6 Historic Events That Were Nothing Like You Picture Them - The Spit Take

[@factsabouturmum9250]

You think they had good cocaine in the '80s? Try the 1780s. When was the last time you did a line and invaded an entire continent?

[@conorm.5331]

Underrated comment.

[@Black11u1aby3]

Cocaine was stronger in the 1980's.

[@thelusogerman3021]

Homini Lupus who needs coke to invade a continent when you have jesus?

[@rogueraven1333]

+Cliven Longsight the Chinese Japanese and mongols had domesticated horses the Indians (of India) south east Asians (ei. Thailand etc.) Carthage and Persia had war elephants as well as horses. the real reason was when gun powder was imported after the turks took Constantinople the Europeans went nuts for it and developed the hand cannon and rifles when the Chinese where still using fireworks as a weapon and the turks only used it for siege equipment (bombard cannons)

[@MegaHAZE21]

*Rick james voice* - Cocaine is a helluva druug

[@Rikajael]

In the Puritans defense, even children drank weak beer back in the early 1600's, because water often was contaminated with parasites, bacteria and virus and the brewing process used to make beer usually killed off most of these contaminates. The Puritans didn't know why beer was safer to drink than water, but just that it was safer and that's all that they cared about.

[@Rikajael]

+xc5647321 xc5647321 that doesn't mean that the Puritans were aware of this method

[@nosuchthing8]

Rikajael this was why dionysus was worshipped as a god for thousands of years.

[@ghostrhinorhino4287]

The water was safe to drink they just did not know that dont shit where u drink

[@Rkenton48]

Yep. For most of history, water was at best an iffy thing to drink

[@thexalon]

The actual reason writing was invented, judging from the earliest human scrawlings archaeologists have ever gotten their hands on: To keep track of who owed who how much money. The more you know ...

[@SmileyFace08121996]

Just a minor correction from someone who studies archaeology; Writing was most likely invented to keep track of goods in general, not necessarily money. Monetary systems developed later, although there might be some exceptions I'm not aware of.

[@aussiebloke609]

True. But money is pretty much a agreement as to value, as it's intrinsic value would vary from person to person...so I find it best to think of it as an IOU that's being passed around - rather like third person cheques, only guaranteed by the government.

[@Rougarou99]

Economics in a nutshell.

[@erniethreefarts6681]

The oldest tablet of writing is a legal case about the theft of horse semen. No joke.

[@Ivan-zw6eb]

Most technology is invented to serve and support economic systems in some way or another. The most dramatic innovator in human history is war, which is almost entirely an economic endeavor.

[@cathyvickers9063]

You missed the snippet that Poccahantas was 12 when she had her famous "love story." NOT a teenager or young woman. 12!

[@BadgerCheese94]

Practically middle aged at the time

[@rattlehead999]

@@BadgerCheese94 the fact that the average life span of people was 30 years old back in the day is because babies and kids died a shit ton, if they managed to survive until 5-7 years of age, then they'd live almost as long as people do nowadays. Some cultures didn't name their kids until they were 3-5 years old just in case. Along with wars and conflicts that got many young men killed. All that skewed the numbers.

[@RobertJRoman]

And she was older later -- years later -- when she met John Rolfe, her future husband. Pocahontas never really hooked up with John Smith. That was just a story, made up, much later.

[@TheDFM007]

I hooked up with Pocahontas - at a TKE 'Halloween' frat party back in the day. She was definitely a '12' hands down hottest woman Ive ever been with. Then the drugs wore off and I realized it was a trash can draped in deer hide with a mannequin head wearing a black wig.

[@StratBlackFishRa]

@@TheDFM007 Oh shit, that's where I left my cultural arts project?

[@marycarla6245]

My understanding is that they drank so much because water could kill you back then. No municipal water districts to make sure the water was potable. Alcohol was safer.

[@comfortouch]

Pretty sure that much alcohol could kill you too. Sounds like a crapshoot and they took the fun route.

[@Jack-nq1rk]

+comfortouch no this is correct in pre 1600s or so especially in England water was consiterd dirty so alcohol was a "healthier" alternative this was until tea and coffie became popular and water bacame clean

[@libertytree3209]

Public wells, where water came from, were often infected with cholera and dysentery. They were very dangerous. Water was not really considered healthy, and up until Pasteur - mid to late 1800's - no one understood germ theory. Beer has a low alcohol level and was considered pretty much a bread product "the staff of life" as described in the bible. It was considered a stable and healthy way of storing your grain, as opposed to the public well that could be contaminated by human and animal feces from the street. Remember, there was no plumbing systems other than people dumping waste in public streets in the city. There were huge amounts of bacteria in the public streets from both animal and human intestinal tracts - the streets were filthy and it would run off into the water supply. People built up a huge tolerance to low level alcohol and yes, everyone was probably mildly soused to some extent. It's an interesting study. Many people consider civilization follows the cultivation of beer, starting with the Mesopotamia and Egypt. I used to teach biology and this was how I began the yeast units - the kids found it fascinating. Then we would draw on this when we went into tetanus, cholera, etc and all those epidemics.

[@marycarla6245]

liberty tree Thanks for the info. Who needs social media when you have cholera!

[@johnappleseed4833]

alcohol is technically treated since it's distilled so I see your point.

[@HelenaeCat]

As a history major, I approve of this video so f'ing hard.

[@alexcharlick4740]

+HelenaeCat Here Here

[@Stand_By_For_Mind_Control]

+Alexander Charlick It's "hear hear", not "here here".

[@HelenaeCat]

masterman9999 yesssss lol

[@josephteller9715]

+HelenaeCat So you approve of bad history?

[@josephteller9715]

+HelenaeCat And things taken out of context?

[@kon2175]

Grandparents: “In my time, movies were more dignified and everyone spoke properly” Movies in their time: “And go swimming in little pools and... *Holy Christ where am I*

[@garlottos]

I guess it was just the 9 out of 10 movies that don't make you cry Denji

[@iambicpentakill]

And the music was better too! "Sugar Sugar. Honey Honey. You are my candy girl." Repeat 10,000 times for a #1 hit

[@adamvancleave9200]

They talked like that because their microphones were garbage. It's kind of like performing for a live audience without speakers.

[@libertytree3209]

These original performers were trained on stages without electronic amplification. They had to project. There also was a certain way of talking that was taught in school for those who spoke publicly. All kids used to be taught to "recite" poetry complete with hand gestures. People at the time understood all the gestures and accents and words - they actually had a better vocabulary than we have today. They would attend a "literary" at school where all the kids would perform individually - that was usually a kids first performance experience instead of class plays like we have today. Poetry was very big in the 1800s, early 1900s. Up until the first microphones in the 20s nobody had any help in projecting their voice unless a hall had good acoustics.The teachers put great emphasis on enunciating and speaking clearly.

[@adamvancleave9200]

Some stages like the one I performed on still don't have speakers actually.

[@libertytree3209]

Sounds like fun. I was watching an old Ethel Merman movie today, watching her sing she uses all kinds of vocal tricks to get extra projection - when she first started in the business, they had no mikes.

[@modelleicher]

look up "Mid-Atlantic Accent"

[@pugfugly1989]

Not necessarily. I mean at the beginning, for sure, mic's were garbage, but it sounded like magic to them. The issue was the transition for the actors from the stage to the screen. It took a while for them to realize that they didn't have to be audible to people in the back because it would have speakers. It's also why makeup has changed from accentuating facial features to making them more subtle.

[@MrJest2]

I was recently reading an article about the "50's Movie Voice" thing - it really was a deliberate inflection that started in the early days of sound movies, and didn't start fading out until the mid-60's. Acting and voice coaches specifically taught it to actors. It was supposed to make dialog clear to all English-speaking inflections, and is the basis of today's "mid-American accent" common to most news anchors.

[@fieryrainbowdog]

Didn't it also have something to do with how sound recording equipment worked at the time? Like what it could and couldn't pick up?

[@yaya_papaya00]

@@fieryrainbowdog you're comment makes it so obvious that you already know the answer to your own question, just say your fun fact and drop the fiegn of ignorance

[@scottwilliams7683]

@@yaya_papaya00 what’s wrong with a rhetorical question? Lol

[@yahinkie9532]

We can all take a moment now to appreciate how much crap most civilizations were built on

[@queekheadtaker7327]

sc2umsmaker blood if the fertiliser of civilisation

[@Morfeusm]

Since we use manure as fertilizer, this is literally true

[@obsidianwolf3756]

We built this city on Rock and Roll

[@abandonedmuse]

Yahinkie or how crazy chaotic humans are.

[@SkeetRadar]

is there a link to that video of actors fucking up and speaking normally because Id like to see more of that please

[@AirQuotes]

same

[@Kipah]

+SkeetRadar watch?v=eIFWW9TuP_Q That's the blooper reel the clips are from.

[@SkeetRadar]

+Kipah thankyou

[@krystalharper7966]

+Kipah, I learned from this video that me saying "G** D*** It" when I mess up is a time honored tradition.

[@sythlorde]

+SkeetRadar yea me too, that was interesting, I actually thought that they mostly talked like that in those days .

[@dace.digital]

This show is awesome, I was actively listening the whole time, did not broke my concentration once. Well writen humour as well!

[@TheMrCHELL]

Ok.

[@thakidd4546]

where have you been? it used to be better

[@jsolmedia]

+Dave C That's what education's supposed to be like, but we kinda dropped the ball on that one too... :/

[@MJsPepsihair]

+Tha Kidd this was the best one.

[@I_Have_The_Most_Japanese_Music]

+TheArtistAdventurer(^0^)/ What happened after your bf came over?

[@dylanthompson8511]

I'm pretty sure the whole "Cleopatra is ugly" rumor is Roman propaganda.

[@louisalectube]

And I've heard that Grant might not have been as drunk as everyone is taught. Competitors of Grant spread lies about him, apparently.

[@joshuatoms8288]

Dylan Thompson Well, she was considered very charming, worldly, could speak many languages, and was a witty conversationalist. So, it's not a stretch someone could be attracted to her. Let's not forget she also had power, money, and held the title of a sovereign to an ancient dynasty even the Romans respected.

[@CatFurOnMyPyjamas]

I always assumed she was probably ugly as her family took incest to the extreme, as her parents were brother and sister, probably her grandparents too, cause keeping the bloodline pure of kingly blood was important.

[@joshuatoms8288]

Francesca Winter That was only done to legitimize the Ptolemaic Dynasty over Egyptian citizenry. Greeks weren't as severe in keeping royal bloodlines pure, so much as they were about using marriage to other dynasties as power leverage. But they instituted this incestuous practice to make them seem more Egyptian, and... well... because it did actually keep the power within the family. Further, this practice meant that her blood was as purely Ptolemaic as it could be. Why is this important to Rome? Because Ptolemy was one of the five generals Alexander the Great's empire was split between. Many of those dynasties were long gone even by that time. For new Roman emperor aspirees, such as Julius Caesar, Marc Antony, (and eventually, but not including in this instance, Octavian who said "fuck all that king and queen bullshit... I'm just gonna be emperor and trick the public into thinking I'm not am emperor"), they could connect their dynastic claims back 1000 years to Alexander the Great. Today, that would be like some descendant of George Washington, having newly become president (and having just won a civil war) marrying the queen of France... It sends a message that America is on the map, has solid allies, isn't to be trifled with, and is now officially connected to a lineage that goes back ages. You're set as a ruler. It made more sense back then @_@ Whacko shit, history is. Whew.

[@uvujaver4210]

Dylan Thompson no, actually, the whole "Cleopatra is pretty" rumour was Roman propaganda. They thought that if they could make her look like any other beautiful Egyptian queen, she'd be perceived as less of a threat than she actually was to the Romans and their plan worked, quite well if I do say so myself, unfortunately it made Cleopatra look like a total bimbo to anyone who didn't look further into her history

[@tristanperez211]

what's even better is that the Star Spangled Banner is put to the tune of an old british drinking song. God Bless America

[@romannasuti25]

Tristan Perez I thought it was a German drinking song lol

[@TheTwigofNewberry]

I thought it was an Irish one.

[@tristanperez211]

I always heard it was british. either way I still love that

[@angelwhispers2060]

it was a really good catchy piece of already written sheet music. so they used it because back then there was no such thing as enforceable copyright law.

[@DuFREAKY]

The tune was actually Vietnamese 🙄😂

[@E-101-Beta]

Just to clarify while Europe was in the dark ages the rest of the world was advancing. algebra is something that was invented in that time period

[@lewistaylor2858]

by the rest of the world you mean the middle east and the far east?

[@christopherbedford9897]

@@lewistaylor2858 Well, yeah. Algebra was invented by the Arabs (the numeral system we use today is called Arabic). Imagine algebra, calculus - or even arithmetic - done with Roman Numerals ;P

[@ZionVisionEWF]

Islam, Moor.

[@redleader7988]

Algebra was invented by the Babylonians thousands of years ago. The "Symbolic" algebra of recent centuries just expanded on what the Babylonians founded through actual wisdom, not just by making some modifications to handed-down knowledge .

[@silviomanuel9403]

@@redleader7988 Exactly, and the numeral system came mostly from Hindus, they were basically just transported to Europe by the Arabs. Most of what we call the "Islamic Golden Age" is just the renaissance of ancient Mesopotamian and Persian texts by some Arabic scholars.

[@gamepopper101]

The old blooper reel was interesting, I think the way they talked then was purely taught as a way of speaking so anyone in America could understand it (because America has a very diverse range of accents and dialects). Also for the event involving the collision of two trains, I'm pretty sure an episode of Top Gear had that once.

[@obliviousfafnir01]

+Gamepopper101 It actually was a carry-over from stage acting. Before movies, there was theater. Even today stage acting has much more drama and emphasis in it. Many film actors went from stage to film, and their method of acting came with them. It wasn't until later that film companies began to try and make films feel more natural and less like a melodrama.

[@CraftyxCrafty]

+Gamepopper101 I always figured that the style of talking came for emulating how radio hosts spoke and needing to speak louder since the microphones weren't as sensitive. Turns out it's the "Transatlantic" accent, it was taught to announcers and actor, and was popular in the elite class of Americans.

[@pennyfarting]

+A5mod3us Yup. I went to a theatre school where they actually taught us to talk like that. The accent was originally adopted as a response to British "RP", or "Received Pronunciation", which is the archetypal "stuck-up" sounding English accent, and in the 19th and early 20th centuries was the primary style of speech used in British theatre, and especially Shakespeare. Basically, it was decided that American actors needed an American equivalent to that accent so they could do Shakespeare without having to pretend to be British. Then it spread to all American theatre, and eventually to film. And that's why every actor in a movie before the 60's sounds like they come from an alternate dimension where all Americans have sticks up their bums.

[@corvusprojects]

+Gamepopper101 That's exactly right. Look up 'trans-atlantic accent'. It was designed to appeal to American as well as British audiences.

[@MichaelFrazierTube]

+Gamepopper101 +CradtyxCrafty +A5mod3us +Henric von Winklebottom +Corvus +SkeetRadar +Kipah That shrill and vaguely British-y nasal accent developed organically during the early days of military radio communications near the close of WW1 and propagated into civilian radio media when it was highly sought after due to it's ability to pierce through gritty static and white noise of remote wireless systems that usually struggled to pick up under-powered signals and were most sensitive to the highest and most percussive vocal sounds. Termed 'Trans-Atlantic' because it was most useful for long-distance communication akin to the trans-continental Morse code sea-bed wire system installed in the 1800's between Britain and the US primarily for shipping and trade information. By WW2 the tech had evolved as the general public embraced the in-home radio set and subconsciously associated the accent with a well-to-do upper-crust political set of the late gilded age, aka most radio-era wartime presidents. The accent re surges again during the first decade of film when it's useful because of poor voice recording quality and similarly lousy speaker tech and which, again, recorded and recreated higher and more percussive tones better. As tech improved the accent faded quickly although you can hear hints of it again during the early days of television news broadcasters like Huntley and even Cronkite, but fades rapidly in favor of the pseudo-Midwest-y anti-accent that gained favor as the sound of the 'every-man' during the homogeneity of the late 50's; this sound still reigns supreme today in broadcast media, news, commercials, public loudspeaker announcements and subsequent SIRI. Last week on NPR All Things Considered interviewed the woman who voices 82% of Transportation loudspeaker announcements globally. Selected initially for her higher-than-average pitch and sharply dictive elocution we could argue that despite her non-accent-ness her popularity is a direct evolution of the Trans-continental style for exactly the same necessity. Shit, I guess I've thought more about this concept than I'd realized.

[@anubis2814]

Old movies use Mid-atlantic accents, a fake accent created for movies that some think may be have been made to help with limitations of radio sound recordings and to sound both fancy and elite. Pretty much no one used that accent in common use.

[@Pandaemoni]

Evolution has not stopped changing humans. Plutarch is a terrible source for information on Cleopatra, because he was Roman and Roman's were generally hostile to Cleopatra. In fact many Romans had nothing good to say about her at all yet still referred to her a beautiful, which raised the question of why they were happy to hurl any number of insults but not say she was ugly. Hence there is still debate over how attractive she was.

[@christopherbedford9897]

"Evolution has not stopped changing humans." Uh yeah of course it has. The human babies that were too weak to grow into adulthood now survive and reproduce. No more selection of the "fittest".

[@philadelphiawhovian5641]

great video! this reminds me of these two old guys I was sitting next to on the bus, and one talked about how America was falling apart 'for it's not like it was in the good ole days'. and the other one had the ability to turn to him and say 'except that u could afford a lot on minimum wage, THERE WERE NO GOOD OLE DAYS, life and people have always been all around crazy.

[@aimraah2586]

With regards to Cleopatra and Pocahontas not being as hot as history remembers them, I doubt any woman who lived before about the mid 19th Century would be considered attractive by today's standards. I mean, we probably didn't even start shaving our legs until, like, the 1870s.

[@aimraah2586]

And it occurs to me. No wonder guys back then drank so much. They had to get their beer goggles on!

[@firestar3963]

@@aimraah2586 That explains a lot. And I mean a lot. And I mean, like, an unhealthy amount of things.

[@LnPPersonified]

A time period we don't deal with enough (in movies) is right after the fall of Rome. The entire civilized world was plunged into chaos and darkness, and we have very few records of exactly what went on. We could have a movie about anything during that time and no one could say it didn't happen.

[@Spartain14]

yeah but the fall of rome didn't mean darkness and chaos fir the whole world, the East was still having progress while the west was falling into the dark ages

[@LnPPersonified]

Spartain14 Well, I did say the entire _civilized_ world. Boom! Just burned the entire Asian continent.

[@lamdrake99]

+Pokerface Thats exceedingly wrong theres written documents in Japan, Afro Asiatic nation states , and even areas now considered slavic. Thats been debunked so many times it only persists due to ignorance

[@sirmed1]

+Lam Drake It's almost like he made a joke. Nah, he'd never do that, this is the internet, a place of scholarly discussion and nothing else.

[@Stand_By_For_Mind_Control]

+Pokerface Fall of Rome and the Napoleonic Era. 2 of the most pivotal times in Western history and pretty much any and all films of those eras are just period pieces about completely different shit. Like 'The Duellists' or 'The Last Legion'. Just little periphery things going on during much more interesting historical events.

[@spoons5839]

The Magna Carta is probably more overall important than the constitution. The constitution was influenced by it so....

[@JohnDoe-qx3zs]

+Damien le Rouge Those were much later than the Magna Carta too.

[@RJLbwb]

I have to say hearing the real rebel yell on a civil war battle field with all the black powder smoke would be a heck of lot more creepy than the Duke's of Hazard one.

[@masterson0713]

RJLbwb i think it sounds badass period

[@rorystockley5969]

"The greatest political document in human history" Oy, the Magna Carta wants a word.

[@BigSkippy1263]

The great question about the Magna Carte: Where was the Magna Carte signed?" Is still a question that plagues Historians and vexes History teachers. Although that and the year it was signed were both items that my eighth graders needed to know if they wanted to pass my class.

[@sheridanwilde]

Universal Declaration of Human Rights or the Abolition of the Slave Trade Act would win it for me (there had been plenty of legislation before the latter, but mainly about restricting being born in to slavery or trading slaves, particularly between nations - this outright banned it, and punished slave owners).

[@jaego24c53]

What about the deceleration of human rights

[@perrydowd9285]

Proof that you've never read The Magna Carta. Apart from lines 40 and 41 which guarantee trial by jury, it's mostly about exempting The Lord's from paying back The Jews for the depts they incurred fighting King John. Incidentally I often hear how Robin Hood was "feared by the rich, loved by the poor". In fact the only man at the time who could claim that honour was (drumroll): the man who established the age of criminal responsibility and the concept of diminished responsibility (wait for it, wait for it) King John.🤯

[@kittypaws7423]

Love how fast this video is and yet has so much information . Entertaining and to the point 👌🏼 love it cracked

[@ophelias4172]

Those guys from Smith Island sound like people from Newfoundland.

[@WilliamAndrea]

Who have also been very isolated ever since arriving in North America. Most Maritimers sound like that as well.

[@arbhall7572]

That's what I was thinking too!

[@MrSquark]

+Ophelia S Sounds similar to several regional dialects in England to me

[@rojh9351]

It sounds Cornish/Devonian, regional accents from the UK.

[@ophelias4172]

***** very true. It's kind of sad :(

[@CountArtha]

7:41 - Wait, did George Washington pay for _all_ of that? No wonder they made him president.

[@Team_BaM]

Well, that's interesting to know about the cave paintings. I always presumed they were mostly made by children while their parents were spending their days out staving off death. Then when the cave parents came home they were all, "Thud, Grug, Bob, get over here. Who drew on me wall!? Me don't know why we bother to give you rocks to paint on."

[@onwego1946]

The people in the isolated colony in Virginia sound an awful like Newfoundlanders.

[@boonestead4812]

i was thinking the same thing

[@onwego1946]

Newfie jargon is hard to miss.

[@boonestead4812]

its endearing theyre good people!

[@onwego1946]

They are the most guileless people on the planet.

[@retardosaurusrex360]

They sound like drunk farmers from the English west country. Seriously, if you ever go to south west England people sound like a less exaggerated version of that.

[@susannam3923]

apparently the remarkable thing about cleopatra was how captivating and inteligent she was. she spoke a bunch of languages and had a really strong personality. at least that's how some people described her

[@monkiram]

"The greatest political document in human history." Maybe American history, but I doubt the rest of the world agrees with that statement.

[@nicholaspeterman9111]

you are. misquoting. watch it again.

[@monkiram]

+Nicholas Peterman I only missed the word "political" in there, other than that, it's correct.The direct quote is "Two days before signing the U.S. constitut., George Washington, Ben Franklin, James Madison and the 52 other delegates who were in the process of forging the greatest political document in human history, went into a Philadelphia bar and..." It doesn't change my point though, I doubt most of the world would consider the U.S. constitution to be the greatest political document in human history

[@nicholaspeterman9111]

monkiram I was mistaken. But then, great is a very subjective word.

[@monkiram]

Nicholas Peterman Yeah for sure, that's why I think it doesn't make sense for him to claim it's the greatest political document in human history, he should have said something like "arguably the greatest political document..." or another qualifier that points out this is some people's opinion and not an absolute fact

[@nicholaspeterman9111]

monkiram Honestly, when I said you were misquoting, that was the reason. I thought he had said something like that.

[@chrisvw6768]

best action movie ever: Russian invasion of Finland, from the Finnish perspective of course.

[@AtheistOrphan]

It's already been done

[@ZiasPpPp]

+Atheist Orphan never heard of it

[@tomboz777]

+Atheist Orphan Do tell

[@AtheistOrphan]

Sofia Olmstead - Here you go - www.imdb.com/title/tt0098437/

[@AtheistOrphan]

Bunny in the Box - Here you go - www.imdb.com/title/tt0098437/

[@ssppeellll]

"He probably sketched Shakespeare after he was dead." Man, I hope I can still sketch people after I'm dead. Oh, wait ... I can't sketch people now. Never mind.

[@TheDeffend]

Spot-on delivery and writing, dude. :'D

[@cameronnedland410]

Evolution never magically "stopped".

[@christopherbedford9897]

Well, yeah it did, for humans. We now care for the sick, lame, and halt children that would never have grown old enough to reproduce, so, actually, evolution is no longer part of human development.

[@christiancristof491]

@@christopherbedford9897 Why do you engage yourself in topics you know nothing about?

[@christopherbedford9897]

@@christiancristof491 Same reason you do, I guess. Except you are the one with no argument or logical reasoning, so...

[@christopherbedford9897]

@Julian Hen OK sure but (a) happens much less now and (b) just about every time I hear about it they have died aged 20-something to much older - i.e. having had lots of opportunity to breed.

[@emmettdonkeydoodle6230]

Christopher Bedford that’s false Humans are constantly evolving, even now Just because we are starting to take certain biological mechanisms into our own hands doesn’t mean that evolution has somehow ceased

[@DrSho]

And the moral is, human beings have ALWAYS been awful.

[@firestar3963]

Yeah, but I think the Bible made that pretty clear from the get-go.

[@tanjabuchholz5314]

Exactly! We forget that all time and think the awfulness we see now is something new. Everything comes and goes in cycles; nothing's new

[@UltmateKngofNothngthest]

Of course we are bad if you only look at bad history

[@dionmcgee5610]

@@firestar3963 the bible is pretty awful itself. Not in its' entirety, but the mishmash of disparate writings uncomfortably welded together creates its' own oddities and mental conundrums.

[@iambicpentakill971]

Some have been. Some haven't. Newsworthy things tend toward the bad.

[@Kipah]

2:52 Those images were put together using existing images of facial features deemed similar. It doesn't mean the artist sucks at sketching, it means the variety of available features is insufficiently big enough to achieve useful recognition or the matching process is flawed.

[@fatsamcastle]

+hondobondo if you read it as if he was blind drunk when he wrote it and add a few hiccups it actually still doesn't help. you are spot on.

[@Kipah]

hondobondo You're mistaken. Clarifying a misleading point from the video helps anyone who was given the wrong impression, regardless of whether they appreciate it or not. A sketch artist did not sit down and try to draw Bill Cosby etc. from photos. That's just not what happened.

[@YHLGguitargeek]

+hondobondo In what way? His seems like an entirely coherent and relevant comment.

[@billpuppies]

+Kipah Oh, shut up!

[@tamikens]

+Kipah From watching the video, I don't believe that what he was trying to imply was that the police sketch artist was bad at what he was doing, but that even with reference photos and an in depth understanding of anatomical features that are common for certain ethnicities, he wasn't able to make a true representation of what some iconic individuals look(ed) like. And if a modern sketch artist whom has a fair amount of resources couldn't do that, how could someone who was notorious for having artistic flaws and little to no frame of reference to the person they were drawing be able to? I believe that was point he was trying to make (and that's what I took from it), but feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

[@kaenbedehem950]

The greatest political document in history ? That's a little subjective, what about Human's Right declaration ? (It's not only because I'm French, it's also because it has an impact on the entire world, when the Constitution only has an impact on the US (sorry for broken English)) Also, great work, you just gained a subscriber

[@giselleh7688]

that old blooper reel..I personally don't think their voices after mistakes were all that different but still I've always wondered about this while watching old movies. They just seem..so well put together. I agree with much in this video.

[@BlueHero45]

+Madeleine-Rose Cottell There where much more booming while acting, like trying to make sure everyone could hear you on stage of a play. Most likely how many of them where trained.

[@istvanpraha]

"people tended to stay person shaped" LOL

[@MsMelisaWilliams]

The US constitution is the most important political document of history?! What about Magna Carta? The Declaration of the Rights of Man? The Roman Law Codes? Gringo-centered much?

[@FrothingFanboy]

Thomas Jefferson was consulted for the Declaration of the Rights of Man.

[@D4l4m4r]

Do you realize, that you did not actually describe 6 historic events?

[@thesoymilk]

John Hamilton dies at the end.

[@zeroangelmk1]

+thesoymilk spoilers!

[@scifikoala]

+thesoymilk ...do you mean...Alexander Hamilton?

[@thesoymilk]

+Bri Koala No. That doesn't fit with the David Wong joke, and neither does John Quincy Adams for that matter. Hopefully people read and think $10 bill guy, funny, but I really meant Maltese Falcon guy.

[@biohazard724]

+Bri Koala What did I miss?

[@scifikoala]

thesoymilk ohhhh. Yeah i dont know that that is

[@Ari6lle1nWonderl2nd]

For anyone who doesn’t want to spend 15 minutes pausing and enhancing the bizarre “Sample Questions” @3:17 to try and read them, they are as follows: - “Do mosquitos bother you?” - “Are you going to break your record?” - “How old are you?” - “Do you sleep well?” - “Are you married?” - “How do you pass your time?” - “[Where do you] get your meals?” (The first part is obscured) - and finally, “[Are] you coming over.” I mean...who wouldn’t pay 10¢ to ask a man (apparently) named Dixie if he was coming over? Bargain!!

[@wiscgaloot]

We have no good idea what Jesus looked like. Sure, he wasn't a blue-eyed blond guy, but that picture is just a complete guess.

[@morgana222222]

Duh, you think?

[@kronkwithagun6695]

Not complete guess, that is what the "average" Israelite would have looked like, so odds are he was similar.

[@CoolioXXX52]

+Treeninja1999 no he was described as having curly hair and a bronze complexion

[@wiscgaloot]

Ryan Herich That is in the Revelation of John, speaking of a vision--the writer never met Jesus.

[@phero2]

who cares? every magic trick he did was bs.

[@Amy_Dunn]

How about the Paniolo. in the mid 1800's Hawaii decided they wanted to ranch their cattle, so they hired Mexican Vaqueros to show them how.

[@adafrost6276]

+AmyD That would be an amazing western film.

[@Auxf5]

+Ada Frost Luchador Luao?

[@MusikAlltid]

+AmyD Nobody pictures that though.

[@emilyblack7342]

(Thank you for spelling the plural right!)

[@caylynmillard6047]

+Ada Frost I second

[@morphman86]

"We write to remember, we drink to forget"

[@bh8671]

American constitution is called the greatest document in history by an American. Not ironic at all.

[@secret7448]

IKR 😏

[@CodexOfXol]

It isn't ironic, he's just very biased.

[@patrickjones58]

I mean it has stood the test of time

[@artistwithouttalent]

Greatest POLITICAL document. Even with this qualifier, I admit that the Magna Carta probably has a few things to say about that.

[@colinp2238]

With how many amendments? So not the original is it.

[@thesandmoose765]

"I get home and you're Saturday night. Mm. Rug." 😂😂😂

[@Nash4Nashville]

Had to watch that twice. Action packed!

[@akmonra]

Wait, you act like Houdini wasn't a big deal while showing him *jumping from one plane to another*.

[@kelisabeth3952]

Akmon Ra i guess what they’re saying is that even tho he did crazy stuff (probably because he was mad), that had very little to do with magic and what we see that as today

[@Black11u1aby3]

Action movie idea: Mao Zedong's murder of 50,000,000 Chinese citizens and the Badass that took them on with just a switchblade and then fought and killed Mao after a sorcerer battle with lightning bolts. About as historically accurate as Gladiator, so who's gonna complain, right?

[@beerasaurus]

Wait human evolution STOPPED? Shit... yeah right.

[@josecarlosmunoz5202]

+beerasaurus well how the internet shows, it is slowly going backwards.

[@beerasaurus]

dammit you made me laugh.

[@TwistedLemniscate]

+beerasaurus I loved the vid, but I downvoted b/c of that shit.

[@josecarlosmunoz5202]

Evolution cares about what manages to survive not what is the best. Plus what survives only those who managed to reproduce can pass down their traits

[@1001011011010]

To be fair, evolution can and does stagnate, and especially has due to human interventions in the natural order. For instance, western humans often have "wisdom teeth" and will continue to have wisdom teeth because of dentists. It isn't just the fittest who survive, but rather like 98% of children who live to 21, and almost everyone passes on their genes.

[@kieranmatzky181]

Man I love these guys. I should watch their live podcast

[@sagerider2]

My favorite Lincoln quote. About a general sending a letter "Headquarters in the saddle." "Lincoln replied "It's too bad his headquarters are where his hind quarters should be."

[@UNITDW]

We started writing stuff down 7000 years ago. 1 sentence in and you're making mistakes.

[@cashvanblaricom7781]

They talked like that in movies because a dude popularized the “mid-atlantic” accent as the correct way for people to speak. Actors were taught how to speak right, not how to speak like humans.

[@funkeypigeon]

4:06 Is that guy naked!?

[@jigolbittysgamingchannel9435]

i see a bush with a worm coming out of it

[@Therockbrothersmc]

+jig ol bittys gaming channel I guess that means he is naked

[@RiverTheOneandOnly]

idk but he IS pale as shit. God damn.

[@URKillingme100]

+DJPigeon Yes, it's Woodstock. Everyone was naked at some point at Woodstock.

[@LlamaKing9000]

I've never seen a tan line that intense before

[@BudCharlesUnderVlogs]

This is kinda prehistory, but the Carboniferous period would make an AWESOME movie, it was basically like an alien planet except it actually happened. There were giant car-sized millipedes and eagle-sized dragonflies, the whole world was covered in thick swamp forest and there was so much Oxygen in the air lighting a match could cause an explosion! Not only that, but it all happened 70 million years before the dinosaurs, so if someone went back in time and screwed up the Carboniferous, they could create some insane alternate history where dinosaurs and mammals never happened and amphibians ruled the world!

[@leo2502]

4:22 is A HUGE relief to hear someone else say something about

[@andersonandrighi4539]

"The greatest document in human history." ¬¬ Full of grammatical errors.

[@TheNugettinage]

+Anderson Andrighi Didn't he say "What some would call the greatest document in human history" ? He's not saying it is the greatest document in human history, just that some people would call it that.

[@andersonandrighi4539]

***** I find the american constitution the most important document in contemporary history. The joke is that it's relevance is so big, yet no one checked it's grammar or points it might be a little too omissive.

[@lightskinspxc]

not really, a lot of letters made different sounds back then. I know Y was pronounced Th

[@sechran]

And yet the penmanship is still really really good... How many of us can write that pretty while sober?

[@AcetylsaliciIique]

+Anderson Andrighi Ironically, there are three grammatical mistakes in you second message. Yay.

[@jamie510]

I don't see how the US constitution is the most important political document in human history, and I also don't know why Americans revere it like they do?

[@11ammas]

Most important is a stretch, but its definitely top 5. The creation of a republic in America revived a dead form of government and the ideas from the constitution cascaded into Europe.

[@Stand_By_For_Mind_Control]

+Jamie lacey Earliest written constitution still in use today by the world's longest standing revolutionary republic in a world where any country worth a fuck also limits their governmental power via a constitution makes it a very significant document.

[@amerikaOnFire]

+Jamie lacey You should read about how it's still in use today, how many nations have patterned their own after it and how it has set the standard. It's not revered by "Americans" as if everyone outside of the US doesn't understand it's impact. Anybody who actually cares about this particular topic, regardless of their residency within the world, understands how much of an influence it has had on other nations since it's creation. Countries limiting royal/government power to serve but not fully control is a staple of many modern countries values. The US Constitution wasn't the first of it's kind but it's the one that has made the most impact and been the most influential. You should read about it instead of instantly getting offended because somebody mentioned something about the US being important (which came off as extremely petty and immature btw).

[@wiskyr6510]

Considering the fact that the document was was a declaration of war against Britain, a war which eventually granted the colonies independance from Britain. This eventually had the colonies create a firm of government which has since been followed by every other first world country.

[@pault726]

+WISKYgaming +wilson hill You're both confusing the Constitution with the Declaration of Independence.

[@Volstreed]

"When boredom was invented" "A new low even though we've always been into all of that shit" "They just chose never to talk about their equivalent of The Real Housewives of New Jersey" Ha, so true.

[@knightforlorn6731]

The very last little quip is so on point. I am sure that must be the reason.

[@JoshBurcham104]

Lol the people on smith island cracked me up! "rug"

[@gejyspa]

I notice you neglect to point out that the Egyptian coin you show at 1:35 is from 2007CE/1427AH (as is clearly marked on it) (although it is based on a relief dated back to her lifetime in the Temple of Hathor)

[@tolstiynamek]

!!!

[@Ari6lle1nWonderl2nd]

@4:20: “The difference is weed...” You can just end the sentence there, no further explanation necessary. Also, time code checks out.

[@CaptainCocaine]

0:17 - Dude. Too soon.

[@IganoHouku]

+Sadpants McGee I hope that's a joke and the medium of text just does a bad job of conveying sarcasm because this video came out in 2015, before Bowie had died.

[@CaptainCocaine]

Wakul Carter Can't get much sooner than that!

[@nihaalsandim9986]

The most happiest i was watching this video was when you mentioned lord of the rings could have happened twice 😍😍😍

[@lutzreloaded]

omg hilarious! please more like that stuff - it's funny, entertaining and hella educating. 100 points for Gryffindor

[@popcornsprinkles8071]

One minute in, and cracked can be disproved with a simple google search... ouch.

[@popcornsprinkles8071]

When did I say anything about Jesus dear?

[@popcornsprinkles8071]

news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2013/10/131008-women-handprints-oldest-neolithic-cave-art/ The article which he is referring to is based off of a controversial theory which, though it is fascinating to examine and research, is still in it's infancy of examination. So, crack being what it is, took a hypothesis which is currently being examined in the scientific world, and projected it as fact. I'm not surprised, but I don't really have time to listen to misinformation via lack of understanding.

[@popcornsprinkles8071]

Gravity has been repeatedly proven and reproven to the point of being a natural law, and a majority of the research shows that . As for why I chose the term hypothesis as the sample size is way too small for it to earn the term theory. In order for something to be declared a theory it must be repeatedly proven to be consistent enough to be a theory. Now take a moment to go look back at the articles. Even the smithsonian one is using the same sources as the article I linked. From what I see, the groups studying this are relatively small. I will admit it is due to the fact that it is for one of the softest of the cushy sciences, but a "May have been women" does not fall under the line of it actually being women. Could they have been woman? Sure, but nothing is gained by stopping there and declaring success. We're looking at sexual dimorphism in the hands and measurements of thumbs. Both of theses are going off the assumption that hands are clearly the same as they are today, or even if they were the same species instead of neanderthals. To say "They were created by women" shows the same level of utter stupidity as "They were painted by men".

[@popcornsprinkles8071]

Which reminds me, if you have proof that it's more than a singular study by Dean Snow ((I'v hear of sciences being soft, but hot damn if one study is enough to create a theory, I'm glad I kept to the harder stuff)) share them, because right now it looks like two old men fighting out ideas and calling them theories.

[@popcornsprinkles8071]

You do enjoy ad hominem don't you darling? Ok, let me tell you how it works in the scientific world. Right now my lab is working on the effects of nanocrystals on dictyostelium ((so chosen for it's physiological similarities to leukocytes as we need to see if they can still phagocytize the weakened microbes (in this case E.Coli). This is piggybacking off of another theory on which uses Urbach's tail as a mechanism for creating an antimicrobial environment, usually requiring alkali crystalline structures. So if our study finds a different result from the constant presented by the previous study, that study becomes controversial and pushes it away from becoming a theory. Then again... acording to you I know nothing about science... What is it that you do exactly darling?

[@jacobprice2579]

Being British I take offence at the suggestion that that was too much alcohol for the founders to drink. When you dive it all up between 50 odd guys is sounds like a fairly weak night out to me. Maybe they all hit the pre drinks way too hard or something.

[@sheridanwilde]

Also noticed the pictures of 'Vienna' were actually Hogarth's Gin Lane and Beer Street.

[@cpfink1242]

Did they use the Easter Island moai as a symbol for prehistory? Those were constructed in like 1200.

[@AtarahDerek]

Oops. Well, can't expect perfection from a Cracked video.

[@salmanalkhaledi6473]

I sent this to everyone I know. More of those please.

[@swordoflight7789]

my favorite person from cracked...hilarious

[@nastrael]

Apparently Cracked doesn't understand the difference between events and people.

[@AtheistOrphan]

What about the Magna Carta?

[@thakidd4546]

I like Jay Z............

[@Stand_By_For_Mind_Control]

+Atheist Orphan Not only is it not in use in any form today, but it wasn't taken very seriously when it was in use. It also is merely a legal document ensuring extremely specific provisions regarding only feudal lords, with zero fucks given to anyone who didn't own a castle.

[@user-jt7bx3ek8w]

+HitchensImmortal that is all true, but as in all historical building blocks (they are old and they have flaws), it is an important foundation that was improved upon by generations of people in different country's (the idea of legal document ensuring right to citizens )

[@Stand_By_For_Mind_Control]

+shireh awale If we judge people by the world they lived in and not ours, and remember what foundations they had to work with... it is by all means a significant document. The reason it isn't up there at the top, however, is that it's usefulness expired long ago while it was still being used. It actually became a tool to restrict rights rather than grant them several centuries down the road, when other countries were experimenting with republics like the Dutch and the Poles. The English Civil War was the culmination of it's failure to endure long-term.

[@user-jt7bx3ek8w]

I feel like it human nature, we have a lot of great ideas and god intentions , but we keep going one step forward and two steps back. Because all our best ideas are handled by flawed people who where a produced of there time. But i agree with what you are saying, it was a great idea that was never implemented, but it was an idea (Rule of Law and Constitutional law and rights ) that was built upon by other people and improved upon till this day

[@bort6459]

movie pitch: they took his land, his family and his pride- and then he joined them. [action montage with strobing jump cuts]. MONGOL. This summer find out the /real/ power of the hoard.

[@domedwards5256]

+William Arnold I'm assuming you don't actually know there is a film called Mongol, that is more or less exactly that. And frankly it's a damn good movie.

[@bort6459]

Dom Edwards I did not and it sounds like something I'd watch.

[@domedwards5256]

www.imdb.com/title/tt0416044/?ref_=nv_sr_1

[@Stand_By_For_Mind_Control]

+Dom Edwards Really good flick.

[@q1w2e3621]

+William Arnold Horde.

[@DruNature]

I love what you do cracked, keep it up!!

[@spaceylatte]

I found that bloopers reel interesting, I think they probably talked liek that so it was more understandable since the technology wasn't perfect, nowadays we body mics, but then there was only one device to capture sound and speaking clearly probably made it easier to be able catch and understand

[@meredithmay4256]

I agree with this completely, except for the part where you said the U.S constitution is the most important piece of paper in human history. That is wrong, it may be the most important paper in American history, but I'm British I don't really give a shit about it. Stop assuming U.S that people from other countries care about your historic events.

[@theslice4881]

It has tested time, id agree that it has influence from other important documents, but you dont gotta be a dick about it. At least we dont have a queen that is practically withering like a prune.

[@willwarran5237]

Literally the reason your not typing in German

[@133hardrock]

@@willwarran5237 hate to be that guy, but - you're from " you are" Though I'd say there are several reasons English is an international language: domination of the British Empire; US saving Europe with tons of money after WW2 left it crumbling; US being the strongest economical global power for decades if not close to a century, which lead to capitalism and US companies spreading; the invention of the internet in US. Sure there are many others. I don't think Constitution is one of them, simply because of how far back it is, when there wasn't any definitive dominating language (I'd say English and Spanish+Portuguese were quite equal because of the widespread colonies)

[@HerrLBrodersen]

Knowing about how drunk and stupid our forefathers were, makes me feel a lot better about the United States' new president.

[@julianamysczak9194]

"The greatest political document ever written in history " someone was a little bit drunk and over patriotic while writing this script 😂😂😂

[@georgecross4100]

Juliana Mysczak Name a better one B I T C H

[@MySerpentine]

@@georgecross4100 Magna Carta? Without that the whole idea might not exist.

[@diss8702]

This video makes me want to go back in time for a few days and just chill and eat an apple while watching the Civil war.

[@kaciphillips5687]

This was great such laughter also 6:39 I was eating snack chips because I was thinking how I can't resist and huh

[@josephteller9715]

A chunk of this is pretty much a bunch of random misc stuff they grabbed from questionable internet sources... when you dig into some of his speech its pretty much a pack of stuff a snopes search will find as wrong, at best. Cracked needs someone to do this for real, with some real history researchers/teachers and not random searches on google.

[@GoldVixen]

I agree! One of the most ridiculous was the so-called "real face of Jesus" - whether you consider him a real historical person or not, pretty sure humans from 2000 years ago did NOT look like freaking Neanderthals. Yes, he wouldn't have looked like a lot of the old paintings done by old Caucasian men, but the replica done by a supposed expert for Nat Geo looks as professional as a pile of hippo dung.

[@NebulusVoid]

+GoldVixen It's over 2000 years ago man

[@Radonatos]

+Joseph Teller When he mentioned "the greatest document in human history" I was finally convinced that this episode wasn't meant to be taken overly serious or accurate.

[@davestang5454]

+Joseph Teller You are correct.This is hack history.

[@shnbwmn]

+Joseph Teller Let's not leave out the questionable sound editing, that sounds like it was done by a schizophrenic. Seriously, there's almost never a pause.

[@yetanotherdavid]

No, evolution does not "stop." it is not finished with our species or any other. It is as inexorable as the passage of time.

[@sunainahussain]

I would pay good money to see a movie about Yi-Sun Sin's badassery. (Thank you, Extra Credits/Extra History for giving me a desire I didn't realise I had until I watched your series.)

[@HajerNajlaoui]

My favorite part of all of this is how he keeps subtly trying to hold his laugh A L L T H E T I M E

[@euanpickering9217]

it's embarrassing that the you think the USA constitution is the most important piece of documentation! !!

[@doppelminds1040]

It was sarcasm

[@brucebaker810]

Best action movie in non-covered era? How about those plucky conquistadors? A rag tag band of 50 or so lands in a foreign land. The natives are crazy different. therefore bad. Can they survive vs hundreds of thousands of...let's call them evil...foreigners? They had guns...but you might wanna upgrade them to smg's or something. Otherwise "...and they conquer a whole continent"...might be kinda unbelievable. Most of those items were pretty cool. But didn't the Chinese and Koreans start writing some stuff down...that we've found, even, more like 10k years ago. So not just 5.5k

[@orlock20]

I'm going for the Asian Indian revolt/rebellion of 1857 or the siege of Baghdad in 1258AD where between 250,000 to over 2 million were killed.

[@sitonthemelon2742]

"The road to El Dorado" That time period has already been taken.

[@brucebaker810]

Sitonthemelon you're right. Mine has been covered. I guess I was going for the "our plucky heroes" ending up on the wrong side of history. Victor gets to write the history. But posterity may judge that history with different priorities .

[@sitonthemelon2742]

+Bruce Baker I do agree however that a group of conquistadors trying survive would be a pretty cool movie... Although it would be hard to make them not seem evil.

[@mongomoonbladder8023]

+Sitonthemelon There is one, try "Aguirre, the wrath of God", starring Klaus Kinski and made by Werner Hertzog. Regards

[@banquo60615]

People's actual appearances are now "events".

[@boydonewrongagain]

"So don't get Plutarch to write your wedding vows, I guess" 😂

[@nightmicu]

Smith Island! I can see it from our house on the Chesapeake Bay (Northern Neck of Virginia) on clear days. Cool place to visit.

[@nakedmongoose6837]

That Jesus thing is kind of bullshit; nobody in the Levant is that dark skinned, Jesus was from modern day Israel/Palestine, not India. Also, as for ancient Levantines killing someone for having eyes that are "the color of the sky", 2 of the 4 countries that make up the Levant (Syria & Jordan) currently have blue eyed Heads of State, so it's not THAT rare. I'm not saying Jesus looked Swedish, I'm just saying that the pendulum has swung too far in the other direction, and now people think Jesus was Black or something.

[@nakedmongoose6837]

+dffykvn Yes, the Crusaders probably raped a lot of people, but lets not forget that that region has also been conquered by darker skinned people (Peninsula Arabs, Persians, Egyptians) so it evens out. Populations don't exist is vacuums, throughout history people have always exchanged genes with their neighbors, so really it mostly has to do with geography.

[@enfercesttout]

modern is the key word here.

[@11ammas]

If you read more into the project they actually looked specifically at the area he was from in Palestine, which is darker skinned than most.

[@evildasha]

+Naked Mongoose I've always pictured him as looking a little bit like someone from Southern Italy, because at the time he was born, that whole region was part of the Roman Empire.

[@WilliamAndrea]

+evildasha Judea was under Roman rule, but that doesn't mean the people there were Roman, or that they looked anything like the Romans. As a comparison, think of the British Empire at its height. Indians, Sudanese, Egyptians, Nigerians, Maori, etc, are thoroughly not British.

[@orangepeals7210]

... was this written drunk? Very unclear and meandering throughout.

[@MissMemeXX]

I thought exactly the same thing.

[@peeterbleh]

It would be appropriate, wouldn't it?

[@caesarmatty]

Yeah, that's not actually what the definition of pre-history is. This guy is so pretentious. His ignorance makes this channel unwatchable.

[@RubixNinja]

+caesarmatty I thought I was the only one...

[@stev_.]

/r/iamverysmart

[@dr.hawkraps8457]

Look who's talking.

[@irinaphoenix2169]

This is a really great video!

[@ataylor4489]

I want more of this!

[@mark8200]

"The greatest political document in history" ahaha get fucking real