8 Unspoken Narcissistic Rules You Can Refuse To Follow

Whenever narcissists engage with you, they already have preconceived notions about how you should think and prioritize. And they are not bashful about coercing you into conformity when you do not live as they prefer. But what if you decided that you are not going to follow their mandates? Dr. Les Carter lays out 8 unspoken rules narcissists have for you and he then describes how you can find the resolve to sift out your life as YOU see fit. Narcissists do not have to be in the role of your rule-givers.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, Tx. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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[@Octobergirl85]

They are attracted to your easy-going free spirit and then try to cage you. ☹

[@parisyoung7780]

You are on target with that one!

[@alisonj9533]

Insult to injury is having your wings clipped in case you manage to find a way out.

[@joshturner1334]

So true

[@SuperBruins12]

Oh my God. You are correct.

[@Bianca-sw5id]

Well said 👏❤️ , they make you feel like gold then treat you like dirt when you are still getting used to the gaslighting

[@angellacanfora]

It's taken me a lifetime to realize that if after interacting with someone in your life you regularly come away from it feeling confused, guilty or ashamed, then you have a toxic relationship with that person and need to do all you can to not interact with them.

[@angellacanfora]

No one weaponizes words quite like narcissists do!

[@CiaraLynn]

I agree! I’ve learned I do not need to explain myself and I can find closure within myself.

[@re-ridersuzanne]

No more!

[@dailyequanimity]

Thank you, Angel.

[@randomweirdo25]

This is true!

[@beverlyorlando8040]

His ideas, his opinions, his money, his needs, his anger, his moods, his rage but MY goodbye! 👋

[@jennyanderson4796]

But MY goodbye! 💘

[@bridgetmcbride6634]

And AMEN!

[@barbarahunter1555]

And good riddance!

[@cynthiafortier2540]

Beautifully said!!! I left too! Never again!!

[@jomama9075]

You go lovely lady

[@rosettesionne9139]

Another rule, "behave well and respect me even if I am disrespectful or I am wrong but when you are wrong and disrespectful you deserve to be humiliated and disrespected"

[@m.j.2939]

💯

[@steviefazza8750]

Or when they pretend that you are wrong and disrespectful to deflect their actions and faults back on to you... You deserve to be humiliated and disrespected. Lol

[@christar9527]

They humiliate and disrespect you anyway. Your mere existence is cause for them to do that.

[@christar9527]

@OneOFThese NotLikeTheOther Funny thing happened to me. I happened to be doing a search on a few people which I never do. I searched myself and found something I had written on a narcissistic abuse recovery website. It is titled “The Scary Truth about Toxic Families.....”. I spilled the family “beans “. If anyone in my family looks for information on me (we’re estranged) which they love to do that’s the first thing they will see. 😅 I hope that they all find and read it!

[@marcjohn9404]

"Stop projecting your emotional problems at me, grow up and use all of that criticism that you have that you channel outwardly towards me and everyone else and put it towards introspection. I can't do anything for you if you're not willing to put in any work on your end to make yourself a better person and you can't become a better person if you're spending your entire life being an asshole to everyone who you live with." That's basically how narcissists make me feel, summarized.

[@dodibenabba1378]

Oh wow Mark that's bang on!

[@angelawade1445]

Spot on!

[@ceebee1704]

Guesses: 1. I am always right. 2. Comply with my script or face punishment. 3. Think what I tell you to think, do what I tell you to do, feel what I tell you to feel. 4. It is always your fault when things don't go my way. 5. I want, therefore I get. 6. Your thoughts, feelings, opinions, beliefs, life, family and everyone else associated with you doesn't matter when it comes to getting what I want. 7. I don't change for anyone but you must change and do things for me even if it hurts you and goes against your conscience. 8. You are never allowed to call me out on my behaviour and if I've acted badly, you either deserve it and you should get over it so I can make further demands from you.

[@Canaday291]

You explained the malignant narcissist ex I divorced perfectly!!

[@yime6631]

Cee Bee, is that your short essay on narcissism? You get an A+++++. It's a nice short summary of ALL of their playbooks! 😄

[@cereal_qilla]

Literally. Great comment

[@springrain9438]

@@Canaday291 oooohhh you had to deal with a malignant ex too?! I'm so sorry.. I can relate. It's a whole nother level when they're willing to kill to punish, or get their way. If only I had know about this decades ago. Lives could have been saved.. Thank God we have an advocate with the Father through Jesus. Peace and many blessings to you and yours..

[@aliyahsky1]

💓👍

[@solidstate9451]

It is very exhausting, when you have to excuse yourself for everything and always have to explain why you have the audacity to do things differently...

[@donnafoley9684]

Isn't it insane. They are too stupid to understand that you are you and not them. Like why in GOD'S name would I ever want to be you!??!?!?!#!?!!###!?

[@micheleshively8557]

Well stated. Baffling

[@barbarahunter1555]

They just don't live in reality. They are so toxic and think they are always right.

[@mickryan2450]

Sat in the ute once driver rang a mate all friendly when he hung up called him a retard very i.mpressed lo life ttash

[@blaseapricot]

The Narcissist's power lies in their ability to distress you. When you stop reacting to anything they do, you rob them of their ONLY power they had. You don't follow their rules. If you've been discarded, consider yourself blessed. They're no longer your problem. They're someone elses problem now! Your life has a better purpose than catering to a hollow wax figure 🗿🗿🗿

[@jennyanderson4796]

Very nicely said. Like that description ...to distress you, I posted a sketch scripture above my kitchen sink, ... BE NOT DISMAYED I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD- Signed GOD my dad came by for a curiosity most likely for my non- reaction to his heightened smear campaign & saw it.

[@barbarahunter1555]

No contact is the only way

[@medowiephysiotherapyjulief9310]

Miss Blase that is Narcs in a nutshell.Their power is their ability to distress you. It took me almost 50 years to work that out with my sister.I think your little phrase is the key.Do not live in a cycle of being constantly distressed.

[@gperson1967]

it'd be best if they were only a problem to themselves

[@tashasmith2245]

Yes!

[@calmdowngurl]

being calm when dealing with these pple can be tough at times.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, it is a real challenge. Dr. C

[@rosettesionne9139]

The worse is that they even blame you when you are calm.

[@TheNikki284]

YES! Mine gets even more angry when I speak in a calm, even tone. She calls me "sarcastic" and thinks I'm mocking her. I am *genuinely* trying to diffuse the situation.

[@oilselevated4808]

It’s exhausting

[@jaynemaynard4962]

Absolutely. my husband is a narcissist and staying calm when he's raising his voice, it is hard not to get angry back at him, he's hard work at times and never sees my reasonings. i try not to get pulled in but that can be difficult

[@Robidu1973]

The narcissist in a nutshell: § 1: I'm always right § 2: If I'm in the wrong, cf. §1 § 3: If § 2 doesn't apply, it's your fault.

[@carolentringer8836]

1. When we differ, you owe me an explanation. 2. You're supposed to be intimidated by me. 3. I have to be right. 4. You need to admit how unenlightened you are. 5. You need to cater to my moods. 6. It's your job to make me look good, regale me in public. 7. You're supposed to receive my judgmental, critical pronouncements and opinions. 8. You're supposed to reject all the people I disdain and reject.

[@sharilyon5983]

Also, please add to the list that we are to take them badmouthing us in public (as well as screaming at us) and we should never say anything against them for doing it!

[@kieshamiller8255]

They lie to themselves meaning alternate reality I guess I’m supposed to be blind🙈they run and think they weather the storm comes back and I’m still on my bs so they run again🙄oh boy they’ll be back😩😂

[@mthomas3547]

I learned a powerful lesson several years ago that will always stay with me: To never give into anyone if it means you will lose something of yourself in the process, whether that is your dignity, safety, moral compass, integrity, self respect, etc,. It's far worse to lose who you are and what you stand for than it is to be subjected to their loud, hands in the air, spitting tacks, tactics. Just be who you are and stand in that.

[@sharonmckay9293]

Very well said!

[@afrozeahmed6515]

Brilliant advice and i totally agree with that.The ex narc wanted blind loyalty and I said no.He was outraged.He wanted docile -I am outspoken and would never tolerate disrespect.He wanted me to jus 'accept what he could give me for a wedding ring'all was going to be his decision-the way he phrased that worried me.It meant that i should shut up and put up and accept watever he could give.What was the point of asking me what I wanted in the 1st place?It felt like a crucial moment wen we argued that point.I knew in that moment i was dealing with something more sinister.

[@lynnehood2198]

brilliant!!!!

[@Strafuzz]

Yes! Knowing your own worth, and where that comes from can be at times difficult but it’s essential.

[@drebugsita]

Yes! Saving this comment as a reminder ✨

[@merbaumshador7568]

I know one, never feel better than they do.

[@KrystalNCMA]

Or worse

[@booradley9063]

And never feel worse. Its a constant state of making sure you aren't happier or sadder or more tired or feeling badly because they always have it worse and they're always better lol

[@kimberleymurphy3512]

They will always resent you having any kind of success.

[@LIVdaBrand]

@@KrystalNCMA 😂😂😂✅

[@CaveMaam3]

Never have feelings at all.

[@lynnfincham6839]

If you want a happy fulfilling life don’t befriend a narc ... lots of lovely folk out there .... choose happy 🌸

[@BobTheSchipperke]

Just accept that “the narcissist” sets the rules then move the goal posts.

[@PhilLesh69]

Also, if you break even one rule, you lose and you are 100% invalid and wrong about anything and everything.

[@christinedeutsch8249]

And then expect you to know what you’ve done wrong & fix it - even though I didn’t know they moved the goalposts. So glad I’m out.

[@michaelkennedy5126]

very well said

[@reddawn8230]

They set the rules, but the rules don’t apply to them.

[@TheChessmastersa]

I really appreciate these videos because I was raised in an emotionally unhealthy household and now not only does this help me survive and grow but these videos also help me recognize the bad traits I’ve developed and picked up myself and work on not doing that

[@KCtheSUNSHINE]

I used to tell my ex that I wasn't created to be a 'Stepford Wife.' I saw that movie and realized that I was way too accommodating and not far off from one trying to appease his never-ending, unrealistic expectations of what a wife should be. So blessed to be completely out of that marriage, with a grown daughter and no need for contact.

[@angelanicoletti3330]

Good for you Kelly! Yes we truly are Blessed!

[@lonerose99]

I used to say to him what century were you born in, or what century is this LOL

[@GaryCameron780]

A mentor once explained to me that the word accommodate contains the word "commode"...

[@KCtheSUNSHINE]

@@GaryCameron780 Oh that will love in my memory forever! Thank you

[@gperson1967]

The point of that movie, though, is that even the Stepford Wives were not Stepford Wives. They were all robotic, mechanized, programmable versions of a real & flawed person. Invented by a woman, lol. They weren't wives at all. They were cold, dead, predicable machines. If that's what he needed you to be in order for his self to be happy it certainly says more about him than it does about you. I'm glad you broke free.

[@sharilyon5983]

When I refuse to follow the rules I'm not spoken to and ignored when I ask a question. It's okay though! It's behavior that helps me detach.

[@annabee922]

#8 Needing to reject the people that they reject. My mother was LIVID when I refused to hate the people that she hated. It made no sense at the time why she was so mean to these people. Now, I understand they triggered her insecurities. I was a bad daughter then when I was a kid and refused to play her game and a bad daughter now when I refuse to let her continue to shame me for it by going No Contact.

[@tanyadavis6138]

👍💖

[@sanjanabhatia5156]

You are describing my mom too! I also developed some friends who were exactly like that. So glad to be free of them and their toxicity and living on team healthy.

[@plawton35]

And then get super jealous when you can get along with people they can't.

[@jamiecronin967]

You sound like a good person.

[@marymelville7738]

What you’ve said triggered the exact situation I lived through .

[@janetstonerook4552]

The key to not becoming or staying engaged with a narcissist is to make sure you put yourself FIRST financially and emotionally. Don't get stuck in "taking an other adult to raise"!

[@aliceroberts1980]

They scream so your supposed be afraid of them well I done listening to a 58 year old man throwing a tantrum over a scratch on his 8 year old car and I somehow to blame for it !! But you better not scream at them! I don’t waste my time or energy on 58 year old child!

[@Canaday291]

This sounds exactly like the malignant narcissist alcoholic ex I divorced His constant rage filled overreacting over exaggerated dramatic cursing and vulgar insult filled 2 year old tantrums Whenever he wasn’t getting his way ..he felt the least bit slighted ..and over the smallest things That impacted only his self serving no regard for anyone else life He would always manage to blame and punish everyone else for anything and everything especially when he causes the problems It’s Never ever his fault in his delusional false reality world he creates in his deranged mind

[@Junokaii]

What I hate is the constant 'contest' with them no matter how ridiculous it is. Everything from needing to get to the kitchen first as they hear you coming downstairs for no particular reason a good 85% of the time, they just want to be first. Or when you have an informative conversation with them, they just sit there and act like they're listening but really it's just them quickly thinking how they can come up with an even 'better' informative conversation - even if they have to cut you off in the middle of talking, wasting all the talking you just did to say it. And lastly, every time they see you getting into a hobby, they have to get into it as well but not just like you, but better - but the instant you decide you're done with that hobbie because you're tired of the contest, they stop. They are OBSESSED with just being 'better' than you and it makes no sense.

[@Junokaii]

@WhoReally Cares Wow same here. Drives you damn nuts and it all leads to one thing... to make you finally blow up and so they can do something like, oh I dunno call the cops to make you look like a crazy person.

[@tracydanneo]

@@Junokaii been there!

[@BGL333]

@WhoReally Cares Yes, and just in general being an obstructionist. If you are trying to coordinate plans with them it will be exceedingly difficult, there will be minutia to discuss, and they seem to come up with needs that conflict on purpose once they find out what the other person wants. Oh yes, and they'll misunderstand on purpose so new chaos whirlpools are created.

[@jasminv8653]

So many of my hobbies were turned into horrible competitive guilt-tripping by my former narcissist friend. I was writing something in the drawers and decided to join the NaNoWriMo forum, the narcissist stalked me there and then told me my 'success' (what success? I was only TALKING about writing with strangers?) was causing them massive depression and anxiety. I was into crime novels, they joined a forum for those only to bombard ME with messages about how horrible and uncomfortable and unbelievably boring those stories were. I joined a choir and suddenly started to get messages about how DARE i insist my contralto voice is lower than theirs (that I didn't, I only told of my moving inside my choir...) and then they joined a choir in their area. I tried yoga from home during the pandemic and was having a lot of fun doing something active tht was also good for my legs, so suddenly I was told that was making them super depressed (again, just by daring to exist and do something for myself) and self-conscious about their body - and now I hear they're doing yoga... Insane how much someone will value *winning against* other people when no one else is even trying to compete with them.

[@Junokaii]

@@jasminv8653 Oh my lord for fuck sake exactly. Excuse my language there but I felt like a lot of my frustration was being relieved reading something that has actually happened to me like that in a way and it's just so damn frustrating and annoying. For me it's like all I do is just end up on my Xbox again doing basically nothing and talking to nobody to talk to because I don't want to compete I just want to do my own thing for once.

[@katiewray1712]

There's one other rule that I follow dealing with a narcissistic work colleague... "it's a trap." Normally most interactions they have with me are trying to set me up in a trap.

[@nikkiwilson489]

These were the rules of my childhood ... I lost my identity. How is a child to say No?! I needed to comply to hold my family together and not to feel abandoned ... it was frightening! I see it now and am so grateful for videos like this.

[@medowiephysiotherapyjulief9310]

Me too.

[@86naiky]

Same. I'm 34 now and cut off my narcistic mum about 8 months ago. I've been trying to find my own identity for so long, and I'm still searching for a lot of pieces.

[@l.5832]

Yes. Narc mom told me when I was a child "You will never win against me my dear. My will is stronger than yours. As long as you live under my roof you will do as I say". I was a CHILD!!!! What parent wants to break a child??

[@rppope1006]

​@@l.5832 Mine did the same as well. Little did she know I had/have the armor of God and a GOOD heart and soul. Just recently I finally put her in her place to let her know I am smarter and stronger than she could ever be. Grace be to God. Long live the survivors of narc abuse🙌🛡☦️

[@dyoung2739]

Things got better for me emotionally when I stopped going along with the narcs misguided mean spirited rules. It was like instant peace of mind for me.

[@springrain9438]

My covert dad actually said "my whole life, when I've tried to give my input or fix things somebody always has something to say" 😳😳😳 uh huh.. that's called a conversation. Us earthlings do this to communicate, have better relationships, and outcomes in our lives. 😳😳😳

[@TheNikki284]

Exactly. My sister gives a whole speech and I'm not even allowed to respond. These people are not interested in conversation, only lecture.

[@lovelysosweet8386]

They stalk and gang stalk you and harass if you don’t conform, name calling, calling you crazy

[@seaglass7943]

Just had a close relative seemingly want me to reject a new person that they have decided they don’t like who is coming into our family. I believe this new person should be given a chance. It’s causing problems. I’m staying strong because I feel like it’s the correct decision for me.

[@tranquility9325]

Dr. Carter is beyond amazing.

[@hydebrown1805]

God sent him to change our li es.. Thank God for you Dr. C!!

[@MsNevermore19]

Gus sleeps through the mayhem. He is truly a man of wisdom.

[@What_Makes_Climate_Tick]

Losing a sense of self resonated with me. "How you reflect on me is more important than your representing yourself."

[@lauralowe3064]

Am Awed. ☮️✌️.

[@00pisani49]

9th rule of narcissists: You have to accept all my bad habits..smoking, drinking..etc No complaining

[@marcjohn9404]

They have a rule about everything is what I've learned, and you're always in violation of all of them in some way shape or form. If there's no rule, they make one up so that they can exert pressure onto you. They always suspect you of something or at least they always use speculation to try and pressure you in some way to giving them what they crave which is validation because they're ultimately just really insecure and neurotic people underneath that mask they wear. Basically what I get from this video is that you can kind of just shrug a narcissist off and that in my experience has indeed been the best way to deal with them. Don't be intimidated by them and their stupid little mind games, and don't be fearful because then they get to live rent free inside your head and you're basically going to be at their mercy.

[@iriceuvm]

Broke up with my ex girlfriend 2 months ago. Tried to converse about the relationship problems in order to fix the relationship but she just shut down and became disrespectful and dismissive. They only believe in their own way. They have poor communication skills.

[@saintmike66]

you may have narcissistic tendencies

[@iriceuvm]

@@saintmike66 how do I have narcissistic tendencies? I broke up with her after she had ready refused to communicate properly, and even offered multiple chances to meet and talk.

[@saintmike66]

@@iriceuvm I apologize for my comment I was projecting maybe?

[@CiaraLynn]

I am with you. Same thing happened to me. We can’t make them see it if they don’t see it for themselves!

[@dodibenabba1378]

Same I offered constructive solutions to perceived problems of the narc for about twelve months until I realised she didn't want me to really solve anything she got off on the drama also we were heading into the final straight of me being discarded as........I committed the crime of standing up for myself. 😄

[@barbarahunter1555]

There is only one thing you can do with a narc - go no contact and run!

[@jdaze1]

I just broke off a 30 year friendship flat out. Blocked all my communications email, text, phone. That last straw of manipulation was the one that broke the camels back. Should have done it decades ago. When I think of all the drama and BS I put up with im ashamed of myself. Im not perfect but man, narcs are really sick people.

[@barbarahunter1555]

@@jdaze1 don't be ashamed of yourself - not your fault, you had no other option. Just keep strong. Much love to youx

[@jdaze1]

@@barbarahunter1555 Thanks Barbara! Very sweet of you. :)

[@jamiewilliams829]

I've learned not to have deep attachments with some people in my life as they blow hot or cold

[@highlandlaura]

Dr. Carter, I laugh out loud a lot with your videos, such as #5: "Act right, and, then, I'll quit feeling this way!" Absolutely true!! I've been surviving the living with one for many years.

[@angieburnett4341]

It took me awhile to realize when my narc ex-husband didn't like someone it was because he couldn't snow them! They weren't buying the lies & crap he sells therefore he would pooh-pooh them in every way.

[@mariaawake4502]

Determine your mood , your beliefs, your plans, your preferences, your friendships, your interests, your opinions and your whereabouts.

[@annabelaviles1353]

So frkn exhausting SMH

[@christar9527]

And don’t have any feelings or wants of your own or get sick on their watch either. Oh no. Sarcasm.

[@mariaawake4502]

@@christar9527 , yes, it is very one sided relationship.

[@shewho333]

“I’m right, you’re wrong”. About 10 years before my narcissistic mom died, I FINALLY figured out how to SOMETIMES get her to change her mind about something. All I had to do was agree with her when she tried to pick a fight. she never really caught on to what I was doing, but occasionally it just made her explode with anger because I said she was right when I was “supposed” to argue. lmao!

[@loft27ss]

It does work for me too:) I just agree without listening to the long nonsense they have in the brains

[@tuffguydoe7937]

Yes, same I would agree and not pay attention to her cause she wanted an argument.

[@lynnekeshavarz756]

Wow! Totally messed up, I hear you and been there also, I'm surprised I'm even sane at this point. Stay aware and try to learn, It's almost vengeance, but alot cleaner. Don't loose sight of who you are.

[@debbiecarson6958]

Oh Please Tell Me Do 🕊 #1 if You Don’t Comply With Our Rules Your Not Invited #2 Being Disrespectful #3 Being A Doormat #4 Being A Scapegoat #5 Being Lied To #6 Being Told To Shut Up #7 Being A Gossiper About Your Life Which They Know Nothing About Because They Have Rejected You #8 Having Zero Compassion For You Thought I Would Have Trouble Listing 8 Things ......I Could Go On And On The List Is Endless 🌟

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're onto it, Debbie! Dr. C

[@debbiecarson6958]

@@SurvivingNarcissism ...About Time Dr Carter 😊

[@christar9527]

So well said! It confirms my experiences with all the narcissists who WERE in my life.

[@dodibenabba1378]

Wow number one is gold dust! So true with my wife and my two adult children, shame I've found new friends who love me for who I am, and I don't have to conform to anyone now! They thought I'd crumble .....er nope!!

[@dnk4559]

This is so very true regarding my FOO(family of origin)

[@l.k.2337]

Only way to get away once you've trapped yourself, "Go quiet, go silent, ignore, ignore, ignore."

[@janettemartin4604]

It is TRUE! It is so VEEEEEERY TRUE! But it is very hard to follow, by the time you are leaving you are, well I HAVE BEEN extremely PISSED! Just pissed at them and MYSELF. It comes with maturity this understanding to go invisible! It took me a long time but it IS The best way to stop the drama AND if you must start to record their trespassing's! You just stay silent! They will turn the WORLD against you but you stay SILENT!

[@jennyanderson4796]

Sounds like you got away !

[@nancysoukup6545]

I was once married to a narcissist for 32 long years, until I was able to escape with my children. Thank God.

[@lisamariepagliei3945]

I just experienced all these "rules" imposed by the narcissist husband I have I'm recovering from spine surgery, trying to learn to walk again, and he's telling me he can't wait to divorce me I'd love to be divorced from him, but he's not trying to make sure I'm stable and that I have a healthy place to move to He's SICK AND THANK YOU!

[@Notmytoe]

I had a lot of guilt for "rebelling" against my narcissistic mother's rules over the last several years, because they really make you feel irrationally wrong for doing common sense things. But these videos are helping a lot with realining my reality.

[@Picca65]

Same!!

[@tanyadavis6138]

Same here, too!

[@zoeystarlight613]

me too. my mom is elderly now and she and the rest of my narc family have been worse towards me. scapegoated for so long and i'm absolutely drained. moved out of her house a year ago but the emotions and feelings of guilt still haunt me and i ignore their texts and rants. it's horrible

[@vuokkorusso2841]

Be strong! When you leave they become powerless. All your relatives have been manipulated under the narsisstic satanic power and you ARE NOT- that's why they all come after you ..in their heads they think more is better but the truth is that they are showing to you their stupidity...count each one of them and consider yourself LUCKY!

[@drebugsita]

Yes same! So much unlearning to do and refocusing to our inner child self. Our younger selves are the ones that need our care

[@melodienaber3238]

I can't discuss anything with him. He twists EVERYTHING

[@lynnross599]

My spouse plays the game, he saids he is always wrong, and I am always right. He never apologize but I do. He saids go ahead and do what ever you want because you are going to do it anyway. This happens when I haven’t focus on how wonderful he is.

[@sage9836]

I am guessing their rules : 1. Prop up my ego 2, Give up on yourself 3. Do not talk to people when I do not want you to. 4. Do not attempt to negotiate 5. Think what I told you to think 6, Feel how I hint that you should feel 7, Choose all aspects of your life according to my unspoken, but hinted at rules. 8, I ran out of guesses. Anyway, I just made that up for fun, and I am thinking, oh, how hopeless! Ok, now I'm ready for the video! I am also guessing there is hope to be found in how to not follow their rules.

[@meow2u22]

9. Never guess incorrectly or I'll punish you for breaking the rules I make up on a whim.

[@BobTheSchipperke]

Just nod in agreement. Just laugh at my jokes at other peoples expense. Just let me be in charge of absolutely everything even if I sound like a D rate actor.

[@mariaawake4502]

Oh no, Sage you must have meet my husband. ;-)

[@sage9836]

@@BobTheSchipperke Yeah, and I wonder if everyone else is playing along or if they like those kind of jokes!

[@sage9836]

@@meow2u22 Yes! They're like "You broke the new rule! I changed it since yesterday . . . or since five minutes ago, or when a different person walked in the room."

[@BGL333]

I'm at the point where I find game players and those with an agenda boring. I want to be with people who are transparent, trusting, open, and real. All the drama, one-upsmanship, lies, and twists and turns from the narcissist truly bore me now. It's much more exciting to think about developing real bonds with others and a personal challenge which could result in personal growth and growing together with someone. That is where I want to engage.

[@keithrodgers1030]

You just described how most businesses are managed today. Jump when I say jump and you know Iam always right. I only hire "yes people".

[@cindyelainemcgrewstringer6122]

This is all spot on. My husband decided on Friday that it is time to ultimately discard me and said he wants a divorce. Of course I am the 'scapegoat' and he has done nothing wrong in his eyes. The conversation, or should I say 'confrontation' on Friday was so Narc classic and predictable. (He is 68 and I am 61). This is our 2nd go around together. 1st time 25 years. 7ish years divorced. Now almost 8 years remarried. It's dejavu...it's a repeat...and heartbreaking. However with everything I've learned especially in the last 2 years and the realizations and Revelations that I have had with a greater understanding of this toxic dynamic... at least I no longer blame myself, nor take responsibility for anything I'm not responsible for, nor do I beat myself up, taking the blame for everything. I have sat back in utter amazement watching the pattern and the cycle repeat itself over and over where I could definitely predict what phase (his behavior) was going to happen next. As I have set very firm and definite boundaries (both emotional and physical) I knew that we would reach this point at some time, but it's still very difficult to have to go through again. I know that once I get through this, I'll be better off in the long run.

[@justjess4969]

I refuse to comply with false narratives! I do not doubt myself or THE TRUTH! Thankyou so much:)

[@noctisgamma556]

Another fantastic video. My husband knows his dad + step mother are these ways... but it has taken him a very long time to start to admit it out loud. I have been sharing with him things I'm learning about the topic and he is starting to stop denying to me and himself what is true. For example, he does not even want to visit them (and knowing these types of people, I fully understand and agree it must be that way sometimes, and am not forcing anything) and these unspoken rules are exactly why. I want to show him this video when he is ready for it and I think it is going to help alleviate more of the guilt that is on his shoulders, because the situation leaves him with a lot of guilt. He feels responsible for feeling the way he does any time he sees them and it's been hurting him for many years.

[@DrumWild]

I've been an easy target for Narcs for my entire life, and I didn't know why until late 2017 when I learned that I am Autistic. It's like having a giant Narc dinner bell. They swarm. So I have one spoken choice that I give to Narcs who try to enter my life. They can choose between getting as far away from me as humanly possible, or they can hang around and enjoy a hearty fist to the face. I've really had enough of them.

[@chelleb3055]

Good for you! I can relate to this and this is a topic I hope Dr. C tackles. I've been targeted and abused most of my life by a handful of narcissistic relatives and always felt that it was my fault and I deserved it. Turns out I just didn't know why I was such easy prey. Now I know!

[@joshturner1334]

Dude same. Im 33 and just realizing this. I thought these ppl were just stubborn and messing with me but no. I was always able to see through it but i was never sure what an appropriate response was. Made me actually think i was the problem.. Lol

[@bernitacenteno1326]

The narcissist telephoned for many months and when they received no answer decided to travel, 35 miles to find out why. Note, it was 7-10 months without once being responded to, for the narcissist. It wasn't okay.

[@thekellers5041]

Here’s a trick I used to prevent that with my first narc (a boyfriend) whenever he called I’d answer, set the phone down and walk away. I have no idea how long he thought he was talking to me but after I heard the phone make that sound that indicates your line is only open on your end and not connected I’d hang up. It only took twice 😂😂😂😂 Best part was I never had to hear or feel triggered about ANYTHING he said.

[@j.d.3027]

The worse bait that a Narcissist can have is when you need something from them...Do to others as you wish others do to you DOESN'T EXIST with this Specie

[@jessicajustice7170]

So creepy they're all the same broken record.

[@BohemianAndy]

Jesus, spot on. You have to assume the dumbed role when around them, so they feel superior

[@vuokkorusso2841]

While still being in narsisstic relationship with my family I had Breeting broblems Anxiety Worries Headache Neckbroblems( aches) Memory loss Sleeping disorders Stomach problems After leaving the family all these disorders left one after another! I AM FREE FINALLY FREE!

[@dawnbailey1132]

So often your teachings come at just the right time for me and what's going on in my life. I take that from Gods hands. Thank you Dr. C, for being a part of His healing. I want to stay on "Team Healthy", even when someone is trying to goad me into leaving it. I purpose to remain. ❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'm so pleased to be on the journey with you, Dawn. Dr. C

[@dawnbailey1132]

Me too.

[@angelanicoletti3330]

Amen Dawn. Team Healthy is the way! Control is a illusion anyhow as only GOD is really in control. We can control decisions but not outcomes as you understand. Much Peace and many Blessings to you!

[@dawnbailey1132]

Thanks Angela, for your kindness and encouragement. I need every bit I can find right now. Going through a very difficult situation. I'm counting on Gods Promises...walking by faith. God bless you.

[@joannajohnson696]

Yes! "It's your job to make yourself look good in public!"

[@judysangregorio2787]

(Hi Gus!!! He’s the cutest pup ever!) Rule #1.....never engage with a Narcissist. Once you’ve realized this is the type of person you’re dealing with, KEEP A SAFE DISTANCE! They will never change, and YOU will never win.....AT ALL! They also have lousy negotiating skills...if any. Rule #2.....see Rule #1.

[@gingerhenna9445]

It is reasonable to only tell yourself the new rules, and that will be enough. Don't put these things up for discussion, because they are not up for discussion. We are the ones changing in these scenarios. We are the one following a new rule. People will pick up on our change in vibration. The change in vibration won't be confrontational but rather it will communicate that those things are no longer of our concern, even if they are special, we don't behave like this with other people, and we are no longer going to behave like that with them, because we are now coming from a different place of individual responsibility, confidence and clarity. We no longer need to help them with their problem, we are helping ourselves with our own issues.

[@karenkellock]

EXCELLENT. There's no breaking thru his brick wall!

[@goodwilltriumph2842]

The most important thing is spotting the narcissist as quickly as possible when you meet them. Then making decisions accordingly. I'm getting better at it but now and then one gets under the radar!

[@dodibenabba1378]

Sadly for me 32 years and two grown up children. I'm fine tho I'm actually alive again!

[@maxvaldez7412]

I will have to say over time I have unknowingly broken most of these rules with narcissist and every time they reacted very violently mostly in arguments and using the hoovering technique. Just wanted to throw this out there. Thank you Doctor. C.

[@gingerhenna9445]

Maybe the difference is in the overall theory behind why we saying no to their rules. We are in this new way, no longer putting things up for discussion, and we are not picking a fight, but rather on these specific topics we are informing them of our decision. And yes they will have tantrums and throw hissy fits because now they are no longer getting what they want. The rules have changed and they now must adjust to the new rules.

[@joywilly8895]

After 30+ years of marriage, most of them not even knowing what the heck was going on, my nerves are shot. Kaput. A few years ago, I woke up and realized I was in a toxic relationship. I’m not myself anymore, I just walk on eggshells and try to put out fires. I have also turned into a dishonest person. About 15 years ago, I inherited some money and I couldn’t deal with it and so never claimed it. I knew I would have to do it at some point but it caused me too much anxiety. I thought I had some unresolved issue with my “inheritor”, turns out it was really more to do with not wanting my husband to tell me what to do with that money (he has repeatedly been a financial disaster). I wanted to tell him and be up front about it but I just knew that even giving him good news like that would have caused a huge drama and I’d still hear about it. I have recently claimed that inheritance but it’s in a secret account. I feel horrible about it. Not my idea of marriage but the idea of coming clean .... as I said, my nerves are shot. I know I should leave but I just feel responsible and guilty ( I know ! ) I’ve come to my unprofessional opinion that I am dealing with a shy/covert narcissist who has gotten worse in the last 4-5 years, after a mega financial misstep, which I had warned him about. Recently, out of the blue, he asked for my list of passwords. He already had an outdated one. That sent me in a panic and I quickly shifted some passwords to a different site. He became pretty irritated that I didn’t send it to him in a flash. It took me about 5-6 minutes. He even said “are you trying to hide things?”, which I was. If he knows about something, he has to control it, all the while telling me that, no, I can do what I want. He’s still my beneficiary so I’m not trying to deprive him of anything. I think he knows I’m on to him. At this point, being without family or friends nearby, I’m on my own and don’t even know if asking for someone’s passwords is normal in a relationship. My guess is that in a balanced, respectful relationship it is, but I certainly don’t feel that here. I must be really weak because I cannot get past the guilt hurdle. It wasn’t always like that but now it’s almost unbearable. I’m only coming to terms with calling my marriage an abusive one. Zero physical abuse but it’s head games, manipulation and blame. Oh, and we changed health insurance last year and I forgot to cancel the old one, which my husband is the primary. Now, I’m just too scared to tell him so I’ve continued to pay the premium out of my secret account, hoping I can opt out at the end of this year. Am I really that crazy now ? I have to do something because I am disgusted with myself, all the while being terrified.

[@nana820able]

Your not being dishonest your watching out for yourself. I know exactly how you feel but we're not in balanced healthy relationships. I cannot discuss finances with my husband. He gets mad and yells and screams at me, calls me nasty names. I've come to terms I've been in an abusive marriage for over 40 years now. Keep your money in that account until like me your ready and able to get away. I did feel guilty but not now. The stress I'm under will kill me so I'm going to get help. I've stopped covering for him as well. Don't feel guilty. Feel relieved you have some money that you'll need when your ready. God bless you for wanting to do what you feel is right but your not dishonest. They've created an unstable life, unstable marriage. It's a shame because we both know this isn't how it should be.

[@joywilly8895]

@@nana820able oh wow, thanks for that. Reading this from an outside source is like a breath of fresh air, it greatly helps with the guilt and it validates that I’m not completely bonkers. I bet you never thought in a million years your life would turn out this way. Neither did I. Anyways, I truly appreciate your comment and I hope you are able to extricate yourself from this toxicity because, as you said, the stress it causes could end up killing you, and me for that matter. I wish you well.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

@@joywilly8895 i feel what you are going thru. myself, have neglected taking over finances (my spouse handles that side), but Fair warning to both of us, do not doubt for a moment that our spouse will even bat an eye if they were to leave us and pull all the financial support from us. We are not their priority they see us as the adversary, mine has admitted he won't feel a thing if we separated. Truly has revealed himself recently and has embodied all those terms you should be aware of by now: the Lovebombing, Devaluating, Triangulation, flying monkeys 🐒 PROJECTING, breadcrumbing, gaslighting and Discard phase to name a few. Mine also fits most of the traits ( delusion of grandeur ¹st and foremost ) along with NO EMPATHY. So disheartening, felt betrayed by my 30 year partner, whom i have given my unconditional love, affection, loyalty, respect, almost all of me and my time. No appreciation on his part, no acknowledgement for what i do for him, or the kids. The Devaluating has got to be worst part, what human being can be so cruel to an undeserving victim. So often he has let me know how unhappy he has been/was/is every time i have (showed him the 🚪door) [don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split ya]. Guess misery likes company, he refuses to go, yet knowing how miserable he has made, not only me , the family (³ children). Noticed he does not see a good future for himself, talks negatively about it (especially in regards to me or the kids). Hardly recall him ever saying kind, encouraging, or uplifting comments to us. If you are feeling guilty, confess to your higher power ( & no he is not it) get right, forgive yourself and move on. Give you PAIN a NAME and move on from there. Blessings 🇨🇷elvia 🇨🇷

[@joywilly8895]

@@lifewithapurpose237 thanks for your comment. Just saw this because this of course is my alternate account. I may be getting paranoid, but I cannot speak so freely on my “known” account in case he lurks ( wouldn’t be surprised, in fact whenever he asks to use my phone because his battery is low, I turn into a hot mess ). Anyways, yes, I fully believe what you are telling me and it makes me sad for you. This kind of abuse is so insidious, cruel and it eventually seeps down to your very core. It wreaks havoc with your brain. I hope you are able to protect yourself financially because everything else is horrible enough and you don’t need to add financial troubles. Are you able to access help, either mental of legal ? I love the idea of giving the pain a name, I will work on that, it’s brilliant. To me it’s a way of peeling it off of you, kinda like at arm’s length, looking it straight in the face and tossing it. Well mentally anyways! Take care.

[@Hatbox948]

Omg, I hope you didn't cave and give him passwords. It sounds like you need to ditch him before he makes more financial blunders. You're luckier than most in that you can financially make the leap, and don't need to stay for financial reasons. Hopefully this has all worked out in a positive way for you by now. You should not feel guilty. You're just being smart.

[@TheOneTrueDare]

I parted ways with a 'friend' last year who checked every box on the list. I couldn't quite put my finger on what was going on but noticed that every time she called to "talk" it felt like a battle. After our last call I took a long walk and thought what I really wanted to say to her was, "I'm done. I've had it with your moods and your attitudes, your rants and your lectures. I'm not interested in having you tell me what to say-do-think-feel-buy-cook-eat-read-watch-like-hate-whatever." I settled for "I'm done" and blocked her. It still feels wonderful!

[@dbabbit5286]

I just did that with a frenemy 2 weeks ago! I want nothing to do with her!

[@evonnamann2251]

They don't like anyone that truly has a good heart and actually aren't fake and they want to mess up anything pure and truthful.

[@alba7165]

At minute 6:05 describes exactly my husband! He can be moody but I am not allowed to have feelings and react to his moods and feelings. And he's so delusional that he believes he's emotional stable!🤦‍♀️

[@reddawn8230]

Same!!!

[@lonerose99]

Exactly. False narratives and altered reality. I just can't go thru with it. My sense of integrity is too strong.

[@noracharles9366]

Brilliant prose 💯✔

[@tedschmitt178]

And never mind the seeming limitless list of SPOKEN rules. I have a list which my extremely narcissistic ex wife of 31 years dictated which I wrote down after the divorce. And some of her rules contradicted each other. I lost count at roughly 70 of those rules.

[@Robidu1973]

Somehow I get the feeling that a lot of narcissists set up contradicting rules on purpose in order to create a double-bind: No matter which one of the two you are actually following, it's wrong. Even if you could guess which one was the one to actually follow, they'd immediately switch to the other rule, because, you know, you cannot be right ever. It's all part of their gaslighting.

[@Notmytoe]

@@Robidu1973 definitely agree with that! My mother always told me I didn't clean or help out enough. Then I was ruining the furniture because wasn't cleaning it the right way. Then when I learned to do everything perfectly and did every chore around the house so she could relax, she had the biggest blow up and threw dishes at me because she felt like "I was taking over HER house" That's when I really realized there is no winning with someone determined to hate you.

[@sharilyon5983]

Ted Schmitt, I'd love to look at the list of rules your ex-wife gave you.

[@Robidu1973]

@@Notmytoe Ouch! That's absolutely insane!

[@dodibenabba1378]

True with two contradictory rules they have you were they want you because you will therefore always be wrong!

[@anotherone5926]

Let's get back to the original term being defined here -- psychopathy.

[@dodibenabba1378]

So true, I got blamed for the physical abuse she handed out to me and apparently she didn't know why she did it but it must have been something I did first!! Absolute psycho!

[@pepprdgefarm]

Holy cow, you nailed every single one of my narcissistic partner's arguments/comments with this list. Unreal. It's like you've spent the past year with her as well.

[@LE-pq3lu]

I relate to this completely. My husband exhibits all these traits. I did lose my sense of self in the relationship and I’m finally getting it back after years. He doesn’t like that I’ve “changed.”

[@denicehaley9902]

L E, mine too. However, I’m learning to be free from his nasty controlling behavior while still having to live in the same household due to disability. I’m working on building my self-esteem that has been destroyed in 35 years of “marriage,” plus growing up with narc parents as the scapegoat child. This is a journey I’m new to as well as Dr. C and Team Healthy, but so thankful I’m learning and growing within myself.

[@thekellers5041]

I’d like to guess (to see if I’ve learned anything at Dr C’s ‘knee’) Speaking from the narcissist’s voice:1. You have to trust me 2. You need to make yourself available to me right now 3. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas 4.Just bc facts can prove your point doesn’t mean you’re right 5. You must honor all commitments you ever made to me or else you’re a detestable person. 6. You’re crazy if you think I said that 7. My hurt and anger is the reason I do bad things 8. It’s your fault I lie to you and a few more for good measure: 9. The past doesn’t matter and you shouldn’t ever bring it up 10. If your opinion differs from mine you’re wrong. 11. If you insist upon being wrong, you deserve to be punished 12. I’ve been endowed with the right to punish you 13. Don’t ever tell anyone what depraved things I do bc see rule #12

[@seekerofknowledge8961]

Chose you, not those who try to chose for you! No one knows what is best for you ever! Trust your gut, if it's not speaking, just wait, you will find the answer. Be stubborn for yourself first always. I submitted to the control of a covert who sucked me in so deep 28 years later, I have nothing left but myself and free will. I suppose losing everything will force me to embrace the future with only self-love and the determination to survive in peace! Journey is my destiny! No worries, God's got my back!

[@laurarandolph5600]

NARCISSIST RULE OF ETIQUETTE: If I deign to accept an invitation to come to YOUR event--YOU OWE ME; BUT... IF I deign to invite you to one of MY events...YOU OWE ME. (It's like owing money to the MAFIA; you're going to pay up or they're going to MAKE YOU PAY--the interest keeps accruing.)

[@tonya--7704]

Dr. G. We can think all these things to empower ourselves. We can even do them silently in our own way to a certain extent. But you have to know there is no way we can vocalize any of this to a narcissist and expect a positive reaction. Any conversation of this type can only take place in our heads and we can only project their appropriate response to our inner conversation but they will continue to be who they are and we will struggle with our boundries.

[@nicksshitbro]

It all depends on how invested you are in the narcissist. Ive said a few of these responses to my roommate. It didn't end well, but I still said it. Felt amazing, too.

[@tiffanyjohnson1676]

Rule number one: I am perfect

[@kimberlymccracken747]

SO true!

[@marcwilson368]

Right on point. Pretty much describes my father. His opinion is fact. I must accept and acknowledge his catastrophic thinking. I must dislike the same people he does for the same reasons. I am not allowed to talk to our golf opponents. The list goes on and on.

[@janetsanford2342]

When he yelled, I waited until he was done, and simply said, "Do you feel better?" I admitted I don't understand stocks, but said I have my steady growing annuity and don't need to know about the stock market. I told him outright he was being a bully and mean and he just denied it, but tried to get along better. When he's contemtuous, I say the other person is not perfect, imagine that. He was quiet and I haven't heard anything since. I am confident with who I am and where I stand. He doesn't get to push me around. Quietly I stand up for me.

[@dawna4185]

next time he yells, don't wait until he is done...you deserve better than that! instead, pack your bags and run! see if he feels better then!

[@gracebard6664]

These videos have been so much help in enabling me to extricate myself from my neighbour and her self-centred behaviour. I have spent the last ten years stressed because I tried to maintain a sort of relationship with her because she has a ten year old boy, and I was worried about the way she was treating him. Supporting her, I thought, would help her. It didn't. She is a typical narcissist through and through, as I have found out. The child, I believe, is having counselling at school. She tells me he is violent towards her, I suspect that is true.

[@sweetcaroline6724]

Difficult when they cut you off from your grandchildren for a made up reason :"you've treated my family badly" which is total insanity...

[@donna-colorado8443]

All these rules are very true but #5 really fits with the person in my life. It made me chuckle when you said it because it is so very very true.

[@alaysiakayebutler6299]

They expect you to dismiss who they dislike, BUT will continue to be friends and confidants with people they know have been rotten, rude, betrayed, used or abused you. That type stick together

[@christinalw19]

My family of narcissists was set up by an arrogant but highly intelligent grandmother. Her intelligence was passed on to me, but I am an empath. I received ridicule and contempt from the weak ones. It’s OK. It stops with ME. Chains broken.🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼

[@mnikaluza4]

Thank you... it isnt my job to make you look good in public or in front of others... and it isnt my job to make you look good in front of the kids when you are acting like a selfish child... My narc husband expects everyone in the family to reject who he rejects.. especially politically and to embrace everyone he embraces

[@dishasharma3265]

This is spot on👍 100% applicable to a narcissist whom I know very closely

[@tammy5926]

There is no reasoning with a narcissist. There is no winning with a narcissist. You don't need to tell them you refuse to go along with there childish behavior. If you don't agree with them, it will come with a hefty price. You're finances, your health, your safety, your dignity and well being. This video assumes you can reason with a narcissist. It's not possible as they are always right and they must always have control. The ONLY way to deal with a narcissist is to go complete NO CONTACT. They need to NOT be in your life, period. The minute you realize you're dealing with a narcissist you need to get out and stay out!

[@kristinb5121]

One thing I’ve noticed is everything needs to be on their schedule. If they have a need, there’s a judgement if I’m not willing to drop everything to attend. On the other hand, if I have a need or just want to say hi, it’s a huge imposition for even a minimal amount of effort. They teach you not to call on them.

[@janetpattison8474]

“You owe me an explanation”. OMG. Recently I was ghosted for 6 months, because the narc didn’t like something & With the ghosting was the demand that I explain about 20 different things in a list. (Which didn’t happen.) Then it was three months being ok, and now more ghosting. This has been going on for years.

[@dodibenabba1378]

Go no contact you're trying to get approval which you will never receive

[@DiamondCutter423]

You are (again) spot on about them wanting you to make them look good to others. The elderly narcissist I'm dealing with was convinced she had covid....I had to take her to the ER because she said she couldn't breathe. Keep in mind that she demanded I take her at 3 am even tho I was starting a new job the very next day (sound familiar?). Anyway, back to the "making her look good" part, while she was being examined I mentioned to the PA that she was a smoker and omg the look that she gave me made daggers in the eyes an understatement. Btw...she did not have covid and I could tell she was disappointed because later I could hear her telling her friends that of course she had covid, it was the doctors who were fools and couldn't diagnose what she had decided she must have. Having covid would have given her so much attention and much to her disappointment she has COPD instead.

[@vernvilar6922]

It's harder when it's your mom, but spot on!

[@izawaniek2568]

Amen. I am not going to go along with the narcisists’ alternate reality. I respect my and others’ dignity, freedom and self-confidence. I am commited to love, dignity, respect and civility and I am going to live in my peace. Thank you for your support dr Carter. God bless you ❤

[@thekellers5041]

‘Reject the people I reject’ OMG YESSSSSSSS! I’ve spent the past 6 months after my divorce noticing that my brain had been wired by the narcissist to hold his notions of actors he despised (not even sure of his reasoning, really, I just know I myself had a visceral reaction to certain actors bc of him and now that I was ‘free to be’-nod to Dr C there 😁-I was newly filtering these people with my OWN considerations of their talents or personality or beliefs.) It’s been FUN! As if I am getting to know people who’d previously been detestable strangers to me.

[@susantait1993]

Not just people. Things, ideas, common cultural icons (music, literature, art, faith practices...)

[@sherylheilig8411]

Being raised in these silent rules n married 13 yrs. I left to live. And now thinking greyrock on 83yr old mom who's hot flares n reckless driving caused my son car sick n 40 min late to church cause she insisted to go wrong direction to get there. Thanks Dr Carter for your time to Love us.

[@TheOleg98]

Dr Les, you are my sunshine in the darkness, thank you for opportunity to have a conversation with you.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased! Dr. C

[@johngaulding3710]

I thank you very much. You have brought my mind to a peaceful place. Still with my narcissist/sociopath because of my age and disposition. But taking total control of my life, sticking with my decisions, and completely let go of the person I loved has made it easier. She has Absolutely no boundaries verbally and very few physically. From the first of this year I quit being her dog. She's an alcoholic and has just used me as a driver. We could have the greatest time and as soon it was time to go, she would start her rage. I quit going out with her and she has become a monster. I can see the loss of control is getting to her and eating her alive. If your young and are in a relationship that feels one sided, and they show you no empathy, get out now. It will only get worse.

[@denicehaley9902]

I agree totally after 35 years of hell, and stuck home with a disability brought on by too much stress. Run, don’t walk! Thank you, Dr. C and Team Healthy helping me in my journey towards steadiness and peace in the midst of chaos and hell.

[@a.phillips6892]

This is why I 💓💓💓Dr. Les... he is so knowledgeable about this! It’s incredible how he knows these people to a “T”. He lets us know to keep our sense of self, and self respect...so valuable.

[@DiamondCutter423]

I follow Dr. Ramani, the Little Shaman, Dr. Grande and of course you Dr. C, and I can't emphasize enough what a place of peace and solace you provide, all of you, for people that are taken aback and confused by these monsters. I simply want to say THANK-YOU very very much. You're a blessing for so many.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'm pleased to be with you on your journey! Dr. C