The HARSH REALITY of healing from narcissistic relationships

[@NarcSurvivor]

Healing from narcissistic abuse can be challenging and it will take time to recover. I had a heart attack today at the age of 35. Pray for me 🙏

[@susanbradleyskov9179]

💞💞💞💞 Blessed be!

[@msmdare]

Learn deep breathing Might help!

[@Sunsittingdownclown]

🙏💜

[@asterakiberlin]

😢🫶🏼🙏🏼

[@marianne57]

🙏

[@CodeDusq1]

Asking a narcissist to apologize is like asking the wind to stop blowing.

[@mgmalia]

Omg so true! 😂

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Yep

[@Plumduff3303]

❤❤❤

[@Lotusflowerblooms3]

Some watch you suffer and pledge your love for them to actually get pleasure in your pain. It's always on thier face. God bless everyone and I will always pray for them. The lords vengeance will always be the best solution. Amen and that gives me peace and comfort

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

💯 👏

[@hangontofaith]

Finally ended my 27 year relationship/marriage with a narc and am starting my doctorate degree in education. I’m going to live my best life with my kids as a financially independent single parent. That’s my goal.

[@Plumduff3303]

❤❤❤❤

[@JenniferGiannino]

Similar, 30 yr relationship/Marriage. Just started grad school. Abusive ex #2

[@lainaentzminger9903]

🎉

[@PsychePedia-h6r]

💯💯💯

[@agnieszkaponka2305]

Take care in grad school! Make sure your professor has normal empathy levels

[@kdycruz]

Only those who experienced narcisists abuse understand this topics. And the narcisist don't care, they like to continually abuse. Thanks for sharing, peace and blessings to everyone 🙏

[@aldelgado9343]

Revenge Is not the aswer, the answer Is letting go, get strong and move on, they Will never change, they dont care about you, at all, at all.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Yes no revenge there better at it anyway. I heard don’t get in the mud with them because they like it.

[@lindamcwilliams9056]

Amen!!

[@caroleminke6116]

Pigs in a pigpen of narcissism

[@christinejones4785]

Leave it in the hands of our Father Amen

[@amyhorbyk607]

I liked getting revenge on my narc because he always underestimated me and assumed I'd be the kind empath, so he got blindsided by it 😂😈

[@susanbradleyskov9179]

The only closure I need right now is the door being fully closed between me and the narc.

[@AriaPlez]

I feel this. 😂❤🎉

[@matilda1505]

In midst of a nasty divorce, but that exact thought is what keeps me sane.

[@catherinewhite3257]

Oh that's good.

[@Thedisgardedoptimist]

Once you become humble enough to accept that you allowed yourself to be abused for however long the relationship was - you then can turn that energy to yourself and work on your flaws to never allow someone like this into your life again.. if you are looking for revenge you are wasting bandwidth - concentrate on getting better - not on them - they'll never change - you can.... Good luck with your recovery....

[@davidwilliams4837]

Humble or less self-critical, self-blaming.... Agreed.

[@Dafne776]

I cry all the time when I see scenes of general compassion and authentic concern for people's well being in movies.

[@susanbennetttellstales7998]

A movie scene that really gets to me is from Lion when Dev Patel is reunited with his mother in India. I have trouble crying but I bawl like a baby over that one.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

Not only have the narcissists not owned nor apologized for the abusive things they’ve done, they deny it and lie about it, trying to turn others against me too. I am then expected by the enablers to be ‘forgiving’ and ‘get over it’ to pretend everything’s fine when it is not because it’s ‘family’. I can’t stand how the rest of the family welcomes them back happily despite the horrific things they’ve done.. A line gets crossed and it’s not ok. I do not have to have people like that in my life, nor do I want to, despite what others say. Thank you for reminding me that it’s ok for me to protect myself. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@Annakneedtunobasis]

I am praying for you! Amen!

[@naivedita]

I relate SO much with you. I have a narcissistic sibling and an enabler mom. My life pretty much sucks, anyways Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. And I hope we all heal and lead a peaceful life.❤

[@BobbieBurns-wn2jg]

Sad

[@Plumduff3303]

After a lifetime of narcissist abuse i think you have to find your own peace far away from them but the scars run deep.❤peace and love to all.

[@matilda1505]

Right back at you.

[@lreevesnyc21]

I have a name for the abuse, emotional rape.

[@SuzannaLiessa]

@@lreevesnyc21 Wow. That ... hit deep. Thank you for those words.

[@kathyjustice1308]

My mother has never been able to say she is “sorry”. It’s always “I did the best I could”.

[@NightMystique13]

Mine did the same “those were different times”. So why are you still so self centered, mother?

[@sacredwaters9]

My mommy dearest says the same thing!

[@karengranju]

I can relate… instant answer.

[@yuu_miran]

My father too said at his death bed ‘you are so unlucky to have me as a father but nothing can be done’ instead of ‘im sorry for everything i did’ the fact that ive been so unlucky has been burning inside of me for decades every minute of my life so just repeating what is obvious is not healing or liberating it just adds fuel to the fire. Never accept people who only add fuel to the fire by reminding me once again how unlucky or unhappy i am, thats not empathy thats a torture and now i know it too well.

[@Jaylade]

I hope you’re lucky in lots of different ways

[@sacredwaters9]

This was powerful. I won't be grappling with this. "The closure comes from not having to deal with them anymore."🎉🎉🎉🎉 Don't look for anything more. The celebration comes in LEAVING them for good! Even parents or family members!!! The joy is in LEAVING them alone 💯 percent! This is beautiful advice. Thanks Dr. Ramani❤ Our health is fat more important than a Narcissist.

[@catherinewhite3257]

That quote resonated with me too! I will be saving that one.

[@RenitaB.B.]

Letting go No contact Allowing yourself time to grow your personal strength Journaling Spirituality Continue to refine your personal skills Validation from community Small steps forward Self-educate Dr. Ramani Emotional independence Emotional intelligence A higher power

[@zmeebojazz8774]

The Closeure comes from having the playbook. The answers and knowing it will never change for them. My Closure, I just shut the door. Thank You, Dr Ramani

[@christicarver1581]

One thing I would love to understand more is that apology that’s over the top, cuts you off before you’re done explaining the problem and is just said to shut you up but the bad behavior only stops for hours, a day maybe if lucky a week. It’s almost as if as soon as you accepted the apology it all never happened and the cycle begins again. I’m talking 8 years of in my face nose picking, raging, lying, blame shifting, emotionally seducing other women, never letting me finish a sentence and never acknowledging anything I’ve said, all while acting like mr. nice guy.

[@beingilluminous]

Due to just how much injustice there is around this experience, the only “closure” I can get is having my mind, body, mind free from considering them a part of my life. I had to accept (with a rigid AuHD) that the only constant I can count on is SEEING them for who they are. Practicing protection of myself while grieving the unknown/lack of closure is a very hard path. Each day gets a bit easier thanks to videos like this to keep me focused on building my life - “closed off” from them. That’s my “closure”. I wish for us all: more support to move beyond these toxic systems. We deserve better 🙌

[@Frederich-u2z]

Great show today. Biggest tearjerker is realizing what will never be, and what could have been - especially when it's an entire family system. The plus side is that once we exit the madness, it builds incredible strength of character for the survivor. Hard, but worth it.

[@lreevesnyc21]

“When it affects the entire family system “…. Just awful. But there was no choice but to end it.

[@judysteinfeldt3159]

@@lreevesnyc21😢

[@eottoe2001]

Be glad they are gone and you are alive and safe.

[@lynnebucher6537]

Don't expect closure because it's unlikely to occur. Work on detaching and letting it go. Doc is correct that these relationships were shallow, and you didn't mean that much to them anyway.

[@LolaAileenVanslette]

That would explain why our conversations were so shallow, too. Always about them, and interfering with the deep conversation I was trying to start.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

It’s funny cause I actually don’t really want revenge, despite what they’ve done. I still care and wish them well, but I don’t want to be hurt anymore, so I will protect myself, which sometimes means boundaries or not having them in my life. It's sad and I grieve them, but my health safety and well being matters too. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@kmysl2219]

Your videos are a gift, thank you. My life has gotten so much better since leaving a house with a narcissistic parent. I don’t need any closure…my peace is enough

[@michaelaceleste4764]

I have left ventricular cardiomyopathy with reduced blood output, heart failure from literally having a broken heart. Narc parents one with personality disorder, mother a covert narc I’m the only child. Fell head over heels over a narc who destroyed me in every way, and this was 28 years ago, and I’ve not stopped loving him, he took our baby and moved country. Baby now tells me he despises me. I’ve had no other relationships, only short ones but they don’t last as nobody measured up to him, also. I am so damaged no one wants me. I’ve just read your book. It’s triggered me every chapter, I could not put it down. Thank you

[@honkbadonk]

You are keeping me sane during the worst time of my life. After 25 years I finally accepted that things weren't going to change. We went to couples counseling. She refused to do the things he suggested, then blamed me for her refusal. In the end I finally worked up the nerve to send her to jail, then had her served the papers 8 days later. As I suspected, she found her new source of supply, just like you said. After the police took her I searched her car and found a gift bag full of adult toys and an appointment on her iPad calendar with a divorce attorney the day before. She blocked me on social media the second she got the papers accusing her of adultery -- because that's what an innocent person does, of course. It's been a year since then and I'm still stuck in rumination and revenge fantasies. I recorded every conversation we had in the final couple of months when things *really* went nuts, and I could blow up her vulnerable goody-good image any time I want to. But I've kept my mouth shut on social media the whole time because your content reminds me it's ultimately in my best interest, as much as I hate it.

[@Plumduff3303]

❤❤❤so glad you are free of her

[@HyggeHomestead]

My therapist made a statement the night before I left the narc. She didn't mean it to be super profound, but she meant it. She stated that I am resourceful & can figure out the problems once they reveal themselves. The constant vulnerable narcissist threat of drama was worse than just having the difficult things happen & then I could just deal with it. With no more walking on eggshells to keep the narc from over reacting to any little thing, I will just deal with the issues & handle the tough decisions. This made me cry. I told her I appreciated her compliment & vowed to get some new friends that will believe in me like that.

[@WesternBonime]

The grief sneaking up on you is so real. Even when I feel like I'm fine I find myself upset so much more easily by people and circumstances with much stronger reactions. I'm much more prone to tears. I also find that the more I accept and give myself self compassion for what I went through, the more it seems to open up a door to the feelings I had to suppress during the relationship - the hurt, the anger, the shock.

[@hangontofaith]

Therapy and meds as a temporary crutch helps significantly. And faith/prayer if that is what you believe in. Positive support groups as well, people who can relate.

[@TheElephantInTheRoom-i5w]

You may think "Revenge" but try to remember that they're sick. You can control yourself, they cannot. So, be the bigger person.

[@Indiasmission]

32:00 I dated a psychopath and I had just escaped away from him. I went to stay with my grandmother and my sister was there. I tried sharing with her what happened. She told me to stop talking about it, and that she didn’t want to hear it. I stopped sharing sense then. It’s not good to keep those things inside, so I’m going to start telling my story here on KZbin. I’m not blaming her, maybe it was too much for her to hear. I would never do that to her or anyone else though!

[@pokemont9989]

I’m sorry you had to go through that! ❤️‍🩹

[@luzdubon8996]

I went to therapy for 6 months, they were patient there with me, for others was torture. 😂

[@samgarner4643]

Dr Ramani asks in this video if survivors ever get closure. Having survived a narcissistic childhood and then the last decade in a narcissistic relationship, I can say honestly that my closure had to come from within. These people were never going to apologize or even admit they were wrong. So at some point I'm realized that the act of setting boundaries and disconnecting from those people in my life, and gaining knowledge to prevent it from happening again... That was my closure. Also, forgiving myself for the parts I had to play, like staying too long when it was obviously unhealthy. Not just with narcissistic relationships, but in a lot of other things in life, we often look outward for approval... From society or our boss or our loved ones... But when we can look inward for that approval, there's a peace that comes with it.

[@dsstephen2173]

This comment was VERY helpful to me in my time of need. Thank you!

[@catbirdler]

This is very true. Accepting the narcissist for what he or she is and knowing that the person is never going to change frees us from investing in the relationship. This allows us to focus more on ourselves and develop our inner strength. When we stop depending on the narcissist for our sense of well-being and learn to trust our inner self, peace, contentment and confidence follows.

[@littleiodine9480]

Thank you for this post! 🥰

[@divyaganapathy2650]

Hi Dr Ramani the movie “Holiday” makes me cry so much feels cathartic at the end. I identify with Kate’s character and it is so liberating to see her move away from her toxic relationship. I am will working on my “freedom” journey. Thank you for all the content you put out ; helps me immensely xx

[@cindynimmo]

I burst into tears one time at a movie theater, had to leave my seat and take myself out to the lobby to catch my breath and recover. It was a touching scene of a nurse assisting the main character in the film to move from bed to a chair because she had been disabled from a stroke-HOWEVER, I knew immediately that I had to leave the job I was in because I missed being a bedside nurse so much. My new job required me to do forensic exams for children suffering from abuse and it was taking a toll on my physical & mental health. I will never forget how suddenly that movie struck my brain and made me realize how much I needed a change.

[@Lailat854]

My closure is being healed - really stop caring because I am psychologically , emotionally and financially completely detached

[@DominieRobinson]

One of The Most frustrating aspects of dealing with a Narcissist is having so many others in your social circle Not be able to see Or recognize the often hidden, cleverly disguised toxic behaviors. Coupled with negating, triangulating, and gaslighting by the narcissist, this can be truly crazymaking

[@NightMystique13]

Yes!! My siblings are close but still don’t see it. I no longer speak to nmom; she turned my siblings into flying monkeys so they are also blocked.

[@AnnMarie-py5cy]

You will never get either the apology or justice you deserve from them. The closure comes from moving away from them and becoming indifferent to them. The revenge i got was from refusing to be their scapegoat and looking for healthy people to have as friends.

[@sharonhorwitz7903]

I just want to know he’s miserable. I supported him for 12 years. Had no idea the mess I got into! Let him live a long broke life!

[@TeaCup1940]

The closure only comes with acceptance. Accepting that the narcissist never loved you and never will love you.

[@dsstephen2173]

😢

[@catbirdler]

@@dsstephen2173 Why the sadness? Once you truly understand the narcissist, and accept the situation, the knowledge and skills you've acquired to deal with such a person is quite empowering and liberating. You accept the fact that such a person will never change, and that's OK. You can then shift your focus and learn to make yourself happy instead of trying to find love and validation in impossible places.

[@luzdubon8996]

And can Not love anybody but themselves, they just use you for a time, and then they get bored or you no longer fit their life vision.

[@luzdubon8996]

​@@catbirdlertrue, they are empty shells. or unhuman, kind a like eliens 👽

[@ron_amok369]

This was the best hour of therapy I have ever had. Thanks, Doc.

[@matilda1505]

So true.

[@trying2survive602]

Dr. Ramani is right. The fallout from the lack of support from those who you thought were going to be standing by you through this process is a hard pill to swallow. I moved out last weekend. The person helping me keep telling me how she felt the narcissist was a really nice person. Then why did I leave? Then you have my own family members. They would have a blank stare on their faces when I would try to explain why I filed for separation. My 20 year old daughter would try to tell them about her experiences as well. Again, blank stares. And then they would tell the narcissist that I am manipulating my daughter because she was telling them about her experiences. This is not an easy process to go through, but oh so worth it in the end! Stay strong 💪🏻 ✨️ fellow survivors!!

[@marysisak2359]

I have a habit of rewatching certain scenes from movies. After your video I thought about the commonality of the scenes I repeatedly chose. They were all scenes where the person was "seen", where their feelings were recognized and respected, they "mattered."

[@lreevesnyc21]

Dr you NAILED IT! I have listened to all your podcasts and those of others and this NAILS IT. No real apology and NO accountability. My boyfriend of 8 years ( my neighbor) abandoned me suddenly ( he has CPTSD among other things) suddenly while my 2 childhood dear close friends like sisters were both dying in hospice from cancer. He just ran out of my apt , triggered over nothing and disappeared. 3 months later 3MONTHS LATER after both died he texted, “I’ve been depressed but do you want to go to dinner? I know you are going thru a lot. Sorry I wasn’t there for you”. Omg. OMG 8 years together and he does THIS. ?! It was so shocking and painful. What I call EMOTIONAL RAPE. I never tried to contact him in those 3 months at all. He probably thought I would come running and begging. Nope , that was it. When he ran out the door, I knew I was done right there. I never responded to his texts and have gone NO CONTACT. There is NOTHING to say to a person like this again. Totally ignoring them is the only revenge. No words will awaken any guilt or shame with these empty souls. Trying to “reach “ their consciousness is like wrestling with a pig. You are only setting yourself up for more pain. This podcast is SO HELPFUL It puts a clear understanding as to why we get SO tormented by the discard. It does not fit in with any social experience we have ever had. It’s sociopathic in its cruelty. I never experienced anything like this in my 73 years of living. To have someone you thought cared about you try and destroy you. Sick.

[@donnabuhrman2714]

I experienced this same thing

[@lanamaart1000]

Once you have distance yourself emotionally from them with radical acceptance that you are not the problem and you able to depersonalised, there is no need for closure from the narcissist... Continue no contact as far as possible They are still toxic...

[@spiderlime]

dear dr. ramani: along my path of learning about narcissists, on your channel and elsewhere, i found out that sobering up and leaving is the best and most empowering sort of closure, since it moves the power into my own hands.

[@Pets-n-Treats]

The only justice I ever needed from my narcissistic relationship was to get away from him and live life without being his punching bag. The end! And I did get my justice.

[@annapiekarski2992]

Thank you! Great show! Just what I needed, appreciate all of your work and support.

[@paulawilliamson637]

My dad had just passed away and my husband and I came home from the hospital and he started playing a video game with a group of people that he has played with for years and he was laughing and talking really loud and I was standing in the kitchen in disbelief, the cruelty is beyond comprehension, I don’t need any revenge, I just need some peace and love.

[@x-2954]

Recovering from a narcissists betrayal is slow at best, one day at a time. First you have to recognize it: understand that the issue, the problem does not lie within you. We all do and say things in relationships that we wish we hadn't, that we can't take back…however it is in recognizing this that steps can be taken to correct and become better in our interactions with others. Narcissists cannot do this, it's always someone else's fault, they cannot genuinely look at themselves and see the need for improvement. The pain they inflict is very real and very hurtful. Being betrayed isn't a fault of the one being betrayed, but the cause of the betrayer. Loving someone that betrays you hurts…loving someone that has no empathy for the pain they've caused is maddening. Once you recognize it, can see it for what it is then is time to move on to acceptance. Accepting the fact that another person, a narcissist, has no empathy for your pain, the pain they've caused, isn't easy. Accepting the fact they just don't have the level of care, love, self awareness is a must though. Understanding and accepting that this relationship will never be what you had envisioned is key to recovering. A narcissist just isn't capable of having a relationship on that level, they are simply not capable to work through the many ups and downs, the kinks, of a relationship. Maybe their fault, maybe not but the facts are still the same..the end result is still the same. It's highly doubtful that you'd ever get a narcissist to see where they are wrong, to see the pain they've caused, what they see and what they look at is themselves, all else is really a mute point for them. So, in my opinion, trying to get them to see, to understand, the pain inflicted only hinders the recovery process. Finally when recognizing and acceptance have taken place, one needs to find a place within them where they can forgive. Forgiveness comes from love, and it's really more for the injured party than the narcissist themselves. Forgiveness facilitates healing. Hatred and anger only breeds bitterness within a person. Take what you can from a relationship with a narcissist, take peace, love for others and leave the narcissist and bitterness behind. Take comfort in knowing you do have value as a human being, your value does not come from others, especially a narcissist who can only really see themselves. Such a sad way to exist really when you think about. Satisfaction from within a relationship is a mutual thing, the give and take on both sides, the narcissist will never know that great satisfaction of a true, committed relationship. (Commitment to to see it through and make personal improvements) Additionally, If you suspect cheating or other forms of manipulation and need to gather evidence for your own peace of mind, you may consider reaching out for assistance. For more information, you can contact: MetaspyHub@gmail. com.

[@lreevesnyc21]

Obviously you are an emotionally mature, very empathetic person. How they could dare to get involved with someone like you, knowing what a decent soul you are and use you for their benefit…. Is pure evil. My name for narcissistic abuse is…. EMOTIONAL RAPE. When you put it in those terms, you get there IS NO Forgiveness. But each person chooses the best path out that agrees with THEIR personality. For me, zero forgiveness. Forgiving them for what they did feels like a second rape. They got away with it. But also I don’t get involved with revenge. He walked out on me ( we lived separately) , I never chased, never asked why, I just moved on. My revenge was 3 months later when he began reaching out with texts. I never responded. Ignoring him which I never did in 9 years ever…. Was my revenge. Note he abandoned me when my 2 childhood friends like sister were dying from cancer in hospice. He didn’t even wait til they died so I was alone with my grief. My mother died from COVID 2 years earlier and I am an only child as were both my parents. My only full recovery back into a life of full joy will be to find another man with whom I can have the joy of a loving relationship. Being with him was the happiest time in my life for 5 years til he got his dream job. The job became his supply. The only supple he needed,

[@shane_asylum]

I have sat and listened to many, many people while they unloaded their grief, pain, anger, etcetera. Being with them helps me feel less alone and we often connect because of our shared traumas. Oddly though, when I try to talk about my trauma, or as a child when I tried to find a protective adult, I am often told, "misery loves company" or "why can't you just be happy". My favorite is, "just think positive".

[@sacredwaters9]

The grieving is gonna happen. I'd think we'd need to dump a lot of emotions when we leave. It takes courageous souls to do that. I'm preparing to leave with my daughter from my mommy dearest and I'm grieving now. The challenge I'm having is the anger from the abuse and how it just keeps coming no matter how much I attempt to be invisible. And all this does is consistently confirm I'm doing the right thing by leaving- for good. Stay focused and strong 💪 ✨️ we can do it.

[@AndreaStolba]

❤❤Just being able to recognize narcs is my super power, keep these demons at arms length and thank Dr Ramani silently❤❤❤

[@Missdovanova]

I love you doctor ramani ,, your videos helped me understand why the world 🌎 is torn down,because narcissism is spreading ,, but also because of lack of awareness,, narcissts can become healthy,, they wont become empaths ,, but sometimes they themselves do not know why they act the way they do and again many of them are victims of other narcissts

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Yep I watched a psychopath play a few narcissist.. use them to his advantage.

[@ktbiwk]

A stellar video today 🎉 especially on defining an apology❤ and how to move forward despite a lack of justice or closure. Thank you for everything you do and staying so closely dialed in with us on this healing journey Dr. Ramani ❤ "The real closure comes from not having to deal with them anymore." 1000% (walk away- you've won 🏆) "You're not playing the same game. You're not living in the same way [as the narcissist]" 😊❤

[@matilda1505]

You won just by surviving.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

The unjustness and lack of closure/accountability fuels the rumination…totally makes sense and helps me understand why I feel so anxious/restless sometimes. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@Sunsittingdownclown]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani❤

[@marysisak2359]

When I was working as a college professor, there was a narcissistic colleague and a couple of flying monkeys that were making my life a living hell. Although many people, even those that I had considered friends, could see what was happening and were even sometimes drawn into it by the narcissist, they refused to speak up. The hands over the ears saying I just can't hear this would apply. I often described my experience there as being in the parking lot getting beaten up, people would walk by, say this is wrong, then look at their watch and say "Got to get home for dinner."

[@tamara4966]

It was intentional and calculated psychological warfare that was not aware that i was in danger o believed i was safe

[@lauraknight7258]

The best revenge is living well and being happy. It makes them miserable and the fact that you don't even notice is just a bonus.

[@estheretouke]

Annie Wilson's song "my father's daughter" did it for me. From the very moment I heard the lyrics I stuck to it and played it in a loop for hours, crying about the difference it could have made for me, had I grown as a father's daughter. I so relate to this grief, and for what will never be. A deeply sweet pain that I feel like cherishing? I simply lack words to describe what I will never know because I just will never know 32:21

[@stephaniepowers6510]

I was born into a narcissist family, married one, and engaged to 2 of them (I got away!). I've been happily single for several years. What helped me heal and grow? Information about NPD, BTW, your videos helped me more than I can say! The big switch was when I read "Evil" by HG Tudor. I learned this foreign language. This resonated with my brain, so much. I scheduled 3 personal sessions with him! I asked him why he wrote books to help professionals and survivors. He stated, "My family made me do it. I won't get my inheritance if I don't write about it."

[@sothearychor4211]

For me it was not a movie, it’s at a wedding. My narcissistic husband has a business partner whom I introduced my cousin to. They got married last week and I was the maid of honor. The wedding was beautiful and I couldn’t stop crying. I was told I cried more than the bride and groom. lol After watching this video, now I know it was the grief. My cousin got the wedding I wanted and I witnessed their entire love story from the beginning. He never once did not prioritize her and he treated her well. I was so happy for them but I couldn’t stop comparing my own wedding to theirs. We almost called off the wedding because I wanted to get a photographer and he thought it was a stupid idea. I cried so hard on my cousin’s wedding day and the day after. In a way, it made me feel better. I now feel lighter and I think I got the closure I was so desperately needed. The confirmation that the relationship I had with my narcissist was not what I wanted anyway and it made the idea of knowing that him and his new supply are now living together, after less than a month of me moving out, somehow easier to digest.

[@bridgettetraveler658]

Doc, u have helped me get closer just by ignoring the narcissist. Taking by everything the narcissist tried to take from me that's enough closer.

[@bereal6590]

Something I particularly despise from them, when you're going through hell in your life is how they say "I'm worried/worrying about you". When the veil has lifted and you know who they are, you know it isn't true and it sounds so sickly. Don't wait for an apology because it isn't coming and if it does its not true, it's a self centred appeal to your guilt. They will always put themselves first even if that means leaving you in physical harm. In fact they'll kick you while you're down if it suits their needs whilst buying you a gift and saying how great they Andre and rend what and rend bad ungrateful person you are.

[@Justehthought]

I dont even know where to begin. My 15 yr marriage ended this july and as a result of everything happening and feeling overwhelmed i attempted to take my own life. Its very difficult accepting that the person who made so promises, betrayed our trust especially already dealing with childhood trauma and Abandonment issues. Im hoping in time i will see this as another chapter in life. I feel for everyone have suffered emotional abuse or any abuse.

[@hannahfeghaly1994]

Thank you for your comment.

[@stuekere]

You won't find closure. The ultimate revenge is to go on and successful and happy. They're inherently broken and cruel people...they don't deserve your forgiveness.

[@matilda1505]

Just letting you know I always click “ like “ before watching. Never wanted to take it back. Thank you.

[@lorencarpenter8374]

The movie that gets me every single time is The Sound of Music. The particular scene that makes me tear up is when fraulein Maria comes back from the Abbey and joins the von Trapp children in singing My Favorite Things because the children were missing her. The other scene is when they succeeded in fleeing Austria due to the Nazi regime taking over their country and they are looking down at their home town with the knowledge that they won’t be returning for many years to come. For me, I wish my parents would have loved my siblings and I as much as Maria loved them von Trapp children, and I remember escaping from my parents home feeling that freedom mixed with deep deep grief to have to leave in the first place. Yeah, I love that movie so so much..

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Thank you so much dr Ramani. Your kind compassion and supportive presence have helped me survive this nightmare.

[@PappiPlantP]

Any kind of abuse can lead to violence. Even worse .

[@mjblazy]

Never hearing from him again is the best peace. Thank you for this! No more games.

[@luzdubon8996]

I was so blessed, he moved back to his country and is no longer in mine and my kids lives 🎉

[@well_weathered]

Just strive to live your best life!

[@tulazaz]

One movie that really got to me was My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Although my parents came from Greece at a very young age, they grew up around other Greeks in their community where the old fashioned Greek culture was prominent. The movie wasn’t necessarily a comedy, but their dysfunctions were comical. At first the movie pissed me off because it reminded me of the dysfunction I experienced from the older Greeks I was around growing up. But then, because I had already had years of therapy, I started seeing the comedy in it. My sisters and I now laugh about memories of dysfunction. The older Greek men on my dad’s side I was mostly around, including my dad, acted like they were the “Godfather” of their family. When I was elementary age and younger I was scared of my dad. He was 39 when I was born and a DC homicide detective. I know now my father was a narcissist, and I also understand the cultural and neglected childhood reasons behind it. He didn’t pay any attention to my 3 sibs and I unless we were excelling at something, ie in sports, music, school, business. And even then he wouldn’t verbally praise or hug us like I’d see my best friend’s dad do with her. But deep down I knew he cared about us. He just didn’t know how to show it other than to be a good provider and protector. The scene that really got to me is when the son redesigned a really nice new menu for their restaurant. It was very obvious he was proud of his work. But when he showed it to his father, who was busy doing business paperwork or something, hardly looked at it and sort of brushed him off. I felt that disappointment the son had, as he just walked away. I got the same response when in 5th grade I finally got straight A’s. I couldn’t wait to show my dad. I expected my straight A’s would certainly gain some warm praise from him, but he acted the same way the father did in the movie. I was good at art and majored in it in college. When I showed my dad works I was proud of, I did it knowing the response I would get. For some reason my dad was able to be very affectionate with his grandchildren, but not with his own. My brother was 16 years older than me. I became an aunt to his twin daughters when I was six. They lived only a block away, and yes some Greek dads do buy houses for their kids, to keep them close, haha. I remember standing at the door watching my dad sitting on our porch with both twins on his lap, kissing them, laughing and bouncing them up and down on his knees. I didn’t know the word jealous then, but I felt it and sadness, wondering why he wasn’t that way with me. When talking about it with my oldest sister a few years ago, she said he was with me when I was a baby. After that it’s children are to be seen and not heard, and older we were his show pieces. We were supply for his ego. My sibs and I learned radical acceptance concerning our father in order to cope with how he was.

[@Bs6223]

I am so amazed how on point these podcast are. I often said Dr. Ramani has been following me around. Not this week but for 40 plus years. I am so mad at the system , people, myself. Medical field focused on me. Why was i upset. Why did i feel bad about myself. Their were some that pointed out my narcassist behavior. But few thst could help me navigate this horrid life. But i could not see the forest for the trees. The number, lack of a better term is mind boggling times this happened on a daily hourly basis is sickening. How could i be so playef. Love. I thought he just needed loved more then he would trust me love me. I was so wrong. Time i will never get back. The years he has had to get his hold on my family, friends. My voice silenced. My feeling needs wish hopes snd dreams crushed. Everything Dr. Ramani said has or is still happening. The amount of anger i have in real time when i see it is difficult to control. As i know many do not see it. Dont understand it. She is so right the grief i have when something happens today and i am against my will, propelled back when those things happened in my past. Also huge amounts of empathy toward myself. And the sickening feeling in my gut toward the narcassist. I do not know how to fix this in my life. It is wrong, cruel, and the level of no empathy or even kindness, fairness . I come to these podcast for valudation and to remind myself. Its not me. I will never stop telling my truth. If i do it means the narcassist wins again. I refuse to be that ever again.

[@petra473]

I'm familiar with the "never apologizing" game. Narcissists tend to apologize only when it serves to improve their image.

[@mylord4679]

I don't get the chance to bring it up often, but the ending of the movie annihilation really moves me. Despite being a psychedelic alien movie, it's a story about grief. It explores how grief changes us and how we lose our minds, our identities, and even our bodies to the pain of grief. The idea of self destruction comes up a lot in the film. I spent a long time engaged in self destructive behaviors, and i spent an even longer time ashamed of myself for it. But the movie's end seemed to say, "You have to destroy yourself sometimes in order to survive. And even if you do survive, the pain of grief will chang you forever." Self destruction, as the film points out, is encoded into our cells. Healthy cells live and die. Immortal cells become cancerous. Grief is painful: it feels like death. But our ability to "die" is what keeps us alive. Our ability to destroy parts of ourselves can keep us alive. It's not, like, a good thing, but whenever i watch the finale, watch the main character literally destroy herself to survive, I'm reminded of all the ways i shrank, dimmed, and hid myself just to survive, and the gut punch of how it changed me. I didn't escape as a perfect little victim who never did anything wrong. The journey left me with wounds. I left the alien, confusing world of narcissistic abuse and i wasn't sure who or what i had become. The ending makes me emotional every time i watch it, but also kind of hopeful. It does suck: grief does feel like you're dying, and the aftermath is bleak and confusing, but you end up with the gift of another day to keep trying, and having another day to keep learning and trying and laughing and crying and just living. That's the only thing that really matters in the end.

[@1234Explorer]

What helped me to release the tension and pain was to cry like a widow and let go of everything that I built in my mind. That brought a lot of sanity and peace of mind. The piece I feel unjust is my former narsistic manager after creating lot of pain for so many people still surviving at work and can spread wrong information and lies. I wish if I had a magic wand to expose his wrongdoing but I’m not in HR or an investigator who could make others see it. So, all we could do is let the time heal and send good vibes for everyone to keep inner peace. Best thing I learned in my life is “We can’t be the executioner of the nature. Universal laws will take care of that, though it takes time or perhaps lifetimes”. So, we can just focus on our happiness and peace.

[@well_weathered]

So true, and searching for justice (in the true crime community) can feel consuming. Especially since the crime often takes the ultimate expense.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

What I couldn’t get into my head - IS THEY REALLY DON’T CARE .. about me, their kids, their parents on and on. The narc is all about their self absorbed self! I’ve seen it more than once! They hop right into another relationship with ease. They don’t care even about their new supply! I love my comedy movies when I’m down. I love to laugh! I love comedy period ❤

[@Indiasmission]

The movie “Breakthrough”!! I couldn’t keep the tears back. I went to the movie theater with a guy I was dating, and he was comforting me. I felt like he thought I was losing my mind though!! I cried and teared up almost every scene. He didn’t cry at all.

[@kimber88]

Dr R is exceptional for seriously blessing victims like us with every video, podcast, books 🎉❤❤❤❤❤❤❤Thank you ‼️I am still Stuck

[@Annakneedtunobasis]

The literal expositional description/meaning of the word "compassion" is "to sit with suffering". My family of origin has a total lack of that, except when it suits their covert plans.

[@ayuvanjava2071]

I cried when watching Finding Nemo. I realised my dad would never do everything he could to protect me, the blacksheep in the family, the unplanned and unwanted child, which forever been mistreated by my own narcissistic mother and my sisters (her flying monkeys). Dad just simply tuned out.

[@NancyBrown1975]

Narcissism is so obvious to me everywhere as well as not obvious to a lot of people.

[@twinsma14]

Once you see it you can not unsee it.

[@Divya_86]

Be at distance,stay at distance mentally,physically,emotionally and healing starts 😊

[@Soulution-s2i]

"Im sorry you feel that way" ...that was my closure, followed by more gaslgithing.

[@Lailat854]

Crying when I see scenes between a couple when they show real compassion, care and empathy. It could just be a man holding his arms around his girl in just the right time

[@RenaWith]

Why would you want revenge on a mentaly Ill person. They're literally crazy. Not only are they insane, they will also get crazier if you do something to them. Whatever you can do, they can do worse. Remember low or no empathy. That means you are asking for trouble. I think they are such sad, ill people, and they have to live with themselves. That's freaking sad beyond belief.

[@susanna2490]

It is so true- the silence and shaming of others when you try to talk about the abuse you experience. I tried to talk to a lady about what I was going true - she seemed sensitive - I was shut down - and humiliated - Told " Yeah Yeah yeah - its the same old stuff - you are a smart lady - I am sure you can figure a way to deal with this - arent you a smart person ?- arent you clued up ?? There is no point talking about this - Dont talk about this anymore " and I never did. I felt belittled . But this lady was happy to go on and on about her offence at her sister not calling her on the phone. Seems that was a bigger problem than the abuse I was enduring.

[@karenjones782]

Thankyou so very much. This was deeply useful. I needed to hear this and the timing was perfect x. Still healing xxx

[@JonnieArroyo]

Saving Mr. Banks with Emma Thompson and Tom Hanks. Toward the end of the movie when Walt Disney (Hanks) and the woman who wrote Mary Poppins. They discuss their fâthers. It is cathartic.

[@emilygreene6779]

I find random scenes in Bluey always get me crying while I watch it with my toddler. The one I can remember most is when Bingo has a problem saying No to others and in the end her parents validate her feelings.

[@sayusayme7729]

Thank you, awareness instead of blame. Knowing to balance and accept or reject energy that is toxic. Thank you and everyone who wants healing . So grateful for my own closure. My closure is my own responsibility and acceptance to my input and unknown variables that was blinding because of my own maladaptive thinking. AUADHD.

[@NightMystique13]

Me too. AuDHD and c-PTSD seems to make us a target for nasty type B types.

[@susanbennetttellstales7998]

Also love the empty calorie analogy and Dr. Ramani's loquacious, passionate style.

[@MJV-mk3jq]

I just want to tell you how inspiring and validating your videos are. I now know I was not imagining the subtle abuse from a narcissistic partner. I fell into his "poor me, I'm a victim of my 2 ex-wife's and many partners." He's skilled at love bombing and initially mirrored my empathy and compassion. I'm an educated woman, Social Worker by profession. This was a totally new concept to me until I started to investigate when he did what he did! I broke off the relationship, even after he told me I was the love of his life. I'm trying to heal, not easy as I'm also mourning my son's death. He quickly moved on, encouraged by his toxic and enabling family, who remind him he should not be alone in his golden years. He has now found his true love in a millionairess. Money is his true love

[@karengranju]

Thank you for this validation. I feel so stuck, because it’s this … blankness on intimacy or responsibility with boys and a 23 marriage. Left feeling like he’s 2 different people… like I never knew him. I do hope I can outlive him, but his resilience insulates him from major depression.

[@tlctruthlovecreativity3352]

The movie Alice Darling was so real for me. I’m grateful it exists with anna Kendrick (who went through her own similar relationship). I finally watched the 1st season of fleabag on a plane ride. I was laughing on and off but mostly crying so much. I think my complicated sexual life and large family with many sisters, plus grief really touched nerves on so many levels.

[@Priceless16]

I agree with you about revenge. I don’t want to waste my precious time and energy on the narcissists. I now see and understand who they are, and I no longer allowed them in my life, from the unit of origin to long term marriage with adult kids. I came from a lifetime of complex traumas and trauma bondage. Although still in a divorce battle going on 9 years, I now know my truths and am freed from their toxicity. I chose not to play their immature games as best as I can. They’re toddlers in an adult bodies, looking and behaving like fools.

[@Jwcounselor77]

I’m a therapist and a survivor of this abuse

[@bels4116]

I'm only 3 mins in, and Dr Ramani, you hit the nail on the head for me. I love when I watch a person getting caught, that justice, ever since my narc started with the whole smear campaign, the hidden affair that no-one believed me about. That's the time I NEEDED these shows. thankyou for another wow moment .

[@woopiemiddleman8232]

My ex narcissist and his nar family stole from me for years. I helped him out with a green card, a new job, a driver license, and many more. I was a free maid, free everything for him. He returned the favor by hating and destroying me. I hope karma will get him one day.

[@MrGrumpyGills]

I'm very sorry for what you've been through :( Often these people bring karma on themselves simply by continuing to be a horrible person - at some point they will fall into the proverbial pit they were digging. At least some may end up completely alone in old age because no one can stand them anymore. My mother is "my" narc and I'm the last person who still put up with her. She has no friends left and family is either dead or no contact. I'll be going no contact too after I'm able to move out. She's old and won't have anyone to rely on. Too bad.

[@Lailat854]

I am sorry you had to go through this. Remember we see what is seeable. But what happens behind closed doors we know nothing about. His karma might have gotten to him already. If it hasn’t- it will. But you will not necessarily know about it. Hang into here❤️

[@woopiemiddleman8232]

@@Lailat854 thank you 🙏🏼 I love your conments

[@woopiemiddleman8232]

@@MrGrumpyGills ❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@raquelm2004]

Dear, you help us with these videos so mich qne it gives us backbthe sanity they are trying to gaslight

[@teviacruz7766]

My mother and ex husband were my narcs. I have spent so many years trying to recover from there abuse. Its a real challange and you have to work on it everyday

[@anahifuentes2637]

I needed to hear this today. Thank you ❤‍🩹

[@peaceandhappiness2]

Narcistic woman are a big thing. About time society accepts this.