8 Evidence-Based Tips that Helped Me Find Love

[@aliabdaal]

📚 Pre-order my book to get an exclusive ticket to The Feel-Good Productivity Annual Planning Workshop! www.feelgoodproductivity.com/?+Evidence-Based+Tips+that+Helped+Me+Find+Love

[@sofief2671]

I have a checklist for a life partner as someone who is currently going through a rough breakup - courageous enough for love - strong enough to not give up - emotional available - good communicator - commitment

[@sakinaalia1067]

I like how you’ve extended your channel into improving your personal life! Sometimes productivity channels can feel so about the grind culture that we forget to have lives outside of it.

[@Ayesha_11122]

+1

[@savannahlee6899]

agreed!

[@cherisheverymoment5651]

I liked your comment and made it 1.2k

[@littlelilacbunny]

💯 🎉

[@Yash-me6bb]

best comment i’ve seen all day

[@ThreeTwentyTech]

Ali's one true love is *productivity*

[@khalilahd.]

Lmfaooo accurate 😅

[@slayorswift]

Lol 100%

[@romelimmense]

no it is money

[@unclejunebug7178]

*insert image of him fornicating with the 4 hour work week book*

[@janco333]

Entj

[@rumples584]

Ali moving from productivity to reproductivity 👀

[@abhaybhandarkar]

lol

[@offline__]

😂☠️

[@indranisarkar7858]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@jess5731]

Lmaooo😂

[@shirlishalom770]

Ahahahah

[@comebackata2]

I'm the slowburn type and it's difficult to find someone who has the same mindset. It just takes time to warm up and I don't judge after 1-2 dates.

[@rw3745]

Ohhh Ali’s in love 🥰 We all get those feelings and it’s so nice to hear you talk about it. I hope you find the right one ❤️

[@AlexPresa]

I think one word can summarize this entire video and its: humility. We are all human, we all have amazing qualities, flaws, and everything else in between. Give people chances, and more chances, and chances are you will find love.

[@melissamorrison2308]

love that

[@enonz761]

No, nope, noooo. No chances if there is no spark. Just nausea

[@adaninurs]

​@@enonz761slow burn~~~

[@maryamcoco3683]

​@@enonz761yeah 😬

[@yehawitsackerman2513]

@@enonz761actually, that’s kind of approach that often ends up in unsuccessful dating. Of course, you want someone who you have a good connection and dynamic with. But this is exactly the kind of thing that can be built. What can’t be done, is fix a manipulator, who is exactly the type of person who will most often give you a “spark” with their manipulation, charm and attractiveness.

[@ZoeysMusings]

Learning how to find love productively is something I never knew I needed 😁Happy you've found love, Ali!

[@mshahidee03]

Throwing away any lists or Expectations is such a great advice nowadays. But this one works for finding a person you are genuinely interested in. For marriage,or any longtime commitment however ,there absolutely needs to be a list . That list isn't of Shallow things like Height or Income. It's much more of a list of things you need to clear up /have a discussion about before. Like - If you want kids or not,What are your religious views ,How accepting they are of your culture,how do they define a healthy marriage Excetra excetra.

[@bobbyboo2860]

Honestly the best relationships I've had were when I was not looking for one, I put myself out there through hobbies instead and met lots of new people and eventually that's how I met my current bf. It feels way more natural this way and we were actually friends first. But I totally get the frustration, I was on the apps for a while and it was so frustrating and dehumanizing

[@LalitaBallesteros]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@spappas3906]

May I ask what type of hobbies did you do?

[@LogarAcc]

100% agree. Sometimes living your life with the sole purpose of dating-marrying makes you seem a bit.. desperate?? find things you like, hobbies, sports, your job, having good times with your friends, anything. Anything that involves even a bit of communication with other people (even online) might lead to a mutual interest & it feels much more natural. Also, try to live in the moment, don't let your life pass by thinking about the "ideal love life" you would want. The best experiences I've lived are with people I never thought I would

[@EastofSublime]

Unbelievable amount of quality, life-changing content in 15 minutes. This was such an excellent way to follow up on the book summary. As someone who's fairly well-read in the relationship and therapy department, you introduced some new concepts and there's always more to learn. Thanks so much Ali !

[@naut_nigel]

"1. Throw away the checklist" The way I just screamed "NOOOO" 🤣

[@carlosalexander6448]

Outlandish, paragraph long lists are not necessary and counterproductive, that parts true, but I think it’s absurd to not have at least a short list of boundaries/“must haves” to build a relationship on a solid foundation. Yes, you’re not gonna find the “perfect” partner, he/she becomes it over time (hopefully), but you need a solid baseline to build upon, otherwise the house of cards will fall inevitably, as it is CLEARLY occurring in the current dating marketplace. A short/concise “list” of 10 things that are non-negotiables, I think is actually helpful, you need a small filter at least; otherwise I’m good.

[@ish77.7]

I just got out of a relationship fairly recently but I didn't go into that relationship with any kind of checklist expectation. And I think that's why it was so successful during the first, second and third date. It may not have led to marriage or whatever, but it was a great first relationship that was truly genuine.

[@SadbhW]

Yep, I actually met my "ideal" and didn't feel anything. I altered my approach to pretty much everything in this video and then I met my husband who was the complete opposite of my original list!

[@bunniewood]

Omg same!! I met my ideal too and I didn’t feel anything at all. I was so disappointed in myself about that, that I deleted all my apps and never dated again.

[@JJ-vp3bd]

What was on your list then to now? How did it change

[@MoonFlower721]

1.I need you to have a job that you've held for more than 3 months. 2.I need you to not be on drugs or use alcohol to cope with life. 3.I need you maintain your health and appearance. 4.I need you to be good with balancing and monitoring your finances. 5.I need you to have the heart of a warrior and the soul of a spiritual guide. 6.I need you to be in love with the Earth and cherish and value its abundance. 7.I need you to be open to accepting unconditional love without fear and distrust. 8.I need you to understand that I need you in life and that this is a partnership. 9.I need you to have your own identity and life outside of me. 10. I need you to communicate peacefully, clearly and without ill intent. This is just my personal wisdom and checklist. :) These are valid needs. People care too much about really silly stuff. Look at a persons character, it goes a long way.

[@emaanmazhar6998]

Off topic: Ali's voice is so therapeutic.

[@pavithraparthasarathy7912]

Experience vs evaluation mindset and spark vs burn slapped. Bottom line: it’s all about taking it light and experiencing the flow,the vibes. If you vibe, you vibe. Useful insights Ali.

[@RadhikaDashputra]

Congratulations Ali. Productive way to announce an engagement!

[@JannekeW1996]

Honestly, just take it easy and follow your feeling. If it feels right, continue to grow the relationship. Use conflicts to deep dive into each person's needs and each person's pre-wired behaviour shaped by parents and life experiences. This will lead to a better mutual understanding and to becoming a stronger team together. If it doesn't feel right, leave. And do not treat your significant other like something you can own or shape to your needs and never rely on that person to support you financially. That way you can always fairly choose for the relationship and not hang on to it for other reasons than believing in it.

[@FreyaGem]

This is so well put! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@ArtistProtagonist]

this comment is golden👏👏

[@MLFilmss]

I feel like these are tips to find a boyfriend/girlfriend. To marry someone there is a list. Do they have the same religious views, if they want kids, political views and if they accept your culture/if they have the same culture and blah

[@chrisbevan1121]

Agreed.

[@user-hz7pg7wf5p]

That’s what was explained like 5 minutes into the video…

[@BeneathTheRomance]

2:10 damn she really said “my husband is NOT the ideal partner physically but he’s Brilliant and hilarious” 🤣

[@VioletEmerald]

What's so funny about that?

[@ydavidzhu]

Insightful. Love the tip about having an experience when going on dating rather than the traditional meal/interview.

[@zottun1673]

So happy to hear you've found love 🥰 love to see it!

[@3BanANNAs]

I am really enjoying your content Ali, I’ve been thinking about what it means to improve happiness so it’s really cool to see you go through things systematically, even relationships! Really happy that you’re growing in this way as well ☺️

[@GrowthMindsetChannel]

"There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved." ~ George Sand 😊

[@JillWhitcomb1966]

As an American woman who is 55+ years old, I've found it was so much easier to find compatible men in the United Kingdom: This was either via dating sites, or in person when living in Wales, UK, as a digital nomad. Sometimes, it was just three dates, and other times it was a relationship that lasted close to two years. I'm vegetarian (vegan some days), Agnostic, left-wing politically, and haven't owned a car in close to two decades. I like a walkable lifestyle, I'm a minimalist, and an Introvert. I've also lived in five countries. In the UK, men found me to be interesting, funny, intelligent, and "fun to be around." In the USA, men on my age group are looking for a "drinks and a f*ck" girl (nope, not interested), or they want to talk about who I was in high school forty years ago instead of discussing my current life, or they want to discuss why I divorced my husband more than twenty years ago. American men, at least the ones here in the upper Midwest, still act like teenaged boys. Men in the UK, at least the ones I dated, acted like men.

[@pinkwakabeagle]

To the UK I go hahaha

[@Kereshennaidoo20]

It's not about finding the one for you. ...it's becoming the right one for yourself

[@amnaqc5496]

I love this, will write it down somewhere where I can remind myself of it :)

[@3Equalz]

No. You have to make yourself compatible with more people than just yourself. Everyone's already right for themselves...

[@Isthisinterestingnow]

I've become so right for myself that I don't even want to be around people. If I've figured out how to entertain myself and do everything for myself, then other people are just a waste of time for me.

[@MeryKeit]

You suddenly became my favorite KZbin channel. Your advice is always something to consider and look forward to. Thank you for what you’re doing ❤

[@birdz355]

Thanks!

[@siya4567]

Ali, the one person who uses evidence to find love

[@acanofswanuniversalgasligh9717]

Literally the only thing that’s ever been on my checklist is they they like me as much as I like them. I’m yet to even find friends that like me as much I I like them. I might just be destined to be alone at this point

[@jerome1lm]

Just out of curiosity: Where does one get one of these "dates" that you talk about?

[@wajiullah5591]

I'm sooo happy that Ali's usual video editing is back👍🥰 I hate videos with unnecessary memes😒 Your work is wholeheartedly appreciated.

[@fdoctor79]

Soo happy for Ali and his future bride. God speed and continued success!

[@nurinsabrina3396]

I love how your channel cover different aspect of lives - love, education, career etc 😍

[@thersten]

Cool

[@foreignlovedreams]

Thank you for this video! I think that’s so important to be yourself on a date to show the person the reality. And we definitely shouldn’t put any boarders for ourselves looking for a partner - as you said they might be completely different from your “type” but they will be your perfect match. The first thing we should pay attention to is still appearance anyway, but let’s try being a bit more creative and open-minded. I just got a bit inspired after this video :)

[@nias3202]

Thank you a lot! I'm probably not made for romantic relationships. It just feels too scary. But I really appreciate your advice for people. It's nice to hear of a scientific approach. Many KZbinrs are only focused on looks and appearance. That's bad news for everyone who doesn't fulfill society's beauty standards. The experiental approach is so important, for all kinds of relationships; I really need to think about that. When I ask, what do you do, I don't mean it in a judgemental way. I always thought, these are kind of the basics, even though it's uncomfortable to answer. But I now realize that I need to relax a little more.

[@ThreeTwentyTech]

Ali is in love with being productive

[@Abale8883]

This is the most on brand Ali video I swear. Love this for you bud!

[@areefakhan8032]

That elevator music is so calming. Great video, very insightful

[@MarieSteffen]

I love your videos! Who is editing your videos? Thanks for great information.

[@bunniewood]

I struggle going on a second date with people I don’t feel a “spark” for. In all my experiences the men always feel like I’ve used them or “wasted their time” if I don’t want to continue after a second or third date.

[@JJ-vp3bd]

isnt that more of a you thing then?

[@primisole123]

Sometimes it can be a bit of a slow burn; I just see it as getting to know someone, which is why I usually give it 2-3 dates before deciding whether to continue spending time with this person. It's not really fair for these men to say this -- unless they feel like they've been spending a lot of money on dates with you? But yeah, the first thing I look for in the first date is if I'm able to comfortably have a conversation with this person and they seem pleasant enough for me to do this again

[@Ogarocious_dance]

Huge fan! FYI, Your chapters didn't register in the player bc the timestamps have to start with 0:00, I've noticed this on some other video as well. Once you add the 0:00 timestamp the chapters will register automatically

[@SrRunsis]

This video was so helpful that I didnt know I needed it!

[@sms1511]

Congratulations to you and your future wife. Maybe it can happen to all of us one way or another.

[@lucasgust7720]

2:15 The problem is not making a list, the problem is making a stupid and superficial list.

[@khbadiane]

Okaaaay. This is one of the better dating tips I've listened to on KZbin 🎉 Thanks!

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Yeah, checklists based on superficial aspects are bad but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have non-negotiables as part of the Checklist.

[@ChiCityLady]

I agree with this, especially if your non-negotiables are for long-term reasons.

[@catcoffee7958]

True ,,I was taken back by this point ,,,,

[@Young_Techiez]

So so happy to see Ali in this space😊

[@BianAl-Aqab-jv6se]

Ali finding science evidence for everything in his life 🎉

[@NathalieLazo]

So good! Thanks to this advice, I have the BEST life partner today - 7 years later and still passionately in love with one another ❤️😍

[@thehilaryglow]

I'm doing all of these and still am single. Dating about once in a month or two months because it's really hard to find someone who actually wants to get to know me and not just trying to get my reaction online by stupid words. My wishlist or checklist as you put it? It has only meaningful characteristics in the ideal person I seek, such as being a kind person, having goals, being sincere and more. So it seems like I'm doing everything right and still can't find a proper partner. What's the problem? Please, enlighten me. I'm trying not to give up but it's hard after so much trial and horror (yes, pun intended).

[@Isthisinterestingnow]

As a woman seeking men, I find it's rare to find a man that has goals and is actually working towards them.

[@pink_sunset]

​@@Isthisinterestingnow same

[@resourcefulqueen]

Thanks for this informative video. It inspired me to request this book from the library. May love prevail!

[@SD-MA]

JazakAllahu Khair, Ali! This seems so sensible.

[@aishwaryashri803]

Watching this video made me realise that I am on the right track.

[@LodeIna]

Having Ali Abdaal as crush is super worth it.

[@nixina2788]

"Hmm , Yeah I'm productive in love" - Ali Abdaal

[@danielx40]

7:13 I like the comparison between a date and a colonoscopy.

[@sunvavachi]

I am currently reading this book you recommended for the past few weeks, thank you for sharing it! I didn't realize you had this video out 9 days ago! I was hesitating due to my cultural background but want to break this.

[@MarianLivingLife]

This was really informative thank you. I’ll put this book on my reading list! 💕

[@explainexplosion6572]

Thanks for this video always all of your videos encourage us everytime always help us to realise many things also thanks all the members who are working at background

[@blackcaramel9339]

Ali welcome back to KZbinr .. lot of love respect and thanks

[@ZukhanyeMack]

Who is here after the found out Ali got married😂❤

[@Eliza-beth-ytb]

I like to end with a hug. It helps me gauge how much I liked the date, and also enables the other person to know how I feel and how they feel. E.g. If I linger and give a more intense hug, it's clear I like them. Not to say there are expectations after that, but it's just a valuable way to end the date and know what you'd like to do next.

[@merqutio69]

Love almost all of the ideas in the book but I felt like if the other person hasn't read the same book, you'll get rejected as they are using traditional methods

[@StellaHikes]

Did he say “future wife” 👀😍🤩

[@isabella.c.a.]

So happy for you! Burning question: are you going to introduce us to your future wife?

[@HashemRodef]

Love your hair like this Ali!!! It’s a good luck for u!

[@serisingh]

I found my life partner doing the opposite of half of this advice 😂 I think everybody should experiment for themselves.

[@JJ-vp3bd]

what did you do

[@mohda.9420]

Yeah I agree. All this advice isn't necessarily wrong, but it comes from a very specific perspective . Not one that everyone is going to share.

[@alanCandanedo]

Thank u so much Ali, I always learn sth new with your videos. 😄

[@themelissalaurie]

Great video Ali. Thanks for the refreshing tips

[@clip012]

1:09 timestamp. 2:57 having it all.

[@DrZul_HF95]

thank you for the advice, Dr Ali. I'll make sure to use your tips in good way

[@Ellie_world777]

This is something new! Thank you!

[@SornAtWork]

I really love and enjoy ur content. Thank u 4 sharing.

[@amruthulprakash]

The Baground is Awesome 💚

[@NakulKrishna]

When you realise the Experimental vs Evaluative Mindset section at 9:15 is Ali Abdaal’s version of go with your heart and not your brain.

[@terrancekayton007]

Step 1: Get out of the house.

[@Devyanidd]

Hard part 😂😂

[@Isthisinterestingnow]

@@Devyanidd Really hard for me sometimes. I'm often shut down.

[@rayennehoubib430]

pls ali even luv comes to your life with tips nd productivity man chill

[@forgot2840]

Bruh why am I watching this. I have social anxiety i’m NOT going on dates ever 😂

[@jigar2238]

Same. I'll prolly never download dating apps and even date any date but watching for curiosity😂😂

[@littlebluefishy]

Me too haha, I will NOT date but I still find this fun lol

[@johnnyxmusic]

We are sending your assigned mate over…

[@ivinitmittal]

Not expected this video! But was insightful!

[@msliltrinity]

So insightful. Thank you!

[@CorineCles]

this is a very good channel. I just discovered it today and I found this , I needed something like this. Thanks for that video. The channel is pretty impressive, full with references. I like the way you edit your videos. Do you use premade template or do effects by yourself ? will you do one day a tutorial ? I really like the way the transitions are made too.

[@meherjanurmee9566]

Just be 100% honest when you're in LUV

[@JJ-vp3bd]

explain

[@Harshsrivastava258]

Hey Ali i just starting watching your video , and i honestly tell uu your video is so productive for students. 👍

[@baghashvili]

Deep Dive is my favorite podcast. Keep it up, Ali ❤

[@curie1677]

Who is the lucky girl?? Plz introduce her to us

[@oliversmith5713]

Izzy

[@pietros9170]

Ali love your videos, thank you

[@thaisecairess]

Now that I´m opened to talk about it, find out my real issue, I´ve played this video and I´ll think about the topics... it makes a lot of sense. I´ll try to read the book as well. Tks.

[@Namastezizii]

Sio happy for you Ali! wish you all the best

[@mansoorsiddique]

So when do we get the wedding video?

[@jihyelee7140]

What a great video. Great job, thank you for this video.

[@DlitMusic]

Yeah, it was really well done! 😁

[@kimmanning2913]

2017-2018 because of disobedience, I was over Sean. I started dating a friend. We'll call him D. We already knew each other from the past. He was recently divorced so I was quite cautious. I had already been divorced 5 to 6 yrs. We were already close friends so we played that card. I was working thru my feelings for S and saw strong potential for D. D pulled the Parker card as soon as I smelled that I was out because I was no longer attracted to any of that mind gaming mess. One thing I did ask D was to pray a certain prayer for me because we already had that bond. We lifted each other up in prayer. We ended the romance card and remained friends.

[@JJ-vp3bd]

whats the parker card?

[@kimmanning2913]

@@JJ-vp3bd who are you

[@einsozialdemokrat1071]

Tell me you are lonely without telling me you are lonely… *me clicks on this video*

[@hebaunica]

About the interview part, i think it is absolutely necessary at the beginning coz the only time i skipped this interview thing,i found out on the 2nd date he has 3 kids and this sth i can't keep up with since i was nit married b4.

[@shailynasrin703]

I think this video is for the guys. as a girl I feel like guys normally wants to go on second date but I normally don't like them enough to go on a second date with. I struggle to find my type of person who will be compatible too.

[@ombagi1386]

Shouldn't I try to have job interviews in the same way? Going for an activity typical for the job, seeing whether I gain energy by it or it drains me, overcome the hesitation that I need my self to be perfectly prepared before I start applying, treat it like an experiment, try to lift up the mood towards the end?

[@peterpiper5300]

i miss that roommate of yours. her name is at the tip of my tongue. you guys always made me smile.

[@captn_maverick]

Hey Ali, I would like to hear tips on how to normalize being alone. How to be better single and better for yourself.