7 Signs 'Fawning' Is Ruining Your Life (Trauma)

"Fawning" is when someone tries really hard to make others happy or avoid problems, even if it means ignoring their own needs. It's a way some people cope with difficult situations, especially when they can't fight or run away. This way of coping might have helped you get through a tough childhood, but now that you're out of that situation, it could be causing more harm than good.
This is why understanding fawning is important for healing from tough experiences because it can affect how we set boundaries and connect with others.
How many of these signs do you relate to?
Writer: Lightoflights
Editor: Morgan Swift
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice Over: Amanda Silvera ( / amandasilvera )
Animator: Stephanie C. @stephccano
KZbin Manager: Cindy Cheong
References:
Walker, P. (2018). Complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving. Tantor Audio.
​​Porter, S. (2018). Treating PTSD: A compassion-focused CBT approach. New York: Routledge Press.
Inner Balance Counseling (2023). What is the Fawning Trauma Response? From innerbalanceaz.com/blog/what-is-the-fawning-trauma-response#:~:text=The%20fawn%20response%20is%20when.
Kristin E. S., Meera A.K., Danette C. PhD, and Gunnur K. PhD (2018): Trauma and Health Symptoms in a Community Sample: Examining the Influences of Gender and Daily Stress. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30872...
Priebe, H. (29 Sep 2022). Are You ‘Too Nice’ Or Are You Fawning? [Video] KZbin, • Are You 'Too Nice' Or ...
Molnar, D.S., Flett G.L., and Hewitt, P.L. (2021). Perfectionism and Perceived Control in Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Symptoms. Int. J. Mental Health Addiction 19, 2204-2218. doi.org/10.1007/s11469-020-00315-y
​​South China Morning Post(2022). What is fawning? The people-pleasing trauma response that isn’t fight, flight or freeze - it’s about appeasing others to avoid conflict. From www.scmp.com/lifestyle/health-wellness/article/3183595/what-fawning-people-pleasing-trauma-response-isnt-fight
Healthline (2019). How to Tell if People-Pleasing is a Trauma Response. From www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/7-subtle-signs-your-trauma-response-is-people-pleasing#3.-Youre-either-spewing-emotions-out-of-nowhere-or-unloading-them-onto-distant-strangers.

[@central_scrutinizr]

What is it like to NOT be this way? This is all I’ve ever known, to an extent that it’s hard to even imagine any other way of existing.

[@ranc1977]

Being agreeable is not sickness to cure. It is Big 5 personality trait.

[@meganbeecroft2523]

Actually!!! Like how are ppl so genuinely okay taking up others time and their courtesy so easy.

[@natashaj9169]

Same!

[@bubattom5720]

It really hurts when the one who turned you into a fawner is the one constantly criticizing you for being a people pleaser. But then they themselves still wanting to be "pleased" or else will go emotionally/verbally abusive. For me, it's my parents.

[@JenovaUnique]

damn, sorry fellow internet person

[@Lady_Jellyfish]

When you find out your Personality is actually a Trauma Response 😅 This was very insightful ♡ Thanks 🙈🥰🥺

[@ranc1977]

This is why CBT is dangerous and detrimental. We become to believe our trauma is our persona. It is not. Trauma is reaction, a reflex. We are not our emotions. If you believe that your trauma response is your personality - this will become personality disorder due to this false belief.

[@angeliccorpse0]

It really hurts bro

[@A55a551n]

Timestamps 1). Solitary retreat 1:09 2). Harmonious appeasement 1:46 3). Apology reflex 2:09 4). Helper's burden 2:34 5). Altruistic neglect 2:59 6). Perfectionist idealism 3:23 7). Suppressed emotional eruptions 3:50 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙

[@SphereofCygnus]

Thank you, have a great rest of your day! 💙💙💙

[@noonegirl]

Thank you have an equally wonderful day 😊

[@azlinatunmohdyusof7812]

Thank you for making it simple✅👍🏻

[@NarcSurvivor]

Fawning is when we try to pacify, often narcissistic people. It’s where we just try to be who they want us to be, to keep them off our backs. Ironically, they often take our trauma response as genuine interest and use it to punish us.

[@varun.shenoy10]

💯 agree

[@adrukova1407]

Absolutely . They take advantage and become abvsive instead

[@Renzy-LuLu]

​@@NonotherethanksExactly

[@totalCoolerUsername]

Took years to finally realize that myself

[@Lil.Yahmeaner]

Literally my mom, always egg shells and now I’m stuck fawning

[@kjirsten7600]

Fawning is the definition of my personality.

[@shagullahmad2303]

Same here

[@ranc1977]

Nope, fawning is reflex to abuse. When we start to believe our trauma is our persona - it will become self fulfilling prophecy that leads to personality disorder and development of BPD which is not easy to cure.

[@_TheIlluminator_]

Having been scapegoated and bullied my whole life, I somehow unconsciously see myself apologizing to people for no reason thinking whatever bad happened was my fault. A lot of times I uncontrollably will say sorry for what others have done wrong.

[@_ssi7880]

@JL15545 I felt the same way too. I hope I can overcome this. I'm afraid that it will be too late for me since I am already in my 20's.

[@glitterglossx]

Bless your heart. I hope you heal ❤

[@ranc1977]

Predatory personalities will scapegoat and bully us. That is true, however - we cannot do anything about it. We cannot arrest them. We cannot fix them - since criminally insane people have personality disorder and their recovery is next to impossible due to it. The central problem with abuse is that we learn to destroy our core Self. We are programmed to believe our core Self is inept and worthless - and that is the true problem here. Not toxic people. When we have toxic shame inside us - toxic people will hurt us more deeply and their damage will be more far reaching. The cure is to love and accept ourselves as we are and that we stop believing that toxic people are our responsibility whom we must fix. So idea in this video - that we attack and blame ourselves for having coping mechanisms with abnormal people - is toxic shame. We really should not attack our tools which we have - if we have better tools like plenty of money - we would make better and healthier and safer decisions than fawning. Being poor is not choice and we really should not blame ourselves for not having correct tools to deal with criminally insane people who cause us to fawn in order to survive their abuse.

[@yoghurtmaster1688]

​@@_ssi7880im sorry to hear this i think im like this as well i wish you can overcome this

[@hsafko]

@_ssi7880 it's not too late. I'm 44 and still healing and changing. It takes a lot of work and commitment. I am doing this for myself more than anyone else. I want to heal my past so I can start to live.

[@varun.shenoy10]

Growing up I used to be a people pleaser but it resulted in me being a hesitant person.... It's such a redeeming feeling when you know how genuine and sincere kindness differs from people pleasing.

[@Psych2go]

Embracing sincerity allows for more authentic connections without sacrificing your own needs.❤

[@V_haunting_in_the_comments]

Fun fact: childhood parental divorce is actually considered childhood trauma

[@milenamarzdc]

Thank you for information ┐⁠(⁠ ⁠˘⁠_⁠˘⁠)⁠┌

[@annapomelo3818]

Even adulthood parental divorce feels like trauma.

[@lexxy6305]

yep which explains why I'm stuck in the mind of a 9 year old (divorce time) ☠️

[@Mt3Dpdrtk]

Meh

[@vikn331]

My parents divorced recently.. finally tbh. Finaly peace

[@GoNuckingFuts]

This ultimately ruined my career of 23 years. I got trapped in a dead end over and over until there was no escape. I walked away this June and moved to start a new life and find a new job.

[@ishashobi2778]

I'm in fawning mode and this video is really helpful..Thank you so much..

[@ranc1977]

This video sets us up to become hysterical Karen and impulsive borderline with personality disorder... and you thank them?

[@Psych2go]

Happy to help!❤

[@georgianagheorghe8848]

The problem is that we live in a society that is obsessed with codependence. It freaks out when you can manage on your own without asking for its help

[@ranc1977]

Perhaps that is true in the West. In third world countries and poor countries - you are punished severely if you don't know something for the first time, you are ashamed for having errors and mistakes and that you do not perform perfectly. You are expected to be cruel and aggressive and super competent about any task - or otherwise one will experience shaming and stigma and even physical violence and always vernal abuse for having smallest flaws.

[@nicola-xk5cp]

I always try to find the balance, it seems like it's never right. The judgment of others goes from one extreme to the other.

[@ranc1977]

No $hit Sherlock.

[@Psych2go]

What matters most is finding a balance that aligns with your values and brings you peace.

[@ranc1977]

@@Psych2go So if he is narcissistic and criminally insane - he must find peace in abusing people?

[@ranc1977]

@@nicola-xk5cp "when have I abused people" The reply was not for you. Psych has deleted their comment - so it is not visible now to whom I replied. Edit: I see it now, Psych comment for some unknown reason got below mine, and it appears as if I am reffering to you. I don't know what they are doing with comments here - but they scramble out, and got deleted for no reason. My question was directed to their comment where they claim that all people must be aligned with whatever feels peace to them. Well, there are criminally insane people who feel peace when they abuse people. People like you and me on the receiving end. Some sadists actually regulate themselves by harassing others. This inability to see the world and people and have narrow mind view of people is BPD. Psych2Go has serious BPD issues and they instruct people to develop borderline issues, too. IT is not healthy.

[@ranc1977]

@@nicola-xk5cp Please always check monkey sign in comments. My reply was not directed to you. With fawning we have social anxiety and self referential thinking - and we presume all the world is hating us and is about to attack us. Plus This self referential thinking is something that Psych2go did not cover in this video at all. Instead the author of this video simply re-inforced this cognitive bias

[@alexandrialeonora6542]

Whelp, got all of them checked off, but that’s something I already knew. I would add that one other reason why I prefer to be alone and don’t ask for help is because in the past when I have forced myself to do so, the other person who offered to help always expected something in return, often something I couldn’t give (even if I wanted to). Even when the other person was a “friend”. You can’t expect help even when you ask for it, because a lot of people won’t just help to “help” anymore - it seems like even that has become a transactional thing. 😕

[@rachelmulholland1137]

I've had this problem, too. Or when I forced myself to accept the help because it was repeatedly offered ad nauseum, and then they punished me for taking the help by treating me like a burden and showing open resentment towards me even when I tried with all of the emotional and financial resources I had to do things for them in return. It is still hard for me to accept help from others. I always assume now that they don't mean it, even the good people in my life who have shown me I could never be a burden to them. It is a hard feeling to shake.

[@KnightsofGaming2016]

Not sure if I'm confusing being overly polite with fawning but as someone who has an apology reflex and altruism neglect, I relate to some of these very much. Not sure where it stems from; my childhood was a decent one but even my parents, grandparents and friends think I'm sacrificing/apologising a tad much 😅

[@sarahmolnar8075]

i am the exact same, also no childhood trauma as far as i know😅 i just don't know where it comes from, the always-putting-others-first, not-wanting-to-be-a-burden, excessive apologizing

[@aiiiia9971]

Yeah same here. I mean, my childhood wasn't perfect but my parents love me and never intentionally were abusive or anything. Yet somehow I managed to pick up many of these behaviours. And it is kinda like I question if I am just imagining it because nothing "happened" to me to make me like that. Yaknow? Ugh

[@ranc1977]

"Not sure if I'm confusing being overly polite with fawning" The crucial difference is in toxic shame and our core Self. With fawning, due to trauma - our core deep down Self personality persona - will be plagued with toxic shame - which means unconscious self hatred and self rejection which is automatic. This means - we deep down believe we are unworthy and abnormal and that we are second class citizens who are not on the same level as other people who appear regulated and happy and strong and confident. That is the difference. Altruistic person will feel good about themselves and their reason for being altruistic will not be governed by shame and guilt and self blame and self loathing nor self flagellation, stigma and self despising.

[@thebrendan03]

I've dealt with this and one of the things that helped me break the cycle is that a friend said I always came off as fake. Since I hid my real self and feelings it was hard for anyone to develop a true connection because they didn't know if I truly cared or if I was just saying what they wanted to hear to avoid conflict. That if I wanted to develop a true relationship with them they want to know how I really feel about things without a filter. I had not recognized that i was doing it and was in denial. When I took a step back and analyzed my actions I was surprised at how right they were and it helped me start to make changes.

[@i_sekai]

what changes have you made? ngl i figured i was doing it because like you a friend brought it up to me but apart from feeling bad because i'm letting them down i just retreat avoid confrontation and default to happy dumb smile, taking it in for a day and hide my emotions behind jokes and work.

[@ranc1977]

"a friend said I always came off as fake. Since I hid my real self and feelings it was hard for anyone to develop a true connection" You are correct. Your friend "advice" is actually a personality disorder - it is mental illness that is very hard to cure. When we decide to build fake Self - we will create narcissistic personality disorder and being impulsive borderline - because any sign of our mask cracking and being exposed will be extremely painful. Also called Self Referential Thinking - we will depend on other people to worship our fake mask - and when they don't we will be angry and abusive to them. Our self worth will depend on other people and their admiral and appraisal which will compel us to over-compensate this deep core toxic shame inside us - by creating grandiose Self. This is mental illness.

[@arthurpenfield8229]

I had to fawn when mama was alive. In order to keep the peace and to make the beatings less painful. After she died, I stopped giving a flip because 23 years of trauma and pain, I had enough. Now? I'm 35, and can't stand humans. I'm amazed that my boyfriend, wants to be with me because I thought I was too screwed up for anyone to show me some love. I'm still not used to it.

[@MorgansMemez]

You sound like my girlfriend, she has a very rocky relationship with her father although he never physicality hurt her like your mother (I'm sorry), my gf has said multiple times over the last 2 years that she does not understand how someone can love her. She has a short fuse for other people.

[@arthurpenfield8229]

@@MorgansMemez , because people choose to be idiots and mooks. They choose to hurt, they choose to lash out, they choose to stop others from progressing. Just like Grandpa wetpants, He chose to raise prices because he wanted to.

[@aiiiia9971]

Even though I am conscious of some of these behaviors, finding a reason to break the habit is it's own barrier because asserting myself leads to stressful conflicts with others, and sometimes I don't actually know what I want or what I think, so I couldn't assert it in the first place. So it's like, ok, I see myself doing the thing, but what now?

[@VareeVongvaravipatr-sd1lt]

ugh right on spot. im working to be better everyday

[@DaxVerus]

Learning that my guilt when I find I hurt someone and wanting to do what ever to undo someone's hurt...never thought it was one of the fear responses but fawning makes so much sense

[@ranc1977]

How about radical idea of actually not hurting other people?

[@DaxVerus]

@@ranc1977 I was more referring to when I inadvertently hurt someone. Or if I mean the best intentions but find out it was for my own emotional stability and not the other persons best interest. example: I stayed with my now ex for a few years longer than I should have, we were both very emotionally unavailable and in my case I can say I was also emotionally immature, but I stayed because I thought taking care of them was best, then I learned I was not taking care of them, I was staying because leaving them would hurt them and in this case hurting them to let us both grow was healthier. So instead of doing what I normally do (ignore my own feelings and do or say whatever I must to make someone "happy") I decided to leave and end things between us so I could learn to be less codependant and learn some much needed emotional maturity and to let them learn to take care of themself and grow as well. Sorry if that was long winded but I realized my original comment could be taken differently than I meant for it, thank you for showing me how it could come across :)

[@saarkoene2761]

Its like you made a documentary about me. But Im practising a lot to prioritise myself and say "sorry" less. Its going okay, ups and downs.

[@kelvinmukovic9382]

Great video and very insightful, I think we all should know that God is good and sometimes he pushes you to places and opportunities you never knew you needed. I just got to realize that trading comes with a lot of benefits And I have just bought my first house through it. As a beginner I was scared of loosing my savings but l'm glad I took the bold step that is now favoring me.

[@lumiereforbes8118]

congratulations!! I will love to be your friend dear as well. as sharing some ideas which you're benefiting.

[@lumiereforbes8118]

please how do you earn or should I say how does it work. are there steps I need to take, I need guidance my friend.

[@jasonstorm2118]

Yes please How does this trading stuff work? I'm really interested but I just don't know how to go about it. I heard people really make it huge trading

[@kelvinmukovic9382]

But I strongly advise you against self trading, it's really dangerous and has brought many investors down, you need someone with the right strategies and expertise to do the work for you, I recommend Maymuun j Choi

[@kelvinmukovic9382]

As a beginner, the best you can do to yourself is to get a professional that will handle your account and minimize lost to it's nearest rate..

[@hsafko]

This is something that my therapist and I are discussing lately. This came at just the right time! Thank you so very much. Every single point in this video checked off and really hits deep.

[@nerd26373]

We will always support this channel. They're genuinely one of the best.

[@ranc1977]

Psych2Go made sense 3 years ago in 2020. Now they become borderline totally. The author of this video transformed their trauma into hysteria and entitlement. IT is on the road to become narcissistic abuser.

[@Psych2go]

Appreciates it. Your support means a lot.

[@jollymor1516]

Oh my goodness, this is so relatable and true. I really wonder sometimes, why it can be so difficult to turn others down and just decide on making your own decisions. It’s like you know what you want to do or what kind of choices you would like to make, but sometimes, it can feel overwhelming to say no to others, or at least for someone like me. I guess what it comes down to is just, being your own person and doing what you feel is right for you, at the end of the day. ❤💕💖😘😊

[@aiiiia9971]

Fr, except I don't even know what I want to do a lot of the time because I am used to pushing it down. So I am kind of a directionless and apathetic person when it comes to a lot of things. I guess I buried my enthusiasm too low because I didn't want to be too assertive about my wishes. So now there are no wishes lmao At least I still have a few things that I am passionate about. I am not unhappy, but I am in a constant project of finding out more about myself and what I value

[@hdezines]

Felt a lot of those & some I have definitely gotten bettet at. The more we learn to love ourselves, the less we will fawn.

[@friedbaconsizzles]

Wow, never knew there was a word for this. As someone who had "friends" that would bully him relentlessly throughout elementary to high school, every sign that was mentioned has played a significant portion in my life. I may be having an emotional outburst right now, but it's because this video has struck a chord.

[@ranc1977]

Yep. A lot of information about psychology is kept away from us - since we are much more useful as slaves and robot on automatic mode, background player NFC that is not threat to toxic people who exploit and control others and people like us. This video is misleading - since it tells us that we start to abuse and harass others and that we isolate ourselves - which leads to new trauma. This video does not mention Negative Politeness at all. This is when we try not to upset other people for being afraid of their anger. All of these stem from AcoA and ACE - and we need to learn about it, because without correct information we allow our unconsciousness to run our life - we are like motorless boat in the ocean - that depends on waves to be pushed around.

[@merrb3551]

Thank you. Can you create content about this situation: In recent years I suddenly get flashbacks and terrible feelings of my childhood memories. I can't do anything about it. I talk to myself, I journal and I study but I don't know what is wrong with me. I was reminded of some things I wasn't even mad about before.

[@sherlogic1256]

I know I’m not psych2go. It could be that your subconscious brain might be realizing it’s safe, and it’s trying to process things that did affect you. You just didn’t know it at the time because there was worse things happening/happened, or you were to disconnected from yourself to be able to feel it. Basically, it was easier for your brain to repress those events at the time because they were smaller. Our subconscious is where all information you don’t know happens, exists. There’s nothing wrong technically, but have you had a chance to try inner child work? It’s giving your brain a thought form to talk about your experience from the pov of you as a child. How did it feel when it happened, not how does adult you feel now. It’s easy as a adult to go ‘that’s not real trauma!’ & gaslight ourselves. What emotions would that child want to express, what does it want to talk about? Since your subconscious is you, it can communicate. Just mostly in photos & blips of thought. It’s the same as remembering something you forgot suddenly, that’s it speaking to you. It wants a voice too is my guess.

[@thereadersvoice]

The excessive apologizing is, by far, the biggest factor described in this video for me. An old co-worker and friend noticed this behavior in me, pointed it out, and was the first to tell me that it is a trauma response. My friend helped me realize and understand so much. This was years ago and I am still working on it, along with other mental struggles. Thank you, as always, @Psych2go! ☺️

[@vanzammerz]

Forced Fawning. Being trapped and cornered by those made to feel guilty and the only path is to fawn. Break free from these toxic people

[@ranc1977]

Forced fawning has a name actually and it is called Coercive Control. In some states, coercive control is crime and persecuted in court judicial system. It is similar to Forced confession. Now here are two crucial questions: 1) why this video never mentions the term forced fawning? Why videos like this never explain it? Instead we are instructed to believe that fawning is a choice - and that we can "cure" it by becoming Karen and abusive impulsive borderline. 2) What happens when we cannot break free from toxic people? When we actually live in shame based country that is toxic - and all people are toxic and abusive? What then? Should we become abuser ourselves, as this video is suggesting?

[@usercode343Y]

this video was honestly a wake up call for me. never really understood where my perfectionism and isolating tendencies came from

[@reneeMajor856]

I feel when I go to fawn mode and I feel it and let it go. It's hard but healthy coping skills through therapy truly helps.

[@ranc1977]

Tell me what heathy skills are for being trapped in toxic job without being able to quit it due to finances. What would be healthy thing to do when being abused and not being able to escape the abuse? This is why CBT must be banned - instead of putting narcissistic and criminally insane in mental institutions - it stigmatizes the abused victims as abnormal and sick. That is how Putin and Trump and North Korea end up in power - due to abuser-centered world where nice quiet and friendly people are suppose to fawn to abnormal sick criminally insane monsters. Any reaction to abuse is healthy. This CBT pathologizing of normal reactions to abnormal people is abnormal. Weaponized psyhiatry.

[@charmedprince]

This is why when I decided to radically change, they all thought I'm doing too much. Little do they know, I've known all along. It just took me a while to find the courage by building up my self respect, self esteem and self confidence. Now, I pretty much say the truth, unapologetically. People ought to be corrected where they need to be corrected.

[@ZRP_Guy]

I can relate to this video (Warning: This comment is very upsetting) (I don't relate to all of them) Solitary Retreat: In Year 10 we had to learn about a lot of upsetting things, such as climate change and inflation, after I had finished learning about it, something happened in the last session of the year for a social club: We played Cards against Humanity Family Edition and when I had a black card that read "Sorry teacher, I couldn't finish my homework because of (blank)" on of the answers I got was climate change. As a result, I never played that game again since and probably never will. I had nightmares about showing up to the club years into the future and them saying "hey, did you know this animal is now excinct?" as if they're just talking about the weather. Given how common it seemed to be talked about, this caused me to frequently isolate myself the next year from others so I wouldn't have to deal with that news. The caused me to get very nervous when new people approached me and tried to talk to me. Harmonious appeasement / Helper's Burden: This can apply to Year 10 me as well. For example, at that same social club there was a 4 kids 1 adult rule and there were 2 adults and 5 kids, so to get food one of the kids had to go with one of the adults to the shop to buy it. I did it twice. The first time was okay because it had food I loved, but the second time I said no a few times to the adult who demanded I go with her to get food because I didn't even want it but she kept demanding me to go even thuogh I told her I didn't want the food because 1. everyone else is so lazy they can't even get their own food and 2. it was easy to pester me into doing it. Worst part: No one besides the adult said thank you. Honestly, this was extremely inconsiderate. I feel like she should have understood I had a long day and let me be, knowing I had nothing to gain from this since I wasn't going to eat the food, and accept that there was going to be no dinner for those unwilling to put in the effort. Suppressed emotional eruptions: Going back to solitary retreat, I had bottled up my emotions for 6-8 months (for reasons I don't really want to explain) up until this happened. In the last week of Term 1, Year 11 in English class for me, the teacher was explaining to us the task we were going to do the next term. It reminded me of all the terrible things I had learned in Year 10, so I ran outside of the class and sat down at a table. One of the other adults there followed me outside and asked me what was wrong. When I tried to explain to her why I went outside I bursted into tears as I just couldn't keep it all in any longer. She went to get the teacher and when the teacher asked me why I was upset I explained to her how some of the topics upset me such as climate change and inflation and explaining how I actually hated my life because of how rotten the world truly was. After I explained that I had a walk with the School Therapy Dog and the Owner around the school in which the Owner explained to me good news in the way people are trying to combat the things I was (and probably still will be) upset about. Hearing the good news made me feel better.

[@TR_wsr1]

This video came at the perfect time for me, I was struggling! Thank you!

[@ranc1977]

This video is misleading. Please do not believe anything you see or hear on internet. This video is shaming and setting you up to hate yourself and to feel shame for being abused and being trapped in unfavorable power dynamics which are totally outside of our control - which we can handle only through fawning. That is what this video is not saying at all. Then - this video and similar videos like this one - will instruct us to become hysterical Karen, abuser and neurotic, impulsive borderliner who explodes and is unable to hear or listen to others and without ability to learn what is going on - and this inability to interact with society will end up as personality disorder and us as narcissistic abuser who is preoccupied with not being abused. WE will see any human interaction as abuse - and we will no longer to tolerate daily misunderstandings and errors and mistakes and flaws . and we will over react with screaming and abusing others.

[@hammingboo9730]

Thank you for comfortable subtitles😊

[@Of_Your_Volition]

Well the more I think about it the more it seems I might behave this way! I do my best to be as nice as I can. I was invited to a Christmas party a few days ago and some optional short events were a potluck and a white elephant give away! I did both and brought 4 presents that we’re pretty nice the make sure everyone would be happy and some homemade fortune cookies. There were 7 people in total and one other person brought food while that person (the host specifically) also brought a present and one other person did. When I realized I didn’t bring enough for everyone else I felt really guilty. Luckily I am good at origami and folded a 5th gift. I still felt bad later and made sure to help clean up with the host of the party and it’s not the first time I did something like this. I always feel it’s not enough and I may upset those around me. I only interact with people about once every two weeks with the exception of parties I’m invited too. I hope all I do make others happy. The costumes I make and wear the amount of things I offer is it enough?

[@Psych2go]

I would say that if your actions come from a place of love and not the fear of not doing enough for people, then it's not a problem because from my perspective you are doing more than enough. It's important to remember that it's okay to enjoy the festivities without carrying the weight of making everything perfect on your shoulders. It's clear, though, that you genuinely care about the well-being and happiness of those around you.

[@Of_Your_Volition]

@@Psych2go Thank you for your words and videos you do! You may be right and it would be okay for me to tone down the amount of things I do in those festivities. I should probably try and do that with them and enjoy the last few days I see those people (if I do) without trying to do so at my expense. I am not technically a college student as I did enroll in the college and had some scholarships to help pay for it. Though the scholarships were not enough so I don't have classes anymore but do go to that club every two weeks. I want an education and plan on going to the military very soon and that will help with an education and job simultaneously (at least better than my past ones).

[@PancakeRights]

01:08 Solitary retreat. 01:48 Harmonious appeasement. 02:10 Apology reflex. 02:33 Helper's burden. 03:00 Altruistic neglect. 03:23 Perfectionist idealism. 03:47 Suppressed emotional eruptions.

[@chisaten]

Why are you shouting like this?

[@PancakeRights]

@@chisaten I'm not shouting mate. I'm just writing the timestamps in bold. Sorry if it overwhelms you, I'll change it.

[@timothysatyr6674]

Not all heroes wear(....where?) kapes

[@PancakeRights]

@@timothysatyr6674Thanks for your comment. What are you trying to imply through this?

[@sophiiv]

@@PancakeRightsprob cause theres no timestamps in the video so they are happy abt ur comment marking the sections

[@psych2gomandarin]

0:00 intro 0:14 what is fawning 0:35 how does fawning come into play 1:02 what are the warning signs that your overly nice behavior might be rooted in fawning 1:11 solitary Retreat 1:48 harmonious appeasement 2:08 apology reflex 2:34 helper‘s burden 3:02 altruistic neglect 3:21 perfectionist idealism 3:49 suppressed emotional eruptions 4:45 conclusion

[@Absolhunter251]

😢 How did you know?… I needed this…because I needed this. Thank you.

[@who4259]

Why is this channel always a fly on my wall 🫠

[@chaleikaesterroseedwards3052]

I have always been criticized by my mom & even by two of my two siblings who also does currently live with me. When especially if a sibling who won't acknowledge or appreciate my feelings that I also feel burden from my mistakes due, with my invisible type of disability like that involves of me born with mild autism in real life too yeah for sure indeed. And so that also explain why that I have decided to do things right to prevent from any scars of the emotional harm & bruises of a trauma past events of my family. So ppl don't let anyone try to take control in your life anymore & also I would advise you to do what is best for you to do in a very good non-verbal communication skills & even in a very long safe journey 🙊🗣️ P.S. I am a girl. Sending everyone a very big nice warm group hug 🤗 from your very sweet lovely best friend Chaleika Ester Rose 🌹 Edwards. 🌸🌸🌸🌸🥀🌸🌸🌸🌸🥀🌸🌸🌸🌸🥀

[@GingkaHagane10]

You are so calm and happy you're videos are helpful

[@ranc1977]

That is suppression and dissociation - and it is extremely unhealthy and leads to developing auto immune diseases.

[@himanshushakya1996]

Thank you so much for make me realise for everything, idk how to thank you but really you are doing good work for people like me thanks again ❤❤😊

[@GraniteFaun]

My compass jumped between these, either fawning or being an utter gremlin no matter the stakes

[@karabo8847]

So informative, still a big fan of this channel

[@ranc1977]

A lot of information is not being said in this video and it is misleading. Please do not soak everything you see hear on net.

[@Psych2go]

❤❤❤

[@matthewvalentyn751]

wow, all of this applies, I'm honestly not sure why I'm like this but I'm gonna talk to my psychotherapist about this this week.

[@NicuPuppet]

Hello! I was not expecting to relate to this- So much- ^^'

[@ArrowsmithBA3]

I have never felt a stronger connection to any other topic discussed than fawning. This is the first I’m hearing of the term… and let me tell you… this is me to a T. I never realized there was more then just Fight or Flight… but I still need to figure out what kind of trauma my fawning stems from… I won’t sugar coat things, my upbringing is kinda rugged, but I don’t blame my folks or family… even though I have my handicaps I still blame my self for my poor decisions made. I don’t know if that’s an example right there or if I’m taking responsibility… regardless I’m on a better path then what I was, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

[@creativeflame_]

Yep I’m that overly nice friend :/ I’ve started the process of trying to heal and give myself the same love I give others but it isn’t easy

[@sarsgarrs]

I saw a reddit post recently about what are tell tale songs you grew up in an abusive home. .. I relate alot with this video and that post. Problem is I cant identify anything that traumatic I'm my past

[@fnwytc]

If you look up Gabor Maté a family doctor and trauma specialist, he describes that childhood trauma can even come from a child's certain intrinsic needs not being met. It was really eye-opening for me and helped me learn, become aware, accept, and let a lot of trauma go. Still always a work in progress, but it helped me so much. Maybe it could be helpful to look into! Edit: added clarification and specificity

[@sarsgarrs]

@@fnwytc thank you, it seems like he is on to something but i will have to listen to more!

[@skepticism_kid]

Tysm this helped me a lot

[@ranc1977]

Video hypnotizes you to ruin your life to become abuser hysterical KAren- and you thank them?

[@skepticism_kid]

@@ranc1977 it helped me with my friendships and made me a better friend

[@TheHealthyHabitClub]

Meditating will change your life!

[@safetynoodle772]

Thanks!

[@Psych2go]

Thank you!❤

[@MySUPERkate]

I’ve never agreed with a video more!!

[@Violet_ki267]

Love your videos ❤❤❤subscriber from 2 years❤❤❤

[@Psych2go]

Awesome to hear you've been with us for two years! 🥰

[@amygradybsw]

Sharing ❤

[@saffyesperas2278]

I relate to all of these, omg!

[@mollofistraye5164]

i used to be like this a lot, and while i might still be sometimes, i've gotten a whole lot better now. and from what i've experienced one of the things most important to learn is that you are NOT helping anyone by being like this, quite the opposite. it's irresponsible. if you cannot help yourself and have compassion for yourself, you will find it so difficult to do that for anyone else. your "help" ends up coming from a place of "i have to do this" and self preservation rather than doing it just out of compassion and a genuine ability to be strong for someone. you also might try "helping" someone who doesn't need or want that help and make things worse! if you cannot be strong enough to be independent first of your own problems and be able to fix them, fixing other people's problems can become a situation where you start dragging each other down, because both of you can't swim. it may come from kind intentions but please, kindness is not that easy. it takes strength and responsibility to help others, and neglecting yourself will cause neglect to others too. i've made that mistake time and time again, and it's NOT easy, but it's also not impossible. you can be strong, you HAVE the capability you can do it for others! now use that kind passion and try doing it to yourself as if you were a stranger. you'll start to realize once you get better you actually make more changes in people's lives, and are able to give a whole lot more kindness, without feeling like you're dying at all times. because now you can help yourself too. TLDR (and for gamers): your party needs their healer to be alive, and if you want to be a healer, be alive. be the strongest of all of them, so they don't have to worry about you, and they can focus on fighting on with your support. otherwise, there wont be a point to your healing. anyways that's it for my rant thanks for reading if anyone has lol

[@Yohann_Rechter_De-Farge]

A big thank you 🌹🌷🌺

[@bobbobbing8215]

Well! I just learned something new about myself

[@thisoldkey1770]

Yay - jackpot! 7/7 🎉🥳

[@zafziyathasneem9488]

This video really helped me. Could you please make a more...happy topic video using the same animation because it's really cute! I am your new subscriber.

[@amdeko]

💙💙💙i will forever clap for others until it's my turn 🎉🎉🎉

[@mamaliege2461]

Damn, bingo. I have known this about me for 4 or 5 years now, it just didnt quite had a name for it. Lots of these terms dont have translation for other languages. But yeah, all of them 7 signs are here. Very hard to control them. But making progress, noneless. Stay strong, everyone!❤

[@nkosiezikalala5267]

Feeling Called Out... I've been working on some of these things (and I think i've made progress) but now I'm worries this goes deeper...

[@olivierf2938]

Yup, yup, yup ... Doin' it all.

[@gnomefuel]

i used to think ppl actively ignored or avoided me because of this so i would say screw them i’ll just do something for myself to self validate and paint or make art and not waste my time sulking but now i’m too tired and it doesn’t rlly help the fact that i’ve got zero friends from doing that so many times and my art still sucks. it feels like no matter what i do whether for myself or others my identity is stuck perceived as the fawner so any accomplishment i achieve is just devalued and written off as “pick me” attitude or something as i’ve been told i have

[@TheShronion]

Thank you for this. Explains alot of my and others “need to help”

[@ranc1977]

So it is better option to be cruel and abusive?

[@TheShronion]

@@ranc1977 appriciate the reply, not saying that. This need to help, in hindsight, has hurt me in the long-run. Which i’m only recently beginning to understand. Ergo: putting others before myself too much, hurts me. When im hurt it creates difficulties helping others which puts stress on my mind and body. A vicious circle to be in.

[@ranc1977]

​@@TheShronion It is hurting us only because deep down we have toxic shame. Deep down we reject ourselves and we are not aware of this at all. Deep down we believe we are inept and worthless - and this is totally outside of our logic and logical awareness. Then this toxic shame, that is buried and cocooned inside us - will actually make us believe in certain explanations and beliefs - which are not true at all. Plus, when other people are rude and when they are angry - it will hurt us a lot. And we will respond in fawning. Now the crucial thing to notice here that fawning is reflex. The true pain that we feel and experience - is stemming from trauma, from toxic shame buried deep deep inside us. So it is wrong to stigmatize our fawning. We really need to work on our toxic shame and IFS Model helps with this: so that we learn to really trust and believe in our core Self. When we pathologize our fawning - it is the same analogy of thinking that our blood is wrong when we cut ourselves. And never actually investigate why the cut occur in the first place. Why we got cut? Instead we fixate and focus on blood. That is when we make hysteria about fawning - the same thing. We are focusing on the symptom, not on the true cause.

[@ranc1977]

@@TheShronion My comment got deleted. Luckily enough, I keep them on my blog of social anxiety comments so I can quickly bring them back to life to fight YT censorship: It is hurting us only because deep down we have toxic shame. Deep down we reject ourselves and we are not aware of this at all. Deep down we believe we are inept and worthless - and this is totally outside of our logic and logical awareness. Then this toxic shame, that is buried and cocooned inside us - will actually make us believe in certain explanations and beliefs - which are not true at all. Plus, when other people are rude and when they are angry - it will hurt us a lot. And we will respond in fawning. Now the crucial thing to notice here that fawning is reflex. The true pain that we feel and experience - is stemming from trauma, from toxic shame buried deep deep inside us. So it is wrong to stigmatize our fawning. We really need to work on our toxic shame and IFS Model helps with this: so that we learn to really trust and believe in our core Self. When we pathologize our fawning - it is the same analogy of thinking that our blood is wrong when we cut ourselves. And never actually investigate why the cut occur in the first place. Why we got cut? Instead we fixate and focus on blood. That is when we make hysteria about fawning - the same thing. We are focusing on the symptom, not on the true cause.

[@ranc1977]

@@TheShronion My comment keeps on being deleted - probably because BPD Karen of this video put censorship word in their settings for commentary. I will rewrite it without some words that may be the problem.

[@rufoisaiahbracamonte338]

I had criticized by someone who didnt trust my boundaries especially a toxic siblings who wont appreciate my feelings that I feel burden from my mistakes. Thats I why I decided to do things right to prevent from any cause of emotional harm and wounds of a past trauma of my family

[@paulf.3678]

I actually see all of these Symptoms in myself. But not because I neglect myself actually, that makes it so interesting, like I‘m perfectly fine on my own and with myself, but I find it hard not to help people when they need it.

[@ranc1977]

Fawning is not symptom. It is trauma response. It is not sickness. It is not abnormality. It is not our fault when we are forced to fawn (aka Coercive control and manipulation).

[@whitelilacplants]

Nice video

[@tgonfluffyg8395]

Cool a new check list that hit all the boxes. Not sure what to do bc I’ve been in robot mode for years so ya not sure what do

[@RaynosArith]

Every bloody day of my life T.T Nice video though, kind of a wake up call.

[@swedhamurugesh]

This reminds me of my Mom 😢 Always trying to please her relatives especially her father ,elder brother and later her other siblings and my sister's in-laws were added to this never ending list. My mom died of liver damage and her last days were very painful . I wish she would have cared less for others and more for herself 😔

[@Psych2go]

🫂❤

[@swedhamurugesh]

@@Psych2go ❤

[@alienunicorniosardina6290]

This is a trauma response *proceeds to describe my entire personality* and it can happen as a result of these circumstances*proceeds to describe my entire life*

[@ranc1977]

Our trauma is not our personality. When we believe that trauma is personality, we will develop personality disorder and become borderline.

[@cameliaoon3278]

May I ask what app/websites you use for animation and the drawings? I'm amazed :)

[@Lil.Yahmeaner]

The only out burst of emotions I have is sometimes crying when I’m alone but I’m guilty of fawning all the time, thanks narcissist mom

[@HazelVsTheWrld]

I was always taught as a iid bit to be "selfish" so i do all these things because clearly people think im selfish if i don't do or don't want to do the things they ask. I also hate conflict or getting scolded which us wgy u also don't speak up for myself. I then just keep all that frustration and emotion and bottle it up and suppress it. This makes me feel empty and mindless most of the time, but to me its better than speaking up for myself. Then this cycle repeats the next day... Man, i can't keep living like this. but it goes back to me being selfish if i don't do the things im ask off, even if im to emotionally and physically tired to do. So i can't speak against it because i just get in scolded or guilt tripped by the people.

[@markvinci4369]

I tuned in I didn’t know what fawning was but it sounds like me sometimes especially at work I seem to always try to behave in a way that people will accept me instead of just trying to be myself and that I have to keep myself happy first

[@markvinci4369]

If I’m understanding this right sometimes I feel I’m too nice s d don’t know how to stand up for myself

[@Kirbyfan7209]

Hooo boy… I think I have this…

[@MadamLolz]

As a black queer woman I do fawn response to survive. Everything listed is what I’ve experience and still continue to experience

[@ranc1977]

Fawning is survival mechanism. It is not sickness to cure. The sickness are criminally insane monsters who videos like this one or therapist never stigmatize at all and leave them alone. - Narcissist Personality Disorder One of the few conditions where the patient is left alone and everyone else is treated. (PierceTheDarkness)

[@user-ld5sb5tq4g]

@Psych2Go I appreciate it this video. I stopped people pleasing along time ago.

[@ranc1977]

Becoming abuser is not solution.

[@Psych2go]

That's fantastic to hear! Would you mind sharing how you broke through? Your insights could be really helpful for others going through a similar journey.

[@kawaii_xD137]

Hi! Early yay!!❤❤❤ :3

[@patrickpark9514]

Having been under constant verbal abuse thislastyear from my parents..and not being able to leave their house...I have started to eethis ugly thing in me that I now know as "fawning". It started recently when I am in difficult conversations with my step dad. When he says something disrespectful to me I have recently "freezed"...which led to "fawning" to my shame. I don't know why. I want to be stronger. I don't actually care about him or him being in mylife so why does my survival mode go into "fawning" It's a terrifying thought that my mental health is degenerating due to livngin this house that I can't leave.

[@crystaldance5731]

Didn’t know what fawning meant but it definately describes me 😊❤️

[@ranc1977]

A lot of crucial information is kept away from this video, and video itself is misleading and has false information.

[@randynetwork65]

I remember a line from NF's song Mansion: "Broken legs but I chase perfection..." Sound about right?

[@jessemarquez951]

Dang 3, 4, 5, and 7. Wasnt aware about constantly apologizing was a form of fawning. Also 7 i dont have it with other people usually its when im alone it feels like i need to scream so i end up screaming

[@ibelieveinyourgalaxy07]

I don't even know there's such a term for this behavior. I thought it's just really natural to me or maybe this is how I became from reeding what's good deeds from books, tho, it's really suffocating and exhausting, specially, when people are not grateful about your kindness and even takes advantage of it.

[@aliceharbour5926]

All of them! I'm a fawner. 😮 but I didn't have any childhood trauma.

[@ranc1977]

You pushed the trauma out of your awareness and you live in Denial.

[@FormerlyMantisDragon1995]

This just made me think about the times my current manager mentioned to some of my coworkers that I’m too nice to do one thing or too nice to say another thing, and I’m just like “Shit, I’ve been found out!” She’s quite observant so she knows I fawn a lot 😅

[@apost_ev4]

i know i have this kind of behaviour, the thing is i don't know why. I've never been really bullied, i don't think i have any trauma, never been abused or neglected as a child. I al very self aware about all my problems, but i don't know where most of them came from. This is the only reason i could ask help to a therapist, to understand where it's coming from

[@amyb7823]

I feel like I see so many people who do this, though. Especially in work places. Usually, the most toxic individual is fawned over and everyone tries to be their friend to avoid being on their bad side and potentially ostracized. Isn't this fawning, too ? Most people do this from my experience.

[@danielgoncalves1337]

Me and my gf had a huge fight this year and we even separated for a week and since then I’m stuck in fawning I just can’t stop it’s like a response because I don’t want to make her mad but the fawning it’s noticeable and it gets things worse

[@Psych2go]

Have you considered talking to your girlfriend about your feelings, including the struggle with fawning, and working together on finding healthier ways to navigate disagreements? Open communication is key.

[@DaughterOfTheKingdom16]

I didnt have a traumatic home or abuse or neglectful home but I relate to a lot of these

[@ranc1977]

A lot of people live in Denial and suppress their trauma without being aware that they were abused in the first place. Fawning is not something we catch in the street by walking randomly around. It is by-product of exposure to constant criticism and blaming and discipline that appears normal to us - like fish being in water not noticing that water is a thing.

[@rebeccaly]

the way I literally relate to every single thing…oh 😅 but thank u psych2go for all these videos and I love that you started including captions in the video themselves. Always love watching them 🥹💖

[@TheNonameHousehold]

I may have fawned when I was younger, I specifically remember something like the last thing when I first discovered the comment section on KZbin years ago 🤔

[@Aquacchino]

Early!!

[@haydenlee8332]

Psych2Go: “Which signs do you relate to?” Me: “Yes” I feel called out by this video.

[@Jakeakatheone]

I feel attacked and now i have to fawn