5 Things To Know When You're Triggered - Childhood Trauma

In this video we cover: triggers, cbt, dbt, tools, therapy tools, conflict, vagas nerve, self-regulation, toxic, toxic family systems, boundaries, truth, childhood trauma, inner child, inner child work, c-ptsd, ptsd, toxic parents, narcissistic abuse, healing, abusive parents, emotional abuse, childhood ptsd, repressed memories, hypervigilance, narcissistic parents, emotionally abusive parents, child abuse, narcissistic father, childhood emotional neglect, abuse, narcissistic mother, alcoholism, scapegoat, genogram, siblings, dissociation, trauma
Chapters:
0:00 Intro
5:40 Connect With Me
6:29 About Being Triggered
13:21 #1: Think of how it's typically going to go
14:51 #2: You don't have to respond or react if you're wired for that
17:06 #3: You can take action and respond if you're wired not to
18:41 #4: Think of what the trigger takes you back to?
20:47 #5: Think of how you're safer now in the present
23:43 Final Thoughts
24:38 Outro
Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings
➡️ linktr.ee/patrickteahan
MUSIC IS BY - Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream
• Chris Haugen - Ibiza D...
Editing service
www.jamesrara.com/
⚠️ Disclaimer
My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.
If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[@997cloud]

"Its nice to get to a place where you're even sick of your own trauma narrative...". A well-put moment of clarity.

[@Sunny-vm4ry]

Isn't it Wonderful?

[@carolnahigian9518]

Wow,great insight! I can Survive Wicked Cousin Windbag the Michigan back-Stabber& events RUINED, 1960-2023 & Beyond.

[@carmenl163]

Or a place of completely dismissing yourself. I found that there is always some truth in my trauma response. The response may be over the top, but it's always there for a reason.

[@DelFlo]

@@carmenl163there might be truth in it for YOU, that doesn’t mean your reaction was in any way justified towards others.

[@carmenl163]

@@DelFlo??? That's why I recognize that my response may be over the top.

[@dewchamp5716]

How are your videos always so on point? 🤯 You're the most helpful person on the entire internet. Are you an angel, caring so much for people? I've been marathoning your work here, because it feels like the most safe place I can get to mentally. I get to learn about myself from a therapist in America, who doesn't know me 😄 Aside from my own therapist, you help so much with understanding things for what they are. Not only do you know things, you've also been through things. And honestly, you're are really tough guy Patrick. Tough yet gentle hearted. That's an outstanding value in this world. People should strive to be like you, please continue your work 🙏

[@BeckkBear]

1 million percent agreed!!

[@mackturner1505]

Seriously! His videos are always exactly what I need

[@bethmoore7722]

He has a granular understanding of what is happening when we feel the undertow of a trigger, an understanding that only comes from someone who’s been where we have. It makes me think of a saying I’ve heard - never trust a healer without a limp. I hope you can find a therapist like Patrick to work one-on-one with you, and that you have joy in your day today.

[@pupchubs6301]

All Of This! We love you Patrick. I’m a college professor learning so much from you and one of the most surprising lessons has been how incredible FREE information can be.

[@mnbotanicals]

WELL SAID!! Patrick is a godsend, my emotions/actions are finally starting to make sense.

[@artemis7093]

I'll tell you guys about this trigger I have. When I was young, my dad used to work during the day and come home during the evening, riding his bike. The moment he walked through the door, my mother would pounce on him and start complaining about literally everything. She complained about me, about her chores, about money, just everything. And the two would fight till nighttime. I am 28 now, and the sound of bikes during evenings still gives me intense anxiety... Man, some people, like my parents, should not have kids.

[@astrialindah2773]

But if your parents didn't have kids.. 😉

[@Kaagrant]

The sounds of someone near my front door can trigger fear in me. Just like my mother coming home did when I was a child. Those are classic PTSD responses.

[@Kaagrant]

@@astrialindah2773 my parents should not have had children. My mother had a litter of us, was completely incompetent, could handle nothing, not the slightest incident of something not going her way. She traumatized the hell out of us and produced some narcissistic kids too, who in their middle age, are about as horrible as she is. Two of us wound up “only” being depressives with anxiety and dissociative responses. No, She should never have had children, but it’s pointless to dwell on such thoughts, because what’s done is done. I have found it makes me feel fewer suicidal thoughts not to go down that rabbit hole. She had children, and that’s that.

[@reneeodayok859]

Well I'm glad your here. It's not that they shouldn't have had kids....it's that they should have had someone to tell them to fuckin quit being dumb and chill cause they were messing the kids up 🙂 generational trauma is something everyone has. It's unavoidable. Everyone makes mistakes in parenting. Everyone. That doesn't mean we don't try and be better 💕

[@daniellewatson8352]

Sounds like your mother had major issues, like she fed off disrupting the family.

[@margaretlovecchio8316]

90% of our trauma responses are from feeling that we’re not being seen 👍 trauma is from being disconnected, healing comes from being positively connected to ourselves & healthy others ❤️ & that’s at less than 4 minutes in! So much knowledge & wisdom thank you for sharing & caring about us by sharing all your videos

[@vivvy_0]

and thats why i will never heal since i have no healthy bonds around me to take part in :(

[@grassgrees6728]

@@vivvy_0 sending virtual hugs

[@crystinanna7829]

Yes. So much great insight right from the start. I was surprised but also encouraged. Wow, it makes so much sense.

[@amber40494]

​@@vivvy_0 I don't have any either. I'm going to try Patrick's Healing Community. I went to al-anon and to adult children but I found people were still talking about how much they hated their abusive parents.

[@carmenl163]

@@vivvy_0 You have yourself, don't you? You can establish a healthy connection with yourself. That is the most important one. The rest is just a bonus.

[@ArcanumMysterySchool]

I am so grateful for the internet and online therapists. Finally, I am starting to heal after watching and listening to you, Anna, and a few others. $134/hr for a therapist was allowing me to only have one session a month. I really wasn't getting far that way. Thank you for all that you do. I hope you know how many lives you are changing. 💜🙏💜

[@257rani]

Me too 💟

[@kab2599]

It’s also you being self-aware and putting in the work to feel better❣️🙌👏❤️

[@seriouscat2231]

Anna who?

[@ArcanumMysterySchool]

Anna Kendrick, the Crappy Childhood Fairy

[@madelinemaize1426]

@@ArcanumMysterySchool Anna Runkle

[@christybecnel3278]

For those who stay upset for days after a trigger… I learned through DNA health testing that I have a non-functional COMT gene, meaning, when I get a rush of adrenaline, my body cannot process and get rid of it, so that feeling lingers for DAYS. Thank you for your insightful videos. I have learned that KNOWING is a lot of the battle. When I feel that RUSH, I now know I need to talk myself down quickly so I’m not stuck in that mode. You are always SO on point! You get it. Thank you ❤️

[@jenniferhermanson8969]

Wow, that’s a thing? Holy shit this may explain some things…

[@MissingScaffolding]

I have COMT Val158Met! Very much agreed, knowing is a big part of the battle. I developed IST and SVT, Hashimoto’s, PMDD, adrenal insufficiency, and hyperadrenergic POTS from that little mutation. 😭☠️ Sending love and gentle hugs your way. 💗

[@butterflycaterpillar]

@j.loureiro with all those issues, you may want to test for lyme and Bartonella. I’ve also been down the Lyme disease path. Lots of similarities!

[@MissingScaffolding]

@@butterflycaterpillar COMT is the source of everything I listed, diagnosed and treated by Mayo. I have friends who have Lyme. 🫂 Dengue Fever is the other post viral culprit, and my other conditions are congenital, not pathogenic in nature.

[@Bronte866]

Fascinating about the non-functioning COMT gene. I didn’t know that those tests even went down those roads. I want to do this as soon as I can. Maybe I want to know if I might be related to someone sane.

[@onedarkgypsy]

"Drowning in the trigger" seems to be what usually happens to me. As always, thank you for sharing your info and helping us heal.

[@m.maclellan7147]

Same. In my family it was "conditioned non-reactivity".

[@Hawaiiansky11]

I've started to learn that when I swear a blue streak, it means I'm triggered. It could be something as simple as dropping a fork on the floor, and suddenly, I'm "there" (we were taught that our mistakes, no matter how minor, are unforgivable and will require payment). I've been looking into attending ASCA - Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse- groups and have downloaded their book Survivor to Thriver. I did that in 2013, but was in a big hurry to get through it, get well and get back to life. This time, I'm taking my old sweet time and trying to make sense of things and heal at whatever pace makes sense at the time.

[@bumblebeetuna046]

Been to therapy so many times, taken meds and the only thing that has helped me heal has been your videos... no therapy, no meds... just your videos... thank you

[@csviolin0516]

Amen! Me too! Medication didn’t help me at all. Some basic therapy helped initially, but then my therapist passed away from cancer, I married, had children, life got busier, and I got “stuck”.I’ve been in a “stuck” place for many years. Thank God for Patrick and his videos and community healing group. I am finally able to heal and change. For years I wondered what was wrong with my brain….well, this video explains it perfectly. It will still take time and patience, but I am ecstatic to finally be moving in the consistent right direction! Thank you Patrick.🙏

[@spookygiggles]

Oh my gosh when you were talking about how your mom would gloomily unload everything to you when you were younger instantly made me realize that my mom used to do the same exact thing. I never realized how much it affected me. I always find myself learning something new about myself when I watch your videos.

[@juliebraden4865]

Same.

[@tahiyamarome]

Preach!

[@m.maclellan7147]

My mom would SCREAM out all her anger & frustration towards me. I was not allowed to leave the room, respond in ANY way and heaven forbid my face showed ANY emotion ("Get that look off your face, or I'll get it off for you!!!" Meaning she'ld hit me.) Lovely being the scapegoat.

[@tahiyamarome]

@@m.maclellan7147 wow! did we grow up in the same house? does your mother's name start with S? Sheesh!! What is WRONG with these people? I would never in a million years treat anyone the way we were treated. And you know it's a choice because they don't go off on cops or judges or anyone who can hold them to account.

[@m.maclellan7147]

@@tahiyamarome LOL. No not the same name. What was so galling was that everyone "thought" she was 'nice' ! That was THEN. Now she's older & can NOT hide her nastiness as well, and now the relatives see behind her mask !

[@alisondunning7116]

Great timing. I got triggered late on Friday by demands from someone senior at work. It ruined my weekend. But, for just about the first time ever, I responded, rather than shut down - I told them their request had been overly heavy-handed. This was a step forward for me.

[@Ggravezz]

🎉Yay!! Good for you!!! I just started speaking up for myself for the first time ever too instead of feeling horrible for the whole weekend bc I wasn’t able to. I just want to cheer for you and me too- this IS a great first step! WE ARE DOING IT. Much love and thank you for sharing.😊

[@carenburmeister5002]

Congratulations! That’s a big win and confirmation that you can do it.

[@BeRightBack131]

Whenever I get triggered these days, it can take me up to 2 weeks to come back down. At least I've become far better at heading it off at the pass, before it can take over. I really hate it when I go there, especially when it lasts for between 3 and 14 days.

[@mariahchantel]

Thank you for sharing this. When you said "lawyer mode" I literally laughed because I do this a lot.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

I feel like i have to go in to lawyer mode to try and show my mother how illogical and unreasonable she is being but it doesnt work, she doesnt listen. She is 100% committed to being the victim of me

[@theartistmissib6845]

@@SusanaXpeace2u “she is 100% committed to being a victim…” my mum in a bottle. I wish U strength ☮️☸️💜

[@amyjennings2343]

Me too!

[@KiwiFox3]

Me too! I laughed and was like woah now, I feel called out lmao!

[@pelletier4432]

So important to learn to regulate when a trigger for action is dominating any semblance of self control because overreacting can bring deeper shame later. It can be really overpowering.

[@turnleftaticeland]

God, ain’t that the truth

[@Kaagrant]

It definitely triggers deep shame in me.

[@cathywestholt5324]

I have been a night owl since birth. Fortunately for my mom, she was, too. Even though my sleep cycle was in sync with hers, she was the traumatizing factor in my childhood....and really throughout her whole life. My ex was always upset with me for being a night owl. It took me to get into my 60's before it happened, but I finally got a second shift job! 😊👍 I also now work with the most loving, supportive, wonderful people. At 67 I have no desire to retire.

[@Bronte866]

You are very fortunate. I believe I am a staunch night owl because the only peace I ever got was when my abusive parents were asleep. People often label you morally inferior for being a night owl and it’s very stigmatizing.

[@j.m9189]

Thank you for your honesty. I am not a morning person especially if I am going to work early in the morning . But when I am off I don't have any anxieties I am more relaxed. When I was a child we were woken up early to do chores before school and as a grown up I hate being told what to do because all my childhood was being told what to do and we were not allowed to talk back.So now I speak up.

[@Me-kq8uv]

Probably that's me too.l find myself wanting to live on my own terms, rebel against certain social expectations. l just don't want to explain myself to anyone especially my parent.

[@mariamarin7294]

I also don’t like being told what to do. This also comes from my childhood.

[@Me-kq8uv]

@@mariamarin7294 Same ,am at a rebellious stage where l want I live my life as l see it fit .Of course in an ethical way.

[@NoahLema]

I do number 2 all the time but it can be hard when doing that in-person because the other person might see it as me shutting down when it’s really just me preventing myself from blowing up

[@Ichneumonxx]

When I get triggered it helps me to go into dialogue mode with myself by asking questions: What am I feeling? Why am I feeling this? What does this remind me of? How is it different? What is the worst thing that can happen? etc. It makes me, more aware of what is happening, and makes it easier to wind down and to f.eg. get away from the triggering element. The trick is to notice I am being triggered, because that is not so easy.

[@sylviaelizabethclarecholic2073]

Thank you for your comment. It is meaningful to me.😊

[@ijustwanttosleepnow]

When I feel triggered, if I can get to my notebook and write out what I’m triggered about, it gives my brain the time to switch over and usually a more objective opinion comes out, seeing what is really going on and finding the situation to not be what I felt it was. However, it’s really tough to get to pen and paper at times. I appreciate this mental exercise.

[@lawstsoul]

I sort of did this on my own and my method has since spawned some amusing conversations with my therapists. In the movie Rescuers Down Under there's a high-strung frilled lizard named Frank. Frank panics a LOT and in his panic will often make situations worse. When I first saw Frank I thought, "That's my lizard brain." The goal I set for myself was to visualize Frank before the limbic cascade set in when I was triggered. All I wanted was one second. One second turned into 5 seconds, then 30 seconds. At that point I could address my Frank visualization directly, at least long enough to yell, "Slow down!" Sometimes it helped, sometimes not. After lots and lots of practice I eventually got to where I could have conversations with this visualization and talk it down. It's been 20 years now and I still use this. Sometimes if I can feel that something's bugging me but I'm not triggered, I'll call Frank and talk through it. It still gets away from me from time to time, things happen too fast or I'm tired or stressed, but I can have talks after to figure out what happened. How therapists react to this DIY solution is my bar for whether or not I can work with them. If they insist it's a hallucination or sign of disassociation, not something I can turn off and on at will, that's not someone I want poking around in my head. My very best therapists have been the ones who ask me to conjure Frank so they can talk to him themselves. They get it that I've been using this tool for so long that I can sometimes look directly at part of my brain that most folks only see by mapping around it.

[@Itslanee]

Hey. That sentence, "It's a good place when you're so sick of your trauma narrative." helped me be less critical with myself. I'm at a point in recovery, I get annoyed at the narrative, even laugh at it. I gave them a name. "Oh, there's *not going to say name* rearing her nosy self in my brain again." It's an interesting place to be. I agree, thanks.

[@storydates]

When I saw your video about the girl being triggered by the email from her boss, my mind was blown. I used to think that "triggers" were only big things, like having to communicate with an abuser or things like that, which left me completely in the dark when it came to my daily reactions, and I felt like I was just a deeply dysfunctional person. And yet, ironically, I also thought I would be great at marriage and being a mom, because I was so sure that I didn't want the kind of family life that I saw and had growing up. So I majored in Family Studies, and truly I loved it. My classes were like coming up for fresh air. But then, after graduating and doing a bunch of yoga classes, I really thought I was *ready* for marriage and being a mom..... and I was not. I just had no idea how much trauma was stuck in my brain, and also my health. It was honestly a little devastating when I became a mom and realized that without extra help (childcare etc), I would not be a good mom (thankfully we can afford extra help; I know not everyone can). Without help, I quickly shut down and go into survival mode, and then I'm not very functional. Anyway, I think I'll always need to bring in resources and help as a mom, but it's been a while since I felt really hopeful about having a more functional baseline. Thank you for giving me that.

[@m.maclellan7147]

I decided not to have children due to childhood trauma. I never was overly "into" babies (anything under 3), and tended to wind up with unhealthy relationships (Narcs), so, single & childless. Did a bunch of therapy in my early 20's, but all this newer info on childhood trauma makes me debate going back for more. (I'm 59)

[@storydates]

@@m.maclellan7147 I would recommend looking into it!! Especially if your insurance offers some mental health coverage. I had done some therapy before as well but now I'm working with a trauma therapist (thanks to this channel!) and it is a world of difference.

[@lc4life369]

@@storydates you are lucky, we don't have any good ones for trauma in my area.

[@storydates]

@@lc4life369 The therapist I see is actually through telehealth! I know that meeting over video doesn't seem as ideal, but I've actually found it's worked quite well :)

[@lc4life369]

@@storydates actually that is more ideal for me. My biggest issue with therapy is getting out of the house to get there. I have agoraphobia (I've even been diagnosed and put on disability for a long period of time) and they don't seem to understand that. I miss one apt and they tell me I can't come back. I had one counselor that understood and would let me call on the really bad days but then she told me insurance won't cover phone calls anymore (this was years ago). So I haven't tried sinse. Now knowing that phone therapy is becoming a thing again I've considered going back. I just hate how they tell you they want to help you,gain your trust then throw you out the second you don't show up once. Especially when that is the problem I'm trying to get help with, anxiety interfering with life and being avoidant. Wich I think has alot to do with trauma that I need to sort out. Thank you I will definitely look into the place you mentioned.

[@KBiernacka]

"aware of the trigger, not drowning in it" - clearly and concisely put :)

[@christinag.2137]

A massive trigger lead me to this channel. When it happened it was like a shot was fired into the air and my brain took off running. It did not slow down for three days! The person that caused the trigger was a parent. As you described, I went into self- righteous mode but something seemed to break free as I realized blaming the parent was getting me nowhere and I would need to be “fixed “ from the inside out. Your work has given me so much clarity on the origins and mechanisms of these emotions and make the truth of my role undeniable. In some ways it’s very liberating! You have a gift for making this complex topic less complex and more understandable.🙏

[@BeRightBack131]

Omg Christina, you described it so perfectly. It IS like a gun shot going off and we start running (in our heads). I have a question: do you, or anyone else, actually get like a hearing problem/ringing in their ears, when this proverbial gunshot goes off inside our heads (triggered)? Because that's how I know I'm screwed for the next several days. If something triggers that really deep trauma, there's no "thinking" in the space between the imaginary gunshot and then running. It's like an instantaneous reaction (gunshot = running), no time to process what's happening. And that's why I said it takes me anywhere from 3 to 14 days to process the information and talk myself back to the present.

[@christinag.2137]

@@BeRightBack131 I don’t t recall noticing a hearing problem/ ringing in ears specifically but I had a moment of paralysis. Fortunately, events of that magnitude have been pretty rare.

[@smartmarketing173]

For me, it’s a work situation; I feel like I’m being set up to fail, get so triggered I lose my words, can barely see, and make losing my job a foregone conclusion. I can’t find any redeeming quality, as recommended (as I could with someone I love because I know work’s not loyal to me, and I hate 75% of this job) so I bounce between fight (anger at being taken advantage of, bullied, ignored, embarrassed, made vulnerable), and flight (rage applying, dreaming of leaving, like my dad did, any time the situation didn’t suit him). I’ve lost my jobs many times through mergers, downsizing, budget cuts, etc, and every negative office situation triggers me like PTSD. But this video is the first time I feel like maybe someone understands, and can help.

[@BeRightBack131]

@@christinag.2137 it's interesting how different people experience trauma in different ways. Since you said that, I think what I meant by hearing problem is more like how blood rushes to your head and all you can hear is the sound of your own heartbeat pounding in your ears. It may also be that part of my trauma is also related to the loud screaming and unpleasant sounds heard in childhood. I remember hiding in different places and just trying to cover my ears because of how disturbing it all was. So maybe my triggers cause me to psychosomatically associate triggers with loud noise (hence the hearing problem)? I dunno, I've just always noticed that when I'm triggered bad enough, my hearing gets weird...

[@christinag.2137]

@@smartmarketing173 work is definitely a challenge for me as well. It’s not difficult to see how the social hierarchal structure at work could be the source of daily triggers! In my case with work, I was aware there was likely an some sort of underlying connection between work experience and family relationship of origin but I couldn’t connect the dots. I hope finding this channel will speed your healing.

[@yveqeshy]

I really appreciate you describing the limbic system as the part where our triggered inner child resides and the prefrontal lobe as where our loving adult resides. This paints a clear picture and gives one a road map on where they are and want to be when they're triggered. Something I have gathered from you is that parenting is essentially knowing how to guide a child on how to make sense of a situation, comfort them, make them understand what is within their control and what isn't and see them through the process of how to act/react appropriately to situations progressively and for those of us with cptsd this didn't happen for us so we unfortunately have to go through the process either with a therapist or a safe friend or partner or by ourselves as we heal from our trauma and hopefully get to a place where we act appropriately or reduce the time we spend activated by triggers

[@duetopersonalreasonsaaaaaa]

That is an excellent way to describe parenthood. Kids don't know how to human fully, you have to teach them thede basic things, how awful is it to expect adult behavior out of a child when you've never once taught or modeled that adult behavior to them?

[@kkfjkf2099]

Thank you for this. This description is itself helpful to understanding exactly WHAT was missing; and why the absence of that thing has been life altering.

[@bobd6965]

2:36 yes lol. Ive been feeling this a LOT lately. One of my big triggers is when people/someone gets close to me in public. its so over-reactive that I have to laugh at myself and say out loud "Ok.. we're gonna calm down now and chill out".

[@janedunlap3518]

I had a recent trigger...it was major. I've been trying to analyze why...this helped me so much. Great advice how to handle future ones. 👏 Thank you. Ps..and I agree, haven't found a therapist who can explain this as well as you did. Thanks again😊👍

[@stoneyvowell1239]

Although I agree with everything you said, how do we deal with other people's triggers when they want to keep you triggered so that they can gain the control over you. It's not always easy or possible to walk away from a situation that will cause you to fight or dissociate. When you go into fight or stand up for yourself, you look like the bad guy. When you dissociate or fawn that's considered submission and is socially acceptable, especially in a work environment. Most old-school employers prefer you to fawn and not stand up for yourself (even when you are completely in the right) or you will get fired.

[@joywebster2678]

You raise good points. I'm at the end of my career now. I hate fawning, and found reasonable standing up rarely was appreciated, I finally learned to largely take my emotions out of my work relationships and focus on the work. Much lonlier, but I could see traps and crap rolling my way much earlier because I wasn't sitting in my emotions. Interestingly I had a series of strokes in the last couple of years of work, and when my really unpleasant boss would start her regular sessions of degradation, I would find tears pouring down my face. Ohh she was mad. Employee health did try to help me, but the tears still fall when humiliated wheras I could always control them previously. I miss my patients but not the bosses and silly games employees play.

[@eecneihappy]

Oh my, I hate mornings so much, I remind myself people are only trying to be nice when they say "Good Morning" : ) Min 5 is awesome 👌 ❤ Also bills in the morning? Are you kidding me? I am triggered for you! JK. My hubby wanted to ask me about taxes one time and toliet paper another time, right before appointments and got frustrated when I politely told him I had to deal with it later. Zoom joke bomb, happened too. TY for this! PS This is a such a helpful video. Also I signed up for shame webinar-replay and am looking forward to it.

[@PutinsMommyNeverHuggedHim]

Oh heck no I don’t wanna wake up and start my day talking about bills or taxes! That’s gonna ruin my day!

[@elizabethseiden9938]

I remember how I felt when my mom talked to her friend about me and she said that she wasn’t on my side. She insulted me and invalidated me to her friend at our house. It was toxic to her her speak in such a dark tone about me. I was around five years old! This has been a trigger for me with my toxic boss lately! I’m going to a novel and film writer. I’ve always wanted to be my own boss! My narcissistic father had his own immigration business and he still has it today! He helped nurses from the Philippines get their green cards. I believe that my father revealed that his friend from the Philippines had died. It was strange how he mentioned him at the dinner table. His second wife hates us three kids from his first marriage. She made a rule that we are no longer allowed to step foot into the house that we grew up in!!! My narcissistic father announced to us in 2001, that we were no longer welcome in his house. We had a family reunion last February, and the rule was that we could only meet him in a fancy restaurant where one of us adult kids picked up the bill, and happily paid for it with an ear to ear grin!!!!

[@sheilasmith1109]

Patrick!! You’re the first therapist who’s shown the basic etiology of the human brain, that explains Triggers and Responses! Being a lifelong student of biology and healthcare, it’s the ONLY thing that actually HELPS ME UNDERSTAND this subject in the way that I NEED to help me HEAL! There are NO WORDS to explain how much I appreciate your videos and especially this one! I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for your efforts to help us!! ❤️👍🙏💕

[@lisamarieashby2523]

Muscle memory will always be there, despite your training and learning. But your message is so healthy and is a fantastic example of "how to handle" these issues in a respectful and positive way! It is what we ALL need to learn!

[@alexiayearty8105]

I like to think of triggers as mental allergies: over-the-top reactions to otherwise mundane events in a misguided attempt to defend the system.

[@Smazzpop]

I really appreciate your videos. I'm going to preemptibly apologize for my wall of text, it's a combination of venting and feeling hopeless. One of the things I struggle with the most is being mean to myself. There is alot I have to do to my environment to make it even slightly comfortable (I unwillingly live in an rv), and I always manage to fall short. No matter how much time and effort I put into cleaning and organizing, I still have no space to breathe, I still can't walk without my hair snagging on something, tripping, or knocking something over. There is a multitude of ever present issues that come with living here. My fiance and I chose this because it's cheaper than any apartment or condo, and there's a fully fenced yard for our two dogs. But whenever you somehow managed to scrounge up a way to save a couple extra dollars, rent rises, inflation rises, and that negates any minuscule difference that you managed to achieve. I can't stop feeling like a failure even though I should be blaming the housing market for inflating prices over $200,000 in three years. I've lived my entire life frugally, and was never one to drink or do parties. I always put a portion of income into savings for the naive dream of owning a home, but that's never enough in America's eyes. I'm just a cog to create capital, expendable and undeserving of basic necessities. I hate with every fiber of my being that I live in a society that puts profit over people. America is inexcusably abhorrent and I don't know how to stop hating it. I've always thought I'm to big of a coward to kill myself, but I can't stop wishing I didn't exist. I want to die because I can't afford to live. No matter how hard I try, how much I budget, how much I work, it doesn't afford me the only thing I've ever wanted; a home of my own. The more I work, the faster I feel my body breaking. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, had a semi-recent confirmation that I have ADHD (This could have been taken care of when I was a child but my mom is an antivaxer, so woohoo I get to figure this garbage out at 25), an anxiety disorder, high blood pressure and interstitial cystitis. Still haven't got my medications figured out, I still feel just as angry and tearful as before. I honestly am worried that anxiety and depression medications aren't going to work because it's my environment that's creating the lion's share of issues. If I didn't live in a glorified tin box that is constantly being assaulted by ants, rats, and mold I could genuinely and whole heartedly say that I'd feel better. My only solace at this point is weed, but I get upset at myself for buying it because I feel like everything I purchase is just another step backwards towards owning a house. I feel like the only way I'm going to be a homeowner is when my dad dies.

[@goingbananas581]

You are awesome and sounds like you have tried to save and work super hard! Life is tough and is never fair... but I believe we are on this earth to be tested and that you are loved by God so much! I think our purpose is to love and learn to be loved. I hope you have someone you feel loved by and I also wish you the chance to own a home soon! I believe in you and think you can someday achieve your goal! Please don't think you are a failure just because you haven't been able to do that yet. Your life is valuable just because you are you and people need someone like you to love them. Stay strong and smile 😃 You are beautiful!

[@KiwiFox3]

I stopped on this video after having a major shut down at my job from a vindictive employee. When it was happening, I realized I was triggered, and went into flight mode, and shut down after trying to discuss the issue. I was upset by what the employee did and her pride in tearing me down, and how management failed to address the issue. And, even days after, just going in to the job when that coworker had the day off, I was still triggered and shut down, evolving into a panic attack. Videos like these are the coaching episodes that I need to understand my reaction(s) and response(s) to better handle my future. I cannot express how much it means to have this kind of compassion for fellow survivors of abuse. Your work is for good, and immensely appreciated. Thank you!

[@clairobics]

5 things for me to know when inner little Me is triggered: 1) That car ISN'T that close, it's the rearview mirror! 2) People aren't pushing you, you are just triggered in crowds, 3) People aren't invading your space, your personal space is just about 10 miles bigger than anyone else's! lol, 4) People are allowed to laugh nearby and it's not about you! 5) Vengeance is NOT yours little one! LOLOL - sorry it is serious I'm just laughing at the repetitiveness of my own overeactivity/trauma. This is SO helpful. I find I beat myself up for being triggered in the first place and blame personality rather than consciously thinking 'this is a trigger' at times- until hindsight. HOOOOOOW to preempt more would be good - you'd be right in thinking the HOOOOOOOOW is my inner kid lol

[@synesthesian]

As someone who gets triggered all the time, it's so so difficult. I don't say this to excuse poor behavior that results from being triggered, however it's overwhelming how the limbic system takes over. I would describe myself entering a triggered state as being lightning quick and involuntary seeming. It's hard especially when the trigger creates fear for me because it can send me into panic mode and I lose control. So if you struggle with this understand that it can be extremely difficult. You're not alone, and remember that overcoming this is really something that you work on in baby steps. For me it helps to trace back through the entire scenario to understand what made me start to escalate. It can be easier to stop something before it escalates with a few mindful thoughts, and reminding yourself that the current situation is much safer, and as an adult person you have options if you need to take action (I was a freezer as a child, so I'm learning to recognize that I am capable of actions that lead me to safety now, which can comfort my inner child). I really appreciate the stuff in the video about working through this with a partner because I do struggle with projection and triggers that arise from daily interactions within my home. 💙

[@jennaferrell7525]

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽you said how I am too. WOW😩gives me hope.

[@brynjames3779]

Incredibly useful video. I got triggered recently on a trip out, we'd had a really long day of activity, and we had just hiked up this cliff thing to see the sunset and I wasn't wearing sensible shoes. On the way back to the bus, I could feel I was on like 10% social battery mode and depleting fast. My group of friends got seperated from the main group because they were all busy chatting and listening to music and not paying attention to where they were going. I managed to speak up and ask if we knew where we were going. I did get a bit angry, but we soon found a route back to the bus so I went quiet and just focuessed on walking. When we got to the bus, they were playing loud party music (preparing for the club on Saturday night). I started to shut down, eyes closed, fingers in ears, rocking back and forth. Luckily a friend noticed and asked what was up, and I managed to articulate that I was exhausted and needed quiet time. She let me borrow her noise-cancelling earphones and listen to some calming music for the journey back, and by the time we got back to the hotel, I was doing much better. Still needed to rest, but about 20% battery. Really thankful for that friend

[@Kaagrant]

What a good friend you have. I’m glad you had someone to notice and ask if you were okay. Just that can be so rare for people badly traumatized as children because we manage to find so many “friends” who are eerily like the abusive parents we had. I’m very isolated myself.

[@Sunny-vm4ry]

Good for you being in touch with your 'battery' level. May I suggest two things, though. And I am a therapist, but I'm speaking as a co-viewer and traveler on the Healing Path. Well, three things. First, I have to ask your age, as you sound very young. I hope you are because a 40 year old sticking their fingers in their ears and rocking to cope with fatigue and overwhelm in a social situation puts you on a different spectrum. Although I Completely understand the desire to do so, I am surprised you have 'friends' at all if this is a usual response!! You might want to consider learning to use breathing and focused awareness and gaining composure skills with a trained professional. Your social life will bloom, quite likely, if you can stay out of 2 year old temper-tantrum drama behaviors on bus tours with adults. Secondly, those skills will stand you in good stead toward curbing the need to 'out-source your rescue' when Disregulation threatens to take over. It's so nice when someone recognizes our distress, but as adults, we need to learn to self-soothe, validate and rsecue ourselves. There are many wonderful You Tubers who teach skills about how exactly to learn to do this. Patrick is fabulous, and I'd also recommend The Crappy Childhood Fairy's clear and sensible steps to re-regulate ourselves and to recognize and defeat self-defeating social behaviors. Thirdly, I find it a little scary how you seem to have wandered off behind a pack of folks who weren't paying attention to where they were going, suspected they were more interested in having fun together than their exact destination, and eventually you say you managed to speak up and suggest the group might be going off course. Volition is an area you might benefit from addressing with a pro, also. Speaking up and driving your life is essential. If you don't, someone else will. Good luck on your journey. I hope you learn to let go a bit more and trust life and your energy.💜

[@Kaagrant]

@@Sunny-vm4ry You are a therapist? Then you’re probably one of those arrogant-oh-I-am-so-wise so let me just insult you. Your entire first paragraph is haughty. You’re talking down to this person who had such an awful experience. You likened their actions to a 2-year-old tantrum? My god, what a nasty thing to say. And then you have the gall to say you’re surprised that person has any friends? Shame on you. You know nothing of this person’s likability, their passions, generosity, kindness or any other traits that make for good friends. What? Everyone must be perfect in order to enjoy the privilege of having friends?,if you’re a therapist and you say such despicable, judgmental things to clients majkng themselvrs vulnerable to you, it’s time for you to get out of that field befire you cause someone serious harm-and possibly at the worst time. My GOD, how haughty and judgmental: “I’m surprised you have any friends.” And all that, at this time, when at least in the US loneliness is being called an epidemic, and we’ve just been through a traumatic time that for so many included isolation, loss of friends due to pandemic circumstances, and extreme social isolation. Way to go, hot shot, insinuating this person should not be allowed to have any friends. Also-As a mother of three former 2-year-olds, I speak from experience. A 2-year-old’s temper tantrum is usually a loud, violent affair, with rage directed outwardly. That’s ***why*** so many parents have such a hard time coping with tantrums. No 2-year-old having a tantrum is quiet and inwardly trying to find calm. Rewrite that or delete it. And you should apologize.

[@Kaagrant]

Bryan James I hope you will disregard the idiotic remarks of the hot shot alleged therapist made in reply to you. You can read my response to said hot shot for my thoughts. I personally think you handled a really challenging situation pretty well, especially considering the physical exhaustion and lack of reasonable mature behavior from too many of the people on that trip with you. I’m glad your friend was there for you with the headphones. That’s what friends are for-they help us get by, and then we do the same for them. Thanks for sharing your story. Ignore the arrogant unkind comments.

[@jennytaylor3324]

As always, Patrick, more pennies dropping as you spoke. Never truly understood the physiology of these triggered states I've been getting in to most of my life. It makes me both sad and relieved to know. I'm way better these days at de-escalating things around my dad, who remains as Vesuvian as he ever was, aged 86! I learned from him that things could only be withheld or shouted - never talked-over - and that people outside weren't safe to be myself around, as I never knew what would set him off. That said, I'd never back down, even if I ended up physically hurt. If you provoke that in a parent, it's hard to imagine a stranger or even a friend accepting the real obnoxious you, right?! Trouble is I still haven't conquered the belief that I am that, so nobody outside really knows me. My mum was my 'half-safe' person, but was prone to frightening tearful tantrums, where I had to be an 8 year old adult confidante, as she sobbed about what whoever was doing to her (including me!) I can keep a lid on it, but, I seem to have a well of anger I cannot expunge. Once I let go, which is very seldom, there's no knowing where it could go. I never lose all control like my dad, but I've had some bad stand-offs with my brother over the past few years, where we've both said things we couldn't take back. What I'm most aware of when I get the 'surge' you refer to, is a feeling of panic that I must drive home my point and make the other person understand, yet without the available faculties to do so. I think it's to do with feeling deeply misunderstood within the immediate family, and scapegoated to point where my brother would actively stitch me up when were kids, knowing I'd likely be hanged without trial! In the aftermath of our adult life bust-ups I can swing right out, and remain raging, obsessing and erupting with grief for days. Doesn't happen often, but when it does it's beyond my ability to self-soothe, and it scares me, as my adrenals feel permanently fried. That's why I need to get well, or perhaps die before my time. My epitaph would read: 'Here lies the body of an invisible woman.'

[@catherinesinclair7727]

Totally identify with your feelings. EMDR validates these emotions without judging..so gets right into the trigger and helps us to process these intense and violent feelings

[@ellakennickell5842]

I can relate.

[@Hawaiiansky11]

It's sad. I thought my father, now 84, had mellowed in his old age, too, until he triggered me by calling me "dumbsh**" and I flipped out and he and I had a screaming match. You know why? Because I was in the passenger seat when my sister missed a turn and my dad flipped out at her. I was trying to get him to calm down, saying we could just turn around and take the turn on our way back.

[@karae807]

Thank you for this, Patrick! Great explanation. Those pesky triggers still pop up from time to time even after doing trauma work. Thank you for the reminder to be mindful and to give ourselves (and others) grace.

[@IIcorrinthians519]

You are so good Patrick. So much of what we need is actual cognitive "action" therapy. Your role playing videos are extreme eye openers. No one has ever reached the level that I feel you do. It's just so hard to do the things we have to do to get over this. I am in a work situation, and having to face these things you speak about in the video. I have a choice to stand up for myself and ask for what I need, or decide I have had enough of the dismissive and abusive behaviors.

[@hansonel]

Great advice for how to deal with getting triggered from past traumas and how to not let it ruin relationships, jobs, etc... "Watching that reaction instead of being that reaction." I like the change of language from "argument" to "bump." It makes me think of accidently bumping into someone and saying: "Opps! Sorry." Watching your videos over the past few months and treating them like actual weekly therapy sessions along with doing homework (applying healing concepts and working on myself) are slowly helping me heal from my childhood trauma. 👏

[@lafemmesociety7860]

Co-dependency, making excuses for others behaviors. I just got clear with that!

[@elizabethseiden9938]

When I lived in Abilene, Texas my realtor Jackie Smith, whose the same age as my dad, discouraged me from getting my real estate license! He protested against me saying, you don’t need your real estate license!!! He triggered me so I didn’t go after my dream!! He’s a narcissist bully and he used to flirt with me, but also be very selfish and emotionally abusive. He’s 78 years old! I believe that he was threatened by me as competition. My life would have improved a lot if I took the next step to level up in my career. However, since he was very scathing, cornering, and almost like a brick wall of shame that I couldn’t overcome the shame triggered me too much!😂❤

[@jenrenby]

I've lost friends over my reactivity. It's incredibly painful. I'm also extremely triggered right now, with a two month ordeal dealing with customer service where the issue isn't resolved yet.

[@linden5165]

This is so useful! Being autistic with cPTSD, my limbic and amygdala want to fire up often. Staying regulated is a real effort. I explained to a loved one it's like their brain is this really quiet, tame old shire horse and my brain is this wild animal that's hard to keep reined in. I can do it enough that I mostly have control of my behaviour, but all the brain chemicals fire up and I get the adrenaline rushes and unclear thinking. Just knowing my neurology helps a whole lot. Things that help me are - being alone, talking things through clearly with myself, and getting into nature really grounds me quickly. Finding myself managing being triggered better becomes a source of grounding and gives a sense of safety too and definitely stops that spiral of triggering and shame. Making the time when things are safe and calm to deal with the foundational trauma really is important too.

[@bubbiccino]

Your description of the horse and wild animal is SO accurate! I can mask for a bit, but the energy doesn’t just go away so I have to gtfo and go on a walk/appreciate nature to reset. When I can’t, all goes to hell. Heh.

[@CJCreativeJuice]

Love this video. I actually laughed out loud to myself the other day when i noticed the narrative in my head talking complete negative nonsense. It’s such a great feeling to be free from those thoughts, knowing they’re not me, they’re just a narrative. ☺️

[@whale2269]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@Kayizcray]

It's wild how immediately relevant your videos always are! I just got out of a week of being in a very dark place and more triggered than I've been in years. Thanks for all the work you do, Patrick!

[@munchiekins]

same here

[@Kaagrant]

That’s like me. If I get triggered badly enough, it can go on for weeks. I’m grouchy, even all by myself, just so irritable, mean and miserable, and I just want to stay in bed, in the dark, preferably asleep. It was the not-eating that made me realize, oh, so this an introject based on my mother: “Go to your room! And no dinner for you!” When I got into adolescence, it was, “You’re grounded for the rest of the school year.” So, here I am, in my 50s, almost 60 years old, and punishing myself just like age did to me, grounded and no food. What kind of sick POS punishes children by withholding food? One if my earliest memories, pre-kindergarten, was of being forced to go on some shopping excursion with her and feeling hunger pangs after no dinner the night before and no breakfast before having to follow her around as she treated herself to some boutique shopping? I’m very glad that I was always into reading-as an escape most likely-because I was reading constantly about mothering, and I never used food as a punishment with my own children. For my sister, it was the opposite. She was forced to sit in and darkened kitchen as punishment for not eating her dinner. My sister was as slim as I was until her mid-20s, when she began to put on weight. She became obese and is still trying fad diets to lose weight. She can’t stop binge eating, and I haven’t, so far, been able to force myself to eat when triggered badly enough. I simply don’t feel hunger . I learned that very young, how to not feel, whether it was painful emotions or hunger pangs. I’m still grounding myself sometimes, in my room in the dark, not eating. I cannot feel any good will toward my mother. She will still use that cruel streak to cut me down any chance she gets. And still tells me I’m heavy when in reality, I’m usually too thin.

[@yandan7010]

@Kaagrant So sorry to read this. I hope you can begin to heal.

[@m0onagedaydream826]

This hit me so hard that I was in tears. Recently diagnosed with CPTSD on top of my BPD and other diagnoses. And I've never heard anyone explain how it feels this closely before. My partner frequently reminds me of my mother and I think it's more to do with me than him tbh. It's like I literally picture her instead of him and I think he is this master manipulator. When in reality 90% of the time he's almost raising me like a wounded child. Then trigger the shame and guilt of that, of course haha!. Thank you so much for your videos Patrick. You are an angel. ❤

[@spaceowl5957]

You shouldn’t feel guilty. Some people need a lot of care be it because they’re in a wheelchair or because they can’t regulate their emotions very well. You deserve care and it’s okay. The right people will be happy to help you be happier. I wish you good luck on your healing journey and many great experiences :)

[@SuzalQ]

EMDR is so so helpful ❤

[@m0onagedaydream826]

Turns out he has NPD too. I didn’t see it because I gaslit myself, Shame spiral activated again lol.

[@michellehutchinson9569]

Great video! My triggers are so severe I don't realized I'm triggered till about 2-3 days later. I shut down, stop eating and have to go to bed because each minute is so hard to go through. My mind just wants life to be over at that point and sleep is the only solution I've found to deal with it. I know I need to be able to recognize a trigger right away but at this point I'm not there.

[@elizabethseiden9938]

I asked a therapist how much per hour and she said $200/hour! She said that how I was raised, had an affect on my how I treated myself and my puppy! Thanks Patrick for sharing this amazing video! Big hugs and Much love, from Wisconsin!!!😍❤️🐶🌺🦋🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@kendrabueckert1750]

So very helpful Patrick. Your compassion shines through and I really appreciate you.

[@Leafygreen123]

Thank you, Patrick, for your videos.

[@StaceyBing]

Aww, it's sad to hear that even as a mental health trauma professional, who has had extensive therapy, and been working with trauma for decades, you still haven't overcome your childhood trauma. Doesn't hold out much hope for the rest of us. 😢 Thank you for your stories, and the explanations of what you still go through though, I'm sure it helps 🙏

[@plantcatlover87]

Thank you for another great video! I tend to shut down and so what you recommend under 3 works really well for me. I learnt about angering in Pete Walker's book Complex PTSD (I can't stress enough how helpful this book is to me!) and sometimes this is the only thing that makes me calm down. I'll imagine myself as a child around my parents and I scream into the pillow about their hurtful, neglectful behaviour. I felt really silly first time I tried it but it worked better than anything else.

[@AltruisticYou16]

Thanks for sharing this. I'm going to check it out.

[@plantcatlover87]

@@AltruisticYou16 You are welcome! Of all the books I have read, this one is by far my favourite on healing childhood trauma.

[@Fortune090]

Your timing on these videos have seriously been on point! Mentioned something on the last video too. I woke up this morning completely flustered the second I opened my eyes, having no idea how to calm myself down or how to navigate what was causing it (since I had literally just woken up). Walking myself through these as I'm writing this!

[@cathycoryell2351]

His work complementary to Irene Lyons work. Following both seems to helpful. She has a 12-15 week online program that has lots of ah-ha moments as well.

[@fionameredith8787]

For those of us who experienced CPTSD we may wake up in 'child' mode. The neglected/abandoned (insert word here) inner child is more present as we emerge from sleep - or may have been activated while dreaming. You might try placing your hands on your body and say nourishing, gentle words to yourself as soon as you wake ...like "Im here with you" "you are safe here" or humming to stimulate the vagal nerve and calm down your nervous system .... (you can experiment and see if this stuff helps). Then use Patrick's techniques. I's hard to work out what is going on when the 'trigger' is not in our conscious awareness.

[@Seeker0fTruth]

@@fionameredith8787 awww thank you for saying this!!! Super helpful! I’m a mom with ADHD (not a morning person) and I’m realizing undiagnosed CPTSD from childhood trauma/neglect who can be easily triggered by my own children having needs or struggles in the morning. Happened just this morning 😢 Really helpful insight. I also have my time of the month and I’ve noticed when I’m not feeling well I’m especially vulnerable to inner child meltdowns due to feeling like no one ever notices me even/especially when I’m struggling/feeling unwell. Xoxo

[@FreakyLoserJiruu]

Both of my parents come from some serious childhood trauma and needless to say, have serious triggers and anger issues. (Which they will say they don't have of course.) Growing up sometimes the only way to communicate was get pissed off and scream. I HATED it. When I moved in with my now husband, I learned that he was quick to rage yell as well. We have worked really really hard in learning that when we feel triggered and want to yell, we let the other one know "I'm hot" and walk away and the other respects "the space."Later on when we are cooled and ready to talk about what ever the reason we were going to loose our ever loving minds over- we talk. Talk! It's amazing! Been married over 10 years and this is seriously one of the best things we have done for each other with each other.

[@sarahritt.creates]

Just coming out of my trigger--you putting this video out today is Diving Timing for sure. Having multiple 'Aha' moments just watching! Thank you for being here, Patrick.

[@s.melonita4454]

You're helping me deal with all my family members haha, I'm so glad the universe aligned for me and made me find your channel!

[@jonathanbonchak7389]

I relate to this so much but unfortunately I still feel so stuck and unable to get out of the anger/defensive loop that ends up ruing my day. I hate it but when it’s happening, that self-righteousness thing you described feels IMPOSSIBLE to just let go of. I just don’t understand how any of this will ever become easier

[@TemporalDreamer]

This video helps me put into perspective why I often take a few days break when I have a confrontation with someone. It also helps to notify me that some people I know immediately lash out to me and becomes passive aggressive when it wasn't my intention and I really don't know what I can do with them :/

[@GiftsAmimalsGiveUs]

I go in to lawyer mode most of the time with any trigger. It helps me to block out my feelings. It also tells the person you have no effect on me. Listing to your videos and reading what other people write on here has helped me a lot in trying to find a childhood trauma therapist.

[@s.wilson5199]

With my children, we have worked a lot on avoiding letting triggers fully take root. We have a "safe phrase" that we can use when we are about to be tipped over the edge. When the phrase is used, conversation immediately pauses until the trigger reaction has passed. Respecting the "safe phrase" is sacred. We understand that if we don't pause, each of us, in turn, is likely to say or do things based solely on an emotional response. The pause allows the interaction to resume after calming down and reflecting on the situation. At that point, we are more capable of communicating why a pause was needed. We can then discuss how to better approach the situation that was triggering both now and in the future. This system has completely changed the social dynamics at home in a positive way.

[@Cinni11]

It happened two days ago w/ my mom. Remember that one sponge bob episode that he forgot his name and his brain went insane, lost, confused and all these sponge bobs are running around his brain searching for the answer! I felt like that.. my brain went into this survival state of mind searching for a way to cope and I saw myself feeling and thinking like a child.

[@JennaBagpipes]

This is incredible. I think you just saved me 25 years of misunderstandings in 25 minutes. This explains so many interactions that left me baffled, and the concrete examples really help. Thank you SO much for making these videos, these are invaluable!

[@keithdick3720]

This metaphor about files around 19:25 is something I've been saying to my friends and fiancee for a couple of years now to explain how I connect dots in my head with specific experiences/emotions/atmospheres/people's moods and behavior and what not. Funny to hear it here so casually yet so well placed in your explanation about former and present experiences. This video is really insightful and comes exactly, for me personally, at a time of need. Thanks for your work Mr. Teahan!

[@chelseadobson9090]

"why don't you get your shhhtuff together?" Nice save. Haha. Thanks for what you do.

[@spikelett2751]

Love how you started to chuckle when you were saying "oh really tammy?!" I REALLLY needed this video this morning. It was the perfect medicine. Thank you!

[@animefigurejunkie]

“I’m probably gonna start to shut down. I’m probably gonna avoid my boss’s email. I’m gonna get another email late in the day that will trigger me even more. I’ll write a freaked out, apologetic, over-the-top, email back to them. And then I’ll go into a shame spiral after sending it. And I don’t wanna do that today.” 😂 This made me almost spit out my food from laughing. It’s so true. Especially the shame spiral. That’s what got me. 😂 Patrick explaining it brings out the humor in it, cause he’s lived it. It’s so genuine. If I didn’t have that, often nihilistic sense of humor, I don’t think I would still be breathing. Anyone else pointing it out feels like a mockery and is triggering. But, Patrick feels like part of my Moof or MUF (Mentally unique fam), so he’s allowed to make light of it. ♥️ I came up with that phrase by the way. I got sick of using other stereotypical words.

[@starlingswallow]

I love the word "bumps". My husband and I use this term! ♥️

[@JW-pb8fg]

I’m working on triggers because I’m very reactive and I have already done harm to many important relationships with my reactive protective attacks. I’ve learned to backtrack and say that I’m sorry and amend my behavior as best I can, but sometimes that isn’t possible and I have to live with the shame, pain and guilt thereafter which is horrible self punishment…I yelled at my baby sister just before my wedding ceremony and I can still see her shrinking in pain… the sad thing is that she died not long afterwards unexpectedly and I never got to tell her how sorry I am and how much I love her. Just writing this now brings tears to my eyes… I earnestly want to stop the damage that I cause to myself and to others with my aggressive protective attacks on innocent people because I don’t have the skills to deal with triggers in a healthy way. The best I can do for now is to shut up, observe the person as objectively as possible and then pause… often for a long time. This is a start and as small as it is it is very difficult for me to do… and I’m in therapy and in Adult Children of Alcoholics and I’m here learning more. The toughest thing is that I feel like my insides are just a mass of emotional scars due to my unhappy childhood. Now that I’m starting to be aware of this, it seems like there’s too much inside me to deal with and I’m feeling overwhelmed. But I’m moving forward anyway. I’m tired of the pain it causes in me and in others. 😢❤

[@cara0405]

This was super important for navigating productively and POSITIVELY in a partner relationship. It is incredible the manners in which past issues can surface in random communications of present day, and what are reactions reveal to us. Super helpful today!

[@mrsherwood2599]

Thank you for never, ever, ever saying "Namaste".

[@theologytherapist]

Number 5 is a great point! Part of what helps us is staying present - and when you speak about being safe in the present moment, it puts things into perspective!

[@mrstoner2udude799]

Patrick, Thank you for your work. I'm getting so good at noticing when I'm triggered, back-tracking to what fear or behavior is presenting. Then reassuring my inner child and myself that I won't repeat that destructive behavior. Really appreciate it. A few weeks ago a woman that I admired for a long time suggested we should get together socially. I've been having mild anxiety ever since then. I realized my people pleasing tendency was triggered. My inner child was afraid I was going to give away my "self" again just to have the attention of a beautiful woman. At first the anxiety will be frightening. Just accept it and tell yourself "you're ok". You are. Then when able just ask yourself, "What am I fearing?" And then reassure yourself that this is not the past. And you're keep your innerchild safe. Thanks again.

[@loriolson8500]

I think I'm finally at that place. Tired of my own trauma narrative. Wanting to heal.

[@Auxend]

Simple Confusion is a big trigger for me - ie. when that happens in a relationship (like the breakfast bump) it's as if there is a HUGE spider of WTF on my table, why is it here, where is it going, how does this affect me, what should I do, it doesn't care, it does what it does and that's not acceptable. I invariably panic into defensive attack reactions just so I can have a predictable outcome. I convince myself that safety lies through the path of attacking the spider. I'm grateful for learning tools for triggers

[@theartistmissib6845]

Peel away a layer, then I ugly cry…. And a perfectly helpful Patrick video appears💜thank you☸️

[@BJ-mb2ug]

Great advice. I’ll use it! I have to deal with my trigger of being yelled at, or someone raising their voice. Saturday night my partner flipped out over something so minute. My calmness and asking “please, don’t yell. Calm down.”- triggered him. So- I have to deal with HIS trauma and “triggers” of his mentally abusive mother’s way of parenting from 30 years ago. Finally, after I asked for his tone to change, is all I meant (to save our kids from repeating our parents/our faults), did he understand- a whole day later. We’re gonna get through this, y’all!

[@trishliving9942]

Thank you for the work you do! You create consistent and quality videos which are really helping me a lot. 😊🧡

[@redomisia]

I have been working very long hours in the past few months. Just last week my manager said “this update looks underwhelming” (which was not true, but that’s not important here) but since then, I have been feeling horrible. My brain directly telling me you have no value. You are worthless, you can’t get it right just as your parents and teachers used to say. If you disagree, get your act together I have been in therapy for s long time (PTSD, anxiety, and high functioning depression). I understood that my brain was not being helpful but I didn’t realize how I become my own trigger. This is very helpful. Truly. Journaling is still very hard for me. I am scared of the amount of sadness that I will go through during journaling. I have been postponing that. I hope I can go through it and get better. Because my current place is not that good.

[@BrightestBlessings7899]

It is Friday night and I am spending it binge watching your videos. Dammit, I want to heal!! I am 54 yrs and have suffered badly every September, October and November. Every year. My birthday is in October, but even as a small child, it made me sad. I did not know why until I was in my 20's. I was told then that my mom was raped by my drunken father.....causing my early birth...3 weeks early.

[@ginkgoteki]

16:58 that expressions has definitely seen the field

[@karenbillimoria5143]

I moved out of my parents' place when I was 19 (19 years ago). After that, I only stay with my family for a few days every time I go on holiday. I now live overseas with my husband. A few days before my flight (when I visit them) I get super anxious, that I can't even sleep. I also don't get enough sleep while staying at their place. I love them, and I love visiting them a few times a year, but I can't stay with them for a long time. This has been going on for 19 years.

[@janiceclarfield7094]

Your ability to teach and reach people is such a gift. I am so grateful. 👍

[@Conscious58]

Thank you Patrick!! All of this is so helpful in dealing with all of this horrific trauma, shame, pain, etc. etc....I especially love your real life examples! "You know what, Tammy?! remember the jury duty time? LOL!!" So comical! It makes me feels so relieved that I can crack up while watching a heavy-themed video...I think you're a gift to our healing community! (Also, I think you would've made a great comedian in another career!.)😂🤣😅

[@Dryadsgrove]

So here is a doozy... What do you do when your toxic parent dies. And you are estranged. And have no contact with any other family because of the toxicity. Do you got to the funeral knowing full well the amounts of gas lighting is taking place or do you make peace and go. I feel that scenario is the ultimate trigger. Especially when the parent is codependent and manipulated, lied taken advantage of and mistreated you.

[@Traumatised311]

I would say don't talk to anyone Just go for a short time Pretend you're crying inside so noone will hurt u more N leave Juts for formality you need to show up I have decided I am not attending either of my parents funeral Mom psychologically abused me Dad was a narcisitic Abused me physically verbally emotionally financially

[@csviolin0516]

Thank you for this extremely helpful video. This breakdown of a personal example of working through “bumps” is exactly what is needed. It’s empowering to hear about how other people have successfully navigated this. If you did it, so can we!

[@chenoamacsweeney3220]

I spent yrs in therapy, off & on + over 5 yrs in college (maxing out my psychology, sociology, Early Childhood Education electives, etc) & I wish we'd had u & KZbin then, 4 such a concise explanation.

[@elizabethseiden9938]

I have to vent that I spent $20,000 on therapists before you tube was available, and then I discovered what narcissistic personality disorder was via you tube! I believe that the therapist with one hundred different varieties of therapy categories doesn’t work for me. My last therapist didn’t know what a narcissistic behavior is. He denied that my dad is narcissistic. My therapist put me down when I told him that my dad was disturbed. Then he took my dad’s side without out knowing or seeing him ever in his life!!! I have learned how to do an investigation/Interview with pointed questions to ask to get a well qualified therapist who gets me!

[@SweetiePieTweety]

When you get sick of your own trauma narrative. Yassaaas!

[@bensweiss]

There will be more as I finish watching this video. I am so revealed at this point I am laughing loudly and thank you for it. While I can have a variety of responses, your "Oh really Tammy,???!! Oh really???!!" bump 15:24 is so me in my head, and sometimes by action. I am laughing at you as you nail that reaction, my reaction, and I am laughing at me because I totally see myself behaving like that on occasion when I am triggered and I really do not want to respond like that . I've rewound it and watched it twice because it was so on point. Onto watch the rest of the video.

[@emilyfdee]

I’ve recently come to use my own version of #5 for anxiety / dysregulation /flashbacks. I often find myself feeling heavily triggered on public transit. I say to myself “you didn’t die then, you’re not gonna die now. Today I am 39 years old, it is Tuesday February 8th 2022, I’m on the #1 bus, traveling south from Harvard sq, to Nubian sq, on Massachusetts avenue, I got on at this stop, I get off at that stop, etc.” By the time I’ve named all these landmarks and what I’m doing, it snaps me back into the present.

[@reinerselbstschuss3820]

Wow! Just had a similar situation with my partner yesterday. I've been going through quite some therapy sessions in my life but I keep getting stuck at that self-righteous thing like 'I can't let him do this to me, I must stand up for my rights!' Feels like I'm fighting for my life over the smallest causes with my partner of ten years because I tend to to attach meanings and conclusions like 'if he does/says x that must be because he doesn't love or respect me so essentially the whole relationship is doomed'. And because this scenario is so terrifying I literally flail around and start crying and shouting in a futile attempt to make him stop his actions which of course only makes things much worse😞

[@crystal1555]

When I notice my triggers, really it's if I have a strong emotional reaction, I pause and listen to it and give voice to it. Not being seen or heard (and safety) is the root of anything that triggers me. I feel like I'm currently working through triggers of past customer service jobs. Many experiences of being triggered into days of on edge rumination. Surviving my environment (my ex was in that too). Even now I want to go into lawyer mode and defend myself. In many ways I was a role model/parent to coworkers and customers. But to what end? Grind culture sucks....

[@alsy6813]

It came up in my recommendations at the terribly good time. I've spent the last few days trying to ignore the fact that my friend talking about the fun time he spent with another person makes me feel awful because it makes me feel like he's going to abandon me because I'm not "fun enough", until it led to a total breakdown, until I finally realised it was linked to my abandonment issues coming from my childhood, and here there is, a video specifically made to help me in this exact moment. Thank you! (I am also fairly proud of myself for actually doing a lot of things you talked about and getting it right, haha, but it's still nice to be reminded of it all.)

[@alsy6813]

As to what I do when triggered -- writing is a big help for me. When I am upset, I think about characters and plots and create stories, and process my emotions like this. It's been the case for me as long as I remember, my first story being about a girl who committed suicide after being rape (my sexual assault did not go this far, and I am not a girl, but the feelings and the suicidal thoughts, and the way she chose life when she was given the second chance was exactly what was happening in my head. My mother read the story and paid no attention to it, ahah), and after writing it I actually felt a lot better. I turn my feelings into stories, even if most of them will never be seen by anyone: working with character's trauma allows me to understand what I've been through better, and my love of writing happy endings makes me more hopeful about my life, too.

[@Deliveredbygrace1968]

As you are listing triggers I’m thinking check check all of the above is the response….gosh could that be why I feel like my adrenals are shot….hmmm seriously this is amazing!

[@SitesWithAds]

Yes, I find these videos very helpful. I'm grateful to you for them 🙏. Boy, oh, boy, losing my words has been horrible over the years! But I'm getting better! A few years ago I began to sometimes be able to observe my feelings, rather than being my reactions. Wow, that's way better. It's like sitting in a nice meadow on a hillside on a sunny day, and watching the traffic on the highway below. "There's a funny one"

[@dewchamp5716]

You're so right. Makes you wonder how we have a mouth and a mind, but don't use them with purpose: we don't say we love someone, when that would be needed, and we don't use them to open up about our feelings often enough.

[@SaarLeestMee]

I am a big fan of the vocabulaire tips for thanking less offensive and use other less heavy words. I had this with guilt. I guilty is becomes I hadn't learned yet or at that time i didn't knew the tools to... it feels so much better and it makes it easier to look at the situation or subject and learn from it.

[@sawdustadikt979]

So I just listened to this, twice. I didn’t realize what constitutes as triggered. I’m a middle aged, self employed carpenter. I just realized that when I see red flags in my clients, current and perspective, I get triggered and ether start disaster forecasting,fawn or something in between. Especially when they are pushy, disrespectful and manipulative. It’s taken a long time for me to accept how deep these reactions are in my, lack of a better term, primal mind. From pre verbal trauma perhaps. But when my phone rings, it a while process of me calming down and grounding before I even speak to them. I’ve gotten way batter at turning people away, or taking as much time as I need to be in a space where I’m operating, not reacting. It’s been really hard to modify these behaviors. Thank you for putting this together!

[@katebrunne4311]

Thank you. I absolutely fall into this cycle and this was so helpful. Youre awesome