7 Red Flags You Should NEVER Ignore | Dating Advice for Women by Mat Boggs

[@matboggs]

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[@xfaroutzx3637]

In my experience a few other red flags are: If he pushes for a relationship really quickly If he makes negative generalisations of women If he shows jealousy towards other men If he dismisses your feelings when you approach him about a concern If you find that issues within the relationship never appear to be resolved If he gives negative “feedback” about your appearance when you never asked for his opinion If you find yourself more unhappy than happy most of the time

[@amandamariemullins2954]

Great ones!

[@bernadetteal-naser6102]

Carla Yes, many of the points you made are some red flags I have experienced in the past. Especially dismissing your feelings or making you feel that you misunderstood what was very clear. Thanks for sharing!

[@maryberdjis4223]

Oh yes a possessive man who is very jealous

[@Locomaid]

Yup! Between Matthew‘s list and your, it is pretty much covered. I would add addiction tendencies to the list. To anything: gaming, porn, drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex. When they chase the drama or the high, it won’t end well for either of you

[@sidayy2102]

Carla all these are exactly why I just stopped dating a boy after a month ... and to add to these red flags :: putting words in my mouth and changing the stories. We were having a convo one and I told him how on my next vacay with a group of friends I didn’t have to do any of the planning because 2 of them had done it for us. Next thing I know he is saying that I like boys to plan and do everything for me and that’s the reason I didn’t want to see him ..... ha!!! Even though I am the one who has it together and he doesn’t .... well thank you .... NEXT !!!!😉

[@teresamacey7039]

He didn't show interest in me by asking questions about me, my life, my family, my job, my hobbies, my preferences. In other words, it was all about him. BIG red flag. You should add it to the list.

[@riehafsah4469]

With my last guy I learnt that it was a mistake to not be curious, to never ask about his work or what he does. It's because I myself never like it when someone is being intrusive. I tell when I feel comfortable, without being asked. So I always believed that I should give others some space too. They will tell when they feel comfortable, without me asking. Until he complained and said that me not being nosy meant that I wasn't interested

[@cynthiae.6016]

@@riehafsah4469 : No , you were waiting for him to share with you. Usually on the first date, a man and woman exchange that information about how they make a living. So he can't blame that all on you. 😉

[@rmbis3827]

True 😔

[@SubToRandomVideos101]

And u dated him why?

[@annrudo]

Amen!!!

[@silvanaramirez9941]

Another red flag is not able to have a bad day because you are always supposed to be in a good mood for them. In other words... no empathy. Also, not being able to speak up and be honest about relationship concerns and feeling like I’m walking on eggshells... Him wanting to be right and feeling like being in a one-sided relationship... AND horrible sex!

[@gabrielarivera3777]

Silvana Ramirez I was in that kind of relationship. Horrible! I finally left him. I have never felt so free.

[@gabrielarivera3777]

Laura Kay xx .... How long have you been together?.. have you tried everything you can think of and he still hasn’t made an effort or meet you half way.? Does your gut tell you it’s time to leave? Have you reached your boiling point? When you try to solve an issue does he turn it right back to you? Does he put you down? (Gaslighting)..Verbally abuse you? If you answered yes to all these questions.. it’s time to get out!... you will be so thankful you did.

[@gabrielarivera3777]

Laura Kay xx If you are asking for advice, you already know what to do! Be strong and confident. All my best.

[@reggieuniq5833]

@@gabrielarivera3777 yes

[@cuwi8558]

I felt them all, had been wondering why he couldnt handle a bad day in mature way, like I couldnt be mad at what he did, he was always angry back at me when he dissapointed me.

[@indigopisces]

Another red flag is when they don’t ask you any questions about you....

[@BethanyKay]

YES.

[@moniamonia1009]

Yesss

[@sherenifernando97]

Very true

[@sydneyallen3519]

Omg at 5 months of dating me and my ex went out for dinner with his friends. His friend's asked me what i do for a living, he answered for me saying i am a veterinarian and i clean out horses hooves for a living.... I am a vet tech and a farrier. I think at 5 months you should know what your partner does for a living 😂

[@sk3440]

Definitely. I was asking him about his dislike and likes and all sorts of stuff trying to get to know him and he was telling me. But never once did he ask me what I liked.

[@PaNdeM0niuM]

another red flag I've noticed is Broken promises or failing to keep his word. always remember ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. If he says something, but never fulfills it. constant let downs and disappointments are a big red flag. find someone that is reliable and consistent

[@Sara-Bunz]

I agree, always promises but no action

[@shutit4024]

PaNdeM0niuM facts

[@marysmith8823]

Cheers for this, I've been looking for "dating tips for women by men" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Have you heard people talk about - HootDating.xyz ? Ive heard some incredible things about it and my neighbour got great results with it.

[@maryelizabeth2751]

Spot on!!!

[@krisiephillips]

Absolutely

[@BBK96]

Being cruel to animals! Major red flag🚩

[@nemo7782]

Especially if he's cruel to a pet in front of you or you come home to find your animal frightened or going beserk around the guy. There is ALWAYS a reason behind behavior like this.

[@HCLionheart]

True, but that flags a little yellow. Lol

[@HCLionheart]

*flag's

[@annnee6818]

That is not a red flag, my ladies, that is a dealbreaker.

[@catherinegarrick9370]

sociopath

[@TheHuntress1987]

Red flag : texting u only once a week, just to keep u as on option.

[@kareenafahim5673]

Drop his ass

[@dadsarepeopletoo3785]

Bread crumbing

[@annnee6818]

I had a guy text me daily of his own accord for months, but he still dropped me like nothing. I do sometimes think they don't feel like we do, not that they don't feel at all, but just not the same.

[@maddart4445]

Breadcrumbing

[@maddart4445]

Ann Nee you were the new chick but the main chick took his ass back

[@kissedbysun2517]

When he says things like, I would never lie to you, why would I lie to you, I have no reason to lie...when you haven't accused him of lying. People who are honest don't say those things

[@cindycinn2724]

@@justsomevids4541 here's another one...I don't remember..but later seems to remember when you are wrong..I just love that line..sorry for. Linette

[@elizabethcampbell5428]

Facts

[@Askandyoushallreceive]

Also when he says I SWEAR! A lot...

[@cindycinn2724]

@@Askandyoushallreceive ya that's another one to agree f..this and f..that and you're not listening to me too goes with it

[@Andrea-sl8wd]

So true. Basically they are saying they are and will...Narcissists to this

[@missphoton]

Red flag: if he says he’s never been good at keeping a relationship, trust him! He’s not going to be any better with you and he’ll sabotage it.

[@missphoton]

@Why o Why Thanks for sharing this nuance. In the end, it's the accumulation of red flags that is problematic.

[@masongamble4961]

facts

[@stephanieh5478]

Yup, happened to me! He completely sabotaged everything.

[@MyLifebyJuliaIRL]

for me anger issues is a huge one, i dont like guys with short tempers its not a good relationship then

[@Yahshuaismyeverything]

Same for me men like that obviously weren't raise right by their mothers.

[@shutit4024]

My Life by Julia yeah I already have a short temper myself all I need is another guy to have one yeah no thanks

[@АнаБуљешевић]

I totally agree. This is one of the worst issues.

[@blacksheep9772]

True. I also think that WHAT they get angry at and focus on is telling. Like something quite trivial - there wasnt their tomato sauce available, some one touched their toothbrush etc. I feel like people who allow themselves to get so pissed off over trivial shit like that is just waiting to explode, and probably got so angry way before you came along, and you are likely to be the brunt of that sooner or later.

[@Jmwamuchemi]

And he will still blame you for making him to be angry😆😆

[@perfectlyyoubeauty]

Some other red flags.. he’s overly complimentary too soon.. you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life, babe this babe that, honey, bae etc. Also a man who is too comfortable too soon coming to your place and spending all the time there but rarely or never has you to his place.

[@denig2000able]

Yeah met a guy recently it was babe this babe that chatting to him. Did my head in. NEXT!!!!!!

[@JK-bp6oz]

I don't date anyone who immediately compliments me on my body and then asks for my number. O.o not even a hookup.

[@visam28]

Ooh yes. The overly complimentary too soon aka Love Bombing. Once you had that done your red flag alert will go off right away if it happens again.

[@elvinacheah]

This reminder was amazing. So many men take advantage of vulnerable, beautiful women that they suspect may be lonely.

[@nerirodriguez8418]

Omg your so right!!! He was like that with me and he wanted me to move in with him a week after we met. Crazy here’s a other red flag. He answers a text from a girl from a dating site in front of me. And he replies back. So I said you need to delete her or block her he totally ignored my ?. Crazy right. So I left him

[@joana.6736]

one is: not sharing personal stuff but wanting to know all from you!

[@michellelee4654]

Yes! Just dealt with that.. so odd

[@vannessafanning3200]

@kshiftkometh what do u mean by this? Can u explain or give an example?

[@mirage4151]

@@vannessafanning3200 I think what he wanted to say is that a narcissist can play a role by mirroring / copying your tastes in order to create a proxymity with you. But of course, it's totally fake. They want to create the perfect person for you. And once it's done, they will manipulate you

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Yes red flag indeed. Also not telling you their location where they live but eager to to visit you in your house. Creepy.

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

@@mirage4151 I recently met one and told him that I just bought myself a guitar z he immediately said : I also bought myself a guitar, we can practice together. ?? But I do believe he did buy a guitar. Still I started to doubt myself if I have issues bc I felt like my joy about my own plans were spoiled. Also when he saw my piano all he said was that his son has piano lessons and is very talented and he and his ex are very proud of him. Nothing wrong with that and I responded politely that that's nice but I felt minority put on me. I have to trust my intuition that my explanation is right. He does not want me to think great about myself. I felt like he didn't want me to talk about my goals but I also felt as if he thinks I'm an attention seeking person bc later he said :" you are looking for confirmations a lot and I find it tiring sometimes. Wow. That hurt. Never heard that before. I just shared and introduced myself to him. I think he's projecting on me and I decided he's probably another Dominator. I felt a huge stab and criticized and I only knew him a month at that point. I felt insulted like defending myself that's why I thought about the option narcissist. Not taking me serious, labeling me already. Also in texts he was very distant cold but on the phone we talked for hours. Only the last conversation was a turn off bc he said I'm looking for confirmation. I'm not, im just missing normal human, kind reactions apparently I responded to something and he interpreted it wrongfully so I guess it was another Dominator. 😞 I'm losing hope although meeting sick minds also encourages me that my standard is to high for them and they take it out on me this goes for men and women I believe it's about soul heart connection. You have to feel and understand eachother in the first place, speak the same language even if you're both different genders. Your type of human. The rest will follow. I have faith it exists.

[@kyram123]

Thank you for this Matt, I love the explanations! A few more red flags: 1. If he tells you about cheating on other women, but not in a remorseful way. He's trying to size up if you'd be okay with it, because he's gonna do it to you. 2. Calling himself an asshole. He is, people don't lie about stuff like that. 3. Not asking you questions about yourself and your life. Only telling you about himself.

[@brittneeleen3086]

#2 is huge! Totally been there!

[@resurrectthenight]

*When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags*

[@bluefox8011]

Princess Carolyn. : From BoJack Horseman. Nice quote.

[@resurrectthenight]

@@bluefox8011 no, it was Wanda, the owl girl who dated Bojack for a while

[@bluefox8011]

Oh, woops, it's been a bit since I've seen it but yes that's right. Still a good quote though.

[@marissaojeda2700]

That's why you have a conference with your head and your heart. Don't move ahead until everyone is in agreeance.

[@natalieboult4726]

That’s why you wait for the colour to adjust to reality before investing your body or at least your full commitment

[@justcreepy8592]

It is a red flag when he insist on changing something in your appearance what you are ok with. If somebody not accepting your body shape or other individual features

[@fabchic09]

Red flag- he doesn’t make an effort to meet fam and backs out Red flag- he only talks about himself aka narcissist Red flag- he only hangs when it’s convenient for him

[@bab1374]

Absolutely! I see these red flags are common sense! He never invite you to his place or introduce you to friends or family. He only want to meet you in his convenient time such as he has business meeting in your town and how you are going to meet him . Also :" If my daughter knows I have relationship, I am in big trouble!" You must be so blind and stupid to date these men....This senario is true to my best friend..She finally found out he is still married, and seperated for 7 years , she did not give him a divorce..Do you believe his story?

[@annnee6818]

The third one is one I'm gonna react to much faster since my last dating experience. I didn't get that hurt, because my intuition pinged me that it wasn't gonna go anywhere, but I did waste time.

[@Meowmeowalfred]

Christi literally my ex 🤣

[@KerryRowberry]

Well hanging out does need to be convenient for both parties.

[@ElizabethMcQMusic]

Just thought of sharing this 🙂 And I don't mean it negatively. I know that when some guys feel nervous they would talk about themselves. Some guys just do that out of nervousness & to just share about themselves to the girl they like. But girls do it too. So...it's not ALWAYS narcissism. Even though it is. Does that make sense? But I do agree with the list though 🙂

[@MissPinkStiletto]

notes from the video: 1- he is resentful towards his mom 2- he speaks poorly about his ex’s 3- your intuition is telling you something is off 4- he is continuously canceling / rescheduling dates 5- treating people differently than you!!!!!! 6- mood swings 7- being obsessed about work

[@Aritul]

Thanks!

[@gratitude5740]

Eryka P. My guy scored 3/7!!!😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫

[@justkay713]

Mine 5 out of 7...but when you tread on poop twice then thrice its bound to smell like CRAP...like a scary movie get out

[@flamingsword777]

Omg, I am SO sick to my stomach..... thank you so much!!7/7....😭

[@flamingsword777]

@@justkay713 that's crazy you say that.... I just made the comment a few days ago that I felt like I luved through a horror movie. What's even crazier is that I lived in a house for 22 years with the address of 1408 which was a dark movie with the same title and almost the same things went on. Imma stop there, but I will just say that I lived through things that no human should have to live through.

[@Optimystik]

Another one that is perhaps less common but equally detrimental is when he treats everyone BETTER than he treats you.. this might seem obvious, but it can be subtle. Or maybe I chose to ignore this for my own reasons..either way, pay attention to whether he treats strangers with more respect than you. He has issues with being perceived as likable..but only on the outside. This is a facade he hides behind. If a guy doesn't have YOUR back and assume the best of you, he is not a good partner.

[@jessiecorn17]

OMG yes

[@gwendolynbarry7415]

Wow..this one is Really important to notice. He ( or she) should be treating you better than anyone else.

[@leighp7579]

Absolutely correct!

[@darlawright9219]

Yes to this one! He’d talk and carrying on big time at family gatherings only to be quiet and not talk at home?

[@bisiilki]

My ex husband was like that

[@Jomahma]

Red flag when he says he loves you right away. Run sis.

[@plutooliver686]

Oh so true 👏🏼

[@bkluvvvvv]

T H I S

[@riehafsah4469]

I was about to run. But then decided to give him a chance. A few months after that, he was the one who dumped me

[@jeantabasa3344]

Run! Never look back 😂

[@riehafsah4469]

@Elizabeth Tremblay bear with him. He's the man of God if he waited until wedding night even after you two got together. I hope you don't have to wait for long before he is ready with his house for his angel and marry you :)

[@11HAZEL11]

His friends. If all his friends are men of questionable moral (do drugs, are not loyal to their wives etc) and he criticizes them... don't be fool, he does the same. He just want to look better than them, so you low your guard. Sheeps don't hang out with wolves.

[@gillymac9363]

His friends opinions of me let me know he's been triangulating me something else!

[@manichispanic5234]

Show me who your friends are, and I'll tell you who you are. 100% true.

[@longislandny696]

My husband and all his friends have no morals whatsoever.🤦‍♀️

[@cuttiemx]

Im not sure about this, my friends like to sleep around sometimes... Im sooo not like that

[@650Pisces]

Amen

[@FearlessNimue]

Having time for everyone else ... except you. ANY signs of instability - RUN! Saying he's there for you and then being too busy when you need him. It is never a one time thing. He'll leave you hanging time and time again. And lastly, when he thinks cause he makes money and works hard that everything else is forgivable.

[@ojala5555]

@@DivineProphetessCoral Not all men. I know several good men(married) who don't have any of those red flags (including my dad, grandfather..)

[@Elkraiden]

Bringing up exes all the time, checking out other women when out with you, always checking his phone, keeps it on silent and face down. Not really a big smoker but goes out to smoke then walks far and makes a phone call lol. I just dumped a guy who had so many red flags it was insane! I didn’t know about all of his problems until two months into the relationship. I went running from him by 3 months

[@paularocha883]

So true! Met a really nice guy who was always rescheduling for good reasons. Making me feel equality compassionate and frustrated. And the more unavailable he was, the more he got into hard situations, being trapped in a vortex of drama. I ended up wasting nearly 8 months of my life last year. At least I learned to pay attention to that red flag 🚩

[@camuyana]

One huge red flag that I did not notice because at the time I was very young when I met him, 16 years old, and later on married him also young, 19 years old, was that he had the need to be constantly socializing and later on in life his socializing really affected me especially when it had to do with women. He never knew the difference between being married and being single and the way he should interact with the opposite sex once he was supposedly to be committed. Now I'm on the verge of a divorce after 40 years of hell and regretting the day I showed up at the church. I hope that all of you will pay close attention to these red flags and the many more that the other KZbinrs are indicating. May God bless you all.

[@dmt0430]

So sorry to hear about that. My empathy for you!

[@meghanw5334]

I pray that God will continue to bless and keep you!! Also, I pray that wherever you are you have a peaceful and happy heart.💕💚

[@TiffCC]

He plays too rough for your liking. His jokes hurt your feelings, whether they're about you or other people. He doesn't respect your personal boundaries; especially the word No. :(

[@58479ishere]

Been there girl. Hang in there ❤

[@kamrynfilms]

Yea

[@onefabknitternz]

Helping themselves to your fridge the first time they come to your house,without asking .auch as while you are in the bathroom and come out to find them in there and eating your food

[@freerangeboogie7293]

It’s me or loading up your fridge with a case of beer!

[@UnrulyHousewife]

My Dad always told me "If you want to know how a man is going to treat you, watch how he treats his Mother". So true.

[@michellerains2732]

Mother, sister(s) any close female relatives.

[@katherinegupta7611]

Except some Indian men, who treat their mothers like goddesses, but as it turns out, they treat their wives (not their girlfriends, mind you) like rubbish. Talk about

[@amandaforrester7636]

Not always true. Seen mamas boys who worship the ground their mother walks on, and treats their girlfriend like crap. No one can measure up to her, and she of course thinks that no harlot is good enough for her perfect little angel. It's very weird.

[@Ramanhere468]

@@amandaforrester7636weird or incesteous? 😂😂😂😅😅

[@celestecummins4215]

Communication issues - he dismisses you, does not talk at all about issues, he lies, he waffles back and forth.

[@GypsyRock]

Celeste Cummins now I want waffles

[@outdoorsmanlifestyle2434]

Someone say waffles 👀

[@katelyn2829]

Celeste Cummins preach!

[@flamingsword777]

@@outdoorsmanlifestyle2434 😂😂

[@outdoorsmanlifestyle2434]

@@flamingsword777 i was hungry at the moment 😂😂 waffles with peanut butter homemade jam & some blueberry homemade syrup

[@tiffanytalavera4561]

OK, I am getting away from this current guy I'm seeing. he has 6 out of 7 of these flags. Thanks Matt. Glad I was paying attention.

[@bhawnasingh1323]

Good for you girl! Believe me. I spend 7 years with a guy like yours and brokeup with him at the end. Wish i had seen this or anything similar and recognised that it wasn't always my fault.

[@glittering_trash_]

Red Flags I have come across are; he never or very rarely makes first contact. You are always the one who has to text/call/make plans.

[@mariaarima7500]

Yeah.. Same for me...

[@Annekara218]

PR ́s Projekt I started to block my guy but unblocked him it’s just confusing. Like work this work that, those security jobs leave you with no time to breath , but then again what is one actually to believe anymore. It’s as if I am in a relationship but then again I’m confused. My birthday went by didn’t get anything. Valentine’s Day went by didn’t get anything. I mean I understand we are a greasy. Couple but it’s the thought that counts. He seems to to be full of it if you ask me. I can sleep at his house at anytime if well when he’s supposedly not tired. On top of this haven’t had any sex with home thank God. Well yet at least just debating still. He’s respectful though for the most part.

[@js9273]

not a red flag - deal breaker

[@mandyg5747]

@@Annekara218 He is using you for sex. Sorry to be blunt my dear...but he is showing you no consideration even on your Birthday. That is totally disrespectful! Doesn't matter what anyone else says ..if it feels confusing to you that is because it upsets you on a subconscious level and is breaking you inner boundaries and values . You deserve far better. Good luck.

[@arizonadreaming4183]

Dont call or text first ever duh

[@mikaylamyers7924]

1) cancels dates and is always late for dates. 2)doesn't take you out on dates just hangs out at your house 3)makes promises and doesn't forfill them 4)is inconsistent, will suddenly change their communication patterns and how they speak or respond to you. 5)makes excuses all the time (busy at work) reasons why they can't spend more time with you 6)stops telling you what's going on in their life and doesn't take interest in yours 7)you haven't been to his house 8)is inconsiderate of your feelings and lacks support 9)tries to make you jealous about other women or insecure about where you stand 6)is hot and cold 7)talks about sexual things but doesn't have sex with you or is only focused on his own needs

[@cleopatrawf]

Other red flags r him being overly sexualised in how he speaks to u. Only wanting to hang out rather than go out on real dates. Always blaming someone else including u when something goes wrong. Hiding messages on his phone. Late night phone calls with female friends. Telling u to always trust him rather than explaining things. Making decisions for u rather than discussing things. Not considering ur feelings and assuming he knows what's best for u all the time. Speaking about women in a disrespectful manner, put downs whether serious or in banter, destroying things when he's angry and generally not respecting/constantly pushing your boundaries.

[@jessiecorn17]

Other than the lying part this completely describes my current relationship. I'm dating someone from a different culture but I guess some things never change.

[@esi5021]

Sounds like my ex lol

[@indoorphine]

jesus girl, did u actually put up with tis????? no wonder those dicks feel like they can do this, if women cooperate!!!!!!

[@cynthiae.6016]

@@indoorphine : Oh please , stop victim shaming. My ex did the same things. When I would leave, he would stalk me. He hacked into all my accounts and talked to others while pretending to be me. He broke down my door, I had to move several times and he would always find me. He would cry and threaten to commit suicide. The police would believe him sometimes because he was a good manipulator. They would let him out of jail the same night and he would walk on my roof and bang on my windows. I had to leave the country to get rid of him. The neighbors and even his own family were scared to help me.

[@fdfyujmjjuogdy9564]

👍Red Flag

[@elvinacheah]

I think a severe red flag is when he allows or openly still flirts with another woman, or hides the relationship from his friends when you two are starting to get serious, without stating or introducing you to others that you are his woman.

[@PaNdeM0niuM]

agreed. If he keeps your relationship a "secret"

[@Missglossy19]

That's even beyond a red flag. It's sooo irritated you can't even call that a red flag anymore its much worse. Actualy it is the worse.

[@annanicholson5309]

Not just flags but clear signs yelling run

[@Marsha_Ann]

Well thats a no brainer

[@js9273]

That's not a red flag, that's a deal breaker

[@PaNdeM0niuM]

I agree with the Second red flag. "speaking poorly about his exes" he always blamed his exes for the relationship ending. he never took any responsibility It turns out he was the cause in all the failures

[@mariatsimpridou201]

Had same experience

[@bubbles44088]

Mine made a point to say all his ex's were cheaters, if only I knew back then that meant he was a cheater 🖤

[@allthingsjana7870]

Yes this was the same with mine. Made out the wife was awful when I can see now what she has to put up with!!!!

[@ionariddle4823]

I had always felt a bit uncomfortable about how my ex sometimes spoke about other exes as having turned out to be crazy or angry women. I could see the patterns in his behaviour that would cause normal nice women to get like this, but seemingly he had no insight, in spite of being a therapist!!! Interesting that this is highlighted as a red flag

[@allthingsjana7870]

@@ionariddle4823 also when they label the ex a psycho....

[@outsidemej]

Massive red flag: The tendency to blame everybody else, justify his shortcomings, and or constantly complain 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

[@Bakerygo]

Other red flags: 1)Going too fast: 2)Being jealous towards other men for no obvious reason. 3)Putting you in a pedestal (aka very low self esteem). 4)Being jealous of your personal achievements. 5)Complaining about all the hardships in life (as if no one else has hardships)

[@Marixpress2]

Oh, you’ve met my ex? 😄

[@ms.newcomerteacher6554]

#4. All the way.

[@JustineMfulama]

Haha I love these. Mat always gives great advice. I would also add breadcrumbing. When a man isn't openly showing whether he wants to be with you or not.

[@francinesmith8109]

Drip feeding you I've heard it called also.

[@yeswing10]

Don't get me started on Mr Wonder Bread!!!😵

[@ho66se]

Ok, that is a good one to know. Never heard that term

[@ty1480]

If he talks a lot about himself but interrupts when you try to talk.

[@daniellekleinhoffify]

Had this happen just the other day!

[@atwistedbunch4600]

If they are moving the relationship too quickly. And.. they tell they love you early on.. that one is obvious to me (after a couple of hard knocks LOL).

[@ohdear2275]

(1) Not listening to what is important to you. Jumps immediately to something else, that is, to what he was waiting to talk about. (2) Hiding his phone or keeping it very locked up for no good reason. (3) Being unable to apologise. (4) Flirting with other women right in front of you!

[@dotcassilles1488]

What about he will not go out in public with you all of s sudden.

[@kaidedid]

Describes my last relationship perfectly... what was I thinking 🙄

[@FrankenFunder]

If he tells you he can't feel empathy, don't look at this as a quirk. RUN!

[@Ash-ec5iq]

As in a sociopath? Typically these folks are so good they know not to say this and come off like they are prince charming. Then again there are people who just don't care about others and they are pretty bad too!

[@FrankenFunder]

@@Ash-ec5iq my ex specifically told me this but having a history or narcissistic abuse, being quite naive and also being on the spectrum I didnt see it. I'm looking back now and I'm like that's a big fucking red flag. Why did I laugh it off like it's just something that adds to his character. I didn't see a covert narcissist who was right in front of my face. I moved in with him (got a mortgage); left him after years of gaslighting and manipulation (from day 1) to be with family. And now I'm waiting on him to sell the house so I can be removed off the mortgage whilst he plans to move in with one of the girls he cheated on me with. I've broken the cycle now thank god. But it took a lot of time and shadow work to process that trauma and do the inner healing. Narcissists have a tendency to look for people who are already broken in and vulnerable.

[@Optimystik]

VERY important. Someone without empathy will never understand you.

[@elahem2851]

@@Optimystik and keeps you from ever expecting him to be

[@fdfyujmjjuogdy9564]

@@FrankenFunder Thank God you were strong enough to leave.🍀 Shame on your ex.

[@karinyoshi]

easy red flag to spot: when he is egotistic or egocentric with very small things. When he can't even have a beer that is not in the perfect temperature or waiting in line for a table is "humiliating"... these egocentric behaviors show a side of him that will soon abuse you verbally if not physically, so look out for that on your first date!

[@nadiariveraa]

gosh.. my ex was so toxic and mentally destroyed me.. he is a narcissist, and I swear I never throw that word around. I am happy to have healed and moved on from that situation. It was extremely hard and took some time but I am in a much better place. We had real love but there were red flags that I definitely ignored because I felt that I had to “deal with them” in order to make him happy; I hated having trouble in our relationship. I wish him nothing but healing and the only way he will get that is if he self reflects. Pay attention to the red flags, especially the mom one, they are very important to notice and reflect on!! Thank you for sharing this video.. I was a little late to viewing it but nevertheless it was informative. One important red flag I have noticed with my ex was that he was jealous over anything and everything. He liked to control me, what I did and how I viewed certain topics. When someone has an issue with control it is most likely because they grew up or have experienced situations where hey had little to no control and they don’t like being in that position. If you notice someone trying to change you (in not-so-positive ways) then don’t overlook that. My ex also had a lot of insecurities and took it out on me, that’s where his jealousy also stemmed from. If someone if dealing with their insecurities AND tries to control you, just run. I promise it is not worth it, you cannot fix them.. they need to heal and love themselves before being in a committed and healthy relationship. Relationships require a lot of effort, and even if the person is toxic they may still make effort to be with you, but if there a lot of issues and red flags, please don’t ignore it and “deal with it”, reflect on it and make the best decision for yourself. My ex also had problems deeply rooted in misogyny .. he really did break me and always made and effort to put me down -even in subtle ways-, made me feel dumb and always hated women.. he hates women because of his problems with his mother. It is such an important red flag that you need to pay attention to. I know he considers me crazy when I am far from it.. it used to bother me but I now understand how he is hardwired to believe and look at things.. all I wish for him is healing and love.. that’s all that any of us can do in situations where we no longer have power or control; just let it be. There were so many other things that were wrong and unhealthy, but this message would just be way too long if I explained them. In brief, don’t ignore signs such as someone being unable to forgive anyone or anything.. passive aggressiveness is a huge indicator of that as well. If issues within your relationship never seem to become resolved and are constantly wham-bam and in your face, then reflect on that. If he makes an effort to make you feel bad about yourself (ofc this stems from his own insecurities), confrontation and reflection are necessary. If you are dealing with a narcissist, they come fully packed with a whole other list of issues. If you intuitively feel that you are dealing with a narcissist, please do some research into it. If you are healing from a narcissist, please do research as well.. It helped me immensely because my mind wasn’t “me” after leaving the relationship.. it takes effort to heal yourself, and if you do it in a way that’s healthy, you will benefit greatly. It helped me a lot to realize I wasn’t the issue, and understanding how his mind worked helped me to move on and properly heal myself. I hope that that makes sense, I had a bit of difficulty explaining that the way I wanted to. My last relationship (my only relationship actually) was one of the most passionate but toxic things I have experienced. It broke me so bad, it affected my health and so many other things.. but you know what? I would not have traded that experience for the world. I have learned so much about myself and about those types of people and situations. I was able to learn and grow from it, something we should all try and do with situations that are extremely difficult or life changing. I am on a new journey now and am trying my best to keep my head held high. We are capable of that. Whoever you are and whatever you are dealing with, you are not alone. Talk to people, reach out to them, make an effort to reflect and understand your situation to the best of your ability, that is the only way you will be able to throughly look at things and make a genuinely healthy decision pertaining it. I am still young and have so much more life to live, but I am grateful to have experienced and learned this lesson now, earlier on in my life. I know the man I want and deserve and I will not settle for anything less. We should all have those standards for ourselves. If anyone is in a toxic relationship, I understand how hard it can be to really open your eyes and see things for what they are, or even just thinking about leaving.. gosh, even the healing process afterwards is extremely difficult -feels like you are doing surgery on your own mind to understand everything... but I promise that In the long run that if you do what is best and healthiest for you, you will be much happier.. please don’t drag yourself around and be a puppy to anyone.. man or woman.. I have faith that anyone in this type of situation is capable of having the strength to get up and move on. Sorry for the long message.. I just think it is an important topic and wanted to share :)

[@dotcassilles1488]

All i can say is thank you for explaining how you healed, it will help me

[@Rimonek6893]

Thanks for sharing your feelings Nadia! You wrote from your 💜 Wishing you and your ex healing and strength to move on in your lives on your happier paths! I am going through almost similar situation. It took courage on your part 👏🏻🎊Stay blessed.

[@donnammvm742]

❤ Thank you so much for this Nadia! You explained very well and I wish you the best in life ❤

[@scottjohnson9846]

Nadia Rivera hey love Wow I went through this as well 😕 it almost destroyed me . I feel you... my ex was exactly the same as yours. I still can’t believe people can be so cruel. Sad thing is I didn’t even really get what was going on! I didn’t even know that he was being a narcissist to me at the time. Wasn’t till he mentally run me into the ground and dumped me I realised what was going on. 3.5 years later with regular therapy I’m healing and finding my strength and myself again. Thanks fir sharing your story. Sending love too you xx

[@karmenribnica3372]

Yp.that would be me.toxic and damaged

[@maryberdjis4223]

Red flags are so important. Once I didn't listen to my intuition, I felt there was something wrong but dimissed the feeling until I found out about two months in the relationship that he was married. Another reg flag is when a guy just seems too good to be true and usually he is just playing games and is not who he pretends to be.

[@shutit4024]

Mary Berdjis I was 18 and dumb same shit happened to me but not the married part the dude was just playing games wouldn’t be surprised if he fucked other bitches behind my back

[@cindycinn2724]

@@shutit4024Hey if this helps that happens to a lot of girls just saying..don't kick yourself for it like i once did

[@shutit4024]

Cindy Cin ima try not to but I just can’t get over the fact he didn’t want to be with me but yet he tried to get me pregnant like wtf and thank god I wasn’t stupid enough to think “if I have this baby we will finally be together “ but at that point I didn’t want to be with him and damn sure didn’t want a baby by him

[@cindycinn2724]

@@shutit4024that's strange because most men don't want to change their life with a baby...this is strange he wanted one i always meet guys that say...can't believe you don't have any children most women do...hmmm

[@shutit4024]

Cindy Cin yeah he was 20 he just used me for sex and lied about it mind you this all took place last year and I remembered I cut him off after he tried to get me pregnant and he tried to contact me again but I never answered

[@lup6974]

It's almost like you are talking about my ex. He was all that. Result was really bad. Abusive relationship. But I forgive him and even it sounds unbelievable I'm grateful I met him. I grew up a lot and found myself.

[@amychavez5426]

Using manipulative phrases to turn his shitty behavior around so it makes it seem like its your fault. Like when you address something that was unfair or just plain hurtful, he makes it seem like you're being dramatic or that it was your fault that it happened.

[@wendydarling5416]

Amy Chavez I think this is gaslighting

[@Jmwamuchemi]

Yes, I told him he hardly call nor text, he said me neither, I told him to go through our chats and see who have been initiating contact and comparing his communication and my communication is unfair! I woke up with a text,,,,,hey, I want my life drama free so send me your address and I'll post your earing ( because I forgot it at his home ) My reply, will be,,,, ok😂

[@Feathered_Moon]

Yes, I have been on dates with several men who seen to go out of their way to be rude to others. When I don't want to see them anymore, they don't know why because they've been so nice towards me in every way. I don't tell them why.

[@MicheleHerrmann]

A guy that is very showy with his money doesn't have any.

[@l.obinduka6791]

Michele Herrmann yh

[@meredithf7271]

Learned this too. I don't like flashy guys talking about these things right away because it's not as important as long as he has his own things that he earned, whether plenty or not. But this is on point 100%

[@MicheleHerrmann]

@@meredithf7271 I was seeing a guy who had a high-end apartment and spent like crazy. Found out he was living all of credit and sponging of the women he was seeing.

[@Maarten8867]

If you fall for that one, you kind of deserve it though. Con artists can't exist without greedy people to prey on...

[@esterherschkovich6499]

I wish KZbin and this video was around years ago...my ex husband Champagne tastes but would never get off his arse to work hard..I could go on!

[@cskeete390]

-A very indifferent or aloof attitude towards anything that has to do with u -Cutting u off in the middle of u speaking with nonsense that has nothing to do with what u were saying -Never asking u any questions to get to know more about u/know u better -Reluctant to provide basic info about himself (ie. last name, living situation, where he works, etc.) -Gets defensive when u confront him with facts about his behaviour towards u -No response when u tell him how u feel or how he makes u feel -Never shares how he feels about u or what he think about u -When sharing how u think/feel with him and waiting for his reply, he responds “Can we talk about this tomorrow?” And then never addresses it again -Never takes u out anywhere in public or to meet friends, family, co-workers, etc. -Says he’s bored/lonely but then never wants to go anywhere or do anything when u suggest it -Will not kiss u or does not want to kiss u -Makes u last priority if even a priority at all

[@cppimages921]

Girl! Yours sounds like mine!!

[@kazzuo32]

Waoo... I will be out by your #4 alone and 10 an 11 i wont take them serious at all.

[@shelly7535]

Unfortunately the majority of these are my husband after 12 years of marriage and two kids later. I don't know how I hung on so long. We are currently in limbo on the fate of our marriage but i know it will not end well as he will not change. I realized he is a narcissist and also has all the red flags Matt stated in the video. I feel so invested and believe in marriage that I want to make it work but know that it takes two and he has so many issues he can not love me the way I deserve. Help me!!

[@vannessafanning3200]

That list says the narcissist is near. Run.

[@cjsmomom]

Who would even be interested in anyone who acts like this? Even one of these would send me running. Especially the no kissing, that's heartbreaking. Is he married? 😢

[@marissaojeda2700]

A great tip for dating is to match his energy exactly. He's good to you, be good to him. He's ignoring you, ignore him. Play his game but better. Either the chemistry will fizzle off or you'll realize he's not worthy. After my narssistist ex cheated on me 4xs I cheated on him with a guy with money. It's hard to feel bad about it.

[@Smokillo]

Marissa Ojeda just goes to show what “chemistry” is really made of..

[@kiarahorowitz1787]

The biggest red flags from my experience: Him making it look like you're in a relationship when you're not. Not being the same religion and him not respecting your beliefs and calling them stupid. If he keeps saying "Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it." When it comes to any and all problems, RUN! Trust me, nothing good ever happens when you don't work out problems together. When you're frustrated with him and you let him know and he says, "I know you're just upset and don't really mean it." Lastly, if you say "no" to something he wants to do, because it makes you uncomfortable and he thinks when a girl says "no" she means "yes." That's a big one.

[@BethanyKay]

I can relate to all of this. Thank you for sharing.

[@NikoletaDjordjevic]

Haha.... amazing... I just moved to a country of a different religion and met a man on a job interview who started sending me messages as I was his girlfriend. Needed to have a serious chat with him so he understands that "no" means "no" and that we are not what he thinks we are. And cut it from the beginning. Although, my apology for generalization, it's not my intention to offend anybody, but this is a fact for certain religion that most of the men are so easy to say "I love you" after first meeting or to bullshit you how he is the prince charming. What I like to do is to ask about previous relationship. If he was married for example, I like to ask after what time they got married and why did they divorce. It says a lot about his affection type.

[@rose-yw9ui]

Wow that was helpful

[@rose-yw9ui]

Thank you

[@gogumarshmallow]

im really glad that intuition is on the list let alone #3. sometimes our subconscious works faster than our eyes, brain, and heart.

[@kissedbysun2517]

Extravagant gifts early on, or simply dates and gifts you know are beyond his budget, Inconsistent stories, same story over and over but each time the details change, constantly talking about past loves, Showing up unexpectedly all the time, or him telling you he saw you someplace that indicates he's spying on you or following you, Has a story for EVERYTHING, You find out he's been pumping your friends or family for personal information, Long personal letters in a near distance relationship (especially in the early days), Him telling you story after story to make you feel sorry for him, He always has to have a bigger, better, or more dramatic story than everyone around him.

[@bluraine7739]

Waut wtf why are long letters and gifts beyond budget red flags. I must know for personal reasons

[@kissedbysun2517]

@@bluraine7739 expensive gifts early on are often an attempt to make the other person feel indebted or under obligation...or to dazzle so they won't notice any faults. Long letters aren't necessary to keep someone up to date in these days, so they are often full of wild emotion, declarations of deep feelings or plain old obsession. That has been my experience. A sweet note is one thing, pages and pages of emotional stuff is not normal early in a relationship.

[@bettinakatsaros8719]

Moving very fast into intimacy or asking very soon into dating for the exclusive commitment. Constant complaints about simple daily life stuff. Speaking badly about their friends. Always rolling out pity plays and playing the victim.

[@phyllisboardman4284]

Not walking the walk when they talk the talk !!

[@EmuLRian]

There is a sneaky red flag. It is not noticeable because it makes women feel so good in the moment. Guys have a way of persistently flattering a woman and saying really beautiful, poetic things that make her feel like she is in a romance novel or a movie. She feels so beautiful and amazing because of these phony lines she is being fed. If the things he says are that effective in making her swoon, he probably has said it before to differents girls. If he has all the smooth moves it is because he has lots of practice and probably wants to keep wooing more women. Have fun with the compliments, bask in the ego boost, but do not take it too seriously. It is a technique. A male friend of mine who was a huge player shared his trick with me. He would meet a girl and find something wierd or awkward about her looks and find a way to compliment a feature that she might be insecure about. If he knew the girl, he would pay attention to vulnerabilities and flaws and make her feel special because of something she doesnt like about herself. It worked really well with me several times until he confided in me that it was a psychological trick to pander to fragile egos in order to get laid.

[@caitm8209]

He's going to be lonely when he starts longing for a wife, that's for sure.

[@KatErina-ii6ru]

Evil for women’s hearts 😑

[@joebloggs619]

Players are experts at the male art of making a woman feel good so they can then easily connect sexually and also for other ulterior motives, too eg romance scams. One way I have that works to distinguish men who are "husband material" from mere "good time boys" ie player types is to study their seduction techniques they employ. Players will be very smooth operators, knowing exactly what to say and do when, their image will be impeccable and, of course very appealing. Unlike the "good hubby material" male, who will often hate even being in such social venues as players hang in, but suffers them because he knows he had to somehow "get a girl" and make her his wife. "Husband material" males are more in their element at home, probably in their shed or doing some sort of community stuff eg traini g young boys to play some sport, volunteering for this or that, hangi g with male mates etc. Their sense of style is often pretty atrocious and they are not very socially smooth eg in conversations. Like one I once met at the bus stop where, everyday, for over a year, we caught the same bus. One day, he mustered up the courage to say hello, after about a year and I thought "Oh yes, this fellow human being is acknowledging that I am a fellow human being, like him..." I just smiled and said Hello back and waited for what next witty opening line he would utter, wondering how to respond. His incredibly plain response completely caught me off guard. It was a great "observation" by him. "Er, um... I see you catch the same bus as me..." I couldn't think of any witty response to such an observation by him, so I just said "Yes...Well, yes...One might say that..." Conversation was getting awkward. "It might rain..." he continued. (When in doubt, talk about the weather... You can't go wrong with that... But, this was Canberra, the national capital and I wanted to talk about highly controversial political etc topics... Not boring stuff..). "Yes...It might..."I replied. "Looks like that keen wind is starting to blow pretty fresh..." he continued. I looked at him briefly, when he couldn't catch me looking...And I thought "Hmmm, nice looking man, pretty boring but I reckon he'd know how to mow a lawn, fix things round the house...Wish he'd get a bit fresh...Those atrocious clothes he's wearing don't go much for him....They will have to go..." I pretended to shiver and replied "You're not wrong there...And I didn't bother with a warm coat or umbrella, like I would in Melbourne..." I thought he might pick up on my cue and ask me about Melbourne etc, but, whereas a smooth player type might have, if he were even in such a place as a bus stop, en route to work, this "hubby material" type missed his cue. But he came up with the sort of response a "husbandly type" might give. "Oh, would you like to borrow my coat? And, I have an umbrella, in case it rains, if you care to share it...." I did not want yo start any new romance etc so I said a polite "Thank you kindly, sir, but the bus is due any minute now and I will manage..." Now, a determined player type would not have let me off his hook do easily. He would have decided some clever trick to keep the social interaction going, but not this "husband material" type, who just shtugged his shoulders and said "Well, OK, but, if you want to borrow it, all you have to do is ask...".It was tempting to "ask", like he said, but I was not looking for a man and this type of man an ethical female would never mess around with. He is "husband material". Worthy of treating with due respect, even if his style is atrocious and his social conversation is boring... One can have fun with a player type, say anything, do anything because, like them, you fo not plan on being around with them for long, so it doesn't matter. Especially since players go through women by the score and are familiar with the typical meeting and saying goodbye shortly after routine. They are not emotionally affected. Unlike Mr Husband Material, who may be pretty inept socially etc, but will have certain male ideals and ethics which make a woman think twice about playing any female tricks on this type of man,by being the female version of "player". Some men are for loving, caring for and respecting as good honest men,not to be messed with.The Playboys are only "for a day" and good times, so it doesn't matter with them. Unless, one day they finally wake up to themselves and realise that there is something missing in their free and easy playboy lifestyle. Especially if they are getting older and appearing to be more like silly old goats chasing pretty young bimbos out to use them for money etc.Meanwhile, boring, socially inept Mr Husband Material will have been snapped upby some smart woman with an eye for "husband potential" and she will have taught him athingor two about how to dress in better style, how to be not so boring or avoid making too many social faux pas etc. And he will have emerged as a new man. The type you see and hear about in your local neighbourhood, as a respected community member, showing other young men how to be good men, community work,doing charity,volunteering for this or that, on various committees etc. Mr Playboy type is unlikely to be found in such places,mainly because few ordinary folk would have enough respect for him to decide be should be allowed to volunteer or sit on committees, train young boys etc etc. If you want a Player, your best bet is to hang around clubs and casinos etc at some ungodly hour, when our "Husband Material" man will be nicely tucked into bed and fast asleep, from the exhaustion of his day time activities, some of which might also include social fun with mates, family, his kids etc,, like a barbecue, a few beers etc.But his idea of social interaction will be radically different from Mr Player. These two types are very different from each other and each would hate what the other likes orlike what the other hates doing etc

[@suzannesaidso3079]

Bliss California: ==> Game Theory

[@elizabethvegaaa]

the majority of these red flags, were happening in my marriage. specially him hating his mom and hiding things from me. Everything kind of was building up, until he finally shows me who he was. as much as it hurts, I had to leave him and I hope I can find a great man to share my life with.

[@angelamwatts]

The most devastating relationship you can develop is a relationship with a narcissist, especially the covert ones.

[@lisac2649]

Yes. Because everything about them and the relationship, was built on lies and illusions. 💔

[@stephanie795]

Absolutley.

[@Reneebenson]

So true

[@SarahSmith-te5qg]

I’ve just come out of a relationship with a narcissist and you are all spot on, lies, fantasy’s, manipulation and accusations all the time. Phew thank god he is gone

[@daniland7518]

9 yrs, my first love, was blind to everything... i lost my mind and it nearly killed me in the end

[@ДарьяТырданова-х1ю]

Red flag:he is slightly overmonitoring you. Where are you, what are you doing, who are you with, why did you miss the call, who was that person that texts you... There is a difference between being caring and being possessive. If his "care" makes you uncomfortable, gives you that pre-feeling of guilt, RUN. He's gonna turn into an Otello as soon as he binds you to him. AND all these red flags in video and in comments are relevant to both men and women.

[@sarinakarim2513]

The guy who says I'm a nice guy 😂

[@KirstenOrndorff]

I know this sounds obvious but if in the beginning of the relationship, or dating process, you hear their parents talk about how they've never been very affectionate, that's a red flag (at least it is for me). I love the physical and emotional connection so if your mom is saying oh that's just how he is, he's never been a touchy feely or emotional guy, then get out. I'm going to say at least 90% of the time, he's not going to change for you. His love language just may be different and may not vibe with yours. I love these videos! So helpful and honest. :)

[@melissaebarb3116]

That is so true. If you are an affectionate person, don't be with someone who isn't. You will feel lonely in that relationship.

[@emilymay3529]

Inability to converse back and forth. Poor listening skills, a chronic monologuer.

[@doortomars8261]

Amen to this

[@katiemiller5927]

The highs and low is REAL and a red flag that I ignored. When he was down, I was just supposed to know (like a mind reader) and expect poor behavior from him. It's a bad sign and trust me, it doesn't get better.

[@francinesmith8109]

Theres always an excuse why they treat you so badly, it's not their fault though.

[@cppimages921]

1. Very early on, he does not ask you questions about you. (Narcissistic) 2. Avoids talking about himself altogether. (Hiding something) 3. Can only seem to text but never call. (Attached) 4. Most his comments seem to be making fun of your comments or sexual enuendos. (Immature & poor social skills) 5. Very defensive over even slight things. (Low EQ, Oppositionally Defiant, Anger Issues, Poor Communication Sills) 6. Complains about every one or everything. (Pessimistic Victim Mentality) 7. He is a job hopper. (Unstable, doesn't get along with others). 8. He doesnt like any of your friends. (Controlling) 9. Gives you warnings Everytime something positive emerges in your life. (Pessimistic, Unsupportive, Jealous) 10. Spends the night really early on, and never leaves. (Homeless, Co-dependent, or Stage 5 clinger) 11. They are overly protective of their phone and or computer. (Player) 12. Never wants to take you anywhere. (Not committed, hiding relationship, or Paranoid) 13. Talks about marriage or having babies with you within the first month. (Codependent, Addictive Personality, Impulsive) 14. Always broke. Never has money, or has to borrow it. (Impulse control issues, possible addictions like gambling, drugs, alcohol, or sex) 15. Always chooses when you guys meet up, where you go, and gets miffed when you can't or doesn't want to. (Control issues). 16. Extremely routine oriented, wears same clothes in different colors, had same haircut for decades, has had same junky utencils for over 20yrs, never throws anything away even if broken or never uses it, will never try another type of anything, e.g food, cleaning product, TV show, hair product, OTC med, music, place to go, never travels, always has control over remote & car radio... (Major Control issues, majorly uncontrolled anxiety issues, uncompromising, will not be able to handle stress, or challenges, OCPD or Autism Spectrum)

[@catdeluxeatday]

Perfect!!!

[@faithchen9019]

Very brilliant list

[@kaylasmith7811]

This is awesome I just have one objection, I don’t think autism should be considered a red flag

[@itsBenzie]

Brilliant list. I’ve learned a lot from this.

[@yeswing10]

Omgosh, number 16, yes a grown child stuck in their childhood. Lives in his parents house and never remodeled. Same as 1960

[@MyHobbyFarm]

Someone.who is overly persistent in trying to get a relationship going after meeting you for the first time even though you are showing no interest.

[@jeneanhagstrom9848]

The way he treats other people, when he acts nice but makes rude comments that they are unaware of, beware of the insincerity.

[@PaNdeM0niuM]

from my experience... Red flag - financial instability. My ex boyfriend asked to borrow money several times and made me pay majority of the dates. Turns out he was a gambler and couldn't afford to sustain a relationship

[@js9273]

Not a red flag - deal breaker

[@js9273]

Not a red flag - deal breaker

[@mandyg5747]

@@js9273 True but you know I have found that these Red flags should be the deal breakers!

[@littlemissy8356]

Really, nobody made you pay. You agreed to it.

[@mandyg5747]

@@littlemissy8356 You don't get it. Narcissists are so clever at preying on kind people. She did not know he was a gambler until later. I got caught out the same way but he was an alcoholic. They hide what they are and then once you fall in love with them you try to help them. Many of us are finding that we have to do the opposite to what is natural to us. Not to help feels mean and selfish to us. Please do not victim blame. You cannot possibly judge unless you have been in the same circumstances and I hope that you never are. God bless.

[@JanaeRichelle]

Hes more attentive to other women than you is another red flag. Like maybe he breaks his neck to look at other women or is "overly kind" (flirty) with the cashier... I appreciate a man that will put his arm around me or steal a kiss from me when there is another woman around. When his attention is on me, it is hard for either 1 of us to focus on distractions that may be. Its a comfort thing. Mom always said, if youre gonna look, glance. It is disrespectful and more so hurtful to make it obvious. You dont want to be a person who hurts your partners feelings. So put your attention where its supposed to be when youre with someone.

[@11HAZEL11]

If he is constantly comparing you with other women... even when it is for the good.

[@shutit4024]

11HAZEL11 is this a red flag when me and this guy I was “dating” got done having sex and he said I was better than his ex but only said this one time ?

[@Yahshuaismyeverything]

@@shutit4024 yep he's comparing u and still bringing up another woman bounce outta there

[@shutit4024]

I just like Memes yeah I been left his ass a year ago

[@peaceglory5973]

Yesss! He is letting you know you are being compared, this will eat away at your self esteem quick. Gotta go.

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

@@shutit4024 Emotional abuser.

[@wendymosher4386]

Red Flag! When a guy overly dotes on you, giving you many gifts, flowers, compliments, taking you out and such! He is like Prince Charming. Too good to be true! There is a chance he may be a narcissist! So give the relationship time! The prince guy may later turn into a frog! And in reverse, if the guy is stingy, OCD, tight with his money, takes your money on the first few dates, gives no gifts of consideration, don’t think it will get better, because there is a good chance that his money and his organized world will always be his top priority! And You will not! So look for balance!

[@alexacarenati]

RED FLAG: he's done his 'forgiveness work' with his parents, he has a 'great' relationship with them, but he's still trying to get scores with them, he hasn't really separated from them. He's like a child constantly looking for their approval.

[@TheSamVala]

It's easiest to do live on you're own and do everything by you`re own. In my experiece men just want a second mom or someone to push down

[@catdeluxeatday]

True!!! Like big babies. Tiring.

[@jazmindiaz9256]

So true

[@plutooliver686]

Sadly this is true more than not.

[@ojala5555]

Not good men!--Trust me,I know several really good men (happily married).They don't have any of those red flags.All of the red flags are really red flags!

[@TheSamVala]

@@ojala5555 you are Lucky then. I have never met one

[@kimt8162]

1. He starts telling you his problems. Then he assumes that's showing "connecting". This happened to my teenage daughter right in front of me. Twice this happened. I finally kind of hinted to her, that's not exactly the best first impression. You're not here to fix HIS problems. It's a problem because it's at a place she frequents, but she doesn't have to put up with this. We were initially showing empathy to it, but after that it should be over. So basically we just left (especially before Valentine's Day) to make the message clear; she's not here for that.

[@KashyaCharsi]

"On your first date, watch how he treats the waiter."

[@erineclair]

oh god. i just did the right thing then. when my ex and i became a couple, i saw him being abusive to others and say harsh words just to convenience me or to get what he wants i took that as a red flag and stresses me. i did poke him on it but he says that's just how he is. 'that's how he is' is something a red flag to me. i'm not in a relationship to change you but im hoping we'd both grow together.

[@zechariah4663]

I had four of the seven while dating my ex. I still married him and yes Matt you're correct huge mistake. My 16-year marriage ended five years ago, while I am grateful I am also sad that I wasted all of that time and could have been working on myself. Thank you for these wonderful videos, I am learning and hopefully it's not too late

[@thefoodiemadame4146]

Another red flag, when he gets jealous with other things in your life like work and friends.. In other words, he is super clingy and needy..

[@reeses_unicorn]

I wouldn't want to date a guy who's, unnecessarily, rude/mean to other people.

[@plutooliver686]

That was my red flag a guy i dated always treated wait staff in restaurants like shit and it was rude and uncomfortable.

[@anita88r]

"rude" is always unnecessary

[@Nanoha5]

My parents were and still are the worst, which is why I can`t wait to experience love because it woul be the first time in my life. To say people who feel anger towards their parents are going to feel the same about their significant other is just so so wrong. Actually for me it`s the other way round. As I know what it is like to grow up in an abusive environment, I would never ever treat someone the same way. I haven`t been in a relationship yet, so yes I may not know what will happen, but I know for sure how I treat my friends, who are real family to me and there is nothing but respect and empathy. In fact I dont`t even allow my friends to be disrepctful to each other and this starts by little things people often don`t notice. I never call anyone bitch or whatever for fun. My friends are my friends not my bitches and I don`t let them call me anything either. I think I would get a along with someone who is resentful towards their parents pretty well because I know what it is like to have a bad relationship with parents. I hear this "parent red-flag thing" very often and it just annoys me. This point clearly comes from someone who has no idea how bad parents really can be and how hard it is to forgive people who have influenced your entire life by their actions.

[@Cherish5819]

The difference is having dealt with the problem parents and he is over it and has a healthy perspective as you do. You aren't carrying around unresolved emotional baggage. Steer clear of those who haven't till they have found peace and moved on.

[@jilliann.5728]

Excellent points from both of you!!

[@hersharele8507]

I agree with that completely

[@Cherish5819]

@Celeste Jacobs I'm sorry. I guess I don't fully understand. My experience must be different than yours. I didn't mean to offend.

[@cadavera6.6.6.]

@Celeste Jacobs trauma may not go away but the way it affects you can and does with the proper therapy. For example: I've always been extremely sensitive when watching a movie and knowing someone is going to jump out at the stupid kids in the woods never helped. I have exaggerated startle response to things suddenly jumping out and loud noises. After doing EMDR with my therapist, I was at the movies and a scene came on were I just knew something was gonna fly out if a cupboard. Sure enough, something did and I didn't jump at all. I noticed it right away too and told my friend I was there with that I didn't jump. It might seem like a minor thing but it was the best example I could think of.

[@taracrawfordakui1158]

When they say, "I love you, babe", before your first date. Something is definitely up!

[@GutsAndGall]

Red flag: aggressive driver

[@mandyg5747]

Yes sooner or later he takes out that aggression on you.

[@wildhorsesrunfaster]

MindOfHerOwn ~ 👍

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Narcissists are mostly agressive drivers.

[@jaytaylor2090]

Lol...short and sweet!😂

[@mhinkelable]

My Red Flag date from Hell: ( we went to dinner, Jazz place, late night breakfast)...we are in our 50s 1. Asked me out than waited 4 days to get back in touch. 2. Wanted me plan the date night...1st date ( hes vegan so the Steak house was out but I had to plan the place to eat). 3. Rude to wait staff. Complained about a lot of things. 4. Dislikes pets. He would never own a pet. 5. Tried to push for more than a kiss. When I pushed him away he started in with I thought you liked it. We're adults we can do what we want. I dont understand why you're pushing me away. 6.Thought relationships should begin with sex so we can get that out of the way. 7. No plans to have someone in their future: "Lets just see where this goes!" 8. Drives unsafe while I was in his car. 9. While following him to a place he calls and saids, "I have to drive faster than this, just follow the directions I sent you. (I was driving a sports car with turbo and he was in a basic car...lol) I should of taken the next exit off. 10. Tells me he was not impressed with my athletic skills. Ive been an athlete all my life. 11. He starts off saying: "My sister does this to me also, but when I'm talking I need you to listen to everything I'm saying first and then you can respond. Do not interrupt me." (OH HELL NO HE DIDNT JUST SAY THAT TO ME) 12. He works out so I should want to feel his pecks and want his body. He also kept trying to rub his body up against mine. Asked me if I wanted to feel his hard-on. Acted offended when I pushed him away. 13. Busy during the week with work. Wants a weekend girlfriend. 14. I subscribe to being debt free: his response was, I must not know how money works, everyone has some kind of debt. If you dont have debt you dont understand money. 15. Acted very arrogant, disrespectful and ego centered but kept telling me he was hard on himself and shy. 16. Every conversation became a debate. 17. Every relationship he has had has been under 5 yrs. 18. He said I was playing games and he was the one being open. 19. Little Insults: Ex: (blood related) Hes 0+ and I'm 0-....'so thats why you're so negative of a person.' 20. Friends with all his Exs and still communicates with them... came across has not wanting to give them up. He didnt want to give them up to be with someone special.

[@kaidedid]

OMG! What a nightmare!

[@bluecollarlit]

This man sounds like a crazy nut. Lol. Write a short novel about this date (or relationship) and send it off to a Hollywood agent. Might get sold as a screenplay. Make it a comedy.

[@lisarice4402]

Malignant narcissist. Terrorized and abused for years by one, no matter how hard I tried to save up money to get away from him. Was finally able to get away last year. Everything you say is true - my abuser followed all of his exes all over the city all of the time and followed me. Being away from that insanity is a relief, but will deal with the injuries he gave me for the rest of my life.

[@mediocrebankai]

I've sadly learned all of these and ignored all of them because I was so young. His points are spot on.

[@karinamorr9533]

This morning I was just looking for videos about the red flags in dating, and yours came up now 😁 universe works 😂

[@carableu]

OMGoodness the work obsessed one!

[@lauras3666]

Image, everything must be perfect on the outside to everyone else, but the core or inside doesn’t matter as long as everyone envious of them

[@shellstattmann9066]

Red flag: he deletes all his texts.

[@hillaryamanda7827]

Another red flag is when a man you're dating NEVER has your back. He'll make excuses for why is was okay for someone to treat you with no respect, but will be quick to chastise you when you deliver the same energy to the exact person who disrespected you in the first place. What hurts the most is when he sits in silence while his friends verbally attack your looks but will be quick to defend another chick whom he is NOT in a relationship with.

[@HB-pr2tq]

That's a narcissist. Run, run, run away and never look back.

[@danishaferreira7796]

When a 50 yr old man says he had a 5 yr relationship w a 19 yr old 5 yrs ago which means he was 45 at the time, meanwhile I have 3 daughters ages 21,16&14.👀

[@hollyr.1139]

On a first date, every turn in the conversation wound up with him talking about his wife, who had died two years earlier from cancer -- how much he loved her, how affectionate she was, how much he missed her, her endearing habits, etc. It was a sign to me that he still had grief work to do before he'd have a place in his life for new love.

[@francishuckins8269]

When you make plans to meet for the weekend and you think it all day Saturday and part Sunday. Then says he has things to get done before he can meet you. Red flag?

[@madinakhujaeva4474]

Francis Huckins absolutely!

[@justinabranham4212]

So was it a red flag after all?

[@LisaGemini]

These are great, Mat. I was married to two guys who were workaholics...and you're right, there's always a new project coming up. Thank you for this video! xoxo

[@melissaclark1635]

Here ones I've noticed: He talks a lot of how attractive other women are, never introduces you to his friends, has had 5 ex s in the last year.

[@pamdemonium3138]

Melissa Clark yes! Speaks of how pretty women are but has never told me in a years time. His days are numbered. He will seek other ground but not with my willingness to give. education and salary. He will be sorry.

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

@@pamdemonium3138 wauw I could not endure with that for two days. He has to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world Rihanna 😊🌍 and you are probably a very pretty woman so he doesn't want you to think to high about yourself, what if he loses you to another, better more handsome gentle and wise man so he keeps you down by mentioning women.

[@lehuafromkailua8781]

Mama's Boy indicators like, "I can't wait for you to cook for me" or "I would love it when you do my laundry" or "Will you cook me some of the things my Mom always made for me?" Ugh....

[@denig2000able]

Or if in the 40s they still live with a parent. Run a million miles fast!

[@missgramirez4446]

Laundry...??????

[@university2775]

@@denig2000able 😂😂😂 True that!!!

[@meredithf7271]

Omg so true! It's ok to cook something the way his mom did, to a ponit. My ex raved about my cooking for first year and half or so, said it was good, was glad I cooked... then boom! Started saying " my mom makes it this way, want me to find out how?" My mom this, my mom that. I said then I suggest you go to your mom's. Once living together, says my mom puts my shirts on hangers out of the dryer so they don't wrinkle. Um dude, you are in your 40's, I'm not your mom and if you want them on hangers than go for it. I barely have time to grab clothes out of dryer to fold before they wrinkle. Then my mom always has snacks and food when I go there. I said if your mom is the woman you want, by all means get your ass over there. This relationship was full of red flags from start and apparently I dumbed myself down in that time. Mommas boy to all over here 3 boys and none did wrong. Which is why she is supporting 3 men over the age of 26. Oh he also started calling me mom or sister. He thought it was funny but underneath, it was obviously all he seen me as. And no he wasn't living with his mom when I met him, but I'd say he spent a lot of time there. He also talked highly of her for awhile, then she was called a bitch every time I turned around. So his respect for others wasn't very high which is pretty much how I was treated eventually once he thought he had me tied down And he did way longer than I should have allowed. Boy bye!

[@mandyg5747]

@@meredithf7271 Good grief...That's King of the Castle behaviour. He just wants a servant. That is all you and his mum were to him except that he got to sleep with you. I hate how our mothers and society sets us up to accept this role of unpaid maid. Screw that! Took me a long time to learn.. am glad you are now out of it. Stay strong.

[@wendyparadise3082]

If he has a lot of shame. That shame will creep into everything!! One indicator is if he can't take a compliment.

[@seekonlytruth512]

Aggressive txting and messaging. Trying to encourage you to talk about sexual stuff asap

[@stormchylde3999]

Going through that right now; when I called him on it he says he's just trying to 'get me going' and kidding around. Yeah, sure.

[@Marsha_Ann]

When they dont wanna talk much about work or themselves and say "theres nothing to talk about" or "i dont wanna talk about work". I find it shady, like theyre hiding something or dont wanna reveal something about their life.. Sigh.

[@ijayibe8078]

My ex is a very very unforgiving person. I was always the one patching up our misunderstandings

[@ojala5555]

I've been very forgiving person,waisting my life.Now I don't forgive mean things and it works for me. I know I am right and have avoided wrong people around me.

[@wendyspirres9132]

If he has a low tolerance for frustration and lashes out!

[@RomanticImages]

From my experience of a 2nd marriage. Watch for red flags with your daughters. I ignored them or confronted him and he always said I was ridiculous and she was 14 and had a silly crush. Well he left when she was 17 and started living with her. Now they have a baby together. Sad. I wish I had listened to God’s still small voice that told me something was wrong.

[@Fashionablykat]

Isn't that illegal? She could not have possibly been able to chose a relationship with him on her own without manipulation. Wow.

[@trudyvaughan8245]

That's abuse he should be prosecuted and your daughter is a victim he has manipulated a child to believe it's a relationship. Its stock Holmes syndrome.