8 Harmful Things That Parents Say To Their Kids

As parents, we want to support and encourage our children, but sometimes our words can have unintended negative effects. In this video, we'll explore 8 harmful things that parents commonly say to their kids and why they can be damaging. It's important to understand the impact of our words and make an effort to communicate in a way that builds our children up, rather than tears them down. Did you relate to any of these points? Let us know in the comments.
Did you know that different parenting styles can significantly affect your life? We made a video all about that here: • 4 Parenting Styles and...
Writer: Enaa Juneja
Script Editor: Michal Mitchell
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice Over: Amanda Silvera ( / amandasilvera )
Animator: Sun Biscuit
References:
Brown, C. L., Yilanli, M., & Rabbitt, A. L. (2022). Child Physical Abuse And Neglect. In StatPearls. StatPearls Publishing.
Glickman, E. A., Choi, K. W., Lussier, A. A., Smith, B. J., & Dunn, E. C. (2021). Childhood Emotional Neglect and Adolescent Depression: Assessing the Protective Role of Peer Social Support in a Longitudinal Birth Cohort. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 12. doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.681176
Hartwell-Walker, M. E. (2016). Rejecting Childhood Rejection. Psych Central. psychcentral.com/lib/rejecting-childhood-rejection#3
Heyman, G. D., Dweck, C. S., & Cain, K. M. (1992). Young Children’s Vulnerability to Self-Blame and Helplessness: Relationship to Beliefs about Goodness. Child Development, 63(2), 401. doi.org/10.2307/1131488
Holland, K. (2021). Childhood Emotional Neglect: How It Can Impact You Now and Later. Healthline. www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/childhood-emotional-neglect#what-it-is
How Does A Parent’s Anger Impact His or Her Child? Lakeside. lakesidelink.com/blog/how-does-a-parents-anger-impact-his-or-her-child/
Kanngiesser, P., Köymen, B., & Tomasello, M. (2017). Young children mostly keep, and expect others to keep, their promises. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 159, 140-158. doi.org/10.1016/j.jecp.2017.02.004
Quinto, K. L., Villarez, A., Bermejo, M., Eleazar, E. (2021). Toxic Positivity and Its Role on College Students' Mental Health during the COVID-19 Pandemic. 10.13140/RG.2.2.21244.26249.
Richter, M., Eck, J., Straube, T., Miltner, W. H., & Weiss, T. (2010). Do words hurt? Brain activation during the processing of pain-related words. Pain, 148(2), 198-205. doi.org/10.1016/j.pain.2009.08.009
Segrin, C., Woszidlo, A., Givertz, M., & Montgomery, N. (2013). Parent and Child Traits Associated with Overparenting. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 32(6), 569-595. doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2013.32.6.569
Stafford, M., Kuh, D. L., Gale, C. R., Mishra, G., & Richards, M. (2015). Parent-child relationships and offspring’s positive mental wellbeing from adolescence to early older age. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 11(3), 326-337. doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2015.1081971Vassar, G. (2022).

[@Psych2go]

In an effort to expand psych2go's content, we started translating our work in Japanese. If you're interested in learning more Japanese, you can check out the channel here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/gGfLmmebaKuKlck

[@Chamelionroses]

Hopefully elders and parents care how to raise kids healthy. No matter where over the world.

[@RinPlayz-ch6cz]

The question I always wondered and is how should the reciever respond to these phrases in a healthy way?

[@niasiamack9333]

Hi psych2go I love the animation you did.😊

[@idkidc2000]

"you're too sensitive" hurts so bad now i'm afraid of crying or feeling sad when im with my parents-

[@Lonevessel]

Same here, I rarely ever cry or get sad. But I do get mad over the littlest problems.

[@jesseyu69420]

Your parents literally made you more sensitive because they think you’re sensitive. Parents have gone full-circle now.

[@derekmaullo2865]

Bro,get out of the house. Screw them

[@elliehagman5658]

Yeah, me too. I was never allowed to cry, so now I feel guilty when I do.😔

[@midnightwalker7523]

Bro, same, I can't cry unless I am in my self place

[@coded_reaper7739]

I’ve always hated the “Be greatful, they have it worse” argument. Now I mentally feel like I can’t want anything. My therapist says I’m to minimal sense I never ask for anything and I’m fine with what I have because I don’t want more

[@Matrix803]

One phrase I used to hate growing up is "Because I said so", lol. That's the response someone gives when they don't have a good reason for telling you to do something.

[@Emmawow12]

My mom be like

[@mari9339]

Omg soo true all the time my parent say "because I ask you to do". Well shit if I ask them to do something they don't care

[@Psych2go]

And how do you respond when they say that?

[@Matrix803]

@@Psych2go Back then I would usually just pout and do what they told me to do. Lol.

[@nvenvieliner3698]

​@@Psych2go I tell them to go bother the wall because at this point I'm tired of their nagging religion.

[@bumblebeegamerreal]

Key Timestamps: 1. 00:53 Let me do it - Its harmful when said in a condesending way. Makes child feel incapable, discouraged and less self esteemed. Associated with overparenting. 2. 01:31 Can you change your appearance? - Very harmful, because telling someone that they do not look appealing brings down their confidence and shy away from being themselves. Makes children less happy 3. 02:24 You disappoint me - Very harmful because the child feels ineadequate, and unworthy. They stress out over living up to your expectation 4. 02:46 Its your fault - Very harmful because child feels trauma for a long period of time. Causes negative self judgement 5. 03:26 Why can't you be like them? - Very harmful because child feels ignored and unccapted to be themselves. Causes low self esteem, chonic self doubt, depression 6. 03:51 You're too sensitive - Very harmful because they stop seeking support and struggle in their own emotion. Prone to feel guilty, emotionally unavailable, and having trust issues 7. 04:37 They have it worse than you - Very harmful, because child would feel that their emotions are invalidated. Known as toxic positivity 8. 05:25 We'll do this next time - Very harmful, because child feels betrayed when parents make empty promises. I'm sorry for whoever went through this

[@georgianagheorghe8848]

I heard 1, 3, 5, 6, 7 and 8 from my parents, especially from my mother who is the most possessive, manipulative and controlling member of the family. She literally tries to live through me and my brother.

[@kerisaltchannel3817]

Ah my parents say these sometimes….. No wonder…

[@crystaljones1935]

8 out of 8 for my parents. I'd have been better prepared for life if I had been raised by chimps

[@briefpack9652]

@@crystaljones1935 yh same😅

[@chisaten]

I really like how you are descriptive in your time stamps instead of just giving the titles. 👍

[@FemboyKaiSaku]

my mum always downplays my pain and says "all you have is college to stress about you, don't go through any pain"

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for sharing your experience. That sounds like the comment feels demoralizing. When she says that, what is your response? Have you had a chance to let her know that her comments are downplaying your pain?

[@FemboyKaiSaku]

@@Psych2go i have told her this before, many times. She doesn't seem to care. But when im visibly sad on a certain day, she will act all nice and caring, but then its almost like she changes into a different person almost narcissistic just a day later and kindve like acts all victim, like the whole world is against her, and she makes excuses for how she treats me and my family. I want to love her, but she is so confusing, rude and ruins my mental health

[@Atheist6666]

​@Psych2go my parents always downplay everything I try to tell them. I barely tell them anything because I know that they're just going to downplay it so I don't even try anymore.

[@7Write4This9Heart7]

MOOOOOOD. My mom threatens to kick me out over it! ;A;

[@sandiletwala3001]

Sorry for that, that's so cruel bro

[@look-at-this-goofy-ahh-rat]

I’ve heard every single one of these. My mom forces me to wear different clothes to boost her own image, making false promises, basically all of this. That last one hit way to close to home. They let my brother go to therapy because he was feeling down. 5 years later, I ask my parents for therapy and they said my brother had it worse. I asked my brother and he was dealing with the same thing as me. It sucks. My parents are never proud of me, they just see my achievements at the same level of me doing chores.

[@mycatranovertheqwertz5206]

That sounds bad. I am sorry for your situation. I hope you can get out of the negativity one day

[@lemon-pudding]

#relatable

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. It sounds like it's been very difficult for you to feel validated from your parents. How's your relationship with them now? Do you feel like you had a chance to speak to them about what you've been feeling?

[@Stormrune]

Darling, your feelings are valid and you matter. Do not measure your worth by their words. You are strong, you are brave, you are enough. Therapy can be so helpful for healing past wounds and learning to love yourself fully. Keep reaching out for help and support from others who see your light. You deserve to feel proud of who you are becoming despite any voices that try to dim your shine. You are not alone. We are here for you. Sending love, support and virtual hugs your way. You've got this!

[@updownleftright883]

Mine gets mad that i wear a hood bc of their delusional brainwashed beliefs about young people. Idc thats her problem

[@pierre0227]

This is why when I lost my dad, it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. My therapist says mixed feelings are normal and its ok to feel good and bad.

[@dietotaku]

that's how i've felt about every death in the family my whole life. grandpa died, "oh." grandma died, "oh." aunt died, "oh." uncle died, "oh." even now when i imagine my mom dying, i feel more annoyed by having to deal with the funeral and burial than upset about losing her.

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. What was the reason why your loss didn't feel as painful? And how are you doing now?

[@pierre0227]

@@Psych2go it’s because I never had a healthy relationship with him. I can’t thank him for the person I’ve become. I had to learn who I am on my own. I’m doing fine now. I’ve been able to heal of all my trauma.

[@lollybirdy]

The toxic positivity is something I've always had to deal with from everyone in my family. Yes other people may have it worse but that doesn't mean my feelings are negated.

[@Psych2go]

Absolutely true. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. We want to ask, have you ever confronted your family about how you feel when they say things like that? If not, do you think you ever will?

[@lollybirdy]

@@Psych2go I have confronted them but they've sorta brushed me off so now when they try the guilt thing I kinda just shrug and brush it off

[@derekmaullo2865]

​@@lollybirdy Get out of the house.

[@PrincessMavenKittyDarkholme]

I kinda have this

[@cheescak]

my friend did the same to me once (they have a LOT of trauma) and now im afraid to venting to anyone because they will probably say the same

[@playboy_x]

That Toxic Positivity one is very true. It’s always an excuse to neglect or not care about a current situation. This always happened with both my Mexican parents and they were separated.

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for sharing your perspective. Why do you believe that toxic positivity is an excuse to neglect or not care about a situation? Could you tell us a bit more?

[@TaraTHESecretONE]

I would like to add the most destructive thing my mother ever said, right to my face. "I wish I NEVER had you." This was said to me as an adult, and after years of comparing me to others, disliking how i dressed and as an adult going "well, you spend your money how you want, I guess". and so on. I couldn't stand being around my parents so much that the first chance I could take putting a LOT of physical distance between myself and them, I DID. Been in therapy for years now and it's been slow progress coming to terms with how this has impacted me but, I've been happier, and I now feel free to wear and be whatever I want.

[@uzidoorman_MD_lol]

"all kids deserve parents, but not all parents deserve kids,"

[@your_local_skz_stannie]

I've heard "others have it worse" by so many people. Never my parents. Usually my friends, cousins teachers, ect. I've only developed trust issues because my friends and other relationships Thank you for teaching others about his stuff. It's really important to tell children, even adults how this can harm children.

[@ladyalmathea7610]

This speaks so much to me, coming from someone who was always either pressed to the breaking point to be perfect or just ignored in favor of my younger brother. I've long since forgiven them, and I have no resentment towards my brother, but... Deep down... I still remember all those times I felt like I was smothered or just completely alone...

[@bosnjoxd7392]

I know how you are. I am the oldest child in my family, I am 14 years old and I have experienced a lot from my parents, and what they did I thought was right. For example: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, neglecting my emotions, suppressing, not giving me time to express myself and a lot of other things. Now I can only see what they were and I am very sorry that others had to experience it. ACCEPT MY SYMPATHY

[@Stormrune]

I hear your pain and sadness in those words. No matter what caused it, I'm here to remind you of your strength, value and light. The past may continue to echo, but you have the power to drown it out with your resilience and joy. You are seen, heard and deeply cared for. Keep walking in purpose and peace. There is still so much beauty in this world to make new memories with. I send love, encouragement and solidarity your way. You got this!

[@kot_gry123]

„Others have worse” when someone says this it always makes me mad

[@janecelee1713]

I can relate to all the hurtful things. When I was younger, my mom would often pair hurtful statements with hitting/smacking. Although my dad and some relatives just used their words, it didn't make the experience any less painful. As an adult, I learned that when parents, relatives, and other non-related adults say those unnecessarily harsh and cruel things they're just parroting the words they grew up with, thus continuing the cycle of abuse. I remembered a time when I observed a healthy relationship between parent and child ( my best friend and her mom) and was completely mind blown by the interaction. It made me realize the things that I badly needed growing up. I swear to myself that I will never treat people the same way that I was treated.

[@PrincessMavenKittyDarkholme]

I'm kind of a pseudo

[@ThatIndianaPlanespotter]

"They have it worse than you" What a classic. I have heard that one a lot. Half time I try to open up to them, I get hit with the "They have it worse than you". Edit: No way Psych2go replied to my comment

[@krembryle7903]

And in reality, when I talk with someone outside of my family about my problems they always say that I have it insanely worse than them and I still haven't found one relatively well functioning person who has it worse.

[@dietotaku]

or the classic "there are starving kids in africa, now eat your dinner!" interesting that overparenting creates narcissism, and baby boomers are a whole generation of narcissists...

[@Psych2go]

This one is very relatable. Though people who say this may not have bad intentions, they don't realize that their comments may be trivializing our problems. This can definitely make us regret opening up to them. Have you opened up to them about how you feel when they say things like this?

[@ThatIndianaPlanespotter]

@@Psych2go I think I have, but I don’t remember getting very far with it

[@shadowking278]

Or. “Your fine. I’m depressed all the time.” This was when I was having a depressive episode and a panic attack in front of all my coworkers at my old job. Said to me by my mother. I really hate that when my entire family was diagnosed with depression. The doctor. (Or therapists. I can’t remember) said I was the least depressed. Which in turn made me feel like I had to be the “happy go lucky, laid back youngest child.” …I’ve forgotten how to smile naturally.

[@devoidash]

Im gonna actually say this. I was heavily abused by my mother. Right when I was born, she almost never took care of me, only my grandma used to take care of me. She also keeps calling me fat, says that I look like a " clown " when I try to create a unique style of clothing, and even says that im ugly. She also keeps saying that most of the things I accidentally do are " it's all my fault ". She also compared me to my old school friend bc I have struggles on school and I almost didn't got good grades. She calls me dumb, lazy and stuff. Most of the stuff shown in this video, actually happened to me A LOT. She keeps thinking what she does is the " correct " and whenever im nice to someone outside my house, she goes like " omg with the others you're like ' oOoOo hAvE a NiCe dAy ' but with me you're arrogant ". She always keeps saying this kind of stuff to myself, just because I like being nice to others. I have some serious trauma issues due to my mother, but she still thinks what she's doing is " the best "

[@bosnjoxd7392]

to sympathize with you. A lot of that happened to me and it still happens

[@johnathancooper5753]

We require people to pass a test to drive a car and get certified to do certain occupations, but there is no test to make sure someone can be a good parent. Sadly, that is the truth. But you both and others are doing the great step of realizing that those words spoken to you are NOT TRUE and you ARE amazing people!

[@wendydabee]

One of the most horrible details about abusive parents is that they basically NEVER think they're in the wrong or have done anything wrong. I hope you no longer have to deal with your abusive mom; I cut mine out of my life years ago and it was one of the best choices I've ever made. Just because they're family, they do NOT 'deserve' to be in your life, no matter what anyone else says. (I had to learn that one the hard way.)

[@lirissayo3427]

I hope you'll be able to break off from that person and you'll feel better soonya 🐾🖤🌊

[@domddev]

Just tell the Police, it works

[@ationthetree5389]

My mum used to judge me for the clothes I wear, but that didn't have any impact as she would let it go after me telling her how I don't care. But what I've found from this is that what could have also caused part of my depression was my mum telling me from a young age that I was acting like a baby whenever I would cry, it's only nowadays that she sees that crying is a part of life even at older ages.

[@karami8844]

Emotional neglect was a big one for me growing up. My mom never liked seeing me getting mad or sad. I learned to hide my feelings early on. Whenever I did lash out she would ridicule me or make me feel embarrassed for showing my emotions. As an adult, I have no friends and I can’t make emotional connections with anyone. I just keep everything to myself. Also, I never really learned to cook because whenever I did try, my mom would push me off the stove and do the meals herself. I could still learn but I have no confidence in my abilities.

[@catarinaguada]

OMG your animations have evolved a lot! Thank you for creating this community! I hope you guys stay on a good path

[@Psych2go]

Thank you so much for watching! How long have you been a part of our channel?

[@catarinaguada]

​@@Psych2go I just saw this! sorry, I've been a subscriber since the end of the year 2021 i think:D🫶🏻. Idk If you guys will see this, but I still watch your videos, and I like how all of them have even more variety in art now, new voices also! I always loved the videos, and still do, it helps a lot too, and we're always interesting to watch and calming. Have a great day^^!

[@dollyshirokuma7538]

The most terrifying thing is that many, many people relate to situations described in videos like this one.

[@najlaaalazmi3358]

It’s so helpful to me, so that helps me to recognize the most painful words that I’ve heard. One of the most painful words that my parents have said to me is “you’re too sensitive” or “don’t be so sensitive” or “emotional” or “don’t be sensitive so much” and they compared me to my siblings and they understand better than me, and they ask me that I didn’t understand if I’m a late teenager. I experienced of depressive symptoms, anxiety, stress and lower self-esteem.

[@diyashaji8821]

The fact I have heard all of this (from my mom mostly) and that I'm just a teenager hurts a little, just a tiny little.

[@ProjectMoff]

I always watch these looking to understand my present but honestly I don't really remember anything about my childhood, when I think about my childhood I just feel a sense of separation and frustration. I don't think I had a particularly bad childhood but I remember a lot of unhappiness and the idea of lifes not fair is a big standout... But I can't recall any specific memories.

[@samuelrobles3737]

My childhood was literally everything that was said in this video and with no exaggeration.

[@LaTashaChante]

This video guided me through a much needed conversation with my son. He’s 10 and was able to articulate what I could do better with him and how he feels. Thank you!

[@MacandArney]

Thats awesome!

[@Mel_Sharp]

Mom: "You just don't think like normal people." Dad: "You are the biggest disappointment of my life."

[@nickthepick8043]

They younger the child is, the more they hold onto their strongest memories since they become core memories. Inside Out explains this succinctly. Heck, I've been looking back on my childhood, and I can spot all the red flags. My mom said I looked like a rapist or pedophile by my fluffy-hair appearance in college/high school. To this day, she still says so even if she thinks she's helping. Reaaaally makes it hard for me to approach women.

[@Stormrune]

I'm sorry to hear that. A child's formative years are so important, and hurtful words can cut deep and stay with us long after. Please know that your appearance says nothing about your character or nature. The perceptions of others, even loved ones, are not reflections of who you truly are. You seem insightful and aware of how those early experiences have impacted you, and that self-awareness will serve you well in moving forward in a healthy and positive way. There are kind, caring people in this world who see you for the genuine, authentic person you are. Don't lose hope.

[@nickthepick8043]

@@Stormrune Oh don't worry, I won't. It's hard, but I've developed mental games to distract myself from the harsh thoughts that linger. I know one thing's for sure: Thoughts & Actions aren't the same thing. How you act on those dark feelings are reflective of your character.

[@Mur-zoUxw]

Well, with the "you're too sensitive" is relatable for me (but it is not my parents who say that though). And yeah, in my country (hint: masaya), there are family gatherings (but I personally am not a fan of it) and you know, there is a disadvantage of being the most favorite person. They can tease you or make fun of you until you had enough of it and they will say "we're just joking", "don't take it too seriously", "you're too sensitive", etc. etc.

[@kotaowens6978]

Thank you so much for the progress bar at the top, super helpful!

[@Juuchan17]

Oh man, hearing a couple of these phrases STILL hurt, only because I still hear them today from my mom. I just wish she could truly understand how hearing that I'm "not as good as other people" that she knows really affects me, especially in my current life. 😢

[@Kat-mu8wq]

I'm 30 and still ny mother tells me everything is my fault, she says it "jokingly" but she knows full well I have anxiety, depression and am a HSP. So it absolutely does affect me.

[@fluffy_claud9004]

I've said to myself that I will absolutely never have children until I know that I am not like my parents. But the more I try to be different the more I realize just how much I am the exact same way

[@Rising_wolf]

I feel the same way”Let’s do it next time” because they always “promise”, then immediately break it.

[@zg2190]

Amazing content as always! To reach bigger audience adding subtitles would be great in other languages! 😊

[@KkRocks]

Could you make a video about POSITIVE things that parents can say to their children?

[@Psych2go]

Interesting idea! If we were to make a video on this topic, what would you like to see us cover?

[@KkRocks]

@@Psych2go All sorts of things that you might’ve covered for what the negative things that parents could say. If your video replaces those with positive phrases, that would be great!

[@KatMum]

Would love to see some more videos regarding parenting/supporting your young adult children.

[@idek803]

The "just let me do it" is a very destructive one. It is almost always said in a condescending or angry tone, and that obliterates the child's self esteem. It also creates a child who is hyper-aware of every small mistake or "shortcoming". The peculiar thing about it is the parent won't teach you but expects you to know, or to complete the task at hand with just as much ease as someone with years of prior experience.

[@Dirpinations1234]

My dad used to tell at me to stop pouting when I was trying my best to hide my pain. He has recently gotten better and is super supportive now and I can't have a better dad.

[@Symonimations]

My mother has said “be grateful for what you have,other children are less fortunate than you”, many times when I was younger,as I grew up listening to the same phrase it just made me feel like my emotions didn’t really matter to others, so I just didn’t really express what I was telling when I was younger and just smiled and kids in my grade sometimes called me a kid that never got sad. But then after a long time of my mother saying be grateful of what you have, I just went to my room and did nothing, and when I was going to school, my friends noticed that I wasn’t smiling as much as before, they saw how gloomy I’ve become and they decided to help me with my problems and They cheered me up, even what’s happened in the past I still love my mother and she does too and sorry that this comment is pretty long because I was just explaining about the be grateful thong

[@Stormrune]

I understand. It can be difficult to feel heard when told the same message repeatedly, even from a place of love and care. Your feelings mattered and still matter. I'm glad to hear you had such caring friends who noticed your sadness and lifted you up, helping you remember joy and laughter again. The love between parents and children is deep, even through experiences that may feel hurtful in the moment. Cherish the support system around you, and know that you deserve to feel seen and heard. Your emotions are valid, and there is always room to grow in understanding with time. Wishing you peace and comfort.

[@MaxGamer07wastaken]

Really loving the new section divider at the top! The subtitles would be great though. The divider helps you to know where you are in the video, and subtitles help with focus, especially for ADHDers like me. Probably. Every situation is different. But, auto generated subtitles are much slower and are not nearly as useful, so please bring back the new ones. Thanks! Edit: A second idea is to add a shadow under the section divider. In situations where there is white under it, it can be very hard to differentiate between 2 almost identical shades of white. Thanks again!

[@koduflower2000]

Wow! You really hit the nail on the head! I wholeheartedly agree. I just wanted to look like a much better person, but my whole family made me look like an unappealing man. That's the only reason why I accept people just the way they are. ❤

[@sunnynotsonny2411]

Seems like parents don't understand that just because their child is sad, mad, depressed, etc. is not the same as being ungrateful. Once I got kinda mad at my parents, and someone said, "You're gonna get mad even though they do EVERYTHING for you?" Seriously, getting mad is not being ungrateful.

[@CROninja666]

"You're fucked up and stupid like your mother" - My dad To be fair, I was around 19, lived with my mom, decided to pay for her car after she asked me and that left me broke. I told my dad and he started saying things to me I never heard before. It was remarkable. I turned into a ghost that day. All physical pain seemed reduced by 50 % I can't explain the amount of hopelessness I felt that day. It was a situation where if I didn't pay for the car, I'd get shit from my mom cause she's ALWAYS the victim so I can't have a normal chat with her and talking to my dad feels like I'm playing that game where you press down teeth on a croc and if you press the wrong one it bites your hand. They are actual mediocre parents that I had enough of. If one of them calls me nowadays, I'll answer to see what they want, help out with something if needed, but I never plan to be the one to call either one of them. Love your parents but stay fair to yourself...

[@noxiouschocolate9644]

3:26 it’s worse when you get upset at them for comparing you and they say that they aren’t- like what are you doing then?

[@z.d.9194]

Man I hear this everyday, although some aren't directed onto me; but onto my older siblings; still feels sad even though my bros just ignore it or succesfully argue most of the time.

[@mochii5824]

As a teenager struggling to keep good notes, I've heard the most of them. I know I have my flaws and my parents as well, but I don't think this is cool for a parent to do it. If one day I adopt a kid, I will make sure to make this kid happy and with good learn and education without being pressed. Being pressed of doing something or being something and then being compared is one of the worst things ever

[@ArtsyKnox25]

If I wrv have a kids in doing the same thing, and if the happen to be trans nb, or LGBTQ in any way, I will support them fully!

[@mochii5824]

@@ArtsyKnox25 Same for me! I'm LGBTQ+ and my parents sometimes (especially my dad) doesn't show too much respect or support, so if I'm going to have a child, I will support my kid! If the parents really love their children, they will know that support, respect and help are even more important than material things

[@herbcookie9422]

​@@ArtsyKnox25 same

[@CursedSFMS]

@@ArtsyKnox25 based

[@reality2483]

Literally broke down from watching this. It helped me remember some stuff from my childhood that’s effected me now in ways I never even noticed

[@sassyblondewriter8239]

Watching these while I'm trying to have kids is super helpful so I know how my words will affect my future kids. Thank you ❤

[@vacationbibl3school]

hi psych love this video! could you guys make a video on grooming and the trauma stemming from it? i feel it's a concept not widely talked about which is continually thriving in today's society. thank you in advance!

[@chelsearobinson-copass3113]

I'm still young, but the amount of times my parents have said things like "you're to sensitive" or "Grow some tougher skin" is ridiculous. It sucks even more that they know I don't like when they do that, and it feels like they do it just to spite me.

[@lovelyandfloppy]

My mother has said all of these and more hurtful words they still clatter inside my mind until this day. 😢

[@elyonkwagala7764]

Thx truly needed this coz my mum is always so quick to judge that It becomes easier for her to misunderstand than to try understanding me

[@KorexAizen]

The problem for me is that I make myself feels these feelings but my parents make them worse 😢

[@thetulabings8051]

To be honest, I feel like at least every child has gone through at least one of these things because no parent is perfect. But I also feel for the kids that this is not okay because as a kid myself I’ve gone through at least 5 of them lol so yeah. But I really love your videos and how you warn about good and bad things that could happen and how words make an impact, so continue making amazing videos!

[@ChaCatsYT]

The last one hit hard. My mother has already said that so many times that my little brother under the age of nine is already fed up with it and doesn’t trust her anymore. It’s not healthy at all for a child not to trust their guardian.

[@mystamusica8571]

“They have it worse than you” was a big one for me. It made me feel like I don’t deserve help: that I in fact need to help people. That made me feel inferior, leading me to cut myself for not being competent enough. In my opinion though, this followed by phrases like “yet they’re successful now. Shouldn’t you achieve much more given the better circumstances?” Would hurt even more. At least they did for me anyway

[@mtdeiii]

"why can't you be more like your sister" hurts me the most and that line is a scar that never stop bleeding, and when my parents told me "you're such a disappointment to the family", i don't think i'll ever feel anything again, something inside me just died that day

[@lizzieevans297]

I find these really interesting to watch. My parents both have physical disabilities so I have to look after them, and my mum is skiptsophrenic, which is a really difficult thing for me to of had to grow up with. My sister is 30 and she studies mental health and trauma and she's helped me understand that some of my diagnosis is because of the childhood trauma. It's interesting but also sad at the same time.

[@kathleensmith8365]

You left out my favorite, often preceded by or followed by physical abuse, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" This to a child who is already in emotional and/or physical pain. How cruel!

[@CheetixGlitch]

I can honestly relate to all but the first and last one. I am going to be 13 this year, and my dad honestly says all 8. When he tries to ask if I am alright, I just say I am fine bc I'm scared to tell him. Thank you for making this video. Hopefully, parents can change even if it is only a little

[@Moraenil]

This has been my entire life, and still going today too. The last one, my parents never said that exact thing, but they'd say, "maybe next time" or "we'll see." The "we'll see" was very common and the answer to just about anything when I asked if I/we could do something. I learned by the time I was about 10 or 12 (I don't remember exactly) that "we'll see" meant no. They rarely said no to me and instead would use other things to make me feel like I was stupid. Honestly, telling me no would've been kinder. As a result of dealing with everything in this video (that first clip was them with me all my life with so many things, like exactly, even as an adult), I have no self-esteem, no confidence, I don't know how to do many things that I should've learned growing up, I feel very stupid and have to keep reminding myself that I'm not (that's hard), I feel unworthy of anything (especially love), and I'm afraid of succeeding at anything because I've never had anything good come from it (only higher expectations than the usually insanely high ones). I'm a failure at everything and will never be anything else because that's what they raised me to be, and how they continue to treat me (in my 40s). My grandparents treated me the same way too, and when died, I didn't even feel sad, only a bit of relief and a little hopeful that maybe this treatment would end because they also treated my mom the same way. I was hoping that if they weren't hurting her then she wouldn't hurt me. Unfortunately that ended up being a lie I told myself. I don't trust anyone either, and I have to lie to my parents and "admit" that I trust them when I really don't. I don't even trust myself. I can't even bring myself to go clothes shopping alone because I don't trust myself to get something appropriate when much of what I like is not. My mom even recently told me that she's concerned I can't function in society because I don't want to leave the emotional safety of my house, and I just thought to myself "it's your fault for not teaching me anything and making me feel like a pariah." When she mentions that she has no idea why I have no self-esteem I have to wonder why when she was one of the ones who made me that way, but she would absolutely explode and hate me forever if I actually told her (I might as well send myself to Mars without a spacesuit). I'm just a giant failure who doesn't trust anyone and isn't capable of doing anything by myself. And without siblings, there's no one to share any of the feelings with, making it even more lonely. I'm an introvert, but I often wonder if I'm naturally that way, or if I was made that way from this treatment.

[@ofgaren3840]

"You disappoint me" but instead of words was when my parents can not see me when I did something wrong or when I dressed in certain ways

[@efficiencygaming3494]

I've heard all of these from both my parents over the years. Number 8 in the form of "We'll see" or "We'll be back soon" was especially painful to me. Even now I still hear it from my parents and it makes me feel like a sucker each time I fall for it. Another one I'd like to add is "Stop giving me your excuses." I'd hear that along with "It's your fault" mainly from my dad. It really sucked because it made me feel defenseless, since any attempt at explaining my situation would be regarded as a "worthless excuse". I always saw the world differently from my parents, and as much as they would pretend to understand me, I don't think they really do at all. Even today, there are times where they act like my opinion doesn't matter, which leaves me feeling ridiculous and frustrated.

[@candiceh6211]

Damn... both parents did this and then wonder why I don't come to them about anything, just shut down, and isolate myself from everyone.

[@Moji-shii]

"Stop crying/yeling or you'll sleep outside" or something similiar to that, I have few siblings and I hear a lot frazes whuch are "Do this immideatly, or you'll have really bad consequencese" and there were few timmes when I did like that too, but I'm trying with all I can not to act like my parents. Hope you don't relate to this, and if you do, please understand that it's not an ok thing to do for anyone. (While I was typing it I was actually crying or something like having an intense anxiety attack, I think, not really sure why, but I hope this post will help me and you understand yourself better)

[@Purifier1996]

Whenever I see these videos it's more like I'm crossing a checklist. So thankful for therapy, though my parents need it more than me, that's for sure.

[@Spooked287]

“You disappoint me” and “It’s your fault” hits hard. I cried durning this because I actually understand.

[@KyleGK01]

I just don't Like how my mom was joking about me and a girl and made me not want to talk to them as a kid. (Or at least the ones i liked) Now I'm nervous when I talk to them

[@toukatouka3479]

I’ve heard all of these frequently in my life from both of my parents. I didn’t even know that some of these were harmful, I thought every parent talked to their child like this. Some of the stuff they said really hurt, and I think it’s impacted my life in other ways (my fashion sense has been micromanaged to the point where I’m afraid to pick my own clothes, I tend to not ask for help even when my mental health is imploding and I want to unalive b:c I think that no one will listen, etc.) Does that mean that I’m being emotionally abused, even if it’s my parents?They’re not all bad, but sometimes I wonder. ._____.

[@ShiftySeeker]

I love watching these videos, but this is just wow. It hurts me to know that a lot of these had been said to me and wow

[@waitingtoberevived]

i have faced most of these things but i still try to be myself and hold my self together.

[@Faith63423]

And the ABSOLUTE WORST most HURTFUL thing my dad ever told me was "I hate you!" NEVER NEVER NEVER say that to your kid! Tell them "I love you!"! Make it clear that u love them!

[@my_world-12365]

I’ve heard everyone of it but the first one. It just made me depressed. I just plaster a fake smile on my face daily because I tried to talk it out but everyone just shrugged it off.

[@user-ih7fu5px5b]

It feels so sad to always be put into some invisible rules by parents.

[@mikamika-dream-zf3co]

I feel so bad for the peoples who had to go through this😢 I am really lucky to have such a good mother.

[@jananirajasri_06]

The worst thing a parent can do is comparing and critisism towards thier own child 💔

[@Psych2go]

Yes. Sometimes, the best thing for children is simply to love and accept them as they are. In your opinion, what do you think is the main difference between healthy/constructive criticism (which comes from a place of love and helps children grow) vs. unhelpful/demeaning criticism (which seems to hurt children more than help them)?

[@willythebeer]

The one that always happens is the off hand comments that are soon forgotten by the parent but remembered forever by the child. The one that broke my 'relationship' with my mum was, "You're just like your father" now was this the father she left when I was a baby and hates or the one that she constantly complains about and derides behind his back

[@sofivieira740]

It reminds me of when I was little, before I found out I was autistic, my parents thought I was spoiled. Especially my father... When I did something wrong because of autism, he beat me. But after they found out I was autistic, they apologized. I forgave them, and that's in the past.

[@Starzx.x]

4:37 is so relatable with my dad,he never understands my emotions and yells at me for being immature by crying, lol

[@linthedemoncat8622]

1:32 "Can you change your appereance?" This phrase is one of the most told ones from my dad, and since early adolescense, but instead of asking it, my dad says it like an exclamation "Change your appereance!", the times I tried to refuse changing my appereance just to express myself ended up with yelling and it did devastated me, he judged and still judges my appereance, when I refuse he gets angry and walks away.

[@smileyxlarry]

All of them and more, and the worst part is that i have been permanently damaged and idk how to fix that, therapy isnt an option because im still under 18 and cant do anything without their permission. I feel like as knock on effect, im not always the nicest person to put it simply, and i cant change, i dont know how Im scared to show emotions and i havent my entire life because i feel as though they make me seem vunerable, its to the point where you’d think im heartless even though im actually highly sensitive Ive always wanted to be that type of person who doesnt get effected by what people say to me, because thats how i act, but i dont do a very good job, my mood changes but i can safely say ive never shed a tear at school or other public places… Theres so much more i could explain because long story short, i developed an ED because of them, and extreme anxiety and being scared of “disappointing” my parents Thanks for listening to my ted talk

[@taeberries126]

I have heard almost every single one of these. Even though my parents don't say the exact words (since we speak a different language at home), they say really similar things. Now, as a middle schooler and the oldest child, I have way too many lives to lead in different things and my emotions always get in the way. I don't know who to trust, how to calm down, how to find who I am, etc. It's a struggle...

[@prinsesa921]

The part of why can't you be like her and also the part of emotional support. I also felt like I am not worthy to my mother because she is not contented to what I can do. My mother is always like that to me when I was young. That really breaks my heart back then. I am not really that close to my mom until now (I am already an adult) but we're fine. Thankful to have friends and also serving the Church back then to pour out all my negative emotions. 😊

[@Kat-mu8wq]

As soon as I was born, my mother never held me, she let the midwife take me away so she could have her pain meds in peace.. Since that point she never gave me attention or affection when I asked for it, so I grew up thinking I did not deserve it, so here I am now aged 30 and I do not feel romantic love, I don't like being touched, I don't like people being near me, I do not speak to anyone, I have no friends, no social life, I don't work due to the severity of my anxiety and depression.. Thank you very much mother.

[@CandAlikestea]

I always tell myself that someone have it even more worst than just sadness But slowly I was just bluring my own thoughts while I'm falling in to the void My dad always say that I was a disappointment when I do something very wrong I couldn't help with it I was treated like that everytime I make a mistake But I see other people caring for their child more than just care I was pressured into everything I hardly have time to even relax and have space to breathe That just makes me empty and lost inside Slowly I wonder Were my parents right about that I was dumb? I just couldn't get any better than this....

[@Lexie9311]

My mom has said and done every single one of these and I can think of an example for each point. Thankfully therapy is helping me to heal from all of this

[@amyc8389]

"Get out of my sight!" I remember that from my mother, not the "I love you" I repeat to my child daily.

[@TheNonameHousehold]

All of them, as a result... I just don't feel ANYTHING towards her anymore.

[@the_UF365]

Well, my Grandma is toxicly positive. I can't get mad at anyone around her without a long-winded explanation of putting myself in others' shoes.

[@Kiiiitttyy]

Something my mother always said to me that isn’t very harmful but still really… odd? Whenever I used to help her with her job (An online shop, and I was 10) and if I got something wrong she would say things like “next time you should have made it make sense” or “your acting like a child” like- I was a child at the time?

[@n0pe873]

I've heard all these from my parents but I'm certain that they only want the best for me. I (personally) think that they love me but miscommunicate or expect me to be the best. When I was younger, I would constantly cheat on tests just to make THEM happy because when they are genuinely happy it makes me feel the same way. But because of this, they think I'm some kind of genius and always expect amazing results so if I even ask about going to a friend's house because of a good test score (genuine), they would just make me stay at home and study for my own benefit (which I understand). Sorry for venting but I just need some clarification and advice - do they really love me and expect me to do the best by giving me at least 7 tutoring/other classes in a week, WHICH I DIDN'T WANT (eg, piano, guitar, debating) and expect amazing results OR are they just using this as perhaps a coping mechanism to deal with their own childhood issues? (My mum always vents to me about her horrible childhood and my dad had his dad cheat, gamble, and domestically abuse his mother). I've struggled with depression and anxiety when I was around 11 for 3 years and even though I'm much older now I'm still struggling with motivation. (SORRY for venting I just needed to get it out but what do I do?) Here is my schedule to let you know how crowded my parents want my life to be: Monday - school, tennis, writing course tutoring. Tuesday - private tutor sessions, Wednesday - private tutoring lessons, thursday - debating + dance (Which i actually enjoy yay), friday - piano, guitar, saturday - mathmatics tutoring for only an hour and the rest of the day to get HW done, sunday - English tutoring and a 2 hr time slot to practice guitar, piano, etc. I'm also getting worried about my sister because they're starting to enforce this on her as well (she's 13) but always compare me to her for some reason? Help ppl, please.

[@user-yp9wp4td4l]

I heard all those phrases in one form or another, with the same meaning. The one that affected me the most was probably the “let me do it” one. They have zero confidence in me with even the smallest tasks like cutting up food. Every little thing, they do it like I don’t know what I’m doing. I thought I really didn’t know what I was doing. Anxiety and depression came from my lack of life experiences because they didn’t teach me or even let me try to learn.

[@Cloudpawz-bp7ho]

Same..they also say stuff like: “this is SO simple,how on earth can’t you do it”

[@witchtale3159]

I remember “ _Why are you crying._ ” multiple times but it was said in an unworried kind of annoyed tone, so now I’m nervous to cry around anyone but ironically that nervousness makes me want to cry more. I also have this thing where, I’m not sure if it’s because of what someone said or did and it might be my own anxiety, but I have a somewhat strong fear of getting in trouble for things, even mistakes, that’s what happened yesterday actually. I was just imagining that my dad would be mad and couldn’t help but be on the verge of crying with my eyes starting to water while explaining what happened, but he didn’t get mad, not at all, but I was still crying despite that. I feel the need to add because of my insecurity of this, that I’m not the type to sob but rather stay quiet and not want to speak while crying because of the sound of my own voice, definitely sure it’s out of the want to somehow make it less obvious I’m crying. …Definitely doesn’t help that I’m in the stages of being an early teenage girl -_-

[@tiredkasixe]

my parents ALWAYS made empty promises. “We’ll ride this next time, alright?” Not kept. “We’ll get this on your birthday.” Many have passed. Now i feel like i literally can’t trust whatever anyone says, and to be honest, sometimes i can’t trust myself now. i hate it. I hate it so much. Toxic positivity was very active in my life, though it was delivered less kindly and more as “You don’t want that? Well, other kids don’t even have something to WEAR. Be GRATEFUL.” Now i just- i really don’t know how to say no. I think this might’ve caused me to reflect this on others, but i’m trying to not do as my parents did.

[@kotlc4life]

My brother actually influenced no. 7 when I was younger. My parents had no part in it but I vaguely remember my brother always telling me I should be grateful for what I have because so many others have it worse and I'm far from that. It wasn't anything big, since I was complaining and uncomfortable with something but it still made me a little bit anxious for a week or two since it usually happened when I was about four or five.

[@lizzieevans297]

I find these really interesting to watch. My parents both have physical disabilities so I have to look after them ans my mum is skiptsophrenic which is a really difficult thing for me to of had to grow up with. My sister is 30 and she studies mental health and trauma and she's helped me understand that some of my diagnosis is because of the childhood trauma. It's interesting but also sad at the same time.

[@vickyallan1940]

I had all of these growing up even into adulthood from my parents. It was only after my second psych admission that they started to realize that it was unhelpful. 😕

[@deadpony4915]

I’ve heard the last three a lot, being raised on humor and supposed to be happy since I should be grateful for what I have, I really don’t know how to handle my emotions

[@DanFloresII]

I heard most of, if not all, of these growing up. I don't think they were said maliciously, but they were definitely said frequently. I got kids now and I try really hard to not use the hurtful phrases that I heard growing up but sometimes they do slip out. When they do I apologize to my kids. I really want them to turn out better than I did. Thank you, Psych2Go, for your dedication to promoting mental health.