10 Uncomfortable Truths about Dating a Widower

Steel yourself as relationship coach and widower expert Abel Keogh discusses the 10 uncomfortable truths that come with dating a widower.
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Dating a Widower amzn.to/364eg1w
The Ultimate Dating Guide for Widowers amzn.to/2ZBQ6c9
Room for Two amzn.to/39pKfeA
Life with a Widower amzn.to/2MFv6fx
Marrying a Widower amzn.to/2Qyf48r

[@ParisianThinker]

I dated a widower 6 months after his wife died and married him within 9 months. He was perfect for me and I for him. 38 years later, I am now the widow.

[@mammamia8882]

Abel is right, if you're not treated like number one in the relationship, then there is no relationship!

[@maridevipam1554]

Will never be Num one .. that’s the truth .. it’s always comparing... I tell u .. dating a widower will end up in asylum

[@chefsuzannn]

Still healing from my 6 month rollercoaster ride relationship with a widower

[@joosullivan7677]

just ended a 2.5yr relationship... He was never able to step into a new life with me. 😢

[@Tbn48ibp]

@@joosullivan7677 so sorry you’re going through this. You sound loyal as you gave it so long. Same here. I’m glad you left his sorry ass as you deserve to be cherished and be number one! Wish you all the best!!

[@markbrookman8233]

Number 10, mate ... it applies to Widows, as well. I dated a widow for 6 years... gave her my ALL. My everything... she was the love of my life. She is sexy, gorgeous, loving, gentle, caring... everything a man could want. But, she just can't get over the passing of the father of her four children. The final straw was when she recently said that she wanted to pitch a tent over her dead husband's grave, and sleep there for the night. I knew then, that I would FOREVER play second fiddle, to a "canonised" ghost.

[@DatingaWidower]

Sorry to hear that, Mark. Yes, your correct that many of these truths can apply to widows too.

[@markbrookman8233]

@@DatingaWidower ... the even sadder part is that I knew her husband well... best friends in fact, so he is not a mystery to me at all. And as much as I loved him, I also knew his faults (especially regarding his treatment of her) ... which made it even harder when she would paint him as the new "perfection incarnate", worthy of Sainthood. ... Like all of us, he had his major faults... but they can no longer be mentioned, lest I face her wrath. ... As such, I'm done. ... 😪

[@Job.Well.Done_01]

@@markbrookman8233good for you. Sounds like he was a paragon to her. No possible way to compete with that and you will be second fiddle always. Glad you got out of that soul crushing situation.

[@user-el9pv8ig1r]

Thank you for you talk on this subject. I been widowed for over 14 years. Dated about 5 years out and discovered i was not ready, still comparing the ladies to late wife. Been fairly happy not being in relationships past 8 years. This past summer after back surgery and a road trip with my girl crazy 16 year old grand son. It hit me like a ton of bricks how i missed women and all the great things about dating. Im now working on myself walking 3 miles every other day exercising and loosing weight. I am no more satisfied being alone and i fill i have a new and exciting time ahead of me being retired and 67. Thanks again for verifying what i need to act and behave going back to having a life.

[@cheryljune1603]

Yes, I need a companion, husband passed away 10-20-21 from Covid. I wonder if there is someone for me.

[@jacquioosthuizen1573]

Everything said here is 100% accurate, every excuse and every circumstance I 100% experienced. The last part about competing against a ghost hit so deep. I just want to say to anyone reading this right now: you are good enough, and you deserve so much more than crying yourself to sleep every night wondering if you will always be second best. Find yourself someone who can tell you and show you that they love you because you're worth it.

[@margaretwilkinson8188]

And you always will be second best because once she's dead, that ghost is perfect.

[@karenkranz2682]

i used to ask him where he wanted me to hide when she came home...in the closet, under the bed? i hated being better than nothing.

[@karenkranz2682]

@John Kyle I used to think a widower would be better than an angry, burned, divorced man...now I know better. Also, we knew each other from university. A lot happens to someone in 40 years.

[@nicolam2196]

I can relate to this...I do cry at night sometimes as I feel I will always be number 2...why can't a man just be honest instead of stringing us along?

[@karenkranz2682]

@@nicolam2196 because honesty doesn’t benefit them...you know, it’s all about them.

[@tetianawatson9507]

Who else have successful marriage/relationship with a widowers out here? Please share! Give Abel big thumbs up, as this man helped many women like me !!! Greetings from Canada

[@RG-hf4et]

@Ella It is possible but RARE.

[@RG-hf4et]

@John Kyle Agree, widows can be train wrecks. Good for her she was able to move forward with her life after such devastation losing 3 family members.......Speaking of widowed train wrecks: Woman's husband was killed after 15+ years of marriage, car accident, not his fault. She gets together and starts dating a guy she knew previously. He is the nicest guy and mellow type of guy, everybody loves him. They get married, he moves into her house. Mistake. Less than a year later, she's all crazy bc the new guy doesn't compare to the late husband and "no one can replace him".....The poor guy gets thrown out of the house, doesn't know what hit him, she files for divorce, then starts posting pictures of her and the late husband embracing all over Facebook. The poor guy was shattered. It's about 7 years later and he is afraid to date anyone.

[@RG-hf4et]

@John Kyle Agree. Many believe their pain surmounts anyone else's. Many divorced people are in terrible pain for years but they just don't advertise it. I am divorced, no kids..... I can't even imagine how difficult divorced life is with children involved, dealing with ex's & their new relationship(s) (especially if they cheated on you with your best friend), dealing with ex-relatives, in-laws, custody, holidays, birthdays, braces, graduations, weddings, bills, etc...Are they paying their share? Is the ex even around? The list is exhausting & endless. Kudos to those divorced couples that can pull this off and have mentally healthy kids.............Most/not all widowed people are clueless to other peoples heartbreaks & pain & what difficulties they might be going through.

[@RG-hf4et]

@Ella When a person has to go to court and let a judge decide your fate, most everyone will survive that. Unfortunately, a few may fall off the edge and may do something stupid and harm the family for revenge. That is a whole other issue........The point I was making is that most, again not all, widowed people have this sense of "entitlement" or they are somehow "special" because their spouse passed and have unwavering community support, from family & friends....Yet, they have no idea, are clueless, and can be ignorant of how other people going through divorces (or who have been divorced) are struggling through their own sense of loss and everyday that struggle continues every single day trying to move forward to give the kids a sense of family & just be a normal family, There is no sense of entitlement or unwavering community support. The sense is we have to go forward and survive, no matter what has happened between mom & dad. So, a lot of us out here in the dating world as an adult, who have been married and divorced, with or without kids, have had major losses in their lives, too, and it's about time widowed people (again, not all) WAKE UP and realize there are a lot of people walking around in life with broken hearts..........Just because you are widowed, your hurt isn't any "more special"or "more important" than everyone elses hurt and pain.

[@amyvanderveer5497]

He helped me initially understand and then set boundaries with my widower, make myself less available when my widower now husband needed space. The former in laws who live a mile from him were the primary hurdle. HE was closer to them than his own family- yet he can see now how controlling and toxic they are. His late wife had a very continuous relationship with her mother but yet they also close- she was an only child. It took me longer to set boundaries with her but when I did she stopped speaking to me all together. Wow what a weight was lifted off my shoulder. I would have rather been friends but I was not going to be bullied or treated like a second class person. BTW- we dated 18 months, then I moved in with him, then we were together another 6 months before we married. We are very happy together.

[@tetianawatson9507]

Thanks for another great video, Abel!!! This is one of your best videos, everything is so true. I can't relate to all , as my husband doesn't have children. But of course all the " widowers " issues were there at the beginning and your videos helped me to validate everything. Since I discovered your channel 2 years ago afte dating a widower with ups and downs. This relationship wasn't perfect at the beginning, but you have helped me so much how to talk to a widower, how to react, how to bring issues or whatever made me uncomfortable. All I can say it worked out for us , we have been happily married now. 3 years together and counting!!!

[@jodirosebenson4383]

I also married a widower who did not have children with his late wife. Still challenges, as mentioned in this video. But 3 years of marriage and going strong.

[@RG-hf4et]

Another uncomfortable truth: Chances are female family friends and relatives on the late wife's side will not be very welcoming if the late wife was close to them and even worse, if they live nearby, go to the same church, grocery stores, etc.....Close male relatives don't seem to have a problem with the widower dating & moving on. It's the female close relatives (her mother, sisters, girlfriends) that act like you are stealing the widower away & the cat claws come out......This is what I experienced. I never met such nasty & rude women in my entire life and I didn't even see them that often over a 5 year period. The best example is when the late wife's mother planned a surprise birthday party for the widower & invited everyone but me even after being a "couple" for about 4.5 years. Needless to say, things went downhill very rapidly after that.....Now, if you are from NY & the spouses female family & friends live a nice distance away, this is either less of an issue or, most likely, not an issue at all.

[@amyvanderveer5497]

My experience as well -especially with the late mother in law- she is so angry and very nasty- rude and devisive. She even tells the kids lies but they fortunately can see right through it. So we moved to another state. Late wives friends are much more open and happy to see the kids have a mom and my hubby be happy again.

[@fshafly2]

I'm a new minted widower, my wife of 51 years passing after a 10 month struggle with incurable cancer. I've been surfing grief and widower sites for divine guidance that will help me out of this deep pit that I find myself in... I will take #9 to heart... thanks for sharing your insights.

[@HailS8nDoDrugs]

Ready to erase the late wife, already?

[@loisdecker7518]

I am married to a Widower. His daughter gave me nothing but grief!! I told him to straighten her out. Went out of my way to be nice. Long story short he did.!! Tell a man what you want and deserve.!! Everyone e deserves Respect!!!!

[@HailS8nDoDrugs]

So he threw his late wife in the trash and now his daughter. You two are made for each other. 🗑️

[@angelachristie1703]

This was such an insightful video. I thought that me "holding space" for his late wife of 30 yrs and ALWAYS being super considerate of dates, unchanged profile pics, wearing of a gift ring and having all pictures still up might be for a time but my heart is heavy because I feel a) guilty for expecting too much too soon and b) sad to know that the truth is, he just isn't ready. I kind of felt like a place holder or just someone providing affection and attention...he's never done anything bad to me but I felt it in my gut. I'm so grateful for this video and the comments 💕 Thank you 🙏🙏

[@melissagamboa2770]

I have never identified with a comment as much as I have with yours. You have described the widower I am dating to a T, 30 some years, social media apps pics with wife, wife’s name on all the bills, wife’s cell phone plan still being paid because it’s a “great deal”, toiletries, purses, laptop i pad still out, pictures still up & he carries her drivers license in his wallet.

[@Susan-fg3nv]

I came here because on a fb page for singles I found out about a lot of people lost their spouse due to death. There was a poem about everything you just said and it didn't sit well with me. So I went looking to see what others deaL with. This. Thanks for commenting

[@tiglenz]

I just watched this episode, my first. It is accurate. I have never heard these things before, but they describe me. A lady who broke up with me last night suggested that I watch Widower Wednesday. Thanks Abel, for providing this resource. It is helpful for us guys who are trying to find our next love.

[@karenkranz2682]

friendly advice: be prepared to let go of the past if you want a future. If you are not yet able to do that, find a grief counselor before you find a new partner.

[@RG-hf4et]

If you truly want a new loving, lasting relationship, I suggest you watch all of Able's videos and read the responses as well as read his books. Abel is the best source of this kind of information out there. But the responses will give you good insight, too.

[@nicolam2196]

Having to compete with a ghost is very soul destroying

[@MedusasSnakePit]

It has destroyed me

[@nicolam2196]

@Deborah Joy Longstaff yes I emailed him

[@maridevipam1554]

@@MedusasSnakePit I’m under therapy now .. for the experience and expectations I had

[@chefsuzannn]

So. Agree .competing with a ghost.the.most perfect one..

[@richardmcguinn732]

@@chefsuzannn it’s terrifying!

[@goodwillbunny5773]

We made the mistake of marrying in 6 months after meeting. Never do that! It's better to know him in the good times & the bad times, in season and out of season. Knowing each other for 2 years would have been better and we may have worked out our differences. But we probably would not have married if we had gotten to know each other. Don't rush into marriage (at any age).

[@blessedb5972]

Been in a relationship for 3 years and the photos are still around and recently he told me that if he gives all the photos to his kids, they will think he didn't care about her 🥺 His wife passed on 12 years ago.

[@franjipan23]

⁠@@blessedb5972I don’t know if you’re still in this relationship or if it’s moved on. But not giving the kids the photos is an excuse. I’m in a three year relationship with a widower and it’s our photos that are on display not LWs.

[@Karlakatza]

Again, thank you, thank you. You are giving me so much validation. His words and actions did not match, I felt hurt. The comparisons he would make were terrible. As a widow myself, I was totally the opposite. I felt that I had to respect my husband's memory by removing his pictures and to keep him private to myself.

[@user-op7uc6jb9k]

This is very true. From personal experience they might be looking for... essentially someone to help them forget their wife. The widow will always love their late wife and If the new relationship has any issues they will grow resentment and miss their passed wife. This is so accurate it's unbelievable. I believe the new woman must have patience and diligent care. It's really not for everyone in all honesty.

[@green8718]

I am a widower of 13 years. I agree that a new wife should be a priority, but I would not want to be with someone who wanted to act as if my late wife never existed. That seems to me to suggest that the new wife is insecure. I guess maybe the ideal situation would be a widower and a widow together. I think that they could understand where each other was coming from.

[@DatingaWidower]

If they want to act like your late wife never existed, they shouldn't be dating a widower.

[@glilly4080]

I am a widow and a newly widower guy recently tried to date me 3 months ago. After bringing him food to his house, he was constantly trying to touch all over me and I left after 3 tries. The first month was intense calling video chatting for hours. Then the 2nd month his calls and texts declined. He was pulling back. She had only been deceased about 6 months. I told him to wait, it's too early but I think he was lonely and bored. So by the 3rd month he was snapping at me when I asked why he didn't call back. Then 2 weeks nothing and now it is 3 weeks. I felt hurt and abandoned and it made me grieve for my husband all over again.

[@barbarawheeler]

Thank you for validating the issues I was having with dating a widower whose wife died less than a year ago. After a fairly intense month-long relationship, I told him we needed to end it and that it would be great if he got more help with processing his grief.

[@DatingaWidower]

You're welcome Barbara.

[@RG-hf4et]

Good, you recognized the problems early on & didn't waste your time.

[@charmagneq]

I hate saying “never”, but I’m 99% sure NEVER again for me. Nope…it’s too much, I knew I’d always be second. I want to be the one and only. ❤

[@HailS8nDoDrugs]

“Waaaa, I couldn’t sneak into a woman’s home and throw her ashes in the trash.”

[@janewilson5744]

I'm terrible at articulating the issues. This helped me put into words things that I am currently experiencing while dating a widower . Thank you

[@richmondparker1526]

Hello jane am Richmond Parker from New Jersey

[@richmondparker1526]

I want to be your friend

[@richmondparker1526]

Hello can you send me your email so can communicate dear?

[@richmondparker1526]

Hello

[@janac2881]

Everything Abel said I found to be true!!! Yes Cannot compete w a ghost!!

[@michelled6296]

How I wish I had found these videos when I was in my relationship with a recently widowed man. I would have been spared a massive amount of heartache. I’ve since watched all these videos and perused Abel’s website as well when trying to make sense of how I was abruptly and callously discarded by someone who’d been proclaiming his love for me for a year, only to tell me he “couldn’t fake it anymore.” I realized only in hindsight that mine was also a covert narcissist which didn’t help matters obviously.

[@tlc8925]

I encourage u to find a healthy whole relationship. Meanwhile make sure that ur healed first. Healed from resentment, etc. No one realizes how damaging it can be dating an unhealed widow/er. Glad u found these videos.

[@fojanhadjiabbasi193]

You are exactly rigjt! I dated one for 6 months and everything you discriibed was just right!

[@marygoodsell3602]

Oh my goodness, you talked about the shrine... i am a new widow and i did the shrine thing and cried everytime i walked by. Then i started to smile, but never thought i could put it away. Brings me to tears again, but maybe i should. Putting the pictures away is like putting a piece of your heart away.

[@salomeogbijoko9718]

Am in pains right now, I thought I could handle it 😭😭😭

[@chefsuzannn]

I am right there with you 😢

[@yvonneovercast5864]

You can take all of this information and apply it to dating a widow!

[@RG-hf4et]

Yes, it works both ways!

[@npenick66]

My wife of 20 years unexpectedly passed 11 days ago. I hear what you're saying about not building your life around the kids however we have a severely autistic 14 year old son. He's never going to be able to live on his own. I'm 57 years old and my wife was 52, we had Miles later in life. I come from a small family so there is no backup or long term support from that direction. My wife's family lives a 12 hour drive away and we did have one of her cousins as a backup in case we both got hit by a bus. She's is a psychologist who works with autistic kids, however she is my age and is over 300 lbs so it's a coin toss if she'll outlive me. I don't even know how to hope for anything more than building my life around our son at this point. I know that it's far too early to even think about future relationships, but how could I ever trust someone else to be kind and caring to a semi verbal kid? I'm very lost, I can care for him as long as I'm on this planet but how do I find a safe and loving long term environment for our boy? I can't imagine letting another woman get close to him when he may not be able to speak up for himself, there are so many horror stories in the news. I can't imagine getting close to another woman no matter what at this point. I'm just lost with everything right now. It would have been so much better for our boy if my wife was the one to carry on. She was outgoing and had the social skills and circle of friends/family that I lack. She was the better parent and better person. She had the large social circle of family/friends that could support her. She was literally the head cheerleader and prom queen, I'm just a business nerd. I'm not going to give up or give in, but I feel so inadequate as the single parent. One way or another I will make it but at the moment I can't even see land on the horizon much less plot a course.

[@katemoffitt1641]

My grandson is autistic so I understand. He’s 9. I do have concerns about his future. I’m dating a widower right now. I’m 67. He has no children. He’s good peeps. I think u will find someone good to enter your life. In fact at your age u could have more children even & they could be caregivers after u are gone. There are many many possibilities & u will find your way. Just be super careful of who u date & who u choose in the end. Gotta be a really good peep.

[@npenick66]

@@katemoffitt1641 Thank you for your kind words. I think it will be a very long time before going out would even be a mental/emotional possibility. Kim and I were together 24/7 for over 20 years, I work out of the house and she was a home maker so we were almost never apart. We don't have any family close by and have only used a sitter a handful of times in the last 14 years, and that was our sons kindergarten teacher. Even if I had that kind of inclination I just don't see the logistics every working out. In a way that's kind of a relief at this point, nothing along those lines could happen unless I make a great effort in that direction. It takes away some of the pressure.

[@katemoffitt1641]

@@npenick66 I’m so sorry for your loss. U will find your way. Just kno that. This life is tough but I’m tougher… I always say. I was isolated for many years after my marriage failed. Was done with men. lol. And one day I realized I couldn’t be alone anymore. So I’ve been dating a bit in the past year. I feel better now. Much better. It takes time to heal your soul… and u will. Just be patient with yourself. I spend a lot of time with my Grandson. I consider him a blessing. Is it easy? No. He has two loving parents & he is an only child & my only grandchild. Very small family but we are blessed.

[@snapshotmarie6949]

I'm so thankful to have found this video. My current situation. 😢

[@Tbn48ibp]

I need to ask all some advice as I’m not sure if I’m being too sensitive. Scenario: my past boyfriend of 1.5 years was post wife’s death over 2 years. During the 1.5 years I was his girl he had 6-7 functions with his grown 40 year old kids in secret . Dinner and church events with relatives, ceremonies where they’d bring stuffed animals made out of her old clothes , outdoor adventures with ceremonies for her, for her birthday, Christmas, death day , Mother’s Day, etc. My issue is he lied about it or covered it up. This was after he asked me to marry him. I’ve been widowed twice and I assure you that I simply send a group text out to all the adult kids . Needless to say to say I broke up with him because to lie to me about it was disrespectful and I never figured it would stop. Going forward I am trying to learn from This and want to ask you all if I’m being too sensitive ?

[@pogojet]

"my wife used to...." Another version of "My mother used to..."

[@chillieboi2145]

Dated a widower for a while ,I'll never be enough for him so I ended the relationship plus he's drinking heavily. Never date a widower

[@sunilkumar583]

I married first girl at 19 yrs. unfortunately she drowned and died in few days.I remarried at 23 yrs my second wife.she lived with me for 12 yrs she met with an accident and died.i had 2 kids aged 12 and 6 yrs at age 35 yrs.i made a big mistake of marrying a widow instead of staying widower.i was shamed and most dusgusting experience i endured.mostly it was bad karma of past life .

[@christineplaton3048]

I send every widower I meet to listen to you.

[@christineplaton3048]

@John Kyle Women...the majority don't run around. Many widows are done with men. Men need to wake up. A woman is not a thing to be used. There are still women that believe in a healthy relationship. We struggle to find a good one woman man. At all ages. All walks of life all income levels all a mess. The majority of women avoid the trouble ...

[@RG-hf4et]

@John Kyle Agree 800% with your point. But I think the point she was trying to make is that between widower and widows, more widowers are MORE likely to date too soon, aren't really ready to move on & can be players more so than widows.......that does not mean widows are immune to looking for human bandaides. It's just that men tend to date too early and women turn to their family & friends more to fill the void.

[@CarnivoreSeventyOne]

What is up with the pictures of the deceased. My goodness I’m never taking my husband off my wall. The widower I’m engaged to has is wife on the wall of his house I’m keeping my house and I’m living in his house. I would never want him to remove his deceased wife from the wall. Get real! We’re adults. I’m 72 and he’s 72. Of course we loved our spouses. She’s no threat to me. My first only husband for 53 years isn’t a threat to him. How silly.

[@WickedWildlife]

Exactly! I’m at the opposite end of life, widowed at 33 with a 2 year old and 5 year old, the photos on the wall arnt neasicarily romantic memories, they are family ones, first birthdays, Santa photos ect It’s easy to say “we shouldn’t live in the past” but by that logic we should scrap things like remembrance day

[@terryj.vaccaro7891]

Thank you for these 10 uncomfortable truths about dating a widower. Wow I wish I had found this website 12 moths ago. Dating a widower who I said, it is too soon, he lost his wife 3/26/21, has 3 adult children. I lost myhusband 3 .5 years ago, and they were very good friends nd worked together. I knew his late wife and I sort of knew his kids. I figured he would wait, no , he wanted to pursue our friendship which we already had. so we get along very well and clearly enjoy one anothers company. His kids are not ready and in particular , I am no psychologist , but there are no boundaries with his married 35 yo daughter who is super dependent on him..... how can I get help, because as wonderful as our relationship is, I do not want the drama?

[@kylecrockett4797]

Shoulda followed my 1st mind now 512 days later I had to to the one to end it ... keep telling truths Abel, wish I'd known of you sooner

[@jos3roth475]

So these comments trash widowers? A group that was actually in a working relationship, while people run in droves to date and marry divorcees with 2-3 kids already. We all have some sort of baggage, grow up and give people a chance lol. This is to the commenters, I think the video was constructive.

[@peggysettles793]

As a widow. I have similar issues. Just didn't jump into a committed relationship. I have confused a few men. After about 8 years I'm closer to actually ready to date. It takes what it takes

[@DatingaWidower]

Glad you didn't get into a committed relationship to early.

[@RG-hf4et]

"It takes what it takes?".... Wow, what a cavalier attitude. You really had NO business dating. You were not ready to date these 8 years. You used those men to figure out your life and look for human bandaides. Shameful. You call it "confused". The men will call it "hurt"......Sorry, not sorry, widowed people like you are the reason many of us are on this website to warn others about widowed peoples behavior. These men were "confused" because you led them on to think they were in a relationship that really was going somewhere - that means making yourself "feel good" at their expense. Shameful.

[@davelaz5582]

My wife passed in 2014. Never felt that she left a void that has to be filled. I have learned to love living alone and without dating and woman. At 66, my life is so content a peaceful. (PS: Only had three dates in my life before I married her in 1987. We were both Catholic and virgins.) Love is not the answer for me. Can't see what I would gain from being with a woman anymore.

[@glilly4080]

My husband passed in 2018 after 25 years of marriage. I had a date about 3 months ago with a widower who wasn't ready and had never dated before marriage. It really threw me off because I was doing fine all by myself. So now I putting me back together and I don't trust any men, single, divorced or widowed. I am now 65.

[@davelaz5582]

I am torn about just dating for social companionship and enjoyment of another's company (no sex) and continue to not dating. Never marriage. What do you feel about that?

[@glilly4080]

@@davelaz5582 well that is what I had previously intended but little did I know that my feelings started to grow on him but he didn't feel the same. Deep down inside I wanted close to a commitment or something.

[@belleveHER]

Hello! Thanks for this great information that is well informative. I've dated a Widower and I agree it's one of the most unique and challenging relationships to be in. Don't bash me for this as I'm a first timer at this, but with all the complications faced with wondering if a Widower is ready to open his heart and not having to compete with a Ghost, would it be idle if a Widower not get a relationship or remarry? Especially depending on the strength of the bond him and her shared before the tragedy. I notice each Widower is different and moves on at different pace, do you think this has to do with the type of bond he had with his Wife?

[@matallen4643]

Im a widower of 14 years and i know im good to date but finding someone is i guessing nearly impossible

[@audreyparham5989]

I’m a widow of 3years, and my friend is a widower of 4 years we are friends and are dating but taking it slow.

[@tiffanymartelli]

Thank you so much for this🙏

[@adriennevanstaden9460]

Very honest and informative. Tx

[@intherockies]

Every time he would bring up his wife who had passed, then I would bring up my Ex.

[@davemaxwell4192]

So sad 😢 I believe their is someone spacial for everyone, hi how are you Karen?

[@phalynwilliams4119]

😂 😂 😂 But that got old after a while too. I am sure.

[@Being_Joe]

Huge difference.

[@nicolam2196]

2 and a half years later he still wants to have his cake and eat it, doesn't want to marry me yet I do most of the cooking, housework, he helps sometimes, I have to remind him about general stuff and I pay towards the food shop and gifts etc, but I'll always be second best

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

So what are you still there for. YOU GET WHAT YOU SETTLE FOR. Your the problem, not him. He has clearly demonstrated to you exactly where you stand with him. Pathetic

[@janetnorton6598]

Run....

[@LeandrasMommy]

I have been in a relationship with a widower for 8 months know. We started dating after 2 months knowing each other. He asked me after the first month if I want to marry him. He has 2 children ( 15&12) and his wife passed away exact 8 years ago. He doesn’t have any pictures of her and barley speaks about her. He says the past is the past and he don’t see no sense to speak about her. She passed away in his arms in the hospital ( breast cancer ) I think he just bury his feelings deep inside of him and wants to marry to get the family back he wanted. I asked him what is his Motiv to marry so quickly and he said to fill the hole in his heart I don’t know what to do😢

[@gregoryjanczak7013]

Thank you for this video. My sense of purpose was taking care of my late wife. When she passed two years ago in June. I am still looking for a new sense of purpose which this video has helped me realize. If you can produce a video with advice on this issue, that would be most appreciated.

[@chloeohy2]

I got to a different page where I could share the entire video!

[@colinellicott9737]

1 - No. Disagree. 2 - OK. 3 - No. Disagree. 4 - No. Disagree. 5 - No. Disagree. 6 - OK. 7 - OK. 8 - No. Disagree. 9 - OK. 10 - No. Disagree. I've been widowed for over ten years now, not sure why I watched this, but, I can only agree with 4/10. So many assumptions. These are not comprehensive or true for most widowers that I've known, including myself.

[@HeathersCultureCrossings]

I never asked about the pictures of him and his late wife on the walls in the living room. I always thought it was a part of him and after 13 years of her being gone he's been able to love me for #1!

[@karenkranz2682]

as long as he treated you well, like you were valued, and you never doubted that. in my case i was never "her". no matter what i did, he brought "her" up. it was obnoxious because when we discussed it - i asked him if he was ready for a relationship - instead of checking himself and apologizing - he did it more.

[@RG-hf4et]

@@karenkranz2682 I hope you are not with this guy & dumped him.

[@karenkranz2682]

Actually, I was willing to end it in a civilized manner. He ended up “dumping” me!

[@RG-hf4et]

@@karenkranz2682 I learned the hard way to never be afraid to walk away first. If things aren't right, time to move on. Chances are you tried being very patient from different perspectives already.....Look out for you, not them. Just end it.

[@karenkranz2682]

@@RG-hf4et you are correct...gave him too many chances. in the end, he became verbally and emotionally abusive. no one deserves that.

[@GinnyTurner-vz9ch]

A lot of these 10 facts apply to widows as well

[@angelosanchez7866]

A widower cannot heal himself. Only God can heal his broken heart and bind up his wound. I’ve been a widower since November 10th 2021, after 34 years, and trust me it’s only because of God that I can even function.

[@DatingaWidower]

There is much truth in your words.

[@jrpariza]

Thank you Abel

[@davemaxwell4192]

God bless you , hi how are you Janice ?

[@jasonkresock2196]

OUTSTANDING!

[@helen-annelizabetholiver512]

Do not waste time other women will want to jump you they know to play the sympathty card with a number of persons

[@karenkranz2682]

awesome.

[@richardmcguinn732]

You’ve got such an adorable profile pics.

[@paulinesmith731]

Thank you.

[@marksargent2440]

Up was one of mine and my late wife favourites movies

[@christineplaton3048]

Abel needs to speak to the men. It's good to forewarn. But the men need to have healing exercises and realizations...reality checks. Many widowers out there jumping into dating within months of wife's death. They excuse themselves by saying it was a long illness. Then one wanted to have a heartfelt talk after only talks on the phone? Well. Abel's red flags for ladies are excellent !!!!

[@EllenMartinNYC]

Yes, Abel is great and very helpful. In this time of Covid though, if you havent gotten to see each other much because of social distancing and being a long distance away from each other,. yes, you do have heartfelt talks on the phone.

[@christineplaton3048]

@@EllenMartinNYC He was in too big a hurry. His life a mess. No friends. Computer work addiction. All red flags....Abel is very right.

[@RG-hf4et]

Most widowed men aren't here looking for information on how to date. There may be some. If they were smart, they would be here....Widowed men are going to keep doing what they do and that is to look for a bandaid "friend", friends w/benefits, or a girlfriend, a filler for their broken heart....maybe a few might want a REAL relationship, but for the majority of widowers, ladies, don't waste your time. The ones who want a real relationship are few and far between and the ones that truly want a real relationship will make it known to you...Been there, done that, never again.

[@karenkranz2682]

Those men don’t want to heal. They’re content living with their ghosts AND having a nurse with a purse. Best of both worlds!

[@christineplaton3048]

They revert back to the teen years. We are older, wiser women (some of us) we don't need the old oat sowing attitudes. If he's poor he's a potential gold digger too ( women accused of this ) . Quality man. Has his life and act together. Respects. Has goals for a real relationship. Difficult to find. Drop the dud fast...don't be desperate.

[@kathleenward596]

I like the advice given here. I don't think that any of this is set in stone though. I'm in a relationship with a compassionate man who is trying to focus on me. He's imperfect, but he's perfect for me. I have decided to drop a few hints about the shrines and then try to be patient with him. He is still actively grieving for his late girlfriend of 18 years. It's difficult, but I know it will be worth it. (We watched "A Man Called Ove" last night, and he teared up when Ove packed up his late wife's sweaters.) He knows what he needs to do.

[@krazyhairkat]

What if he says his daughter put him on the dating APP!!

[@manwithaplan4808]

Do you think these truths also apply to (women) widows?

[@DatingaWidower]

Yes.

[@sjcaraga]

So most of the women commenting here have no baggage?I think not.at least many of us were in long term relationships that actually worked.im guessing the women commenting here most likely did not.

[@margaretwilkinson8188]

11th uncomfortable truth: Don't.

[@karenkranz2682]

couldn't agree with you more. won't ever do it again. i watch this channel for validation.

[@MedusasSnakePit]

It’s made my life miserable. I agree. Just Don’t

[@salomeogbijoko9718]

My heart 💔💔💔

[@Soulhunter107]

True....

[@ZZ-mh2nv]

I always feel good about my relationship until I watch these videos. Lol

[@jeffjones578]

hey i am a man widower , You say these examples like they are written in stone , they are not ! I qualify for at least 5 of your examples and it worked for myself Fabulously and i am thinking most Widowers would agree ! You can love 2 women at the same time , you just have to respectful and realistic about it !

[@johnkeith2450]

Yea, women just love it when their man loves another woman.

[@miztwic]

Does that include thinking about your deceased wife as you are making love to your current one? Actively loving 2 women at the same time is so selfish

[@jeffjones578]

@@miztwic I love them Both , you have some issues Miss if you cant move forward in your life in a positive and healthy way , my first wife wanted me to have a good and happy life , she was a wonderful Woman, Person and Wife !

[@miztwic]

@@jeffjones578 that's great for you, not so much forna new wife if you act like you're still married in your heart to the deceased wife

[@jeffjones578]

@@miztwic Im wondering if you have love in your life ? Because i love more then just one person , i love my kids , grandkids and great grandkids and friens , Im not acting like Im still married , my wife has died Period , hardest time of my life , but i will still love her my entire life and in the next , she was the most beautiful person i ever knew in my life , but that doesnt mean im cant love again , im a positive person , hopefully you will start being a little more positive in your life , good luck !

[@tricialammert6406]

😥😞