4 real stories of gender disappointment (Audience Callers)

4 real stories of gender disappointment (Audience Callers) | The Real Stuff

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Күн бұрын

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@Nameless351 Ай бұрын

Idea for a future episode (this is not at all a slam on the perspectives shared in the current episode which I do believe are valid): How it feels to hear so many people say “the only thing that really matters is a healthy baby” (and similar variations) when you are… - someone who found out during pregnancy that their baby would likely or definitely be born with a chromosomal condition or other serious genetic condition or birth defect or disability (and decided to continue the pregnancy, or decided the terminate) - someone who lives with an incurable disease or serious condition or disability that was diagnosed at some time after birth, whether days or months or 10 or more years after birth (if it could have been diagnosed in utero would my parents have still wanted me? would they have wanted to end the pregnancy with me and get pregnant with a different baby/have a different child? Because a healthy baby is what everyone wants above all else?) - other situations along these lines that might make it awkward, uncomfortable, upsetting, or strange to hear people constantly say “we just want a healthy baby” “as long as baby is healthy” “a healthy baby is the most important thing” Important: My comment is not meant as a criticism of anyone with gender disappointment. It is not meant to derail the conversation in the comments on the actual topic. I thoroughly enjoyed the episode and found it really interesting and can relate to the topic. I just wasn’t sure where to submit my future topic idea, so I left it here! Hope everyone understands! :-)

@olivia_leigh1 Ай бұрын

YES

@exphyslolo Ай бұрын

Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I agree. My daughter was born "healthy" and later diagnosed with a chronic disease at age 2. It is triggering to hear people say that the "only thing that matters is a healthy baby/child".

@Nameless351 Ай бұрын

I’m so sorry about your daughter’s diagnosis. As an adult I now wonder what it must have been like for my mom when I was diagnosed with a chronic disease at age 11. It’s not just hard for the child, it’s hard for the whole family and especially the mother. I imagine you’re a great mom and your daughter is lucky to have you. I hope you both come across some compassionate people in your journey.

@PureDanceEnergy Ай бұрын

The context is important. Saying the health is important is acknowledging that sex of the baby is less important in greater context and that people are aware of that. Also, saying people wish they had a healthy baby is true and reasonable, don't we all want to be healthy? That doesn't mean we would give it up if it is not. I am aware some would, but definitely not everyone who is saying they wish for a healthy baby. It's just that formulation of that sentence is often a bit off, I think the more sensitive way of putting it (and the correct way if you ask me:)) is not "i wish for a healthy baby" but rather "i wish for my baby to be healthy" which is different ;)

@caroltiendo Ай бұрын

I love listening to these conversations, as I don't think they happen often enough in people's lives. Thank you so much, Lucie, for providing the platform and space for these women to share their stories and perspectives! I'm a first time mom to a 6.5 month old girl, and my thoughts on her sex have always been complicated. Though born and raised in the US, my family is also from a culture that prioritizes boys (Vietnam), so I understand that pressure. Literally while I was still pregnant, my mother said, "So next one we try for a boy!" 🙄 However, my main reason for originally wanting a boy is that I still feel that girls (and women) automatically enter our world with disadvantages (physically, socially, professionally, etc.). I'm all for girl power, sisterhood, and feminine energy, but the reality is that life is generally harder for women. So when I found out I was having a girl, I did feel some disappointment, but it came from a place of knowing how difficult it was going to be for her. That being said, there's also another huge "but" to all of this. I felt surface level disappointment, but at a deeper level I was happy at the same time. While we don't have a stark distinction of masculine or feminine energy in our house, my husband has a stronger personality than I do, and as someone who has moved around a lot in life, I also struggle to maintain friendships. This means I sometimes don't have the opportunity to fully express my "girlie girl" tendencies, or if I do, it's usually alone, which isn't as fun. I am honestly thrilled to have a daughter to dress up, go shopping with, get our nails done, etc. (if she wants), or even just finally have someone so close in my life who can just "get" me. Not to mention it has been exciting to see my husband's personality melt and soften towards her ❤ All of this is to say, it's complicated 😆

@heloisebrunet330 Ай бұрын

Mum of three boys here, and I don't know if I will ever have a 4rth child, or even a baby girl. My husband told me, the day we decided to try and be pregnant, that we would get 5 boys before having a girl. Of course, after our first boy, we hoped for a girl, but it became some kind of joke. The hardest part, in the end, is the way people around us react. When a complete stranger asked my baby's sex, for the 3rd pregnancy, she apologised and said she was sorry for me to have a 3rd boy. I did not know the correct answer to that ! I can tell how baby's sex changes the projection we can have as adults, I think it's lighter for me to have boys because I don't see myself in them as much as I would if I had a little girl. Thanks for bringing that up and giving these mothers space to open their heart freely!!

@carsondelaney762 Ай бұрын

Such incredible interviews - honored to be one of them. Thanks for having me :)

@allyssapowers Ай бұрын

Thanks for having me on! I already feel less alone after listening to the other three callers ✨🥹

@carsondelaney762 Ай бұрын

loved your interview! So well spoken and thoughtful

@oceaneyeye Ай бұрын

I can't believe in the US you can pay to do ivf just to choose your baby's sex 😅 I understand gender disappointement but that is another level of extreme imo

@nicolecunningham7017 Ай бұрын

This topic was made for me! I’m the mom of 2 sons, age 6 and 3. To say I wanted a girl is an understatement. It was the only way I ever pictured being a mom. Now, I love my 2 little manly men, who are both just like my husband. But I get waves of grief, to this day, when I feel “left out” of my own family. They play baseball and go camping and do all the things my hubby did growing up. No one I know has ever expressed this out loud , so thank you for this episode.

@northernbelle0488 29 күн бұрын

Thanks for diving into this topic! It’s definitely uncomfy. I still feel like if someone is thinking about having a child and their happiness depends on the sex of their baby, they should reconsider whether they’re emotionally ready to be a parent.

@sophiadellacasa8168 Ай бұрын

I loved listening to all the different perspectives of your callers! Great podcast episode. Keep it up Lucie!! Love from Canada🇨🇦

@marie-dominikdemers5170 Ай бұрын

Loved this episode. Especially with the second caller I had so many questions and you ended up asking all of them! So interesting!

@emiliaessentials 21 күн бұрын

I been mourning for 2 years had my second son. it's hurts do much🥺 can't 💔 get over it. I save my childhood barbie and princess yo give to who. life been cruel to me.

@ValerieLF Ай бұрын

I was so excited for this episode to come! Thanks for such an interesting topic.

@kosipova01 Ай бұрын

Aww the first story - I felt her disappointment in my bones when she got the news about the twins 💔 (meaning I understand how she felt, not that I have the same experience) And wow, the 2nd story would seem fake to me if I read it in a book - what a strong opinion/dream! Thanks for sharing and congrats on your girl pregnancy 💕

@Johannalaaa Ай бұрын

Hi Lucie! I really enjoyed this episode (and all of your other episodes, too)! While I’m not pregnant yet, this is a topic that’s been on my mind for a long time, especially since I’ve always dreamed of having a baby girl. Being an only child myself, I can’t even begin to imagine having a boy. I've never been around little boys, and wouldn't know what to do with one! When I think about being told I’m having a boy, I picture myself in total hysterics-like, the kind that would leave people completely horrified! I never realized others might feel the same way. Given that I’m a bit older (36) and not sure if I want more than one child, I’ve wondered if I should consider choosing the gender through IVF. But here’s the twist-my close friend recently did IVF due to infertility, and even though she had five girl embryos, she’s now pregnant with a boy! Turns out those embryo gender screenings are only 95% accurate. NEW FEAR UNLOCKED!!!

@rockerchick6168 Ай бұрын

Wow! I have to do IVF, and we just don’t want to spend more money to screen them (unless needed for genetic purposes) so this actually makes me feel like it’s better to not test them for gender.

@nictrinkchic Ай бұрын

I have two boys. We didn’t find out the gender till birth. I didn’t have preference and still don’t and I’m happy with two boys. What I find interesting is the comments about having two sons. I have had numerous comments about how people never could have imagined me having a girl so it’s a good thing I had boys. I’ve had people tell me I wouldn’t understand because I have two boys and no girls despite me being a woman. The comment that hurts the most though is “so are you going to try for a girl” as if my two boys aren’t enough. It made me realize gender disappointment doesn’t stop at the parents, but also can follow the family and friends and community around you. I feel for the people who do have gender disappointment and receive the same comments as I do. It hurts my feelings and I’m content and never really cared either way. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for those who have a preference ❤

@birdie6916 Ай бұрын

Thanks for the trigger warning. Despite that warning, I chose to watch this video. I so strongly wish I could have a child naturally; I don't care about the sex. Unfortunately, cancer took that option away from me. Adoption in the near future is what my fiancé and I will choose. There are options for mostly everyone who wants to be a parent; we are all very lucky to be here and participate in this conversation. 💖

@hconf Ай бұрын

For the first caller, your mom waiting until birth to find out the sex might have made the whole thing worse for you as a kid! 9+ months is a long time for a kid and I’m sure there was a lot of anticipation with subsequent disappointment whereas if she would have found out the sex earlier on maybe you would have coped better? Just a thought

@azilizc Ай бұрын

Super interesting episode!

@sofiaodborn2552 Ай бұрын

Loved this episode!

@hconf Ай бұрын

The second caller, I would be very curious to hear the results of each round of egg retrievals + fertilization. Did it take three rounds to get a girl? Also, this is a wild question so bear with me… did you consider trying to get pregnant “naturally” and then terminating if it was a boy? Rather than go through IVF?

@lauren9748 Ай бұрын

I wanna know if the third caller is having a girl or a boy! 😂

@luciebfink Ай бұрын

A girl!

@rockerchick6168 Ай бұрын

So far I’ve only been able to have a child through IVF, and it seems any other future children as well. Although we could spend more money to test the gender of my embryos, I think it would still suck if I found out I didn’t have a viable female embryo. However, I did have a dream that my son and another son were in front of me and I felt like the luckiest mom…so in time if I don’t have a girl naturally, maybe someday we could adopt through foster care.

@anibanani-l1j Ай бұрын

I'm sorry but i can't stand the way second caller talks about gender roles. She sounds like she wants a toy not a baby.

@MrsPhoenix2020 Ай бұрын

Interesting topic...

@rachelle2227 Ай бұрын

I had a girl for my first, and I was quite happy to have a girl. I was happy to have a boy or a girl for number 2. I do have a baby boy now. We would like a third, and I’m not sure if I want a boy or a girl for the third one. I already have a girl, which I have always wanted, but a boy would be great too. I am sure the stakes are a lot lower for desire of gender once you’ve already have one of each, but I wonder what others opinions are on gender after having two of different sexes.