5 shocking things narcissists do that you NEVER saw coming

[@sharonducci7089]

How about the narcissist you’re married to for over 18 years that pretty much dismisses that you even exist but treat everyone including the waitresses with such respect and kindness

[@lilyolive2669]

That’s why I divorced mine after 14 years and with a baby. Up to this day he had never asked me for forgiveness nor acknowledges the emotional damage, etc. He did to me, and I’m sure he never will. That’s why I “think” I have forgiven him, I just have not forgiven myself for putting up for so long.

[@SJHsolutions]

This is me… 28 years, but today 23 months divorced. Covert narcissist is mind blowing!!

[@danaspielbusch4610]

My ex father in law

[@SJHsolutions]

@@lilyolive2669 I can so relate to this

[@lilyolive2669]

@@SJHsolutions Be happy and God Bless You!

[@Davinblatan1956]

They are fake and shallow inside. Leave them alone if you can and focus on your life as much as you can ❤

[@lillie3289]

Yes alone! Amen to that😢

[@lauragrolla5916]

An apology is just a delaying tactic. It’s strategic. It buys them time and confusion.

[@trussme3210]

I love when they do the real nice fauxpology and then I poke around in it and resurrect the rage so everyone can see how fake it was. This is a former "friend" so it's easier to walk away from the rage and abuse. I wouldn't recommend it if the person is very close to you and you can't get away.

[@MissSandyC]

@@trussme3210 I've actually done that too with a "friend" - ask them questions that they can't answer without giving themselves away. I didn't experience the 'rage' aspect of it but I did experience the flying monkey aspect of it and the talking behind the back thing that they do.

[@Theantinarc]

Yes you can see it's empty in their face and eyes and then no follow through in changed behavior.

[@437Colie]

@lauragrolla5916 gives them more time to groom supply that's waiting for your exit. Hes devaluing you to her / him just like they did to us. Always the victim & everyone else is at fault. It'd like they all are on repeat. So boring & it's gets old

[@chimera788]

A few months ago, I had a narcissist corner me, and then scream in my face for about 15 mins in front of a group of people. She called me names, said everyone in my life hates me and thinks I'm a joke (went on to list all of the people she knows are important in my life). Why? Months beforehand she overstepped the boundaries of my relationship so I let her know. The narcissistic rage, triggered by nothing but brewing for months, is something that is truly terrifying.

[@elizabethstarrivytech7817]

They do a "fake" apology to just try to keep you on the string. The minimum. A breadcrumb.

[@Makingmovesfromhome]

It is part of the “love-bombing” that fades over time and then you become the villain and they eventually turn on you.

[@sushmayen]

Now I'm not shocked by anything they say or do. I only think..oh I should have seen that coming..

[@litakanitz5898]

But I still get shocked

[@lindamcwilliams9056]

You got that right.

[@Felix4art192]

What?

[@retro51fan]

I was stunned by the level of rage (I later learned it's called "narcissistic rage") the first time I encountered it. Scary stuff.

[@tammydietschweiler7852]

It really is scary, I’ve lived with it for many years. I think he’s too old to keep going on like this, but he’s never or rarely nice to me. If you can leave, run! I’m old and stayed too long and have no way out. My best to you.

[@retro51fan]

@@tammydietschweiler7852 Thank you. Fortunately, I was discarded by my narcissist -- it hurt like hell but now I know I was lucky to get out of there -- and then (again, fortunately) resisted being hoovered...twice. Sending best wishes to you.

[@anthonystevens-gm6uh]

@@tammydietschweiler7852God give you courage and strength

[@harmonyvaneaton4101]

Terrifying.

[@lolxd9396]

I have radically accepted the fact that I am surrounded by narcissistic folks and I can only find a safe way to work around them or if possible avoid them, depending on my cicumstances. Thank you Ramani. 🙏☺

[@saririkallpa1311]

I never understood the shame I have always felt, now I know it comes from how my parents acted with other people, now I understand. Also be ignore by someone i though I loved and see this person treat others in my presence so nicely, feeling ashamed and invisible.

[@APS-fq8oz]

I haven’t ever had an apology. Their awful abusive behaviour is never discussed. They only hold grudges themselves.

[@Amber34355]

The psychopath I met treats his friends badly, except me (which baffled me), but it was only a matter of time before he started treating me super badly too.

[@nugget6635]

They are novelty seekers.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Yes serial killers will treat their wife great. Watched on true crime or something. The wife was clueless ..😢

[@yuu_miran]

Its always the matter of time…

[@pseudopuppy160]

So.... you saw all the warning signs he was an arse, & chose to stay...? Is that correct?

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@@pseudopuppy160 I had a friend and she was evil. I put up with her crap and knew she was bad to others. But I thought I was the exception. This is before what I knew what narcissism was. I was easily manipulated by her. I had to let her go and it broke my heart. I just thought I was the exception. Good question, I hope you don’t mind me answering it.

[@l.5832]

I had a boss that was nice to me because I made the most sales, and she was brutal with other staff. I had thought that I had earned the woman's respect and that's why she treated me well but I discovered otherwise. I am not one to stand by when I witness abuse so after she made a young staff member cry in front of customers, I cornered her in the back room and simply told her "I do NOT like to see my coworkers cry". Boss looked daggers at me. From then on she picked a new 'favourite employee but not before calling a staff meeting and falsely accusing me of something she herself had done. I quit and got a much better job. I wish I had quit much much sooner. It only gets worse with these creatures. And as soon as you establish a boundary, they will call YOU a narcissist.

[@ho8097]

0:16 - They are horrible to others but nice to you 14:21 - They want to stay friends after a breakup 19:53 - They say they are sorry 29:39 - They say they are a narcissist 38:44 - They call you a narcissist

[@FunkyVibesStore]

Am friends with a my exes but when the narc asked for a friendship, i declined that offer on the spot and I didn't even know what NPD is. Now am so proud of myself right there. Psychotic is when someone wants your friendship yet they treated you horribly

[@fillistine]

"I was told I owe you an apology" My supervisor who wrongly accused me of leaving work early, and I reported her and told them to check the cameras

[@AutisticKecil]

My mother issued an 'apology' via my brother. A generic 'sorry things didn't work out' fauxpology. And a free lecture from my brother about how brave that was of her, and how difficult it was fór her.

[@clairehinkley4299]

Being the golden child can bring a lot of guilt. And then no one else in family likes you 😞

[@juliezuvela8865]

They call you a narcissist....Dr Ramani Thank you so much for this part of the video.... I've been struggling with this for over a year. Thank you so much for shedding a light on this. God bless

[@cats4811]

Feeling relieved but panicked. You just described him to a t.

[@anthonystevens-gm6uh]

You got this Don’t gas light yourself

[@jrr2045]

My ex did actually apologize using 'I' statements. But not until I had left him. And he was vague. "Sorry I ruined everything ". And he didn't commit to making any changes. And anyway. The apology didn't mean anything to me. I would not have believed him even if he gave a perfect apology. Because he has apologized a bunch over the years and never changes his behavior. So I have realized that I will believe him when I see long term, genuine hard fought positive change. I'll never go back though. That ship has sailed.

[@carolann4087]

My ex-husband and I were at the point of divorce. The marriage was over and he couldn't accept it. I told him I was not willing to try "another" couples therapist and let's just call it quits. So he decided to go to therapy himself. It was apparent to me that the therapist suggested to him to use "I feel" statements during communication so that it doesn't attack the other person., but he didn't get it quite right. This is what he came up with, he said to me "I feel,,,,that YOU'RE a bitch!" I couldn't help it, but I laughed so hard at that.

[@yolondagoode9656]

My ex just said....." I'm sorry for whatever I did"...... Wow,so glad I left!

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

In narcissistic relationships I always wonder what is the supply they are getting??

[@QX-xq5uj]

Great! My Ex said "I'm sorry for everything I did to you that hurt you" but he could not name anything specifically... I'm sooo glad I don't have to deal with his lies and eintitlement anymore! Take care and live your life happily🙏🏻🩷

[@CuriousBirds]

My ex would apologize for having admitted a truth, and was unable to maintain any commitments otherwise that inolved acknowledement or improving our relationship with each other. He was covert, and mpstly passive-aggressive. Almost every thing he accused me of was exactly what he was doing, or was a preconceived notion about me or a personal judgement about my tolerance level. Leaving was extremely difficult to do with special needs children, both influenced by similar shameful and blaming behavior previously witnessed. The setup was unbearable, and had a lot to do with why I left when I did, just wish I could have gotten out sooner. There was also the financial abuse issue...a strong deterrent. Nothing I did was ever good enough, and when I was happy he just had to pile on more responsibilities so that I was never in balance.

[@MissSandyC]

I've seen that happen where the narc actually told me how he treated others and then told me that he'd NEVER treat me like that. I said to him, "but it's in you - what makes me so special" yet I stayed. And I was right - what a pos he was after a time! Thankfully, I walked away.

[@carolfield2760]

Oh yeah, I've heard that one! I'd never do that to you. That was a flat out lie.

[@EveningTV]

The exact opposite of my experience. They wanted everyone to think they were great and talked about people behind their backs, but the kids and I were the only ones who saw behind the mask. He wanted everyone to believe I was the problem. Also, when he was diagnosed with ASPD and NPD and called a malignant narcissist/sociopath to his face by our therapist didn't bother him in the least.

[@b8akaratn]

"If they do it with you, they'll do it TO you." This is a statement often used in terms of cheating, but it might work with this topic, too. It'd be only a matter of time until the chosen one trips into the cross hairs. 😢 And if this is a family of origin context for the dynamic... then siblings even start turning home into Thunderdome ... 😞

[@rayarena879]

In my experience with narcissists, every single time they did it to others, it was only a matter of time before they did it to me. It reminds me of the saying: 'If you see your neighbor's beard on fire, water your own."

[@b8akaratn]

@@rayarena879 That's a good one ... Sounds biblical! 🙂☺️ (It's a Sunday, today) 🙏💙❣️

[@rayarena879]

@@b8akaratn I don’t know if it’s biblical, but it’s really old and it goes to show that we’ve been plagued by narcs since time immemorial!

[@tijeraslack3]

Thunderdome 😂

[@BeachQueen6420]

Thank you, as always. You truly are a life saver. I hope you know that. After 32 years I’m finally planning my exit right now. I always knew that something wasn’t right, but could never put my finger on it. The confusion and brain fog has been the hardest thing to overcome. Thanks to channels like yours I can finally understand what I’m dealing with, put a name to it and move forward.

[@dianbedggood8361]

Never had a sincere apology. 35 years😊

[@nugget6635]

Horrible to others but nice to you might mean that they are love bombing you.

[@marieproto1269]

Might mean they want your money!

[@margaretsavdie2378]

Thank you dr Ramani, I learn from every episode you posted, please people do not stoop to their level by sending a nasty message back, they will project all their problems to you in a worse message. Please do not respond, ignore, do not lose your temper like I did. Read dr Ramani’s book twice, she is amazing and a big help to me but still learning not to react .

[@carolgarrett9479]

What is the name of Dr. Ramani's book?

[@lindac6919]

Dr Ramani, you are a MACHINE! You keep delivering valuable contents. I'm so grateful for the good work you do in the world. And when I see Narkys in the comment threads, I enjoy bashing them. 🏏

[@sparkygump]

I so wish I knew this 40 years ago.

[@en2995]

I'm sure you did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. Unfortunately some of us go through this torture, and I'm sorry you endured that. Stay strong

[@Valerie-h3t]

50 for me, and still counting 😢😢😢

[@bereal6590]

I think all us older gens do. I know I do, it was have saved my health.

[@paulledet6630]

Me too

[@christinadennis1223]

Sending love to you and of course Dr Ramani who keeps this subject in the light ❤

[@cats4811]

Just left a narsistic man.

[@en2995]

That's a brave thing to do 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 stay strong though the post separation abuse ❤

[@christinesalyer600]

👏👏💚👍😘you go, girl! Stay strong 💪

[@piggy310]

Did he lose a narcissistic woman?

[@the.toxic.phoenix]

O M G the apology bit about 20 minutes in... That's what kept me in it so long... After 2-3 hours he'd back track and make a generic apology - an apology that I now know wasn't a genuine healthy apology. Then he'd say I never said sorry and he did so I was the "bad" one! The word "sorry" kept me there, even though he'd do the exact same thing afghan the next day / week / month... this stuff should be taught in school!! It 100% smoothed over enough to keep me there... 😢

[@trussme3210]

I LOVE that ending!! 🤣🤣 Using their own BS to manipulate them is the best.

[@Doesntmatter20]

My narcissistic mother has NEVER apologized … neither did my narcissistic mother in law. With my mother it escalated as i got married but I have no contact since 2020 and feel so so free! ❤

[@DominieRobinson]

The one I am dealing with sizes people up. figures out what they need, craftily morphs himself into whatEver it is they need, poses as their "savior" relishes in the adoring grattitude, but became vindictiveand covertly retaliatory as soon as they didn't cowtow or bow down to whatever it was he thought he 'needed' in the moment . For me , it was confusing as all hell and mindfukery to the Extreme !

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

My daughter’s bff narc friend. Turned my daughter against me, controls her. And I sit back and see right through the narcissist it’s maddening!

[@rainbowzebraunicornpegasus2962]

Oh, they may be being nice to your face, but behind your back, they are talking yeah about you. Guaranteed!

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

My friend is well to do. Her father bought her a home in the same neighborhood as doctors and lawyers. For 5 years her x narc wants to come back. They do have a child. It took forever for me to explain to her- he has always had his eyes on her money. Finally she caught on! Narc was like a pit bull won’t let loose. She finally got a good lawyer involved! Yes, I remember feeling shame when my narc father mistreated others. It was awful! It’s crazy being raised in this mess.

[@sharonharris9203]

Yes, our sister had made an apology years ago, it was BS; she didn't mean a word of it. Also, in the same incident, she disrespected our granddaughter and apologized about it, our daughter called her out on it, years later she had texted our only other living sibling on a group text and said that our daughter cursed her out, which she knows isn't true, so she did the smear campaign on our daughter, she's been blocked by me, now she's playing our sister has blocked me sympathy card to our relatives. I refuse to go to any function that she is going to be at, except for 2 important functions coming up. She even had the Gaul to friend request our daughter and me. She is still doing despicable things behind the scenes. And to think we came from the same mother.🤔

[@QX-xq5uj]

I can relate to your description of "feeling like in a fairy tale" the first months of the relationship with my Ex as I found out from his collegues at his practice how badly he was treating them. One after the other they came to me and told me that he was a bad boss because he could never really accept other opinions and it was impossible to give feedback because he never cared about anything except his great image in front of his patients! As he asked me to work at his practice to help out because 3 of them quit their jobs, I said he should first plan a professional supervision to improve his approach. OMG! He raged at me like in hell and did not admit ANY responsability at all for his behavior.

[@AngieSainty]

I hope you didn't end up working for him. :(

[@QX-xq5uj]

@@AngieSainty I 'm ashamed to say yes I did, but soon I began to suspect that something was really wrong with him. At that time I hadn't aknowledged that he had at least 7 of the 9 traits of Narcissism. And now I know from Dr. Ramani that specially the covert N. can be extremely charming, charismatic and performs as though he would really love you! I just didn't want to admit his dark side because I loved him. Now I know it was the traumabond that kept me stuck so long. But my participation in his practice was not long, only a few months. I noticed very soon that he flirted with his favorite patients and he turned the story around to blame me of being too jealous. As I could manage with it and was not jealous anymore, then he began with triangulation to get me to feel bad again and told me about beautiful attributes that a couple of his patients had. I called him out on his mean behavior and he denied everything. Until I found a shelf with many love letters, lovecards and gifts from some of his patients. He had kept them as trophees! He raged at me and turned into a monster. I could not recognize the man I loved in him anymore. I moved out and after 4 times that he could hoover me back including "going to therapy" he could not even admit that he had lied the whole time. I'm now healing after almost 2 years since I have no contact. But I had to move to another country. He stalked me 7 months in many ways and I just couldn't live there in peace anymore. If you are away now, keep safe! I wish you the best. It's a long process but our peace of mind after such abuse is worth it! 🌟

[@AngieSainty]

@@QX-xq5uj Don't be ashamed. It is his shame, not yours. You loved him and he devalued you. I am so glad you got away. Namaste' ❤

[@xXSamFisher24Xx]

My god that bit at 9:50 gave me shivers. I’ve been watching you for quite some time now and I almost felt like you were speaking to me personally. It’s an understatement to say that their past nice treatment of you makes it morally difficult to go no contact once that proverbial cannon is finally turned onto you. The best support I found was in the people who had been scourged before me… it seemed all along they knew about the behaviour but they were tolerating it for me until the day I discovered it for myself and came into my own.

[@SharonKingston-v3f]

Fake Apologies from Family Members for years ! Zero change in Abusive Behaviour! “No Contact” nearly 5 years ❤❤ I changed my Behaviour 🥰❤ Brilliant Video Dr Ramani ❤ Thank You ❤

[@CharitySarenasHirosato]

He said , I’m sorry for whatever it is”. That’s the apology that I got!

[@ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox]

Love your ending you are absolutely right. I've lived that projection and going through it today. Thanks again.

[@VirginiaHartwick]

Thanks again for your clear breakdown of narcissism. Beyond words the safety I feel knowing this information. Knowledge is really empowering 💯

[@grnmtns1]

On the subject of apologies: I asked him to open a large jar of pickles, since my hands weren't strong enough. He looked at me expressionlessly and remarked, "I could wring your neck as easy as opening that jar of pickles." I thought he may have had a mild stroke, but later when I asked about it to see if he remembered, he said, "It may have been a poor choice of words," and he meant to say 'if anyone tried to hurt me, he'd wring their neck.' Convoluted back-pedaling! I now think he just forgot to filter how he really feels about me. That was eight years ago and it still hurts.

[@janiceeastman2610]

That’s really scary how he really meant to intimidate and put fear in you

[@grnmtns1]

@@janiceeastman2610 And entirely apropos of nothing! There would have to be a very high level of hostility for a simple request to open a jar to awaken such homicidal thoughts.

[@cottoncandy807]

A friend did exactly this. I was 25, i did not see her awful behavior at all, i saw that as "She Is nervous" She was almost a Genius, shapeshifed her fake value according to people around her. Than She turned on me, It was like if she was suddenly possesed in a single day the girl i had seen in the morning was not existing in her body and She looked and felt like someone else. It freaked me out because as she changed all my love for her disappeared and i had never stopped loving someone but in years of pain. And i realized She was doing to me what i had seen her doing to every single body but me. I felt quite dumb for not seeing that no matter her excuses She felt entitled and She treated everybody like cr4p. I think I was shocked but when i realized and put the pieces togheter It was not that hard. It was actually useful. When i Met a malignant narcisist (i fall for It too) i knew exactly the game, i would have not believed people like that could be real. But i knew.

[@trussme3210]

This is exactly how I was a grandiose narcissist's flying monkey for 10 years. Aaaaalllllll the way up until he turned on me viciously and then demanded that I just accept his behavior toward me. I felt other people didn't handle him correctly, he had a terrible childhood, yap yap yap, just like all flying monkeys do. When I made some boundaries when he turned on me all hell broke loose. I didn't even know what was happening when he turned on me, I truly thought I was losing my mind. It is thanks to this channel that I figured it out. This guy is a dark triad, most of my family is either grandiose or vulnerable narc and I am deeply empathic. These people ate me up from the inside out for almost 40 years..... and they're aren't taking it kindly that the supply has been turned off.

[@p.w.352]

Being really nice to you, but horrible to others, and the reverse is my life. Yes, they even will pick on small children. Apologies, narcissistic apologies are often transactions. I had one basically say "I regret the past. I forgive you, so I want you to forgive me".

[@susanbradleyskov9179]

Ew, THAT kind of fauxpology.

[@bereal6590]

They seem to only be apologetic in a superficial kind of way and it's dependent on how they are feeling. Even then they don't want to know how you actually feel any details of what happened nor the many other times they've done the same/similar things. Then they just do whatever it his all over again. My mother sees it when others do this but sweeps it under the rug when she has done the same or worse to me. Yesterday she said "I'm sorry" but before she said that she said I've said sorry for that before (I was talking about a different incident), and how it wasn't as bad how she did it as someone else did it. I pushed back and she said sorry, but it felt hollow. No recognition of how it felt for me, that it was a different time nor how eviscerated I'd felt at the time, nor the times she has done it since. She then trotted on with her tale of how much this other woman is going through and how she is trying to help her. It kind of feels hollow and a smack in the face simultaneously. I used to fall for these moments in the past but these shallow understandings just don't cut it anymore because she will hurt me again and she will 'forget' my needs and an apology with zero understanding of what she has done to me means very little at this point. My health has been ruined as a result of how she treated me for decades, her ideas of what I SHOULD do led me to where I am now, because I believed her and when it's all gone wrong she hung me out to dry. Their apologies mean nothing, it's just and blip because they're feeling like it, nothing more nothing less. It's never about the other person.

[@katiesensei6270]

If you witness others being mistreated and are experiencing "moral injury," intervene! Have the courage to say something. Staying silent does make you an enabler and complicit, imo.

[@susanbradleyskov9179]

Not “I’m sorry,” but “I know I’ve treated you badly.” Then I was supposed to comfort them. Then they could treat me badly again, and even claim it couldn’t really be as bad as all that if I could show sympathy, making me into an expected enabler.

[@437Colie]

From the beginning immediately I noticed how horrible he spoke of all his ex's, kids, neighbors, colleagues, parents, siblings, friends, animals etc but the rage was never onto me...until it was. Omg I've never seen anything like these people. This & so many more lessons if you learn the lessons. I realize now to pay attention to what people say act towards others because they are showing you who & what they are capable of. Once they have their eyes set to devalue you the truth of who they are is in full force. Scary part is he's actually a cop & I left the city to get away from him his poor kids, (L.A) & (K.A) and another he never met. These people are so toxic. go No contact & repair

[@Justme-ep3rc]

Attempted to discuss abusive behavior from my dad growing up… he “apologized” but then followed it up with repeatively repeating “it was the only thing that worked!” Then minimized his abuse with “when I tapped you on the head” …talked himself out of that lousy apology. It’s incredibly disappointing having a parent with narcissistic behaviors.

[@donovangray4246]

I have a tough time believing that my mother was unconscious about her treatment of me. She humiliated me and hurt me emotionally until I was in tears. In my childhood whenever she did these things she'd look at me in pain and laugh at me. I don't believe that she had enough of a conscious to feel that what she was doing was harmful. This doesn't even cover the sexual exploitations she put me though as well.

[@cindynimmo]

Apologies mean nothing but should be expressed. Making amends is a great idea but rarely happens and rarely is it enough if the hurt is a grave issue and did lasting damage. The lack of capacity to prevent the mistakes going forward is pretty much all that might make continued relationship of any kind possible. Sometimes the only way to avoid future hurtful things is to stay apart. Keep out of harms way

[@beatlebarb64]

about a year after the discard, Mr. N called to say 'he was sorry if he hurt me'...I've had 4 Hoovers this year - no contact on my end!

[@masterklep]

Yes, my Mom always, even now, apologies formally, like she even doesn't understand what's wrong, but saying that for me to fix our relationship. And I see, she didn't understand anything. Sometimes it helps when I intentionally show her the same behavior mirroring and then say in words that it was the same like she did to me. Actually it looks like I am a teacher for the spoiled child... 🤦 I want to be a daughter not a teacher or mother... 😢

[@Dante-l1l1n]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani!! Your videos have been an eye and heart opener for me. And possibly life saving as well. A few weeks ago, I asked my ex, for once in the last ten years, for empathy and understanding for having been misused (I was 'responsible' for grocery shopping, because of her surgery after she got home, while I myself was in a psych ward). She used all kinds of blameshifting and victim blaming stuff on me. Said things that I never thought she'd ever say. (Call me 'clearly out of my mind', a 'monster' for hurting her, and that I should seek prof. help, wondering whether I was on a psychotic break, etc) Thank gods I was already at a hospital so I could actually *get* help. I don't think I wanna know what would have happened if I wasn't.

[@masterklep]

That's really tricky. It took a lot of time for me to understand that if someone behaves or speaks about others badly it only a matter of time when that person becomes doing same to me... I knew very well how my ex-husband was speaking about other girls but while he was in love with me I was pretty sure that he would never say like that about me. Well, it took only 1,5 - 2 yrs to him to change his attitude to me in a bad way... 😢 Not long at all... Now I see, I could notice all those red flags from the very beginning...

[@shakc8952]

After finding this disorder along with these videos explaing every single thing i dealt with for the last 16y, accurate beyond belief, i now know what i was dealing with. Yet i still obsess over needing it to make sense. I replay it all in a loop, searching for any speck of reason or logic where i know none exsist.. a need to understand how a person could become this. Searching for the deffect that cause me to allow scum in my life and be blind to it, to fight for it, to ignore the plain truths staring in face.

[@lindac6919]

The defect is not in YOU. Narkys are predators, they hunt for and pick on anyone available. Anyone who is the right flavor; anyone who is reachable. They feed on the pain of others, that is their motivation. That's what makes sense to them. If you're in a position where it's hard to get to you, then they move on to the next target. The defect is in the Human Narky who chooses to act like a predator.

[@Bs6223]

These podcast help me to keep the reality of the situation

[@Bs6223]

Many people say dont live in the past, forgive, let it go. For those people. You are living in a alternate universe than those affected by a narcassist. It can be minor and it can alter a persons life. I am not going to stop posting and commenting on the validity of me and how these relationships harmed me. I am not proud of it. I grieve my loss. But that does not mean im unworthy of a life. Giving it all to a narcassist to me is a slow death. I refuse to do. Dr . Ramani thank you. The work you are doing i know is changing lives for the better.

[@amandaostaszewski8520]

I got into this situation with an employer last year. I probably ranted and raved about it on here somewhere in the past 12 months. I knew my boss would eventually turn on me too because I grew up in a wrecked family and have been up close and personal with crazy way too much. Well, she did and it was so hurtful, personal, and cruel. I left my position that day bc I knew it would never get better or back to the love bombing stage. She even followed me outside the building and threatened to call the police while my back was turned and I was walking across the parking lot towards my car. Who does that? On a more positive note - I'm over it now.

[@non-plussed]

Appreciate all you do Doctor Ramani 🙏❤

[@JanetMitchell-y8i]

The narc used to make a woman that worked in the office where he did, mutual friend, cry all of the time. When I confronted him with this his answer was "Kim thanked me for making her a stronger person." Even if that is true that was not his job at all. That was not his intention to make her "stronger". The intention was to intimidate, bully, break her down for control. I always knew he had a crush on her but never thought twice about it. What a fool I was!!😞

[@Delicateunicorn2969]

I'm still trying to mentally and emotionally survive my narcissistic sister. I've always been the scapegoat and it's really hard to figure out how to improve my self worth and confidence... I'm afraid that I avoid being close to others because of this relationship. It's hard it even impossible to feel safe trusting anyone. Especially when her lies about me have isolated me from the rest of my family. I don't know how to handle that hurt and loss.

[@serenagorski6497]

Why in God’s name would you EVER want to stay friends with a narcissistic ex. NO NO NO NO!!!! RUN!

[@Liza-lt2xr]

I agree,,I'm afraid he will come back with revenge 😮

[@saturdayschild8535]

I had this experience in grade school and throughout college. The bullies treated me really well and treated others really badly. I did nothing to solicit this treatment. In fact, I avoided them because I’d fought off bullies many times before. These bullies were women, mean girls. It’s always a setup before they attempt to humiliate you or get others to treat you poorly since they are so mean. My dad’s mom is the worst narcissist I’d encountered growing up. I went no contact several times as a kid. My cousins hated me because she was so nice to me and hateful to them. My dad was her only son. I saw what was happening early on. The relationships with my cousins never recovered even though I removed myself from the situation. It’s like they choose certain people to destroy any potential for a support system very early. They get people to hate you because of their behavior.

[@annieoakes2044]

As part of his 12 steps, he said, “If I ever hurt you, I’m sorry.” Check! 19 years of torture. Check!

[@CuriousBirds]

Narcissistic projection is incredibly confusing at first, and incredibly destructive. The damage this has on the entire family has life long consequences, is especially emotionally damaging on the children. When a child picks up this trait from one parent, the pain associated with leaving the abusive partner is both amplified and devistating. I need to tell someone, "You are not alone'. It hurts, personal care will help, and therapy is needed for the entire family.

[@CuriousBirds]

I may have been drawn in by a Vulnerable Narcissist initially, and mistook his early attention, affection, perceived self-reflection, chosen career path, and openess as a strength of character. What I know now is we were a classic representation of a co-dependent , and dyfunctional relationship. He parroted me, and I fell for it. As soon as things got tough years later, he could no longer hide the truth from me fully when I called it out, and set boundaries. His rage was progressively worse as I refused to accept breadcrumbs, emotional and financial neglect with instability. I needed a partner, not a third child. It was exhausting to never have any resolution or acknowledgent, then be gaslit or blamed.

[@001singularity]

Who knew that I would have more laugh out loud moments during this video than the last stand up show I watched. Painful Experience+Truth Teller = 😂😂😢😭😂😂

[@PoppysTrueCrimeCases]

Indeed, very accurate. It's astounding how narcs have the same modus operandi! Are they wired that way, like there's a narc cookie cutter when they're being conceived? Thank you Dr Ramani.

[@MarcSmith23]

My landlady treated me like gold, like a part of her family. My radar was going off and I was on alert to her. I saw her treat others who she didn’t like as trash. Totally binary reactions. Eventually she turned on me.

[@thenappybookishbabe1741]

The narcissist would spiral every time I tried to break up with him. I couldn’t understand it. I thought it would be smart to irritate him to the point of breaking up so it felt like his decision. Should’ve mentioned we work together didn’t know until the final weeks (thanks to therapy) he indeed was as narcissist. It took a while, but he finally did when I found evidence of another woman and threatened to contact her. But he would insist we stay friends. I continued to say NO, he actually would beg me and I said something very similar to what Dr. Ramani said, “you were an awful boyfriend to me, why on earth would I believe you’d be a decent friend?” Lots of drama, tons of women he TRIES to triangulate (hope I used that right) he catfished me on a dating app. I’ll admit once I realized it was him I should’ve let it go. I participated for 2 weeks and then cut it off. When I cut his access off to me AGAIN he sent his flying monkeys and started the smear campaign. I was baffled by the wanting to be friends, but this video helped me understand it now.

[@Delicateunicorn2969]

My sister is good at apologies she's says stuff like "I'm sorry about yesterday" lol what a joke

[@sjsmith4053]

Thankyou a very useful episode x

[@privateprivate8366]

I’ve dealt with the narcissistic boss who I was once more friendly with, but later well-knew was discarding me. But then, I became a convenient and intermittent confidante, during times when I was simply seen as the lesser of two evils and they were seeking someone to side with them. Feels very phony. Because, you know that, if that other threat was ever gone, they would see you in a dimmer light once again, when they’re no longer trying to gain allies and the discard simply continues. It has a gaslighting effect, because you know they want you to feel, “But you KNOW the two of US are friends!” Not really. A narcissistic boss doesn’t think you see them and, even if you do, you’d better act as if you don’t. For them, what they’re doing isn’t the problem. As a boss, they feel they should do whatever makes them comfortable, while subordinates live in “🙈🙉🙊land”. It’s you recognizing what they’re doing, that would cause a complete upset, particularly for you. A narcissistic friend I recently let go of, was definitely the type where at least I felt, that part of her rage against other people, at least in her mind, was to show me how lucky I was, to be on her good side. An apology from her, was simply damage control/quick hoover, for the ultimate goal she had. But, I knew that was temporary and her issues, indeed, began to “leak” at me. Contrary to popular opinion, that victims of narcissistic abuse are likely to get into new narcissistic relationships, between the instances I saw, she was pushing herself out the door, without even realizing it, cause I wasn’t.havin.none.of.it.

[@laylomaazimi7560]

Love peace DOC thank you for all that you do beautiful amazing incredible❤🪜🌎👍🤲💐🤍🎬🧩💚🕊️🙋💐🤍🤍🤸🤔🙌💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚 awesome you are nk Souper star DOC 🧑‍⚕️👑💯 queen nk 💯

[@roberttruman8444]

When a narcissist tries to apologise, just ask them what they're sorry for?

[@anthonystevens-gm6uh]

So true When I used to ask my ex that she wouldn’t answer and would go on about how she was sorry “for everything” and turn herself into the victim

[@roberttruman8444]

@@anthonystevens-gm6uh Yep! That has been my experience of it. The bastards make it worse by saying sorry for "Everything". The nerve they have for trying to generalise years of abuse to fit under a single and vague "Sorry. Plus they put about as much effort into it as some brat at school whose been forced by their teacher to sgive an apology to a classmate. My ex didn't even apologise in person. Clearly they have no balls! My ex would always plan to give bad news (i.e. discard, reveal a betrayal) in a public place, usually after spending a great day or night together, and she'd wait until her taxi was about to arrive. That way she could drop the bomb and pretty much run instead of facing the music and taking accountability for her words and actions. If she gave any apology it would be exactly like the one your ex gave you. I asked her what for once and tried to get her to open it up and she would comment on how it's all so far in the past now to make it seem like I was unreasonable and acting bitter. All part of their plan!

[@debneys7189]

@@roberttruman8444

[@clairehinkley4299]

Exactly they suddenly switch to rage and blame you .

[@ddilly9825]

Life with these people is like being Alice in Wonderland only none of it is wonderful, it's all upside down and leaves you confused and questioning your sanity.

[@lanaigirl]

You answered my question. Some are noticing the terrible things the narcissist has been saying and doing. I’m validating their feelings and sharing what I was put through.

[@agatakjoy]

Dr Ramani should get an honorary degree from Julliard for her acting work, she is so good! Especially for her impersonating the narc drama she performs in many of her videos! 🙂

[@Bs6223]

At times their a level of disdain toward you , as i believe they do not care and just sre going through the steps to get what they want which is everything. You , your life etc.. totally never enough. You will never be able yo be enough. Thing is you are always have been. Its not yoy! Is totally the perfection

[@TheLove1Makes]

Thanks Dr Ramani

[@pseudopuppy160]

There are ALWAYS signs... as described here. Believe them when they say they're an awful human

[@TheFatMan7777]

Woah. 29min. Shame reaction triggered and no real apology made. Nailed it!

[@Rlvpb]

I had the opposite! I was mistreated n dogged out but he is nice n helpful to everyone else that round him often! So devastating

[@annettewiitala4911]

The worst thing that we did as a couple was going to “couples’ therapy” where he learned more about my fears and stepped up the manipulation, gaslighting, financial abuse and physical abuse, sleep deprivation is physical abuse.

[@jojoberrypie6580]

It’s more like they are nice to everyone, but horrible to me. So it must be me just being crazy. He’s so niiiiiiiise!

[@Bs6223]

I believe the apology for them is a clear ahead for them back to the same crap

[@mrsaturn1792]

Man, this lady is freaking badass 😎😎😎

[@hazelsunderstood6784]

I completely relate to this. My mom would treat me like the golden child and tool- my little sister was the black sheep and scapegoating. I would wonder if I pissed my mom off on purpose defending my sister to get away from her drinking late night talks or to givey sister a chance to be the golden child. My sister grew up to mirror my mom. I sometimes feel guilty that I'm living a better life than the both of them... because I was the golden child sometimes- I got a leg up they didn't. like maybe I didn't do enough for my sister or she blamed me too because she didn't like to hear me say that our moms way was the wrong way to follow. I would say it Infront of my mom too so I wasn't trying to be two faced. I feel like I failed her and now there's another monster in the world.

[@Ab3ndcgi]

A narcissist can either set you up for failure, and then gaslight you into beileving you are such a failure you are helpless without them; or can praise you and uplift you as the golden child, until you displease them somehow (most likely by standing your gound to them, but it can also show up as dissapointment or failure to perform at their expectancy level) and they will shame you, guilt you and make you pay dear for it because "you, of all people; after all they've done for you". Something to keep in mind.

[@matthewwozniak9138]

Guy told me on the phone he was going to start cutting people off, he was dead a week later. I had blocked him, a mutual friend told me about his passing. My ex lady friend last text to me was "Narcissist!", I had to take a deep look at myself and ask myself, "Was she projecting?" 🤔

[@namedeleted5945]

I accepted that I must be narcissistic.

[@TienLam-t6b]

Dr. Ramini, regarding projections, if a psych. M.D. labeled someone as being "DELUSIONAL".. Would this be considered as projecting his "fantasy" on his opponent's?🤔?

[@erasjt2585]

When I asked my ex, did you really understand what I try to explain about how I feel? He said, "Well, I don't understand most of it". Then he followed with, "Fine, I'm sorry for not being the perfect bf, sorry for being shitty towards you". Facepalm.

[@kendrausack1985]

I forced my narcissist into a friendship because I saw him mistreat those in weaker positions than he was, consistently, and was able to imagine that I would have to spend any other relationship with him taking care of him, never having time to manage my own difficult and often complex health problems. I needed a husband who could at least listen to me and know some what was going on with me. Selfish, I know. But he just wasn't IT, as my husband was and is!! I also listen to my husband's health problems and encourage him to take care of himself as well. ❤️🐉💙🌈🌈😎😎

[@lyndseyanselmi-un3ql]

Horrible to us and nice to others

[@cassiesteele6554]

It’s an apology For leverage and to regain control.

[@justrosy5]

At some point in time, you have to decide that enough is enough. Would you let your best friend get treated this way, without a word or say-so? No? Then you've had enough, forever. If you're stuck in a situation where you have to "grey rock" in order to ensure a family member's (or your own) safety, then find some way to physically move away from the narcissist so you're not under the same roof with them. From then on, it's email only, and they don't know what your address is (and you no longer share any friends or other blow-horn "flying monkeys"). Don't communicate verbally or in-person with them unless required to by law. Don't text with them, either. Email-only, and make sure both your and their email addresses are in your real names. That's admissible in court.