270. Shadow Work: How to Begin and What to Expect

In this video I address appropriate shadow work starting points, the role of childhood memories in shadow work and what kind of things you can expect to experience during a committed shadow work journey. Please check out my shadow work playlist for other videos about this topic.
Video about repeating negative cycles and how to deal with them: • 116. How to End a Nega...
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IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: My advice videos usually present a number of different possibilities and suggestions, some of which may be more relevant to your situation than others. Please ensure that you TAKE WHAT RESONATES AND LEAVE THE REST. None of the advice I offer is intended to be taken as gospel, and when I suggest certain exercises or mindset shifts, I am offering them to people GENERALLY rather than to you SPECIFICALLY. I don’t know your personal situation and my advice videos are therefore not made with you in mind. What might be great advice for one person to try might be terrible advice for you! You are ultimately responsible for your actions and decisions.
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Kelly-Ann Maddox
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PLEASE NOTE: It has become too difficult to respond to all snail mailers with hand-written ‘thank you’ notes but I still want to say thanks for everything I receive and let you know that it got to me, so please do include your email address!

[@a_bookish_gemini]

You, my dear, have no idea how much of an inspiration you are. Please don't ever stop doing what you're doing. And please don't ever wear long sleeves again. You are a fucking beacon of light for so many out there, including me.

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+Angie Ray

[@karinvala731]

I just want to say how much it means to me to come across a youtuber I really like and discover her arms look like mine (11 years SH free). And that you don't cover them up either. I haven't met anyone else so yeah. Just wanted to let you know. Visibility matters. 🖤

[@kelly-annmaddox]

Babe, this made my week 💖💖💖💖 Thank you for this comment. I only just realised this year how empowering it can be for others when I own my scars and wear whatever I like! 💞⚡🔥💥 Congrats on being 11 years free!

[@Skull_slinger]

I second the original comment. You are so inspiring! I don't hide my scars either and when people give me crap about it, I just let them know that I'm not the same person I was when these occurred.

[@jillianbee7493]

I did a bit of meditation for shadow work purposes earlier, and the first image that appeared in my mind was a hallway from my old middle school and instantly I went "ew oh god here we go" Twelve year old me and current me need to learn to get along

[@iuliandimoftedimofte8412]

Hy i did some meditation today aswel.After 10 min of it i ejected felt very scared and start shaking.Everything was emplified.

[@BreFaucheux]

"There is no coming to consciousness without pain." That is so incredibly true. I love listening to you. Your voice soothes me. I bought a few books on Jung after hearing you talk about him so many times. His way of thinking is fascinating just from what you have explained. I've done a little shadow work but I haven't really delved into it. I would love to really dig my teeth into it.

[@witchydogmom3281]

You look sooooooooo cute with your hair in a pony!

[@bilko1971]

Thank you I have been following the methods that Teal Swan and Byron Katie use but id be interested to use yours and see how i fair. Gone off shadow work a little was its a bit like a spiders web for me. The more stuff i clear, the more appears and i seem to get stuck in it. But i do it 24/7 sometimes, its like a lifestyle, or was. I think thats partly because there was a lot of paddling rather than diving deep. Its far better to dive deep and then you fall through the other side. Paddling just gets you wrinkly toes.

[@leenaparsons5178]

I can't even tell you how helpful and relevant this is.

[@shonna_77]

The metaphor of the ball of yarn, and shadow work as unravelling the knots is apt. This is exactly what shadow work feels like for me. I have used this exact analogy telling my husband how it feels. Like all the "stuff" is still there, but I can see what's what as I untie the knots, and be more conscious in how I react to situations that before would have caused the knots to act up without my consent (not to say "I'm done" -- it's a life-long unraveling, no doubt).

[@Skull_slinger]

So glad I found you, I have felt compelled to do shadow work for a long time, I had a hell of a time getting info on how to properly go down the rabbit hole. Thank you so much!

[@ihatemickiegee]

you’re the best witchy youtuber there is, you don’t try to make it look pretty or flashy, you don’t just present a topic and say 3 points on it and show off ur pretty stuff and end it, you choose any SPECIFIC topic and FULLY explore it with us. it means so much to me, because every time i see a flashy witch on youtube i ask myself if what i believe in even means as much as i think it does (that of which i always know in my heart does have that extreme significance) but then i watch one of your videos and within 5 minutes i’m reminded how special and actually important the work we do is and i hear you have full ass discussions about EVERYTHING i care about and plenty of things i never even considered. that means more to me than anything. you don’t present witchcraft as something just pretty and fun and can be helpful in life, you just uncover it and bring it all to light it in ALL it’s truth and you have to know how much we appreciate that. i love you!!!!!!! (PS you look PERFECT in this! i love ur short sleeves i love you in black clothes and hair especially tied-back hair and simple makeup bc u are just beautiful. ok love u bye)

[@MsTerraStar]

Hey barbie eyes. Shadow love September maybe? Also I've never ever noticed your scars before and I was kind of... taken aback by how many there are. And to me that really shows that you can always come back from the pit you go down. Whatever it may be. So inspiring you are. I want to be as amazing as I think you are at some point in my lifetime.

[@DreamWizard9]

Shadowwork is a constant for me. It's one of the best ways to grow as a being. Although I must say it is not easy to stay objective about oneself, I feel.

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+DreamWizard9 Do you work with the chakras at all? I find that doing a crown chakra activation before beginning a shadow work session helps me to produce that wondrous, non-judgmental objective distance which helps me to look at what I'm doing without berating myself for doing it. It could help you. :)

[@DreamWizard9]

+The Four Queens Thanks for the tip! I will try that out :) Yes, I activate and balance my chakras :)

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+DreamWizard9 Sweet - hope that helps!

[@jocarter7335]

I know I'm almost a year late, but as soon as you said "I was born, I grew up.." my mind went straight to Louis. Beautiful Louis, such a tortured (and damn fine) soul. Lol!

[@ambermoonraven6194]

I have been embracing some shadow aspects of myself recently. I am seeing that at some point where it could drive some people a little nuts depending on what aspects they are working with . I understand that you must embrace and recognize that part of you, but is there some point where certain darker aspects need to be recognized and maybe used artistically and then be put away because they are dangerous or could mess with your sanity if lingered with too long. Have you ran into this aspect in working with shadow work?

[@Letha222]

Lots of interesting nuggets in this video. Some of the highlights from my notes: Roots and stems Amplify and underline aspects of our personality to play a role Take tea with whatever is behind the wall Harvest your excuses So glad I decided to watch this shadow work playlist. Thanks for maintaining them on your channel.

[@AgapiEinai]

My bf and I got a lot out of this richly illuminating video. I was introduced to shadow work earlier this year by your channel, and this is the clearest explanation of shadow work I have seen yet! Thank you for being you

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+AgapiEinai Thanks for checking it out, darlings! I'm so pleased that it was helpful!

[@onesunnyday5699]

I wish I had found you sooner. That said, it is probably most relevant at this particular time. 😊

[@raundar2886]

I have always had a hard time journaling but I feel it is important part of growing and learning about ones self. Is there a guide book out there or do you have any helpful tips on a process one could use to get into healthy journaling habits and really get thoughts from head to paper.

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

Start out with things that seem nonthreatening. Who do you admire? What do you think about bunnies? What TV characters do you identity with and why (or book characters). You don't have to jump into the deep end, you can wade in slowly. Things will start to open up. It's OK to take it slow. When you feel confused about something, that's probably a good place to work. Confusion is yourself hiding something from yourself. Working in hypotheticals works really well too (don't worry if its right or wrong in the begining just write down what comes out) if you ask yourself "how do I feel about that?" And you say "I don't know," ask "what would I say it was if I did know...?" How *might* I feel about it? What *might* it be. And then answer whatever comes into your head. Working with a hypothetical is less threatening and helps relax your defenses. If you hit on the truth, you will feel it, if you are ready. If you're not ready yet, you just keep trying to tease it out. But in the beginning just get used to engaging. Start writing long passages on why you hate spinach or why you love spinach or whatever. Go deeply into "shallow" things. It can help you find your voice. This is what I think, I hope it helps. (You can also write third person/fiction such as "Alexandra won the billion dollar lottery and this is what she did." Etc. I think 100% the important thing is just to START.

[@carolynw45]

Kelly-Ann thank you, not beginning with childhood is a relief! I've done so much work on myself and paid out a small fortune, tired of retelling my story because each therapist has different points if view. The stuff that holds me back in this time, this moment, is self love that's a difficult one for me and yes it has it's roots in childhood through to adulthood. But I don't wish to go on the me too wagon, banging on and parent blaming! (PS I loved your video about changing your name and family stuff very smart indeed) xx So shadow working appeals to me very much. Lots of love & blessings xx💋

[@PaganScholar]

This is a courageous video. You have my admiration and respect. Wonderful advice and I look forward to more videos! Also, your eye shadow is on point! Love it!

[@piolin23iq]

Hey!!! ¿You copy me!!! Was interested on buying my LED ZEPPELIN Shirt before I started my shadow work. Nice concept of coincidence!!! Wow 😮 one more reason I should start now. Thank you 🙏. “ And the barring shall continue until the moral improves” Nietzsche

[@palmskrymme]

There's a great dreaming book by Savary and Berne that gives wonderful prompts about this.

[@llengsuch3426]

"Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can't even imagine, or maybe I just don't want to. Five hundred yards... that's the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile. Andy Dufresne - who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side." . . . Going through "the motions".

[@onesunnyday5699]

Mine is a big, red door & I'm finally ready to open it & look behind it. I've been in & out of therapy for decades & always dropped out when it came to opening that door. Shadow work IS scary & not to be done in a fragile state or before we're really ready. I've built a wall so big, high & thick I haven't cried in many years. Stuff it down, down, down. It's gonna be a big ugly cry when it finally comes up & the walls come down. My tarot is helping 😊

[@littleblue752]

I love your creative use of intro names for your viewers! They are so sweet :)

[@1luv4j]

I have had radiation sickness and mutation with pain for 44 years. Yes I got me to.grand master of understanding. Get US Marine heart on I like how it sucks. No pleasere with out pain. Yin Yang

[@moonstonemayven6872]

I swear i love you Kelly. I been following for years. Your advice always rings helpful.

[@zzhettyzz1549]

The way you explained Shadow Work helped explain it to me so much and makes me want to go tear down that wall that keeps smacking me in the face recently. Thank you for being so inspiring and awesome!

[@supzcapri]

I wonder if I can start shadow work or just keep watching all the video Listening itself is therapeutic

[@kayleemegan2759]

hey, i love this video i always get excited for shadow work related ones.. i was wondering, if i wanted to learn more about jung or get more into jung, what books would you recommend? thank you! hope youre doing good!

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+Kaylee Thompson I'd recommend starting by reading Jung's memoirs - Memories, Dreams, Reflections. It's a great starting point. :)

[@cindykurneck]

Thank you. You are teaching me so much, and allowing me to grow. thank you.

[@PeachPlastic]

Haha, I appreciate the Interview with the Vampire reference! Sisterhood of ever-goth witches :D

[@vikingwitch7181]

You are so full of great advice and wisdom! Thank you so much for sharing

[@Lisa_In_Canada]

Jeeze-a-loo that was amaze-balls!! Wow, sooooo much to think about as usual !!! thank you!! :)

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+Lisa Weezi Gaverluk :D

[@claremiller9979]

I know this an older video but maybe someone will see it - I agree with you so much about the emotions over memories (or "memories") for working out where to go. I have very few memories of most of my childhood but in therapy I get emotional and teary talking about certain things and my psyche said that's the true marker - the emotions *are* the memory, the only one you need to be able to then take steps to make things better for yourself.

[@imdivyamenon]

what will I do without you? *sobs*

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+TheSimplechunk Am I going somewhere?!

[@StephanieV04]

I find your videos so inspirational. Thank you for speaking so frankly and open about topics such as shadow work. Quite often your videos end up calling me out on my bullshit and are often exactly what I need to hear so thank you!

[@daveymcteer6804]

I have been studying shadow work the past year. This talk has really helped me make it applicable to working on my shadow by the ideas and examples. Thank you

[@Jason-ry7hs]

Love your videos, thanks for all the hard work and info you put out for everyone who loves taro and the occult...XOXO

[@deboyskyswuzzz]

hey what if the fear of a catastrophic ending of the lockdown made me want to do shadow work?

[@TanyaMaster]

dude, you're a fucking legend.

[@redforrori]

"The bullshit carousel". Genius.

[@charlesihnot4035]

Ooh 111 comments. Woop. Good video

[@reallifescenarios77]

I love this video and your accent

[@bubbles-o72]

interesting very informative

[@tanukimikan5162]

Jung thought wrotJung personally wrote that women were incapable of logical árgumentation, as it could only happen thorugh the animus, but the animus disorts the process, in his opinion. Also, a man needs assistance of anima to asess his feelings, according to him. I don't see the need for such a theories, unless one views everyone through a thick lense of gender streotypes, and not as a human (a multifaceted being, for whom it is natural to be both capable of rationaliy and emotions) in the first place. That person was a product of his era, and unfortunately not big enough as a person to step over that. The way he wrote about women was also kind personal in a negative way. Cough... misogynic. Be careful whom you name a Teacher.

[@kelly-annmaddox]

I'm not a moral absolutist when it comes to those whose work has influenced me. I acknowledge his limitations whilst still marvelling at plenty of his theories. I think so many peeps who likes Jung's works are really good with critical thought.

[@TheStitchinWitch]

If Kelly-Ann were an oracle card... Queen of Analogies... tee hee! I had a big lightbulb moment when you talked about asking yourself if you were putting someone in a box, like did your mother live up to your idea of what a perfect mother would be, and then feeling let down when you find out that they are way more complex than that. I find this really potent medicine for my own relationship with my mother, and you've given me huge food for thought. I love the way you look with your bangs swept to the side, by the way, we can see your lovely face so much more clearly! Thank you again for this new video on Shadow Work. You are truly the Shadow Work guru... you rock.

[@solnidor]

excellent video...

[@juliebedford4308]

I love you videos

[@SonofSelene]

sweet hear, sweet shirt. Love it! Great Video!

[@bjh3661]

Your videos keep turning up in my feed and I like your attitude, although I have not explored your content yet. Lots of "shadow work" videos talk for ever about what the shadow IS but they do not describe what the WORK is. Is it self-reflection of some kind, based on day to day events? Personally, I do far too much of that already and it's crippling me. SO what is the WORK in shadow work? Many thanks.

[@smartcatcollarproject5699]

Curious to know where you founnd this idea of starting from a negative cycle ? I find it interesting, is that your own idea ? I usually read (Jung, Johnson) to start from an imaginary place, or from a place in a dream that struck you. Edit : found that quote from Johnson "First, personify the depression. Go into your imagination, and look for the figure, the image, that will represent your depression. Now begin your march around the walls of Jericho. Talk to your depression March around your depression, and view it from every side. Talk to the figures who come up in Active Imagination and find out what they can tell you about the depression. ..."

[@teloivnus2361]

I love you

[@joewittig5108]

I was diagnosed with DID and a few other things while I was impatient at Walter Reed Medical Hospital for a few years... My question... How does one do shadow work when the others are always hiding? It has made life a bit difficult... But when I see the shadow side of some of the others... I can't handle it. What do I do?

[@julka_k]

I was just thinking about shadow work and bam! your video alert came in the mail. ;) This video was truly inspirational. I've only just started working with my shadows and I learn what I can along the way. I find that that the biggest shadows lurk behind experiences, memories and relationships with people from my adult life - not childhood. Starting from "the end" and not "the beginning" has helped me a lot so far, I believe. Thanks a lot for your advice. I'm very excited about upcoming september videos!

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

For me, shadow work started with my emotions. I literally started getting messages, "you need to do shadow work, you need to deal with your emotions." And I responded. Yes I know- but I don't want to." Which turned to, I will but I don't want to. Which turned to, I don't want to but I'm doing it. After avoiding my feeling for about 40 years, they needed some attention. I've been uncovering a lot of anger.

[@josephinegutierrez1394]

Thanks.

[@emoshmeer]

Hurrah for new content on shadow work! … I grew up analyzing others out of necessity, and now having the luxury of turning this towards myself and realizing the beautiful difference it can make is something I get quite excited about. So glad to see you talking about it with your ---very particular, brave and lovely---verve and passion. Inspiring, always, you are…..

[@Livetowin89]

Zeppelin!! :D To be honest, I am terrified when thinking about shadow work... It is one of those things I feel I need to do at some point and would benefit from a lot but then I get extremely anxious about it.

[@onesunnyday5699]

OMG, I've been saying this thing for years about finding people all over your life that represent someone else somewhere else in your life. It's all cyclical & if we don't deal with it & face it, it will continue. Thank you ❣

[@samirasimagination]

Absolutly loved when you linked shadowwork with a suspect and events board that detectives use in policeseries!!!! That clicked for me😙

[@tnah4503]

You define the essence of the word healer. This video triggered realisation after realisation within myself, thank you! Xxx

[@cheetahbug5]

I can't even begin to tell you how enlightening and helpful this was for me. Thank you so much for this talk. I absolutely love you!!

[@jasonflorence127]

you are amazeballs..glad you made these videos. I've been doing shadow work for years now and I have not known anyone else who does that. If I came across your channel years ago..my shadow journey would have been so much less intense and scattered. point: you are putting out info that people can truly change their life: kudos

[@puggilove]

Thank you so much, best videos on shadow work by a country mile! Ive done some work but am wondering how to approach family dynamics, as my dad is the only sane person in my family lol! My mum has npd and my sis severe bipolar, so lots of betrayal, cruelty etc rather than having unrealistic expectations or rigid roles for them both. I'm not sure how I tackle that aspect at all. Blessings x

[@Fiishcantswim]

Cognitive behavioral therapy shadow work are very similar

[@betterlifebroadcasting7547]

I feel like often the cave we hide the Shadow self away in was created in childhood, as we internalized the idea that some parts of us are shiny and good and to be shown off, but other parts of our personality are bad and shameful and not good enough and must be hidden away. So little of what we did as small children is any more than a tiny seed of what the shadow self becomes, after all..do you blame and loathe children for having a tantrum? We just recognize that they're not mature enough or wise enough to handle a given situation very well. It may be annoying, but it's not evil or bad or shameful. But as we reach our teenaged years and go on into adulthood, oh holy moly the stuff that ends up hiding in that cave!

[@sophiemaude5783]

I’m new to this channel but I just wanted to let you know you’ve inspired me so much to accept the sides of myself that I shove down. Thank you so much for your videos 🥺!

[@nikolagacek2348]

I'm watching this two years later and honestly, you have just opened my eyes to shadow work. It is something I have known about for a year but I was always too afraid to linger in. But I saw your arms and coming from a very similar experience as you in self-harm and emotional problems it gave me some hope that perhaps there is a way to get rid of this mental dilemma I have with my mental health and childhood trauma.

[@darkmoonmandala]

This video addressed the very question I had about starting shadow work in childhood and it clarified so much for me. Thank you so much !!!!

[@marcoshering139]

Your videos on shadow work gave me the "courage" to start doing it and it has been simply invaluable ! Thank you so much for this nudge !

[@Amz323F]

I commend you for being so open, raw and transparent.. you are an inspiration. Thank you :)

[@PivotGuardianDZ]

I admire how well you can flow in terms of rhetoric. I usually get stuck on what to call something or whatever, I want to get to this level of articulation! Though it doesn't have much to do with the content itself, it does help a lot to follow and understand what can be a fairly abstract concept.

[@MkdDrkcarnage]

This mady my day, Awesomest analogy ever, soooooo inspiring, Thank you

[@jimmcdowell6000]

This video was very helpful. Thank You.

[@bubbles-o72]

I love watching stuff about this subject the way you present this is very useful

[@AsherRex]

Just watching this has brought to light things I never even thought deeply about. Thanks you for being here and sharing💜

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

Brilliant as always

[@moonstone-dreamer6512]

Starting with childhood is not the way that I started shadow work. I had a great childhood, it was in School and teenage years I had trouble. Am finally feeling a bit more confident in myself. Thanks for sharing this video

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+Moonstone-Dreamer Thanks for sharing your experience. It's important for people to know that it's ok to find what works for them and that people have had successful shadow work experiences without focusing overtly on childhood memories. :)

[@moonstone-dreamer6512]

It's actually good to be able to concentrate on the future and worry about the future rather than all the things I've held on to in the past! Well.....not a good thing in the future. My kitty cat has to have an operation to remove a little lump under her arm, but I hope she will be fine or things will turn out the way they are supposed to

[@moonstone-dreamer6512]

I find that it always helps to talk to people about things, it's not always easy though, but it really helps to talk to someone you trust as you do shadow work. And I feel lighter and freer in my mind there are good days and bad days though

[@richasmr1670]

Very detailed info on Shadow Work! Great video

[@aliciapatton331]

Your analogies help paint the picture and keep in my mind.

[@taraberry3563]

thank you for sharing your knowledge

[@pizdanpula223]

I love your spirit and the way you present things !

[@angelalarieudo5049]

There is no coming to consciousness without pain is so true thank you

[@PowerFemme]

This October I am diving into shadow work and as I love to work with cards on my path (as journal prompts, divination tools, etc.) I am on the look out for a deck that is particularly suited for this use. Do you have favorite oracle or tarot decks for shadow work, especially ones you would recommend for newcomers to shadow work?

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+zinexlove The Bohemian Gothic Tarot is one which I use for my clients often. I also like to use The Wild Unknown Tarot for personal shadow work. Hope this helps. :)

[@ThomasWBaldwin]

you calm my nerves. thanks.

[@thesonicpurveyor]

You're one lovely human.. Much love x

[@harmoniouscrow]

Thank you. Really opened my eyes.

[@bloomin7]

I needed to hear this. Thank you!!

[@lilredheaded1]

Thank you so much! 🙏😊💖

[@katebell5301]

Thank you for this!

[@PowerFemme]

I've gone back and watched this again, reminding myself that part of Self-Love September for me is strengthening my foundation before diving into my shadow realm in October. You mentioned a potential video on projecting that I'd love to see come into being. On this, I've a question: How do you know the difference between projecting and a healthy critique of or aversion to toxic people? For instance, if you judge someone as two-faced, how do you know if you are projecting part of your shadow as a sometimes dishonest or compartmentalized person, or if you are intuitively steering clear of people who are mired in their own shadows?

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+zinexlove OMG, this is a good question and I have an answer. Lemme put a video together for the projection topic and I will include this query. Thanks for bringing this up as it's something I've been meaning to tackle for a while.

[@PowerFemme]

Looking forward to it!

[@newhouse.joseph]

:)

[@nymmnightshade7464]

I have a question about shadow work. I did a ritual and created a doll as a physical extention of my inner child to do shadow work and connect with my inner child for healing and I'm stuck. How do I use the doll to make that connection and communicate with my inner child?