10 Tips to Survive a Neurotypical Christmas 🎄

[@tudibelle]

My family had a meeting today to plan Christmas. We acknowledged that we're all tired, and increasingly learning that our whole family is some mix of Autistic and ADHD. Everyone agreed that we needed a good balance of together days and Alone days, and at the end of it we had chosen 4 days to do low-key stuff. We have identified which room will be the quiet room on those days, and written a shopping list for each family. Food is buffet stuff, jacket potatoes, spag bol, simple stuff. I've been clear about which days I will and won't organise board games. I sent round an itinerary to everyone, and we feel a lot calmer going into this Christmas than before. For me, communicating clear expectations were the key,and acknowledging that our Christmas has to be right for us, not Instagram perfect.

[@plutoniumlollie9574]

I'm trying something new this year, which is called self-advocacy. No Christmas from me. No thinking about gifts, what to cook, how to avoid rude conversations, no visiting rude people I don't want to see anyways. So far it feels awesome. 10/10 can recommend.

[@Sanisfaction]

Been there, done that, just don't do this for every aspect of life , it gets Lonely af xD

[@tracik1277]

Sounds wonderful ❤

[@plutoniumlollie9574]

@Sanisfaction No, it won't get lonely. But thanks for the concern 😊 I just for a change don't want to feel like the worst human ever after started to being berated 5 minutes after my arrival (family visit). Also I don't have to be bothered with gifts I hate (like jumpers in baby pink and baby blue, so I won't always wear black) with the obligation to pretend being happy. And I'll cut out the mental load of thinking of a menu that fits both my ex (living together in one house as roommates) and me, because he can't be bothered to tell me what he wants to eat but then dislikes my choices. Also, I'd end up eating alone in the kitchen anyway after cooking for hours. This year I'll just prepare a feast that I share with my cat. And the next day I'll visit a friend, who is also into food like me, with the leftovers. It will be so much easier 😊

[@MrsBifflechips]

​@@plutoniumlollie9574 I mean really, why can't people leave us wearers-of-black-clothes alone? There's no colours to risk clashing, and it makes laundry a heck of a lot easier because we don't have to separate lights from darks. Your planned Christmas sounds very comfy. I hope you enjoy it!

[@plutoniumlollie9574]

@MrsBifflechips Exactly. And it's perfect to lessen the mental load, as you don't have to think about if the clothes match. Besides that, it looks good 😊 Hope you get to spend Christmas in a way you enjoy 😊

[@yundorphin]

As an autistic person, I actually love Christmas. (Not to invalidate anyone else's experience - just offering a different perspective.) As a Vietnamese-American, I always felt very distant from it as a child, so perhaps part of it is just satisfaction that I can now enjoy what I used to envy from the outside. Don't get me wrong - I hate crowds and eggnog as much as anyone else, but I also like some aspects of Christmas very very much and tend to focus on those. For example, I like the excuse to watch old movies that I love with people who are only in the mood to see them during this time of year. I love that Mariah Carey is always playing everywhere because I like that song and already listen to songs I like on constant repeat. I like that as a socially anxious person, there is a dedicated time of year where it is appropriate to reach out and ask people out for a meal - also that people think of me and ask me out. I like the activities with rules - like Secret Santa, which has a price range. I like that Korean Secret Santa is like a game where you're just secretly nice to someone for 3 weeks and try to puzzle out who is leaving treats out on your desk. I like that I can decorate colorfully and it doesn't matter as much how tacky my taste is because tackiness comes with the holiday. XD Maybe this is because I celebrate Christmas so unconventionally that I can enjoy it. But I really do enjoy it.

[@frankster1477]

I literally refuse to go anywhere in public from just prior to Halloween until the end of January. I'm retired and I get groceries delivered anyway because I don't drive. If I want to decorate I do, but sometimes I don't. My home, my choice. No relatives anywhere near, so I'm spared other people's expectations. For decades I was the holiday maker for everyone else hoping that each year would be different, and not a sob-worthy disaster with my narcissistic, selfish and entitled family and husbands. It's taken years to fully embrace not running myself into the ground to please other people (who never were, but they expected it). I now celebrate Yule. Peace and light, everyone.

[@Magpudding]

I always struggled at Christmas time. My dad (probably autistic) would melt down and put a kibosh on anything festive, whilst other branches of the family appeared to be naturals at having that Hallmark Christmas. Eventually I gave up and spent the time alone. It was nice to be peaceful and calm and I sort of enjoyed the me time. When I met my partner I wanted to stay away from family stuff but was encouraged rather adimantly to join in. It was a struggle, noise, jostling, banter and games I struggled with. The amazing thing is the whole clan is tuned into social media and starting to see content about adhd and autism and identifying with it. Looks like most were also roleplaying at being NT and having a hard time. As many others in these comments have said communicating and giving space has helped. As luck would have it we have quite diverse strengths and challenges so we all help propping each other up splendidly all year. Those who can chat get on with it and those who are tongue tied (me) nod, grin or slope off for a bit. This is the first year I am looking forward to the coordinated gatherings as we are all out of the closet with our different brains. Being out of the ND closet really helps as nobody is trying to be something they are not and we can freely relax knowing we have each others back. Its pretty lovely to be free of fear and not resenting others, its also pretty strange to realise you've gone through your life roleplaying a character you dont like in a play without a script. I don't bother with my own kin as they continue to role play, I can see their tendancies but they're just not ready to give peace a chance!

[@aniieesteiner]

The kitchen has always been my Christmas escape. I love cooking (partly because I used to have a mild-ish case of arfid, and my grandmother's solution was to put me on a chair and help her cook when I was 2 yo), and I always cook everything for Christmas, so I can always blame needing to do work in the kitchen when all the company starts getting overwhelming and I need a break. Having dogs is also a good excuse, and I intend to get new dogs next year. My old pack of 3 that was with me for a total of 20 years saw the last one go 2 years ago, and last year, I had fosters that were subsequently trained as guide dogs. Also, getting books for Christmas. Then, you can grab some candy and your new books and retreat with that.

[@Imagination_lives]

The hardest parts of the holiday season (which includes Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year here in the U.S.) are the complete disruption in routine for almost 2 months; everything being busier, more frantic, and more intense; and travel. It just feels like the whole world is on overdrive. I really liked your point that you don't need to apologize if you need a break, as nobody expects smokers to apologize to take a smoke break. And #4 is great: "Your preferences are important, too." YES. I wish my family had realized this about any family event, but unfortunately, my preferences never mattered. p.s. I couldn't agree more that parents of autistic children "should not be turning struggles into social media entertainment"...it's wrong on so many levels.

[@grooviechickie]

I work in a supermarket in Australia. At this time of the year, it's full of people getting huffy because the queues are too long, the air conditioning is pumping because it's 35°C outside yet the (fkn endless) Christmas music is all about snow, and the lights and noise seem extra bright and loud. Only a few days of this bollocks left to go. Each year I question my life. My New Year's resolution is: somehow find a way to pay the rent and bills without leaving the house and having to work in such an awful environment... Everyone in our family is reluctant to do anything special this year, which is making me super happy. I just want to watch TV and eat, drink, and be merry.

[@SKM-y8m]

I’m so lucky to have a neurodivergent sibling who’s bringing her kids to join my neurodivergent self and daughter so it’s a neurodivergent Christmas for us🥳🎉

[@tracik1277]

That sounds great! Have a nice time!

[@Juju-ew4zh]

We don’t celebrate Christmas anymore in the neurotypical way We make our house cosy. Whithout a tree. We order all our Christmas shopping. And us three do whatever we like. Taking a nap if we want. I wish everyone a good Christmas. If I can I will follow a livestream. Thanks for the invite Mike

[@Forestnymph205]

For me Christmas was always great. We celebrate only in the evening (24th) but the entire day before that is like any weekend. We even had a clear shift from weekend to celebrating through a change in clothing. We also only had one relative, my german aunt come as the rest of the family is on the other side of the world and can't come to Sweden. We tried doing traditional dinner once but as no one was happy we havent done it since. Last year we ate chinese (we still cocked the food but we had a great wook) and this year we are eating lamb. We open the presents, one at a time, and everyone gets to take their time. We even have a thing where the person who opens a present gets to pick a present and whoever is being gifted that present now gets to open it and then choose another person. After we are done we go upstairs and do our own things. A very autism friendly christmas in my opinion. Also for presents. For me I have the same list every single year, money for books (do not buy books for me, give me a giftcard) and puzzles (spesifically from Ravensbrug or Tactic) If I have any other need I may add that but my family are amazing at respecting what I want and don't want (the amazing things that comes from living so far away from the bigger family even though I miss them)

[@scottfw7169]

Tactic is a brand I don't know. Ravensburger, they have had a reputation of quality for a long time.

[@Forestnymph205]

@@scottfw7169 I don't know if they are just a smaller brand but the ones I have from them have always been good quality. Nothing beats a gorgeous Ravensburger though

[@ryutak777]

We do sibling gifts for Christmas every year where we secretly get a gift for one of our siblings at random. I got my brother who is autistic (just like me) I had a couple of ideas of gifts for him so I just asked him which one he wants the most. I feel better because I'm not worried he'll hate it and he's not worried because he knows what to expect.

[@DiscordBeing]

I am such an unlovable version of an autistic person that no one has invited me to Christmas for over 20 years. My own family didn’t even like me during Christmas, so it's not a surprise no one else remembers me during it.

[@EsmereldaPea]

I feel you. Except with Thanksgiving. Christmas , at least for now, includes a large party on Christmas eve that extended family is invited to, so at least there's that. Oh but yeah. Christmas day? Probably 20 years since I've spent it work family. No make that 18. Since my mom died.

[@EsmereldaPea]

Also, I doubt you're unlovable. I don't think I'm unlovable. I'm just not understood by my family. It's too much work for them to try to understand me. It's not a priority for them. Last year, it was heartbreaking for me as my niece posted day after day everything she and the kids were doing to help brighten lonely seniors' Christmases. I felt like I was on the other side of a one way mirror banging on it, screaming "ME! I'm a lonely senior and you're actually RELATED to me!!" But no one heard me.

[@lilynorthover8378]

You're not unlovable, just different. Love yourself and spend Christmas how YOU want to. If you want people, see you at the livestream.😉

[@n0etic_f0x]

Nobody like me or my freinds either.

[@plutoniumlollie9574]

Aw, I would invite you to not celebrate Christmas together. Haven't met an autist I dislike yet.

[@CanisLupus1987]

Oh yeah relationship status. That one is a particularly hard one . Particularly when it goes on to an attack on all your autistic traits you need to fix, Gaslighting about your diagnosis etc. Best decision I made is work every holiday . I get double pay that day and avoid the torture of Christmas family time. Love my family, but they don't love me. They love their idea of what I could be. Can't ever do anything right, so I ll just been sitting Christmas out. Granted I come from an abusive family and the relatives who loved me passed away so my experience is different. But spending Christmas working is a thousand times better than getting out of your Way and make an effort to make others happy while even during holidays they make a point of making you feel bad about yourself no matter how hard you try When there s no winning, may as well work for myself. In the last few years I have realized that being autistic in q neurotypical society is like being in a marriage where only you put in the effort in the relationship . It's not healthy Oh well there's still my cat. Christmas would be fine if people just let us be us for once without scrutinizing everything, from our stims to the way we hold our cutlery

[@EsmereldaPea]

"I love my family but they don't love me. They love their idea of what I could be. " I'm crying. This is me.

[@martinmckee5333]

Excellent suggestions. I actually lost my last relationship due to a Christmas induced meltdown. I had not been diagnosed yet, and I don't know if she would have been understanding of my boundaries if I had had a better idea what they were, but it certainly couldn't have hurt.

[@halloooo1duuuuu]

One thing that has helped me heaps, is that we all agreed that Christmas presents are optional. And the time of giving is optional, too. I've once been 10 months late with a birthday present for my SO, but they got it eventually and were just as happy as if they'd gotten it at their birthday. That eases the social pressure immensely. Another thing I do: 3 days in a row is just too much for me. So I called one side of my family and asked if they could celebrate at the 27th instead of the 26th, so that I have one day in between Christmas celebration to recover. This is only possible, of course, if the relatives are understanding of your struggles and if that is possible within their schedule.

[@m4rt_]

I tend to see Christmas as a great thing. I spend a week or two (depending on the year, etc) at home relaxing and doing something similar to what I do every year ("The same procedure as every year, James" :D) The only downside is the gift giving, as in recent years I have begun getting more unsure about what I want for Christmas, and I keep getting asked what it is I want for Christmas, but then I usually just respond that I don't know as there isn't really anything specific that I want, as I don't really feel the need for lots of new things. In the end I would be happy to just spend Christmas as usual without the gift giving, but then I fear that telling them that would hurt peoples feelings, I just try to make it seam like I am super happy about getting the gifts, etc. Then there is also the expectation of giving something back. But that is mostly pressure that builds up before Christmas, and then for the rest of Christmas there isn't really a lot of pressure as the high point has passed and I just get to relax. Also, there usually is just my parents and my brother who is there, so there isn't really a lot of small talk, pressure about giving an appropriate reaction when opening the gifts, etc. Though, now that I think about it, I am not very exited for the time when I move away, as I probably will want to visit family during Christmas, and when I finally get home, they will probably start up all the small talk. It's already annoying enough with the small amount of social gatherings with family I attend where they all ask me the same thing individually, or congratulate me with the same thing individually several months after the thing they are congratulating me about happened. btw, Christmas here is usually a late breakfast in front of the TV watching some show or movie (maybe Christmas related, but usually not), then we continue watching stuff, or maybe we go and do our own separate things and have some quiet time, etc., then for dinner there is some good food and usually a dessert. Usually there is the same Christmas food and dessert every year, but the days that each meal happens on varies from year to year. Then after dinner we either go back to the TV and watch something and enjoy some warm drinks and Christmas treats (gingerbread, etc.), or we go and do our own separate things for the rest of the day, or maybe a mix of the two. Also, for the 24th there is also the gift giving at the end of the day, and on the 23rd we usually spend the day setting up the Christmas decorations, and there is also a tradition relating to eating rice porridge and putting one almond in there that one person will get, and then the person with the almond gets a gift, which usually is just some candy.

[@RebekahAmberClark]

As for the gifts, what about asking for things that are useful and/or consumable? "I could really use some new socks this year" "a box of your homemade chocolate chip cookies" etc? Then you don't accumulate a lot of useless "stuff" but you don't have to worry about hurting their feelings

[@lilynorthover8378]

Office Parties 😫 I think I cooked my goose (Christmas pun) when asked if I was coming to the work Christmas party and I replied, I'm not spending any time with you people if I'm not getting paid for it. 😂

[@NicholasVernem-GroovyNickyLee]

If you actually said that out loud to your coworkers, you're literally my hero. I wish I bailed on my company Christmas party so f-ing badly, I was mentally wrecked for days after.

[@lilynorthover8378]

@NicholasVernem-GroovyNickyLee I did. It was the third time they'd asked me and you can get fed up with them ignoring No! They never asked again so, result!

[@anonharingenamn]

So happy I have a small family and that we don't buy gifts anymore because the youngest is not even two years old and the closest after that is 33. Also we keep it to one day.

[@tracik1277]

I am so lucky that my son and I get to spend Christmas Day with my friend’s family because it’s very casual, there aren’t any people we don’t like or unexpected strangers, we don’t have to put on airs and graces or do anything weird or uncomfortable, they make lovely food and no one gets really drunk and acts like a fool. I hope everyone here gets to enjoy something this year and finds at least a few hours of peace and quiet if that’s what you want. And Happy Christmas and/or whatever to Mike and Nina, and all the cats, dogs, chickens, peeps, ducks, peacocks, fish and shrimps ❤🎉😊

[@threshasketch]

I also shopped mostly on Amazon, and here's why: I don't drive, and it's much more difficult to get to anything to physically shop. I also find crowded, loud shopping centers overwhelming, and get tired quick. My family coordinates wishlists with a channel each to discuss gifts where a particular person can't see the discussion in Discord, and it's helped us prevent doubling up gifts and taken a lot of stress out of shopping for people we don't see very often by having them post a wishlist directly saying what they want. We also coordinate food with lists of what allergies or sensitivities people have. (Nobody in the family is formally diagnosed, and only two of us including me have self-identified that we're almost certainly autistic, but it sure seems to help all of us.)

[@NoreenV]

Good advice! I love Christmas, but only because I spend Christmas Day alone with my husband and our cats 🐈 I hate family gatherings, small talk and all the pressure and expectation that comes with it… everyone should do Christmas their own way 🎄

[@gru_67]

Talking about smalltalk: the book "A Field Guide to Earthlings" gives an anthropological study of the NTs and their strange manners, including smalltalk, groupthink and social pecking order. I found it to be useful.

[@LiveAndLetLive2025]

That sounds incredibly interesting. Thanks for the recommendation! I'll be looking that up.

[@Juju-ew4zh]

Thanks for the tip

[@esamiga]

Merry Christmas Mike! 🎄 Thank you for all your hard work; I really appreciate the work that you do for our community.

[@PatchworkDragon]

Every year, growing up, my grandma would host a Christmas Eve party for her family (about 30 people). Every year, on December 23rd, she would break out in hives from stress. It wasn't until the year she had to go to urgent care that my mom finally put her foot down - no more parties. Some people were disappointed, but no one wanted to put grandma through the wringer anymore. Moral of the story: If something is stressing you out THAT badly, chances are your family doesn't want to put you through it anyway. (At least if they care about you.) You can always skip the big gathering and attend smaller one-on-one things instead.

[@sarahsovereign4522]

@ 8:20 .... Or it might just be THE best scripted response! I haven't gotten that at the office, but if I do, I will also try to add something like "oh, wow, the 2022 model." -pause, readjust smile "gee, thank you so much"

[@lilynorthover8378]

I liked "Call me 😉", I would never have the nerve though. Luckily, as I would rather die than go to a work party, it will never happen 😊

[@lindarehill4965]

I LOVE fairy lights, they’re a visual stim for me, so we have heaps. We had a quiet Christmas: no music, brunch with favourite foods, everyone had a nap or left for a while, then a snacky lunch, and all over by 4pm, when we were sitting on the couch listening to a podcast and asleep by 9. (I also love dogs 🐶)

[@BlueRoseHelen252]

Excellent and useful video as always Mike. Being watched while I'm eating, I hate that, and having to open presents in front of people. I'm happy gifting presents but i don't need or want stuff in return. I can do the small talk thing but over the last 5 or 6 years I just can't be bothered with it anymore. I shop for everything online the most we will do is a click and collect if absolutely have to. We might take the kids to go and see skme chirtmas lights somewhere once school is done. We won't be dojng a christmas dinner its just another day but with the excuse if having time to allow us all to play some games and maybe go for a walk, we won't be eating to excess. Hopefully the cats will be fully healed up after their op ✂️ by then so we don't have to watch their every move. We will have to drop in to see you in your Christmas live 😊.

[@tracik1277]

Well I hope you all have a lovely time whatever you do, and the kitties are chilled out and feeling back to normal 😊

[@jamesgrosrenaudjr812]

I hate sitting where I don’t have a way to escape from a dinner table . For some reason stuff in houses aren’t built to fit in the house

[@joygibbons5482]

Me too. That’s why I do the cooking and clearing up. I can get to the table last and escape first! Yippee

[@wendyheaton1439]

My biggest tip ... don't marry a vicar! It's not just one day of expectation nightmares but a whole season of them...on the plus side lots of presents from parishioners ...well that's the biscuit, chocolate and wine cupboard restocked for a while...😂

[@tracik1277]

Oh wow, that is a different experience to most of us!

[@tealkerberus748]

People need to understand that if it's a non-smoking area, it's also a non-vaping area.

[@milkywayranchsc]

I love dogs, cats, birds, goats, and most species. Animals are my special interest. The other items you mentioned do bother me. Especially the Christmas music on repeat everywhere.

[@Forestnymph205]

Hello there fellow animal autistic

[@carolinelist-b4p]

I'm going to spend Christmas with my 11 pet rats this year. They love opening presents (with something yummy in it), but loud music and noise is a big no-no - that's why they're the perfect pets for me!

[@tracik1277]

@@carolinelist-b4pRats for pets are great. They can be very loving.

[@T8staDiM3rda]

On the vaping it Reminds me of that Steve Martin joke - Q: “Do you mind if I smoke?”, R: “Do you mind if I fart?” 😂

[@misspat7555]

Christmas was always hard for the family to coordinate, so my family hasn’t done it for… not sure, maybe 20 years? We do Thanksgiving, which works much better. On Christmas, since my husband died (this will be the third without him), it’s just me giving the kids their gifts (from me and “Santa”; my daughter still has a couple more years of Santa left) and my kids giving me and eachother whatever few gifts they picked up. We’ll go to my mom’s Christmas Eve to give her a few gifts and receive hers, but she lives alone so that isn’t exactly overwhelming. Then, Christmas Day, after the big morning gift exchange, I’ll go over to my in-law’s for their gift exchange, mostly so the kids can get gifts; the adults don’t exchange. That’s pretty much the big sensory/social overwhelm, but it’s a neurodivergent family, even if they don’t acknowledge it, so a lot just don’t show up, especially now that my nieces/nephews in law are all adults. Oh, and I might get my Christmas cards out by New Year’s Day; they just se the dumbest thing ever to me, but apparently a whole bunch of people will be deeply offended if I don’t mail them a meaningless piece of paper, and I don’t want my kids harmed by that, so here we go again… I prioritize it last, though! 🤷‍♀️

[@Mybrainandmyservicedog]

Love nr 10 😂 it is sooooo true, also with a service dog. Evac, retreaaaaat😂😂😂😂😂

[@drtaverner]

Christmas is an Executive Function and Sensory nightmare.

[@spidersylar]

I love Christmas, but I've never really had to deal with too much craziness. It was almost always just a quiet Christmas with me and Mum, watching the same films, eating the same food, and using the same decorations we've had since I was 5. We each make a wishlist of what we want, so neither of us has to worry about what to get without fully spoiling the surprise (we'll know we're getting something off our list, but not exactly what). Esepcially since online shopping became easier, we don't even have to deal with any crowds to buy presents etc.

[@leslieephland4499]

I could listen to Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow forever. But my dentist forces me to endure Country Music. The drill is not so bad.

[@Stormy_Seaz_dragonz]

not a big dog person their just to big and energetic for me (don't get me wrong not all dogs! but my family members dogs are always really loud) last year I literally spent the entire christmas at my grandmas house just playing with my aunt and uncles kitten can't wait to see him again this year lol

[@pandabar7048]

I live in a huge patchwork family, so there's not one but several Christmas dinners, brunches and afternoon "Kaffee und Kuchen" (typical German coffee and cake). Me and my husband don't do any Christmas gifts for family, because there are so many. But we did "secret Santa" for a while. This could be an alternative. Also I got sick during Christmas for 4 years in a row, so that was a perfect excuse to not attend any Christmas parties. I hope everyone could find an option to celebrate Christmas in a way that's a little bit enjoyable and merry. Also sorry for my English, its not my mother tongue😅

[@elvwood]

I'm _so_ glad I don't have to do Christmas with neurotypicals any more! Instead I'll be spending it with four other ND folks, all of whom will be getting me things I already know about, who understand the need to go off for alone time sometimes, and with whom I am already creating a shared playlist. I will be going to no shops and wearing regular comfy clothes. _Much_ better than the stressful Christmases spent with my late mum and my wife's late parents! (Sadly, no dog this year. RIP Ty.)

[@PaulaRoederer]

Thank you for reminding me that it's ok to advocate for myself. I'll be asking anyone who will be giving me a gift to put it in a gift bag, instead of wrapping it.

[@nozhki-busha]

We celebrate xmas in our house, but its a mostly calm and relaxing affair. We do host a party here with close friends, but again its pretty chill as most of us are ND folks and the social setting is predictable and not stressful. Drinking, listening to music, perhaps a quiz, and relaxing at the garden bar is the usual thing we do. Aside from the big day, its mostly chilling out, resting from work, and eating lots of tasty food. I will be joining the Christmas livestreams for sure though as in our house over xmas there is no set agenda or pressure to do family stuff, helps that its just my ADHD wife and I and our family are all living elsehwere in the UK and Australia.

[@m4rt_]

I am terrified of dogs, and I am allergic to both cats and dogs. :( If it wasn't for the allergies I would probably get a cat.

[@AstridSouthSea]

Me too. I feel pain like yours. ❤

[@lilynorthover8378]

Reptiles, fish. A lot of fish recognise their owners and you don't need much space for a betta or nano fish. Don't have one in your room though, as filters hum.

[@tracik1277]

I’m allergic to our own cats now and I can’t be around them for long. It makes me feel sad and guilty. At least they can get attention from my son.

[@clairedot657]

I always make sure I fill my stocking with my favourite snacks, so I can keep my blood sugar levels regulated when Christmas Dinner is inevitably late. Also cats and dogs are the best and a great excuse to leave early. We always take two cars so I can leave when I need (normally when people start playing competitive board games) and then spend the evening with my cat and dog.

[@pardalote]

For me the best Christmases are at my brother-in-law's place. He and his wife are the perfect ND hosts. I think everyone in that side of the family are ND whether they know or not and they are not afraid to be themselves. There's food out to snack on. Drinks are easy to get. We sit down for a meal but no expectations for staying at the table for any particular length of time. All food requirements are catered for even when our ARFID kids were little when their safe foods were white bread rolls with a condiment of their choice - tomato sauce (my daughter), parmesan cheese powder (their son) 🤷‍♀️The TV will be on, any music is super quiet and very chill. A board game might get played but no pressure to join in. One of my kids will be in a corner reading, someone might retreat upstairs with lego. I have often been absorbed with their beautiful spinning top collection. We live in Oz, so its hot and the option of a swim in their pool is always available. Oh, and they have a cat. What's not to like 😊

[@lilynorthover8378]

Sounds perfect. Much like mine apart from it's freezing cold and we have a dog 😊

[@tracik1277]

That sounds great!

[@pardalote]

@@tracik1277 Yes. It is. It really is.

[@pardalote]

@@tracik1277 Yes. It is. It really is.

[@TheRealTMar]

We don't have these big get togethers at Christmas. We do still have our yearly Secret St. Nick earlier in December or by the end of November where we share surprise gifts with cheeky poems. And we all bring something to the table like treats (kruidnoten), snacks etc. Dinner is usually take out and this year we got pizza's and chips from a local Turkish bakery so no one has to cook dinner. St. Nicholas was originally from Turkey, so that's fitting. I've had the infamous kapsalon, yummy! The only one who felt pressure, sadly, was my boyfriend. He struggles with creative writing since it is not his thing at all. He ended up using chat gpt for the poem which turned out nice. He's also autistic. But he has me to support him :) I also order most of my presents online. At least Amazon here has to abide by worker protection laws.

[@AstridSouthSea]

Ah the ethics of survival participation. Regarding the amazon comment, I have much thinking on how far i stretch myself as far as coping, while adhering to my moral paradigm. At some point i throw in the towel and call that thing im not happy using/doing/buying, a support. I could choose to not participate in society, but that way spirals down and ends beside the sewer so to speak. And thats just self abelism, which im still dismantling. When there are no accommodations for me i must accommodate myself.

[@birgittnlilli9726]

Christmas day itself is nice, because my mom and me meet at her or my place, prepare a nice meal together and just sit and chat. On the days after I meet up with my dad and his family, which is always a bit.. meh.. so much people chatting about absolutely uninteresting things and me sitting there and hoping I can go home soon. At least there is chocolate cake made by my aunt, which is the best cake in the world.

[@helenedwardscomedy]

(I am coming to the Christmas livestream (thank you for doing these). As someone who spends Christmas alone, this will be my eighth one on my own and it's only really been the last few where I have learned to properly lean into it - I don't have to cook for anybody! I can eat what I want! Read what I want! Watch back-to-back episodes of University Challenge! Etc., etc.)

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

I'm not Christian. Christmas muzak is a torture device. December 25th is summer here, winter themes have no seasonal relevance. I do like coloured lights - all year round.

[@ruthstrickland6679]

I'm working Christmas eve and Christmas Day. I've taken 2 weeks off work before Christmas to avoid all the crazies. Work means normality , its an experiment and so far I'm chilled far more than I normally am! 😊

[@coreycox2345]

Thank you for this. I have been stressed over Christmas. We will have a low-key one this year. :)

[@cammie49]

We’re a neurodivergent family and we need a plan…need some structure… and we need to plan just a few no stress activities we all like to do over 2 days …with lots of downtime between activities. We no longer travel cuz that’s too stressful and it’s just us and our adult kids because my husband and I just can’t deal with our families of origin …especially at Christmas! We see a movie we all want to see. We have a family game night. We out aside time to make a special dessert for whoever wants to do that. We buy all kinds of yummy food so the fridge is well stocked!

[@linkt2yr135]

The vape comment is so true. I am an Uber driver and I never understand why someone thinks this is okay.

[@Autistic_Goblin]

Still trying to figure out how to ask not to open presents in front of everyone on Christmas Eve with the in-laws... MIL already thinks i hate her, but i just can't with the gifts... 😮

[@Juju-ew4zh]

Be true to your self

[@lilynorthover8378]

Shingles is easy to fake and "recover" from, if you're not brave enough to stand up to family. It is very difficult especially if you are already unpopular.

[@QuasiiiNominall]

Christmas music kinda just makes me mad, zero clue what about it. I have autism and hate socializing, let alone with large groups of people I’m forced to pretend I like, let alone care about, and then I have to deal with hearing the same songs on loop, with the sound of clashing metal…. it’s awful. Not to mention that I’m an epileptic and everyone on a yearly basis wants to put rapidly flickering lights everywhere so even if I wanted to go anywhere with my real loved ones, I have to put myself at risk. So like, no. I don’t like Christmas and there’s not a damn thing wrong with that.

[@chernagast6754]

I stopped celebrating it. My life is better for having done so.

[@placeholder24678]

Establish your dominance 😂

[@MrsBifflechips]

There's a mall in my city that uses Christmas decorations that I find horrific.... the plastic conifer garlands are painfully intense sparkly red, and it's heightened by the cold white LED lights that flicker and fizz rapidly among them. (on top of their usual commercial lighting, which does favours for nothing, including the red boughs and cold LED Christmas lights). I also find that most warm white LED christmas lights have a pulse width modulation low enough that I can perceive it. I want to have some on my desk, but they quiver and shiver in my peripheral vision. Speaking of dogs, most of my Dad's side of the family has at least 1 dog per household. If they're all there, up to 8 of them, and being rambunctious, it can be quite overwhelming. But an occasional advantage - I avoided socializing one year by sitting on the floor giving pets to a very soft and floofy standard poodle for an hour until dinner was served, and then I delayed going to the table for as long as I could get away with :D

[@djkhaledaltaccount6500]

SHIVER ME TIMBERS

[@Barakon]

First of call, why did Colgate green screen on a piece of notebook paper instead of drawing on it & second why is it neurotypical to indulge in mutualistic symbiosis? Third of all, there’s the secret strategy of celebrating Hanukkah instead :)

[@jo45]

Also, if you have to interact with familymembers, who don’t respect your boundries or you otherwise do not feel safe disclosing your needs or diagnosis, you CAN lie. Or half-lie. People who haven’t earned it, do not deserve your full truth. So you can invent a fictional dog you are sitting for a friend, that you have to get home to. You can half-lie and say you are a bit unwell if you need a brake (overwhelm is a type of unwell anyway 🤷‍♀️). And so on. Also, the less you explain to people, the less they will tend to argue with you. Simply being ‘tired’ or ‘busy’ are very relatable and common excuses for things, but overwhelm and sensory sensitivities might not be, so less understanding people might try to negotiate with those.

[@SmackedyDoo]

The pitch corrected sped up vocal in the intro song makes my skin crawl.

[@Autistic_AF]

@@SmackedyDoo No correction at all. It’s Sabrina Carpenter’s “White Xmas”.

[@SmackedyDoo]

@@Autistic_AF Oh. No, I didn't mean to imply that you corrected it. I believe it was calibrated to A440 standard pitch equal temperament and then pitch corrected by a professional in a studio. It's an unfortunate common reality with music production over the last decade and especially frequently employed with "remastered" work. ..Is my opinion from what I can hear. And the sound makes me have a physical reaction.

[@ianoYG]

I don't know if I am autistic, I have ADHD for sure and am diagnosed for it. I have some traits for sure. But apart from the pressure of buying gifts (which I do at the last minute and the stress of hiding my true emotions if I don't like a present). Buttttt I do love Christmas, I love the decorations (maybe because I am British, the lights aren't so overwhelming), I love the roast dinner, I love the cosy feeling. Although my mum always moaned that I wanted Christmas exactly the same every year haha. I freak if Christmas isn't how I like it tho...

[@silverriver7866]

My ASD spouse has caused me to hate Christmas music because he has played the same music over and over for six months of the year for decades. The repetition is soothing for him but making me crazy. He gets offended if I put on earphones.

[@peoplenotabigfan.2008]

Ok, I had to stopped for a moment, what the heck is it a question for someone in a relationship or single, and hello! there is a reason why someone is ex, come on. It's non of others business, family or not. Edit: my mum gave me already my Christmas gift because she said she couldn't wait. After I saw it and started unpacking, she asked why I'm not happy, when I really was and I'm, because I love fluffy, warm blankets, pillows and other fluffy stuff, but... what's the right amount of showing happiness?

[@wendyheaton1439]

Woohoo I liked it first...

[@laura.bseyoga]

💚

[@Gwenx]

Excuse me.. WHAT are coworkers giving eachother in secret santa gifts?! My partner just had to do this for the first time, his coworker just had a child so we bought him a cool little whale lamp that can play calm noices like the sea, which has worked really really well for my partners cousin. I even wrapped it really nicely, otherwise i would honestly just go for something eatable/drinkable or a little Christmas decoration..

[@Dizzychick_MN]

I'll stop in for Christmas if I catch it but I think we've got about 10 hours difference between us 😊 I think in the right group and the right person getting the dildo, that response is probably the best one. Gonna get a big laugh 😂

[@Dizzychick_MN]

Either that or hold it up in the air and yell "SWORD FIGHT!" 😂

[@tealkerberus748]

We just don't do christmas. We're not christian, and other people's religions are not compulsory! We do give each other gifts and play with sparklers and glow sticks for New Year. So every year starts and ends with us having fun together as a family. But New Year doesn't have the commercialised pressure to perform on it that christmas has. The gifts we give aren't meant to be a surprise, so there's no demand that we guess what someone will like or that they pretend we guessed right if we didn't. We can have adult conversations about things we want that we haven't already bought for ourselves, and the things we particularly want to give someone - I got my daughter a subscription to Hank and John Green's Good Store socks this year. Also my kids already know how much I love dainty little tea cups with flowers and gold edging on them. Not bought new in sets and not expensive because my cats break them routinely, but bought as lonely individuals from thrift stores and loved for their beauty until the inevitable happens.

[@JanneGlass]

First?

[@Autistic_AF]

I'm proud of you 🧡 👀 😂

[@JanneGlass]

@@Autistic_AFFinally… sigh… 😂🧡

[@jaynedavies2757]

Don't you get bored doing the same things and eating the same things everyday ?

[@dancecommando]

Hello vegan

[@Autistic_AF]

😅

[@Autistic_AF]

Random milk powder in things that didn’t have it before.

[@ladyoftheflowers9781]

Whhhaaaaaattttt dogs are for neurotypicals? Am I the only neurodivergent that loves dogs lol? Also I'm horribly allergic to cat dander, so no cats for me unfort. Anyway... I can see how some pets can be too overstimulating. I have so much more tolerance for animals than people, so I can hang around any animal so long as they don't make me cry from allergies.

[@LaurentheHermit]

Autist with two dogs here. I love dogs.

[@helenedwardscomedy]

Dog person here! I'm not allowed one as I rent and I'm probably mildly allergic but I love dogs.

[@scotthrich]

Lol, unpaid actor!