11 COMMON (BUT UNCONSCIOUS) CPTSD TRIGGERS | DR. KIM SAGE

[@espiritu_]

A HUGE trigger for me is when I’m being yelled at or spoken too with a very angry tone. It causes me to have literal visionary and physical flashbacks to my childhood abuse.

[@debraannedimezza8075]

Same I go straight into survival mode

[@pauladcarter64]

Me too!! I feel for you and hope you, I, and all who struggle find peace.

[@rhyanonstuddert7384]

Me too. I get triggered to the point that I shut down and become a nervous wreck, when people yell, or slam doors or other things around me. This happened just last night. And I'm exhausted.

[@pauladcarter64]

@rhyanonstuddert7384 that is so hard. My husband of 20 years, I love him dearly, but he's the youngest of 7 boys and grew up being loud and boisterous...and never grew out of that. Lol. It hasn't been an easy 20 years due to raised voices, slamming doors, etc. being so triggering for me. That's just normal for him and he's clueless as to how devastating it is to my psyche.

[@lourdesgarcia2969]

😔

[@annalynn9325]

Wow, I never considered fake people being a trigger. But I think they are for me... Because of how fake the narcissist is when others are around

[@drialove2310]

Yes, I agree with you 💯 percent!

[@beverleybenjamin3648]

I don't find fake triggering but I just don't trust them.

[@clmoryel]

I would add to this list: losing things, or not being able to find something.

[@lisahead6868]

Yes

[@kaycee625]

That tips me over the edge. Almost o a daily basis.

[@mycshells]

54 years of abuses and Im losing the will to care or have hope.

[@SDsearcher]

Oh my gosh. I’m 55 and I’m right there with you. I feel the exact same way.

[@twokatmew]

I’m 61 and in the same boat.

[@kimbers1238]

61 here and just told my therapist that it's exhausting trying to get better. It feels like I'm always having to push myself. It gets so old. But I'm going to keep trying.

[@VeganTrove]

Don't lose hope. Love and peace to you ❤❤❤

[@christynagel817]

Same

[@Changeiscoming47]

The “too quiet” part hits hard for me. Anytime things are going well, without problems or drama, I get very nervous. I’m just waiting for the next disaster, the next horrible thing that is coming. Such a sad way to live 😢

[@klarmy8824]

Good news from an old person, I am 70 now. I used to have the health anxiety thing in spades OMG. In my mind I had cancer at least 3 times a year between the ages of 20 and 40. Did I go to the doctor and find out for sure? No way! So I worried. Now that I am old I don't worry a bit about it. Apparently I don't have cancer either lol. But a quick head's up for you youngsters, when you are old the body will do a weird thing occasionally. Just so you know. It will probably go away by itself.

[@auchmalwassagen]

😅 Humor is such a remedy..👍🏻

[@abennett0695]

I wish there were more guidance about how it feels to grow older 😕

[@drsandhyathumsikumar4479]

Simple and useful wisdom shared very eloquently..thank a bunch ❤

[@OnsceneDC]

One of these little triggers for me are when someone suggests I'm selfish. I spent my entire life caregiving, starting with my borderline mom and her alcoholism.

[@esperanzamunoz2725]

I'm so sorry you had to go through so much pain. I hope from here on with starting with Dr. Kim's wonderful videos, you can find peace of mind.

[@jenniferbrooks268]

Me too, especially when those people are truly the most selfish and self absorbed takers I know...

[@OnsceneDC]

@@jenniferbrooks268 projection!

[@paurelius885]

My wife’s mother is diagnosed with borderline, but she refuses to believe them and do anything about it. She is slowly destroying her family ties. But, this channel has helped my wife and I both so much. It helps me understand my wife and how she feels and what she has gone through. Her biggest fear is to end up like her mom.

[@Gigi2you]

If I didn't know better I would think you were my husband! Lol my exact relationship with my mom and her attitudes. Burned every bridge in her life, then wonders why she's got no one to help her anymore.

[@cathychase663]

@@Gigi2you but it's maladaptive behavior from their childhood from what I have learned. I was married to it. They also need help.

[@liebekatz1]

My mom has BPD . I figured it out many years ago. I prayed for God to make her aware she was running everyone off, but it was too late, they were fed up and stopped coming around. She finally came to the realization she has issues but still does not take full responsibility. I encouraged her to take medication and it has made it tolerant to be in her presence. I have never suggested she get therapy because she would likely take it the wrong way and totally lose it on me.

[@liebekatz1]

@@Gigi2you yes. My exact situation. Out of 5 kids, I am the only one still around.

[@allisontork]

For those of you that have difficult mothers. Leave. Save yourself. Your “help, support, direction” may not work for either of you. Surrender your mother to her own capacity, as hard as it might be. Understand your “guilt” about self care may also be a symptom of your own issues Re co dependency. Understand that pretending to support, meaning showing up to help and being resentful and not being honest to yourself or to her, inhibits both. Repeat… compassionately remove yourself from her life. False care is abusive, hanging out for your inheritance… is unethical, while bad mouthing the tiger you hope will pay you out for “all your” suffering. Our parents have had trials we may never know. Kiss them, or hug them, or tell them good bye kindly. Say you haven’t the skill to manage you in her company. Your leaving is not about her, it’s about you choosing to not hurt either of you further. Competition depletes love. Learned a lot from this blog. Have the sense the therapist gets value from service. Suffers from low esteem. Relatable and also sticky, meaning invalidating. Addiction also affects proprioception, or past addiction.

[@babycakes8434]

So true, growing up the excessive noise and yelling rages of my father were scarry, and then when he was quiet was scarry too, because you didn't know why he was quiet. Was he angry at me or someone else again, or getting ready to rage again. Crazy how much I enjoy to be so far away from that.

[@phun1901]

1. Health scares 2. Too quite 3. Too much noise 4. Ambient sounds people make 5. Small spaces 6. Criticism 7. People who are fake 8. Food anxieties 9. Not having any help 10. Dropping things/ things breaking 11. Movies/music

[@Forever_yours44]

I have a food issue!! Bing eating and now I'm morbidly obese I'm working on losing weight and working with my therapist on my food addiction.

[@Belevaqua]

When we heard our dad’s car, we would literally hide. After I became a mom of four little boys, without knowing it, they followed my lead. I would say, “DAD’S HOME!” And we would all leave the living room FAST! (SAD!)

[@kendallk1130]

I took tips from Jamie Oliver on cooking turkey years ago, and it always turns out!!: -Preheat oven to 450 -Start with a fresh turkey if you can, rinse and remove neck and giblets (put these in saucepan with chopped onion, parsley, herbs, salt and pepper and water and simmer all day for gravy stock, adding water periodically) -put turkey on rack in roasting pan, loosely surround with tin foil so sides of turkey are not exposed -add a bit of water to bottom of pan -pierce a whole orange and a whole onion, place in cavity along with fresh herbs like thyme or rosemary -cram as much stuffing as you can under the skin and over the breasts (there's a perfect pocket between the wing and breast area) and NOT in the cavity, this keeps the breasts moist and flavourful and stuffing cooked at safe temps! PS Prepared box dressing works fine for this if you don't make your own! -rub olive oil, salt and pepper over the top of bird, sprinkle some herbs or parsley if you like -cook at 450 for 15 mins to start a nice brown and have the oven hot, then turn down to 350-375, cover loosely with foil and cook according to size chart (usually 20 mins per pound plus the initial 15 mins for browning) -baste occasionally if you remember to, check with meat thermometer in last hour to make sure it doesn't overcook -remove from oven, cover with lid and lid with tea towels to hold in heat and let the juices rest until ready to carve (this is a good time to make the gravy with the stock you've made from the neck and giblets!) I can almost guarantee this turkey will turn out great!!!

[@Jess-kn8vl]

The sound of a door swinging open is a trigger. When my kids were little and had to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and would swing the door open suddenly would nearly give me a heart attack! And not always my door, even if it was their door down the hallway.

[@sarahgc434]

1 Health Issue Concerns 2 Quiet v Loud environmental sounds 3 Overreading Sounds 4 Being in small spaces suddenly 5 low key negative feedback “it’s…but…” 6 people who are fake/surface level 7 food issues 8 not having enough help 9 dropping things 10 movies and music

[@stevensantora2976]

Thank you so much.

[@oliverbird6914]

You know, not trivializing or whatever but I wonder if these traits are associated with highly sensitive or Asperger's ...I'm just wondering out loud.. whatever, it's real and difficult

[@sarahgc434]

@@oliverbird6914 I think that’s a very good question. I would suggest that while, yes people who have a heightened sensitivity to environmental sounds and some people who are on the spectrum of Autism also display outwardly and many times inwardly to “mask” neurotypical behaviors, CPTSD has a different causation. I think it’s insightful of you to consider the fact there are similarities between them. I agree, it’s hard and it’s real.

[@shellybarnes5429]

I have ADHD, autism and c-ptsd. I have wondered what came first. With a mom with NPD and BPD, did her abuse set these things in motion for me or just make them worse.

[@sanjahrle4775]

2. Silence

[@di_kid00]

It is so true. These triggers may seem small, or trivial to others, but within it triggers intense feelings of being attacked. Maybe a parent would do that tsk sound before they so something horrible. Or having a really hard time at a particular time of night where feelings of panic and lack of safety would overtake the emotional state. Learning to remain self-compassionate as if patting a friend on their back has helped a lot. In a way seeing the traumatized part as a friend who needs love, understanding and patience.

[@thadmatson4754]

Dentist: well, you look great your check up Was perfect me: walking out of the dentist office with sweat patches so big from worrying that my all my teeth will have to be pulled out

[@ambernouri9293]

I've been doing this for yrs. I'm 38 and 2yrs sober off drugs. My childhood was not good. I grew up to Early. U are helping thru my past and to help me move forward. Ty. I have to distance myself from my family cause I have nothing but drama and chaos. I'm learning how to ground myself.

[@lisahead6868]

Brilliant session Dr Kim. I caused a container of bird seed to tip off of a shelf and when it hit the floor it exploded to every corner of her kitchen. My mother came utterly unglued s reaming at me to clean every seed up. I was an adult at the time and it’s the closest I got to physically attacking her. I swept it all up, threw it away and left the house in silence.

[@esperanzamunoz2725]

I feel for you. My youngest daughter treated me similarly😰 I cut off relationship with her. I understand hoe she got the way she is but she's like a porquepine when you try to reason with her. It's always someone else's fault for whatever situation comes up. When they refuse to acknowledge how their behavior is the problem, what are you gonna do?

[@lourdesgarcia2969]

Job well done. It didn't turn on you which abusers love to do!! Wishing u much ♥️ and strength keep going ur doing great!!

[@montesace]

Thank you SO much for these videos. I can't bring myself to see a therapist. I am under a psychologists care for Bipolar, CPTSD, anxiety, manic depression. You name it, I have it. I'm in a toxic and emotionally abusive 20+ year marriage. I just lost my father, whom I cared for for almost four years. He had Parkinson's and dementia. It was years of watching him decline. When it was the end, I watched him lay in a bed and slowly die for almost ten days. He was heavily medicated but no feeding tubes. He slowly shut down. It may sound crazy, but I'm a bit empathic. I just absorbed too much energy, if that makes sense. I feel stupid sharing so much like this. I just really needed to put my truth out there.

[@James-if3kc]

Yet you're still married...I can't even leave my house and will never meet anyone. You have no idea what it's like.

[@montesace]

@@James-if3kc That seems like a judgmental statement. I'm sorry you are struggling. It's not a competition. You don't know my situation or past. I don't know yours. Comparing who has it worse is completely useless.

[@James-if3kc]

@@montesace Thanks for telling me I'm useless. And oh, "it's not a competition"? Wow. Did you get that one from the "TV Dad" commercials? What a pathetic cliche. Only mindless people use those.

[@norismendoza4503]

i'm sorry for your loss. i understand what you mean about absorbing energy and simply taking to much in. i have difficulty with energy-taking on what isn't mine. i can't imagine the grief and pain of caring for your father as he comes to grips with his life. i hope he was reflective. i imagine his process was challenging. i hate that you have been with an emotionally abusive man for 20 years. I want to encourage you that your feelings are by no means crazy. nor do you feel too much. i'm sure you asked yourself a lot of questions while he was passing too. his passing can be your rebirth. i felt impressed to reach out to you.-n.

[@James-if3kc]

@@norismendoza4503 Too long, didn't read.

[@mendingmandy869]

These are so me. I lived with my grandparents when I was a kid. They were in horrible health in and out of the hospital. My grandpa had many strokes, open heart surgery. We lived in a hoarder house and my grandma died at 53 because she had asthma and the house was so moldy. I was adopted by a horrible guardian who was the star christian to everyone outside the home for taking in two orphan girls (me and my twin) so I have a trigger with charming people or even friends who seem to put on a show in front of others to look good. Food is a huge thing for me. I was deprived of food with my guardian. She had food in her room reserved for herself and her husband. My twin and I had one empty shelf in the fridge. We used our own money from a part time job to buy food. I have always fluctuated in weight. I think I'm finally getting a healthier relationship with food. I used to not close cabinets all the way because if my guardian heard me eating she'd come out and ask what i was eating and make sure it wasn't something she wanted. She would angrily snatch food away from me and then label it with a sharpie "moms".

[@DrKimSage]

That is so much for you, I am so deeply and truly sorry you had to endure so much pain.😥💔💗💗🙏

[@mendingmandy869]

@DR. KIM SAGE, LICENSED PSYCHOLOGIST thank you so much for your empathy ❤️ 💕 💖 I love your channel. It is the most helpful channel I've ever watched. I was diagnosed with cptsd finally because I realized I had it after watching your videos. I love your soothing voice and Cocoa and I'm so thankful for you.

[@DrKimSage]

@@mendingmandy869 I love that you're getting help and that your experiences are being validated. Love from me and kitty:)

[@beverleybenjamin3648]

💕🤗

[@deadsilent709]

I had my first out of body experience when I was around 10. I was watching everything going on around me. I remember seeing myself sitting there and then I watched myself walk across the room into the hallway going toward the stairs. When I got halfway into the hall I don't remember anything after that till next morning. I could see everything but hear nothing. It was like it was yesterday and it was over 40 years.

[@scamperingdream_7413]

Very timely! I relate to many of these triggers. I had noise overstimulation at work today. Ended up leaving work early to get away from it. I felt like I was coming out of my skin. Thanks for helping me understand how CPTSD is causing some of these reactions

[@DrKimSage]

Thank you so much for being here, I am sorry about your trigger today and hoping you are taking good care of yourself tonight💗

[@James-if3kc]

You're still able to work...I'm not even able to get a job.

[@Ronnietheboypickering]

I went through 28 years of emotional abuse from my parents/sister combined with being bullied at school and in the workplace. The abuse was 24/7 it never stoped. I dont have visions or nightmares..but the smallest things that can be interpreted as neglect in some form create emotions so intense within me. The only way i can describe how i feel is if someoje you really loved died in a car accident.. the anger you'd feel, the sadness and despair. Ecept i feel this strongly about the smallest of things. Is this an emotional flashback? Ive stopped working, stopped relationships and stoped interacting with other peoole for the past 5 years as every time im in a social setting i get triggered in this way and it can put me in a state of flight/freeze for days before i start too feel relatively normal again

[@DrKimSage]

I am so sorry that you've been through so much. I am also sorry but I cannot give advice or provide feedback as a provider -but it does sound like therapy/Pete Walker's book on CPTSD "From Surviving to Thriving" could be incredibly helpful and informative.

[@DrKimSage]

💗

[@Ronnietheboypickering]

@@DrKimSage thankyou for your responce, ill take a look! :)

[@karlharrison6544]

I was diagnosed with CPTSD, emotional flashbacks are so difficult and all I can do is to advise you to do as Dr Kim Sage says. Find a good therapist and read Pete Walkers book as soon as you can. From my point of view, it helps a little knowing that the things that cause me so much difficulty are the result of CPTSD...and most importantly, it is not my (your) fault.

[@Sunnyday069]

@@dutchgirldreams4726thank you for this. This will actually help me. 😊

[@lorrainejames857]

Oh my, I relate to SO much of this, but the ‘but’, that was my mother. Never quite good enough, everything. I remember calling her to tell her my school exam results, I was pretty pleased with them. Not once did she say well done, she said, so you didn’t get any’A’s’ then? That was it. Not surprising I don’t react well to anyone I feel is insinuating I’m stupid/not very smart…. Thank you Dr Kim for sharing all this, for the first time in my life I feel I’m not the only one, that others ‘get it’, because no one else I know does.

[@lo-ul8nq]

Thank you, you're so right about everything. got C-Ptsd from the abuse. I am 47 and i am the oldest out of five children my parents had. I always been the black sheep in my family. I am Empath. I went to Jesus cause of the abuse. I am a Christian for over ten years now. I know my worth and values. My peace comes from God. I walk away from Narcissists. I stay calm and quiet . I enjoy doing things on my own now. It's not worth it to say anything to Narcissists they don't get it.Both of my parents are Narcissists so is my grandmother. My sisters and brothers are Narcissists Enablers. Narcissists are liars. Narcissists never loved us. Narcissists always act like they are the victim. Narcissists are broken people. Narcissists never care about you at all. Narcissists are pure evil souls.

[@KBArchery]

Yes I hear you. They don’t think like we do. The Holy Spirit is not in them. Another spirit(s) is

[@JulieSevelson-nb9nj]

We have the right to shut down and leave the narcissist in our lives. We don't have the right to kill anyone,not we can walk away from them and enjoy life knowing they won't be in our lives and screwing up everything. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same.

[@kimsherlock8969]

Thanks, I have a true story. My Mother kept the vacuum cleaner in the closet of my shared room with my sister. My sister ran off to play with a neighbour and locked me in the closet. I shouted to my mother who was vacuuming.. Mum... and she said if you want me to come here. When she went to put the vacuum cleaner back into the closest she found me silently sitting.

[@anag8010]

The dishwasher thing😂 I have someone in my life who can’t stand the way I load the dishwasher. They weren’t able to demonstrate why their way is better, so now I just let them do it.

[@pauladcarter64]

OMGoodness!! I never realized the noise sensitivity was related to my childhood and CPTSD. This explains sooooooo much!! I don't even own a TV due to the hyper-sensitivity to noise. And most days I with we didn't even have internet. LOL. But then I find videos like this and the lightbulb comes on and I'm thankful for access to the internet. Thank you for the work you do and for sharing it here. I, as well as many others, very much appreciate you and the care you put into helping others.

[@universaltruth2025]

I’m hypersensitive to noise as well.

[@Fireside-Chat-With-Kat]

Turkey famer here: I brine the bird in a citrus brine. Recipe is on The Pioneer Woman's blog. Always a hit! Thanks for your videos!

[@KathrynAnnWilliams]

Thank you for this post. I learned something here that i'd not had verbalized to me by anyone but me. I didn't realize that dropping things was C-PTSD related but just thought maybe i'm losing my sense of holding on to things and also remembered my mom told me that I was like an elephant in a china closet when i was a child, LOL. I didn't get diagnosed with C-PTSD until my 40's and have since been on a life long journey of healing and helping myself, my grown children and others as a somewhat educated empath but not too much, I can't go down the rabbit hole with people.. My mom, may she rest in peace, was hospitalized a few times for mental health breakdowns and suicide attempts which as a child I could not understand why she would try to kill herself when our dad had died in a tragic accident. The other ten items resonated as well especially #11 the movie watching and crying and getting triggered. Those are the best movies because it forces you to ask yourself WHY. Thanks for the post. My California psychiatrist was the best, she specialized in child psychiatry, talk therapy, and endocrinology and was not a dope dealer,. Eventually she fired me as a patient when I could say with conviction that I'm no longer neither mine or my husband's family's designated patient and scapegoat. Our patient client relationship lasted for almost seven years in two states. We went to talk therapy twice a week once I left California and moved to FL. We had a lot of fun during those sessions, she used an everything including the kitchen sink approach. Unfortunately, a series of unfortunate circumstances occurred that brought my C-PTSD to the foreground, and had me running to place that I knew no one but my daughter and her two children. OH has different rules. You have to talk to a psychologist or mental health social worker AND a psychiatrist if there's meds the psychologist / social worker health person thinks will help which IMHO was awful. Currently, for over 5 years I'm not on anything and not under the care of anyone but God and and myself and still good enough. I came searching for this because someone in my family started a family text and it was triggering me really bad and I couldn't get out of it.. Establishing and maintaining boundaries are very important to me although we can't avoid everything. This really helped me a-lot at the right time. Thanks again. Movie Series That Got Me AND was so good: The Last Days of Ptolemy Grey (TV Series 2022). Key Quote: They're trapped.

[@enelezed454]

Could you do a video on being a child of someone who has CPTSD and/or chronic health issues? I grew up with a primary caregiver who had CPTSD from their childhood, and it took me a long time to realize that had such an effect on me. Sometimes your parent might not be BPD/narcisistic but be untreated for abuse, and the complex emotions and feelings knowing that you have inherited a lot of the same internalization of their problems from your own childhood. Only after I started therapy did i really understand what was going on in my childhood. Esspecially since because of the trauma that parent would end up in these abusive relationships with people with BPD/Narcissistic thus giving me a similar CPTSD experience in many ways. These videos make me feel so seen, and I love that they exist!

[@RickNelsonMn]

Online, especially KZbin and WordPress are platforms I've shared a lot. It can seem somewhat unnerving, though at near 62 I decided to let that go. Sometimes I know I'm triggered because the trauma therapy I had taught me a lot. I can tell I'm disregulating and often low in my Window of Tolerance. Triggers hit like you described, whether as a child I waited to know what was happening, was I noticed, good enough, given any time to share my day? That seems like a joke, but I think there were a few times? Being bullied really shut me down. I walked around the school halls like a zombie, ignoring my surroundings. What a target! By 15 things fell apart for me. I see struggling in life since that point. At 16 a significant violation pushed me further towards distrust and self hate. Almost 18, not given a chance for a senior year, got my GED a job and apartment. Anxiety from that point sabotaged all possibilities since. Especially the one relationship that stayed. Then marriage, our daughter and she then showed my worthlessness. I'm still with her, even have a 2nd child years later, but, I remain worthless. I keep saying nobody would do what I'm doing. What is there to mess up my chances are the breakdown of so much of my physical and mental health. True that cptsd, the ACE score can be a prediction of later health issues earlier than probable. Arthritis for me, which isn't common family history.

[@arianna4351]

I relate to being an awesome cook bc we had to. It’s funny when someone asks me who taught me to cook.. l taught myself! Can you imagine a cooking show like Chopped but only with contestants who have had BPD parents or something similar.. the competition would be FIERCE Edit: I’ve always said my biggest trigger was feeling “trapped” in any way. I didn’t know it was a CPTSD thing. Very interesting

[@Jenny-uv4dl]

Yeah it is DONT get between me & the door😊

[@WillowWandering]

Thanks for this video. I relate to a lot of it. Growing up, standing up for myself or setting boundaries was not acceptable and never went anywhere. It would just let my narcissist know exactly what to do to push my buttons. Or, it was used to help me get rid of my “hang ups” because of course there is something wrong with me. So my narc would repeatedly do said thing that bothered me to “help” me stop being botheredby it. So, now I’m terrified to assert myself with others because I’m afraid it will only get worse. So, I tend to pretend something doesn’t bother me in hopes the behavior will stop or they finally give up if they’re doing it intentionally for whatever reason. Essentially, I play dead. But on the inside there’s a storm of emotions I’m repressing.

[@loriswitalski6711]

Thank you for this! I still, at near 70, have nervous “jolts” to so many of these triggers. But as you explained each one I could hear my mother’s voice and still feel a cringe. Wow!

[@DrKimSage]

I so understand - these traumas can live in our body our entire lives!🙏

[@love4christ-hi5ql]

@@DrKimSage I have just finished up seeing a Christian counselor, but does it ever go away..I cringe all the time, try to ignore certain family members.

[@JulieSevelson-nb9nj]

​@@love4christ-hi5qlYou know,I was told at different churches for years, that I had no rights,and had to endure whatever my abusive parents or relatives dished out. Putting up with abusers only enables evil,when you look at it. If you're being scapegoated or oppressed by family members, you don't have to speak to them or contact them. We can't hate such people,but we can shut them out. Forgiveness and reconciliation are NOT the same thing ! When told to honor one's parents, I learned that as long as they are housed,fed, their basic needs are met- it doesn't have to directly involved you. One can make arrangements with the state or agencies for getting these parent's needs met, without hands- on duties. You have the right to enforce boundaries. And limited contact or none, that's up to you,and no one else.😊😊

[@ritahemmerly4224]

That mothers voice. I found myself one day using her sneering words and tone to berate myself out loud for struggling with opening a can of coffee. I was talking to myself just as she had for65yrs. Wakeup call!!!

[@brookie_cuqui]

🙌🏽 My partner comes from a very perfectionistic household where every meal has a criticism (in hopes that the next one will be perfect) and everything is done a certain way. I come from a mother who hoarded and a grandma who tried to get me to help around a house where some things just couldn't be helped, so you can imagine...It takes a lot of patience and a lot of "CTFOs" from both of us.

[@ericachacon8337]

I feel like the Thanksgiving turkey can be an issue for people because the pressure is heightened. I typically will just choose an online recipe that has a lot of positive reviews- & I like that, because I get to try new techniques, year over year.

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

My father told me a great story about how one Thanksgiving my grandma, the sweetest gal on earth, who did all the cooking, went to take the turkey out and found that she'd never turned the oven on, lol. She was laughing so hard when she realized it, and he was too, but everyone else freaked out or went into such a tailspin over a turkey, they just laughed harder. And she wasn't even his mother, she was my mom's mother. But she loved to laugh, had a great sense of humor and instead of stressing she just thought it was hilarious. Seeing folks comment about turkey day stress just makes me remember that story, lol. Grandma for the win! ❤😂

[@NatouCBS]

The tip about noises rang true 4 me. I manage my sound sensitivity by always having headphones on a volume. I also meditate.

[@i.ehrenfest349]

Before medication, health anxiety completely dominated my life. And it’s still the number one thing on my mind, those days.

[@critter_paws]

I have a major trigger when I've been asleep or just haven't noticed and, surprisingly it's dark now and no one is around. I have no idea where that came from. I'm TOTALLY GREAT with night time/darkness and being alone, I prefer alone and often nighttime as well. It's only when then 2 factors happen and I'm taken by surprise with each of them. So someone would've also needed to be at the place I'm staying before I woke up or otherwise have this sudden realization. It's so odd. I get absolutely Shot into the deepest part of my depression immediately. That isn't my response for anything else that I can think of and I can't find anything in my memories that may be thr root. I was made to stay alone im my room, and also sent to childrens detentiom camps wherr i was often insolated and at night without noone I could call on for company or anytning.

[@leoniphelan5278]

Congratulations Dr Sage on achieving 100k. You have worked so hard, consistently putting out content with passion, honesty, genuine care... I am very grateful for you being here 🙏💕

[@farmcat3198]

I can move and navigate the world almost soundlessly, probably trying to make myself small or invisible so I didn't get screamed at.

[@Jenny-uv4dl]

I cam do ALMOST EVERYTHING NOISELESSLY my dad had a horrible temper and was very very physical with his hands & a belt so in order to do something between 8pm -4am when he was sleeping you better be deadly quiet I even went outside and peed behind the house to avoid going to the b.r making a noise and risk waking him

[@adrianopper9472]

I appreciate how you are very honestly pointing out when something is a "you" problem. It is helping me really digest taking ownership, even for past moments that I know were triggers now but didn't know back then. This helps with being more reflective and intentional.

[@peterdorahy8331]

You resonate so well due to your lived experiences (unfortunately for you) - it’s not just stuff you have read in a text book. At last I know that I am not the only one having these continual flash back experiences. Thank you❤

[@DrKimSage]

i appreciate this so much!

[@samanthad708]

I stumbled upon your channel like a month ago. There are many people out there, especially on KZbin that like to speak about this topic, having to have lived through an emotionally abusive childhood, but I feel like with you I connect with and it feels great to know you’ve been through it and still deal with the after effects. I don’t feel safe and like my own therapist understands but love this channel and thank you for doing what you do!!!

[@AngelaJonesCreates]

I went through 50 years of abuse. Triggers can be challenging for sure.

[@tovcovehomestead4694]

11:30 Alton Brown’s “Good Eats” video about brining and cooking a turkey has made my turkey amazing for the past 2 yrs! 🎉

[@MsGenXodus]

“We don’t have food. All we have are ingredients!” Is a phrase that has been heard in my home all the time. I also grew up food insecure, not because of poverty but because my parents were too busy with their social lives to bother with basic housework and errands. They would grab something for themselves on their way to or from wherever and completely forgot about feeding their children. I ate a ton of pizza because my parents would leave us money to order delivery and where we lived only pizza places delivered. I kind of hate pizza now because I got burned out on it very young.

[@farmcat3198]

Very timely as someone just stepped on one of my landmines. It took me a few days to figure out why I became so enraged by what was a seemingly small action. But thinking about the specific event, my frustration had been growing with a particular issue (the narcissist you point out later in your video). This event was just the final straw that I was no longer going to tolerate not getting my needs met in this particular situation.

[@middleofnowhere1313]

Turkey breast cooks faster than legs. Severing the legs so you can cook them longer after you have taken the breast out can prevent the dry white meat problem. An additional tactic is to rub herb butter beneath the skin and then a little more on the skin (loosen carefully, I know it takes a delicate touch) and then tenting the turkey with foil until the last half hour or so, then removing the foil to brown the skin. Turkey is fussier than it seems like it should be. I also stuff cut up lemons, onions, garlic and celery into the cavity while it bakes.

[@christinewest2684]

I’m so glad I came across you on You Tube, you have answered so many of my questions about myself and helped me become more aware of my triggers and my reactions to them. I now see clearly how the actions and characters of both my parents are the reason why I spent most of my life being a fawn, a people pleaser, someone who had no idea who I was or what I wanted from life. After two marriages and two long relationships, with people who were very similar characters to my parents, I came across a video about narcissism which led to me finding out more, and then about why I was attracted to such people. Wow! I went from beating myself up for failing in my relationships to the realisation that I would never be enough for that type of person. I’m 72 and trying to heal the hurt and damage, to acknowledge and love myself as the intelligent, caring person that I am……the person that friends have always seen and told me what they see, but that I never could…..and to believe that I do matter, that I’m worthy of respect and real love. It’s never too late to heal and live a life of happiness.

[@n.hathorne6170]

Your channel is really helping me. Thank you! Have you tried brining your turkey? I brine the turkey in salt water overnight, rinse in the morning and cook with no stuffing. In the body cavity, I put an apple, orange and two onions all cut in half. Then I use a Reynolds turkey bag (dirty little secret). Pull the fruits and veggies out before serving. You can fill with stuffing after baking if you like it that way, but I usually just serve separately. Most tender, salty turkey ever. Even works on wild turkeys (which are way tougher than store bought). Love your channel 🥰

[@n.hathorne6170]

Also butter chunks under the skin- I forgot to add that! Before baking :)

[@sheilasmith1109]

Shutting down...😢 Collapse..😢 PLEASE DO A VIDEO ON THESE! THANKS 🙏 IM SO GLAD I FOUND YOUR CHANNEL!❤😊

[@fogweaver5633]

Good information. In my house, quiet was safe, chaos was dangerous, so raised voices are triggering. Also a particular bitchy tone of voice. My father was heavily triggered by others not working while he was. Trouble is, he never asked for help. . . Turkey. Cook it breast down most of the time, so the breast soaks in the meat juices and fat in the bottom of the pan. Turn it breast up at the end of the cooking time (last 30-45 minutes) to brown.

[@firestarblue]

Sometimes a bad mood is from being hungry or tired. Important to check I. With yourself but don’t stay there: staying focused on yourself beyond awareness and working on improving yourself may not be healthy; balance inner work with outer work: service to others is proven to be effective to feeling safer in the world and builds community for yourself. Therapy is nice, friends are fantastic. 😘

[@alfictabla5215]

So helpful, thank you. The not having enough help is a massive one for me - I don’t want to be controlling and critical, but I want to honor myself and expect help from my partner so it’s hard to know what is reasonable. I can see something left around and immediately spiral into the pathological critic and start saying “see, no one helps you, they don’t care, you can’t trust anyone, you’re all alone, they don’t love you” etc. The shame and fear is too hard to bear, so I flip to something easier and get angry as a secondary thing, out of proportion to the sock though.

[@digglydog]

Turkey comment. I love Alton Brown's method with the "turkey triangle" (aluminum foil to cover the breast after a short roast in the oven totally uncovered). I also did a deboned turkey that was dry brined in the fridge for a day or so before Thanksgiving, making a demi glace with the bones. PHENOMENAL! Thanks for your videos. They're incredibly helpful, and i hope this comment returns the favor in a small way.

[@Kajpaje]

Really poor boundaries, negotiation and conflict, words/ situations to run from. Lots to work on, and big hug to this therapist, Kim, for having such a warm and honest conversation with me and all those like me. Thank you.

[@codacreator6162]

I had 4x CABG surgery followed by MRSA. It literally sucked the vitality out of me. I’m good for about 4 or 5 hours of easy engagement before I’m wiped. Nobody gets it. It sucks to have no energy to accomplish even little things. Top that with CPTSD and trying to navigate those symptoms and I feel like I’m living a recipe for disaster.

[@DrKimSage]

I'm so sorry🙏sending support and healing your way

[@codacreator6162]

@@DrKimSage Thank you!

[@deec411]

OMG I was hospitalized when I was young and have health anxiety. Thank you for connecting the dots for me!!

[@peacenquiet77]

That was so real… so helpful, I felt like I was talking with a trusted friend. ❤

[@DrKimSage]

love that so much - i'm so happy it feels that way!💗💗

[@fdauphine9595]

Omg, dishwasher issues...how many times perfectionism was in what goes where.. then. How about electric blanket settings? I cooked the first husband..lol first half of the night and I froze the next half.. then they invented the dual controls.. awe peace in the home. Think again. He had to control my side ... what 🥴.. I'm 70 and single..no more dishwasher or electric blanket issues. Thank you for being here.

[@Ricki_Raquel]

My goodness, you are so gentle and good at communicating. Thank you for this helpful content.

[@Nicole_elizabeth1561]

I find your content to be such a huge help as I heal my mother would and stop the cycle in my own house hold. Thank you!

[@mikaelamendoza8374]

Wow yessss !! Fake people trigger me a lot . My mom always treated others better than she treated me and she was completely different person around company. And she did a very good job and making everyone not like me and me looking like a terrible child for no reason. Even though behind closed doors she was extremely evil towards me and that’s why I was so angry and had a bad attitude!

[@JillCox-mm9un]

You are awesome! Turkey: first it must be fully thawed, so thaw it a week or six days in the refrigerator before you want to cook it. Rinse it, take out the packing, dry off. Rub down the turkey with butter. Then sprinkle turkey seasonings or sage on the turkey and liberally salt and pepper it. Then cover the turkey with bacon, this helps the turkey to baste. Place turkey in a roaster on 250-275 or in a roaster pan and place in the oven. Follow the directions on the package for the weight of the turkey on how long to cook. Baste every 30-40 minutes. Cover your turkey with tin foil. I hope this helps!

[@lauramalone3158]

I am so proud of you for hitting 100K+. The variation of validation in your work is probably inexpressible. Since the beginning of your channel, you have continued to make incredibly helpful, well planned, and well edited videos. I wish you continued success on your path of healing others. Thank you for what you've already done. I can only say from my perspective, that it has been priceless to view your content. You are such a hard worker. 💖

[@esperanzamunoz2725]

Well said! My sentiments exactly!

[@Forever_yours44]

I put my turkey in a cooking bag with butter/real butter, poultry seasoning, garlic powder. I cook it until it falls off the bone. It is very good this way everyone compliments me on how moist and flavorful it is.

[@lindaprimm667]

Amen on the dishwasher!!! Can we not just be happy when one partner is helping.

[@vanshiuwucutiee9480]

After watching this video, I felt a slowly surging anger n abit of sadness n resentment as well that somehow it was like "i was opened up, not physically but perhaps emotionally and psychologically." To be very honest, this is the first time I've felt so vulnerable in my life (im 18 btw n i had to see it bcz of my journey w my bfs, frnds, over caring patterns, n feeling that i was never enough for mother or my parents....the feedback i always get ftom them is that i irritated them..) but for sure ik my God is there with me, thw angels sent are too (like Dr Kim Sage) and everything's gonna be fine at the end of the day ....so perhaps it's my mantra to smile and meditate. PS: i heard "already enough" song from the channel fearless soul n i cudnt hold back my tears ..so to whoever is reading this...i feel u and we r worthy, deserving of love n very strong (see chakra work)AND MOST IMPORTANTLY...we are in this together AND WE CAN SO MUCH GET OUTTA IT N HOPEFULLY EVERYTHING (N I MEAN EVERYTHING INDEED) WUD BE FINEE LIKE NEVER BEFORE. Hallelujah. Hare Krishna Hare Ram ❤️❤🎉

[@hollybishop2095]

Emotional Flashbacks ... I've never heard that term before but it makes total sense! I will have an emotional flashback that makes me cry and people will tell me that I need to forgive my mom because I'm showing emotion concerning a memory. They say the very fact that I still cry at those memories mean that I haven't forgiven her. I have forgiven her, but forgiving doesn't make the pain go away. Rest assured, I have forgiven my mom. I have only come to realize that I was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually abused from as young as 6 yrs old (and continuing on for about 45 yrs) in about the last 2 yrs. In about the last 6 months, I have come to know the name for that abuse ... Narcissistic Abuse!

[@mikaelamendoza8374]

I have literally all these triggers but I think my biggest trigger is not having enough help , and it manifests for me the most in an emotional way, I crave emotional support and it can make me spiral and feel sooooo low in times of emotional distress when no one checks on me or simply ask how I am, I’ll then start to look at my friendships and family and analyze how no one is really there for me in times of distress etc . And I’ll retract from them

[@starshiptexas]

Get an injector, mix mayo with a bit of stock so it's a bit more liquidy. Get it under the meat and under the skin. smear the outside of the bird with mayonnaise (and sage if you want whatever). Can also invest in an oil-less propane turkey fryer, it's the best, cooks faster (1.5 hours) and juicy.

[@amandajarboe1131]

I am big fan of the baking bag for turkey, turkey breast, whole chicken. I also learned to do a nice duck with clove and honey or pomegranate molasses. Good luck and Thank You!

[@rebeccairmen9322]

I'm so happy to see and hear these videos they let me see that how I've acted all my life a b****but a c-ptsd survivor who's triggered I never knew I was 61 now and I just now learning that's what it was or is I still act the same way but I'm trying to get better for the turkey put it in a metal pan salt the whole cavity really well add a couple of sticks a butter cover with foil put in the oven to 325 consult the weight of your turkey for the right time cooking thank you 😊😊😊

[@azrielmateria8050]

your videos are so informative. they definitely help and for me as someone waiting for medical insurance coverage so i can see a therapist ,it helps ground and keeps me focused on working on myself, both mentally and physically. you really got me with the worst case scenario thinking, the closed spaces, the shortage or no food in the house as a kid, and the part on movies and shows as well as music as emotional support really hit home too. Ive always felt like i was just a little too different or even an outcast from the outcasts with how i thought and felt. its good to know that simply is not true. thank you again for these videos. wishing you well and good luck on the turkey, i usually get jerky but i like dry meats.

[@bareknuckle56]

Thank you Dr. Sage, you’re so on target with your observations.

[@RealRedheadedBeauty]

I never used to do Thanksgiving because it reminds me of bad times but but but I got an Instapot and I can cook a 9lbs breast for 90 mins and it’s falling apart. It helps so much because I don’t have to look act it too much and so my head doesn’t wonder. My mom used to come behind me and move ever Christmas ornament I placed by just a tiny amount. I hate Christmas trees because of that so I let my kid decorate our tree with toys. But we can only have the tree up about a max 48 hours or I have to take it down. Your videos are helping me so much understand myself as a mother so much. Thank you!!! ❤❤❤

[@DrKimSage]

Thank you for the turkey recipe! It's so crazy how these seemingly little moments are so much bigger🙏

[@RealRedheadedBeauty]

I know some of why holidays upset me. It was a guaranteed day I would see one of my abusers. You’re very welcome I use orange juice to help tenderizer it. Apple juice is nice as well.

[@mendingmandy869]

I totally understand!! My guardian would only let the Christmas tree decorations be blue balls silver and blue. It was so boring. She would have to make sure it was perfect and dictated how we put them on...

[@laurenbrogan312]

Hi Dr. Kim Sage. I was curious if you could share more on some of the behaviors/experiences/patterns of an individual with complex ptsd when healing and in safe relationships? I’ve noticed that there are safer relationships around me and it stirs up a lot and the experiences I have feels isolating or like there’s something wrong with me. I often find your videos really reassuring. Thank you! ♥️☺️

[@adrianopper9472]

I would love that to be shared as well. I isolate a lot because I don't know what is safe. I'm also ADHD and possibly autistic, so that makes it even more challenging because my brain processes relationships in a different way from that neurology as well as the C-PTSD.

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

Teaching kids how to cook is a great way to bond.

[@rbh3482]

Wow maybe that's why I can't stand loud sounds. I am like a startled cat at loud sounds. I always volunteered to work on July 4 . By the time I got off most of the loud was over.

[@Mindywright27]

I am so grateful for you and your channel. It’s so very helpful. Congratulations on 100K subscribers and climbing! 🎉

[@ceceliamadden6329]

This was really good. It brought to light a lot of reasons why things trigger me. I had to listen to it twice to make sure I got it all. Great info!

[@black_velvet_cat]

when i was about nine my dad used to say "you need to read more, you're reading too little." At that time I already read about 4 books a month. He thought I was lying and kept repeating that I needed to read more.

[@peggyriordan9857]

Thanks for all the sharing and tips today. I could relate to many of the topics discussed and thought of ways to implement them into my routine. It really does help to hear someone else who has/is struggling through from day to day and it's not just me. Even though I know others are out there, it's nice to actually hear from someone who knows the ins and outs of getting through the day with CPSTD. Thank you for that!! Re: turkey...get an oven thermometer and test the oven to see how accurate the heat settings are. Too hot means a dry turkey and too low means it won't cook properly in the amount of time the directions gave. It's also important to take the temp of the turkey as it cooks. Once the internal temp is 165 degrees F, the turkey is done. Placement of the meat thermometer is important too. Make sure it isn't right next to or touching a bone. It needs to be in the fleshy part of the meat to get an accurate reading. Basting a couple of times each hour is a good idea as well. Do NOT put salt inside of or on the skin of the turkey. That will dry it out for sure. My husband is a chef and he puts butter under the skin, plus various herbs as well to add flavor to the turkey. Good Luck!! And thanks again for being here for us.

[@itsjuustmedontchaknow4163]

My turkey recipe is roasting it in an electric roaster. Add bud lime margarita and four quartered onions to help retain moisture. I add bud lime margarita to it to cook it in it, and baste with it. It gets so tender it falls from it's own bone and has a mild sweet lime flavor. I give you my secret recipe to try, because you do so much to help people. I hope you enjoy it as much as the many people I've cooked it for have ❤️🇺🇸

[@MindsetwithMichelle]

This video is huge! Sharing with my mindset clients ❤ it’s so huge that you give yourself SO much compassion unlearning the behaviors we learned from childhood 😱

[@esperanzamunoz2725]

YES!

[@evdrivertk]

I found your title screen notable: "You never help." After watching the video it seemed like you have difficulty asking for help as do I. I perceive that I'm the initiator in most, if not all my friendships. I help my friends a lot and I get a lot of joy out of helping them and minimizing their suffering. One day awhile ago, my mother said "Women won't date you because you don't give enough, you need to give a little more," and that completely shut me down. I have a very hard time trusting my parents' motivations when they talk to me since every statement has a "but" or a string attached to it. It's led me to believe that I can't trust anyone to actually help me or like me just as a person. They're always trying to get something out of me. I've learned to set up boundaries so that I don't get exploited but it's sad to perceive that I have no value unless I'm proving my worth to others constantly. Thank you for your channel. Best wishes on your path.

[@tamiwilliams8698]

I don't know if you're still looking for the turkey cooking info but the two things that have made a difference for me are "brining" either wet or dry - lots of recipes out there and mixes you can get at Costco or Trader Joe's around the holidays AND spatchcocking the bird... there are great KZbin videos about how to do that but because the cooking time is so much less, the turkey turns out well every time. This year, I'm also going to try "reverse searing" because I learned to cook thick steaks that way and darned if it doesn't make the most tender and perfect temperature meat. (Lots of videos on that too but I got a ton of written info for that) There's science behind why cooking at a low temp for a specified time works.

[@1stinlastout165]

Soon as I get up or in the flat I have to put music on or the thoughts come back!

[@debbiesmith8248]

Wow, you have brought up many things that are triggers for me.

[@pearlcatpao]

When I am socially triggered, I become on stage and grab things from my shiny shelf to protect myself. In my head I have hard time accepting the proven truth of the items/events from my shiny shelf. I have plenty. This is not narcissistic, it is fear and panic.

[@lizdennett9002]

I am so happy you are doing so well! You give others a safe space and I for one appreciate you!! 🙏 ❤😘

[@watchwmn]

Thank you, still healing at 64. Found and listened to several of your videos today, when I first read about CPTSD recently, thought, ok, yep, explains a lot...you think your over stuff, then realize, nope, but some healing, and feel it's never too late for anyone, interested in applying some techniques you spoke of, already trying the breathing today, I like that you offer solutions, and knowing why I react the way I do, helps...I like solutions, want to live, really live, you know? Anyway, thank you.

[@VeganTrove]

Making food from the ground up is great. As a vegan I do it all the time 🥰 your content is great. You deserve a lot more than 100k

[@DrKimSage]

So kind - thank you for being here and sharing💗

[@interrupted9671]

I couldn’t get sick or hurt as a child, my mother would snap, and scream. If they called from grade school to,tell my mother I was sick, I can remember her heels coming down the hall, and when she’d turn that corner and find me sitting outside the principals office I got the look and she’d say, “I’ll fix you when we get home” I learned early not to complain if I felt sick. As a kid I was accidentally hit with a baseball bat when playing with some kids. I was hit in the head and needed stitches. I NEVER cried even when they stitched me and gave me a needle. I was 7 and knew not to upset my mother. As a 68 y/o female I am one tough woman, I’ve had a neck fusion, my shoulder replaced, both knees replaced, one hip replaced…and I never took hard meds after. I’ve learned not to fully feel pain.

[@user-sg8wf5qo9s]

I really can't appreciate enough your constant effort to educate us and publish your videos. Hope you'll succeed in your projects! And don't worry about those little slips of tongue, they make you more adorable and human)

[@Jess-kn8vl]

My dad is a Vietnam Vet and watched war movies growing up. Years later my husband was playing a video game, I think it was Halo..and the sounds of war triggered me so bad! Needless to say we dont have any of those games or movies on when im home!

[@elipru9632]

I had not thought of using Movies and music to bring this up in my therapy Thank you for the idea 🤓and all your work I've shared your channel :) Best wishes

[@lauramichael498]

I am working on my triggers but the yelling by my father is what does it for me. I care for him now and he incessantly yells and I ask him time and again to stop and he won’t. It literally unsettles me and I start crying and it feels like everything snowballs and goes wrong. The response from him is always what’s your problem. No emotional intelligence at all