10 Signs of a Husband Who is Dangerously Agreeable

This video answers the question: What are the 10 signs of a husband who is dangerously agreeable? A person’s level of agreeableness is determined by six facets: trust, straightforwardness, altruism, compliance, modesty, and tendermindedness.
1. Terrible at negotiating
2. Difficulty managing money
3. Over empathizing and over sympathizing,
4. Doesn’t know when to stop talking
5. Does not stand up for his wife or defend the relationship
6. Cannot comprehend zero-sum situations
7. Everybody’s taking advantage of him
8. Works to end arguments quickly and forgets about an argument shortly after it’s over
9. Has stronger negative emotional reactions to situations
10. Overconfident
Zajenkowski M (2017) Hostile and energetic: Anger is predicted by low agreeableness
and high energetic arousal. PLoS ONE 12(9): e0184919. doi.org/10.1371/journal.
pone.0184919
The Influence of Agreeableness and Ego Depletion on Emotional Responding
A. Finley, A. Crowell, E. Harmon-Jones, and B. Schmeichel
Journal of Personality 85:5, October 2017
VC 2016 Wiley Periodicals, Inc.
DOI: 10.1111/jopy.12267
Journal of Individual Differences (2018), 39(3), 174-181
doi.org/10.1027/1614-0001/a00...
2018, Vol. 4, No. 3, 323-334
dx.doi.org/10.1037/tps0000168
Matz, S. C., & Gladstone, J. J. (2018, October 11). Nice Guys Finish Last: When and Why
Agreeableness Is Associated With Economic Hardship. Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology. Advance online publication. dx.doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000220
Australian Journal of Psychology 2015; 67: 1-9
doi: 10.1111/ajpy.12038
Support Dr. Grande on Patreon:
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[@imperialtutor8687]

The real problem starts when your spouse is too agreeable to everyone else and then unloads on you back home. currently dealing with that.

[@smanthawalsh]

Comic Book Man me too and gives money to his brother and sister and I’m not sure can allowed to buy pants from Walmart

[@saraqostahterra4548]

@@smanthawalsh I have a father like this. I was always ashamed for ever asking money, even a few bucks, while knowing he gave money to other men who weren't even family. I really don't get that way of thinking.

[@metamorphicorder]

They are all real problems. That one is just yours.

[@steve00alt70]

sorry man you have to deal with that i hope she learns her lesson.

[@TaterKakez]

Oh ... blessings and strength to you. I dealt with that but got out before I was in longer than 2 years. Follow your instincts- you will be supported by loved ones and the universe 🧿💜🧿

[@kevinhornbuckle]

I agree with everything Dr. Grande says.

[@sonnyca]

I've noticed vloggers who are like cult leaders and whenever they post new videos, people mindlessly like those videos. I have disliked plenty of videos even those of vloggers I like and admire. Try being an asshole and dislike THIS video. Wouldn't it be a hoot if the number of dislikes exceed the number of likes? 😁

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

O see what you did there

[@flamingbliss6998]

😂

[@brittaolson6550]

Kevin Hornbuckle 😂😂😂😂

[@dogie1070]

@@sonnyca

[@brentwilbur]

Dangerously agreeable might describe the minion of many a supervillain.

[@bertzerker747]

An illusion to seduction or more vulnerably as lovebombing tactics 💙

[@jennyfinney4292]

Flying monkey or enabler? 🤔 Which came first the chicken or the egg? The mate or the depression?

[@kathryncarter6143]

I have seen this. The biggest issue in the husband's agreeableness was that he remained enmeshed with his mother. The couple could rarely make any decisions unless the guys mother was involved & gave her approval. What a disaster!

[@possumfriend2335]

I've seen that too and I think an overbearing mother, especially with absence of a father figure or emotionally absent father, definitely shapes that in a boy so he never learns to stand up for himself.

[@charlieangkor8649]

Yep! Dating his mother sleeping with his mother by proxy! Did he marry his mother in the end?

[@kathryncarter6143]

@@charlieangkor8649 I'm sure she would have liked that; but she died. Now he's eternal heartbroken. Would be the same if it was the other way around too.

[@andersrobertsen7610]

Stories like these creep me out. At a certain age a father needs to separate the son from the mother, I think 7 or 8, and take him under his wing.

[@65minimom]

Why do people always blame the mother? Perhaps the husband is afraid of his wife?

[@josephcasley7979]

I just enjoy this man's businesslike manner of explaining a subject. Keep it up.

[@davidbriones3640]

👌

[@AlexBobalexRavenclaw]

Wow, thank you Dr. Grande! My husband is highly agreeable, and you‘ve cleared up some perceptions I’ve made throughout our marriage. He makes friends easily, he’s very likable, and he inspires me when he apologizes because in turn, I want to apologize too. His superpower is reconciliation, which has been such a catalyst for a healthy marriage. But the negative aspects like being taken advantage of or compliance are also very present qualities of his, including his high confidence that everything he does is right. I’ve told him he walks around with rose-tinted glasses. Such is life!

[@budawang77]

Overall it sounds a lot better than being married to a psychopath or narcissist!

[@AlexBobalexRavenclaw]

Ben Coles I am grateful.

[@sabrinatenney]

My ex....... “whatever you want”...”whatever you think”.....”everything will be fine (but never a plan)”....family treated me nasty and he not once said anything to them. ...etc....

[@yolemmarieyoka6451]

My ex was also very so much agreeable at the beginning of our relationship to the point that He made me believe we were soulmates because we had exactly the same values and got along very well... Unfortunately, he turned out to be the total opposite later on in the relationship... Because of that, I’m now very cautious with people who are highly agreeable 😔

[@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098]

When I told a close family friend (during our divorce) that, after moving out, my husband had commented that now that we each had our own space, there was room for our "different lifestyles," she replied, "You have different lifestyles?" 😏 It turns out that over time, we definitely did -- I had moved further into the things that I had always valued; he had shifted -- dramatically, it seemed to me -- into priorities I found foreign. But he seemed to have found his feet -- I realized how long and how deeply he had been thinly disguising himself to be like me (not what I ever wanted) -- which explained the growing resentment-fueled distance over the years....

[@potato_powered]

It may be he was actually a narcissist. They sometimes try to mirror their targets. They ask you what things you like and claim to like the same things when they really do not. Be careful about sharing your interests with new people. Instead ask them what they like and if they insist you tell them first avoid them.

[@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098]

@@potato_powered Good advice! 😏

[@eliezeretecap]

In this case it seems that your ex lacked a sense of identity, a sense of self, so he was just mirroring you like Potato said, if he was a narcissist then he was using love bombing to seduce you quickly.

[@barbarastrayhorn4667]

Bait and switch. Get you totally invested in the marriage and then show you his true self. Been there.

[@GaveMeGrace1]

Thank you- one thing I’m grateful for my gaslighting covert narcissist is that I’m learning to deal with this toxic aspect of myself. The relationship dynamics were already dampening my agreeableness with her, but learning how to navigate this maze until I’m free, helps set me free inside to confront better. I even asked for the promised compensation for an ongoing refrigerator delivery nightmare. I had to make myself do it and I feel better for having done so.

[@MaryJane-xd4sn]

What’s 1 thing I like about my dad - how nice he is. 1 thing I hate about my dad - how nice he is . My daughter told her counselor this

[@darrynreid4500]

I asked my wife to tell me when I'm being too agreeable. She said that I wouldn't be anywhere near as much fun if I was too agreeable. I disagree.

[@saraqostahterra4548]

Bro, asking when you're being too agreeable is agreeable in itself xD

[@jordonlongley5458]

Darryn Reid literally 3 plot twists

[@raz0rcarich99]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

[@claracarpenter8913]

Haha

[@Window4503]

@@kocerarif You know this is a joke, right?

[@emizerri]

Ah yes, my favourite part of Dr Grande's video "I remember the 5 big traits by the acronym OCEAN"

[@ILoveAllPeople.]

This reminds me of a concept I use to think of as being selfishly selfless. I doubt this is a new phrase. Lol. But that's how I think of the overly agreeable type. Or the type who cares so much about others, that they cause harm to their self by doing more for others, at their own expense. And as a consequence, causes harm to those who loves them.

[@madcircle7311]

yea

[@para_bellum_1984]

You've just described my dad to a tee.

[@ILoveAllPeople.]

@@para_bellum_1984 I'm sorry for any pain that you and your family has experienced because of this. The problem with being a people pleaser is that it's impossible to make everyone happy. The people who demand more attention often get more than the ones who need it most.

[@para_bellum_1984]

​@@ILoveAllPeople. Thanks. And that definitely rings true for our family, especially my mom. Me, I'm fine, because I've learned to accept him entirely just the way he is. I love him unconditionally and I know he's always meant well. If he needs help with anything I'm there, no problem. He's a wholesome man and many people adore him (I mean, of course they do, he's never said 'no' to anyone). My mom still has trouble dealing with his weaknesses sometimes, but overall she feels the same way. Also, he's just turned 70 so he's not going to change his ways. It's just the way it's got to be and I've accepted it. We all have to walk our own path, right.

[@ILoveAllPeople.]

@@para_bellum_1984 That's a really mature way of looking at it. He sounds like a really good man, who is lucky to have an understanding family who knows who he is, and loves him for it. 🙂 The first time I thought about this was in my late teens. I was writing about different Civil Rights leaders. And thinking about the ways many of them lived. And how that must have put a strain on their families. Many of them sacrificed so much for the causes they fought for. But that sacrifice wasn't only their own. Because one persons suffering is felt by everyone who genuinely loves and cares about them. I believe that this world is lucky to have people like your father. This world is lucky to have people like yourself and your mother, who are there to give your father the love that he needs.

[@kellyannallen2454]

Wow your range of topics is amazing. This vid doesn’t pertain to me but so many others do. My life is changing. Thanks 😉

[@eleodel1]

I rate 94% on Agreeableness (which really upset me). My partner thinks it's hilarious (he's at 22%). I've been trying to explain the downfalls to him - your video is very useful, thank you!!

[@rejaneoliveira5019]

Absolutely fascinating! I have seen husbands who act exactly this way, it’s quite disturbing. Very interesting to learn how high agreeableness can be so detrimental in a relationship. Thank you Dr. Grande!

[@pocoeagle2]

Dr. GRANDe makes GRANDiose videos. Thank you doc 😃🇳🇱

[@gailwestphal1604]

pocoeagle2 Such an adorable comment!☀️🤗

[@lizzyhazel4085]

One of your best and most helpful videos. Bravo!

[@kocerarif]

Mr Grande, your power of explanation where psychology and philosophy meets is excellent. Learning from you might make a difference in many people's lives. Thanks for your efforts.

[@galanthuman2157]

Thank you for this video. It helps me very much and came just in the right time. I really like all of you videos.

[@dogie1070]

"Dangerously agreeable"? 🤔 I learned something new today!

[@BeingLifted]

You always start an interesting dialogue! Thanks!

[@shaanz2.087]

Dangerously Agreeable.... I see almost all of my extended family members b including my own father being the above .... Maybe the cultural background. Thanks Dr Grande for fantastic flawless delivery

[@mam7069]

One time, my ex husband and I were driving somewhere, and he offered a ride to a totally random homeless man. The man got in our car - sitting right behind us - as I tried not to freak out. Another time, my ex let a random man on public transportation “borrow” his iPhone “to make a call.” Predictably, the man began to get off at the very next stop.. Might not surprise you to learn our marriage dissolved largely because he was incapable or unwilling to set proper boundaries with/stand up for me to his controlling parents.

[@maidenmarian1]

I dated someone like this for many years. Thank you for your story, it jogs my memory. There are many things I have been thinking about in order to continue processing that break up in a comprehensive manner, as I have needed to do for a long time.... This stuff is pure gold for me.

[@budawang77]

I'm not sure giving a ride to a random homeless man would necessarily be a risky or unreasonable thing to do. It might be viewed much less favourably in a low trust country like the United States compared to a higher trust European country.

[@mam7069]

Ben Coles I often spend time talking with homeless people, or buying them meals - but inviting a total stranger, whom no one knows is there (as opposed to Uber/cab), to sit BEHIND you in your car is inherently dangerous - doubly so when it’s somebody who has very little to lose and a whole lot to gain from something like car theft, and who’s statistically much more likely to be using drugs (therefore potentially being erratic/unpredictable).

[@maidenmarian1]

@@budawang77 It is a high risk thing in the US. We have had terrible crimes here done by a man to a couple. It is inconsiderate to the woman you are with.

[@mam7069]

Ben Coles Worth noting I am indeed in a major US city. One time, a drifter pushes somebody onto the tracks on an oncoming public transportation train, killing them, just to steal their phone. Somebody who’s already inside your car, in an advantageous spot physically, pulling a knife and either ordering you out or ordering you to drive seems like a reasonable consideration.

[@darlenelawson1255]

I really, really liked this topic. I think my husband was somewhat like this. He always tried to be everyone's friend. He was funny and everyone loved him. He always wanted to do things for me at first it was great until people said I was abusing him. Also, he didn't like to argue with anyone. he had difficulties with money and tried to keep any bad things from myself. I tried to do something but not too successful getting him to open up or being honest. So Thank-you Dr Grande, for me you hit this right on the nail for me. I really appreciate knowing why I was always the bad one. You are the greatest 🥰🇨🇦

[@RedShareen]

A very interesting take on agreeableness. During my research & statistics module I also came across a study that associated Agreeableness the most out of the five traits with charisma.

[@Marcelube]

Thank you very much again for all the information and incredible reflections, Dr Grande. I have a doubt (thought it would be in this video to a bigger extent): how do high levels of agreeableness relate to cluster c personality traits, specially dependency, anxiety, fearfulness? Thank you.

[@JS-bt8ul]

Very informative, thanks. I am agreeable when I want to be and very disagreeable when I don't want to be agreeable. People are surprised when I stand my ground thinking from being agreeable they can push me around.

[@mechailreydon3784]

Wow this was a really great video, it would be really interesting to have you do analyses like these of other personality traits taken to extremes

[@ceilconstante7813]

With each video of Dr. Grande's I learn more and more about people and how to make better choices of who I chose to associate with or get involved with in a relationship. And I look deeper into myself honestly at traits I need to be aware of and work on. I'm wondering if such a male was brought up in a Narscisstic family and choose to be agreeable to get along and avoid the perpetual fights. I was brought up in a Narscisstic family and did just that but in the long run, it doesn't work! I was always told to forgive and forget and the crazy making never ends.

[@pocoeagle2]

Hello Dr. Grande. I really liked this video a lot. Is it possible to do also one or more other video(s) about 10 signs of a husband or wife, who is dangerously high or dangerously low on one of the traits of the big five? I think your subs will love these kind of videos very much. Thanks Dr. Grande 😃🇳🇱

[@bethkop12]

I feel like in my head I am NOT agreeable, but then when I try to confront somebody, i become too agreeable! ...this results in me never saying no and not standing up for myself when i need to. It also sometimes results in me holding it all in until I burst!

[@aj5424]

It's awful. I spent years like this, and now I understand that human survival depends on us getting in touch with our darkside. Otherwise, our shadow will drag us to hell and destroy our sense of agency snd self worth. Building personal boundaries is the first step to facing one's shadow.

[@aj5424]

A person with too much altruism and being over-agreeable is a target for those manipulative and maccavelian predators that stalk society.

[@bluenetmarketing]

Dangerously interesting video. I think i see myself in there in a few places. One of your better videos.

[@cindyrhodes]

We agreed: NO TRU-COAT!! Thank you so much, Dr. Grande!!!!!

[@DonaldSeymourjr]

Thank you Doc. I needed this. And no I'm not too much agreeable. But I still needed to hear this because I struggle with some of this.

[@edennis3202]

You just described my husband on every point. Every single point. After 25 years together, he's finally getting to where he doesn't always allow people to take advantage of him, but it's still really bad. My mil died in August. My husband's sister had had power of attorney and put everything in her own name, about $1million in cash and real estate, so we get nothing. My husband and his brother just shrug their shoulders. "Oh, well, there goes our financial security in retirement. So we live in poverty until we die. Oh, well!"

[@simikatra3434]

You've hit a nerve, this is why I have been following you so much. This is my kryptonite, I feel so naive.

[@anouksurmenian4257]

I was listening with my husband in mind but he doesn’t match at all... I’m completely stoked to realize it sounds soooo much like my dad 😳😳😳

[@arani4774]

A very interesting topic,also very informative video thanks Dr Todd Grande 🙂

[@dirtyversa3165]

While I watch your videos I enjoy keeping my mouse cursor on your computer screen background.

[@danpro4519]

This is such a helpful presentation of a very little discussed phenomenon.

[@ralegade7710]

This is the father that doesn't bring home Timmy's Christmas present because there was only one left and he let the other dad take it.

[@AqueleGamer]

I was kind of unsure if I fit this but when you got to "overconfident" I felt as if I was being described perfectly, definetly need to keep this in mind. Thanks Dr Grande

[@magdalena.slavova]

So interesting thematic. And it is so much more understandable when you give examples from your real-life observation of people.

[@MithraSemiramis]

I've experienced this and it truly can be terribly destructive for a relationship. it's a great topic for a video because it's not necessarily an obvious problem but can be a very insidious one.

[@steviejits2967]

Great topic Dr Todd. Interesting

[@lawrencejankowski9681]

Excellent presentation of an under-examined topic. Informative to me, as I am overly agreeable & have difficulty in long term relationships.

[@Goon94]

I found this video very interesting, thank you!

[@karensimonpeterson3574]

In many ways, this sounds like my husband of almost thirty years. Though he has grown and changed over the years. Thanks again, Dr Grande.

[@SophieBird07]

I always look forward to your concise informative posts. This one confused me a bit. I thought it would be perhaps about issues with my ex, though it actually didn’t fit him at all, other than throwing me under the bus, instead of backing me up - for example with a poor quality repair service. What seemed at first to be so friendly and agreeable evolved into extremely passive aggressive behavior. He would always agree when discussing a plan, but “yes” generally turned out to mean “no” or just wouldn’t happen, or things he did forget only impacted others negatively. He never criticized or complained but I later came to sense a silent simmer of sorts or resentment toward mostly me and our kids. He was star employee at his communications employment though, and I used to think he would walk through a blizzard if called in, but he could arrive late to pick up one of our young kids stranded somewhere. My mother loved him. He could do no wrong.

[@meera2531]

Possibly a covert/ victim Narcissist

[@alexarias5717]

People that sound like that often remind me of the state of mind of men who've killed their families were in prior to the crime. This resentment builds so deep under the surface and the pressure of it is so immense that for some is too much.

[@dymphnatherese2595]

Please do a video on partners extremely high in openness!

[@colleenharding8665]

Chris Watts was this guy, until he stopped being that guy...*gulp*

[@monicapyle]

Bingo

[@malabuha]

CW wasnt agreeable. He was quiet and resentful. Which is poison

[@elisamastromarino7123]

Colleen Harding Yes! Wow. I can't think of anyone who's more like this. Chris Watts is this to a "T".

[@vanzscanz4138]

No

[@monicapyle]

@@malabuha he always let his wife call the shots. There used to be a lot of negative videos of her bossing him around and belittling him and he'd just kind of sit there and take it. Obviously in the end, yes, you're right-his "agreeability" ended up being his masked quiet resentment.

[@rollingrecords9019]

I greatly value your advice more than anyone I can think of . Very intelligent and open minded 👌

[@qiuwbr091]

There’s a female character on the BBC program “Father Ted.” She takes care of the house that 3 lone priests live in on an isolated island. Without stepping on toes I think I can safely say she is extremely agreeable.

[@davidmenke7552]

Oh. Oh this was GOOD. Thank you very much Dr. Grande!

[@SteveWrightNZ]

Fascinating, thank you.

[@lysawoolley2113]

This is how I see my relationship. My husband is dangerously agreeableness and mine is more normal agreeable. I'm more an extrovert, he is more an introvert. I spend a lot of time trying getting him to give his opinion even. It's frustrating for me. I pay all the bills, organize our family, he does not seem interested to know these things. I love him, he loves me. We are well matched in a lot of ways.

[@redman6790]

Do you see it lasting? Seems like you have taken on his burden from the looks of it

[@johncarlisle2755]

The Greeks argued that every virtue pushed to the extreme becomes a vice.

[@budawang77]

Great video. I wonder if it is easier to treat a patient with high agreeableness compared to other personality disorders?

[@therealspecialbean1878]

Thank you, new and very interesting.

[@Chris66Mas]

So true! In general, I don’t think women like an overly agreeable partner. It’s off putting. Agreeable men could appear aimless and helpless or for a ‘career’. ’. They could also have a passive aggressive side and blow up in rage. It’s a horrible state of mind for both sides.

[@michellebeissel3937]

Intriguing presentation comme d'habitude. I have encountered research concluding that if the relationship a father has with his son is defined by the father's pronounced agreeableness, then the son could develop the Dark Triad trait of Machiavellianism. (It's the opposite with a mother and a daughter, in that case it is the mother's disagreeableness that could assist in the development of a daughter with the Dark Triad trait of Machiavellianism.) Dangerous, indeed!

[@AngelinaATF]

OCEAN 🌊 & TRUST, I’m always one to go w acronym’s too‼️

[@effexon]

when you are not married, impulsiveness is good. when you are married, it is bad. but all in all, this is great video to emphasize how complex human life and traits are. and how complicated 6 facets get in life, with just one characteristic. car in driveway is my favorite, that is easy to explain upside down in daily life.

[@lmb4710]

Wow, you totally described my ex husband! He always just agreed with everything I said/did and in the beginning I thought it was because we were on the same page as far as what we wanted out of life, but over time I realized he doesn't give the slightest crap about what I want and that we have completely different lifestyles! Wow.

[@HannibalMuppet]

I have been trying to adjust this aspect about myself.

[@lemonke5978]

Doc, do you think any a person who is high on agreeableness (and neuroticism) can be trained to be more disagreeable or assertive? If so, what sort of training/skills would a person benefit from? Especially in work-like settings where some may be overwhelmed by other's who carry less of these traits. Love your vids!

[@cloisterene]

I believe that developing sound morals and strictly sticking to your principles can help combat the tendency to be too agreeable.

[@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098]

Agreed. I am a somewhat disagreeable woman, and I think most people experience me as both friendly/helpful and traditional/opinionated! 😏

[@NinjaOutfitInTheWash]

I’m not a husband lol, I’m an unmarried young woman but I definitely tend to be too agreeable.

[@misse7154]

#metoo

[@stephencarlsbad]

@Anarcho Frills Careful with your characterizations. Very few people are narcissistic and not all who are low in agreeableness are narcissistic, nowhere close...

[@stephencarlsbad]

Most women are... That's quite common.

[@kevinhornbuckle]

Hey, can I get your number, please.

[@HatemSinokrot]

Anarcho Frills yeah it is, if you are too agreeable then you are allowing yourself to be played with, this can mean you will have a lot problems regarding relationships, work, etc.. being agreeable is ok, too agreeable is not.

[@anewlifestirring]

All things are poisons, for there is nothing without poisonous qualities. It is only the dose which makes a thing poison. Paracelsus

[@steves1015]

Farhan Yazdani first thing I learned in uni 😀 such wise words.

[@gfggggg1719]

Really this is good practical topics because some give yes in non suitable occasion just to think might get love by being agree

[@cynthia-ray]

Dangerous in this context seems to actually refer to a higher level of inadequate comprehension or denial of responsibility to a partnership or marriage.

[@grafite9238]

My father's like that. We hardly had anything in the house because of his generosity. It was terrible to feel so vulnerable as a kid. We even had extended family live with us plus her two kids. As a kid i used to wonder about our household make-up. Now i think that he was probably a laughing stock.

[@yourworstnightmareever538]

now i know why my Mum’s ex bf in Harvard is always invited to our family Christmas dinner table and my Dad’s chill about it

[@walltime1]

uh oh

[@yourworstnightmareever538]

legionary anti-illuminati 😂can’t be .he’s seedless .a couple of marriages and he still is childless .he’s kinda cute in his thirties so i maybe should marry him just to piss off my parents

[@anjaknatz7157]

Greetings to those who bully you, backing down when someone attackes you without reason, hurriing away when you sit there crying..

[@joywebster2678]

I was dating a lovely man some time ago. I was having some health issues, including kidney stones. Everytime I ended up in hospital, within a day this large fit policeman would be a patient in the ER with chest pain. . . Or abdominal pain. This happened 5 times in one year. I was frustrated because his ER visits never resulted in admissions, and he needed rides home, and tlc, but I'm upstairs in a hospital bed. I wasn't ever sure if it was anxiety or just too much empathy. But it sure warned me that there wasn't room in that relationship for 2 patients, and that didn't bode well for the long haul of aging.

[@meera2531]

Maybe he had narc traits... they love to draw attention to themselves no matter what the situation...

[@firehorse9996]

Good thing the police have great health insurance coverage! If he had to pay thousands of dollars out-of-pocket each time he went to the ER like everybody else, it's doubtful he would show up so frequently and needlessly.

[@joywebster2678]

@@firehorse9996 Canada, free via taxes

[@octoberskye1049]

I know a man like this. Dxed (no testing) with MDD (some delusional component). 60 yrs old. Imagines himself to be a magnet for women (isn't). Tries to create feelings of jealousy in female acquaintance who clearly doesn't care. Has complained about 'having PTSD' *after* associating with a friend with Severe PTSD Dx. This is *added* to his Dx - again, without testing. He's just memorized a song & dance. No one can be sick or in distress without him declaring he has the same symptoms/problems. Lacks genuine empathy or sympathy for others, but puts on a show by sending them free cards (mailed by Charity organizations)/giving 'gifts' that are most often cheap and unwanted - some trash items he picks out of a free cart in front of a thrift shop. Expects endless gratitude from recipients. A compulsive liar. Hoarder. I've spoken to two of the Psychiatrists at the clinic where he's a client about his Dx. He has lied to them and to his Counselor. They shrug - it's up to him. Obfuscated VERY important facts about his background. Focuses on incidents where he is either the victim or exaggerates his importance. Then complains the Counseling sessions are "a useless waste of time." Asserts the Med he's Rxed is "working well", when in fact it exacerbates mania, pressured speech, rumination, a risky level of distraction ... There's more than Major Depressive Disorder (with delusional component) here. The attention-seeking behavior is astronomical. How any professional can miss the mania, manipulation and insecurity? Beyond me.

[@wendyleeconnelly2939]

@@octoberskye1049 If there's genuine mania the dx should be bipolar. As professionals, we only see what's presented. And what we think to ask, but even then only what is answered honestly.

[@jemgem9593]

Love your expression on video cover 😎

[@musicobsessive123]

could some of these traits be symptomatic of Avoidant PD or other mental illnesses and issues ? i can see a lot of overlap in over-agreeable behavior and the desire to avoid conflict or disagreement. is "being a pushover" more problematic than we give it credit for? ALSO: it would be fascinating to see your take on the characters and character dynamics in the tv show Succession. it's truly a treasure trove of dysfunction

[@musicobsessive123]

@Jack K thank you for the insight! i have a lot of avoidant traits myself. it's extremely hard to stop being overly agreeable in particular because you HAVE TO let people be upset at you for no longer being a pushover, and the reason you became a pushover to begin with is so as to not make people upset. its hard, and it causes so many problems for everyone

[@musicobsessive123]

@Jack K thats horrible, i'm sorry you had to go through that. i dont know if avpd is the perfect diagnosis for your ex, though, just on its own. a lot of the things you described makes it sound plausible for the most part [obviously dont know you and i'm not a doctor] but imo, those with avpd usually don't want to draw any attention to themselves... the acting out and braggadocio he exhibits seems closer to a cluster B disorder. avpd+bpd comorbidity is incredibly common and to me, thats what he appears to be leaning toward

[@musicobsessive123]

@Jack K [forgive my unsolicited commentary and opinions]

[@redman6790]

When women say they hate “nice guys” it isn’t because they are being mean or necessarily searching for danger always. Its because nice guys are mostly always high agreeable, those who are highly agreeable aren’t good leaders and are poor at people management. Being disagreeable is an essential trait to have if you are a man.

[@fisyr]

I'm actually a really poor negotiator: in my case though it is I think because of my social anxiety. I'm afraid to get into a conflict and in my head I sometime overblow people's reactions. People can often sell me something in retrospect I know is crap but at the time I agree to in hopes to move forward a conversation that makes me anxious.

[@meera2531]

Maybe you have avoidant PD?

[@TheBAZZiX]

Just get some assertiveness training

[@mckinleyfisher-lynd3896]

This is off topic but I recently watched "The Irishman" and would love for you to do an analysis on that movie. I feel the character Frank, played by Robert De Niro, was a really good example of a person with a lot of sociopathic traits and would really love your opinion on him.

[@kathrinjohnson2582]

Oooh now I'm gonna watch that

[@helenhighwater5313]

I know a person who agrees about everything, even when the opening is there for them to make their own choice that would clearly benefit them and hurt no one. They also make excuses for people who take advantage. The one way they use to not agree to something is to proclaim their own incompetence in the matter. It's downright frustrating. Add to that, the faintly detectable undercurrent of hostility and resentment that seeps out on occasion. Creepy. Just as difficult to deal with as a chronically disagreeable person.

[@Adara007]

Being too agreeable - as with the Big 5 Test - is never good, especially for women who tend to lack healthy assertiveness in general. And Chris Watts comes to mind when hearing "dangerously agreeable." Thanks for your analysis of this matter, and explaining the various possible outcomes of agreeableness when combined with other factors.

[@TwoBassholesandaKaren7107]

You're right. Yes.

[@ghadamamdouheskarous]

Very useful

[@kez3000]

Do you have a video addressing the relationship between a dangerously agreeable person and a vulnerable narcissist? If not, I would be very interested in your opinion of the relationship dynamics and issues between the 2.

[@janeangel638]

Ugh oh... you got me with this one.

[@potato_powered]

I completely agree with this video! I also agree that these videos are very interesting. Thanks for your insights as always.

[@quabot]

Good call.

[@dexterity___]

I was abused my my narc mom into being highly agreeable. I’m working on having a more healthy mindset and self esteem

[@ktpuss]

Is it agreeableness or someone who is just very un-assertive and fearful of any chance of conflict? I’m with someone like this who seems to react really oddly with counter behaviour to the slightest assertion I ever make - especially if we are out and conversing with anyone outside family, eg over goods or services, they will start to appear to agree or go along with an ‘aggressor’ if I ask questions of the person or require backing up in any way, even quietly I don’t feel they are with me, in fact they’re making it seem like quite the opposite. It’s happened to such an extent we’ve almost been scammed in a bad way because he gave off too much ‘agreeableness’ and I had to deal with them solo. So many more examples I could give. I’d love to find out why this occurs and if anyone else is victim of this, as I’ve never seen it before and it makes one feel vulnerable.

[@francescaverdi2555]

I’m interested to learn about these “facets”. I have found personality tests difficult because my answer is often “well it depends”. I once did a test for a recruitment agency and although I’d tried to be truthful, the result was that it appeared I’d answered randomly. - what no personality?

[@maidenmarian1]

This us a very important and key video, Dr. Grande. I dated a man with some of these traits for iver 10 years and could have married him. These behaviors in him became more pronounced before the break up. It really is something I need to think about. Once or twice he picked up cyclists on one of our days together in a national park. But it seemed like he removed the boundaries that we ahould have had.

[@nachtegaelw5389]

Heh, I had an ex similar to this. Wouldn’t stand up for himself, let outside people control parts of his life that negatively impacted me, YET demanded extreme agreeability from me. I could never do enough & was always walking on eggshells. It sucked.

[@cindyrhodes]

At first, this sounds like a "simple" topic, but it is actually quite complicated!

[@lisaa.4667]

My husband is not too agreeable, I guess. He is a good negotiator for prices and seldom gets ripped off. He's careful with money but not miserly. He is conscientious. He's altruistic, but only after carefully ensuring that his help or money will be going to the right beneficiary. He's pretty open to experience, and he's probably average on the neurotic scale. I'm less of the OC part, we're both low on the extrovert scale, and I'm more agreeable and neurotic (AN). We get along pretty well, although we do like and value our alone time.

[@TheWorstThingEver]

I find this video to be dangerously agreeable.

[@potato_powered]

I do not agree with your comment.

[@TheWorstThingEver]

@@potato_powered As a person who is dangerously agreeable, I say you are right, and I apologize.

[@potato_powered]

@@TheWorstThingEver LMAO that was great :D

[@juancarlosruizvillafranca1350]

The description mainly reminds me of Cheswick when he tried to help anyone in “One flew over the cuckoos”

[@bertzerker747]

Agreeably, helpful as failing to meet with the demands of manipulation for control. Save any argument, atleast for later, if there is one... 🤭😘☺️🗯

[@gaebren9021]

This is a great video. My father. This sounds like my dad. But it also sounds like me. I am female. What causes agreeableness?

[@eliezeretecap]

I don't know, but if I would guess I would say fear of confrontation, insecurity, always wanting to be liked, naivety, believing everyone is nice and fair as we are, etc. I guess if you start to see everyone else as selfish assholes you will stop being nice and fair to them.