3 Things: Child-free Man's Dilemma, How Childhood Dysfunction Impacts Adults, FIND OUT SEASON

[@edunlap6594]

Childfree man should divorce. I'd say the same if it was her.

[@aaunyea4799]

Same, I'd stay strong! She knew he didn't want kids, but married him anyway.

[@adrianghandtchi1562]

@@aaunyea4799she unfortunately was too programmed to believe he truly didn’t. A separation. Is loads better for both

[@uniquelyunique1]

Agreed! Let her go. 🤭

[@GrungeGalactica]

Yeah he made his stance pretty clear by getting the snip. She can by all means have a change of heart, but she can’t expect to convince him to change his mind. It’s best if they amicably split & find more compatible partners.

[@katherines144]

Agree. The whole "you'll change your mind eventually" is no good no matter who does it. Time to end the relationship that no longer matches up.

[@justanotheronlineobserver3387]

So... dude hit his kid, has a addiction and almost cheated. And he is hurt his wife wants to leave him. Hearing it right?

[@nottodaycolonizer]

🤣 Yes your ears didnt deceive you.

[@fantym-1]

We only have his say that he didn't - having been military, the majority of X Ys take off the wedding ring while on orders elsewhere

[@miyangtangwan7046]

He is not hurt; he is shook. Much more serious. 😂

[@lyndas.8765]

Yes. He is blindsided and will claim she keeping his kids from him 😒

[@justanotheronlineobserver3387]

@@miyangtangwan7046 Absolutely right, unfortunately OP found himself a woman who wants to be treated well and for her children to have a safe home. Hate it when women act like people, truly a disease.

[@joyofdance999]

The military guy says, "What if life gets harder?". And I immediately thought, "Corn addiction, texting another woman, and being violent with your son isn't enough?" Like it's out of his control. Sad, and no self-reflection there.

[@misshouda1740]

He means when he's old and can't wipe his own arse that's what he means

[@DawnGloves]

I’m thinking “I had a vasectomy” is plenty strong. I don’t know how much plainer he could be.

[@nightstarstar1]

That was my thoughts as well. Why she would think he going to change his mind after he took such permanent step is beyond me.

[@Angiecuna]

AGREED!!!!

[@mzdrea9468]

An elective vasectomy in your 20s.... yea message received

[@Llynya90]

"As a joke" "My friend convinced me" Uh huh, and I'm the president of the US.

[@DoveAlexa]

you have a great shot at it these days

[@onanothernote]

⁠true story 😂

[@sarahthesarah2850]

I would vote for you over who we currently have. Just you being here gives me more trust in you than what we have.

[@misshouda1740]

And he's a corn addict too like bffr😂😂😂

[@Marta-Aya]

I don't know you yet would bet the already paid part of my mortgage you would be better choice than tangerine Hitler...

[@Geospasmic]

The first guy ran into a problem lots of childfree people do- he made his own stance clear, that's good. But you have to make sure your partner is not just "okay" with it, but has the same stance. Being childfree means both parties make a decision. "I'm okay with that" is aquiecence, not a decision. You gotta be on the very same page.

[@MizMorgue1]

Sounds dangerously close to blaming the husband for not reading his wife's mind. I think she lied and hoped to change his mind after marriage.

[@Geospasmic]

@MizMorgue1 I don't mean it that way at all, it's not his fault. But I hang out on r/childfree and it comes up all the time there. Childfree people need to know the pitfalls or they can't avoid them.

[@dearbrave4183]

​​​@@Geospasmicthere's no better way to be on the same page with a childfree person than marrying them despite knowing they don't want kids, because that means you won't have any either. This is unless there are plans to go behind their back to make those kids or force them to do so? This guy is not at fault, she is.

[@Zarsla]

It reminds me what another person said here on social media, women date & marry potential, and she saw the potential that he could be a father. But didn't see the reality of the fact that he made it clear he's not going to be a dad.

[@ccannon1]

He said he got a vasectomy before they got married. How much more clear can he make it? She obviously knew about it because she asked him to reverse it. Vasectomy reversal isn’t even 100% assured. What was she even thinking?

[@V.Hansen.]

What a load of malarkey. She wouldn’t be scared to leave if you just lost your temper one time. Scared you’ll hurt her or the kid if she leaves is a very specific threat.

[@d53380]

“If you didn’t have to worry about money or fear of me hurting myself, you or the kids, would you leave?” If any man asks me this question, I would just disappear without a trace. He’d never see me ever again. This sounds like an admission that he wants to unalive his whole family. Believe them the first time.

[@uniquelyunique1]

Exactly!! 🤭

[@just1desi]

This. I'm like folks need to listen better. Reading comprehension should have had all the reddit folks calling him on murderous intentions.

[@SmartStart24]

So true! It’s such a creepy and manipulative thing to do.

[@MsZoidberg1]

Yeah I was coming to say just that. He implied her fear of him hurting her or their son is something keeping her there

[@seabreeze4559]

@@just1desi Devils' Advocate, says the Devil

[@OGJaquarPrincess]

The fact he had a vasectomy is proof enough he didn’t want kids. Nothing else left to say. Divorce.

[@annejohnson5875]

Never try to have kids with someone who clearly doesn't want them. What kind of a parent do you think that person would be?

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

It's quite mad.

[@amandaeye11]

Kids know that they’re not wanted and will blame themselves. It’s not fair to grow up with such a fundamental wound.

[@xletragedyx]

These people aren't rational. "You'll love the baby once it gets here." "You'll be a great parent!"

[@annejohnson5875]

@xletragedyx Exactly. And kids notice.

[@msthang5366]

Story #3 “if you didn’t have to worry about money or the fear of me hurting myself, you or the kids, would leave”? WOW!!! He’s holding her prisoner..

[@xletragedyx]

Yeah that's a passive threat of family annihilation

[@indigoeyes100]

Re that second guy- the woman didn’t give him her number “as a joke” and he didn’t text her reluctantly because his friends convinced him to. Do they really think we fall for this crap?

[@itgetter9]

I hope the guy is reading this. Hey, my guy: NONE OF US believe that crap. Literally ... NONE.

[@AnusiaLA]

That’s exactly what I was thinking. Minimizing. They can’t be honest even in situations like this “trying to save their marriage”. Part of why they’re lonely and blindsided.

[@1108-g1q]

If he can't be honest with himself and his wife, therapy would be pointless.

[@astrinymris9953]

3rd story: What shook me was that in his question "If you didn't have to worry about money, me hurting myself, you, or the kids, would you leave?" he's tacitly admitting that he's used threats of self-deletion and family annihilation to control her. Okay, it might theoretically be *just* self-harm and DV, but either way, it's violence. Maybe I saw this at once because I used to have an ex who did the self-deletion threats, as did my mother when I was growing up.

[@j.munday7913]

tldr: me too! I had an ex like that, who kept using self delete for more and more things. At first when I tried to break up so we stayed together. (I was young.) Then when we'd get in fights and I wanted a break because he was insufferable. Then it got to the point that everything was the end. After a particularly nasty fight where he was following me from room to room to "talk" while I was clearly trying to get some space I told him he didn't have the balls to do it. Hoo boy, that's what he was waiting for. He told all, near and far, hither and yon, from mountain top to valley, friends, enemies, exes, strangers on the street, pigeons, fish in the sea, empty air, and anything in between I was abusive and had been telling him to delete the whole time we were dating but woe.... he loved me too much to leave. He had hope I would realize how much I was hurting him. And it worked for most people. They saw that I was different around him, no longer my usual (I think) kind self and I was short with him after years of dealing with him and feeling trapped. I lost most of my friends. This is why the second I hear someone say their partner threatened deletion, I tell them to cut and RUN. This is not to say I advocate leaving someone you care about who in the spirit of self preservation tells you they've been feeling that way and they need help.

[@StoutShako]

My current boyfriend's ex used to do the same. This guy is trying to frame himself in a sympathetic light, but I just see a Family Annihilator in the making.

[@donnaanderson2846]

To those of you like the woman with the mother with dementia, I’m 62, and went no contact with my mother, and three oldest siblings about two years ago. I finally realized that I was done with tolerating their alignment with my narcissistic brother, and the verbal abuse he hurled at me, during family gatherings. I love them, but I’m doing it from a distance. Other family members have reached mentioning her failing memory. I’m so glad that she has 6 children! I “put in time”, living near her out of state for almost 10 years, enduring negativity from her narcissistic husband. Let someone else step up now.

[@dfya3294]

Nothing wrong w/ him being childfree. Childfree ppl need to be w/ other chidfree ppl because in the long run it will cost resentment for one party. Edit: if 1 person does decided that they want kids yrs later then it's ok to break up. This is what ppl mean when they say they changed or grew apart & that's ok just do it in good terms & don't be bitter about it.

[@DianaPrinceitiswhatitis]

1. and 3. These marriages are over. File for divorce. Dude in the final story needs to be divorced and alone. He’s insufferable and abusive. He’s not trying to fix himself and is full of it. 2. She deserves love and a hug. She can hand her mother’s care and affairs over to the state in which she resides. Her story made me so sad. Nothing, but abuse and being treated like a mule.

[@noellebridgman-wile7056]

Sadly, in the US, 30 states have mandates that children are responsible for their aging parents’ welfare, medical and financial. Ladies, check your parents’ state law if they don’t deserve your care in their own vulnerable years, and come up with a game plan.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

​@@noellebridgman-wile7056What happens if you don't have children?

[@noellebridgman-wile7056]

@@dumfriesspearhead7398 I presume MediCare or MedicAid and the state step up. As I understand it, in countries with socialized medicine, the elderly are looked after by their country. Wealth can buy upgrades, but elder poverty doesn’t become the burden of their offspring (who are often generationally poor).

[@StoutShako]

​@@dumfriesspearhead7398 We all end up in the same place in the end lol. A nursing home.

[@mariag.8242]

The people responding to the abusive man are trying to help him save his marriage because he wants that, but they’re not thinking for one second about the safety and needs of the other people - his wife and child. If he’s really ready to do the hard work of self-repair, he needs to do it alone. It’ll take a few years and until he’s much better, he’s not safe as a partner.

[@StoutShako]

It's REALLY scary.

[@electricbluetiramisu3713]

1. Child-free man has my sympathy. Everyone deserves to have their decisions respected and their spouse can’t go changing the rules. The spouse can change their mind, absolutely, but it’s up to them to take responsibility for that 2. Saints were humans too. That woman is a saint for continuing to care as she could even if her driving feelings were negative. I hope she has a rich and fulfilling life 3. That man is looking for an excuse to give up. He admits that he doesn’t want to put in all that effort to improve himself when his wife might still leave him but he forfeited the luxury of her guaranteed commitment long ago. We know the relationship is likely dead because when your child says they’d rather have a different dad - says it to the mother, not to your face in a moment of heated childish anger at you - then you have significantly and dangerously failed them. But I wanted to call out the shallow nature of his supposed dilemma

[@seabreeze4559]

ah yes I told a relative I didn't respect them and they were shocked.... I pointed out when have they ever EARNED my respect? crickets....

[@StoutShako]

That poor wife needs to get away from him with the baby before he goes the Family Annihilator route. I don't know how that story isn't freaking out more people.

[@thelastshallbefirst6036]

First guy, divorce the wife. She needs to be with iman who wants children.

[@lesley-anngilmore7524]

Husband and I had this discussion BEFORE we got married- he got the snip. I have 2 auto immune diseases, and very low blood pressure, a pregnancy would kill me and the child. She should leave, he made himself clear. Asking him to change now is manipulation, and Id say the same if the situation was reversed.

[@msJjbluematrix]

I have now had two friends who KNOWINGLY got into a relationship with a man who made it plain as day they don't want kids. One met a guy with a vasectomy. The other met a guy who was going to get one. Both ladies were convinced they can make them change their mind. I have the same issue as a child free woman. Men think they can change my mind. Why do people pursue folks who don't align with what they want out of life?

[@jannibal9273]

To the adult daughter who had an abusive childhood, she owes her adult mother nothing. She did what she needed to do by getting her mother, diagnosed with Alzheimers, into a nursing home. She does NOT owe that hateful mother toward her anything other than the basics, which she has taken care of. Children of parents with Alzheimers also need to know that in some cases the patient can become extremely abusive and angry including actual physical attacks from the parent. It is better she doesn't see her mother or call her. If she feels guilty, I suggest she seek out counselling or "therapy" because she has NO reason to feel guilt at all. She has done her duty to her parent when, frankly, she didn't need to. That's what Social Workers are paid by the state/county to do. She cannot feel love when there is none, and pretending otherwise is, in my opinion, destructive and will only make the daughter feel more guilty because she doesn't "love" her mother. Don't feel guilty when you have no reason to do so other than having people try to brain-wash you into thinking that somehow you owe that mother something simply because she gave birth to you. She doesn't deserve your love. Love should never be freely given to an adult, it needs to be earned.

[@danic9304]

That first one - sounds like he made it clear from the start. Asking him to get a reversal and trying to persuade him us no different to a guy trying to get a woman to have a baby she doesn't want.

[@RyuNekohime]

This Random Dude went up to me asking if I wanted a boyfriend. I told him: No. why would I? Also? If I don’t HAVE an ex-boyfriend? I can’t get murdered by one. Normally? I’d probably just have said no. But I was stressed and in a time crunch as the person driving me home was late and I have a young puppy at home. So being asked that by a random person was the last straw. Dude was Shooketh but he did walk away with a very confused look on his face. In my head I went “Who the heck are you, anyway?? I’m pretty sure a person normally would make small talk at least before asking that. Like ‘hi! I’m ___! You look cool, mind if we have a chat?’ Or something along those lines? Walking up to a stranger and the first thing out of your mouth is asking if I want a boyfriend?!? What? Also, I’m quite obviously wearing headphones…how did that translate to ‘please talk to me!’ ?

[@astrinymris9953]

I think you gave Random Dude food for thought. We can only hope he chooses to do so.

[@natcl9974]

I’ve had that happen to me too, but forget about it. A stranger asks another stranger if they want a partner not understanding that the other party knows nothing about you, not even a name! It’s weird, it’s stupid and it needs no further thoughts

[@charliebslilgurl1132]

"I had a vasectomy " That should have been the last conversation.

[@angelaholmes8888]

I feel bad for the woman in the second story she shouldn't feel guilty about putting her mother in a nursing home i respect her for still trying to be there for her mother after all the horrible way she treated her in her life especially since she had no remorse

[@Diana734]

Why do people think it is ok to pressure people into having kids?!😑🙄😮‍💨

[@ayingi3461]

The national guard guy asked a scary question. That hypothetical question is loaded, the members of his household are not safe.

[@jokraemer3516]

He probably threatened to kill himself after the "texting" incident...

[@edunlap6594]

Yep. And the only help he needs now is a 5150 hold!

[@angelaholmes8888]

The couple in the first story need to divorce her husband told her that he didn't want kids i don't understand why the spouse is trying to make him change his mind

[@DoveAlexa]

Her parents brainwashed her into the idea that 'Oooh, all men start out saying they don't want kids, but they HAVE TO eventually, because god!'

[@cuddlyguineapigs]

Agree with you on the point of how unfair it is to pressure childfree people to have children they don't want. I have a friend who is married and childfree but her husband and his family keep pressuring her to have kids. Her husband comes from a large family so I think it's pretty silly to pressure the one person who doesn't want to have children to do so. She says her husband doesn't help out around their apartment and based on how little he helped with their pets, especially their dog when it was a puppy, she believes she would be stuck working full time, doing all the chores, caring for all the pets, and caring for a child on top of all of that. I'm a mom of two and know how hard it is, so I like to let her know that I get where she's coming from and I fully support her. With all this pressure, I want to let her know I've got her back!

[@seabreeze4559]

coercion is abuse, she should divorce

[@deana1111]

I am totally addicted to your channel. I am binge watching everything. "A man is not a plan" is my new motto ❤

[@BurbNBougie]

Love that!

[@igray5311]

Childfree guy, they need to separate. I don't put anything on him about this issue, this is on her. He was clear about what he wanted and who he was. He needs to let her go.

[@ayamempress1579]

The lady who put her mother into care, I relate to, although I'm still caring for my mother. I'm struggling to do the thing, but the way I'm decentering, this is the last major trauma bond i have to address.

[@SoCalRegisteredNurse]

I think many people, specifically women because we are expected to be the caregivers, go through this. Also, by the time our parents are at the dementia stage and age, we are at the age where it’s time to really start enjoying the life WE have left.

[@beardpapa12]

The man in the last story doesn't realize his marriage is already dead. It's like a hollow tree just waiting for a strong storm to knock it over and she's just waiting for the kid to leave the house.

[@advisorywarning]

Perfect analogy

[@camiba6773]

The second story bis me only my father died when I was young. My mother was the abuser. She never was light on me regarding school and chores. My brothers they got a ay with everything. Still even after we are grown. She will give him money but me. If I even open my mouth to ask for anything it will be a no or you better pay me back. I went no contact and I am well off now but the treatment between girls and boys in abusive households is so apparent, it is like why don't you say you like them more already so we can leave and never come back.

[@seabreeze4559]

scapegoats are meant to take it so She doesnt

[@thepoliticalcat]

Childfree guy, your relationship is over. There are two issues you cannot compromise on in a marriage: monogamy and children. There is no compromise between having children vs. not having children. Sorry, y'all.

[@rainbeauxunicorn5237]

He needs to divorce her. Let her find a man that wants kids. There are plenty out there.

[@OACole]

Excuse me?? "A girl gave me her number and as a JOKE.... my friend convinced me to pretend to text her" "Leaving a bruise on his chest....?" what is he *not* saying??

[@MizMorgue1]

S1. He definitely needs to divorce. Sounds like he knows what he wants out of life and his wife doesn't. I'm also leaning towards she just wanted to be married, based on her background. I don't think either of them truly had in depth, hard conversations about the kind of marriage they wanted.

[@sweetdreams3119]

The child-free husband was totally upfront and his wife needs to respect that. It's a rare thing. I hope the second woman finds a qualified CPTSD therapist and lives a wonderful life going forward. The porn addict soldier needs some serious counseling. So many of these violent man babies are also the victims of childhood abuse. To address their crap means they have to 'wake the f up' (WOKE) to their issues. It's seen as unmanly and they've got a whole culture of suck-it- up that just plain sucks.

[@skh770]

I appreciate you explaining how people end up with no boundaries. I have lived this and, at 54, am still working on it. Started when I was 2. When someone being angry equals your pain, terror, possible injury or death- you take it very seriously and do what you can to mitigate it from a young age. It becomes automatic.

[@zforcez9]

When these dudes tell these stories, you know they are lying and mitigating the harm that they did. The one guy with the corn addiction, cheating tendencies and abuse towards son you know he's done much worse. I hope he decides to leave the wife so she can be free without fear of him becoming a family annihilator. I hope she is able to get counseling and healing because he leaves and figures out that it's actually in her best interest that he is gone.

[@just1desi]

Mr Cheater Corn addict is giving family Annihilator energy. What does he mean by asking if she didnt have to worry about him hurting her and the kids... thats a straight up threat. The comments sure glossed over that dark intention in all their advice.

[@itsmainelyyou5541]

This poor woman, let them go. You deserve some peace, without guilt. Protect your peace. This 'dad' needs to let his family go and help support them. He is everything wrong. He is the danger. If he is serious, he'll go and get the help he needs on his own.

[@thepoliticalcat]

Dear lady with C-PTSD, your mother and your Dad both conspired against your life, your health, and your safety. Please step down from taking care of your mother. She doesn't deserve anything from you. Best of luck, and please stay in therapy, if you can.

[@islandgirl8067]

Story one, OP should divorce. If one spouse wants kids and the other doesn't, it's a deal breaker. She can find a man who will give her the kids she wants. Story 2, OP was the scapegoat of the family. Her mother was clearly jealous of her daughter. She has been very good to her mother despite the mistreatment & shouldn't feel guilty about putting her in a home. Story 3, OP didn't text the other woman as a "joke." He has anger issues and a corn addiction. This is a wake up call for him. He needs to get it together or his wife will eventually walk away.

[@thegodhonesttruth1584]

She better get away from her husband. He has been threatening her and her child for a while. He knows what he’s doing and is manipulating her to stay. She better start putting a plan in place and alerting family.

[@wgcooke1]

I absolutely believe him about the phone number; I am also a co-owner of a bridge in New York 😂

[@beardpapa12]

I give kudos to childfree man for taking care of business by getting the vasectomy and being really upfront about his stand. I just wish he had taken into consideration the background of the woman he married though the woman should NOT have said it was OK with her if she really wasn't on board. Too many people (both men and women) think their partner will change their mind because they're special or it's natural or whatever. And I am calling her out for trying to pressure him to reverse the snip. They really should divorce while she can still have kids with someone else. I think childfree people need to find other people who are also enthusiastically childfree (not foolproof but would cut down on things like this).

[@DoveAlexa]

Lots of people with a religious background are allergic to it later so it's unfair to claim her background made her radioactive no matter what she said. Maybe she lied about being okay with it, maybe she was more against it and then started getting pressured after, we can't know and I don't want to blame the guy for not 'choosing better' while also playing into the 'look at the mother in law to know how she'll end up' stereotype.

[@DianaDeLuna]

I've been subscribed to you since the election, and I can't tell you how comforting & eye-opening your videos are. We women-even queer ones like me-are hassled & held to a higher standard than men. I'll be 55 next week, and still trying to rid myself of the Catholic guilt.

[@rainbeauxunicorn5237]

14:20 Story time #2 She doesn’t feel guilty. She feels fear and anxiety. She’s been conditioned growing up in that abusive household. She feels fear/anxiety because she is expecting a violent negative reaction for not complying. She needs to deprogram her fear responses with positive reinforcements when she says NO or maintains a boundary.

[@mariag.8242]

She also feels guilty, because all her life she’s been told that it’s her responsibility to make sure everyone else is safe and happy. It’s incredibly hard to realize, all the way through your heart, that those demands and expectations are unacceptable, and that she can be a good person without sacrificing herself.

[@rainbeauxunicorn5237]

@…that’s not what her story time said. They were never “safe and happy.” So I don’t know how you came to that conclusion, unless you’re projecting.

[@vika5233]

It's a shame they ruin women's boundaries , I feel for her.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Baby girl can sleep through anything. I'm jealous. I can't sleep through nothin' 😂😂 You couldn't pay me go trust a vasectomy, but that's definitely a major step to show you're child free. They are both young and can still have great lives if they separate

[@j.munday7913]

#3 Yikes! It's been 4 months since he hit his kid and now, because he asked if she would go (probably because she's been doing the obvious signs of a woman getting ready to leave like not talking, saving money, etc) and its slowly trickled through his brain that she's mad... now he wants therapy? Christ. And hows he going to act when he offers the divorce with no contest and she jumps on it in relief? Puh-leese. He wants her grateful tears and begging to stay. WHY were none of the comments calling this guys outttt? What? They're all like, "Oh you abused your son and your wife hates you? Be better at sex with her then. EHEHEHEHEHE."

[@freethinkinmelanin6795]

I think getting a vasectomy and letting a person know you don’t want kids is clear enough. When women say they don’t want kids, the position taken is that should be enough. It should be the same if a man says he doesn’t want kids. He should’ve just been given the same advice given to women once men start pressuring them, “stand your ground”. It’s not his fault that this person is trying to push his boundaries.

[@Weed_olff]

The 2nd story is extremely similar to my best friend’s childhood. We became best friends in high school (we’re still just as close and talk almost everyday) and she had to do all these chores everyday after school while her younger brother didn’t have to do anything but was always out doing drugs and stealing. Her brother could do no wrong in her parents’ eyes, but if my bestie made one mistake (and mind you, we were straight edge kids) her parents would let her have it. I never understood why her parents were that way.

[@therealhellkitty5388]

One of these days I will describe my life with our abuser. I’m not quite ready to do so but suffice it to say, my children’s counselor at the shelter told me that our case was the worst example of abuse of a family in her 43 years of practice. He was a narcissist of the first water and diabolically clever. I’d even go so far as to say he had some psychopathy thrown in there too. What I will say here is that you can heal. My superpower is that I refuse to give in or give up and there were many times when things looked pretty damned bleak. But, I had good friends to help us through. It has been 22 years since we walked out in the middle of a cold, Central Texas winter night with our coats, a cell phone and an old car. I only look back if I have to and try to remember how far we all have come since that day. I have been told I should write a book about my experiences. Perhaps one day I will.

[@BurbNBougie]

Protect your Peace 🕊️

[@Ms_Introvert_4_Life]

1st story... I smell a divorce... I will say that it is very hard to find another childfree partner who absolutely doesn't want children, PERIOD.

[@ky9933]

Could you please move the captions below the text? I enjoy these videos but I rarely listen to the audio and the captions are covering the text already on the screen.

[@BurbNBougie]

I probably won't keep this up anyways. I started it bc the green screen wasn't working. Now I can stop

[@belle8i]

When women are no longer shamed for setting boundaries then that’s what will happen. Sometimes it’s easy to criticize others for allowing bad behaviour but putting it into practice is different.

[@nottodaycolonizer]

she stayed with him through all his lies and he wants to leave when she tells the truth. typical

[@teresamagnusson]

I dont trust any man that brags about having multiple cars. That having been said, I support the fact that he is up front about his child free stance.

[@MissMawu]

He wasn't bragging. He was just making his financial situation and lifestyle clear.

[@MizMorgue1]

Did he brag? He just mentioned his home and some card are paid for, and that he's pursuing higher education. I heard no bragging

[@teresamagnusson]

I'll stay not trusting him.

[@jasminejeanine2239]

While I do suffer from hyper empathy due to being autistic and had been raised in a super fundamental Christian home, I thank God every day that I also happened to be raised with all boys and never actually wanted the role in the first place. No it only took nearly obeying myself into a early grave twice for me to figure out that people never think about the consequences if someone really did what they want. Often what they want runs in conflict with other things he wants. No, trust me, all giving in does is make the person less happy over time. Then again, what do you expect to happen when you're basically giving into a tantrum? Of course they become more emotionally disregulated. No, these days you'd have to unalive me to get me to obey. My hyper empathy won't allow me to do that to other women or the man himself. No, giving into shaming and gaslighting only will result in more shaming and gaslighting. No, women need to stop trying to be saint and start being what the world actually needs. Women also matter in fact we matter the most bc we're the ones holding society together. Relationships end when we stop being able to cope. No, it's vital for you to learn how to control how much energy you spend. You will ALWAYS run out of energy so long as you keep putting in more energy into others then they put into us. It's stupid to be loving when the person doesn't love you.

[@kimkats]

Seems to me he was clear bout it - a vasectomy at that age is pretty clear evidence that he doesn’t want them. I agree with you that there’s no way to reconcile this, as he’ll be miserable if they have a kid. And grandparents have got no damn say about it. P on them. Wife sounds awfully immature, as t the be of 28 she’s waffling all over about an important issue. When I was her age,I had been an attorney for several years. She wildly needs to grow up before she starts reproducing. They should go their separate ways, sadly, but she should engage in some self reflection and mature before she has kids.

[@Br0nto5aurus]

She probably is really immature and naive due to the sheltered background, which he knew when he married her. I don't know why he would marry someone he knows has very little life experience, like a child. Getting a vasectomy and telling your partner you've had a vasectomy isn't enough. Plenty of men change their minds and reverse their vasectomies. A vasectomy doesn't say how you feel about raising children, it just says that *at the time* he got it, he wasn't in a *position* to raise biological children. He needed to make his *feelings* about raising children clear to his wife AND ASK ABOUT HERS, which he never mentions doing even once.

[@radicalreactions1633]

@@Br0nto5aurus bs, you're making excuses for both things, you literally can't have it both ways.

[@NaiSays]

Burb I love the fact that you gave him the same advice that I’d give a woman in the same circumstances with the first narrative. I think CF people should marry or date among other CF people for sure. That’s a major life decision and has impact on every other choice that gets made as an individual or as a couple. I think his main issue is the fact that he married younger than I’d usually recommend for anyone, let alone someone that is CF. If children aren’t important, then everything else is carries even more weight as there isn’t anything to distract the couple from one another. Small things become much larger things when there aren’t any children in the picture.

[@NoShot-sl6cr]

My dad is in a hospital in Ohio. They really should stop calling.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Too proud to use government assistance, but not the bank of your daughter?? 😂😂 Stop it. This is so ridiculous. I guess they think because they gave her life, they can control her. You don't know what to do?? 😂😂😂 What do you mean?? You've made several egregious missteps. You know your wife is only staying under duress. You want to save this, so obviously just be better.

[@alluringdefender24]

We have so many more people to reach out to!!

[@Carpathianpixie]

First story: I'd also suggest therapy for his wife to truly find out if she wants children and why? Is it a peer pressure thing, is it a "I want someone to love me unconditionally" thing or is the old religious dogma resurfacing? Before divorcing, they could talk about it and discuss why she's suddenly no longer okay being child free and therapy.

[@SaraApdo-v6x]

For third story; here is a question ! How can life be harder than being married to a cheater,children beater,and abuser.😅

[@SoCalRegisteredNurse]

I applaud the man in the first story. He knew he didn’t want kids and planned for that. Yes, it’s sad that a marriage has to end. There will be grief involved in that loss, but I think it’s best for both of them.

[@kconway2263]

I haven’t been in a situation like OP who feels guilty for being unable to care for her mom, but I can totally relate to being unable to cut yourself any slack. OP didn’t become a people pleasing perfectionist overnight, and it’s going to take hard work and consistency to undo that negative programming. She isn’t alone, though. Society wants all women to be perfect and complacent. Plenty of us are in the boat with her, even if we didn’t have abusive families. Thankfully, we see how problematic it is now, and we’re trying to help each other get out of these toxic thinking patterns.

[@krishadyn5211]

Story 3 guy seems profoundly dishonest--to himself, if nobody else. Plenty of people make mistakes with children. An adult apologizes, and hugs the child, and rebuilds their relationship. This guy has so little contact with his child that that one bad memory is not erased. He is a horrible father and this is not the first time he was been cruel. Nobody pretend cheats as a joke. I know its important to the wife, but I just roll my eyes when people say corn addiction. I will only say sex does not fix marriages anymore than children do. His bizarre statement...WTF? Christ, encourage him to dump his wife and find the fresh tail he craves--whatever gets him to leave his wife alone! There is so much he isn't revealing, but its clear his family hates him and is afraid of him. And he seems to have no interest in lifting a finger to work on it. Everything about him leaving is self-serving rationalizations for other people.

[@jennahart84]

It's 2025. We need to stop accepting "it was a joke" as an excuse for shitty and immoral behavior. Stop it.

[@karenholmes6565]

The last story, I think that there is hope for the guy. He needs therapy, not to save his family, but to save himself. He sounds like he has anger management issues. Men are not taught how to process anger. If his marriage breaks down and he wants to have a more solid relationship, finding a woman that does not feel insecure about him liking corn would be a better solution than lying about it. I have never had a problem with a man that I was involved with looking at that material, as long as it involved consenting adults. Because of this the men I have been involved with either didn't use corn, none of them were "addicted" to it. I think that when we make adult materials taboo, or overreact to it, that creates the environement for obsession. I understand that lots of women have a problem with it, and that's fine, but it never bothered me. If this guy was my husband I would pressure him to go to therapy to address his anger issues with our child. I wouldn't tolerate a man putting his hands on my child in anger.

[@radicalreactions1633]

you're delulu, the guy's a future family annihilator.

[@seabreeze4559]

anger processing is not taught, it's felt. self control. it's a supernormal stimulus.

[@karenholmes6565]

@@seabreeze4559 People can be taught how to process their emotions. I am autistic, one of the impacts of autism is emotional regulation. I do not suffer from explosive anger, but I cry very easily. I have learned how to stop myself from crying in response to anger and anxiety. It can be learned

[@bethbroyles1159]

I wonder if the woman in the first story was told by all her relatives and friends that he would change his mind?

[@Era515]

I also wonder how much she really wants children or if it's because her family is pressuring her continually. I knew by the time I was 15 that I didn't want kids and thankfully my parents never ever pressured me in any way to change my mind. They respected my decisions in life.

[@BB-gd7ez]

Sidenote before I finish listening: I hope they don't start coming over here utilizing women's space. Ask a man. Idk, why that irritated me. Like why did you seek out a woman? Have you no male friends or KZbinrs. 2. Poor baby. She's going o have to go ull no contact. She in a loop of abuse and guilt. Let her mama figure it out. 3. I don't think the commenter was making up a problem. The OP is abusive for sure emotionally, mentally an financially (possibly physically) to his wife and definitely was physically to his son. His abusive, controlling and manipulative nature is being glossed over. Focusing his s3xual energy towards her while holding her hostage in the marriage would not be the move and might be something worse. He is awful. I hope she gets away safely.

[@00nigirimeshi]

Na the childfree man made himself very clear. His wife is a nadult, 28 yo, even if her upbringing was sheltert and all, its still her responsibility in that adult age to be accountable to her decisions. It sucks that she had him believe she was on the same page, but i think childfree people have to understand, that if the other party isnt themselfs child free, the risk of them changing their mind is higher. In the last one i agree with that one commenter, that OP needs to foucus on working on himself and the relationships in his family, before comming on to his wife. Yes he should quit his porn addiction, but simply shifting this energy to his wife as an outlet will definietly make her feel like a masturbation tool. Bc WHY would she be into that? She already said she would up and leave his ass, how is jumping her every chance he gets gonna improve this situation? I would be disgusted and probably hate him even more. That extra energy should be convertet into working on himself first, instead of harressing his wife.

[@Apollo_Blaze]

The woman in the first story is just plain wrong and disrespectful. A man who gets a vasectomy cannot make a more clear statement about his feelings concerning this subject. That says it all and he was honest with her from the start. I am certain that she was thinking she would "change him". This is what happens in so many cases with people who think like that. He needs to find an honest person to be with. And parents have no right to think that it is their children's "job" to "give them grandchildren" if they do not want children.

[@mikochild2]

I wouldn't be surprised if his parents and hers encouraged her up to ask about a reversal. Saying things like he'll probably change his mind. And put pressure on her. Not saying that's what happened at all. I can just imagine it.

[@StoutShako]

Childfree guy sounds like a catch. Do what makes you happy, bro. Even if that means finding someone else. There's definitely women out there who it appeals to. 2nd story person, please don't feel bad. You did all you could and you're a wonderful person. Saints have feelings, too. Even bad ones. What matters most is your actions, and your actions speak for themselves. You're amazing. 💜 3rd guy: PLEASE GTFO AND LEAVE YOUR POOR WIFE AND SON ALONE. YOU ARE A DANGER TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS!!! SEEK THERAPY ASAP!!!!!!

[@dearbrave4183]

The first guy should just leave even though it may be hard. All of them knew about the decision but are trying to manipulate and guilt instead of respecting it and the wife pretended to be on board just so he can marry her. Red flags ⛳⛳ The last story with all the people giving advice about their seggs centered marriage just made me cringe 😬...

[@Mscocoapuffz]

The child-free man dilemma, I’m sorry to say we’ll most likely end a divorce. I don’t want either one of them to be resentful for the choice of being child free especially if she really wants to have children. I do hope this man stand strong and doesn’t give in and getting a reversal of his vasectomy. The woman in the second story girl I just wanna give you a hug. My mom literally has the same relationship with my grandmother, but she’s a sound mind and body at 96 years old. I don’t go visit my own grandmother because she’s so abusive.

[@onycagayle4485]

🎉

[@arlett6477]

Best idea he had. Leave

[@user-guigui01]

02:18 Why did he married a woman of religious background?? Is he stupid?? Religious people usually end up marrying and having kids because "multiply" is a rule.... Why do this to yourself, man??

[@Lysistrata2025]

1st couple: Neither really did anything wrong, but they have learned now they are not compatible. They could have communicated more clearly, but they were also young. They are young enough to start over and hopefully can have a peaceful divorce. 2. Guilt trips are how they chips away at boundaries, I feel for this lady. 3 That man has a self control/impulse control issue rather than a communication issue. Hitting his son is lack of impulse control. Pranking that colleague over text because they guys want is is impulse control. (If he is even telling the truth there, but cheating is also lack of impulse control) Corn addiction is lack of self control. Also, there is an alternative to jacking off to corn vs. harassing his wife every time his peen rises. You can masturbate without using corn.

[@seabreeze4559]

he prolly can't get it up without it, meaning he's impotent

[@Angry-peasant1234]

4:49 HOW are these people NOT listening to each other?!

[@Marta-Aya]

Cone on, the vasectomy guy did nothing wrong, how could he be more clear? His wife finished college, most probably understand the meaning of the word and how do you expect him to make this more clear? Say 'I really don't want kids of my own' every time they encounter a kid??? OK she was raised the way she was and i agree she probably didn't know herself or her life goals so it took her a while to figure it out but it's not on him. She grew up as a person, changed her mind about kids, he didn't change his mind so they most probably would split- and i agree they should since this is a big issue, but this man did nothing wrong and i kind of feel you criticised him for nothing. I got it, men are very often $bitty but not all of them and i see no fault in this one....

[@BurbNBougie]

I don't think we're beating up on the dude. But this is honestly why I don't think women should get married so young. You gotta understand that while this is a man that wrote in, my page is mostly women. So I'm usually speaking to us. I want women to really know themselves before pairing up. That way you don't just go along to get along.

[@mmck2565]

Cut it out cut it out with the “ out should’ve know she’d want kids cause she’s religious” crap. Don’t try to give him one bit of accountability to hold he did his part. Now he just has to do the right thing and move forward. 🙄

[@tinytotsLC]

Boy, do I have a story or stories for you.

[@copperredd]

S1 just break up

[@nitarhodes42]

I would like to hear more about what type of conversations the first guy and his wife have had regarding children. If he has made his stance very clear, and she was only saying that because she wanted to be with him, believing he would change his mind eventually. Advising divorce without more context and information is a hasty.

[@Kelema86]

Wait, so is the perspective here that watching porn is always an addiction and it can never be a casual thing that people do without necessarily being addicted to it?

[@BurbNBougie]

There's never an "all" for anything. Nothing is absolute

[@RedDeadReverie]

Yikes…maybe lay off of it for a while

[@BurbNBougie]

In the post he says and I repeated, "And then there's my lifelong struggle with pornography. It's been a constant battle and a source of tension in our marriage." You can literally replace "p*rn" with any vice. Addictions, like this man asserted by himself, can devastate a marriage. Speaking on addictions isn't the same as speaking on something both spouses consent to.

[@seabreeze4559]

it's a supernormal stimulus, there is no healthy amount

[@Theantinarc]

I'm curious about why he decided he didn't want kids at 17... Not that there's anything wrong with getting a vasectomy, good for him taking initiative great he was able to know what he wants so young... I'm curious though because it seems so uncommon especially with young men and men in general.

[@diedreadams5195]

Take her to her pastor. She married you knowing she was unequally connected. That is a sin. Make it clear your are fixed and do not intend to change that by a reversal. In front of the pastor tell her you release her, if she will not abide by this for the rest of her life.

[@seabreeze4559]

where is that sin mentioned specifically? I wanna study up on that

[@diedreadams5195]

@seabreeze4559 2 cor 6:14, and 1 cor 7:15-17. The unbeliever can be an actual sinner, or could it be a Christian who refuses to believe in an equal manner with each other.