6 things YOU NEED to know about RADICAL ACCEPTANCE

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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[@cathylivingston368]

Radical acceptance allowed me to truly let go of, or disown, the toxicity. I no longer worried about "fixing" the problems of other people and instead focused on moving forward for my own healing, and survival.

[@ChappalMarungi]

That's great to hear, I'd love to know how you did this in detail. I am currently also affected by the toxicity and irrationality of other people and humanity as a whole, I've tried to bring in acceptance multiple times but it still bothers me, idk what to do

[@cathylivingston368]

@@ChappalMarungi Radical acceptance is the realization that the never-ending "problems" in our personal lives and communities are not (your) anyone's fault (blaming is useless), that it's not your responsibility to solve, that it's out of your control, and most importantly, that narcissists are terminal (they'll never change, and will die before they get better.) This may seem like a hopeless scenario, but it's more like Triage, refocusing your resources towards those most likely to survive. 👀 That's you. Save yourself. Paul the Apostle was shipwrecked and imprisoned, removed from the hustle and bustle but also from people who would have harm come to him. Sometimes, isolation is a good thing. Radical Acceptance means Yes, everything is screwed up, you cant "fix" it, no one else is here to help you, you're on your own, learn to help yourself by listening to how you feel, and promise yourself to take the first step towards change, try your best everyday. Sometimes you need to back up. Sometimes you need to turn around and walk away, and not come this way ever again. Honestly, it's this last one that is an essential part of Radical Acceptance. The essence of the idea is that it will change your direction and course of action.

[@cathylivingston368]

@@ChappalMarungi My mantra is "It is what it is." Every time I say this to myself, I give myself an opportunity to decide whether I "want to go there," or not. Most often, it's easy to say that I'm not going there again with people. I'm done. Your decision-making worries are over. Easy peasy. Recognize toxicity, and go the other way. You may not know where you're heading, nobody does, but you know where you've been. You radically accept what ISN'T working for you, what's not healthy, and eliminate all sorts of harmful behaviors from life. You don't need to explain yourself or apologize.

[@rainbowgirljules]

@@ChappalMarungi Yes, it can be difficult to conceptualise the term 'radical acceptance', can't it? I, too have been struggling to accept radical acceptance for years, now. My new mantra (which is working wonders, so far) is, "I radically accept this other person's behaviour" or, "I radically accept I have these feelings of anger/sadness/frustration/irritation/rage/confusion, etc right now." It doesn't mean I'm not sticking up for myself, setting boundaries with others, and being kind and compassionate. It means I fully accept reality as it is, without judgement or resistance, even though it might not be what I want it to be.

[@pinkmeadows]

The thing that is helping me with Radical Acceptance is remembering past behavior each time. I remind myeslf “why stress when I know it keeps happening and wont change?”.

[@sushmayen]

Radical acceptance is to accept and expect the pain they inflict but not taking it personally. Only then there can be recovery.

[@user-fe1pg5cf5u]

This is the hard part the narcissists use so well. They know the damage that internalization can cause.

[@KristonMahr]

More often than not my gut instincts are correct. Too many times I'm walking against the grain, accepting less. My ability is a strength that I'm sure some people understand. At the same time I don't need them to tell me that, if we aren't working together, it's bye bye.

[@kosh9639]

Radical Acceptance is about: 1.) Cutting your Losses.. 2.) Knowing they are Not willing to change or treat you any better.. 3.) Becoming More Narcissistic yourself.. (/self oriented) 4.) Embarrassing the Comfort in finding ways that will Remove yourself; from, The Situation &/or Them; from, your Life.. 5.) Embarrassing the Freedom; from, Finding other Means to get what you Need-- to Accomplish the Goal(s) or Thing(s) in your life-- Without, Their Assistance. (Which, is Mostly something they are capable of doing; but, Refuse to do so.. for the sake of Losing leverage or control over you.) 6.) And probably the Hardest Thing to do.. Learning Not Care What Happens to the Narcissist. (Which, Could be a Parent, a Family member, a Loved one, a Friend, a Boss or a Co-worker..)

[@lynnebucher6537]

Radical acceptance allowed me to accept that this relationship was doomed and that I needed to detach and plot my exit. It was very painful to accept I'd been conned into believing we had a real loving connection and future.

[@khaledaparveenrupa3206]

I find the grief in narcissistic relationship is the hardest to deal with. I'm losing anyway. When I am with them I lose myself, when I leave them I lose someone I thought my family or friend. Grief is inevitable.

[@emmabby22]

It’s a lot harder to grieve someone who’s still alive❤ you deserve to be happy

[@mday3821]

If you can just get through the grief, which is so painful, it gets better. The grief is like a strom and you just have to get through it. I wish you much healing and peace. It's hard, but you will get through this.❤

[@leslieflynn7307]

@@mday3821 I need more videos of how to get to that ok point with radical acceptance, still hurts so bad even though I accept it is what it is

[@mday3821]

@leslieflynn7307 I used (still do) watch "Surviving Narcissism," Dr. Ramani, "Exposing The Narcissist." It's not just about watching videos on radical acceptance, but it is learning about Narcissism and going through the grief. I cried for almost two years. I even listen to H. G. Tudor...but you have to be careful when listening to him (he is not always right). Start journaling...write out your thoughts & feelings. Do positive self-talk in front of a mirror out loud. This is what Dr. Ramani suggested on "MedCircle." This is a long, hard road. I'm still on the road to healing & I have days of crying or just bad emotional days. I take meds for Complex-PTSD, which has helped. There is no easy way, I'm sorry someone abused you and hurt you.🫂❤️

[@wickiwo1098]

Yes, grief is inevitable but it's doesn't have to be forever and it can fade with time. After going no contact with a parent, my grief was equal to and then surpassed by the relief. I couldn't believe how I started blooming after all these years. I'm entering the best era of my life. You can, too.

[@sarahmayfield1674]

Radical acceptance means I’m no longer fighting to change you, and I accept reality for what it is, even though I don’t like it. My mother is who she is, her actions still hurt, but I now know that her behavior won’t change and I can still choose to be happy - we are two separate, and very different people.

[@Conscious58]

Yes!! Thank u for ur comment! It was plain, direct, confident & resonated! Helpful!!

[@TheWanderingWulfs]

Spot on. 🎯 Thank you.

[@march24-lp4pv]

"not being surprised when it happens" That's been my biggest take away from radical acceptance. I Don't really take it personally anymore ,and I don't think about it all day where as before I would obsess and ruminate.

[@lilylady4778]

You are 100% right. Their behavior won't change. And might I add EVER! It will never, EVER change.

[@CTHou13]

Not only will it not ever change, it will continue to get worse as time goes by. The narcissist doubles down on their behavior, rather than trying to find solutions or connectivity with their partners.

[@Conscious58]

@@CTHou13 Lord give us the strength & Higher Consciousness to deal with this toxicity & their addiction to drama & strife

[@patrickbinford590]

Radical acceptance involves not submission to the other person but submission to reality itself when it comes to the narcissist.

[@matthewwozniak9138]

You have to remember you are dealing with someone that is a emotional equivalent of a child.

[@CTHou13]

For years I’ve held onto the belief that things could get better. That we could heal our marriage, and he could see me and recognize the things that I need and want, and we could work on a compromise to accomplishing everything that we want in our marriage. But, slowly overtime he has done nothing but retreat, dismiss and not participate in the marriage. It’s like living with a ghost he’s there, but you can’t touch him, see him, rely on him, or have a satisfying, emotional and physical relationship with him. My heart is heavy, and I now believe it is time to go, after 26 years of marriage, he continually walks backwards out of our marriage, making me feel even more alone than I’ve ever been before. There’s no trust I don’t believe he will be there to take care of me when I’m sick or old and after all, if I’m already alone, why don’t I just be alone

[@christinelamb1167]

That was exactly how I felt at the end of my marriage. It is a painful and very sad place to be. Once I finally realized that he was not ever going to change, and if I stayed I would indeed always be alone, I came to the same conclusion you did: if I was going to be alone WITH HIM anyway, with all the heartache and stress, I might as well be alone WITH MYSELF. Being alone with myself, at least I have a chance to rebuild my life and heal my heart. If I stayed with him, I wouldn't have that chance.

[@jeannie3068]

I experience everything you are describing in my for 30 year marriage plus excessive drinking. I stayed mostly because of fear and denial. 2 years ago I stumbled upon information about abuse and NPD traits. I tried to set boundaries and accept there would be no improvement in the situation. The abuse became more extreme. It took a lot of planning to remove myself from this marriage. I love being away from the toxicity but I still wonder if my assessment about the dysfunction was correct. I continue to read about NPD and abuse to reinforce radical acceptance.

[@user-uz8np4iv8g]

You are Exactly telling my story, I made that step after 25 yrs marriage Thought it was me Tried to help him etc Be strong, have good supportive people around you, I won't lie it's not easy, but you are Strong Empowered You now can try and put you 1st, ( I also needed to relearn that) I am now 5 yrs out, and just slowly seeing things clearly. My heart goes out to you. Take notes from Dr Ramani You've got this

[@Myjpugs-Walter]

Wow! Are you in my brain right now your words are exactly how I am feeling right now, the only difference is that I have been with my husband for 35 years😢talk about wasting your life on one person😢

[@surayalalloo8667]

Nobody will understand the type of loneliness which one experiences in a marriage with a narc. I feel sick recalling how lonely I felt

[@steggopotamus]

Like you say, It's giving up on them but not giving in to their demands.

[@tishie42]

Radical acceptance is how I started fixing everything in my life I struggle with. I was applying it to the most detrimental things first-my alcohol and drug addiction, and while doing that and reprogramming, it started to be the lens I view everything through. Every situation is just 3 questions, what do I control, what don't I control, and what can I actually do? It gets easier. The self doubt does start to drop away slowly because so many results are visible and undeniable that it's from accepting it. It's heartening and motivating. It is working for me for 4 years now.

[@orielwiggins2225]

Thank you! A therapist once said to me, acceptance doesn't mean approval. but it took years for me to really get even that. And even longer to really fully get what I was dealing with even years after leaving, since I was still hoping he would change, at the least for my daughters sake. Now I get it, a snake can't become a sheep, no matter how much they dress up and act the part, they are still a venomous predator.

[@CS-hj9ig]

After almost five decades of being the scapegoat of my malignant narcissistic mother and enabling physically abusive father and my two flying monkey sisters, when I finally came to radical acceptance after making all the mistakes I could have made trying to fix the toxicity in our family, me failing of course, I felt I was left with only two options. 1. Stay and continue to be abused. 2. Leave and be despised by my whole family. I chose option 2. It was the toughest decision I had to make. But after being hoovered back by my family because of illness and death of my father, and the whole thing started over again after he died, I knew I made the right decision and it stopped me from feeling guilty. And now I feel finally at peace. It feels like going from hell to heaven. But I still struggle with the unfairness of it all. Thank you Dr. Ramani for everything you do for us!! You are an angel!!! Throughout these past few years you helped me navigate this complexity

[@CatherineLambert-fz7pd]

I can't imagine how painful that was. You have so much courage. ❤

[@kellyandaaron2005]

I'm 158 days no contact & have been working hard on healing. The waves of grief, betrayal & anger are exhausting sometimes. I'll be doing really well & then another revelation of something that happened in the relationship pops up in my brain. That brings me back to feelings of disappointment in myself that I missed what was going on at the time. I look forward to a time in the future that I'm able to get off this roller-coaster.

[@wannkeienewu8078]

Am exactly in that position 😭😭😭😭

[@kellyandaaron2005]

@@wannkeienewu8078 Sending strength & a hug your way.

[@skylergrey8655]

It will happened. You should soon start to notice the frequency and length of the waves take longer and last less

[@skylergrey8655]

Radical acceptance allowed me to realise it didn't matter what I said or did they would have picked a fight about something else and i'd still be wrong. There was nothing I could have done or not done. They pulled the strings and it goes their way no matter what. It helped me to detach slowly and admit I had to leave.

[@TheDarkPlace-p6t]

Radical acceptance is that it’s not about giving up, but navigating the unpredictability of life. Just gotta embrace the chaos and accept it for what it is, and accept that there are things that are beyond our control. Find solace and peace in the chaos.

[@Greenawareness188]

@JL15545 , well said !

[@lishmahlishmah]

Dr Carter made a video about what you say in this comment 👍

[@TheDarkPlace-p6t]

Find meaning, even when you feel that life is meaningless.

[@lishmahlishmah]

@JL15545 And this last comment reminds me of Viktor Frankl, the psychiatrist and Holocaust (Shoah) survivor. 🙏💜

[@LaudauteDominum-er2mr]

Yes

[@jacquelinejacobson6789]

Although my abusive relationship with a narcissist is long over ( almost 10 years), I have PTSD moments ever since. I occasionally have nightmares that he has found me and I see him in a room, etc. This generates a fear/panic response in me, and I frantically try to run away. Thank God these nightmares are only occasional.

[@daykibaran9668]

I hope you will get rid of the nightmares one day, it must be terrifying

[@rwoodyk5112]

I had nightmares about my ex and they were very unsettling but usually had something that symbolized my experience with him like an apartment with the furniture scattered all around symbolized chaos. I was running and hiding from him in that one. Another one I was running up stairs and he caught up with me and stabbed me in the back several times symbolizing the betrayal.

[@tlove6932]

You got this 💪🏻💯💯 I had night-terrors for over a decade & never knew why. Now I know where those came from. Thankfully, those have finally gone away after several years (5 or 6?) learning about Narcissistic Abuse, lots of prayer, meditation, deep introspection & love and support from trusted friends. ❤❤❤

[@user-ec5ly8jd8d]

I also have PTSD symptoms after a relationship ended with a Narcissist 9 years ago- Everyone tells me to get over it that it happened so long ago - He is now getting married and I just moved back to our home town

[@jacquelinejacobson6789]

@@user-ec5ly8jd8d the best "revenge" is for you to live your full life completely and happily without him.

[@CTHou13]

Thank you for your support and reply. It’s really scary to walk out of a 26 year marriage, but, he has not destroyed me - yet. I still have hopes that once I heal myself that I may still be able to find love I have to wait before he destroys that hope too.

[@patrickhackett3878]

Watching the "Thumbs up" counter tick upward significantly during the length of this video proves to me the depth of narcissism in our society. Eye opening.

[@vickyl1010]

Yes, it is a tough mountain to climb to accept that I was wrong about my ex-narc's character and that they will not change and have no empathy whether I stay or leave. It's hard after investing so much time and energy in the relationship. It's like I didn't want it to fail. It's hard but not impossible. Just received your book. Thank you, Dr. Ramini.💕

[@merin797]

YOU DID NOT FAIL. YOU HAD THE STRENGTH TO FIND YOUR ANSWERS❤

[@heathercampbell8625]

This is the stage I'm in. It is so much more painful than being angry. Thank you for this ❤

[@beverlyadams7205]

When I decided I couldn’t see my narcissist, daughter anymore I went back to my codependence anonymous teachings. I took it one day at a time. At first I thought I might be able to see her when I got stronger. But the more I learned about narcissism the more I slowly accepted the fact that she’ll never change. Time and distance and these videos have helped me heal tremendously. I’m looking forward to reading Dr. Ramani’s book. Best wishes to everyone on this forum.❤❤❤

[@pennywhite34]

I’m dealing with having to let my daughter go. She’s already discarded me, her sister, and other family members. It’s awful. I’m having a very tough time with it.

[@beverlyadams7205]

@@pennywhite34I remember feeling trapped in my relationship with my daughter. I was renting part of her house. She subtly hinted she could kick me out when she was raging at me. One of the many hurtful things she said when on a rampage. I was afraid. Then, I was able to secure a senior apartment that I could afford. Moving out was the first step. My story is too long to tell here. I watched Dr Ramani faithfully every day to deprogram myself. 14 months by myself is the happiest I have ever been. I’m 75. ❤❤❤It gets easier. Time takes time.❤

[@pennywhite34]

@@beverlyadams7205 - I’m so sorry to hear you had to go through that. I need to find other mothers that are dealing with this issue. I feel like I need a support group of some sort but I have no idea if that type of thing exists. Thanks for sharing your experience and responding to me. I am looking forward to feeling less overwhelmed and hurt. I guess that dies take time. ❤️

[@beverlyadams7205]

@@pennywhite34 I too wish there were support groups for recovering victims of narcissists. Specifically victims of narcissistic daughters. Letting go of the guilt of cutting off my daughter took a while. I tried to remember that I was a person before I was a mother. She is 56 now and I am 75.❤

[@pennywhite34]

@@beverlyadams7205 - Me too! I think it’s a completely different situation when the narcissist is your child. I can walk away from a romantic relationship but my child has been like dying. That is a very important point to consider. Once you become a mother, it’s just in you though.

[@nancyinthegarden3160]

I call him out every time he’s not balanced. I w been with him 40 yrs and would not have learned about him , if not for UTUBE videos. I do feel sorry for him bc his parents really thought they were great in their negative parenting. I can see where he shut down. I also can see past this person to the boy who had no other choice. His Dad is still abusing his wife @ 88 yrs. old. She has asked us for help. So now that I’ve been validated with the continuous behaviors of his, and teachings from Drs. on here, I have choices. It’s him. I wanted a romantic long lasting relationship but I’m in it alone with my eyes wide open. I am not leaving him now, but detaching my heart from his and living my life around him

[@Laura-nl8df]

Tell your mother in law what the words are. Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Can you imagine decades of wondering what the hell is wrong with someone? It's awful. I would find a way. Save a psyche.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I have to radically accept that the people around me don’t really get it, and so I have to stop looking to them for answers. It’s painful for sure. I feel like I don’t even know who to trust anymore. Prioritizing my well being and what feels right for me even if others don’t understand. Also not taking on the shame and blame they try to put on me. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@carlosmartinez9676]

Watching a lot of videos about it has help but my faith in Jesus Christ and going to Him for everything has got me through more so.Go to Him, He can and will help you.

[@bridgettetraveler658]

Yesterday one of my sisters died. I told one of my relatives next wk I had many doc appointments that I can't change. If I try to change them I would have to wait months later. My husband also has an appointment. My family made it next wk about 800 miles away. I should be used to this, but it hurts a little that I won't get to say goodbye to my sister. I saw her last yr & spent a lot of time with her. My husband & I spent a lot of money there. We stay in hotels wherever we go because we love our privacy. It was a 2 day drive for us. I'm trying to see it as I'm saving a lot of money not driving 800 miles, eating out which isn't very nutritional & staying in a hotel. Oh well my life will go on. I'm trying to make myself laugh. I know one day I'll smile & laugh again.

[@TheMarinemom02]

You are a miracle worker in my life and I cannot thank you enough for your wisdom.

[@keithstewart7514]

Ditto

[@Sissy317]

I just got my book today! I can’t wait to read it. Thank you Dr. Ramini you saved me from a lot of ongoing trauma- I’m done with that 💩 I’m now living a new life at 60 and I am embracing this new life. ❤

[@moniquejackson7741]

So Brilliant. Once again your timing and insight are spot on, Dr. Ramani. There is so much confusion around this critical topic. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for everything you do for this community!

[@vladquebec]

Absolutely right on the money. I have applied Radical Acceptance for years and it's not been easy. It's only part of the solution.

[@rosenblau]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. When I feel completely lost, confused, and hopeless, I return to your videos and they are so soothing and help me back on track. It is so good to know that it's normal to go back and forth, that it's a non linear process, and most importantly not beat yourself up for it. It's up and downs, but overtime I am moving forward and one day I will be able to leave. I have your book and I will start reading as soon as my health and energy permits it.

[@CTHou13]

It’s hard, but when I hear stories like yours, I have courage to continue forward to distancing myself from my narcissist, and begin my healing. Thank you for your strength, and I wish for your continued healing and emotional health.

[@MeelaBliss]

So well said, Dr. Ramani! "Radical Acceptance" has been on repeat in my head, and it gets easier to accept once the first leap is taken ❤

[@middia0]

Accepting-he will never change...while starring at the wall, empty In the beggining I was in a state "I know, but my brain is refusing that", pushing away even thinking about obvious fact. Selfdoubt, secretly hoping, trying to find strenght... It is battle against myself, hardest battle off all...that is still lasting, with pain creeping in... Without professional therapist I don't know what would happen. Honestly, never tought it will be that hard (at least for me). But step by step, learning to walk...

[@kryssysmith1486]

This is the best book I could have gotten MYSELF. I didn't think that reading this would be so hard. I'm still on chapter one ( I know I need to take my time); I wish I could read at a faster pace, but I know that for now, I have to work with this, and once I get through the book, it will beso WORTHWILD. Reading the novel will give me hopefully a lot of answers to my questions. Doctor Ramani, thank you for making this step-by-step guide. Normally, I don't endorse books like this, but my intuition told me that I needed to get this book. Plus, once I am done with it, I am going to pass it along to my family and friends so that they can get a bit more insight into what I went through growing up.

[@user-vx5lb4iw2q]

Thank you 😊 Can't wait to read your book. I'm ordering one today.

[@cicicassi8474]

Thank you so much ❤ I have had learn so much from you that it is impossible to thank you enough. ❤I hope you are fine, with a lot of health.

[@susanooalarichard]

Kind of important to understand even in other contexts and even with one's own limitations. In some ways, due to a brain injury, this has been rough overcoming for me because I can't actually perceive my limitations. Which might be worth keeping in mind. Not everyone is able to understand they have a problem. My left optic nerve was damaged. So, I can't see out of my left eye. Same time, I don't go throughout my day thinking I'm blind. Sure, I can see fine out of my right eye, I don't see what everyone else sees. Nor do I even remember what it's like being able to have the full range of vision I once had. For many people that's what their issues are. Something they may or may not know exist. But also, something they're unable to change even if they wanted to correct the issue. At least adjusted enough to having monovision that I'm not walking into poles or bumping into people as I walk around. So no longer getting the constant comment of: "Are you blind?!!!" Note: Nothing about me signals I'm blind as even though I can't see out of my left eye, it still tracks like I can. I'm sure people felt justified in being rude to me about my blindness as they didn't actually think I was blind. Granted, I used my blindness as the example, what frustrates other people the most are my memory recall issues. Most people likely think I'm aloof, or nonattentive, or something along those lines. One minute, I might recall every word they said. Then the next, I can't even remember what they just said to me. Not knowing I have a brain injury; This can upset them. They mistakenly think because I remember some stuff in full detail that I have the ability to remember everything with such detail and I simply don't. Added to this, I have zero control over what I do remember and don't. So, they have no valid way to judge me in terms of whether or not I was actually listening and paying attention to them or not. From their perspective, I get why it's frustrating dealing with me. Note: I've always been a very avid reader and studier. It was a much bigger deal to me that I couldn't remember, because it was very frustrating dealing with the fact that I could spend a week straight studying a topic, go to sleep one night, and remember none of it. Anyway, I know this is worded weird and not the same kind of acceptance per se. However, learning to accept things as they are is a very valuable tool for us. We might know people very well. We don't really know every detail about them. While I don't mind talking about my limitations, even my issues can be hard for some to admit they have. Which is also important to keep in mind. I don't care people talk negative about me. It's just their opinion. For many people, they won't open up about it for one very simple and easy to understand reason: They've been treated badly because of their limitations. They're not really worried about talking it with you. They're worried about being treated like they were in the past with other people. Granted, I do sometimes avoid telling people about my brain injury because people start treating me like I'm a child and I find that very annoying. My intellect isn't damaged. I've had to learn to accept that people don't really understand TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury), CD (Cognitive Disorder), or even physical disabilities that aren't obvious. Note: I went from the 99th percentile down to the 1st percentile. Part of what I'm saying is from my own issue prior to the injury. I was blind to other people's issues myself. I too, mistakenly thought that people were at my level when they simply weren't. Things were easy to me, not because they were easy. I simply understood those things. The people that didn't found what I was doing very hard as such. Some people simply lack the physical and/or mental ability to do what I use to do. This was a very severe fault in me at the time. Assuming they could because I could. Worse, I often felt slow because what others could do I couldn't. Because pre-injury, I was oblivious to my own limitations. Simply, we're all human and ought to treat everyone with compassion and more importantly as humans, but we're not the same people. It's very important for me at least, to understand and accept that we're not the same people. Just woke up and this is too long winded. Hope what I'm trying to get across at least makes sense.

[@lambinwolfsclothing]

Some things will never change, except our own attitudes.

[@reginakamau5769]

Thanks Dr. Ramani. What an insightful advice!.. I realised that no matter what i do i will never be good enough for him.. its been 1year since i left after 11years of been together. Am glad i did . My Radical acceptance has been the healing tool in my life.

[@pebblebrookbooks4852]

Paradoxically, Dr Ramani's hair and makeup are amazing in the thumbnail! 🤩

[@apisarska00]

How to deal with that grief? I left my narc, I can't get over with my feel of hurt, with lies, I know who he is but I can't get over with how he treated me.

[@NarcissistFreealmost]

I seriously can't wait. My book should be here any day now. 💜

[@ursulaann694]

I practiced radical acceptance on Valentine's day. I knew after 3 yrs of nothing it would be no different. I didnt get as hurt and I'm thankful to learn this.

[@mikejarrells431]

Thanks & good job. I have radically accepted that I never really had healthy family or friends. Time to stop settling & break the cycle. Thanks for uncrossing your arms. Crossed arms creates a barrier/dustance between you and your audience (nonverbal communication). We got this! Let's go!

[@superguineapig1234]

Radical acceptance has helped me a lot. For example, I am not surprised or frustrated to see the way he acts. I am not expecting him to change. And I don’t even wish he would change, because I know he is not capable of change. It really helps me to see him clearly and also brings this peace in me internally. I think this is very important step towards a more peaceful progress. Thank you Dr Ramani 🙏

[@rawcurls1]

Thanks for the great videos Dr. Ramani. How do we find balance when meeting new people? Sometimes I feel overly guarded or defensive because my trust for people seems altered. If I'm too open, it seems to draw in the wrong people, then I get too guarded and I don't let anyone in.

[@terrywade3696]

Rawcurls: I’m going through the same thing. I think the way to navigate “the new” and “the unknown” is to do it without “the need”. If you focus on getting to know the new person, you stand a better chance. Remember, they have to earn your trust. You don’t need to give anything to a stranger. Respect and trust must be earned. Don’t focus on your needs. You don’t have to prove anything or “sell” them on who you are. Ask them questions with the goal of learning about them. Getting to know them. Limit the amount of information you give them about yourself. Especially if they aren’t asking. You don’t need them to like you. You may discover that you don’t like them and you may not want to know them any better. If they seek you out, and you do like them, you don’t always need to be available to them. If you start to like them, observe if it’s reciprocated. Do they call you? Or are you the one always reaching out? If so, back off. You need to learn to take care of you first. Protect yourself first, while you heal. Try to find out if they’re a shallow or a deep kind of person. Are they kind? Are they compassionate? Are they self aware? Are they respectful? Do they keep their agreements? Do they gossip? Are they cautious? A cautious person can be a good thing because they’re protecting themselves from harm too and learning if you’re safe enough to be with. If they’re too cautious, they may not be a truthful person or too damaged for you. Be very wary of people who come on too strong, too friendly, too fast, are reckless, and have no caution. These people are generally, users. They seek people they can use, to get what they want. These are just some of the things that I think might be helpful in finding some “balance” in your new life. Go slow, observe them, take your time to see if they are worthy of your trust.

[@Matriarch57]

That’s exactly where I’m at.

[@coachiyabo929]

Radical acceptance enabled me to do the deep inner work of healing instead of focusing on the actions and inactions of a narcissist

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I got sucked into a weird text convo with a possible old narc friend as I felt bad not answering him when he suddenly reached out after weeks of no contact, only to have it mess my head up. I am left feeling super confused, off balance and discombobulated today:( Something felt off about his message, but I was guilted by people around me to answer him. I wish I had prioritized my well being over being ‘nice’. Learning more and more to trust MY intuition even when others don’t get it. Have to be stronger in radically accepting what it all is and that it won’t change. So many enablers around me pressure to give more chances and help others change. So tired of it. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@iansuderman]

Radical acceptance feels like gas lighting. My childhood was filled with being locked in buildings and pushed down staircases. As a young child i was hit so often i fell into a coma. A full week lost. My mother said it wasn't a full week rather I'd awake from the coma and fall back again. During that time my parents were uninvolved rather both working alot. So this narcissist had free rain while parents were exhausted. Of course the narcissist patern is my fault. I'd exhaust myself screaming locked inside buildings while he laughed. What locks it in my mind was the boiler. The yard was filled with old equipment. That stupid narcissist got caught trying to force me into the fire box and lock me in. I remember my father getting mad and reaching for his tools, literally cutting the door up to prevent it from happening again. There was no stopping this narcissist and my parents were exhausted. Both worked full time as we lived off the land. All food was homemade. They'd finish the day by midnight and start the next before 6am. We were to not bother them till noon and 6pm. They were actually good parents. Radical acceptance.? The narcissist never regrets any of it. I accept he has no regrets. He'd do it again. What i won't accept is the fakeness. It didn't happen. Literally my mother's position. Literally i went back to the boiler and saw the door off the fire box. She looks back and wonders what she could have done differently. Nothing. Narcissists was born that way not nutured into it. 10 years ago the narcissist came at us in rage saying we're all dead. So today I'd rather be the focus of this narcissist. I'll be the target once more, hit me just know I'm hitting back. Not defenseless anymore. Maybe someday narcissist will be held to account. I accept the narcissist. He will act. No force has held him to account. What I'm not doing is forgetting and adjusting the past. I'm not accepting false narratives where he is the victim. None of his growing up is the reason for his current bad behaviors

[@ytbillybob]

OMG. I'm there. I 've already, recently, adopted RA. I can now actually anticipate the response to any situation. It's ALMOST funny! THANK YOU for validating what I've already learned on my own.

[@RedT...TheOriginal.NotANumber]

Pardon my presumptions, but I was reading your body language while I was listening to what you were saying, Dr. Ramani. Thank you for laying your heart bare to us. For sharing your own grief and pain, and healing from the same. For showing us that not only do you believe what you're saying, you've LIVED it. You've been through what many of us are experiencing, so we can have faith in your solution. All the empathy, love, and gratitude. If I read wrong, then I apologize. It's not an exact science. But I'm reasonably sure about what I saw.

[@matthewlarson1050]

Thank you so much DR. Ramani ❤ we love you and are so happy for the help you give us 💕😊

[@Ana-bd8vp]

Listening to all this made me realize that I am already, unknowingly, practicing radical acceptance of my in-laws' behaviour. Yay!😊 Feels so liberating most of the time...

[@patrickbinford590]

Not taking stuff personally is the first step for me towards it not being me. But that intellectual statement does not mean that just because I think THAT, that it's all going to be just fine intellectually KNOWING that. Because: THAT'S magical thinking. As Dr Ramani says, in so many words, it's a long process. You've got to be in it for the long haul. ❤️😎

[@marykaylor7337]

I really feel validated by her talks. Thank you.

[@mauriciolima313]

If I understand the concept of radical acceptance, it is a big step out of the victim position, which has been built up over time by trying to self-correct to live up to the narcissist's expectations. With radical acceptance, it is easier to work therapeutically to definitively get out of this position of victim in which the person has placed himself.

[@maryclemens1046]

Beyond grateful for the day i stumbled across this channel. Dr. Ramani you've helped me so much. Thank you, so much.

[@kathymclaughlin3696]

It's taken me a year and a half of working through your videos to finally begin to understand down to my soul and t o be ready and begin the acceptance work I'm doing for myself, for me it's the most painful but I am excited I can continue getting educated and confident. Thank you!

[@LisaQuinlan-ph5zp]

Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani! I continue to learn and grow from all your videos. I'm so grateful for your hard work and free content that you put out everyday. I honestly (at this point) couldn't access any of it if I had to pay. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 💖

[@dudeh9702]

Radically just ordered your book. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.

[@winter-qd4yw]

This is so, so accurate! Thank you! I am going through this process and it is not easy. Yes, you still get hurt! I like the analogy about the hurt being a heads up that you are now noticing it and seeing it for what it is! Thank you for all you do❤️

[@HLBear]

Got my book today!!! So excited. 😊❤ Thank you for all the wisdom.

[@covert_warrior]

Thank you for the radical acceptance explanation. I've dreaded it for so long.

[@deebus3471]

I got your new book yesterday and started it. Thank you for the book. I have them all!

[@suzymagan7575]

Thank you. I have the book. I'm working on it. Sometimes, just hearing you say it out loud is exactly what I need.

[@carolinao9918]

I have been waiting for over 6 months for ITS NOT YOU” on audiobooks and got it day it was available 💖🌟👏👏👏👏👏👏 THANK YOU! After years of listening to your podcasts and KZbin channel, I was able to identify, navigate, and leave. I went no contact almost a year ago a few months after leaving. Your podcasts that had guests brave enough to share their stories were huge help to me, and made me feel validated.💜💜💜 Thank you for your wonderful work. 🌟

[@peterhelms9708]

Dr Ramani, Your new book is awesome. I've just received it and am astounded by how helpful it will be and how clearly you write. Congratulations!!

[@victoriaserna1495]

I just found this on audible and so happy you're narrating it!

[@SweetSouR420]

I needed this today! Thank You!

[@breeemalee8807]

I'm coming to this place and wow is it a beautiful place to be your channel has been so essential in this process thankyou ❤

[@duaneh1973]

The perfect song to this, By the time I get Phoenix, by Issac Hayes. Been there and done this several times. Had to finally walk away.

[@user-rg3gh8wx2g]

Can you please talk about radical acceptance of losing a child(alienated) to a narcissistic spouse?

[@varadacandles]

Thank you beautiful Dr. Ramani 💛🌷✨ it’s wonderful to come across people who are aligned with their authentic self. We feel the love 💛✨🌷so grateful for your time and insight. Big changes are coming and you’re definitely helping me push through this shift 💪🏻🙏🏻 Do you have a PO box? Forever grateful ✨

[@sweariefaerie9621]

Well, I needed this today. My mother is under the impression that just because I took a dbt program this past year that I should have the skills down perfectly. But we're talking about a woman who lashes out every time I've attempted to explain how she's been hurtful, so I haven't tried in the last decade. I only finished the program last month, yet she's insinuated multiple times that maybe I should go back. So hearing you remind us how non linear healing is really helps.

[@user-kx7tr2ge9w]

Thank you Dr 💕 ❤

[@jesusfaith2232]

Going to order your book thanks !

[@craigmerkey8518]

As always there is no price for the amazing content and value I get from your dedication! Maybe someday I will get there... thus far I recognize the symptoms and my reaction to the (as you so wonderfully put it) blast zone! However I do not accept, condone, or tolerate it. Even as a young child I could identify the ridiculousness! Maybe it is the same meaning with synonyms... but acceptance NOPE!

[@karenhohe3435]

Superb! 😁 Thank you, Dr Ramani❣

[@Chellemae44]

I truly feel like I start from square one every time I distance myself then come back around. My father is the one that has the narcissistic tendencies as well as his family. I feel majority of my life. I was the scapegoat. As I got older, I decided to distance myself from the family and of course that turned into. I think I’m too good and all this other negative stuff. I let things “die down “ and I recently decided to come back around because my dad has started to take some form of accountability. However, I get confused because, once he starts taking accountability, it starts to turn into a kind of this is just the way we are type of undertone, as if it’s supposed to help me get to a point of acceptance of how I was treated and then not to mention the over amount of compliments, you get on social media, and online and all of the cheering and then in person it’s a completely different undertone. I’m not really spoken to I’m pretty much ignored at the family functions it’s just really weird. So I’ve just found myself having to go all the way back to square one because I really gaslit myself for a while, thinking that it was me because I’m naturally introverted maybe my quiet presence is off putting to them and that’s why they don’t talk to me. It’s just the same feelings I had as a kid coming right back up again. I’ll be happy when this cycle ends😕

[@chrysanthimoschonaki2303]

- Beware of "taking accountability": it could be manipulation. - Better ignored than attacked ("scapegoated").

[@mohammedmasud5815]

Well said.

[@user-yn8rd8zs9t]

Thank you Dr Ramini.

[@melaniebaxter6843]

I've just been hovered, chewed up, and spit back out again. How long does it take to not blame yourself, to keep giving chances? It's incredibly painful.

[@TheGreshamgirL]

Thank you!

[@IonTrone]

yet another instant classic video on narcissism! #GetTheBook

[@rms539]

Just ordered the book! My second Dr R. Book..

[@maxsiehier]

In my case, I began learning about narcissism once my narc brother and I moved apart. There was one significant fight during the moving apart phase, which I take as a sign that he will never change. But this was right when I began learning about narcissism. By now, I've learned a whole lot more. And honestly, I want to see him throw a rageful tantrum one more time, so I can be like, "this is it, this confirms everything I've learned." But I know what this sounds like, it sounds like I want to re-enter the relationship and hope for the better. But that's honestly not what it is. I don't really care about cultivating that relationship, even just because of how much he hurt me in the past, without any apology or change, why would I care about being close to him? This is more like the final nail on the coffin. I would like there to be a final nail, so I can take it as an incentive to just radically accept the situation.

[@lynnemarylou7611]

My pre-ordered book has arrived Praise God❤🎉

[@Stardustpal25]

🌹🫂Thank you Dr. Ramani ❤️🌟

[@susanbradleyskov9179]

I finally got my book! I think I’m avoiding reading it. It’s been two whole days since it showed up on my Kindle. Time to take a big breath and start. ❤

[@christinefeinholz9115]

For me it’s helped break the shock to freeze cycle…I’m not surprised at the known behaviors and more able to maintain presence.

[@lindamceachron]

I feel as if you are talking to me. Perfect timing 😢

[@gerger5670]

I hate radical acceptance! I tried stupidly again today to explain some things, yes, this will come back at me hard, but how can they be so blind to the damage they are doing, I’m not bulletproof, but I am hardened, but the damage on his daughters is unbelievable, and you can’t help him😢😢😢😢

[@cymbolichuman433]

My friend thought I should do something a certain way. I agreed, however that doesn't mean that my family is like that. They would never do something I wanted, and I accepted that. I do things with my friends instead of family.

[@nickus51]

It took me almost a year to radically accept and understand what happened. The grief is still hard at times, although it is getting better. However, what I struggle most with is self blame and self trust. I see toxic behaviours all around me. I find it hard to trust anyone, myself included. What if I get betrayed again, what if I again won't see the red flags?

[@mrsamytam]

My inlaws are narcissists, the kind of people that everytime I interacted with them it felt like I was hit by a Mack truck but never saw it coming. I spent years ruminating and asking why were they the way they are? Why were they so cruel and rejected my husband when he was a good son who did everything for them, while going out of their way to glorify his siater who never did anything for anyone else. Why were they unkind, what was wrong with me and with DH that they would be so coldand calculating? It took a long time for me to realize that it didn't seem to even occur to them that anyone outside the 3 of them even had feelings. But then I think I met radical acceptance...I realized that hoping they would change and wasting my time and thoughts on then was futile. Its like holding a wasp in my hand and wishing it were a butterfly. The wasp has always been a wasp and always will be. While it might fly, its a wasp and will sting repeatedly without a second thought. I had to put put down the wasp and step away to keep from getting stung again and again. DH is much happier now that he walked away from the hornets nest as well.

[@user-yw5hm4fy2i]

Agree with Dr. R..💐 on this topic of discussions..However, the ACCEPTANCE CAN BE RADICALLY AT DIFFERENT LEVELS from Rarely to completely WELL-DONE as those actions movies or martial arts 🥋 kung-fu MASTER'S that the final slammed or 👊 made the opponent be flat on the floor or nosebleed and/or discarded the hideous Devil's Narc. with a💥 grenade 💣 and kept on walking forward to another life's one chose 4 oneself..Period..

[@user-kw5tt8vr7s]

I have radically accepted the fact that you look beautiful today

[@sandylevan5647]

I am in this area now...as I set up my supports and plan the ending of this marriage, I feel awful, I know it's going to hurt many, but I know things will not change, and most of all I know things will not change. I have to make myself put one foot in front of the other, and take one breath at a time.