117: A. Todd Jones | Navigating my marriage, coming out, and helping others thrive!

In this interview we sit down with A. Todd Jones as he shares his story of living in a mixed-orientation marriage, dating, coming out, finding authenticity and what he’s doing in his life now to help the LGBTQ community.
A. Todd Jones dives deep into his coming out story-a story very relatable to the many who struggle to understand who and what they are.
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[@toddbonin6926]

From another "Todd," I just want to say how much this talk touched me. I'm particularly happy that this Todd hasn't walked away from his faith. Though I'm not Mormon (I'm Methodist), my faith hasn't been very supportive. I don't feel the need to leave (though I do feel unwelcome more often than not by the little things people say), I don't feel that Jesus rejects me ... just a bunch of his followers. This Todd was good at addressing the self-hatred I feel. Thank you so much ... so much ... for this.

[@tthinker9897]

The difference is that the Methodist church is a theologically Christian church and the Mormon church is non-Christian, and is in fact a cult. On the bright side, the LDS church is moving swiftly toward Christianity with haste, and for those who fit within the Mormon-approved (light-skinned, heterosexual, obedient and willing to limit access to outside/non-sympathetic information) this can actually be one of the few mentally-healthy cults out there. On the dark side, like all cults, they try to severely restrict thought and information sources and use horrendous means of keeping members "in line" like shunning, ex-communication and threats of being ejected from your eternal family. The doctrinal difference between the early prophets, Joseph Smith and Brigham Young and todays understanding of their faith is stunning. Joseph had over 30 wives, some who were married to men in the church that were sent on missions overseas; Brigham Young taught that you could not achieve salvation without polygamy and that you had to spill your own blood to atone for your own sins; he also taught that Adam was a god. The LDS church still maintains that plural eternal marriages are good and appropriate, and indeed convenient, so that when you become a god, you and your wives can have all the necessary spirit children to populate your own planet. Few Mormons today look closely at their history, their actual theology, or at the contradictions between the pronouncements of all their prophets. The Christian church is burdened with Bibles which have perpetuated the myth that God hates the gay people that He has created. There is a newly published book, "Holy Censorship or Mistranslation? Love, Gender and Sexuality in the Bible" by K. Renato Lings, which goes through the many issues with translations and perpetuation of bias against LGBTQ people. Understandably, straight people, brought up and taught by straight people in a (they assumed) entirely straight world, cannot understand people who are attracted to the same sex, it doesn't fit their worldview - in fact it shakes their whole understanding of ... everything!! Please do not throw out your relationship with Jesus, just find a loving Christian faith community that accepts and embraces you where you are. The Methodists will catch up one day, but it will probably occur after a church split where the "look for the speck in your eye" crowd will go their own way, leaving the remainder to heal and practice loving their neighbor as Jesus taught.

[@giuseppemariocescutti-fitz5835]

A lot of people arent that lucky with religion and faith and families. More unsuccessful than anything else. And have no choice top breaks away from religion, which is the actual problem in the first place. Religious Dogma, has caused more issues with humanity than anything else. Especially gay people or people who are different. For every one success story there is a few thousand unsuccessful cases and abuse and shunning and being treated badly by people, ironically, who are religious.

[@gayolyguy]

Todd...Plan B sometimes C is always a great life plan..I was 39 when I came out officially.. Married I. Temple,Father of 4, Church Leadership..after 18 years choice was difficult..yet..best for all. Survived the guilt & shame..children embarrassment.. Met, dated & married my now husband of 30 years..Life story ever in progress..I would never forget my struggle in the LDS Church and the entrapment.. Accepting and loving Heavenly Father loves me...I love you for sharing this story..our common bond brings more happiness to all we have in our lives..PS: My ex wife and I remain in connection and Friends..I truly believe He Shall Know The Truth & The Truth Will Set You Free...until it does..you will be f...... Miserable

[@giuseppemariocescutti-fitz5835]

What an amazing podcast! This was so wonderful to listen to and from an educated, intelligent, empathetic person. Amazing.

[@MrMelvinSchlock]

I knew Todd in his mission/Rick’s years. It’s funny/interesting to hear him talk about that time. All of it - true. Like most of us he’s much more subdued than the Elder Jones I knew. Todd was a delightful people person who was always concerned about people. Great guy. Impossible to forget.

[@andrewstewart-cook2185]

Excellent presentation. So honest. Thank you.

[@xelakram]

What a great conversation. Thank you!

[@eriktimothyyoungbergharrin945]

Thanks so much for your honestly iam 75 was married for 25 yr x mormon hewas a great person died in Oct 15 2020 so hard thanks for your talk 🙏 your a true blessing

[@chadnichols5215]

Enjoyed the interview. I loved your friend’s statement “ Oh honey, you were the last to know!” Cute!

[@michaelfisher5628]

Great podcast handled with lots of sensitivity & realism ..... each one of us is different & these podcasts give so many humans to know there is nothing shameful or embarresed to live an authentic life with the characteristics that we are born with & leave society norms to those who don't have the courage to live an authentic life .....

[@chuckvaughn]

Todd, I lost your note you sent. I did really well with my talk at church on Sunday. It felt good to tell my story even if it was a short version to fit in the church service. Thanks for the support! Still love your story. Hope you are well.

[@DGP653]

How beautiful to hear his story...

[@patrickglenn3928]

Great story. Loved listening to it and thanks for sharing.

[@terryhuggins8414]

Just watched this interview tonight - I'm new on your channel and love it! I've watched about 15 of your interviews and this is the best so far - love how you just let your guest talk and let his story unfold....beautiful....Thank you.....

[@LatterGayStories]

Thank you, Terry. Welcome to the channel!

[@mariantabaksmith6557]

I was thinking the same thing about letting your guest just talk.

[@leoncferris]

Candid conversation with a great man! Great story! Bravo! Happy for you...

[@orangeflow9809]

A Todd! Such a great guy!

[@marquamfurniture]

How tall is Todd? (Can't take my eyes off those long legs!) ...A very attractive man!

[@DavidReyes-ls7xe]

To Todd Jones: I was baptized October 27 2013. I attend to KC1 ward in KCMO when I became a member I figure I was staying in the church to prove it flaws it took me four yrs to completely understand the concept I also had to get over the idea that JS was a prophet and LDS was not a Cult my problem was I like the commodity of the people but also kept myself from situation that would portray me as second perverted pedophile I burned main bridges and lost close and secondary family members when coming out so I thought I keep silent about my sexuality and I did for seven years it was then after I became supportive to current elders some 400 companions I was compelled to announce to this one elder that I was gay I said no I don't want to ruin my relationship of retired and current elders plus don't want the word to the main leaders I was gay and become excommunicated this elder said that my elders some 400 elders I have relation with in person or over the internet will understand I flat out said no will I thought about and I began from the start with the original elders the older never contacted me but the younger did and we continue to talk this day I continue down the list eventually ending with my last one none of them decline my relationship with the brothers later after their 2 yr as elders. I am still with the church not so much due to the fact of lack of transportation. As far as my father and mother no they both died not excepting my sexuality my twins sister NP my little brother NP I knew I was gay but I was afraid of mom and dad knowing mom age 69 yo I was 45 knew and was heartbroken dad 52 and I was 22 he did not know and disowned me

[@dyinteriors]

What an interesting and heartfelt story. You are such a real and wonderful person. A. Todd Jones, you are marvelous, deep and loving! I was a little sad you were not yet an apostate. There is so much wrong with the LDS faith, the existence of a god and the validity of faith itself. But perhaps you will later discover the legitimate problems with god claims and all the nonsense of all religions. I respect where you are at now. Peace!

[@MichaelJohnson-gg7ss]

Continue to follow your heart.Michael

[@chuckvaughn]

I was 35 and had no clue. Dated, married, kids and I wasn't gay. To me gay was Jack from Will and Grace. Then one day boom! Came out to my wife. Worked for 5 years to make it work before divorce. I know what you are saying.

[@chrisk5651]

A Todd also mentioned Will and Grace & both of you only saw Jack - well what about Will?!?!?!?! The show isn’t called Just Jack. Also it takes place in NYC.

[@chuckvaughn]

I guess I always thought Will and Grace would get together. I guess I was fooling myself thinking, Will can't be gay, that character is Jack. When you don't know, you don't know. And no, I hadn't had any sexual contact with any boy to that point.

[@chuckvaughn]

Wow, my ex and yours read from the same 'how to book'

[@chrisk5651]

Fashion industry and the special friend who thought that you were a temptation were both pretty big red flags!

[@chrisk5651]

The biggest flag of all is that he had a same-sex relationship around the end of high school or so. He doesn’t go into it much but hello (I don’t know how it went but obviously deceiving oneself - I can’t believe doing any of that relationship wise and unless I was not turned on at all how he could deny it, I don’t know).

[@churchathome9552]

So hard for me to understand him.

[@YourMajesty-z6j]

Why?

[@gsmarkham]

Ugh. Nothing flamboyant. No muscle men photos. So normal... It takes a while to deal with internalized homophobia. I hope he gets there. Been there..for too long.

[@mariantabaksmith6557]

Why was his ex wife so antagonistic?

[@chrisk5651]

What is surprising is that he is oldest of 7 siblings (5 boys). While birth order is not absolute, I think it does usually play a bigger role.

[@chrisk5651]

Also you mentioned the genetics of gay Mormons having felt the pressure more to get married to people of the opposite sex and procreating more and thus more likely passing on those gay genes. I would also add that with Mormons more likely having large families with lots of children that this in itself also leads to a higher percentage of LGBT. For males anyway there seems to be higher percentages of younger brothers being gay (at least that is what some of the research had shown). The idea is that genetically the older brothers can pass the family DNA down & younger brothers can help the whole family survive without having to procreate themselves.

[@chrisk5651]

@therealz 360z supermarket? While there’s a certain percentage that is gay, the question is how someone happens to be gay. Certainly there seems to be a genetic component to it with studies of twins and siblings in general. There have been studies that suggest that birth order plays a role with younger brothers being more likely to be gay than 1st born sons (obviously there are 1st born sons who are gay & there seemed to be a different causes for lesbians than gay men).

[@chrisk5651]

I’m shocked that you could get a job as a professor based on you not being an academic or seeming to be a scholar. It seemed that you only received a master’s degree.

[@gsmarkham]

We only know his side but she sounds horrible!