10 Signs You're The Family Scapegoat

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10 Signs You're The Family Scapegoat // A scapegoat is a person who is blamed and shamed for other people’s wrongdoings, and quite undeservedly so.
Family scapegoating is a very common phenomenon in dysfunctional families, whereby one member of the family will be cast as the family scapegoat.
The selection process for dysfunctional family roles follows certain criteria and as such, family scapegoating signs are easy to identify when you know what you’re looking for.
Most specifically, family scapegoat abuse shows up in the way the primary target being scapegoated bears the brunt of the narcissistic family member's anger. Anything and everything that goes wrong is somehow always the scapegoat's fault.
The reality is, that every dysfunctional family system needs a scapegoat. That one person whose role it is to be the family punching bag, and garbage bin, so to speak.
That one person is cast in the role via what is typically a silent and unspoken agreement, which allows the toxic, empathy-impaired, and deeply unconscious tribe to have a place to cast all of their blame, shame, and unresolved pain, fury, and trauma.
And thus, the family scapegoat is selected, targeted, used, abused, exploited, and targeted some more.
When does it end? Only when the scapegoat decides it does. Not a moment sooner.
Enjoy
~ Tamie M xx
#superemapth #knowyourvalue #unlockyourfreedom
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⚜️ WHO IS TAMIE M? ⚜️
Tamie M is a Life Coach specializing in Empath Empowerment. She is an expert in the areas of codependency and narcissistic abuse recovery. She teaches people how to transform their lives through the use of many powerful healing, recovery, and ascension modalities. She does her best work with those who identify as being highly empathic, as well as those who have been cast as the family scapegoat. She is on the planet to support awakening Light Leaders to step into their personal power, divine purpose, and mission.
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[@TamieMJoyce]

Hey Friends! Thanks for watching!! If this resonated with you, you'll want to sign up for the FREE WEBCLASS I'm offering on how to heal and recover from codependency and narcissistic abuse so you NEVER fall prey to emotional manipulation and psychological abuse ever again! HERE'S THE LINK: www.tamiem.info/freeclass

[@tamarbatyah7]

After my dad took his own life, they swooped down on me to be his replacement. I went No Contact and never looked back. I survived, escaped and now thrive -- without them!!

[@spiritwomanwarrior4211]

Good for you!

[@tamarbatyah7]

@@spiritwomanwarrior4211 ❤️ 🕊

[@Luckybetta]

Sorry to hear about your dad. I'm glad you had the strength to get out. ❤

[@user-qv9nw1dq2f]

Staying silent in the face of abuse is consent to the abuse and it makes you the participant of the abuse. Spot on Tamie. This is so true. We must stop enabling evil abuse from destroying our families and communities. Thank you 🙏 Tamie. God bless you ❤

[@mylittlekittens]

I'm in my early senior years. I'm am realizing that I have always defended these manipulative family members when they had set backs, but they don't act compassionately towards me and others when its appropriate.

[@dv52528]

Imagine an innocent baby coming into this world and being mistreated by their family of origin, extended family members, teachers, being bullied by schoolmates, lovers, workmates and all the while, they wanted to be seen, hear and loved. It´s soooo sad. No wonder I feel safer on my own. That's the story of my life and many. THEY DO NOT DESERVE US! You are so right, I was the servant and the rescuer. May we all find peace and love within us first. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@user-gt6ox1br1x]

My life too

[@nancyP7448]

Wished I knew and/or understood all this when I was young. This explains who I am.

[@mylittlekittens]

It's passed down from generation to generation. No one is going to tell you😢

[@aikoerin6353]

Me too😰

[@michellehuggins9716]

And me 😢.

[@lorettaknox154]

You must learn the difference between friends and enemies. Anyone regardless of blood ties who abuses you deserves no contact with you. It took me years but I got tired of having to rebuild myself every time I made contact with them. If you are the scapegoat in your family. The truth is you don't have a family. Move on stop interacting with people who make your survival difficult. This world has many layers from the utopian to the very vicious. Navigate toward what is wholesome and healthy. Let those who for whatever reason choose darkness live their choice. If you do not you will experience levels of pain. Let it go. Live your experience with joy. Protect your own happiness.😊😊

[@cathysunshine5790]

My so called mother which that leaves a bad taste in my mouth is a narcissist. My mother was the one that was like that to me. She blamed me for everything. She loved when other family members make fun of me criticising me. She alway insulted me my taste in things everything. I didn’t understand why back than but now I know. Now I know why my dad use to protect me all the time. My so called mother hated that. I weeded her out of my life. What you said about everything is so true how she treated me. She didn’t like it when I started standing up for myself and casted her out of my life. I realized she was so jealous of me. She passed now . I’m not sad about it. I couldn’t even bring myself to cry. I lost all feelings for her she was a stranger to me . I removed her from my life over 15 years ago. It’s sad she did the same to my wonderful dad. Which is passed away as well.

[@Michael_Arguello]

My heart goes out to you and all scapegoats. I came back to rescue my sons from their toxic mother. One was made a scapegoat. The other was made the golden child. Now they are both free of their mother. Sounds like a happy ending, but we both know it’s not. I imagine you thriving amidst all that.

[@Opinionated-Angel]

I can relate to all of it. I have a bunch of family members that would down me in some way or another. It didn't matter what I did, they had a problem with me and would point it out. The only time I felt like myself was when I lived with my grandmother in Florida. She passed away quite some time ago. She was the only one that understood me and encouraged me. Frankly I am still pissed off to this day about some of my family members.

[@karenp2903]

Expressing a boundary seemed to give them permission to become even more abusive. Silence became the only answer.

[@khamxoxi5536]

I am living everything you've stated and worse... 40+ yrs trapped between 2 highly dysfunctional families.. I was their garbage bin and helper. Now I object to their misuse and abuse so they all want me dead. I am suffering from years of scapegoating and childhood abandonment trauma. Narcissistic abuse from siblings and relatives and their troops of monkeys. Only God is keeping me alive. I am isolated and trying to heal. Extremely difficult... albeit I am now physically and mentally scarred. Please keep me in your prayers 🙏🏽

[@Alex-vj6wr]

🙏🫂💙

[@richardcavallo9850]

I’m am always amazed how this “human pattern” is all about my family! They really aren’t Trail Blazers, just mean and incorporated into the “pattern” of behavior. What they accuse us of, they are guilty of. They love to put others down in order for themselves to feel good!

[@lorrainesawday4959]

100% relate. Sadly after my childhood I then married someone who demeaned me even to my children.

[@arenee118]

This is my family. The narcissistic sister targets me and the other siblings make excuses for her behavior and blame me. 'You shouldn't have said...(Or done...)', You're too sensitive', 'You took it the wrong way', 'You need to let things go', and so on. It started when I was 7 or 8 and has continued into adulthood. As a child, something would happen and I would be blamed. I finally went no contact with the lot of them in 2020 at 64 years of age. I wish I had done it sooner.

[@judem429]

100% of this was my childhood. At home, I was belittled and constantly punished. But when we went out, they pushed me forward. My parents and 3 siblings were so screwed up, they couldn't carry on a conversation. They'd sit there and stare at anyone who spoke to them. They were terrified of everything! A new store would send them into an anxiety attack. Even when I was a little kid, I was the one who had to deal with whatever was scaring them. Afterward, when we got to the car, then home, I was yelled at, shamed, told I was a truly horrible person. MY savior was my grandmother. She told me they were crazy and I was the only one of them that had any sense. I held on to that until I got away from the jerks when I was 18.

[@jonnymings4315]

My family is very narcissistic & I never was. Well, maybe some narcissistic fleas when I've been in survival mode, I chose to fight. I've always been the rebellious one, & quick to call them out on their bullshit. In return, I was outcasted and ridiculed for everything I do. Not that I think I'm better than anyone, but I've done some really cool things. Had a final table at wsop, been number one in world at some notorious video games, recruited by some top tier colleges for football, ect... It doesn't matter, in their eyes I'll always be filth and they try to sabotage anything I have going for myself. Recently cut ties for the second and final time with them. I realize they're not going to change and they're only holding me down.

[@michellethompson8448]

I’m 52 and just now seeing this is me

[@TamieMJoyce]

It's never too late, Michelle! 😉

[@LaDonnashielded-kc7zm]

Ouch. I clearly remember as a teen telling my mother I felt she would treat a stranger off the street better than she treated me. Wierd, but oddly healing, that it not only is narrating my life but many others.

[@paulablair395]

I am the scapegoat. The mother hated me and taught others to hate me. I had relationships with men who treated me like she did. I trust no one. I cannot face the future anymore - I'm exhausted.

[@rhondah3565]

This is my family!

[@priscilla.colburn444]

The TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE. Truth TO YOURSELF. Liars WILL always PERVERT IT.

[@adolfoconde1371]

Some times your own family members are , the worst behavior , nightmare and not emphatic persons, you confront in life , no matter what you do, they'll put you down is very frustrating !!! 😰😰😰 .

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

All of this is very familiar. As the family scapegoat I can tell you that it doesn't matter what you do it will be called "stupid", "foolish" or unnecessary. If we jumped in front of a bullet for someone else the lie the narcissists would tell would be; "she was foolish for doing that and really didn't save that person at all." When I have given good gifts they were treated with disrespect as though I had done something wrong and often was not even thanked for the effort. I have experienced all of what you have been saying. My children and grandchildren have treated me as the scapegoat too and now we have a brand new great grand child and I expect him to learn to treat me the way their parents and grandparents have treated me. It is a generational thing to the point where it will not be over until I am gone. I wonder who will be their scapegoat when I am no longer around. LOL

[@4440ch]

I can fully relate. I no contacted all my siblings last year at 65. I was assigned the black sheep tag by a narcisistic father. He became the main target of my siblings after my mother died. After he died I could see that I was about to be the replacement though I had always been a target. My whole extended family seems to think Im some sort of kook. I have issues because of this. Ive never felt comfortable in my own skin. Very lucky to have wonderful wife and kids. Sold house and moved overseas. Did not want to be in same country with these toxic wastes of time and energy.

[@adolfoconde1371]

I identified myself with the person, who said am still pissed off to this day , about my family members behavior against me , all the time no matter my best efforts to let them know, that I would love them forever , but for my own safety , need to be away and live my life without them !!! 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 .

[@Efinmagice28]

This really resonated with me. I am hurt. I am angry. I am sad. My narc mother always defends my narc older sister. When my parents talk to their friends, I'm not even mentioned. My parents have gone as so far as to ice out my two daughters. I am so done. I'm done trying to please them. I just need to be at peace with taking myself out of the dysfunctional family relationships. My sister is a drunk and was being physically and verbally assaulted by her husband. He passed unexpectedly. But I feel like had they listened to me for the past 10 years, all of this may have been prevented. But no, it's my fault. My sister called me drunk and blamed her husband's death on me. Guess where my parents are and who they are supporting.... not me. Never me. Thank you for shedding light on this. It has been a huge help!

[@wendyclark387]

Right On Target, as always. Thank you for elucidating this horrible upbringing of mine.

[@grinch45]

The ultimate sign is being disinherited and mentioned specifically in the will as such. Great lawyers and the flying monkeys got everything they wanted. The no contact got me this which I found to be the solution to ending the abuse before I seen any YT on this matter.

[@RobinSams-gy3oq]

I am so grateful for you Tamie. Thank you for explaining me in words I can comprehend.

[@TamieMJoyce]

You're so welcome, Robin! Thanks for watching!! 😉

[@AmberLee-ge7eh]

Your channel has helped me so much!! My sister scapegoats both my brother and me. I have gone no contact with her, and in the rare instances I do have to see her, I gray rock. I’m feeling better mentally and emotionally than I have in years! She has done so many of these 10 things, and she gets an A+ for playing the victim.

[@YepItsMeMsJMC0721]

I’m always told I’m too dramatic, over-sensitive…etc. They’ve made me look Like I’m the crazy one…knowing I’ll never tell people the truth of what really happened. I’m honestly breaking down over it. I can’t deal with it much longer. I am not emotionally strong enough to get over what they’ve done to me. 8 killed me. My father called me lazy because I work from home. I spoke to him after years and he started bragging about his friend whose daughter has the same title as I do but her job is where I started in my career. He said it to hurt me.

[@dorenandsara]

Keep fighting. Stay away from them. It may take a while but you will learn little tasks, projects, and hobbies that bring you satisfaction. It may be a long time before you feel deep joy but immediately you will feel SAFE. Any time that you regress back to how they made you feel then stop and really focus on how much peace you have in your life without them around. Focus on safety and peacefulness.

[@TamieMJoyce]

@@dorenandsara I agree, except for one thing... it doesn't have to take a long time to feel deep joy. We can move through the grieving process in a reasonable amount of time IF we do the right things to support ourselves in the healing and recovery process.

[@jameyburho1165]

This video described my family of origin issues to a tee. Thank you, Tamie, for finding a way to so expertly explain these patterns. Your work is a light in the dark.

[@TamieMJoyce]

Jamey!!!!! You are so welcome, Love!! 💕

[@nicoleferguson5961]

All of the above 😓

[@TuerlingsTim]

Recognisable, after years left the family. Father and two brothers where narcissistic. One brother died because his provider (me) was gone. The other brother living in Australia. When brother died the personal and financial damage to my parents was terrible. For my own healing took the care for my parents but told my father to calm down. After his dead the last year with my sweet mother was very nice for both. We did not look back but enjoying the time who was left. When she died it was a peaceful goodbye. I closed the communication with the other brother after I got teaching via Internet. I found out as well due to this situation my relations were with narcissistic women. Now I found my peace ☺️

[@TamieMJoyce]

Good for you, Tim! Well done!!

[@guntertorfs6486]

4:13- knowing a little bit about your history by now , this subject hits close to home for you. Your expression is telling. Although this list of signs is of course applicable to the scapegoat being the victim of narcissistic family members in most cases , i believe i have observed a case or two where the person who looked at him/herself as a victim/scapegoat ( portrayed him/herself as one might be better) , was in fact the narcissist. A smart ( the few who really are , are very dangerous , as you well know ) , very subtle manipulator. In fact , one of them was regarded as somewhat of an academic prodigy.

[@karenstanislaw8912]

RELATE. Hola and regards, dear Tamie.

[@TamieMJoyce]

Hola, Karen! 😊

[@benniecampbell3973]

Yeah I been through everything you said!!! I was the Scapegoat!!!

[@spiritwomanwarrior4211]

I have seen this happen to others in my family as well as myself on the workplace. Also, i have seen certain groups of people be cast in this role such as Jews.

[@Priceless16]

Exactly! Totally agree!

[@Efinmagice28]

This absolutely resonates with me. Thank you so much!

[@sanjeevbains690]

Thanks Tammie, this is so spot on!

[@TamieMJoyce]

Hey, Sanjeev! You're so welcome! Thanks for tuning in!!

[@bettejanowicz5799]

100%. I relate to everyone of these. Love your videos. I have learned so much.

[@TamieMJoyce]

I'm so glad my videos have been helpful, Bette! Thanks for tuning in!! 😊

[@Efinmagice28]

My sister blamed me for her husband's death. Never mind, I live in a different state, and he was home alone. It still hurts.

[@taraarrington2285]

I can identify with all of this.

[@willieterrell1618]

Thank you for creating this video😊

[@TamieMJoyce]

Hey, Willie! You're so welcome! Thanks for watching!!

[@willieterrell1618]

@@TamieMJoyce I subscribed as well.

[@truthmonster66]

So on point that it actually causes me to want to throw up. Now what do we do with all of this information? All of this painful truth? Ouch

[@TamieMJoyce]

The only thing you can do is commit to a healing and recovery process that will set you free. This is one option that can help in a big way: www.tamiemcoaching.com/the-freedom-class-self-paced

[@kimk8365]

I've gone no contact with family. After my husband's passing, both sides of my family abandoned me. I can now say that I've walked away from all the crap, NO CONTACT, and within the past week, a friend that is a narcissist, Gaslighting me even worse than before, due to a purchase, so jealous, and a flip flop of a personality, I braced myself because I knew it was coming. I can honestly say that I feel relieved I don't have to listen to the crap anymore. SCAPEGOAT, I am no more. I ESCAPED and left the GOAT at the farm. 😂🤔😁 and that's no🐂 bull.

[@spiritwomanwarrior4211]

Excellent!

[@TamieMJoyce]

Thank you!

[@kezwall4506]

It starts early! I was 2 and 1/2. My brother and I were playing across the road at a neighbours house. I wanted to go home and use the toilet. My brother 3 and 1/2 took me home but running back across the road got hit by a car and ended up in hospital for 6 weeks with two broken legs. When a neighbour told my mother her son had been hit she dropped the new born baby in the bath who would have drowned if not for the neighbour saving her. It was all my fault, I have been told this my entire life. They both could have been killed because of me. My slant is what a good child I was to be toilet trained at that age, what sort of slack mother lets two kids play across the road at a neighbours house at that age when that house was a waterfront and nothing to stop us from going into the bay. At 3 and 1/2 I was already telling myself that I had been born into the wrong family. I am now 63 and only figured out this year that I was not responsible as I have been told that story all my life. I am pretty much no contact now. I have also been told my whole life (in front of my siblings) that I was not wanted or planned and they tried to get rid of me. Too bad for them, I left at 17, my life is fantastic and I have achieved anything I set out to do ;-)

[@Opinionated-Angel]

Ok. I also have an eating disorder. I like cookies. No you don't get it. I really like cookies. I love cookies. It's not just one, its several. Cookies, cookies, cookies. I am like cookie monster from Sesame Street. Cookies, cookies, cookies, and more cookies. Can't eat better that way.

[@symeebryant]

❤

[@TamieMJoyce]

😊

[@NatalieVelis]

♥

[@loomtopialmt6545]

Hey, i will just give the initial K for my first name but If anyone sees this, i feel like i need some Advice. So a little bit about me, I'm 21 years old, i got held back a few years in school, i have special needs, specifically low muscle tone (Hypotonia), I think i have a food addiction so i have a problem with my weight, and my parents were both emmotionally abusive, they often got mad and yelled at me when i displayed an emotion like Anger or Sadness and my older siblings often side with my parents that im the problem when most issues come up, and my parents. So i think im a Scapegoat and i think i also have cptsd , my parents are very toxic towards me, but they put on a facade to pretend they are loving in public but act completely different when nobody is watching. I think my Dad has been overly controlling with me financially, emmotionally, and mentally. And My Mom is no better, for example, she would only be attention to me when she needed something from me, like getting the mail, she would be like "K, I really need you to get the mail please, it should have been here by now." And keep in mind with my disability its hard for me to go get the mail sometimes because i have to walk down the street from my house to get to my mail box with my dog so she can get excercise as well. Anyways, when i get home often my mom would just barely pay any attention to me, so i feel like ive just been used because she doesnt show any appreciation towards me. So i feel like that is Manipulation by guilt tripping me? I feel like she is a Master Manipulator and my Dad as well. Anyways i am scared because i dont know what to do, i mean i dont have a job yet because i need to finish highschool which im doing online, also i need my driver's license, i dont want to enable my parents emmotional abuse, but i feel helpless because i live alone with my parents, all my other siblings have moved out and have gotten married, and i see no way out of it until i get a job,a Driver's license, and my school done. Can someone please give me advice on this?

[@GrowingMedic]

I reposted this video on Facebook with this comment. Y'all are messed up humans for doing this to anybody. Mirror time gonna be rough for most of you. Some of you will have to take it up with God, as you knock on that door.

[@singstreetcar5881]

Pack ur bags and leave

[@Youre_All_Sick]

I've been doing my work. I want something more