staceyb5567]

50's, 30+ married, the least amount happened within the years after the birth of babies, and after a hysterectomy when the Dr kept saying "not yet". The most difficult thing is to learn to talk to each other about this. Be compassionate with your partner...both of you will have physical issues, but together you can work passed them if you both want that. "I miss you." "I promise this dry spell is because of..., and not because I don't want you."

[@LadyDragonfly8460]

Yes, this! Married 30+ years as well. Two kids (both c-sections) 26 months apart, then a miscarriage a year after that. Husband had an injury to his back that left him with permanent nerve damage and had several surgeries during those years that the kids were small. Our sex life was iffy at best for a while, but not because we had no desire or attraction - it was just physically difficult and we were....well, absolutely exhausted most of the time. Now with those kids grown and his pain mostly controlled, we have a satisfying sex life again. A relationship has many aspects, and sex is just one of them. If you have a spouse who you can count on to help get you through the tough times in life, who can make you laugh, who you can spend hours with saying nothing at all at times, and who you know loves you even at your worst, then you have it all.

[@MsKatarzyna2011]

K

[@Joyjoydoesit]

My husband and I started dating when I was 19 and he was 23 and we have been together for 19.5 years now. We didn't have sex on our wedding night. We tried, but we were exhausted so we decided not to. Married sex is boring? It only gets boring if both of you don't open up to each other and just settle on doing the same thing over and over. Been with the same person for this long, our sex life has gotten even better throughout the years. We are more open to each other about what we like and we trust each other so we are more comfortable telling each other about trying new things in the bedroom. We have an amazing sex life! Even better than when we were in our 20s. So just because you are married, doesn't mean your sex life will be boring or will go away. You have to keep the passion for each other alive.

[@blizzard2oo]

Been married 40 years. Age is taking it's toll. From wedding night for 35 years we just knocked it outa the park. We go on vacation south of the border. Find dark corners of the resort pool after dark. Skinny dipping!! Need I say more.

[@2intriguing1]

That's amazing. But statistics are that married sex is boring and the thrill leaves early. The work has to be done by both in order to work so kudos. 15yrs married and its pretty much been done.

[@zombine7103]

I have no idea but i feel like if i get married one day i will never need anything new will gladly do the same things over and over for years. Dont you struggle with it? How can you just make it new? Any chance i can find a woman that is incapable of being bored like me?

[@9liveslisa]

Regarding making yourself feel desire...........I've always felt that our most powerful sex organ is our brain. Some people just don't have much of an imagination.

[@iamintriguing]

Very true, underrated advice

[@confusedwhynot]

The problem is when a spouse wants the act of sex all the time, but never makes an effort for true connection and intimacy. When all the talk about to you is needing sex, and judging you based on what they want.

[@fivebooks8498]

Only a woman would post this. Sex is intimacy. Women need a lot of attention. It’s hypocritical to expect a man to shower you with hours of attention everyday but you can’t have 6-10mins of sex everyday.

[@amc3964]

Romance is there for a reason.

[@citrustaco]

Scheduled sex isn't a bad thing, but it all depends on how you approach sex with your partner. John said it can be fun, you know it's coming, you're thinking about it, etc. But for some people, they're dreading it, having anxiety, not looking forward to it because they view sex as a chore and are trying to make it work with their partner. It boils down to whether you like to have sex with your spouse or not. If you do, it's fun.

[@sitka49]

Yes , I think if the sex is "good" probably no need to schedule it? ( I heard a quote once ,if your too busy for sex, your too busy) My wife friend yrs ago met up for a coffee to catchup one time, and they were talking and just out the conv ,my wife asked what they were doing tonight ,and her friend says "Date night tonight" in air quotes, and a sarc - Oh Yeah.

[@WilingtonProductions]

Dreading sex with your spouse sounds goofy. Sounds like I’d rather be divorced and single

[@jennabryan1658]

OR “if you like to have sex “at all” it’s fun.” If not your spouse, who else would you be finding it “fun” with …yikes.

[@lovelace8702]

​@@MommaJ358I can understand until the its mainly for men part. Hell no! I want it too! That physical connection with my partner is very important to me. Its one of the biggest parts that makes you closer. If hes not turning on your brain your with the wrong partner. Period

[@MommaJ358]

@@lovelace8702 I’ll edit that part. I can see where women need it too. Unfortunately I am not one of them. I find feeling closer to my partner through other areas of life. To each his own, so I won’t disagree with you. 👍

[@elizabethhatcherdontassume1854]

My husband of 50 years and I just discussed how neither of us would want to break in a new partner bc we know what each of us like. It would be embarrassing at our ages to have to teach someone new how to meet our needs.

[@traceejohnson290]

Congratulations on the 50 years of marriage🎊🎉

[@deded1057]

It all depends on the current partner/relationship vs the new partner/relationship. With new partner it can be a fun exploration for both of you, breathing life into sex again, and each has different ways of dealing with things. Previous might have refused to discuss and new is eager to discuss. Again - it all depends on the people involved.

[@hdw237]

​@deded1057 exactly. The husband always someone other than the wife. Onvmcw you get married, you become the old fat ugly ball and chain at home. It's why side sluts are so much better than the old hag.

[@Lyntique]

​@traceejohnson290 52 years here. Married at 18. The Lord gave the marriage bed as a gift to married couples. WE pray over it and don't let the enemy steal it from us!

[@zombine7103]

You mean a threesome? Am ı stupid and i misunderstood?

[@kehlinroszel37]

My pastors say love on purpose is better than on accident (not that on accident is bad). This has allowed me and my wife better communicators in what we want and don’t want.

[@gribble2979]

Husband is in his 70s and I'm in my late 60s and we have a fantastic and very active sex life. I would love daily but he needs a day in-between. Desire doesn't go away or even lessen with time for many people. And stereotypes of post-menopausal women's bodies are false - just so you know.

[@pauldirc..]

Does penetrating hurts after menopause

[@ms.herlan7860]

I want to be like you when I grow up!!!

[@dcarr-kr7hk]

@pauldirc... For many women it does so take what was shared with a grain of salt.

[@raylenehubbard5084]

We didn’t get married until our 50’s. I would do it every day, but my husband physically cannot do more than every other day. He would prefer 1-2 a week. It’s not what I expected. I hope we will be like you when we are your age! I’m afraid of it just dying off…

[@ms.herlan7860]

@@raylenehubbard5084 Be grateful for what you have. Many others are not as fortunate as you are to have sex every other day. That is a lot of sex!

[@AlliHahn]

Scheduling sex is very similar to scheduling a date. Yes, I've been on dates that were spontaneous and unplanned (actually that's how I met my husband), but most of our dates now that we're married are planned and scheduled ahead of time. There are still plenty of times when we are spontaneous with our dates, we leave the house without knowing where we are going, stay up late watching movies, go on walks, get ice cream, etc. the night before a big work day or whatever. But our planned dates are not of lesser quality, and actually, give us room to be of higher quality. When we plan we are able to do things like research events coming up, plan out-of-town trips, go shopping for food we want to make or surprise each other with planned out nights. It's not less exciting or less romantic, it's what it looks like when romantic love is merged with everyday responsibilities. It's the same with sex. Don't limit yourself to spontaneity.

[@Reyeston007]

no kids?

[@SatonakaCP4]

Sounds awesome, never heard of it this way.

[@zombine7103]

​@@Reyeston007its scheduled because of kids d*mmie, there is no other way.

[@benscott6826]

Let’s flip it. How would the wife feel if non sexual intimacy was scheduled, and metered out? Nonsexual intimacy turned down 100x in a row?

[@zombine7103]

@@benscott6826 you are actually smart. Your reply opened my eyes. Men are really treated as disposables.

[@lilarose9348]

Passion in marriage can be hard to get back once it’s gone. It gets awkward and mechanical when the passion is gone. For some the partner feels like a family member/ teammate.

[@samia6888]

I heard that before from someone. I was told that after a while, you love your spouse like a family member. That is when the passion dwindles.

[@DoughDashCrew]

Omgggg yessssss!!!

[@salemthorup9536]

Unless you actually heal your marriage, then it can almost be better than before. Go through hard stuff together and end up truly bonded and your intimacy is more powerful than it likely was before.

[@silver292]

I get this, but it frustrates me when people treat passion and stuff within marriage as if it's an uncontrollable, untangible, mysterious thing. As if they had and have no control over it and once it's gone it's gone and we're just victims. It makes us into robots that are controlled by our programing. E.G. Our feelings. So dumb. We can choose to take actions to 'stir the fire' again. We're not mindless, souless animals thrown back and forth by our instincts.

[@romans52345-cy3tq]

Get Back to where you once belonged

[@salenabateman7003]

My husband and I have been married 12 years and we have the best sex. It has gotten better every year. We love each other very much and have been through a lot, but we have always enjoyed each other’s company. We average sex about 2 times a week. We have 3 kids at home, he’s in a masters program, and I work full time.

[@Carolina.T]

Tell us the secret !

[@dosstodd8014]

You are definitely the exception from everything I’ve seen.

[@ElimEx1]

So you sleep an hour per night?

[@cloudsandrainyday]

Same with my husband and I. We are married 12 years and we have had our seasons (health challenges, babies, stress) but we have a 2 yr old and 8 yr old. I work full-time, and he is in full-time school with high stress for both of us. Our sexual relationship is thriving currently, I think it has a lot to do with constant and quick communication around our desires and what we both need to ‘feel in the mood’ when we both feel respected in those ways, our intimate relationship always seems to follow. I also think he's very attractive so that helps. 😅

[@ElimEx1]

@@dosstodd8014 Wayyyyyy above average. There's an estimation that 20% of marriages are sexless and I'd say there's an element of "shame" around this and if I were to bet, i'd say it's probably closer to 40%. And the ones that do have some, I'd bet it's not anywhere close to once a week.

[@pattimartin859]

This makes me laugh bc I know a couple who truly step out there. Husband went to a conference at a hotel, he happen to be a police officer and it was a law enforcement conference. Wife shows up, unannounced and gets a room at the hotel. She wears NOTHING but a raincoat. Underneath she is wrapped in plastic wrap from her chest to her behind.. SURPRISED HUSBAND. When we heard what wife had done......we just howled in laughter. Husband just blushed.

[@justincoats7236]

She is a better wife than most

[@dcarr-kr7hk]

@justincoats7236... When you base the quality of a wife on something like this. 😄 How old are you?

[@pattimartin859]

It had nothing to do with quality.....we just thought it was funny. BTW, they are still married today and the kids are grown. That says alot about how much they care about each other.

[@justincoats7236]

@@dcarr-kr7hk 51 years old. 26 years married. 3 daughters 20, 18, and 14. I say this because she is trying to make her husband happy. It took effort, and she gave the effort.

[@julianafrancis5699]

Thank God he wasnt cheating. She would have cauggt him for sure.

[@ME-cd3bs]

As someone who has chronic illness and trauma which makes penetration painful, I have to find other ways to please my husband. I'm grateful he's receptive to this and doesn't pressure me!

[@melstarr1864]

I don’t have chronic illness, but penetration is still painful. The pain goes away for me after a while, but it is still there at the beginning.

[@PinkRose0910]

You might want to talk to a therapist about it. Also vaginismus is a treatable condition and there is therapy both physical & mental for it. Start with a gynecologist about the pain but if it’s a mental thing from abuse then therapy. The gynecologist can refer you to a specialist for treatment.

[@ME-cd3bs]

@@PinkRose0910 I'm seeing a therapist, thankfully! It's not vaginismus, it's deep pain in the uterus and ovaries, likely from endometriosis or cysts. I refuse to get surgery due to medical trauma inflicted upon me by my parents as a child. I've been working on it naturally and it's improved tremendously. I think my next step is to see a pelvic floor therapist. Thank you for your kind words.

[@kuritzakonig4131]

@@ME-cd3bsthere’s some polls that helped my sister with endometriosis ..FIT9 . She avoided surgery because of this pills

[@ecowahm]

​@@ME-cd3bstwo things that have helped me is using castor oil packs on my abdomen regularly and a program from Sharney and Julius Stong Core and Pelvic Floor. She is fantastic at explaining things well.

[@wendyfisher-t7e]

Hey. Just heard Valentines show. Wanna share that my hubby and I have been married more than 50 years and our bedroom still rocks! Maybe not quite as passionate as younger years but we still love each others bodies and we still please each other. It helps that he went to Florida to see Dr Perito. Just saying!

[@areillejames2975]

We passed out EXHAUSTED on our wedding night also because our honeymoon flight was at 5am

[@fish4souls3]

I’m listening to this as someone who is getting married March 30th. We can’t wait 😁

[@ntmn8444]

Good luck!! May God bless you richly. ❤

[@RalstigRacing]

March 19th here! Congrats!

[@asenat79]

One year later… how’s it going? I pray everything goes well ❤

[@dcarr-kr7hk]

@fish4souls3... You'll change. 😄

[@citrustaco]

The problem isn't your spouse automatically knowing what you like, but rather automatically DOING what you like. For many people, they have expressed what they like and what their needs are time and time again, to the point where it's nagging and works against you. For example, say you like a particular sex act, but your partner won't do it. You've expressed what you like. You mention it again, you mention it again, you mention it yet again. Now it becomes your fault for saying it too much and now you have to back off.

[@seadragon1456]

Some of those acts are off limits. One shouldn’t be uncomfortable allowing certain acts or engaging in them. If it’s a repetitive decline, the partner needs to take a hint. There in discomfort there so leave it alone. Stop pressuring and trying to make desired act happen. The more that happens the more withdrawn partners become. Enjoy what you do get. Be grateful for what you have.

[@divinemessenger2030]

You hit the nail on the head 💁🏽‍♀️

[@sitka49]

@@seadragon1456 Because You get to decide what sexual behaviors you don't want to do, your partner does this too, and together you do whatever is left. Virtually all couples struggle with sexual boredom. Why? It's because sexual boredom doesn't happen for lack of ideas. Lots of married people with lousy sex lives spend their days fantasizing or trying to find and (what's interesting most so called experts/ sexual gurus struggle with the same thing everyone else does) trying to "get new ideas", and there is no lack of where you can find them . How come these ideas aren't brought back into our relationships? It all has to do with how sexual relationships start out. After you and your partner eliminate sexual options that make you uncomfortable, or you just don't want to do, what's left? Leftovers! This is how normal sexual relationships start. This happens spontaneously. Many couples never say a word. Sexual boredom is built into normal Long term sexual relationships. Just "eat leftovers" every time you have sex for the next 20 ,25 years (much less time for some people). Guaranteed, the possibility of one or both in your sexual relationship getting bored, and then running the risk of becoming bored out of your minds? - Particularly if there aren't that many leftovers to start with. I think why, sometimes it's a contributing factor in the amount of sexless marriages (which is about 20% to 25% of marriages) .There is nothing wrong trying to grow your sexual relationship.

[@melstarr1864]

Pressuring your partner for a sex act they don’t want to do makes them apprehensive about having sex with you for fear that you will pressure them to perform that sex act. I think porn has a lot to do with these expectations.

[@citrustaco]

@@melstarr1864 At what point is the sex act reasonable? I simply want to have penis in vagina sex. I don’t care what position or what her body looks like. I get it that if you pressure someone into something they don’t like, they will back off, but if you don’t like intercourse or oral, then at least offer something more than cuddling.

[@oregoncoastmama3004]

🤣😂my husband and I we're together 10 years before we got married. And I was sooo sick and not feeling great by the end of the night also he drank too much. We had my dad and mom and sister staying in our room. So we were in the guest room. Definitely no sex happened on our wedding night. Also our sex life is not boring by this point 26 years later we know what we like🤩

[@Tel934]

"🌝 The whole DJ thing in the corner is really weird." Yes 😂. Great segment, though!

[@truthandwisdombydeano9695]

After nearly 40 years of marriage, I can attest to the wonders of real sex. Real sex can only happen in marriage with two people who have never been promiscuous and are completely loyal to each other. They will bond mentally, emotionally, physically, and most noticeably, spiritually. And that is not boring!!

[@TEWMUCH]

Omg i love that and totally need this like 5 years ago. When u dont know how to just say it, say "I dont know how to say this, but..."

[@colleenscott6417]

Women crave different sex during different times in their cycle. "Adventure sex" is best during right before ovulation when testosterone is high for example and she may need more time to get into it ten days before her period as her hormones drop. Women's hormones fluctuate a lot during the month and that effects the type of desire

[@georgiaelgar6285]

Yes I think Dr. Delony should highlight this more about women's cycles. It is 100,000% true. Women flow through a predictable cycle month to month and I think not enough women are aware of this and able to work with this reality rather than feel wrong during the days of the month when we're not feeling top notch energized for life.

[@RaeBehrs]

Pregnancy and breastfeeding change these hormones a lot, too! Open communication is very important.

[@Vanilla_Phil]

My wife doesn’t like sex. We love each other and everything is great. Sometimes it makes me sad when she doesn’t want me. I have a very high libido. We usually get to once a week with 2 kids and when she feels like it. Almost 11 years married. Married young at 18. We were each others first.

[@Refiningforge]

Sorry about that

[@zumurudlilit]

Maybe she doesn’t like it with you. You were young and had kids veeery young before she even knew what she liked and wanted.

[@stephanie7572]

She will leave you and try to take the kids and house. Start to put some cash aside and get the name of a good family law attorney. Everything is not great. She likes sex, just not with you.

[@lauraolson7527]

Maybe it’s because she’s afraid to tell you that you’ve been doing it wrong the whole time

[@abigailcosta1716]

Women like sex too. Good sex 😅. Try checking to see if it's her hormones, maybe her H. Birth control is influencing her libido, happened to me and most women I know. If it's not that, I think you need to learn some skills. Men learn to have sex in porn which is the OPPOSITE of what women like. It's like a tutorial on how to make a woman hate sex with you.

[@Ncolane]

Good job Dr. J. I think after about year 30 of marriage and 6 kids, we BEGAN to figure IT out 🤔🙂😎

[@thepianoroommusic]

John’s perspective on seasons is great

[@DoughDashCrew]

Omgggg I agree!! Sec gets better in 40’s!!

[@2intriguing1]

Indeed! but unmarried.

[@benscott6826]

for women yes

[@heatherwoods5703]

It takes 10,000 hours to develop mastery in anything. I'm married 32 years with my high school sweetheart. Sex is better than ever. ❤

[@flashgarcia6376]

Me and my girl been together for 7 years and the sex has only got better and we have 2 small kids. People ask her how many times a week and they are always surprised on how many time we do it. You should Desiree your partner and do your part to stay and be attracted to each other. Don’t fall into a trap. And it’s okay and normal do not do it so much everyone’s is different .

[@sammybam77]

Long term relationships/ marriage sex is better because you take the time to learn what your partner likes and how to get them there. There a trust so you can try different stuff and experiment.

[@JudePi-jx7yo]

Have you tried both?

[@sammybam77]

Yes of course. And most experiences were awful and selfish on the man's part at best. Once I got with my fiance he was willing to learn and grow, actually care if I enjoyed myself and figure out what that took. It's only gotten better every year.

[@vanessajanik4623]

Been married 20 yrs & yes married sex is better .. in fact it’s better after kids (when they’re older) & it’s better in your late 30’s-40’s. You learn as you communicate. Sometimes it’s quick & vanilla.. other times it’s a marathon of spice. If the non sexual intimacy is there then the sex will be that much better. We made a baby on our honeymoon. It was definitely passionate but not necessarily the best we’ve had. There’s no rule book. Ppl put way too much pressure on themselves/each other.

[@FirstLast-xk6fd]

The DJ joke was hilarious, don't change John 😂

[@julianafrancis5699]

I have said that i need help with the cleaning and stuff and still, i never got help.. i had to continue doing everything, while he just sits around or goes out and have drinks or whatever. Just felt as if i was The Help. I ended up becoming so turned off of him. Eventually we broke up.THANK GOD!!

[@Imia323]

3 kids . 2 full time jobs of course it’s scheduled. How many days do you want? And we both compromise 😅. More fun !

[@Erika-yy8ry]

Passion in marriage don't have to die. If passion's gone it can come back again. If you love each other you can have fantastic sex. It's all about love, respect, trust and talking.

[@Gotoworkkk]

💤

[@pharmclare]

Enlightening perspective. I appreciate. Welldone

[@raylenehubbard5084]

My wedding night was one of the most beautiful sexual encounters we’ve ever had. It’s sad to me that it doesn’t seem to be the norm. Got married when I was 48 and have been married for 5 years.

[@unknownmangafreak]

On the wedding night you are just so tired! My husband just wanted to sleep. I was like dude I get it but I want to formalize this union so let's go! But yeah I would expect that most people wouldn't cause it has been such a long day

[@vallendior]

Ok... So the timer is just a suggestion? I mean, just ask him and leave the timer off if we’re just supposed to ignore it in the end. Lol!

[@luminous6969]

Yeah he always goes over on the time, it's more of a "ok wrap it up" than a hard cutoff timer.

[@vanessajanik4623]

I do think that if the passion has been gone for many years it’s probably not coming back. Usually it’s the husband complaining about lack of sex from the wife. Sorry to say unless she’s physically or mentally unwell she’s probably just not attracted to you anymore .. not in love w/you. I don’t think you can reignite that after several years of no intimacy.

[@analozada9475]

The visual of you doing pushups while a bald eagle flies by is hilarious! 😆🤣💀

[@traceycurtis1005]

Wedding night sex is wild after a nap if your Wedding is in the morning. Our first kid was created thatnight

[@helenmorgan3191]

Our wedding was such a party that we waited till the next night on our honeymoon.

[@johannahhaugen8002]

Love love love this!!! Thank you Dr. John!!! 👏👏👏

[@alexmitchell7083]

The wedding night wasn’t just insanely spectacular but I’ll always day dream daily about the honeymoon until the day I die. 6 years this weekend and it will forever be my favorite week.

[@mamabear2020]

I love Dr John I started watching him in the Ramsey show now I’m here by the way I love singing at the end of your answers it’s awkward and fun 😂 keep it real

[@lumenesque1]

Sweet. Liked this approach. More please.

[@nunyabusiness5489]

A little TMI… My wife & I both 47, 3 kids, have been married 22 yrs. I have had a sex calendar app (keeps tracks of our encounters) and any descriptions I want to add, since Jan 1 2018. Since that time 1005 “interactions”😏 We average a little over 12 x per month, low has been 10, most has been 15, which I think is pretty good considering I’m a firefighter/paramedic and am gone on average 10 days per month. We even mixed it up while I had a little covid as well. No masks, no vax, no distancing, who cares.

[@aqua-mina]

Definitely can cosign that second one. After long months of planning and a crazy, fun, chaotic wedding day, definitely was not on my mind that night. 😅

[@DouginHanover]

Been married since 1985 and had a big church wedding. Most sex ended in 1996. I felt like a stranger in my own home for the first couple of years then I just started to get numb to it. Then it was no sex at all since 2005. She actually sleeps with our daughter who is grown now. Bizarre, but true. I went to counseling for 5 years about it, but counseling was a waste of time for me. I had to go to any counseling alone. Divorce in VA for a working husband is a losing proposition. The lawyers seemed like they were on her side even though there was no abuse from me and I was always the main bill payer. I am 68 now and still have to work to pay the bills. We just live together now, but that's it. That's life.

[@bunny_0288]

These comments are sad. My husband and I have been married for 13 years and have an amazing sex life. We both love to try new things, so any time we feel like we are falling into a rut (usually if life is stressful) we shake things up. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. But even when things don't go as expected, it's funny and we laugh together and try something else. We are completely hot for each other, and we both put the effort in to keep it that way. It really isn't hard. Try a new position. Buy some toys to try out. Be creative. Of course sometimes all you have the time/energy for is what you know works, but that should not be all you do. A few times a month you can take more time to do something outside of your norm. To keep things interesting and exciting. Treat sex like a fun adventure, and it will keep the passion alive.

[@eve_63]

The Dr.John Deloney erotic envelope system 😂😂now that’s something we need !

[@bdaly03]

Huh? How the heck did I miss that hilarious tidbit?!? Now I HAVE to immediately rewatch the video because your comment has curiosity tempting the cat over here, erotic envelope system?!? 😅😂🤣

[@furryplantsandcoins9070]

When you have disabilities, live in constant pain, or had a complete hysterectomy at 30 and could care less about sex. Especially when your other half doesn't think it's physically hard on you especially when you usually do all the work. And when you don't want to disappoint but where's the line? Not that this matters anymore cuz we divorced... Mostly because of that.

[@rachelgooden9981]

Hugs

[@citrustaco]

The line is when you stop intimacy and don't want to be bothered. If you cannot perform intercourse anymore, adjustments need to be made and you can do other forms of intimacy to connect. But when you don't want to touch him, don't want to be touched, aren't willing to try other forms of sex besides intercourse, or do anything else to try to please him (hand job, oral, let him try to arouse you in other ways, etc) and just sit there and complain that you're done, you don't want to be bothered, you could care less about all of it, and he doesn't matter anymore, then now the line has been crossed. Doesn't matter now, but it's helpful to know for the future.

[@furryplantsandcoins9070]

@@citrustaco completely agree. But when you don't get to the bottom of why you don't want to touch him and why he don't want to touch you. Cuz there's more to just I don't want to. Whether that be your incomplete and utter pain constantly to the way he emotionally abuses you. Or he's not there for you to talk to beforehand. All is when he wants to talk to you is the bedroom stuff. Never wants to talk to you about how your day went. Never wants to talk to you about how you're paying the bills. And if it's not about the bedroom stuff you still a child playing video games. I don't know I just know there's more to the reason why women don't want to do things with their husband in the bathroom and it's not just that they have a headache. Especially when women have had complete hysterectomies or other surgeries that mess with your hormones. But yes it sounds like the couples don't want to be married if they don't want to be touched by the other person because that's why you're there. You gave your life to that person and now things have changed. So what really changed? That's where you going to talk communication is key! And when we stop communicating that's when the problems really start!

[@jasminemariedarling]

​@@furryplantsandcoins9070Men connect through sex, women connect through emotions. You give sex, he gives emotional support. You talk about sex, he talks about how your day went. You send dirty pix, he opens up about his emotions. You give hand job/bj, he gives more time & energy. If you're medically unable to have full on sex, you do the other types of sex, regularly, and he will start giving you what you want. I've spoken to my (high libido) husband about what happens if I'm unable to have sex due to medical conditions for the rest of my life.. He'd still love me & want to take care of me, but he'd want sex from somewhere, and I'd completely understand that.

[@saferides2474]

Could of gave the man some head atleast

[@David-wo9un]

Would if the passion has been gone for years?

[@BLADE_RISE]

English?

[@RARosie1]

Scheduled sex is only fun when your husband doesn’t cancel on you for the 50th time. Never met a 40 yr old so damn tired in my life!

[@bethyates2984]

Scheduled sex give me PSTD. IT was literally the only 2 days of the week my exhusband acknowledged my existence. He told me I was crazy and then I “journaled” on a calendar for a month. He had nothing to say after that. He really thought I wouldn’t, or shouldn’t, notice.

[@Gotoworkkk]

PSTD 😂😂😂😂 Please stop abusing that word !!!

[@bethyates2984]

@@Gotoworkkk well obviously not the same level as actually trauma. It’s like saying “I just about died”. I agree not everything is traumatic but just really sucky.

[@lifeisall488]

Being spontaneous sneak around like teenagers do it in different places besides the bed 😂

[@hw2050]

What if you’ve never liked it and you can’t make yourself like it?

[@mskrislewis]

LOL - wedding night sex.....for some reason my in-laws thought it would be good idea to stay over night with us. UGGG - for real!

[@rayb3000]

Cant wait to inhale all that dust that the falling popcorn ceiling makes.

[@wbtittle]

See Bettina Arndt: "The Sex Diaries"... 9 in 10. See The Happy Wife Course... All of this is great stuff, but there is a thing that we are all avoiding. "Have you ever seen that look on a woman's face when she wants to have sex... " --- "Me neither... " -- Steve Martin "Honey -- Intercourse or Golf Course? -- " -- "Wear a sweater honey ... it is cold outside" "4 in 10 men suffer from ED, only 10% of them seek treatment!" There is something else in the mix that we are avoiding. ...

[@BugsyBologna]

To say these things are “myths” means what… if it works. The truth for some but not for others?!?! I’m confused.

[@dosstodd8014]

After years of my wife using sex as a weapon/reward, I gradually lost all desire for her and she became just another family member. My sex drive became an enemy and pure torment. She doesn’t miss it like the women at her workplace said they don’t or wouldn’t miss it. At 70 my demon is getting weaker but not gone. For me one of the greatest aspects of heaven has to be no sex to mess things up.

[@benscott6826]

sad

[@raylenehubbard5084]

This sounds horrible! I just don’t understand women who do this to their husbands.

[@Ferien7]

@@raylenehubbard5084it’s most marriages, men should never marry

[@fruitfulsoul]

I really like your show Dr. J, however do you ever have shows on older couples....we still got it goin' on...

[@jpl1608]

yeah, # 1 is a huge no for me and my wife. both. thank god.

[@justinh.1290]

Nothing evaporates your sex life like having a kid. I don’t know a single father whose sexual needs are met. I’m in a profession full of middle aged men and we’re all starving.

[@slwin6363]

Imagine how the women feel, doing the majority of child rearing and always being needed by someone. Especially when the kids are young. It's exhausting.

[@markieclift2193]

Imagine how much more sex you would get if you helped at home more.

[@johnmininger7472]

Always difficult subject for me. Married for 31 years and my wife never had much interest. Prefer not to think about it.

[@johnmininger7472]

@em7937 - Not asking for people to feel sorry for me, it's my life. You are nuts if you think this hasn't been a constant point of discussion over our marriage. Therapy, etc. Some things just can't be resolved by communication. At this point, it is either blow up my family to have the option of sex or suck it up and accept it. I have so much going for me, I can't seriously feel sorry for myself, so many people have far more difficult challenges, but that doesn't mean this subject isn't a pain point for me.

[@johnmininger7472]

@em7937 - Yes, I prefer not to think about it now ... after it has been discussed to death. Try being celibate for 14 years and having sex maybe a dozen times since the age of 30. A sexual, intimate relationship with your own wife may not be the most important thing in the world, but it is far from being unimportant. You are telling me to get over it on a channel designed to discuss these very issues. People who have cheated or abandoned their families ... and I'm the bad guy because it is a pain point for me. Just wow!

[@animalsaroundus2]

@@johnmininger7472I don’t know anything about your life, but I can say I do sympathize with you, that’s sounds very difficult.

[@johnmininger7472]

@@em7937 - It is certainly difficult to explain a 31 year marriage. I only made a very generic comment from which you seemed to make some assumptions. It think it would be unreasonable to assume that over 31 years, we haven't had many heartfelt conversations about intimacy. Our intimate relationship was relatively normal at the start in our 20s. I was 25 when we married, she was 22. There was a disparity in our interest level, but it wasn't a great concern. It did start to become problematic after a couple years into marriage. We then had 2 daughters, now terrific young adults. Even at that time there were long stretches without any type of sexual intimacy. After the age of 30, it was very infrequent, maybe once every year or two on average sometimes longer. By the age of 40 it was over. There are mitigating circumstances. She is quite overweight and struggles with her body image. She has been medicated for anxiety and depression her entire adulthood. Now, at her age, her doctor is quite concerned about her hormone levels, for health reasons. She is under care for that, so far without a lot of success. We communicate rather well on most issues, but this is a difficult topic and we struggle. She does tend to avoid confrontation and difficult conversations, something I think is true of her family as well. It tends to be a one-sided conversation; on this topic she puts up walls. If I don't discuss it, it will never be discussed. I have approached it from about every angle I can think of. I have spent countless hours pouring over books and forums dedicated to marital issues, looking for answers. As far as my communication style being passive aggressive, I don't think that is generally true and you might be the first person to accuse me of that, at least directly. I'm certainly not perfect, and always have room for improvement. However, when you assert that I simply must not have communicated, it isn't important and I just need to get over it as if I am in the wrong for feeling the way I do, I think a reaction is reasonable.

[@raylenehubbard5084]

This is so sad. Not how God intended marriage to be

[@sommerw478]

I just watched this video and had a mental breakdown about my sex life. We have been married for over 20 years and have been nearly sexless almost all of those years. My husband is just not a passionate person. We can go months and literally a year and he won’t say a word. I feel incredibly disappointed and rejected. And trying to feel passionate about someone that clearly has so little passion is difficult. I feel like the man in this marriage. It’s all on me. If we are going to have sex or if it’s going to be a good time, I have to make it so. I don’t know what to do.

[@iamintriguing]

I am really sorry 😔 I do hope it's get better for you, have you tried telling him exactly how you feel?

[@sharonereitzel2510]

I do. What is his reason for not a word? For 20 years? Are you not crazy bored? Kids? They will be gone soon.get out find a live man, with a personality, a sense of humor, who knows how to be fun. Close 40? Or past? Run, you got 10 good years, then try for 20 more

[@Gotoworkkk]

Is he tired of getting rejected by you? Maybe that’s why he gave up.

[@lilyrowlett5624]

Love and passion fades. Biggest lie I ever heard. Year 16 and lovin strong!

[@joygernautm6641]

I just found your channel and I love your show. But I must admit, the more I watch it, the more I’m convinced that it is best just to stay single and date when you feel like it, and just live your own damn life.😂. Marriage seems like a nightmare.

[@semajj-ps6nv]

I have been married for 12 years and I can honestly say it’s been amazing. You just have to make sure you find the right person for you.

[@tehufn]

This show is about people calling in with marriage (and other) problems, of course all you'll see is the problems!

[@carychiasson9834]

Did you know that Darth Vader was married, he's wife's name is Ella Vader

[@saralee848]

The myth that men want sex all the time and women don't has been so harmful to me for several reasons. It's so untrue too.

[@michaelallen3304]

If you are having bad sex, it’s partially YOUR fault. You’ve gotta have the conversation about what YOU want.

[@SparkHomeschool]

What’s the point of the buzzer if Dr. Deloney just keeps talking?

[@christinamarin4875]

🤣

[@beverlylatza365]

It's a guide. Sometimes he talks less, sometimes he talks more.

[@MattTerrell-gc9vw]

He generally finishes his thought, he doesn't start on a new one.

[@benscott6826]

compatible as we get older 😂. More like the higher drive concedes to the lesser

[@timm1139]

Antici…….pation. A toast! We’re having meatloaf! Let’s do the time warp, again…..

[@jdemille79]

Pretty sure my ex-wife believed almost all of those.

[@robertfleener3902]

I disagree about the compatible. My wife won't love me the way I need.

[@fivebooks8498]

No matter how busy you are there’s always time when you both get in bed for the night. Don’t have to schedule that.

[@brittany7573]

This is a list for healthy people

[@justincoats7236]

70% of couples can't talk about sex. Yes it's messed up.

[@GrandDuchessAniya]

John Delony envelope system! Hahahaha!

[@TripleSFloorcare]

Wedding night, nope!! 😂😂😂

[@chloerosenberg2198]

My husband Andrei and I are expecting a baby. And sex is beautiful when your pregnant

[@Lifeszebarbie]

Congratulations, you you both! I’m pregnant with baby #4 and I agree, pregnancy sex is beautiful and amazing! ❤

[@Refiningforge]

Good to hear this, congrats to you both on your pregnancies. Wish you smooth delivery.

[@RaeBehrs]

Agreed! I feel so feminine and voluptuous while pregnant. Currently in the postpartum period and dealing with the come down from that. He's my fourth baby as well, though, so I know that things will get better. Eventually, I'll feel more comfortable with how my body looks, I'll get more sleep, and there will be less demand on my body as he nurses less often when he's older.

[@dawndylyon]

If you see John buy a disco ball at best buy you know what he is up to lol

[@theroyalone7588]

Married people cheat 😅the most

[@mikeynoels7210]

Different sound effect is needed for the alarm :/

[@JohnDoe-p4o]

Not married, but I have always wondered how? Like literally how do people have sex on their wedding night. It was a big day, your tired, you have all the events and people playing in your mind still, you probably woke up at like 4-6 am and didn't get out of the wedding until probably 4-5pm, which by then you have to get dinner, and so by the time you get to the home you are both moving into, or the hotel, if you are traveling, or what if you immediately get on a plane? Are you going to join the mile high club while you're both exhausted and about to crash (fall asleep) on a 17 hour flight to Europe? One of you is going to fall asleep if one of you is just sitting on the commode while the other does all the work for 5 minutes until they fall asleep too, and you are both woken up to the knock on the door by the flight attended, as you have to walk the walk of shame out infront of anyone who can't sleep on the plane. Good memories later? Maybe, but in that moment it's not going to feel very romantic... no matter where you are how are you not totally exhausted? Furthermore if you both waited and this is gonna be both your first times, you probably played it up in your heads so much and are both extremely anxious. Not to mention trust, you probably already trust this person more than anyone else, but now you have to invite them into a place that perhaps no one else ever had before; a place of such deep intimacy you allow them to explore your most personal parts of your body. If you are exhausted, and have that much pressure, yeah, not only could I see why; but honestly I wouldn't be surprised if it took me a week to even a month to settle in and finally get comfortable.

[@Shaara1]

In my country, weddings last till morning, 5-6-7am. It's unimaginable that the newlyweds disappear half way. They, as hosts expected to leave last. When they can hardly stand on their feet any more. Not much frisk left in them for sex by then.:)

[@SuperNas97]

He did not listening her at all.

[@DsDoodles]

Noooooo the one I came here for wasn't in the vid 😭 if it even is one...

[@helenmorgan3191]

Older people who enjoy sex do not really have less of it, but positions change due to older bodies aching. 72 and 68 and most every night.

[@raylenehubbard5084]

I’m so glad to hear this!!!

[@raylenehubbard5084]

I’m so glad to hear this!

[@T3COLY]

So there’s no erectile dysfunction?

[@KH-nt7ej]

Good for you guys! Many health benefits to regular sex. Different positions is good. 😊

[@merylparks1584]

That’s not true about age and sex, women if after menopause and you find that go tinder for hormone replacement HRT, you’ll feel young again wanting sex, sex is fantastic, I’m having it till I die, 70’s sex is fun, passionate exciting I do know women who can’t wait not to have sex as they age, I also hear people with they just get lazy

[@billczekaj2701]

Yeah my brother did this with His Ex Wife but she'd constantly blow it off.

[@eleanorsanon2356]

It’s really interesting to me how other people view scheduled sex negatively. For us, we look forward to it a lot! When we schedule sex we send our daughter to grandparents for the night. We try to do it as much as schedules allow (up to once a week). When that is on the schedule we get excited to be together without worrying about bedtime routines or waking kids up! It’s not the only time we have sex but it is definitely the best way to assure we get good sex 😂

[@ElimEx1]

Sex is a Key Performance Indicator of how well the relationship is doing. Nothing more, nothing less. As for people learn to be compatible, not everyone can learn. Some people are too stuck in their way or too puritanical to be able to. If you're such a person or with such a person, just accept that sex won't be part of your marriage and focus on other areas.

[@annekecor1108]

Been married 3 times, this last one 18 years. He's very unaffectionate and selfish. I definitely miss intimacy very much but he doesn't appeal to me at all anymore. Sadly we are now roommates for life. 😢 The passion is dead and gone.

[@cloudsandrainyday]

This is sad.

[@YouKnowWhereYouWentWrong]

Maybe an unpopular opinion here. The act of penetrative sex is overrated. I've had the shivers all over just with having my neck kissed. Holding my husband's hand gives me more feeling than any act of what some would call "sex" and makes me feel more love than some might ever know. I know it's cliche but "Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'" goes a LONG way, especially when you get to my age. 56 here, coupled since 1991, married in 2015. And we still know what intimate love is.

[@sopranosd]

Antica, tica tica ("say it! say it!) .... PPation.