5 Common Communication Mistakes To Avoid In Early Dating - Boost Your Dating Success After 50!

[@explorermike19]

People who have game as seniors had game in their youth. Same skills. Same thing. You either have charm, good communication skills, and mojo, or you don't. If you struggle with interpersonal skills, you can learn them, but you have to really take it seriously and study diligently.

[@2ndActTV]

Yes! Interpersonal skills definitely come easier to some people. BUT you can learn!! A great way is to focus on asking questions! We've talked about that a lot!! The best way to "charm someone" is to ask about them!! Thanks for your comment!

[@Lastfirstdate]

@@2ndActTV so true!

[@Lastfirstdate]

@@bryank.vaughan4316 I'm confused. What are you naming?

[@truthboomertruthbomber5125]

This is a good video! The question of what I am looking for ended up with silence for an answer. After a few minutes of listening and reading comments the answer to THE QUESTION (🤪🤣) crystallized in my brain. Compatibility. It’s pretty obvious once you think about. I hope we feel enough compatibility to see each other a second time. Then we see how that encounter goes. There are no shortcuts. You have to be willing to devote time and effort and money. In the mean time just enjoy the moment with an oppo sitting across the table.

[@ssiegreen5292]

True - in the end that's what we all want [or most of us anyways, even those who don't want to admit it]. The big question is how to get there, with the least damage and the fewest re-routes on the way. Sometimes it's the road less traveled, sometimes it's not...

[@2ndActTV]

YES!! Compatibility is HUGE and ultimately the basis of any lasting relationship!! Thanks for your comment. Great perspective!

[@lhmccool67]

I think asking what they're looking for should be addressed right up front, before you ever get to the date. Why hesitate on this?? If you're incompatible in your answers then you don't waste time. Why be coy?

[@ivanvarykino8202]

Totally agree! Any guy who insists he must pick up a woman early in the dating process is either completely lacking in social awareness, or has dubious motives. As a guy, I wouldn't even agree to do it. That's a reverse red flag to be asked as well 😉

[@ssiegreen5292]

Agreed. But I recently came across a video clip somewhere, where the woman had been dating a guy for close to 6 months, and she still would not tell him where she lived. Now that's a red flag too - either he is unsuitable for serious relationships for her - unsafe or not trustworthy? But then why do you continue to see him? Or she's playing the field, and is using him for entertainment purposes and stringing him along. I know what I'm thinking...

[@MyFrankieee]

Totally agree 🎉

[@ssiegreen5292]

@@woodliceworm4565 Yup, I thought so too... though that's very polite terminology!

[@ldub4563]

Absolutely Agree on Other points great as well!

[@2ndActTV]

Glad you think so! Thanks for watching!

[@DougHardy541]

I’m with Sandy’s assessment of texting-it’s a poor way of communicating emotion or interest. It should be left to pleasantries and logistics. However, I totally disagree with her stance (and several commenters) on the “what are you looking for?” question-it’s borderline absurd. April is right, it’s a ridiculous question for early in the dating process. A parallel would be going to a restaurant that you’ve never been to before, being handed the menu and seated by the host, then being asked when you want your standing reservation. And when you respectfully say that you would like to have time to read the menu, try the food, experience the service before making a decision … then being shown the door.

[@2ndActTV]

@@woodliceworm4565 LOL 😀

[@2ndActTV]

Hi Doug, I never really thought about it that much before, until April brought it up. And I totally understand her point! You're not likely going to get an accurate answer anyway, so why ask. As I mentioned in a previous comment, I was guilty of doing that when I didn't feel an attraction. YES, I was DEFINITELY looking for a relationship, but played that down if I didn't "feel it." Again, not saying that's right! Just what I did ... (shoot me) 😄

[@DougHardy541]

@@2ndActTV Bang!

[@Lastfirstdate]

@@DougHardy541 I understand your point. And I still believe in knowing what someone is dating for upfront. Let's use the restaurant analogy. You go to a five star restaurant because you love gourmet food. The person your with only wanted a hot dog. You're in the wrong restaurant or you're with the wrong person. Two people who love hot dogs will get along better at a hot dog stand than a fancy restaurant, no? They still don't know if they'll like each other, but they want the same thing.

[@2ndActTV]

@@Lastfirstdate … you guys are good! Great analogies! 😅

[@terryrustad1800]

Absolutely Brilliant ... Thanks Ladies ... Be Happy! 😃

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks for saying that!! Appreciate the comment!

[@ssiegreen5292]

About that question: "What are you looking for?" Personally - I think it's a Q that should be asked before you even consider going out with someone, unless you already know them from a different venue [friend of a friend, work colleague, casual acquaintance etc]. And the answer should be welcome + judgement free, no matter whether you like hearing it or not. I rather have an honest no, than a vague maybe or a lying through your teeth yes :o) When you phrase it as a general question rather than a personal one - you might get also a more honest and accurate answer. If you can ask it in a "neutral" way, as in "... if you were to meet the right for you person, would you consider... or are you more interested in a ..." rather than focusing the question on yourself personally. This will take the pressure off making a judgment about a potential relationship with you specifically, because that is a really hard question to answer honestly if you barely know someone. And ask open ended questions!!!

[@ssiegreen5292]

@@virgiljohnson6484 Hmmm - I've been pondering what you said while I am enjoying my carnivorous 1. meal of the day [whether you're going to call it break fast, brunch or lunch]. I think it comes down to the fundamental difference between still wanting something with a driving passion + desire, and being done and/or burned out - where you have more of a "take it or leave it" mindset. If you don't have any expectations - you rarely get disappointed or hurt. Kinda vanilla if you ask me... I still enjoy a lot of flavor in my life, including my relationships & friendships too...

[@2ndActTV]

Hi Sabine, I agree in the sense that “asking before you actually meet” is likely to get you a more honest answer! When you’re face-to-face on a first date, the answer will likely reflect the amount of attraction someone feels. I know when I was first dating, I downplayed “looking for a relationship” if I knew I wasn’t interested, and I definitely WAS looking for a relationship! That’s my honest answer … not saying it’s right! 😉

[@ssiegreen5292]

@@2ndActTV I agree with you Silke. I don't want to know if you want a relationship with me, I want to know if it's in your ballpark when you meet the "right for you" person [and NOT indicating that that would or could be myself but generally speaking]. At that point I don't even know if I want you! I think one of the things a lot of men don't understand is the most basic difference of how the different hormones work in men vs women. If they are "good" guys and know - they'd be more sympathetic with women wanting to know if a potential relationship has any room for growth. If they are a "selfish" man looking mostly for s3x and self gratification, they will take advantage of the fact that women do get easily attached - even involuntarily, knowing darn well that that guy is no good for them. Edited to add: When women get scolded or put down to having a "high body count" - men like these often are the underlying reason for that. Different expectations and women are getting played. When they finally catch on - they are called "difficult" + picky + complicated...

[@lorindaa9651]

1000% agree! Unfortunately I've only had one man tell me the truth. The others lied through their teeth. It doesn't make any sense. Be an adult.

[@ssiegreen5292]

@@virgiljohnson6484 One more Q about problem solving: what do you do when you already know that something doesn't work for you personally, but the way that actually does work for you, doesn't work for your partner? Maybe not a big enough issue to be relationship breaking, but big enough to throw a serious wrench into it. Something seriously not working for her - not just something easy like whether you put onions in your potato salad or make it without, or screw the toothpaste top back on or put the toilet seat down when you're done...

[@joerockhead7246]

Hi. I enjoyed this episode.

[@Lastfirstdate]

thanks, Joe!

[@2ndActTV]

Hi Joe! Always love hearing from you!

[@pt5594]

In my experience, I’ve noticed most men when you ask them what they’re looking for they really don’t know. They are very indecisive and to me that’s not the kind of person I would want to have in my life even as a friend and I don’t see a problem with asking this questionand the beginning talks. I think it actually helps not waste time.

[@ssiegreen5292]

They know for the most part - they just don't want to say, LOL. Because if they would, you more likely than not, say no ;o)

[@2ndActTV]

Yes, I've heard that from a lot of people, which really made me think if it's just a question that men are uncomfortable answering on a first date, so you don't get a useful answer, or they really don't know. I guess that might be a rhetorical question. 🙂Thanks for watching!

[@pt5594]

@@2ndActTV I always say Honesty is the best policy. Be your own person. Everyone is looking for different types of relationships. Its ok to want what you want, just say it. I can figure out if I want to participate or sit it out.!

[@fredc3543]

No intelligent man will hand you the script for a chameleon act. If getting to know someone in a friendly way is a waste for you, good luck getting that coveted commitment.

[@ivanvarykino8202]

@@ssiegreen5292As a still young, active and widowed guy, I completely agree with you. "What are you looking" for was a standard job interview question I experienced during my corp career. Not something I want to answer in person on a first date. But I do agree with Sandy that it should be stated clearly in our profile. Then it's known upfront. And hopefully it's stated truthfully, with some forethought 😊

[@rickb7378]

I agree with Sandy regarding asking what the other person is looking for, quite honestly didn’t understand why April was against it. Why does that seem to trigger some people? It may not be an exciting question, but it sure can give you insight about whether you want to put any effort into that person.

[@ScarletPattieLayla]

Hey 👋

[@lhmccool67]

I completely agree. And, be HONEST! If you're just looking for hookups, so be it. I'm not one to yuck another's yum. It lets everyone move forward or not, no games.

[@rickb7378]

@@lhmccool67 "yuck another's yum"; I like that! 😄

[@eddy2561]

My 60+ girlfriend of a few months, always...always waits for me to text/call first. I've gently suggested it would be ok if she reached out first once in a while ("Eddy, I miss you") but almost never has,she texted/called first?

[@fredc3543]

RED FLAG: She could if she wanted to. How much energy is she putting into that togetherness thing? Yeah, I'd walk away from that one. Eddy, maybe she doesn't miss you?

[@ssiegreen5292]

There could be a number of reasons - but it pretty much comes down to - if she wanted to, especially after you asked her to - and she still doesn't - you're not a priority. Does she pick up the phone + call at all? Does she initiate contact in any other way? Does her behavior when you are together, show caring, TLC, affection or more? Is it all one-sided? That should give you some ideas on where she stands with you...

[@2ndActTV]

I don’t know Eddy. Some women, especially our age, just don’t initiate anything, mainly because of how they were raised. (Not me, I over initiate 😂) Since it bothers you, perhaps mention it more directly! You can do that without sounding “ needy” - “ I’m curious, how come you never seem to call or text me first? I would enjoy hearing from you” … or something like that … On the other hand, if she is responsive to all your texts and calls, I wouldn’t read too much into it. If she keeps you waiting on a regular basis, that’s another thing. Does that make sense?

[@eddy2561]

@@2ndActTV Thanks Silke!! Rhonda texts/calls as soon as she can, so maybe in the future she will be more proactive...-e

[@explorermike19]

Her not reaching out first at least half of the time would be a red flag. It doesn't matter HOW she reaches out as long as she does by text or phone or notes or mail. If you have to always initiate, that is a red flag. Beware.

[@dwayneheeter]

Is it appropriate to go online dating sites to just look for friends and learn to interact? I do better if i take my time to think through my questions and responses. I freeze in person. Ask me how my day/week is going and i cant remember what i was doing 30 minutes ago. I also struggle with eye contract. Dont give me a huge smile or flirty comment. That undoes me. I recognize this about myself now.

[@ssiegreen5292]

Hi Dwayne; I don't know if that would work out well for you. I'm not online dating, so I truly can't say, but what I hear from others [both men and women] - it's pretty much a shark eat shark world out there. Either you're about to get ignored if you don't bring game [which could be devastating to you personally, considering your experiences], or you may end up getting cat-fished and gobbled up [scammed]. I've seen a new[ish?] penpal/friend writing site commercial popping up in the sidebars on YT occasionally - that seems to be more directed towards chatting and making friends, rather than looking for a companion or dates, but you still have to pay to being able to read and presumably send letters to others. I'm pretty sure there are other groups and sites that do the same, but for free or a nominal fee, if any. I truly don't know. I also think you might be better off making friends or finding someone to communicate to get more practice interacting with other people [both men and women] on some of your favorite channels and FB groups, that are into a subject matters you're knowledgeable and comfortable with, so that the conversation is easier to maintain. So if you're into gaming - join some gaming channels and have discussions. If you're into horticulture - you get the drift. It's always easier to talk about something you're good at and know what you're doing...

[@2ndActTV]

Absolutely, Dwayne. The best way to learn is just "doing it". And if you don't mislead anyone, that's fine!! Bottom line, based on some of your other comments, you are, in fact, looking for a relationship. You are just very uncomfortable with the dating process. So if you connect with someone on the friendship premise, you're really not misleading them. And if someone asks you how your day/week is going, say "I've had a good day/week, how about you? Now you're asking her. Also, don't be afraid to admit to a lady that you're very uncomfortable with the "dating process" and "thanks for understanding" - women also like to be helpful, and some may think that's charming! 🙂

[@dwayneheeter]

@2ndActTV I Googled the best one for my values and signed up. A nice lady sent me a like, and I responded. I'm excited to engage. I have learned that I need to be upfront, clear and honest about my intentions. With the Lord's help I think I'm ready to make this step. Thank you for all of your help. You are one of the Lord's angels🙏

[@dwayneheeter]

@2ndActTV I've txt several ladies so far. I made a friend, she advised me on my profile 🧡 I recognized that I needed to run from another. Thank you again, so much for all of your Teams help 🙏 ❤️

[@helenstaniskov4570]

Thanks for another great video! I would love to see a video exploring the best dating sites for people over 50!

[@adrianabrown1011]

Should we ask what the other person is looking for? I always ask early on, first date. Haven't been lied to yet. People change and may want something different a couple years in but it's good to know you start off with similar goals. If the man says he doesn't know he most likely wants something casual/quick sex and doesn't want to say it for fear that the woman will bolt!

[@2ndActTV]

Hi Adriana, I think that’s a reasonable conclusion, OR “he’s not into you” and that’s his way to end the date. Either way, if you’re looking for a relationship, it’s a red flag.

[@martinsaunders7925]

@@2ndActTV in looking for a relationship with preconceived ideas on what it should be,there is often a chance of stumbling upon the person that doesn't meet the criteria,but is The One.

[@2ndActTV]

@@martinsaunders7925 I agree with you Martin! That us why, in my opinion, I wouldn't ask that question on a first date. So many things to misinterpret ...

[@gentlehorst]

Assumptions. Yes, wounds and the questions formed then relate those, so, if you ask those, you set a pattern of past disappointments onto the guy and not a fresh (tabula rasa) opportunity of exploring a relationship formed by innocents. What do you loose by having your guards up as peaky blinders? A great date of wondering and wandering the path of a not trodded path. Sure, idealised, but do you loose by approaching this as if you were still 20 because in reality you still are (just listen to your teenage music to go there again). 🎼 Sure, this is an article about mistakes. The biggest mistake is: You project all your past into and onto the new. 💌

[@2ndActTV]

YES! Something I really had to work on after my divorce, and what a difference once you realize that! And I totally felt like I was back in high school starting over in my 50’s. Thanks for the great comment!

[@fredc3543]

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes." This quote is often attributed to Samuel Clemens (a.k.a. Mark Twain.)

[@gentlehorst]

@@fredc3543 You stirred a hornest's nest: When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. ... or: If you had trouble with Ed ... do not project onto ... Fred?!

[@mikemcculley8510]

Women seem to be looking for perfect…

[@mikemcculley8510]

I am not, nor is anyone else…

[@ssiegreen5292]

No such thing!

[@martinsaunders7925]

Like a whole lot of modern women,I identify as a born again virgin. I've not just been single for 10 years,but celebate for 12. So I know my worth and being in my soft,(usual at my age) guy Era I totally support strong successful women. I'm not going to argue with her paying for the first date. Nothing special,and local. Unless you're French and inviting me to Paris for the weekend. I can be flown out. Drizzle dribble.

[@ssiegreen5292]

Sprinkle :o)

[@explorermike19]

Uh...what? When people use Words like "I know my worth", I'm not going to settle, (I am the prize) etc are real turn-offs to people of all ages. We associate those kind of words with grumpy, bitter, self-focused people. We will be best served my keeping that kind of jargon locked up and quiet.

[@ssiegreen5292]

Ummm - guys. Martin was being sarcastic...

[@martinsaunders7925]

@@ssiegreen5292 satirically speaking,mirroring the mess that interpersonal relationships have devolved into over the past 100 plus years. As sarcasm,the Susan b Anthony silver dollar makes a good seal on a divorce decree.

[@ssiegreen5292]

@@martinsaunders7925 I knew you were letting your funny guy out - but the other two apparently didn't get that :o) And yes - dating + relationships are a hot mess these days. I am so glad that I remember when things were different, and that's something I am holding on to - with a little bit of good luck, I find a man who remembers those days too and is willing to go back into the future with me...