8 Evidence-Based Tips that Helped Me Find Love

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One of the biggest predictors of life satisfaction is the quality of our relationships and there are studies which show that it's specifically your romantic relationships which correlate with these health and happiness outcomes. So in this video, I'll be sharing some tips from that I picked up from talking to behavioural scientist Logan Ury who's written the fantastic book How To Not Die Alone. Enjoy x
Check out my interview with Logan here - • How to Not Die Alone -...
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⏱ Timestamps
01:17 Tip #1 - Throw away the checklist
03:03 Tip #2 - Overcome the hesitater mindset
04:47 Tip #3 - Don't fall into the interview trap
06:34 Tip #4 - The peak end rule
07:45 Tip #5 - The second date rule
09:15 Tip #6 - The experiential mindset
13:18 Tip #7 - Basement person vs penthouse person
14:02 Tip #8 - Treat it like an experiment
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I’m Ali, a KZbinr, podcaster, soon-to-be author and ex-Doctor working in London, UK. I make videos that explore the strategies and tools that help us live happier, healthier and more productive lives. I also have a weekly podcast called Deep Dive (kzbin.info/door/hfo..., and I write a weekly email newsletter that contains some quick thoughts + links to interesting things (email.aliabdaal.com/).
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[@aliabdaal]

📚 Pre-order my book to get an exclusive ticket to The Feel-Good Productivity Annual Planning Workshop! www.feelgoodproductivity.com/?+Evidence-Based+Tips+that+Helped+Me+Find+Love

[@rumples584]

Ali moving from productivity to reproductivity 👀

[@abhaybhandarkar]

lol

[@offline__]

😂☠️

[@indranisarkar7858]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@jess5731]

Lmaooo😂

[@shirlishalom770]

Ahahahah

[@ThreeTwentyTech]

Ali's one true love is *productivity*

[@khalilahd.]

Lmfaooo accurate 😅

[@slayorswift]

Lol 100%

[@romelimmense]

no it is money

[@unclejunebug7178]

*insert image of him fornicating with the 4 hour work week book*

[@janco333]

Entj

[@sakinaalia1067]

I like how you’ve extended your channel into improving your personal life! Sometimes productivity channels can feel so about the grind culture that we forget to have lives outside of it.

[@Ayesha_F]

+1

[@savannahlee6899]

agreed!

[@cherisheverymoment5651]

I liked your comment and made it 1.2k

[@littlelilacbunny]

💯 🎉

[@bobbyboo2860]

Honestly the best relationships I've had were when I was not looking for one, I put myself out there through hobbies instead and met lots of new people and eventually that's how I met my current bf. It feels way more natural this way and we were actually friends first. But I totally get the frustration, I was on the apps for a while and it was so frustrating and dehumanizing

[@LalitaBallesteros]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@spappas3906]

May I ask what type of hobbies did you do?

[@LogarAcc]

100% agree. Sometimes living your life with the sole purpose of dating-marrying makes you seem a bit.. desperate?? find things you like, hobbies, sports, your job, having good times with your friends, anything. Anything that involves even a bit of communication with other people (even online) might lead to a mutual interest & it feels much more natural. Also, try to live in the moment, don't let your life pass by thinking about the "ideal love life" you would want. The best experiences I've lived are with people I never thought I would

[@3BanANNAs]

I am really enjoying your content Ali, I’ve been thinking about what it means to improve happiness so it’s really cool to see you go through things systematically, even relationships! Really happy that you’re growing in this way as well ☺️

[@EastofSublime]

Unbelievable amount of quality, life-changing content in 15 minutes. This was such an excellent way to follow up on the book summary. As someone who's fairly well-read in the relationship and therapy department, you introduced some new concepts and there's always more to learn. Thanks so much Ali !

[@rw3745]

Ohhh Ali’s in love 🥰 We all get those feelings and it’s so nice to hear you talk about it. I hope you find the right one ❤️

[@MeryKeit]

You suddenly became my favorite KZbin channel. Your advice is always something to consider and look forward to. Thank you for what you’re doing ❤

[@AlexPresa]

I think one word can summarize this entire video and its: humility. We are all human, we all have amazing qualities, flaws, and everything else in between. Give people chances, and more chances, and chances are you will find love.

[@melissamorrison2308]

love that

[@enonz761]

No, nope, noooo. No chances if there is no spark. Just nausea

[@adaninurs]

​@@enonz761slow burn~~~

[@maryamcoco3683]

​@@enonz761yeah 😬

[@yehawitsackerman7829]

@@enonz761actually, that’s kind of approach that often ends up in unsuccessful dating. Of course, you want someone who you have a good connection and dynamic with. But this is exactly the kind of thing that can be built. What can’t be done, is fix a manipulator, who is exactly the type of person who will most often give you a “spark” with their manipulation, charm and attractiveness.

[@ZoeysMusings]

Learning how to find love productively is something I never knew I needed 😁Happy you've found love, Ali!

[@pavithraparthasarathy7912]

Experience vs evaluation mindset and spark vs burn slapped. Bottom line: it’s all about taking it light and experiencing the flow,the vibes. If you vibe, you vibe. Useful insights Ali.

[@bunniewood]

I struggle going on a second date with people I don’t feel a “spark” for. In all my experiences the men always feel like I’ve used them or “wasted their time” if I don’t want to continue after a second or third date.

[@JJ-vp3bd]

isnt that more of a you thing then?

[@radhikadashputra9148]

Congratulations Ali. Productive way to announce an engagement!

[@zottun1673]

So happy to hear you've found love 🥰 love to see it!

[@ydavidzhu]

Insightful. Love the tip about having an experience when going on dating rather than the traditional meal/interview.

[@SadbhW]

Yep, I actually met my "ideal" and didn't feel anything. I altered my approach to pretty much everything in this video and then I met my husband who was the complete opposite of my original list!

[@bunniewood]

Omg same!! I met my ideal too and I didn’t feel anything at all. I was so disappointed in myself about that, that I deleted all my apps and never dated again.

[@JJ-vp3bd]

What was on your list then to now? How did it change

[@wajiullah5591]

I'm sooo happy that Ali's usual video editing is back👍🥰 I hate videos with unnecessary memes😒 Your work is wholeheartedly appreciated.

[@explainexplosion6572]

Thanks for this video always all of your videos encourage us everytime always help us to realise many things also thanks all the members who are working at background

[@MarianLivingLife]

This was really informative thank you. I’ll put this book on my reading list! 💕

[@JannekeW1996]

Honestly, just take it easy and follow your feeling. If it feels right, continue to grow the relationship. Use conflicts to deep dive into each person's needs and each person's pre-wired behaviour shaped by parents and life experiences. This will lead to a better mutual understanding and to becoming a stronger team together. If it doesn't feel right, leave. And do not treat your significant other like something you can own or shape to your needs and never rely on that person to support you financially. That way you can always fairly choose for the relationship and not hang on to it for other reasons than believing in it.

[@FreyaGem]

This is so well put! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@ArtistProtagonist]

this comment is golden👏👏

[@sunvavachi]

I am currently reading this book you recommended for the past few weeks, thank you for sharing it! I didn't realize you had this video out 9 days ago! I was hesitating due to my cultural background but want to break this.

[@SD-MA]

JazakAllahu Khair, Ali! This seems so sensible.

[@BeneathTheRomance]

2:10 damn she really said “my husband is NOT the ideal partner physically but he’s Brilliant and hilarious” 🤣

[@nurinsabrina3396]

I love how your channel cover different aspect of lives - love, education, career etc 😍

[@thersten]

Cool

[@Abale8883]

This is the most on brand Ali video I swear. Love this for you bud!

[@SrRunsis]

This video was so helpful that I didnt know I needed it!

[@resourcefulqueen]

Thanks for this informative video. It inspired me to request this book from the library. May love prevail!

[@CorineCles]

this is a very good channel. I just discovered it today and I found this , I needed something like this. Thanks for that video. The channel is pretty impressive, full with references. I like the way you edit your videos. Do you use premade template or do effects by yourself ? will you do one day a tutorial ? I really like the way the transitions are made too.

[@Kereshennaidoo20]

It's not about finding the one for you. ...it's becoming the right one for yourself

[@amnaqc5496]

I love this, will write it down somewhere where I can remind myself of it :)

[@alanCandanedo]

Thank u so much Ali, I always learn sth new with your videos. 😄

[@MarieSteffen]

I love your videos! Who is editing your videos? Thanks for great information.

[@Harshsrivastava258]

Hey Ali i just starting watching your video , and i honestly tell uu your video is so productive for students. 👍

[@emaanmazhar6998]

Off topic: Ali's voice is so therapeutic.

[@Kruidphatbussy]

Great video!! But this is also why its so important to work on yourself. Because you could be an incredible person and we could be having an amazing time but then when the subjects of “what are your plans for the future” etc…. Do come up, or if you don’t have basic table manners, are screaming at waiters, come to the date unshowered and with stinking hair… it can block the other person from just being in the moment and experiencing all of you when they’re constantly distracted by those little things.

[@blackcaramel9339]

Ali welcome back to KZbinr .. lot of love respect and thanks

[@baghashvili]

Deep Dive is my favorite podcast. Keep it up, Ali ❤

[@ish77.7]

I just got out of a relationship fairly recently but I didn't go into that relationship with any kind of checklist expectation. And I think that's why it was so successful during the first, second and third date. It may not have led to marriage or whatever, but it was a great first relationship that was truly genuine.

[@themelissalaurie]

Great video Ali. Thanks for the refreshing tips

[@khbadiane]

Okaaaay. This is one of the better dating tips I've listened to on KZbin 🎉 Thanks!

[@fdoctor79]

Soo happy for Ali and his future bride. God speed and continued success!

[@GrowthMindsetChannel]

"There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved." ~ George Sand 😊

[@comebackata2]

I'm the slowburn type and it's difficult to find someone who has the same mindset. It just takes time to warm up and I don't judge after 1-2 dates.

[@HashemRodef]

Love your hair like this Ali!!! It’s a good luck for u!

[@amruthulprakash]

The Baground is Awesome 💚

[@Young_Techiez]

So so happy to see Ali in this space😊

[@ivinitmittal]

Not expected this video! But was insightful!

[@naut_nigel]

"1. Throw away the checklist" The way I just screamed "NOOOO" 🤣

[@carlosalexander6448]

Outlandish, paragraph long lists are not necessary and counterproductive, that parts true, but I think it’s absurd to not have at least a short list of boundaries/“must haves” to build a relationship on a solid foundation. Yes, you’re not gonna find the “perfect” partner, he/she becomes it over time (hopefully), but you need a solid baseline to build upon, otherwise the house of cards will fall inevitably, as it is CLEARLY occurring in the current dating marketplace. A short/concise “list” of 10 things that are non-negotiables, I think is actually helpful, you need a small filter at least; otherwise I’m good.

[@DrZul_HF95]

thank you for the advice, Dr Ali. I'll make sure to use your tips in good way

[@NathalieLazo]

So good! Thanks to this advice, I have the BEST life partner today - 7 years later and still passionately in love with one another ❤️😍

[@ParisianBreakfast]

Thank you for this video 🙏 I just bought the book. I'm prioritizing my dating life for the rest of the year.

[@Ogarocious_dance]

Huge fan! FYI, Your chapters didn't register in the player bc the timestamps have to start with 0:00, I've noticed this on some other video as well. Once you add the 0:00 timestamp the chapters will register automatically

[@akshaydhomane6750]

Love this evidence based tips. Thank you very much

[@aishwaryashri803]

Watching this video made me realise that I am on the right track.

[@Namastezizii]

Sio happy for you Ali! wish you all the best

[@sms1511]

Congratulations to you and your future wife. Maybe it can happen to all of us one way or another.

[@seidyfigueroa5094]

Thank you Ali for this great video.

[@M_IAWIA]

I have created a checklist. My checklist is flexible on most parts, but I still wanted to have it to remind me what the "perfect" partner is, and so I can see when I date if the person I am dating truly makes me happy or if I am missing something important. I have a tendency to be too accommodating for other people, and not prioritise my own wants and needs enough. My list isn't based on superficial things about him, but on what makes me happy. A true partner will be willing to do most things on my list because it makes me happy, like visiting museum, listening to musicals or watching anime with me. I want to share my life with my partner, so I need to find someone who enjoys what I love, otherwise I end up alone even when I'm in a relationship.

[@emelsaat]

I feel like these are tips to find a boyfriend/girlfriend. To marry someone there is a list. Do they have the same religious views, if they want kids, political views and if they accept your culture/if they have the same culture and blah

[@alihumayun8497]

Love you Ali. Thank you for the invaluable content.

[@anadu187]

I love the vid, even though i already met my person

[@Yinsaei]

This is very helpful, thank you

[@thaisecairess]

Now that I´m opened to talk about it, find out my real issue, I´ve played this video and I´ll think about the topics... it makes a lot of sense. I´ll try to read the book as well. Tks.

[@jihyelee7140]

What a great video. Great job, thank you for this video.

[@DlitMusic]

Yeah, it was really well done! 😁

[@Soochoup]

That was surprisingly helpful 😂 thanks

[@pietros9170]

Ali love your videos, thank you

[@messpilo]

Thank you Ali it was very interesting.

[@anitaaaaa4456]

Love your vids

[@Rustilida]

I love your new background

[@Mt-kd8gl]

Good tips on focusing on the experiential part of it.

[@bdfwhhsb]

Thank you so much for this video ❤️

[@avatar-tn3rn]

great video!

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Yeah, checklists based on superficial aspects are bad but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have non-negotiables as part of the Checklist.

[@ChiCityLady]

I agree with this, especially if your non-negotiables are for long-term reasons.

[@catcoffee7958]

True ,,I was taken back by this point ,,,,

[@ThreeTwentyTech]

Ali is in love with being productive

[@yta8892]

Really happy for you 🎉,

[@OPtommy1113]

Finally release this video!

[@AmeerSameerKhan]

For some reason, the word Bromodoro popped into my head 😃 best wishes Ali!

[@hayetbh8171]

😂😂😂😂😂 Same

[@razabadass]

Thank you once again Ali and Team! Raza :)

[@siya4567]

Ali, the one person who uses evidence to find love

[@mansoorsiddique]

So when do we get the wedding video?

[@jerome1lm]

Just out of curiosity: Where does one get one of these "dates" that you talk about?

[@medpanda2152]

Helpful ! Thanks

[@merqutio69]

Love almost all of the ideas in the book but I felt like if the other person hasn't read the same book, you'll get rejected as they are using traditional methods

[@FaeezKardar]

Thanks ali

[@peterpiper5300]

i miss that roommate of yours. her name is at the tip of my tongue. you guys always made me smile.

[@tinaperez7393]

This stuff irritates me - I want to scream "no duh!" - when it comes to assuming people's "lists" include such stupid things mentioned here. MY "list" had criteria based on long term compatibility qualities, core values, and values based needs and wants none of which focused on looks. Health and basic fitness yes (because I'm active and need an active partner and need to share the core value of long term health to be compatible) Just things in the "looks" category, no.

[@JillWhitcomb1966]

As an American woman who is 55+ years old, I've found it was so much easier to find compatible men in the United Kingdom: This was either via dating sites, or in person when living in Wales, UK, as a digital nomad. Sometimes, it was just three dates, and other times it was a relationship that lasted close to two years. I'm vegetarian (vegan some days), Agnostic, left-wing politically, and haven't owned a car in close to two decades. I like a walkable lifestyle, I'm a minimalist, and an Introvert. I've also lived in five countries. In the UK, men found me to be interesting, funny, intelligent, and "fun to be around." In the USA, men on my age group are looking for a "drinks and a f*ck" girl (nope, not interested), or they want to talk about who I was in high school forty years ago instead of discussing my current life, or they want to discuss why I divorced my husband more than twenty years ago. American men, at least the ones here in the upper Midwest, still act like teenaged boys. Men in the UK, at least the ones I dated, acted like men.

[@ecole1988]

I like to end with a hug. It helps me gauge how much I liked the date, and also enables the other person to know how I feel and how they feel. E.g. If I linger and give a more intense hug, it's clear I like them. Not to say there are expectations after that, but it's just a valuable way to end the date and know what you'd like to do next.

[@martinmusokem5765]

Thank you Ali

[@serisingh]

I found my life partner doing the opposite of half of this advice 😂 I think everybody should experiment for themselves.

[@JJ-vp3bd]

what did you do

[@marlenaeva3813]

I know people who attracted their SO by having 'the list'. However I think you don't understand what the list is all about. The list is about non-negotiables in a person (needs to be kind, respectful, needs to want to enjoy conversations, needs to enjoy being creative or having fun etc). If you don't have the check list how are you ever going to 'manifest' that person? Because that person doesn't show up in your environment magically. He/she comes because you have attracted them through thinking about them (wanting them). And if you don't think about them being empathetic or smart or communicative, you;re gonna attract an abuser who is boring but you're gonna mistaken them for 'the one' because you're too desperate to date. Also, someone here said you need to date yourself first and love yourself. Nowhere in this video is the saying that self-love matters. Self-love is what rejects abusive people so it is important in the world of dating. Some of that woman's points here are interesting. Going on interview dates sounds odd, I never done that. I always had something cool and adventurous planned. And getting to a second date-also good because first dates always suck.

[@davinaz6885]

I like activity dates but I can't afford togo on one every week, not even every two weeks. I would totally make up my own (like the example given to maybe try a lot of the same type of food in one area) but my town doesn't really have areas like that

[@rayennehoubib430]

pls ali even luv comes to your life with tips nd productivity man chill

[@alyslim5234]

what an interesting but also lovely video 😆

[@tomojo-enginner]

まってました！！

[@holamissmusica]

Congratulations!

[@adam702702]

Great video

[@OmarMshi]

Can’t wait for the alizzy phase of the channel

[@toppicks9800]

Having Ali Abdaal as crush is super worth it.

[@krishnaprasanthi]

cant wait to meet her!!!