12 signs you might be suffering from PTSD

[@theschooloflifetv]

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[@iamwhoyousayiam6773]

We need to stop teaching people how to be victims. I'd like to see an episode on how to be VICTORIOUS!!!

[@GenericConsumer]

@@iamwhoyousayiam6773 i think they're going for healthy self-awareness, personal growth, and consideration for fellow people. it's not about imposing winner/loser dichotomy -- that is not helpful to anyone. so they are not teaching people to be victims, but to recognize real hurt that did happen. and we need to process it properly to be able to fully engage in life in the now without still reacting from a place of pain -- that i would consider as being victorious.

[@iamwhoyousayiam6773]

@@GenericConsumer Yes, I know. My point was we all already know we're traumatized. We need to focus more on improving, not wallowing. Here in the USA people are completely shut down because they're coddled.

[@GenericConsumer]

@@iamwhoyousayiam6773 Some of us know we're traumatized while others only just had that realization (based on this video's comments). I agree that we need to focus on improving, and i think this particular video mostly functions as the first step of recognition. Maybe for you it reads as wallowing because you've already done this step. Also, I do not at all feel coddled here in the US. So i'm not sure what you're referring to in that generalization. It's a big country and I mostly see confusion here and that's why people are shut down as you say

[@charlesbrightman4237]

Consider the following: Nature is our greatest ally in so far as Nature gives us life and a place to live it, AND Nature is also our greatest enemy that is going to take it all away. (OSICA) NOTHING to worry about, all of life itself is all ultimately meaningless. It does not even matter that we exist, much less how we exist while we exist.

[@CassieWinter]

"Logic doesn't help." I wish more people understood this part of trauma.

[@campkira]

somepeople logic too fuck up. there are differnt than logic and citical thinking...

[@Soul-OnFire]

Amen!!

[@sirtko]

✊

[@CassieWinter]

@BL Same

[@Jayy_226]

I agree thats what bugs me

[@Ignareint]

“The root cause of complex PTSD is an absence of love.” This is really an eye-opener. All the skewed perception we have about life and people are due to the fact that the concept of (unconditional) love is so foreign to us, that we always feel there is no way people can love us the way we are.

[@esterhudson5104]

Yup.👍

[@pri5748]

I believe this is the exact reason for self-sabotaging

[@serpentinewolf7085]

Mine wasn’t love, it was safety.

[@bec5250]

Yep, welcome to the cold, dark world in which so many of us exist.

[@theflowerhead]

Kinda blew my mind. I've struggled with love, any type really, most my life. I love someone so completely finally in my 30s and 2yrs in I'm still shocked. Now that I'm FINALLY comfortable I say "I love you" all the time. It's weird as fck. So it's very interesting to hear this.

[@johnpick8336]

A therapist friend says that : "We are all wounded children in adult bodies". Thank you for posting !

[@jcrose6008]

When I am okay with myself I have no need to judge others is just one thing I try to remember. I agree n learned this many yrs ago, n have said this so often, “we are all wounded children in adults bodies” bc l lived it, I can recognized this in myself, makes it easy to c in others. Most importantly it has helped me to not b so hard on myself or others

[@durgaambika4342]

Not everybody is wounded.Some are wounded and some others are extremely wounded

[@jcrose6008]

@@durgaambika4342 I am glad someone on this planet had perfect parents

[@androsRoccha]

*Every inner child is waiting to be understood, loved and protected by an adult, and that adult is you.* that was how I healed myself from Alopecia Areata, which many people suffer from it without an effective treatment.

[@chloethemessenger]

I agree.

[@aryakeepsafe4142]

Emotional neglect in high achieving families can be as damaging as being in a physically abusive family. That is so true . I'm glad he mentioned that.

[@Indubidably0]

It's not true. But you go ahead and pretend that your daddy not hugging you enough in your upper-middle class pampered yuppie life is just the same as my dad beating me with the corpse of a dog I refused to kill at his command when I was 9(regular behavior for him). Hey, go ahead, tell my step-sisters he r*ped that you're just like them because your mommy didn't say "I love you" every day. You're pathetic.

[@Rollwithit699]

Children who are PHYSICALLY or SEXUALLY abused are also EMOTIONALLY abused. This isn't a competition of "who had it worse" but if you weren't beaten up or constantly raped, consider yourself fortunate.

[@dirarmis672]

@@Indubidably0but it all comes down to the fact that different people perceive things differently. someone might go through sexual and physical abuse and not have c-ptsd, while others could go through emotional neglect without physical violence and still be affected by it. Trauma isn’t logical and ultimately a label like ‘c-ptsd’ can’t capture the long spectrum of what’s going on with different people

[@krtierney]

yep every circumstance is unique.

[@orctrihar]

What happen when both ? Also add Emotional abuse

[@koalab]

I love that he says "we", it makes me feel like I'm not alone in my struggles. It warmed my heart. 🥺

[@Mushroom321-]

Same here!, I agree! Koala B 😼😌😀

[@askwen7731]

I agree! I also love “those of us”

[@angelinebailey3711]

I agree also ❤️

[@ko.ala.b]

agreed.

[@skidibidup]

Yes

[@Sherlaya]

1. A feeling that nothing is safe 2. We can never relax 3. Can’t really sleep & wake up early 4. Appalling self-image 5. Drawn to highly unavailable people 6. Sickened by people who want to be cozy with us 7. Prone to lose temper very badly 8. Highly paranoid 9. Other people seem dangerous so we like to be alone 10. Life feels exhausting 11. We’re not spontaneous 12. Attempt to find security through various things like money, fame etc

[@abhinavnandan44]

Thanks 👍

[@Sherlaya]

Abhinav Nandan you’re welcome :3

[@Sherlaya]

Draugr you’re welcome ☺️

[@nextphaseofevolution8753]

Thanks a million! 👍

[@Sherlaya]

Next Phase of Evolution you’re welcome 💕

[@purnimabasumatary6309]

It's annoying how people so easily say it's going to be okay. I've been waiting for everything to be okay but it never has

[@DarkMoonDroid]

Being patient with them is beyond exhausting. I just wanna scream, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!"

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Exactly. Healing is getting someone's recognition.. No matter how much we will tell ourselves that we have the human right to grief or feel injustice, it's still a medicine when another person simply listens with compassion and acknowledgment instead of lecturing etc.

[@purnimabasumatary6309]

@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 Ikr for so long I thought no one would accept me if they knew wt I've been through and wt I feel until i found someone who actually listens becoz he wants to not for the sake of listening and I've healed and im still healing.

[@kikiperry8176]

You're right, on it's own, these complex PTSD strategies escalate. I hope you consider accessing professional help

[@santabarbara3481]

It's going so very slow and every time someone tells you it's your fault, everything feels horrible again. But after 6 weeks the feelings change again and if you care for yourself, it's gonna be good... for a while again.

[@ErnestoHorner88]

I was severely traumatized years ago as a teenage, got diagnosed with PTSD, spent my whole life fighting PTSD. I also suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my mom recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly, 6 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.

[@Morrisbraga-jm9lc]

I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.

[@Brett_trejo11]

Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in UK don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏

[@canerbakar-jv2si]

I'm so very happy for you mate, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.

[@Owemruther-hk4zn]

Can I reach this dude through Google?

[@SergenYld]

Yes he's Pedroshrooms. I know few friends who no longer suffer ptsd and anxiety with the help of shrooms. Never had to take shrooms after then.

[@ari7610]

"we look mean, we are in fact defenseless" made me teary eyed

[@even2ez266]

This is one reason why I hate myself.. and why I wish I didn't exist. But the main reason is because grandma, mom, some cousins, some friends, don't think highly of me. Mostly cause they just don't see me as who I am, but someone who is what THEY see

[@Astro_Aladfar]

That makes two of us. I too wish more people understood what anxiety looks like from the outside.

[@elenasogoba5485]

Truth

[@litao3679]

@@even2ez266 💛🕊️🙏

[@d.c.3346]

so true ajshsh

[@mavvi3303]

"We don't register to ourselves as suicidal but the truth is that we find living so exhausting and often so unpleasant, we do sometimes long not to have to exist anymore." is 100% me. I have explained this to someone at the start of this year in almost the exact same words. Also diagnosed with clinical depression at 16, both my first 15 years of life and after that have been filled with all the things listed in this video :P

[@Gr95dc]

I can empathize almost 100% with your comment, except, I was diagnosed with depression until I was 23 because I didn't seek mental health before

[@KyrieChii]

This one _really_ hit me too. One of the first things I ever say when talking about my Depression (I was diagnosed at 19) is that I've never felt suicidal, but the depression & anxiety is intense. I hesitated for a long time to describe once having a dream where I knew I was going to die, but instead of fear, I felt... 'relieved'. I didn't want anyone to misunderstand & think I would harm myself. I felt guilt for that dream, & a bit afraid that my experiences could make me feel that way. I've not been medicated (had trouble finding something to help) or going to a therapist (which I know I desperately need) for many years now. I know I need to reach out for that help again.

[@carterunrau4328]

I’ve told multiple therapists, health care providers, certain family members, etc. this same thing. I don’t want to kill myself, I just often wish I didn’t exist. And my feelings about my child hood are so clouded that I can not tell even as a young adult weather I had a good childhood or not.

[@joski9030]

I never spoke to anyone after finding my poor dad dead it was 5 years ago never gets easier but I’d put a lid on my bad thoughts. Popped the graveyard yesterday cried like a baby I’m not in that place now but I forgot how much I missed the man my best friend hero and legend. on a lighter note Merry Christmas everyone and if your down tell someone if it be a mate a work colleague or family member trust me it helps.✌️

[@Naaga]

That line hit exactly, as what I think since last couple of months.

[@The-bi5ry]

I just want to feel safe. I've never felt safe.

[@lilY-f1t]

I don't even feel safe when I'm alone in my own room.

[@Ezequiel55vf]

@@lilY-f1t Me too

[@talkswithdontrell6697]

Me too I’m always uncomfortable , i feel like everyone around me don’t look at me like I’m regular . One doctor told me i have ptsd then one said it’s not so now idk what to think of myself .. who am i?

[@shyaaammeneen63]

@@lilY-f1t Reduce negative thoughts with a simple practice and have a healthier life. Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing negative thoughts-anxiety. For a relaxed life sit on a chair, back straight, eyes closed, be as still as possible and observe the sensations of your incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for around 5-10-15 minutes or more. Don’t fight with your thoughts. Slowly the mind will relax. No deep inhalation-exhalation needed. Anytime of the day or night before sleep sit or lie down on your back and observe your breath. Stillness brings internal peace. Like me, make this a lifetime daily habit to have a good life. Best wishes Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.

[@shyaaammeneen63]

@@talkswithdontrell6697 Reduce negative thoughts with a simple practice and have a healthier life. Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing negative thoughts-anxiety. For a relaxed life sit on a chair, back straight, eyes closed, be as still as possible and observe the sensations of your incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for around 5-10-15 minutes or more. Don’t fight with your thoughts. Slowly the mind will relax. No deep inhalation-exhalation needed. Anytime of the day or night before sleep sit or lie down on your back and observe your breath. Stillness brings internal peace. Like me, make this a lifetime daily habit to have a good life. Best wishes Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.

[@joshdaywalt5848]

I was bullied, excluded and assaulted daily by my peers in my early childhood. I started fighting everyone. When I got to my late teens I realized I was so afraid of people that when they were talking to me I couldn’t hear their voices over my fear, like I wasn’t even present. I reacting to any perceived slight with violence, resulting in prison. I’ve healed a lot now in my early 30s but I still sometimes feel like everyone around me is hostile and I can never relax.

[@richardyoung8213]

I feel Ya i was never offensive to people I always bottles stuff up and still do but I'm in my 40s now but i figured myself out in my 20s As they say fear nothing but fear its self life's too fucking short B you oue it to yourself just to be happy in peace from within Only you can do that

[@orangejuicesimpson7233]

I feel the same way. When I was a kid most of the people around me either had a problem with me and didn't like me, and would also tell me I'm annoying. Middle school wasn't any better, and because of all of that trauma I hate everyone, and try to do whatever I can to be alone and not talk to anyone. I also hate (not exaggerating) most of humanity and worry about being in public because I feel like people are staring at me and judging me. People getting close to me frustrates me and people ignoring me or being rude to me infuriates me, but I don't like to tell peoplebthese feelings, but they can definitely tell when I'm angry because I've been told my energy changes the room

[@cristymakes6026]

You are in survival mode. You have to tell Josh, inside you, the fighter, the protector of you, that You, Josh Today has got it covered. You breathe and even talk out loud to him if you must. Say I know you are trying to protect us but we dont need that kind of protection anymore.

[@vincevega6676]

This is very true!

[@MaximDL1410]

🥹❤️🙏

[@naomibee8881]

This is the FIRST TIME I have EVER felt recognized or understood. It’s a strange, happy video that just made me feel relief. That’s rare, to say the least. Thank you.

[@ikeepgettingbetter]

Same

[@tamarat7404]

Hey Naomi, I’m experience the same thing right now. I’m incredibly overwhelmed by all of it but do also feel a sense of relief. Wishing you the best :)

[@naomibee8881]

@@tamarat7404 Thank you! And bless ❤️

[@tamarat7404]

@@naomibee8881 Np :) You’re never alone!

[@burnitdown5828]

I went through traumatic bullying myself and my teachers did nothing and I was never diagnosed with complex ptsd and this video just made me feel recognized and not alone to know their are people who are similar to me and to know their are people who want to help us.

[@NationandState]

1. Nothing feels safe. 2. We can never relax. 3. Can't ever really sleep. 4. Appalling self image. 5. Drawn to emotionally unavailable people. 6. Sickened by people who want to be cozy with us. 7. Prone to losing our temper, very badly. 8. We are highly paranoid. 9. We find other people dangerous and love to live alone. 10. Living feels like a burden. 11. Not spontaneous. Changes of plans are horrifying. 12. Workaholics.

[@Lioness006]

Big yikes. These are all me. 😭

[@justicewarrior4600]

You took the words right out of my mouth 🥺

[@Fefe559]

... also can FREAK OUT over social issues, go into a blood boiling rage that I don't want to feel so angry, I especially hate the book banning PC right now. I will probably die of a heart attack brought on by being too anger, stressed and stupid

[@ace7912]

I like when people note video lists in comments because my attention span is short

[@createagoogleaccountentery3325]

Uh oh I think i- So I- ?!

[@JCA51698]

In January this year I read the book Complex PTSD by Pete Walker. Took me only 4 days. It was like reading my autobiography. I broke down crying uncontrollably - in front of my son on one occasion. I eventually found a therapist who practices RTT (Rapid Transformation Therapy). It changed my life.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

Describe RTT

[@JCA51698]

@Lonely universal potato 00 much better, thank you

[@priyao5097]

If you like such literature try The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk and Soul Retrieval by Sandra Ingerman.

[@evas2547]

Im so happy to hear that!!! Wish you all the best!!

[@frostypaws14]

Yes! I just got that book and already only 2 chapters in I feel like this book knows me. Great suggestion!

[@wcjeffro9849]

"We need to start loving someone we very unfairly hate. Ourselves." A powerful statement yet not so easily done. I don't know about others here but I have hated myself with all the strength I posses since I was twelve. I don't think it will ever change for me.

[@fuzzyfeels5041]

I hope things change for you, and that one day, in some way, even if it’s just a little, that you realize you’re worthy and deserving of love. That even just realizing that could help and maybe you can give yourself that love, because it was always something you could do. I know it isn’t easy, but I believe you can do it, and as well as everyone else. I just hope you can choose to see it to one day, for yourself. That’s just what I believe, I don’t know if it will help, but I hope the best for you.

[@Gambi_1]

Try psychedelics, you will feel more love for everything, including yourself, than you have ever felt before. It can disrupt the rigid perspective of yourself and the world and enable a different way of being.

[@celty5858]

If you've ever been mad at someone for mistreating you and justified to them that you didn't deserve it, in a way that's self love. If you take yourself away from sources that are bad for you, or get yourself things you like as a treat, that's also a sort of self love. It's a process that's done with baby steps with a lot of hurt and self relapse in between. I also thought I wouldn't stop hating myself but, with time and preserverance I managed to stop. :) I reccommend to try to stop beating yourself up + speak to yourself in a kinder voice, that will make a big difference.

[@Decipherization]

Same here friend. Hate my face in the mirror, hate my body. I've dated objectively beautiful women that I know most men would kill for, who have their shit together and could have any choice of partner. I still see an ugly crooked face in the mirror. I still feel worthless. I achieve things I should be proud of but I'm more focused on feeling like I should be ashamed that even thinking such a small thing is worth being proud of. My memories make me cringe. All of them. Good and bad. But I'm fixated on my failures. Embarrassing memories, it's like when I think of them I'm literally there again. Even if I was 8 years old and said something stupid, I feel INTENSE shame when I remember it. And on bad days that same memory would be added to the long list of reasons I should hate myself, shouldn't trust myself, and why everybody around me thinks I'm a pathetic loser. It's hard living like this. Outwardly, I know rationally that I look put together, confident, like nothing should really bother me. I have more going for me in terms of success than most people I know. But inside I'm shattered. Constantly anxious. Uncomfortable in my own skin, unsure of myself, insecure. Filled with anger and hate I don't understand. It's just there. And deep, deep sadness. A tiny emptiness at the center of it all. So no, you aren't the only one.

[@parot1802]

​@@fuzzyfeels5041 thank you so much for your Comment 💟. So helpfull . Best wishes From germany 🙏🕊🍀❤️

[@QuestionEverythingButWHY]

“Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.” --Joubert Botha

[@melissastapleton1403]

Wonderful quote!!!! Thank you for sharing ❤️

[@alfredosauce8177]

I didn’t know I needed to hear that

[@dondraper2344]

Does anyone else retroactively "turn" on their younger self and internally berate how stupid, naïve, worthless and oblivious to it all we used to be? Ostensibly pleasant and fun childhood moments lose all their value and just become anecdotal reminders of how everything was doomed from the start?

[@DarkMoonDroid]

This.

[@Thewritingelf]

I thought I was the only one who felt this ?! Like everytime i look back on my childhood I'm like, wow I was very stupid and naive.

[@Anna-cg4tw]

THIS

[@db-ec1oz]

I literally beat myself up (by punching my head until I'm either near unconscious or my hand swells up) for being so trusting and naive at times and also for briefly feeling happy whenever I feel I genuinely don't deserve happiness

[@dondraper2344]

@@Thewritingelf Yeah, it's really such a sad reality to have to face. My childhood wasn't especially traumatic or challenging, but I did always sense that something was off about myself, but being an ignorant kid I'd just brush it off. Those same, castaway thoughts are now the ones that keep me up at night and force me to face my suffering.

[@lurb1557]

“We need to relearn to love someone we very unfairly hate beyond measure: ourselves” ❤️

[@lilencarvajal7242]

That phrase brought tears to my eyes.

[@nihilgeist666]

I want to know what love is, I want you to show me.

[@morematcha]

Yo this 👀

[@alsakkafmohamed9467]

Sweet but how

[@jayalexander6798]

How?

[@oranganewton]

I was diagnosed with CPTSD last month 8 foster homes and 3 adoptions by the time I was 8. I’m 33 now and finally getting help We got this guys, we deserve the love not shown by others, and we deserve to love ourselves

[@blancarodriguez1340]

❤❤❤

[@shircohen3544]

This made me cry

[@Saygoodbyetoyourpops]

I feel you. I was taken by cps, put in who knows how many foster homes and then adopted.

[@49ersfoldem]

@@Saygoodbyetoyourpopswas the fam great

[@Saygoodbyetoyourpops]

@@49ersfoldem meh, adoptive dad, would rather do projects and make my adoptive mom cry than spend time with me, and adoptive mom verbally abused me.

[@beqantis]

All 12 Symptoms listed :) 1:13 The Feeling that Nothing is Safe 1:52 We can Never Relax 2:22 We can’t ever really sleep 2:36 We have, deep in ourselves, an appalling self Image 2:56 Often drawn to highly unavailable people. 3:17 Sickened by people who want to be cozy with us. 3:26 Prone to losing our temper very badly. (More often to ourselves) 3:47 Highly paranoid. 4:20 We find other people so dangerous and worrying, that being alone has huge attractions. 4:40 not considering yourself suicidal, But associate living as exhausting and unpleasant to the point of longing to simply not exist. 4:50 Can’t afford to show much spontaneity 5:09 in a bid to try and find safety, we throw ourselves into work.

[@InvalidUser18]

I got a scary 9 but I feel as if 3 of those came from my anxiety. Which actually comes from traumatic events of being abused by my dad. Maybe some instances of severe anxiety should be first tested as PTSD to maybe better help people, I don't know too much about how doctors do this nor do I know much about psychology of the human brain so I am probably entirely off, or doctors already do this and I didn't know since I pushed away my doctor when they asked about my anxiety.

[@applejuice6495]

Thanks, good job!

[@Kirstyhh8910]

A terrifying 11

[@okay3435]

I have most of these symptoms, but I haven’t ever been in an immediate danger like the ones listed…

[@brodyhanna7443]

Honestly most people who watch this dont have it. Please dont go around saying it unless you have a medical professional tell you

[@elibennett3034]

Whenever I try to direct compassion inward I just end up sobbing. When someone expresses love to me in a way that makes it past my extensive network of distorting defenses and actually reaches me for a split second? Same thing. Just break down. It's all so raw. There is a hurt and lonely kid in this tired old body and he is convinced that being loved is dangerous and painful.

[@dancer49lives6]

@ Eli Bennett Well Said! Perfectly said. I feel the exact same way.

[@stellaluv3737]

i hear you 😔

[@achaelrays]

When I first started doing this it made me sob all the time as well! I promise as you keep doing it it will start to feel more natural and you probably won't have as big a reaction. And the same thing with affection from other people; it used to make me squirm like nothing else. I think it's a good opportunity to let yourself sit in these feelings, and not push them away or avoid triggering them again, as uncomfortable as it might be in the beginning :)

[@lizderbnaturenerd]

I can relate. I literally unexpectedly broke down sobbing, uncontrollably, after my *ankle surgeon*, of all people, gave me a hug one time (said ankle sugeon did like, 4 surgeries on me so I knew him well lol). Got to the car and boom, couldn't stop sobbing for like, an hour lol. That was the moment when I was like "ok, something else is going on here" lol. Also had a similar thing happen after one rare car ride with a parent where they suddenly talked to me like a real human being for the first time in my 32 years of living. To then never see that side of them again. Soon as they left I started sobbing uncontrollably and couldn't stop for almost a solid hour again. That was interesting....

[@Pepppahoo-ic5wl]

R u spying me? Well me being 18 and never trusted whoever showed love to me, finally understood I am not alone and people are out there like me ! Even I never had any accidents, or any death in my family, but yeah stress, family problems, over analyzing parents and their some disturbing behaviour towards me made me like that...Now I understand ! I felt emotional seeing ur comment...Let me cry 😭

[@animesisters1222]

"we have.." instead of "they have" is just so reassuring and better to hear.

[@audreyazwell]

I bawled my eyes out the first time I saw this because I have every symptom outside 4/5, I'm weirdly codependent. I still won't go to therapy so I come back to this sometimes to try to muster the courage/will. Good luck to any/everyone else that has C-PTSD. I dunno who you are but I love you out of sheer principle alone. You're loved and not alone.

[@auroramichaels8953]

That ending... "We need to relearn how to love someone we hate beyond measure. Ourselves." I freaking lost it. I despise myself so much it's impossible to put into words. I wish I could see myself differently. Attempting to get into therapy. Wish me luck, and I sincerely hope everyone else suffering from this finds their light. 💗

[@freyasouter6138]

Good luck! You deserve to feel good about yourself and the world around you. The blue sky is underneath, there's just clouds in the way right now

[@pinstripesuitandheels]

I do too. Sometimes I'm convinced I look like a monster. One of my core beliefs is that I don't have the right to be alive because (and this is really bad, genetic hygiene bad) if I were born in medieval times, or maybe even 100 years ago, I probably wouldn't have survived infancy. My eyesight is very bad, I had constant ear infections as a baby... I take this as a sign that I wasn't meant to be born, that I am a genetic mistake. Through therapy I've learned to be very kind to my little self and I comfort the lonely, hurting child inside. I do schema therapy. It's really helpful! Very hard, and it takes time but it is very much worth it. You are very much worth it. Good luck!

[@nunchuckdaddy6417]

Go for EDR and yoga. It is proven to often work better than talking therapy.

[@hueyhooverhampton7060]

Do I secretly hate myself? 😪

[@karync.6707]

EMDR is working for me. Also, depending where you are and your financial abilities, there is a LEGAL MDMA therapy (for those diagnosed with PTSD) clinic opening up in Santa Cruz CA in a few months....

[@ReynaSingh]

Many of the symptoms of PTSD are lived internally so that people don’t realize you’re suffering. such a devastating disorder.

[@Turtleproof]

When I was at my lowest I put on a brave face which satisfied all my friends, when I recovered and shared how I truly felt the response was revulsion and abandonment. Moral of the story: those people were toxic and I [am] happier without them.

[@Mushroom321-]

True! 😞

[@b00gyman1]

There have been times when trying to explain this to close friends or family felt like I was someone in a thriller or horror movie and only me was able to see the horrors of it.

[@Turtleproof]

@@b00gyman1 That's been a hazard for me as well, when police or doctors think the experiences are tall tales or delusions. The Blade Runner soliloquy sums it up: "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe."

[@Bladerunner-yd5lk]

@Turtleproof I was meant to find this page

[@Escreality]

I'm in this video and I don't like it

[@monicacastellanos2901]

I feel it's something I shouln't need

[@hangukhiphop]

Oh dear... that's sign #13!

[@lswilliams5283]

I thought the same thing!

[@anitarose1122]

Well, my mental health plan is good. You can live a productive and peaceful life.

[@turisteandoentexas]

Don't worry, there is a solution, if we get educated about what we need to do, we can come out of this VICTORIOUS!

[@Jennifer-bw7ku]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU]

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

[@elizabethwilliams6651]

Yes, dr.andrew_james. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@patriaciasmith3499]

I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

[@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU]

Is he on instagram?

[@elizabethwilliams6651]

Yes he is. dr.andrew_james

[@wallybingbang4350]

Best explanation of C-PTSD I have heard The anxiety and uncertainty is soul destroying Raising children to be broken adults is sickening - Lack of love - spot on

[@YasAdele90]

I love my kids so hard. I give them everything emotionally thati l didn't have

[@godsway8501]

@@YasAdele90 🤎💙🤎💙 Ayy Shotout to the great Mothers and Fathers 🤞🏾💪🏾

[@alletsnow]

It's not always a lack of love, it's a lack in understanding of how to love properly. There's a difference here.

[@wallybingbang4350]

@@alletsnow It has the same result

[@wallybingbang4350]

@@alletsnow I understand. We don’t have a rule book on love and individual children’s needs. If there’s abuse involved the kid’s in trouble.

[@shedaisy1979]

This is absolutely me...to the point that I actually feel badly for even thinking it applies to me. I always try to convince myself that I have no right to feel this way, because so many others have gone through so much worse. Thank you for sharing!!

[@joylox]

I had to keep reminding myself that emotional and verbal abuse is still traumatic. Just because something may not have been physical, or not as bad as others, doesn't mean it can't hurt. Everyone should feel safe asking for help and support, regardless of how big or small we may see the situation.

[@itsok2845]

Exactly in the beginning of the vedio when he says about the terrorist attack and rape survivor.i was like bro u just did not have supportive parents and environment just think about all the refugees Sry I am not a native English speaker

[@jiminycricket6428]

If anything this understanding of yourself will make you more empathetic towards other peoples suffering, even if their trauma is worse than your own. Accepting the way you feel and why, will make you more equipped for society. All our actions have a ripple effect.

[@TaradaPryoNINJA]

I do the same thing. I was telling my trauma therapist that part of me doesn't feel like I should be so affected because other people have had it so much worse, but another part of me knows that what is traumatic for one person isn't traumatic for another and people shouldn't compare traumas. I remember her asking me something that has stuck with me since: "So why is it different for /you/, but not everyone else?" At the time I didn't know, I just knew I felt that way. Now I realize that it was because of the bottomless self-loathing I feel for myself. I felt it was different for me because I was not worth as much as everyone else.

[@undeserving_of_wifi]

Me too.

[@ashleyhumphries9941]

As a mom suffering from a child loss, this was beautifully written. Thank you for being a ray of sunshine in my bleak grey world right now.

[@jenn_1853]

Sorry to hear that. I hope you are doing okay. Stay strong. Your child would've never wanted to see you sad. So, try to smile as much as you can. May you get the strength to recover from your loss.

[@markbinner2375]

Ashley, on a TV programme the other night, Alastair Campbell quoted a phrase, "Grief is the price we pay for love". Apparently, The Queen said it after the 9/11 tragedy. Perhaps you can find some comfort in those words. Take care!

[@SexyTCAPdecoy4Hansen]

You are not alone.

[@jiminycricket6428]

My uncle lost his child in a car accident. He turned to anger and resentment unfortunately and cut himself off from the rest of the family. This isn't what my cousin would of wanted at all, he was so happy go lucky all the time. You gave a soul a life, even if that life was cut short it was still a life. Hope you find peace, my heart goes out to you.

[@susanhepburn6040]

So sorry to hear of your loss, Ashley. There are more of us than we realise. I send you all the good wishes possible.

[@crystallowry5098]

I had a BPD/NPD father who terrorized me everyday of my childhood. I am 40 and still cleaning up after this mess. The worst part of CPTSD are people who judge you and criticize you for the residual effects, you're at the end of the day the bag holder for what someone else did to you, it's the curse that keeps on giving.

[@MmmKayHuuNay]

I wish I could afford a trauma therapist. All of my therapists throughout my life have been like talking to a random person at a bus stop or something, and it actually just makes you relive everything over and over.

[@dvornikovalexei]

I am pretty sure I have cptsd as well, i come from a very poor family and still see my parents beating each other. I bet we can help each other since no one else can?

[@sobrevida157]

CPTSD has many signs, but a major one is the lack of a stable self concept. This lack leads to a terrible conundrum: a feeling of unworthiness that leads to simultaneously fearing both abandonment and enmeshment. We fear the pain of abandonment and don’t feel worthy of another’s love. We fear being attached to someone as they may engulf us and we will lose the little self that we have. We travel the world seeking love, but when we find it, we fear losing ourselves by being engulfed by the other, or being crushed by the inevitable abandonment. Nothing is safe, especially relationships. So we become hyper-vigilant, looking for microscopic proof that this person will abandon us or engulf us. Emerson reminds us that ‘what we seek is what we find’, so we see signs everywhere: our texts are returned too quickly=engulfment. Our texts aren’t returned quickly enough=abandonment. They cook for us=engulfment. They don’t cook for us=abandonment. We can never relax into anything. We look for signs of how the relationship WON’T work, rather than looking for signs of how it COULD work. And since we find what we look for, signs of impending doom are everywhere. Our survival brain screams, “Get out before they hurt you!” As the video states, this expectation of the floor dropping out may lead us to a habit of over-planning our days; but it may also lead to making no plans at all. If everything is going to fall apart anyway, why plan anything? So we spin and walk around in circles, not knowing what to do with our selves. We cannot reason ourselves out of CPTSD for a few reasons. One, our abuse or neglect may have happened as infants, when our brains had no linguistic capability, our explicit memory not yet developed. No matter how much we talk to that part of us, we can’t reach those parts of us. (See Bruce Perry’s Neurosequential Model of Therapy). Secondly, much of our trauma is stored in the body, not the mind. To access our trauma, we must access our bodies. (See VanDerKolk’s The Body Keeps the Score). Some of the symptoms described in the video have their polar opposite. While some may have trouble sleeping, others may sleep all the time. Many seek safety in solitude while others seek safety in manic, superficial socializing. We are drawn to unavailable people because they keep us safe from enmeshment and abandonment. If they live in another town, they can neither engulf nor abandon us. They seem safer because we are risking less of ourselves. We unconsciously fear cozy, warm people because those warm feelings are unfamiliar; we unconsciously seek cold or critical people because they feel familiar. Our neglectful or abusive caregivers taught us that love is cold or critical, so warmth feels alien and uncomfortable. Our fears of abandonment or enmeshment can trigger our reptilian, survival reactions of the 4Fs: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Our logical, linguistic, relational brains are switched off. Instead, 1) We Fight: we get angry and rage, becoming violent in word and/or deed; 2) We Flee: we run away either physically or mentally; 3) We Freeze: our brains and body lock up and we can't think of anything to say or do; or 4) We Fawn: we sacrifice our selves and try to appease the other. These habits are formed when we are very young and stay with us forever, unless we consciously heal. These responses often work when we are younger, but become maladaptive when we age. They help us when we are young but harm us as adults. While some may be able to seek a therapist, some cannot because we feel so unworthy that we don’t want to bother a therapist with our troubles; we are not worth it. We are not worth the expense or the therapist’s time. Or we are so ashamed of being alive and breathing air that someone else could breathe, that we fear a therapist will only ridicule or abandon us. These people may want to begin their journey of healing by reading books or watching videos. Here are a few resources that have greatly helped me along my journey: The Body Keeps the Score Bessel VanDerKolk The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog Bruce Perry Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving Pete Walker Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame Patricia DeYoung Wishing you peace and healing . .

[@JamalRidge]

Word up

[@pinstripesuitandheels]

I hope you do too. I have had a total of 12 or 13 different therapists before I came into contact with my current one. She's a schema therapist and she recently did a course on cptsd. She mentioned it to me when we scheduling an appointment and said it would be valuable for her in helping me. What I'm trying to say is, there are great therapists out there, even when you think there's no hope of finding one. Good luck to you in your journey!

[@jellybearq]

Are we all living the same experience!?!!

[@fleurianfilkins]

As someone having CPTSD, something I really struggle with is unintentionally looking, scared, sad, or angry, as I'm going through the world. I don't even realize I'm doing it, but I think it drives people away, further isolating me. I don't want people to think it's directed at them; I'm just usually having a hard time with flashbacks and hypervigilance and all the other things that come with CPTSD.

[@snowhite427]

Same thing here.

[@HeartFeltGesture]

Yeah I cant seem to crack a genuine smile and I feel hyper aware of my face when talking to people, which compounds my awkwardness. I hypervigilantly scan strangers faces to see how they are reacting to me. They say if you do this it's because you used to look at your parents facial expressions for signs of love and approval. I remember doing that a lot. And of course it was never there. Covert narcissist mother and codependent enabler stepfather, I am the family scapegoat.

[@Guiterminator]

@@HeartFeltGesture damn, guess you're not alone

[@kageyamatobio1863]

Yup 😕 I have an audio recording of one of the things that happened to me and sometimes when i woke up scared, i used to listen to it on repeat to 'numb myself' but I'd just get more scared so that was pretty dumb haha

[@Astro_Aladfar]

That makes two of us.

[@colefrick]

That bliss in loneliness, the routine, the suicidal tenancies, the small criticism causing big internal hurt and so many more hit so hard.

[@victorfisher6070]

We are together 💕❤️

[@Jordan__Sloan]

shit that sounds like me too

[@xiv69]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/mIKzmqSppriej6M

[@xiv69]

@@victorfisher6070 poser kzbin.info/www/bejne/mIKzmqSppriej6M

[@xiv69]

@Alan Doyle do it.

[@梨-i5l]

I have 11 of these symptoms, but honestly the biggest tell is emotional flashbacks. Feeling awful in a way that doesn't match up to the current situation or feeling small.

[@anthonyvarro3023]

Agreed I have 10

[@cebruthius]

It's weird how that was conspicuously missing from the lineup.

[@kwl189]

Agreed. I wish this one had been listed.

[@shawnmendrek3544]

It is the worst, sometimes I can smell from the image or scene what I smelled during the vision. The mind is powerful thing.

[@rustifowler9384]

I’ve dated people with CPTSD before, and the attraction towards more avoidant people is definitely spot on. I was often called needy just for wanting to spend time with them more than once a week.

[@c_rx_sh]

Then youve dated idiots. I dont want to be the type to say "I have ptsd" but I definitely have that shit and in that situation Ive never blamed them. I just said Im sorry but I am like this or I ignored them when they messaged me. Not the best manner neither, but Id choose this over blaming a random person anytime

[@rustifowler9384]

@@c_rx_sh It's true! I highly suspect one of them was actually BPD. She had a lot of the same stuff featured here, but she was also very exploitative and hypersexual.

[@fabiolamoreno9516]

Tbh you can’t just pin avoidance to cptsd. Because there are so many people, like me, who have this and react the exact opposite. I’ve had cptsd from my childhood for a long time now and being more aware of it now has helped me realize the unhealthy habits projected in my relationships now. I can be clingy and touchy and needy in some peoples eyes. But I also understand why someone could feel so repulsed by the idea of intimacy (not necessarily sexually). What I’m trying to say is. Avoidance can be a strong part of cptsd. But cptsd is not always going to be avoidance. Hope this gives a bit of insight

[@ipfreely8920]

What's scary is that people tend to gravitate towards certain types of people. You could take a room full of women and I would pick ones with narcissism and mental health issues. Just tells you about the kind of man I am.

[@infitine_intelligence999]

Maybe there were other reasons why they were distant 😅

[@amitmeena1596]

Everyone in the comments is so nice and helpful to each other.

[@thaliakate444]

Trauma can create deep empathy 💖

[@campkira]

people do need little help... not every commect section are bad...

[@Astro_Aladfar]

One's own pain makes him/her solidary; not wanting to see other people go through the same shit.

[@keyleeojeda2607]

@@Astro_Aladfar True

[@ben_jammin242]

@@thaliakate444 and its in this empathy and shared trauma where we're able to find community, understanding and compassion, and not so much alienation..

[@moonshynegirl172]

I have always wanted to be a hermit. My mantra everyday just to keep going was "Suicide is always an option". My promise to myself after the third attempt was never again because I didn't really want to die, I just didn't know how to live. Now 27 years after that promise I have grandchildren that I am so happy to be here for.

[@gandalfthegray7425]

Your words are very honest and gives me courage to live my own life. Thank you for sharing

[@puk4763]

@Brad Johnson be strong. Suicide is rarely the answer. We know nothing of the nextlife. Be well.

[@saifzain82]

It warms my heart that you found happiness

[@montesa9136]

@Moonshyngirl - I've had three attempts as well. My only regret is not having succeeded! Life is living HELL! I'm glad you found your way out ......

[@montesa9136]

@@puk4763 @P Uk - we don't have to know what comes after we die. All we do know is this present life is not tolerable! ANYTHING is worth trying when your living in HELL!

[@ashmartians123]

Wow. Someone told me that I suffered from Cptsd. I’ve struggled my entire life feeling I would never amount to anything. I want to be normal. I want love. It’s all I’ve ever chased.

[@angelinasamson6996]

My ex triggered it in me , I'd suppressed it so deeply under other traumas ♥️

[@ThirdHorseman]

Remember to seek a diagnosis from a licensed professional. Treatment is different for each individual.

[@ThirdHorseman]

@@angelinasamson6996 please seek help from a licensed professional. Other people cannot correctly diagnose you as there is overlap and causes can differ.

[@angelinasamson6996]

@@ThirdHorseman Awwww that’s beautiful thank you ❤️

[@saifzain82]

Anyone ever thought how life would be without these traumatic experiences and what came after. What kind of human beings would we be without scars? The energy we would have, the love we would radiate, the achievements we would accomplish, and the money we would save from spending on therapy. I checked 11 of 12.

[@TheRealJamesKirk]

I started writing down things I remember from my childhood, mostly from ages 2 to 13 or so. I call it "What He Might Have Been". My favorite aunt, now (sadly) deceased, once told me she thought I'd be either an astronaut or a serial killer. I've leaned towards the former, thankfully.

[@Pepppahoo-ic5wl]

I checked 12/12... And when he said bad impact from parents, I literally cried..

[@foodiesworldUSA]

Yes we need to find net strength.. it’s how I feel that I don’t need therapy to forget past but it makes me stronger snd if anything I want to speak my Mind and stand up for my boundaries.. I don’t want some pathetic sympathy but I want justice and in some other videos I have seen on Sigma women is we take our revenge when time is right by standing up our grounds and shining through our struggles

[@StAyWeIrD95]

Same I didn’t think I would even check five 😔 this honestly brought me to tears 😭 now I understand myself a bit to be completely honest I think of my self as all of the above 👆🏻 but now I just feel less crazy less alone I just have this big knot 🪢 in my throat as I type this idk what to do with myself and I want so bad to get out of this rut but it’s not I just confirmed it’s PTSD from childhood things that happened honestly my husband contributes to it and he doesn’t know I think I been like this my whole life for all the trauma but when I got married 11 yrs ago I think it got me the worse and 11yrs later I have two beautiful kids 11 and 9 and I’m just barely pushing day by day and it’s so sad I feel helpless and alone in this world I feel misunderstood forever ☹️😖😭

[@kevinclark3591]

@@StAyWeIrD95 i feel the same way, powerless, helpless, entirely misunderstood and broken

[@TMOR99]

"The root cause of CPTSD is a lack of love." It NEVER hit me until now. My mom used to physically abuse me and my siblings specifically while my dad was at work. She un-schooled us, kept us trapped in an isolated house in an isolated town while he abandoned us with her for ten hours a day. She got addicted to opioids and spent seven entire years in bed, mostly asleep, causing all kinds of shit. My sister had to raise me and my brothers, my dad emotionally cheated on her because she was emotionally absent. She got out of that, but now she just sits in the corner scrolling away on conspiracy theories, repeating them to us 24/7 and making no effort to engage in what WE'RE doing. Meanwhile, my dad has done nothing but enable her, sit there with his balls between his legs and never defended us or protected us from her. Which he still refuses to do. I thought I just had anxiety, but now I think I have CPTSD from how god-awful this living envornment is. I need to get OUT.

[@kissit012]

You can call cps on your own parents. Introducing other healthy minded people to the circumstances may help (not that that is cps directly).

[@Shornandkenny]

This is my ex wife. She was\is a severe alcoholic and bullimic. Its been a hard 9 years, the length of time my son has been alive. We divorced last year and my dad died a week prior. Its been an 18 month long $37000 custody battle. Plus covid, it was really hard last year and im really messed up by it. All of it and i will never be the same again. Take care of yourself. Do yourself a favor, stay in school and get a good job/career so that you can be in control of your life.

[@accradata]

@@Shornandkenny Good advice mate. My ex (and daughter's mother) is similar but turns violent towards me and after 7 years of dealing with her damage I find myself split between despising her and still wanting to help her heal. She had the most hideous childhood and was married to a man who physically and emotionally abused her and their children for 13 years. She became the abuser. I'm not perfect but I have certainly suffered my own damage after our 8 year relationship. I just try to see and be my best for our daughter and deal with her barrage when I have to communicate with her. I thank God everyday that she is out of my house but I suffer from the anxiety of knowing she'll never truly be out of my life.

[@LiveByChrist0]

Ur still going threw it now ?

[@TMOR99]

@@accradata That's what I hate the most. I want my mom out of my life, but she's so engraved in the family that we can never truly get rid of her. My dad can try to kick her out, but he's too much of q coward to have any hard conversations with her, and she probably won't leave. At the thought of rejection she just threatens suicide every time, and she one time cut her wrists and had to go to the hospital over a fight they had, so she's capable. And he can't stand up to her because of that situation. The sad reality is that this is HIS fight, and he's not gonna fight it. All of his kids are gonna grow up and move out, and he's gonna be left with her alone and never get to see us because we'll have to go through her.

[@poplapmeisie]

All this time I thought I was introverted, meanwhile I resonate with all 12 signs of PTSD. I never wanted to accept that my childhood trauma still affects me, but this video has encouraged me to seek help from a counselor. Thanks for your ever-helpful videos xx

[@joylox]

I'm definitely still introverted and prefer being alone or with a few people, but I talked to a few people and it helped a lot. Mind you, I also have other struggles and felt I had to hide my disabilities for a while and I think that's why I still feel so tired around people. I tend to take on their emotions (like empathy to the extreme), plus I don't feel safe being myself around others due to my past, and it's a lot of work to fake it.

[@MC-wh3xm]

You don't have PTSD

[@enbiaroace]

@@MC-wh3xm What is wrong with you.

[@k.c7655]

@@MC-wh3xm Shut up

[@Squoop1]

@@MC-wh3xm How would you know? Are you them? Are you an omnipotent being who knows everything? Kinda rude, yknow

[@randystone4903]

After years of seeing therapists off and on for 50 years none ever mentioned a lack of love. As a teenager when describing the relationship with my father to my first therapist he cried. The best help I ever had was a year doing the workbook with the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. The harm to myself of seeking out controlling people for relationships was one of the awful habits I dropped. Finding contentment with oatmeal love (warm love, not hot love) and running away from limerence is still a challenge. The Persians had 80 words for love like the Eskimos have a variety of words to describe the many characteristics of snow. We are a society crippled by our lack of understanding what healthy love is and truly connecting to people around us. A few close friends who intentionally struggle with their family demons are working pretty well for me. People who have lived with no family trauma don't make my inner circle of friends. That's just an observation, best of luck to others on this path seeking healing love.

[@knit1purl1]

My mother was a borderline personality disorder. Insane rages. I'm over 50 and only really started processing her abuse a few years ago. I function in society but I'm screaming inside.

[@supernovaspirit79]

Same, it took me about 15 years to start to process and understand what happened too.

[@hueyhooverhampton7060]

I think everyone is watching me & I see videos & hear songs about me on people cellular telephones. 😊

[@baddiezone]

So sorry to hear that yes sometimes it takes years to heal from those experiences.

[@saetae9208]

May have a Disorganized Attachment style

[@MsKariSmith]

I have lived a life of mental abuse and only 3 years ago found info on narcissists. I am now 68, & have been trying to absorb and start to doing some healing. My mom is a 93 year old narc. on steroids...with dementia as an added bonus. Looking at the list, I would say I have at least 8 of the signs of PTSD. I am too old for all this crap...seems like too much to handle at my age. Not only is my body breaking down from a lifetime of stress, but now I have finally realized, my mental state is in question too. But...there is no choice but to carry on and try to work on healing.

[@piroshk1968]

For those of you watching this and realizing this is exactly their situation: you are definitely not alone in this. I struggled for years trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Ive gone through a good 19 years of physical/emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissistic unstable mother, and feel for those who have gone through similar experiences seeing firsthand how difficult living with CPTSD can be. Still stuck in this hole but theres always hope for things to get better, no matter how awful if youre here reading this, you've made it this far in life and Im so proud of you. Take care ❤️

[@butterbean3892]

So true, sending hugs your way!! Keep the faith ❤️

[@bajikeisuke442]

Yes i made this far. And it's boring to leave with this. It's hell time to quit.

[@cascadehopsrule]

I almost passed out at work today, I had to go to the bathroom and cry, i think I started to release 40 years of trauma. Side note, I mentioned to my mother about my issues with blood sugar and life issues. The only response I got was she said she's coming into the kitchen later to get some wine and walked away. Took me decades to accept that as a response

[@jaaazdoit]

I feel you. I grew up with that kind of mom too

[@TitaniumTronic]

I'm just realizing how messed up I am, but I'm only 15, my family is not supportive and mental health to them is just attention seeking, I haven't been hugged in years, and honestly hate the idea of being hugged now, I can't maintain any friendships, I'm venting in a fucking youtube comment section cause I have no friends that I trust, I act very tough at day but when night comes around and I'm alone with my thoughts I have a total breakdown. Even if I open my shit up, which I tried doing before, I don't think my family would use any of their resources to get me some help, I'm slowly falling apart, my tough carefree happy image type of teenager is slowly showing its cracks, I want to just go see a therapist so they can tell me wtf is wrong with me, which I suspect to be cptsd as I was raised in an emotionally abusive and physical abusive household. Someone please fucking tell me what I should do because I really am starting to lose my hope and will to do shit about it, maybe I'd just lay here and die.

[@amyturkharp]

If you've experienced trauma, consider reading The Body Keeps The Score by Bessell Van Der Kolk. I have experienced CPTSD for 31 years and found it immensely empowering and helpful to understand the science of trauma and its impact on the brain. Also: don't wait for a diagnosis. If, like me, you don't want to go through years of jumping through hoops and ticking boxes by taking SSRIs in order to be worthy of further investigation by doctors, (although no judgement if you do want to take them!), best thing if you suspect you are suffering is do your own research and seek treatment/therapy accordingly on your own terms. You know your body like no one else does!

[@lurb1557]

Amy Turk Omg - this book changed my life! Everyone who has experienced trauma *must* read it.

[@sobrevida157]

Have either of you tried the treatments introduced in the back? any thoughts?

[@flreansjukebox987]

I wish I had enough attention span to read a book

[@lurb1557]

Brandon Muñoz listen to it on audible! You get one free download.

[@jenniele]

Also consider checking out the book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker!

[@Jules-ky1jo]

Wow. Since childhood I've been in circumstances which others would refer to as traumatic, but I've always felt invalidated because I dont have the common 'nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks' that everyone else has. This helps me to realise that I do infact have all of these symptoms and that trauma can manifest for us in different ways. I always thought that I was just used to traumatic situations but now I can see a lot of these displayed in my everyday behavior without even realizing it

[@PeaceJourney...]

I still suffered every year on Christmas. My daughter would have been 31, we lost her as an infant, her heart stopped on Christmas Eve. I came to terms with the traumatic experiences of my childhood, the symptoms of terror from the robbery (fear every time I went into a store, terror of guns and strangers) when I was younger, but the holidays still have a dark spot, usually when alone late on Christmas Eve. So many years of wrapping presents for my family, trying to wipe away the tears before they left a mark on the paper or bows. This year my youngest child turned fifteen and we decided to not have the traditional Christmas, due to the pandemic and money being tight. This is the first time I've not had pain at Christmas in decades. No tree, no decorations, one small present for each of us. Just spending time together. And this video appears on my recommendation. I feel like I have a great burden lifted, I feel empty, but not the black/red/sharp images every time I close my eyes. I feel like I am just an empty vessel waiting to be filled, and looking forward to tomorrow. I still wonder what you would have been in the world and as a person, Amy, but it doesn't hurt to think of you anymore. I am ready to try to live again. Finally, I am at peace.

[@ronnieforever1528]

I would like to send you a big virtual hug! I hope you find peace in your life

[@arianamontenegro5528]

May God give you peace and acceptance. Hugs

[@ASeeds-uc8to]

Funny on the paranoia, as I barely watched Narccicus and Echo and how they met in the forest less than a day ago and now this video was suggested and you are the first few comments that show up.But hey, It's not paranoia if its real.

[@Maa_aaV]

Lol

[@manda_musings8459]

Bless you 🥺

[@weirdchamp7790]

I don't wanna die but all my life I only enjoyed only 10% of it.

[@tomandjennacali1879]

Comrade Doggo I would say that is 100% CPTSD. Please look up some info about it. That is NOT YOU. This causes actual brain injuries that can be fixed! I promise 💕

[@westsidesmitty1]

I recently read that we spend 11% of our lives in REM (dreaming). I sincerely hope that 11% will be happy and fulfilling dreams for you. May those dreams carry over into your waking hours, and guide you to ''the path with heart'' that will give you joy. Metta!

[@matheussanthiago9685]

10% is a stretch really

[@lunafffred]

please hang in there 💜 you are loved

[@claire9547]

Yep! Me too!

[@ThePuppydog16]

I had no idea this was even a thing. I was abused physically and mentally for my first 16 years of life. All this applies and makes me feel understood

[@TippyPuddles]

Explains a lot, doesn't it?

[@joefitzgerald2762]

just make sure to actually go to a professional and not diagnose yourselves with something so serious

[@angieolsson8175]

Agree!! Really recognized myself in this video. Felt good!

[@rubii15]

You *may* have DID but that is super unlikely.

[@Justice4Skye]

People have no damn clue, I'm 38 and been abused and used my entire life. I'm so broken I'm at the point, it's all shutting down. My childhood, my own child's and then fact that I did so good as a single father for it to be wrongly taken because I couldn't afford a lawyer to fight a criminal. Noone understands how bad it is and can be. I've isolated for 4 years now. I don't even know what's going on anymore. And I've tried everything. God I wouldn't wish this upon anyone.

[@artgirl1339]

I understand how you feel. I've isolated for 10 years now. Im struggling, lonely and my parents make my life miserable every day. I put on a smile and a brave fave and pretend everything is ok because I've learnt the hard way that no one cares anyways. At the most I've gotten a "don't worry it'll be better someday" or worse " you're just trying to get attention". Everyday i wonder to myself if i would just be better off dead. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. The only thing keeping me alive rn is my cat. If i loose him I'd probably give up on life

[@digitalangel847]

I am so sorry, I'll never know what you truly experienced but I understand the feeling of isolation. I hope you are doing better and holding on, you deserve to feel safe and happy. There is very little a stranger's words can do but I genuinely worry for you and wish you the best out of life.

[@mothynx]

Gosh this made me cry. I never knew my parents were part of my CPTSD diagnosis. I remember being hit as a child for simply talking to a boy at school, not romantically, just saying bye to him. It was conditional love. My mother still to this day brainwashes me into thinking that we had a 'glamorous' childhood. When social workers came to our house, my mum gave us lollipops to make it look like we were having fun. I was also, so afraid of the social workers going to the house. I still remember my dad giving me a chilling and disgusted look after I did that. My mum would always say 'awww you hate me so much, you hate me, I know you hate me' when the social workers would visit. Soon enough, I lied to them, telling them everything was okay, just so I didn't have to face the guilt of seeing my mother so upset. When really, I just wanted safety in my family home at the age of 14.

[@stellaluv3737]

i hear you girl 😔

[@HeatherFaraMS]

Mother does exact same thing and still does 40 years later. My friends are bad for me. I don’t love her enough. My kid is fat. My house is a mess. I am bit doing enough as a full time working solo parent…right…

[@esterhudson5104]

Yeah. I wish I didn’t, but I know what you mean. Im 58, and still can’t really let it go…

[@elfglow4557]

Breaks my heart:(

[@hhn2002]

seems like she had some problems of her own too, thats usually how it works. hurt people, hurt people.

[@TentinQuarantino_]

Thank you for putting this out. I’m recovering from CPTSD. At age 49 I only suffer from 5-7 of these symptoms and even those are lessening, but it was very hard even five years ago to understand what was ‘wrong’ with me. It’s very comforting to know that someone out there understands. The best two things I ever did: 1. Cut off contact with both of my parents 2. Stop judging myself for cutting off contact with my parents

[@a_blaze]

thanks for sharing!

[@risingwolf786]

seeing this comment gives me hope that my PTSD will eventually get "better" I am a abuse and bullying survivor I was abused in foster care so I have trouble trusting women including my mom but shes never done anything wrong shes fought tooth n nail to get me back from system. I am now an adult and with her now due to disablities and not being able to live in group homes due to trauma from foster care ones and shes helping see things in different light even if I tend to be stubborn.... I sent her this video because it opened my eyes and I don't know if she was trying to tell me other day that around holidays she thinks its trauma related or not but this proves it!! this video proves my as she calls it b****y side comes out holiday time day before and when cooking some day of. I thought it was stress now I know its PTSD related due to anger piece he mentioned!! but I really hope this gets better in future

[@hippityhoppity6313]

Just because they are your parents doesnt mean they are family. Your family is a circle of people you create that love and care about you. If someone doesnt fit the bill, they are not your family.

[@retreatsupply]

That’s what I aspire to do when I grow up, not bad parents, but very morally strict parents and very intruding parents

[@Schizopantheist]

Recommended books: The Body Keeps The Score- Bessel van der Kolk Waking The Tiger- Peter Levine Trauma and Recovery- Judith Herman Complex PTSD- Pete Walker

[@mmneander1316]

Oooh!! Many thanks for the Pete Walker tip.

[@dbknits4601]

@@mmneander1316 Yes, it's Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

[@mmneander1316]

@@dbknits4601 Got it. A really excellent book. I have the feeling that the Walker book sort of saved my life (together with JH SImon _How to Kill a Narcissist_ about recovering from narcissistic abuse which I would rate as highly).

[@sawtoothiandi]

good list

[@anname7373]

My therapist recommended the first one, so yeah this list seems to check out.

[@-LunaRaine-]

I feel like should be too young to understand every single one of these... I thought I was just sensitive until I saw this video and it came to my attention that my trauma is very real. Tysm for posting this, I needed to hear it.

[@Sacred-Heart-of-Jesus829]

I've had complex PTSD from childhood sex abuse, bullying, rape. I was a single mother at the age of 16. I've had another string of events that only multiplied it. I pray everyday that God will help heal me.

[@_winter_maryrose4684]

I wish you both all the well 🙌❤️

[@yaikunamanya3038]

my god u are so strong, hope u will heal dear

[@hueyhooverhampton7060]

I hope we turn out alright too. It's like being up against a wall fighting everyone.

[@DarkMoonDroid]

💚💙💜

[@priyao5097]

You should try hypnosis therapy. It has been working splendidly for me so far when nothing else has. Wishing you the best.

[@user-gh5yt6li2u]

its hard when your undiagnosed because you dont know if you have a disorder or your just a terrible person-

[@rubii15]

That's so fucking real I'm literally 12 and wished I wasn't alive since 8 💔. Fucking hell idk what to do 🖤. Depression... 😫

[@SpookyBlueNStuff]

@@rubii15 I love you. You are NOT a "terrible person" no matter what you've done or gone through in your life. I promise. Please keep fighting. You will find the people and places that make you feel loved and safe if you just keep looking.

[@weirdkiddo6463]

so true... and that hurts.

[@sonnenschein6937]

Hey friendly remainder when you are doing well you know you're doing well you feel you are doing well. If you doubt if you need help then you probably do indeed need help. Being undiagnosed doesn't invalidate your emotions nor your experience

[@lem0nk3t]

It's you're not your

[@GlowySweetFabulous]

"We associate bliss with having to see no one ever." Spending Christmas alone by choice. That sentence sums me up.

[@3dini]

Yet, feeling guilty and selfish that you want to spend time to yourself on such a festive holiday. No? Just me? Okay.

[@Gr95dc]

Christmas alone squad unite

[@GlowySweetFabulous]

@@3dini I normally see my niece and nephews but I felt worse this year. It could be the quarantine and new variants. I just felt too overwhelmed 😞 I still feel bad I didn't see them

[@Kh5thgait]

Same.

[@nagsterthegangster]

Hey man, you'll get em next year. It's not the last holiday, keep working and eventually it won't feel like quite "so much". I'm going to my first family Christmas in the last 2 or 3 years today. Ya know a month ago it really felt like too much, but my mom asked me 3 weeks ago and It felt achievable, so i'm gunna go for it. There's 2 episodes of parks and rec where 2 characters do a day once a year they call "treat yo self", and its an awesome premise the way they handle it in the show. Cuz It feels like everyone else is working half as hard and having twice as much fun as I am sometimes if you go on FB (which I dont) or look at socials. The point is, you aint gotta do a whole day of straight ballin' out to treat yo self, it can be hitting the grocery store and grabbing dope snacks for the week. But try it out sometime when you've been doing well paper-wise and just treat yo self! Just get that $80 game (with a friend if possible, socialize a lil) and tear through it in the evenings with em online, or get that weird $150 *thing* you've wanted to do a hobby. Isolation isn't the worst thing in the world, but without direction it can be. Hobbies help in my opinion. Also gives you something to talk about with people. Take care man, wishing the best for you! :D Keep your stick on the ice, im pullin for ya!

[@jefferyscott8148]

The Trips I've been having have really helped me a lot,I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well

[@sherrimandel6983]

Psychedelic is the answer to most severe anxiety and depression...The use of magic mushrooms completely helps one get over depression and makes you feel like yourself...I used antidepressants for some years but it only made me feel like a zombie but with immediate use of mushroom 🍄 in few months I feel like I'm living a whole new Life.

[@Wizard-jf8rp]

I made researches and found out that shrooms are very helpful , it has really helped to reduce anxiety and depression and some other mental health issues..i would love to try magic mushrooms but they are hard to source!

[@jesseesquivel842]

I live in Michigan….suffering for awhile now but didnt realize how serious I may have it until recently - probably bc of @self medicating” with alcohol

[@thomasmaxime2340]

Saw some reviews about myco_louiis,checked him out and I must recommend he is a genius and an experienced mycologist

[@thomasmaxime2340]

On Inst

[@Scyber_Official]

I really wish this video came out at least 5 days before it was actually released. I wouldn't had tried to commit suicide by swallowing 60 sleeping pills in a drunken manic state (I was diagnosed as Bipolar) & then freaked out called 911, rushed to the hospital, placed in a medically induced coma to pump my stomach. Yet I am glad I called for help when I did (and my slow metabolism) because I seriously would not be typing this out. I had to get my medication re-adjusted and diagnosed with C-PTSD & Borderline Personality with underlining depression and anxiety. The doctors said I was over-medicated with the wrong meds, gave me only 2, one of which I only need to take if I'm feeling really anxious or having a panic attack. I'm getting a rush of emotions just typing all this out. As I'm typing this I'm in a safe place- a transitional living home with nurses, therapists and a psychologist, along with 9 other patients. I'm very lucky to be alive and for the help and blessings I'm currently receiving, as well as the police, paramedics, and the doctors/nurses at the hospital for saving my life. You only have one chance at life, there will be times of serious distress (like the C-19 crisis currently going on as I type this) but there is always a light at the dark tunnel, you just need to find it. Thank you, and bless you for reading this.

[@thaliakate444]

Take care of yourself 💖

[@X-Prime123]

Keep going mate.

[@YourAverageGoyl]

Tell them to shove their BPD diagnosis. CPTSD often mimics ALL the symptoms of BPD.

[@abutterfly7975]

God loves you hon and wants to help you. He also wants to tell us that he died for our sins so we could join him in heaven. All u have to do is believe Jesus is the son of God and that He died on the cross for you. U will go to heaven after that and He will work with U to change ur life.It’s the only real answer to life and after u die. I hope to see u and so many more WHEN ITS OUR TIME in heaven God bless u all!

[@Picca65]

Prayin for you!

[@ptfsndsw7028]

This hit home, I’ve always had severe anxiety, problems sleeping, and almost always revert to this sense of dread thinking about death daily, of me, my family members or people I care about.. the wish to just not exist or be born, and getting overwhelmed are extremely prominent in my daily life.

[@chimichanga.5757]

I feel you, I was hurt in my past, molested, sexually harassed at school, separation from my parent’s, my dad giving emotional abuse towards my mother, mother forcing me to pray with her until 3 am, her being co dependent on me, exploding in me and threatening to choke me, abandon me, just like my dad did, and how people at my old church would judge my mother and I because of our body and what we were wearing, calling us Jezebal and saying we’ll go to hell if we don’t wear long skirts, Being isolated and more. All these names and humiliations. Feeling oppressed and scared to just talk.

[@pepesanashamulailatpam3498]

Me too same suffering from depression, several anxiety and also because of my bad father who wants nothing but to always lazy and order us around he also disturbs my sleep schedule and education life and because of these constantly physically and mentally emotional threating and made like he wants to kill my mom and everyone he is totally psycho killer and loves to annoy our peaceful life's so much that I told my mom about this but she says she doesn't want anybody else to know otherwise they won't talk to us and they will insult, and backbite so much that I suggest you to stop looking for the trouble and be quiet she told me. And I don't have enough friends so I always write to my diary I shared with my family problems with my dairy and my daily life but father discovered and he was very angry and also burnt my only friend which is my diary while tearing them up and throw it on fire I was so upset, angry because of him I can't go out with my friends as he threatened them . And when I speak to my mom about this matter she denied that she doesn't want to do with these incidents and blamed me for bringing it up again and again because of my bad killer fthr my mom always scold me and wanted to kill me also because I was a product of forced snatching marriage child with no love and understanding with between of my parents and my mom resents me she didn't want to see me at all because of these I thought of taking my shitty life as I am only one child of their products so much that I wanted to end my life and I thought of to never born again 😑😑 and sometimes I thought no matter what I wanted to end my shitty life well for my mom she always distant and cold to me and she doesn't want to do with me always supports her husband

[@n8zog584]

@Rhea Mickens exactly. Seeing something on the internet isn't enough to diagnose yourself. In fact, many of these listed symptoms aren't limited to simply describing PTSD. That being said, if you identify with these symptoms, do seek further counsel and help. I'm not a therapist, but I have gone through therapy and I can tell you that it helps.

[@sweetcupofcoffee]

i always just refers to it as depression but here were are 10/12

[@mysteriousgirl6432]

Literally I feel you 100%

[@lynrun7375]

"We look mean we are in fact defenseless" very well said 😔

[@pinstripesuitandheels]

That's my dad to a "t". The more I learn about myself, the more I learn about my father, who I used to hate because he was a tyrant and an agressive, absent father. Basically my parents are two traumatized people who came together in an unhealthy relationship and made traumatized children. I am staunchly childfree.

[@AugustusAsgeir]

I grew up in Chicago, my first memory is of my mom tryna take my dad out. Seen a lot of death n violence, been stabbed, beat, neglected, bullied, shot at, robbed etc. Seen my brother's body after he was shot twice in the head. Appreciate this video, really needed this and that no sleep shit is real as well as the self anger plus paranoia. Also really appreciate how u used "us, our, we" I don't feel so alone. I try keeping myself busy but like u said it doesn't do much. N yeah no one noticed the household I grew up in was both violent and neglectful, so I'd dip out but outside in Southside and Westside Chicago is a warzone. Lost around 37 people since 2020, around 50+ in total and I'm only 24. Been to so many funerals, but best decision I made was leaving at 18. N too, had to kinda raise my lil sister. Also the love thing is sumn I like now actually even though it's a foreign feeling it's... idk how to put it but pleasant

[@LIVdaBrand]

Relatable. Best thing to do is leave and heal. No need to be loyal to chaos. Free yourself. Good for you.

[@christinaw8596]

😢

[@nimki7389]

d-does anyone else ever feel like if u love yourself you will become a narcissist? or is it just me-

[@ranamartin3771]

Yes!

[@ponponpatapon9670]

why do you stutter in text

[@raven3moon]

Loving yourself isn't what makes a narcissist. An inflated sense of self-importance, deep (but hidden) insecurity leading to an excessive need for external attention, and a lack of empathy for others is what makes someone a narcissist.

[@pinstripesuitandheels]

@@ponponpatapon9670 it's a way to convey the emotions behind the words, as one would do irl. The feelings I get from the comment are: disbelief, hope, anxiety, recognition, fear of rejection and an eagerness to bond. I can actually imagine the person stuttering, I can hear the tone of their voice, the expression on their face and their body language.

[@hueyhooverhampton7060]

Either we love ourselves or hate ourselves. What's the balance? I have come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what you think of yourself. Other people will hate you regardless. Therefore, the way I think about myself will no longer be available for observation. 🤪

[@yellow-mountain]

When he said we should be compassionate to our younger selves, I immediately started tearing up.

[@CoeyThomas]

Be your own loving parent.

[@mariyas.9409]

I tried to love a person with complex PTSD + bpd.. it was a nightmare, but she really knew how to support, how to be kind, but thought she didn't deserve love. heartbreaking.

[@rvnged787]

What happened man

[@RandomHippieCreations]

Hope she got the help she deserved ♥️

[@TwinTalon01]

I tried the same, and it destroyed me. Still rebuilding my life and self 5yrs later. She could be sweet for short sprints, but overall she was toxic as all hell. If you “never know which person you’ll get” when you show up to their place, leave the relationship. Period. Right there. The Jekyll and Hyde thing will ruin you, and what you might stand to gain is absolutely NOT worth it. Run. Run while you can.

[@Fukura21]

@@TwinTalon01 its kinda cruel how you view them in that way, they can’t help it, they truly love the person but they are afraid, thats why you always have to understand that mentally ill people aren’t easy to be with, but if you truly care, you have to understand our struggles, saying that would only make us hate ourselves more

[@AF3NI]

@@TwinTalon01 why you talk like people with ptsd and bordeline are all the same?its way more complicated.

[@tieflingcorpse9817]

two things that arent talked about enough with ptsd; 1. fear of abandoment is a symptom or can be one. 2. hypervigilance can also mean having outbursts of anger.

[@anabell_lee]

Perfect. Thank you.

[@inbasicterms-popculturevid1704]

Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams healing can begin.

[@LDrosophila]

Sounds pretty scary

[@jesusisapisces]

@Adora Belle make sure you credit them. Good luck with your book.

[@stevedoetsch]

Whatever you are experiencing is not what I experience as CPTSD. That sounds social/emotional, while my experience is psychological and physical.

[@l.5832]

@@stevedoetsch It would encompass all.

[@kitssch]

Wow this was helpful 👌

[@zekelong99]

Sad but it's a beautiful explanation. We becomes unstable because we actually lost the most important person in our life, ourselves.

[@DarkMoonDroid]

Actually, with childhood abuse, it's more likely we never developed a solid sense of self at all.

[@nenereyes4330]

oh barbra that is sooo true.

[@elfglow4557]

Oh man this hit me in my heart:( I just want to be normal

[@litao3679]

The part about your parents being harsh, judgemental, detached, unloving, condemning, and the mother leaving reminds me of my childhood. It's something I wouldn't wish on anyone in this life.

[@litao3679]

@M Z it may seem counter intuitive, but the only way to heal is to do forgive them, for the know not what they do. If they weren't in pain, they wouldn't lash out at others. It doesn't make it ok, or acceptable. But if we remember that their damaging actions came from pain, lost, fear, and low self worth. It doesn't make it ok. But it does help us to see things differently. I pray you find peace, and are released from that memory, because you deserve it to carry it around for the rest of your life. sending love and light to you. And wishing you freedom from the that thought. 💛🕉️🙇🙏

[@Valentina-Steinway]

Me too…

[@litao3679]

@M Z beautiful 🌻💛🙏

[@litao3679]

@@Valentina-Steinway ☀️💛🙏

[@lilY-f1t]

I got this disorder from being bullied when I was in 6th grade. It really screwed up my mental health badly.

[@saturn5063]

I've always thought my trauma was never 'bad enough to have just PTSD, but now that I watch more videos and read more articles, I think I might have CPTSD. I've always compared my trauma (emotional neglect and verbal abuse from parents, verbal and some physical abuse from sister) to my friend (physical abuse from dad) and always kind of wished mine was worse so I could feel valid. I'm so thankful for this, even though coming to terms with my trauma is hard and it makes me feel helpless, I'm really trying:D

[@n0namesowhatblerp362]

Same! I also thought that i was just stupid. A childish idiot who deserves to just disappear of from this earth because look what that person went through...my experiences werent that bad...So i must be just completly awful...Unfortunately i had a moment from this video happening, just by reading the comments with people and their much worse experiences, i feel so useless. I should be ok compared to them, how can i have failed this hard at life.

[@phoebesmith8154]

I have this so hard! I was always told I was a hypochondriac/overreacting. It’s hard to accept labels for me now as I feel like I’m not bad enough to warrant them.

[@jclyntoledo]

Please read, "Complex PTSD:from surviving to thriving" by Pete Walker.

[@phoebesmith8154]

@@jclyntoledo I’m in the middle of that right now 😍

[@MeJustAimy]

mine feels even less bad than that.

[@AlloftheGoodNamesAreTaken]

In 8 minutes I learned more about my CPTSD and felt more “heard” than with any therapist ever. Tells you all you need to know about therapy in the US. I’m not joking. I’ve had therapists shame me for some of these reactions to life.

[@themagicalllama8514]

My therapist blamed me for my abuse and another therapist always picked my parents side without even listening to my siblings or I sides. It's extremely hard to find a good therapist. I thankfully found one but went through a counselor, a psychologist, another counselor, and a therapist before I found someone who actually helped.

[@tallic967]

@@themagicalllama8514 oh Jesus, hope you're okay, that honestly scares me

[@toongamer2810]

I mean, good ones exist lol.

[@themagicalllama8514]

I mean yeah, but you have to go through hopes to find one. Just because there are good ones doesn't lessen the negative effects a bad one can have on you.

[@Definitelynotanalienoranything]

Do yourself a favour and dont refer to is as "MY" CPTSD. Your identifying with it as if your protecting it. People do this alot with depression but if you really want to end it you need to see it at an unwelcome part of your current paychology and reconnect with the you from before this all started.

[@marra5203]

Being the survivor of a death of a brother, sexual abuse as a child, family in debt and no perspective in live, and being so strict with myself I managed to finish my PhD and become a professor yet still think about suicide every single day, this hit bullseye for me.

[@piaberni3735]

Omg I feel you so much. The more I Managed to be successful the more I realised "that wasnt it".

[@amberc3728]

Lots of love to you.❤

[@lordbeerus8750]

suicide is not the way, i have also ptsd and it is quite terrifying one. When I sleep or eat I see 100s of dead peoples around me . I have been to many psychiatrist and they didn't help me at all. I am struggling very hard to overcome my trauma and yet i have never had any suicidal thoughts, cuz I believe life is precocious.

[@GM-jv9jz]

@@lordbeerus8750 Hundreds of dead people around you? I doubt it. Your a wack job.

[@KINGSNADDY]

I was diagnosed with C-PTSD last year, as I grew up in a pretty rough and abusive household. This video really opens up the daily struggle people face after severe, repeated trauma. My support goes out to all those who are dealing with C-PTSD or any mental health issues, you aren’t alone!! ❤️

[@artemefimov8215]

Judging by your pfp, mister ride helped you to get through it?

[@euhm]

You aren't alone... Hah, we are so very alone. All the time. All th f****ing time...

[@ITI-xi5zx]

is it ok if I ask how you went about getting a diagnosis? where does one go?

[@Hi_there11828]

I’m not sure if I also have complex PTSD but I’m also from an abusive household. I hate physical touch and I flinch whenever someone simply puts their hand up.

[@ITI-xi5zx]

@@Hi_there11828 I flinch at loud noises/swift motions, too. I was beaten a lot as a child, so the flinching, I think, is a really common symptom of childhood abuse for people like us

[@888anonyme888]

After 25 years of being strong, my body just broke down. My fight of flight response won’t switch off, I feel like I’m in danger even tho there’s nothing threatening happening. I think this is what I am, thank you for this video, I’m finally able to get the help I need

[@unclebruce3045]

I used to wonder if anyone else felt like this when I was a kid. I've just turned 50 and I now know that I was carrying so much un-discharged energy in my nervous system that I literally couldn't function and when I was 18...I thought I was schizophrenic. 4 years ago my therapist told me that "if you have the presence of mind to wonder if you're schizophrenic...... you're definitely not schizophrenic". He was (and still is) my Gandalf. I have all the symptoms (and miraculously, all my marbles!) but have only fairly recently admitted to myself just how awful and scary my childhood and young adulthood was. I used to wear it like a badge of honour... like it made me tough or something. Once you come to terms with and finally accept what happened... it slowly begins to change. And let your wounded inner child know you would never let them go through such things and that they are loved beyond measure. It actually works. ❤❤❤❤❤

[@andihandru.7985]

"We are shouting because we're terrified. We look mean, we are in fact defenseless." I stated crying here. My feelings, thoughts, opinions and so on were so neglected in my childhood that now i am shouting about anything. Then i feel bad, of course. It happens mostly with my parents, i don't shout at my friends and so on. Hopefully I'll get help soon. I am hoping everyone in this comment section is doing alright. Wishing you all the best!

[@sil5056]

@Marty Moose Militia hey, i know you’re probably 9 years old and think it’s funny to say, but this is a serious topic. please don’t invalidate people like that

[@sil5056]

@Marty Moose Militia …it’s not just what i think, it’s more like human decency

[@victoria_m13]

got a similar situation (plus totally neglected ex-husband). treated my c-ptsd for 2 years now and finally feeling it melted away - slowly, but surely. there is hope for people like us ❤️

[@annatheke4851]

@Marty Moose Militia You might think your trolling is funny, it‘s not, people like you are just annoying

[@annatheke4851]

@Marty Moose Militia Yeah and I don‘t see people asking you to comment your mental diarrhea

[@krejados1]

Childhood neglect, sadism and physical violence turned me into a people pleaser. People pleasing made me a prime target for narcissistic abuse - a whole lifetime's worth. I now realise that my people pleasing skills - going along to get along, a survival mechanism from childhood, has been my bane. These behaviors are so deeply ingrained that, in the rare times I interact with people, I find myself falling right back into them even though I'm aware of the harm they cause. Now 60, I've found peace in solitude. I don't see any need to get close to anyone again.

[@Jstomper14]

this is so relateable. i'm 30 now and have pulled away from people and socializing. i go to work, hit the gym, watch football and text ppl every few months to hangout. trying to overcome this pain is hard but changing myself was long overdue. i hope we all find peace someday.

[@n0namesowhatblerp362]

I feel the same.- Its gotten to the point where people dont see it as people pleasing, they find it anoying, which puts even more preassure on me to do somethign im extremly uncomfortable with and boom and ill isolating myself for a while after that.

[@Jstomper14]

@@n0namesowhatblerp362 In my experience being nice to other people only made me a target for their disrespect. People pleasing has to stop so that others will show you respect. You have to be the center of your universe. You have to be the source of your happiness.

[@Jstomper14]

@@Rollwithit699 This is terrible, i'm sorry to hear all this. Get a therapist, journal your thoughts, read books (Trauma by Dr. Paul Conti is a good one), watch podcasts where people with similar experiences speak about their pain and overcoming it, meditate, speak kindly to yourself, don't blame yourself, avoid as much negativity as you can and love yourself.

[@krejados1]

@@Rollwithit699 Such fantastic timing, Roll. I just watched a vid of Chris Hedges interview psychologist Gabor Mate where they discuss that very thing. If you'd like, I can hunt up the link for you. (Dang it! Am I people-pleasing again? Or am I just being nice? Hard to tell; that dilemma is ever-present for me. And you?) As for healing... the first step is mothering yourself into adulthood. Forgive yourself for everything your childhood self endured, that you blame yourself for. It never was your fault or your blame to shoulder. (My therapist recommended I wrap my arms around myself and cry it out. It was surprisingly effective.) Beyond that step, healing is a personal journey, dear. If you can, make what happened to you as something external to yourself so you can view it objectively. Once you remove the wrongdoing from your pain, it becomes no longer a part of you. It becomes academic, not personal. Unfortunately, the scars are for life. But if, in the end, you are at peace, they will adorn rather than haunt you. My best to you.

[@strangelola]

"We need to relearn to love someone we very unfairly hate beyond measure... Ourselves" Wow.

[@G_Speaks94]

This made me cry. I’m pretty sure my “anxiety disorder not other specified” diagnosis is really just CPTSD. I suffered from early childhood trauma, including repeated mother-child separation before the age of 2. Lived in a homeless shelter, moved around a lot as a kid, had a single mom working a lot and have always struggled with attachment issues… the pain of separating means I avoid interacting with those people afterwards, and unintentionally cutting people off has caused them so much pain. I feel like an emotional black hole, sucking people in because I can’t get enough so I keep walled up. Mental health issues started early, and having ADHD in K-12 really messed with my head. I thought I was just worse at everything than everyone else! I thought I was “stupid.” My mom tried but I think there was emotional neglect due to her own CPTSD. Then when I was 19 I developed a chronic illness that brought on medical trauma and some agoraphobia. I’ve got a lot of resiliency factors plus I’m an overthinker & raised to downplay my own struggles, so I think it’s why it got missed by my therapists over the years. My last serious therapist laughed at me and told me my experiences weren’t traumatizing so I have therapy trust issues… but by doing my own therapy research & putting years of therapy experience to use… I’m staying afloat. I try to always look for the silver lining & take solace in small moments. But yoga makes me hypervigilant. My experiences might not have been “that bad” to some but the deep emotional pain has been real. These days I have a job I really like and am good at. I know people like me at my work, and that I make peoples days better. I didn’t mean to bare my soul here but appreciate the platform. Thank you for posting this video.

[@danas5846]

sorry all that’s happened- regardless, you’re completely valid. hope you’re doing well.

[@catie7466]

im so sorry you went through all this. your trauma is completely valid. i have chronic illnesses that also started around age 19 (im 21 now). i also experienced lots of medical gaslighting and trauma by doctors who didn't believe me or were just generally insensitive and rude while i was in a horrible physical/mental state. im happy you'fe doing better now. ive been up and down but overall feel like im healing and growing.

[@Dahfukc]

You writing this made me cry! So many things are indeed overlooked by therapists. It only shows that it’s mainly up to you, you know yourself better than anyone else ever could. Therapy does work don’t get me wrong, they point out the most noticeable mental health problems making it easier to heal. Then you are left with the inner trauma that therapist overlook possibly because the denial, and pain the trauma holds that keep you from confronting it. Sorry I had no idea how to explain this but I hope it makes sense

[@spobbob216]

Hey I'm so sorry this happened to u, it made my cptsd look weak compare to this, in all seriousness tho I hope you're doing well and your feeling great, how are you right now tho :)

[@Nickilob2006]

This kind of therapist should be in prison for not doing their job right Well, maybe not in prison, but you know what i mean

[@ChonkChicken]

As someone who went through many awful years during my childhood, this was so moving and helpful. A lot of things you mentioned I thought we normal things, I had no idea that they could be a sign of Complex PSTD. Thank you for this video.

[@zve6]

moai good _🗿_ 👍😊

[@NoTaboos]

I went through many awful years during my childhood, but now I'm fine. You simply need hobbies and interests.

[@runthemeows1197]

@@NoTaboos ah yes, the equalent of saying "just be happy duh" to depressed people. Jesus christ theres a level of ignorant in people i cant comprehend

[@DangSensei77]

@@runthemeows1197 Says the person who can’t string together a grammatically correct sentence while hating on someone else for their ignorance. Clown.

[@DangSensei77]

@@runthemeows1197 You can’t comprehend it because you aren’t intelligent enough. Maybe go read a book or two? Like they said. Get a hobby and quit complaining.

[@littlebit1214]

6:40 "One of the great discoveries of researchers in Complex PTSD is that emotional neglect within outwardly high achieving families can be as damaging as violence in obviously deprived ones"

[@aleccope1320]

10 years ago I had nearly every one of these. After consciously working towards improving myself and surpassing my life's challenges im happy to say I have nearly none of these. It can get better. 💜

[@user-eo9to7wd2t]

What did you do?

[@arichardson5903]

How?

[@djjohnston8759]

Thank you for sharing your hope!

[@johnnaoliver1839]

Thank you 💕 Gives us hope. Been on my healing path for 4 years. Even though I've also made great strides, my shit just got worse. But I think I've learned the greatest lesson in life that I needed to. That will be the very last "bad thing" I allow ever again so long as I have the control to that extent...

[@YY-fj9yl]

I am happy for you, hope I do the same!

[@SeedsAndStuff]

Don’t tell people what you’re dealing with they’ll factually exploit it to try to use it against you in a negative way

[@SeedsAndStuff]

Context exclusive to this post

[@SeedsAndStuff]

@Testa Rossa remember your words are important 9/10 if you come across those narcissistic people acting like they don’t understand after you know you’ve made yourself clear in multiple ways internalize their actions a understand it’s Them deliberately trying to attack u mentally

[@campanita6711]

@@SeedsAndStuff wow

[@campanita6711]

@@SeedsAndStuff so tru

[@sadiemakesmesmile]

somewhat true... I think it depends very much if you have at least one friend who you really trust. I have a friend who also has CPTSD and we really understand each other :). .... but def I have told people who exploited it.

[@raviennaise]

hurts in a different kind of way to see your entire personality boiled down perfectly into 12 attributes

[@NobleWolf33]

It does . Surprisingly I teared down… I’m hardly ever emotional .

[@celineypie]

❤️❤️

[@1232002Jarne]

Reading yourself on paper / this is indeed confronting

[@GenX_Tech]

This is absolutely the most accurate video I have seen today. I hit all 12 of these signs. This is exactly me at this point, my guard is never down.

[@corvus5801]

I thought this stuff was normal... the constant overwhelming fear that everything could suddenly turn back the way it used to be was something I've convinced myself of being a natural human trait. This has opened my eyes and I'm sure it has for many, thank you

[@zidahya]

Well the thing is, it is a normal human trait.

[@corvus5801]

@@zidahya that's not what the video says, but if you are a trained psychiatric professional feel free to explain why they are wrong

[@aeromotex]

@@corvus5801 no, he's right. nobody's life is perfect, it is completely human to be afraid like this. life is hard

[@fr0gmouthz]

When I was younger, all I usually got was yelled at and hit if I would do anything that was wrong- Get a C? Get yelled at, and lord forbid I got a D in my grades. Be too loud? Yelled at and/or hit. Im not going to get into more detail. My parents would constantly fight, and I would lose sleep, it started getting to the point where I could never relax as if someone was about to yell or hit me again. I was bullied at school, nowhere felt safe. If someone yelled a little to loud, I would go into a state of high alert and scream if anyone touched me. I was (and still am) afraid of men, my dad never was the best person and whenever he'd get mad, it was terrible, and now I just think that all men are like that and are very cautious around them. Like stepping on a mine field. Constant state of being exhausted, like living was the only thing exhausting me. I constantly feel like everyone is judging me, whenever I say anything and people go quiet, I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. Right now I'm just shaking even talking about this, lol. I don't really know why I wrote all this, I guess I just needed to rant. If you guys need to get something off you chest feel free to tell me.

[@pinstripesuitandheels]

Have a hug. You deserve kindness, warmth, and love.♥️ Also, apart from your specific circumstances, we are very alike in our responses. I too, am afraid of men. I do not like to be touched, I scream like a Banshee when startled and am always on alert. I even wake up anxious! Thank you for sharing, because in our likeness, you give me affirmation that I really did suffer trauma and it's not me being dramatic or imagining things.

[@lehkitteh9927]

I hear you

[@lynnromenesko3140]

Thank you for sharing. Everything you wrote i resonate with. I had an angry, abusive father..depresses mother...anger/sadness in home. At school bullied. No safety anywhere. I dont trust others especially men. Life feels exhausting. Reading this made me not feel alone.

[@Jay-breezy100]

you deserve better, and your parents dropped the ball and or failed you. They lied to you. everything negative they ever said or did you was really for themselves. You are worthy and deserving of good things and love and affection. what they did was and is not ok or acceptable. and it was not your fault nothing you could have said or done would have changed them. Give yourself a hug, tell little you what you needed to hear back then. over and over again. You are in control of your life now. you don't owe them anything. Be free xoxo

[@vegasjade5557]

sending you hugs. i relate a lot to what you described

[@KarenFoo]

Diagnosed with it today by the doctor. Yes i overworked myself. I got all the money, prestige i dream of. People supporting me. But 1 hater commenting on my social media is enough to trigger. It's so tiring

[@beaulieuc8910]

I agree, comming on social media can be hard. I get triggered by a lot of negativity. Have a good day

[@PrincessCMHG]

I pray everyone reading this receives healing & peace ❤️

[@ohworrrd9830]

Sometimes denying it for so long makes me feel crazy just can’t go through it man. Keep y’all heads up 💯

[@toric1123]

This is the most beautifully addressed piece I’ve ever read/watched about PTSD and mental health. The care in saying “we”, the thoughtful explanations, and the simple yet not understated solutions. I wish more people could write like this

[@BilliePosters]

its a youtube video not a painting hen, theres no need to call it a piece.

[@katrinkasanfranciscobayare7364]

"The loneliest people are the kindest, the saddest people smile the brightest, and the most damaged people are the wisest. All because they don't wish to see others suffer like they do" ~ anonymous ~

[@Susana75158]

Beautifully said.

[@katrinkasanfranciscobayare7364]

@@Susana75158 Thank you but they're not my words. I've Loved, borrowed and shared these words for several years now. Please feel free to borrow and share them as well. I love these words so much that throughout the years I have made copies and had them laminated and handed them out. I don't know it just gives me a feeling of self-worth. I appreciate your kind message. Thank you💞 Mahalo and Aloha From Katrinka, San Francisco Bay Area🌺🌴

[@faniaba7414]

I don't wish others suffer like I do but I still want them to get an idea of what it's like.

[@katrinkasanfranciscobayare7364]

@@faniaba7414 💞💞hugs from me to you💞💞

[@selfawaretoast-yt]

Very well said

[@QuestionEverythingButWHY]

“Anybody can look at you. It's quite rare to find someone who sees the same world you see.” ― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

[@agstinacueva1673]

Its impossible idk what was Green thinking.

[@Epilogue_04]

I recently was mean with a friend who was trying to understand and look at how i view the world, now she is angry with me i feel so bad.

[@viketouliemetha450]

I love the book. 10/10 wouldn't drink hand sanitizers again

[@kerplunk9434]

This video made me realize how much healing Ive done. There are flashbacks that will never go away but Im now more hopeful, mentally/emotionally stronger and not so negative.

[@KishBish]

when he went under the rock and smiled.. yeah, I felt that..💔

[@jiminycricket6428]

Me too, I often dream of living in the woods isolated but yeah never going to happen :D At least were not alone.

[@NoName-pu5ls]

Spot on! 💞 if anyone who suffers from CPTSD is reading this, you are worthy! One thing this video did not mention was the vivid nightmares, that's where my dog helps.

[@ShifanawazWellnessPlaceForYou]

How? How does your dog help?

[@NoName-pu5ls]

@@ShifanawazWellnessPlaceForYou when I have a night terror dream like state I get up and run ( sometimes I hit the wall n ouch!) Before this happens my 1 dog notices I'm struggling in my sleep n he barks loudly in my face to wake me completely up. My focus goes directly to my dog n calming down...he is a great pyrenees one of the most intelligent dog breeds..he was never trained to do this he just does it on his own...helps greatly!!

[@ShifanawazWellnessPlaceForYou]

@@NoName-pu5ls This is so reassuring! He is aware of your pain before you. This is great. To know that one would be rescued before the ghoulish images can cause a Tsunami of anxiety, is like a lifeline being thrown to you. A pat on the wise head ⭐of your dog from me! Lucky you. I have a cat who couldn't be bothered even the slightest 🤔. Take care. Stay Blessed, stay peaceful. 🙂

[@NoName-pu5ls]

@@ShifanawazWellnessPlaceForYou lol yes I have a cat too, he has an attitude. Thank you!! Sending you well wishes!!😸😊

[@ShifanawazWellnessPlaceForYou]

🙂🐈

[@verlouria]

I started crying watching this. I'm all 12 signs. 😥 I have moments of "everything is good/ok/safe" which are immediately followed by thoughts of "it's a trap. you know it won't last. don't let your guard down." I constantly feel like the worst person in the world and the thought of meditating feels impossible. My neck, shoulder muscles are like rocks and have been since I was a child. I don't know how to even relax them or if its possible.

[@kimberlybogert7031]

Hugs(⊃｡•́_•̀｡)⊃(⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃

[@yondermileslimpey3892]

You get to leave in six years. You get to live your own life starting then. Creating your own story outside of the people that are holding you down. You can get a job at 15 if it doesnt conflict with your studies and could have a decent amount of money saved so at 18 you can have the downpayment for your first apartment and a running car. I'm 28 and still feel like I cant do anything bc my mom and other abusers are constantly clouding my mind. You deserve more than what your abusers are putting you through. Dont accept anything less. You are so important and have so much time and resources to do anything you want or like.

[@Србомбоница86]

Yup ,my neck is constantly achy and stiff

[@colinray4186]

perpetuallt waiting for the other shoe to drop

[@queenhenryviii]

Your syntax is well beyond that of a 12 year old…Even stranger that your profile says you joined KZbin 14 years ago. Get offline and go get yourself some therapy.

[@pepijnschermer5002]

Thanks for this video. A lot of these signs were once familiar, I've been struggling with this for the better part of my first thirty years and thankfully almost all of them are solved or greatly diminished now over the span of the last ten years. I wish everybody struggling with these symptoms all the strength and peace of mind in the world they need.

[@thehorse5307]

I lost my twin brother when I was 6. His loss, as well as my mother and father's emotional unavailability on account of their grief left me overwhelmingly numb and colourless. Just a few years later my wonderful cousin, the only person who brought life to me again after I hadn't felt alive in years, died aswell. I truly felt finished with the world. It's only in the past year or two that I've actually made a conscious effort to be alive again. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I think I just wanted someone to know, anyone really. I guess now that I'm typing this out I've realised maybe all I really wanted was for someone to hear my voice like those two always did. I was an incredibly sad child, yet everyone just thought I was well behaved. I wasn't quiet out of choice. I was quiet because I felt I had nothing left to say to the world. I felt I was merely a ghost watching the world pass by him.

[@teamars3185]

Every body needs a witness. I am very sorry for your loss of your dear twin brother and your supportive cousin. No part of that is fair or easy. Truth is most of us aren't trained to deal with loss or grief in this life. Too bad, because life is suffering in between the good bits. Hope you have more good bits. Peace.

[@thehorse5307]

@@teamars3185 Thank you for taking the time to read this. Bless your heart and have a lovely day ❤️❤️

[@teamars3185]

@@thehorse5307 Indeed I will, it is lovely to share a moment of kind connection even over the interweb. Thank you❣

[@williamwilson5577]

I get you, and I feel so much for you. Bless you and your family. You deserve a better life now.

[@reginaphalange7074]

I see you I feel you All I've ever wanted is for someone to listen too, I get where you're coming from and I am so sorry for your loss They're both your guardian angels now❤️