7 Things the Dismissive Avoidant Woman Wants You to Know Now

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

DA females, what do you think? Does this resonate? Comment below!

[@roshalllambert]

Thais is always accurate!

[@ashton1952]

The best explanation I've seen, Thais really understands

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤@@roshalllambert

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤@@ashton1952

[@Crescent_Moon_Rising]

100%

[@roshalllambert]

Thais is very accurate whenever she is describing DAs inner experience! She makes my jaws drop!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you!

[@AmericanDreamer]

prolly coz she is really a DA and not the FA.

[@ashton1952]

@@AmericanDreamer no, she listens to understand, not apply own ideas only. She's also professionally qualified at helping people in this area, and her husband has healed from being DA, so it's possible.

[@MrSamIAm39]

“Are you dating a dismissive avoidant female….” I’m trying like hell 😂😂😂😂

[@anewlifestirring]

Very helpful and very clearly, the high empathy and sensitivity of the DA you expose differentiates their behaviour from that of a narcissist

[@ashton1952]

DA's can be strong empaths, we may have difficulty expressing emotions but we feel our partner's pain, anxiety, missing etc. without them having to say anything. Words not necessary, energy says everything. Hence angry criticizing hits us like rocks.

[@anewlifestirring]

@@ashton1952 absolutely so. The one in my life is a hyper-empath, hypersensitive and terrorised at the idea of hurting anyone, and at the same time in constant attitude of self protection. It is a huge injustice to consider them as insensitive or selfish.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@ashton1952]

@@anewlifestirring thanks for the kind understanding

[@anewlifestirring]

@@ashton1952 we are in an ailing society and it is vital for our global survival and common wealth that we avoid judging the wounded and weary on the road of life. We are too often unable to cope with these circumstances because of our own wounds, and we should at least avoid hurting them any further. This is a repeated advice from Thais here that differs from the other judgmental dualistic and manichean outlooks that are not helpful for our individual and collective growth.

[@ClintLeClairMD]

I now need to go apologize to my DA best friend. We got past a pretty bad fight, but I thought I had rightly verbalized that she was stonewalling me as I was trying to get her to open up while sharing my side of things. Everything during that interaction and afterwards points more to the explanation in this video, instead. Thank You, Thais.

[@YamileYemoonyah]

To all the DAs out there. You are loved and valued. Ignore all the negative comments that are bound to appear here. Keep healing and being the best version of yourself ❤

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@roshalllambert]

Thank you for the support ❤️

[@LosmitosdeDaniellefer]

I love your comment and I agree with what you say.

[@LaurensLifePhotoJournal]

❤❤❤

[@tashawilliams8093]

♥. I'm glad someone sees that DAs are people like everyone else.

[@shirellevalentine8405]

I've just scored 77/80 on a hyper independence test that says I'm a dismissive avoident person. So that led me to search what that is. Came across this video and omg this is soooo me 100% I get so frustrated not being able to voice what I need. I feel my childhood trauma has ruined me

[@Heyu7her3]

Thing #0: RELATIONSHIP? What relationship? Thing #1: Leave me alone!

[@sifublack192]

Interesting video. There was so much, yet it was so easy to understand. As a DA man, I can empathize with this.

[@evaantonsen1974]

Very spot on, Thais. Thank you so much for considering us DA females too. I can’t wait to show it to my partner.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

So happy you like this one :)

[@KaydeneJ]

Exactly!! Some folks accuse DA females if being cold or "acting all masculine". Not knowing it's deeper than that.

[@NormanInAustralia]

Thanks!

[@Annie-lv8sn]

Your content is spot on but still difficult to figure out how to get out from the rut. I'm a 50-year old, never married, DA woman with series of failed relationships. I always wanted to have family and kids but I was flaw finding and afraid of commitment (or my partners were), and the clock ticked out for me. Two years ago I met a secure guy but instead of becoming secure myself, I think I turned him as a DA too and we barely meet anymore. I've been working on my DA tendencies for two years but frankly have lost all hope to have a fulfilling relationship. In a typical DA fashion it's probably best if I remain single and don't even try to date and have more heartbreaks. Over the years I have definitely turned into a DA wanting companionship, talking, relationship but not the whole marriage and one household thing as I never believe things will work out long term. Could you make a video about DA people like me that have lost all hope to find someone or be in a fulfilling relationship?

[@darrellborland119]

@Annie-Iv8sn...Sorry to hear of your issues with DA...Some folks deal with PTSD/AHD/Borderline Disorder...it takes a very strong, differentiated personality profile, between both parties, to beat that one. Some men and women meet later, having finally found a match. That match is like a jig-saw puzzle-fit, as we get to know each other. As a guy, I can say that a second marriage is far more awesome than the first....mainly due to maturity. And, a professional therapist can be a help in figuring out how to flow with your mate's moods, etc. That may be a viable answer? Please feel welcome to reply. Thanks.

[@LeeChrissy]

Are you part of PDS? I'm a FA and it's helped tremendously. I haven't dated since I've started back in May, but I definitely have a healthier outlook. After being FA leaning AP in my teens and constantly getting burned, I spent my 20's and 30's in my avoidant side. Ironically enough, being more avoidant is what attracted a lot of guys to me and made them chase. In my late 30's and now in my 40's, I started letting my vulnerable side out and once again felt forced back into my avoidant side because I have no balance between anxious and avoidant and being vulnerable makes me extremely anxious. Honestly, although I'm healing and becoming more secure (I think) I still feel safer in my avoidant side. I was luckily able to have 2 children in the midst of all this, but I don't typically look at relationships as things that last forever and so I've done fine on my own. It does suck sometimes though. I was really in love with my avoidant ex, but I was too anxious with him and it wrecked my nervous system. Until I get this under control, I'm keeping to myself. PDS is amazing though. It's helping. ❤

[@ashton1952]

You're not alone, and there must be a way to resolve this

[@albutron0316]

I'm DA and in PDS, and slowly learning to build a fulfilling relationship. You're not alone and it is possible to heal. ❤

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Have you done reprogramming work on your core wounds? A lot of this work is reprogramming of core wounds and uncovering our subconscious beliefs about self and relationships.

[@ShimmerSoulSong]

Regardless of my desire for her to be more transparent and thoughtful, and especially not Ice Me Out. I love all her positive qualities so much more than the flaws and I learned so much from you and feel so much Compassion and more understanding now. I really wanted to Acknowledge her alot more and Yes Ask for what I need. I KNOW for sure my DA dear one IS a Super deep feeler and tender heart. I wanted her to let me know so I could offer empathy. I still feel loyal and open to her open to dialogue. Yeah DA doesn't want the intensity of emotion if it's anger. I get that! Ouch.

[@RedSky8]

Lol, look at the difference in the vibe of the comments from this video compared to the male dismissive avoident video 😅 or any of the other ones. Now that where talking specifically about DA women everyone's kind, understanding, and patient. Let's bring this same energy to all the DA videos. Some of y'all could learn from these patient and understanding men who are supporting DA women and aren't using these videos to diss them.

[@ashton1952]

Just give it time 🥹

[@RedSky8]

@@ashton1952 You're right 🫠

[@ashton1952]

​@@RedSky8Us DA women have your back, we understand how it is. I was kind and open with some commenters here and already got burned. Criticizers can keep throwing their toys out the crib 😅 won't work. A lot of covert narcs lurking in among there anyway, so I'll do what I do best, patient my good energy and dismiss the poop-slinging show.

[@ashton1952]

* protect my good energy

[@dominiquem14]

as a DA woman i agree with you. i don’t even read the comments anymore under other DA videos because people just use it as an opportunity to bash their ex and brand us a narcissist. the only reason i read the comments here was to see if there was a difference.. and there absolutely was. which is saddening. (and notice the amount of views this video got vs the others) although, for once, it was nice to not feel attacked for an upbringing i did not choose.

[@yarivcn]

They do not communicate

[@ashton1952]

Showing up with peaceful energy will get the results .. not judgemental toxic sludge, which simply shows a lack of self awareness. Anyone with an insecure attachment has healing work to do on themselves; it's 50/50, just because a DA is not criticizing their partner it doesn't mean the partner is perfect. We just assume that you beat yourself up inside as much as we do ourselves, so we don't want to make your life any harder. Peace works best.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

thank you for sharing ❤

[@darrellborland119]

An interesting topic. Thanks and subscribed.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

welcome! ❤

[@nickus51]

This was very useful. If I only knew all of this information a year ago.

[@juliangilbert5465]

My God, this has so much opened my eyes to someone I've been struggling to understand for the last few years . This is so useful, this could be this person to a T. Thank you . That is so useful .

[@jaycee5676]

I see these traits in the girls that I like.....She can come across as almost confusing/unclear but I can tell she struggles to open up and trust me.......the challenge is how do i show her that I get her character and how does she end up trusting me?

[@Elenasn]

you can't make anyone open up faster or open up at all. But you can make sure you don't make her feel uncomfortable to open up. Don't judge, don't make her feel like something is wrong with her. Be consistency genuinely curious when she opens up about the smallest things, that's how she will get used to feeling safe with you. Hope this helps

[@thatdapperman]

Thanks for the info. I'm sure it will help me as I actually begin this process of hopefully getting her to engage with me after 4 years no contact. I'm proud of myself for following my heart and that I'm very skilled in so many other things that will help me in this. I only found out that she was a DA a couple of days ago by accident, and then I began panicking because it was just so overwhelming. I had to just breathe... However, whenever I find myself a good challenge, in a way it excites me because I get bored if things are too easy. Let's hope it's not too hard!

[@mk9199]

It's very rare for DA to get back with an ex. Many youtubers and the like claim otherwise but the data does not support that. 4years and still holding a candle!??? Maybe it's time to move on perhaps?

[@lilove6560]

I’m AA and all of this resonates with me! 😮 I dislike being criticized and I need space and independence 😅

[@ashton1952]

A lot of people have aspects of more than one attachment style; usually one is more dominant but can change according to the person's situation

[@mousumisarkar2836]

Thank you for this great video ❤

[@superdupeninja8149]

Are you going to make a video on what anxious men desire?

[@boom33joelmtz85]

Simple, we like physical closeness A soft touch and feel valued goes a long way to feel good

[@MzShonuff123]

“While we all wonder “Where did everyone in the police station go?” 😂😂

[@LeeChrissy]

I have a friend who is DA and she is a sweetheart. Very tough exterior, but I love how men can't get past her boundaries. The men don't like it of course. She's not heartless or mean, she is just straightforward. One time a man told her he loved her way too soon and she broke it off right on the spot. When he got emotional and asked to meet up to discuss it, she reminded him that those are his emotions that he has to deal with, not hers. He was extremely anxiously attached and she had to be blunt. I have to say I love that for her. She's been in a relationship for almost a year now and she did not have to change or jump through hoops to meet his criteria.

[@ashton1952]

Sounds like she dodged a bullet with letting the lovebomber go. Too soon ILY , like after a few weeks of dating, a person you don't yet know, can be a huge red flag.

[@Heyu7her3]

But she sounds securely attached

[@LeeChrissy]

@@Heyu7her3 it was definitely a secure move and she might have a partially secure attachment style, but she's definitely DA.

[@mk9199]

​@@LeeChrissy DA with self acceptance 💪. and she's moved past the conflict fear. She sounds awesome.

[@LeeChrissy]

@@mk9199 she is. 💖

[@thestripeydog]

Do they enjoy being this way? If she refuses to even acknowledge how their attachment & behaviours are destroying their relationship with their partner, it becomes very difficult to accept

[@mk9199]

It's her choice not yours. DA don't know anything different it's normal for them, and they are low relationship anxiety, same as secure attachment so it isn't causing distress generally, unlike the experience of anxious types (fearful and preoccupied).

[@kendrayoung2523]

Thank you for this. ❤

[@riccardodiluca6862]

I had my bday two days ago. I went to pick her up at work and she couldn't even say happy bday with a smile and give me a hug...It really did hurt me. I left her at home and as she expected me to come up with her, I just left. She came running after me but the damage was already done. What kind of person dates someone for 3 years and can't even smile and give a hug on such a special day? And she does these kind of things on a regular basis but doing it on my day has even more impact. Cancelled the dinner and other plans we had and blocked her on every platform. People who are not dismissive or anxious like me really try to understand these abhorrent behaviours but its not healthy for us to emotionally dumbdown to "understand" these emotionally retarded people. Level up or goodbye.

[@ashton1952]

@riccardo Is there anything that could have caused her to behave like that? You can ask, because it's not a normal way for anyone to behave. Ask but switch off all the emotions first; (like how can I explain this, poker face and unreadable; to protect yourself and not give any unnecessary leverage). At least just to get closure. I can only think of two things: either the person is in extreme pain, or has a personality disorder. But I'm not a therapist or anything; professional opinion is best.

[@riccardodiluca6862]

@@ashton1952 She kept saying she was tired from her shift but can you be that tired to the point you can't smile and say happy bday? I dont think so...Oh and she even said "dont start" Like I am the one to blame...There are no excuses. And everything was pretty good until that moment.

[@ashton1952]

@@riccardodiluca6862 I just think it's strange, like maybe a family member died, something like that could make a person shut down completely. You know her, if there's been this type of pattern beforeand stuff. I feel you though, I'm sorry

[@riccardodiluca6862]

@@ashton1952 Thank you for your words. No one died though lol...I know she loves me but sometimes is just too much. Merry Xmas!

[@ashton1952]

@@riccardodiluca6862 wish i could be more helpful. Merry Christmas

[@riyajacob2909]

@Thais,I was thinking probably disorders such as ADHD/ ADD /BPD/NPD could be affecting people behaviour other than attachment style? Some DAs i have come across, suspect ADHD in them?

[@kyaep4421]

This video assumes that one is not diagnosed with personality disorders like you mentioned. For those, it's better to be treated by a professional, because those are actual disorders and can be treated/rehabilitated. Attachment styles applies to everyone regardless if one has personality disorders or not.

[@albutron0316]

I feel seen ❤

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@ShimmerSoulSong]

Gotta give the space. Some of us FAs also value independence and autonomy, space and freedom, but we also would like more reassurance and acknowledgement in small ways. I want to meet That particular DA needs. I doubt I'd want to get close with another DA.

[@bayareaprepper]

🤓Late but here!!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@Heyu7her3]

I'm legit confused on how y'all get into romantic relationships, let alone date?????

[@trollhunter3944]

From my experience, when someone with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style doesn't have strong feelings, they tend to be more open, communicative, and caring. However, as their feelings develop, they often struggle internally. Over time, they might withdraw and become less communicative, leaving those with anxious attachment and even a secure, uncertain about their relationship.

[@DeeDeex007o]

Correct!@@trollhunter3944

[@mk9199]

I was married with kids for 10years...still don't know how it happened, wasn't even looking to date, it just.. happened. I do know that when I confessed to a close friend I was falling in love I said it was "very inconvenient".

[@zacpdx]

Curious if you could answer this, if you know? Do you know that low key dismissive avoidant woman turn to sex work like "sugar" daddy, friends with benefits etc???

[@ashton1952]

I think women who work in these jobs simply have to switch off their emotions; otherwise it'd be impossible. The nature of women is to get emotionally attached with intimicy. Dismissive avoidance idk if there's any relation to this, our problem is more with a difficulty in expressing feelings, and not that we don't have feelings. We also avoid confrontation and conflict because we prefer peace than fighting. So in my opinion, as a DA, these are very different things. Women can switch off emotions I think but it'd be more like survival (in abuse situation, force, which prostitution kinda includes if she can't see any other way to survive) and it's masculine energy. Maybe ask women who have worked with these jobs, I don't know enough, only to say it's not a DA thing at all.

[@raoulcabrera863]

4 years ago, I met a lady on a hook-up date. Just before the date, she told me to bring her first monthly allowance. On the hook-up date, she said, I want a relationship. I had no idea of her being a DA and till today, she is in denial. Since I found her statements confusing, I dated someone else that ended a month later. Then I returned to this DA and we have been together for 4 years now. As I was ignorant of attachment theory and her being in denial, we have had a roller coaster relationship. Intense arguments, heavenly times of joy and everything in between including break ups. She told me that she would just be willing to be a mistress just to keep me, mainly due to financial support, I think. My opinion is that sugar daddy is a last resort for DAs until they can find a relationship partner. I doubt friends with benefits since DAs have very few close friends. My DAs social media accounts are all private. Having to deal with a variety of people is extremely difficult for my DA. My DA is extremely sensitive to gossip. No social activities with neighbors. She does not share her relationship information to her closest friends (4 ladies, no men), only her family knows. Hope this helps.

[@erin9243]

A Lot of sex workers are narcissistic. They don’t bond with people in the way normal people do. Male or female

[@mk9199]

I'm not aware of any studies looking at this let alone linking the two. Honestly, there are too many confounding factors to properly tease out a correlation let alone a direction of correlation if there is one. There is evidence to suggest that big 5 traits of increased openness & extraversion as well as higher impulsivity moderately predicts infidelity and promiscuous sexual behaviours (as described in such research). Attachment isn't really a theory/ tool for predicting 'occupation choice' including sex work, it's really beyond its scope. other psych domains like personality, occupational and social psychology would be more appropriate to answer your question. Economic and cultural factors will also likely have some effect.