292. Take the Dumper off the Pedestal! (The Love Chat)

[@TheLoveChat]

If you would like coaching - just visit my website: www.thelovechat.net/coaching

[@LiweshGaming]

Like in the Avengers, even when Thor was depressed, he was worthy. Depression doesn't define you. You're always worthy.

[@wilfridjoseph6172]

Powerful loved that part about Thor...

[@petaakolarov135]

Once you take them off the pedestal, you will see them for who they truly are...

[@martinbasic2984]

So true! When you take them off the pedestal you realize they are not worth it anymore.

[@cocotheblackcat3209]

Agreed

[@aprilabatas9220]

Agree

[@Amctothemoon]

100% You have to see them for who they are and what they bring to the table . Took me 6 months to shift this mind set , from not sleeping at night and overvaluing them , to refocusing on me I think with letting go you have to be brutally honest with yourself to move on Would the relationship really have worked and was you truly happen in it ,did it reach a point where you needed to leave for the both of you to grow and move on to other and greater things Some people stay in a unhappy relationship because it’s something they can relate to and familiar it’s comforting to be with this person and they are scared to be alone I have just split up with my ex who I was with for 4 years , 6 years before that we were together on and off for 3 months When we split up at Christmas I wanted her back after Initiating the split as I wasn’t getting what I wanted ,after speaking to her she said she couldn’t give me what I wanted This left me devastated , if only I hadn’t said anything I have literally spent the last 6 months torturing myself , what she doing what she up to , is she having sex ,you know the drill I have sat down with myself and given myself a good talking to, the relationships is not what I truly wanted , I love her but not in that way , she was my best mate , but she couldn’t give me what I needed , I should have taken the hard road instead I invested in some one who I never really was in love with , it was the idea of it and the dream ,we had some good times together ,yes but it wasn’t enough for both of us She is very beautiful and A wonderful person and I honestly want the best for her , seeing her with some one else is the next stage , but I now have realised she wasn’t the one and a person more suited to me is out there I’m not dating or jumping back into a relationship at the minute , I need time to process everything and take time to sort my life out Never let someone be your priority and let them see you as an option , you have to dig deep what ever you stand to loose and if it’s not right it’s time to go and move on This is probably the best thing that could have happened for the both of us look at the positives time is a good healer . From experience , never ever try to be friends with them , block them as hard as it is , take the hard route for it to be easier quicker , move on never ever look back , if you see them smile as say hello. They were never yours it was just your turn

[@Amctothemoon]

@Ken Hession yes take s a good talking to yourself I’ve just done it and the relief is insane

[@briansimiyuj]

Hey Rory, I just remembered your channel, I used to listen to you back in early 2019, I was so bad, crying and depressed. You gave me hope and I found my passion in programming, Look at me now, a software developer. Even though I didn't get her back, I got my happiness back. Thank you Rory.

[@brendanmurphy2527]

While I agree watching these videos could be unhealthy, I find them soothing even though I am in a good place, far moved on from my ex and in a new happy relationship. It never hurts to keep learning!

[@Amctothemoon]

It’s just reaffirming what you know

[@tim46153]

Yep .. that’s not a bad thing at all.... this is a good video for me

[@PJ-wj7wv]

Hi Rory! You said it a few months ago: "You’re treating them like they’re a celebrity. So they’re treating you like you’re a fan." Keep up the good work!

[@bosschedda_]

Wow interesting

[@riffsliftsandfishfan3401]

2 and a half months of no contact, going strong 💪 thanks a lot Rory.

[@bosschedda_]

💯💯💯

[@gameon8491]

How is it going bro

[@dantheeraiderfan1974]

Rory, had a coach session with you back in June of 2020 about 2 months after my breakup, I went to working on myself and removed her from the pedestal. Months after that went ahead and met new people truth is none if it worked out due to now I know what I can accept and not accept in other words I put myself on a pedestal in a way. 10 months later from the breakup the Ex reached. The decision was to take it slow. But to the realization she did not work on what she said she had to work on same issues with her. So basically I let her know go ahead and take your time and you should work on yourself, she stated to me several times that I have changed for the better, bottom line work on yourself its a great feeling the bad days will not last

[@tonykim5069]

Both you and DG have said that eventually we need to stop watching these videos. But tbh, it's been over 2 years and I am still here. However, my relationship with your content has changed over time. At first, watching your videos helped me contextualize and understand my breakup. And when I was finally able to accept the breakup, watching your videos helped me contextualize and understand myself. Now that I am working on accepting myself, watching your videos helps me contextualize and understand my conditions for happiness. I always learn something new from your videos, despite the fact that I got over my breakup long ago. What I'm trying to say is, your wisdom continues to stay relevant and helpful to the people you've already done so much to help. I watch your videos, not because I still need an emotional crutch, but because I admire the way you think and because your advice continues to resonate with me to this day.

[@katcuzzi]

Well said, I feel the same way.

[@pjihae]

Very much agreed. I'm the dumper and there's no way I'd take my ex back (cheater), but I find value in the way that Rory frames the journey of self actualization. He's got a lot more to offer than what can be condensed into a few months.

[@OzoneSports777]

Just like a great book it never hurts to read it again and again😊

[@donshifty]

@@pjihae are you male or female?

[@Altair122122332345]

My ex is toxic. She doesn't deserve to be on the pedestal

[@julissahago9103]

I love this type of videos! Idolizing someone will eventually only hurt you, but people will usually take themselves off that pedestal. Much love Rory!

[@Amctothemoon]

Correct

[@user_KS20230]

2.5 years ago when my EX left me for his ex...I immediately went to No Contact and actually was the easiest thing to do...There was no begging or pleading..45 days from then he cornered me at work (we work at the same place)... Under the guise of a family member passing then of course he brought up the break up.. I listened and was mostly indifferent 😐...I set boundaries, didn't answer his calls or texts...I skated thru not showing my pain... Earlier this year he tells me he loves, he never stopped loving me, and can't make it go away....😾...This annoyed me and I don't believe him..It appears manipulative...He had yet to own up to his wrong and apologize... I've given him the gift of my absence and he will forever be on the outside looking in...

[@davidcasillas285]

Right on MZ! My former did the same nonsense with me. 6 years for nothing, and like you, didn't chase, beg, plead or cry. Since, 4 times she has tried to return, subliminal, but tried. Sent back stuff, posters, and other stuff. She missed only an apology! She everything she wanted from me and threw it away. No contact worked. The tables have turned. I look way better, and 'father time' hasn't been so kind to the other party. As the video says, I had her on a Pedestal, told her 'God sent you to me..' Incredible huh? Well, I've healed and learned to never put someone before me.

[@catherinezhu4761]

Beautifully done, girl! Never pay attention to his words (He never stopped loving you), just pay attention to his actions (He left you for another woman). It's simple.

[@THEDANILUCKSSHOW]

THISSSS

[@shanemarkmendez5008]

Trust the process, feel the pain, learn from it, and move forward..been there.. lucky enough I have found Rory, the dating guy after few months of making mistakes after my ex broke up with me (she cheated on me with her co worker - i’d discovered it in the later part, so that is the point that I’d realized that I need to move forward no matter what) thank you Rory for being my mentor (thru your videos and coaching of course) when I was in my one of the hardest stage of my life..now its almost 2 years and I’m happy again, single, focusing on my self, building myself, going with the flow and trusting the process..to everyone going a rough patch right now you’ll get through it, we are all worthy, stay strong and safe..

[@ScratchBabble]

7 months in and everything you've said since day 1 is true. Anyone new just trust the process.

[@mctdread1385]

I definitely love the concept of viewing a relationship as a pillar that ADDS to ones Happiness. I've made the human mistake of having my past relationship be my only Pillar and that obviously crumbled. And although I miss my ex dearly I LOVE the man I am now and continue to work on becoming an even better man tomorrow.

[@Amctothemoon]

You’ve got to value yourself and not give two fucks about them as they have done you Once you do that the fog lifts and your world becomes better

[@cherrybacon3319]

These videos help me get up in the mornings. They help me get out of the house. They help me be mindful and smile at beautiful flowers, cute animals and people. They help me do the work, look in the mirror and think I'm beautiful and worthy. I don't know what I'd do without them. 🍒

[@EX0t1C]

All this studying bouta make me get thru the next break up so much more smoothly

[@blastprosful]

She never deserved to be on the pedestal. Shame on me.

[@cherrybacon3319]

Many a time when I looked at my Ex I wondered what I saw in him. It was the situation I loved, not the man. There is so much more in store for me being without him than what there was with him. 🍒

[@Ro-bq7qj]

Coach rory, coach Lee & Craig Kenneth are The best KZbinrs out 🐐💯

[@taokuoh6805]

What do you think of Corey Wayne?

[@cherrybacon3319]

I have been watching these videos periodically for months as continued therapy. They're only just beginning to sink in and I find myself behaving in a better way for myself regarding certain people. Thank you Rory. 🍒

[@markmingard6882]

Well I'm proud to say its time for me to turn off the notifications and to focus on my counselling and to take the focus OFF of my ex. I'll be back when I've sorted everything out Rory, thanks for all the advice that I've received, no devoured is probably more accurate!

[@coldrein2]

Thank you Rory. I have watched almost all of your videos as a therapy thing. It help me move forward and get back to my original self but of course focusing on self improvement. Healing is almost done and now I can generate a spark to other potential partners. Keep up the good work and help out guys like me.

[@Miswhitness0520]

Ever since I started telling myself I’m out of his league I actually started to feel like that. I still want him back but I’m just minding my own business until he comes correct 😎

[@warrior_kris1744]

You probabky saw few of my comments....quick recap....dumped me around 6 months ago...now i found out that my ex is married and pregnant.....you made me cry mate from this video.......thnx 💞

[@bryanttan1588]

Thanks, i needed to hear this again, lost my motivation till i saw this video and worked out immediately ! Rory u the BesT!

[@anthonylambert6492]

Im a month and a half into the split. Ive watched a bunch of different ppl on yt about break ups and getting your ex back. You were the last 1 I found and i wish i had found this channel 1st! At least for me these videos have been the best! Appreciate it and keep up the good work

[@tommyornothing7301]

Aww! 💗 🤗 Thank you, Rory. You’re right. I’m ALWAYS worthy. That made me cry. Who would dislike this? This message is gold!!

[@tim46153]

For me... this video speaks 1000 words... it’s put me in a better place and I appreciate it 😉

[@matthewbryan4386]

Almost at 50k! You’re doing great, bud, excited for you to hit that next milestone!

[@loubnaaitbelkacem8650]

Been dumped 1 year ago, still thinking about him but I have no closure and that sucks and keeps my mind on the loop! I know about Zeigarnik effect and I have made alot of efforts to find peace but still suffering from time to time.

[@Mat_libi]

It takes time, mine is 1 year and 4 months, just started to get her off my mind..

[@chevy2583]

Same here!

[@annejean3767]

Kinda same... He gave me lots of hope during the breakup. Trying to get rid of it day by day, it's been over a year now

[@nurarich4945]

Don’t rush it,be kind to your self.it took me 3,5years to completely be at peace.

[@Amctothemoon]

As stated take him off the pedestal , stop devaluing yourself , you have one life you’ve wasted 1 year on thoughts like that , wake up shake yourself down and go live your life If it’s on your own then so be it , if it’s with some one else don’t make the same mistakes again

[@martinbasic2984]

Maybe its even better without them... Don't be unrealistic about them. They are not perfect, neither are you. But you win either way. You become better, stronger and you learn things you didn't know you were capable of. Life is short and time you spend thinking about someone who hurt you is the time taken away from growing, learning and meeting someone else

[@Alchemist_171]

Oh, man. Rory, you're a legend, sir.

[@angelahowell2219]

This is so true I start working on myself last year I lost 30 pounds stated dressing better and moved to a new city. I want to improve myself more this year.My ex told me recently he is seeing someone but would like to stay friends I told him that’s not going to work for me Call me if your change your mind it felt amazing to say that. Always work on you

[@katcuzzi]

So for me, my big breakup was three years ago. I’ve done a ton of work on myself but I do keep watching these videos when they come out as a reminder to keep moving forward. I don’t want to “go back to my old ways.” Is that a bad idea? Thanks Rory!

[@TheLoveChat]

I think it's fine if you have that perspective!

[@katcuzzi]

@@TheLoveChat Thank you!

[@mxsharkgang3246]

You're helping me out alot rory. I wanted to thank you. My breakup was 3 months ago & it's been hard. He reached out 2/3 weeks ago during my NC phase. Exactly on day 30. I did not reply right away. I took 4 days to respond. With a statement. I'm good been busy. He was checking to see if I was ok. I watched you're other video about an ex reaching out & then disappearing. That was great stuff as well & I needed that reminder that it was victory on my end even though I been feeling super down about all this. Its definitely confusing & I'm back on NC. Theres not many videos like yours that explains what to do next when an ex comes out of nowhere during my radio silence. I'd like to see more about that topic & more tips how to love myself even more. I was doing fine then he did the check in & pain came right back .... like fuck... I feel like I'm hurting more then I did at the beginning. I'm more numb vs when it was fresh. I'm trying my best & I'm fighting it. I almost did the double text & stopped myself & came here for a reminder. ( glad I didnt send that text. Since he didnt reply) this is a great video. Super realistic & no filter. As far as making myself happy, I got my supra recently that I wanted for a while. I'm super stoked. When I was with my ex, my other car broke & we lived together etc. Before we met I had it all. Then it crashed last minute. Being home too much probably leaded to the breakup. It makes so much sense & I'm mad as hell at myself. I know, I shouldn't blame myself because shit happens. Plus, he had a 3rd party he wasn't over either. The breakup wasn't about that. Maybe it was. I'll never know. But I took the breakup like a champ. Like ok. That's fine. I ended up moving out. But..for 2 weeks after the breakup, I didnt beg or anything crazy but it was more of I think we can work it out. But after that I stopped. I ended up resigning. We worked at the same place.

[@CN-og6yv]

WOW!! so true... to anybody walking down the street he's just another human being.. I remember when I first met him he waved hi at me I was like: ewwwwwwwww hahah a year later due to all the time and energy invested somehow he became the hottest guy I've ever seen...... CRAZY!

[@reyanakay3274]

I was the same .. I literally cringed at the thought of calling him my bf. I thought he was extremely boring and he was also super short- I never judged him on these things until he started hurting me ... I realised I really lowered my standards and still got hurt ... I think that's why i can't get over it -.- lol

[@johnlivingstone1749]

I cant wait for the day when i no longer feel the need to watch these videos and this period of my life is like a bad dream

[@jjuyjhhj]

I’m starting to really like myself nowadays

[@sfindlay3181]

I don’t know what’s more difficult, getting over my ex or taking Rory’s advice and stop watching his videos 🤔 😂

[@madderz8737]

Please cover a topic about 'how to cope when you keep yourself busy but you can't control your axienty because you want to have contact with them'

[@AJ2k20]

A year later and I’m back watching some of these again. Fuck corona virus

[@hgzmatt]

Fuck it indeed :)

[@jamesallison3422]

I definitely needed this, keep up the great job, and helping people stay strong,

[@TeKNiQ50]

Thank you for the content!

[@bzebee5979]

I’m in my 50s and even I still miss high school!! 🤣🤣

[@abudllahcarter3860]

One of the best out there, have listened to a lot, and you don’t bullshit, offer false hope to sell false hope, so many others are just preying on broken hearts. Definitely will subscribe

[@TheLoveChat]

Your subscription is appreciated!

[@Whowho-r2b]

One of the best videos you've done

[@reyanakay3274]

So true... my ex chased me for months at the start because I wasn't the tiniest bit attracted to him .. he started being attractive once he walked away and became more successful. He was still the same person though.

[@NileshMakwana9]

You r doing great n awesome job...love from INDIA

[@grakirwan4023]

A year later and I’m still struggling... when will it stop 😢

[@sfindlay3181]

Focus on being your best self and the pain will stop eventually, it’s not an easy journey but it will make you a better person and that’s the most important thing, and life will reward you.

[@loverays3023]

Soon

[@hgzmatt]

It isn't easy but I have found that I have some control over it. There is griefing and there is over indulgence. She still pops up in my head daily but nothing compared to 6 months ago when I was obsessed. I think once you have done the emotional work of healing you have to try and shake them off and not think about them too much. It's an addiction. In normal times this would come naturally.. but now it takes conscious effort.

[@joaoalmeida2187]

This is your best video ever rory!

[@joanfundi325]

Its been a month after he left me for his ex who he claims they cant be together but they want to have a child. It hit me so bad am really focusing on myself. Thanks Rory.

[@GO-wr3de]

Sorry joan,she left me too

[@joanfundi325]

You will feel better. I am much much better as compared to the time i commented.

[@duan_meixuan]

My ex stopped trying and took me for granted. I walked out of his life a month after the breakup when he asked for friendship.

[@योगिताकेशवानी]

This video was really good.

[@bluevenom8880]

man it really feels easier to find a good man than to find a good woman. a woman that won't cheat or use is rare. my ex won't take accountability or apologize and she definitely used me. she won't have a closure convo or say goodbye. she does not care about me at all. kinda sad to think any of us care about losing someone like this

[@walkertranger5746]

I was confused as to why and how she wanted to leave , without provocation. 7 years and poof, gone! Yes , I hyper focused on the logic. But, I never felt inadequate and never looked at her as a god. I didn’t beg or stalk. Went 3 months NC. She reached out . We are back on track , but I’m taking it very slowly.

[@TheLoveChat]

Glad to hear this!! If you're looking for more support we have opened our Discord Community. Here is the link: discord.gg/KUCeXX3uzS

[@GuillermoZS]

Subscribed.

[@rehammua]

The first 😽

[@annabelmonroe570]

Hi Rory. Please make a video about healing from a toxic relationship and toxic exes. It's hard to move forward when you look back and understand how badly you were treated by someone you thought loved you and still stayed for too long.

[@tikboon1867]

Good video :) I am interested in your book ‘until next time: An honest conversation about breakups’ but I can’t find it anywhere. Not available on Amazon (both kindle or paperback versions!) :( Any suggestion where to buy it? Thanks!

[@TheLoveChat]

Just head to my website and click on the book link! www.thelovechat.net/coaching

[@aeronmicro4334]

hi rory could you please make a video about trusting again?

[@zk5294]

I love you man😘 zohreh

[@Didi-fr5ic]

What do you all think about blocking them of all social media platforms to heal faster? Will they percieve it as fine ill never contact you again because you did that or if they really wanted you they will somehow get in touch with you..thx for your uploads rory

[@josselin3393]

I recommand doing it if you do not want them back. Best way to heal. If they really really want to be back they will reach out else screw them as you will find better

[@TheLoveChat]

If it helps you heal!

[@hgzmatt]

They just cancelled you.. it's only fair that you don't torture yourself by keeping these reminders around. If they don't understand that.. that's ok. It doesn't compare to what they put you through.

[@kitteng139]

Exactly. If they really want they would find a way to communicate to you even if you block them.

[@nar1708]

It's been two months since break up and NC and I'm not sure how i feel..kinda feel like we will never talk again

[@Gofaw]

When did it happen?

[@nar1708]

@@Gofaw 2-3th january. No contact since then

[@cocotheblackcat3209]

He will contact you. Dont just wait for it to happen.😊

[@nar1708]

@@cocotheblackcat3209 thank you! 😊 you're right, I''m trying to move on

[@ilias4242]

Hi Jenny! How are you feeling now? You feeling better? And did he or she reached out to you?

[@hgzmatt]

I think it would be unreasonable to expect anyone to be at their highest all the time. If they bail the first time you struggle.. now you know who they are. I mean we are talking about this in this pandemic we are in and nothing is normal. People who can live their lives normally are the lucky ones. Many have been without work or whatever. Mature people will understand that you can't be strong 100% of the time. Anyone who says or acts like it is just lying. Imagine you are going through a personal crisis and they come at you with ridiculous complaints.. it's immature on their part if they can't acknowledge your struggle.

[@bloodysh6080]

what does it mean when she unfollows you from instagram because "she got hurt seeing me in stories"?

[@josselin3393]

She wants to move on. Do the same.

[@hgzmatt]

It doesn't mean anything other than that it hurts to get constant reminders.

[@user-sq8hx6ud9l]

LADIES I'm here to tell you that if you are questioning if he cares HE DOESN'T. biggest lesson I learned in all my breakups if a man is willing to lose you to another man he don't want you. if he let you be confused he don't want you. if you think he don't care he don't want you. if you're confused he don't want you. if he blames you he don't want you. the right man do what it takes and don't take you for granted or leave. if you're wondering at all then just move on. sometimes we care and just get used and thinking he's gonna come back and be different is a FOOLS ERRAND

[@kitteng139]

Babe I am learning this truth too. I mean we try to make excuses for them. We block them on one platform and hope they contact us on the others they don’t for months and that’s because they don’t want to. When there is a Will there is always a way. I am learning if someone really wants you they will keep you

[@Zsuluap]

@@kitteng139 same for both sexes

[@ironwoman2012]

❤️