7 Signs of Autism in Women with Barb Cook (DSM-5 Symptoms of Autism/Aspergers in Autistic Adults)

Signs of autism in adults are often not immediately obvious. The symptoms of autism in 'high functioning' autistic women are often masked by well developed camouflaging skills. In this video we'll be looking at how common autistic behaviour in women corresponds to the DSM-5 autism diagnosis criteria.
About Barb Cook:
Barb Cook is a neurodivergent autism consultant and developmental educator and editor Spectrum Women Magazine. In 2018 she published the book "Spectrum Women: Walking to the Beat of Autism"
Learn more here: www.spectrumwomen.com/
Think you might be on the Spectrum? These videos will help!
Are You Undiagnosed Autistic? How To Tell If You're On The Autism Spectrum - • Are You Undiagnosed Au...
Are you Autistic? 25 Questions to ask yourself - • Are You Autistic? 25 Q...
CHANNEL LINKS:
Patreon: / aspergersfromtheinside
Facebook: / aspergersfromtheinside
Twitter: / aspiefrominside
Written Blog: aspergersfromtheinside.com/
More Videos: / aspergersfromtheinside
Email: [e-mail]
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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!
My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.
If you're new you can check out a playlist of some of my most popular videos here: / aspergersfromtheinside
Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.
As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.
I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.
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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG
You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.
The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).
In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)
Topics Include:
- What is Aspergers/Autism?
- Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
- Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
- Autism in real life: stories from special guests
Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)
-----------------------------------------------
// ABOUT ME
I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thrity.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.
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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING
I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:
emotionsexplained.com.au
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// CONTACT
Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.
Email: [e-mail]
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!
Peace,
~Paul

[@emblalo]

Getting good grades in school but being a complete mess at home is so me. I didn't have straight A's but always did really good in school but once I got home I didn't get anything done and was super anxious all the time.

[@warmhandswarmheart]

I also had this experience doing fairly well in grade 1-12 (but still working well below my potential). The school I attended was very small with small class sizes so I was able to get a fair amount of individual help. Then when I attended post-secondary, I was completely overwhelmed and lost, both academically and socially. I have been diagnosed a few times with ADHD inattentive type but now I am questioning whether I may be on the spectrum. I have always been quite socially awkward.

[@SybilNix]

I had no idea why I was such a b!tch whenever I came home. It’s a pattern that I still struggle with today when I interact with my mom (and I’m 25 now). Since she’s family and we get along, I think I grew to associate her + home with safety and freedom (compared to being in school), and therefore I feel safe to act in less-than-appealing ways around her

[@MeriPT]

This is me now! I have NOTHING left when I get home- and it’s so hard not to characterize myself as lazy but when I hear them speaking of how exhausting masking is, it makes me wonder (I don’t have a diagnosis yet but I want to be assessed)

[@Hadassah-KaquoliMReno]

I’m the opposite, if I got a D I’d be happy! The only class I got A’s in was art!

[@pattikahlo8175]

I was pulled into so many meetings with teachers and my mum to interrogate me as to why I was not doing homework when I could do the work so easily. And I’d always promise to try harder and still never be able to do it. It was horrible bc none of us had any idea why I was doing this. Work would Mount up and my anxiety would grow exponentially.

[@fye00000]

So true when she said about preferring intellectual talk instead of the chitchat talk

[@Dancestar1981]

Most of us do

[@yazajag]

Yes, I agree.

[@Bloomster1836]

I hate small talk aka chitchat!!

[@astridjaye6224]

Small talk is the worst talk, ugh. Feels so fake

[@kennikitty]

@@astridjaye6224 It's so unnessecary, it gets boring so fast. I'm a horrible party guest, because I completely shut down from overstimulation.

[@AstroEssexGirl]

I find women are great at masking through school and then into the work place at the beginning but when parenting/ running a household gets thrown into the mix, it becomes too much. It’s exhausting and then the meltdowns are explosive! I’ve been called a drama queen, difficult. I lose keys and bank cards monthly. The more I try to get some order the more I just end up retreating in the corner of a room just trying to breathe!! I dread gatherings and need an exit plan so when I get overloaded I can just leave. People won’t understand because on the face of it I look like it’s all fine, when underneath I’m having constant mental breakdowns.

[@AstroEssexGirl]

And just to add I cannot multitask if I try nothing gets done and even though I constantly vape as a soother!

[@ToomieC]

AstroEssex Girl I completely relate.

[@JDMimeTHEFIRST]

I’m not good at masking, but forced to do it, because people ignore women (not just for Aspergers, but for everything)

[@JDMimeTHEFIRST]

I had a hip issue where my hip was popping and very painful. The male doctors seemed “surprised” that everything I told them was true. They started the appt rolling their eyes thinking it’s all in my head then tried to speed up my appt to get to the male patients I guess. They were shocked when they heard the pop. . Like “oh, a woman is telling the truth”. It’s very frustrating . . People already distrust me for being a woman. . Then add being on the spectrum. . People automatically hate me.

[@JDMimeTHEFIRST]

Jane lane The fact you don’t want to ruin potential children’s lives makes you better than 50% of all parents already. Aspire make better parents than the opposite (sociopaths). I don’t want kids because they are so life draining and I don’t want to hang out with other parents, since 50% of parents I’ve met are sociopaths and Stepford wives.

[@madebyrequest]

The eye contact thing.. I hated making eye contact, but at some point my mother told me that one of the signs of confidence and honesty is looking at people's eyes as we're talking to them. I trained myself to be able to do that because I want to be confident and seen as an honest person. But even today, I prefer to sit by someone's side rather than face to face so I could point my ear to them when they're talking instead of having to look at their eyes.

[@susannamiscera2401]

Same!

[@tevazile4524]

I do that too. Lol

[@Hotmessmomsreadings]

Same...

[@veronicagorosito187]

Yup, we've been indoctrinated to act against our real self, just to fit in, and appear as a trustworthy person....

[@haacko]

Holly shit me too no like fr I can't make eye contact with anyone I tried so Mach 🥲

[@meme-cr8xi]

This is eye-opening! 1. Sensory issues: tight fitting/snug clothing, all skinny jeans/yoga pants in different lengths, soft comfy tops. Natural fibers (I feel like I'm dying in polyester...can't breathe in it) 2. "Everything has its place": can't stand messiness, drains my energy. I only buy white linens because they'll always match each other. Boyfriend says all the white linens make it like a hotel. 3. Fixations: When I was young I was obsessed with the black/white combo, among other things. Mom finally broke me out of it but it took...years. 4. People touching me...mostly women w/that light touch/gentle hug...ugh. My whole body tenses...I wanna run away but then have to apologize to spare ppl's feelings. DON'T HUG ME UNLESS IT'S A BEAR HUG. No we can't hold hands unless you're squeezing my knuckles. 5. School was confusing and exhausting and loud and....cold. Took a nap until dinner every day bc I was so drained. There were days I'd rather starve in my room than have 1 more human talking at me or around me. 6. The babysitting fiasco. Not every teenage girl is prgrammed to care for young children for hours on end. I thought those hours would never end lol. 7. Several family members/friends have said I have a low tolerance for noise. Especially when trying to focus... mindfulness exercises were very helpful. 8. Food restricting...when I'm overwhelmed/upset, etc I won't eat for hours until I'm back to normal. I never even saw the cafeteria during lunchtime. 20 yrs later it's still a nightmare scenario. And yes....2 hr limit on parties. Conversation points and appropriate responses rehearsed in advance. I always thought I was just born in the wrong country/society.

[@recoveringsoul755]

I thought maybe I was born in the wrong time or era

[@savedbygrace8445]

✔️ ☑️ ✅……………..

[@nurglenurgle]

The horror that was slumber parties. I lost so many friends after going to or having a sleepover because I was so done with being around people two hours in. I just wanted to go somewhere else and be alone. We had a pool so family friends showed up uninvited day and night all summer and brought their kids, which was a nightmare (my parents loved it). I was expected to drop everything and be a babysitter/miniature hostess, keep all these kids from drowning then let them play with my toys in my room - ugh! So many meltdowns, castigated as weird, anti-social, and selfish. "What's WRONG with her?"

[@Snooperzan]

I totally get “don’t hug me unless it’s a bear hug.” I can’t stand those half hearted hugs…it’s like hug me for real or don’t hug me at all, and if you can’t give me a real hug, why are you hugging me the first place??

[@MountainWoman68]

I got roped into babysitting the neighbor kids once. Never again, I made it clear I wanted nothing to do with babysitting. I could take care of my kid brother (13 years younger than me) just fine, but don't force me to watch someone else's kids. Never liked kids, never wanted kids, never had kids. In my mid-50s now, and newly self-diagnosed. A lot of this resonates.

[@JDMimeTHEFIRST]

It angers me that if I were male, I would very likely have been diagnosed at the age of 5, not 35.

[@miss_drama]

Same! 32

[@fatuusdottore]

There are men who fall through the cracks as well, and despite autism in women being more prominently recognised these days, autism remains a problem that for the most part affects men, just like other disorders/psychological issues predominantly affect women, but have men who fall through the cracks or are misdiagnosed (for instance, BPD famously affecting mostly women, but there are men with BPD as well who get erroneously misdiagnosed with ASPD due to some of the destructive behaviour of BPD, but because they’re men, they’re painted in a more negative light. Likewise, there are a lot of women who are ASPD, but were misdiagnosed as BPD/something else that isn’t as stigmatising due to society being more sympathetic towards women.) Mistakes happen and the field is evolving.

[@annajansson7906]

I was diagnosed last year at age 48.

[@junebugg045]

My boyfriend was diagnosed at 22 I think.

[@PaulA-fp3vs]

I am a guy and I recently my diagnosis at age 28.

[@marceasusanna7749]

I was diagnosed at 70. I was told girls weren't autistic, just boys, so I couldn't be. I always felt "something was wrong with me". I have been in therapy since age 17. For years, I was misdiagnosed. I love cats, but I never babysat as a kid. No interest. I taught myself to act " normal". I wrote down how to act in different situations and then I would memorize how to act "normally".I need to stop cuz I'm getting overwhelmed by the memories of how badly people treated me all my life, even my own family. Need to stop.

[@Sarteth]

I love how straightforward Barb is. She wasn't shying away from the fact that the medical community is still not looking at the basics and too easily fooled by the masking when it comes to women.

[@recoveringsoul755]

I'm sad to hear that because it makes me afraid to try to get diagnosed

[@waterdragon5418]

Yes, don't worry, they'll just misdiagnose you, put u on wrong meds as a result.....

[@recoveringsoul755]

@@waterdragon5418 well I won't be willing to take the wrong meds

[@sotis1190]

L AUTISM

[@recoveringsoul755]

@@sotis1190 why aren't the replies showing?

[@UltimateValentine]

I'm 27, recently officially diagnosed. Neurotypicals will never understand how validating and how much of a relief it is to have that feeling of "it's not just me". I lived my entire life thinking that I was just "different" and "messed up"; that I would never find somewhere to fit in, and eventually- after *years* of severe depression- I had just come to accept that and have become so jaded as a result of it. Now after being diagnosed, I'm having to reevaluate... basically everything I've ever thought and believed. It's extremely difficult, but I'm getting help with it in bi-weekly therapy.

[@JDMimeTHEFIRST]

The problem is neurotypicals will still treat you badly and discriminate because it’s invisible diversity. Even many KZbin videos have neurotypicals generalizing and saying all of us are self centered and have no empathy which isn’t true. We don’t express emotions the same way, but actually feel them much more intensely. So THEY are actually less feeling and self centered but come across as having more empathy even though they actually feel less. It’s almost infuriating. We are the opposite of sociopaths yet are treated like we are the scum of the earth. It’s just not fair that actual sociopaths are popular because they can blend and manipulate people.

[@wscarborough3472]

@@JDMimeTHEFIRST Man, you sure nailed that one down. Tight. Good EyE!

[@EPK12549]

Well stated. That is exactly how I feel. Thank you.

[@TheFpskiller]

@@JDMimeTHEFIRST thx 4 saying this! its true

[@marceasusanna7749]

Yes!

[@hisnewlife3543]

Thank you for including women, Paul. It really helps me a lot as I am a woman.

[@novastariha8043]

Me too👍

[@ShadowNTheWillow]

Same. I was diagnosed yesterday and am reeling in shock. It was either that or ASPD. More confused atm.

[@Kriszee4]

I'm almost ready to go see if I'm on the spectrum...there's no other explanation for how I am.

[@whalecoastartwineroute8154]

Yes, thank you very much for this post regarding woman. Please post more 🙏😊

[@mwilliamson4198]

Do you have an official diagnosis?

[@Authentistic-ism]

There needs to be more research on adult women on the spectrum being victims of certain types of abuse. I believe there is an alarming prevalence.

[@aubreyiris1479]

So true. I have been with physically, sexually and emotionally abusive men. I used to be very trusting so I attracted predators. I had a hard time leaving because of low self esteem, low ability to survive in the world (financially and emotionally) alone and little to no emotional support system.

[@tracydanneo]

Bullying and abuse in the workplace has been a problem for me.

[@solitairerivera1626]

Yes, i can attest to this.

[@adjjal]

This is so true to a crazy degree if you look into the limited statistics there are its very disturbing and sad

[@skathwoelya2935]

I thought I'd finally be safe on a retirement scheme but find that old people are probably more vicious to Aspies than any other age group.

[@alexstornello3180]

I'm so glad you're talking about autism in women. Discovering what autism really is has completely changed my life and I have my evaluation on July 1st.

[@Call-me-Al]

Same

[@user-jy1bc3gw2q]

I was just diagnosed about 5 weeks ago, because of a girl on TikTok. My entire life has changed so dramatically now that I know what things about myself I don't have to apologize for, and that I'm not broken.

[@zahra71908]

That’s awesome!! How did it go? I hope they treated you well. Is this the first time your examined? We often need to fight hard to be seen, acknowledged and diagnosed even if it’s extremely obvious. Very hurtful. I’ve struggled massively until pretty much now finally they start to give a crap. Yeah, ehm what I think I wanted to say is, in case it didn’t go the first time (which statistically rarely is the case) you’re not alone. I find comfort and loads of help/support myself in the autistic community, thankfully working as an anecdote ♥️ I hope it went well, if it didn’t don’t sign it and ask for a 2nd opinion. Be “annoying” and try not to care about their reactions. That’s my best advice. Unless ofc you were lucky and already can get all the support you deserve!! - In that case congratulations 🥳👏♥️

[@s.devries2644]

Hey Alexandra Brown, how did it go?

[@kathrynkenyon785]

Hi Alex, can you tell me what kind of evaluation it is? Does it have a name? I've just begun looking into this for myself and have taken 2 on line tests that I scored very high on. I understand if you prefer not to answer.

[@SydMountaineer]

Even though women show autism differently, there's still a gender bias problem with being diagnosed, like with many other health issues. Women are very often misdiagnosed when it comes to cardiac problems, many when they are actively having heart attacks, this is a real issue that is very well known, yet it still exists - it's so prevalent that there are websites and organizations dedicated to this issue.

[@andreabuntpercy]

Helpful! At 73, my energy is waning, so I'm becoming less able to camouflage myself enough to almost fit in. It's good to recognize for the first time what's going on. Painful sometimes, but good.

[@Lauren-rq4xt]

The touch part 😆 I HATE it if someone touches my arm or hand ...but like hugs

[@Ladyjojo695]

Me too that whole personal space thing is difficult for me.

[@KM-yw3ft]

I feel weird when anyone touches me, except my partner. Even when my mum hugs me it's uncomfortable 😕

[@ginablanshard8255]

such a relief to hear...having discovered what I am, at 70

[@zeezeetime888]

I’m almost 50 and I know this is me too

[@foxfirelabradors5939]

I’m 66 and was diagnosed at 61. It’s life changing to finally have that diagnosis.

[@skhafijurrahaman9204]

Sssssseventy.

[@e.l.2734]

We're only a few decades apart, but the thing is, to me personally, the struggle seems to get progressively more intense with age, in a way that I really don't know that I could go another five years like this without at least being able to give it a name, which makes me think the discovery must have blown your mind! And I'm happy for you. God bless!

[@withgoddess8029]

I'm 70 as well Gina. I only realized in my early 60's that I'm severely dyslexic and 3 years ago that I have Aspergers. I still am still having AHA moments. I always knew there was something wrong with my father and 2 sons. When I realised I am it took a while for me to know they are. XoXo

[@mariawesley7583]

Please address the huge problem for women on the spectrum: potential date rape. If I smile at a man he thinks I'm interested, especially if we've just had an animated conversation about mutual interests. I tend to have interests that are typically male: collecting vinyl, "Fight Club", going to hard core shows. Sometimes I don't realize that if a male acquaintance asks me over I've just consented to sex. I've been darn lucky. Oh, and if someone asks you to "Netflix and chill" that doesn't mean what you think it means.

[@user-qr4sw2jq4i]

You being invited over and agreeing is not consenting to sex. Been in that situation. He tried. I shut it down. He didnt get any and took me home. But he doesnt have consent.

[@ChronosQ]

I always set clear boundaries before I go over like "I'm not going to have sex with you, do you still want me to come over?" - You get to see peoples true intentions (it scares them away if they only want sex, or shows they don't respect you if they try cross the boundary) and clearly states you do not consent

[@puttervids472]

I’m in your camp as far as social cues. I’m absolutely not neurotypical . But. You have to realize that you can just “ use your words “ and say “ I’m on the spectrum , I don’t do social cues , so don’t get the wrong idea. If we haven’t discussed it verbally , then it’s not ok “. But I’d guess that as a women that also “ kills the mood “ to have to speak about it. So the poor guy has no clue how to act around you. But using “ date rape “ to describe a social misunderstanding is irresponsible. Rape is being held down. And saying no. Smiling at a guy , accepting his polite invitation and advances , and then completing the act , isn’t rape. It may be regret. But it’s not rape.

[@ecwm]

@@puttervids472 Fight-flight-freeze often comes out as FREEZE for women in these situations. Rape is NOT being held down. She should be having so much pleasure she is begging for more or it better STOP!

[@puttervids472]

@@ecwm I’m not going to argue with you really. Mostly because it’s a non starter. I know I can’t be heard or taken seriously. But I must point out the mixed messages that men of all neurological stations must endure from women. “ equality” and “ girl power “ is literally shoved in our faces 24/7. My saying what I said is offering equality. This is 100 % how men treat each other. I read these contradictions ( and I can name more ) as hypocrisy that my poor brain has a very hard time computing . Please don’t take that as a guy who ever wishes to force himself on anyone either physically or socially. But as a guy who literally wants to scream because I can’t read anyones blanking mind , and yet can spot differences , and deficiencies that I’m not socially allowed to point out. I think critical mass for this hypocrisy is eminently approaching. It can’t be both “ girl power “ and “ don’t pick on weaker people “. Can it ? Can’t be “ believe her “ and “ read her mind “. Can it ?

[@junenye]

I'm not sure whether I have Aspergers. But I did these in my childhood: -Mimicking other children's actions -Hoarding stationery (I still hoard) -Very keen about music -Hard making friends -Shyness Anyone else?

[@joycebrewer4150]

Oh, yes!!!

[@anitacrumbly]

hell that's still me lol

[@raquelbuchanan7958]

When it comes to non-verbal I notice that I use a lot of hand gestures and body movements, very physically expressive. Also, non verbally I talk in a lot of different voices and imitate the voice of others when I am describing interactions to others.

[@noctoi]

Oooh I do that too, I'm constantly told I have "expressive hands". The accidental mimicking of accents and speech patterns has gotten me in trouble a few times... While most people find it inexplicably comforting (like I'm really "understanding" them) some people think I'm trying to trick them with my accent. I'm absolutely not, I don't even realise I'm doing it.

[@milkyoni]

That's not autism

[@noctoi]

@@milkyoni You mean the hand gestures? It may not be "your" style of stimming or masking (dependant on why the action is being done), but I'm sorry you don't get to say it's not ours. I learned very young to compensate my discomfort for looking ppl in the eye with hand movements and other body language. Not every person exhibits 'hollywood textbook' symptoms. It's practically become a compulsion to do this by my 40's. As to the accents... it absolutely IS a marker of autism.

[@skathwoelya2935]

@@noctoi It's definitely part of mine. I have to be careful not to imitate other people's accents - and often do by mistake. A useful spin-off is that it is great help when learning languages.

[@joycebrewer4150]

@@skathwoelya2935 lol, wish I'd had that attribute in high school German class. I came close to flunking that class.

[@ToomieC]

She was pretty spot on describing me for 25 min. I’m a newly self diagnosed 35 yr old female. Listening to others like this is so validating.

[@zahra71908]

I was in my 30’s too! I felt/feel exactly the same. About communitys and hearing others, have you heard the not neurotypical podcast? I love that one and also joined the host’s community finding so much joy, comfort and support there, such a relief!! Truly changed things for me 🥰♥️

[@johnna123]

I’m self- diagnosed too because I’m 42 and no doctors out there know much about adults with ASD and they don’t want to evaluate them without extensive costs! My daughter was diagnosed with ASD at age 2 AND confirmed again at age 3- which led me to realize I am also on the spectrum as well as I have similar symptoms and learned to majorly mask them over my decades. I am sort of opposite of her though- she holds it together at school and has the meltdowns at home as said in this interview- but I was that “quiet girl” in school and I basically hid away from as much as possible due to fear of anxiety and what I didn’t know back then was ASD. I was too afraid to ask for help and I pretended to be just fine. So I floated under the radar for my entire life and it has had disastrous results in my later adult life and has exacerbated comorbid conditions that I struggle with every day. Thank you for pointing out what we, as adults, struggle with and we don’t have the resources available to us as children do in today’s world. I was also the tomboy girl and seemed to relate better with them (maybe because there was less judgement), and I couldn’t handle being late to class and being stared at- If I was late I wouldn’t go. I couldn’t do any speeches in front of class and I feared being called on to do something in class, I battled vestibular dysfunction (as does my daughter too) and sensory issues (like my daughter too). I kept my friend list small and eventually I masked my fears and struggles and used them to be a “giving” person which helped me with the social anxiety issues but there was always someone with me. I wear the same type of clothes- I hate wearing bras and I can only wear certain undergarments. Jeans and T shirts are my go-to clothing types- or gym shorts. Loud noises trigger me badly and I can’t handle it. There’s so much more!

[@ToomieC]

Johnna Wow. You are me. And I am you. I wish I had resources too growing up. I’d like to show your response to my hubs as this is all new to him too and it’s been a real struggle finding all this out about myself now.. only a few months into our marriage! It’s been eye opening. Thanks for sharing all that about yourself.. it’s really validating and it helps to further unmask.

[@gabbykitty5318]

I'm 42 and self-diagnosed 10ish years ago. I finally got someone to listen to me and begin testing in 2 months

[@fatuusdottore]

Self-diagnosis isn’t a real diagnosis. Go see a psychiatrist to confirm.

[@ndjubilant8391]

I am a woman. I cannot stand social chitchat. I prefer guys as friends. I enjoy intellectual, philosophical talks and fixing things.

[@marieholmes6480]

I got cured with Dr iyaremoses herbal medicine on youtube#driyaremoses

[@lyndacrossland8982]

64 and just diagnosed ☺️ I could not be happier, now my life makes sense....

[@Bassbarbie]

I'm in my 60s and believe I am probably autistic. Does it help to have an official diagnosis at this age?... hope you don't mind me asking. Just watching these videos has helped me understand so much about myself.

[@Iamlynie1]

@@Bassbarbie hi, it was the best thing I did. I would totally recommend an official diagnosis if you can get one. I have learnt so much about myself and understand a lot more about me and my life. Go for it ☺️❤️

[@Bassbarbie]

@@Iamlynie1 Thank you :)

[@Iamlynie1]

@@Bassbarbie you are welcome ❤️

[@stacyhomer4617]

I was talking to a counselor in high school one day about my issues with connecting with others and he suggested that maybe it might be Aspergers (this was back in 2007 when they referred to it separately from autism) but when my mom found out that I went to talk to someone she yelled at me called me and idiot and that I’d ruin my chances of getting in the Navy, so nothing came of it because I never went back and never got screened or anything. I’ve finally decided to get in touch with the autism clinic in Seattle, so now I’ll know for sure whether I have autism or just basic social anxiety.

[@seitanbeatsyourmeat666]

Being autistic in the USN is a plus, as me how I know 😉

[@acex8124]

This is Mrs. Ace X. Some mothers lack motherly skills. Maybe she has autism. You were couragous talking to the councelor at school. Keep being you, for I am sure that you are special, seeking knowledge to help understand yourself more, and what might help your possible autism coping skills. You are far from being alone. Maybe I lean towards autism. My 2 sons are grown. I believe that they both are on the spectrum. One recently was told that he should be tested. It was his therapist that told him so..., but his brothers asperger symptoms are much more profound than his. I talked to his pediatrician, who was not sure and did not want the LABEL to follow him all of his life.Then at 5 years old a school psycholigist tested him and said that he was not autistic. I had not heard of aspergers at this point. I had become an L.P.N.back in the 80's. Aspergers was never mentioned, but I did see some SIGNS of autism. Years later a psychologist told me that aspergers was mostly overlooked. 10 years ago I told my son(who had studied child psyclology) that I believed that he has aspergers. He instantly was very angry and said that he did not have it, and that he would have been diagnosed as a child, if he had it.. That conversation was OVER.

[@alwachart]

But did you get into the Navy?

[@EMILYHERRERA]

Did you go to the Seattle clinic?

[@marthamurphy3913]

Did you get into the Navy? And, if so, how did it go? I've read there are lots of autistic people in military service and I wonder how they handle basic training. It seems like it would be really stressful.

[@Lauren-rq4xt]

I have no desire to be a human mother but I rehabilitate Wildlife. I love animals. One convenient thing about baby animals is that they grow fast and you have a break after a few weeks when they are independent 😅

[@Elizarge]

Wow... I am the same way. I was denied a diagnosis in March. I was a Tom boy, I wouldn’t play with Barbies socially but I would position them and make furniture for them and no one could play with me. I had a trampoline and spent hours learning how to flip and once jumped off my roof onto it. Fearless but very accident prone.

[@s.devries2644]

Why denied? How awful, hope you get a diagnosis elsewhere.

[@rainbird2372]

Omg this sounds so much like me and I never really thought this wasn’t normal but now I’m really wondering if I should go see a psychologist 🤔

[@PurpleRhymesWithOrange]

A large part of why I wasn't diagnosed autistic until after I was 40 was that I did not fit the typical profile. After I learned about the difference between boys and girls with autism I found the problem was I did not fit the typical MALE profile but was pretty much dead on for how it is normally seen in girls.

[@veronicagorosito187]

Me too, being myself a transwoman, not fitting in the male group makes me get mad at doctors not ''see'' me, in front of their noses. I fit in the female group but their biases are stronger...

[@michellem4287]

I was in my late 40s when I was diagnosed and I had no idea my quirks were actually Aspergers! I made straight A's in school so I was told there was nothing wrong with me even though I can't handle money and spent my life being a chameleon. but never quite feeling like I fit in. The diagnosis changed the way I see and treat myself! Now I work with it. Small chat is physically painful. Textures and weights are so crucial. I love people but they exhaust me. Half of my family refuses to acknowledge any of my problems saying I'm too smart even though my cousin has full blown Autism. Thank you for the validation!

[@dainazoc6862]

I could never fit in a group of neurotypical women, being a woman myself. I find it easier with men. I don’t think I ever got the social codes for “typical” women. XD

[@JB-hj2vj]

This is true. It's hard as a gay woman - you feel very on the outer.

[@fatuusdottore]

Same. And people think it’s a superiority/“not like other girls” thing, when it’s expressing the divide that we feel exists, and tbh in some cases wish that didn’t exist.

[@fatuusdottore]

J B Biromantic here, and yeah. I mostly date men for that reason.

[@BarbaraMerryGeng]

I don’t even identify with women / although I’m not gay

[@sweettomatosauce5503]

I used to be like that when I was younger, I didn't fit in with the girls and was mostly with the boys, so while growing up I stop trying to "fit in" and I started to try to understand other females, which is already hard because of the autism, so whenever I was with another girls I asked questions about themselves (interests, feelings, opinions, etc) and I listened carefuly. This not only helped me see thing from their perspective, but also to create bonds with other girls, since they often looked for me to talk when they have a conflict and needed to be listened.

[@Mrs.Silversmith]

I am also a female Aspie raised by a mom with Aspergers. I definitely think that having a parent who understood me (even though neither of us were diagnosed) and gave me the right kinds of support made a big difference in how I was able to cope growing up. God bless my mom!

[@cbburg37]

Of what I can remember, I can see that my mom helped me SO much!

[@pendafen7405]

Imo the same-sex element helps in this scenario. E.g. I'm a diagnosed low-needs autistic woman who has a father who clearly is the same (albeit unofficially, he doesn't believe in diagnosis/Doctors/labels), and while we have a lot in common, we do not see eye-to-eye very much and have a lot of interpersonal issues or communication breakdowns. My NT Mom & sister have been my greatest most important support and guide in life.

[@kayshaffer1842]

I really like to wear the same clothes day after day. Could wear the same clothes for weeks without changing. Does that sound familiar? Also hate tight waistlines .

[@ineskowal9240]

Same here!!

[@therockinghousewife4241]

I have to wear baggy clothes I'm small but I can't stand woman clothes even if I go + side It just feels odd to me.

[@maylissbjerke9204]

I love the feel of hold-in ,as it tightens just right all around. I cant stand the tights with small waist band,making the fat bulge out on top or bottom of the band.soo uncomfortable..🤯... im wearing holdin and a baggy long sweather . I cant stand feeling my thighs rubbing together or feeling fat wobbling as i walk ..so hold ins..got to have it

[@waterdragon5418]

Yes but I set out a few outfits n rotate them. Seems like a waste of energy to pick an outfit daily.

[@AmandaPufpaff]

Oh Lord when I find my favorite sweater that comfy and cozy, watch out, I’ll wear it days in a row. I always change socks and underwear, and clothes if they’ve been soiled or have perspiration, but if jeans or comfy tops I find just make me feel so comfortable, then yes I will wear it days in a row.

[@EricMeatlikeaking]

Oh she is the editor of Spectrum Women Magazine. Why have I never heard about this before? Thank you for sharing your info.

[@EricMeatlikeaking]

Good news. I got a job interview!!! and i am getting my videos monetized!!!

[@terranovarubacha5473]

I don't meltdown, I shutdown. I'm hoping you have a video about that, I'd like to show this video to my father but he'll just point to the meltdowns and say I don't have autism. He may also cling to the bouncing. I hope I can find something that explains that we don't all present in the same way

[@terranovarubacha5473]

@@BaxstabberzZ Thank you for your indepth reply and sorry didn't see it until now. I've decided it doesn't really matter if anyone believes me. The concentration or traits is a great tip. I came across it somewhere else and have been using it to good effect.

[@AmaKOws]

Shutdown is a symtone too!

[@loreanrivera9895]

Same. I mask completely until I have the opportunity to shutdown

[@RatsPicklesandMusic]

I also don't meltdown, but shutdown.

[@SuperPeppi]

@@loreanrivera9895 Me too! But if I have to wait, the shutdown lasts longer... I mean days. And the recovery is slower. Do you see any difference in yours?

[@jeremyhannah58]

I also am on the spectrum with ADHD I had never felt I had found my place until I had my daughter. I love being a mother.

[@erins4183]

Learned to mask from a very young age with my family. Battled through so many things alone which just added to my trauma and c-ptsd as I became an adult 😢 I’m only now coming to terms with the fact that I’m on the Spectrum. I have 3 ASD kids and am in my 40’s. It’s been such a hard and confusing life so far but I’m finally getting the help and support I’ve always needed.

[@Leena79]

I was recently diagnosed, and hearing these examples of other people's lives is so fascinating. It took me 40 years to get diagnosed, and I can't help but think that if these videos had existed when I was a teenager, my life and all my problems would have been a lot easier to understand.

[@JoseMeeusen]

The main thing is that after the diagnosis you understand yourself better!!! I discovered that I have Aspergers at the age of 70! In the beginning I thought the same as you, "what if...if I'd known it before... looking back that way only gave me frustrations. The positive thing is that a better understanding of myself means I can be less hard to myself because I'm different and seem not to be able to be as others want or expect me to be. In the first place we are human beings and bear in mind that all people have their good qualities and things they struggle with.

[@Leena79]

@@JoseMeeusen Your words are very true! I've felt so guilty for not being able to fit in and do things most people seem to find easy. The need to understand why I struggle pushed me to dig deeper, and everything clicked when I read more about ASD. I may still struggle with understanding other people, and I always will, but at least I understand myself now, and it feels like a weight being lifted off my chest.

[@JoseMeeusen]

@@Leena79 Good to hear that. Now you know the cause of the struggle you're going to recognise where the "problems " arise and you will learn how to (re-)act. Your life will be a lot lighter in all senses!!! 👍❤☺

[@fatuusdottore]

I think that’s generally an issue for older people, including men (who may be overdiagnosed and falsely stigmatised as autistic when they’re not, which carries its own set of problems and can be as devastating as underdiagnosis.) I’m glad to hear you’ve gotten your diagnosis. The field is evolving and I think we should be grateful that awareness re: autism in women is growing. I was diagnosed as a teen and can’t really relate to the people who say it took them until their 20s and 30s to get a diagnosis. But then again, I relate a lot more to autism as it is described in men than in women (and more to men than women generally.) I also have I guess a pretty moderate case, whereas a lot of the women who fly under the radar don’t really have severe cases (hence being able to hide it in the first place.)

[@fatuusdottore]

Leena Were you diagnosed? Or did you just read a few things and come to a conclusion of your own volition? Because being professionally diagnosed is pretty important. There are many other disorders/issues that share symptomology with ASD.

[@recreate21]

I could never do eye contact. Never realised people actually look each other in the eye. I look at the mouth. Thought it was bcoz i had high myopia. But now i see i do have much of the mild autism traits.

[@mrsdahmer8]

I always look at the mouth too but, I think the reason I choose to focus my gaze there (instead of the wall like I do when I'm the one speaking) is cuz my hearing is really bad and, I'll tell ya, I never realized just how much I relied on lip reading until everyone started wearing masks 😷( just what I needed, one MORE thing to make communication difficult for me 😰) cuz now I'm always having to ask everyone to repeat themselves over and over, so embarrassing and frustrating for everyone! 😕

[@e.l.2734]

@@mrsdahmer8 Dude, I'm exactly the same, just rambled on about this to someone the other day lol. Such a high cost, the reward is rarely appealing enough, so I just shut in.

[@sayusayme7729]

So hard with Covid ugh 😩

[@ItsJJ1444]

I am a male, diagnosed at 23. But I relate to nearly all of the female traits over the male ones. It’s not really spoke about... But i have high suspicions now (because of my own life) That there’s a sector of Autistic males with female traits, who are completely overlooked because we don’t fit into either category.

[@withgoddess8029]

This woman is amazing. She described things I could never understand about myself. Clothing ... I have 15 tops and 15 bottoms to wear.. IDENTICAL. I can't understand what people are saying when I look at their face. I prefer emails or phone. Most foods I find repulsive and only eat a few. I have almost torn my hair out when it touches me. I wear it up ALL the time. So helpful to know I'm not alone. I loathe chit chat and aimless joking about.

[@angryotter9129]

I too absolutely despise the feeling of my hair touching my face. I have shaved my head on multiple occasions. I am currently letting my hair grow out again for the first time in five years and I’m not sure how much longer I will last.

[@mariawesley7583]

I pull my hair back tight, especially when I work. I've been told that leaving tendrils to frame my face would be much more attractive, but that defeats the purpose of putting my hair back.

[@kacichristian]

I wear my hair in a super short “pixie” cut, and I’ve shaved it off a few times.

[@Rin-um5px]

I shaved half (the sides and part of the back) and it helps a lot

[@Ami_E_Bowen]

I have always worn a headband and have my hair pulled back into a braid. When sleeping I have to have my braid up over the pillow behind me so it doesn't touch my neck or face.

[@RatsPicklesandMusic]

YES! when my hair was long I ALWAYS kept it in as tight a ponytail as possible! No bangs, no side tendrils either. I FINALLY recently cut it short and it feels so much better!

[@ley1029]

I haven't gotten a screening yet but this is spot on. Even down to the way her voice shakes when she talks, I do the same when I am giving a presentation.

[@junenye]

Me too

[@rebecca5279]

I'm a woman who was diagnosed at age 45 as "high on the autistic spectrum" and I'm from the US. I was hospitalized & diagnosed decades ago with Major Depression, OCD, & anxiety, and have taken medication for that long as well. And some of the above came out from a diagnosis of having an eating disorder in 1992! I've really struggled as there's never a time I don't feel cut off & locked away; having had no real sense of identity. The way I usually deal with things, now more than ever, is by shutting down, avoidance. I have believed I'm trapped in a world & society that over the years, I've increasingly felt distant from; especially while getting older & since my 2017 autism diagnosis. I don't know what to do with this. I don't want to use or "put on" this diagnosis to define who I am, but I have anyway, and in so many ways it explains my behavior since I was a wee little kid, even possibly since babyhood! This huge sense of a widening abyss from the social world of people is more pronounced where I live. No real treatment or help...and probably not as good for awareness/and options to deal with autism as there might be in other states. Financially also very limited, poor. But the upside is that I live in a state with alot of nature & wildlife, but not too many people! Thank you for doing this channel & the work you do for this disorder!

[@ImaginarySusan]

Hi Rebecca, I could have written your post! Everything you mentioned resonates with me, having been diagnosed (and in treatment for 20 years) with Depression, adhd, bi-polar and anxiety. I have also adapted well (by now...I am 55) to all the skills I have developed to work with my quirks and mask my symptoms. What I want to know is, ... What now? What next? Of course, I feel better about myself having a defined reason...a diagnosis, but where do we go from here?

[@miguelmejia4656]

@@ImaginarySusan you enjoy life. thats what you do. when I conquered my anxiety and panic attacks, I lived life to the fullest. going on trips, drinking with buddies and having a blast. start living a little with your new found freedom.

[@ImaginarySusan]

@@miguelmejia4656 thankyou Miguel! I had forgotten about making this comment and appreciate your reply. I have a new-found enthusiasm for taking your advice. Keep o trying!

[@ellied9243]

This describes me to a T. Now that I have a daughter on the spectrum, I began to see I was a lot more comfortable around her and able to be my authentic self than other people my own age and now I understand what I’ve been dealing with my entire life!

[@reginox3]

Loved hearing from Barb. I was diagnosed as bipolar as well but the doctors had a really hard time pinpointing which type I was, they kept making up weird adjective like multi-polar and fluctuating mood disorder. It got a little ridiculous. Finally, I found a doctor who actually listened to me and READ the 2 page write up about my traumatic past. Whew! 30 years of meds that made it so hard to work let alone have friends is a long time. What was worse is that I had to lie and agree with the bipolar diagnosis or I would be forced to take even stronger meds. It is over but I lost so much time and so much of myself. I also identified with many of traits presented. Thank you.

[@Bassbarbie]

That is sad. I do hope you can flourish now

[@EMILYHERRERA]

I wish we had actual data on how often this happens. So many of us have the same experiences, even the diagnoses.

[@cristinaroe2166]

I have not been diagnosed yet but am pretty sure I fit. I agree with everything my sisters on the spectrum have said. Receiving a diagnosis as a woman is SOOOOO difficult. They've diagnosed me as borderline which I never really agreed with, even though, naturally I've had a lot of trauma in my life. I think it's interesting that so many of us have been described as tomboys . In my case, it felt safer as a young lady to hang out with men than my female peers that I seemed to have little in common with. What that results in is total confusion, frustration and heartbreak in romantic relationships as neurotypical men don't get who we are and they can be really brutal in the way they respond to anything that's an unknown quantity. The major difference I believe between men and women on the spectrum is that women are under much greater pressure than men to mask. This is really stressful. I love your videos Paul and your clarity. Please keep up the good work.

[@hugoluna5319]

. 1 - YOU CAN'T FORCE YOURSELF TO BE AUTISTIC 2 - WHY NEUROTIPYCAL MEN ? WHY NOT AUTISTIC MEN ? or are they losers or creepy ? 3 - YOU CAN SPOT A AUTISTIC PERSON BECAUSE OF THEIR PERSONALITY THEY DONT MASK OR PRETEND 😫

[@kimberlymoore8172]

There's a lot of overlap with borderline and female Asperger's.

[@cbburg37]

I have been a tomboy all my life, too!

[@veronicagorosito187]

Same story here, diagnosed with BPD and now figuring out I'm on the spectrum at 48.

[@impalaman9707]

For the first 30 years of my life, I was just plain "weird" until someone finally diagnosed my lifelong "weirdness" as Asperger's!

[@hisnewlife3543]

I have an eating disorder, too! I just thought it was how I dealt with pressure and stress. I didn’t know it might be related to my autism.

[@Dancestar1981]

It can be a common comorbidity of being on the spectrum

[@turtleanton6539]

​@@Dancestar1981yes😊😊

[@julierauthshaw8556]

Thank you! This is great! The part about babies and cats is right on! My husband and I got married at age 49 and 51, respectively, after 17 years of cohabitation. Routine? You tell me. And the sounds and smells; oh, my goodness! At my work, they have a bell on my table for customers to ring when I have stepped away to do another project. One ring is more than sufficient, but 3 or 5 or 7 is enraging! And some of these customers are within 10 feet of me, and could merely say, "excuse me.." the smells of men snd women who wear "power perfumes" that probably make them feel confident makes me want to run away, and there are times that I have had to excuse myself and run to the restroom to escape. Again, thank you so much!

[@drsmbrownlee]

OMG, cats are on the autism spectrum! Why cats are better than kids. Thank you, and I love it. And thank you for representing women on the neurodivergent spectrum. Sooooo misunderstood and underrepresented. (And as an ADHD woman, I've also been diagnosed in the past with Bipolar disorder, depression, borderline personality disorder, and social phobia.) Power and fight on!

[@AmandaPufpaff]

Children and babies are special humans just like cats. When she says she doesn’t know what to do with “it” while holding the baby, how about love “it” as you would love a cat? Just an idea. Lol

[@EMILYHERRERA]

lol we must have seen the same practitioners!

[@susankovach8927]

@@JenSell1626 Perhaps you need to explain, just as you have here. Finally I understand why someone would reject holding a baby. Because I adore babies. Perfectly logical now.

[@JoseMeeusen]

Barb and Paul, thank you ever so much for this video!!! When I discovered at the age of 70 I was angry that all therapists misdiagnosed me and promised me and gave the impression I could "cure" if I'd work hard enough. As I did, but no success. Now I know the best thing I can achieve is to accept it and make the best of it. And most importantly: not to be angry with myself anymore because I failed (it felt to me as failure).

[@deadsoon]

I'm sorry it took so long to diagnose and how you were wrongfully diagnosed so many times, but I'm also happy you found the answers finally.

[@kayshaffer1842]

Interesting to hear of your diagnosis in later years. I am 65 and like you have had a number of diagnosis. I am feeling like Asp guys but want to get a diagnosis.

[@JoseMeeusen]

Hello Kay, Of course I can only speak for myself, but getting the right diagnosis gave me peace of mind, so I can recommend it. I heard about Asperger in a tv programme and thought "that's about me!" Although I'd already decided not to go to a psycologist anymore I did. We discussed all the criteria extensively, because we couldn't talk anymore with my parents about my childhood and had to rely on my own memories. Quite an emotional journey, but I'm glad I did it.

[@fatuusdottore]

The field is evolving and your therapists did the best they could with the understanding they had. It’d be like if I got mad because ten years from now, a cure for chronic migraines was discovered. Fuck, I’d be grateful and relieved that scientific advances have made such a thing possible within my lifetime. I’m happy to hear you worked through your feelings of anger/entitlement, and have reached a place of acceptance/gratitude that you were finally given a diagnosis.

[@susankovach8927]

So this whole thing is really about understanding oneself? There is no treatment, right? I'm sure learning how others cope with a similar problem would help. I wonder if I am on the spectrum with one or 2 symptoms but maybe it's not that bad if I am, because I don't understand getting mad about misdiagnosis. Especially if you did fine in school. I have (self-diognosed) ADD. I'm 73. There were no options in my day. It was just you didn't do the work. It's your fault. Forget that there was an overwhelming baby boom at home and at school. I've become accustomed to getting by on my own without professionals. I prefer it that way. So I don't understand why the diagnosis is so important. Seems like you can do your own research & diagnose yourself. Than get support on the chats here

[@brandichaffey7557]

Within the first 3 mins I was in tears. Her description of the behavioural disorders...and the misinterpretations, so many emotions now. As Barb goes on, she’s just describing my life. I have one diagnosed ASD child. And more that have so many issues that need unravelling, looking at ASD ADHD etc. I have 9 kids, with various traits. I just want to help them, and me, feel ok in this world.

[@marieholmes6480]

I got cured with Dr iyaremoses herbal medicine on youtube#driyaremoses

[@ari3lz3pp]

I love Barb's confidence in enjoying knowing herself and knowing what she needs to be happy. I can get stuck feeling what do others need first and my boundary issues get in the way. I'm in my 30s still deliberating working for a dx, this inspires me. In my 30s trying to fixate my boundaries and knowing when I need to self-maintain and to not care what others will think if I'm in that place. I have an severe ASD child that is so different from me in some ways but also so similar in others. She's much more sensory-seeking and I think I was as a child but overall I'm less so. She also has ADHD so I think it's a part of it.

[@EMILYHERRERA]

Does your child's sensory seeking lead to lots of over-stimulation?

[@bekabell1]

I agree that so often, as adults, we might now show our particular symptoms because as adults we can accommodate ourselves and it isn't obvious. I thought for a long time that I was not a picky eater, but that was because I did all of my own cooking/food prep since I was 15. So of course I could eat anything- I only made things i could eat. But in recent years I have come to recognize that I can't eat what other people cook much of the time because it gags me.

[@rosaliadelossantos7215]

Took me 30 years to get a diagnosis, but I'm pretty sure I'd always knew I was not typical, thanks for sharing and in some make me feel "not so alone and special"!

[@s.devries2644]

How did you get your diagnosis after 30 years? Did you ask for it yourself or did someone mention it to you?

[@scousemouse9715]

I've always known I'm weird. I seek the company of men because I prefer the intelligent conversations, and this can be put in a bad light by people. A room full of women terrifies me.

[@rubycubez1103]

I can understand that. For me, I notice women in groups tend to have a secret language with each other. When I speak, they usually glance at each other in that way.

[@island661]

I'm not an Aspie, but I can relate. 🤣

[@uyoebyik]

I can totally relate to that

[@claire9547]

Like Barb I found out late (diagnosed at 53 ) , I lost two children, it was when I found out how much of the spectrum is in my family 20 years ago that I started realising I had traits! I can totally relate to everything she said! Thank you for this!

[@Ladyjojo695]

How did you ask for evaluation? I’m 53 and too frightened to ask. My gp aren’t helpful

[@claire9547]

@@Ladyjojo695 it took me years! And several doctors!

[@karolpartridge5022]

You mention losing two children ; how does this connect with your diagnosis. Losing children means what to you? leaving home early , dying, through divorce.? This is a significant thing that you bring it in to your answer

[@alohawhy]

*I am introvert and have mild autism traits.*

[@creativesolutions902]

I love listening to people talk about these things… It is nonexistent in my every day life. Even if I bring it up, people either avoid it or don’t understand it. I’ve been to tons of counselors, therapist, doctors, and nobody gets it. I wish I could find real support and real people to relate to you about my autism

[@kedithmiaff]

A female friend of mine had confessed in our 4th bff year that she could not look anyone in the eye & not to look awkward she was looking at the tip of our noses. We were surprised how we could not tell, she kinda hacked the eye contact system with our noses!

[@deathandcats]

I have a tendency to watch peoples mouths as they talk because it helps me work out both what they are saying and what it means.

[@joyandrus1717]

I look at the forehead between the eyebrows and read lips alot. I don't think anyone has noticed

[@anitacrumbly]

I look at peoples' mouths

[@veeyester9300]

This video was a real eye opener as I'm learning to trust my instincts when it comes to who people are. I spend so much time ruminating after interactions trying to decode it. I act out different people so much that I've been able to find my true self and see people for who they truly are. Learning to self protect is a full time job 😅❤

[@thenobleone-3384]

Workplace can be difficult to function sometimes. Workplace is competitive so u can't trust your coworkers.

[@simoneamelia202]

Thanks Barb, relating to everything you're saying, except for the no fear. I was definitely afraid of Everything

[@Mongo-ui1ll]

Me too

[@stillToxed2loss]

As a young person I was unafraid. Did all kinds of daring, adventurous things. In my late 30s I got pesticide poisoned. My EI was coincidentally an ASD Specialist. While waiting for an apt I picked up a brochure and went, "Hey, this is my husband!" Further researched and said, "Hey, this is me!!" My EI confirmed both. As my pesticide poisoning progressed I became exquisitly vulnerable, hyper-sensitive. Now, I have so much fear. I struggle with anxiety constantly.

[@Dancestar1981]

@@Mongo-ui1ll so was I still am

[@charlottewalkington4565]

Everything you've said screams me, my mum and all of my close friends agree that I'm more than likely autistic, its just about getting a diagnosis. I'm a 16 year old girl and I've always felt a bit different to the other girls and it has all started to make sense as I've looked more into autism. Thank you for the video, it is a huge, huge help🙂 Edit: from the ages 5 to 13 I collected Sylvanian Families, nobody was allowed to touch them or move them from their places, this explains a lot...

[@joycebrewer4150]

My collection was used stamps that had colorful pictures on them. We couldn't afford for me to collect pristine, limited edition stamps.

[@rafa-kt5br]

it's good that she mentioned ed's and control in autistic people. im suspecting that im on the spectrum and also i was diagnosed with anorexia. this makes so much sense to me now

[@Codylane84]

Wow! I can relate so well to Barb. So glad she was on your channel to speak!!!

[@chicane7752]

In a parents’ group for parenting autistic children, the more I researched about ASD, the more it made sense to me and the way I thought. When I felt comfortable enough to say, “This makes so much sense. I think I’m autistic,” I was immediately met with “I don’t see it,” “I don’t think so,” “No, you’re too well adjusted,” to which I replied, “Well we are on Zoom so you only see what I let you see in these meetings…” I have four children and a spouse on the spectrum, and yet there was “no way” I could be.

[@douglasusrey]

Jesus loves you!!!!!!!!

[@NollTheBard]

I am a gay man and I strongly identify with signs of autism in women. I’m also relatively effeminate so my guess is I learned to mask from the women in my life the same way I learned most other things related to my behaviour. My stims are quite subtle or things that are expected of women of flamboyant men (tapping my foot, crossing my fingers and toes, playing with my hair and beard, humming/singing) and I do fine/cope in most social interactions, but I need hella time to recharge afterwards. And I do plays and musicals so I’m a pretty good actor if I do say so myself 💁 Does anyone relate?

[@krissyk9767]

Yes i do think we learn how to act from other people in our lives. Whenever i have to talk to people in shops I find myself trying to act how my mum does! Probably because she is very sociable and friendly and i used to go shopping with her when i was younger - so now i try to "act" like her in the same situation because i dont know how else to act and she is perceived as "normal."

[@ItsJJ1444]

I relate to this. But identify thing you’re speaking of. I’m straight though. I get a lot of shit for being crap at being a man. But my parents split when i was young. And i grew up with my mum. After years gone by, i do now suspect that i learnt and mimicked her behaviours. And then when school started, it didn’t stop. And i found myself only hanging out with girls. I got ticks. And my own language. It’s all very messy, my life.

[@zahra71908]

Ive met more than one of opposite gender who isn’t gay and display exactly like me. It’s confusing. I don’t think sexuality preference is linked honestly. I think we need to remove the gender labels from diagnosis manuals it’s stupid not to be accepted for presenting as the “wrong” gender. I’m displaying 90% or more as a male in both my ADHD and ASD traits, the last 10% is the mask and that I have several interests, works exactly the same besides they are more than one and rotate. I’ve been worried especially for men displaying as females would “feel gay” - not saying it’s bad to either be gay or feel gay. I’m aware some male ego not wanting that for some reason. As for myself as am a female who present very very male also causing me to wonder if am really female (sounds mad but it’s just.. I don’t know) . It’s just that we already seem to often question gender and our sexuality so if you’re straight and present as female that might cause unnecessary stress or questions. I personally think it’s a spectrum where gender isn’t a thing. It’s one spectrum with today only one side covered. The others are misdiagnosing, misstated or simply missed as we do not live up to the picture of that stereotypical male, in the DSM and/or even as presented in media. Seriously now, they had issues with me not liking trains.. That’s not in the DSM... I liked trains but cars more lol not that I needed to but it makes it even more annoying. They were looking for a Sheldon Cooper.. I highly relate to your perspective mate. I started masking early, currently unmasking and changing my life instead of changing me to fit my life sort of. Lots of love and encouragement your ways mate 🥰♥️

[@zahra71908]

J CK I think you sound absolutely amazing dude, you’re like the perfect combination. Is it boys/men who has a problem with that? I seriously can’t see women not wanting this in a man. Perhaps these people are just insecure themselves. We have a bit in common. I face few issues though besides the common confusion, I guess gender equality isn’t really great here to your disadvantage unfortunately that’s not surprising. Alright so, I never had a dad and ended up being I assume, a demisexual female who finds it easier to relate and be around men/boys all my life, or females who are more like that; logic and less confusing to me. I’m still a woman on the outside, mostly male inside - I don’t want to swap and become a man at all (no offense, lol). We’re fine man. Fuck the ones who say otherwise, honestly you deserve better man. I instantly respect you for who you are and so should everyone. Lastly, gender has no place in a spectrum or diagnostic manual, least of all in terms of the spectrum and conditions circling around it.

[@notabagel]

I can relate a lot to this. I think for me, it was because I was bullied a lot and so I put a lot of effort into being well liked and socially accepted. The tics you've described are so relatable holy shit.

[@235dbohac]

Haha wow, I was a gymnast at age 6 and had bought my own trampoline with allowance by age 8. Never used to make eye contact until I trained myself to a point where my bosses give me praise.. little do they know I am so focused on holding my gaze and repeating “keep looking into the pupil” I don’t register anything until a day later. My partner doesn’t understand how I can like my job so much, yet come home and just be in such a state. This was a tear jerker, thank you ❤❤

[@kerriphillips322]

I was diagnosed with Bipolar in 2007, but it didn't match me. It wasn't until 2022 that I realized I might be autistic. My son and grandson are both autistic. I believe my mom is autistic, and I believe my grandma was autistic also. I was raised by both of them, so I thought MY normal was how everybody else lived.

[@jenlovesthisstuff]

Looking forward to this, Paul.

[@johnayala2540]

I have five younger relatives that were diagnosed of autism. I became interested about it because I could very much relate with them more than I can relate with my so-called normal relatives. As I study about the condition, it was like reading a description of myself. Ever since as I can remember, I was never able to relate with people. The social anxiety and depression was overwhelming but during the 70s, kids had no voice and we were not allowed to express our innermost feelings and thoughts. We could be seen but not allowed to be heard..that was my childhood. But I learned to blend and pretend and as I get older, I became a great pretender. Not a single soul could tell that I was just pretending and I was just trying to blend. I played the part so well. But when I'm alone that's when I was and am the happiest and relaxed. I enjoy and love the company of my own thoughts. I attended an elementary reunion and that was a big mistake. Many people triggered my anxiety and depression but being a good actor that I am, I pretended to be relaxed and happy to see all my classmates. They all said that my personality became so outgoing and cheerful compared to my childhood's personality which was quiet and withdrawn. Little did they know that I was just the same person and nothing have changed. I just became a better pretender. The thought of being discovered as a fraud was so terrifying until I embraced my true self in my 50s and I learned to appreciate my uniqueness and without any pretention I can truly say that it's so good to be me because I am who I am and that's all that I am and I'm loving it. So when people ask me if I wish to be young again, I always say heck no! My youth was miserable and full of uncertainty and I was so pretentious. In my 50s I finally love, enjoy and embrace being myself. I realized that it's okay to enjoy the company of my own thoughts. It's ok to love solitude. It's ok to feel that I don't belong. It's ok to be away from crowded places and it's ok not to enjoy the bar scenes or social settings. I just wished that I was told in my youth that it was all ok and I was enough and ok to feel different from the rest. Not that I'm special or anything, but just different and that's ok.

[@rebekahnerad4900]

"speaking visually " don't ask me to explain it, either, but makes perfect sense.

[@marieholmes6480]

I got cured with Dr iyaremoses herbal medicine on youtube#driyaremoses

[@wenigerallein7540]

This is such a great video. Thanks so much, Paul and Barb; it was an absolute delight watching the two of you talk about this. Even beyond the fact that this topic is extremely important and needed, I feel like there's a lot to be learned from watching you here, Paul, about how to be a good listener! I really enjoyed the dynamic between the two of you. It made me smile and feel better about humanity ♡

[@blackdiopside5261]

This was very illuminating! Thank you both!!

[@bluecolumbine]

I can relate to a lot here one thing in particular when she mentioned touch sensitivity and needing things to be tight fitting or firm touching, I am there 100% light touches make me feel squirmy and it makes me feel very secure and comfortable the physical sensation of being ‘kept in’ tight clothes, layers, heavy blankets, hugs are great and yes the tightness but idk some can hug too strong for sure, I feel when they r doing that it’s like they’re trying to show off, nobody just hugs like that, you gotta warn a person at least!! Your halfway in and they are pulling tighter it’s like I didn’t know I was signing up for this, let’s start over so that I can be mentally prepared for a grizzly bear hug and maybe then I can enjoy it instead of being surprised and conflicted about it. And I like having things in place/order, my mom used to move my plants around (special interest-gardening) growing up, basically she just moved my stuff around regardless of what it was, it would trigger me really bad and especially when the plants are in the right spot for sun expose, etc sometimes they would get hurt or die because of it. I always asked her to not do it or tell me or ask me she would deny deny deny “I didn’t touch anything” so stuff would go lost and it would keep me in a constant state of confusion and anxiety.

[@cyclinggirl3212]

Sorry but your mother sounds like a spiteful woman. As your mother she knew exactly what set her child's anxiety off yet continued to cause deliberate unnecessary stress and upset then deny her behaviour like it gave her some inner gratification. Horrible.

[@inzaratha_superstes_guard]

The tight clothes and blankets relate. I would wear a tight belt. Now I always wear full spanks under my clothes and feel really uncomfortable without that.

[@ryanmckenna3088]

Hey, do you personify plants? My mum does that.

[@bluecolumbine]

Ryan McKenna yes and no. I don’t give them names and call them she or he like I’ve seen some people do.. but I am very interested in the meaning they embody and the stories they have to tell. For example, my username is bluecolumbine, Columbine is my favorite because I relate to it, it has always looked like a jester hat to me reminded me of the fool archetype. It also appears very delicate with the slender stems and dainty leaves when in reality it’s an alpine plant that grows in rocks and has adapted to survive harsh environments. Come to find out Columbine is a character going all the way back to 16th century France. Columbine is the skirted jester (the flower looks like a jester hat with a skirt so it fits perfect) she was a character in plays with harlequin who was the original male jester you see in the checkered clothing (because he was a servant and made his clothes from his masters scraps) Columbine was also a servant and secret lover of harlequin, she was often seen in a blue dress and a white apron, she was also referred to as the skirted jester because she was a joker and a fool just like harlequin. Because of the history and how I feel like I relate to her character it’s a special plant to me. There are more but that’s one example. I know that was a super long explanation but, you asked 😂

[@Juleesuz]

Paul and Barb: Thank you so much for doing this video. Barb, you brought up some very good information and I hope to rewatch this and take notes. I have diagnosed ADHD Inattentive type and I have often wondered if I also am on the spectrum as well. I am in the US, and I have really struggled with fitting in for many of the reasons that you have said here. It reasonated with me.

[@glasshalfsunny]

This was SO helpful to me. Thank you so much.

[@siameezerlady]

Thank you so much for this helpful conversation. I did well at school, but home was chaos. It was in the 70s, so no diagnosis for me. I'm now 65, resonating with 95% of what you're saying and sad that so much time has gone by. But not dead yet, so I'll just keep learning and living. Again, thank you. It's at least good to know I'm not alone.

[@susankovach8927]

Who'd have thought so many would be "on the spectrum"? I'm 73. Diagnosis for any disorder wasn't a reality in my time. Yet we got by. Maybe the world is so differant now they need more help

[@sofialeon4984]

Gracias Paul, I recently discover your channel, and it's been a relief. Thanks for helping me to understand people and myself. Saludos desde Ecuador!!

[@linden5165]

Thank you so much for this video. I watched it a while back and it was one of the key things that made me find my autistic identity and really connect to the truth of myself after 40+ years of struggling. I'm now professionally diagnosed and happily connected to autistic community. I've read Spectrum Women too and love Barb's contributions - she's so generous with her honesty and openness. So much appreciation for her work.

[@jeanlittle405]

Excellent video, Barb hits the nail on the head in every area! Look forward to more interviews with her.

[@martinmoore8216]

Really important interview! Thank you so much for sharing so valuable. A human perspective.

[@kristielannette1070]

Honestly, this is eye-opening.

[@ThePhantomQueen87]

Thank you for this video i was diagnosed after my 3 yr old son and everything became clear in retrospect and has been so helpful to feel better about my behaviour.

[@josefinjulin718]

Your videos are so amazing and also you are so inclusive and respectful and sympathetic and I love how clearly you explain things thank you so much

[@hikaru9624]

I knew me not wanting kids was because I knew I wouldn't be able to cope with the stress. Not once did it occur to me how big of a role my autism played in that decision 23 years ago (I was lucky enough to get diagnosed at an early age).

[@kiverson794]

I really relate to the bouncing thing and freedom to move in space. Ive always preferred using yoga balls as chairs so I can bounce and roll around on them. One of my friend’s parents got me a yoga ball as a gag gift because I always sat on theirs when I visited, but that was honestly the best gift they could get me. Also when I was a child (still now just harder to get away with it) I was obsessed with spinning in circles. Any office chair I could find I would spin around as fast as I could on it. Or sit in swings and twist them up so that they would make me spin around. If I didn’t have access to either of those I would just spin in circles. I was fascinated by how different it felt to spin in different directions and would experiment with different speeds, times, and directions of spinning.

[@joycebrewer4150]

I recall spinning myself dizzy as a child, and liking it. Haven't done that in decades.

[@jrosebud2021]

I did all those things too!! I was always spinning as a child!

[@Jessica-xh7lt]

I've never related so much to a set of experiences before. Thank you Barb Cook for sharing!

[@xenedraabourque1393]

Thanks for the great upload

[@enoch4499]

You have been an answer to many years of prayer. You explain things in a way i can understand and apply to my life. Thank you!

[@gamerchristina1079]

I LOVED IT! GREAT VIDEO! THANK YOU SO MUCH! 👍👍❤️❤️‼️

[@orfydorf]

I'm a 51 year old female. I am just now discovering that I am most probably Autistic. I found your channel a couple days ago. Most of your videos are like watching a video about myself. I'm actually going to try to get diagnosed. Unfortunately do to covid 19 my GP is not taking appointments right now. In the meantime in a couple days I'll get to speak to a friend of my sister in laws who is a psychiatrist specialsizing in autism for 30 years. It's so Great you're doing these videos and wish me luck

[@crazycats535]

♥️ your videos. They are so clear and informative.

[@mylucky8289]

Thank you guys. It was info in a pill. A lot of interesting stuff. 💛

[@loganreese8075]

I am 15 years old and I really want to talk to my parents about going to a professional about this because I have literally every symptom of high functioning autism and I’ve always been so hard on myself because I didn’t think “normal” and I’ve never knew who I was and I’m excited that maybe this is the answer. I also matured at a very young age so I started masking and having symptoms of adult autism in 2nd grade.

[@8656737s]

Did you talk to your parents? If so I hope they helped ❤

[@kerasionASMR]

Maturing for you age in other words: not enough serotonin I hope you find answers after a year

[@hedwignl8118]

Thank you for a focus on the women this time! I was her in my youth! The recognition is nice.

[@segwrites]

I relate so much to Barb, even on the leggings and firm-touch versus light-touch. Thanks for this, Paul.

[@MoonPhaze5]

I like the part about changing life to finally be yourself, and NOT what others expect or want you to be like. Nobody knows me anymore since I've gone to being my aspie self, and i like it. 😏💃

[@sylviaehrlich4359]

Good. 4. You

[@fatuusdottore]

Self-diagnosed? Because I would never use those cringey emojis, and they’re something I’ve seen neurotypical women use ad nauseam. Either you’re not a true autist or you’re mirroring cringe behaviour. (The dancing emoji being the specific issue here - way too many weirdo neurotypical women use it and it always rubs me the wrong way.)

[@MoonPhaze5]

@@fatuusdottore How can you judge a person by a KZbin comment?? That's really ignorant. I merely use the emoji to express my happiness with being who I am. To be so presumptuous makes you look like the weirdo.

[@e.l.2734]

So whatever data people have presumably gathered from living with their own selves for their entire lives isn't good enough for proper diagnosis, but emojis are.

[@charlotteguyver9895]

I love this, also -Tania Ann Marshall does a lot of good information for Austistic women too!

[@shannonkringen]

Very helpful thanks I relate to many of the traits mentioned

[@nikitran9332]

This video changed my life. Thank you