7 Domination Games Narcissists Will Play

As compensation for the fear of irrelevance, narcissists pursue power and authority. Dr. Les Carter describes how this can be displayed in predictable games to draw you into their domination system. But as you are able to identify clearly the games they play, you are positioned to sidestep the dysfunction they wish to impose.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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[@steviecrow914]

Half way through this video and I’m beginning to understand why I’m exhausted. Non-stop conflict is no way to live.

[@janetpattison8474]

Exactly, narcissists thrive on creating conflict & crazy making.. And as hard as it is, I went no contact with one grandiose narc. I love this person, but can’t be around him, since the disrespect, love bombing, then discarding me, etc… & efforts to control me got worse & worse. I should have put an end to the narc abuse years ago.

[@77thTrombone]

@@janetpattison8474 It is interesting that you love them. After being married to one for 20 lonely years, I have learned this sort of love is a real chore. As Dr Carter says, there is one supreme opinion in the house, there is little room for individuality. It is hard. Credits to you.

[@francesbernard2445]

What I cannot understand is why all of the narcissists on any side expect all of the rest of us to get on board with them 'willingly' or else. Or else be constant interrupted during our day and while our lives are being intruded upon any time they want to do so while insisting that only us should be held accountable but never themselves with all of their authoritarian devices. Authoritarian devices including the instruments being used to perform so called only therapeutic abortions on some of their wives and daughters too who are being coerced into that 'choice'.

[@77thTrombone]

@@francesbernard2445 I don't know how abortions (of which I am no fan) got into this, but Dr Carter has mentioned this. Think of them as something of a 3 year old mind set stuck in an adult body. It occurred to me that some large %age of COVID deniers exhibited what was fundamentally a "you're not the boss of me!" attitude. Not saying they are all narcs (tho I'm sure some climbed into the role of flying monkey for a certain über-narc.) Their decisions are all emotional and existential. Let me just suggest you keep watching Dr Carter's videos. I'll also recommend Darren Magee.

[@lindabakmaz81]

I am just learning this now, involved with my sis every day since our brother died. Wow. I had no idea, and I wish I still had no idea.

[@realhealing7802]

Causing anyone pain intentionally is evil! Pure evilness.

[@bonnies.d.1121]

Yet he calls me evil! He admits he believes in punishment, although I've told him it is superior and counter-productive and injures bonds. It is out-of-date thinking!

[@mouradsaleh2477]

@@bonnies.d.1121 I feel that minor punishment can at times be healthy especially on disciplining kids but that doesnt change that some people are really sadistic.

[@deborahcollins1100]

Yep they are definitely evil I believe especially after being with my narcissistic husband for 37 yrs. A wolf in sheeps clothing!

[@bonnies.d.1121]

@@mouradsaleh2477 Without understanding where you think punishment of a child could be healthy, I'll go ahead and say I think it always means that the adult 1) is not understanding what developmental need the child is engaged in and so is missing an opportunity and 2) is going for expedience, satisfaction of the adult's own interests rather than the good of the child. The exercise of "power over" is always going to create resentment and bad feelings which a child will have to bury, and that is not good for the child or for the relationship. Aletha Solter's books are brilliant on this subject. She's had a lot of experience and has fabulous anecdotes.

[@mouradsaleh2477]

@@bonnies.d.1121 you seem more well read on this topic so hate off to you I Guess I just meant that sometimes a negativa reaction is in place for a negativa action. For instance some people need to directly feel the consequence of their action them to behave better I am like this. Sometimes you need to punch the bully in the dave, set strict Boundaries and at times be a bit hard to your kid. I am Aware that my culturak programming provval deeply effects my beliefs

[@bitsybugaloo]

The rules and requirements keep changing on a whim. It’s the adrenaline hit of watching you jump to be accepted. The same as playing ping pong. You’ll never be accepted. They love the game.

[@kellygregory544]

Just....EVIL...PERIOD...

[@brianreed8271]

It took me way too long to realize the happiness my pain brought to her. Over 2 years no contact now and I'm still confused on how the world works.

[@threestepsdown]

I always said he was "ping-ponging" my brain

[@ollia]

Yes. Moving goalposts.

[@realhealing7802]

Exactly! It's a one-sided relationship. A relationship based on their needs and wants. You get nothing.

[@gregj1241]

This channel should be required in schools so kids learn young to shut down the narcissist

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'd be ok with that.

[@goodfortunehand4830]

1. My opinion only - authoritarian attitude, binary thinking. 2. Shut up - keep it to yourself, you are invalid. 3. You'll be sorry - punishment and threats. 4. The whole world will know - humiliation in group. 5. I'm beholden to no one - refuse to be accountable. 6. I've got nothing for you - passive aggressive non participation. 7. I've got people - group think makes you an outcast.

[@no707]

Thank you for writing them down like this l am autistic and l have a hard time consentraiting on what the person is saying or what they mean by it .

[@laurieannJake]

I’ve never heard anyone lay this out so clearly this is my husband and his family they are rotten fake Christian’s

[@zzulm]

I was hoping for a comment like this thank you

[@aleciawimer8506]

Are there more games? I was thinking of some more… 8. Play the victim 9. Distort facts 10. Control the narrative 11. Rage 12. Comparison trap 13. Narasistic amnesia 14. Act like things never happened-toxic positivity.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

@@aleciawimer8506 ah I see you have met my siblings family

[@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723]

The narcissistic “shut up”, comes in many forms, 1). Interrupting you and changing the subject, 2). Arguing with whatever your saying, 3). Giving you a look that says it all, 4). You Will Pay…. You must slowly cease to have any opinion, stay silent and if at all possible stop breathing. If you have breath you can speak.

[@Greenwings701]

Oh the look, the lip smack and sneer that tells you everything you need to know about them.

[@funshinebear4822]

And if you do stay silent, "why aren't you saying anything?!"😄

[@mightymouse1005]

They want you breathing.. but ONLY to bow and please them...beg and plead for a tiny scrap of human decency....build a shrine and statue of them....dedicate every second of your life to please them.....what they want is a robot or puppet....

[@mightymouse1005]

Last time mine said I don't love him enough.. I looked him in the eye and said....I don't love you at all anymore and THAT is on you.. Then he says..." you need to pack your shit and leave " I LAUGHED and reminded him it's MY house....and if anyone leaves its him...I did offer to pack HIS shit... I got the blissful silent treatment for some days...PEACE and quiet.... I play music loud and sing and dance....shows him how irrelevant his punishment is in my life....

[@jayjo77144]

Great comment all true The silent treatment it's like pouting because you may have not agreed or possibly said no The pouting kills me

[@jencaragia]

Whatever you do, no matter how bad, DO NOT ENGAGE. PERIOD.

[@malkaringel7864]

Our entire world is more narccisstic these days! Be on guard people!!!

[@goldilocks3593]

It seems like the classic case of over correcting. Their need for domination is in direct proportion to the level of insecurity they feel; which says a lot actually.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Spot on.

[@ronaldmcdonald3965]

I was thinking the same thing. My sister had to leave the workforce in her late 20s. I think it was her know-it-all personality. It got back to our mom that co-workers referred to her as a "Itch". So she has spent the last 30 years doing art work in the basement of her house (paid for by her smart and reasonable but beta husband). But here is what is fascinating: At thanksgiving dinner she always did the same intro: "I have a Master from XYZ University" but women are not treated fairly in Architecture". That was 30 years after she got her degree. One of her favorite phrases is "The *right way* to do things is X"; she fails to recognize that there can be several solutions based on level of requirement, resources, skills, economics. Net/Net: a lot of her behavior is based on her insecurity.

[@keplermission4947]

Well ... these, people narcissists and dark triad, it's best remembered have a habitual timer mechanism where you're 'love bombed' or 'idealized' then they switch into the devaluation phase. Now there's a ratchet on the switch so that we cannot turn it back into the idealization phase, without breaking the knob off, so this is where the 'shut up' has to enter into Dr.Carter's 'second game'. If your friend shows this trait of devaluation, they then need to be discarded. As Dr. Carter says, just 'shut up' after that, don't try to fix the relationship because uh ... you're not in a relationship with that type of individual. Another thing is that the dark triad only have a set of negative assumptions about your behavior. You intend well but ... they don't see that in the devaluation phase, they put a negative value on your actions to make you the loser and they you know, appear to be the winner. These are not intended or designed to be maneuvers (manoeuvre UK & Canada) that you can ever be an equal. Also don't trust in God to make things okay for you in these relationships. Understand you're in a game with someone that wants you to lose and if you tell them what you want, you'll NEVER get it. Don't tell them or make it easy for them to identify what you want out of the time you're spending with them.

[@carolnahigian9518]

Yes! Toxic cousin W. has a 'best Friend" - pamperedCousin "A" and they alternate as Each other's Flying Monkeys (BOTH ARE WICKED, Evil!)

[@keplermission4947]

@Bird Dawg Yeah we know you've been studying it for a long time, but you plum deserved what you got, and probably will never realize just what an irritating little pest you were.

[@fredflintstone8048]

A mistake I've made, and I believe commonly draws us in to more engagement with the Narcissist is trying to reason with them about their behavior, trying to get them to see themselves and make a change which is always futile and only throws more gasoline on the fire. I've learned that the best response is no engagement, walk away, get them out of your life, and if you can't for some reason, hold engagement to a minimum and keep your wits about you.

[@lindajones8101]

Agreed. Only took me half my life to figure it out though!

[@ktwhimsy6946]

Yes exactly! I read somewhere that if you must engage, have a clear goal on your end going into it, say/do only enough to reach your objective (ie; making a plan to pick up kids on the weekend, etc)

[@blen740]

Been there a million times with my narc. Thought that if I could make her see how her behavior affected other people she'd be willing to make a change before losing all the people who loved her. Futile effort! She made it clear that she liked who she was and that she would not listen to anybody - they might put something on her that didn't belong there. So what can you do? My suggestion, leave them alone. Nothing will open their eyes like the experiences they'll have to face when justice catches up to them....

[@ianmcmurtrey5289]

Exactly. Any kind of engagement is all they want. In their world of winners and losers, you lost because you engaged and they can tell you how wrong you are.

[@jake90009]

I can't get away from my sister, I just talk neutral topics to her and she still finds ways to make me mad. She never gets the picture as she has no fucking boundaries and thinks the world revolves around her. Continues to try to give me advice about me when I never asked and its often BAD advice

[@ScottMitchell2]

Sad that these traits are such a growing phenomenon in society

[@SC-zw2uy]

After investing mind body and soul into a relationship, only to find we were just a player in their pathological game of domination and exploitation is devastating. At least now I see the game for what it is. Thank you Dr. C.

[@SueDenimDomDenim]

I thought I had found my soulmate in my husband but it was a mask for a monster

[@pogofuzz]

Always knowing something seems off and yet not being able to find the pattern until a forced quarantine. I can’t unsee a lot of things now..about people around me and myself. It’s a lot to process and I am so grateful for the doctors like Dr. C who help me see what has been happening within these dynamics for the first time.

[@janetpattison8474]

I agree, it’s helpful to watch the videos & understand what’s going on.

[@lindabell2940]

Help me unpack this, its so simple , yea i tell myself, i liked was normal, im talking just regular caring, having a sister, like this , for some reason she would always talk to her family, with animosity, resentment, always some kind of meanness, one time my dad was in the rehab hospital, my dad had started living in her town,i dont know either with her or, in the old folks home, always to much mishaps its a little hard to remember, but one day, they put dad in rehab to get his strength back, there was nothing wrong with him, with his health, they just needed to strength ed his body, cause before, that him and mom were at my house, yea my mom and dad went to her town, but the way it went down, cause when you put a parent in rehab, they get the caretaker my big sister, to sign paper work incase,something happens ,the paper work was for, hey incase your dad gets in trouble with his heart, do you need the Doctors to work on him, incase the heart stops, they would have it for everyone, cause i would do the same thing when dad lived with me, it came natural to me, i promise you, dad was not on his death bed, they would just put old folks in rehab to get them better, i said hey sister, did they make you sign paper work, for dad she said yea, i said how did you sign it, she said i sign no, that means if his heart stop, the Doctor was allowed to do, CPR, she sign no ,like i said dad was not on the verge of death period, i ask her ,why she did that, simple CPR, she says cause he smokes cigarettes, i said thats the reason to sign the paper yes, incase his heart got bad, he was just weak not dying, man i was upset, on and on with her nonsense, i never said nothing, i just hope and pray he would be alright he only stayed 2 weeks, your not supposed to sign his death warrant, especially if he is not that bad off, just there to get his strength back, anyhow i would put up ,with her nonsense just to what keep the peace, yea i never cuss her put her down or nothing, always was a fair loving sister, years later, the stupid nonsense, went on and on, this time it was my heart she was tearing in to peices, so i blew up, man i scolded her like a dog , keep in mind i never really told her any cruel words, and when i did ,i lost it, my words my text to her, me taking drugs couldnt stop, thinking about her nonsense she did towards her family, man Doctor, i lost control, my cussing my madness, yea these people can be way out there with madness, so i form madness in my heart, tears nonstop, hec Doctor her husband for 12 years, he hung himself in the garage, Doctor she was always out of control, to me it was her actions that killed him, his depression took him, and what did she do, made it worse he loved her, but she never loved him, her cold heart like almost made it impossible for real caring, yea she would tell him give her sex if not he will pay ,he was a good person, yea she killed him,it was like no honor for him no love , just her always saying im going to do what i want, now listen, im fed up with her control her madness, so i flipped out finally, her dead husband had been dead for a while already, Doctor i watch this cramp 4 ever, never went off on her, sometimes what was the use anyway, in her mind she will do what she wants, yea i seen her do bad ,sex is her drug, ask the lord to help you sister, man Doctor i watch every character on this mental person, yea Doctor, these people can pull some whoppers, cause of no empathy, i experience the whole 9 yards, and than me something im not supposed to be cable of ,i turn on her, i hated your cramp, i dealt with it 4 ever, i tell ya Doctor its bad watching someone like this ,and always wondering why why, i heard that word narcissist on that murder show ,cause they would say, the murder was, a narcissist, but the person on the TV, described the character, i said o my god, that, character thing fits my sister to a Teague, 0 yea Doctor people are troubled, im troubled in ways, but im not like that, i was the sister that was the rock of the family, that character stuff is sick ,your ways or sick, im sick cause of the damage, yea i was a victim of her abuse, yea ,have someone in your life that thinks this way, yea it screwed up my mind, i got my own mistakes, but im adult, i watch her do this do that a lost child i was watching, it tore me up Doctor you be against my sister, i didn't want to look at her, her lies, her ways, a person can inly take so much, later Doctor Carter thanks

[@snowbear1877]

And they want everything on their terms.

[@1286cassandra]

Yea. Their terms.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

This is why I don't bother with my narc dad!

[@houseplantnerd2872]

It's literally a seek and destroy. From now on I get to define family!!!!! Mostly animals and plants but at least I get to be me.

[@kimonawhim11]

Lol me too!

[@skinnyway]

finding a patch of ground to pull weeds out of the ground by hand is akin to pulling people's heads off and taking the spine with it!! I may have said that before! but its a proven therapy LOL

[@bekindpeas]

Hell yeah!! Me too! Peace

[@houseplantnerd2872]

@@skinnyway I actually feel guilt pulling weeds. I feel they have as much right to live as I do. They are also important for all sorts of pollinators. I do pull weeds but only certain ones. I have some massive and old dandelions. I'm fond of, "What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered." Ralph Waldo Emerson

[@julianterris]

Malignant Narcissists do not have the same boundaries that we do, their egos are so inflated that any rejection is interpreted as "shaming" and so they retaliate by trying to *shame* you.

[@francesbernard2445]

Inflated or inflamed egos which narcissists have from moment to moment while the rest of us are trying to figure out what might get interpreted as being more rejection next when no rejection of them was intended? Something that we healthy people are in the worst cases encountered are never going to figure out well enough to live out our full potential length of years possible if continuing to live in the same country as they live in. And if it is a flaming determined to be on their one way street headed into the depths of hell while they cannot see it coming at all after duping enough people to moving out of the nation they live in is no guarantee that for example you might get poisoned by one of their flying monkey types under the same delusion that some day they might get to be that kind of emperor wearing no clothes some day next too.

[@donna-colorado8443]

Mine used to get upset when I would tell him there was other right ways to do things, not just his way.

[@silviac221]

Best definition ever: in a relationship with a narc the game is already rigged against you. Thank you for saying this.

[@lyndabrown1626]

Before I knew all about narcissism, I always said to the covert, malignant, sociopathic narcissist that I know "Circle/Square", "Black/White", etc. Their patterns are so recognizable after you have knowledge of narcissism. 😊

[@dakoderii4221]

My dad said everything is black/white, on/off, good/bad. I said what about a traffic light? He got so mad he almost dropped his baggie of cocaine!

[@skinnyway]

@@dakoderii4221 😆

[@BBurton1219]

I try to explain that the narcissist in my life will argue the color of the sky.

[@gyhahmad481]

😂😂😂🤣I know right

[@flamingrobin5957]

im so devastated by narcissistic family. as the scapegoat i can barely function in mid life. and very few people have the kindness and paitience to understand.

[@Annalenalovemusic]

I know your story😍feelt i read about me..oh..i feel for you..i just desided to stay away..and get strong mental health😍..

[@iys6890]

I understand 😊

[@lindajones8101]

I believe Flaming Robin, that you can heal by yourself. Therapy often helps but you have to make sure that you have a therapist who doesn’t understand narcissism. It’s only just recently being talked about so much. That information is readily available. I did my healing by reading a lot of books on narcissism and on grief, because grief is what you end up with when you realize you lost yourself along the way a long time ago. Those books, and things that I read online, helped me. I got rid of so many people in my life, at the age of 70 I now have no friends and the reading I did showed me that this is what happens to many people when you get rid of toxic people - you find yourself alone and embittered and feeling as if you’ve been destroyed. But immersing myself in books, and what they had to teach, helped me see that what I felt and experienced was real . I am a social person and would like to be with other people, but I have accepted that for the moment or for the near future, or perhaps forever, it will be me and my two cats. I do go out and do things and I get my companionship just by being around strangers.

[@wilma432]

Yes! This explains why I always felt invalid and invisible around the narcs in my life. Either that or I was in the way, made to feel like a waste of space and I didn’t matter at all. The only time they would talk to me was to get information that might be useful to them at the time. That was it. Never showed any care for my well-being whatsoever, especially since they were the cause of most of my stress, anxiety, frustration, depression, and physical ailments.

[@tanyadavis6138]

Yep

[@lindajones8101]

Hurts like hell, doesn’t it? I felt instant relief when I got rid of all the toxic people in my life, mostly female, friends, and family members. It was like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but I was left with the grief of getting over the betrayal.

[@lynnfincham6839]

I simply could not play their games anymore. Sorry to say the relationship has ended. I seek peace 🥀

[@siriastridkristensen4272]

Peace.

[@iamgoddessoflove]

Narcissists are excellent at acting. They get people by their charm and performance. It can leave you confused because they are so innocent in playing victim and pointing you as the abuser. Don't fall for it!💙KZbinr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships

[@hcombs0104]

Oh, how I can relate! My older narcissistic sister is quite an actress.... crocodile tears, etc. She could give Katharine Hepburn a run for her money. And some people still buy into it.

[@emotown1]

Yeah and a lot of them in my experience don't even bother with the 'playing the victim' stage and just go straight to abusing you and making you feel like you somehow are getting what you deserve, because .... 'reasons'.

[@RN-gx7wt]

Poor performance acting. If you look 20 years later at them they still perform the same old fuss.

[@christinelaford8449]

Irony is our daughter became an actress. She is her father's daughter...but worse because she was not just "trained" in drama by her Dad...but NYC sure made her into something else. I can't even talk to her at all anymore. Gaslighting is surreal like nothing else; I am such a problem to her...& she says I'm the only one in the world she has issues with.

[@iys6890]

Oh yeah! Lol...so pathetic it's funny!

[@lifewithapurpose237]

Being dominant & in control [without self-control] *IS a game for them* because it is a false illusion. Only say, as my spouse assumed that s/he could control everything i did and everything i thought [mainly *thru threats,* this showed *how weak* they really were]. also employed the *"turn everyone against you"* game, the *"i WILL have my way"* game by use of grudge holding, silent treatment and passive aggression, the *"you aren't making me happy enough"* or *"you don't love me enough"* game by trying to make me try harder or jump through hoops to prove. oh, lest i forget the *"you have just DARED to disrespect ME"* game [which was always presumptuous] that got me 'punished', in one way or another, EVERYTIME.

[@jacquelinefroehle5868]

Exactly....they demand I do things that they should know are impossible, and make up rules for me to obey that are illegal, and put on their Arrogant voice, and make arrogant decisions for themselves. All the Red Flags. They are too ignorant to know Duality in life....you pretend Above others is self sabotaging themselves (unless they manage to Scapegoat you and hand their evil side to you to deal with) Acting Arrogant is trying to be a Gold Shiney side of a coin....the other side is rusty and degraded evil side. They are Evil, hiding their evil and that is ALL THEY HAVE TO GIVE. The Head Narc/Sociopath would say "I'm a positive person"...lol. Right after telling a boat load of lies... lol. The Best thing to do with them, is walk away....don't play the games, and know that is all they have....Games. And get over the nonsense they stick on your life....and then LAUGH AT THEM. Laughing at their nonsense is healing.

[@cheryldee95]

Yes! In their head…they are the ‘king/queen’ of their imaginary kingdom, and everyone else is there to serve them and conform to their every whim/demand. And when you have had as much as you can possibly endure at the hands of a narcissist, and decide to leave…they DO threaten…and will use whatever scare tactics they can dream up, in attempt to keep you quivering in your cage. In divorce, the narcissist will find the most unscrupulous lawyer possible, to act as their heavy-handed, high-paid, flying monkey…in attempt to intimate you into settling for the pittance the narcissist is WILLING to give you, which will never be even close to the amount you are actually entitled to. And those nasty lawyers are the ones who will push the opposition to the very edge of a court room doorway, pretending to have a solid case, but…will back out in the 11th hour, wanting to ‘settle out of court’ - because those lawyers NEVER want a judge to discover the slimy games they are willing to torment the opposition with, in exchange for fistfuls of cash from their vengeful clients. After all, ‘Abuse by Proxy’ (of the legal system) is illegal, and would very likely end with that unscrupulous lawyer’s licence being revoked. Those kinds of lawyers are well aware of how far they can push the law…to accommodate their bank accounts, while entertaining their nasty and vengeful client’s requests. A vengeful narcissist is the unscrupulous lawyers most favourite, easily manipulated, easily provoked, suggestible (for game playing), malice driven…fee-inducing fool that can possible saunter through their fee-driven Law Office’s doorway.

[@marywilsonvocalist2181]

How come you got bold font?

[@jennyanderson4796]

Turn everyone against you game - no fun in that 💯

[@marywilsonvocalist2181]

@David Skreiner *thankyou*

[@wendypayne7693]

It's like disarming a nuclear bomb trying to work with them on any issue.

[@laurieannJake]

That’s funny but it’s not really fun because I get it. I feel trapped and reeling from this Horror show of lies

[@wendypayne7693]

@@laurieannJake Sounds like its time to LEAVE and make your life safe and peaceful.

[@jameshickman8336]

My ex, i jokingly began stating after a while, could find a reason to blame me for everything negative, wrong, or bad in the entire world. I apparently gained some kind of evil superpower that didn't require any direct involvement on my part, but magically ooozed out of me onto everything he saw, heard, felt, tasted, smelled, planned, e.t.c.

[@skinnyway]

I personally would rather have zero games in my relations. unless we all get to play and laugh.

[@EmilyKresl]

I've noticed whenever I assert myself my narcissist will ask me deflecting loaded questions such as "Why are you being so crazy?" "Why are you yelling at me?" (When I'm not yelling at all,) "What is your problem?" "Why do you have to be such a *insert insult here* all the time?" But whenever I ask questions I can't expect any meaningful response. It's so aggravating sometimes to be aware of how I'm being gaslighted while not letting him gaslight me, it's exhausting to say the least. Thank you for giving me a safe haven to remind me I'm not wrong for putting my foot down, it's helping me prepare for the proverbial narcissist WW3 I have rolling out before me.

[@siriastridkristensen4272]

MY LIFE IS NOT A GAME

[@whatsupchannel3047]

Character assassination is underneath every move they make ,it's so obvious that they intend to crush you as a person . I have recently learnt that it's their power that's their most precious thing in life . When a person with these traits arrives to your home is it common for them to greet you with a question , gas lighting ! ? No hello how are you . Its very unsettling when they question everything . Thank you .

[@SewDiva5691]

How I wished my late FIL had his own channel here on KZbin. Back during the Vietnam war he was an Army medic. Soldiers went to him for emotional support during those stressful war times. Dr C I like to think of you as our Medic for Narcissism support. You even talk like him with your calm reassuring voice. Thank you for all you do & Gus🐕😍. With my deepest appreciation. Go Team Healthy!~ Lyn 🥲

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Such a kind compliment. Thank you.

[@SewDiva5691]

@@SurvivingNarcissism you’re very welcome Dr C😄

[@rosegarner5695]

This reminds me of the countless games my family played. My parents repeatedly informed me that my opinions, views, or even needs were unimportant and not for them to be bothered with. As long as I " towed the line" in my clan as the "dutiful daughter", I was okay. My mom would spread lies about me to relatives in other states ! I would receive nasty phone calls from DISTANT cousins telling me to try and be a better daughter ! Their toxic behavior went on for decades. Never did I comprehend their hateful, punitive motives. I sought therapy however and learned about boundaries to save my own life. Being different was the equivalent of an outcast. I finally learned to love, value, respect and be grateful for my own unique gifts and personhood. I also detached from them in love to finally lead a happy, fulfilling life.

[@sagebay2803]

Same here. Glad you are doing ok. Being the "dutiful daughter"....yep, yep. They are just awful people.

[@michaelcummings6178]

Thank you - I thought it was me alone ! Narks are truly awful people !

[@craigmerkey8518]

I remember when I was an early elementary school student, I used to say there are two opinions in my house, the narcissist parents, and the wrong one. I was labeled as negative and inappropriate! I rest my case!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Be you!

[@HeatherRose2023]

1. My opinion only 2. Shut up 3. You’ll be sorry 4. The whole world will know 5. I’m beholden to no one 6. I’ve got nothing for you 7. I’ve got people

[@pearlonion5343]

When narcissists ghost you, you win. 🙌🏼👏👍

[@graveyardghost2603]

As for shutting me down, my narc sister would often say in a huff, "we really didn't need to hear that" bc nothing i say matters to her.

[@mharris7380]

Comments like that are the pinnacle of disrespect and dehumanizing someone.

[@sfc5774]

Wow…..that’s harsh. I’m glad you knew what she was up to. Narcissists are some of the most miserable people I know. It takes a lot of energy to be that insecure and hateful.

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

I hate being ignored I feel for you I go through that with mil . It's like a constant eye roll and huff turn of the head whenever I speak

[@graveyardghost2603]

@@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690 thank you, I am sorry for you as well.

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

@@graveyardghost2603 if you are able limit time with her not go out of your way and don't text her or call her. My gram died in feb and mil didn't even text me for a sorry for loss . I quit talking to her all together for many other reasons. It's too long to type

[@francesbernard2445]

In summary: Narcissists believe in authoritarianism. Authoritarianism is way different than someone in good will who is exercising their authority in mercy, truth and justice when they are for example only taking out the only real garbage. Instead of for example some day maybe ordering us as well around to get rid of human persons while calling them only garbage after threatening to treat us like only garbage too if we refuse to do the same along with all of the rest of his insubordinates on the Russian/Wagner teams. Authoritarianism is most of the time only the exercising of power while often wearing a mask and switching them when behaving like a chameleon. I believe that the best way to protect ourselves from narcissistic abuse is to already have enough healthy relationships with people who are not like that. Spending time in relationships with other healthy people in boring looking to narcissist places to be in like when taking free table tennis lessons, helping out during community hall Rotary club team work, helping to organize a church basement spaghetti dinner/ silent auction or going out on outings for seniors is the kind of things for us to do to protect ourselves from that sort of thing instead of believing that the devices being used by the authoritarian crowd will benefit us in any way too. Very sad though when together there is nothing we can do other than not standing in their way while letting them find out for themselves the hard way.

[@jm9673]

I eventually have come to realise that both of my parents were narcissists. It’s the only way to make sense of their behaviour. But what is an immature and defenceless child supposed to do? Part of your problem is that you don’t know what’s being done to you by virtue of being a child. As you mature, you may realise something’s wrong but not be in a position to escape because of circumstances.

[@FloridaGirl-]

Totally! 👍 But finding the answer turns on the light bulb and a path to heal.

[@itm4173]

Hah, "I'm beholding to No One" was a common phrase of my N. parent. She was never accountable for anything other than praise, adoration, and complete obeidence.

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

Omg is she related to mil? That's exactly how she is with me serious

[@itm4173]

@@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690 I wonder how you are navigating this type of MIL? Having been raised by a narcissist and having a malignant narcissistic sibling gave me little understanding of healthy adult boundaries. My MIL (thank G-d she's finally gone) almost destroyed my marriage. If I knew then, what I know now, either I'd have divorced, or my mate would have changed

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

@@itm4173 I don't talk to her at all I don't visit she's an hour away thank God and I don't have them over

[@SoulLove-mu3sf]

You know my mother?!! Thanks to you I know I’m not crazy like she likes to make me believe I’m 50 and I’m just now getting it thanks to you I’m not crazy I’m not stupid I’m not worthless I’m somebody I’m worth something

[@oscarwilliamson6163]

Melanie Strancner,You deserve better

[@rachelcarmina3958]

The "you'll be sorry" card was SOP with my ex. Having a different opinion from them on anything, especially if in public, always brought retaliation. Occasionally we would work out a plan for something only to discover that my spouse had no intention of sticking to the plan. When I pointed out what we agreed to, it just brought an episode of rage against me. Everything had to be what they wanted & on their terms.

[@elainehoward9577]

My son in law uses religion. He wants me out of my daughters life. I am 82 & It’s so hard. I think he told her not to come to my home. She sees me when he’s not around, & that’s seldom. He will not let me go to her home Bible study. He is now turning my grand children against me. He knows I know who he is. 🙏🐒

[@natalievitrano8251]

Mine is "I can't have any of my friends over to the house because you've alienated them all." What that means is that I have been assertive in the presence of his friends. I have taken up for myself when he has acted in an asinine, inconsiderate way. In short, I've called him on his B. S. in front of his friends. That's me being me and taking up for myself. That's not cool because I have a "sharp tongue." - translate - I stand up for myself. I essence, he did not feel comfortable having his friends over to our house because he cannot act like an arrogant ass, "put me in my place" and get away with it. Well I'm gone now, living my peaceful best life. So I guess he can have all of his buddies over to the house. Thing is: there's no on left there to ridicule.

[@janetpattison8474]

@@natalievitrano8251 sincere congratulations for moving on.

[@hollylorn131]

Thankfully I am away from the narcissistic ex but unfortunately he played all 7 games with me over the 21 year marriage. Thank you for describing the seven games narcissists play on unsuspecting and kind people. It's very good to be aware of the narcissistic personality so you can spot them a mile away and avoid them.

[@Sound_The_War-Cry]

How did you get out?

[@staceystroynywalls8294]

This was my daily life for the last five years after the love bomb stage wore off. I was afraid to express any kind of concerns or hurts for fear of his rage and punishment. I would be told to shut up immediately and if I didn't, he'd threaten me with whatever would hurt me the most at the time. I had to suppress every need and every desire and every thought. Such a truly undignified way to live. 😞

[@cyndim8785]

Then after all that they do to insult/control you then turn around and say “I’m going to get me some tonight🤮I can’t stand the thought of it.

[@healingslowly3599]

Bringing others in to do their dirty work... That's a new trick my narc spouse learned last year. Up until then her public mask was too important to her to risk exposing herself in that way. What she found was some "friends" where one is a truly brutal overt narcissist who really seemed to make destroying me a pleasurable game for himself. The bad is that I had a serious mental breakdown. The good is that, with really great therapy over the last eight months, I have finally recognized after 30 years that my spouse is a covert narc. I figured that out as her and these "friends" were accusing me of being a narc and having borderline personality disorder. In researching and getting therapy to see if I was those things they were exposed to me and I'm in the process of getting divorced and removing these parasites from my life.

[@francesbernard2445]

Sometimes that kind of narcissist after duping enough people to ends up forcing more and more people into doing their dirty work right up until taking their last breath during a temper tantrum taking of their own lives when finally realizing that they are not going to be getting their way quite as they had envisioned on their way 'up' while being wise through their own eyes.

[@samsailor5152]

I loose… I am ok not playing

[@FunnyBirdVideos]

Oh my, I’ve been played with so many of these games. It’s all so petty and nasty but also hurtful. Just yesterday I had a wobble because it’s not in my nature to ignore anyone (my narc) but I remembered when she invited me to a workshop she was running (of course! Lol) and when it was my turn to contribute she skipped passed me to the next person beside me. I should have called it out but didn’t want to draw attention to my hurt feelings. I now know she didn’t want me to have a platform or was threatened by what I had to say, which is why I say narcs are petty. Btw. I made an excuse I had to be somewhere and left the workshop early. I should have seen the signs then but it rumbled on for years after. Since seeing the ‘narc’ light, I’ve been practicing low contact/not supporting her ventures by being ‘busy’ (I’m busy keeping away from her and living my best life! ). If this resonates with anyone please let me the one to reassure you life without a narcissist is glorious and you’ll lose weight instantly too (your weight minus narc weight!) It’s so freeing to move around without the burden/guilt/hurt/criticism/belittling etc on your shoulders.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hi Honor. Yes, this resonates. The narcissist cannot share the spotlight. I hate to be pessimistic, but it is unlikely that any explanation on your part will get through to her. Time to move on. Thanks for posting this.

[@kitsunesniper-chan2668]

It's true after more than 15 years of narcissistic abuse, when I finally cut him off, I would never of dreamed that I could ever feel happy, loved, strong etc etc , it took me 5 years ( since no contact)I did the work & yes unbelievably my life is not perfect but everyday I smile & have reasons to be grateful & happy. Long short you can with effort stop viewing yourself as a victim & end up as strong survivor. Top tip all negative thoughts about yourself that repeat in your head are a lie, put there by very ininformed nasty fools. if you can just spot them ( the thoughts) & add that's a lie to the end of it, slowly you stop repeating them.

[@FunnyBirdVideos]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Believe me I have absolutely no interest ( or energy!) to explaining anything to my narc because we all know it would land on deaf ears/ego! 😆

[@nicholecornes1915]

His mommy supports everything he does

[@michelesummers2437]

So true Doc, with them it's always a competition and you're the designated loser and they're the designated winner.

[@dayveda3736]

I do the Wim Hoff breathing game with my breath everyday. Regimented breathing saved my mind.

[@sandykimberlin7198]

His son keeps saying I'm putting to much clothes in the washing machine!

[@Cat-oj4oz]

I just got ahold of my wonderful brother, whom I contact occasionally, and found out he's doing the same investigation into narcissism as I'm doing! It helps to have an ally who will bat this subject around...! We both noticed at the end of our conversation that neither was feeling pummeled, and in fact felt encouraged and excited that we're on our way to healing. He will be on the phone with narc-mom on Thursday, and I wished him emotional sobriety (though he sounds SO strong already) and can't wait to hear how this all turns out for him...he listens INTENTLY and doesn't miss a beat...this should be good!

[@darrenheapy1265]

I wish my sisters would wake up.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

You are so lucky - I have tried with every family member - and it failed

[@darrenheapy1265]

@@MJ-qb5ph your not alone mate. I have the same issue.

[@darrenheapy1265]

@@MJ-qb5ph me too mate. Me too.

[@shahadah1451]

Truth is this Narc Style is how U.S. Politics and Government are running these days. That is why people have been getting so turned off for years.

[@devidaughter7782]

I appreciate Gus' calm gentle 'holding space' and giving us a much needed smile as we make our way through such difficult content - thanks Gus!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Woof!

[@autumnskogen9707]

Literally going through it right now. Been at my boyfriend's since March because I am not safe at home from a random assault. Last night he decides on a whim like the other person said, that he's done with me. Everything of mine is here at his place. Including my food and my dog's food. Today he's threatening to call the cops and claim harassment. ??? Nobody has the right to treat anybody this way 😭 I wouldn't even do this to my worst enemy,😩 the yo-yo with emotions.

[@yellowbird5411]

I hope you can find another support person and get out of his place. He cannot just toss you into the street, and police will do him no good at all. He must evict you to force you out, but you don't want to stay anyway. Please find another place to go until you can make permanent arrangements. Are you sure you cannot return to your prior living situation safely? Best luck to you.

[@mhelectrical4161]

Make a report to the police. If you can get out,

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

It is maddening when a narcissist is a parent!

[@malcolmwatt7386]

God knows how many narcissistic people I run into on Vancouver Island and in BC. The whole society here is a game playing community.

[@s.elizabeth3339]

Try living on Salt Spring Island! ;)

[@sherymorgan7036]

I wish another segment of narc abuse would receive more attention. The stealth abuser that uses emotional neglect as a primary weapon while keeping appearances pristine. I know our family isn't unique. For some of us, the abuse isn't overt, but rather severe emotional neglect. Appearances are carefully maintained, even Norman Rockwell like, we were well dressed, well fed, holidays and traditions were a big thing, lavishly wrapped gifts,, gardening, beautiful yard, "normal" discipline for the most part, BUT, in our daily life we received ZERO encouragement, no touching, no meaningful conversation ... ever, no counsel, no interest in our interests nor encouraging that we develop interests, no interest in our schoolwork or report cards, no daily greetings or goodnights, no comfort or counsel, no spiritual guidance, no notice of really anything we did unless it could bring them attention. My mother was the power player in our family. Not Dad. Two narcissist parents. One communal, the other a malignant covert. I never knew our normal wasn't normal until I learned about narcissists. Looking back over my past now at age 66, the pattern of living with narcissism is lifelong. From the pattern my mother established and throughout. I now believe she attempted to kill me on two occasions before I was 2 years old. But, I think she then realized I could be a source of attention and supply. My mom was a spoiled only child, my dad's childhood involved poverty and divorce. He craved attention and was an over achiever. Of the two, he was a master of gaslighting. She was a master @ stealth neglect. Entirely absent for me and a tormentor toward my younger sister. She also fueled jealosu animosity between us. My sister and I now care for my 87 year old mother. Her narcissistic ways are even more evident and obvious now that we know what she is. Forgiveness is important and can be done, but it's never too late to create boundaries, change the narrative and stop the abusive neglect even at this late date. We've been given the chance to heal, a cause for so many heartaches in our lives, a name for an ailment we never knew until late in life.

[@alenagoddess2400]

You said it very well. I think for myself and maybe others the reason it takes so long to realize what's going on is we think this is normal and then come to a realization that it is not normal.

[@angelyncampbell820]

Just like my life 😌

[@roseisrose8154]

As a person who is easy going, loving, forgiving, with an abundance of empathy I’m finding now that I was a perfect setup for narcs in my life. Trouble is I do love them all but can’t take their domineering anymore. The game playing. Ugh. The repeated love bombing and then discard. I just experienced another “The whole world will know” incident where my narc friend called me out publicly (FB) on something she did because I wasn’t conforming to her ways. Made me look like an awful person to my friends and hers. I didn’t call her out in response because it’s not who I am. I let it go. And now the love bombing starts again. I don’t want to compromise who I am. But, I don’t want to play this game either. They’re really so sad. Really, I have such pity on them. And that’s why I can’t get out. Maddening.

[@user-qv9nw1dq2f]

It is impossible to live in a constant state of agitation , drama, chaos and trauma. No human being will survive a life with a predatory narcisist which requires the target to live in a perpetual survival mode. It is deadly.

[@DreamsOfFinland]

This information is so incredibly important. I was raised to fear and protect my mother, my brother and sister were on her team and they treated me like an interloper. I thought it was somehow my fault until about two years ago. My sister started pestering me with texts about weather trying to suck me back in. Within minutes she was telling "good bye" and what an awful person I am. She exploded in my face. I'm old, she's old - better to find out how to protect myself from the abuse now than never. It's a good feeling to listen to the hate and reject it on the spot. I do feel sick from the encounter though. Lots to learn, I am so grateful for the help provided here.

[@sunbeagle9769]

Exhausting energy vampires, you grow up with siblings and you are stuck in your role (in their eyes.) Toxic siblings never give you any adult autonomy. And I have never thought that there could be so many toxic sibling stories, thought I was alone.

[@Martinezmemories]

Freedom comes when you realize there is no way to make the narc happy. They actually don’t want you to because that would mean that you won.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, that goes along with the concept of radical acceptance.

[@johngudmundson5020]

I have discovered that when my wife asks for my opinion, she just wants me to repeat her opinion in a deeper voice.

[@jornfox3545]

Gus says I'm dominating this couch with naps!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's about all he dominates!!!

[@jornfox3545]

@@SurvivingNarcissism lol !

[@deechlynn]

Thank you! Both my parents are exhibit narcissistic personalities. I am 51 and still learning to have better relationships. Being raised by them has really affected my life. I love them. However I had to move away and eventually cut ties. It's the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I cry almost every day.

[@susanbarnyak7393]

You described them perfectly. Glad I am on team healthy and know there is a game and can recognize those who want to play games. I live in peace and believe me, there is No going back!!!

[@cynthiafortier2540]

Susan you are so right!! No going back, I had to call the cops to convince this fool that I had had enough. Sleep with my 38 now.... I sleep well.

[@susanbarnyak7393]

@@cynthiafortier2540 Gosh, I am sorry it had to come down to having to keep a gun at your side. Sad what we had to go through to learn the reality of narcissism. But we won't be duped again by anyone. Heartbreaking there are so many in our club. God bless and may the angels watch over you and protect you always.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

@@susanbarnyak7393 Awwww, thankyou Susan. Huge learning lesson. Not everyone thinks like me and wants the best for people. Love myself enough not to be someone's punching bag. Boundaries, had to learn it's ok to say no. And self protection, self love, and healed my childhood trauma. What a journey. Yes Susan, we are not alone, although it felt that way once. You sound so strong too, I am happy for your healing, take care dear one!!

[@susanbarnyak7393]

@@cynthiafortier2540 We are living in crazy times. We all seem to be waking up and having similar stories about learning a life lesson about these narcs, healing our childhood wounds and having happy, loving lives and relationships. God is separating the wheat from the tares. Stay strong sister and glad your journey is a success too.😁😁😁

[@melaniegerard2582]

Well..... it's been a little over a year since I escaped from the relationship. I have to say, I can breathe again! I have found peace, the kind of peace you can never have with a Narcissist. If you haven't gotten out yet, do yourself a favor and run away as fast as you can. I lost everything financially, but I saved my own life.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for this update, Melanie. You can't put a price tag on peace of mind. I wish you well.

[@rockmemama86]

At this point I feel like we are true family. I look forward to hearing your latest uploads.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased!

[@kurtwpg]

Another one I've experienced is one-sided conversation. I remember she had me helping her fix her garage door and she asked me "How do you think this part works?" Then proceeds to rapid-fire brainstorm a number of ideas for a bunch of minutes, making sure I never have a chance to actually speak up and share what I've figured out.

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

Sounds like mil they are work qholics and only want information to use against you later

[@RN-gx7wt]

Everything is one sided, add manipulation, gas lighting, if you share they are pulling a180 on you. Invite to share but 180 you, they also address the empathy thing, they have empathy for anything except what you have to say ! Pretty pernicious, side note (that’s not how empathy works of course). Take care.

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

@@RN-gx7wt 💯 exactly

[@cynthiafortier2540]

Yes, it's like we are being talked at, and not talked to. So happy to be free of my family of origin. I did not realize they were making me sick!! Two years sober, no need to numb anymore!!

[@jaynesager3049]

“I’m not responsible for your perceptions.”

[@lienlael3196]

Best regards to you, dear Dr. Carter. Hugs to our Gus 🐕part of the big family of narcissists survivers.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Lien!

[@jennywager6228]

Another weird one is when you try to help, noticing an error in something they’re building…causes a reaction that’s baffling. The nark would send me in the house because he could not stand being in anyway wrong

[@northstar5919]

What mistakes they dont make mistakes they are perfect. Hm..

[@Wanda711]

I experienced a number of these tactics with my sister. Number 3, "You'll be sorry" played out in a subtle way. There's a Chinese saying, "Kill the chicken to scare the monkey" which illustrates the tactic. She'd have a dispute with a friend, then tell me in great detail about the dramatic blow-up and severing of the relationship. My job was to back her up entirely over the phone, as we live far apart and I never knew any of the people she dealt with. This made me a sort of support for her, but it had a secondary purpose: demonstrating how easily she could dispose of a relationship that failed to satisfy her. The message was, "I threw away this person, and I could do the same thing to you without a moment's hesitation." I think everyone who knows her has this experience, so we adjust our behavior to keep her happy and never do anything to make her mad.

[@keplermission4947]

Kill the chicken to scare the monkey (traditional Chinese: 殺雞儆猴; simplified Chinese: 杀鸡儆猴; pinyin: Shājījǐnghóu; Wade-Giles: Sha-chi-ching-hou, lit. kill chicken scare monkey) is an old Chinese idiom. It refers to making an example out of someone in order to threaten others. Yeah but you know the 'passive aggressive' behavior is a red flag for covert narcissism or to give its other name: psychopathy. Other forms of this personality's 'killing' (as in a murderess), include blocking on KZbin or social media. Banishment from buildings that they frequent. Understand, you're not dead but you're not in their company anymore. Another form is that with a sister for example, you as a person are excluded from their talk, they're talking about somebody they discarded but you too are excluded from any talk, when you perceive that their letters to you are all about them, with no interest in you, it's a red flag and take care that you cannot fix this type of person. This is a game that you're a loser in. So if you don't want to be seen as a loser by their friends, you know too bad, because they'll be casting you in their role as a loser you know. Not everybody values us in a way to want the best for us.

[@janetpattison8474]

Great saying, and true, “kill the chicken to scare the monkey!” I moved near family. Wow, what an unbelievable, HUGE nightmare & mistake. I had no idea what I was in for.

[@merrynethery5853]

​@Janet Pattison me too. BIG mistake we've got to correct. I'm making plans now. Bon chance!

[@Koortsie9484]

This is ridiculous! These games are part of my daily life. And I am tired of playing. And losing. Now I make my own rules.

[@sandykimberlin7198]

When one day my brother will boot his son out of the house,our problems will be solved!!

[@mharris7380]

I don't think there is a single thing the narcissist at work hasn't found me at fault on. Even HR have accepted both of her conflicting statements as being true. They don't look at the pattern of lies and spot that she said the opposite thing earlier or that she said something that made me in the wrong no matter what. She has played all of these 7 games and they have gone along with every one.

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

Yep I agree they are good actors

[@cathyp6788]

HR is worthless. I experienced the same thing at my last job. I quit because they let her get away with EVERYTHING. After I left I guess, the other coworkers banded together and management eventually fired her. I don't know the whole story and I don't care.

[@mharris7380]

@@cathyp6788 That's what has just happened to me. Even the Union have let me down. They've put everything down to a matter of opinion and perspective because the bully and her flying monkey lied. But HR don't see lies, they believe everything anyone says, so all the bully has to ever do is lie and get one other person to lie for them and bullying will never be found to have been happening.

[@donna-colorado8443]

I don't believe 'accountability " was in his vocabulary, EVER!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

He probably can't even spell it.

[@nmc1859]

Husband plays all of these games. Your channel helps me to be more aware and therefore healthier. Working on being stronger, i think i do a much improved job of implementing boundaries now. One thing i struggle with is that i keep wishing and hoping thet my husband (nearly 20 years) will inform himself too, heal and change. I hate throwing all this time and effort away. And also, i feel sorry for him. I know what is going on underneath 💔

[@nmc1859]

@@sh6460 i appreciate that. Sorry for the time lost. I am scared. Has me feeling depressed and helpless. I already had a low network of support as far ad family goes. My mother is also a narcissist and my dad and brothers are there to support anything she says. Kinda scary. She seems to have a pronlem with women in particular. After i distanced myself from the 'scapegoat' role, guess my SIL became a scapegoat and she left my brother eventually. My support system is small. I know plenty of people, but like i said the abuse in the marriage has taken a toll + i left my HS friends behind..we moved around so much that there's not many. The ones i kept in touch with were from a poor crowd and unfortunately there is this feeling they are envious i guess.. Maybe they are into their own lives only or have it worse.

[@nmc1859]

@@sh6460 thank you very much. God Bless ❤

[@louiseelizabeth9613]

I'm 4 months free (15 years) and wish I'd found the courage earlier! I made excuses for him all day long... Now I put myself and my kids first and we're SO much happier.. They won't take responsibility for the small stuff, they're never going to admit they have a personality disorder and be vulnerable with a therapist to change. Keep getting stronger and plan to leave, it's the only way you'll find happiness in this life.

[@nmc1859]

@@louiseelizabeth9613 that's a good way to put it. Doesn't admit smaller, yet terrible things.

[@louiseelizabeth9613]

@@nmc1859 I hope you find a safe way out. If it helps, I was planning to leave, but my narc realised he couldn't control me anymore, exploded and left - I'm disabled, penniless, with 3 children (2 are ND and other has MH difficulties), 3 dogs (including one elderly and incontinent!) And 2 cats! Still figuring things out, but the kids and I are SO much happier. It is worth the struggle. I don't think there will ever be a perfect time to leave. I have no family and only a couple friends locally I met recently, so it's lonely, but so much better than being terrified every minute of every day, miserable and unhappy

[@jannie5346]

And , they love to state their opinions as facts! Don't even try to go against them! It's a long trip ! You ask a simple ,basic question, and you are met with a confrontational response.You have to watch every word that you utter to them ,cause they always believe you're accusing them of something! They have that need to be right at all times, and whenever you try to state something you know to be true ,they accuse you of being the one who wants to be always right!

[@maxwell-cole]

This literally is what I am dealing with now. Verbatim. It’s so appreciated that you take the time to help people identify this illness from a distance. Thank you, Dr. C.

[@1286cassandra]

How?

[@alastairwest5200]

"Gus - why don't you play games?" Gus - "Life's too short."

[@Lou-Owen]

Spot on Dr C 👏👏. The 'shut up' is a frequent reaction from my narcissist. So frustrating if i try and discuss something he looks at me raises his hand in the air and simply says "stop" if i continue to speak i get "Just stop" very loudly! Its incredibly frustrating and crushing. The emotional hurt is disgusting.

[@shelley7975]

Another response is, "Oh, here we go again". It's pointless to try and discuss anything with them because in their minds they know it all and they won't listen to you. The trick is to know it's them, and that it's not you who is the problem. The more you learn, the less you engage in their nonsense. I wish you the best, and remember, it's not you, it's them who are stuck in an alternative universe. :)

[@rg-mi5hh]

Rude little porker narcs are.🐷

[@Lou-Owen]

@@shelley7975 I agree and since watching this channel i have learnt so much about narcissism. I didnt sign up for this kind of treatment and its taken me years to realise im not the problem...he is, and will never change.

[@shelley7975]

@@Lou-Owen Dr. C is awesome. Lisa Romano is the one that started me down this path. She has a really great channel that helped me connect the dots with my childhood and parental influence. It's been a long road, but it's been very rewarding. Keep moving forward, and your world will change for the better. :)

[@Lou-Owen]

@@shelley7975 Thank you 🧡 . I cant believe that i have been "drip fed" abuse by the narcissist over 23 years! No one would believe me if i told them. Everyone thinks hes such a lovely kind and generous person. I walk on eggshells every day having to assess his mood to see what kind of day im in for! Everything on his terms. He never follows through with promises. He wont deal with important matters for me. Always dangling the carrot. With other people he is agreeable and generous with his time. Whilst im kept in a state of confusion, anxiety and emotional pain. His own Mother told me years ago when we were first dating " stand up for yourself with him dont let him walk all over you" i never understood what she meant at the time because i saw a loving kind man ( love bombing) who i thought was my soul mate ! These people are parasites.

[@mathman2170]

Uncanny how accurate these descriptions are. Seems like narcs are all from the same mold.

[@luffypupperstien2706]

The harshness of this video really expresses what it’s like because it’s brutal.

[@sh6460]

Funny, one of my dad's statements " if you insist", which is code for " I'm going to unleash the biggest retaliation on you, your gonna wish you had never been born". If you are not the lead dog, the view is always the same in his estimation. He could sell ice at the north pole.

[@skfotedar]

I’m going to ‘teach you a lesson’

[@AffyisAffy]

One game they like to play is wasting your time or keeping you trapped in a situation when you want to leave and making you wait. They love the control of blocking you and seeing your irritation stack. It also triggers their abandonment. Where are you GOING? Uh, I'm getting up to use the bathroom....

[@karenharnish8090]

Don’t know why, but each time I watch a video of yours I’m still amazed at how you nail it so succinctly while at the same time realizing just how predictable narcissist behaviour is once you identify it. Your videos have helped me immeasurably Dr. C. A heartfelt thank you for your work and sharing😌

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Very pleased...thank you.

[@joycestepancevich6591]

Doctor, I've always appreciated your relaxed and down to earth approach to what is a very serious subject. The fact that you are still wanting to help others while "retired" is admirable to say the least. You've helped me. Thank you!!

[@BobTheSchipperke]

Their way or the Highway. I’ll gladly take the Highway.

[@laurafeher9694]

Thank you for caring about our damaged living situations. I've drawn deep comfort and no longer feel alone in my abuse by my landlord (x4 years). Now able to move away with a healthy mindset thanks to you and your beautiful subscriber's comments 🤍

[@aaronkwolfe]

We are all rooting for you, Laura. Find your peace, and tell us all bout it. We love success stories.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

#TeamHealthy

[@gingerhenna9445]

What is described in this video is the exact dynamic. The main reality and shocker, no matter how frequently they play that dominance card. Also excelling at covering up their dominance problem, the next persona you may see them use is casual open seemingly kind persona. Maybe the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing. However that shift in technique is one of the rules allowed in their gameplan rulebook. It is all so tragic that the are living still in the doom and gloom of their original enviroment and believing themselves to be justified in condemning others in their time warp judgement. Sad, tragic and very difficult to be interacting with them. Videos like this give me peace, and permission to stop trying to interact in any normal sense. Good job.

[@texasrefugee7888]

My father was an authoritarian grandiose sadistic narcissist and so I get the absolute Willies, get triggered by people trying to control me. Or even the perception that they are trying to. I've lost jobs over this. I have very little respect for authority too and that's gotten me in a lot of trouble.

[@kathyingram3061]

~Every subject of importance 'is closed' with my mother~Im allowed to talk about the weather & gardening, or ask her what is new in her life, and that's it~Im not allowed to tell her if anything 'negative' is going on, or she will get very annoyed & blame me for it~

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

Great video! These are things i wish i had been told to watch out for so to know… “Yes, what you’re going through is not normal. Stop questioning yourself and start questioning whether or not you want to continue in these relationships. Ask yourself… ‘Can you personally adjust your thinking and your self treatment so to deal with these people in a way that they don’t warp your self?’ If not, know that they will NOT adjust for you. Make your future plans accordingly.” I remember telling one family member i would be glad to talk to her when she could calmly ask me a question that wasn’t so full of rage and judgment (since she was screaming at me on the phone… “ARE YOU HAPPY NOW THAT YOURE ALL ALONE?!”) And she said, “Well, when you decide to think about what you’ve done, you can call me!” I didn’t even have time to laugh as she hung up on me. She’s the one who called me in the first place. Why would i want to call her? (Rhetorical, of course.) They literally love a good game of Drama Tag.

[@skinnyway]

drama tag! good one! so glad I dont have to play that anymore!! the old cow in the other building tried to bait me a few weeks back by writing a hateful note on the back of a note that I had left on a neighbor's door and sticking it on my door. all she did was give me a sample of her handwriting in my opinion. She wanted me to write back a nasty note so she could go complain again. she's a real piece of work. I am not playing along.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Kelly, you've been through quite a lot...and you have so much wisdom to share.

[@skinnyway]

@@AlwaysStampinVideos I have recognized there are many narcs that have gravitated to this channel looking for shoulder pats and victims. You often redirect the conversation and then defend your comment when speaking with me trying to confuse me. I see you.

[@kaytiedidd1780]

It has taken YEARS, but I have learned that I was never even 'regarded' by my husband and our sons. Eye rolling, facial mocking, etc. Always telling me I had NO idea what I was even talking about! Why has it taken so long? My husband had a serious stroke earlier this year, and I have learned even more since then. I live with it, and I HURT, more over our sons, but it is a fact of life. NPD is a REALITY, and it is destructive, as you say. One can give their very life for them, and they 'won't notice!' I am just faithfully waiting for God to finish out my life. FINALLY, I will be with those I can enjoy!!! I know that a Christian can understand what I mean by this. Thank you, Dr. Carter!

[@Janeou8589]

I love my N Mom. I have dealt with decades of her controlling behavior, dismissiveness, berating, not allowed to have an individual opinion, irrational reactions to my push back and then love bombing. I never knew the name for her issues, but I knew at a young age I was more mature than her reactions. The heartbreaking thing is I care more about her feelings than how she purposely made me feel (“I’m too sensitive”). Now I’ve got anxiety over this and need to have boundaries for my healths sake. The last straw was when she came to my new home I bought by myself and said “I own you.” The thing is, she would never tolerate any of this from me for one instant. Why should I? Thank you Dr C. You have enriched my life with tools and knowledge.

[@barbarabrennan1753]

Jealous men are in my life obstructing my ability to do what I want.

[@asexualatheist3504]

Dang, we need a laminated chart for this. Lol thanks for these videos. They are very helpful as I heal from controllers.

[@diane19456]

I have experienced this behavior from my now husband for over fifty years. I was never able to figure him out because when he came back, he was so nice! He had me trained like Pavlofs dog. You are a life saver.

[@marilynhebert7852]

Have lived with a Narcisist for thirty years I have fell ill because of it!!