7 STAGES of Trauma Bond, NOT LOVE

[@pamelamaia.filipinas]

I just left a trauma bonding relationship with a "Nice Guy Narcissist" few days ago and the feeling of freedom is amazing. I was so drained, feeling like my body was begging me to run away from that relationship. My gut/stomach was hurting everyday, and it still does every time I remember my ex. It was not easy though.. leaving a relationship like this requires a lot of courage to face the loneliness that comes after. We get so used to all that love bombing attention, we get literally addicted to that.. but I can tell you my friends, once you are out of this situation, life gets much much much much better in all aspects. Choose yourself always. Choose self-respect over your feelings. Sending love to you all

[@RavenWolfDrum69]

My first marr together at 14 married at 17 divorced at 30 three kiddos. Glad he's go n e . 10 yrs later married same type 15 yrs late i need to leave😢😢😢😢

[@debashmitakar9275]

Thanks ❤

[@BTL2665]

Thank you

[@kleinexpoetin]

0:52 love bomb stage 1:39 devalue stage 2:15 discard stage 2:58 hoover stage 3:25 cognitive dissonance stage 4:11 break free stage 4:54 healing stage

[@AmarSingh-bm3dd]

Thanks bruh ❤

[@beisiknikneimas]

timestamp Terry. hi.

[@DavidSphere-eu4mi]

Flying by the accident scene,site

[@DavidSphere-eu4mi]

Tammy ty?

[@DavidSphere-eu4mi]

Pitts

[@becky0710]

Beautifully explained. To anyone going though this…you will be okay and you deserve to be truly loved and cherish. You absolutely can do this for yourself. I did after a 24 year toxic relationship. I’m single and now loving life. Sending hugs to anyone who need it ❤

[@Bc-ow1ir]

24 years is a long time friend

[@patriciacadogan6568]

I congratulate you for freeing yourself from that abusive environment. I went through all these stages at the time I never knew what it was. The emtional abuse had taken its toll on me. I was very devastated heartbroken and a very lonely married woman. I kept leaving and going back hoping he would change but he never did. So I finally faced the truth he never loved me he loved himself. I left for good and never looked back. I am married in a stable loving supportive relationship 17 years now.

[@reidflemming8458]

Just wanna say to anyone who’s just broken the cycle of a trauma bond.. I know it feels like shit but it gets way better. You come back way stronger. Just hang in there… love yourself.. Make sure you’re eating and brushing your teeth and showering… don’t stay in bed too much. Even if walking feels impossible… movement is better than stagnation! Good luck y’all much love

[@BTL2665]

Thank you for that

[@misspat7555]

What made me vulnerable was that I was trained to take pride in being “strong” in ignoring and suppressing my feelings from toddlerhood. So even though I was determined not to put up with being abused, on a deeper level, I could not acknowledge the feelings that indicated I was BEING abused. By the time he hit me, we were married, owned a house together, and I was 7 months pregnant with his child. I knew then that I had to leave, but had to wait several months for it to even be possible without seriously endangering myself and our baby. Even so, my life was in serious danger, and I’m lucky he moved on fairly quickly. Feelings are GOOD, they help us stay safe, even if they are inconvenient or uncomfortable! Don’t stay with someone who makes you feel icky; “bad vibes” are a totally valid reason to stop things in the first few dates! 😮‍💨

[@Emperor_Hawk]

Children are to be seen and not heard... ever, about anything actually important...🎉❤ I feel you my woman.

[@AT-pw9dx]

Thank you for your advice and I really respect your strength and resolve and wish you nothing but the best for you and your precious child❤

[@pengvang1055]

I was in a situationship where I would get the "I love you" and "I miss you texts" and I thought about going back to her and maybe there could have been something different. But then, I remembered the reasons why I left, she drained me, she was toxic but also kind in both ways to others and to me, but more importantly, she has a boyfriend too. And so now, I'm just done. We all deserve better. We got this!

[@ElectroFireMusicYT]

🫂 it'll be okay man, I know it sucks, but you can do it, it's never easy, and sometimes the world can feel like it's falling apart, but as long as you keep family close, friends close, and try to fill your time up, you'll be having fun and forget about it before you know it And if you need to talk, you always got one person here man, I know what that's like, you aren't alone ❤️

[@DavidSphere-eu4mi]

Run

[@darthtgames]

Fr bro that sounds exactly what happened to me , I empathise with ya I really do, and hope your doing better my guy.

[@nickthompson1812]

She has a boyfriend too 😂 Yep. Sounds like Gen Z

[@face2799]

Don't ever take them back, I made that mistake and was discarded 3 times In total. I'm still suffering mentally even a year later

[@slackerofhell]

I was in a situationship for 8 months that ended nearly 2 months ago now. She refused to date me because i didn't have my life together, which is fair. However, she constantly bombarded me with "I love you's" and "You're my everything's" throughout the entire time we were together. Two months ago, she met a guy and they started hanging out. She trauma bonded with him and in the course of a week they started dating. I was blindsided. We weren't "official" but it still feels like I was cheated on. She'd get drunk and berate me in the evening and apologize to me in the morning. She could be so mean and aggressive. Yet, for some messed up reason, i still care for her deeply. I miss her, even though she was terrible to me 75% of the time. I'm still trying to get it together after it all happened, but it's really, really hard. I'm so lost inside 😞 💔

[@rubaabdelmajeed5619]

It’s hard .. but you’re strong and you deserve love and to be loved correctly.. you’ve got this 🌺

[@slackerofhell]

@rubaabdelmajeed5619 I hope you're right... I've been trying therapy and it seems to help a little.

[@lamarkagwe1870]

It's called co-depency it's really unhealthy...especially when your mind starts to defend instead of breaking you away from her...don't let her into your life ever again...go no contact on her and you'll begin the journey of healing yourself

[@slackerofhell]

@@rubaabdelmajeed5619 I hope you're right

[@slackerofhell]

@lamarkagwe1870 Luckily, I have. I had some things of hers that I was going to give to her parents so I wouldn't have to see her. I told her not to contact me as I didn't want to speak nor see her. The parents thing fell through, so I got ahold of her sister, and for some reason, she lost it, saying on social media, "My nonnegotiable is that if you have a problem with me, DO NOT involve my family." All I did was ask her sister if I could drop off the book I borrowed from her. But after that she blocked me on everything so I can't get in contact with her even if I wanted to. And if I ever find out she unblocked me, I'm going to block her, instead. This entire thing has been awful and I just want it to be over with.

[@Sin-rx6zd]

I'm just relieved it's over and that I finally have choose to love myself it hurts but I am truly relieved

[@bluemoon4779]

Remember this can happen for friendships too. I was only 9 when I met my abuser, and 12 when I got out. I recognize these steps now. We were never in a romantic relationship, but what she did was unspeakable. I sometimes fear for what has become of her, but overall, I'm ok now.

[@Xeer_1]

Also Srry abt what happened with ur friend :(

[@pancakeboi6797]

Yup I had a controlling and toxic “friend” in middle school and high school. We were never romantically involved but she did have feelings for me, and I kind of had feelings for her. She used to use me for lunch money and homework answers, and she would try to turn me against my other friends and gaslight me into thinking everyone was out to make fun of me. She didn’t have a very good home life so I think she was jealous of me and my friends, and she also had abandonment issues so she felt the need for reassurance from me. I’m not making excuses it’s just an explanation for her past behavior. Anyway long story short during my second half of high school she moved and I was finally free from her. I do hope after all those years she’s redeemed herself. There are times when I miss the good times with me and her though.

[@yazhissaikp4328]

@pancakeboi6797 you are not alone. I have been through this exact same situation ❤

[@xxinaxx9618]

I've had the situation not with love nore with a friend, but with family. It was quite exhausting for a long time term and there was no escape in the young ages.

[@leojablonski2309]

Lucky u ain't married/w/ kids from it.

[@cristinavelinaphotography]

Awesome video! A little remark though, not in all trauma bonds the "toxic" part is trying to harm the other. Many times they have no idea that they cause harm. Trauma bond happens because of the people having a bad relation with themselves, based on the distorted/unhealthy thinking patterns that they are not aware of, that are caused by different traumas they got through, especially the childhood ones.

[@ZlenderManX]

My ex had a terrible childhood. Which led to her switching between blaming every single thing I did and flirting. I got out of it(she dumped me). Not over her yet

[@Flowerhead247]

Snap out of it! ​@@ZlenderManXLIFE IS TOO SHORT! Your special person is somewhere our there! Go find her! 🙂

[@leojablonski2309]

True. However when you are run over by a 16 wheeler, jus an accident, right ? They are so sorry your swuished

[@BambiBooS222]

​@@ZlenderManXsounds like you had a lucky escape ... Hope your heart mends soon for you 🩶✨

[@danysaavedra8830]

A couple of years ago I was in one of the most toxic relationships I ever had, he took me to a deep depression and anxiety. I recognized all the stages mentioned in the video and it is true, they put you in a roller coaster of emotions where in one moment you are in the scariest point and next in the safest. Now after a long way of healing I can proudly say that I have chose to love someone again, love is not like a roller coaster anymore. I hope more people could get out of toxic relationships and have support around them because it is not easy, but if you want to have a healthy bond with other you should start from yourself.

[@nathanmartinez2630]

Good for you!

[@AngelTrazo]

I was in a toxic relationship for nearly 4 years. Even though it’s now been over a year since the breakup, I’m still in the process of healing. Hoping that others who are anxious about leaving their abusers find the strength to love themselves and leave.

[@LucasFernandez-tr3oq]

i didn't knew, i was being the toxic one. Now i can see why she stopped talking to me, i thought things were perfect but she just sudenly dissapeared, so this is how she saw me, man i never wanted to harm her at all, because she was the only friend that i had, but my toxic behaviour and my insecurities made her leave. I tried to be more open and talk to her about these things, and that i wanted to change them because i hated how much harm they were causing to me and other around me. Maybe i opened myself too much, thinking she would understand, but in reality made her leave even more. now i only have my cat by my side, it feels strange, even tho i had a shitty life i always at least had someone, a best friend that had my back and was there to help me. But now? i have nothing but myself, it really does feel strange, not having friends, at least the last months of therapy made me learn a lot of things and slowly im learning to truly love myself and be someone worthy of being loved. im trying, i really am, im sorry if my insecurities and the bad things about me made her loose all the love and care she had, but i really want to change them. i vented a little too much, its been a couple of months since i talked to someone about this, not having friends it is really a strange experience

[@eleonorabln6294]

As a victim of this, I can tell you that after the realization hits, it's impossibile to forgive, so I wouldn't hope she'll ever do that if I were you. But at least it's good you realised how bad you were, hopefully you won't do it again with your future partner. And I am pretty sure she also learnt how to avoid people like this in the future, so that's all good. Good luck

[@abekabe678]

​@@eleonorabln6294 can we maybe be nicer to the original commenter? Remember he acted out of ignorance.

[@abekabe678]

This is an issue I faced too. My ex girlfriend was instantly crazy about me and I loved her back as much as she did me. I devalued her unthinkingly sometimes because I grew up with harsh words, sometimes being told things that scarred me emotionally. I loved her very much, and didnt realize that her anxiety kicked up harder than I could imagine, because again, my experience growing up was just emotionally different than her. Things that were normal to me were hard to bear for her. No matter how much she tried to tell me, I didnt really get it. When she left me, I cried like a baby! So you see, to all those who hate on people who dont know how to communicate their love well, we are all just learning and growing, some of us through pain rather than having good examples.

[@eleonorabln6294]

@@abekabe678 I was nice enough, while also being honest and not edulcorating things as they most likely are. maybe try to actually put yourself in the victim's shoes, and then we can talk about it.

[@Yuri_The_Cat]

@@abekabe678we shouldn’t support his behaviour just because he wants to change. It’s really good that he’s trying to change but justifying his behaviour will only lead to him not changing.

[@kazurxi]

my relationship kinda feels like this , but im the one "manipulating" them, i genuinely didn't realize this as im slowly healing

[@Trucidek]

Same, accidental manipulation... Lovebombing because I really was madly in love... Discarded her because I was going back in deep depression... Also devalued her unknowingly, autism making me blunt when I wanted to really help her improve... Isolation, well It's not me here, for she has no friends, and 2 family members. And she don't want to talk to them too much... with all of this she has a terrible self esteem and thinks everything's always her fault 😓 It explains a lot, anyway... 😢

[@happycreature3993]

it's amazing you're aware that you are the one who manipulating. not everyone do that. i wish you heal and forgive yourself, then you could let them go to find their happiness

[@tnix80]

​​@@Trucidekholy crap, that's our story too! Thankfully I realized I'm autistic among other problems and I'm trying to be better.

[@madeOfStone319]

Think it's me too. It's so tough as she's still my best friend but the situationship turned into me inadvertently performing these toxic traits. Not sure what to do

[@madeOfStone319]

@@ThePotaToh You either like and accept her for who she is or you leave i guess

[@jakeadams5741]

Breaking free is DEFINITLEY the hardest part - and having the courage to leave 100%

[@SheWhoTechs]

Breaking free is definitely the hardest part. He broke up with me a month ago after 10 years together and we will be filing for divorce in a few months. He has no where to go and still lives with me. So I can’t even heal. But I am too nice and kicking him out would be a huge fight, that would involve legal action, that I don’t have the energy for as my heart is breaking. So at the moment I live in torture, until I can finally muster up enough energy to do the actions necessary to break free of him completely. I will do what I need to do, as I am stronger than I feel right now. But the emotions are crippling currently and I am trying to process those emotions.

[@eklavayachopra8886]

Never have I ever I related to any video in my whole 25 years of life. Currently I'm back to being single. The video showed each and every stage i have been through in last one year. Promises of marriage and children, dying in each others arms... Oof what not. I asked god for that girl but the devil listened and I payed the price. Currently trying to love myself, heal from the past and those fake promises. Already one year but not such improvement. Hopefully I'll get back my old self so that when true love will knock my door I'll welcome it with open hands.

[@skog4437]

Bruh

[@PrangyaprabhaNayak]

Same thing dude.But i loved my self n healed from that trauma.You can too.☺️

[@eklavayachopra8886]

@@PrangyaprabhaNayak glad that you healed. But sometimes loving ourselves isn't the only thing we need. Some wounds can't be self treated but only by a doctor. Hopefully I'll find that doctor be it a person or something else.

[@monikagin]

100% relate you

[@eklavayachopra8886]

@@monikagin love and care to fellow members 🫂

[@Morastbiene]

Thank you for talking about this. I'm glad that more and more people are learning about the patterns of narcissistic relationships. It's one hell of a thing to experience this kind of abuse. Mine lasted six years (on and off) and it's been three years since my abuser and I last talked. The aftermath of it all felt even worse to me than the abuse, but over time I've come to understand that it's normal to feel as if the world comes crushing down on you once it's finally over. If you're going through this, rest assured that it's part of the process and that it'll pass, but you have to give yourself permission to let go of them. It's your cue to focus on yourself and stop pouring your everything into people who will let you down for all eternity.

[@emag4683]

For me, it was a friendship instead of a partner. It lasted for years, and I thought I was nothing without that friend, with everything I did depending on whether or not she'd like me more for it. Looking back at all our good times, it's sad to remember that I was walking on eggshells and had to read her expression whenever I said something remotely different. We don't really talk anymore, and my other friends have shown me what true love really looks like

[@lucaslobo6251]

Sounds like something interesting to hear about! What have your friends shown you that really feels/looks like true love?

[@Greenapple.]

This feels like a sign for me to finaly cut off my relationship. It genuinely feels like this for me.

[@benonaru]

thank god i was sentbefore you actually did it DO NOT DO THIS

[@ChidubemOchemba]

If you think you should, maybe you should

[@happycreature3993]

​@@benonaruwhy?

[@A55a551n]

Timestamps 1). Love bombs 0:51 2). Devalue 1:38 3). Discard 2:14 4). Hoover 2:57 5). Cognitive dissonance 3:24 6). Break free 4:10 7). Healing 4:52 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙

[@Soul73_]

I have bpd. If you guys are in a relationship like this, Ik it hurts. If you gotta go. I know you can’t control how you feel, but like the guy said, sometimes enough is enough and you’ll have to step away. The fear of abandonment is terrifying and I FEEL you, literally, but it’ll be okay. You have to put yourself first sometimes. You can do, just be patient with yourself. I hope this help. If you got the wrong idea I apologize.

[@magicimaginations]

I've been searching online for a while now to find out what is wrong with this relationship as i've never experienced anything like this before with anyone, one minute he's sweet and kind and then suddenly he's a raving ahole and always bringing up the past about my family and having digs about at me and my past etc., and the most stupid things can trigger him, things like crumbs on the bench, and that will start a big drama about how i never clean (of course i do) and then it spirals into things he hates about my family members, .. like what has it got to do with the kitchen bench?.. i stopped seeing my family and friends (yes they've noticed) as it just adds fuel to his sick little pile of grudges he likes to bring up when something else ticks him off, but it will be a day later and he is the nicest sweetest guy on the earth, but yes this video helped explain a lot about what is going on, and it's easy to say just leave but the problem is that you're always looking for the happy days thinking those bad ones will never happen again... but they do.

[@TRUMPmyOSHI]

I was in that same exact toxic relationship. It was usually a dark place. Please leave him. See yourself as someone worthy to actually be loved and not put down by a selfish ahole. Take some time for yourself to heal, then be open for better love.

[@paballomabusela808]

Me right now

[@Flowerhead247]

I have been in this... for over 30 years 🥺 BELIEVE ME when I say, "I should've left during the first year, when I saw the red flags!" I was 30 years young... now I'm 60 and stuck 💔 Please don't waste your youth! Go! 👉🏼

[@poonamkumari7240]

Please leave him

[@JesseVenturaHat]

This is why i can't get a girlfriend. All women love assholes who treat them like shit

[@brain_respect_and_freedom]

It's beneficial to view love as a marathon, not a sprint. When we adopt a mindset focused on building a strong foundation of communication for long-term relationships, we are less inclined to rely on shortcuts. Sometimes, individuals begin relationships with fireworks, expecting an abundance of dopamine with each interaction, only to find that over time, their love dwindles. I seek relationships where we gradually learn more about each other every day, deepening our love with each passing day.🙋

[@marian_hayes]

This isn’t limited to romantic relationships. It can be a thing in any kind of relationship. For example, I was in special ed for Autism for all of K12 school and I had a trauma bond with my SE teacher in high school. I felt like I couldn’t do ANYTHING to get out of that relationship cuz her class was imposed on me and the school wouldn’t let me transfer out of it, no matter how much I begged and pleaded for it or how good of a reason I had to be out of it. I didn’t know I was in a trauma bond with her til I watched this video, and of course I saw all these stages when she was putting me through it. She’d yell at me over petty things and then say she’d try to be better, but would just snap back into the manipulator that she always was. Thankfully, I’ve graduated high school now and I’ve cut off all contact with this woman and I’ve had a few years to rediscover who I am as a person without her in my life. It’s not easy to heal from trauma bonds like this, but it’s possible!

[@TeamJesusGo]

She is a disgusting human being! An adult, a teacher and a predator of the most vulnerable. 😡😡😡 God bless you young one.

[@ridmiperera8261]

I'm currently battling the pain of breakup from an abusive manipulative narcissistic relationship I had for 5 years.. it feels like so much right now like I can't overcome it. This video helped with that❤

[@DamonHendrix89]

@ripmiperera8261 it gets better. My wife left almost a year ago now. The pain was real and heavy! It got better, I am telling you it gets better! I would love to tell you how if you want to hear it (I can type it in the comments). Just let me know, if not just know it gets better!

[@ridmiperera8261]

@@DamonHendrix89 yes thank you so much for your help I'd really appreciate if you could share your journey of healing with me

[@DamonHendrix89]

​@@ridmiperera8261 I would love to share. My friend I couldn't heal as long as I blamed my wife, and to this day I still keep this fact close to my heart. Did my wife do some horrible things, as such of those listed in this video? Yes, she did and still treats me horribly when she has the chance (we have children together so I can't completely walk away). What changed was when I realized that something was just as wrong with me, as her, but my problem looked different. See I chose to marry her, despite the red flags in the beginning. No one twisted my arm, I married her. I chose someone who was not compatible with me, and who would prove to harm me. Why? Because something was wrong with me. I stayed for 10 years of abuse, and no one made me. I could have walked away, but I didn't. She left me when she got tired of me, and I was broken when it happened. I was broken that the person who abused me and said I wasn't worth it, left. Why, because something was wrong with me. For a few months I slipped into red pill content, but I noticed they had their flaws too. But it felt good to have a sense of power back in my life. But, I realized it wasn't power but unhealed pain masquerading as power. There were no answers there, it was the opposite of me but equally broken. I was just as broken as my wife, we just showed it differently. She abused for her reasons and I stayed and kept trying to please her for my reasons - both reasons equally broken from equally broken people. What changed? Jesus Christ revealed His light of truth to me and I was changed. My friend, that is the message of Christ, we are all broken and in need of a savior; my wife (the abuser), me (the co-dependent), the red pilled person, and everyone in between. We are all broken and we have all sinned before a righteous God. And the fact that He is righteous means He must judge sin, and He must judge it righteously. Meaning my sin and my wife's sin left us both open to the judgement of God equally, and we both would not stand that judgement equally - we would both crumble before His judgement. This is what changed for me in my journey through this, I stopped focusing on her sin, and how she wronged me. When God revealed His light to me, that He sent His son and died on the cross for the sin that I committed against Him, I was changed. I began to focus on how my sin separated me from the love of God, and opened me to the judgement of God, but God sent His Son to pay the cost for my sin, that I couldn't pay. He paid it all, so that God could treat me as though I were righteous, though I am a sinner. I focused on being grateful to God for His mighty work, and being broken that I sin against Him - for His Son didn't deserve to die, but He did die on my behave. This in turn stopped me for focusing on what my wife had done to me. It actually caused me to share this good news with her, that I have now shared with you. She rejected the good news of Christ and His work on the cross, which broke my heart as well (I still pray that she comes to the truth of the knowledge of Christ). Not because I wanted her approval, I could careless about that now (I wasn't always this way). It broke my heart because I knew how broken she was (is), probably more so than anyone else i knew because I witnessed it first hand, I saw what she didn't want others to see, I lived with her in private. She rejected the One who could heal her and bring her peace that she has never felt but always wanted too. Now I am far less interested in pleasing her, or anyone. Now I don't just let anyone in my life, and I don't keep everyone in. I am ok with walking away if needed. I pray for them and l leave quietly, no drama needed. I am perfect? No, I am not. Do I still sin and feel tempted to want to reconcile with my wife? Yes, but then the power of the Gospel of Christ washes over me and I am renewed and forgiven. I live searching the Gospel everyday to understand it more. The gospel is the knowledge of Christ crucified for our sin to pay for the cost of sin on our behave. I hope this helps, and I hope that you will hold on and see that it gets better. I hope that you would know Christ and His saving work, that it is enough for you and is more than powerful enough to heal you, and make you a new creation in Him.

[@Jennifer-bw7ku]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU]

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

[@steceymorgan814]

Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@patriaciasmith3499]

I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

[@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU]

Is he on instagram?

[@steceymorgan814]

Yes he is. dr.sporessss

[@AnnaEllie13]

I made it to the healing stage. It took me 4 years to detach from 'my' person. Lots of lessons learned, lots of childhood traumas healed and now I am stronger than ever. I would actually add one more stage - forgiveness. True forgiveness, when you can see the whole drama from a higher perspective and thank the 'dark' person for all the harsh lessons.

[@kyssedbyfyre915]

Making these videos available to the public is of IMMEASURABLE IMPORTANCE! (Should be taught during K-12 IMO🤷🏻‍♀️) I came from my first 18 years of life in a household of domestic violence & abuse, and went straight into 17 more w my first husband. I knew nothing else. I had no safeguards or clues about how to protect myself AT ALL. I missed many years of school & socialization. I'll leave out the graphic details. The result is a derailed life and multiple chronic illnesses/chronic pain by mid 30s. I was born in 1974 and yet only since 2010 has my abuse ended. I NEVER knew how to advocate for myself. I never knew my worth. I am struggling DAILY to find myself. Thankfully, along with therapy, there are many resources, like this channel helping us put together all the broken pieces. I still have lots of hope. Haven't always. But I do right now...

[@seamon9732]

I went through this with a pwBPD... It ended almost a year ago to the day. I'm still healing. Courage!

[@Silenceeify]

The audacity of pwBPD's exes to claim they are "healing"... From what? 😂😂😂

[@trexiane1637]

I prefer when the girl talk because she uses the right intonations that suits her voice and the subject about the psyche. Its giving heal your inner self/ child with me with me explaining why you are behaving that way it is more comforting.

[@PrangyaprabhaNayak]

This vdo is true. I was in a ldr online relationship he never reached for me and not even did bare minimum.I was so naive back then.I thought it was love but it was actually trauma bonding,love bumbing n emotional rollercoaster ride.wasted almost 6 yrs of my life.On and off relationship.Breaking up n back together.Finally i had the courage to leave the relationship n healed n loved myself.Now in a happy place in life where the past memories also could not haunt me 😊

[@mikoswhackgameandstuffvids480]

We should be careful with online relationships because you never know if that person is just using you and only care about you when they need something from us.

[@PspTomisi]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[@elladonaldson-lh6nc]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back

[@PspTomisi]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

[@elladonaldson-lh6nc]

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex

[@PspTomisi]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@urikaynan1392]

Hi. I'm in a similar situation. I believe you need some distance from her - never see her again, avoid talking to her. You can write a text pouring out your heart, leaving no loose ends (and no things unsaid), then cut ties. Next, don't judge yourself, don't try to "get rid of thoughts of her". Instead, let the pain teach you about yourself and about the relationship. You'll become a better person and partner for the next one, but more importantly, more compassionate and loving of yourself. With time you'll realize that you don't need her to be happy. You may need some of what she gave you, the purpose she fulfilled in your life in order to be happier, but not her specifically. The chemicals in your brain will eventually let go and allow you to open up to someone new. It's not a fast process, but be kind to yourself and it'll happen much faster than it seems right now. Good luck. Sending love

[@COOKIEDOUGHTHEGREAT]

I recently started falling for somone but I realized that he had too many problems going on in his life and I have too many problems so it wouldn’t work out , I don’t want to bond based off trauma I wanna bond healthy so that we can be happy and have fun , also I do want children and I don’t want them having 2 sad , hurt parents .

[@mx248]

This seems like something that should be discussed, but oddly enough, I can't find any big mental health channel that has made even one video about actually bonding over trauma (in a romantic relationship) and the problems that could create, as opposed to bonding with an abuser. Strange oversight.

[@foxxyxxyxx]

It is what I had with my “friend” who constantly sexually abused me when we were like 14-16 years old. I remember that time; I wanted to leave, but never was confident enough to do so as this relationship seemed like the only one I had; I wanted to tell other people, but he made me believe that I am hard to love and no one will sacrifice themselves for that It’s been 2 years I’m free from that environment creating “my ground” and 1 year I stopped talking with him. Crazy to know that he created trauma bond with other friends of ours and convinced everyone that he is the victim Live can be hard (tough, buddy)) but it will get alright. If you are reading it and you have such bond with someone, it will be fine and you must leave it. You are loved and you should care about yourself 💖

[@ByGTee07]

Healing is ossible and there is true love out there for all... Dont give up !!!

[@melvin9888]

This really applies to the relationship I just got out of but I just can’t make myself believe they had bad intent. Even if they check all the boxes I just can’t do it. I don’t know why. They said they hated this and that about me, and overstepped my boundaries over and over , but I just can’t make myself believe that they were a bad person. I hate that I can’t just judge them the way I would judge anyone else who committed those actions.

[@isabelleboulay2651]

you're describing the narcissist cycle. It's about power, winning at any cost, hurting and being condescending to feel superior at all times.

[@gypsyfiresign1064]

First comment!❤🎉 I’ve had a terrible trauma bond within a situationship! Sharing your video with my galpals

[@LeylaKazazi]

Oh my god this video described 16 years of my life what a nightmare I went through . However here I am 8 years later from exit plan living my best self it’s possible. Make your exit plan and follow through. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@rainbeau9752]

What made me vulnerable was that my dad was the narcissist, I never realized till I was just over 50. During covid pandemic. At 55 and I’m still learning to heal.

[@bennekin]

Literally how Valentino got to Angel Dust

[@arifcso6633]

Bruh

[@bennekin]

@LeifTunteri-lm6un why? you don’t have to like the show yourself but there is nothing wrong with supporting it

[@SeinIshamiado]

​Cry about it. ​@LeifTunteri-lm6un

[@bennekin]

@LeifTunteri-lm6un I don’t really believe that she is a bad person I think a lot of the dramas are exaggerated or fake I had the same thoughts but I kept seeing stuff about the new season finally coming out and I loved the pilot so much I couldn’t resist watching it, then later I watched some videos on how the large majority of the dramas have been bs and at that point I didn’t have any reason to dislike it

[@RitishaChills]

1st comment! Tysmm for making all the awareness and comforting videos! :))🧡

[@cherylduckworth8185]

I too have felt these things, it’s as if you know him. He was one of the sweetest men I ever met but overtime he started criticizing. He started raising his voice and then he starts screaming. He told me that I’m not fun anymore and I’m always mad. And to get out, I unfortunately told him one of my biggest fears is homelessness so he used it against me anytime he wanted to really wound me.❤ it’s sad how we reluctant the heart is to let go even while your head is screaming run run run!

[@Pearlescent11]

It's been 2 years and a half since I met my first love and it has been messy to say the least... At first, everything was good but I was a major wreck, I had an intense need to be around them, constantly took up their time and encouraged them to be the same. Over time, I abandoned that neediness because I realised that having personal time outside of your relationship is what makes the time together really count. It was too late by the time I realised it and the sweet, loving and understanding man I had loved had turned cold and bitter. Though he never outright said it, he stopped loving me a long time ago and it's been hard to realise that no matter how I've changed now and improved myself for him, I can't win back the affection of someone I drained the love out of

[@happycreature3993]

if he really love you, he would be honest about his feeling from the very beginning and let you to grow. if not, then he might not want the relationship to grow...

[@abekabe678]

Ey I gotta say, despite the heartbreaking story youve told us, congrats to you for realizing that neediness is also a toxic trait! My ex never realized that about herself and denied it when I softly called her out on it. I pulled back when there was too much neediness, but found a certain amount of it adorable, so I probably confused her. Shes in a relationship with some new now, and I have lost the will to honestly go on with my studied, deadlines dont scare me anymore lol. All i do is watch youtube videos. If she comes back I know I have so much to work on, literally a dozen things I did were just blatantly wrong. But I never even realized what triggered my mind to be unkind or cold to her

[@Iamnotxasin]

One of the best KZbin channels I've ever came across since 21, they really have got everything covered, they go and discuss all topics, I love you so much, your videos are very helpful ❤️

[@christopherlee9576]

This video made me think of her and how much I still care about her..... I wish things could be different but I know now that it will never work out because of the progress that I've made healing from her...... I know my love was real.... But it changed for her when she couldn't control me anymore through manipulative tactics..... Be strong everyone and always continue to grow ❤

[@biolauradiaz]

Healing is extremely difficult. You can't automatically leap into self love. It's a painful, awkward process for which you have to be very patient and give yourself tons of grace. All of it while keeping yourself accountable for your actions, not towards the other person (the abuser, f-them!) but towards the only one who will be with you your whole life (you!). Plus, one also has to learn to not feel guilty for the many times we betrayed ourselves in favor of the abuser. Tons of work. It's all worth it, though

[@Ibrahk5]

I love this, the interesting thing about this is that not all relationships in this category are romantic relationships. Sometime it's with a parent and sometime certain friends. Truly beautifully explained

[@YogaWithSookie]

This makes perfect sense but my narcissist ex says I did this to him and yet it’s so obvious he was doing this to me. But it’s useless to explain to him anymore so I’ve let it go. Honestly the healing stage proves it was me who was in the trama bond and that I’m not the narcissist because I grew and healed after he left. I improved and went back “to my old self” according to all my friends who knew me before he entered my life. He left me and thank God he did. Usually we’d make up after a terrible fight, but once he left our home and began cheating on me it was much easier to let him go for good. He will never ever be allowed back into my life. Thanks for this video. Helps me for the future.

[@avriltorres6688]

I really appreciate this video. Thank you guys for being so gentle and empathetic. I've been in something very similar. Where you see all the red flags, the name calling, the blaming and unfounded accusations, the unwillingness to have a constructive conversation and solve the problem. He used to instead just brush things under the carpet and bring them up in fights to make me feel like I was a horrid horrid person. Things from over 10 months. Things I had apologized for and promised to never do again. They were rehashed over and over and over again. Until all I could do was just say I'm sorry. But, I did end up slowly realizing this and quietly detaching. I told him, the next time he blocked me on his socials, I wouldn't come back. I drew my boundaries clearly stated that I was not ok being called a liar, gaslighter, snake, wh@re, pussy, coward. The list goes on. He finally broke up with me after I told him that I was molested in my sleep at a party and he blamed me and said I cheated, that I probably instigated it somehow. That was the last straw. I let him leave. It's been a month now. And I'm ashamed to say I miss him. I'm ashamed to say that I'm so desperately lonely that if he came back, I'd hear him out and take him back. I hate myself right now. I don't trust anyone. I have lost that positive optimism I had for the world and people. I miss it. I want it back. I feel like the colour in my life has drained and death would be easier. But I also am thankful for the end of this video - healing. I know I will. I know time will help me. I just hope he doesn't come before that.

[@DanielEmielu_Kazai-gy3iu]

I'm sorry @Psych2go I don't know if you reply but this may not be your typical comment. Been on the channel for a little over a year now. But this video resonated with me the most. Not as a victim but as a perpetuator of every single one of these things. It almost feels like you're calling ne out. Though it's been a long time now I still feel really bad about it. The way I treated my exes. Guilt gnaws at my heartstrings and even though I didn't mean to I find myself 100% guilty of these traits. I'd blame it on my upbringing, growing up in a shattered home and a dysfunctional family but I don't want to keep using that as an excuse to hurt other people. I really don't want to perpetuate the cycle all over again. I am 25 now and I feel my next relationship should be the one I take to the altar and the grave but I need help. I've apologized to all my exes that I believe I did wrong. Hurt my pride but still hasn't fixed the guilt I feel in my heart.

[@SofiUk0319]

I'm really happy I watched this. ... I've been thru the trauma bonding relationship, n it certainly does hurt way more than it actually feels good... but, fast forward 8 years of a dolo journey full of downs, I finally realized what I WANT not NEED for a man.... n never, never, will I ever chase a man again, it 💯 doesn't work out right ❤

[@anuruksuriyaarachchi3988]

Good! Keep making videos about trauma. I also like to know what to do if I still have impacts of past trauma such as triggers, poor attachment styles and other issues.

[@I_Kan]

I could of done with this information when i was 17 but it's still good to hear this now.

[@psylentknight]

The first time I was introduced to the concept of trauma bonding, it was define to a point where I learned why I was repeatedly in relationships similar to what is described here. It's not to say that I did not have my own faults in those connections, I don't have time away to learn about these signs were a great help in finding a new love that is free of any of these traits. It also helps that the both of us are on our own emotional healing journeys, and never shy about trading notes. If you read this far and you feel like you are too far off from having anyone in your life like this, romantically or not, keep going. You will be surprised at who shows up to not only cheer you on, but prove to you that the inner work is recognized, and even attractive 😊

[@keip4568]

Love...should never be a jail cell. Never but sadly 92% of the time it is.

[@gingerrivas5354]

Psy to go helped me a lot in my process of healing. I love the voice in vid, so calming and loving. I try to talk to myself like that 😊. I do exactly what you describe, make myself happy doing things that I like approving myself every day and surrounding myself with love. I'm practicing reparenting technique, it was like finding gold by chance❤

[@elizabethodonnell9791]

Ive had this done to me, and now im realizing ive done the same thing to others. Man. Hurt people hurt people. But now I'm becoming a healing people. One day at a time....

[@vini8562]

I see now how bad was my last relationship, we basically trauma bonded each other. I recognize somethings I did and other things she did. I'm just dumbfounded now.

[@fox_witted6365]

Bro me too. Its rough. I have been watching things on attachment and trying to learn wtf just happened

[@NureineFrau32]

i had a trauma bond with my ex, it was horrible.. but now im aware of love bombing and other manipulation technics. Thank you for your video

[@xjarahara]

After realizing I was in a Trauma Bond with someone who saved me I suddenly started to not take positivity seriously.

[@E4439Qv5]

Valid. Just feel your way back to it.

[@benjbalotcopo]

Dear self, Iloveyou

[@lemonaomi]

This can be mutual too… I’m “inside” of one of this relationships. We broke up but still treating each one nicely because we think there is still love. But it is indeed dependence. It’s a complex situation where we still have mutual responsibilities and we’re both going to therapy on our own. I know now this but hope that the other person will realize it at some point too.

[@Samira-k4t]

Today "bound someone through Trauma" seems to be a common Manipulation. I went through it, luckily in "softer" ways first so I was able to learn and I am sure it helped me to not engage in a "Stalker Trauma Bond" which maybe is still in it's works around me... This shall pass, too...

[@InBeautyWayLLC]

If anything, this shows I am most certainly an Empath which is why he could do it so well by blame-shifting onto me and trying to get everyone against me.

[@ingrid5944]

I lived all this. It was the most difficult thing I've been through in my life. I never had a relationship for real before that one, the trauma bond one, and before meeting him, it was like a dream to finally be living that. The sex was awesome, I felt so drawn to him, to what he made me feel, I used to feel protected by him, I felt like we were going to build something awesome together, but little did I know how much I would suffer after, and I'll be honest, he knew it would not work since the beginning and he warned me, and I didn't want to listen. I don't want to paint him as the villain and me as the victim. He was suffering inside, he knew it, and I was the one who didn't listen to him. As I was in love with him, I wanted to fight for it and I used to try to show him that what he had was valuable so he should work for it too. I think it was unfair from me when he said it wouldn't work right at the beginning. He used to lie all the time when I always tried to be honest with him, and then I would question him about the lies and he would try to run away from it. The problem is that I insist too much on people who doesn't really want something with me, and now I know I'm totally wrong for doing that and on that part it was my responsibility to get out of that. Then we ended up dating for three years, and a lot of breakups happened cause he would always do something wrong towards me and I would complain, and then he tried to run after me, telling my mom he loved me. He was very jealous and didn't want me spending time with friends, not even my family, he was jealous of all of them. He always thought I would cheat on him (and I guess that's because he was the one who was cheating on me). He would put me down with words when he felt I was better than him in something maybe in an attempt to feel better about himself. Feelings are crazy and even after all that, I really think there were moments that we really loved each other and shared good things, but it wasn't sufficient to build something for life, not at all. It's sad, but I think that it was I had to live to learn what love isn't, that passion can't sustain something for life, and that trying to communicate with someone doesn't always work if the other person is not open to talk and that I can't control other people and not better them just cause I have faith. That person need to have faith on themselves first of all, and I couldn't help him with his suffering from his past, even though I tried hard to do that. He used to say I changed him and that made me stay for so long, thinking I was close to happiness with him, forever, but it wasn't like that unfortunately. I'll never forget him and what we lived, the good parts and the bad awful parts of it. It changed me. I hope for the better. I still wonder if he's okay or not. I wanted to take his pain off, but that is not up to me. I have to let go of the control I want to exert in people's lives.

[@Linxyc]

i went directly at the break free stage before going into all the unnecesary storm

[@emmanuelthibert2373]

Thank you for sharing the thing. That leaves me a bit pondering after watching this video is that I'm pretty sure both my partner and me could relate and we would feel like the victim. What I mean is that in her reality I am the abuser and she's the big team. When in mind, I am the victim and she's the abuser

[@melissarobinson8926]

I am still trying to heal from what my mother, sisters, and husband have taken from me. I have broken away from everyone except my husband. I have tried to leave but unfortunately due to my health, I am forced to stay. Now, I am trying to find something I can do to get me out of the house periodically. He has done an excellent job of keeping me isolated. I am working on trying to change my mindset that there is nothing wrong with me, and there are people who will like me and enjoy my company.

[@tutubism]

Some of these really hit close to me.. especially in the case of my complicated relationship with my father.. Its been 10 years since me & my family members fled from our hometown province in Negros Or. to escape from his abusive presence. I sometimes miss the simple coastal/rural life there..

[@Nancy-ls1rz]

Sad but true. Hope someone sees this and will be able to save themselves from this

[@mikeolsen6927]

Wow, this was profound. All this happened less than a month ago. FREEDOM

[@audrasearcy8326]

I finally reached my breaking point with mine a few days ago. He has adhd and was doing the bare minimum improvements as far as his mental and physical health. He, like many in his state, would be all love and smiles a part of the time, but it would slowly degrade and the anger would escalate until he would be looking for things to be mad about. He used all the excuses, which I know on some level were valid as reasons sure, but it was always, you are to blame, I forget, I have adhd, I can't help it, it wouldn't happen if you did xyz differently and all the usual excuses and blame. He started back on meds a few months ago and was supposed to be seeing a therapist, but would repeatedly come back with some reason why it was further delayed. My last straw was when he brought home a workbook to help manage anxiety and meltdowns. He tossed it on a chair and went back to playing video games. He completely forgot about it and then blew up at me over a situation he put himself in and used a warped memory of something I told him about, that he insisted I tell him, to help him identify what to work on, against me as "proof" that I blamed him for everything. I tried to let it go like I often did, minus the boundaries I put in place, but that little switch inside me just suddenly flipped. I am sure many here know that feeling. I lost it and I no longer held back. He started trying to make excuses, but I cut him off and was sick of hearing it. He simply said okay that's fine, glared at me and walked out of the room. He finally came to terms with the reality of it and now we are stuck living together until I can afford something else. He is not hostile, quite the opposite, but this is hell. Please give me strength.

[@avdulrahmansaleem9589]

Its crazy how i saw this vid AFTER i broke up of a 5 years of relationship , I WAS SAYING the relationship was A toxic relationship but i wasnt 100% sure after watching this vid now i can say IT WAS NOT LOVE IT WAS TRAUMA BOND ,i went throw all the stages , And now im at the HEALING stage its a crazy stage in this stage u will know WHO U truly are , in my case things happen so fast now day by day i know my self better , damn 5 year is alot so it will take a bit till the healing stage is over but Alhamdulilah i broke up from that relationship life is WAY WAY BETTER NOW , if u know u r in a relationship like this come out of it it doesnt worth it u matter more , WISH EVERYONE A HAPPY LIFE ❤

[@hi100040]

I went through a 7 year relationship where I was the abuser. Well for the first 2 years. After that I trusted and loved her which flipped the dynamic. When she eventually left me because I started standing up for myself, it was very hard. Therapy, medication, and new friends have completely changed my life in the last 4 years. Still not ready to trust someone with marriage but in the past year I've started dating when the right gal comes around and it's been pretty nice. Maybe as I get my life back in order I can start actively dating but I'm still not there yet.

[@archiv8146]

I`m 33 and just going to a breakup after 8 years. Its really difficult for me because I didnt want to be with him in the beginning cuz I was really heartbroken before! He was the one pushing us into a situationship, calling it a relationship and then we lived together for 7 years where he was critizising and ignoring me while I was trying to be "good enough" to finally get what I truly wanted: love, feeling close to someone, having a deeper connection. The more I developed myself, the more I opened up and tried to be close, the worse his behavior got being more distant, belitteling and irresponsible. Here we are now ... im more heartbroken than ever, missing him, hating myself for theese feelings, beeing so afraid to ever love someone again while theres nothing I want more than to marry, have a healthy relationship and share true love.

[@luciasupova2735]

I was in this kind of relationship for 2 years. Ups and downs was changing not everyday, but every moment... I was rather silent about my success, because he started blaming himself for being nothing. It started after one call with him, after my exam, he was talking hours how was his day and when i asked if i can say my news he was nice: "Yes of course sorry darling." So i said that i passed the exam, which was really hard for me and that teacher said, that he seeing the progress. After this words he was cold, and just said: "Aha, great." And again about himself. That was one of my first red flag situation (which i finally saw) and i started confront him about it, that is unfair that is this his whole reaction. And he started about his school and i am thinking, he is under the pressure and it is hard to listen about my success. And that i am selfish. It was hard after that 2 years seeing my positives and that i am still matter.

[@ip1136]

Serious question, is it always that the other person willingly manipulates you? Or can a trauma bond also just happen due to trauma of both people involved and strategies that they adapted, that are just not helpful in a relationship?

[@Silenceeify]

People can manipulate without realising it...

[@Gamechangerpurpose]

My childhood taught me that I had to try to proove myself to someone who treats me poorly

[@EveReznor]

A story of my last relationship of 9 years which i left 2 years ago. I'm out and I'm finally free.

[@meldeyobama1584]

I just realized that I'm in the same situation ship with a friend. At first, she started giving me compliments and stuff like that then suddenly she starts gossiping about myself, not taking countability for what she did, acting like she knows it all and a lot more... I just realized today that this wasn't healthy a all she took all my time in the way that I couldn't have it for myself or even exercise and do my skincare routine

[@ha-hv3le]

This can also happen to friendships too tbh, happened to me once. It was simple, just cut them off without giving them any explanation. If they hang around with your friends, just act like they’re not there and forget their existence, completely focusing on you and those you are having fun with. Of course, try to keep your physicaldistance between you and them too as it’s harder to think clearly around those

[@marmalinda3837]

I miss him, but he wont take me back (i dont know why I want him back. He made me super happy but he also stomped on my boundaries and decisions)

[@Kristel280]

Don't forget about the part when you roll down from that healing-mountain 🙂 and then you have to pick yourself up again and start marching up that hill once more. I'm right there with you on that mountain side. It will all be worth it! ❤

[@ROYALTY91187]

Please Stay Strong ... As Stated: “You Are Not Alone”. #KeepFightingTheGoodFight

[@rufoisaiahbracamonte338]

I was struggle with toxic families who are manipulates which makes me feel uncomfortable. I decided to surround myself with positivity and creativity which is peaceful and take some time for rest when tired. Its important to prioritize mental well being from those toxic people even a family member too I should ignore with

[@user-hl1ct3yh1r]

2:40 wow, they bond with you so hard that even when they’re away it hurts more so you run back to them.

[@edinmollakuqe1394]

I needed to see this.. it’s only been a couple weeks and I’m still healing🥺 all I hate is leaving someone I loved, most if not all these stages applied to me. And realizing that it really was a T bond relation ship I was in bc things moved way too fast and ended abruptly😢

[@CAM-wk3dj]

Hindsight 20/20- I guess a good indicator would be to feel like you need to be “loyal” to the person “that helped you through your trauma”-

[@Jod_Salz13]

This is rlly useful tbh

[@subhasmitakar3203]

I have been in this kind of relationship for 7 years. I was a very empathetic person before that but that person make me feel like everything bad happens in the relationship or even in his life, his work was somehow my fault. He was constantly gaslighting and manipulating that everything bad happened to him was my fault. Still i was so attached to him i was constantly pleasing him even after his painful words towards me.Everytime he leaves me for 10-15 days then again says sorry to me and promise me that he will change himself because he loves me. But that never happen. But rather than that i always feel valueless after forgiving him many times because i couldn't able to break that cycle. I always felt like i cann't live without him so i have faced his abuses tantrums abandonment every time in the hope that he might change in someday But my mind was constantly feeling exhausted and there was a fight going inside me to face the truth and show some respect to myself and leave him. Finally after 7 years i blocked him from everywhere. For sure i have cried a lot for 1-2 weeks but now i am feeling proud of myself that yes i have that courage to leave that trauma bond❤❤😊

[@Emily-wd2hi]

This can also happen to parents. It’s hard to get out of it because growing up in this you think it’s normal. But you can heal from this and walk away from it. It just takes time self research and self education.

[@Asterx5]

last year i dreamt of my grandpa dying and it happened, then I visited my favourite prof for the first time in years, talked about it and told her I will visit next month. the day before I went my granny got a stroke, I was having nightmares among them was one where the prof's mother dies. I was so afraid it happened. and months later it was true. I loved that prof as a mother and she always was kind and supportive to me so I wanted to do that for her since she has no family. I would visit her, give her gifts and always tell how much difference she made in my life. One time she told me to come back after 3 days because I told her I was taking meds. but when I went, a friend of hers didn't like me being there so she started humiliating me and said if I ever came again she would report me for harassment. My prof sat silent and didn't defend...... I have been writing her a novel since 2019 because she taught me one course, and the reason I am taking meds is because my heart broke when I learned that her mother died. She was my Hero and mentor and now there is possibly no way we can talk again.

[@BearIchi]

That feel sad being in trauma bond.

[@cubby_dragon07gg]

Ok, so before watching this I thought that trauma bonding was when you bonded with another person through sharing past traumas, like for example if both yours and their parents are divorced you can bond over that similarity. I'm not sure if there's an actual term for that now that I know it's not called trauma bonding; if anyone knows please feel free to comment!

[@AnnaDolphin97]

Never have i ever found a video who describes my current fucked up situation more accurate

[@E4439Qv5]

(good luck, take care)

[@emilyr9866]

This was my last relationship, 100%. Every last step like she followed a friggin playbook. It only lasted 6 weeks and she started dating my "best friend"

[@richdarksauce]

Sometimes its more complex. Sometimes both of us have abusive traits that show as a consequence of past traumas we endured. I am seeking for help and support and want to put an end to the suffering of both us. Its more like we are so incompatible for intimate romantic relationship considering the differences of our backgrounds, but we didnt know. My dream is that we both find peace going our way, and from a distance I could gift her million dollar things that I know she dreams of - I couldnt provide proper healing to her soul wounds. Probly made things worse since Im not perfect, and she not the type to think that what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, so its full of blames of the past that never go away. While I cannot even hold a grudge for more than 1 business day. And me myself I had to leave behind old versions of myself to become even much more patient with everything, had to go back to being an introvert. Ouf, so complicated. But thanks so much, makes me wish we would have stopped much earlier. Funny thing is that we both felt devalued by the other, we both tried to make it work, but then we both ended up living just us two which we both wanted and at the same time not really lol, I had to expose both us to some close family to get support and advice, we working on establishing peace as much possible, but we know at the end we gonna go our separate ways tho. The awesomeness of our souls tainted by so much trauma, we both done things we are not proud of tho, while all we wanted was that harmonious relationship, we both tried hard - but then today Im realising how different our love language is ..and I promised myself to be the most kind and positive no matter what triggers occur, no matter how negative Life got her feeling. And we working a lot on more boundaries : BOUNDARIES people , thats gonna help a lot if ever you going through some like that or suspecting it might turn into this. One Love !

[@indridcold8433]

I have not bonded with anybody in many years. My last social connections were back in 2000. It is doubtful I will ever look for amicable, nor amorous, connections ever again. The negatives of interpersonal, social, interactions, and bonds, far outnumber the tiny amount of benefits social bonds may have. It is not worth having friends and a romantic interest today. I will never seek them again.

[@REBEKAHJOHNSON-lh6xh]

I went through ALL of this with a toxic 8 year old ”friendship”. Remember it’s not always a romantic relationship. Be careful out there!!