31 Jokes for NERDS!

In which Hank tells some seriously nerdy jokes. Harry Potter, theoretical physics, Star Trek, Star Wars, Chemistry, Engineering, Philosophy, Math, Computer Science...it's all fair game.
I chose 31 because I knew I wasn't going to hit 50 and I wanted to do a prime number.
Nerd Jokes in Your Pants: yourpants.org/s...
I made this video before Humpy Hank became a thing...but something tells me that humpy hang is going to become more of a thing soon.
Other Jokes:
50 More Jokes: • 50 MORE JOKES in FOUR ...
50 Jokes in 4 Minutes: • 51 Jokes (in Four Minu...
50 Jokes: • 50 Jokes (Yes...actual...
Thanks to everyone who submitted (and continues to submit) jokes. It's been a long time since I've done one of these so I hope you enjoy it.
HERE ARE A LOT OF LINKS TO NERDFIGHTASTIC THINGS:
Shirts and Stuff: dftba.com/artis...
Hank's Music: dftba.com/artis...
John's Books: amzn.to/j3LYqo
======================
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Hank's tumblr: / edwardspoonhands
John's Twitter: / realjohngreen
John's Facebook: / johngreenfans
John's tumblr: / fishingboatproceeds
======================
Other Channels
Crash Course: / crashcourse
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Gaming: / hankgames
VidCon: / vidcon
Hank's Channel: / hankschannel
Truth or Fail: / truthorfail
======================
Nerdfighteria
effyeahnerdfigh...
effyeahnerdfigh...
/ nerdfighters
nerdfighteria.i...
A Bunny
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((') (')

[@francesatty7022]

I hate it when I send a really long text and the other person replies with "K" I'm rarely in the mood to talk about potassium

[@francesatty7022]

***** I know right!

[@SimulationWithDaniel]

Do you wanna talk about the weather? K Oh, I didn't know that the numbers were gone

[@aaditbhatia6551]

And when I say something and the response is "Y", I'm forced to think that this person just lists elements. First potassium, now ytterbium??!?

[@albertjackinson]

@Catrin Hughes How'd you do that?

[@MariOmor1]

That's nothing, bro. Everytime I post something my friend replies with OMG. Like seriously, why would he talk about oxygen and magnesium?

[@opaldoesnotrhyme]

Two chemists walk into a bar. One of them say, "I'll have H2O." The other one says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender is tired of this joke and gives them both hydrogen peroxide.

[@rene.flores9466]

lol!

[@marthastokeworth9956]

ariel pink the best version xddd

[@anhherrick8704]

Two chemists walk in a bar the first says I'll have H2O, the second says I will also have water. Why, why did you say H2O, I mean I know it's the formula for water and all, but there is no need to over complicate things. They get their drinks and the first scientist is upset his assassination plan didn't work.

[@notquiteneutral2590]

Plot twist

[@kaidenpeek5959]

Plot twist he mixed concentrated sulfuric acid and hydrogen peroxide and gave them both piranha solution

[@hoodiesticks]

Good thing Ohm wasn't on that road trip with Heisenberg and Schrodinger or he would've resisted the charges.

[@EiferBrennan]

That was a wonderfully nerdy addition to the Schrodinger and Heisenberg joke, and I'll be adding that the next time I tell it, thank you.

[@Georgehanes-GJH105775]

〈-thatguyoverthere Hahah, that one was funny.

[@spikesdragon14]

〈-thatguyoverthere OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[@hoodiesticks]

spikesdragon14 *air horn blows*

[@spikesdragon14]

〈-thatguyoverthere Hitmarker noises in the background

[@SeanRavel]

The cop proceeds to tell Heisenberg; "You where going 180 kph!!!!" Heisenberg says, "Great, now I'm lost!!!"

[@sophiaruizuvalle2523]

+

[@Okuni_]

nice one

[@vercingetorix9641]

+

[@earthpcCHClS]

is the where on purpose?

[@Aleschu]

+

[@teresabeaumont5597]

what do Valley girls and odd numbers have in common?They literally can't even.

[@zyaicob]

Teresa Beaumont 👏👏

[@ZackSussmanMusic]

I️ Love this

[@Emily-un1wp]

This is hilarious

[@saswatsarangi6669]

Meaning

[@achtsekundenfurz7876]

All primes are odd. : If you think about it... : ...2 is a VERY odd prime.

[@theginginator1488]

Darwin, Pascal, and Newton are playing hide and seek. Its Darwin's turn to seek. Pascal runs and hides, while Newton draws a meter by meter square and stands in it. When Darwin stops counting he immediately sees Newton and says "thats no fun!" To which Newton replies "hold on, im one Newton over one square meter! Im a pascal!"

[@chibiprussia5574]

+TheGinginator14 I don't get it completely o-o

[@aldipeanutz]

+Chibi Prussia lmao me either

[@spyro454]

+Chibi Prussia A pascal is a measure of force per meter squared :-)

[@chibiprussia5574]

The Digital Haunt Ohhhhh

[@ineinerbank]

+TheGinginator14 this one is great

[@TheSpecialJ11]

A programmer's wife asks him to go to the store. She says "Buy two loaves of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen." The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

[@project-bl2zz]

+SpecialJ11 Wouldn't he come home with 14 loaves of bread? >Buy 2 loaves of bread >If store contains eggs >>Buy 12 loaves of bread 12 + 2 = 14 loaves of bread

[@mrmeatball6806]

+project21124 No, that is not how programming work.

[@project-bl2zz]

0mar Ahmed That's exactly how programming works. The first statement is a standalone command. The next is the if statement w/ body

[@realrealestateATL]

@@mrmeatball6806 Yes it is, that would be an if-else command.

[@emilyparnell4661]

I've heard this with: "Go to the store. While there, get milk." The programmer never came home. (Aka stuck in an infinite loop)

[@catlover-fp5ig]

I came here to tell a chemistry joke. . . But all the good ones argon.

[@OfficiallyANerd]

+catlover12670 I would say a chemistry joke... but there would be no reaction.

[@robincheng1744]

+catlover12670 Na.

[@HO-nw1rn]

+Robin Cheng potassium

[@zacharytaylor190]

that was very noble of you

[@HO-nw1rn]

Zachary Taylor he does not react

[@OlanKenny]

What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes? A doyouthinkhesaurus

[@Its.Just.Sam.M]

Hahaha For that, I commend you, sir!

[@OlanKenny]

My family are full of these.

[@OlanKenny]

What do you call a Blind dinosaur's pet dog? Doyouthinkhesawusrex

[@OlanKenny]

Which one? My former sister-in-law told me the first, my girlfriend told me the second.

[@christinemichele8575]

Olan Kenny lol it was the first one, told by Tim to Dr. Grant.

[@proWaffles935-FAKE-URL]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much for a drink. The bartender says "for you no charge."

[@gedsaz]

BAZINGA!

[@sterotypednerd]

YES!

[@seanliam22]

Haha! Don't know if you knew but that is in Fall Out 3! Your robot butler tells you it in Megaton

[@glow262]

i don't always make chemistry jokes but when i do i do it periodically

[@lakshen47]

I don't always make chemistry jokes, but it happens periodically.

[@Hejswejs]

I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon.

[@Leigh_1302]

I told a chemistry joke about the noble gases the other day; it got no reaction.

[@xTheVenomGamingx]

Ingrid Ekberg That's a pun. I do suppose, though, a pun could qualify for a joke. *shrugs*

[@oiman5733]

Many were jokers like you, then caesium and flourine reacted in your hand.

[@dm9696]

A logician's wife is giving birth. Afterwards, she asks her husband "is it a boy or a girl?" and the logician replies "yes."

[@stephenstark2821]

this is one pun that i didn't understand .. would you please care to explain

[@mediocretriplethreat]

@@stephenstark2821 Most people would respond with one or the other, but the logician says yes because it fits the criteria of being either a boy or a girl. I hope that made sense!

[@panthopothik6338]

@@stephenstark2821 In boolean logics, 1 or 0 = 1; 1 and 0 = 0; 1 means yes/on. 0 means No/off. So, 1 or 0 is 1. That's why the answer is "yes". That's my interpretation.

[@TheOnlyRizzy]

@@stephenstark2821 The question is basically, "is it (a boy or a girl)?". The logician replies yes because the baby is indeed a boy or a girl.

[@randompastahandle]

​@@stephenstark2821 TLDR. he means that yes the baby is either a boy or a girl. it's like if you asked if the new person playing a game had read to rules or had them explained. you might expect a yes or a no because that is the important thing not witch one. in this case the same sentence type is employed but the expected answer is witch one. the logician doesn't understand that context and in formal logic the sentence would mean the rules one not the baby one.

[@petrichor9417]

Why does the chicken walk across the moebius strip? To get to the same side...

[@astrogobo1558]

Ba-dum tss

[@josielynn6369]

Ayyyyyy

[@rileysanderson3824]

Bazinga!

[@Emily-un1wp]

My favorite joke here

[@BigJohnkrzlfgo]

Bazinga

[@alexlamoreaux5228]

I was going to tell a joke about sodium… But na

[@alexlamoreaux5228]

There's also: Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." Then, the second scientist says "I'll have some H2O too." The second scientist dies.

[@michelsfeir1127]

Alexia Lamoreaux Two scientists walk into a bar. The first says "I'll have some H2O". The second says "I'll have a glass of water too... why did you call it H2O? I mean, I know that's the chemical formula for water and all, but it's the end of the day and there's really no need to over-complicate things like that in a situation outside of work". The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.

[@antiantiderivative]

If H2O is water, and H2O2 is Hydrogen Peroxide, then what is H204? Drinking! (H2O4 and H20 for)

[@alexlamoreaux5228]

Michel Sfeir Because H202 is hydrogen peroxide, which is poisonous if ingested.

[@crazysquirrel879]

What do you do with dead elements ...... You barium anyway I have no more jokes cause sadly all the other ones argon

[@crazysquirrel879]

How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw a light bulb 2, one to hold the lightbulb and the other to rotate the universe

[@youronetruegodcthulhu5043]

I would like that, but the likes are the answer of life, the universe and everything, so...

[@kallek919]

... not anymore because someone didn’t think and liked the 43rd time.

[@rev.rachel]

Oh this one is very good

[@MariOmor1]

How many surrealists does it take to fix a light bulb? 5. One to hold the lightbulb One to tame the giraffe One to get the petrol One to reload the gun and one to practice his operatic voice

[@kfaison918]

Did you hear the one about oxygen and potassium? No? OK.

[@MegaCadette55]

lmao

[@joshrobicheau8401]

Lol it would be OK2

[@paulhm96]

+josh robicheau nope, its OK or K2O

[@wahabihobofilms7427]

Did you heat the one about Sodium? Na, me neither.

[@michalisaac9763]

+TheAmazingPotato version #2: Did you hear about the one with the Nobelium and Potassium? No? K...

[@SilverWave64]

"Knock knock!" - "Who is there?" - "Doctor!" - "Doctor Who?" - "Exactly!" ;)

[@pastachaos]

No, just The Doctor...

[@Sara-xq4zj]

Nina Majcenovic I hate it when people correct this... because it's correct both ways xD. It just depends on when you started watching Doctor Who. In the older episodes he was actually referred to as "Doctor Who" I hear. That said, I used to get annoyed a bit annoyed when I heard "Doctor Who" instead of "The Doctor" as well.

[@pastachaos]

Sara Potter Sorry, didn't know that.. I thought The Doctor was his title and Doctor Who was the name of the series or a question :p

[@Sara-xq4zj]

haha, it's fine, I say "hate" lightly. And it's easy to not know since it's not something they do anymore.

[@Bl_ss_m]

Ending wouldnt be that I think he just refers to himself as the doctor

[@georgeking7438]

If the opposite of pro is con, the opposite of progress is congress

[@ingenuity23]

Lol true xd 😂

[@brayyy846]

That is not true. Are you saying 4! - 2! = 2! No. Just because we have a number( or in you case a word) by adding something to the end does not make them the same thing. Or are you saying 4!/2!=2!. That is also not a correct equation.

[@albertjackinson]

@@dweltstorm Really?

[@zarinawillows2347]

Some deep shit.

[@Acelore]

@@brayyy846 the wordplay aside 4!-2!=2! Is a correct equation though. Except if ! Is a negative number. Unless that was the comparison you were trying to make. If so then nice!

[@ftrost7803]

sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium Batman!!!

[@sociallyawkwardseal4379]

Omg yes! 😆

[@Java3dition]

+F Trost like Na LOL

[@Emi-wj3in]

Omg

[@Emi-wj3in]

Omg

[@guilhermecunha1518]

Oxygen Magnesium (Omg)

[@Okuni_]

how can we tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist ask them to say unionized

[@mysteryman7877]

I am the chemist. When I first heard the joke, I couldn't figure out /YÜN-yun-īzd/.

[@Okuni_]

Union-ized Un-ionized

[@sharishua5525]

+

[@sophiaruizuvalle2523]

+

[@davidstorrs]

I love it. Sadly, this joke cannot be told. Which is good, as humor should be free.

[@annietrinity1833]

I tell everyone Portal is my favorite game franchise. My friend said, "Oh really? Is the story any good?" I said, "Well I'm not gonna lie; the characters are engaging, but the plot is full of holes" No? TOO awful? Ok, well here's one my mom's ex told me: After the revolution, a priest, a lawyer, and an engineer are lined up for the guillotine. The executioner tells the priest he can choose whether her wants to face up or down when he's killed. The priest says he wants to be facing God when he dies, so he lies down face-up. The executioner pulls the lever, the blade comes down three feet, and then stops. The astonished mob decides that this is an act of divine intervention, and spares the holy man. Next is the Lawyer; he's given the same ultimatum. Looking to seize any and all possible outs, the lawyer chooses to face upwards too. Sure enough, the blade comes down three feet, and stops. The crowd decides the lawyer must be holy too, so he's let go. Figuring what worked for the last two will probably work for him, the engineer opts to face up as well. Just before the executioner pulls the lever, the engineer yells "WAIT! I see where it's getting stuck!"

[@Mercure250]

+Annie Trinity Engineers will always be engineers. Even when facing death.

[@achtsekundenfurz7876]

> The crowd decides the lawyer must be holy too Funnier than the actual punchline

[@mitchell2719]

There are only two hard things in Computer Science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors

[@kallieparsons9560]

A blind guy walks into a bar......and a table, and a couch, and a wall, and a door.

[@acegardner2966]

Kallie Parsons This. THis.

[@coldbrrains]

XD

[@alspezial2747]

a blind person will be triggered after reading this

[@segmentsAndCurves]

@@alspezial2747 Luckily, they won't.

[@indianathe3rd742]

@@segmentsAndCurves will

[@Frihman]

What does the computer nerd to when it's cold inside? He closes his WINDOWS!

[@alexturlais8558]

I have a macbook

[@millerman1669]

Alexande Turlais i'm sorry

[@alexturlais8558]

Blackychann2 JK, it was on my phone. i just wanted to be that arsehole

[@wacotablet1055]

Frihman Closing your PC would actually lower the room temperature by a small amount.

[@Georgehanes-GJH105775]

Frihman Must also switch to Linux. I strongly dislike Windows haha. Though I am sure you meant windows as in the ones you minimize.

[@meg_sz]

There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.

[@MyTiredBones]

"Know any good jokes about sodium?" "Na."

[@txstateriley]

***** and all the bad ones? We barium. *rim shot*

[@zewingytundas]

Jorji Costava papers, please :P

[@AaronPieniozek]

Everyone's chemistry jokes are getting quite a reaction!

[@marcelosinico]

A neutron walks into a bar. The bartender says: For you, no charge. A neutrino walks into a bar and leaves the bar. No body senses it. The bartender says: We don't serve tachyons here. A tachyon walks into a bar. A schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't. A proton walks into a bar. The bartender says: For you it's all positive. A fermion walks into a bar. The bartender says: Just half for you. A dark matter walks into a bar. The bartender knows just by the tip. A eletron walks into a bar. The bartender says: You can probably sit there, there, and there . A photon walks into a bar. The bartender says: You have no matter here.

[@jhonli939]

Antimatter walks into a bar. The bartender and everyone in the bar blows up.

[@shivamsahu1371]

This is awesome..❤️

[@Brandenhurdart]

a man walks into a book store and asks the clerk if they have the book on Pavlov and Schrödinger. the clerk responds " it rings a bell but I'm not sure if we have it or not"

[@Queencrazy1997]

I'm not sure whether to be sad or proud that I understood 95% of those jokes and pick up lines.

[@hollth6770]

I feel the same way :/

[@tedsava1800]

Y

[@RomrotMechanikos]

You understood 29.5 jokes? How do you understand half a joke :?

[@Queencrazy1997]

smh....

[@robinchesterfield42]

Yes. Also I did too. :P

[@DeadpanNinja]

Sodium went to a pool party and it really blew up from there.

[@quinnhanley4726]

Even oxygen wasnt nobel enough to save himself.

[@DeadpanNinja]

Ha. Good one.

[@quinnhanley4726]

***** Thanks.

[@marius4702]

A student in the classroom says that he's cold. The teacher goes: "Just go at the corner, there's 90 degrees"

[@MariOmor1]

I'd rather he just stand by the wall where it's 180 degrees.

[@koppadasao]

The glass is neither half-full or half-empty. It is actually always full. The part of the glass that isn't filled with water, is filled with air.

[@graceforpr6256]

I need to tell my science teacher that!

[@CryHavoc21]

But, wait, what if the glass of water is contained in a vacuum?

[@koppadasao]

Cry Havoc Then the glass would be empty of both air and water.

[@koppadasao]

***** Because I am. Not North Korea, Asia, but North Korea, Europe, the country formerly known as Norway.

[@andrewroseman3359]

Koppa Dasao No, it would, at least to an extent, be filled with water vapor. Assuming the water was already in the glass when it was put into a vacuum.

[@TheOverAchiever13]

1 chemist ask for h2o the other chemists say I would like some h2o2, the 2nd chemist died

[@marthabwari1743]

I have this new theory of inertia but its not gaining any momentum

[@void-bl8nb]

Velociraptor = DisplacementRaptor / TimeRaptor

[@laurelcook9078]

😂

[@Amerikinz14]

This is amazing!!! I love that:)

[@madeyeloony2047]

I think I Love you!

[@micropopo]

For the Argon joke, I prefer to use Helium instead, because you can say He doesn't react instead of Argon doesn't react. :) and another joke I've found is Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek. It’s Einstein’s turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten.Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims “Newton! I found you! You’re it!” Newton smiles and says “You didn’t find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!”

[@superstarz91]

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says "I'll have H20." The second one says "I'll have H202" The second one dies.

[@Kahadi]

two scientists walk into a bar. the first one says "I'll have H2O." the second one says "I'll have H2O, too". the bar tender hands them each a glass of water realizing there is a difference between "too" and "2"

[@DJRAMO4LYF]

it sounds better when you write H20 too, so he doesnt just sound like an idiot, but nice joke

[@joetorsney]

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have H2O please". The second one says "I'll have water please." The first scientist asks the second why he is not using the chemical formula. The second one says "We're not at work." The first starts shouting and cursing because his assassination plan has failed.

[@xxECKOxBEASTxx]

HYDROGEN PEROXIDE IS NOT LETHAL.

[@brookewithers1392]

1st of all, nice joke 2nd of all, please ingest hydrogen peroxide, then tell me if it's lethal. Oh wait, dead people can't say things.

[@SilverPhoenyx]

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

[@dehydratedninja4166]

I dunno, what??

[@damnsong8675309]

Woosh?

[@Emily-un1wp]

Hahahah

[@thisisjoel7199]

@@dehydratedninja4166 whoosh

[@joshuamason2227]

​@@dehydratedninja4166​r/wooosh

[@copperhamster]

The glass half full engineer joke we had in college (where I went as an engineer) was 'The glass has a 2:1 safety margin'.

[@randompastahandle]

I was thinking that that joke sounded wrong. what engineer would make a glass that exactly fits the water without margin for error. that one should have been about mathmatics.

[@KishoreShenoy1994]

How can real gold be described? Au-thentic

[@KishoreShenoy1994]

Does a silver man believe in God or not? Neither ... he is Ag-nostic

[@simpletn]

Kishore Shenoy plutonium is sick. It Pu-kes a lot

[@aayushipandey5223]

Schroedinger's car walks into a bar... ...and doesn't.

[@Emily-un1wp]

Aayushi Pandey how does a car walk into a bar?

[@bhavyadubey3669]

It's cat

[@kallek919]

”... and it’s gone to London to see to Queen!”

[@AdtPatel]

2 scientists walk in a bar. The fist one asks the bartender to give him a glass of H2O. The second one asks for H2O too. Needless to say, the second one dies.

[@sethlook1010]

lol

[@LauraPictures]

😂😂😂😂

[@fayeduddin3229]

+Adt Patel I dont get it is it because of h20 two?

[@rosehorror1422]

+Fayed Uddin yes, h2O too = h2O2 = hydrogen peroxide

[@mercyowoade]

😂😂

[@PotatoeIsland]

Why are there only white actors in the hobbit? Brown dwarfs never become stars

[@theramendutchman]

dude.

[@hellopeeps2001]

1) Two guys walked into a bar. The first asked for some h2o and the second asked for h2o too. The second guy died 2) Don't through sodium at people, it's an assalt 3) When I heard oxygen and magnesium where dating I was like OMg 4) I'm female Fe= iron Male= man I'm iron man

[@amber9231]

the first one cracked me up!!Xx

[@kaibilbalam-gonzalez9584]

These are really nice jokes

[@corkeyguitarplayer]

I love the OMg

[@user-yt5rr6js9q]

Technically, it's MgO

[@l.t.c8.1.46]

learn to spell throw not through

[@katiekatdragon]

knock knock who's there you know you know who avada kedavra

[@cooperfontaine2942]

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb A fish

[@222cubing8]

I know you forgot what you plagiarized this from but it’s nice to see another cheers fan

[@MariOmor1]

It'll also take a ceiling fan, a gallon of custard, a copy of Dante's Inferno, a radio playing Komm Susser Todd, and a towel.

[@slendeaway7730]

There are 10 types of people in the world. Thise who thought this was a binary joke and those who understand that this joke can be repurposed to fit any base system.

[@slendeaway7730]

Rachel B I prefer "There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, those who don't, those who thought this was a binary joke, those who thought this was a trinary joke, those who thought this was a base 4 joke, those who thought this was a base 5 joke, those who thought this was a base 6 joke, those who thought this was a base 7 joke, those who thought this was a base 8 joke, those who thought this was a base 9 joke, those who thought this was a base 10 joke, an those who didn't read this whole thing.

[@slendeaway7730]

Rachel B I prefer "There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, those who don't, those who thought this was a binary joke, those who thought this was a trinary joke, those who thought this was a base 4 joke, those who thought this was a base 5 joke, those who thought this was a base 6 joke, those who thought this was a base 7 joke, those who thought this was a base 8 joke, those who thought this was a base 9 joke, those who thought this was a base 10 joke, an those who didn't read this whole thing.

[@xinlidai1642]

my favorite is there are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand hexadecimal and f the rest

[@stattraktagged9929]

Xinli Dai the Pi Guy Actually, 16.

[@petermarsh4578]

OUTPUT("There are 10 types of people in the world...") OUTPUT("Those who understand binary, and those who don't...) i = 3 While i > 0 OUTPUT("And those who weren't expecting a base " & i & " joke...) i++ End

[@vickythrasher8036]

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide-and-seek. When Einstein begins counting, Pascal runs off to hide but Newton takes out a piece of chalk, and draws a square at his feet. So Einstein stops counting, turns around, spots Newton, and yells, "Ha, I found you." But Newton says, "No my friend, you found 1 Newton per square meter... you found Pascal."

[@arnavsingh44]

Hahahaha

[@ilaripeltonen4330]

This is great!

[@smittywerbenjagermanjensen4238]

For the above average number of legs one, most people have two legs, but there are also some amputees with only one or no legs, so therefore the mean number of legs is less than two.

[@evanknowles4780]

but how is that a joke?

[@NaruTheBlackSwan]

Evan Knowles It's just a darkly humorous musing is all.

[@jamesbunch8932]

None of these average number if leg jokes specify that the data set includes only humans

[@discussionfortherightway.9725]

Who didn‘t get it?

[@GoErikTheRed]

"The majority of people have an above average number of legs." Mind blown.

[@fpahrabael6932]

that is the one i dont get

[@GoErikTheRed]

@@fpahrabael6932 Some people have 0 legs. Some people have 1. Some have 2. But no one has 3 or more, so average number of legs must be less than 2. Since most people have two legs, most people have more than the average number of legs

[@robbnagle]

8 Years later this is still hilarious!

[@chickenbob3414]

I am surprised that I got most of them because I am only thirteen. I guess it pays to have no friends and to learn stuff on the internet.

[@epshitamanashi7519]

You are not alone.

[@jkennedy299]

Well, you are alone, but there are others alike you...

[@user-hm1gr5nf3q]

I got these when I was 11... I have friends, but I don't talk about vlogbrothers, scishow, crashcourse, mental floss, or anything nerdy to them.

[@JohnDoe-lr5fy]

/

[@aayjay6789]

You all are probably fools who like to get people to be amazed at you. Get out of captivity and share information. If you know what these meant, instead of bragging about it over a social networking website, share it to your friends, families, canines, felines, phascolarctuses, and neutrinos. For Higg's sake! As a nerd geek, I find your comments to be utterly preposterous and kingon-like.

[@g00oose_]

I would tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon

[@Jojono-sq3vx]

Oxygen Magnesium that was so good i wanna chemically bond with you

[@hagerio]

The barman says : "We don't serve your kind here!" A tachyon enters a bar.

[@gearbot5934]

Sodium sodium BATMAN

[@gordonstearns2232]

My own nerdy joke: "What does a hereditary scientist say before having sex? Let's see what's inside those genes." (I'm aware that a hereditary scientist is known as a genealogist; however, if I were to use that word in the setup, it would make the joke rather repetitive and give away the punchline.)

[@killerfluffy2674]

Who's the best at making really bad jokes about Iodine and Americium? I AM! No one I told this to understood, but they're all troglodytes so of course they couldn't! Hopefully people watching this video will understand.

[@moonwalker4696]

Lol .. i know the troglodytes story from montesquieu but what does it have to do with anything?

[@moonwalker4696]

Troglidytes are a tribe that killed their leader and wanted to live in anarchy so??

[@killerfluffy2674]

I'm using troglodytes as someone who lives in a cave.

[@erincrust9516]

killerfluffy267 also in dungeons and dragons they are reptilian monsters.

[@zachcrennen2342]

I get it

[@LennyLenward]

Two chemists walk into a cafe. One of them say: I'll have H2O The other one says: I'll have H2O too The second one dies If you're a chemistry nerd you will get it.

[@kameronpeterson3601]

A chemist walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of dihydrogen monoxide. Despite the pleas of the other patrons, the chemist leave chugging his drink.

[@micahyang3395]

Kameron Peterson dihydrogen. Sorry I'm pedantic

[@kameronpeterson3601]

Fixed it.

[@LennyLenward]

What do you mean? You didn't fix anything...

[@LennyLenward]

Sorry, forgot about the other guy's comment,

[@joveegillen6966]

My ex got a new girlfriend, and she's a female dog with a pH under 7. I'm sorry.

[@MultiSK8ER101]

+Jovee Gillen it took me like 20 seconds to get it

[@loherring277]

😂

[@Lemon_Sage9999]

An acidic bitch?

[@joveegillen6966]

Titus Block Oh crap is that acidic? I meant basic.

[@Lemon_Sage9999]

Oh, well. Still works, I guess.

[@StefanBacon]

Hank, I have to say I'm disappointed in the carelessness. A half full glass is not two times larger than it needs to be, but two times AS LARGE as it needs to be. Two times LARGER would imply that there exists twice the filled volume in empty volume, or 1/3 full, 2/3 empty.

[@masterimbecile]

2 chemists walked into a bar. The first one asked for some H2O. The second one asked for some H2O too. The second chemist took a gulp and died afterwards.

[@heyimpandaaaa2570]

Classic

[@sylve2474]

two chemists walk into a bar, the first one says, "I'll have some H2O" the second one says, "are you trying to kill me? "

[@heavenbrown1163]

H202.

[@andyali2765]

I heard that one. It's funny

[@thg_2728]

H202 is a very dangerous chemical and it sounds like 'H20 too'

[@theskyscraperbattle]

What do you call a measuring cup that just finished school? A graduated cylinder!!!!

[@MsRmaclaren]

But only if the measuring cup is cylindrical .....

[@jaunesmith0947]

Schrodinger didn't know whether his cat would be alive or dead when he opened the box. He was surprised to see that it was not only alive, but had a positive charge. He concluded it had become a CATION! Sorry i'm not sorry.

[@jcsv12345]

That was hilarious. "Let's go home so I can show you the exponential growth of my natural log." XD

[@annabethgrace5432]

Yeah, I loved that one.

[@nickarcher6650]

***** It's not so much the joke, but how he says it :3

[@MrChopperGun2]

The mushroom says to his friend "I don't understand why I never get invited to parties, I'm a fungi"

[@MikeLazarus]

Groan ... these are so bad. But I laughed, so here's another: An electron and a positron go into a bar. Positron: "You're round." Electron: "Are you sure?" Positron: "I'm positive."

[@clairesummers4035]

Should've been more like this, "Two atoms walk into a bar. First atom:Oh no! I lost an electron! Second atom:Really? Are you sure? First atom:Yes! I'm positive!" because if a neutral atom loses an electron, it becomes positive...

[@datechnod00d]

Aaron Ray Not all the time. The atom could have been a cation, so losing an electron would either make it still a cation or electrically neutral. Also, if both of the atoms were made of antimatter, then the atom would actually become negative. So the first line should be "2 unionized regular atoms walk into a bar"

[@clairesummers4035]

... Cation...

[@datechnod00d]

Aaron Ray Whoops, I edited it, sorry. I have a problem with spelling, I got an A- in it.

[@UmarWazir]

More likely: An electron and a positron go into a bar. Positron (preferring hand for handshake): "How do you do." Electron (reciprocates): "I'm..." KABOOOOOMMMMM. Okay, that is not very funny, but more plausible. And yes, I realise that plausibility is a secondary concern in the construction of 'two men in a bar...' jokes. meh. :P

[@hannahcollins3070]

Those were the oddest yet must suggestive pickup lines i have ever heard....

[@TheSpecialJ11]

An ancient Roman walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a martinus. The bartender replies "Don't you mean a martini?" The frustrated Roman answers "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it."

[@pranamd1]

A martian walked into a bar, but immediately collapsed. It was too much pressure.

[@princeistalri7944]

That Shrodinger bit killed me xD

[@jamespondy0]

Awesome!!

[@RoseNoho]

Are you sure?

[@princeistalri7944]

Rose NoHo You win the internets

[@RoseNoho]

Prince Istalri Thanks. :)

[@jessiebeaver2875]

You are a whole new level of nerd. That's not a bad thing though

[@PauloRodriguesPajovero]

2 atoms came to a bar: - I belive I've lost a electron. - Are you sure? - I'm positive!

[@OlanKenny]

A candle of parafix wax is coloured red. A candle of ordinary wax is coloured green. Which one burns longer? Neither. They both burn shorter.

[@ian1231100]

How do you comfort an English Major? Simply pat on his / her back and say, 'There, their, they're.'

[@Recessio]

Damn it, all the good jokes Argon.

[@TheCheeseApocalypse]

No. No.

[@maggiefinnessy9607]

I laughed WAY WAY WAY too hard

[@glow262]

"no reaction"

[@tomb8846]

Maggie Finnessy NO NO makes me laugh too.

[@Bwizz245]

Did you hear about the guy who got cooled to absolute zero? He's OK now.

[@boyancyoperated]

Have you heard of the new band 1023 mb? Of course not, they haven't had any gigs yet.

[@fiffyevans5766]

What's that famous Rihanna-Sodium song again O Na Na

[@chibiprussia5574]

+Fiffy Evans God damn it >.>

[@colincampbell2978]

A scientist walks into a bar and asks the bartender " Can I have some H 2 O" another guy walks in and asks " Hey can I have some H 2 O *too*" . Both guys sat down and had a drink, a while later the guy starts to feel sick....... know why No. 2 What did the Harrier Jumpjet say to the SR 71. ans. Nice afterburners there.

[@claudiorojas1240]

Isn't that from the big bang theory?

[@colincampbell2978]

Well TBBT was themed around nerds and science as well it is funny so.......yes. What did the wind going over the wing of a plane say to the wind going under the wing of a plane ans. Hey keep the pressure down!

[@claudiorojas1240]

colin campbell lol

[@claudiorojas1240]

Which is hitler's favourite song: "blitzkrieg pop"

[@colincampbell2978]

lol Blitzkrieg pop is quite funny

[@aviacohen3128]

If biologists were in charge of reading contests, what would the yell to start the race? AUG

[@ishaanbhatt226]

Why are quantum physicists poor at having sex? Because when they find the position they can't find the momentum, and when they find the momentum they can't find the position.( reference to Heisenberg's uncertainty principle)

[@KO-fh4vn]

lol you are considerate. You made sure to give a reference so people don't feel left out >.

[@I.Am.L]

Love it.

[@GregTom2]

I love the the half glass series.

[@ASCG5000]

One atom tells another atom "I think I lost a electron" the other atom says "are you sure?" to this the first atom replies "I'm positive"

[@LoopyLaloo]

1:17, Hank, that is not OK! It's CHCl3. I'm on my way out.

[@HumanTypewriter]

best one XD

[@LoopyLaloo]

hannibal jr **bows while walking out the door**

[@TracksPyro]

A jock liked this chemistry student. One day he went up and said,"Hey, if you get with me, it'll feel like the hadron collider." The chem student responds "It's so small, you need 17 miles of force for me to feel something?"

[@quinnhanley4726]

Lol and BURRRRRN!

[@riverkagamine6229]

I don't get it.

[@quinnhanley4726]

River Kagamine The hadron collider is a particle accelerator that's in a ring shape underneath France and Switzerland, which stretches for 17 miles.

[@TracksPyro]

River Kagamine The hadron collider is a 17 mile long machine that launches particles toward each other. The girl is saying his penis is so small, he'd need to be propelled at her from 17 miles away for her to feel something.

[@zoravursingh5617]

What do 16 sodiums and batman have in common? They both have no parents.

[@zoravursingh5617]

Courtesy of Teg Singh

[@zoravursingh5617]

lol thats the orginial joke

[@marthabwari1743]

I've been reading this great book on antigravity..... I can't put it down

[@justflora7677]

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs! They always take thing literally!

[@cartev7558]

Anybody know some jokes about Yttrium Einsteinium? Yes

[@GB6__YT]

Wow

[@HunhowsShadowStalker]

Many people tried to pull that joke on me.. Now I need to Barium all.

[@kristoferssturis759]

@@HunhowsShadowStalker your actions have consequences

[@robbrandhoff3]

Also, an infinte number of scientiest walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter beer. The bartender says "you are all idiots" and almost serves two beers.

[@evanknowles4780]

there are some pretty deep mathematics that almost reach a psychological standpoint of math saying that he ends up serving two ENTIRE beers

[@ARP2wefightforyou]

No it's "you mathematicians don't know your limits" and he gives them two bottles

[@geekweek9673]

When it was first invented, the knife was cutting edge technology.

[@calh655]

It still is cutting edge technology

[@jacan20]

they're 10 types of people in this world: those who understand hexadecimal, f the rest

[@markcamacho3152]

More base humor. :(

[@achtsekundenfurz7876]

Another hex joke: "All your BA5E are belong to us"

[@emmawallenbrock1634]

Oh that last joke XD I love it "I KNOW NOW!"

[@amyk6869]

Dear Math: You need to solve your own problems. I'm tired of finding your X. She's just not constant to you. Factoring your expressions is just not my job. (NOTE: if you haven't taken Algebra, ask your designated geek buddy who has.)

[@steevekruger2417]

And you know Y

[@CuteKovuKitten]

And don't ask me Y either

[@teodorwestholm7004]

albert einstein, isaac newton and blaise pascal are playing hide and seek. einstein is counting. pascal runs off and hides, but newton doesnt move an inch. instead he draws a square around him in the dirt. when einstein has finished counting and sees newton he says: found you newton! newton answers: no you didnt, you found pascal. one newton per meter squared.

[@jextermaxim2665]

That's a great joke :) Big laugh for me :)

[@littleh4xx0r]

I often tell noblegas jokes... no reaction. An infinite number of mathematicians gets into a bar The first one says "One Beer, please." The second one says "A half Beer, please." The third one says "A quarter Beer, please." The first one says "An eighth Beer, please." ... and so on and so on After quite a while the Barkeeper angrily says enough of your nonesense and pours them 2 Beers. HeHeHeHe

[@ProducerTree]

I think I'm attracted to you due to Newton's Law of Universal Gravitation.

[@craighudgens9481]

but not a lot...

[@KarateShotokanKid1]

Are you also calling the other person fat? (Because they have more mass).

[@spyro454]

You missed "Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip? To get to the same side"

[@gearbot5934]

In less i cut In half

[@randompastahandle]

alternative punchline, passing helps her think

[@ISmokeOnTheWater]

Pavlov is sitting in a bar. His phone rings. "Oh No! I forgot to feed the dogs!"

[@katerynashneidmillier3228]

Charly this one is hilarious

[@adhdengineer]

a hydrogen ion walks into a bar and says "I left my electron here last night. have you seen it?" bartender replies, "nope, you sure you left it here?" the hydrogen ion says "I'm positive"

[@lokthuum]

Why did the 10th Doctor call the Daleks to get rid of his bug problem? ............. ............. Because they are EXTERMINATEors X3

[@TheLetsPlayGuy98]

How to make a souffle: Put in EGGS STIR Add MINT Woops, ATE it :3

[@lokthuum]

XD

[@mpetreaca]

LOVE it. :)

[@QuinnToenniesgaming]

YUS

[@scoobydoo982]

Wanna hear a joke about the Silence?.....llllll