5 Overlooked Signs of Autism - from a Late-Diagnosed Autistic

What are overlooked signs of autism that might lead to autistic people being undiagnosed? Is this why so many autistics (like myself) get diagnosed late in life? 🤔 In this video, I dive into easy-to-overlook signs of autism, from the unique perspective of an autistic adult with ADHD who also happens to be an educator. From social challenges (but not necessarily being "awkward") to extreme exhaustion and the need for alone time, I'll discuss things that I've learned and adjustments I've made since my autism diagnosis in the hopes that it might be able to spark ideas for others on what could improve their personal or work life after learning they are autistic. Even without a diagnosis, this can help you better understand the inner workings of autism.
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❗️While this isn't meant for diagnostic purposes, it's designed to shed light on various aspects of autism, offering insights and real-life examples.
Whether you're on the autism spectrum, suspect you might be, work with autistics, or are simply interested in learning more, this video has something for you. I'm here to provide an insider's look at the unique perspectives of someone autistic with the goal of helping people better understand me and other AuDHDers in order to help us all live and work better together in a neurodiverse world.
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📌 Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:15 Why are friendships challenging?
02:25 Overwhelming social venues
04:16 Special considerations in friendships
07:40 Why am I always so tired?
09:24 Why do I need longer to process information?
10:43 Why is communication so frustrating?
14:50 Why do I need so much alone time?
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2. 5 Signs You Might Be Autistic
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⭐️ ABOUT US:
I'm Chris and alongside Debby, my brilliant partner, we've traveled, founded companies, and navigated the world as a neurodiverse duo.
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#autistic #autism #neurodivergent #mentalhealth #autismawareness #ASD #actuallyautistic #autismsupport #adhdandautism #livingwithautism #neurodiversity #AuDHD #autismdiagnosis #audhder #autisticlife #latediagnosedautistic #mentalhealthjourney #mentalhealthawareness #understandingautism #autismadvocate #autismadvocacy #autismacceptance #signsofautism

[@JerrTheHooman]

The "hearing the faintest sounds that no one else hears and finding them AWFULLY DISTRACTING", is the story of my life. I'm often hearing small sounds like the compressor kicking on in our refrigerator, or electricity buzzing, the hum of the AC making a particular picture on the wall rattle, etc. Then I'll go into a frenzy searching the entire house for the maddening sound to my husband's bewilderment. Then when I find it, he's like "THAT? That's what you were talking about? How did you even hear that from 3 rooms away?"

[@Dancestar1981]

Absolutely like the hum of fluorescent lights when they’re nearing the end of their cycle in fact sensitivity to sounds sights smells tastes and touch in general

[@femaletrouble]

My reaction is always an outraged, "How did you NOT hear it?!"

[@Brainalicious]

In our house I've always said I have dog hearing! Two pieces of pottery on top of the fridge vibrating. A faulty USB hub with a high-pitched whine. A watch ticking in the next room. The faint call of a bird. Plus, all The usual suspects like flickering lights, displays, too-tight or scratchy apparel, other people talking nearby... And smells. So many smells.

[@Brainalicious]

I've had to unplug hotel room refrigerators because I couldn't take the sounds when I was keyed up while traveling. I am self-diagnosed autistic at 57, but in the process of getting a formal diagnosis. Just knowing there is a neurological reason behind the struggles I've had my whole life has been world-altering, no hyperbole here.

[@shiratakip3148]

Imagine having tinnitus since the age of 8 and being autistic.

[@ghostfaceknuts]

1. Telling people all of the information I know about something, and thinking that's a conversation? 2. Wanting someone in proximity to do things that I'm doing on my own, and if they're not around, it's not fun anymore. 3. Being super particular about small details, like whether clean dishes can dry in the sink (...no) 4. Not being able to relax when I know that company is coming over. Essentially pacing until they arrive 5. Having to rephrase things in my own words in order to understand or agree with the premise. 6. Being very annoyed with people crowding me in the kitchen.

[@vanleetam]

i think germany is a very autistic friendly country because we prefer to say directly what we want and we hate small talk

[@117000000]

Hm, I think you are right. And there is an old fashioned politeness that suits the old man inside me very well. I live in Denmark, maybe I should go more to Germany to further investigate this 😅 maybe I could go live in the border region 😅 I crossed the border in the countryside on my bike and I just imediately had a sense of love or kindness comming towards me. But it is hard to unlock the smiles, especially as an neurodivergent, you have to greet people the exactly right way, beeing very real and cincere, I made a sport of it comming into shops on another of my solo (autistic) bike rides. -Schönes Tag, Tchyss or mojn in the border region, I guess that is hijacked from the southwestern danish😅

[@ChrisandDebby]

I visited Germany for 3 months and loved it. People were great!!

[@camellia8625]

I’ve been told that the Dutch communication style is also very autism friendly.

[@Kellycreator]

I really like that about Germany. Spanish , Scottish and Russian are the same (my family 😂).

[@jenniferpelkey2770]

Finland, too!

[@gaylejones1545]

OMG this is me!!! I'm 64 years old! I feel like crying 😢.

[@user-ei8rb7sj6c]

I’m a little older than you and it’s freaking me out, too! I’ve been watching a bunch of videos on Adult ADHD, thinking, “Yep-that’s me”, and “Yep-that’s me.” Now I see I have a lot of symptoms of autism!! Since my 20’s I’ve been diagnosed with different forms of depression and anxiety, but nothing like ADHD or autism was ever mentioned. Heck, I remember doing self preservation stuff as a kid like finding a place I could be alone that was dark and quiet for a while. Well who WOULDN’T be down/moody/anxious after masking all this stuff trying be seen as normal!!! (excuse me… I believe the correct term is neurotypical). I’m going to go binge-watch The Big Bang and The Good Doctor so I can be with my people…. When I’m 90, they’ll probably call it dementia!! Lord help me…🙏

[@gaylejones1545]

@@user-ei8rb7sj6c depression and anxiety my whole life. It's like nobody cared when we were growing up. I guess everyone thought it was normal.🤷

[@Cheryl_Frazier]

58 and just figuring it out. It makes so much sense of my life!!

[@SebbyPlaysMusic]

I'm actually glad you pointed out the sound of lights. It's one of those things I feel absolutely ridiculous to complain about, but some light bulbs have a constant buzz that feels like it's constantly creeping into my headspace from the background.

[@timebleeder2814]

Fluorescent lights. I can feel the buzzing in my brain.

[@DJ-Daz]

@@timebleeder2814 This!

[@deadpoetoftheyear]

When youre older those noises get more silent. Yay for aging. :P

[@timebleeder2814]

@deadpoetoftheyear not for everyone. There is a condition called hyperacusis where hearing gets more sensitive as you get older. My mom has it.

[@audreywandel]

Going to retail stores kills me for this very reason, I literally have to wear headphones just about everywhere to drown out the noise of the lights....

[@CB19087]

I realised that I've developed a fear of leaving the house because of the response i have to sensory overload. I don't get physical pain, it just makes me incredibly angry and then I hate myself for getting angry 😢

[@theeffect3927]

Same

[@Trintron46]

This! I have realized lately that I am super depressed because I wanna go out and spend time with people but I can never have peace when I leave my home.

[@justinwatson1510]

Try to remember that we have little control over our emotional responses, only how we behave. As long as you aren't needlessly lashing out at people with no warning or explanation, you aren't doing anything wrong by feeling angry about different stimuli.

[@CB19087]

@@justinwatson1510 that is very true. Thank you 🙏

[@srso4660]

I can't leave the house without my noise cancelling earbuds.

[@madamenordica]

'Sometimes when we're asked a question, our brain turns it into a hundred more questions....' ..... SOMETIMES? o.O LOL

[@rjparker2414]

I loved this part of Chris' video, as it's so true and I haven't seen it addressed elsewhere - re multiple questions, presented in a short time frame. To avoid "cascading questions" scenario with medical professionals, I've started saying this, immediately after their first question - "I'm autistic. I think in pictures. When you ask me a question, I take your question, translate it into pictures in my brain, think of an answer, translate it back into English - so I can answer you. Accordingly, I take a bit longer to answer. Please give me the space to do this." I see them thinking/ processing my input, then nod and accept it. Helps so much, and educates neurotypicals about accommodations we need, to work with them. BTW - thanks to Temple Grandin for her "thinking in pictures" contribution. 😄

[@alisonwhite9588]

Yes!! 🙁

[@carrie3206]

Does anyone think and talk in pictures too? What I mean is, when I’m telling a story, it becomes longer than intended, because thoughts appear as pictures in my head and I feel the need to talk about and describe what I’m seeing, so as to help it make sense and I feel it’s necessary, because now it’s become part of the story. Lol Friends and family lose patience and tell me to get to the point. Is this Autism or ADHD?

[@4Beats4Me]

Yes!

[@4Beats4Me]

Have you seen recent clips of congressional hearings?!

[@crowkraehenfrau2604]

As an old self-diagnosed AuDHD person I observe that I am not patient with neurotypicals. I get bored very early on. Spending time with myself is more interesting.

[@ChrisandDebby]

I agree!!

[@StacyRotramel]

I actually have moments at times where I'll catch my brain zig zagging in a fashion that makes no sense to nurotypycals and have to start laughing at how entertaining I must be, not just for myself The problem nurotylcals probably find me pretty dumb. Unless they are close to another nurodivergemt.

[@mr_cupcakes1808]

I often pretend to care at the office. Outside of the office I don't really talk too much with anyone outside my closer family circle.

[@MerkabaKid]

Yes, I get bored with meaningless, everyday conversations about `nothing`! To me, they are utterly boring and I become very impatient, very quickly.

[@valeriebrown6079]

Same situation and my lack of patience with neurotypicals has got much worse as I’ve got older

[@ND_phenomenologist]

I would add the sign of deep learning, special interests, intense passionate interests. And monotropism.

[@ChrisandDebby]

Yes, you’re absolutely right that those are great signs of autism - I included some of those in this video: 5 Signs You Might Be Autistic kzbin.info/www/bejne/qmTOYoWpmrifqKs Monotropism is an interesting one and planning a video just to focus on that sometime soon. Thanks for sharing!

[@valeriebrown6079]

Deep processing is what it’s called I believe.

[@cjyou5606]

99% of the time I’m out doing things all I want to do is get home and be alone. Then when that gets too much I want to go out. Then I want to go home again.

[@Rellek91]

Same I was diagnosed with adhd at like 23.... 100% sure they missed the tism though because my masking was top tier 😅

[@chandrepanda]

Not knowing what day of the week it is, so relatable

[@ChrisandDebby]

I still don’t understand how people can keep track of it all.😂😂

[@TheWickedgit]

I had to ask my wife what month it was.

[@Maiju86]

​@@ChrisandDebbyduring the vacation that's possible but not if you have a job and kids. Too bad

[@gwillis9797]

I actually have a full-time job. A few times a week my co-workers correct me on dates, remind me not to come to work on a holiday the next day. I actually time and days really means nothing to me. Sunrise and sunset is it for me.

[@AlexShiro]

I have found that when ppl make a complaint point about me not being in touch, I most times have not heard from them either, and since I realised this and give that back, they pipe down or they get offended and then drift off lol 😂 I have learned to find joy in not having to be responsible for their issues.

[@jordanb3778]

hearing electricity is so true! I hate the ticking of clocks too, when I was younger I had to get rid of all the clocks and even watches in thr room for me to sleep at night! Sometimes I used to even have to get my parents to turn the clock off in the room next over!

[@TheWickedgit]

I once stayed in a hotel with an alarm clock/radio built in to the nightstand. I dismantled the nightstand and took the clock apart to disconnect the power supply and disable the backup battery. Clocks are evil.

[@jillneuman7097]

I have to take the clock off the wall at night that is in the adjoining bathroom and put it on the floor between the folded bathmat. Tried another clock also too loud at night.

[@summcunt5421]

I've taken batteries out of clocks at other people's houses when I've slept over. I don't know how people can just ignore it.

[@jordanb3778]

@@TheWickedgit honestly, making me smile so much hearing that this was an autism thing and not just a me thing! I started considering the possibility of autism in my early 20s so there were so many small things that made no sense in my childhood :D sorry you also had to deal with the dreaded clocks too though!!

[@jordanb3778]

@@summcunt5421 i can never understand either! Kinda sad because I love clocks as decor but I could never have working ones in my home, i think I'd go insane!!

[@christineE9301]

I used to say I struggled with filtering out the unimportant sounds to understand the important things.

[@wesley3300]

Same. When I was a kid and my older brother would be bothering me, my mom would tell me to ignore him. I told her that I actually can’t. Like, I was trying to focus on other sounds or maybe playing with my toys or something, but I just could not filter the noise out.

[@professorvoluck9311]

As a kid I suffered the same thing and I was diagnosed with auditory processing disorder. That was 40 years ago before autism was really understood.

[@battlecat6766]

That’s a great way of putting it 😊

[@TranscendingTrauma]

I noticed this so much going into a crowded restaurant by myself. Especially since I didn’t have someone to focus on. I could hear every single conversation at once. Trust not ease dropping lol it’s awful.

[@Onyx-Rose150]

That is a great descriptor of what is physically happening. There is literally a mechanism in the brain that filters minor irrelevant stimuli. This doesn't work in autistic people.

[@splabbity]

You're describing my problems perfectly and KZbin has convinced me I'm autistic and I'm starting my diagnosis journey at 45, carry on.

[@Plethorality]

Knowing is so helpful.

[@ChrisandDebby]

Close to when I started my journey. Autism is fascinating and there’s so much to learn!!

[@adriennegreen2996]

Same, diagnosed with adhd 2 years ago at 27 but it’s been so tough I started wondering if it was something more, and every video on autism literally describes my life for a long as I can remember.. in the process of testing.. carry on

[@konkeydonged]

@@adriennegreen2996 ...there is often a strong overlap/comorbidity of ADHD and autism: "AuDHD" I too am currently in the process of trying to sort out just how far along I am in the spectrum of neurospiciness, carry on...

[@rjparker2414]

@@konkeydonged I love it! "Spectrum of neurospiciness"!

[@wirkaswirka]

The one great thing about not understanding what other people "try" to say is I don't get when they "try" to bully me🙃

[@Plethorality]

Took me ten years to realise that an insult was an insult. I just thought it was an opinion.

[@wirkaswirka]

@@Plethorality I know! 😂

[@blackbird365]

Same! lol. I've always been un-bully-able because I simply don't 'get it'! 🙃

[@DevonExplorer]

Haha, yes! I've always answered them properly and with all seriousness, which makes them confused and flouncing off with annoyance. Which made me confused, until half a lifetime later when I realise it was supposed to be an insult. I also don't understand hints either, lol.

[@wirkaswirka]

@@DevonExplorer It's a nice thought to know that a neurotypical was left with a question what just happened😂 Funny thing is how these informations are stored in my brain. After 40 years they pop into my head out of the blue and I'm like "Aaaaah... NOW I get it". And I consider myself quite smart😂

[@filly3594]

I'm not sure if I'm autistic, but I do know I'm an introvert and I feel the same way in social situations. One-on-one is OK, but I do have to mask when there's more than that. My little sister is the same way and we've always called it "people overload". My sensitivities and behaviors match almost all of what you describe, so I might very well be an undiagnosed autistic. I really doesn't matter because over my 69 years of life I've learned to just cope with stuff and do what I can when I can.

[@biaberg3448]

I don’t have friends because there are very few people I would like to befriend and it takes to much energy to meet people, even those I like. And I forget people when I haven’t seen them for a while.

[@ChrisandDebby]

I know exactly what you mean!!

[@rjparker2414]

@@ChrisandDebby I agree. Re friends, and time, I loved Chris' short "I've been busy", and his response to NT grumbling about "haven't heard from you in 3 or 4 weeks". I want a pin/ sticker/ emoji of a "wooden globe". Totally made me laugh!

[@ZhovtoBlakytniy]

I experience them all, but I'm getting better at "reading between the lines" or understanding when people don't speak to me literally. When I don't understand them, I pause and ask for an explanation of what they mean clearly. I don't care if they think I'm stupid anymore and I used to be afraid to ask... I guess to mask better. But oh my, when people think it is quiet I am hearing all the subtle noises. When the kids are "suspiciously quiet" to anyone else, I can hear them fine. I can tell what they're doing because I can hear them coloring or flipping through books.

[@kensears5099]

Autism is a life without "correspondences." What does that mean? Masking is a pretence of correspondences, a performance both within and without, i.e., viscerally and visibly, the sincere attempt to convince oneself, first, and then everybody else that the parameters, outlines, patterns and cues of the social-psychoemotional dance are intrinsic to one's own being, that the correspondence is a precise one-to-one, an exact fit, a perfect match. The energy this performance requires is titanic. The cognitive, emotional and visceral costs are shattering. An immediate cost manifests in exhaustion. Perhaps not physical exhaustion, especially in younger years when a hardier stamina can be fallen back on if one is lucky. But even in younger years the mental exhaustion regularly demands its "pound of flesh" for the abuse to the psyche that masking really is. How many times I recall reaching the end of my socio-emotional capacity and simply shutting down, on a few occasions at the most awkward times when by all rights I was expected to be present, charming, engaging, hospitable, but there was just nothing left to draw on and I had to excuse myself. You can't get blood from a stone.

[@SlowLivingWithAutism]

Looking back now, I'm sure one of the things that made it difficult for me to make friends (besides the lack of desire for friends) was that I was "too honest" or too blunt and perceived as rude or snobbish. When I got a little older (20s and 30s), I asked a few acquaintances what their first impression was of me, and it was always that I was rude or a snob ... but later, they realized I was just awkward. Now, I try to smile and leave the situation as quickly as possible with some polite / realistic excuse. I can go for long spans of time in my own world, and I have learned that I needed to actually WRITE DOWN a reminder to send so-and-so a text. Not friends (I still don't have friends that I socialize with), but mostly women in my fellowship. I DO care about them and love them, so I've had to make a conscious effort to reach out so they know I'm thinking of them. I was diagnosed at 44, after several years of my oldest son's caretaker friend hinting to me that I was also autistic. My oldest (now almost 31) was diagnosed when he was younger. Suddenly, my entire life made sense and I felt like I was set free.

[@Autisticheather]

That was brilliant. Didn't think I would get anything out of it, but you must be in my brain. Why do I have 10,000 autistic traits and never been diagnosed for 52 years

[@ChrisandDebby]

I’m actually working on a video that will answer your question! Many autistic adults are undiagnosed.

[@NatalieLavoie-fr9nu]

same here ive spent my entire life a sucessfully masking. and why is my autisim coming out now?

[@rjparker2414]

@@ChrisandDebby I look forward to your video about that. My therapist (for C-PTSD, which autistics seem to be a higher percentage) suggested autism for me - I researched it, and yes, totally makes complete sense. No longer feel like an "alien" (I'm combo ASD and ADHD). Asked her about a formal diagnosis (I'm nearly 70), and she asked "why?" She noted it's very expensive (in US, with our largely dysfunctional health care system), time consuming, and what would I get out of it? I'm retired, so no supplemental school/ work accommodations would be relevant. She, and I, could see no benefit at this point in my life. However, knowing why I'm "weird" (to neurotypicals), and advocating/ enjoying neurodiverse folks (largely), has helped me relax/ accept myself wonderfully - and yes, less masking!

[@Kellycreator]

Same! I’m 49 this year and feel like life may have been easier if I knew all of this. I spend so much time alone. I’m a crafter and run a small business from home. I can’t stand the thought of working in a noisy environment with people that cough, sneeze, talk etc. I love my friends yet excuse myself from seeing them as I cannot have my personal space invaded, i feel really anxious. I was with my husband from 19; and realise that undiagnosed autism probably helped end my marriage. My exes breathing at night bothered me so much I built up a hatred towards him that affected my everyday. My boys playing with noisy toys as babies drove me over the edge some days. I ended up self medicating with cannabis. It has helped immensely. I’m able to get it on prescription but nhs don’t pay towards it. It’s not ideal cost wise but it’s better than being an alcoholic. Recently I’ve felt less judged for smoking as it’s legally prescribed. Finally putting all the pieces of the puzzle together and realised that my Nan is likely autistic, everything describes her too. I thought I just hated fidgeting as I learned the behaviour from my Nan. It’s strange how we have special words and a clinical diagnosis for weirdos like me. I never really looked into or understood autism before but who would likely have noticed all those years ago. I genuinely feel like humans are a big experiment. Or maybe that’s my autistic mind?

[@eliannafreely5725]

Congratulations, knowing makes all the difference. For the same reasons as you gave here, I don't see the point for myself in an official diagnosis. But the information has revolutionized my life.

[@angiehewerdine]

I tick every one of those boxes. At 54, my life is finally being explained to me as I dive deep into my own lifelong behavior and social challenges. Thank you for explaining this so well, I'm going to watch again!

[@jenbloom6848]

Same. I’m 57 and undiagnosed autism has been gigantic “ah-ha” moment. I’m so grateful to these videos and finding others who share my lifelong struggles.

[@melissamiller2696]

Ditto: 78.

[@iamnotmyhandle]

As someone with late diagnosis, can you share how it has impacted or hindered your life in your younger years?

[@dengyldnesvaneHop]

Same, I'm 53 and undiagnosed too, but I don't have friends, I can't (and do hate it) small talk, and even my cousins always told me as children I was not like other kids. I have always felt different, but it was nothing that made me sad. Many things do say autistic about me..

[@miaharvey7112]

Does anyone have hypersensitive smell? The other day I was outside, and I could smell everything all at once, the grass, the tarmac, the air, the pollution, and someone was cooking with Italian herbs. It hit me all at once, it was really overwhelming.

[@rjparker2414]

Yes, I have extreme fragrance sensitivity. Artificial smells are much worse than natural ones, for me. House cleaner used "small amount" scented cleaner in water - and I could smell it for 3 days, though I aired room. Slept under the sheet, and felt like a 500 lb woman with huge amounts of cheap perfume was sitting on my chest. Warned cleaner she'd lose her job if she did that again - no scented cleaning supplies (I'd told her previously, but she didn't understand/ take me seriously - but does now) However, bleach is OK, and dissipates fast. Overwhelming artificial "fragrance" makes me nauseous. Want to run away, from stench of strong smells.

[@Catlily5]

​@@rjparker2414 There is a cleaning supply called Fabulosa. It is truly one of the worst things that I have ever smelled. The smell makes me instantly angry. Many other cleaning products annoy me but Fabulosa is the worst ever.🤢😡🤢

[@mariecooperactor]

Yes. I love it with natural smells when I can smell plants and trees, wetness or soil... but I hate it when it is deodorant/perfume. A woman sat next to me recently and I could taste her deodorant on the roof of my mouth. It made me feel ill.

[@Catlily5]

I hate certain smells like cleaning supplies but love other smells like Spanish Broom flowers. I can smell things that other people don't notice.

[@Milaperadotti]

Yes very. I smell everything

[@ZoeCharis]

i cant thank you enough for this. i don't think you realize how many lives you are saving by making these videos.

[@chrissyjoy08]

Being both Autistic & ADHD, I find I actually like being in situations where there's a lot of surrounding noise, specifically if I'm trying to do grading or get any work done. For my brain, the outside noise kinda turns into a cocoon of focus to do my work. But if I'm trying to interact with someone, especially having an actual conversation, the quieter the better, cause they're part of the outside noise and I can't focus on what they're saying without everything coming into focus and then I can't differentiate because I'm hearing EVERYTHING.

[@joannlarson6386]

That is the same for me, I like the noise when reading or diving deep into somethiing, but to talk to a person I need no outside noise.

[@kensears5099]

Lately I've stopped over-stressing after social experiences over how I "did." Not because I'm confident I did fine. In fact, I'm pretty sure I didn't. I probably talked too much about the things that fascinate me, probably sometimes my observations were too starkly pointed, but lately I've decided to let myself off the hook. Okay, maybe I didn't do so good. And...over-stressing afterwards is going to...make that better? NO. So I've been disciplining myself lately NOT to rewind, replay, relive, regret and recast. There is ZERO upside to it, it only tears me apart inside, so...no, just...NOT. Don't. Be brutal and let the awful past languish back there in the past with zero psychic scrambling to fix it. You can't anyway. So don't.

[@ChrisandDebby]

This is really an important comment and something all of autistics should work on. This is also something I’m currently working on, but it is definitely challenging. My natural tendency is to critique every aspect of my interactions. There have been times where I actually got irritated at myself for telling myself to let it go. It’s ridiculous and completely unproductive. Despite the challenges, I am making progress with this. Sometimes I have to be extremely assertive with myself and say, “knock it off!”. That directness has been surprisingly quite helpful.

[@kensears5099]

@@ChrisandDebby Yes, you put it perfecrly: just go ahead and be assertive with yourself, put your foot down and do it. After all, nobody else is going to do that for you, inside of you, except you. It kind of goes to the core of "autism," now doesn't it ("auto", 'self," existing in a world remarkably your own with its unique paradigms), so go ahead and run it, ESPECIALLY on the inside, without apologies to those figmentary "others" who are, like an Olympic panel of judges, holding you under their withering scrutiny waiting to hold the numbers up (and it's never a "10") to score how well you're running your "inside." No. They're not there. They don't exist. It's just you in there, so go ahead and run it, autistically. What other option have you got, after all?

[@lorenehogan7139]

I totally agree with you. That's an excellent strategy. The other think to think about is, who cares so much about your "performance" anyway? Five minutes after the get together, everyone will have forgotten what you said.

[@rjparker2414]

@@ChrisandDebby I agree. My internal comment, when I go down internal "dark rabbit holes", is "not useful" (a gentler "knock it off", but same concept). Also, I try to be careful not to judge myself by neurotypical standards, or whether I fit their expectations/ paradigm - since I never will, and am learning to accept myself for my "out of the box"/ Aspie/ ADHD/ creative/ "different" way of being. Am also saying "autism is a super power", which surprises all.

[@kensears5099]

@@lorenehogan7139 Eggggg-ZACK-lee! 🙂

[@Murlocky82]

I love being by myself. Just me and my dog....

[@joebhlee]

Wow, I lived 50 yrs thinking I am crazy. I can totally relate to 95% of the experiences talked about in this video.

[@ChrisandDebby]

It’s a great feeling to realize that you might not actually be crazy!!

[@KP-zj3zj]

For 53 years I've been told I'm crazy...

[@alicesarahromeo]

I’m not diagnosed yet (wait list)… but when I am over a friend’s house and it is late, I ask them “please kick me out when you are ready for me to leave.”

[@wiewiorka156]

I'm brexiting a lot! Once I drag my butt somewhere, it's hard to drag it home

[@joan.nao1246]

Brilliant! I must do this, beginning immediately ✔️

[@alicesarahromeo]

@@wiewiorka156 I don’t know what brexiting means in this context. lol!

[@StacyRotramel]

The fun about definitely being ADHD is that many of these overlap. I definitely have the need to be alone, want to avoid busy places unless necessary, and maintaining friendships is exhausting. I don't always notice the super sensitive hearing but sometimes think it's because of hyperfocused letting me shut it out. Other times I need my loop earplugs to drown out the background noises and help me focus on what I need to. I actually find out tomorrow if I am on the spectrum

[@BigArt1970]

What did you find out? 🤔

[@Oshiiiiiiiiiiii]

I struggle even wanting to call friends because I overthink even my close friendships.

[@bobsoldrecords1503]

There was one question I completely effed up when I was being evaluated for Autism. It was about being complicated around water. Idiotically I said "no". To this day, I've wanted to phone the examiner and tell them that I needed to change that answer

[@biaberg3448]

50 years ago I explained to my teacher why I didn’t come to school the day before. She accepted my explanation, but years later I realized that my explanation wasn’t detailed enough, and she didn’t get the whole picture. This still bothers me sometimes. Stupidly enough.

[@daraboy1973]

And constantly replaying this scenario to this day definitely proves that you are. Neuro typicals don't over play over think to a greater about conversations or experiences from years ago

[@kensears5099]

Question 1 is a question I COULD ask myself...ceratinly DID ask myself in childhood and teen years when such things mean a lot (actually, not "Why don't I have many friends," but "Why don't I have ANY friends"), but am deeply, wonderfully at peace at my ripe old age of 66 no longer needing ever to bother my head with. Ever, ever. Just think of it. Total freedom (on that score, at least) forever. It no longer means anything. It's simply glorious that I have at least one friend dearer to me than my own soul, and equally glorious that my life, my capacity to "process" relationships, is not overwhelmed with a legion of friends I'm supposed to keep mental tabs on all the time. Two glorious things at once. That is happiness.

[@rjparker2414]

Yes, and recently diagnosed at (nearly) 70, I concur. Quality over quantity, when it comes to friends. Neurodiverse friends, one (or at most two) at a time is best. They don't call me "difficult", or try to make me conform to their expectations of how I "should" be. Wonderful to now be an "eccentric old lady", and largely allowed to be.

[@kensears5099]

@@rjparker2414 I'm settling happily likewise into "eccentric old man" at 66 years of age, with the constant, private, adamant caveat that, of course, I'm never going to fake "eccentric" just to get an image of some sort. As I know you agree. But I'm reconciled (happily so) to the reality that, from now on, my intentionality in precisely NOT acting, NOT masking, not conjuring false internal personas to project them "out there" in desperation to make everybody "out there" happy, well, this is all going to add up, like it or not, to a kind of eccentricity, as shallowly interpreted by a neurotypical world. So be it. Here's the other hugely meaningful side of it, too. Since my autism discovery it has hit me like a ton of bricks that, regardless how "smooth" and urbane I THOUGHT I was being "out there" all this time, you know what? I've been eccentric, quirky, off-beat and out of sync the whole time. I thought it was just "bad days." No. It wasn't. It was me all along. At least now I'm at peace with it.

[@blackbird365]

I used to feel the same, but my few close & longterm friends have died, so now I am terribly lonely. Masking & acting is so exhausting & not worth it, as there's no shared history & memories, interests etc any more so I am stranded alone for decades.

[@rjparker2414]

@@blackbird365 Hugs to you, glad you could connect to this "virtual community". I don't feel lonely, and thought it was a neurotypical thing, until I read your post. However, I have a wonderful "non-human" family (dog, cat, goose, chickens), that are much more endearing to me than most humans. Seems that most autistics I know connect more to animals (and they to us) - I loved the short with Chris sleeping while surrounded by cockatoos. Perhaps a non-human companion (even foster) might help you feel less lonely?

[@rjparker2414]

@@kensears5099 Yes, I agree. Good point that by not masking, we're perceived as being "eccentric" or "quirky" - but that's just neurotypical judgements (which I have no use for anymore). Similarly, our assessments of how well we're "fitting in" or being "smooth" often don't jive with neurotypicals' views. Their loss. Yes, so glad to be retired, and no longer struggling to fit into neurotypicals' workplaces. Autism diagnosis helped my own internal acceptance too, and I'm much more at peace. So much makes sense now.

[@intignia]

Wow! You explained things so well. I'm what is called a late diagnosis high functioning autistic. I only found out last year. I'm 70 years old. I haven't been officially diagnosed. I don't see any reason to go through all that trouble and "jump through all those hoops" just for someone to say, "Yeah, you're autistic." when I can see for myself that all these things are me. Thanks for explaining so well, so clearly.

[@milk060690]

Well, my questions to myself also include: "Why do you have so much emotions and feelings?" "Why are you thinking so much?" "Why won't your brain just shut down and go to sleep?" "Why are you so weak that you can't even complete a social event well?" "Why are you rejecting to hang out?" "Why are you talking to animals (like moth which accidentally dropped into the water...)?" "Why didn't you say NO to that overwhelming request?" These are what I can think of by now. I am diagnosed at the age of 34 (this year), after 30 years of constantly blaming myself for being so 'useless' as what my family has been perceiving me. I am always alone, I have to imagine that I have friends, and I am so glad that I am rationale enough to know taking my own life is not a wise decision. And here I am, watching your fantastic video, knowing that someone out there having almost the same experience. A big thank you from me, from Malaysia.

[@katherinehealy6534]

I’ve never had a lot of friends because social interaction has always been complicated and confusing to me-what should I say? How should I say it? It’s hard for me to initiate things, even with close friends. So rather than deal with having to figure everything out I just avoid it in the first place. I’m better at figuring things out than I used to be, but it’s still a struggle sometimes.

[@lntcmusik]

Actually this is helpful for me (undiagnosed). The part with the toilet was somehow relieving. My body does also react this heavy to sounds and all but I have never heard of an autistic person saying that these noises put such an extreme strain on their body. I feel understood. Thanks ❤

[@everlasthandwraps]

my freshman spanish teacher used to take away my earbuds constantly, i'd explain that i was able to hear and understand everything fine and that i needed them to help focus my attention on actually learning. my grades and proficiency in the classroom reflected that, but it didn't matter. it got so bad to the point where i literally spent my Christmas money on bone conduction headphones just so she'd KNOW my ears were fully capable of hearing fine. i'd have to stop myself from having full on panic attacks in the classroom out of anxiety (ironic i know) when she'd stop the entire class and call me out for wearing something i knew i needed but wasn't sure as to why. the first time she confiscated them i was completely unprepared and left the classroom in a panic attack, hyperventilating and crying. just to rub salt in the wound at this school if you're caught not in a classroom during the first few minutes of when you're supposed to be (after passing period), you'll literally get yelled at by the staff and leave with a detention slip. i was such a mess and ended up needing to go to the office with the help of a senior and almost went home. nobody (including myself) understood why i needed my music so badly, my church called it idolization, my partner (at the time) called it being soft and too emotional, my parents called it being dramatic, and my school called it being a stubborn kid. my pediatrician (bless her soul) was the first one to finally call it autism. i'm working on trying to accept myself as i've always truly been but it's a process since there's so much trauma behind it all. it feels like i'm regressing in so many ways, but looking back i've always wanted to be able to do things like use sign language to communicate and just wear noise cancelling headphones and wear sunglasses everywhere. passing busses and fire engines have always scared the life out of me, i've always needed to either ask for clarification on if something was sarcasm or remind myself that people are sarcastic. i've had people say things like, "you're not autistic, you're way too smart!" and things like that have always felt like gunshots and gut punches. i was always the shy kid or the kinda quiet and kinda weird kid when i was little, i learned to put up a front to get people to like me when i was around six or seven. i know some people find it easy to unmask, but for me i've had times where it was a literal survival mechanism. act right or go to bed hungry, don't run and don't climb around the house or you'll be not just sore tomorrow, but bruised too. it's hard because it's so damn internalized. the revelation of my neurodivergence is like a blessing of relief and understanding but a curse of constant fear and survival, but to be fair it's kind of always been the latter. anyways, autistic rant over, drink water and be kind to yourself.

[@Waldemar_la_Tendresse]

The hint that the autistic brain wants to process things one by one made my day, because it means I suddenly understand so many events in my life perfectly. Thank you. Hearing is one of those things: I never understood before why some noises bothered me so much (that I couldn't even begin to fall asleep, for example) and why I developed tinnitus at a young age. My solution is music, I've been told that the sound of the sea or noise is also very good. However, I personally found it rather annoying.

[@assimilateborg]

surprisingly I manage well going to amusement parks. I actually love going to amusement parks. Despite it being a very busy and noisy environment. #spectrum But going to a party is such a pain. Not because of the lights and noise, but because of needing to interact with a lot of people. I once was in an important business meeting. And people were just talking back and forth without progressing on the topic. After 1 hour of this, suddenly meltdown. I just took my stuff and left for the day "I don't fell well, I have to go". Apparently this startled the attendees so much that they found a solution in the next 20 minutes. Sarcasm: I'm doing well creating my own sarcasm. But on the receiving end I fail quite some. I then say "oh sorry, my sarcasm detector is broken"

[@SuperGingernutz]

This. All of this. Cacophonies such as those you mentioned are not only confined to places such as bars, restaurants, and cafes; include family gatherings in the mix ... I love the humour, too, which can often be lacking on other channels when talking about Autism. Sometimes, we need an injection of levity to counterbalance talking about the seriousness of this condition/disorder/disability/dis-is-what-I'm-all-about. I am a late-diagnosed woman with AuDHD and other chronic illnesses, including Inflammatory Bowel Disease. I understand your problem with 'diarrhoea-ing '' (I'm in the UK, so it is spelt differently). You could call it 'the flying mud brownies'-oh, wait a minute-that's even worse than 'diarrhoea-ing'. I'll consult the nearest thesaurus ... Joking aside, bowel problems are intricately connected to Autism.

[@ChrisandDebby]

Flying mud brownies…😂😂😂😂

[@mariecooperactor]

I was in an audition last week and it was beyond overwhelming. We were supposed to be working in small groups. All the small groups combined in a small hall were talking, shouting and moving about and I could hear every voice and noise in the room. It meant it was totally impossible for me to focus on my own task in my own group. Usually I try to zone myself out into my own little bubble but I was working with my own group and so had to remain open and receptive. I tried to pretend it was fun but it was absolute torture for me. And I was already thinking about how I was certainly going to fail the audition. There was no where to go to try to reset and recharge and it went on for the entire day. I was relieved to go home

[@Far-Beyond-Ordinary]

This one was painful, it activated a lot of past event ruminating. : (

[@Murlocky82]

😅 my friend would call me, I purposely won't answer. Because I just don't want to talk. He understands...I call back when I do want to talk. I'm lucky to have friends that are understanding and patient.

[@Shelive520]

I’ve recently been unmedicated and unmasking and the response I get is alienating. I have adhd and autism.

[@psyfrosity1576]

“I was building a wooden globe and it took a LOT longer than get than I thought”. lol

[@samesultani9191]

4 days ago I realized that I'm Autistic. Now I've watching a lot of videos. I finally found a large group of poeple that speaks my language. Last year I decided to take my life. My wife sent me to the healthcare professional they totally screwed with trying a few medications. It made me feel even worst. Now I'm in my 40s. My whole life I tried to mask. Now everything makes sense.

[@davekendall9749]

I can relate to your comment, I too am in the same situation and finding lots of people on line with the same issues, strangely all similar ages. What's driving everyone to suddenly looking this stuff up,,,, life I guess.

[@vn3593]

I have every single issue that you mentioned. I have never been diagnosed. For the last 10 years I just thought I was an introvert. But I noticed I wanted to adjust or analyze everything, then as I really started trying to have more peace in my life I realized so many things just irritated me. As I have started watching more and more videos on level 1 Autism I related to all of it. I find some relief in have an answer to why I am the way that I am but it is hard to shake the feeling everyone is judging you.Thank you for this video.

[@azraelle6232]

I am hard of hearing and adapted to living a "quiet" life for a while, but it did make conversations difficult, obviously - especially with my wife. So we got me some hearing aids a few years ago and, while it is fantastic being able to hear again, now I can hear every sound exactly the way you describe it - humming machinery, A/C, footsteps in the hall, coughing and sneezing, etc. It does get overwhelming to the point where sometimes I have to turn the hearing aids off in order to calm down.

[@ak5659]

I remember when the first super power digital aids came out. I dragged my ex to the audiologist to try a pair out. It was hysterical the way I was co stantly asked if x, y, or a made a sound. I'm like yup, yup, yup. My ex concluded the world is a very noisy place.

[@benediktornhjaltason7948]

The processing thing really sucks when it comes to job interviews. For me it also becomes impossible to process things if someone is surveiling me and expecting something from me. I work as a software engineer now, but I want to find a new job. I had a really good first interview with a small company very recently, and it went really well. After that there was a technical interview with the CTO, and he wanted me to work on a piece of code while he is watching my screen. I tried to get started, but before I could do anything I had to say to him "I have to be honest with you, I am unable to process these two things at the same time. Having you here watching is too disturbing for me". I also told him I am autistic. And then we ended it there, on a positive note might I add. For reference, the two developer jobs I have gotten previously involved having me do a coding test over several days in my own time, and then we would go over it afterwards. Which is actually how we tend to work with development in the first place.

[@keirapendragon5486]

Perfect explanation of my non-existent social life 😔 Also - Sounds, Smells, lighting, temperature, my skin and clothes. Also - ADHD never properly explained things like that bit with the story about the boxes. 💫

[@mikiomahoney1]

Great info, I’ve gotten more sensitive since unmasking, with an adult diagnosis, also with ADHD, and sometimes the level of sounds I can hear is overwhelming, sounds other people don’t hear, like a distant hum of a washing machine in neighbours… including the vibration of it 😢. The overwhelming and overstimulation is something many people don’t understand, especially if you’ve previously been a loud gig and festival goer…I think the comment on patience being needed to be our friend is true…but the quality of when we’re with someone is pretty good - I think the juice is worth the squeeze 😊

[@jennyrose2200]

I'm often overwhelmed by sounds, maybe not even aware of them all but there is one particular sound I can't get away from. Tinnitus. I've read where some people have been driven mad by it. I can hear my heart beating too. I need my attention to be drawn away from it just as much as needing to move or to watch till nothing else exists.

[@JesusIsKing96]

I am in the process of being tested for autism. I have done a bunch of on line ones and always come out strong, and listening to your video, I can so relate to a lot of what you said. I am staying with my parents at present. They are both elderly and need looking after. I am in my mid fifties now. My dad and I clash a lot because he asks me questions and gets irritated when I can’t answer the question a lot of the times immediately. It’s like you said, another question pops up and then another. He says I ‘go around the houses’ a lot, so often tells me to ‘get to the point’ which then rattles me, because it isn’t easy for me to simplify things a lot of the time. I hate spontaneity, and love routines. I love it when a friend cancels plans last minute though, that is the one spontaneous thing I like. I hate talking in groups as it really affects my hearing and I end up just hearing noise. I would much rather be on my own most of the time. As for behaviour, I like to sing and jig about, dancing etc, or I may spend a lot of time thinking of funny things in my head and then laughing. I have been told I can be inappropriate, maybe even rude, but it is never intentional. It’s sad that I want to be tested, not because of me, but because I hope, once diagnosed, people might just try and understand me a bit better. It’s a hard life and as you said, masking is exhausting.

[@rebeccamay6420]

❤😊 You remind me of both myself and my husband. I recently figured out that I'm Autistic with ADHD Inattentive, and the more I learn about the experiences of others, the more I see such traits in my husband who would be hard-pressed to believe that he could possibly be autistic -- because he hasn't gotten curious enough to learn about it yet. It's often the least informed who raise the loudest opinions and objections. 😉

[@biaberg3448]

@@rebeccamay6420 This is exactly my life.

[@GlimpseInside]

Not officially diagnosed....yet..not sure I'm ready. I did take 3 tests that I read are given as part of an evaluation & they all state I have neurodivergence & symptoms clinically significant for ASD. Your videos help me feel a little less weird & that means a lot to me! Thank you! ❤

[@annelogston]

I’m 62, diagnosed at 60, and my experience has been almost identical to yours. What I’ve now learned is sensory processing disorder (on top of ASD) has been my biggest challenge all my life. It does take a very special kind of person to get and stay close to us! My poor husband has been often confounded but always supportive for 37 years so far, and I have a few dear friends I’ve known even longer.

[@chriscohlmeyer4735]

Questions upon questions, I'm not too bad with this as an adult but up to high school trying to write a report on some subject took me a long time as I'd have ten versions in my head - select a starting sentence that would sometimes come up with options to finish the sentence - ten new versions of the report - select the next sentence that might change mid sentence - repeat again and again - meanwhile, an ambulance goes past, a truck rumbles past, birds are chirping, mom "why aren't you finished yet", the furnace kicks in, a brother runs up the stairs... I need to read what I have done to reset where I am in the report, yeah I hated writing reports as my ADHD part wanted to be outdoors doing other things.

[@aylan.6212]

Same, man. Right now, 47 years old trying to finish a degree. I love writing but being told what to write on and citing a bunch of research stuff has been tortuous.

[@plainmarienc]

Like lesson planning! That is no easy task, while I try to include six different things, then change my mind and go on a completely different direction. Sigh.

[@monaami555]

I don't know if I am autistic. I actually like to be in a group of people, because then I can totally switch off and just observe. Not sure if this helps making friends, but is a very low effort way of socializing :D Best if it is a group which is okay with people leaving without saying bye (drunk groups are best for that).

[@jenedraws]

I relate to this so much. Especially the being so tired all the time… existing is so exhausting. It’s all just too much.

[@davekendall9749]

You have made a nice calm video very watchable. Scary what some people hear ! lights, fridges phone charger yes even a mouse nibbling down stairs, a moth stuck in alight fitting, a Gnat buzzing in the bedroom drives me nuts. But living in the countryside is better than the towns. I have good friends that I speak to once a year or so too. The tiredness is nearly all the time yet my brain still needs information .

[@peekaboo7424]

I just did my first ABAS & I’m hopefully on my way to a late adult autism assessment. Wish me luck 🍀

[@cannymoose]

I cried throughout this video, because was so me. I wasnt diagnosed till 48 but very harshly 'trained' to behave normally. So i cried alot because it was both so the inside of me and also relief that someone can express it and now people can be themselves.

[@GlenHunt]

OMG I tell people that for me nothing is in the background, that literally everything is in the foreground, and anything in the foreground demands attention. Then I have to prove it by bringing up something that's been bugging me that they didn't notice until I just mentioned it. Then they can't unhear/unsee/unsmell/unfeel it. You are the only other person I've heard express that, too.

[@medeacassandralogos]

I relate with all these symptoms except for the diarrhea and the sounds. The tiredness is making me fall asleep very easily, i have physical pain from too much physical movements, i would have not been able to carry 50 boxes without fainting, but i would have understood what was implied by the person that had recent surgery. I spend all my time accumulating informations in order to mask efficiently and never be caught off guards but i'm absolutely not able to work a daily job at all, i have no friends and i have no desire to have friends because i find most people too much intellectually limited, their selfish point of view about anything in the world makes me extremely mad at them. Smells... I hate bad smells, specially cigarette smoke, all kind of smoke except for natural incense, essential oils and perfumes, i love these because i know they're not unhealthy.

[@cynthiaroark1778]

Yes! I get terrible headaches from certain sensory stimuli. Migraines with vomiting, that can last for days and wipe me out. Glad you mentioned headaches! Also, feeling tired from having to mask.

[@fhf3223]

Oh my god! that was me in the teacher's room. I still teach but only as a remote teacher nowadays. Back then, people would enter the teacher's room that in this occasion was an awful cubicle to be surprised by me in a dark room, sitting in the corner, eyes open, staring at them. "Why the heck are you there in the dark corner alone?"

[@Jwalker76]

I don't have sensitive hearing, but my eyes are very light sensitive. People think im mad when its pouring rain and im there with my sun glasses on. Do you know what happens when you are driving in the rain and then the rain stops and the sun comes out? The light reflects off everything thats wet and i get blinded. And it is very disabling.

[@rebeccamay6420]

I've worn sunglasses to drive at night. Street lamps and oncoming headlights can be blinding during a migraine and when it's raining too.

[@Jwalker76]

@rebeccamay6420 yes headlights at night can be very annoying especially high beams. I havnt driven at night with sun glasses on but I'm very new to the whole autism thing. So would consider doing it in the future.

[@elliebettridge3772]

Your videos are so good. It's always good too to see another autistic person who speaks with emotion in their voice. I had been upset about a lack of friends lately a LOT and you've helped me feel less embarrassed/guilty about this. Thank you. Oh PS: I have that same fidget toy, the ice cube. I love it.

[@iambazii]

I resonated with everything you said in this video. I've experienced all of these different aspects throughout my entire life so far. I've been on my own journey in regards to autism, and I'm now at a place where I feel very strongly that I identify with being autistic. I'm still getting used to it, so this video really helped a lot. Thank you

[@Cpj901]

This is one of the best videos I’ve watched! I’m coming round to the idea that I may have autism as well as ADHD and you are describing me. Thank you!

[@ChrisandDebby]

Awesome!! You’re very welcome!!

[@SunshineGrove04]

I feel you.. the overstimulation with many people.. I wanna put my hands over my ears and run!! Going home home under blankets!! Best self care!!!🙌🙌

[@NatalieLavoie-fr9nu]

thanks for this i liked your calmness and not over stimulating editing

[@barilian]

When you said that your friend responded with "what sound?" I immediately remembered a lot of situation in which that had happened to me and I'd just shut up so people didn't say I'm overreacting.

[@ChrisandDebby]

I have definitely been in your situation too 😬

[@SunshineGrove04]

As for air conditioning … OMG.. I wanna lose iit!! 😤 Stress headaches about gatherings. And I feel you. Regarding the utter anxiety to just get to the outting. It’s horrible!! And the noise of neighbors dropping stuff off trust me I have a kid above me and I don’t know how he’s was let into this building.. well I also deal with fibromyalgia so.. I wanna SNAP!!!

[@rebeccamay6420]

As I'm watching this, I'm muttering enthusiastically toward the empty chair where hubby usually sits -- he was out of the house at the moment -- "Do you have ANY Idea How Autistic You Are?!" I only figured out in my late 40s that I have the AuDHD Inattentive Combo (the more the merrier?), which explains why I've struggled my whole life and no one picked up that there was any good reason why "Not working to potential" and "Not finishing class work" kept appearing on my report cards. And through it all, I've also acquired Chronic PTSD, which was having a negative impact on my marriage. So, as I continue to learn that I'm "The Other Kind of Normal," I'm healing nearly 5 decades of masking, among other side effects, and I'm recognizing a same-but-different combination in my husband's behavior. I think he and Chris would get along great ... except for the sensory seeking aspect that reels my hubby into noisy sporting events, whether on TV or at the stadium/arena, esp hockey. I recently started using "Calmer" ear inserts for knocking the ouch out of common everyday sounds, and also headphones for muffling or canceling excess noise. I wish I had been diagnosed earlier in life and experienced the benefits of resonance dampers and noise mufflers. 😊 "Calmers" are comparable to adding furniture to an empty bare-floor room. For anyone who doesn't know what it's like to Literally Feel Sound in your inner ears: Have you ever had a droplet of water pull a "Luke Skywalker vs the Death Star" and shoot into your ear and smack you square on the ear drum? It kinda hurts? Now try living with a constant barrage of slightly softer impacts All Friggin' Day Long! Every crackle from candy wrappers and paper bags are torture! The clinking of a spoon stirring against a ceramic coffee mug is agonizing! Insert Calmers -- 😮 Noise Doesn't Have to Hurt! 😂🥹🤗 I should write a script for an ad! 📝🤓

[@Flopsi80]

I use noise cancelling headphones every day, most of the day, since I buyed them two years before. And I have custom made silicone ear plugs even longer. I wear them for sleeping and when I go for a walk with my dog. I really wish I had them all my life. So important for me, I couldn't live without them any more! I have AuDHD and migraines and I am getting panic attacks if spontanious or loud noises happen.

[@Oran_Lee]

The long time without contact with friends is a HUGE problem for me. Some have gotten _SOOO_ angry with me it’s hurt our relationship. I still don’t know if I’m on the spectrum but in listening to you and many others here on YT I really feel I am. Masking, the nerves you were talking about where you had to cancel 15 minutes before meeting up with people, my brain, like yours, needing time to process what others say or what questions they ask of me (or things in general for me), not getting the implications of what someone else is saying (maybe “not reading between the lines”?), etc. etc. and so on. Just so many people examples cause me to think I am definitely on the spectrum. And boy do people think I am friggin weird! I have always felt like an alien. I’ve always said that. I spend a TON of time alone to, as I call it, “Recharge my batteries.” I get overstimulated so much from so little that I have to have my down time to myself - my fiancée, who, as her and I both believe is on the spectrum too, just doesn’t get how I need downtime/alone time even from her. It makes me feel bad, but that’s the way I am. 🤷‍♂️

[@jumbolumps666]

Us getting blamed for a lapse in communication doesn't make sense to me. Why does the other person, who also didn't reach out to me, decide that I'm to blame for us not being in touch? The phone works both ways!

[@Oran_Lee]

@@jumbolumps666 Exactly! And thank you. One of my absolute closest friends of 34 years, started reaching out to me again recently so I am very happy about that. But here’s the thing: I had a long time substance abuse problem that he always wanted to see me get help for. He used to call me a little _too_ much; meaning, there would be times I was “under the weather” from being out of my mind for nearly a week spent partying my butt off. So he’d call me and we’d be on the phone for 3 hours almost every night. And saying this makes me feel like the worst person in the entire world. But there are times when a person like me, who _hates_ the telephone that every single night, especially when I have a fiancée to pay attention to, we’ll, it gets to be too much. But my disliking the phone stems from a horrible experience from when I was just 9 yrs old that I swear still bothers me to this day. I also heard and totally related to how some people on the spectrum would much rather _see_ the person because we feel more comfortable being able to see people’s faces and gauge their reactions. Wow, could I relate to that. Anyway, fast forwarding here: I got clean and sober 5.5 years ago. As I alluded to, I hear from him in text now - I don’t have to be the one to reach out all the time. But he seemed to have stopped reaching out to me due to all the times I didn’t pick up the phone cause I was either hungover, partied out and recovering, or I simply needed a break from the phone. Despite the fact that I got help for my addictions, I didn’t hear a thing from him. To me, that made absolutely NO SENSE whatsoever. Why punish me then when I was getting help? And he knew I was getting help because I texted him. And I would always be the one to reach out or else an entire year or two would go by without a word from him. That really hurt me because I thought, here I am doing the very thing that he wanted to see me to do because he missed the old, real version of myself. But I thought he’s either being petty and holding all the times I didn’t call him or get back to his texts, thinking, “He’s not even reaching out to me and apparently he doesn’t even care because of me not returning every phone call. Btw, just so you know I am in fact a great friend and not being some selfish a-hole to my buddy: He has known for our entire, now, 34 year-long friendship that I have a terrible fear of the phone (which, as it turns out, can be a major problem for people on the spectrum - that only reinforced my belief that I am on the spectrum). I get anxiety and at times full-blown panic attacks from the phone. Being on it, or even just hearing it ring will cause my anxiety attacks. It’s a nightmare. If it were the other way around I’d be calling and telling him how proud I am of him, going over to each other’s houses, etc. making sure he’s okay, or if he needs anything or anyone. But that’s just the way I am. And I rarely “keep score” over how many times I am the one who reaches out (almost ALWAYS through text) unless it becomes _really_ bad. But we are hanging out very soon and I’m going to be honest as always and just tell him everything that’s been on my mind. I’m brutally honest, but always kind. I just want him to know what a I’ve been through these last 5.5 years with my sober journey and that it really upset me that I didn’t have him with me, hanging out and just going along for the ride with me. Especially when certain “in-laws” of mine didn’t give a F. That’s not at all cool to do to a friend and I sure as hell wouldn’t have done that to him. He should think of it this way: Be happy that I’m even still here to text or call and talk to. I have no idea how people even think the way they do sometimes. So I know what it’s like for you and I empathize with what you experience, at least in many ways. I could give other examples of things I’ve experienced but I wanted to tell you that one as you seem to really know what I’m talking about. I have to ask you, because I’m confused and not sure what to do: Did a doctor diagnose you? Or do you just know, as I feel I know, that you have no doubt you are definitely on the spectrum? Also, are there any actual foolproof, reliable online tests that can help you know whether you’re on the spectrum or not? Thanks for responding. You made me feel better by knowing someone out there not only can relate to me, but so kindly took the time to respond to me. Thank you so much for your response and your kindness and for sharing your thoughts and observations, my friend. It’s very much appreciated 🙏

[@rjparker2414]

Chris, thanks so much for your non-verbal descriptive sounds, often mid-sentence. They make total sense to (non-linguistic aspects of) my ASD/ ADHD brain!

[@ChrisandDebby]

You’re very welcome! I’m glad you enjoyed ☺️

[@joan.nao1246]

Look up ASD vs NT brain processing imagery - explains (in color 😁) some of our fatigue. Also, the over stimulated suffocation sensation is LEGIT 😨

[@Varenyam86]

From which channel? I can't find it 😅

[@joan.nao1246]

I just googled images of ASD/ND vs NT brain activity/scans, I can't say any particular ones are best, yet there are quite a few educ sites 😊​@@Varenyam86

[@joan.nao1246]

​@@Varenyam86my earlier reply was deleted? I found many excellent images online, not on YT 😊

[@julesonthebeach777]

Wow! You described my experience so well. This video is so validating. Lol! I couldn’t do staff rooms at schools either. I’d hide out in a dark, quiet room too. Being autistic is exhausting. Thanks for your video!

[@taghiabiri3489]

All of the sings. 54, diagnosed two months ago. Your videos are the best! Greetings from Switzerland

[@christannewman7634]

Does anyone else struggle to fall asleep if they can hear the "ticking" of a clock or the sound of someone else breathing? Like not snoring, but just breathing kinda loudly....

[@glapistola]

Hello, my twin brother! I loved this video, too. And, for me, that's the best channel about AUTISM. You're so funny! Besides, your wife just must be an angel to support your in this and remain helping you all the time! Debby, there should be more people like you in the world! Over here, in Brazil, we're away to far from being friends with autistic fellas like me. We're still struggling, but we'll get there! Thank you guys for the service! ❤

[@nancyzehr3679]

hanging around w a groups of people? ive never been asked to join a group of people to hang out. and then yah. i couldnt anyway.

[@KatieBowerbank]

I am undiagnosed and almost 43. I have masked pretty well, but present my authentic self now that I know that I am on the spectrum. I can't stand loud noises, bright lights hurt my head and eyes, especially blue lights. I still have stims from childhood and I still need that input to feel calm and safe. I can only socialize in small groups and get overwhelmed when people demand my time, I push them away and choose to not interact with them. I have a child with epilepsy and she may be autistic too. So it can be a real challenge at times, and my alone time is prized for me.

[@Sinted]

My wife and I both found out we’re autistic recently - bit of a surprise to us both, but also ultimately not really much of a surprise when we started thinking about it. One of the nice things about our relationship is we have different strengths and weaknesses. I’m easily overwhelmed by sounds (grocery stores are a particular hell) but I can locate and identify any sound quickly and easily. So if she’s bothered by something I can almost always recognize it, identify it, and tell her where it’s at. It’s a nice little arrangement that kept us going for years - it just sucks when we’re both bad at something lol

[@TheBuburbayi]

And I’m happy here listening to you narrating my life.

[@lrwiersum]

Had a huge family blow out. I was convinced I had done something terribly wrong but was too dense to see it. I had a long talk with my daughter and she explained things. The freak out had nothing to do with me. I might have said the wrong thing that set a chain of events in motion but the situation was already irredeemable and I didn’t see THAT either !!

[@jenessalarge7621]

I've worked in classrooms with the most annoying noises in the background. Ot does my head in! At the moment my new classroom has a really loud air-conditioner. It just hums, but after a while I hate it! I also used to hate so many TV noises but thankfully these modern ones are much quieter.

[@LynnieLovesJinyoung]

I'm the first. Thank for this video it really helped me a lot to understand autism better. I can especially relate to number one, having zero friends

[@XeaRae]

This is incredibly relatable. Every last bit of it. Thank you 🙏

[@beautifullifesageg.3951]

I just found your channel this morning, before I head out to teach my 2nd grade class in an urban elementary school. Talk about SOUNDS AND NOISE! Although I’ve known I’m autistic for about 6 months (I’m 54), and have watched many videos to help me understand myself, THIS video gave me SO MUCH COMFORT and JOY bc your delivery was friendly, compassionate, funny, and real. I just subscribed and look forward to making this channel a part of my daily ALONE time. ❤🙏💯☀️

[@nancythecat1079]

This is so informative. Thank you so much!

[@KellyRVaden]

I found this video incredibly relatable, and kept shaking my head and shouting "yes!" This is exactly how I experience the world. Thank you for making this!

[@ChrisandDebby]

Yes, that’s what we are hoping for! Glad it connected with your experiences too

[@TheVOLTAGEVIDEOS]

I hear things that others do not. And they can be disturbing. Around people, my husband hates it when I cover an ear to hear him better. I just can't get the noise out sometimes. And yup, never really had many friends. I also believe that I gravitate more toward people that are more like me. I think all 4 of us kids have autistic traits. One diagnosed with ADHD in his 40s, probably 20 years ago! So much more is known now. Thank you for the video

[@PhilipWatson]

oh wow, nice to hear you were also a teacher. I found out I was autistic last November. I was teaching middle schools grades 6 - 8 and wondering why I was having so many meltdowns and problems. Thankfully now I am out of that situation! It's so nice to understand limitations. Teaching middle school is definitely not a good situation for an autistic person, lol

[@cherylyoke4872]

Right, that’s so true. Yet I did it and was so stressed out for so many years. Just before I retired people kept asking me what I was going to do when I retired….I said, “SLEEP.” And I did, just that. I found I am someone who needs 10 hours of sleep.😊

[@essencewithin5978]

Congratulations for getting out in time. I, too, worked as a teacher. For about 15 years (I taught 10 to 18 year-olds plus evening classes for adults). I got diagnosed late (in my 40s) and was advised to find a different career, one with less social interaction. I wasn't brave enough to give up a job that I had worked very hard for, that was absolutely secure and paid well. I ended up with a severe burnout, anxiety and depression and was unable to work for almost two years. During that time I finally decided not to go back to teaching. Best decision of my life!

[@rjparker2414]

I was a teacher too, and overall enjoyed interaction with middle and high school students. Staff, and administration (especially meetings) were very taxing, though. I mostly stayed in my classroom, but left doors open for students who needed a "time out" from social interaction, or an escape from being bullied. Being fragrance sensitive, I demanded no strong fragrances in class... and one boy (wearing heavy "Axe" cologne after gym class) was required to do his work on a bench outside class - so I could focus (and other students learned respect for differences) - though I regularly went outside to touch base with him. Reduced socialization, as a consequence, was a strong lesson, for him. However, I later found that substitute teaching was preferable, as I could decline challenging assignments, or if I was having a burn-out day - could rest at home.

[@PhilipWatson]

@@rjparker2414 That's actually a great idea. It pays less, but at least there is more flexibility.

[@rjparker2414]

@@PhilipWatson Much more flexibility, and good teachers discover that you can follow a lesson plan (which apparently isn't true of many subs), so they call you in advance - making the class/ teacher/ environment familiar, more routine, and thereby enjoyable (hopefully). I kept a log book, and noted good teachers - as well as a few "never again" (which I declined jobs for).

[@starflower703]

This was so helpful and explains so much! Thank you 🙏

[@Jeremus717]

I don't necessarily struggle with the machine noise. I play a lot of video games and that kind of thing doesn't generally bother me. But I just lose my mind if someone is playing bass music that I can feel or hear even through a wall from a block over, and don't get me started on barking dogs left outside.

[@holyjolokia]

Yes.. so true thank you for summarizing this

[@RobertJene]

nice editing, and the effects aren't every 3 seconds like some youtubers, I appreciate that