10 TRUE Things Alienated Kids Won't Admit

[@dr.marnihillfoderaro1064]

Alienating parents badmouth the loving targeted parent in such an indirect way, very conniving and underhanded, so the kids don’t directly see the smearing. I hope you are right Madi, that our alienated child misses their loving parent. Thank you for speaking so directly on the dynamics of Parental Alienation.

[@LauraGriffiths-ov4vq]

Yes, it's insidious - so much so that kids think it's normal. I wrote my daughter a letter (the truth in my eyes), and I noted the sighs, the side eye, the eye roll. the "You know how your mother is" comment, etc. It became their normal. How can you find someone's normal?

[@user-fb7we6hq4t]

@@dr.marnihillfoderaro1064 I was smeared with a diagnosis. I had to see my dr to get an assessment done and of course I had nothing. My ex told me his lawyer advised him to go see my dr to diagnose me. What a crooked lawyer. As per my dr, this happens when spouses are separating - one will call the other crazy. Please if this happens to you, just know it’s a classic case of attempting to discredit you.

[@user-fb7we6hq4t]

@@LauraGriffiths-ov4vq I’m so sorry Laura. I can relate. I can relate. My teenage son says things I’m to blame, the marriage was over a long time ago etc. it’s not his words. I get the dirty looks, the disrespect but he’s being brainwashed. It hurts a lot.

[@LauraGriffiths-ov4vq]

@@user-fb7we6hq4t It's complete brainwashing. The narcs have wiped away any connection our kids have had with us.

[@user-fb7we6hq4t]

My teenage son is so angry with me. I’m the mom who’s being alienated from my son. Thank you I have learned so much from you. My only wish is that it doesn’t take 20 years for my son to finally realize he’s being brainwashed. My heart is so broken. I miss my son so much.

[@TheAnti-AlienationProject]

I’m so sorry you and your son are going through this!!!

[@georgiakritikos4955]

M e t00❤

[@agnieszkabackup]

❤

[@huck2284]

Do u mind sharing what the father is doing exactly?

[@user-fb7we6hq4t]

@ I have so many examples. The expensive gifts - video games, sunglasses, cellphones. Having my son spy on me - recording me, taking pics of my home, sharing what I bought and what I did. Calling my son many times during my parenting time. Having my son call as soon as he got to his room when I had picked him up on my time. Calling my son and instilling fear such as - asking him if he was ok. Making decisions with my son about schools without my knowledge. So much more.

[@scottpeterson469]

Thanks again, Madi. I'd like to see a segment on alienated parents who are afraid of their alienated children.

[@heart1caligurl]

i totally think that would be a great thing to address. i havent seen/read anything about it in the 11+ yrs i have been going through this. Now that all 4 of my kids are in their 20's I am not only afraid of their father and what he will do if I actually speak more than briefly with any of them & God forbid move close to them, but now I am afraid of my kids taking legal action against me for trying to contact them (other than the texts and calls that go unanswered and not replied to). I think he has schooled them well, both by example as well as speaking about, on how to use the police and courts to punish me for trying to see or talk to them. It was the main reason I didn't follow them when he was allowed to relocate out of state. If i ever did go to their state, to see them play or cheer (my oldest cheers for a professional sports team) in a game, I will be so disguised that I would be unrecognizable. It isn't safe, for me or them, to do anything other than that still. So ya I would love to see if anyone else has similar fears, or fears reestablishing a relationship because they believe their child would only be doing so to be better positioned to hurt or harm them...BUT my fear doesn't ever stop me from calling/texting them on all holidays and their birthdays and the occasional times I get that gut feeling that I need to reach out and tell them something or remind them that I am still here and that I love them. 🙏🏻 one day this changes and we can have a relationship again, unless I get a windfall of $ and can buy an incredibly convincing disguise, otherwise the safest is to just keep my attempted contacts to the cell phone. HBU, do you fear your kids too? If so, in what ways? I dont mean to be invasive or too personal, i just have never heard anyone say anything about fearing their kids before and so relieved to hear someone finally go there too.

[@flips_abird]

Thank you for this Madi. My 17 y/o daughter is in a very angry phase, but I do intuitively feel an extreme sadness underneath all the brainwashing. I continue to lead with love.

[@TheAnti-AlienationProject]

Thank you for sharing, you are doing a great job!

[@ettabest1200]

As the targeted parent, this makes me cry to know that my son is feeling this way. I wish you could reach these children and help them see what's happening. With all of the separated families I wish this was somehow taught in schools. Thank you for sharing your videos.

[@user-fb7we6hq4t]

@@ettabest1200 I wish my son could watch these videos.

[@ettabest1200]

@user-fb7we6hq4t me too

[@shannonolear7697]

I just had contact after 6 years with my son. All you said I know is true bc his anger was palpable (via text) & he started off wanting answers but then turned vicious. There is a LONG road ahead but I expect us to be restored.

[@user-fb7we6hq4t]

@@shannonolear7697 Good luck!

[@christopherkeller5564]

Yes - keep showing up for your son, and good luck!

[@andysteele5707]

My youngest at 9 years old was nervous when I dropped him home he became incontinent. He was made to feel guilty for spending time with me or my folks his grandparents. Was breaking my heart. He told me how much his mom hated me and he wasn't allowed to mention my name. Even was sent to bed early (punished) for having photos of me. 5 years no contact now. 😢.

[@concious.co-parent16]

Warmest regards 🤝💙🕊️

[@agnieszkabackup]

Thank you a million for this video. I'm now being totally rejected by my daughter which has recently aggrevated my depression symptoms. Thank you for the ray of hope and comfort you gave me through in this video ❤

[@mattpatterson1447]

I had similar experiences with my dad. You are very brave for speaking out an allowing others to hear your words of affirmation. Thank you for your mission.

[@sleyedog1127]

Thank you, as a father going through a divorce, initiated by my young daughters mother, and trying to manage seeing her use my little girl as a pawn throughout the process, your honesty and sharing truly helps understand what my little girl is and will be going through. Thank you for shedding light on the most important family members opinion, the children

[@Liriodendron-Ocean]

So helpful!! Thank You! I’m in the earlier stages of dealing with this now, my daughter treats me almost as a stranger at times now, she’s so distant, angry, and so untrusting of me, she’s like a distant person with me, their mom is working on my son as well and it’s all so heartbreaking!! You sharing your experience and knowledge is so helpful because it gives me more insight and understanding from my children’s position. I have to find a way to help break them free to live their lives without all the manipulation and control they face.

[@dianahummel1874]

Madi, this is the most helpful video that I have watched on Parental Alienation in the 4 yrs that this evil has torn apart our family. I'm sure this can be help for my 17 yr old grandson and his mommy.

[@amyberneking6306]

This video was absolutely heartbreaking but also necessary to hear the truth. I've always wondered what my kids (now 17 & 22) were thinking. If/when we do get time together, it isn't wasted by degrading their dad or bombarding them with questions... although they do get tired of being asked how they are doing/feeling. I can understand why they're angry and resentful yet unable to show or express it. Thank you, Maddie, for rising above your pain and going beyond the brokenness in order to help others. I find strength and healing from the videos you share. Not a day goes by that I just want to blurt out to my kids about being Alienated and lied to. Yet I know it wouldn't be in my favor. So, I continue to hope, pray, and watch videos like these in order to heal myself and move forward. I do express often to my kids that I will be there for them if/whenever they are ready or willing. Our time together is special and never taken for granted. What else may I do in the meantime to be there for them and offer support?

[@Kretinos2323]

To combat badmouthing, as the other parent, don't do the same

[@larrylorimer3065]

Thanks Maddie: The last time I saw my oldest daughter she just turned 32. Dad gave her a card and gift. I told her she did not have to take the Abuse and that Dad was there for her any time. This was the worse thing a Dad could do to their own daughter. Of coarse the Police were called to lay charges on Dad. As the Grapevine told Dad she was put in lock-down not able to leave the Abuser for weeks. She has no life of her own which makes this Dad sick that the Courts and Police allow this to carry on. 😭

[@Ehva-p1w]

Anger is a secondary emotion sadness and grief are the primary.

[@phranne1234]

Thank you, Madi. I guess my question(ish) has to do with our specific circumstance. I have 2 other kids (one older, one younger than our alienated child). The alienated child (age 11 at the time), before she disappeared, was trying to brainwash the older sibling (age 15 at the time), saying toxic lies about us (claiming we were criminals, etc.), badmouthing us, trying to convince them we were abusive (we are not at all!), swearing them to secrecy. She was also verbally and physically abusing our younger child (age 7 at the time), smacking, calling derogatory names, promising to play with them but then ignoring/invalidating them, telling them we were abusive over and over. We found out about all of this after our alienated child left, when the sibs no longer felt threatened by her "don't tell anyone or else" attitude. Mom intercepting ALL messages/calls we did to reach out to the alienated child. She'd severely harass us for days/weeks with hateful messages. And it wasn't just us, she'd contact grandparents/aunts/uncles with the same, denigrating everyone, calling the other kids f-n a-holes and brats and little sh-ts. It was traumatizing for us all. When grandpa was dying, grandma tried to contact the alienated child could have a chance to say goodbye (and so grandpa could see his granddaughter again) but she was met with mom's harassment (saying she was glad he was dying, good riddance, the whole family is trash, etc). I mean, that was downright evil, to torment grandma as she was losing her life partner, you know? Eventually grandma got one single response directly from the alienated child, just a short text (the general sentiment was gee sorry, she didn't really care and was annoyed she had to reply). We tried reaching out through the school, but they blocked us. The child changed her name (not legally, we think, but in all school stuff). Dad was removed from the list of family contacts (replaced by step-father), and school isn't helpful with putting us back on there (it's a lot of bureaucracy - all which is reported to mom and she would once again come after us). The school psych was told we were abusive so the burden is on us to prove otherwise when no one believes us and the child backs up the lie. We contacted a lawyer and in our state, it would not likely end well. She said it would take years, and our other kids would inevitably be forced into abuse investigations and litigation with legal guardians etc. It would change their lives, not in a good way, and for what? The alienated child treats them with hate to make her mom happy, it was going on for years before she left. We haven't attempted to reach out anymore because of mom's toxicity. We want to send gifts and cards that would tell her we still think of her (birthdays, holidays), but we're so afraid of her mom lashing out, we simply can't. If we send things to school, they will report that to mom. If we mail anything, it's intercepted by mom. Everything we could do to reach out would end up with us getting mom's abuse. So I guess my question is, what else could we have done, what can we do? We had to protect the other kids and the rest of our family from the mom, and that meant not making more attempts to reach the child. Could we have done anything different? We hang on to the hope that the child will wake up someday and realize what happened, because we don't feel even remotely close to safe trying to contact her again.

[@shaunduffy861]

Very courageous, as an alienatrd parent i understand and relate to everything you say. Love both my kids but appreciate the spell their living under, was once under this spell also. Miss them everyday although in a way, i feel privileged to have loved and raised them. Their both great people, thank you for this.

[@Sleeping_Wolf]

Thank you Madi! Bless you, you are an angel ♥️ Thank you for giving us a window. Alienated parent/Grandparent

[@cbretschneider]

Such an astute presentation of this widely misunderstood phenomenon. I relate to many of your points. A couple of them are the opposite in my experience. Interestingly, my sister and I are alienated by one and the other parent. Our parents are still married, and have been for over 50 years, and they still engage in the same mean blow-out argument as they always have. I'm estranged from my father and she's estranged from my mom. The one big differing point in my case is that it was my mom who was always badmouthing my father, not usually the other way around, which just further fueled the sadness and anger I was already feeling toward my dad. I can't speak for my sister on whether my mom or dad was doing the badmouthing to her. I can't say I felt guilty toward my mom whenever I had good experiences with my dad. I genuinely believe my mom desperately wanted my dad and I to reconcile. Thank you for your efforts to help people in this situation.

[@susie5254]

Thank you for your effort and insight. My daughter suffers so much but she feels the need to isolate so I don't know how to help her. It is tragic what all of these kids suffer through.

[@rmodica]

I have been alienated for 14 years. My sons have blocked me from everything 😭💔

[@FiredMom]

You aren’t alone. I’m so grateful that Madi is opening eyes to what is going on with alienated parents.

[@user-fb7we6hq4t]

@@rmodica I’m so sorry. I pray it won’t take that long for my son and I. 😔

[@heart1caligurl]

going on year 12 for me. All 4 of my kids are now in their 20's, 2 still live at home with their dad, snd the oldest 2 live within 15min of him. No contact at all for almost 8 years. I am sorry for both of us and even more sorry and sad for our kiddos who have learned how to hate people & that complete rejection/contact denial of that hated person is the acceptable way of dealing w/conflict &/or relationship challenges. When the truth and reality is it couldn't be more opposite of a good or healthy or positive choice or way of living/interacting with anyone. sooooo heartbreaking that it seems to only get more intrenched and solidified as time goes on & not the opposite...i will pray for you & your sons that 2025 is the year that you're able to break free from these chains that have kept you apart for so long & you have the freedom & safety to reestablish the loving active relationships you all have the basic human right to be involved & are by all accounts supposed to be in with them.

[@jackleprevost9021]

I love what you are doing. I am proud for you, that you were able to rise above what you went through, and see the light at the end of the Tunnel. Love can be a lot of things: but it is NOT manipulative. It especially is not Malice. What you went through is actually child abuse from the alienating parent. Nothing you do, even now that you have a relationship with your Dad, will ever fix what your Mother did to you. It wasn't love. And that's ok. You can survive without your Parents love; but you cannot survive if you don't love yourself. The shame that gets built up from this kind of behavior can be permanent if you can't get your brain healthy again. Normal is not Healthy. Keep going Kiddo, you are so Brave. I hope children who are growing into adults will hear your message; and be nothing shy of inspired. Thank you for sharing.

[@justbeing6007]

Thank you so, so much! I needed to hear this. My deepest suffering in life is watching my children be torn apart by the alienation. They have all been forced to go no contact and I see the pain and despair it’s causing them. I’ve tried everything to help them feel safe and loved and to teach them to trust themselves and it just seems to cause them more confusion. I feel so helpless that they are going through this and I cannot help them. Other than standing by to witness their suffering, my life is peaceful and healthy. I hate that they are still stuck in the chaos and drama.

[@Joseph-p4o1k]

@@justbeing6007 so sad to hear… what you must absolutely do is not feel guilty. Alienated kids at least some of them, love the drama of this entire separation thing from parents. Makes them feel inferior. Be patient, and give it time. My oldest daughter is 26 years old. And we are still going through this. Stay busy, do the things you love to do. This helps quite a bit.

[@Sumis-]

Thanks for the insight, would it be great if you could have a video focussing on how alienated kids realised they were being alienated, and what led them to initiate contact with their targeted parent, Appreciate all the good stuff you do, gives hope ,

[@psychicsusan67]

This is wonderful information you are describing my entire life. You are amazing thank you so much for sharing your story.

[@jamescalkins6069]

I get a pain in my stomach knowing that this is what my kids are going throug.

[@Mjciampi22]

Thank you, Madi. ❤

[@agnieszkabackup]

Dziękujemy.

[@TheAnti-AlienationProject]

thank you so much!!

[@georgiakritikos4955]

EXCELLENTE TESTIMONY ⚖️ MADISON

[@troynunley8161]

#10...the alienator programs kids "If you love them (the alienated), then you hate me!" Toxic narcissism, to hurt the child in order to hurt the other parent. Worse...the narcissistic alienator actually convinces THEMSELVES that this is love.

[@rjsimpkins2911]

Excellent, as usual!

[@LVundefeated]

Thanks. I wish I could read my sons mind and these are helpful windows into whats going on. This is so hard, understanding helps the alienated parent be patient...

[@TheAnti-AlienationProject]

Thank you for watching! I'm glad it helps.

[@jami7772]

Wow point 7 is very poignant as most of my photos with my daughter (when I did see her) is off me smiling and her sad face or unwilling to smile eventhough she's had a great daughter/dad time. 😢.

[@agnieszkabackup]

I can relate so much😢

[@xenatron9056]

I barely have a single photo of my daughter smiling.

[@georgiakritikos4955]

❤ i, Just waiting & my relationship with his dad, just waiting ✍️🪡🧵i try to take the high road, ⌛️

[@brucecrawford4399]

Thank you very much. That was very helpful. My daughter is 36 now, and I've watched her struggle w a lot of those coping mechanisms, and it broke my heart to see her hurting. I still don't know what to do to help her. She is still angry. Can it change? I don't see her a lot, and she rarely answers my messages or phone calls.

[@kdlofty]

All my kids cut me off on the same day, I said to my ex what have you said to them? She said nothing they're adult's they can make their own decisions. Not heard from them since. it's been 18 month's now nor have I seen my grandchildren since. What does anybody think of that situation? I'm absolutely destroyed and heartbroken. Thank you.

[@Fred_bob]

Sorry to hear that. Did you noticed any signs looking back? Dr childress has some old videos that helped me make sense of it.

[@Fruit-Inspector]

Thank you 🌹

[@ebuddha5]

Mine does constant non verbal and manipulative destructive patterns

[@Anna-ww4pv]

The alienated child can also occur through the one set of grandparents who badmouth the loving parent. They also are influence by more than words. The abuser will roll their eyes or sigh when they hear your name. These are often the children who may go no contact etc.

[@rufelestrada9791]

Thanks , but already figured all of this out.

[@jasonstevens3088]

So sad! Maybe you’ve spoken about this. Did your dad try to reach you and let you know something was wrong with what your mom was doing? Do you wish he would have tried harder? Or would none of it mattered?

[@maryschaefer9371]

But Maddie, when your Dad is telling you and texting you that they love and care and miss them. Why can't they believe them?

[@petewetherall5336]

Hello, thank you for giving us all your thoughts and information, it is so helpful. I have not seen my daughter in seven years, she is 13 in a few days time. If you can answer, I would be grateful, but if you cant that is fine too. How do you feel about your mum now and what is your relationship like with her? Also can you do a video on cognitive dissonance and how it has affected you and others you have talked to. Once again, thank you so much, Pete (tuning in from Ireland )

[@jaynelson8750]

Thank you for your project. I can’t tell you valuable it is. Question for possible video topic: any thoughts, experiences, or advice for alienated parents who have a small but persistent voice in their heads that maybe they ARE as bad as they’re being told, even though they know in their hearts that alienation is what’s happening? It can be really hard to stand tall in actual reality when that 5% voice is still susceptible to all of the vitriolic (but inaccurate) things being said over a lengthy period of time, particularly when we’ve emerged from narcissistic abuse that’s now being pantomimed by the kids who saw it modeled in the adult relationship before it (mercifully) ended.

[@kevinproulx9137]

God with us all fighting to see our children from our evil narcissistic ex spouses/partners ❤️🤘✝️🇺🇸 it is a silent epidemic (Still trying to be in my two teenagers lives, son & daughter) and it’s been 3.5 years now)

[@ginarenee1625]

We must stop the silence of this epidemic! Thank you, Madison, for this!!

[@user-su8he2kf7q]

I cherish the experience watching your videos. I ask that you find a way through your contacts to recommend ways to define methods for reconnecting. It’s really all that matters.

[@vpalmer]

Madi, I believe you were always with your mom and your dad was alienated after divorce?How do children become alienated from their mom if they have always lived mostly full time with their mom, its very hard to understand how it happens this way, how do children end up alienated from a full time resident parent mom as oppose to a dad who is only able to have their children for one weekend every two weeks for example?

[@user-fb7we6hq4t]

@@vpalmer same with me. I was the primary caregiver. I stayed home to take care of my son until he was 13 years old.

[@flips_abird]

Many children are “stolen” through the family court system. The parent with the most money almost always wins.

[@user-fb7we6hq4t]

@@flips_abird money=power

[@flips_abird]

@@user-fb7we6hq4tyep!

[@bnjackson517]

@@user-fb7we6hq4tI’ve been the primary caregiver of my 15 and 16 year old daughters and I make significantly more than dad, but he and others in his circle managed to brainwash my kids before I had a clue about what was going on. Knew something wasn’t right for a while. Given their ages; the emotional/mental/financial toll litigation will take me/kids; and the uncertain outcome (no guarantee my relationship will be restored), I have to fight this outside of court to the extent possible. I am leaning heavily on prayer, my faith, and the prayers and faith of my village when I’m feeling too weak/hopeless. The one good thing that recently came out of mediation and coparenting counseling was the alienator consented to therapy for my girls. Hopefully he won’t revoke consent because I will take him to court for that. I at least want my girls to have the tools, even if they don’t choose to use them right now and they can look back and see all the efforts I made. This is a hard war to fight without getting in the gutter with the alienator; I refuse!!!! May all of you who are struggling with this feel the love and peace of Jesus and know you are not alone. For me, it’s Jesus and therapy!!!

[@kimparke6653]

Are alienators often dealing with addictions, or had parents with the family disease of alcoholism? There's a connection.

[@sunnybein1]

Basically Narcissistic projection-the alienating parent is projecting their toxic qualities onto the safe parent to avoid shame-classic Narcissistic personality disordered behaviour.

[@mr.h7878]

Thank you Madi for everything you do - much appreciated

[@nytrocircus]

Please, just keep doing your thing; it helps so much even if tears stream down my fact the entire time. Be a wrecking ball! As Gord Downie of the best-selling Canadian band from 1996 to 2016, the Tragically Hip says: "Life is no dress rehersal. kzbin.info/www/bejne/h4G7ooClfNBnrJo ...and here's the song: kzbin.info/www/bejne/h4G7ooClfNBnrJo