5 Stages Of Marriage Reconciliation (No One Tells You This)

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hey guys hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited) 💪 Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> urlgeni.us/MCEP132DS 🎁 Download the FREE GUIDE! -> relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions 🎉 To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! kzbin.info/aero/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU

[@jjwiggs28]

I'm trying to reconcile my marriage. My WS has been more open to reconciliation vs. previous discussions. I need to take it slow. I've stopped the pushes. Spending some time with her as a friend. Rebuilding trust, slowly.

[@WoodnetRonnie]

Watching this mesmerizing video dredges up painful memories of the recent dissolution of my 5-year relationship. The departure of my beloved, the one I adore deeply, has left me in a perpetual state of longing. Despite my tireless attempts at reconciliation, I find myself mired in frustration, unable to shake the persistent thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to move forward, I'm compelled to share my inner turmoil and the overwhelming sense of missing her here.

[@Roselinekendris]

Letting go of someone you love deeply presents a formidable challenge. I faced a comparable ordeal when my 6 year relationship ended. Refusing to succumb to despair, I relentlessly pursued avenues to reconcile with him. Ultimately, I sought solace and guidance from a spiritual counselor, whose intervention proved instrumental in restoring our connection.

[@WoodnetRonnie]

Remarkable! How did you discover a spiritual counselor, and what's the procedure for me to get in contact with her?

[@Roselinekendris]

Meet Suzanne Ann Walters, a renowned spiritual counselor acclaimed for her talent in bringing back ex-partners.

[@WoodnetRonnie]

Many thanks for providing this valuable information; I've just conducted an online search for her. Remarkable!

[@MistaMagee]

Going through that myself. Into the second week. She hasn’t moved out yet but it’s coming soon

[@S1lverspike]

I think we have moved to stage 3 we’re neturual. My separated wife offered friendship and I accepted so we and our daughter can hang out together with no pressure. I said I want to build a new relationship and she smiled and agreed. I don’t want to worry about romance right now as she told me in the same breath she feels like she wants a divorce but also knows her feelings can change over time. This is really stepping into the unknown but I need to take the pressure off her so we can have good moments over time. She knows I want a happy marriage in the future but I’m also willing to respect boundaries.

[@frankl.5676]

Love the content! Please keep 'em coming. Many people have already mentioned this, but Geoffrey isn't just talking about relationship recovery. He's talking about self-recovery and personal development. The process is gold!

[@ChristopheBernard-p6b]

OMG when I was at the beginning stage and at a complete point of desperation I literally said that I wanted to feel the pain that she felt and be miserable. And the exact words that she said was know that's crazy LMAO as always great video. Thank you for making these. I definitely wish I had the money to join the program but there is no way I can afford it. But I have been siphoning what I can from these videos. Very grateful for these.

[@danielsalquistlandin769]

Thank you Geoffrey for everything. I just went through a breakup after a 5 year relationship. She also had a daughter who I was with from 1 to 6 years of age. I immediately knew that I had two problems, standing up for myself and my comfort zone. However I felt something more was the cause of the breakup. I found your video about no contact and it just blew me away, that was exactly how I felt. If I have made mistakes it's my task to change myself and reach out. I put in 600 hours in 1,5 months. The third problem was the emotional safety catch 22. Also, she was in a legal dispute with the daughter's father which meant that we couldn't move and it just drained our energy. I watched almost all of your videos, took your masterclass and studied your "healing your partner's emotions" guide. When we finally met for a talk it was amazing. I used everything I learnt and she was shocked of how I talked. However, she had someone new. I was just destroyed. I don't know what to do next except continue to working on myself. Do you have a comment maybe?

[@del_619]

You were destroyed because you have only learned and used the tactical approach. The reality is that if you join this program her opening up about someone new was a golden opportunity for your new and improved self to shine, but you have to be thriving through it. Like really what’s so damaging about you being great? How does her being with someone change what you have to do? Why didn’t you build more safety with her when she brought them up? because your tethered and only doing it to have her, not doing because you want to be.

[@danielsalquistlandin769]

@@del_619 Thanks. Sounds perfectly correct. At least I kept cool. She was acting and writing very strange during that time. I'm also proud that I took myself through hell, even though it can still hit me from nowhere. Anyway, now it's over and I got such a punch that I hopefully will stay humble and never stop working on myself.

[@MistaMagee]

Hey buddy, any update?

[@eggmanslimz]

Geoffrey you beautiful man you! 😂have made it to step 4 of Reconciliation literally by watching every single video and interview 2-3 times and up to 4-6 hours a DAY. And somehow after my partner left me in February she got engaged Geoffrey!! ENGAGED! And left him to come back to me. But I hadn’t purchased your class(still saving for it) I’m buying it but for now I had to learn. After about 2 weeks of leaving him she left me AGAIN! then after a week she left him for Good! And came back to me for a month and a week! Everything going well, then she left me again lol and I already knew what to think how to behave and continued bettering myself! She came back to me again but because she’s apparently moving to NY from California, she says she feels hopeless, sad, and ashamed. She has a 12 year old son and I’ve been with them for 3 years! They have literally became my family. Now currently I have 2 days left with them and they’re in my new place and I’m so happy to have her and him here but she’s still set on leaving! No logic no words will change her mind. So I’m just helping her along. I feel like she wants to stay (she says she does) but then says she doesn’t. She’s hot and cold by the hour. And I am simply here with a great attitude to be myself. Although I need your words to keep myself in the right mindset. I appreciate you man! And I’m gna buy this course so I can officially meet you and finally get my love to stay with me. I gotta step it up now. She’s going to leave and I’ve empowered her to and I need to be cookin with gas! 😅

[@StevoSparta-tt5vu]

I learned no contact does not work. I have realized my errors and that she tried so many times. I have worked on my communication and emotion. I talked to her and got on her level, put myself in her shoes. It’s been two weeks since we separated, and now she picks up the phone again…laughs, texts, and we can have conversation. I am taking it slow and looking to build foundation and trust.

[@theman1526]

Any updates?

[@StevoSparta-tt5vu]

Six months in. Rebuilding the emotional safety, it’s been going well. She really smiles again in conversation with me. I make her laugh, and don’t respond to her feminine frame but remain in my masculine I followed a different coach because this guy is too victim minded. What it comes down to is this. Love yourself. Make sure your default is the best you that not only listens to her but has a healthy way to regulate emotion. Read the book no more Mr nice guy, thank me later. Do not pay 4K for this program, it is a waste. We are people and we grow through life. You’ll figure it out

[@theman1526]

@@StevoSparta-tt5vu thank you. Who was the coach you followed?

[@StevoSparta-tt5vu]

Julienhimself, for your self work because this is honestly where the struggle and poor behaviors come from. He touches on pretty much everything this one has for those paradigms, frames, and inner workings but in more depth and a more natural way to learn. Marriage Mastery for the relationship. It is a more real approach, and my spouse responded extremely well to it. It also sets you up to ensure you have a backbone and not just being a partner pleaser which is the vibe here. A relationship is equal ground. And women want a guy who can put his foot down at times not just an emotional dumping bucket. Do untether. Do read no more Mr nice guy. Take away from Julien. Learn how to interact with your wife once you have learned to love yourself. Best of luck

[@SiegerFCN]

@@StevoSparta-tt5vu How long was your relationship til' the break-up, how long did you stay in no contact and did they lost feelings for you during the time? Wish you the best to completely reconcilate!

[@agriff7390]

Damn Geoffrey! Your videos are on a different plane of understanding all together. It’s like God mode lecture.

[@BoneThxgz]

Been about a month No Contact. Since then I’ve been hitting the books hard (exams and what not) and I’ve been gyming consistently. I find myself being more calm in situations I previously would have been heated, and so that’s an improvement for me. Having NC is still SO hard though. But, here’s to giving space… and keeping hope. I hope she and me meet again, can’t lie. Peace n Love brothers ☮️

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Great that you are not just practicing no contact and doing nothing but waiting on the back end, but you are actively bettering yourself. But be careful of having the wrong idea of what it means to ACTUALLY better yourself. I've already made a lot of videos on these, so I would check them out if I were you... (Videos on what actually makes you high value and desirable, etc...) "Hitting the books hard (exams and what not) and I’ve been gyming consistently." A lot of the men I enroll are leading pillars of the community, usually with already a lot of wealth, influence and power. And many of them look great and are in amazing shape. But yet, they still face intense marriage issues. Why? Because these changes are what we often refer to as NECESSARY, BUT NOT SUFFICIENT. Yes, it's necessary that you gain enough wealth, power, respect and be in shape... But doing those alone does not create the sufficient conditions for an amazing relationship. Just think about how replaceable these aspects are alone - how many wealthy, fit, influential, powerful and in-shape men can you meet? And just think about the hierarchy of needs, for example - what pillars of human needs does you focusing on your studies and getting fit allow you to create? Most likely, the base layers of human needs. So what's the necessary & sufficient skills to build? - Building the 5 pillars - Building the 3 layers of changes - ID shifting Building these pillars creates both NECESSARY & SUFFICIENT conditions for an amazing relationship. Just think about how many men you meet who can actually create a DEEP sense of safety and emotional connectedness in the relationship... And just think about the hierarchy of needs, for example - what pillars of human needs do these allow you to create? It allows you to provide all the way up to the top pillar of self-actualization. So while focusing on the studies and gyming is a great start - don't forget that that's not all that is meant by "improving yourself" :)

[@BoneThxgz]

@@GeoffreySetiawan This was an amazing response and I genuinely appreciate the time you take to give advice. You have made some very important points that I haven’t thought of. And whilst I’m working on my base layers, I’ve been watching your videos and I’ve been taking notes, and I’m starting to get the gist of your message. But I also do know that it takes time! I’ve learnt a lot from your videos around no contact, and something you’ve said to me in the past that stuck with me was “there’s no shame in having no contact, there’s shame in having nothing to show after breaking no contact.” I’ve been using your 3 layers of change in my every day life, with colleagues, supervisors etc. and I feel as though the way I express myself has come a long way from where I was, but I also know I’ve got a long way to go to getting it right 100% of the time. And so, my goal is to keep working on them - in addition to the other stuff - and hoping that one positive leads to another, and then (hopefully) her and keeping her haha Thanks Geoff. See you at the next video! 🤣🔥

[@lefteris1976]

This guy is an intelligent genius. Wow

[@jjwiggs28]

You must have my wife's playbook. She's reacted almost exactly as you've described. You're spot on. 👌

[@Aramakie98]

Mine too, brother! Her and I are in the 2nd stage and she finally opened up to me and told me while she is very proud of me for all of these developments, weight loss, and maturity she wonders why it took so damn long. We got to hang in there and keep on keeping on; reconciliation may be in our futures but only if we prove consistency over time.

[@Topheridle]

After a month of needing space I was able to really reassess myself and look inwards as to what I was doing to harm the relationship. One very successful conversation we had where I was able to identify the core issue that she was feeling (I would belittle/dismiss her feelings by using the stoic/logic approach in conflicts). A week later she said she wants a divorce because I was finally able to put into words what shes been feeling for years. We're now in limbo, staying in the same house but separated. I feel great that I was able to get us both to finally see the root issue but as Geoffrey says im in stage one of the Hopeless resistence stage (very rough!). Im doing my best to be positive as the new me and buckling down for the long road ahead. We still make small talk during the hot and cold days but I just dont know whens a good time to have a more serious conversation.

[@eggmanslimz]

Very very rough indeed… I’ve made it to stage 4 each stage gets more powerful 😅 but you gain this sense of peace in the patience. Hardest part is staying bulletproof and untethered because you feel like you are ignoring your partner but you watch it actually change them. Very slowly. Patience is mandatory

[@Aramakie98]

Couldn't agree more with @eggmanslimz . Time and consistency, as the team over at Marriage Helpers here on YT, and other resources keep advocating. I'm around stage 2 with my sig other and the counseling we are getting here and in similar places is pretty solid. Her and I have talked more than we have in a year; and, she isn't hiding her true intentions or feelings. My stuff started around the end of 2019; so that is roughly three years of her dealing with my depression... translation, it will take time to even begin the convo about reconciliation in my case and no doubt it will in your own (depending upon your situations). Keep it up and remain bulletproof, my guy.

[@MistaMagee]

Any update?

[@michael7v6]

These videos give me hope. I need all the hope I can get.

[@AnonymousNP]

I wonder if this works for a fiancee as well, she and I were going to get married but she called it off. we took a 50-day hiatus from talking, I reached out from a better emotional state. She wants to keep in touch with me, see where life takes us, and see if our lives align. I know I must fix myself, she must as well. I have moved many hours away from her. We talk now and then. I miss her. I have been watching your videos during work, they help me feel less hopeless.

[@darrellborland119]

@nathanpedneault8699...it sounds as if she is afraid of the marriage commitment...don't know if moving further away is in best interests of deepening bonds, leading to matrimony. It sounds as if a course of coaching may help you, in your quest to be a better man with her. My first marriage happened when young and immature. Our second one is a whole different ball game, of 25 years. We were lucky the stars lined up in our favor, LOL. Nathan, you are welcome to answer, and I will try to give thoughtful, honest feedback. If I knew what I know now, the past would occurred very differently. The path you are on of self-improvement I applaud, and hope you will continue to improve your life-outlook as the months and years accumulate. Please update, if you will. Thanks, from Darrell. 🙂

[@stefanbjornberg9265]

Wow! Amazing video of each step! Makes it way easier to see where I’am at. Thank you!

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Which stage do you think you are at right now?

[@stefanbjornberg9265]

@@GeoffreySetiawanI believe in the end of stage 2 a few times in stage 3. I noticed changes in her trust and that she feel she can bring things up. But maybe not the hardest one yet, but I mentioned a lot of my mistakes already.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

@@stefanbjornberg9265 Great! Keep it going! Keep your expectations in check, and expect the resistances to happen, understand why they happen, and lean into them properly. Turn those lemons into lemonades - shock her with your changes and responses CONSISTENTLY, and do not fall into the mistakes most men make...

[@stefanbjornberg9265]

@@GeoffreySetiawan Thank you!

[@gingerdad127]

Thank you for your video, I've been saying this for ages to other men ✅✅✅

[@scottcaviness8492]

When does the couple decide to live together and work on this?

[@stevosd60]

Excellent video Geoff 👍

[@escottn]

Wow! So incredibly well explained!

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Which stage of the process do you think you are at?

[@escottn]

I feel like I'm going through the process of being untethered to the outcome. I don't know if I'm quite there yet because I have not had a "hard test" from her to find where I fail. I want to know my failing point. She (my wife) has slowly began to move towards me though she keeps reiterating "she's not sure." That statement does not make me nervous. I'm waiting for her to distance herself though I don't know if she will or not. It doesn't matter. She moved out 9 months ago and we just began communication about 3wks ago. Not involved in any relationship outside of our marriage for me or her.

[@escottn]

@@GeoffreySetiawan your videos have taught me the tremendous importance of safety and "it's the process, not the outcome." She told me last week she feels safe with me. She shut down years ago. Said it's been years since she felt safe.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

@@escottn Good! Make sure you are not mistaking untetheredness with hopeless indifference, and make sure you know paradox of change when you see it so you don't fall for the same mistakes many men make during resistances... Resistances are good! Lean into them - invite them, and turn them into lemonades.

[@joannariseley2132]

Which video has the 4 ingredients to surrender?. Thanks

[@mattrandall1808]

Me and my wife and her sister were going good between now 🎉months

[@Lv06517]

Hey Geoffrey your work is great thanks for your help! Is this advice the same when your actually divorced papers signed and everything ?

[@ThanksWyatt]

Yes, the process doesn't change. Think of divorce as just paperwork. Stay focused and become bulletproof. Plenty of men in the program have been divorced for years and still reconcile.

[@gsmith46]

are you in the program?

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

How and why would the advice be different? How does divorce papers signed or not have anything to do with the fact that: - You need to remove victim mindset - You need to untether - You need to become anti-fragile - You need to master the frameworks - You need to ID shift - You need to create noble intentions - You need to build safety - And the rest of the 5 pillars?

[@ThanksWyatt]

@@gsmith46yes, I am in the program.

[@Lv06517]

@@ThanksWyattthanks brotha for encouragement post!

[@yea0276]

Can anyone help?: My wife needed space...its been 6 months. Now she's saying she still doesn't know if she wants us to be together again. Im up and down ,one minute i want to give up , next minute i feel like i will fight for her till the end. Slowly Im loosing my mind. What should i do? Is there any hope should i fight or give up...i feel like im dying from inside.

[@MMAStriking]

Whenever i tell my boyfriend that something he says hurts my feelings. He turns it around on me and says i hurt him in some way that he has never expressed before. It's all about him and im losing interest/attraction to him.

[@kyleesson6174]

He, like me has likely not been raised in an environment where he was safe or encouraged to express and speak on the full range of emotion and feeling. Having said that you can break through to him but it's likely finding a way to actually speak to him. there's no doubt he understands your words but doesn't know how to respond or nuture your hurt. or he's uncomfortable as he doesn't even know how to face this stuff for himself, let alone another.

[@kyleesson6174]

you may find he's hiding his own pain, and struggle and past coz he has been taught to believe work hard, make money, big goals, always O.k. Your biggest trial is finding away to break through to him. I'd ask him questions about his past, how it effected him, how he feels. there's no certainty but if you can get him to open up you will find he will come around to being empathetic to your needs

[@bhello99]

its been almost 2 years of no contact..i am still blocked..no signs from her..is it even still possible..

[@txeazy]

yes. don't follow the no contact rule. watch the videos.

[@ThanksWyatt]

Yep. It is possible if you are willing to do the work laid out for you in the program. You become irreplaceable. It's a bunch of hard work ngl.

[@bhello99]

@@txeazyi did not but i was blocked from all avenue so i have no way of contacting her anymore. in other words, she left me no choice but to be in no contact.

[@geauxbearsdiecastworkshop149]

she has been out of home for 10 months although I see her everyday. The hot cold attitude is killer. My bullet proof vest is somewhat established but I really don't think it will shield me. We were together 29 yrs. I am panicked about the fact she may resign the lease. How do I handle this?

[@ThanksWyatt]

She is testing you. Double down and control your emotions. Be bulletproof. Don't respond out of anger. You can not use the same knowledge that created the problem to solve the problem. Real change happens when you take action in a new way so many times that it becomes who you are. Never give up. Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard?

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Like I always tell my clients - if your partner is not RUNNING back to your arms, that is simply a sign that your changes aren't massive enough, and obvious enough - that you have not made yourself an obvious choice. Think about it this way - Imagine you have a cooler in your kitchen. And someone says "You can buy my cooler, and it is 10% better than the one you have now... Would you do the work of getting rid of your cooler for 10% better? Now imagine if someone says "I have a refrigerator and it is 10x better than your freaking cooler". Wouldn't you now JUMP into buying that? So you asked - "How do you handle this?" Don't get distracted with what we call TBUs (True but useless things). Your sole focus is on the fact that: - You need to remove victim mindset - You need to untether - You need to become anti-fragile - You need to master the frameworks - You need to ID shift - You need to create noble intentions - You need to build safety - And the rest of the 5 pillars? Become irreplaceable at doing all of these, and everything else takes care of itself. But if you keep wasting time wasting your precious energy and time on uselessly worrying about TBUs and not growing, then don't expect your circumstances to change.

[@geauxbearsdiecastworkshop149]

you are right. I'm working on things I have seen in your videos. Just seems that I am not making much progress.

[@geauxbearsdiecastworkshop149]

​@wyattearp2032 I choose my marriage. I think that I struggle with making her see the changes are there and here to stay.

[@ThanksWyatt]

@@geauxbearsdiecastworkshop149 she's always watching. Stay the course even if she makes you feel hopeless. Snap out of the victim mindset. Work on yourself. Stay positive. Keep fighting.

[@justme_brentg]

She left three years ago.

[@Tech2feed]

What should i do when she is blaming me for the thing i haven't done? And she is not ready to understand and listen

[@del_619]

By stop blaming her and understand her first and listen to her. You’ll find they’ll share a lot without you opening your mouth really.

[@Admiralboom46]

New videos 🔥

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

❤‍🔥❤‍🔥

[@jaybrand882]

So with my situation she’s saying she’s done even before Step 1. She has never expressed her feelings to me about how I’ve been making her feel in our marriage until recently but now it’s at the point she’s been holding it in for so long and damage has been done. I completely understand how she feels but there’s still a small part of me saying “damn can I at least show you a better version of me?” I’ve made self improvements since she’s expressed everything and she notices but is still saying she’s done because of the hurt.

[@uh2lu]

Did y’all ever reconcile?

[@MattBlogna]

Spot on finally someone expresses how the majority ends up

[@darrellborland119]

A major issue is initial incompatibility. covered up, of course by physical lust. As months and years go by, the couple separate spiritually, economically, sometimes politically/culturally. and then physically. Antidote if you both still love each other: go see a counselor, and start practicing mindfulness. Suggestion: watch film from 08: "Fireproof"...contains a suggestion: "Study your wife"...one strategy for recommitting loving bonds in an ongoing active manner. Personal proof here, and hope someone is helped out. Thanks.😀😇

[@hamimyusuf8826]

hello there ive been in a relationship for 4 years and now shes decided to leave. May i know in order to start from step 1, how do i approach her slowly. i was planning to give her foods since she really love to eat or some books

[@CliffNdukuya]

"It seems difficult to work on the relationship all by yourself, it hardly works" Those were her words.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Right now, we have published 76 in-depth client interviews within the last 2 years - all showing that this is not only possible, but not necessarily "hard" when you have the right process... Note - the 76 interviews we have are just those people who have volunteered to say "yes" to having their story shared with the general public. There are the other 90%+ success stories we help create who you will never see because sharing your marriage and relationship woes with the general public is not something everyone wants to do. So my point is... This has been done before... Many times over... From situations to that are objectively extremely dire... And if you were in my coaching program, I would tell you - her saying that it is hopeless is actually a massive opportunity... The main question is - Have you developed enough of a hero mindset, untetheredness, BPV, and mastered the frameworks enough to RECOGNIZE this opportunity, actually LEAD the healing of your relationship, and SHOW her how much and how effectively you can lead? kzbin.info/www/bejne/gGStqaiBbthlg5o

[@jackieohara]

*Promo sm* 😊