Dating over 50: The 5 Worst Things You Can Do on a Second Date? What NOT to Do on a 2nd Date!

[@gary6514]

Our first date was good. We got on well enough so we arranged a second date a week later. It started off bad and got worse until I asked her if she wanted to leave...she said she didn't. We decided to try again and go out on a third date....it ended with us finding out we had a real chemistry. We have been together for 14 months now and planning the future together. Great video Silke and may I say Joni is a fantastic guest. Well done.

[@2ndActTV]

That’s a great story! Thanks for sharing and Joni will be flattered to hear that!

[@lckendel1079]

“Who you are is enough. It’s the most beautiful asset you have.” What a lovely point.

[@bkseitz]

My wife and I seem to have violated the rules for both 1st, 2nd date, and then some. 1st date we met at my favorite Italian restaurant. Both of us anticipated about 45 minutes to an hour. We ate and talked till we closed the place. Then we went to the beach to talk some more and stayed till closing 1am. Then, to Dennys for dessert , ending the date at 4 am as I had an international flight that morning. 2nd Date I invited over for dinner that Saturday (I was still overseas and wouldn't be back till afternoon Friday). I spend Friday and Saturday morning preparing a 12 course meal for us to enjoy on my back deck. It was sort of a repeat of the 1st date eating and talking till past midnight with the exception of having to get up to serve the next course. The rest of our dating history was the same. Either eating out and talking or having her over for a meal I cooked. She later confessed that the 2nd date cinch the deal for her. She could see this was how I am, not an act, and we genuinely enjoyed talking with each other. Years later, I'm still cooking for her, and we continue to have long talks over the meal. I think what I'm getting at was one point you made in the video: be yourself. If that's not enough, it's not to be.

[@johndziegiel588]

Just don't offer to pay unless you really mean it. I'd call that bluff to see if you mean what you say. If you go oops.. i forgot my card, there won't be another date.

[@junebrezgis1652]

Dont offer to pay it opens up a cn of worms ! Speaking from Experience! I wish I never did that. This guy I went out would choose the expensive restaurant and I would pay and the cheaper one he would pay. This wore really thin with me. And I was DONE!

[@mypov4343]

First date...introduction and then if there is a second date...common activity. Having an activity will make sure you don't repeat what you already did on the first date. For me second date would be meeting somewhere for a hike or somewhere acceptable for dance or something else we might both enjoy. Mix it up.

[@lckendel1079]

On the paying thing, you can simply say, “I’d like to get this, since you got the last one.” If he says no, and you like him, offer to buy him a drink somewhere else. This usually works because you’re showing respect and also that you want the date to go on, and it’s a small gesture.

[@2ndActTV]

I like that! In fact, I remember doing exactly that! 🙂

[@waterbug1135]

I always preferred her inviting me to her house and her cooking dinner on a second date if we're both looking for a serious relationship. I get to see how she keeps her house, how she cooks, how she entertains. She got to vet me on date #1, I get to vet her on date #2. Most women don't understand that men have to show massive interest just to get a 1st date. They confuse that requirement as a kind of commitment, like they already have the guy in the bag. Nope. It's only after dating starts that the man starts vetting and deciding.

[@lckendel1079]

@@waterbug1135 Interesting perspective. As a woman, I would never invite a man I’ve only met once over to my house. I would want to make sure I know him a bit better and feel safe and comfortable.

[@Wildevis]

Fun as usual thanks ladies. What I usaully do, when a man invites me for a first date and pays and we agree on meeting again, I will just say "i would like to pay if you don't mind, or at least pay for myself" and leave it to him to accept or not. I am usually the one looking for a gap to run lol and I also say we meet there for the first couple of dates until I feel safe for him to come pick me up. I would never expect a man to pay all the time, unless he insists it is his thing and would then try propose dates where I could also contribute as I get very squirmy when men pay all the time, expecting they want something I may not want to give as compensation. That sounds awful, but I have been in a situation where the man hinted he paid for the date, now it's my turn to be available! Yeah I run and now always have cash on me and before I run I will put my half on the table and very politely say goodbye and leave (since I am there in my own car) Darn I really have met some toads lol. Ones past experiences do frame your response to new dates and I would never suggest it getting serious too soon as I like to take my time, but if it also just drags on with no change in the level of commitment, also a red flag

[@suzayer]

I decided that while I didn't need a guy to buy my coffee, I wanted to be certain he COULD buy. I had to say goodbye to someone for this

[@2ndActTV]

That's a really good point! Thanks for your comment!

[@DougHardy541]

Great advice as always from Joni. However, the presumption here is that one can land a first date. That’s a very tall order nowadays.

[@tomault3063]

I re-married 7 years ago, having spent a similar amount of time as a divorcee. My first 7 "first dates" as a newly single guy failed to net a single second date. Some were lacking in chemistry, others seemed more promising, but no dice. I clicked with the 8th girl and she agreed to a second. That came Halloween weekend so we dressed up and walked an entertainment area where we closed down the outdoor patio. We were practically silent over the last couple hours; listening to the music as I gently massaged here shoulders or arm. She was cautious and didn't let me kiss her goodnight, but the chemistry had been established. A couple of days later we made out passionately on her couch. We had a nice 8 month run, which was plenty for me at the time. Oh, I always paid (without fanfare) and she let me.

[@woodliceworm4565]

2nd date is that a thing? A first date should be considered a crowning achievement, a second date is pushing expectations to the limit.

[@williambasinger5859]

Ladies, the way I see the who pays for what thing. If I ask you out I pay. If you ask me out you pay. Simple!

[@anniealexander9616]

Great video! A second date is a second date! I haven't made it to a second date in a long time. The last first date wanted our second date to be spending the night. 😢 The one before wanted our second date to be spending all day together.....the following day. I don't move that quickly. But clearly some do. But it didn't last! Fine for the man but women should slow down.

[@abart2056]

I've had 2 second dates now and I paid for meals both times even though they said they're old fashioned. I was asked to set up the second date so that was my lead in to say that I'd like to pay for it. One of those I'd forgotten that I'd mentioned going dutch and it was brought up and I said "I'll just get it all". I think he liked that! A 3rd date is on the horizon for one next week. Thank you ladies for such great content! I am still probably over sharing but when it's the right kind of person, they don't scare as easily to my surprise. 😊

[@33Jenesis]

I pretty much know from the first moment if I want to see him again. I haven’t agreed to a 2nd date from on line dating.

[@natalieh7037]

This has been my experience, too.

[@joeyd4364]

A lot can be said for speed dating. As I get older, I've reduced the time to know if there's a chance to about 3 minutes. Not a yes or no to a relationship, but knowing if there's a chance. ❤

[@Antoinette14273]

Agree that 2nd dates can be tricky. But how do they make you FEEL? Not so much, what is said or topics discussed, or who pays for what. Do you FEEL good in your date's presence? Agree with Joni sure watch for the red flags but be yourself and don't dismiss outright the person sitting there talking with you. Give some lee-way, compassion and another chance. Feelings can grow, and let's see what happens on the 3rd date.

[@adamnorthup1620]

The no-brainer is to be yourself on the first date! Put in a little effort, but be genuinely yourself!

[@MagnumVideos]

You two are so good together!

[@2ndActTV]

Ahh, thank you!!

[@montanasky2253]

Joni’s hair looks so good a darker shade. Very flattering

[@marygoodsell3602]

Joni is my favorite guest on your show! Thanks for the advice!

[@julialednicky7542]

Joni’s hair looks GREAT! ❤ And good advice & thoughts as always👍 thank you ladies

[@yank4334]

number 1 is Normal i think because our natural reaction on a first date is being nervous and at the same time excited to meet the person ...when you go on a second date you are little more relaxed...just be your self all around , it takes 2 to mingle and if its meant to happen it happens

[@joerockhead7246]

Thanks, Silke, & Joni. I enjoyed this episode.

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks Joe! Always appreciate you watching!!

[@Annabelle-n3e]

Wow, this dating thing is changing. I am going to go back out there after years of not dating . I'm certainly not a gold digger but I never can get myself to pay a man. I would be so turned off for some reason. Pay him and eventually get close? I want to vomit. I don't even want to date now. Men ultimately are the bread winners and they ask for more money? Ick

[@fredc3543]

LOL, 2nds? Why change the feeling of the 1st? Please don't. Just be fun and friendly. It either "werks," or it doesn't. Who "dates" any more? Really? Adventures are way better.

[@Snarge22]

Serious question; since we're indeed older, should be talk about each others (very likely older now) kids? I think so.

[@abart2056]

Yes and that's been brought up on my first dates especially if it's mentioned in profiles. Another important subject to talk about.

[@mrsp2115]

Rather than pay for a date, ask him over for a home-cooked meal.

[@douglasbrinkman5937]

if she is so damn sensitive that she cannot forgive some goofs, then she is not the one for me. no one can live a perfect life, before or after getting married.

[@suzayer]

Joni - beautiful home?

[@2ndActTV]

Yes, Joni has a beautiful and serene place in Colorado!

[@Snarge22]

HHhhhmmmmm....... So don't show up in your coveralls with holes, rips, and grease from servicing construction equipment? Should one put hand lotion on their elbows even though hand lotion is for hands? ;-)

[@ssiegreen5292]

Tall One! Actually - - - if it's one of those quickie, spur of the moment type - in and out "mini dates" - why the hell not? If you have the liberty and freedom to interrupt your work day to meet her on short notice - then go as you are! And blow her socks off when you dress up for a more structured date the next time :o). I believe in being real and being "for real"! If I can have a sneak-peek at who you are on a day in/day out scenario - and I like you like that - you're already way ahead of the game. And if I don't - we both have clarity right then and there, that this is not going anywhere, rather than wasting time + $$$ with multiple outings before we get to that realization. PS - you use that hand lotion wherever needed as needed! 😁🤣🙃

[@Snarge22]

I like your perspective@@ssiegreen5292!

[@wendyh.9363]

2nd date??? I'll still wait until the 1st lmao!

[@wendyh.9363]

You got me! 😂

[@wendyh.9363]

That's my answer, as in I don't have ideas either.

[@robertvarner9519]

Thank goodness I don't date. I'd be making mistakes all over the place.

[@andrewblue146]

If you don’t pay there will not be another date.

[@wyleecoyotee4252]

Men aren't obligated to pay. It's entirely their choice. It's better for women to pay for themselves as it alleviates any expectations for anything.

[@andrewblue146]

@@wyleecoyotee4252 they are not obliged to pay. But odds are if you don’t there will not be a second.

[@danf4447]

'MY EX HUSBAND DID ...XYZ" yeah how did that work out for him?? he got to pay and you divorced him? double loss.

[@xyzct]

Respectfully, can you two _at all_ see how manipulative you are? You have more dos and don't than the IRS tax code.

[@danf4447]

you never talk about what the GOAL for older women dating is?? is it company.. is it to get someone to give you a better lifestyle or take on your debt? is it to not feel like you got picked last? why do women want to date..toward what end. ?? if its to have anice time then who cares??

[@wyleecoyotee4252]

Just to have a nice time

[@gentlehorst]

Pattern? Is there a recipe for all of us? Sure, writing here as not a 'normal' man, ... paying for a date, taking the other on a second date for granted ... , but I agree with the 'bank' because where lies the emphasise? Surely, it 'should' be the person and not the fake. We all have insecurities or dents (if we want to compare us with history or past). I just think (for me at least) an open conversation can lead to any path if taken with the security given from the man that she can be freely express herself because he gives her the confidence from the start. Your recipe for 'not this nor that' may not give her that, I think (but yes, what to avoid, your theme, is helpful to know). If I would give your watchers advice it would be: Consider your opponent sitting across from you is just a man who is capable to cook water similar to you and let it grow through conversation. Clearly your audience looks for more than just a moment. So maybe more do than don'ts. How can you teach ... natural?! A friend's best friend complaint she had (so far) just 40 first dates. She did not know why. Yes, she should listen to your advice given.

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks for your comment, you make great points - especially about your friend's friend with 40 first dates! We are all different, and there is not a recipe for all of us. There are, however, "common things" some of us tend to do that will sabotage what we are actually wanting to accomplish. All of our videos are for "consideration" only. We hope that points are brought up that get us to "think about" what we are doing, or not doing. I know I have a new take-away most days. 🙂 Thanks for watching!

[@gentlehorst]

@@2ndActTV Yes, thank you, therefore I enjoy your channel (and recommend you to others). One more about the 40 First Dates: I gave my friend a few pointers after meeting her friend once but the important point I try to make here was I let her, best friend, be the messenger. She will enjoy your channel as well.😔

[@gentlehorst]

@@bryank.vaughan4316 Horst, the gentlemensch, is male 😇. I am certain, being minorly involved in dating, women put plenty of emphasise on 'outfit' for a date. The whole pay-issue is just sad for all people involved. I have no interest buying a woman but being European want to treat a woman as a cavalier because why would I not cherish the woman I am interested in. If the rule could be First Date I invited (like '2nd Date' suggested) then 2nd date she (because she values the 1st as positive) then no one is obligated to anything but let's the endeavour takes it's course. Certainly, Vaughan, you speak with an embittered experience which almost, I hope I am wrong, hints value for your buck. I had trouble selling my house once and the real estate told me then 'It just needs one' Same here? It just needs one to find who values you and all. Everything else is a learning curve. I think, it is worth the effort.

[@gentlehorst]

@@bryank.vaughan4316 Well done, then. 👏 (you are better in typing fast, for sure)

[@gentlehorst]

@@bryank.vaughan4316 One tip for a date. Prepare a picnic basket. I, the boy in me, likes surprises and a woman mystery and expectations varied (be unique in yourself and she might even think your love making may be as well, sure as a comment might go too far) I, today, in reality, make a devine mousse au chocolat from Haeberlin, the cook, engrave her name onto a spoon, take beeds with her name from the dollar store and place them onto the mousse and roasted pine nuts sprinkled with dark chocolat "vlokken". So which woman would say no? The one you do not want anyways. Be yourself ... in potion and portion and being a boy might be as well. Remember she is just a girl in different wrapping. OK, my sir_man on a Thursday.