10 things asexual people want you to know

This video gives a run down of 10 things everyone should know about being asexual. Asexuality is so misunderstood and there is so much ignorance about it in society.
So as an asexual guy myself I wanted to give you my take. Here are 10 things I wish more people knew about asexuality.
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[@notdefining]

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[@CindyyCindz]

I'm a bi woman and didn't really know much about asexuality. I clicked on the video out of curiousity because it came on my suggested. After watching this video I realised I had so many FALSE pre conceived notions about what asexuality was. Thankyou for making this video and educating us who may not have the knowledge on what asexuality means! We are all part of the same community, I always knew that though!

[@kaseyford1490]

It upsets me when people say that being Asexual is the same as celibacy. 😢 Great video Mark, Hi from a green eyed Aroace 💜💚🖤

[@notdefining]

Omg me too. It’s crazy. Thanks so much for saying hi. Hey back from a brown eyed ace biromantic fluid flux!

[@whysosour935]

this!!! and when people think that asexuals don’t want to have a relationship at all and hate people - i’ve came across so many people who think that’s what being asexual is…. like just because i don’t want to necessarily have seggs in a relationship- it automatically means i don’t want a relationship with someone at all. most people assume that’s what makes a relationship a relationship which is crazy. love doesn’t not need to equal sex in order to make it “real” 🤦‍♀️🤣 i’m ace ( also figuring out if i’m aro as well ….it kinda seems like i’m somewhat aro maybe aroflux ) + i’m also heteromantic? so it’s kind of hard for me to think about ever finding anyone for me…. i would want to try to date someone under the ace spectrum as well….but it seems hard, i’ve never met an ace irl 🤣😭

[@aaduckie]

i've just started exploring/re-exploring my sexuality and identity. i realised a few months ago that i'm bi. and after reflecting back on my past, i've just started to realise that i'm demi too (with a very low libido outside of really connected relationships). i've been really struggling with the demi side of things recently, but chatted with a friend today and EVERYTHING made sense! we've got a lot of similarities in our identities and it was SO validating to hear that i'm not the only one who's going/gone through all of this 🤗 thanks so much for sharing this Mark!

[@sophiaamundsen9142]

Yes, it's hard because, like I said in my comment, we live in a world that overvalues sex and so it makes us feel like "we don't belong". But we're definitely not broken and there are more people like us out there. Thank God we've got the internet now!👏🏼💪

[@seabhactheshifty4741]

I've been questioning my sexuality off and on for a long time -I identify as genderqueer/trans non-binary, which already complicates things. Thinking to myself which gender(s) I feel attracted to more/less.. and that's never been the clear men/women split. I used to joke about feminine men and masculine women, but that's actually close.. I really like mixed traits and expression in ppl. But then again I didn't feel comfortable calling myself bi or pan due to "too small a sample size for valid conclusion".. Actually, applying the definition of enthousiastic consent, I'd have a sample size of ONE. I really rarely EVER find someone sexually attractive, and I'd still really need to get to know them and enjoy their personality, interactions etc to even think about getting frisky XD So I think I'm somewhere on the ace spectrum. Only took me about 30 years to realise😅

[@Bea-ex1yf]

thank you for making us visible!❤ Biro/ace, took me 33 years to figure that out, thanks for your help and education!!!!❤

[@alexandralugo1743]

I am so happy I found your chanel. I am a bisexual and asexual woman. I'm just so happy to find someone who is just like me ❤❤🎉

[@panthersworld5587]

This is a very amazing video I've always find asexuality the most relatable orientation in my nearly 2 decades of being alive 🖤🤍💜

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much for saying. I’m glad you liked it.

[@timschantz3233]

When I used to fantasize about being extraordinary, this is not what I had in mind.

[@sophiaamundsen9142]

1) Love your nail varnish! (I've always wanted to say this but forgot🤭) 2) A year or so ago I was reading a gay romantic comedy (Upside Down by NR Walker) with two ace main characters. That's when I decided to go into the internet to explore this thing. Got to the AVEN forum and voilà, I realized I was on the ace spectrum at the age of 40 🤭. There were so many things that resonated with me! Like: - Not feeling attraction right away. Of course I know someone is handsome or not, but for me they're just a body, a piece of meat. Does not interest me at all. When I see a "gym" body it's the same, I feel nothing for that. I only feel attraction once I get to know someone. It's their personality that does it for me. - I prefer having sex with myself 🤭. I probably experience a low libido, I don't know. But at some moments of my hormonal cycle I do experience the physical need to have sex. When I do, I prefer my own hand 🤪. My husband is the opposite so of course at some point we need to reach a compromise. Usually I "help" him have the deal done and I tell him I'm fine and that's ok. But I understand this could be difficult to navigate, especially if sex is essential for someone but it's not for the other person involved in the relationship. 3) Totally agree about being great partners! Like, if you hardly ever experience sexual attraction, almost guaranteed you're not gonna be a cheater 🤭. I'm also caring and super reliable and trustworthy, so... But like I said before, I understand that sex for some people is fundamental and so they can't compromise on this. It's all about finding a person who loves you for who you are and is willing to accept you! 4) We're NOT broken! This is the most important thing to understand and believe I think... We live in a world that overvalues sex above all and so when you're different it's difficult to see yourself as a valid person. But we definitely are!❤

[@the.trollgubbe2642]

Wish I was asexual, you guys are on a higher spiritual level, you have evolved more .

[@geckogaming3658]

Dont, being asexual is torture. Imagine only being able to date 1% of the population, (i know its ~80 mil but still) Its impossible to find a partner Youre lucky to be born "normal" 😄

[@sealtielpatino2995]

Thank you for this and all that you’re doing to raise awareness!

[@notdefining]

Of course. Thank you for taking the time to say.

[@baxiaaa]

Love love love this! Especially the last part where you say how amazing ace people are!!!! They don’t know what they’re missing ✨🙂✨I’m realising more and more that I am also on the ace spectrum, I still don’t know exactly where and how but I relate to all this, but in a slightly different way. Maybe I need to explore more “sub-labels” of the ace spectrum 🤔

[@Helvetica_5]

Thanks for the video. It's so important to have well explained content like this on KZbin ❤

[@melissanorman1766]

I'm asexual and this is a great blog Mark. Thx for the representation

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much for saying. I’m so glad we can raise awareness.

[@gh0st_b0yfriend]

I've been looking for AGES for a video just like this that clearly explains things and explains why we all need to be aware, and is short enough to send to people with minimal time and attention spans. Thank you!

[@PokhrajRoy.]

I feel calmer and happier after watching your videos. Great job 👏🏽

[@notdefining]

Ah I’m so glad. This made my day.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

@@notdefining 💖

[@leite970]

Been struggling with accepting I am bi and ace. It's particularly complicated, because people either force me to be one or the other. Being bi and ace makes me feel like I am an imposter, a traitor, that I am not ace enough. And this really destroys me. Being ace is a big part of my identity. I grew up feeling broken because I couldn't love like the other people around me could. And now that I found out I am also bi... it makes me feel like there is no space for me in the queer community. That I am some sort of fraud. This is why it is so important to me to see visibility regarding these mixed identities, being ace and something else. I am primarly ace, this is how I feel the most. But I also cannot deny that I can, remotely, like people of any gender. And I truly want potential partners and the ones I am closest with to understand that. Thank you so much for all the visibility you give us, ace-bi people. I really need it.

[@geckogaming3658]

Im a straight asexual girl, but I relate to you so much😮

[@Herbie_13_VIE]

As an alloaro thx a lot for pointing out that ace and aro are not the same ❤

[@notdefining]

Omg of course. V important.

[@user-cj8bx6ct6e]

Thank you for posting this! I'm ACE and I have green eyes, so I'm definitely in the minority. I completely agree that we suffer from things like depression not due to a mental illness, but because there are so many ignorant people who look at us like there is something wrong with us. Nearly every experience I've had in my life that makes me want to exit is related to my complete disinterest in having sex with other people. Even worse, I have romantic attraction to certain others, but since I don't experience sexual attraction, I'm screwed...well, not screwed, I guess you'd say. I'm a great person, too, but I have spent most of my life in extreme isolation. From where I sit, this world is hypersexualized, and I just want to get off this merry go round. It's a cruel world for ACEs in general, but particularly ACEs who want a romantic relationship without sex. Never found that needle in the haystack.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I wish you a great 2024 with (mostly) happy memories and the sharing and acknowledgement of good vibes. ❤

[@notdefining]

Thank you so much! The same to you my friend.

[@ryanjg5136]

People start rumors about me and say I'm gay and in the closet because I'm asexual. I don't talk about my sex life because I don't have one. So to dim-witted people the only other option is that I'm gay. It's messed up to be slandered for something you are not.

[@notdefining]

You’re not alone. This is sadly happening a lot and it’s not okay.

[@ryanjg5136]

@notdefining it feels terrible when people assume to know the most intimate things about your entire being. All your thoughts and secrets are ousted by them, and they just made it all up in their heads. It's the worst thing you can do to someone without assaulting them physically. Horrible people do things like that. Just absolutely demonic levels of evil from their tongue.

[@Mrocznyy666]

I am asexual aromantic very handsome man and this is brilliant video, really informative. Greetings from Poland.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much. Sending so much love to our community in Poland. We love you. 🩷🩷🩷

[@entiresunset]

Thanks for this wonderful video! Always love some ace education and representation :) I love how you make it completely clear how much we have to offer. Sometimes I feel like this is overlooked with our society being so overly sexual. Like as if just because I dont want to have sex as much as others want I am worth less. That hurts. Because deep inside of me I know how much I have to give and how I have to offer for potential partners.

[@notdefining]

Thank you so much for sharing. You aren’t alone.

[@ingridaguilera8795]

Thanks for explaining it that way......

[@jiliciar.1423]

Thank you. 🖤🤍🤍💜

[@notdefining]

Thank YOU for watching.

[@Aiel-Necromancer]

What’s it called when you have 0% desire for s3#, 10% desire for romance and 50% desire for just cuddling? That’s me (male, gay-ish). S3# is not disgusting to me, I just don’t want to engage in it. It doesn’t arouse me whatsoever, but I am definitely averse to it when it comes to me personally.

[@user-ij4hp5nn6g]

Thanks!

[@cnmcginn1981]

I sometimes wonder if im an Ace Gay. I get incredibly randy and love watching men get it on, but when it comes to doing it myself..... meh. A lot of effort to take forever to get off and just be sweaty at rhe end of it.

[@notdefining]

This is a totally valid ace identity.

[@whysosour935]

love more asexual videos that have been coming out recently ugh🥹🫶

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Maybe it’s just me but learning about the Aroace spectrum is a great education honestly. Cake and garlic bread along with Denmark happen to be significant. #IYKYK

[@betsywilliamsonyoga]

I am also bi ace. I am also somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. I will have romantic attraction to people but I am also kind of repulsed by actually being in a romantic relationship. So when I do give it a try it’s few and far between and doesn’t last that long. I love to have a crush to though. But please don’t have a crush on me back that ruins everything. And when I say I have a crush I mean in a queer platonic kind of way. No one ever gets it if I try to explain. It sounds like you probably do though.

[@ZazazaLoo]

I have a very high libido and I dated a man who didn't like sex and said he just didn't care about sex. We did it very rarely and I think he just wasn't interested in my body, but he loved my personality. Anyway I think asexual people should not start relationships with people for whom sex is extremely important. It's torture and it's cruel.

[@geckogaming3658]

Agreed, but thats why asexuality needs more representation The man you dated might be asexual, but just might not ever have even heard of asexuality. If he knew, he probably wouldve looked for another asexual

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Isaac Henderson, you’d really love Mark.

[@sindhuvishwakarmaofficial5906]

But i m happy ❤❤ ..that i m pure

[@supperengel0078]

you've got beautiful nails 💅👍

[@notdefining]

As a person who was conditioned as a male, this means so much to me. Thank you.

[@lemcy1256]

So weird! I am a chaotic bisexual desaster of a 37 yo woman 💖💜💙AND I hve green-blue eyes and red hair! Additionally I might be on the asexual spectrum... But I'm not sure I should claim that lable, since I wasn't feeling ace before a traumatic break up over ten years ago. That left me with trust issues and recurrent depressions, so my very low libido could also be a side effect of my meds 🤨🤷‍♀ I know the difference between sexuallity and libido, but isn't sexuallity something that can also be fluid? Irdk.

[@okmoney2048]

I came here to learn and understand, but I feel more ignorant and confused about asexual people. At what point is a person excluded from the ace community? If I don't feel like having sex a few moments out of the day, but i love having sex everyday where do i lie on the ace spectrum and would i be fraudulent to claim that i am asexual? What issues or discrimination do asexual people face? I think its wrong for a heterosexual person to pressure or ask an asexual person for sex. I also think its wrong for an asexual person to seek a romantic relationship with a sexual person unless there are some unconventional compromises. Can an asexual person be territorial about their partners and if so, why?

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for the question. As with all orientations there is no dividing line, it is a spectrum so there is no one point at which you can define as ace or not. It’s also not for anyone to exclude others from the community. We’d try to respect everyone’s right to define as they feel is right for them. Having said that, generally, being ace is normally about not experiencing sexual attraction in the same way or to the same degree as the majority of people. So it’s not experiencing it to a degree that feels significantly different to the norm. For some people that is completely not having sexual attraction, for others it is having a little bit but not at all as much as most people, then for others it is about it coming and going in a way which is significantly different to the way that most people’s attraction works. Does that makes sense? On the last point, it is completely ace people’s decisions what kind of partner they have and it would be for each person to discuss with their partner. Many ace and allosexual people have amazing relationships. So it’s just something to know about the other person and how they connect with physical intimacy really. I hope that helps somewhat. Thanks for watching.

[@ConstanzaRigazio]

🖤🤍💜

[@sylph99]

What’s with the nails 😅

[@peterclifford8711]

I'm confused. I thought you were bisexual?

[@notdefining]

I am. I’m also asexual. It’s pretty common actually.

[@peterclifford8711]

​@@notdefiningThanks for replying. So, does this mean that whether you're in a relationship or not, you go through periods where your desire/urge for sexual contact disappears?

[@cristineizaguirre1605]

This video is so affirming! Thank you for dedicating so much time and effort to creating these amazing videos and fostering a safe community on your channel. 🖤🤍💜

[@notdefining]

Omg thank you so much. This has made my day. If you can ever share any of my videos to raise awareness I’d be so happy too.

[@louiss1625]

asexuals were never historically oppressed -- society didn't know about them until very recently -- there were no laws criminalizing them/lynchings/beatings etc. that's one thing that trans + gay people have experienced that brings them together under the LGBT banner just want to point out that distinction to me, since you can be a heteroromantic asexual, or a homoromantic asexual, it's a term that refers to the lack of sexuality, rather than a certain sexuality fully support you bringing attention to the cause and creating a supportive space for asexuals, power to you but I find it strange that a heteroromantic asexual could consider themselves lbgtq+ because they may not have gone through the struggles that we have

[@notdefining]

It’s true that different parts of the community have suffered different types and different levels of oppression however it is not a competition. Throughout history asexual people have been systematically r*ped and still are today. The assumption that all people can have sex means we are continually sexually abused. Asexual people also have higher rates of mental health difficulties than gay people and bi people, due to the ignorance, alienation and loneliness we have to endure. Asexual people can often hide their orientation so aren’t always visible and therefore can avoid overt attacks as you say… …however so can bi people. So can intersex people. So can “cis passing” trans people. That doesn’t make them not LGBTQ. Also being gay is commonly understood in many places now. Being ace isn’t. So we have to endure huge hostility and discrimination as a result. People still openly think it’s a medical condition or mental illness. Can you imagine if people still thought that about being gay? Being ace you grow up in a world where you don’t understand sexuality. You are told you’re supposed to be something that you can’t fathom or fit in with. It’s almost impossible to find a partner and you are constantly treated with bigotry and shame. We have to “come out”. We are queer. We are and have always been part of the community and to suggest that we’re not is just adding to the hardship that we already face. I hope this makes sense and you can understand. Thank you so much for watching and trying to learn about our community. We are proud to stand with our gay and trans family.

[@RandomBloke007]

Let's be honest, being asexual is either the result of trauma or a hormonal imbalance. A sex-aversed person? It's not rocket science... You can cling onto your diagnosis as an identity or try to get some treatment! Either way it's fine. You do you, boo.

[@notdefining]

This is incorrect according to all major medical associations in the developed world and is as damaging as saying being gay is a medical illness.

[@crazylizze98]

No