*3* Tips To Handle Controlling People (Ask A Shrink)

Being around a controlling person can be TOXIC and emotionally draining....in today's video I examine 3 ways to handle this type of personality. I'm a Licensed Therapist and answer your questions on 'Ask A Shrink'.

[@realhealing7802]

I come from a family of controlling people. No contact was my only option. These toxic people don't change.

[@nicholasschroeder3678]

You made the smart decision. I did it with my dad 43 years ago and never regretted it. I didn't with my mom--I just didnt have the guts to orphan myself--but I wish now I had. My biggest regret.

[@christopherthorkon3997]

Agreed. Unfortunately no contact is really the most effective option. You have to get out of their web.

[@LavenderDream102]

I’m about to go no contact as well

[@candyjay370]

Have you ever seen a controlling person trying to control people with mental illness? I admire their strength and dedication to continue trying. Even though it's probably considered insanity that they keep trying.

[@stevedavenport1202]

The right call, but a lot of moral courage is required.

[@queendivine3044]

I lose all respect and love because of control freaks. I want nothing to do with them! Insecure people are control freaks life isn't a prison cell. I know why I love being single and not being around too many people. I refuse to let people attach themselves neither do I care to be attracted to people. Controlling people lose you and deserve to you don't lose them they need to be removed out of you life! I have always said I rather be found dead then to live in a cage with controlling people.

[@marcellamiller7808]

💯👏🏽

[@laurabernard2094]

STAY AWAY KEEP AWAY PERIOD AS IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!!!!!!!!!….if this true of your siblings and/or parent/parents.THEY DO NOT CHANGE!!!!!!!!! EVER!! /if not for the worse….. STAY AWAY FOREVER BECOME AND FIND WHO YOU TRULY ARE AND AND LIVE YOUR

[@candyjay370]

They're EVERYWHERE the things they do to get control is always abusive. They're manipulative crazy, liars, jealous, and full of anxiety. Being around them is like living in a hurricane mixed with Hell and a tornado.

[@queendivine3044]

I have had people calling themselves family which they are not who are like this. I moved far away from them and Don't want anything to do with them. I can care less to please these people. The toxic thing about these people this they have even had the nerve to threaten me. They have a bad toxic habit of contacting people telling them my business it was their way to try to manipulate my life because they have this miserable controlling behavior trying to dictate my life. I'm 41 and I can careless about what they think about my life and who the hell they want me to be. I don't wake up ever aiming to please these people about my life. Toxic people hate the work no or it's non of your business they are toxic and miserable people who believe they was apart of your purpose in life like being happy and to find happiness and enjoy life. I live by my own rules and will never allow someone else's toxic emotions or opinions rule and dictate my life. These are people who believe I'm suppose to agree and listen to them I can careless what they think or feel about my life af me doing me. My life was created for me in the first place not for them. Control freaks are miserable and have no life of their own. Life without these people is beautiful, respectful and quiet always make no mistake.

[@jmfs3497]

I have a manager that has OCPD and possible narcissism. I find that not talking at all is more helpful than trying to seek common ground. I try to shut it down without words. I try to find a professional reason to walk away.

[@IrregularOne]

Controlling people in my life are literally trying to make me a different person

[@nicholasschroeder3678]

I think Brad was a fly on the wall watching my mother and taking notes.

[@susanisham796]

I have found that direct statements are not the best way to handle it, because control is all about fear. I counter gently with my ideas and try to include them where I can. Sometimes I offer to surrender the task to them 😀

[@davidsalo8397]

I feel my sister's controlling behavior is due to her fears. She imposes her fear(s) onto others and expects others to display the same fear she experiences. She cannot or will not allow another opinion on the situation. She's the big sister, and she knows best. As if I'm still an infant at 66.

[@aking3624]

😃❤another wonderful session! I feel a lot of the anger comes from the tiny slights that have built over time. When i try to work it out, it just feels crazy making. Responding at the moment explains how putting off ones needs can cause harm to one sense of self esteem & self worth.

[@Kelly-sl6vz]

I really don’t care if they don’t like it when I say “Yes, I will!” Or “NO!” They don’t care if I get upset. I say what I want, in a respectful yet firm manner and I let the chips fall where they may. I’ve cut a few people out of my life and life has SO much less drama!!!

[@valorwarrior7628]

One thing is that these controlling people happen to megalomaniac narcissists too.

[@mhdkhd9168]

I don't know one single person in my life like this, but I know an entire family

[@Red-gv9mu]

Why am I willing to tolerate? I'm in a group and one person out of 20 is this obnoxious controller. The other 19 people are golden. But no one says a word in order to avoid conflict.

[@x77punk77x]

Thank you so much for these insights and strategies! I live with a control freak housemate who successfully bribes the other housemates with delivery food, cash, and favors generally because she’s relatively wealthy through her family. In turn, she controls kitchen and laundry access/use/rules usually to my detriment because I don’t take anything from her and she knows that I don’t like her manipulative, power-play behaviors. I have never been so miserable in my life and have only experienced this level of chronic feelings of powerlessness, tension, and anger with a couple of violent exes.

[@nevadatan7323]

Idk, I can't say I agree with what's been said here. Straight off the bat if you're controlled by people from birth then your self esteem is non existent, and it's likely you were never been taught/allowed to mature into a functional adult. That's why people remain controlled, because it's all they know. I feel it's pretty redundant to frame it as "why are you allowing yourself to be controlled", as I don't think it's a choice anybody would actually make. Hence the definition of being controlled. Not to mention countering somebody controlling is dangerous, and so people remain in the situation because there are serious risks to consider. Maybe the video could have been titled "countering controlling people at work" etc, coz when there's that structured environment you are somewhat protected and support could be available

[@bobjones3573]

One of my parents is an utter control freak, she interjected so severely into my marriage that my wife's parents put in place a restraining order to keep her away from my son. And even said to my face that she would do the same to me, if she got control of my son she wouldn't allow me access to him. What ever it is she has, I'm guessing that she is at the total extremes of her state, every body around her calls her bossy, but they haven't seen anything, she treats people like puppets, the closest analogy i have come up with is she imagines people as a doll, you become her little toy, she want's to choose the hair style, the make up, the clothing, she must have control of every aspect of that individuals life. Regardless of any collateral damage. You're her barbie doll. She even interjected in my wedding reception, she actually evicted my best man from the proceedings, told him to leave, put him in a taxi and sent him home. To date the animosity she has generated throughout my life there have been five confirmed attempts on my life because of her involvement. People are actually trying to kill me because of what she has done. To say it puts a little strain on the relationship we have is an understatement. I pick her up on her behaviour, I'm slammed down and told it's all my fault, I am the one with the problem.

[@bianca457]

I just don't understand how someone can think they can control everyone or everything. I'm getting out clean.

[@Kelly-sl6vz]

Unfortunately, there are people in the world who are so full of themselves and pride that they think they have the right to rule over everyone and everything! And then they get butt hurt when they discover that that is not true!

[@Nobility731]

They tried to do this to me while I was in the Hospital , and when you stand up for yourself , they use the oooh something is wrong with him or her phrase . I decided to see my wife in The Hospital , because she has cancer , and I notice when I'm in the Hospital ,because im a black man, I recieve hate coming from this black Nurse , and for some odd reason , they get this frawn on there face , so I knew what I was in for . The crazy part is women of our color like to desrespect black men , so she said , sit down over there , I said NO I'm standing up, then she said I have to talk to you and your wife , I said No you don't , then she said oh your wife medicine is in the Lock box take it with you , I said her doctor called me and told me that they had to figure out what medicine to take , then she said you can leave now , that's when I said no , you need to tell that to your boy friend not me . Then she tells my wife something is wrong with me because I didn't tolerate her nonsense , and she came in anyway acting like a doctor , when she really didnt have any postion . Listen to Brad Shore ,he really telling the truth , they have problems at home and try to put it on you .

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

They were rude to me too. They're an institution and think they have a right to be jerks. I told them to get out of my room if they were going to have an attitude.

[@heatherstewart2901]

Brad Shore thank you for creating this much needed site. Looking forward to seeing a presentation about finding your voice, losing your voice and why one allows themselves to be subjugated.

[@schrobey5727]

Insightful video. Great comments. Thanks yall

[@elizabethhoyle9155]

Very helpful, thank you. I watched your video because of a certain person who wants something I don't want to give them, and then realized that I have three people in my life that are somewhat controlling. I especially like the "no no and no yes" point. I think I can make some progress by telling them what I can do or will do or can't do.

[@erice7933]

Let me think about it, I'm not saying no or yes, and I really get angry when someone asks for my help but waits till the last minute so it's a high pressure can I help. Or I tell them a lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on me.

[@glittersuiite8330]

Exactly

[@dolladollabillzyall]

I feel like I have to constantly have decisions about my personal life (that affects absolutely no one but myself) pre-approved and green lit before I can take actionable steps towards them. And when I don't comply, I'm morbidly hurt, disappointed and feeling abused by the extent of what they do to control me / "punish" me. I am tired and exhausted of this treatment.

[@EliseSophieKarlaRikkeEsterKuls]

This was exactly what I needed now. Growing up with a controlling parent, makes you feel overwhelmed and that you have to do as they "sugest" and answer all their questions, otherwice you're not a good and worthy child. This ansers a big quetion about why I feel the way I feel, and i will try to take my power back. I now understand why I hate salesmen, beggers and dominating people who don't take no for an answer! One question I have: I was put in this situation resently, humiliated by my mom in public, and everytime this happens I loose words and follow orders. After that, I get angry inside and keep distance. And then I feel guilty for having all these feelings, condamning myself for being childish, (and that is truly what I am in that moment). How can I take back my power when she does it public? The last thing I want is to draw attention when I'm standing there, wolnerable. Thank you❣

[@audreymeyer5616]

Thank you. It is someone close to me.

[@AmyWhoLovesFlowers]

And I think, most of all… become as independent and self-reliant as you can, so that you don’t have to rely/ask anything of these people who will try to sabotage you and may try to stop you or your life ⛹🏽‍♀️

[@katalinpuscas9722]

Thank you!!!

[@seano3432]

This explains my marriage of 18 years in a nutshell

[@Niqua10023]

I have someone watch my little ones for awhile before figure out a lot now in my 30's they were and seemed helpful and I'm grateful to do so. With or even without. But, the problem I had was they always trying to control me of what I should do like jobs or anything. Like it's annoying and it's time to move forward. God put people in your life to help buy, there a bit selfish so, it's time to leave. My kids are all going to school. One more finally. I mad it though.

[@manapeace]

Rather than trigger my dad’s demands with a firm no, an effective pushback has been “That’s something we’ll need to discuss first.” I think it’s so effective because it requires him to stop giving orders and start listening.

[@laithkattan678]

Please HELP! I have a friend that I have known for couple of years but they always had this dominant aura in them, I never took that for serious until I moved close to my friend. They want to know everything about me, my friend helped me with moving out of my parents house and offerd all the help, she also told me to not talk to a guy that I was friend with because he talked behind my back and when I tried to fact check this she blamed me for not trusting her words and unleashed full anger on me. I felt controlled the whole time I got comments left and right on what I should and should not do until I confronted her and she started shouting. Now she is saying that she has beeen threw alot with her new partner and her shoulder pain that she had for years is the reason for her being like this ..

[@juliesheard2122]

I had a "friend", who was always putting me down. I got sick of it and broke contact, now she is doing it to my daughter and it makes me so furious. My daughter has bi-polar and is easily influenced but has the sweetest nature. I just bite my tongue or I will give this woman amunition. It's heart breaking to watch my daughter taking on this woman's personality like she's possessed. 😢

[@ann-marieshannon7170]

Hi Brad. My daughter works with a lad who is obsessed with her. She dated him a couple of times and realised he was to overpowering . She broke it off . He won’t except this. This was a year ago. He won’t let her move on. He demands to no where she is if she doesn’t answer her phone and even drives past her house to see if she’s in. She’s started dating someone now and she’s scared to tell him as they work together in a small family run business. She can’t transfer to another department as it’s only a small company. She loves her job and doesn’t want to leave. She repeats over and over that he has no right to no her every move. We don’t no where to go with this. Could you advise us please ❤️

[@BradShore]

He may escalate and he may be dangerous. Unfortunately she may need to look for a new job and needs to change her phone number as soon as possible.

[@Andregrindle]

Brad, watched this video today because I'm in an ongoing controlling situation. But there are complications where there is nowhere else I can be. Curious if there's a way to deal with that.

[@HelloLoveMyInvicibleFriend]

Yes

[@irenekodac3511]

Finances determine whether we can leave a control freak or not. Control freaks tend to get violent when anyone wants to leave them. Speaking out is a solution but not when it is a constant thing - too exhausting. They don't care how you feel,

[@heidiklessard8440]

Idk.. I believe in a lot of instances, responding only makes the controller rage..... You cant win.

[@BradShore]

Thanks for your input….it’s less about being concerned about a controllers rage (they will likely “rage”), versus you taking back your own power - they will have any reaction they have.

[@heidiklessard8440]

@@BradShore Got it. Good point.

[@Adstodeus]

Currently are having a number 2 problem, me and my friends want to have a sleepover but one of the friends mom doesnt want them to go and they just shut it down immediatly

[@lazered6789]

Hey there i am going to school and i have one freind who is like very controlling over everyone in the school like theyll do anything towards it and im not liking that as he looks like he wats to be an alplha male threataning me with his 'group' where theyll do anythhing he asks.Please give me some advice to get past this person and simpily how to go against it Thanks!

[@sigm1787]

My family the same way

[@KiaOra-wu7gb]

So what happens if you follow 1 state a feeling at the time and the controller totally explodes and walks out, then 2 give my suggestion in a different situation he says good point but changes his mind within the hour and no3 I distance myself calling in sick reduce contact, he contacts me via txt.

[@kathytomko8425]

What about if it's your landlord?

[@shacirsss]

This is me lol 😂

[@shacirsss]

Shrink like shirk

[@williamdelorie4782]

Sex starved husband sets the following boundary. “I will repel your controlling behavior regarding my Friends With Benefits activities”. His hyper-controlling fridged wife replies. “I will change the locks if you cheat on me”. Is her statement a controlling behavior, or valid boundary for her? Remember, she is NOT the recipient of any activity. Also, wife insists that she is NOT controlling in any aspect of her life, and she refuses to attend couples therapy.

[@noraahmed-us2hw]

Our parents could be very controlling sometimes, and we tend to forget that it's their job to care for us and make the right choices for us... but sometimes, it could get out of hand when you reach the age where they should stop controlling every little choice you have to make. If you believe your parents are manipulative, controlling you even though you tried to talk to them about it but they just keep blaming and bringing other people in to it and start saying about how as a parent it's their main priority to care for you, sorry but these are toxic parents and if they don't change then they will never change ever again and maybe you should try to keep distance from them and spend as little time as possible with them

[@Red-gv9mu]

Why do people assume that you can get away from controlling people. All of us are in groups, and in groups there are always at least one person who is controlling or has some other bad personality characteristic that you have to deal with. Teach us how to deal with people when we can't get away from them without dropping out of life! And why do you assume these people are so rare that you can just transfer to a different department.

[@stevep7608]

Mix control freak with delusional paranoia and you have my soon to be ex business partner.

[@h2bizzle]

could be a boss 😐then you’re really screwed

[@FayFall-vx5jh]

You thought you controlled me and trips were gonna have fun you don't piss me off I will have a fun time without you fucking everything up all of the time YOU DONT CONTROL ME AND MONEYYYYYYYYY