8 Hilarious Jokes Hidden In Video Game Item Descriptions

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WhatCulture Gaming

WhatCulture Gaming

Күн бұрын

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@NyneOfKlubs
@NyneOfKlubs 2 жыл бұрын
My favorite FFXIV description is for the Gaelkitten minion which reads "Rumors that the gods kill one of these adorable creatures every time a young man thinks pleasurable thoughts are unfounded"
@becomingsentient1208
@becomingsentient1208 2 жыл бұрын
Conan: Exiles has two fantastic item descriptions. First, for the Ladder: "Somewhere, far from the Exiled Lands, a scholar sits writing frantically. His master has given him the task of writing hundreds of descriptions of mundane items, from swords and armor, to plant fiber and stones. He glances at the next item on his list. Ladder. He stops, sets his quill down and looks at his reflection in a nearby mirror. He is a man grown old before his time, a slave in all but name to his masters. 'What am I doing', he wonders. His life is a series of decisions that he almost didn't recognize that he was making. As his thoughts spiral into the past and as he traces that inevitable trajectory backwards he realizes that there was no single point, no decision that brought him to this point. It was an accumulation of decisions across his entire lifespan, building around him like sand in the desert that leaves him living a life of quiet desperation, drowning slowly as the quicksand fills his throat. As the realization hits him, he feels a vast sadness, an aching in his soul that he could have been so much more than simply this. A single, crystalline tear seeps from his eye and drips down onto the parchment he is working on, blurring the ink. Resolving to make more of this life, the man stands, pushing aside his parchment, and moving to the door. Which bursts open and, before the surprised scribe can even gasp, he is run through by a wild-eyed thief who has crept into the mansion in search of valuables. The thief wipes his knife on the dead scholar's clothing, and glances around the room. His gaze wanders across the parchment on the table, filled with a list of items and descriptions written in the neat hand of the deceased scholar. He grins, and reaches for the quill. Later, when the guards find the dead scholar, lying facefirst in a mingled pool of blood and ink, they will be briefly distracted by the bizarre message scratched into the parchment beside the word ladder. It simply reads: "Something you climb, idiot". The guards shrug. Nobody really cares about the text anyway." Second, for the Elephant Hide: "Where? Where elephant hide? Me not see elephant hiding here? You silly."
@PatrickMJr
@PatrickMJr 2 жыл бұрын
Haha awesome game, it just sucks they had to go and nerf the thralls
@tranz2deep
@tranz2deep 2 жыл бұрын
They hired the thief to replace that scholar, didn't they?
@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley
@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley 2 жыл бұрын
Okay, I wanted to hear more about the scholar, but then his story has a horrible end! 😢
@precious_muse
@precious_muse 2 жыл бұрын
I love the descriptions of items on Katamari Damarcy and have spent hours reading them. One of my favorites is its description of socks, “bags for feet.”
@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley
@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley 2 жыл бұрын
Ya know what...they're not wrong! 🤔
@lysandermorgensonne9850
@lysandermorgensonne9850 2 жыл бұрын
Agreed on the FFXIV item descriptions often being absolutely unhinged. The best part, though, is the sheer number of them that heavily imply that the Warrior of Light has an oral fixation/puts things in their mouth, no matter how questionable. This is in part because it's hinted that many, if not all, of the descriptors are written by the WoL over their travels, and because I've lost count of how many of them describe the taste or texture of a thing that can only have come from personal experience XD
@agntzeroness
@agntzeroness 2 жыл бұрын
The thing that makes the FFXIV ones funnier is that each description is from the perspective of your avatar. Meaning your character is the goofy one describing all these things lol. Gives some personality to a silent protagonist.
@andrewmartinez02
@andrewmartinez02 2 жыл бұрын
I loved this list. You’ve got to put some of the item descriptions from Borderlands on the next one.
@paperip1996
@paperip1996 2 жыл бұрын
The Rune Factory series is chalk full of these. Some highlights include: Safety Lance - "You can lance if you want to. You can leave your fears behind." Butter - "Usually eaten with other food for the taste. Sometimes eaten alone, by the stick, in shame." Turtle Shell - "A hard turtle shell. Good when you want to make something hard. (Hey, get your mind out of the gutter!)" and my personal favorite, Greeting Spell - "If you say hello, even people who don't like you will say hi back. They'll be your special friends. Your special awake friends."
@pinktribble
@pinktribble 2 жыл бұрын
*chock full. As in chock-a-block. 😊
@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley
@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley 2 жыл бұрын
"Sometimes eaten alone, by the stick, in shame." 😂😂😂
@aerongray2228
@aerongray2228 2 жыл бұрын
I love the trashopedia in Donut County! "It's a rock, don't try to eat it.", "You can tell a fish your secrets, they won't remember anything." or "So many houses aren't made of candy."? Going through the trashopedia had me in fits of giggles XD
@MegamanXfan21xx
@MegamanXfan21xx 2 жыл бұрын
I think it's written from the perspective of the raccoon who controls the hole.
@aerongray2228
@aerongray2228 2 жыл бұрын
@@MegamanXfan21xx it is XD he's brilliant
@TheMauno
@TheMauno 2 жыл бұрын
My favorite is probably the Grade 2 Skybuilder's Toad description from Final Fantasy XIV: _One skybuilder was heard to claim that to assign grades to living creatures is degrading. The response was, “No, taking the grade away from it would be called degrading.”_
@crisisamonginfinitedarthsa4220
@crisisamonginfinitedarthsa4220 2 жыл бұрын
Top Ten Bosses Jules can defeat if he was magically sucked into a video game.
@GhostDriver87
@GhostDriver87 2 жыл бұрын
The End from MGS (Waiting for him to die), Sarin from Mass Effect (Speech), Something from FF7/8 with a Phoenix Down. Oh, and the Master from Falout Let’s face it, all WC boss lists are basically the same nowadays
@MYCATSFATHER
@MYCATSFATHER 2 жыл бұрын
I need this one
@brandonwirtz2308
@brandonwirtz2308 2 жыл бұрын
He did that list already. It was the ten bosses that kill themselves before the battle begins list.
@bengleiss9416
@bengleiss9416 2 жыл бұрын
Top ten of Jules' bosses his mum could suck magically.
@thewulfe8
@thewulfe8 2 жыл бұрын
If I was magically sucked I could beat any boss you threw at me
@michaellemmons4759
@michaellemmons4759 2 жыл бұрын
Brilliant list! I have a soft spot for Subnautica's "Coffee Americano": "Real Italian espresso, diluted with tasteless American water."
@johndipietro9301
@johndipietro9301 2 жыл бұрын
I saw the list and FFXIV was the first thing to come to mind. Personal favorite comes from the comedic sidequest series, the Adventures of Hildebrand: "Plot Relevant Gloves: If you didn't need them, you wouldn't have been able to pick them up."
@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley
@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley 2 жыл бұрын
Fourth wall destroyed, lol!
@zibbitybibbitybop
@zibbitybibbitybop 2 жыл бұрын
I dunno about the more recent Atelier games, but the old Atelier Iris on PS2 had a whole bunch of silly item descriptions, like the one for a minor healing item called Blue Bull that said "Blue Bull gives you runs." Fun fact: that game also had an item called Bread Pants that served as a low-to-mid tier armor, but you could also eat it as an emergency healing item and it'd disappear after that.
@TheMeteoDragoon
@TheMeteoDragoon 2 жыл бұрын
Surprised Disgaea didn’t get brought up.
@darthgorbag
@darthgorbag 2 жыл бұрын
This list has inspired me to read the description of every item I come across while I play FFXIV.
@emerje0
@emerje0 2 жыл бұрын
My favorite descriptions from FFXIV come from the minions as each one has two descriptions, the expendable item that adds the minion to your inventory and the minion itself. My favorite is the robot cat which makes references to Voltron.
@fusrohbruh
@fusrohbruh 2 жыл бұрын
Top 10 Video Games That Were Remastered That You Had No Idea Had A Remaster, Like “Full Throttle” Got A Remaster…REMASTER. Di-did I get the longest title?
@zachware6410
@zachware6410 2 жыл бұрын
Much love to the tech team, editing in tight windows can be a nightmare. I'd love to see a "Jules favorite moments in video games top 8" or maybe even a "staff favorite" mashup
@shawnbritta-bellkimute5976
@shawnbritta-bellkimute5976 2 жыл бұрын
I think my favorite comes from Assassin's Creed Origins. The description of the Uni-camel is, "When a mommy camel and a daddy unicorn love each other very much..." It's bizarre, and I love it!
@Kgood2005
@Kgood2005 2 жыл бұрын
Bom Boko Minion in FFXIV has great description too. "An adorable raccoon dog pup with a big heart and even bigger testicles."
@TD71859
@TD71859 2 жыл бұрын
One of my favorites in final fantasy 14 is the nanabear. It refers to Stephen colberts fear of bears
@benc3179
@benc3179 2 жыл бұрын
If you do a commentators list; The "Tenacious Defender" from WoW Burning Crusade..."it has the power...to move you" I have not touched WoW in over ten years and i still remember this item. Only way this could be more of an easter egg is if it had a secret ability to shoot mind bullets
@acewithspades358
@acewithspades358 2 жыл бұрын
James references Chainsawman Life is completely good now guys
@gilga3554
@gilga3554 2 жыл бұрын
Final fantasy xiv is gold when it comes to item descriptions, quest names, and the occasional conversation.
@jimgray6990
@jimgray6990 2 жыл бұрын
Would love to see the top ten job/class systems in games, love older RPGs that let you switch in and out and mix job roles, spells, abilities and techniques!
@Cman04092
@Cman04092 2 жыл бұрын
There are newer ones that do this as well. Octopath is a great example of a new IP that has jobs/roles and lets you mix. I mean technically each charecter has an assigned job, but they do get to use other charecters jobs as a secondary job, and although you can only use 1 secondary job at once, you can use the skills from any class once you unlock the skill via that class, although abilities/spells are locked to their respective jobs.
@famijher
@famijher 2 жыл бұрын
How about Donut County? It's a quick game with great music and gameplay, but the way the things are described in the "Trash-o-pedia" are hilarious. For example, a snake is defined as "Dangerous Spagetti."
@blkvkng7868
@blkvkng7868 2 жыл бұрын
Either, '8 most culturally inappropriate video game characters' or '8 most culturally inappropriate video games'. Keep bringing us the hits Jules!
@joshuamiller1428
@joshuamiller1428 2 жыл бұрын
TOP VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS THAT YOU THINK ARE DEAD BUT COME BACK
@L337M4573RK
@L337M4573RK 2 жыл бұрын
Suggested topic: Best non-lethal looking things used as primary weapons in Video Games
@Lrbearclaw
@Lrbearclaw 2 жыл бұрын
Great touch with the N7 shirt on the video being uploaded on N7 Day, Dan! You guys did an excellent job and I hope that Joe feels better quickly.
@42speedybeattie
@42speedybeattie 2 жыл бұрын
I don’t understand the “murder crab” line of jokes. Someone want to fill me in?
@pitchblack189
@pitchblack189 2 жыл бұрын
10 video game enemies that aren’t where they belong
@krishanubanerjee6955
@krishanubanerjee6955 2 жыл бұрын
+WhatCulture Gaming - Jules, you massive legend... How could you miss the description of the Fire Axe from Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines? - "Truly, a weapon for madmen. Who else would attack fire with an axe?"
@insecdroid
@insecdroid 2 жыл бұрын
Also the Kefka minion in FFXIV confirms that the Dissidia games are canon.
@revwroth3698
@revwroth3698 2 жыл бұрын
My first thought when someone says Bloodborne is, "Oh yeah, that's been on my hard drive for a year and a half. I should launch it sometime..."
@johnbuck4395
@johnbuck4395 2 жыл бұрын
Wasteland 3's devs must've played the old Turok-style south park game
@Bigd2k
@Bigd2k 2 жыл бұрын
I was sad not to see Diseaga. I suppose their not hidden and I can’t think of one off the top of my head. But many of there items had funny descriptions.
@rshaw1able
@rshaw1able 2 жыл бұрын
The one that always sticks with me is for the Greatsword: "It's not really THAT great."
@retrovideogamejunkie
@retrovideogamejunkie 2 жыл бұрын
06:06 No TF2 sniper joke? I'm disappointed XD
@justinwearn620
@justinwearn620 2 жыл бұрын
8 bosses who arent intimidating but does HUGE damage
@jiblitin1520
@jiblitin1520 2 жыл бұрын
The Tonberry from Final Fantasy maybe?
@tabithaward6225
@tabithaward6225 2 жыл бұрын
Sidekicks who became the Star? Is that been done already?
@darkmyro
@darkmyro 2 жыл бұрын
world of warcraft has some really funny descriptions theres usually a few in each expansion XD
@rustysebring4599
@rustysebring4599 2 жыл бұрын
Moments in video games that made you wee your knickers? I think you would make it legendary jules! Much love my man, I look forward to this every week
@lonewolffang
@lonewolffang 2 жыл бұрын
I'm sure Princess Peach still has the Vibe Septer. In Super Mario RPG, she gets mad at Mario for looking in the dresser by her bed. I see you Princess Peach.
@AbsolutelyAmel
@AbsolutelyAmel 2 жыл бұрын
The top list of things videogames don't tell you but you figure out on your own would be cool. Like how in Metal Gear 3 You can throw rancid food to guards, they eat it and go to the toilet because they get sick There's tons more. Also like in God of War 2018, the axe does damage enemies aswell when you summon it back to your hand and they happen to stand in the way
@preciousfarris7097
@preciousfarris7097 2 жыл бұрын
I had figured that out almost instantly in GOW 2018🤣
@AbsolutelyAmel
@AbsolutelyAmel 2 жыл бұрын
@@preciousfarris7097 Well, yes but the game doesn't really tell you about it. That was my point lmao
@preciousfarris7097
@preciousfarris7097 2 жыл бұрын
@Absolutely Amel ...... obviously that was your point. I was adding on is my point point🙃
@darkstardarin
@darkstardarin 2 жыл бұрын
I'm once again asking for Top 10 Sega Games That Need Revivals.
@graywolfdracon
@graywolfdracon 2 жыл бұрын
I'm really surprised that no weapons from the Borderoands franchise made the list. We really need to revisit this topic. The legendary items have so much to offer for a list like this.
@NiboriGoiyoshi
@NiboriGoiyoshi 2 жыл бұрын
FFXIV also likely holds the record for puns between fates and quest names too
@DarkBloodbane
@DarkBloodbane 2 жыл бұрын
I really need to read item description more often next time. Related to item description, nothing sticks in my brain than description from Amnesia Spear in Disgaea DS : "What was it that we are talking again?". Ehh... something like that... I'm not even sure if that was from a spear..
@Hexagonal_Crank
@Hexagonal_Crank 2 жыл бұрын
"...names that are barely incomprehensible..." That tracks.
@amak1131
@amak1131 2 жыл бұрын
Oh god, the later expansions in FF14 have some of the best flavor text ever
@drude247
@drude247 2 жыл бұрын
Not the actual weapons themselves but I always enjoyed the Trails in the Sky and more recently Trails from Zero empty chest messages where if you check a chest that you already looted there will be either a joke or bit of info.
@Smilley85
@Smilley85 2 жыл бұрын
This reminds me of an old action adventure (though I don't recall which one) where you could read signs from below like normal, but if you read them from behind, you'd find doodles and graffiti.
@zentendoxn8955
@zentendoxn8955 2 жыл бұрын
Not gonna lie, when you said “Basically Everything” for No. 1, I was predicting Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle.
@AM-of4ml
@AM-of4ml 2 жыл бұрын
primary playable characters with devastating back stories
@canolathra6865
@canolathra6865 2 жыл бұрын
My favorite FFXIV item description is the chain found in the various tiers of salt in the Heavensward expansion.
@kelanar1
@kelanar1 2 жыл бұрын
8 times in games that npc's outshine the main character
@Pendragon667
@Pendragon667 2 жыл бұрын
Say what you want about UbiSoft but they did a pretty decent job in adding rather funny item descriptions for some of the sellable loot / junk in AC: Origins and Odyssey
@aurochtamer
@aurochtamer 2 жыл бұрын
Surprised there was no mention of Bloodborne pebbles actually being eyeballs. Also a little sad that Donut County didn't get a mention. Half of the game's jokes are item descriptions.
@gregbasore2108
@gregbasore2108 2 жыл бұрын
For a similar list, how about X Stories Hidden in Game Notes i.e. stuff like Horizon Zero Dawn's Frozen North DLC having a bunch of side notes from two workers at the Yellow Stone Caldera getting phased out and replace by machines, killing their dream of starting a punk band together.
@Onslaught524
@Onslaught524 2 жыл бұрын
I CALL SHENANIGANS! How the hell can you do a video on hilarious item descriptions and not include the Big Metal Unit from Baldur's Gate 2: Throne of Baal! This item's description was a masterpiece of double entendre, and easily the funniest item description I've ever read. I expect better from you, Jules! 😠
@GerachtZombie
@GerachtZombie 2 жыл бұрын
Was not expecting the the death stranding reference, but it was well done 😂👌
@austin10b91
@austin10b91 2 жыл бұрын
Top 8 most brutal survival games. (The long darks gotta be in their!) I’m just simply addicted to survival games 😅 Great video! As always!
@PatrickMJr
@PatrickMJr 2 жыл бұрын
Have you tried Stranded Deep? That's a good indie survival game. It's short but good
@GabePuratekuta
@GabePuratekuta 2 жыл бұрын
In what that belongs to whom?
@tomasasberg1614
@tomasasberg1614 2 жыл бұрын
One that deserves a mention is the belt ”Tenacious Defender” from WoW, where the description reads: “It has the power… To move you”. The Tenacious D reference might be a little niche, but it definitely made me chuckle 😂
@metarcee2483
@metarcee2483 2 жыл бұрын
In Sonic and the Black Knight, the donut collectible is "the pinnacle of human achievement."
@brettpikkert4746
@brettpikkert4746 2 жыл бұрын
The best point and click puzzle games. One pick has to be Cube Escape Paradox
@jethiliusavalar6449
@jethiliusavalar6449 2 жыл бұрын
Basically everything in the epic battle fantasy series
@The69DJ
@The69DJ 2 жыл бұрын
10 times bosses made the ONE WRONG MOVE that cost them the battle!
@Jacksongirard
@Jacksongirard 2 жыл бұрын
Last time I played through bloodborne I noticed that description of the pebble. It made me laugh, then made me think that there is some deeper meaning. Fromsoft fan moment.
@ASLTheatre
@ASLTheatre 2 жыл бұрын
How about 7 Times Deveopers cameoed in their Own Game?
@GabePuratekuta
@GabePuratekuta 2 жыл бұрын
The entirety of the Pokemon series would have to be a single entry.
@ASLTheatre
@ASLTheatre 2 жыл бұрын
@@GabePuratekuta Agreed, I would be disappointed if not.
@lilra817
@lilra817 2 жыл бұрын
I will say, Jules makes me look forward to Tuesday. The most anti-climatic day of the week...
@chris_is_here_oh_no
@chris_is_here_oh_no 2 жыл бұрын
Awesome video, perfect editing!
@DungeonsandDancing
@DungeonsandDancing 2 жыл бұрын
The Mardek series of flash games had some true gems of item descriptions.
@bo_shepardttv3639
@bo_shepardttv3639 2 жыл бұрын
I've played hundreds of hours of dragon age and I never read the description to The tingler. 🤦‍♂️🤣
@stueymon
@stueymon 2 жыл бұрын
You've missed out Donut County with some of it's daft descriptions. A dog bowl gets described as "Drinking from this is like kissing a dog, but not as fun"
@jcgeisler9467
@jcgeisler9467 2 жыл бұрын
Top 10 side quests that helped tie together the end of the game.
@corbincorp9053
@corbincorp9053 2 жыл бұрын
Top ten boss adult jokes/innuendos in kids games
@AnnKdc
@AnnKdc 2 жыл бұрын
Jules, you had me laughing and clicking like at "What a bloody nightmare this is" before I'd even watched the rest of it! After watching all of it I can say "Best Video ever!"
@bigedwerd
@bigedwerd 2 жыл бұрын
That final message got me to subscribe. Love the positive vibe. But not as much as Mum I suppose.
@rocketrooster2410
@rocketrooster2410 2 жыл бұрын
7 game series that drasticly changed their gameplay with every entry.
@FleyDragon
@FleyDragon 2 жыл бұрын
"'A sleek mega murder Crab.' Need I say more?" ...Yes.
@ericnordmeyer2022
@ericnordmeyer2022 2 жыл бұрын
Anyone mentioning the cheek slap nuke? Jules' new super power 😂
@stephengalanis
@stephengalanis 2 жыл бұрын
The Sims 4. Stringvarious violin. "A classic stringed instrument with a distinctive hour-glass shape, arching neck, and f-holes. It produces crisp, high-pitched notes using a bow drawn across the strings in a sawing motion."
@debraleonard7996
@debraleonard7996 2 жыл бұрын
How about the best conversations overheard between NPCs?
@Snek_Byte
@Snek_Byte 2 жыл бұрын
Donut CountyHas some lovely descriptions, for example the city building: "Some apartments don’t allow pets but you can keep bats if you pretend to be upset about it."
@nicolastossenberger6066
@nicolastossenberger6066 2 жыл бұрын
Top 8 best choice adventure games develope by telltale games, quantic dream, supermassive games, etc.
@newageBoundhippie
@newageBoundhippie 2 жыл бұрын
how about a list of epic lyrical songs made just for video games? also I'm disappointed in the lack of the Disagea series in this one...some of the funniest item descriptions I've ever seen ( ffs the first game literally has a weapon called the Horse Weiner...and voiced dialogue mentioning it )
@ryproar11
@ryproar11 2 жыл бұрын
You could make an entire series on Borderlands gun descriptions. 😆 You know what? How about the most ridiculous guns in video games as a list?
@ayushmaansingh4553
@ayushmaansingh4553 2 жыл бұрын
Video games which were left on cliffhanger and never came back for next part
@NigelWatersFWA
@NigelWatersFWA 2 жыл бұрын
All of the pop-culture references in Enter The Gungeon always make me laugh. I'm surprised there was no mention of it?
@zioGrave
@zioGrave 2 жыл бұрын
I was thinking exactly the same! Enter the Gungeon is such an overlooked gem
@LowinBayrod
@LowinBayrod 2 жыл бұрын
Kingdom of Loathing & West of Loathing.
@kevalanwilliams
@kevalanwilliams 2 жыл бұрын
Top 10 games with cooking recipes that aren't about cooking
@LlorDrei
@LlorDrei 2 жыл бұрын
The Hyper Glove in The Secret of Mana had the following description in Nintendo Power, Vol. 63: I was told that the Hyper Fist once belonged to an assassin who committed countless murders using the terrible glove. They have an illustrated picture of Freddy Kruger's glove.
@cylonexy
@cylonexy 2 жыл бұрын
The thumbnail to this video has already got me cracking up and it hasn't even been uploaded yet.🤣🤣🤣
@RobCrowley85
@RobCrowley85 2 жыл бұрын
Wasteland 2 had a great description in a level when you examine a stretcher, upon which lays the dead body of someone who had been turned into a plant.
@Smilley85
@Smilley85 2 жыл бұрын
In dungeon crawler Stonekeep, you could find a room that's used by the locals as an outhouse. There you can pick up an item whose description reads "A piece of... Why did I pick this up?" And you could throw it at your enemies for extra humiliation.
@black_rose4
@black_rose4 2 жыл бұрын
Ahhh the Tingler, I remember the first time I found that I was like 👀 I know what that is
@theUglyGypsy
@theUglyGypsy 2 жыл бұрын
Big props to the editor
@jammerjt
@jammerjt 2 жыл бұрын
Christmas season is just around the corner and I need help picking the right tree. How about, “7 skill trees in video games that got it right”?
@Astraeus..
@Astraeus.. 2 жыл бұрын
Video idea; Games where the protagonist/hero is objectively more of a bad guy than the actual bad guy/villain.
@revwroth3698
@revwroth3698 2 жыл бұрын
I'm surprised that you didn't even mention all the red flavor texts across the Borderlands games tbh.
@stitchwoot
@stitchwoot 2 жыл бұрын
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